the blathering

January 30, 2022

January 30, 2022

Last week after as I was unpacking the shopping I asked John to take some stuff down to the freezer in the garage. Today I went down to get the garlic bread to go with dinner tonight but it wasn’t there. Searched the car boot, back seat and garage but no garlic bread. However in the hunt I discovered a whole tuna casserole sitting on a shelf, one I’d made for John in case the anaesthetic sent me haywire last Friday and they didn’t let me come home (it’s happened twice before, so I was being cautious). Of course it was totally rank and I threw it out, even the container. He must have been reorganising to fit stuff in, but it reminded me that I have to check everything and not assume it’s all gone well, which is a bit of a blow. Though then I remembered when decades ago there was a terrible smell in the garage and I assumed a rat. I set a rat trap, but no catch, so I pulled the freezer out to discover a meat tray with no meat left, but teaming

with huge maggots, it made me gag. So I am also conscious that anyone can make that mistake. I need to not put everything down to dementia, while also being on the lookout for things that can maybe go wrong.

Finally I got on to Kenneth after a month. He got home from hospital on Friday but when he got undressed for bed and pulled his jumper off his arm dripped blood, they’d forgotten to take the IV out! So Tanya had to turn around and drive him back to Leeds (an hour?) to get it taken out. Clearly her 25 year nursing role at the Bupa home didn’t stretch to removing a fluid line. So that’s why he didn’t answer the night before, they didn’t get back till midnight. He wasn’t himself, unsurprisingly, saying things like ‘I don’t know what I’ll do for meals, they just put them in front of you at the hospital’. Tanya called out that she was staying there with him for a few days and would get all his meals but clearly he wasn’t understanding as he later said ‘I suppose I could eat Shredded Wheat’. I’m not sure yet if this trio of accident, operation and Covid has set him back too far to live alone, that remains to be seen. He couldn’t tell me his mobile number and had to get Tanya to give it to me. I’ve discovered now the drawback of only using a landline in our communications, with the mobile I could have been talking to him regularly. So now it’s just a matter of wait and see.

January 31, 2022

A bit of a technically frustrating day in that I had tried numerous times over two days to connect to iView to watch yesterday’s Insiders program, but it failed to connect to the TV. So eventually I emailed Louis who got me to photograph the back of the set and thereby discovered that an unnamed person had disconnected the gadget that makes it possible to cast to the TV. On top of that the blog is not working (again) for reasons I can’t fathom but last time it self-corrected so I can only hope that it does the same again. But Tania came and picked up the books so that was a huge advance. Now I am emptying some boxes of glass, plates and bowls from the storeroom and trying to decide what to do with them. I suspect many will have to go to the op shops as I just don’t have the energy to eBay them all.

I rang Nada’s office and told them that John’s haematology appointment on Thursday should be by Telehealth and not in person, something they were quite fine about, however getting them to fax his pathology request to a local company to be done here proved trickier. I had a promise at 9 am that it would be done post haste, but at 4.30 pm it still hadn’t been done. Another phone call to a flummoxed secretary ensued and he seemed not to even remember his promise to do it. However I’m assured it will be done now, so I can take him for the test tomorrow.

I managed to get on to Kenneth again last night and suggested he organise Meals on Wheels but he didn’t seem to know what I was talking about. Surely the service exists there but perhaps it’s called something else. I am not the one who should be looking for services from here, when his family would be au fait with what’s available. I cheekily suggested that when Tanya has to go home Anne might be willing to come and stay with him for a while, an idea he was naturally very keen on and the bonus is that he can blame me for suggesting it.

Sue called to let me know that she is positive for Covid, although feeling relatively well. It seems that the book groupers dodged a bullet as the meeting was supposed to be held at her place last Friday and she first got symptoms on Saturday morning. Her doctor daughter told her that she would have been most infectious on Thursday and Friday. She had had a busy week, going to the Opera, having visitors and going to a luncheon for Australia Day not to mention working at the farm every day, so it’s hard to know where she got it but the Opera is a prime candidate timewise. I have been tempted to go to an outdoors meeting of the sewing group on Wednesday, but I’m now having second thoughts.

February 1, 2022

As it was so hot and humid I decided it was a perfect beach day but first we had to organise a blood test for John which had been faxed from Nada’s office. A queue that ran into the hall made me turn and go back to the car, it was Covid soup there. Headed off to Balmoral (the traffic on Military Road, omg) but once we got there it was all worth it. The sun was glinting on the ocean, the beach wasn’t too crowded, we got a good park…bliss. The water was warm enough, though quite powerful for a harbour beach. The swimming was divine, just what I needed. We took a walk onto the island and decided to have our picnic there, right at the point watching the boats and the paddleboarders. The pandemic is saving us heaps of money, usually we would get fish and chips from Bottom of the Harbour to eat on the boardwalk but our cheese and lettuce sambos and rock cakes from home saved us 40 bucks and tasted just fine. Eventually we headed homeward via the pathology office which was by now almost deserted. There was a bit of a problem finding the fax, apparently they are deluged with faxes for house calls, which I didn’t even know they did, but they found it in the end.

Jane communicated about John and offered to take him out for a bushwalk/picnic sometimes when their cleaners are there, which happens every second Monday. I don’t feel the need to ‘get away’ at the moment but I happily accepted the offer as I don’t know when I may start feeling that way! She also suggested having a loose roster of people available to call if I need time away from home, I guess I had that in my head to an extent when Michelle visited with John two weeks ago while I was indisposed. A couple of my friends are more Covid-cautious than I am, another is undergoing chemo, so the plague has a bearing on these possibilities, but it’s worth thinking about. However Jane is the only relative who could ever be called on, which is sad.

February 2, 2022

The blog righted itself after being out of action for days, or perhaps it was righted by my blog advisor who informed me that it had been hacked and he would look into it. Whatever happened I’m grateful for its reappearance and grateful to him if he paid a ransom of millions to the hackers.

There is another storm in a wine glass at book group, this time over some suggestions that a planned meeting was too food-focussed, rather then book-focussed. I am keeping right out of it, the troops will no

doubt divide on party lines and some will come to the aid of the offended who has dramatically resigned in protest. Others however will yawn and go back to their previous occupation.

February 3, 2022

Today John was to have a Telehealth appointment with his haematologist. It all went well but I was surprised when she said that ‘if you should get a positive Covid test, you must contact me as we have special arrangements for people as immunosuppressed as you are’. This was news to us and a bit of a relief in some ways as she would negotiate with the hospital to ensure he was admitted or carefully monitored at home, no-one would argue with Nada! ‘Now contact me immediately if you get sick with Covid John!’ was her parting message. Yes ma’am.

A letter appeared in the mail for John from Riverstone Police and we were both mystified by its contents. I had driven John’s car through Riverstone recently and thought I was in bother for a driving issue. It thanked him for ‘joining our Next of Kin Program’ and included a keyring with a phone number on it which turned out to be Riverstone Police. I joked to John that it was a tracking device. They couldn’t tell me who initiated his membership so it’s still an enigma, though they had my details and Bob Elliott’s on file. He said it is usually initiated by the next of kin, but it lists me in that role and it twernt me. And why Rivo of all places?

A parcel arrived from my eBay client in Melbourne with some hand cream, a quantity of unfranked stamps and a small bottle of schnapps. She is quite a character. The parcel was wet to the point of disintegration but had been repacked into a clear plastic bag, hence the delivery delay. I have instructions from her to try the schnapps and report back.

February 4, 2022

I tried the schnapps and she’s right, it does almost ‘knock your socks off and send shockwaves throughout your body’ but unlike whiskey and some other strong alcohols, I quite like the taste. I had a small glass of white wine with lunch today so I don’t think I’ll be hitting the schnapps before dinner. Bronwyn and Michael came for lunch and I was able to resurrect the remains of the Christmas turkey from the freezer to go with various salads. Opened a jar of liqueur plums to have with icecream for sweets. Amazing what you’ve got in the pantry and freezer to make a lunch at short notice.

I rang the Riverstone Police Station again as I really want to know who signed John up to the Next of Kin Program. I looked up the joining forms online and either the person or their next of kin have to sign the forms allowing the Police Department to share their details in case of accident and emergency, so who signed if neither I nor John did? Who gave them his address, my phone number and Bob’s details. I’ve asked the person in charge to find out and get back to me.

After years of saying he wanted to be cremated John decided today that he wants to be buried with me at Gerringong and have his Akubra hat on the coffin and then in the grave. I commented that it was a waste

of a good hat, so he said that I can overrule him and keep the hat if I want to wear it, but no-one else can! He liked the idea that we could chat. He asked me a couple of weeks ago: ‘why did I want to be cremated?’ and obviously wasn’t happy with the answer.

February 5, 2022

I read in the SMH that Denmark has dropped all of its Covid restrictions and is ‘treating it like a cold’. It’s all fine for the fit, but it too casually accepts the deaths of those who aren’t and I baulk at that. There was something in the Guardian about a woman in Melbourne who had survived non-Hodgkins Lymphoma for 10 years with much treatment, was in hospital for a burst eardrum, caught Covid and died. As her daughter said, now she’s just a statistic with ‘underlying health conditions’. To me the Danes and others of their ilk seem to be saying that it’s fine for those who are disabled, old or sick to be sacrificed so the rest can shop at will and eat out wherever they want. If I were a young, healthy person who knew that Covid could be a killer to others I would willingly wear a mask, use QR codes and socially distance to protect those more vulnerable, it’s not much to ask really, but it seems not everyone is willing to do that. It’s a sad reflection on the selfishness of the many.

Instead of asking myself if ScumMo will win the election I find myself asking another question, will he even be PM when the election happens? Between the division over the religious rights legislation and the very negative character assessments of him exposed in texts by Our Glad and Baa-naby I don’t know where to look for the next disaster. Imagine being a back-bencher watching the melt-down and wondering if ditching the Scummer might help hold you on to that well-paid job…..you’d have to think it was worth a try. There’s not much loyalty in politics.

I think the best political ad Albo could come up with is a big photo of a grinning ScumMo with a sign over it: ‘Would you buy a used car from this man?’. I know people have short memories and vote with their hip pocket and all the rest of it, but surely there can’t be many people left who would vote this government back in?

February 6, 2022

Oh my, I need a secretary to keep on top of my correspondence at the moment. About a month ago I was contacted by one, then two, then three first cousins in as many weeks. Since then I’ve had 18 emails from one and 17 from another, not counting Messenger and Facebook contacts from them all. I’ve been sent a 32 page family tree, some short video clips of my grandfather and my mother, a newspaper article on my grandfather who was a champion bicycle road racer, numerous photos and maps to locate the house of one of them in Spain. Each evening I get a pretty picture of a scene from somewhere in the world from Tony, the first of them to turn up. I understand why I am keen to answer them all but a bit nonplussed about what they get out of it, though I’m not arguing.

A few years ago I had my DNA done and as a result was contacted by a man in South Africa who has 45 units of DNA in common, making him a 2nd to 4th cousin, although we couldn’t exactly find our common ancestor we narrowed it down to a particular village. Now I find yesterday that another man, this one in Redcar in Yorkshire, has 95 units in common. We are now exchanging emails also. He’s a psychotherapist and counsellor who sees patients face-to-face and online so if I go into a downhill spiral I can call on the cuz to sort me out. It remains to be seen where he fits into the picture but he’s listed as a 2nd to 4th cousin also. I was into all this stuff before I found Kenneth but haven’t worried about it much since, though these latest developments have sparked my interest.

Baked a fruit cake from the Mary and Vincent Price Cookbook, a 1965 heirloom book that I acquired second hand more than a decade ago. He was a famous actor in the 50s and 60s, very wealthy, and they travelled all over the world eating in the best places and recording the menus and recipes. I often do his Mexican Creamed Corn recipe with chili to which he adds a heap of cheese at the end, yum. This cake recipe was collected when he was entertained at Woburn Abbey (he includes a pic with the Duke and Duchess to prove it) and it will certainly be added to the regular cakes in the baking calendar.

February 7, 2022

A few weeks ago we were having someone over for afternoon tea so I baked gluten-free goodies as required. After I’d set the table on the verandah, got out the food and was expecting the visitor in a few minutes, I had a call to say that it was too hot to eat outside (it was 30 degrees) so she cancelled at about 10 to 2, arrival time was 2pm. We rescheduled last week for a picnic today, noting that the weather forecast was for rain, so I chose a large shelter shed in Lane Cove National Park where we had been to a party for 40 people late last year in the rain and were completely dry. This morning I texted regarding food, sent a map showing the exact location, packed the picnic (a salad, fruit and gluten free treats) and was just about to make the Thermos when I got a text to say that ‘it’s too wet, I’ve never been to a picnic in such weather, it’s just odd’. All sentiments that could have been expressed a week ago with no problem, but I guess we will be having a picnic lunch on our own, whether here or somewhere else. Grrrr.

I must admit that I was shocked but not surprised that Peter Dutton is being accused of having texted very negative character assessments of ScumMo. When he was asked by the beautiful Laura on Insiders about whether or not he was the mystery texter he replied that she may not have noticed that he’s a Queenslander, not from NSW, an evasive answer considering no-one had suggested it originated in NSW. It’s a classic liar’s move, answer a question that you weren’t asked and ignore the one you were, Laura should have jumped on that, I was yelling loud enough for her to hear.

Well I think I’ve put the day to some use after finding a folder full of hand written book reviews while dusting the loungeroom (yes, dusting, as against the preferred picnicking). I decided to add these to the brief reviews online that I had written on Goodreads for the same books. Had a long talk to Heather who rang and we agreed that many people are quite crackers but that each of us is not, a comforting conclusion, even if perhaps a delusional one. I have also had another careful look through the Vincent Price Cookbook,

deciding on quite a few ‘must try’ recipes though I will probably leave the whole lobster ones for the minute. Though practically it would still beat the cost of going to a restaurant by miles.

February 8, 2022

I woke up to three emails from my South African perhaps-cousin who has been doing more work trying to find our connections. He rightly found my mother’s birth, marriage and death and comes up with correct assumptions about the new cousins who have appeared. When I was replying separately to the three emails which asked different questions, the first two went off fine but I was half way through replying to the third one when my reply and his email just disappeared. No worries I thought I will answer it on my phone but it had gone from there as well. How can that happen?

I was toying with what to cook for dinner when one of my stack of recipes, cut out of various newspapers and magazines, wafted to the floor from the cookbook shelf in a puff of wind. Okay I said, the universe has spoken, so it’s Barramundi Curry with Tomato and Coconut for dinner. I shall leave out the optional okra though, but if it hadn’t said optional I would have added it, following my long-held policy of doing a recipe exactly as written the first time out of respect for the chef and then adapting it to suit me from then on. The Vincent Price recipes will still be there later in the week, when I will also make a tray of slices for the mechanics whose boss Alex seems to have fixed John’s car gratis when the steering wheel kept locking a couple of weeks ago. John finally unearthed the slippers that I gave him for Christmas and which have been missing almost ever since, pushed right under a chest of drawers, no doubt by the vacuum. We had both searched for them a number of times with no luck. So providence seems to be with us today.

I have rung another two landscapers to weigh up costs for a new driveway against the eye-watering quote from the person who was recommended to us and whom we like a lot. The neighbour down below told me that his concrete one cost a substantial amount and bricks cost more. It is the missing link in getting the place both looking good and being functional, seeing the broken bits of driveway are starting to jag people’s cars underneath if they are low slung. Thinking of all the money I’m saving from opera tickets, movie tickets, restaurant meals, holidays I guess I can afford to do it.

February 9, 2022

I am really not cut out for some of the jobs that fall to me now. Lots of driving (ugh), working out why the steering wheel locks when the car’s parked (happily solved by our trusty mechanic), why the printer is malfunctioning (when I loathe everything to do with printers), working out why the home care package charges don’t seem to add up (admin that is boring but necessary) etc etc. We had everything divided neatly according to skills: cooking, gardening, entertaining, buying (whether grocery shopping or bigger purchases), dealing with tradesmen was my area; driving, car stuff, filing, administration, computers, printers etc was John’s. But now I am doing all this stuff that I am really no good at and what’s more, jobs that make me tetchy at best. So I drove to the printer place today and the guy showed me how to fix the

bleeding thing, but when I opened the guts of it at home, it looked totally different and didn’t have the same internals as the one in the shop, so now I have to lug the whole bloody printer back to him to fix.

The excellent gardening person who helped just once on John’s package has quit because he no longer has other work in this area. Might have been nice if I’d known that two months ago, the last time he was here. This package is more hassle than it’s worth at the moment, see bitching above. But I reduced my angst by washing the walls of the front verandah so that when I have a cuppa out there I am looking at weatherboards and not dust and spiderwebs. One useful thing achieved is probably the best I can hope for. Oh I forgot, I wrote a slew of emails on the issue of the religious discrimination bill, the most important to Anthony Albanese urging him to vote against it so that may or may not be useful, we shall see.

John decided he didn’t want to go ahead with the picnic idea with his friend (note I said HIS) but now she is making overtures about going tomorrow. However I came across something that I wrote a while back about ‘the importance of friendship to our lives and the acceptance of the foibles and weaknesses of our friends’. Mmm, that puts me in a difficult position, do I want that to only be a theoretical position or do I mean it? If she pulls out at the last minute this time due to the angle of the sun or the direction of the wind, that’s it, finish.

Postscript: I just learned that Albanese is going to support the religious discrimination bill with amendments, so that’s another waste of my day: here’s hoping he is just trying to tie them in knots with the amendments and isn’t seriously planning to pass it.

February 10, 2022

After all the boring and frustrating stuff yesterday I decided we should go for a swim today. John wanted to drop off his unfinished chess pieces to his pals at the Lane Cove Men’s Shed and they are going to finish the turning for him. So then it was a case of where is best for a swim so I Googled ‘swimming pools near Lane Cove’ and Woolwich Baths came up, however they were marked as permanently closed. Next best was Greenwich Baths and what a great little spot it turned out to be. The water was delightful at 24.5 degrees, there were a few only mums and pre-schoolers there, plenty of shade and seating, a great spot for the picnic. I was amazed at the size of the fish swimming around and I felt guilty at how many times a week I eat their relatives. Managed to catch a couple of jellyfish in my hands for long enough to have a really close look at them, in the water of course. I have a great love of jellyfish in all their forms and loved collecting them in buckets to examine when I was on holidays at The Entrance as a kid. The temperature forecast for today of 34 degrees gave me a perfect out about meeting up with John’s ex-neighbour as she’s said she won’t sit outside if the temperature is over 26. Thankyou BoM.

I was delighted to look at the wonderful stone mansions surrounding the baths, one was three stories and high Victorian from the front, but I drove around to the street at the rear and it looked decidedly Georgian so it’s probably on the turn. I would just love to get a look-see into one of those divine places, but I can’t see that happening. They look over the water to central Sydney, so they have the best of worlds.

Michelle dropped in during the afternoon to drop a book and borrow another so that added to the pleasure of the day. In a lovely surprise Bronwyn has suggested that she and I go out to lunch somewhere outdoors next week, while Michael and John have lunch here. It will be a wonderful thing to do and I am so excited, it’s a very generous offer.

February 11, 2022

Martha came over for morning tea and then she took me with her for a short visit to a refugee family from Afghanistan at Seven Hills. I was able to rustle up some crystal bowls and a set of glass dessert dishes, a bread knife and a few bits and bobs from the storeroom to take over with us. The young woman spoke excellent English, having been involved with the Australian Embassy there for quite some time in Kabul. I regret now all of the stuff I’ve taken to the op shops but I didn’t know where else to take things.

Decided that I needed to use up half a dozen passionfruit which were in the fridge, but unfortunately I’d thrown out the recipe for the passionfruit cake that I made recently, so I did a double sponge instead with cream and passionfruit in the middle and icing on top. I follow the Anglo-Indian Cookery Group and every day they send recipes, but I only make them rarely. However I wanted to try one that I saw a few weeks ago and couldn’t find it, so I posted a message asking if anyone remembered it. I got a heap of responses and someone sent me the full recipe, they are a jolly helpful group.

I suggested to the home care person that I have a very good mowing man who could perhaps be interested in taking on the fortnightly gardening role from the absentee gardener and she is going to contact him to see if his insurances and rates are up to scratch but so far I’ve heard nothing. It would be great to have help a couple of hours a fortnight if they can come to an arrangement. I’m already planning his first session.

I think I need a secretary to handle communications from the ‘new’ cousins. I have had photos to look at, videos to watch, lots of emails and communications on Messenger and Facebook. Plus there are the two ‘maybe cousins’ in Redcar and South Africa and we are still trying to work out where exactly we are related. My dad was a bit of a lad to say the least, so a brother or sister popping up is not out of the bounds of possibility.

February 12, 2022

Had another person come early to look at the driveway job. He made some interesting observations that the first chap hadn’t mentioned such as the need for a drain halfway down so the sand isn’t washed out from between the bricks and the need to concrete the last little bit as there is a downpipe there that runs overground. John kept telling him we have bricks stored under the house, in fact they are tiles, so I had to keep correcting that. I’ve decided to get it done, it’s just a matter now of getting the right person. Then we lugged the printer up to be fixed only to find that he is closed on Saturdays, as was the locksmith where I wanted to get a key cut. But the framer was open (weird that the three are in the same complex) and he had my antique French Sainte Suzanne picture repaired and ready to rehang after it crashed off the wall and

broke the frame. Twice now that has happened with different pictures so he’s getting good business from my poor old picture cords. I have used the opportunity to give it a better spot, moving a picture I am much less keen on to its usual spot outside the toilet door!

Carole and Jack came for a cuppa and I am embarrassed to say that I didn’t offer them lunch till I saw the

February 13, 2022

Spoke at length to my bro last night and came off the phone feeling as if I’m in a lose/lose situation. He made the comment that ‘I wish you could come over and look after me for a while’ then there was quite a pause before he added ‘but I know you can’t’ as if he were hoping that I would jump in to say that I’m on my way. He was much more natural than in the last few calls and I picked this up immediately, eventually working out what the change could be and asking if his daughter Tanya was still there doing for him. She is, but was out having lunch with her sister in a cafe and it made all the difference. The problem is that he’s always lived two lives, a domestic one and an extrinsic one. This applies to his career: cover as a surveyor in Africa/with spying juxtaposed and his home life: wife and children/external pursuits. To be fair he was gagged by the Official Secrets Act regarding his undercover activities so I guess it suited him to have a family who weren’t inclined to ask too many questions. It also applies to his day to day life: writing, studying languages, politics and world affairs in his office/being a husband and father who fixes the garage roof and drives the family to the shops. When I first knew him he had a false employer set up who would occasionally email him to request a survey of the Isle of Man or somewhere remote so he could duck off for a few days and dig for fossils or explore Hadrian’s Wall. He’d leave the printed email lying about and act surprised when he was asked about it, as if he’d just forgotten to mention it. In planning our very first meeting he suggested we meet in Spain and looking back I sometimes wish I had. He wanted me to meet the brother of audacity and derring-do, not the man in the pebble-dash house with wife who barely looked up from the television. I insisted on seeing him in situ and meeting the family, but in retrospect I think Spain would have been a lark, since Mary was initially convinced I was someone trying to enter Britain to sponge off their government and never showed any curiosity about me, my family, Australia or anything else. Luckily for me, and for him, I have known both sides and learned very quickly to change the conversation as we walked in or out of his front door. Sadly his wife and now his daughters have had no interest in his writing at all and have never shared his passions, so when he’s tried to give them his written work or old memoirs or books to read they have made it very plain that they are simply indifferent to it all. There are only two people now who know the real Kenneth, seeing him from both sides of the fence, and I am lucky enough to have the other one as a penfriend. I am sure that he could have chosen to live a wonderful creative life with his pals from earlier years, the writers Alan Bennett and Michael Frayn among many, but subterfuge and legerdemain are intrinsic to his personality for whatever reason and juggling identities is somehow part of the game. However, now he is trapped in the least exciting part of his persona and it saddens me to see him reduced to conversations about just pills and dinner and sad too that his daughters will never know what a fascinating and brilliant man they have for a father. This morning at breakfast I repeated his comments to John who naturally espoused the view that I shouldn’t go and sadly he’s right

It isn’t a two or three w

situation as far as looking after my brother is concerned, though I would love to sit listening to him in front of the fire and arguing the toss about the few issues on which we disagree.

February 14, 2022

We dropped the wretched printer off to the fix-it man and headed to Dural for the bread and a bit of other shopping. John was surprised when we arrived there, not having noticed that we were headed somewhere else than home, despite the fact that we’d discussed today’s plans over breakfast. He didn’t want to come into the shops and waited for me in the car. When we got home I went down to the garage to reorganise the freezer and load the bread in, after asking John if he could put the fridge stuff away. I did a couple of other chores downstairs and when I got back he was standing where I’d left him and said ‘I didn’t understand what to do so I haven’t done anything’. It wasn’t an issue of memory but an issue of confusion about how to interpret instructions, something I’m noticing more and more.

I’ve finished the book for our next group meeting and was glad when Michelle texted to say she’s coming over later to borrow our walking poles as previously arranged because I can return the book to her for a second reading. Thankfully there is no need for me to read it again. I will keep my powder dry on it till book group but let it be known that Pollyanna and Disneyland are words that come to mind.

My new Spanish cousin sent me nine emails yesterday, including a real estate video of her house, Wikipedia entries on cave houses and troglodytes and many maps and tourist details of the area. She and many others live in cave houses, partly due to the intense heat, but she has recently moved to one with a pool for that very reason. Not at all how one imagines the hordes of Britons who migrate there, living in Benidorm type areas and existing within little clusters of other Britons, eating fish and chips and drinking British ale. She and her husband are living the real Spanish life in a village of just 292 people. Brave I think, though I did do the maths on one of the real estate ads and the house was A$273,000, the prices would certainly help the decision.

February 15, 2022

Met up with my cousin Angela who has moved from Glenalpine out near Campbelltown to Potts Point. I struggle with titling relationships, despite reading the criteria many times, but I think it’s first cousin once removed, she’s my mother’s brother’s granddaughter but I think just plain cousin is easier. She is right in the middle of restaurant and cafe paradise with Fratelli Paradiso and Apollo five minutes walk away, plus French bistros everywhere you look. Boy Charlton pool and the Art Gallery are walkable and buses and trains are handy, plus the complex itself has a pool. We caught up on her family stuff and then did a walk along Victoria Street and Challis Avenue drooling over the amazing four-storey terraces. The nearby garden is atop the Navy staff carpark, a great idea and I didn’t even realise it was there despite having driven past the ugly thing dozens of times. They cleverly put it at the foot of a steep hill so you can walk out onto the garden at the top. We plan to do it all over again next month and in the meantime I will dig out

any photos I have of her immediate family and give them to her, otherwise they’ll all go in the Sulo bin once I’m dead.

Talking of photos……I suggested that John sort the boxes and boxes of photos and albums that he has and send some photos to those pictured therein. He thought it a great idea, but I had proposed doing it a box at a time in case he found it too taxing. So of course he gut-busted every single box upstairs, sorted half a dozen photos and decided it was too mentally demanding, however he wants to leave them all sitting there in case he changes his mind, so I shot myself in the foot there. I knew he would want to keep most but he can’t bear to part with a single one, which is fine, but now it will be tricky to get them rehomed and off the dining room table.

Another case of shooting myself in the foot occurred yesterday when I finally got on to the police constable who had signed the letter to John thanking him for joining the Next of Kin Program, which neither of us had ever heard of before the letter arrived. The idea is to use the keyring provided which has a code number on it, which could be used if the person became ill or had an accident and was unconscious, then the paramedics could contact the next of kin. She told us that Wendy’s Home Care had signed him up (it would have been nice for us to be consulted by them) and then she started asking questions about why I am listed as his next of kin. Fair curiosity question perhaps, but really none of her business, however she just wouldn’t let it go, and then wanted his doctor’s and solicitor’s phone numbers to boot. We kept saying ‘well thanks very much, now we understand who enrolled us in the program, that’s all we wanted to know’, trying to get her off the phone but she was having none of it. Finally after 15 minutes at least she trilled ‘Well youse both have a lovely day now, won’t yers’. Oh it would have been so much better if I hadn’t decided to ring youse I thought.

February 16, 2022

Made a gluten-free peanutty cakey biscuity thing to take to sewing group but I don’t even like the look of them so I didn’t try one. I had some coconut flour that I wanted to try and the last of the peanuts before I refill the jar with cashews. So I Googled coconut flour and peanuts and hey presto, up came this recipe. But that flour is so dry and moisture- devouring that the recipe had four eggs for just half a cup of flour. Anyway people ate them but I shied off. I took a top that was at least 30 years old as the fabric keeps self-destructing into holes. I had previously patched two holes using decorative iron-ons in the shape of cherries, the top has a fruit design. But this time I sewed another piece of fabric behind the two holes and sewed around them as if they were little openings that were meant to be there. It wouldn’t pass going-out muster but is fine for around the house or going to the shops.

Got the second quote for the driveway and it’s even more expensive than the first. So I emailed him with a series of questions about why he had done things a certain way and an hour later on his way home from a job he was here with the answers, not by email but standing in the driveway and showing us exactly what he meant. I think I will go with him as the reasons he gave for departing from the way the first guy planned to do it passed muster. He invited us to look at a job he’s working on at Oatlands tomorrow because it’s a

similar situation, only the people are replacing their existing brick-paved driveway which was only done recently but they weren’t happy with it. We’ll have a look but I think I will go with this guy, he’s knowledgeable but also very responsive.

I read about a retired police captain in the US being tried for the murder of a man who was texting at the movies. My I thought, that could have been me except for two things 1) I don’t carry a concealed firearm to the movies and 2) he was texting in the previews, not in the movie itself. Murder for texting in the previews is a bit severe in my view and I would have to condemn him to life. In the movie itself, well that’s another ballgame altogether.

February 17, 2022

Some days are diamonds and some days are rust as the song says. Today was a diamond day. We left early to see the new paving man’s current job at Oatlands, but the GPS in my phone went rogue and took me for a Cook’s Tour around North Rocks, actually going in circles before I decided to ignore it, get onto the road towards Oatlands and hope it would right itself, which it duly did. What that was about I have no idea, but it confirms my view that I couldn’t ever have let John drive relying solely on a GPS or it could have been Ayer’s Rock here we come. We were very pleased with what we saw on the site and he showed me a before picture of this same driveway completed only last March by a landscaper, compared to the very professional job he is doing. There was no contest. Apparently the client could have demanded it be redone by the original landscaper (whom Grant chose not to name) but I would agree that if a person doesn’t know how to do a job properly in the first place, there is no point in asking them to do it again. However she must have lost a lot of money on the job. Anyway I have bitten the bullet and will go with him, gulp.

Wendy’s Home Care emailed to say that they have been in touch with my mowing guy and got a quote from him to come fortnightly doing both mowing and gardening. Woohoo. Now it’s just a matter of them doing the paperwork and then he can start. It means I can leave those heavier tasks for him and just do the weeding and any replanting.

Bronwyn and Michael came and she and I went to Wild Pear for lunch, while I left lunch for the boys in the fridge. We shared a Spanner Crab Omelette with salad and a plate of Sweet Pea Falafel, Avocado and Halloumi, also with salad. Desserts were a must-do, Baked Cheesecake and Figs for Bron and a Watermelon and Strawberry Pavlova for me. It is on an open verandah so we were pretty safe I think. We planned to go for a picnic soon, but the four of us will go at that time. New woman me!

February 18, 2022

Seeing I had such a positive day yesterday I decided it would be a good time to put the picnic with Ann back on the agenda, after a few cancellations for various reasons. We met at Lane Cove National Park and found that the large shelter shed we’d planned to meet in was booked, by a delightful group called Sing Australia, who began their practice just before we left. Ann left her email address so she can consider

joining them. We found another table in the shade and it was a relaxing lunch and catch-up. I took the rest of the gluten-free peanut biscuits that I made and finally tried one, they are dis-gust-ing, spit-out disgusting. I can’t believe the people at sewing group ate them, though Ann who is fussy about food judged them ‘nice’. De gustibus non est disputandum. Ann’s daughter Karina has gone into year 7 at Masada College, a Jewish school in St. Ives, where she got a scholarship. For a ‘belligerent anti-religionist’ as she describes herself it is difficult to accept an hour of prayers by the cantor every morning. She has already written a note to the science teacher asking how the children can reconcile her teaching them evolution in one class when they are taught in another that the world was made in six days. It was not well received. But that’s what you would have to accept if you send your child to a religious private school, so I’m not sure what she expected.

So how come Kiev has become Kyiv? Must I change all of my recipe books? I remember eating an amazing Chicken Kiev in 1973 but find it hard to imagine it was in the USSR where the cuisine wasn’t as sophisticated as that. I think perhaps it was in Communist Poland as it was then, where the food was excellent. The waiters loved to say ‘I bet you didn’t get anything this good in Russia’. Though I well remember slathering caviar on black bread in the railway cafes in Russia, mmm I can taste it still. Trying to get milk to go in tea proved problematic though, the closest I got was buttermilk, ugh. Sausages that you needed a saw to cut through the skin, oh my they were awful.

February 19, 2022

Why is it I wonder that Nick Dole and the ABC in general as well as the Herald journalists when reporting on the Ukraine situation never mention the fact that when the USSR agreed to break up, the US assured the Soviet leader Gorbachev that NATO would never be allowed to expand into Eastern Europe. Those countries could be part of the EU, but not NATO. The US Secretary of State famously promised “not one inch eastwards”. It is understandable that Biden and Johnson conveniently leave this fact out, but we are paying our journalists to do research, not to just mouth platitudes from one side or the other. I guess the Ruskies are repeating this pledge, but of course nobody here is reporting it. I am no fan of Putin but it seems to me that ignoring the fact that the west are reneging on this deal is completely dishonest and relies on short memories.

I have just finished reading the novel Bodies of Light by Jennifer Down and it will stick in my mind for a long time. Josie grows up shunted from foster care to residential homes and back again but after finding a happy life with a husband she loves, the loss of her newborns to cot death causes her life to implode. The thing that will stick with me is the author’s ability to get inside the head of her character, to understand how a simple thing like the sight of a crystal ashtray or the look of a certain whorl in a person’s hair can take her into a different world of her past and make her plunge down a wormhole, experiencing those terrors all over again. How did the author know how to describe that feeling of being sucked back into previous unbearable memories unless she herself has experienced it? How did she even know that phenomenon existed? The character is constantly struggling to forget, pushing down flashes of the past. I wonder if this is something normal people have to deal with, constantly pushing down puckers in the fabric of their lives, only to turn around and have an undulation come up somewhere else altogether?

February 20, 2022

Happily I spoke too soon about commentators ignoring the facts about Russia’s dispute with Ukraine. Michael Costello, former secretary of the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs has written a long article about the west’s ‘failure to see things through Russian eyes’. He comments that with a 2300 km border with Ukraine, Russia has every reason to be wary of NATO admitting ‘a corruption-ridden, desperately poor country, and certainly no model democracy’. He asks how the US would feel about Russia or China setting up bases in Mexico, they certainly reacted very badly when the same thing was proposed in Cuba in 1962. How would Australia react to a naval post in Papua-New Guinea for example? The equivalent possibility is being faced by the Russians should the current NATO application proceed. It is complex, but it suits the press (and our government) to simplify it all as just ‘bad-guy Putin’.

We minded Millie last night at Erskineville and she wasn’t happy at the idea of her parents going out without her, but 30 seconds after they went out the door she was as right as rain. It was Dav and Louis’s 15th anniversary and they dined at Otto at Woolloomooloo, a ritzy Italian place on the wharf. We celebrate the same milestone in September so I will have to think up something special. I am over-ready for a little break away now, so come March I think I will look at a few days in either Kiama or The Entrance, while it’s still warm enough to swim. We need to go while John can still enjoy it and I have no way of knowing how long that might be. His memory is much worse, in the last hours he’s asked about two people who’ve died in the last six months, one very recently. He had forgotten they were dead and maybe it will get to the point where I shouldn’t remind him, I don’t know.

February 21, 2022

Today John had a routine hospital appointment at RNSH and it took us nearly 2 hours bumper-to-bumper to drive there on the M2!!! Usually it takes about 30 minutes but of course there was a sudden train strike which explained it. We were late, then we waited another hour for the doctor so I was glad to eventually be out of there. John didn’t know why we were there (even though I’d explained repeatedly) so I had to do all the talking but it was a satisfactory conclusion. He asked me to handle all appointments, talking to doctors etc from now on as he gets so confused by it all. The doc commented ‘so John’s the patient and you’re the memory’. He is particularly smooth-skinned and good looking, a fact I mentioned to his registrar, to which she replied ‘Oh yes, he’s good friends with the laser’. I assume this is some sort of cosmetic procedure, which clearly works.

It is disingenuous for Zali Steggall to say that she split a $100,000 donation towards her campaign from the notorious Kinghorn family into eight equal donations of $12,500 for any reason other than to keep the amount under the minimum required to be disclosed. I expected better and hope she’s learned her lesson. Better to say ‘yep, I stuffed up’ than to try to convince people that each member of the family just happened to donate an equal amount that served the purpose of hiding the source of the money. After

watching Kinghorn senior at ICAC a number of times I wouldn’t believe him if he said that the sun comes up in the east. Independents need financial backing but if you get mixed up with dodgy people like him it can only bring problems.

February 22, 2022

Every year I do Millie’s birthday cake and the theme is Millie’s choice (I am waiting to do a zoo one or a rainbow one but no luck). This year I thought it was little Lego men but I assured that it is a computer game called Minecraft. I tried my usual cake decorating shop for Minecraft cake toppers or anything else but they were sold out so I rang another business in the same area and he had a pack of 10 Minecraft plastic toys for $17.95, done deal I said and off we went to pick them up. They were exactly the same as the set I’d looked at online for $27.95 plus postage and I am always happier to have something in my hand to look at rather than order online so that suited me. It will save a lot of study of how to depict the characters and she gets to play with them afterwards. Before we left I thought to ring the printer-fixer-upper who is nearby the cake place to ask when the printer will be ready. “I spoke to John last week and he was delighted that it was ready so soon’ he said, very slightly put out. John has no memory of the call and was asking this morning why it was taking so long.

John’s friends from Victoria rang yesterday to say they were arriving in Sydney today and could drop in, so I made a chocolate cake this morning and intended to fill it with cream and put chocolate icing on top. The mix seemed way too liquid to me but I did it as instructed and it ran under the lining paper, causing it to break as I took it out of the tin. No way am I game to slice it in half for cream, so it is patched together with the icing and looks a bit askew but it’s unlikely they will notice while chatting. As my new cousin Tony opined to me this morning ‘Nobody’s perfect but if you’re from Yorkshire you’re pretty close’. This is now a Yorkshire cake in my mind.

Although I loathe Clive Palmer I intended watching him today at the National Press Club just for the journalists’ questions. But he pulled out a couple of hours beforehand citing ‘Covid symptoms’. Seeing he is an anti-vaxxer and general pain in the arse it wouldn’t surprise me if he says later that he tested negative and has pulled out just to cost the Press Club a motza in catering and staff. We shall see. Or perhaps the gods are sick of him mouthing off about vaccinations being a waste of time and….. no, it would be mean to finish this sentence, aloud anyway.

February 23, 2022

Yesterday we had a visit from John’s friends from Victoria, with whom I’ve always got on very well. The dodgy-looking cake I made went over a treat, being like a dark chocolate fudge inside, they loved it and had two pieces each. They told us a bit about their son who, when invited some years ago to come back from an important job in London to join the state public service, told the premier that he’d only work for a Liberal government (his parents are lefties, but didn’t seem to mind). He’s just taken a CEO job in the

private sector but in the same area of expertise, so perhaps he thinks this government is on the way out? Let’s hope he’s right about that.

A bit of a frustrating morning doing administration, which I hate. But firstly John announced that he’d lost his debit card which wasn’t in his wallet so I spent a long time looking for it, turning out clothes, going through his office, checking in the washing etc. Then I went to the IGA where it was last used and the bank in case it was handed in. We were just going back to the bank in the afternoon to cancel it when John announced ‘here it is, in my wallet’, the one place I didn’t look because he’d assured me it wasn’t there! Then I got an email from the home care people to say that the gardener still hasn’t sent back the forms required to enable them to pay him on John’s package. He doesn’t live far away, I feel like marching in and sitting down at his computer to do it. He’s just not the type of guy who wants to do paperwork but in this case it isn’t optional. Next was the driveway man wanting to know details about colour of bricks and commons versus new and gord I wish John could do some of this stuff. Then a conversation with my neighbour over his plans to get the big gum tree trimmed back. Then after ringing a locksmith yesterday because the security door won’t lock I discovered it had righted itself (for how long?) so I rang again and cancelled him, not wanting to waste money if I can help it. I can’t get this day back and it annoys the heck out of me to waste it on all this garbage, but what can you do?

February 24, 2022

Rang the bro last night and he sounds worse than last time. His daughter is still there and he did seem more himself on the one occasion that I rang when she was out, but usually I just need to throw a prawn-head like ‘Why do you think Putin has decided to go now?’ or ‘Do you think Boris will survive?’ and he’d be back to his old self. Perhaps he is embarrassed to talk about such things with his daughter present, emphasising the difference in his conversations with her, or perhaps he just isn’t up to it because he’s so unwell. She won’t stay forever, he needs to improve enough to be able to do for himself or else the dreaded home is on the cards.

I found Brian’s house for sale on the Belle Property website. Belle? For a Windsor property? Interesting. After reading the ad I wouldn’t trust them at all. Two/three bedrooms….mmm the possible third is a hallway in the centre of the house, so no window. It is a tiny square with four doors going to a family room, a bathroom, the loungeroom and a kitchen, not a lot of sleep likely there, not to mention the legality. The original bathroom, c1930, has a fully tiled bath with a shower over, except it leaks like a sieve and hasn’t been used in the last 20 years at least as the water drains under the house, no mention of that little detail. There is a huge fig tree nearby and it cracks the walls of the double brick house regularly, no sign of any cracks so I guess they were filled and painted over. Every single thing of Brian’s has been removed and it’s been tastelessly refurnished with modern stuff, much of Brian’s stuff having gone into a skip I understand. But I suspect because it’s on a corner near the main Windsor shops that it will sell to demolish, however if I’m wrong the buyer could be in for a few surprises.

Well I have sent off the deposit to the paving man this afternoon, eek. He has been exemplary in answering my many queries. However after committing to bricks because of the huge tree next door pushing its roots up on the driveway, my neighbour is making noises about getting it cut down! I disapprove and have told him so but I understand that it’s pushing up his water and gas lines which will cost to be rerouted, plus he is paying occasionally to have it trimmed so it doesn’t drop branches on his roof or mine. However, even if he does that the roots will continue to rot away for years, collapsing and breaking any concrete laid above it, so I think bricks are still the safest option. Nothing’s simple.

February 25, 2022

What to say about Putin? A lot of course but it changes nothing. Why do people still choose to call him a Communist leader when it’s been obvious for decades that he is a Fascist? (It is a bit creepy for me to see him constantly on TV as physically I’ve always seen some physical resemblance between him and my brother. They have steely determination in common as well.) In terms of Ukraine though he is right to say that the Soviet Union under Gorbachev was tricked about breaking up, with a promise of the breakaway states never becoming part of NATO, something the West has decided to forget. But an invasion is a different and deadly response. After having contributed to getting Trump elected and seeded division in the US and then supported Brexit and seeded division in the UK, it seems that he had a long-term purpose in mind. His Russian uber patriotism and desire to see the USSR somehow put back together has dominated his political life and this is step one. It will be a rocky road ahead, for all of us.

There’s nothing like the feeling of having a cull. This morning I sorted all the bank statements from 2004 to now, personal ones not related to the business. I don’t feel comfortable putting a laundry basket full into the recycle bin so I will have to burn them, which I hate to do. Perhaps I will dance around the flames and give the neighbours something to think about. Next I plan to empty a drawer in one of my filing cabinets in the storeroom which is chockers with shop statements, cheque butts etc. That account is long closed so I don’t mind recycling them. I am leaving it to boy scout John to work out how to burn them, I guess in some short break in the rain.

The book group seems to be shrinking little by little, our meeting today is via Zoom after the host pulled the plug. Now another is taking leave of absence. But our meeting today was interesting, three loving the book and three not, one disliking it enough not to read past the first few chapters. Next month is Hamnet, a book I decided that I had no interest in reading after I read the review, but them’s the breaks. Occasionally such a book comes up trumps, though historical fiction is close to my lowest category, only slightly above fantasy.

February 26, 2022

This morning John was a bit down in the mouth over his problems so I made a hasty decision to pack the Thermos and head down to Picton. I try to organise a once a week outing and although this was only one day over the week the slide in his mood was noticeable before we went, but once we were on our way he

was fine. He had forgotten how far it was, thinking it was just a suburban destination. However despite the heavy rain we got there in an hour and a quarter and headed to the Thirlmere Railway Museum. Interesting all round but particularly the section on the railway strike of 1917. Returning strikers, who became know as ‘Lily Whites’ were stripped of any seniority and their superannuation rights. Loyalists, those who hadn’t gone on strike, had their jobs confirmed. Three thousand men had their employment records marked “not to be re-employed” or “dismissed by Proclamation”, despite the Railway Commissioners having agreed that “work shall be resumed without resentment and employment offered without vindictiveness”. I was shocked to find that school boys from local Sydney schools Newington and Sydney Grammar helped to keep the workshops open, working as scab labour. One of the results of all this was the rise of unionist Ben Chifley, later to become Prime Minister of Australia. We took a ride on one of their trains, the 4807, which had few passengers so we felt pretty safe on it. Neville, our conductor, was a mine of information, as were the many volunteers working there. I’m guessing most if not all are retired railwaymen. We drove back to Picton for lunch and then home along the highway in torrential rain, so bad that it was too dangerous to change lanes at times. I noticed that the water thrown up by cars and trucks particularly, was much worse on concrete parts of the road than on asphalt sections. Good to know if I ever become a traffic engineer.

February 27, 2022

My worst fears have been realised as far as the tree next door is concerned. Today the copper water pipe near the foot of the tree on Arvind’s side finally sprung a leak, sending a pretty shower of water into the air, exactly what he’s been fearing for months. The gas pipe is nearby and that’s a bigger worry. So Arvind called me to meet him for a discussion and I knew straight away what it was going to be about. He’s had enough expense and the tree has to go. So now I need to contact the paver and explain that we can’t go ahead till the job’s done and it needs to go to council, so who knows how long that will be. Just two days after paying the deposit, it would rot your socks. Later in the afternoon Mala sent over some fresh made pakora (the BEST PAKORA EVER), she’s a great cook.

I did some culling of the storeroom and made a box of practical stuff for Martha to take for Afghan refugees and another box for Vinnies at Dural, where the lady seems to have some appreciation of antiques and will sell them accordingly. Then I put a few postables on eBay so I feel as if it was worthwhile getting up. Random as a Mini Minor do-it-yourself manual to some French plates with automobile themes from 1890. I can start pulling all the baskets, cushions etc out to get them into some sort of order now that all of the china and glass seems to be headed to a home. John wanted an incense burner from the goodies to go in his study but after thinking it through I told him it’s too dangerous to have a naked flame in there and he was okay with that.

Wrote some letters on the Ukraine issue but I think I am wasting my finger-ends. (Which just reminded me of Sir John Betjeman’s wonderful poem On a Portrait of a Deaf Man):

“He would have liked to say goodbye, Shake hands with many friends. In Highgate now his finger-bones Stick through his finger-ends. You, God, who treat him thus and thus, Say, ‘Save his soul and pray.’ You ask me to believe You and I only see decay”.

February 28, 2022

Funny old morning in that I was meeting Martha for morning tea at a patisserie that she found on the internet at Dural. I took a candle and holder to put in her cake for a birthday celebration. However I was half way there when she rang to say that she’d discovered that it’s closed on Mondays. I asked her to choose somewhere else and she picked, from the internet, The Centre Cafe but although it appeared that my GPS was okay with the entry it let me sail past the street and I overshot by about 10 minutes or more. Finally I got suspicious and reprogrammed it, only to have it tell me to do a U-turn and go back. By the time I arrived Martha had had coffee and cake so it was a bit of a balls-up. It turns out The Centre is a combination of a Christian church with attached sporting facilities, a bit of a weird set-up, so it was empty when we got there and full when we left as the adult students were by then at lunch. However the rear deck worked for a chat but the food was bought in and pretty ordinary, which was a shame as Dural is full of great food places. When I got home John said he was depressed and scared about his mental state, I don’t think it does him any good being left even for a short time.

I got back in good time to chat with Justine on Zoom and she talked about the importance of living in the ‘what is’ instead of the ‘what if’. It was interesting to find out that she spent a long time in Kiev with the Peace Corps and knows the city well. Dally rang up to ask John if he could go up to Officeworks to get a high-resolution scan of a portrait John has of Roger Pryke, to go in the new Wikipedia entry that Dally is currently working on. I’m not sure he (or anyone) realises that asking John to do something means his turning to me to get it done. Off we went to O/works but the scan was too large to send, so we bought a thumb drive to send it by snail mail. Nothing is ever simple, especially technology. On the way home from there I ducked into the library to pick up a book I’d ordered and saw Tony, my erstwhile? current? friend. He usually works at Castle Hill so it was a surprise to both of us to see each other there. No mention was made about the fact that he hasn’t picked up the Christmas gift here for him, so of course I didn’t raise it. Odd little encounter but perfectly amicable.

March 1, 2022

Today was designated as the day for picking up the presents for Millie’s birthday, a dark green raincoat for school and a particular book that she wants. I thought I was clever going to the internet to find the raincoat and it was Target at Castle Hill which had the right colour, but when I got there I found there wasn’t a single raincoat for a child in any colour, unsurprisingly I guess. Then we headed off for Lane Cove shops as John drinks a ghastly brew called Bambu and I haven’t been able to find it anywhere out here. (He informs me that ‘this jar should see me out’!!). The other reason to go was that there is no longer a single bookshop in the Hills since Dymock’s closed before Christmas, but I was able to pick up her desired book in the excellent bookshop in Lane Cove

while we there. A bonus was getting some delicious sushi to bring

snippets from the shopping morning: while asking directions to Target (I keep out of the dreaded Towers if at all possible so never know where anything is) the people ahead of me at the enquiries counter were an apparent married couple, well dressed but lacking proficiency in English, possibly Iranian? He was asking if any of the businesses in Castle Towers were for sale. ‘What sort of business are you looking for?’ the lady asked. ‘Oh we don’t mind but we want it in here’ he answered ‘we have funds to purchase’. She sent them off to the centre manager’s office, but it got me thinking about how different migrants to this country are these days, gone are the 10 pound Poms with all their goods and chattels in a couple of suitcases, now the rules allow them enter more easily and quickly if they have significant financial backing, something that sticks in my craw. The next encounter was at the health food shop at Lane Cove where John buys his Bambu. For all the years we have gone there I have had a feeling about the owner, that somehow he is a bad egg, not that I could have put that feeling into more words than that. Today he had a pal there, a big man in a suit, who introduced himself as Robert and said ‘I am standing for election next time, against Trent Zimmerman’. We said hello and had a chat and I asked which party he was standing for, almost knowing in advance, and it was United Australia. I quickly said that we are at the opposite end of the political spectrum to him and not in this electorate so we won’t be voting for him. He waffled on about Freedom until I said that ‘personally I don’t vote for any party pushing either Freedom or Family, as you can be assured that they are from the extreme right’. It sounds harsh in the retelling but it was part of a to-and-fro about how bad the government is, with which we agreed completely. He was very nice and just said God Bless You which was enough to send John scurrying for the door saying ‘You’ve always said that man was a bad egg’.

March 2, 2022

It was sewing group today and many pulled out for reasons of weather, but I figured that from here to Eastwood is almost totally on a ridge, so how can I get caught in a flood? I really don’t mind getting wet anyway, I’m more likely to cancel going to an event due to heat. So it was just our host, one other and me and discussion turned immediately to Putin and his sanity or otherwise. I had sent a letter to the SMH on Ukraine earlier in the week which read in part: “The appalling scenes we are seeing of missile strikes on a large, heavily-populated, sophisticated city can only remind us of one conflict in recent times, the US invasion of Iraq. It is Shock and Awe Mark II and rightly has as little public support as that invasion had. Putin is moving into Ukraine because he can, just as we invaded Iraq because we could. The US and Russia both carry the big stick of nuclear weapons and therefore feel as if they can do as they please. Public condemnation worldwide did nothing to stop the attack on Iraq and sadly, will likely have no effect this time”. It came as a surprise to hear our host’s husband voicing almost exactly those sentiments and mentioning the promises given to the USSR if they devolved. Interesting when you listen to your own arguments being bounced back to you. I had some frozen food being delivered today and had instructed John on getting it straight into the freezer, but when I came home it was sitting on the kitchen bench (luckily in dry ice). I asked why he hadn’t put it away as we’d discussed and he said he had phoned me but

I hadn’t picked up and so he didn’t know what to do. I saw there had been a missed call which I simply didn’t hear, I need to have the phone in my pocket when I’m away from him I’ve decided.

On a slightly less serious note I have been puzzling about how to do Millie’s birthday cake. I have the Minecraft figures to go on top but the icing of the cake will need to be done at the last minute (Friday) as this weather won’t do it any favours. One of the symbols I’ve seen in the game is a square pack of TNT (don’t ask me, I don’t know) so I’m thinking of painting some licorice allsorts red and putting little TNT labels on them, don’t know if it will work, but I’ll give it a go. I always like doing her birthday cake and one day I’d love to do a circus theme or a fairy one or something, but her choice is always the current passion in films or computer games. I guess it keeps me on my toes trying to work out the symbolism of something I know nothing about.

March 3, 2022

A busy day (well busy for these times) with a cake to bake, a Mississippi Mudcake, which turned out inches above the tin so I had to slice it off level with the top so it will be flat to ice tomorrow. Then I made little boxes of TNT out of licorice allsorts, a very weird way to spend time. The security company phoned to ask if I wanted my free annual maintenance check done today as they had a spot due to cancellation. A nice South African man came so I showed him the book I’ve just finished, The Promise, which is set near Pretoria and he photographed the cover to show his wife who’s a big reader. Then John’s cleaner came so I simultaneously cleaned my bedroom and bathroom so all of the house is clean together, well cleanish is probably a better term as I have since cleaned up cobwebs next to the meat safe in a place that was supposedly vacced and mopped, but I’m being thankful for any help I get at the moment. She only does his bathroom and the floors so the kitchen cleaning, dusting etc still needs to be done. Meanwhile John was searching all day for his drafting tools as he wants to draw something, but I have no idea where they are despite being asked 15 times already. Gosh it’s a pretty boring day when I look back on it, but we are not in the floods, Ukraine, Afghanistan or any other nightmare scenario so I am not complaining.

March 4, 2022

Stan Grant is in a bit of bother for his hosting of Q & A last night after he tossed out a man who had asked a pro-Putin question. All questions from the audience are vetted by the program in advance and his had been approved, but Stan took it on himself to evict him anyway. I have never been a fan of Stan as an interviewer because he is more interested in telling the interviewee and the audience what HE thinks, rather than listening to them. This is okay if you are arguing the toss with someone in the pub but hardly appropriate if you are trying to tease out the facts on a program designed for that purpose. In fact it was a very Russian TV approach that he took but he probably can’t see the similarity. I’ve written to the ABC, the Herald and one other outlet, but an online poll about whether he did the right thing is running at 51% against him and 49% for, so at least it’s provoking debate.

I am often seeing press reports about some celebrity or other going through an airport or into a restaurant and the journalist rhapsodises about the Prada coat and the Gucci bag and the Manolo Blahnik shoes that adorned them. I am mystified how these reporters know. I wouldn’t have a clue about brands but it would take hours and hours of research to learn, and it would need to be a constant study to keep up with every

dress, coat, hat, bag and shoes sold by numerous brands and then to identify them on a quick walk-past. I dips me lid. Just recognising the faces would be more than I could manage.

Got the cake almost done, but it is getting shiny due to the 100% humidity, so who knows if it will droop by tomorrow. The little TNT packet decorations wouldn’t dry and the labels have had to be changed twice because the colouring leaked into the paper. Now I’ve frozen them and I plan to put them on the cake at the last minute so they don’t drip red colouring all over the cake. But compared to the floods…….

March 5, 2022

The mothers of Millie’s friends will be cursing me tonight. The dark green icing on the Minecraft theme cake won’t dry despite having a fan on it all night, so every kid will end up with green fingers and worse, green clothes. I don’t own a hairdryer otherwise I’d give that a go. I will cringe if I see a little girl in a white dress.

The risks of nuclear reactors are many: tsunamis, earthquakes, operator incompetence, now war, perhaps it’s time we realised that the benefits, huge as they are, just aren’t worth the risks. The idiocy of shelling or bombing near a nuclear reactor is unbelievable, but sadly we are living in unbelievable times. Perhaps Umair Haque’s view has merit, that Putin deliberately destabilised the US via Trump and the UK via Brexit for just this masterplan.

Later: The party went off well, 10 delightful, warm, friendly children, each with a parent whom I see just once a year. Millie said that she didn’t get an award at assembly on Friday, she “was disappointed, but resilient”. I didn’t know how to use that word at six, I doubt I’d even heard it in fact, possibly not my parents either. Judging by the kids at the party, the pre-school that they all went to did a fantastic job, not only with learning but with socialisation. John was fairly out of it, not feeling confident to approach either the kids or the parents to start a conversation. By the end of the day I was knackered and would have loved to have another driver, but he heated up some soup for our dinner when we got home and that was a blessing.

March 6, 2022

I am clearly a Chamberlain rather than a Churchill (I’ve always felt that Chamberlain got bad press, so easy to be a critic with hindsight). The vision of crumbling buildings in Ukraine is so dispiriting, if the attack ended tomorrow and the people all returned, the damage to the country’s soul will take decades to repair and of course the families who have suffered will take much longer. In one way it shows the inherent danger of nuclear weapons but in another it shows that having them is the ticket to doing exactly what you want to do. Perhaps they will be the end of civilisation before climate change gets that guernsey.

But if anything could trump the Ukraine war and the floods and get them off our TV screens it is the death of Shane Warne, 15 minutes on the news last night and an hour this morning after Insiders devoted to him,

no doubt with much more to come. I’ve never thought that much of the man on a personal level, but it is still sad to think of him, or anyone, dying alone in the lap of luxury. My friend Chrys (she who is a professional researcher and seems to have early intelligence on everything) tells me that he had Covid in late September and sent me a paper from Nature saying that there is a 10 times higher risk for a heart attack or myocarditis in the 12 months after having Covid, regardless of its severity. Being 5 days into a rigorous weight-loss / get fit programme mightn’t have helped either. Attention Maureen: forget any weight loss / get fit ideas for now.

Last night I watched Mardi Gras on the ABC, having given it a miss for years when it was on channels with advertising. Once I’d never have missed being there, but all of my companions are now gone, though John and I marched together one year. I made a T-shirt with the names of my pals written in Texta back and front. This year it was slick, professional and sadly non-political. Where were all the wonderful send-up floats of the pollies and the Fred Niles et al? They were highlights in the old days. It’s great to see floats from Minter Ellison and Optus and whatever and even better seeing Police, AFP, SES, Fire Service and more but the edgy sarcasm of yore was missing. It was amusing to see Jeremy Fernandez, who is straight, sound more and more camp as the night wore on, just the way we start to say ‘fush and chups’ if we spend some time in New Zealand. But in one night Jezza? Methinks he’s been practising, bless him.

March 7, 2022

Nothing here stays simple for long. About a month ago John’s home care service signed him up (without any consultation) to a fairly recent NSW Police initiative aimed at elderly people who live alone. It consists of a pendant for their keyring which has a code number on it linking to a database, enabling ambulance officers to identify a person sick or injured but unable to speak. At least that’s how it was explained to us. It all makes sense doesn’t it? Except that the officious Constable in charge of the programme in that particular police station decided she should ring both John and me and ask why his carer was nominated as the person to contact, a decision made by the home care people not by either of us. She badgered John for some time about his daughters and whether one of them should be the contact person but he stood his ground, explaining that there were past problems and he didn’t want that to occur. Eventually she said ‘oh we are saying ‘she’ John, but tell me your daughters’ first names?’ Big mistake here, but we didn’t know that for sure at the time, though we thought it suspicious. Fast forward a month and John gets a call yesterday from a very angry daughter to say that the police had contacted her on a Sunday afternoon and asked ‘Did you know that your father doesn’t want anyone to contact you if he dies?’ The cop’s used her policing powers to hunt down his daughter from just the name, no address, no phone number, no email, all of which he had resolutely refused to give. How she did it I’m not sure, but Facebook or the electoral rolls are a good start. Dying wasn’t the issue here, there are a host of people able to contact them if that happened, the purpose was getting onto someone who knows his medical history and medications in case of illness or accident. His daughter was naturally angry as it was the first she’d heard about it and it was put to her in the most ham-fisted terms, deliberately one might ask? As I read it the cop is in serious breach of both NSW privacy legislation and the terms of the particular service he was enrolled in, which states: ‘any information provided will be securely stored and only accessed by NSW Police’. Not to mention the fact that she’s unleashed a hornet’s nest of aggro against John for no reason

that he could have avoided. No-one slept well in this house last night as a result. I am holding my fire till I decide the best way to proceed.

Amazing how many best friends Shane Warne had. At least eight have claimed the honour since I’ve been counting, I’m sure there will be more. The first ten pages of the Sunday paper were fully devoted to Warne and then two full pages in the sport section. I doubt the death of the Prime Minister would have been so fully covered. Apparently he had been on a 14 day juice diet, not a great choice if you’ve got a dicky heart I wouldn’t think, but whatever the reasons for his death, it’s wiped Ukraine off the map journalistically speaking.

March 8, 2022

Just had an energising walk in the rain, it really is pouring. Two bodies have just been found after a car was discovered yesterday in a canal in Wentworthville, I suspect the same canal in which Davina’s favourite high school teacher drowned after jumping in to rescue his dog after it fell in. As often happens, it was the rescuer who perished, the dog clambered out but the teacher didn’t. I would love to go out to watch the water engulfing the new ‘flood-free bridge’ at Windsor, but Davina extracted a promise that I wouldn’t go.

A friend expressed surprise when I referred to Putin as a Fascist leader. I was surprised that she was surprised. Surely he isn’t still considered a Communist after he sold off all the important assets to the oligarchs? It got me thinking about the differences between Fascists and Communists, not only the philosophy but the practical implementations of the systems. Both can end up as one party states but Fascism to me is a top-down system, with strong links to corporations and private property. While a Communist government will centralise the means of production, a Fascist one will sell to the highest bidder, conditional on the submission of the company to the state and its leader, while opposing trade unions. Ultra-nationalism and a strong attachment to a historically linked religion (in Putin’s case of course the Russian Orthodox Church) is usual with a Fascist government, think past governments of Chile, Argentina and Spain, whereas a Communist one will likely ban or heavily discourage religion. Theoretically under Communism all are equal but in practice some are much more equal than others, with higher echelons of the Party living in superior circumstances while under Fascism there is a strong bias towards kinship and a bias against difference (both currently and in past regimes homosexuals, Jews, Roma, those with physical or mental disabilities). Yes, the more I think about it, Mr. Putin fills the bill as one of that small group of leaders in the 20th and 21st century defined as Fascist. However there’s an argument that the Roman Empire was a Fascist one, long before the term was invented.

March 9, 2022

I’ve just read The Premonition by Michael Lewis and it was unputdownable. It’s a gripping tale and falls right into my field of interests. When this book was written last year the US, with a bit more than 4% of the world’s population, had over 20% of the world’s deaths. The book catalogues the story of a small

group of American scientists who are happy to bear the label ‘misfits’ and who had, all their lives, been obsessed with viruses and pandemics. This group knew there was a pandemic coming, and knew we weren’t prepared for it. One of these misfits, Dr. Charity Dean, had made model viruses and had them hanging from her bedroom ceiling as a child and from a young age, when she was feeling low, had ‘cheered herself up by reading books on bubonic plague’. My kind of girl. The plague of 1918 resulted in 40-60 million dead and this fact had been conveniently lost from the public memory over time. The US Pandemic Plan had been conceived by the Bush White House and named Predict as it set out to test animals around the world to predict which viruses among them might jump across into humans, however it failed to predict anything leading up to this pandemic after Trump removed its funding. Charity Dean and the others whom this book focusses on are pretty scathing of the Centres for Disease Control (CDC). She says the name should be changed to the Centres for Disease Observation and Reporting because that is what they do very well. Planning and recommending countermeasures to the pandemic fell well behind other country’s agencies, even a reluctance to use the word pandemic was noted. Zoom meetings were held often, many times with black screens where attendees chose not to be identified. Regularly there were 14 black screens and only later did they discover that behind one of these was Tony Fauci, others were members of the president’s coronavirus taskforce, unbeknown to Trump one assumes. So much new information in this book and much of it makes the reader wonder how the US managed to bumble its way through the pandemic with state against state in the hunt for tests, vaccines and equipment. This state versus state approach was seen here also, though the Federal government put in strict border controls. It seems there is no central organisation in either country able to step in and handle a disaster like this, either back in 1918 or now.

It is strange how we rate the relative importance of deaths. Shane Warne of course trumps all else, and by the way the 14 day juice diet he was supposedly on turned out to be a 14 day tea diet prescribed by a Chinese herbalist (rolls eyes). A Baulkham Hills Chinese herbalist is currently on trial in Sydney over the death of a diabetic patient after he told her to stop using insulin and go onto his no doubt expensive herb regime. She lasted a week. Deaths in Ukraine have been almost wiped off the news because of the floods, but the loss of two people in a canal in Wentworthville, just 15 minutes drive from home unexpectedly grieved me yesterday. First it was ‘two people missing from a car washed into a canal’, that’s sad. Then ‘a mother and adult son’s bodies found 1.5 km down the waterway the next morning’, that’s very sad. But it was the knowledge that the son was ‘in his 40s, autistic and non-verbal’ that really brought it home as a tragedy to me. How much suffering and rotten luck does one person deserve in a lifetime? Was god’s eye watching sparrows fall? I will never understand the disparity of people’s differing experiences of life and death, but I don’t think anyone with a PhD in theology, or a white collar and black suit, understands it either.

March 10, 2022

Off to Dural (which John now calls Cudal for some reason) this morning to post an eBay parcel, pick up the bread and give some antique items to Vinnies. The lady there is someone who understands antiques enough to realise what is worth something and what’s not, whereas at some branches you get work-for-the-dole people, those doing community service through the court system or quite young volunteers. Dural however seems to have middle-aged to elderly ladies who know a thing or two and the displays show it.

Then I met up with Martha for a cuppa at Dolcettini Patisserie which she’s been keen to go to. Before she arrived I needed a loo and the one at the bakery was out of order so I trekked into another business selling trail bikes and off-road vehicles (he did tell me what they are called but I’ve forgotten). ‘What are you supposed to do in these?’ I asked, ‘Just drive very fast around paddocks’, was his answer. So what was the cost of one of these things? North of $50,000 each, to chew up a paddock, it seems insane. ‘It seems they’re designed for people with more money than sense’ I suggested and he laughed and agreed with me. He showed me around the extensive stock of dirt bikes and vehicles of all sorts, knowing I was never going to be a customer and we had a few laughs. Having got rid of another box of bits I was enthused in the afternoon to huck out some stuff in the storeroom and vaccuum it (well I hucked and John vaccuumed to be honest). I promised Vinnies I’d be back next week with more and I intend to keep that undertaking.

I have somehow become a clearing house for ‘stuff’. Knowing I can’t bear to throw stuff out, people throw theirs my way instead of giving it to charity shops. I got a text with a mile of goods that someone is getting rid of and am now looking to find homes for it, beginning with a friend of a friend who has a garage full which is destined to go to refugees. Hopefully she will take some at least.

I laughed at a friend’s comment that we should ‘pray for Scott Morrison Psalm 109:8’. It apparently says ‘Let his days be few and brief; and let others step forward to replace him’. Amen to that.

March 11, 2022

I thought I was doing a good thing by searching the net for colouring books for John and finding some beauties at Kaisercraft, a favourite shop in Baulko. He seemed to appreciate them with lots of ‘wows’ as he went through them, but after a short walk he came back to tell me that I need to return them as he prefers geometric patterns and is working on his own designs. That’s fine, but the fact that he had to go for a walk to get up the courage to tell me is a bit sad.

I’ve been listing on eBay some Figgjo Norwegian plates I dug up in the storeroom, 1960s designs which I think are quite fashionable at the moment, but we shall see. I sold a little ceramic plaque a couple of days ago in the same brand, but that’s more unusual than a plate. I got $35 for it but it’s the satisfaction of sending it to somewhere it will be loved that’s worth a heap more than that. It went over to WA, I never seem to send things to NSW, usually it’s to Victoria or Queensland for some reason. An eBay client in Melbourne to whom I sent some doilies as a gift along with her order has sent me photos of them in use, washed, starched and looking a million dollars on her antique furniture. Now I have someone who really appreciates such things I can send her more.

March 12, 2022

The son of my friend and long-time employee Meriel has rung to say that she has died. Her memorial service is at a time next week when we will be at St. Vincent’s for John’s infusion appointment. However Robert has kindly sent me a link to watch it online any time in the next month, so I am happy to be able to

do that. I have a copy of her memoir written some time ago which lists her long and interesting life from Britain to Holland, Indonesia, Rhodesia and finally Australia.

We have had a morning of John repeatedly losing things around the house, mostly inconsequential (phone, water bottle, hat, jumper) until we needed to go out briefly and the car keys were missing, my car is blocked in by his. After an unfruitful search I dug out the spare which I recently insisted he buy and we went anyway, but now it’s taken an hour after we got home to find the keys, in a basket in his toilet. John then said ‘okay, we can go now’, having completely forgotten that we had already been. On Thursday he had a telephone appointment with our GP and since then he’s been forever reminding me that we need to talk to the doctor for some scripts, having completely forgotten the conversation with Bob even happened despite numerous reminders. ‘What did he say about my dementia?’ he asks. Which of course was nothing, because he seemed perfectly fine during the appointment. What did we do before? I can barely remember, but movies and theatre and galleries come to mind. Blast Covid and blast dementia.

Unfortunately I’ve had lots more time to experiment with recipes lately, from a very stable weight over many years, I have gone up slowly but consistently since day one of the pandemic. I love to cook and even love making things I don’t even like, much to John’s amusement. But still I eat enough to stack the pounds on. Question is should I care if the funeral directors need extra Weet-Bix to shift my carcase around? I don’t do drugs, barely drink, so I think I am entitled to some joy in these increasingly difficult times. When I worry about it, I always make a cuppa and have a piece of cake to calm my nerves.

March 13, 2022

My friend Chrys in Queensland is always one full of ideas. Her latest was to contact an Airbnb in Kiev and book three nights, then to contact the woman and say that she won’t be coming and to keep the money. The woman replied that she would donate the money but Chrys replied: Spend it however you want, but if you buy a good bottle of Champagne and toast ‘Fuck Putin’ I’ll be happy. Now a Greek radio station, having seen Chrys’s post, has publicised the idea and it’s been written up in a newspaper there. Little waves have to end somewhere.

Feeling quite down today, so I ended up following my friend Kedarnath’s suggestion of 45 years ago: First make a list of all the things troubling you, not in any particular order (I had 16), then do something to fix the easiest one (his example was always the fly that’s annoying you), then fix a second one if that’s not enough. By then you’ll be feeling more positive about the possibility of fixing all or most of them. It always seems to work for me, so I attacked the fact that the house needed cleaning and hucked out the fridge wiping all the shelves and crispers, then did the same on my bathroom vanity and the floors. John helped with the mopping. The act of ruling one line out is such a positive experience, even though it took being depressed from 7 am till noon before I had the motivation to put his plan into action.

We had been invited to a wake last weekend which I decided was too risky to attend as it was at a golf club and since then I’ve been wondering if in my caution I deprived John of an afternoon out with his mates.

News came to us yesterday that by Friday four of the attendees had come down with Covid. Then just now Sue rang and said that her daughter Kate’s ex has caught it from his grandfather and given it to their son Harvey, now Kate is feeling very off. The bloody thing is everywhere and Hazzard refuses to bring back compulsory masks, the dickhead. Sue’s family is interesting, views range from her front-line doctor daughter’s idea of ‘don’t catch it at any cost’ to Sue’s psychiatrist brother’s ‘let it rip’ philosophy. Christmas must be a hoot I imagine. Martha gets a text from Pennant Hills High School every time there’s a Covid case there, she says there’s rarely a day passes without one or more being reported.

March 14, 2022

Did a run to the library four in, four out, and then I decided to go up to the nursery at the Forestry Commission with a view to going for a walk there. We bumped into Boris and Jane who were shopping there and decided to have lunch together, seeing it was that time of day, so the day turned out quite differently than planned. Just leaving there are the mirror door fixer-upper rang to say he could be there in 40 mins, now the bedroom mirror doors are sliding with one finger after years of stiffness, ending with one of them being virtually immovable. How easy is it when people know what they are doing. The wheels on both doors are replaced, ‘See you in another 35 years’ I said to the serviceman as he left, that’s about how long it is since they were installed. Happy camper me.

My cousin Jimmy in Mullumbimby sent me a 10 minute YouTube video of his pals making temporary bridges over flooded creeks, installing signs guiding people away from dangerous deep mud and clearing tracks. They looked a force to be reckoned with. He also sent a photo of a cow settled happily on the roof of a building, getting it down might tax people’s skills though. His Labor electorate received no payments after the floods while the adjoining Liberal one did, artificial lines drawn on maps cause grief once again.

Recently I decided to destroy decades of bank statements and mentioned to John that I intended to burn them instead of putting them in the bin. Just now I went to the storeroom where I keep some rarely used cooking equipment including my mother’s 1950s steamer, which sits over a matching saucepan for the boiling water, something I use whenever I make a steamed pudding. The steamer was there but not the base part, then I found it under the deck, burnt black. ‘What on earth happened to this?’ I asked aloud. ‘Oh, that’s just some old saucepan that I burned all of your bank statements in’, John calmly replied. I doubt it even holds water now, but I’ll try to clean it up if it does. I’m gobsmacked, but more from the point of view that I need to be here all the time to see what’s going on, but then this happened when I was in the house and John was in the yard.

March 15, 2022

Off to Nelune for John’s monthly treatment and meanwhile I spent a few hours with my cousin Angela. She had put aside some things for me to donate to charities and I will deliver them tomorrow. However some of the offered things are at Glen Alpine, way down south west of Sydney so she’s going to hire a Go-Get one day and deliver them here. Then we took a walk to Rustic French Bistro on Victoria Street and had

some delicious crepes for morning tea. Ange baffled the Frenchman saying ‘They were like velvet’, and he was most concerned till she explained how smooth and luscious they were ‘so not at all like fabric’ he replied. Cultural confusion in practice. We went for a walk to shed some of the calories and then she showed me the view of the Bridge and Opera House from her unit. The owner of the apartment is an Australian living outside Venice and she was here recently and wanted to visit her premise. She was so delighted about the state of the place that she took Ange out to lunch as well as organising for new blinds and kitchen linoleum to be installed. That’s the sort of landlord all renters need.

Home to do some potting, make an Anzac slice and a pie for dinner. I am spoilt this week as we had an impromptu lunch out yesterday, then I had morning tea today, plus friends Jenny and Di have asked if I can go to lunch with them on Friday. I was a bit dubious but whoopee!! I have a minder for John, my friend Heather is coming, armed with some sandwiches and cake, to have lunch with him so I can go out. Eventually I will need to get a carer in if I want to go anywhere, but at the moment it only happens rarely and if someone is here for say an hour in the middle of the time I’m away, that is enough….I think.

March 16, 2022

Took a trip to Cherrybrook to drop off the donations I picked up yesterday and Helen took them all with enthusiasm into her garage cum stockroom John asked me five times on the journey where we were going and why. I wish I could install an automatic repeater as writing our plans in his diary is no longer working.

Reading some historical fiction at the moment, a genre I usually avoid but this author, Anya Seaton, prefers to call it ‘biographical novels’. Written in the 1950s and a dense small-typed 557 pages, The Winthrop Woman seems very well researched and the author says ‘I have never knowingly deviated from the facts, nor changed a date or circumstance’ and lists copious references. My main beef about historical novels is that I don’t know if I can trust the author to have really researched thoroughly, so it may be all novel and little history. However with this book I am confident and I’m learning so much about England in the 1600s, the journeys of the Puritans and others, the history of the American Indians at that time, Antinomian beliefs, the Gospel of Grace versus the Gospel of Deeds and much more. The whole philosophy and practice of religion at that time is claustrophobic just to read about, what it was like to live through is terrifying to imagine, but with this background it is somewhat easier to understand the appeal that religion still has for Americans, long after the Europeans have largely left it behind. I need to get on to the book group novel, unfortunately two historical fictions back to back, but I am keen to get to the end of this one first, even though I fear that the burning of so-called witches might be coming before too long.

Today I wore a freshly ironed top and jacket that had been hidden by the inability to get the wardrobe doors open easily. It seems such a silly thing, but I could only push the doors so far before giving up and there was a foot or two in the centre of the two which never got exposed, so it’s as if a whole new wardrobe

has emerged. Best money spent since the oven-cleaning man.

, 2022

I was woken early this morning by a pain in the stomach which closely resembled the pain that came with the ulcer I had about four years ago so I resorted to hot milk for breakfast and by 10 am it was gone, which only served to cement my suspicions somewhat as milk was my go-to restorative. However if it continues I don’t intend to go through another endoscopy but just get the required medication from Bob. As I was lying on the lounge feeling sorry for myself and wishing that I didn’t have to lift things up for the cleaner to mop, a call came from the home care provider to say that the cleaner is a Covid contact and can’t come. The gods were listening and I breathed a sigh of relief. They are looking for someone else to come next week instead.

My burnt saucepan didn’t clean up so I decided to put some carb soda in it and bring it to the boil, which may have worked if the water hadn’t pissed out of a peppering of holes in the side. Mmm, that’s one family heirloom that my daughters don’t have to worry about getting rid of, but I will miss it next time I feel like steaming. This afternoon John washed up for me after I’d made a blueberry cake and afterwards I found one of my antique measuring spoons was in the sink without its bowl. As I lifted it out of the sink with a puzzled look he said ‘oh, metal fatigue’ but I had to laugh as it was so fast that he’d obviously thought it through in advance. I’m waiting for the third thing.

A friend sent me six photos of destroyed buildings in Kiev, except he also sent identical pictures of the same destroyed buildings in Beirut after the massive explosion there. Clearly some of the images being bandied around are fakes and how are we supposed to decipher the difference apart from trying to stick to a variety of news outlets? But they are so pushed for content that they may not have the time and energy to verify every photo and video.

March 18, 2022

What a lovely lunch catch-up with Jenny and Di today! Heather came to stay with John armed with a pile of egg and lettuce sambos and a whole banana cake and was still here when I got home, despite my telling her that an hour or two was plenty. I have contacted Anglicare regarding enrolling him in an occasional day programme which I understand he can do with them despite being with a different care provider. But so far they haven’t responded to a phone message or an email which may mean that the service isn’t available due to Covid, or may mean they are just slack about replying. The cleaner is rebooked for Tuesday, well a different one as the first is a Covid contact, but we still wait for the first visit by the gardener, no wonder John has unspent funds in the home care account, so many cancellations.

Tomorrow we have two people coming for lunch and there is a long list of things which one of them can’t eat at the moment. It sent me to the recipe books so I have planned some new dishes which fit her needs. One is Golden Winter Puree, a mix of equal amounts of carrots and turnips cooked together and pureed with a ripe pear, ginger, nutmeg and cream. Another is baked eggplant with a sauce of Chinese rice wine, apple cider vinegar, sugar, soy sauce, peanut butter and sesame seeds. I’m sure there’s another couple of

ingredients too but I can’t remember them right now. I looked up my Lebanese cookbook for ideas as the main item is going to be trout fillets with a tahini sauce (a recipe the chef at Wild Pear once shared with me) and I thought Lebanese sides would be the go, but not a single vege dish was without garlic or onion or both and these are on the banned list. It’s amazing how much we use garlic now, my household as a child didn’t use it once, but I seem to give it a hammering.

It is now 3.25 am and I am following the same annoying pattern lately, go to sleep about 11.30 pm, wake up at 2 am and stay awake for hours, then go to sleep near dawn and wake up a bit later, ragged. Not sure how to get around this but it’s very tiresome, literally.

March 19, 2022

I was thinking today that it’s the first time ever that St. Patrick’s Day has passed without comment on the ABC News. I didn’t remember it till it was over, though I wasn’t planning an Irish feast. I’ve decided I need more visitors on special diets as everything I cooked today was delicious and I wouldn’t have tried those dishes otherwise. Particularly loved the tahini sauce and the sauce on the eggplant, either of which would do me for a lunch with a chunk of good bread. I got to thinking about all my cookbooks and how attached I am to them and had the (silly) thought that if I were dying I would really miss them!!

My friend Di whom I lunched with yesterday showed me the magnificent cards she makes, hand painted in watercolour. I would want to frame every one. Today she’s emailed me that she used to teach card making and she has a bunch of papers and some card stock which she’s offered me to ‘have a mess about with’. She wants to get rid of a lot of her teaching stuff, so I’ve said yes as I’d love to have a crack at it. I’ve always wanted to paint jellyfish and bluebottles and that family of creatures for some reason so I’d start off trying that, if it’s not too ambitious.

John was absolutely on the ball today when we had visitors, it is amazing how he pulls it together when he has to. If only I had the trick of getting that to happen for the rest of the time. I think I will apply for him to be reassessed to go to a Level 2 Home Care Package as apparently it’s a 6-9 month waiting time even when he’s been assessed as needing more help. Then of course he could be ready for Level 3. If he’s as good as he was today he may be refused anyway, but I can only try.

March 20, 2022

After giving away some frames from my storeroom I suddenly decided today that I wanted to frame my favourite photo of my brother and myself but of course the right size frames had all gone to charity, so I robbed the frame from another photo that I can live without seeing every day. Every time I see Putin on TV I think of my bro who is so like him in build, body language and I think in looks too and of course they could converse as he’s a fluent Russian speaker. Perhaps I could suggest him as a neutral arbiter in the current war, someone who has no confidence in, nor allegiance to, either side.

Today I watched the memorial service for my friend Meriel, unfortunately it was held last Tuesday when I had to take John for his infusion. The first 29 minutes was an ad for religion and as I refuse to watch ads on television I resented being forced to listen to them here, but it is often the admission price you pay in going to a funeral. I wondered if they’d ever get to Meriel, but finally they did and three of her five children spoke beautifully and at length, as I would expect from that family. Her life across Britain, India, Holland, Indonesia, South Africa and Rhodesia before their arrival in Australia was discussed. Her father was in both world wars and served in India, finishing as a colonel. One story that I’d heard before was from Indonesia where an insurgent broke into their house, held Merial and her baby at gunpoint and robbed them. She said she reacted calmly because she knew how much the Indonesians loved children, so she doubted the baby would be killed, however the man was shaking so much she feared he would drop the gun and shoot her accidentally. Her parents owned a mill in Yorkshire and I used to joke with her that they probably employed my family who were either coal miners, railway workers or slaved in ‘the dark Satanic mills’. Vale Meriel.

March 21, 2022

I think I’m not the only one who sees the vision of bombed out buildings in Ukraine and thinks it must be recoloured pictures of WWII. How could anyone be so stupid as to wage war in this day and age, knowing what we know, that in the end the two sides will negotiate a settlement. If climate change or a nuclear blast knocks man off the planet it would be quite reasonable to say: Good riddance, they deserved it.

Today, despite barely sleeping last night, I decided to take us off to Wiseman’s Ferry for a picnic. Where we usually sit, down near the ferry, was covered in sand and few tables were available, most of the park was taped off due to the floods. The little kiosk was closed as the water had reached the roof level and all their cooking and refrigeration equipment was piled up in a heap for pick-up by the council. More surprisingly there were about a dozen plastic shrink-wrapped bundles of bottles of water, about 30 bottles in each. They weren’t damaged and just needed a hose on the plastic, so I am puzzled about why they were discarded. I’m guessing that the folks just don’t have the emotional energy to do it, but that level of waste disturbs me, so when I saw a man with Air Crew on a government logo I told him about them and he asked where they were in detail, so I am hoping he retrieved them. I would have been happy to bring them home, clean them and donate them but I didn’t want to be accused of looting. We went to the Ferry Gallery where our friend Luke exhibits and managed to keep the credit card unused, which was easy as I discovered that I’d left it and my cash in another handbag.

I seem to have got into the habit of going to sleep straight away about 11.30 pm, waking up around 2 am (earlier today) and then not going back to sleep again till dawn. I think it might be an anxiety issue as I am going over every large and small event and can’t turn off the over-active brain. But even when I’m awake I spend way too much time weighing everything up. Being a Libran is a full time job, even for one who doesn’t believe in astrology.

March 22, 2022

Sarah Ferguson’s report from Ukraine only served to cement in my mind how brave these people are (and how brave she is to go there come to that). Letting go of nationalism altogether seems just as elusive as it was when John Lennon wrote Imagine, perhaps even more so.

So the NSW Government has set up an inquiry into the “causes of, preparedness for, response to and recovery from the catastrophic flood event” which is all good, but unfortunately it will be headed jointly by Mick Fullovimself along with the state’s chief scientist. Perhaps I am too cynical, but will a former Police Commissioner find fault with a government service, or with the role of his personal friend the Prime Minister? Nooo, I don’t think so.

I decided this morning to ask Kristy, John’s case manager, whether she thinks that I should apply for him to go onto a Level 2 package. She replied immediately in the positive and said she thought it was time that he had a carer coming to the house or taking him out for 2 hours a fortnight, which that package would provide. She indicated that she could apply on my behalf which is even better. I’ve suggested that it would be much better from my point of view if we could use that service on an irregular basis rather than two hours on a particular day. For example, having a carer when I have medical appointments or social events? That would be a much bigger help to me than a regular time each fortnight. For example I have a six-monthly medical investigation at St Vincent’s due and it takes a few hours. Last time John sat reading in the waiting room and coffee shop but I don’t think he’s safe doing that now and he can no longer read, so getting a carer for that day would be wonderful. I’m awaiting her reply, and I hope it’s in the positive. His cleaner is here as I type this, the regular one is a Covid contact so it’s a new lady today. I put out all the cleaning stuff for her, but she’s just asked for the ‘toilet cleaner’…. hesitation on my part. Well what do you usually use? she asks, um bleach I replied. There was no eyeroll but clearly it was not the right answer. She is a big, tall lady and very nice but I am noticing how noisy she is compared to the little Asian woman we usually have, who makes no noise at all apart from the vac. We all occupy space so differently.

March 23, 2022

Oh what a delicious own goal by Hornsby Mayor and bigtime Liberal Philip Ruddock. Folks are putting anti-Morrison stickers on their bins “Chuck Them Out” and “Bin Him” and Ruddock has announced that the council won’t empty their bins. Which naturally has led to a huge demand for the stickers, the source of which I am still trying to track down. What a cheek that man has, that stickler for free speech.

The sight of the Chinese plane headed vertically into the ground yesterday is enough to make anyone’s stomach turn, but it is exactly what I picture every time I board an aircraft. I know little about aeronautics but it seems to me that there are two leading scenarios, 1) deliberate murder by the pilot and 2) a malfunction of the computer system. A plane in trouble doesn’t head south like that at full speed. But those poor souls aboard suffered the worst two minutes that any torturer could ever have envisaged.

Speaking of torturers, it appears that not every Ukrainian is brave, decent and forbearing. A doctor in an eastern Ukrainian hospital has announced that he’s instructing the castration of every Russian military

casualty admitted. A constitutional lawyer turned volunteer frontline medic, it just goes to show how quickly war can destroy a person’s moral framework. As Bob Dylan said all those decades ago in Masters of War: “You fasten all the triggers For the others to fire Then you sit back and watch When the death count gets higher You hide in your mansion While the young people’s blood Flows out of their bodies And is buried in the mud”. A pox on war-mongers of every stripe.

On to more everyday matters. One of the things I like about Facebook is the memories it throws up each day, often of things I had totally forgotten about. Yesterday it was a post about a big jam-making day I had because peaches were 90 cents a kilo, after I made the jam they went down to 60 cents. Fast forward to today when I am paying $8.99 a kilo for peaches and not for a minute considering jam. How could a family with children possibly keep up with fresh fruit at current prices, a jar or can being a much better option. Plus I have had a few stone fruits this year, peaches, plums and nectarines, that were pretty tasteless, though the cherries were divine.

March 24, 2022

In the last few days I have seen three appalling dog stories, of course both of them concerned pit bulls. In the first were harrowing pictures of what is left of a young woman’s face after she took a job as a dog sitter and was assured that the two dogs would be chained in their kennels when she arrived. She opened the door with a key and was immediately attacked, the dogs eating off her ear, lips and cheeks. Think about that for a moment. The next was two laughing people who let their pit bulls off their leads on a walk to deliberately set them on a cat in its own yard. It is critical in a vet’s surgery. The third was an owner in her unit, tying her shoelaces and about to take the beast for a walk, when it attacked her for no reason. She only survived by dragging herself to the lift, dog still attached, knowing there was a camera there so she would be rescued. There is no valid excuse for owning a pit bull, they can never be trusted to overcome their breeding.

We were looking forward to a trip to Killcare tomorrow for book group as well as being a bit concerned about the drive, considering the weather report. However Sue’s family circumstances as well as the weather have meant that it has now been rescheduled to take place at Martha’s, only 20 minutes away. Perhaps some who were not able to travel that far will now change their minds.

After saying yesterday that my six-monthly medical check-up was overdue and asking Kristy about the possibility of a carer coming to stay with John, this morning the hospital rang to ask why I hadn’t made an appointment yet. I explained the situation and the fact that I’d only received an okay from the home care service late yesterday. Kristy had said she could organise a sitter if she had enough notice, so I made the booking for April 26 and advised her accordingly. It will be a big relief if I can rely on this service regularly. But unfortunately being canny with his funds, as I have always been, is making it harder for Kristy to justify getting him a higher amount. But in the meantime we can use the excess in his home care account for this coming situation, so I guess that’s a positive.

March 25, 2022

Writing this on the 26th as I was on the sick list yesterday. I woke up feeling fine, but got out of bed and fell over with awful vertigo and nausea. Unusual for me to get this unrelated to transport or movement of some sort but there you go, it happened. As I was planning to pick up Michelle to go to book group, John rang her to say that we had to pull out, telling her in my hearing “she’s got a funny pain in her leg and can’t walk” but I didn’t have the capability to argue with his summation, she knew we weren’t coming which was the main thing. Luckily there was food in the fridge for John’s lunch and in the evening I got him to thaw out and microwave a tuna casserole, which coincidentally had been made for him weeks ago when Jack drove me to Bondi Junction for a test and I covered the possibility of the drive causing this exact problem. So a day out of the rest of my life and not a damned thing could be done about it, just a pity it was book group day though.

John said in the evening that my being sick made him feel nervous, despite the fact that he managed his food needs perfectly well and looked after me with water, blankets, tablets etc with no apparent problem.

March 26, 2022

Still a little wobbly today, but fine sitting down so I decided to take my car, which has been sitting in the garage for about three weeks, and go to my restorer John Koster in North Richmond with a papier mache occasional table from the loungeroom which has started to lose lacquer on one edge. It also has, or hopefully had borer, which I treated with kerosene months ago, so I was a little nervous to see if that is the problem, but JK thinks the kero may just have caused the papier mache to swell a bit and therefore lose some finish. Unfortunately I’d left the car too long and it was as flat as a flounder, so we went in John’s and it was good to see JK again, he is such a decent man and a good tradesman. It occurred to me that in skill, physical build, personality and integrity he reminds me of builder Peter Dykers, both of them are of Dutch heritage. Then to Woolies for another shop, because there are certain lines that Aldi just doesn’t sell. However, let loose in Woolies I still managed to spend $138, just topping up an already big shop earlier in the week.

It seems my being sick yesterday has unnerved John as he asked me today “What is the tipping point for you to put me in a home?” I answered that it would only be if I couldn’t look after him safely here and he seemed satisfied with that. It is all so unpredictable that I can’t spend too much time worrying about the future as it would be out of my control if he or I got seriously sick.

The Ukraine situation goes from bad to worse, but I did catch a snippet on the ABC news that Mariupol was being defended by the neo-Nazi Azov Battalion, which is interesting because Putin has been saying that he wanted to end the Nazi influence there. Facebook bans extremist groups from its platform yet is allowing its billions of users to praise the Azov Battalion, previously banned from being freely discussed under the company’s Dangerous Individuals and Organizations policy. Azov soldiers march and train wearing uniforms bearing icons of the Third Reich and the battalion’s first commander and former

Ukrainian parliamentarian, Andriy Biletsky, stated that Ukraine’s national purpose was to “lead the white races of the world in a final crusade … against Semite-led Untermenschen (subhumans).” So these are the Ukrainian folks we are now siding with. What happens when a group you’ve deemed too dangerous to freely discuss is defending its country against a full-scale assault by Russia? It seems that the public is considered too dumb to unpick all of this so you just don’t mention it perhaps?

March 27, 2022

Yesterday I commented on the worsening Ukraine situation, which is much more complicated and nuanced than press reports would lead us to believe. One thought: how does the Jewish leader of a country feel about a large neo-Nazi group, with well-publicised anti-Jewish views, playing a big role in its armed forces? Here is the rub: if you are fighting a determined and persistent external invader, you can’t afford to be picky about who you let into the army, you need every man you can get. But how does that work once the fighting is over? It seems that whether it is Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, the old Yugoslavian countries or Ukraine it is a given that a rump of far-right philosophy and practice exists. The parallel with the 1930s is not exaggerated in my view.

Recently John managed to burn through my mother’s steamer saucepan, setting alight in it a box full of old bank statements that I wanted to get rid of. Today I decided to put a plant in the now holey pot, but it was nowhere to be found. Last time I saw it John was heading downstairs to relocate it to the potting table waiting for me to transplant something into it. Deciding it’s just temporarily evading me, I went to the storeroom to get the undamaged steamer section and lid, with a view to seeing if it would fit on any other pan in the house, but mysteriously it has disappeared too, from the place where it’s been stored for 30 years. I’m perplexed. Sue rang yesterday and mentioned to John that she thinks of him every day when she uses the clothes line he designed at Killcare. Afterwards he said: ‘Apparently I designed a clothes line for Sue, was it on two sticks in the yard?’. It was much more sophisticated than that on her side verandah. Thankfully today Sue sent him a picture of it to jog his memory, though I’ll need to open the email for him as he never looks at emails or texts any more. It is getting too sad and the laughs we both had about odd things happening are sounding hollower by the day.

Looking forward to some diversions this week with lunch with friends tomorrow, two friends for morning tea on Tuesday, a drive to Manly on Wednesday and the birthday picnic for my girls on Saturday in the Botanic Gardens.

March 28, 2022

I have now left three phone messages and sent one email to Anglicare to get John into a lunch and activity programme that his home care is happy to pay for but does not itself provide. So today I went to their website and sent an email in its complaints section, we’ll see what action that brings, but I am really glad that I didn’t choose them as primary care providers. His case worker at Wendy’s Home Services gets back to me by email or phone within the hour if I have a question.

It is 4.20 pm and we are not long home from lunch with Jack and Carol at Wild Pear. Barramundi with shaved fennel, smoked anchovies, capers and preserved lemon followed by pav, life’s good. Coming home with Jack driving I noticed the Anglicare sign in front of a driveway at Glenhaven, the premises of the day program I’ve been trying to contact! I’d never noticed it before because I am usually watching the road. I felt like lobbing up in person and may do that yet if they don’t reply soon.

Martha emailed me a picture of a sad looking drop-side tea trolley that hasn’t had any TLC for a long time. Someone is donating it to refugees but she asked me if I wanted it as she feels it isn’t appropriate as a donation. I have nowhere to put it, despite loving them, so I offered to restore it as best I can and then I will try to sell it with the funds going to a refugee charity of some sort. I hope it doesn’t need any work beyond my abilities. The three tier white-painted display table I picked up from a roadside clean-up and hosed off to put plants on has developed an evil looking orange fungus which I’ve never seen before. I will let it grow so I can see how it develops and might dig out my microscope to get a better look at it. Mycology has always interested me but I know zip about the taxonomy so I wouldn’t be able to identify it, but I’ll still enjoy cultivating and observing it.

I developed a cold sore on my eyelid on Saturday and have been slapping Zovirax cream on it every four hours till this morning when I happened to be talking to the pharmacist to order John’s drugs. I queried whether I was doing the right thing and he said ‘Nooo, you can’t put an anti-viral cream anywhere near your eyes, it says that on the pamphlet in the box’. Yeah well I threw that out didn’t I, but I have ceased now and so far I can still see.

March 29, 2022

Kirk the gardener texted to say it’s too wet, grrrr! All the Hypoestes I’ve grown in pots are waiting to be transplanted. I’ve done some in the easy spots but I want some under the hawthorn tree, which is a kneeling down job and my knee (patella tendonitis according to Bob) ain’t up to it. They will have to sit in their pots a bit longer.

Jenny and Di came over for morning tea at 10.30 and were still here way after lunch. Di used to do card-making and calligraphy classes and had promised to buy me some water-colour pencils and paper and show me how to use them, but she came loaded as well with bags of paper offcuts for me to practice on or use to make cards when (or if) I get more proficient. Her work is just gorgeous and it takes her a full day to make a complex card, but they deserve to be framed. With Di and Luke around I am very lucky to have such artistic friends, not to mention Colleen and Manjula. Jenny was a probation officer and we had a good discussion about Prof. Tony Vinson, the last person in the state or federal government who was serious about prison reform.

I have been searching the net intermittently for months to get the 12th edition of Simpson’s Forensic Medicine but all the usual book haunts had no copies. However this morning I happened to check again about 7 am and bingo! Where does it ship from you ask? Manchester? Los Angeles? Buenos Aires? No,

bloody Leichhardt in inner Sydney. How lucky can you be. I emailed the chap instantly and told him not to sell it till I could sit down and attend to the payment on the computer, which I’ve now happily done. Not much change out of $100 but hopefully worth it.

Why does the government bring down the budget at 7.30 pm and spoil the current affairs programme after the news? Okay it is big news, but I never watch the budget as I spend the whole time screaming at the treasurer of the day for wasting money on so many useless things while not doing the things that are crying out for attention. They are planning to give me $250 cash as a sweetener to vote Liberal in the upcoming election which I wouldn’t do for $2500 and not for $25,000 either, although I’d need to weigh it up for $250,000.

March 30, 2022

Forty-three years ago today my darling twin daughters were born. Happy Birthday to you both!!! Davina is

I have been cultivating Hypoestes and Kirk came just as we were leaving this morning and has transplanted them all into the garden front and back, but all out of the sun as is their want. Finally, and in great damp soil which they will love. We went off to Manly for my haircut and then to Freshwater for a lovely walk along the beach, which was closed for swimming, and lunch on a picnic table overlooking the beach. Sue rang and we had a good long ‘talk with a view’.

But my day has been made by Liberal Senator Concetta Fierravanti-Wells who stood in the Senate and gave a 10 minute character assassination of the ghastly human? being we have as Prime Minister, describing him as ‘an autocrat and a bully with no moral compass’. I can see the copywriters at the Labor Party’s advertising firm, not knowing which insult to pluck from her speech for use in the coming election campaign. It is the most ferocious speech I’ve heard in all the time I’ve followed politics and I can only assume that she is hoping it will add to the chances of her own compatriots overthrowing him before the election.

March 31, 2022

Made a Hummingbird Cake today for the birthday celebration on Saturday, but though I’ve made it a number of times before, it chose today to sink in the middle this time. I’ve turned it over but I think it will eventually sink down that way too. I’m planning to do cream cheese frosting so it may have to be a tad thick in the centre, or perhaps a pool of passionfruit in the middle might work. One thing is guaranteed though, hummingbird always tastes great.

Today was cleaner day but Karen is sick so we are getting Deanne tomorrow. Somehow I am always relieved when they tell me that the cleaner is not coming, I think it is because I am feeling guilty that someone is ‘doing for me’ and asking myself if I shouldn’t be ‘doing for myself’. While they clean certain things I busy myself with doing what they don’t do (a lot), but still the feeling persists.

Reason to smile: ScumMo was roundly booed at Shane Warne’s memorial service, though that fact wasn’t mentioned on the TV news I noted.

April 1, 2022

Deanne was the cleaner again today and she is by far the best we’ve had. She engages in conversation and was happy to sit with us (including Sue who arrived just after her) at the table for morning tea. The bath in ‘John’s bathroom’ never gets used but she was on her hands and knees scouring it anyway. She does the mirrors with metho and newspaper, which I’ve always done too, although she gets them much cleaner. I actually saw her dusting as well, something neither of the others have done. Perhaps I might suggest to Kristy that she’d be good as a companion for John in future when I need to go somewhere as they seem to click.

It was great to see Sue who had a huge programme of things to get through today: Pennant Hills, here, Castle Hill, as well as two stops in Hornsby before the drive back to Killcare, in peak hour no doubt. We went into John’s office to chat when Deanne was vaccing the loungeroom and as a result I forgot that I had a chicken in the oven, part of the food for the party tomorrow, and as a result the honey glaze blackened it in parts. Grrr. She’s such a good stick Sue. When Robert was alive we had a friendship with both and with each of them individually, which was lovely. I miss him.

I read that a restaurant in the city, the Botswana Butchery in Martin Place, is serving a 1.6 kilogram Wagyu Tomahawk steak coated in gold leaf. Also on offer is gold-topped caviar with vodka shots, a heavily gold-coated chocolate dessert and gold-flecked martinis. The meal costs $500 per person. The most shocking thing to me is that the chef himself admits that the gold doesn’t do anything for the flavour, it’s just a mark of luxury to appeal to those with more interest in impressing someone with their wealth than in gastronomy. I would be deeply insulted if someone took me for that meal, not that anyone I know would dream of doing so.

I’ve bought sushi for dinner tonight as I am juggling a few balls and I will be waiting for the look of horror on John’s face when he realises dinner is not hot. Dinner was always hot in 1953 and in John’s view that situation should forever remain. However if he’s deeply unhappy, there’s soup.

April 2, 2022

Very happy little birthday party for the girls today. Dav insisted that everyone do a RAT in the morning which made communications a bit easier (though I’m not silly enough to think it’s a guarantee of safety from the virus). As well as the family, we had Beth, Andre and toddler Elliott as well as Ryan and Terry. Because of Ryan’s health vulnerabilities, they are in almost total lockdown in Blackheath so it was a huge event from their point of view. It has been traditional that Ryan (and for the last 15 or so years Ryan and Terry) comes in the afternoon of Christmas Day and he talked about how much he’s missed that in the last two years. Millie was listening to Ryan with great attention and I overheard just a bit of what he was

telling her, that he was so old that he used to live in a pyramid and wrap bandages around himself for pyjamas. She loves his enthusiasm and was all ears. John was fine with one-on-one communication but was totally nonplussed when there was an all-in robust discussion, which is the norm with Ryan and the three Partridge women all together. He just couldn’t follow the conversation. Five minutes after the cake was cut, the sparklers lit and the birthday song sung he asked: ‘When are we going to sing Happy Birthday?’ We just did, someone called out.

Raina MacIntyre wrote an article for The Saturday Paper yesterday in which she said: “If you do not fill your glass with water from the toilet bowl, then during this pandemic think of the air you breathe in the same way. Be aware that shared indoor air is the greatest risk for transmission, and take simple steps to reduce that risk.” I had wondered if she were lying low because it’s now the accepted wisdom that the pandemic is virtually over apart from mopping up, and so it seems. “For most of this year, I have decided to not comment further on Covid-19. Given the lack of appetite for truth about the pandemic, I have declined all media requests. There seems to be a dogged determination to pretend everything is okay. Anyone who suggests otherwise is shot down in flames.” She remains my go-to person for the right information on the pandemic and it’s sad but understandable that she’s side-lined herself.

April 3, 2022

Breakfast was a hoot today as John asked what he should do if he wakes up and finds me dead. I laughed but he assured me that he was serious, so I suggested an ambulance might be the first call as I doubted his ability to decipher dead from almost dead. But he went on ‘what should I do after they say you are dead?’ Well then you would ring the undertaker after which he grabbed his diary to write down her name and phone number. I reminded him that I want the best sea view in the Gerringong Cemetery and that he shouldn’t worry too much as the girls will be all over it. ‘Yes I suppose they would be’ he said seriously as he noted down some more details. I still managed to enjoy my toast.

Spent the morning making a couple more cards in watercolour and decided that if you can’t bloody draw then you can’t paint either. The watery abstract backgrounds turned out fine, I like that look and am able to achieve it, but adding a couple of fish just pointed to my lack of ability. I’m wondering who of my acquaintances is sufficiently disliked to be sent them. I will think on it.

Well Anglicare has completely lost favour with me. Now we are up to three left phone messages, one email and a comment left in their website complaints box over a period of two weeks, all to no avail. Thank goodness I didn’t opt for them as John’s home care providers, they were the second on my list on the spreadsheet and the only religious one to get in the top three. John was very pleased that two out of three were secular, including the one we chose.

I went to bed early last night, despite having only two glasses of Bolly at the party as I had to drive, bummer about that when someone’s bought good booze. But I was awake at 3 am and decided to just make the time useful so I took the computer into my bedroom and answered some back emails, texts and

Facebook Messengers till 7 am (really 6 am as it was the first night of daylight saving). Felt virtuous when I got up though.

April 4, 2022

Feeling pretty exhausted after a big day. We drove to Jane and Boris, then Jane drove to Woolwich Wharf where we caught a ferry to Circular Quay, then another to Watson’s Bay. I had dosed up on my anti-vertigo tabs and made the journey with no problems at all. Saw four men abseiling down the biggest sail of the Opera House, apparently cleaning the tiles, eek. Had a fishy takeaway lunch from Doyle’s in the park and later did the trip in reverse. Beautiful weather and a top day out.

I have always been taken by Karina Carvalho when she is on the ABC News. I want to pull one of her curls out and watch it spring back, but that’s another story. However in an interview she admitted to NEVER VOTING. She gets her name ticked off but doesn’t write on the ballot paper. ‘I am not political, I don’t care who wins elections’, she announces. I’m sorry but she has done her dash with me. Vetoed, embargoed, outlawed, she will forever annoy the crap out of me when she comes on screen. That is the behaviour of a complete idiot and with her education there is just no excuse.

This morning John’s car keys went missing….again. I refused to spend more than 15 minutes searching and we went out in mine, even though there is a spare. After we got back he found them in a bowl in the back room, covered over with another container, a sauce boat. Why? Who knows, but at least they are found.

April 5, 2022

The NRMA has emailed offering me a $50 Woolworths voucher in exchange for ‘a 45 minute Zoom call with us discussing an upcoming creative campaign’. How silly of them to even ask a know-all if they want to share an opinion, the answer is a no-brainer. Little did they know that I’d spruik opinions for nix, and often do. So now we are just settling on a good day and time for them and for me.

Another hideous pit bull story, this time a young woman in the US who was attacked walking down the street. She came out of a coma to discover that she’d had both arms amputated at the shoulder, had some of her colon removed and may need an operation to remove her oesophagus. The owner of the dogs is up for a possible $15,000 fine which might cover one day of this woman’s medical care. Get rid of all of them, it’s the only way.

Some months ago I made two predictions to a friend: Just before the election was called the government would take up the refugee resettlement offer by New Zealand and closer to the election they would free the Biloela Four to go back to Queensland. Half right, let’s hope the second half follows soon. What cynical bastards they are. While we are on the subject of predictions here’s another: Michael Towke will want to finally get payback for his treatment at the hands of Morrison et al and will do a major interview in the

week/s ahead, perfect timing. Think 60 Minutes, the ABC’s 7.30 or perhaps an in-depth interview in News Review or The Guardian. The $50,000 defamation figure he got from the Murdoch press was just the pre-dinner nibbles, he’ll go all out to eat Morrison and Hawke as the main course.

April 6, 2022

Sewing group day — I can’t think of a more inappropriate group for me but I am getting all of my long-needed mending done, so it works out well. There were only four of us at the group, so I didn’t feel wrong to just be repairing jumpers. On the way I had a very strange experience. I never turn the radio on in the car, I like my whole attention to be on the road, but something told me to turn it on exactly as former Chief Prosecutor Mark Tedeschi began discussing his new book: Missing, Presumed Dead. I had to pull over when he described how the multiple murderer Bruce Burrell chose his victims, including my shop client and friend Kerry Whelan. Kerry was a very social woman who lunched with a group of her friends (many also my customers) at the New Street Cafe opposite my shop every Friday. I could hear their roaring laughter, Kerry’s often at the top, and smiled to myself as I knew that after the wine bottles were empty and her girlfriends had left she would come over to the shop for a chat and a browse, it was her Friday pattern. I got to know her over years as well as her husband Bernie, who was an executive at Crown Forklifts, as he occasionally asked for help to choose a birthday or Christmas gift for Kerry. He was always charming and full of good stories. To a lesser extent I knew their daughter and the horse-person from their property (this wasn’t her title, but I can’t remember now the words that Kerry used to use to describe her). This groom became a big help to police in pinning down Burrell as the probable murderer. Tedeschi’s description of Burrell as a complete narcissist was spot-on and he mused that others he had prosecuted suffered from the same delusions, believing that they were so much cleverer than police that they would never be caught. Of course I must have the book and thought of asking for it for Mother’s Day, but I can see the girls may think of it as a weird choice so I will just order it. Two books in two weeks, that hasn’t happened in years, though I’m still waiting for the Forensic Science text, post is agonising these days.

We had our flu vax yesterday and are booked for the fourth Covid vax next Thursday. It shocked me to read that one in 13 people in the UK had Covid on Monday. Not had had Covid, but have it currently. Shanghai has 13,000 cases among 26 million people and is shut down totally, we have 25,000 cases in NSW alone and all restrictions are off. Go figure.

ABC had a segment on Hillsong and its property interests tonight. It included a Ukrainian couple who were Pentacostal pastors over there and they showed threatening emails from both Brian Houston and George Agharjanian about what would happen if they didn’t hand over property and assets to Hillsong. Old George has come to notice before, he was the dude who some years back wrote a contract on the back of a serviette in a coffee shop, agreeing that Hillsong would pay $10,000 to the survivor of sexual abuse by Houston’s father, of course in exchange for a non-disclosure agreement. In a book I read some time back Old George was named as the person who keeps Brian at arm’s length from dirty business. He must be paid well. I have been to Hillsong twice, the first time was decades ago when they were holding services in

a factory unit in Castle Hill, this to please a friend who is an acolyte. The second was at one of their big conferences at Olympic Park where an old friend from Queensland who is a drummer was playing in their band and staying with me while he was here. On both occasions my skin crawled when Houston appeared, he had con-man tattooed on his forehead in my view. Finally others starting to think the same thing.

April 7, 2022

Eighteen years ago today I was recovering from an attack of vestibular migraine occasioned by my discovery the day before, on the microfiche at the State Library, of my father’s death details and the existence of my brother in Halifax UK. Not long afterwards I jetted over to meet him in Manchester Airport and the rest is history. When we talked last night I didn’t mention the anniversary as he is always a bit stilted when his daughter is there. ‘Oh Maureen! It’s been a while since we spoke’ he greets me, when in fact it was only a week ago (code for my daughter is here and I can’t talk freely?). He never calls me Maureen in our conversations, always darling or our Jean, his usual enthusiasm was certainly absent and he didn’t stay long on the phone. No doubt I will be filled in at an appropriate time. I’m now wondering though if I got sick two weeks ago as a result of everything that’s going on here, as I’d forgotten that an emotional trigger had caused it once before.

On Tuesday last week my friend Di came over for morning tea and left at 3.30 pm. We covered lots of topics but especially her art which is inspiring. She had encouraged me to pursue card-making and brought some paints, pencils and paper which she’d offered to pick up for me from an art supplies shop. Today she contacted me to say she is quite sick and has tested positive to Covid. She wears a mask everywhere, sanitises and buys most things online, so she has no idea where she got it, perhaps she wondered if it were here? I am becoming a bit of a card bore, looking out for plants I can press for collage (whatever happened to my flower press? I’m using newspaper and a pile of books), trying different papers, different painting methods, scrunching watercolour painted paper with cling-wrap and bubble wrap for texture. I made a successful one yesterday from the cardboard lid of a food container. Makes a change from cooking I guess, though the food I cook is almost always edible, however the roast turnip from last night went to the possum as it was so hard and tasteless, but some of these cards are a bit how’s-your-father and may never be sent to anyone.

April 8, 2022

Had a call from a police sergeant at Riverstone with a grovelling apology about their misuse of John’s private details, given in relation to his membership of their next-of-kin programme. The apology was accepted and she assured us that this will never happen again, so he has decided to remain in the programme. The police officer involved will be ‘counselled’ which I am assuming is the equivalent of being given a bollocking, a richly deserved one in fact.

Planned to go to North Richmond today to pick up my papier mache table from John the restorer, but news is that the bridge there is underwater again so that’s off the agenda for a bit. Instead I got out my old

microscope and had a look at some mould growing outside on a plant stand. The movement screws for the stage are not working correctly, I am getting side to side movement but not front to back so I might ask Boris if he knows what’s going on. I had trouble remembering how to set it up initially, even though I worked on a microscope for over 12 years at the university and for 6 years as a student. There are a couple of bits of equipment in the case that I simply can’t work out, what role they play is a mystery. My friend Bronwyn was a pathologist so she might know how to adjust the stage and what the bits are. Then I made a collage card with some nice textured papers, my pressed leaves and flowers will need another week or so to dry before I can use them.

I rang the Hills Community Care people to see what the story is with a day programme for John and they were helpful and will ring back later today. Which gets me back to Anglicare, who still haven’t replied to the 3 phone calls and 2 emails, so I left another bland message without saying who I was, we’ll see if this one works. A bigger problem though is whether I should be sending him at all. What is the point of all the care we take if I am going to send him off on his own with a bunch of olds who may or may not be Covid safe? I won’t be there to remind him about masking etc., it’s a quandary that I haven’t yet sorted out in my mind.

April 9, 2022

So Friday was supposed to be the day that Arvind’s big gum tree was coming down but the team had to attend to a tree of similar size in Hornsby which had fallen and demolished a house. So Saturday was the day, with five men, one huge crane, a wood-chipping machine and two big tip trucks. The two trucks only took the smaller chipped branches so more trucks will come on another day to take the big ones and the trunk. They will also need a bigger crane because of the weight of them, although the crane they had was about 100 feet high and I think it can lift 130 tons. One man abseiled the tree aided by boots with huge spikes and a sling hanging from the crane, all while wearing a chain saw dangling from his belt. I have been dreading the job, I’ve looked at that tree every day for nearly 50 years, but once it started to happen the interest in method and safety kicked in and I was able to watch the team at work. I was amazed at the power of the shredder which took very large branches and made mincemeat of them in seconds. Note to self: good gadget for getting rid of a body if necessary, though you wouldn’t want to be too close to the exit chute. I was told once that the grinder used for making the lion’s food at a western Sydney zoo had been put to that use a couple of times. Last week a minister of our philistine federal government (female, but I just can’t remember who it was) said that ‘trees were meant to be cut down’. Clearly she is not a fan of Thoreau who said ‘Every creature is better alive than dead, both men and moose and pine trees, as life is more beautiful than death. It is the poet who makes the truest use of the pine….who loves it as his own shadow in the air and lets it stand.’ But I chose to defend the friendship with my next-door neighbour rather than to go against him at council about cutting the tree down. I overheard him with the boss man, asking him to grind the stump just on my side so it doesn’t interfere with my new driveway, at an extra cost of $300 on top of the $6000 he’s paying for the cut down. Thoreau wouldn’t approve but I think I made the right decision in the circumstances.

We went to lunch at Bronwyn and Michael’s which is always a treat. Mushroom pasta, salad and garlic bread followed by a delicious apple and blackberry strudel. As usual it was politics for befores, durings and afters, apart from discussion about their poor whippet which has come down with lymphoma and is on chemotherapy for 19 weeks, the very same concoction of drugs that John had for the first rounds of his chemo in the 1980s.

Millie this morning was reported as saying ‘Why has Scott Morrison had a bad week?’ Ha, where do you start answering that one?

April 10, 2022

Currently reading Diagnosis Normal by journalist Emma Jane, who was once known as Emma Tom. She relates a history of child abuse and has had a late diagnosis of autism as well as suffering depression. Her life has been/is chaotic to say the least. In fact so much so that my quite boring one looks a dream in comparison. One thing I did identify with though was her statement that ‘as a tiny person’ she felt ‘profound melancholy and existential dread. I was lonely all the time. Especially when there were people around.’ Her statement that she was always ‘outside the world looking in’ resonated with me completely. She clearly has a brilliant mind, but it is so disorganised and haywire that even reading the book makes me giddy. What it must be like to live in that headspace is pretty scary, she’s had a wild ride by anyone’s metric. Was she an autistic child and then abused or did the abuse trigger the autism, I guess she doesn’t know and it hardly matters at this point. She’s been seeing her current psychologist for 22 years and it seems that is likely to continue.

So this is a weird one I know. The women filmed in reports on Ukraine seem to fall into two categories, older village women and younger extremely stylish and well-dressed ones, presumably from the cities. In the latter, every one I’ve seen has a pristine manicure, even after days or weeks of travelling, living in underground bunkers, whatever. Once you notice it you can’t help looking. I’m not drawing any conclusions here, but it is odd.

We have had the situation since last Tuesday that John’s credit card is missing. I was reluctant to cancel it again, we’ve been there before and it’s a mile of hassle. So this time I just checked every day that there were no spends on it and hoped for the best. This afternoon it turned up, in his wallet. I had repeatedly asked him to check his wallet and each time he did. I am planning to get a second one tomorrow, so when it is missing I have a spare.

April 11, 2022

I can’t win a trick today. Drove out to Dural to stock up on bread for the week and rolls for a picnic at Easter, only to find that the bakery is closed for two weeks due to illness among the staff, Covid I’m guessing. Then Arvind came in to tell me that he confirmed with a photo that I have a number of broken tiles on my roof, something I first saw when watching the tree men on Saturday. Normally they are an easy

fix, but it appears as if it’s right next to the ridgecap and perhaps even including part of the ridgecap, so that makes it a much trickier job. Now a text to the gutter cleaner cum roof tile man refuses to go through. Next I tried to paint two cards on my good watercolour paper (I should know never to paint, ice cakes or try to do anything creative when I’ve already got the shits, it never works). Now I have two unusable ones that I wouldn’t send to my worst enemy and they were done on the best paper. The NRMA emailed me last week to ask if I would take part in a 45 minute Zoom meeting regarding some new initiative they are planning. In return I was to get a $50 Woolworths voucher so I made sure I left the suggested afternoon free for the call to start the meeting on the computer. When no one rang I rang them, only to be told that they had booked out all the spots and I wouldn’t be needed. An email to inform me of that would have been nice so that I didn’t spend hours carrying the frigging phone around. I was going to make a Simnel Cake for Easter today but I’m not at all sure it will turn out considering the rest of the day.

I was thinking again about fingernails and Ukraine, as you do. The only explanation for the perfect nails is that it’s usual there to have fake nails applied, they would then remain perfectly painted regardless of the conditions. The news last night showed where a large group of old people and women and children had been holed up in a cellar by the Russians, cheek to jowl, and had been there in appalling conditions for over a week. It’s beyond belief that someone could command people to do that and I suppose it’s the 20 year olds who are ordered to do it. It puts my shit day into perspective, so I guess I should attempt the cake at least.

The cake turned out fine, so that’s a positive. But the rare book I ordered hasn’t arrived so I emailed the seller and it was sent to my old shop in Windsor, now empty, and has been sitting at the post office there unclaimed for 11 days despite the fact that I told the seller that I now lived in Baulkham Hills. Some days it’s better to stay in bed.

April 12, 2022

I wish I hadn’t watched the news last night, seeing Anthony Albanese stumble over two answers to journalists at his press conference yesterday. It was too, too distressing and depressing. We can’t get this government back, we just can’t.

Then it was 4 Corners investigative report into Australian soldiers’ cruelty and illegality in East Timor when they were over there supposedly keeping the peace. The thought of a 6 foot 8 inch soldier monstering a 5 foot Timorese is just disgusting. Trust the New Zealanders, decent souls that they are, to dob them in. War creates so many more problems than it solves, I think about the 20-year-old Russians in the Ukraine, learning techniques that they’d be ashamed to tell their mothers about. It will affect them their whole lives, not to mention their victims. You can pretty easily teach a person to kill or torture or assault, the trick is getting them to stop, as people in every country have found after a war.

This morning St. Vincent’s rang to say that John had unfortunately been exposed to Covid but I assured her that would have been a month ago and he’s testing negative so no harm done. Then she told me that no,

it was last week, amazingly they informed the wrong John Murray! Today was John’s Nelune day at the hospital, so I met my cousin Angela again in Potts Point. She had planned a walk to Elizabeth Bay, down endless steps and past Elizabeth Bay House and the famous home Boomerang, in its day in 1926 the most expensive house in the country. It traded last year for $80 million. We each had a milkshake at the waterside and enjoyed watching the boats rising and falling on the bay. Angela is a social butterfly and had been to a George Benson concert last night, on her own, followed this morning by a trip to watch the sun rise from 80 odd floors up at the top of the new Crown building at Barangaroo, leaving home at 4.30 am. This week she is also going to the ballet, out to dinner and then a second George Benson concert. Phew, I am exhausted just thinking about it.

Last night and this morning emails were traded think and fast with the rare book dealer over my wrongly delivered book. Luckily he works from home so he is open all hours. At 8 am I was on to Australia Post and discovered that the book was due to be returned to sender today, so I pleaded to hold it till I could get there this afternoon. So after walking miles with Ange I had to drive to Windsor to retrieve it, but it all ended well, though I haven’t had the energy to open it, such was our day.

April 13, 2022

It has taken a while, but the penny only just dropped regarding the 4 Corners programmes on East Timor. The soldier they were trying to mention, nudge nudge, wink wink style was Ben Roberts-Smith. This would explain why the Kiwis have decided to speak out now, seeing his current court case is all over the news and there are similarities in the allegations of torture and unlawful killing. Perhaps everyone recognised this and I was the only slow learner, I don’t know. But the two most obvious pointers are that a 6 foot 8 inch Australian SAS member was responsible (how many of those would there be?) and the comment by one of the investigators along the lines of ‘if something had been done about the crimes in Timor we might not have had the same things happening in Afghanistan’. I decided to check his war record and yep, he was part of the ‘peace-keeping’ intervention at that time. It set me wondering about sociopaths and their choices of employment. I once talked to a psychiatrist working at Cumberland Hospital (no, I was not a patient!) and mentioned a conversation I’d heard on a bus between two men who worked at the old Homebush Abattoirs. I wondered aloud if some people got off on cruelty to animals and he jumped in to say that it was surprising how many patients he saw who worked there, opining that it was lucky for the public that they did, because otherwise they would be looking for victims on the streets. That conversation chilled my marrow and I’ve never forgotten it. It came back instantly in regards to R-S.

Last Christmas the cleaner was due on Christmas Eve and called in sick, she was due to come this Thursday, Easter Eve, and called in sick so my leisurely afternoon plans for the day are out the window while I clean the house. John took the call (they usually ring me). I asked if a new cleaner or a new date had been offered and he thought they had, but he told them not to worry about it and just to come again in two weeks as scheduled. So now I need to do it John, I said, yeah that’s okay he replied. I decided it wasn’t worth countering his decision, he doesn’t get to make too many, so it was best left.

April 14, 2022

Up to the medical centre for our fourth vaccination for Covid, as usual we have had no ill effects although John went for a nap before noon, which is a bit unusual. Pulled a cake out of the freezer and frosted it for tomorrow’s picnic, love it when you get too busy to cook and can just pull something out like a rabbit out of a hat. It is banana cake so I upscaled it with some banana frosting, over the top of the existing walnuts.

A friend has offered a computer and a leaf blower/vacuum gratis so I have put my hand up for them and will pass them on to a refugee organisation or similar. Then another person rang today with handbags, clothes etc so I need to put my thinking cap on for those. I’ve become a St. Vincent’s substitute lately which makes me wonder a bit if the charities are not trusted as much as they once were to find good homes for things. But I’m making sure that everything ends up in a place where it’s really wanted and that’s the main thing.

Last night I started the forensic science book I bought and realised it needed to be read when feeling stable, physically and mentally, not late at night if you’d had a bad day. Some of the situations portrayed are pretty confronting but yesterday I could cope with it without a problem. I wondered why the first few chapters focussed on medical ethics, especially informed consent, somehow I think there would be a long wait for a signature from the patient of a forensic scientist medico. But the legal aspects were of interest to me so I was happy to learn about them.

April 15, 2022

Our picnic with Jane and Boris today morphed into a slightly bigger event when Martha contacted me and I asked her to join us. Fagan Park was buzzing, the top carpark was already full when we arrived and we managed to get a park in the bottom one, but it wouldn’t have mattered as there is parking outside. We scored a table in the shade and enjoyed a picnic lunch and afternoon tea there, going off in turns for walks. The weather was perfect so it was a relaxing day over all. Boris took my microscope home to have a look at it after I asked him about the stage, which moves left to right but not front to back. I have no idea where one goes to get a microscope fixed these days, no sending it off to a technician at the university now.

It looks as if I’m up for money with the plumber as the plughole in my ensuite sink now empties into the drawer below! I can see the problem, the pipe has disconnected itself. I could probably fix it myself just by screwing it back on, but because the drawers of the vanity don’t come right out I can’t get access to it. Bummer, so near and yet so far. Not convinced he will be able to get into it either, but we shall see.

Just finished Ann Patchett’s book Truth and Beauty, about her friendship with Irish American poet Lucy Grealy. Two books in a row about mental illness and depression and reading forensic science in between is a lot to handle. I’m choosing a cheerier one next. Then I texted my lovely baker’s family to wish them a happy easter. Seeing the shop is shut for two weeks due to illness I thought they may have Covid but didn’t ask. That would have made a trifecta amongst my friends at the moment. But no, a reply came back saying

that she’d had to take time off due to her mental health issues and she needs her husband’s support, he of course is the baker so the shop had to close. I know I’m a bit on the edge of crackers sometimes but I always manage to get up in the mornings, however many others are a lot worse off. In fact in the two most recent books I’ve read I was shocked by the depth of the subject’s problems. Lots to be grateful for.

April 16, 2022

I decided to have a go at fixing the leaking, in fact disconnected, drainage pipe in the vanity. If I succeed I’ll donate the plumber’s fee to GetUp as they are doing some great ads for the election and I’ve just done a donation to them this morning. First step was to try to get the drawer out and I’ve managed to do that by undoing a screw at the rear side panel of the drawer. The pipe was totally undone and hanging loose, so I tried just jamming it back in. Now the water doesn’t pour out but it isn’t a good connection so it still drips. Not sure what the next step is? Some sort of tape perhaps? Will think on it, but I might still need the plumber. Then I asked John to help me clear out a shelf in the garage which had a lot of old stuff of his as well as mine. He got quite rattled and asked why we had to do it at all, but I got a washing basket full of empty or near empty bottles (one was a Sapphire Gin bottle with blue liquid in it??) as well as placing various laundry items into the laundry and other cleaning products with their mates. Who knew we had borax and old-fashioned starch powder? So now the shelf is half empty with only another half a dozen shelves to go. John asked me not to get him to help me with those tasks anymore, “let me stick to washing up and pulling the beds up, I just can’t understand what to do” so I can see that the plumbing job was way outside his comfort zone and I am glad I didn’t ask for help there. Once he’d have fixed it in a flash.

Then I treated myself to some time card-making. Well I did one new collage card using the decorative jewelled bits from an old pair of shoes I found on a shelf in the garage. The sole had come off one and I must have been going to fix it years ago, but today I decided to toss them and use the bits for cards. The other two cards I worked on were fails from another day. I redid parts of them but I’m still not happy, so they might be in for a total repaint, we shall see. Or I could send them to two people I dislike perhaps.

Yesterday I commented to Boris that Zali Steggall has won Warringah already due to the now deleted posts on Twitter by Morrison’s hand-picked candidate Katherine Deves. Where do they dig these people up? Surely someone would have done a Twitter and Facebook search before she got the guernsey as a candidate? Nope, either that or else they agree with her unpopular views and hoped no-one had saved the old comments. Not much chance of that these days.

April 17, 2022

Dav, Millie and Louis went walking at Parramatta Lakes then came here for a casual lunch of various rolls followed by cake and hot cross buns. I’d hidden around the garden a few wrapped lollies, some new pyjamas and a plaster statue of a bunny with paints to decorate it for her to discover. They were impressed by the walks at the lake and plan to have a picnic or bbq there for Mother’s Day when Louis’s mum is plann

ing to come down from Queensland as we

ke home as we had eaten a couple of bits, but it was too big for us to eat it all, plus a bunch of hot Thai chilies from my prolific bush. Planted two pots of snow peas this morning with frames for them to climb and decided that was pretty good work for the day. A client once told me to always plant sweet peas and snow peas on Anzac Day but I’m only a week early.

What to say about the book Diagnosis Normal? It is somehow discombobulating to read a book by someone with precarious mental health, it certainly isn’t a relaxing memoir. But I found it educational and it gave me an inkling of what it feels like to be that disordered mentally, in this case her daughter is similarly affected. Hospital admissions, being repeatedly sectioned, literally dozens of psychiatrists over years for PTSD, anxiety, depression and finally a diagnosis of autism on top. But for all of that Emma Jane, aka Emma Tom, writes with candour about many things in a way that we can see her strong points such as a passion for knowledge and an ability to research and find out what she needs to know, whether that is about deleterious drug combinations or the work required to hold her position at a Sydney university. Another case of ‘thank goodness I don’t walk that path’.

April 18, 2022

We attacked some more boxes of John’s and mine today and discovered some favoured rugs of his which are now washed and hanging on the line. Discovered that a big plastic wrapped parcel in the storeroom which I assumed was John’s contained Millie’s bassinet so that’s off to charity hopefully. A couple of ergonomic stools that we used to use at our computers will go likewise. I have been offered a PC for giving away and have been on the hunt for a mouse and keyboard, both now found from different people, so I’ve sent off some emails trying to source a monitor. I have a taker for the PC, just want to make it as complete as possible then it can go to its new home.

I am trying not to be cynical about the young lady who allegedly had acid thrown at her outside a restaurant in Chinatown a few days ago. She was filming on TikTok when it happened and continued filming in the aftermath, as you do. Then filmed herself in hospital where she had a patch over her left eye but I see in the press today the patch has moved to the right. Perhaps it’s just me…..but it smells sus.

Arvind tells me that they wanted to go away to a hotel in Terrigal for Easter with his wife and two adult sons but the bill would have been $7000. Davina told us yesterday that she was planning to go to Canberra for the June long weekend but two nights in the hotel she looked at came to $2000. What are the working class supposed to do for a holiday? Pitch a tent I guess.

Carrick Ryan, a political commentator I sometimes follow, said last November that Morrison was ‘waiting for a culture war’ and would try to wedge Labor in the election campaign using ‘the issues of Australia Day, or kneeling at sport or a trans issue’. It looks like he was right about the last one at least. Climate change action? No, too busy worrying about unisex toilets so we can’t deal with it.

April 19, 2022

I opened a floodgate asking for a monitor to hook up with a donated computer, so far I have been offered three and a $100 donation to buy one if needed. A trip to Sans Souci and Chatswood may be on the cards or else I might be able to meet both people at a central point, then deliver the total to Cherrybrook. I sent off emails early this morning hoping to achieve this in the coming days. Now I need to start looking for a home for the leaf blower and the heater and the toys and…. As quickly as I empty my storeroom it fills up again with goods in transit. Later: Why do I get myself into these things? It’s like herding cats. Now the keyboard person says she doesn’t think she’s got one after all and the computer person wants to take all the parts home to his place in Sans Souci to test that they are compatible before the donation goes ahead. So there’s two trips to him instead of one, delivering the bits then picking up when they’ve been tested. Tentatively arranged to deliver them to him Thursday, subject to sorting out the keyboard issue. Note to self: Restrict yourself to collecting things for charity that come intact. But then I got two lovely emails from Helen thanking me in advance for the computer and hoping to take me up on the lounges if a particular family succeeds in getting a rental. Mmm, maybe it is worth it after all.

Feeling toey after so many texts, emails and calls today so I sat down and did a few cards this afternoon. One was for a particular person, Antonia in Melbourne, an eBay contact who sent me a little bottle of schnapps in the mail recently. I glued on a picture of a cup of tea, then drew a cup of tea and attached some teabag labels to them. Sounds tacky and probably was, but she will like it. Another was made of some dried leaves and flowers with ‘shadow’ leaves cut out of card and glued into the design. Happy with that one too. Makes a change from two I did last week that I had to overpaint several times.

April 20, 2022

Went to Jane’s for sewing group as Colleen is still recovering from Covid. I had a skirt to repair so it motivates me to look out things that have been sitting around waiting for a fix. I didn’t stay for lunch as I needed to get back for John. After lunch we did a trip to Parramatta Lakes and I was pleasantly surprised at how different it looked after decades of being away. We decided to pack a picnic on a cooler day and do the two hour circumnavigation of the lake. The dam built in the late 1800s as the drinking water source for Parramatta but hasn’t been used for that purpose since 1909. All the time we were there the police helicopter was circling noisily overhead and a police car drove through, so something was going down. I worked out that I was last there in about 1978. John of course swears we were there recently, as he does with each new place we go.

Apparently more than twice the number of people have died from Covid in Australia this year than in the entire history of the pandemic, 4,547 so far in less than four months. The politicians are all saying that the pandemic is over but nobody told the virus. It is there in front of us every day, we all have positive friends, but the powers that be blithely declare it’s not happening. Perhaps when one of their relatives dies there will be a return to mask mandates but I doubt it.

I was surprised when I was browsing the fish at Baulkham Hills (but didn’t buy because I am sus about that shop lately) to see behind the counter someone who often came into my shop. He had a fish and chip

shop in South Windsor and apparently sold it in 21019. I hoped to get away unrecognised but he picked me instantly despite the mask. He commented that his wife every day wears a ring he bought from me and it is always commented on. When he asked if I had any rings left, I wasn’t quick enough to evade the question, he would have picked an evasion anyway, so I told the truth that I had a few. He asked if he could come on Anzac Day and look at them, to which I reluctantly agreed. However he was one of my least favoured customers and now I really regret having any more to do with him. One of the good things about not having the shop any more is not having to see the 4 or 5 people I had come to dislike over the 27 years, all pushy and overbearing people of various sorts. Sigh.

April 21, 2022

I think my reluctance yesterday to say no to the man about the jewellery was partly due to an ethnic difference, I didn’t want him to think he was being discriminated against for race, rather than just being an annoying person.

Today we met up with Greg and handed over all the computer bits. He in turn filled my station waggon with stuff he wants rid of, ranging from sporting clothes, a cricket bat, various racquets, softballs and mitts as well as kitchen equipment and a heater. I’ve sent a list of 21 items to Helen, excluding many items I know she won’t want, and will need to find homes for what she rejects. We had a walk round Eden Gardens Nursery then a drink each and one scone to share from their cafe. As in the past they charge like the Light Brigade, the single scone was over $10!! I should never patronise the place so it’s my own fault, although it is always full of people having lunch and the food’s not even good. When we came home the tree men weren’t far behind us to finish cutting the trunk and getting rid of all the huge branches. John had been asking ‘what’s for lunch, I’m hungry’ so I did an avocado and crackers but can’t get him to come in, he’s on Arvind’s verandah watching the men work and it’s much too enthralling.

We were supposed to go to the council’s Social Day Centre for a tour today but John’s decided he doesn’t want to go there after all. In some respects I’m relieved, the way Covid is going, but in another way I would be so glad of that couple of hours to myself occasionally. I need some new bras and every time I put an old one on I think of going to to the shops for some new ones, but even if I’m ducking up to the chemist or the fruit shop John doesn’t like me to leave him here, he prefers to sit in the car and wait. However I’m reluctant to leave him in the car to do something that might take a little while.

I was talking to Jenny and said that I am getting more and more anxious about minding Millie this weekend. During the day it’s sort of okay, but nights are spent thinking of boiling jugs, tablets left lying around, speeding cars on a walk. I will be glad when it’s done, which is terrible as it should be all about joy. However Jenny, who also suffers from anxiety, said she is exactly the same, dreaming of incidents like the pram rolling down a slope into the pool. It was kind of comforting that it’s not just me. If I book an airline ticket I dream every night of the plane flying between two sheer cliffs, wingtips right up to the edges and it seems to go on for hours, this can last for months which is why I hate to book a flight well in advance. She’s had therapy, which didn’t help, and that made me feel better about never having had any.

April 22, 2022

Enjoyed a trip out to Warrah Farm at Dural this morning with Carol. Superb range of high-quality fruits and vegetables on display but at eye-watering prices. We had morning tea at Dolcettini on the way home and a good time was had by all.

Thinking a lot about Morrison and his innate craftiness and basic dishonesty. He knew full well Katherine Deves’ views, in fact that is why he chose her. Good to stir up a debate that takes the focus off his government. Then there are his comments on the disabled, classic prosperity gospel, if you have a disabled child then you must deserve one. My friend Chrys says in an email: “I understand this aspect of Pentecostalism from bitter experience. When a member of my family began experiencing worrying symptoms, they were referred by their church to a church-approved Pentecostal psychologist. The verdict, after much probing into the piety of my relative, was that the symptoms were a punishment for the fact one of our ancestors was a Grand Master of the Freemasons. Ardent prayer was prescribed. (In fact, as it turned out, my relative had a malignant tumour.)” I have heard it said by people in Hillsong that if you don’t tithe your 10% then you will suffer financially and if you do, your income will improve. There is a belief that disease and disability are either self-inflicted or the result of some kind of ancestral sin and this is causing havoc in African countries that have been effectively colonised by evangelical Christians of the Pentecostal variety. In a paper on Pentecostalism Luke Thompson from the University of South Florida explained how Pentecostals think about sickness and disability: “Well established within Pentecostal theology is the belief that the presence of suffering (sickness or debilitating conditions) may indicate personal sin, symbolize unholiness, or result from demonic influence.” In Western Australia an inquiry is ongoing into the Esther Foundation, who run a home for young women suffering from eating disorders, addiction, mental health problems. Their form of medical treatment would be all-night prayer meetings, talk of demon possession, exorcisms, no qualified staff were employed, yet the money still flowed in from this government. Given $4.6 million recently by Scott Morrison, it has been accused of being a cult and it is run by his mates the Pentecostals, surprise surprise.

April 23, 2022

Minding Millie for the weekend so we started off with a walk to her school. Sadly part of a weatherboard building had such dry rot that you can literally see right through the wall. Someone had inexpertly screwed the boards together but it must have taken years to get that bad, which makes me hopping mad when I see the luxury that is private schools. I could climb into that school in 10 minutes, not even that, with just a crowbar. I read recently that public schools got about $3600 per pupil last year from the government and private schools almost $10,000 on top of parent contributions so we have theatres and swimming pools versus see-through walls. The Finns have the right idea, not allowing private schools at all. One of my first jobs when I become PM is to rectify that, after action on climate change, an integrity commission, banning live animal exports, yep perhaps put the schools fourth. Maybe the nursing homes have to go high in to-do that list, so it’s a toss-up for fourth. We had a spot of lunch outside at Foodcraft because Millie always wants to say hello to the owner, Christian. She call the cafe Christian’s. I said she could order anything

(what are grandparents for?) so she settled on chips, bacon and tomato sauce, not on the menu but happily provided. We shared Zucchini and Corn Fritters with Avocado and a Poached Egg. I cut it horizontally to share and John said ‘but then you don’t get any of the white stuff on top’ which turned out to be the egg. I was perfectly happy with no egg but I wondered what on earth he thought the ‘white stuff’ was.

Last time we were there I couldn’t work the TV properly and gave up, so this time Louis tutored me but when we sat down to watch the news I couldn’t for the life of me work out how to get any volume so we watched nothing in the end. I was happy to finish my book Son of Sin by Omar Sakr, fiction but based on his life. I wasn’t keen initially, because there were so many family members and I couldn’t fathom who was related to whom, but as it went on I became more involved in this story of a gay Muslim man in western Sydney and his trials to be accepted within his culture and particularly his family. There were many Arabic words that I had never come across before and he doesn’t spoon feed us, if you want to understand you Google as you go along. It covered the period of the Cronulla riots and the gay marriage plebiscite with references to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I think at the end of it I had a slightly better understanding of the Lebanese Muslim community and their thinking, so it was certainly a worthwhile read. One passage which I found illuminating was this: “Unlike their parents who had been dragged to the other side of the world, Jamal’s generation rarely left the area, let alone the country. None of them had been further than Queensland. They got married and moved into houses as close to their mothers as possible, making clusters of convenience and closeness. Jamal sometimes wondered if a map of Lebanon’s villages before the war would match where families had ended up in Sydney, as if they had unconsciously replicated a way of being that no longer existed.” It isn’t hard to believe that the author is primarily a poet, his telling of the story is hard, actually quite brutal, as well as showing us the vulnerability of a sensitive young man living in poverty in a society rent by racism, Islamophobia and homophobia. Special.

April 24, 2022

During a terrible night I checked the clock wide-eyed at 1.47 and 4.30 and finally got to sleep a couple of hours before Millie came in. I know it’s anxiety but I don’t have a ready cure and don’t want to go down the medication route. After breakfast I suggested a walk but Millie was resistant so we did some Lego instead, though she eventually saw that the walk wasn’t going to be optional. We went to Sydney Park and it was crowded, seemingly two dogs for every walker, though I did see a cat cuddled close to an owner’s chest. We played a game of guessing the airline of oncoming planes, the park overlooks the airport a few kilometres away, and Millie has mastered telling Jetstar from Qantas, then asking ‘why does it matter grandma?’ which is a good point. She was so happy when Dav and Louis came home, fresh from an overnight stay at the new Kimpton Hotel in the city. Last night at dinner Luke Mangan, who is chef at the restaurant there, came over to ask how the food was. Louis thought he was the waiter and was about to ask for the bill, but luckily caught the vibe that he was somewhat higher on the ladder than that and was relieved that he avoided the embarrassment. They rated both the hotel and the restaurant as excellent so that’s something to file away in case an opportunity arises. They arrived home with books and games for Millie and Haigh’s Chocolates for us both. All in all the visit was a successful one and no disaster came to pass, though driving home so exhausted wasn’t fun, but I managed not to hit anyone.

Home sweet home, where we know how to work the TV, can find where things are kept and can relax without angst about failing at grandparental duties.

April 25, 2022

Last night Peter and Dawn from Canberra rang to say that they will be in Sydney for a day or two this week. They wanted to come for dinner tomorrow night which was problematic as I will be at the hospital all afternoon, but they can come Wednesday for lunch so that’s even better. For some (stupid) reason I worried all night about what to serve/when I could get to the shops/anything else remotely connected. Then got up this morning to a fully developed plan to serve trout, asparagus and a beetroot, rocket and pomegranate salad followed by a self-saucing walnut caramel pudding. Did I think it through? Not really, it was fairly obvious once I gave it five minutes consideration, but during the night it seemed more than I could possibly cope with. Such is my state of mind at the moment.

Did a bit of weeding out the front and replanted the grass I pulled out of the garden into the trench dug across the grass verge by the wheels of the arborist’s truck. Then Arvind saw what I was doing and came out with a sack of soil to fill in the depression so we did it together. I said we needed some light rain to water it in and he said I was lucky that Monday is his prayer day, so he had spoken to the boss this morning. From memory Monday is the Hindu day for praying to Lord Shiva and I think it is also the day of the week that the family fasts. My neighbour on the other side was filling his truck with a mountain of bottles, presumably going to a recycling centre, and I marvelled at how many years it would take us to accumulate such a pile. Luckily we don’t have either soft drink or beer but clearly they make it up to the manufacturers for our lack of each. They are off to the club after doing that job and I thought about how much I like living between such opposite but equally warm-hearted neighbours.

April 26, 2022

John last night: Have you booked the Uber? Me: Excuse me, what Uber? John: The one to take you to the hospital tomorrow. I have never booked an Uber in my life and neither has he, in fact a couple of hours previously we had discussed which car to take, mine or his, and decided on his as it’s smaller and easier to park in the inner city. Sometimes it’s hard to work out where these ideas come from, perhaps he’s seen something about Uber on TV, but it does worry me that when I’m not here, like today when a carer is coming, he could inadvertently lead the person up the garden path about what’s going on without their knowing. I have to trust that she will keep him safe, but I will be glad when I’m home tonight and know it’s all gone well.

My laundry, under the house and open to the weather, has had water on the floor for weeks, or maybe months. In persistent wet weather some water can leach through the back wall, but it drains out of the open doorway into the garden so it doesn’t matter. Lately I’ve been commenting to John that it seems too much water for the weather but he disagreed, until yesterday when I finally pulled out the washing machine and found there is a leak coming from the cold water inlet pipe to the hot water system. I tried to tighten the

bolt but it seemed very secure already so I am afraid that there’s a leak inside the tank, in other words it’s stuffed. I can’t complain if that’s the case, I think the last tank I bought was about 20 years ago. Anyway the plumber is coming on Saturday so we’ll find out then.

Glad to have that hospital appointment over with for another 6 months, I am getting really fond of the same two doctors and one nurse that I see each time. Very professional, yet with a real human touch as well. I don’t even mind the male nurse calling me ‘lovey’.

Later: John arrived home with the carer 5 minutes after I got back from the city. He’d had a lovely time, enjoying their picnic together, going for a walk with her and using every last minute out. He wants to get Libby again if I need to leave him. Success. (She later rang to say that he’d had a phone call from the chemist while they were out to say that the prescription he’d been promised for delivery today wasn’t yet ready. John had just finished telling me that he couldn’t understand why it didn’t arrive, so without her call I would have had to investigate tomorrow).

April 27, 2022

I have been processing a comment by the docs from yesterday: ‘It’s looking as if the surgeon got it all, we’re not seeing any sign of cancer’. After the surgery in 2020 I was given the option of doing no more or having both radiation and chemotherapy at the same time for six weeks. When I opted for no further treatment the surgeon said that he thought I was making the right decision, banking on the fact that he had got it all. Yesterday was the first time they’ve been willing to say that it looks as if he was right.

I have been fielding calls all day from Kristy at the home care service, Vanessa at the Orange Blossom Cottage social day service for dementia sufferers and Belinda at ACAT. Some good news, some not so good. Kristy has managed to negotiate a deal with ACAT which means that instead of paying $30.90 an hour for John to go to the cottage, they will fund him to go for $20 per day, a huge difference. Tick. So I arranged for John to go there for morning tea next week to get to know the staff, with a view to his going there from 9.30 to 2.30 every Wednesday. Tick. Then ACAT rang and said he’s been refused the possibility of a higher package because he hasn’t spent all of the money accrued in his old one. I thought I was doing the right thing and being frugal with the government’s money, keeping it saved up for a rainy day, but apparently that’s not how the system works. You have to show that you are not managing on the current package before you can get a higher one, so I shot myself in the foot there. Cross, but two out of three ain’t bad. So apparently I now need to engage a carer regularly in order to dissipate the balance and then apply again. It’s a bit of a nightmare negotiating the system.

Dawn and Peter from Canberra came for the day and we loved having them here, despite the number of interrupting phone calls. Served Panfried Trout with salads and a Caramel and Almond Self-Saucing Pudding for afters. The bloody thing boiled over in my clean over, but it was delicious so I forgive it. I look forward to going to Canberra to see them at some time, though the thought of all the driving puts me off.

April 28, 2022

Position Vacant: Administrative Assistant. Duties include endless emails and phone calls to and from Home Care Provider, Dementia Day Care facility and ACAT. Pay nil.

Hopefully I may get an assistant from the above as it seems that since last week I have been constantly on the phone trying to get John a higher package, failing, then trying to make the best use of the package he does have. End result: We have an appointment to go for morning tea at Orange Blossom Cottage, a dementia day care facility, next Thursday and if we like it John is pencilled in to go there every Friday from then on. (Can I see some days at the Coroner’s Court beckoning? It’s been sooo long). Then from next Wednesday a carer named Greg is coming in the morning to take John out somewhere. His favourite girl Libby is the favourite of many others as well apparently and unavailable, so we are trying Greg out for size. At least I feel we are getting somewhere now and hopefully we can apply to ACAT again in three months and we’ll see what they say then about more assistance.

I’ve been painting cards again today with limited success but I did try to do one inspired by the bushfires at Mallacoota seen from the sea and I am reasonably happy with the clouds and fire on that one. I so wish I could get better at painting but I don’t think that will happen without lessons of some sort, and probably not even then.

Thinking about the Ukraine situation and I just hate the ‘all Ukrainians are martyrs and all Russians are bastards’ narrative. As in all wars the politicians make the decisions. But we always denigrate the man and woman on the street when they have little agency.

April 29, 2022

Today we had a small book group at Jane’s and Boris took John with him to Petersham to pick up a new coffee machine while we had our meeting. They got back just as we were about to have a cup of tea and attack Jane’s pavlova and other excellent treats. Brigitte brought up Ukraine and asked Boris his opinion, which is that the country is basically in a civil war between right and left factions and that elections there are usually divided 51% to 49% between Russian-leaning and West-leaning politicians. He says the Russians are correct in saying that there is a significant extreme right part of the population and has been since WWII. His people are from Kyiv and he has relatives on both sides of the border. He says there are a lot of refugees crossing the border into Russia according to his people there. It is a very different view to what we hear on the news.

I had a sale on eBay for 48 antique crystals and amazingly they are to be delivered to the 17th floor of the same building in Norwest where Michelle’s relatives are staying on the 19th floor, so she offered to drop them into their mailbox tomorrow. I’ve just spent some time searching, but although I can find every other item up for sale, the crystals are not there. I just don’t know where else to look so maybe I will have to contact the buyer and return the money, after which she will be entitled to leave negative feedback.

John got an email invitation to an art exhibition in Balmain and the paintings look really interesting. I asked who the person is but he can’t remember him, though the man’s number is in his phone, so it is a genuine contact. We might mosey down there next week and have a look, he might recognise him in person.

April 30, 2022

Just finished letter-boxing some of Cross St for the Greens but we ran out of leaflets, they didn’t leave us enough, I guess they are expensive to print. I have just emailed them for some more and we’ll see what happens.

The plumber came and, as expected, told me that the hot water service is kaput as the tank is leaking. He will order one on Monday and fit it on Tuesday, you can’t ask for more than that. Apparently Reece Plumbing has their own brand made by Rheem, exactly the same and made in their Rydalmere factory but somewhat cheaper, so I will go with that. It will be a handful of coins under $2000 all told which was pretty much what I expected. I guessed that the current one was 15 years old and he found a date on it which showed it is 16 years, about par for the course. This is my third in 45 or so years so I can’t complain really. One bonus was that I showed him the repair I did on the pipe under the vanity which had been leaking and he volunteered to make it more secure, even though it hadn’t leaked since I fixed it, so that saves a callout if my repair didn’t last. He’s a good chap.

After being told on Tuesday that tests showed I was cancer free, on Thursday I noticed what looks to my untrained eye like a melanoma. I couldn’t get an appointment with Bob till Wednesday but he said he’ll try to fit me in on Monday if he can. Rats, it’s one thing after another here. I am not going to tell John as he always worries about having to go into respite if I got sick and he will forget about the details anyway so I just won’t go there till I have something definite to say. He totally forgot why I was going to the hospital last week so I didn’t even bother mentioning the good news, he was just happy for me to be home. My receding anxiety levels just went up more than a notch. Something goodly but mind-numbing like letter-boxing is appropriate medicine at the moment.

May 1, 2022

Mmm, I didn’t even know it was May Day till I started typing this. A few weeks ago we took the papier-mache inlaid occasional table to my friend and restorer John Koster as it was splitting at the edges. I had already treated it for borer in the legs, but today we finally picked it up and he had re-treated the borer just in case, repaired the edges and re-blackened the legs, stretcher and underside. He only knows one way to do things, the right way. We were due to pick it up earlier but the flood prevented us from crossing the river. Seeing we had to go up that way we spent some time at Kurrajong where we had a bite of lunch in the courtyard of Schembrae’s restaurant, run by a Maltese family and with some unusual dishes on the menu. John had Imqarat which turned out to be Maltese pastry triangles filled with a date paste and served hot. I got some jams and chutneys from a stall, some for John K. and also for Michelle C. who has been on

the sick list since Friday. Perhaps it was food poisoning from a restaurant meal she had Friday night but it could just be a virus, hard to tell. Dropped in to briefly visit her on the way home.

An Australian Defence Force review of our participation in the war in Afghanistan has found that the overall strategy in the conflict, driven by the US, was “confused and kept changing” and “a naive Western aspiration for Afghanistan” with a failure to consider “local history, culture, politics and capacity” led to “overly ambitious and unsustainable national and military strategic objectives”. Well the rest of the country were on top of this years ago, it has taken the Defence Force a long time to admit that our troops (and countless Afghans) died for no real purpose. Unfortunately the government is still in denial on this point and will be only too willing to jump the next time we are asked to join some pointless war.

The election is getting interesting as far as the independents go, four Liberal seats are under threat from good independent female candidates. I am wondering whether to throw a vote towards Jane Caro in the Senate, an eminently sensible candidate but I need to look at the ballot paper carefully and see where the Greens have put her.

May 2, 2022

Bob called me in early and initially said I was right to come as the lesion looked nasty, however on further investigation with his illuminated magnifier he was happy to diagnose a haemangioma which is a nothing basically. One less thing to agonise over. We commiserated with each other about the ridiculous worries we both have in the middle of the night and joked that we should email each other at 3 am when that happens. It wasn’t the fear of surgery or treatment that got to me so much as the fear of having John looked after while I attended to it. This morning he rang the pharmacist to order his prescriptions, which was fine except he already did that on Saturday and we picked them up yesterday. I told him just to treat them as spares because by the time I realised what he’d done they were probably already dispensed.

I have had another spot of luck today because the missing crystals finally turned up in a place they should never have been, my fault entirely. The buyer has been very disappointed and urged me to keep looking for them, so I am going to deliver the parcel to her in person at Norwest this afternoon. Phew!

I am so looking forward to seeing the new ABC four-part programme The Family Court Murders beginning next week. I distinctly remember them happening and went to part of the trial of the man convicted of executing Family Court Judge David Opas, the attack on his associate Judge Richard Gee and the murder of Pearl Watson, wife of a judge who had taken over the cases of the other two. Add to that the bombing of the Family Court in Parramatta, the attempted murder of a Family Court solicitor and the bombing resulting in the murder of a Jehovah’s Witness minister and injury to 13 of his congregation. The thing that astonishes me still is how Leonard Warwick got away with it for so long, but having seen him defending himself in court I realised that he is nothing if not clever. He was acquitted of also murdering his brother-in-law but it was highly likely tha

at he did, however it didn’t quite reach the standard of proo

, I went to the 17th floor of a new building at Norwest to deliver, rather than delaying their receipt further by unreliable post. I knocked on her door and open sesame , it unlatched itself. A call came from deep in the unit “Is that you Maureen? Please come in, I’m disabled”. In I went and eventually came to a large room with a hospital bed containing a bright-faced lady who introduced herself as Bronwyn. She had bought the crystals to make a hanging to go on a window which gets sun the whole day, the unit faces north-west. I realised then what a disaster it would have been if I hadn’t found them. We chatted and she told me that carers come to her a number of times a day and to my great surprise I learned that she uses the same service as John. She positively raved about her carers and their service in general. Apparently she was forced into a tiny nursing home room for three years but now absolutely loves the large and well-designed disability unit she rents in this building. When I got home I discovered that one lonely crystal of the 43 was sitting on the kitchen bench, perhaps willing me to go back to visit.

May 3, 2022

So John’s ex-neighbour Scott White has finally been sentenced for the 1988 murder of American PhD student Scott Johnson. His sentence of 12 years takes into account his youth at the time, his low IQ and his guilty plea. My question goes to his ex-wife who came forward to testify against him only after the $2 million reward was announced. The whole thing is sickening, but dobbing someone in after all those years, only when a large reward is offered, is not exactly free of suspicion either. No winners in this sorry saga.

This morning we were to meet our friend who is putting together and testing the computer going to a refugee family. We were to meet at a park in Ryde but when I texted him from there to say where we were sitting it emerged that he was inadvertently expecting to meet tomorrow, so that meant I had to cancel the delivery for this afternoon too. Hopefully we will get it happening on Friday, this whole thing seems to have gone on for weeks, in fact it has.

The papers are lit up with SHOCK INTEREST RATE RISE!!! when every commentator has forecast it for weeks. I am very lucky that it doesn’t affect me, but it will certainly hurt those who accepted more loan money from their bank than they could easily pay back. Such a tempting thing for those who’ve never seen a recession, but so many want to start with a big, new, expensive house without considering a future lack of employment or a rise in interest rates. The renters are even worse off again now that so many have fled to the regions to take advantage of working from home, so now those pockets of housing for the less well off have dried up.

Yesterday when I met the lady while delivering the crystals I asked if there is anything else that she is looking for and she mentioned wanting a small leadlight to put against a window to shine colours on to the walls. Her crystal hanging will be designed to ‘throw rainbows onto the walls’ and she has the perfect situation for that so high up with all day sun. I have two small leadlights here so I’ve sent pictures of one and if she likes it I am happy for her to have it. My other eBay ‘friend’ in Melbourne texted today to ask if

‘the postman has delivered anything to you? Hick hick’ so it appears she’s sent me a gift of some sort of alcohol, following a previous little bottle of schnapps. Funny how connections with people happen.

May 4, 2022

Packed a picnic for John and his new carer Greg, who turned out to be a very personable older man and came replete with ideas for their four hours out. He suggested the picnic area on the Parramatta River and John was happy with that, next week he’s going to take him to Geranium Cottage for lunch so it seems that I won’t have to scratch my head for suggestions. Perhaps I need a carer to take me out for lunch once a week, a young handsome one perhaps, haha. When John was first assessed for care the person asked if I had put my name down for a package too and I was quite insulted, but if going to a restaurant each week is part of the deal I may have to rethink. Of course the food cost is not included but still….it sounds good to me. I went off to Colleen’s and rather than sewing I did some cutting out of paper leaves to paint for my cards, planning to intersperse them with real pressed leaves. Unfortunately I had to come home before lunch because an email alerted me to the fact that a food delivery was waiting on my front porch and it had frozen stuff in it, the one time a delivery comes early. (Note to self: avoid every second Wednesday for deliveries). I decided to use the extra time to make some Lemon Squares for a picnic on Saturday with Dav and family and had only just started that when Greg and John returned with positive things to say about their morning. I’m so glad that seem to hit it off, although John didn’t have a clue what they had talked about, no matter.

The puzzle of the bird bath continues: A few days ago I went out to find the top of my bird bath had detached, despite having been full of water with a heavy stone in the centre. I asked my garden helper to bring some two-pack glue to fix it (using the microphone on the phone the message read Tupac Glue, which is hilarious). He had Liquid Nails which he assured me would be just as good and he fixed it last Monday. This morning the top was lying in the garden. I had wondered if someone was trying to steal it, but surely they would have managed to take it the second time? Now I am wondering if it’s next door’s cat who often hops up and drinks out of it. Clearly this glue isn’t up to the job so I’ll do it myself with some Tupac.

It is 3.27pm and I missed lunch altogether, breakfast was at 7am and that seems a looong time ago. Perhaps a handful of cashews will see me till dinner, or perhaps I need to check if the lemon slices are up to scratch….I’d hate to serve them without testing.

May 5, 2022

A full day today beginning with a booked visit to Orange Blossom Cottage for morning tea (mug of hot tea and a much better than average blueberry muffin). John was quite impressed with the place, which looks like a very dour rectangular box from the outside but is light and bright inside from big windows to the rear, overlooking an oval. The staff were very welcoming and he will start there next Thursday, which just happens to be the very first time they’ve organised a bus trip in the two years since Covid started. These

will happen every three months or so, but it may be a jolly introduction to the other participants. I had to smother a laugh as we left and John said with no obvious grounds: “I think they need a bit of brightening up, but I don’t know what I’ll talk to them about as they all look very working class”. Reverting to his Mosman roots.

When we were there I got a call from my good friend Mary from New Zealand who is in Sydney with her husband, staying at the Hilton. She sent an email last week to set up a meeting for the four of us but unfortunately it went to junk so we didn’t get to do that before they leave, however she jumped onto a bus and came here for a hastily put together lunch. I was lucky enough to have some goat cheese and caramelised onion tarts in the freezer, plus I had the ingredients for a new potato salad and a rocket and beetroot one, and a cheese and fruit platter, all of which managed to be completed while she was on the bus. I do miss them both and wish we were geographically closer as I can talk to her about matters both serious and trivial. She told us of her husband’s daughter suggesting that they go out for dinner and as soon as the wine was poured asking “Who is the beneficiary of your estate dad?”. David was taken aback but when he went to the loo Mary replied “We are each other’s sole beneficiary, but if you want to put your name on anything in particular I’ll make sure it comes to you when I die”. It must be considered normal behaviour to do this as we’ve heard so many reports of it and experienced it in relation to John. Thankfully my daughters would consider it infra dig to even ask.

May 6, 2022

Our weeks seem to be getting busier and busier. This week we had appointments of one sort or another from Monday through to Saturday and next week from Tuesday to Friday. I am hankering to get back to card making but I guess it will happen. Today we met Greg and had lunch with him at an outdoor cafe, with a nice sunny setting but very ordinary food, to exchange the finished computer from his car to mine and then we delivered it to Helen. It has proved a bit of an epic but now it is done and we got rid of all the other things she chose from my storeroom at the same time. Helen tells me the recipient is an Afghan family with four kids who have finally managed to get a rental at Blacktown on their twelfth application. He is a doctor, a communicable diseases specialist who set up the first AIDS clinic in Afghanistan, not something highly thought of by the Taliban I’m assuming.

Decided on how to spend my $250 bribe from the government for their vote in the upcoming election (purportedly a cost of living supplement for pensioners which just happened to arrive three weeks before the vote). I am dividing it between GetUp and The Centre for Public Integrity and the best part is that I intend to send the receipts to my local Liberal member Alex Hawke with a thankyou note.

Reading more about the wife of Scott White dobbing him in for the reward, she says she sent her concerns anonymously to the task force investigating the murder (of course it would be pretty easy for them to trace her) but that being the case I don’t criticise her actions at all. However the fact that it needs a reward for any case in order to urge people to come forward with information on serious crimes is pretty disheartening. Another case involving a reward is that of Amber Haigh who went missing in 2002 and a couple have been charged with her murder after a new witness came forward via Crime Stoppers, just a

week after a $1 million reward for information on the case was announced. The police apparently have very incriminating phone intercepts and allege they captured the couple discussing getting rid of her body. How after 20 years they have been able to access these phone calls is a mystery which will no doubt be revealed in due course.

May 7, 2022

After promising myself not to get dragged down into melancholy I slipped this morning after our Mother’s Day picnic was cancelled due to Millie waking up with a cold and Davina worrying about her sneezing around John when there is Covid at the school every few days. It had been planned for weeks and Louis’s mum Sue was down from Queensland too. I’m finding it very hard to work out acceptable risks for John now that he can’t navigate that for himself. Perhaps I am generally too conservative, I don’t know, but I would have risked it today seeing it was an outdoor event. Next I got a reply from the friendly plumber, to whom I had complained last night about the water not being hot enough. Apparently he was forced by law to put a temperature limiting device in the new heater which sets the maximum at 50 degrees C. When I ran a bath last night at the usual setting of both taps on full it was way too cool so I topped it up with straight hot water but it got to the top and was still not as hot as I’d like it. It shits me that I’ve spend two grand for water so much cooler than what I had last week. Apparently it is to avoid the extremely rare event of a thermostat failure which could bring the water to 99 degrees. I’ve never hear of it happening and neither has he. I replied that I want it removed (it cost $123 plus labour to fit it) but he hasn’t got back to me which I’m taking as a no. Next I decided that seeing our day was now free (read sad and empty) we should go to Dural and get the week’s bread but when I tried to order it just said that the number has been disconnected. After a few tries I rang the fruit shop next door only to be told that they have closed up the bakery for good due to Natalie having ‘mental health problems’. That was the last straw and I’ve been in and out of tears ever since. She delivered bread to me all through the first year of the pandemic and I became a rusted on customer and dare I say friend? I’ve offered any support I can via her mobile number but haven’t had a reply as yet. To have such beautiful people lose their life’s dream after roaring back into business once the Covid restrictions were lifted is just too sad.

I am wondering if John realises that he is in the dementia programme at Orange Blossom Cottage from next week. I explained that to him initially, but when we were on the tour there was another room full of people and he asked the staff member who they were. She hesitated and answered “They are the mainstream group”, he looked puzzled but didn’t comment. I didn’t have the heart to say “They are the people without dementia” so the moment passed. They were more animated and cheery and I suspect he will come home next week saying that his group doesn’t seem all that sharp, but it’s hard to tell. I do know that if he asks me one more time what a Teal Independent is in this election I may commit harakiri.

I recently read a book called Love and Virtue by Diana Reid and rated it a one star and DNF, did not finish. I just couldn’t relate to, or get excited by, any of the characters who were undergraduates at a Sydney University college. I think I am just the wrong demographic to be interested in students getting drunk and sleeping around, but thinking it through further, I was the wrong demographic for that when I

was young and working at the self same university. Drugs and getting plastered just never appealed to me. Anyway it has won her Best Young Australian Novelist so there you go.

Later: Well the day had gradually improved until John went out for his walk, calling in to the corner shop on his way home. He rang me from there to say that he’d lost his debit card but I didn’t sweat it too much initially as he’s ‘lost’ it twice before and it’s eventually turned up, in one case after I’d cancelled it. But he assured me that he had taken it with him in his jeans pocket. Me: But your jeans pockets are deep, I don’t think it could fall out. John: It could because there’s a hole in the pocket that I usually put it in. Me: Then why do you put it in that pocket? John: That’s a good question. Eventually I rang the bank and sat waiting for over an hour to report it lost. John had to come on the line and answer some security questions because he had no record of the card number. One was ‘what high school did you go to?’ John: I can tell you a funny story about my high school. Bank Man: No John I need to….. John: It’s a really good story, which he proceeded to tell despite the man’s protests. In the end the card was cancelled but from now on I can’t risk his having a card at all, now it involves a visit to the bank on Monday to confirm it all in person and then ringing all of his direct debit companies, which last time couldn’t be changed over the phone and needed written authorisations. Harakiri imminent.

May 8, 2022

A good sleep left me deciding not to go for the ritual disembowelment just yet but I did think during the night that I spend way too much time weighing up risks. We cancelled the outdoor picnic yesterday because Millie had a cold and was a risk to John then I am sending him to indoor day care on Thursday with a dozen oldies and a few staff, it doesn’t compute. The only disaster today (so far, it’s only mid-afternoon) was one I had forecast but the advice went unheeded. When John set up his office we left the top of the chest of drawers pretty free as it is under the window and he needs to be able to pull the blind up and down. But since then it has been covered with literally dozens of framed family photos, pushing to the back a beautiful hand-painted Portuguese charger of his, sitting on a wooden stand of mine. Today was the day that the blind caught the charger and now it is in the Sulo bin in many pieces, the unusually large stand was damaged but hopefully it can be repaired.

All of this set me in a mood to divest stuff from the house, if I can’t persuade John to do it I can surely start myself. So I have just listed on eBay an antique highchair which is currently in the loungeroom, home to a few old soft toys (not legal for a baby without a modern harness). It was made in Vienna in the late 1800s by a very famous father and son and luckily still bears their paper label underneath so hopefully someone might appreciate its rarity and pay the rather large price. Next I decided that a brass standard lamp from 1900 was surplus to requirements so that’s gone on eBay too. Finally I am getting rid of the petrol driven leaf blower that I am too scared to use. It has literally been used once and comes with original box and instruction books in any language you like to name, except English weirdly, but that’s how it came from Sweden. It’s also too heavy for me to use for long and the gardener has a better one anyway, so I’m going with the old principle of why keep a dog and bark yourself. Only the highchair will pull the

heartstrings if it goes, but the money exchanged will let me know that the buyer appreciates it and won’t let it come to harm, which is my main concern.

May 9, 2022

We had to go to the bank first thing which was confusing as John had correctly answered all of the security questions when we reported his lost card, however they explained that the phone people are supposed to hang up if they think the person is being prompted, and he certainly was being prompted. But now it’s done and dusted, so at the moment I have John ringing all the direct debit companies to change the transactions from a debit card to his actual account number. He’s doing the hard yards listening to the endless elevator music and I’m jumping in when a person comes on the line. Waiting on endlessly is the most depressing way to spend an afternoon.

Next, off to Vinnies with an array of goods that I sorted out yesterday. They grabbed the clothes and linen but rejected the stool, electrical items and the perfectly clean bassinet (health and safety??). It is annoying that I need to go to various charity shops with different acceptance criteria before I get rid of everything, but it’s always the same. We discovered the carcase of a large ringtail possum downstairs while going through boxes yesterday. It must have gone to hide from something, a cat perhaps?, but it’s unlike a possum to go down as far as ground level so I don’t know how the poor thing met its demise.

Yesterday on the news they were doing a vox pop on the streets of Wentworth asking folks who they planned to vote for: Spender or Sharma. Many were quite decided but one oaf said quite seriously that he would vote for whoever had the most signs up at the polling booth. Perhaps an IQ test for voting might be in order?

May 10, 2022

Just back from one of those days I dread, but despite my worries it all went like clockwork. First an early appointment for his nibs at RNSH for a heart ultrasound and a follow-up with cardiologist Gemma. She says his heart muscle is a bit weaker, but we discussed altering his medications and adding another however I agreed with her summing up that he is doing well and we shouldn’t rock the boat by changing things. He’ll go again in 9 months. Then across town, off to St. Vincent’s for an 11 am session, his monthly IgG infusion. This time I decided to fill in the time (3 and a half hours) by driving to Woollahra, once the antiques capital of Sydney, and drooling on the windows. Except there were no antiques shops to drool over, not one, which was very disappointing but I walked up and down Queen St. to see what gives in loaded-land. When I had my shop and before I got hooked on the courts and ICAC, I would go on a Tuesday day off to mooch antiques and pick up a few foodie bits to bring home. The foodie shops are still there but the prices are waaay out of my reach now now, indeed they are nothing short of laughable. The only butcher, all marble and glass has a floor-to-ceiling glass walled cool room. Cuts of meat slowly pass by, hung from a cog gear and metal chain rack all backed by the floor-to-ceiling Himalayan salt brick wall. This wall, built out of salt bricks imported from the Himalayas in Pakistan, acts as a natural air purifier and

reduces air humidity, thus helping the meats dry-ageing process. They were asking from $80 to $140 A KILO for their meat and people were buying. No mince and sausages here, apart from the string of bronze ones which formed the door handle. I’ve included a link which is worth looking at for the decor alone. https://victorchurchill.com/pages/sydney

The fish shop, which seemed to have a lot of imported and therefore frozen fish, averaged $50 t0 $75 a kilo with local flathead fillets at $105. So off to the fruit and veg market where carrots were $8.99 a kilo so I didn’t get much past the door. A sign requested that people spend no more than 10 minutes browsing, so at least I was able to oblige. I then decided to partake of a filled baguette, of which there were a dozen different kinds in the window at the Queen St. Deli. No prices but hang, it would have to be cheaper than a cafe I thought. So I ordered one to eat on a seat in the street and asked for it to be cut in half as they were rather large. No, she said, we don’t sell them cut in half. But I want to buy a whole one says I, just cut across, but no dice. I left then, only to see her taking it out of the bag and putting it it back in the window, so much for customer service. So lunch in Woollahra didn’t happen and eventually I walked back to the car and read my superbly interesting book until John rang to say he was done. A tiny peek into the way the other half lives.

May 11, 2022

The carer Greg came and took John to Geranium Cottage for morning tea then they had a walk before heading home via the corner bakery where John picked up pies for them both for lunch. I meanwhile went out to the Salvo’s at Dural for the first time and I will certainly be using them in the future. There are two separate doors for the shop and the intake of goods with a pair of enthusiastic older men in charge of accepting donations. Everything the Vinnies turned their noses up at the Salvo’s grabbed enthusiastically. No problems with electricals, no ‘health and safety issues’, just yes please. Then off to the pre-poll voting at Norwest where I met up with Matt Cox, the Greens candidate, and loaded up with more leaflets to letterbox. Tomorrow I go back for some more handing out and seeing the number of voters trooping through I am pleasantly surprised that so many have made up their minds already, despite seeing a lot taking the Liberal how to vote exclusively. I am getting just a tiny bit excited that we may be close to tossing Morrison and Co. out.

On a human level I am sympathetic about the two career criminals, one the sergeant-at-arms of the Comancheros bikie gang, gunned down last night at the gym (gyms seem to be a venue for this sort of thing, another reason not to darken their doors). However I must admit that this retribution is getting so frequent and the crimes they’ve been involved in so egregious, that I shrug and think ‘well that’s two less Hamzy and Alameddine baddies on the street. I wonder how many more to go’. Not approving of capital punishment here, but gosh they are pushing their luck. Yet their families seem staunch in their support, which says a lot about the values they’ve come from.

I am getting that way that if I see Kathy Lette or Lisa Curry in an article or on a TV programme I immediately shy away from it. They are both so ‘look at MEEE!’ that I don’t care if I never see either again.

May 12, 2022

All excited about my first day to myself while John was out on a day bus trip with Orange Blossom Cottage. First off I finally went to David Jones and bought some new bras, whooppee! All but one of my old ones went to the charity shop this week. Then I was heading to Norwest to do the rest of the day handing out how-to-votes as arranged, when I got a call from Vanessa at OBC to say that John was refusing to get on the bus. I had missed three calls from him while in DJs but then picked up another desperate one asking me to pick him up immediately. I drove straight over there and Vanessa had stayed back with him when the bus left. He told me he didn’t want to stay because 1. It was an institution and he’d spent too long in institutions, such as boarding schools and the seminary and 2. The stainless steel kitchen reminded him of the seminary and 3. He wanted to be with me and not with people he doesn’t know. I was on the verge of tears of disappointment, but then I saw that he had tears in his eyes when I arrived and I melted with sympathy for him, thinking of the confusion and bewilderment that he must have

at he did, however it didn’t quite reach the standard of proo

, I went to the 17th floor of a new building at Norwest to deliver, rather than delaying their receipt further by unreliable post. I knocked on her door and open sesame , it unlatched itself. A call came from deep in the unit “Is that you Maureen? Please come in, I’m disabled”. In I went and eventually came to a large room with a hospital bed containing a bright-faced lady who introduced herself as Bronwyn. She had bought the crystals to make a hanging to go on a window which gets sun the whole day, the unit faces north-west. I realised then what a disaster it would have been if I hadn’t found them. We chatted and she told me that carers come to her a number of times a day and to my great surprise I learned that she uses the same service as John. She positively raved about her carers and their service in general. Apparently she was forced into a tiny nursing home room for three years but now absolutely loves the large and well-designed disability unit she rents in this building. When I got home I discovered that one lonely crystal of the 43 was sitting on the kitchen bench, perhaps willing me to go back to visit.

May 3, 2022

So John’s ex-neighbour Scott White has finally been sentenced for the 1988 murder of American PhD student Scott Johnson. His sentence of 12 years takes into account his youth at the time, his low IQ and his guilty plea. My question goes to his ex-wife who came forward to testify against him only after the $2 million reward was announced. The whole thing is sickening, but dobbing someone in after all those years, only when a large reward is offered, is not exactly free of suspicion either. No winners in this sorry saga.

This morning we were to meet our friend who is putting together and testing the computer going to a refugee family. We were to meet at a park in Ryde but when I texted him from there to say where we were sitting it emerged that he was inadvertently expecting to meet tomorrow, so that meant I had to cancel the delivery for this afternoon too. Hopefully we will get it happening on Friday, this whole thing seems to have gone on for weeks, in fact it has.

The papers are lit up with SHOCK INTEREST RATE RISE!!! when every commentator has forecast it for weeks. I am very lucky that it doesn’t affect me, but it will certainly hurt those who accepted more loan money from their bank than they could easily pay back. Such a tempting thing for those who’ve never seen a recession, but so many want to start with a big, new, expensive house without considering a future lack of employment or a rise in interest rates. The renters are even worse off again now that so many have fled to the regions to take advantage of working from home, so now those pockets of housing for the less well off have dried up.

Yesterday when I met the lady while delivering the crystals I asked if there is anything else that she is looking for and she mentioned wanting a small leadlight to put against a window to shine colours on to the walls. Her crystal hanging will be designed to ‘throw rainbows onto the walls’ and she has the perfect situation for that so high up with all day sun. I have two small leadlights here so I’ve sent pictures of one and if she likes it I am happy for her to have it. My other eBay ‘friend’ in Melbourne texted today to ask if

‘the postman has delivered anything to you? Hick hick’ so it appears she’s sent me a gift of some sort of alcohol, following a previous little bottle of schnapps. Funny how connections with people happen.

May 4, 2022

Packed a picnic for John and his new carer Greg, who turned out to be a very personable older man and came replete with ideas for their four hours out. He suggested the picnic area on the Parramatta River and John was happy with that, next week he’s going to take him to Geranium Cottage for lunch so it seems that I won’t have to scratch my head for suggestions. Perhaps I need a carer to take me out for lunch once a week, a young handsome one perhaps, haha. When John was first assessed for care the person asked if I had put my name down for a package too and I was quite insulted, but if going to a restaurant each week is part of the deal I may have to rethink. Of course the food cost is not included but still….it sounds good to me. I went off to Colleen’s and rather than sewing I did some cutting out of paper leaves to paint for my cards, planning to intersperse them with real pressed leaves. Unfortunately I had to come home before lunch because an email alerted me to the fact that a food delivery was waiting on my front porch and it had frozen stuff in it, the one time a delivery comes early. (Note to self: avoid every second Wednesday for deliveries). I decided to use the extra time to make some Lemon Squares for a picnic on Saturday with Dav and family and had only just started that when Greg and John returned with positive things to say about their morning. I’m so glad that seem to hit it off, although John didn’t have a clue what they had talked about, no matter.

The puzzle of the bird bath continues: A few days ago I went out to find the top of my bird bath had detached, despite having been full of water with a heavy stone in the centre. I asked my garden helper to bring some two-pack glue to fix it (using the microphone on the phone the message read Tupac Glue, which is hilarious). He had Liquid Nails which he assured me would be just as good and he fixed it last Monday. This morning the top was lying in the garden. I had wondered if someone was trying to steal it, but surely they would have managed to take it the second time? Now I am wondering if it’s next door’s cat who often hops up and drinks out of it. Clearly this glue isn’t up to the job so I’ll do it myself with some Tupac.

It is 3.27pm and I missed lunch altogether, breakfast was at 7am and that seems a looong time ago. Perhaps a handful of cashews will see me till dinner, or perhaps I need to check if the lemon slices are up to scratch….I’d hate to serve them without testing.

May 5, 2022

A full day today beginning with a booked visit to Orange Blossom Cottage for morning tea (mug of hot tea and a much better than average blueberry muffin). John was quite impressed with the place, which looks like a very dour rectangular box from the outside but is light and bright inside from big windows to the rear, overlooking an oval. The staff were very welcoming and he will start there next Thursday, which just happens to be the very first time they’ve organised a bus trip in the two years since Covid started. These

will happen every three months or so, but it may be a jolly introduction to the other participants. I had to smother a laugh as we left and John said with no obvious grounds: “I think they need a bit of brightening up, but I don’t know what I’ll talk to them about as they all look very working class”. Reverting to his Mosman roots.

When we were there I got a call from my good friend Mary from New Zealand who is in Sydney with her husband, staying at the Hilton. She sent an email last week to set up a meeting for the four of us but unfortunately it went to junk so we didn’t get to do that before they leave, however she jumped onto a bus and came here for a hastily put together lunch. I was lucky enough to have some goat cheese and caramelised onion tarts in the freezer, plus I had the ingredients for a new potato salad and a rocket and beetroot one, and a cheese and fruit platter, all of which managed to be completed while she was on the bus. I do miss them both and wish we were geographically closer as I can talk to her about matters both serious and trivial. She told us of her husband’s daughter suggesting that they go out for dinner and as soon as the wine was poured asking “Who is the beneficiary of your estate dad?”. David was taken aback but when he went to the loo Mary replied “We are each other’s sole beneficiary, but if you want to put your name on anything in particular I’ll make sure it comes to you when I die”. It must be considered normal behaviour to do this as we’ve heard so many reports of it and experienced it in relation to John. Thankfully my daughters would consider it infra dig to even ask.

May 6, 2022

Our weeks seem to be getting busier and busier. This week we had appointments of one sort or another from Monday through to Saturday and next week from Tuesday to Friday. I am hankering to get back to card making but I guess it will happen. Today we met Greg and had lunch with him at an outdoor cafe, with a nice sunny setting but very ordinary food, to exchange the finished computer from his car to mine and then we delivered it to Helen. It has proved a bit of an epic but now it is done and we got rid of all the other things she chose from my storeroom at the same time. Helen tells me the recipient is an Afghan family with four kids who have finally managed to get a rental at Blacktown on their twelfth application. He is a doctor, a communicable diseases specialist who set up the first AIDS clinic in Afghanistan, not something highly thought of by the Taliban I’m assuming.

Decided on how to spend my $250 bribe from the government for their vote in the upcoming election (purportedly a cost of living supplement for pensioners which just happened to arrive three weeks before the vote). I am dividing it between GetUp and The Centre for Public Integrity and the best part is that I intend to send the receipts to my local Liberal member Alex Hawke with a thankyou note.

Reading more about the wife of Scott White dobbing him in for the reward, she says she sent her concerns anonymously to the task force investigating the murder (of course it would be pretty easy for them to trace her) but that being the case I don’t criticise her actions at all. However the fact that it needs a reward for any case in order to urge people to come forward with information on serious crimes is pretty disheartening. Another case involving a reward is that of Amber Haigh who went missing in 2002 and a couple have been charged with her murder after a new witness came forward via Crime Stoppers, just a

week after a $1 million reward for information on the case was announced. The police apparently have very incriminating phone intercepts and allege they captured the couple discussing getting rid of her body. How after 20 years they have been able to access these phone calls is a mystery which will no doubt be revealed in due course.

May 7, 2022

After promising myself not to get dragged down into melancholy I slipped this morning after our Mother’s Day picnic was cancelled due to Millie waking up with a cold and Davina worrying about her sneezing around John when there is Covid at the school every few days. It had been planned for weeks and Louis’s mum Sue was down from Queensland too. I’m finding it very hard to work out acceptable risks for John now that he can’t navigate that for himself. Perhaps I am generally too conservative, I don’t know, but I would have risked it today seeing it was an outdoor event. Next I got a reply from the friendly plumber, to whom I had complained last night about the water not being hot enough. Apparently he was forced by law to put a temperature limiting device in the new heater which sets the maximum at 50 degrees C. When I ran a bath last night at the usual setting of both taps on full it was way too cool so I topped it up with straight hot water but it got to the top and was still not as hot as I’d like it. It shits me that I’ve spend two grand for water so much cooler than what I had last week. Apparently it is to avoid the extremely rare event of a thermostat failure which could bring the water to 99 degrees. I’ve never hear of it happening and neither has he. I replied that I want it removed (it cost $123 plus labour to fit it) but he hasn’t got back to me which I’m taking as a no. Next I decided that seeing our day was now free (read sad and empty) we should go to Dural and get the week’s bread but when I tried to order it just said that the number has been disconnected. After a few tries I rang the fruit shop next door only to be told that they have closed up the bakery for good due to Natalie having ‘mental health problems’. That was the last straw and I’ve been in and out of tears ever since. She delivered bread to me all through the first year of the pandemic and I became a rusted on customer and dare I say friend? I’ve offered any support I can via her mobile number but haven’t had a reply as yet. To have such beautiful people lose their life’s dream after roaring back into business once the Covid restrictions were lifted is just too sad.

I am wondering if John realises that he is in the dementia programme at Orange Blossom Cottage from next week. I explained that to him initially, but when we were on the tour there was another room full of people and he asked the staff member who they were. She hesitated and answered “They are the mainstream group”, he looked puzzled but didn’t comment. I didn’t have the heart to say “They are the people without dementia” so the moment passed. They were more animated and cheery and I suspect he will come home next week saying that his group doesn’t seem all that sharp, but it’s hard to tell. I do know that if he asks me one more time what a Teal Independent is in this election I may commit harakiri.

I recently read a book called Love and Virtue by Diana Reid and rated it a one star and DNF, did not finish. I just couldn’t relate to, or get excited by, any of the characters who were undergraduates at a Sydney University college. I think I am just the wrong demographic to be interested in students getting drunk and sleeping around, but thinking it through further, I was the wrong demographic for that when I

was young and working at the self same university. Drugs and getting plastered just never appealed to me. Anyway it has won her Best Young Australian Novelist so there you go.

Later: Well the day had gradually improved until John went out for his walk, calling in to the corner shop on his way home. He rang me from there to say that he’d lost his debit card but I didn’t sweat it too much initially as he’s ‘lost’ it twice before and it’s eventually turned up, in one case after I’d cancelled it. But he assured me that he had taken it with him in his jeans pocket. Me: But your jeans pockets are deep, I don’t think it could fall out. John: It could because there’s a hole in the pocket that I usually put it in. Me: Then why do you put it in that pocket? John: That’s a good question. Eventually I rang the bank and sat waiting for over an hour to report it lost. John had to come on the line and answer some security questions because he had no record of the card number. One was ‘what high school did you go to?’ John: I can tell you a funny story about my high school. Bank Man: No John I need to….. John: It’s a really good story, which he proceeded to tell despite the man’s protests. In the end the card was cancelled but from now on I can’t risk his having a card at all, now it involves a visit to the bank on Monday to confirm it all in person and then ringing all of his direct debit companies, which last time couldn’t be changed over the phone and needed written authorisations. Harakiri imminent.

May 8, 2022

A good sleep left me deciding not to go for the ritual disembowelment just yet but I did think during the night that I spend way too much time weighing up risks. We cancelled the outdoor picnic yesterday because Millie had a cold and was a risk to John then I am sending him to indoor day care on Thursday with a dozen oldies and a few staff, it doesn’t compute. The only disaster today (so far, it’s only mid-afternoon) was one I had forecast but the advice went unheeded. When John set up his office we left the top of the chest of drawers pretty free as it is under the window and he needs to be able to pull the blind up and down. But since then it has been covered with literally dozens of framed family photos, pushing to the back a beautiful hand-painted Portuguese charger of his, sitting on a wooden stand of mine. Today was the day that the blind caught the charger and now it is in the Sulo bin in many pieces, the unusually large stand was damaged but hopefully it can be repaired.

All of this set me in a mood to divest stuff from the house, if I can’t persuade John to do it I can surely start myself. So I have just listed on eBay an antique highchair which is currently in the loungeroom, home to a few old soft toys (not legal for a baby without a modern harness). It was made in Vienna in the late 1800s by a very famous father and son and luckily still bears their paper label underneath so hopefully someone might appreciate its rarity and pay the rather large price. Next I decided that a brass standard lamp from 1900 was surplus to requirements so that’s gone on eBay too. Finally I am getting rid of the petrol driven leaf blower that I am too scared to use. It has literally been used once and comes with original box and instruction books in any language you like to name, except English weirdly, but that’s how it came from Sweden. It’s also too heavy for me to use for long and the gardener has a better one anyway, so I’m going with the old principle of why keep a dog and bark yourself. Only the highchair will pull the

heartstrings if it goes, but the money exchanged will let me know that the buyer appreciates it and won’t let it come to harm, which is my main concern.

May 9, 2022

We had to go to the bank first thing which was confusing as John had correctly answered all of the security questions when we reported his lost card, however they explained that the phone people are supposed to hang up if they think the person is being prompted, and he certainly was being prompted. But now it’s done and dusted, so at the moment I have John ringing all the direct debit companies to change the transactions from a debit card to his actual account number. He’s doing the hard yards listening to the endless elevator music and I’m jumping in when a person comes on the line. Waiting on endlessly is the most depressing way to spend an afternoon.

Next, off to Vinnies with an array of goods that I sorted out yesterday. They grabbed the clothes and linen but rejected the stool, electrical items and the perfectly clean bassinet (health and safety??). It is annoying that I need to go to various charity shops with different acceptance criteria before I get rid of everything, but it’s always the same. We discovered the carcase of a large ringtail possum downstairs while going through boxes yesterday. It must have gone to hide from something, a cat perhaps?, but it’s unlike a possum to go down as far as ground level so I don’t know how the poor thing met its demise.

Yesterday on the news they were doing a vox pop on the streets of Wentworth asking folks who they planned to vote for: Spender or Sharma. Many were quite decided but one oaf said quite seriously that he would vote for whoever had the most signs up at the polling booth. Perhaps an IQ test for voting might be in order?

May 10, 2022

Just back from one of those days I dread, but despite my worries it all went like clockwork. First an early appointment for his nibs at RNSH for a heart ultrasound and a follow-up with cardiologist Gemma. She says his heart muscle is a bit weaker, but we discussed altering his medications and adding another however I agreed with her summing up that he is doing well and we shouldn’t rock the boat by changing things. He’ll go again in 9 months. Then across town, off to St. Vincent’s for an 11 am session, his monthly IgG infusion. This time I decided to fill in the time (3 and a half hours) by driving to Woollahra, once the antiques capital of Sydney, and drooling on the windows. Except there were no antiques shops to drool over, not one, which was very disappointing but I walked up and down Queen St. to see what gives in loaded-land. When I had my shop and before I got hooked on the courts and ICAC, I would go on a Tuesday day off to mooch antiques and pick up a few foodie bits to bring home. The foodie shops are still there but the prices are waaay out of my reach now now, indeed they are nothing short of laughable. The only butcher, all marble and glass has a floor-to-ceiling glass walled cool room. Cuts of meat slowly pass by, hung from a cog gear and metal chain rack all backed by the floor-to-ceiling Himalayan salt brick wall. This wall, built out of salt bricks imported from the Himalayas in Pakistan, acts as a natural air purifier and

reduces air humidity, thus helping the meats dry-ageing process. They were asking from $80 to $140 A KILO for their meat and people were buying. No mince and sausages here, apart from the string of bronze ones which formed the door handle. I’ve included a link which is worth looking at for the decor alone. https://victorchurchill.com/pages/sydney

The fish shop, which seemed to have a lot of imported and therefore frozen fish, averaged $50 t0 $75 a kilo with local flathead fillets at $105. So off to the fruit and veg market where carrots were $8.99 a kilo so I didn’t get much past the door. A sign requested that people spend no more than 10 minutes browsing, so at least I was able to oblige. I then decided to partake of a filled baguette, of which there were a dozen different kinds in the window at the Queen St. Deli. No prices but hang, it would have to be cheaper than a cafe I thought. So I ordered one to eat on a seat in the street and asked for it to be cut in half as they were rather large. No, she said, we don’t sell them cut in half. But I want to buy a whole one says I, just cut across, but no dice. I left then, only to see her taking it out of the bag and putting it it back in the window, so much for customer service. So lunch in Woollahra didn’t happen and eventually I walked back to the car and read my superbly interesting book until John rang to say he was done. A tiny peek into the way the other half lives.

May 11, 2022

The carer Greg came and took John to Geranium Cottage for morning tea then they had a walk before heading home via the corner bakery where John picked up pies for them both for lunch. I meanwhile went out to the Salvo’s at Dural for the first time and I will certainly be using them in the future. There are two separate doors for the shop and the intake of goods with a pair of enthusiastic older men in charge of accepting donations. Everything the Vinnies turned their noses up at the Salvo’s grabbed enthusiastically. No problems with electricals, no ‘health and safety issues’, just yes please. Then off to the pre-poll voting at Norwest where I met up with Matt Cox, the Greens candidate, and loaded up with more leaflets to letterbox. Tomorrow I go back for some more handing out and seeing the number of voters trooping through I am pleasantly surprised that so many have made up their minds already, despite seeing a lot taking the Liberal how to vote exclusively. I am getting just a tiny bit excited that we may be close to tossing Morrison and Co. out.

On a human level I am sympathetic about the two career criminals, one the sergeant-at-arms of the Comancheros bikie gang, gunned down last night at the gym (gyms seem to be a venue for this sort of thing, another reason not to darken their doors). However I must admit that this retribution is getting so frequent and the crimes they’ve been involved in so egregious, that I shrug and think ‘well that’s two less Hamzy and Alameddine baddies on the street. I wonder how many more to go’. Not approving of capital punishment here, but gosh they are pushing their luck. Yet their families seem staunch in their support, which says a lot about the values they’ve come from.

I am getting that way that if I see Kathy Lette or Lisa Curry in an article or on a TV programme I immediately shy away from it. They are both so ‘look at MEEE!’ that I don’t care if I never see either again.

May 12, 2022

All excited about my first day to myself while John was out on a day bus trip with Orange Blossom Cottage. First off I finally went to David Jones and bought some new bras, whooppee! All but one of my old ones went to the charity shop this week. Then I was heading to Norwest to do the rest of the day handing out how-to-votes as arranged, when I got a call from Vanessa at OBC to say that John was refusing to get on the bus. I had missed three calls from him while in DJs but then picked up another desperate one asking me to pick him up immediately. I drove straight over there and Vanessa had stayed back with him when the bus left. He told me he didn’t want to stay because 1. It was an institution and he’d spent too long in institutions, such as boarding schools and the seminary and 2. The stainless steel kitchen reminded him of the seminary and 3. He wanted to be with me and not with people he doesn’t know. I was on the verge of tears of disappointment, but then I saw that he had tears in his eyes when I arrived and I melted with sympathy for him, thinking of the confusion and bewilderment that he must hav

at he did, however it didn’t quite reach the standard of proo

, I went to the 17th floor of a new building at Norwest to deliver, rather than delaying their receipt further by unreliable post. I knocked on her door and open sesame , it unlatched itself. A call came from deep in the unit “Is that you Maureen? Please come in, I’m disabled”. In I went and eventually came to a large room with a hospital bed containing a bright-faced lady who introduced herself as Bronwyn. She had bought the crystals to make a hanging to go on a window which gets sun the whole day, the unit faces north-west. I realised then what a disaster it would have been if I hadn’t found them. We chatted and she told me that carers come to her a number of times a day and to my great surprise I learned that she uses the same service as John. She positively raved about her carers and their service in general. Apparently she was forced into a tiny nursing home room for three years but now absolutely loves the large and well-designed disability unit she rents in this building. When I got home I discovered that one lonely crystal of the 43 was sitting on the kitchen bench, perhaps willing me to go back to visit.

May 3, 2022

So John’s ex-neighbour Scott White has finally been sentenced for the 1988 murder of American PhD student Scott Johnson. His sentence of 12 years takes into account his youth at the time, his low IQ and his guilty plea. My question goes to his ex-wife who came forward to testify against him only after the $2 million reward was announced. The whole thing is sickening, but dobbing someone in after all those years, only when a large reward is offered, is not exactly free of suspicion either. No winners in this sorry saga.

This morning we were to meet our friend who is putting together and testing the computer going to a refugee family. We were to meet at a park in Ryde but when I texted him from there to say where we were sitting it emerged that he was inadvertently expecting to meet tomorrow, so that meant I had to cancel the delivery for this afternoon too. Hopefully we will get it happening on Friday, this whole thing seems to have gone on for weeks, in fact it has.

The papers are lit up with SHOCK INTEREST RATE RISE!!! when every commentator has forecast it for weeks. I am very lucky that it doesn’t affect me, but it will certainly hurt those who accepted more loan money from their bank than they could easily pay back. Such a tempting thing for those who’ve never seen a recession, but so many want to start with a big, new, expensive house without considering a future lack of employment or a rise in interest rates. The renters are even worse off again now that so many have fled to the regions to take advantage of working from home, so now those pockets of housing for the less well off have dried up.

Yesterday when I met the lady while delivering the crystals I asked if there is anything else that she is looking for and she mentioned wanting a small leadlight to put against a window to shine colours on to the walls. Her crystal hanging will be designed to ‘throw rainbows onto the walls’ and she has the perfect situation for that so high up with all day sun. I have two small leadlights here so I’ve sent pictures of one and if she likes it I am happy for her to have it. My other eBay ‘friend’ in Melbourne texted today to ask if

‘the postman has delivered anything to you? Hick hick’ so it appears she’s sent me a gift of some sort of alcohol, following a previous little bottle of schnapps. Funny how connections with people happen.

May 4, 2022

Packed a picnic for John and his new carer Greg, who turned out to be a very personable older man and came replete with ideas for their four hours out. He suggested the picnic area on the Parramatta River and John was happy with that, next week he’s going to take him to Geranium Cottage for lunch so it seems that I won’t have to scratch my head for suggestions. Perhaps I need a carer to take me out for lunch once a week, a young handsome one perhaps, haha. When John was first assessed for care the person asked if I had put my name down for a package too and I was quite insulted, but if going to a restaurant each week is part of the deal I may have to rethink. Of course the food cost is not included but still….it sounds good to me. I went off to Colleen’s and rather than sewing I did some cutting out of paper leaves to paint for my cards, planning to intersperse them with real pressed leaves. Unfortunately I had to come home before lunch because an email alerted me to the fact that a food delivery was waiting on my front porch and it had frozen stuff in it, the one time a delivery comes early. (Note to self: avoid every second Wednesday for deliveries). I decided to use the extra time to make some Lemon Squares for a picnic on Saturday with Dav and family and had only just started that when Greg and John returned with positive things to say about their morning. I’m so glad that seem to hit it off, although John didn’t have a clue what they had talked about, no matter.

The puzzle of the bird bath continues: A few days ago I went out to find the top of my bird bath had detached, despite having been full of water with a heavy stone in the centre. I asked my garden helper to bring some two-pack glue to fix it (using the microphone on the phone the message read Tupac Glue, which is hilarious). He had Liquid Nails which he assured me would be just as good and he fixed it last Monday. This morning the top was lying in the garden. I had wondered if someone was trying to steal it, but surely they would have managed to take it the second time? Now I am wondering if it’s next door’s cat who often hops up and drinks out of it. Clearly this glue isn’t up to the job so I’ll do it myself with some Tupac.

It is 3.27pm and I missed lunch altogether, breakfast was at 7am and that seems a looong time ago. Perhaps a handful of cashews will see me till dinner, or perhaps I need to check if the lemon slices are up to scratch….I’d hate to serve them without testing.

May 5, 2022

A full day today beginning with a booked visit to Orange Blossom Cottage for morning tea (mug of hot tea and a much better than average blueberry muffin). John was quite impressed with the place, which looks like a very dour rectangular box from the outside but is light and bright inside from big windows to the rear, overlooking an oval. The staff were very welcoming and he will start there next Thursday, which just happens to be the very first time they’ve organised a bus trip in the two years since Covid started. These

will happen every three months or so, but it may be a jolly introduction to the other participants. I had to smother a laugh as we left and John said with no obvious grounds: “I think they need a bit of brightening up, but I don’t know what I’ll talk to them about as they all look very working class”. Reverting to his Mosman roots.

When we were there I got a call from my good friend Mary from New Zealand who is in Sydney with her husband, staying at the Hilton. She sent an email last week to set up a meeting for the four of us but unfortunately it went to junk so we didn’t get to do that before they leave, however she jumped onto a bus and came here for a hastily put together lunch. I was lucky enough to have some goat cheese and caramelised onion tarts in the freezer, plus I had the ingredients for a new potato salad and a rocket and beetroot one, and a cheese and fruit platter, all of which managed to be completed while she was on the bus. I do miss them both and wish we were geographically closer as I can talk to her about matters both serious and trivial. She told us of her husband’s daughter suggesting that they go out for dinner and as soon as the wine was poured asking “Who is the beneficiary of your estate dad?”. David was taken aback but when he went to the loo Mary replied “We are each other’s sole beneficiary, but if you want to put your name on anything in particular I’ll make sure it comes to you when I die”. It must be considered normal behaviour to do this as we’ve heard so many reports of it and experienced it in relation to John. Thankfully my daughters would consider it infra dig to even ask.

May 6, 2022

Our weeks seem to be getting busier and busier. This week we had appointments of one sort or another from Monday through to Saturday and next week from Tuesday to Friday. I am hankering to get back to card making but I guess it will happen. Today we met Greg and had lunch with him at an outdoor cafe, with a nice sunny setting but very ordinary food, to exchange the finished computer from his car to mine and then we delivered it to Helen. It has proved a bit of an epic but now it is done and we got rid of all the other things she chose from my storeroom at the same time. Helen tells me the recipient is an Afghan family with four kids who have finally managed to get a rental at Blacktown on their twelfth application. He is a doctor, a communicable diseases specialist who set up the first AIDS clinic in Afghanistan, not something highly thought of by the Taliban I’m assuming.

Decided on how to spend my $250 bribe from the government for their vote in the upcoming election (purportedly a cost of living supplement for pensioners which just happened to arrive three weeks before the vote). I am dividing it between GetUp and The Centre for Public Integrity and the best part is that I intend to send the receipts to my local Liberal member Alex Hawke with a thankyou note.

Reading more about the wife of Scott White dobbing him in for the reward, she says she sent her concerns anonymously to the task force investigating the murder (of course it would be pretty easy for them to trace her) but that being the case I don’t criticise her actions at all. However the fact that it needs a reward for any case in order to urge people to come forward with information on serious crimes is pretty disheartening. Another case involving a reward is that of Amber Haigh who went missing in 2002 and a couple have been charged with her murder after a new witness came forward via Crime Stoppers, just a

week after a $1 million reward for information on the case was announced. The police apparently have very incriminating phone intercepts and allege they captured the couple discussing getting rid of her body. How after 20 years they have been able to access these phone calls is a mystery which will no doubt be revealed in due course.

May 7, 2022

After promising myself not to get dragged down into melancholy I slipped this morning after our Mother’s Day picnic was cancelled due to Millie waking up with a cold and Davina worrying about her sneezing around John when there is Covid at the school every few days. It had been planned for weeks and Louis’s mum Sue was down from Queensland too. I’m finding it very hard to work out acceptable risks for John now that he can’t navigate that for himself. Perhaps I am generally too conservative, I don’t know, but I would have risked it today seeing it was an outdoor event. Next I got a reply from the friendly plumber, to whom I had complained last night about the water not being hot enough. Apparently he was forced by law to put a temperature limiting device in the new heater which sets the maximum at 50 degrees C. When I ran a bath last night at the usual setting of both taps on full it was way too cool so I topped it up with straight hot water but it got to the top and was still not as hot as I’d like it. It shits me that I’ve spend two grand for water so much cooler than what I had last week. Apparently it is to avoid the extremely rare event of a thermostat failure which could bring the water to 99 degrees. I’ve never hear of it happening and neither has he. I replied that I want it removed (it cost $123 plus labour to fit it) but he hasn’t got back to me which I’m taking as a no. Next I decided that seeing our day was now free (read sad and empty) we should go to Dural and get the week’s bread but when I tried to order it just said that the number has been disconnected. After a few tries I rang the fruit shop next door only to be told that they have closed up the bakery for good due to Natalie having ‘mental health problems’. That was the last straw and I’ve been in and out of tears ever since. She delivered bread to me all through the first year of the pandemic and I became a rusted on customer and dare I say friend? I’ve offered any support I can via her mobile number but haven’t had a reply as yet. To have such beautiful people lose their life’s dream after roaring back into business once the Covid restrictions were lifted is just too sad.

I am wondering if John realises that he is in the dementia programme at Orange Blossom Cottage from next week. I explained that to him initially, but when we were on the tour there was another room full of people and he asked the staff member who they were. She hesitated and answered “They are the mainstream group”, he looked puzzled but didn’t comment. I didn’t have the heart to say “They are the people without dementia” so the moment passed. They were more animated and cheery and I suspect he will come home next week saying that his group doesn’t seem all that sharp, but it’s hard to tell. I do know that if he asks me one more time what a Teal Independent is in this election I may commit harakiri.

I recently read a book called Love and Virtue by Diana Reid and rated it a one star and DNF, did not finish. I just couldn’t relate to, or get excited by, any of the characters who were undergraduates at a Sydney University college. I think I am just the wrong demographic to be interested in students getting drunk and sleeping around, but thinking it through further, I was the wrong demographic for that when I

was young and working at the self same university. Drugs and getting plastered just never appealed to me. Anyway it has won her Best Young Australian Novelist so there you go.

Later: Well the day had gradually improved until John went out for his walk, calling in to the corner shop on his way home. He rang me from there to say that he’d lost his debit card but I didn’t sweat it too much initially as he’s ‘lost’ it twice before and it’s eventually turned up, in one case after I’d cancelled it. But he assured me that he had taken it with him in his jeans pocket. Me: But your jeans pockets are deep, I don’t think it could fall out. John: It could because there’s a hole in the pocket that I usually put it in. Me: Then why do you put it in that pocket? John: That’s a good question. Eventually I rang the bank and sat waiting for over an hour to report it lost. John had to come on the line and answer some security questions because he had no record of the card number. One was ‘what high school did you go to?’ John: I can tell you a funny story about my high school. Bank Man: No John I need to….. John: It’s a really good story, which he proceeded to tell despite the man’s protests. In the end the card was cancelled but from now on I can’t risk his having a card at all, now it involves a visit to the bank on Monday to confirm it all in person and then ringing all of his direct debit companies, which last time couldn’t be changed over the phone and needed written authorisations. Harakiri imminent.

May 8, 2022

A good sleep left me deciding not to go for the ritual disembowelment just yet but I did think during the night that I spend way too much time weighing up risks. We cancelled the outdoor picnic yesterday because Millie had a cold and was a risk to John then I am sending him to indoor day care on Thursday with a dozen oldies and a few staff, it doesn’t compute. The only disaster today (so far, it’s only mid-afternoon) was one I had forecast but the advice went unheeded. When John set up his office we left the top of the chest of drawers pretty free as it is under the window and he needs to be able to pull the blind up and down. But since then it has been covered with literally dozens of framed family photos, pushing to the back a beautiful hand-painted Portuguese charger of his, sitting on a wooden stand of mine. Today was the day that the blind caught the charger and now it is in the Sulo bin in many pieces, the unusually large stand was damaged but hopefully it can be repaired.

All of this set me in a mood to divest stuff from the house, if I can’t persuade John to do it I can surely start myself. So I have just listed on eBay an antique highchair which is currently in the loungeroom, home to a few old soft toys (not legal for a baby without a modern harness). It was made in Vienna in the late 1800s by a very famous father and son and luckily still bears their paper label underneath so hopefully someone might appreciate its rarity and pay the rather large price. Next I decided that a brass standard lamp from 1900 was surplus to requirements so that’s gone on eBay too. Finally I am getting rid of the petrol driven leaf blower that I am too scared to use. It has literally been used once and comes with original box and instruction books in any language you like to name, except English weirdly, but that’s how it came from Sweden. It’s also too heavy for me to use for long and the gardener has a better one anyway, so I’m going with the old principle of why keep a dog and bark yourself. Only the highchair will pull the

heartstrings if it goes, but the money exchanged will let me know that the buyer appreciates it and won’t let it come to harm, which is my main concern.

May 9, 2022

We had to go to the bank first thing which was confusing as John had correctly answered all of the security questions when we reported his lost card, however they explained that the phone people are supposed to hang up if they think the person is being prompted, and he certainly was being prompted. But now it’s done and dusted, so at the moment I have John ringing all the direct debit companies to change the transactions from a debit card to his actual account number. He’s doing the hard yards listening to the endless elevator music and I’m jumping in when a person comes on the line. Waiting on endlessly is the most depressing way to spend an afternoon.

Next, off to Vinnies with an array of goods that I sorted out yesterday. They grabbed the clothes and linen but rejected the stool, electrical items and the perfectly clean bassinet (health and safety??). It is annoying that I need to go to various charity shops with different acceptance criteria before I get rid of everything, but it’s always the same. We discovered the carcase of a large ringtail possum downstairs while going through boxes yesterday. It must have gone to hide from something, a cat perhaps?, but it’s unlike a possum to go down as far as ground level so I don’t know how the poor thing met its demise.

Yesterday on the news they were doing a vox pop on the streets of Wentworth asking folks who they planned to vote for: Spender or Sharma. Many were quite decided but one oaf said quite seriously that he would vote for whoever had the most signs up at the polling booth. Perhaps an IQ test for voting might be in order?

May 10, 2022

Just back from one of those days I dread, but despite my worries it all went like clockwork. First an early appointment for his nibs at RNSH for a heart ultrasound and a follow-up with cardiologist Gemma. She says his heart muscle is a bit weaker, but we discussed altering his medications and adding another however I agreed with her summing up that he is doing well and we shouldn’t rock the boat by changing things. He’ll go again in 9 months. Then across town, off to St. Vincent’s for an 11 am session, his monthly IgG infusion. This time I decided to fill in the time (3 and a half hours) by driving to Woollahra, once the antiques capital of Sydney, and drooling on the windows. Except there were no antiques shops to drool over, not one, which was very disappointing but I walked up and down Queen St. to see what gives in loaded-land. When I had my shop and before I got hooked on the courts and ICAC, I would go on a Tuesday day off to mooch antiques and pick up a few foodie bits to bring home. The foodie shops are still there but the prices are waaay out of my reach now now, indeed they are nothing short of laughable. The only butcher, all marble and glass has a floor-to-ceiling glass walled cool room. Cuts of meat slowly pass by, hung from a cog gear and metal chain rack all backed by the floor-to-ceiling Himalayan salt brick wall. This wall, built out of salt bricks imported from the Himalayas in Pakistan, acts as a natural air purifier and

reduces air humidity, thus helping the meats dry-ageing process. They were asking from $80 to $140 A KILO for their meat and people were buying. No mince and sausages here, apart from the string of bronze ones which formed the door handle. I’ve included a link which is worth looking at for the decor alone. https://victorchurchill.com/pages/sydney

The fish shop, which seemed to have a lot of imported and therefore frozen fish, averaged $50 t0 $75 a kilo with local flathead fillets at $105. So off to the fruit and veg market where carrots were $8.99 a kilo so I didn’t get much past the door. A sign requested that people spend no more than 10 minutes browsing, so at least I was able to oblige. I then decided to partake of a filled baguette, of which there were a dozen different kinds in the window at the Queen St. Deli. No prices but hang, it would have to be cheaper than a cafe I thought. So I ordered one to eat on a seat in the street and asked for it to be cut in half as they were rather large. No, she said, we don’t sell them cut in half. But I want to buy a whole one says I, just cut across, but no dice. I left then, only to see her taking it out of the bag and putting it it back in the window, so much for customer service. So lunch in Woollahra didn’t happen and eventually I walked back to the car and read my superbly interesting book until John rang to say he was done. A tiny peek into the way the other half lives.

May 11, 2022

The carer Greg came and took John to Geranium Cottage for morning tea then they had a walk before heading home via the corner bakery where John picked up pies for them both for lunch. I meanwhile went out to the Salvo’s at Dural for the first time and I will certainly be using them in the future. There are two separate doors for the shop and the intake of goods with a pair of enthusiastic older men in charge of accepting donations. Everything the Vinnies turned their noses up at the Salvo’s grabbed enthusiastically. No problems with electricals, no ‘health and safety issues’, just yes please. Then off to the pre-poll voting at Norwest where I met up with Matt Cox, the Greens candidate, and loaded up with more leaflets to letterbox. Tomorrow I go back for some more handing out and seeing the number of voters trooping through I am pleasantly surprised that so many have made up their minds already, despite seeing a lot taking the Liberal how to vote exclusively. I am getting just a tiny bit excited that we may be close to tossing Morrison and Co. out.

On a human level I am sympathetic about the two career criminals, one the sergeant-at-arms of the Comancheros bikie gang, gunned down last night at the gym (gyms seem to be a venue for this sort of thing, another reason not to darken their doors). However I must admit that this retribution is getting so frequent and the crimes they’ve been involved in so egregious, that I shrug and think ‘well that’s two less Hamzy and Alameddine baddies on the street. I wonder how many more to go’. Not approving of capital punishment here, but gosh they are pushing their luck. Yet their families seem staunch in their support, which says a lot about the values they’ve come from.

I am getting that way that if I see Kathy Lette or Lisa Curry in an article or on a TV programme I immediately shy away from it. They are both so ‘look at MEEE!’ that I don’t care if I never see either again.

May 12, 2022

All excited about my first day to myself while John was out on a day bus trip with Orange Blossom Cottage. First off I finally went to David Jones and bought some new bras, whooppee! All but one of my old ones went to the charity shop this week. Then I was heading to Norwest to do the rest of the day handing out how-to-votes as arranged, when I got a call from Vanessa at OBC to say that John was refusing to get on the bus. I had missed three calls from him while in DJs but then picked up another desperate one asking me to pick him up immediately. I drove straight over there and Vanessa had stayed back with him when the bus left. He told me he didn’t want to stay because 1. It was an institution and he’d spent too long in institutions, such as boarding schools and the seminary and 2. The stainless steel kitchen reminded him of the seminary and 3. He wanted to be with me and not with people he doesn’t know. I was on the verge of tears of disappointment, but then I saw that he had tears in his eyes when I arrived and I melted with sympathy for him, thinking of the confusion and bewilderment that he must have

been feeling to refuse point blank to stay. He is welcome to go back, Kristy has put in so much work to get him in there in the first place and the staff are keen to have him, but whether he will go again remains to be seen. I’ve suggested that I go with him next week and join in the games and whatever, but I’ll need to run that by the management and he may not agree anyway. That posed a real problem as far as the Greens were concerned as I had no phone number to let them know I wasn’t coming to help, so I drove over there and explained in person, which was difficult as John was right by my side so I had to be a bit vague. I am really surprised with what happened as we had been last week to an introductory morning tea and he was fine, but as Vanessa said ‘you were with him then’.

May 13, 2022

I was already so deflated by the events of yesterday that I was able to handle a nasty incident on the way home without getting upset about it. I pulled up at the shops and parked well between the parallel lines but at a slight angle. When I came back with the trolley load I waited at the boot while the car to my left reversed out. As she drew close and level with me she said ‘you old people shouldn’t be on the road if you can’t park’. I was taken aback but didn’t respond, then she hurled something else I didn’t fully catch, but it included my being old and fat (both of which I happily put my hand up for) so I just turned and quietly said ‘and why don’t you just get fucked’ which really stirred her up, and she was still yelling as she drove away. It felt strangely satisfying I must say. Somehow it was a neat coda to a generally unsatisfactory day, however I was neither outraged nor even mildly perturbed. John was in the car and missed it entirely.

Today I have been emailing back and forth with the day centre and asked if John could go into the ‘mainstream’ (read ‘normal’ group who are more chatty and friendly. They replied that “Unfortunately John would not be a suitable candidate for our mainstream programs. His memory is not at a level that

could manage the activities, discussions and skills required by those who attend” so we’ve settled on a plan that I will drive him next week and stay with him while he has morning tea and starts the activities, then hopefully I can go and they will drop him home on the bus at three. Perhaps it will work, but if he digs in and won’t stay there’s nothing I can do about it and they will cancel his place.

The Herald today ran a half page article on the front page sympathetic to the ghastly Deves, aspiring member for Warringah. They have been pretty critical of her anti-trans stance up till now so I don’t know what went on behind the scenes for them to give her such a boost. However the prize for the most appalling visuals this week go to Morrison’s beefy minders who clearly manhandled Trevor Sofield, a previous Australian diplomat to the Solomon Islands, when he tried to speak politely to the illustrious PM. In such a close seat as Lyons that might be enough to get the opposition a few more votes.

May 14, 2022

We had a lovely morning tea and chat with Carol and Jack before coming home to cull the broadleaf weeds out of the grass verge. I didn’t rope John in, but he likes to be doing whatever I’m doing whether it’s weeding or doing dinner prep. But we discovered that however we sat, knelt or bent it was just too awkward/painful to keep it up for long. Perhaps we got a quarter of it done, maybe less. I am trying to avoid spraying so will have to attack it again another day.

Our friend from Canberra rang and of course we discussed politics and the election. A former diplomat to Russia and China and I think also Japan, he laughed about the commotion because a Chinese ship is cruising along the WA coast past a ‘secret’ military base (if it were secret before it certainly isn’t now). He pointed out that when he was a diplomat Australia had a listening post in Hong Kong, not 45 km from China but 4 km! The government must have been desperately wanting a refugee boat to come over the horizon during the election campaign but sadly for them it hasn’t happened so far and a Chinese cruiser in international waters will just have to do. Perhaps they should have organised it better with the Sri Lankan president, who would have been happy to oblige.

Reading a book about WWII I was shocked to learn that black US soldiers “mainly tasked with organising camp sanitation and building ammunition dumps” were segregated in Britain in WWII, with certain pubs, dances and restaurants being off-limits to them, their military police enforcing the restrictions to the amazement of the locals. They tried to segregate the cinemas as well but failed. It mirrors the treatment of Australian Aboriginal troops who were only equal as long as the war lasted.

There are a lot of people who promote an eyeroll whenever their names are mentioned: Mel Gibson, Barry Humphries, Alan Jones, Greg Norman among them. Good Old Greg has excelled himself this week promoting Saudi as a destination (for his golf tournament of course). He commented that “we’ve all made mistakes” as he attempted to rebuff questions over Saudi human rights abuses and the murder of the journalist Jamal Khashoggi. Perhaps a Saudi theme park is a possibility Greg, with a horror ride through

the Turkish Embassy? Perhaps a bone-saw throw as a sideshow stall? The possible variations are endless. I’ll book a ticket to Riyadh now and beat the rush.

May 15, 2022

Dav and family came for afternoon tea and we drew up a sweep for 29 of the electorates most likely to change hands. Whoever gets the most right wins $100 worth of grog or chocolates, the latter added to be fair to John. Millie only had one vote: Morrison or Albo and went for Albo. She is a funny kid, Dav told us about last week when she took Millie for a flu shot. All the other kids were accepting it reluctantly but Millie took three goes in the chair, negotiating with a doctor and nurse: ‘Guys, guys, guys, I will get it but I’m not ready right now. Just wait guys’. Where she got the guys from is a mystery, but not from home.

Thinking about the election (when are we not?) I am afraid that it could be a poisoned chalice for Labor. With massive debt, galloping climate change, massive problems in aged care thanks to privatisation, stupid commitments to lower taxes, rising interest rates, prices bounding upwards, fuel on the rise, not to mention international tensions, Albo and his team would have their work cut out to keep a majority of voters happy. I am really hoping that Dutton is defeated so we keep the worst of the Liberal leadership hopefuls out of contention.

I’ve just finished reading the memoirs of my pal Michelle C. and as usual she astounds me with her memory, her breadth of interests and her eternal optimism. Who remembers the names of their childhood neighbours and of all of their children? Who is a Brownies leader, a yoga teacher, works night shift in a nursing home, runs a small business, then goes to university at an older age after leaving school at 16 and becomes a published author? Well, you guessed it and that’s only scratching the surface, all this while bringing up six children. Hats off to you Michelle.

I have had no luck ringing my brother lately, I get a recorded message saying that ‘either there is congestion in the overseas network or else the number is engaged’. I’m thinking that the old coot has left the phone off the hook but how to let him know? I will be in all sorts of bother as he’ll say I hadn’t rung him.

May 16, 2022

The staff at Orange Blossom Cottage have been in touch again about plans for Thursday. No bus pick-up or return for John, I stay till after morning tea and pick him up at 2.30 before the others leave on the bus. I hope it works as I really don’t want them cancelling the approval for the federal funding that we may not be able to get back later on if it’s needed. With such things it’s always better to stay under the radar.

We’ve been weeding the verge again, it sounds so simple yet it is so hard to do. Getting up from my knees is a task in itself, due to tendonitis. I don’t know how I would have got up without John’s help. John: I love it when we

do things like this as little mates together.

ws that the mayor of the Hawkesbury was stabbed in the arm last night during a home invasion, then the five men escaped in his car. With a wife and four kids in the house I guess it could have been much worse. It will be interesting to see, if they catch them, whether they are Windsor’s bad guys or imported ones from another area. Bligh Park isn’t a suburb most people would even be aware of so I’m thinking locals, but the boys in blue are saying it might be a case of mistaken identity, which could happen to any of us.

Currently waiting for the cleaner to come which will give me two free hours to help with handing out how-to-votes I’m thinking. Sneaky, but I have to grab time as I can find it and John should be fine here with her. It’s a selfish decision as I just don’t want the guilt trip that would ensue if a candidate were to miss out by one vote. Unlikely I know but I couldn’t bear it.

May 17, 2022

The blog website is down again so yesterday and today I am doing it as emails to myself. I’ve sent an email to my blog technical helper in Canberra and we’ll see what he says. All this technical stuff is such a bore, as are many things if you can’t understand them.

Boris came over this morning for tea and cake and talked about the history of Ukraine and of the conflict over time. He has a special interest as it’s the city of his birth and he has relatives on both sides of the conflict. He began with the Mongols in the 1300s. Particularly fascinating were his stories of the Scandinavian slave trade in the 1500s when Swedish children (blond-haired and blue-eyed) were sold in Constantinople as novelties. I choose not to think about the purpose they were sold for, but you don’t need blond children for heavy work. He mentioned the fact that after WWI the Germans set up a puppet government in Kiev but the Communists took it over in about 1920. (Interestingly the change of spelling and pronunciation of that city is part of the Ukrainian government’s differentiation between them and the Russians, Ukrainian being simply a dialect of Russian. So no, I don’t need to change the spelling of my Chicken Kiev recipes as it may well change back). The predominant Ukrainian religion is an amalgam of Catholicism and Orthodox with aspects of both. Apparently the reason that the USSR had some of its states as separate countries was to maximise the number votes at the UN, which makes sense but was totally news to me. The Nationalist Ukrainians supported Germany in WWII and acted as the police force for Nazi Germany as they had the language to deal with the population, but many still have considerable support for Nazi philosophy today. Boris says he’s sending me some more interesting articles on the subject. I could listen to Boris all day on any subject, he’s always a fount of knowledge with a memory I’m envious of.

Jane sent some photos of Leo’s wedding this morning and it looked a great celebration, held at The Mint. In one photo there were eight people in a row and I enlarged it on the computer for John to see. He said he didn’t know any of them so I enlarged the faces one at a time but he still couldn’t recognise them. I then named them from left to right, two of them were his daughters. His response was ‘you’re having me on’ when I pointed them out. He said he wouldn’t recognise them if they passed in the street and he

subsequently had no luck trying to work out who the rest of the party were. I was shocked as I had no idea that he’d lost that ability. His losses are so random that it’s hard to keep up. But seeing the photos made him very sad and I don’t know if it’s wise to keep showing him family stuff in future, hard call.

May 18, 2022

Last night was the second episode of The Family Court Murders. It took me back to the 1980s when we were incredulous about the crimes as they occurred one by one. Then a couple of years back I was attending the judge only trial of Leonard Warwick, until Covid intervened, so I didn’t get to finally see the murderer brought to justice in a videolink from court. It is the only time in going to many trials that I have felt I was in the presence of a psychopath. Sometimes I felt an accused was clever, or completely amoral or perhaps cruel, but he was a stunning example of all three, a man of such narcissism that he didn’t believe he could ever be convicted. He believed for over 30 years that he could outsmart the entire NSW Police Force, and for all that time he did, despite the fact that many police were convinced that he was the culprit. He defended himself in court very capably without assistance from a lawyer on the days I was there, supremely confident in his own legal abilities, which were pretty impressive for someone who was a fireman. The only downside to the programme is the insistence of Debi Marshall in having her head in every second shot, but she did write the book and conduct the interviews so I guess that’s fair. I can’t wait to see the rest of the series as he changes weapon, type of explosive, method, in a pattern very unusual for a serial killer. It is chilling that he almost committed a perfect series of murders.

May 19, 2022

In a story about children in the US with white mothers and absent Saudi fathers one of the men, in his 40s now, related almost word for word the fantasy that I lived with as a child. “[I was] daydreaming that, maybe some day, I’ll walk outside and there’ll be this long, black stretched car pulling up in front of my house with diplomatic flags lining the vehicle. And then he would get out wearing, you know, his thobe and shemagh and kneel down and greet me.” In my version it would be a British diplomat or minor Royal who would apologise for the mistake and take me home. But perhaps delusions of grandeur play a part, as in both cases it’s a big black car and those driving it are prestigious officials. As my brother slowly fades from his irrepressible, rambunctious self into a man more typical of his age, I think that perhaps the vision of that big black car grows again in my imagination.

Thursdays are becoming more than interesting. I delivered John to Orange Blossom Cottage this morning with a view to easing his transition into the group, but unfortunately the other new man who started today proved to be a difficult choice to introduce him to. Firstly I noticed that the man, let’s call him ‘Roger’, couldn’t sign the roll when it came around, but was encouraged to just initial it instead. His name tag said ‘Roger (James)’ which we were told were his first and middle names, but when John tried to engage all he got was the poor fellow picking up his name tag and rereading his names. (John leans in and whispers to me ‘I think there’s something very wrong with this chap’. I later found that his dementia has resulted in aphasia.

So we try ‘Betty’. ‘Hi Betty’ I say, ‘this is John’s first day. We live in Baulkham Hills, where do you live?’ Betty: ‘It’s near here somewhere, but I can’t remember the name of it’. Moving on we meet ‘Paul’ who seems perfectly okay and chatty, telling us about his life at sea, and telling us and telling us and….. (John leans in to say that Paul is self-obsessed). I leave at this point, by now it’s 11 am and my departure involves taking his phone as instructed by the staff. I can’t see at this point that I will be bringing him here next week on the strength of associations made so far, in fact I’d want to get the hell out of there too.

So I tootled off to the dressmaker and picked up the jeans I’d left there last week, too baggy and with cuffs, to be narrowed and cuffs removed. ‘You do realise you can buy new ones in Target for $35?’ she queries. She doesn’t understand that I can’t even throw out 20 year old ill-fitting jeans, silly moo. I leave her with a skirt that also needs repair and go off to the Salvo’s with a donation but come out with an $8 pair of shoes and a $4 pair of brand new socks. Moving on to the Vinnies, I come home with a brand new jumper for $30. Lunch isn’t in some fancy restaurant on my first full day on the loose, I just come home for a bread roll and a cuppa before picking John up at 2.30 as arranged. The lovely Vanessa meets me in the hall and I can hear John in the meeting room reciting ‘The Man From Snowy River’ to the group. ‘He’s reciting Clancy of the Overflow’, says Vanessa.

She tells me he has been very, very cranky most of the day (totally out of character I assure her) standing by the wall with arms folded, demanding to go home, demanding his phone, demanding to speak to the management, demanding to see ‘that woman from administration’ (Vanessa, who’s actually a diversional therapist). At one point someone had to take him outside for a walk to calm him down, he then wanted to walk home alone but Vanessa told him that he was there till 2.30 come hell or high water.

Eventually she got him to participate in a game after he’d previously refused point blank and then late in the day, once he decided to do the poem, he was fine. I watched him start to tell the story of the bike accident to his captive audience but suddenly most of them got up to leave as the bus had arrived ‘I’ll finish it next week’ he called as they departed po-faced. Vanessa commented: ‘That’s his go-to story’, she’s nothing if not perceptive. She told me that he will forget the awful day and only remember the end of it and so it transpired. The other advice was to ‘tell blatant lies if you have to’, just get him here each week and trust us to do the rest.

May 20, 2022

Seeing I was not needed by the Greens today I took on a Sherlock Partridge assignment on behalf of my friend Sue. Her sadly now deceased husband was defrauded out of $5000 for a painting he commissioned which was never delivered, and probably never even painted. Sue had three possible addresses for the accused and sought my help to discover at which premise, if any, she resides. The first two were fizzers, but the third proved worthwhile. It is a large, absolute waterfront luxury block of 36 units built in 1908, the closest building along the water from the Sydney Harbour Bridge so we can safely rule out poverty as a mitigating factor. It is architecturally very interesting, featuring wrought iron interior security doors through which can be seen luxury light fittings and further wrought iron embellishments. The property has

c/c tv in the foyer which activates when any buzzer is pressed. On pressing the buzzer for Unit 36, a friendly male person answered. I informed him that I had business with Ms. B. and he happily informed me that she was at Unit 1. On pressing the buzzer for Unit 1 a male person answered and I repeated my request. He immediately said: “I’ve opened the wrought iron doors, come down the stairs”. Somewhat nonplussed, I decided to ask if Ms. B. was currently in and then a woman came on the line asking “Who are you?”. I said my name was Maureen and I wanted to discuss her art and she immediately hung up. I think in all the circumstances it is reasonable to assume that she does live there and that I have spoken to her today. Mission accomplished and over to Sue.

Vanessa was on the money when she said John would only take home good memories from yesterday. John’s version of yesterday is “My nurse Lucy took me out for a walk on my own, I’m not quite sure why, but it was lovely. I got her home address so I can send her one of my cards. I think I’ll be fine going there now I’ve made a friend of Lucy.” So we posted her card on the way to the city this morning. Lucy is a temporary agency worker, (not a nurse though, I’m not sure where John got that idea) who will only be there for one more week, but I am not going to discuss that detail. Vanessa said that I’ve got to start telling white lies and importantly, know what not to talk about.

I think election campaigns are such a bag of tricks to run, but Martha’s experience in Berowra and mine in Mitchell have been quite different. I struggled to get enough leaflets to letterbox, Martha had boxes of them delivered to her. Then we had to guess where to letterbox, Martha got a detailed map showing which streets and which sides of streets to do. I was so sure that I’d have to pick John up yesterday that I didn’t put myself down to work at pre-polling, but they are right for staff today.

May 21, 2022

Getting some pre-election household chores finished: putting an electric blanket on John’s bed, pulling out all of the blankets to send any with no holes or marks to Helen for the refugees (which means all of those left for us have at least one moth hole or mark, but who cares), putting a new battery in the kitchen clock, doing two loads of washing. It’s a good question as to what this has to do with the election, the answer is not clear, except that there could be positive change afoot and the house needs to be ship-shape and ready for for it, or at least a little more so than it was. Both of my girls commented on the long length of the queues to vote, whatever that means. Davina discovered that her neighbour, a university maths tutor, is on the ballot paper for the Socialist Alliance. Kev and Michelle called in for a cuppa on the way to vote. That’s about all the voting news I can pull together.

Foreign Correspondent had the story of the US man I have mentioned whose father was a Saudi. I hadn’t realised that the article I read was based on a television programme. The difference in the man before and after his trip to Saudi to look for his father was immense. Even though he didn’t get to meet him, he met a cousin who accepted him and that made all the difference. His face was peaceful and he seemed released from the weight of his obsession. Seeing him dressed in his Middle Eastern togs made me smile.

May 22, 2022

We did it! The bulldozer has gone to the wrecking yard, long may it rot there. Last night didn’t look too good early on, but it improved as it went along. I thought that the ABC was strangely flat about the change of government, commenting on the effects of the loss of Josh to the Liberal party but not making much of a deal about the fact that they had a minister in the new government sitting right there on the panel and rarely speaking to her. My kids inform me that the discussion was somewhat more perky on the commercial channels but I can’t handle the ads, so I can’t comment. Up till now there is no decision on the sweep, too many seats are still in play.

But for the next three years the sun will be shining here, whatever the weather, now that we have Morrison off our backs. However the reaction to the community’s rejection of the Right philosophy could very well end up being an Opposition even further to the right with Dutton as Liberal leader, but that remains to be seen. I was surprised that Albanese didn’t mention the Biloela four in his victory speech but I guess he couldn’t fit in everything. I’m guessing they will be released from their long travails at the hands of the Australian government early this week. I am strangely weary after yesterday even though it was just one late night, it was emotionally exhausting.

May 23, 2022

The day is looking good, just waking up without Morrison in my life makes all the difference. I skimmed the book group selection, Ann Patchett’s These Precious Days, before passing it on and even though I’ve read every story before I still teared up at a few of them. We had morning tea with Carol and Jack and delivered the book and on the way home we pulled up for petrol. John’s car needed oil but he was convinced that it is a sealed system to which we can’t oil, so I drove home where I knew I had oil in the garage. Arvind saw the two of us under the bonnet of the car and came out, he was able to tell John that I was doing the right thing by adding it. The thought of my becoming the car expert of the household is mildly terrifying.

My bro definitely seems to be going backwards. I email him but get no replies, he has apparently given up the computer, as has John. But even when we talk on the phone the conversations are pretty basic now: weather, health, if he’s had any visitors. It used to be international affairs, politics, books. I feel as if I’ve lost half of him, the best half.

ICAC seems to be taking an awful long time to come down with a finding on Our Glad. Two possibilities perhaps: that they didn’t want their determination coming out before the election and bringing down more abuse from Morrison, or else other issues have come to light and are being investigated, but of course other possibilities exist. It is often hard to work out how such things can possibly take so long, some of the cases I went to years ago are still not finalised, but when you see the amount of detail in the findings it becomes apparent.

May 24, 2022

I decided we needed a trip out so we went down to Balmain and took a walk from one end of the Darling Street shopping precinct to the other. We planned to also do a walk down near the harbour end but it rained cats and dogs so we retreated to an outdoor but undercover table at C’Est Bon for tea and cake after jumping over a metre of water in the gutter. I didn’t buy anything apart from a couple of loaves of delicious looking bread, one white and one olive sourdough, from an organic bakery, Bonfire Bread. Walking past many dress shops I wasn’t at all tempted till I saw Johnston & Bell, where I wanted everything. The most gorgeous jackets were $149 but jackets are not thin on the ground at my place, so I resisted. A dress covered in a pattern of vines and various birds was delicious, but a bit thin for winter. However if I ever need a new dress or jacket I’ll know where to go. At a small art gallery I saw a wonderful large painting of a yacht in rough sea, if I’d had a spot I would have been tempted, it even had paint thrown at the canvas to represent splashing water, which it absolutely did. Loved it, but someone else can buy it. John had a great time today so we need to do more of it.

While we were there John’s phone rang and it was an unlisted number so I answered it. It was someone from IAG regarding the accident John had in his old Suzuki 18 months ago. His car was written off and he bought his current one as a result. Apparently the other driver is taking legal action against John, even though the NRMA paid the fellow’s claim within a couple of weeks. Stephan didn’t know why they would be doing this after the claim was settled, he’s hoping that it’s a mistake, but it seems very odd. However he said John shouldn’t worry about it, the NRMA will handle it.

Governor-General David Hurley is, like Leigh Sales, someone who’s opinion is written clearly on his face. I’ve noticed before when he’s not happy and saw it again as he did the swearing in of the new PM and ministers. Clearly he’s a Lib, not surprising considering his military background, but he should probably practice the false smile for such occasions. Trying to find out how many votes the Liberals got on their own in the election but haven’t been able to turn up the figure yet. When we make comparisons it should definitely be with Labor versus Liberal, not Labor versus the Coalition.

May 25, 2022

Two days in and Albo is already falling into bad habits. When a country with whom yours has had strained relations sends a positive message to your new government, why would you respond publicly with implied criticism? The only communication with China in this situation should be via diplomatic and inter-government links, not via loudspeaker. I would have thought that was a pretty basic principle for an incoming government.

I have been thinking about how much personal relationships count in politics and wondering to what extent the contretemps between Simon Holmes a Court and Josh Frydenberg contributed to the whole Teals movement. I’ve not seen any commentators discussing this, but there is surely a link between the beginning of Climate 200 and Holmes a Court being tossed out of Frydenberg’s fundraising group Kooyong 200 for pushing for more climate policies. Simon certainly took his bat and went home, but came back with a much bigger bat and hit Josh about the head and body with it.

Watching The Family Court Murders last night was just as riveting as previous weeks, in fact I find I’m holding my breath more than is healthy while watching it, even though I know the facts of the case well. I’ve even forgiven Debi for having her head in every shot, she has certainly crafted a compelling series. The disappearance of Leonard Warwick’s younger sister adds to the story, as does the coincidence of another convicted murderer having grown up just a few doors along the street. Guildford was a pretty rough place to live, but Helensburgh sounds like the sort of place I am really glad not to have grown up in. Warwick and I were born just a few months apart.

May 26, 2022

I was a bit concerned how today would go but as soon as Lucy opened the door at Orange Blossom Cottage John was in and didn’t look back, so I left him to it. I spoke to Vanessa about noon and he was eating lunch and chatting so I was happy to go off to Carol’s for book group. Just four of us, one of the smallest meetings ever, but the lack of bums on seats was more than made up for by the warmth and enthusiasm of the attendees. I had left John a big notice about where I was and what to do and he said that without that he would have been confused about what was going on. I can’t assume he will remember anything. So a very successful day all round.

What is there to say about mass shootings in America? Who knows how many crazies there are per head of population in respective countries, but our crazies just don’t have the means to do what is done in the US. I can’t help thinking though that there are societal differences as well in which homelessness, lack of free medical care, immigration problems, racial bias and drug addiction make for a fractured culture with more unhappy folks in the mix. As usual the culprit is described as a loner who was bullied and left school early, apparently with a grudge. It appears to me that as well as revenge on society, another purpose of these crimes is to be remembered, simply recognition, which at a much less dangerous level, is also part of the whole influencer cult. They are faced with a choice between a society where people accept modest sacrifices (such as curtailment of gun rights) for a common good (less murders) or a more contentious society where groups selfishly protect their own benefits (gun rights). I wouldn’t want the job of trying to unravel American social problems, I wouldn’t know where to start apart from the obvious task of legislating the banning of guns, which is never going to happen, at least in my lifetime.

May 27, 2022

Tried to deliver the blankets for refugees today but Helen was out, so I have added a couple more. Amongst the last lot was my childhood single-bed chenille bedspread, white with a basket of flowers in the centre, which is 70 years old. Perhaps it should be going to the Powerhouse Museum instead. The blankets are mostly from the same period, the 1950s, pink and blue checks or pink and green checks by Australian company Onkaparinga. Why do I still have them? Because sticking them in the Vinnies is somehow less personal than giving them to known Afghan families perhaps?

Thinking about the Taliban and the grief they are causing and although I am totally against their philosophies I can understand that while our societies were modernising and becoming more liberal, they

have been in a battle to save their country from invaders, for nearly 150 years! Of course they needed to grip their culture with both hands while they fended off one colonialist power after another. In that respect I have some sympathy for them and regret that we were part of the tail end of their woes. Just leave them alone and give them a hundred years of peace before we make comparisons.

John’s electric shaver barely recharges so I rang The Shaver Shop to order a new battery. Nup, he is just supposed to throw it out and buy another. Then we took my bedroom cedar venetian blind to the very good blind repairer who said that he can’t buy the mechanism for this one any more. At least I was able to pick up my skirt from the dressmaker and it will see me out. Not that things need to be that long-lasting to see me out these days.

May 28, 2022

The blog has been hacked, again. So my blog helper is working on it but is not sure if or when he can fix it. I don’t understand what the hacker gets out of it in this case? But clearly something.

Yesterday we happened to bump into an old antiques contact who specialises in rustic stuff, tools, kero lamps and the like. He said he and his wife would like to visit and then I got to thinking about all the sorts of things lying about which are in his line but no good to me. He is handy at repairing stuff and I know I have a shovel blade with no handle, likewise a pick with no handle, some hammers, a pump, odd lamp parts, old shelf brackets and I’m sure there’s lots more. I will put a boxful together and he can have it, I’m not interested in selling those bits. A win in the decluttering stakes, all due to a casual encounter.

I finally got the blankets to Helen and then did some shopping, but while I was in the fruit market Jane rang John and he told me that they were coming over this afternoon so I needed to ring her once we got home. I thought it odd as they are in iso due to spending time with Martha when she was Covid positive. But I rang as asked, only to find that they were never coming over, it was just a social call. I will really need to double check messages carefully in future.

May 29, 2022

Seeing it was such a lovely day we headed off to Lake Parramatta to do the walk right around the lake. It is 4.6 km and took us 2 and three quarter hours with a couple of rest and fruit stops which sounds a lot, but it is quite uneven, slippery and undulating. You would never know you are in Parramatta, with plenty of birdlife and in a stroke of luck we came across a patch of Cortinarius archeri or violet webcap mushrooms, brilliant bright purple ones which sometimes appear in autumn in eucalypt forests. They look exceedingly poisonous though I don’t know if they are or not, certainly some of that genus is though. I was pretty knackered at the end of the walk but glad we did it. When we got home Arvind had been digging to find the source of the slow leak of water in our driveway, but couldn’t find it. Very annoying as the brick driveway will start soon and the last thing we need there is running water.

Thinking about a little holiday for John’s birthday which is what we did last year, but then realised that it’s a long weekend so everything is booked out. I’m guessing it was doable because it’s a city hotel and they lose all their business clients at the weekends. Greg recommended a place in Leura but when I looked it up there were only a few vacant nights between now and September! Perhaps we can go the weekend after.

Apparently the blog hacking allows the baddie to “take over your site to use it to host illegal material or ads, send spam or to launch attacks on other sites” according to my blog master friend. He is working on getting it back up but it’s happened a few times now, yet it went for years with no problems at all.

Albo has commissioned a report from Mike Pezzullo about Border Force’s outrageously political announcement of the interception of a boat of refugees, conveniently occurring on election day. There’s little chance of any criticism of the previous government from The Pez, that ultra-conservative Dutton supporter. His view of the world is a dark one, constantly seeing life as a struggle between the good, spiritual (religious) world and the evil material world. Two people who have worked with him, one an army officer and one a public servant, have commented on his obsessive, militaristic, religious, socially conservative view of the world. It shows up in his control-freakery and his petty views about such trivia as men wearing earrings and people having tattoos. Apparently his views on gays are pretty predictable too. Hopefully his days as head of Home Affairs are numbered. No friend of this government, that’s for sure.

May 30, 2022

We had a garage hunt this morning, digging out stuff to give to my ‘rustic antiques’ friend Bob. My joke with him was always: Bob who buys old junk and sells antiques. It’s totally selfish on my part to offload this stuff as I so badly want to clean up my storage, but I think he’ll be more than happy with his spoils. In the process I found my key collection which has been lost for years! Now I need to find a nice frame to hang them in, some are antique gaol keys, others brass ones from a ship replete with brass labels. My favourite is the Schwimmbadschluss which is apparently ‘swimming pool drain’, though there are some from officers’ cabins as well. Also I turned up a quantity of old coins and jewellery, but three pairs of earrings begged to stay with me, so I relented and now they are ensconced in my jewellery cabinet. More eBaying is on the agenda.

Made a big pot of Greek Lentil Soup for lunch, with tomatoes, carrots, onions, garlic, chili and lemon, topped with feta cheese to serve. We had it an hour ago and John just asked if we’ve had lunch yet.

Well the results of our election sweep are now finalised and I won!!! There is one more question to go but even if I got that wrong the second place getter can’t overtake me so I’m doing an Antony Green and calling it. John came second but it’s winner take all. I think I should also get a bonus prize for picking that Brisbane would go to the Greens. However seeing them get it was prize enough. Davina’s friend has just been diagnosed with stage four breast cancer and she is a single mum using IVF, so no dad on the scene. There is a gofundme page for her so some of my winnings can go there.

May 31, 2022

Well, as many times before, Facebook has proved the very best way to contact big companies or corporations. I spent some time yesterday waiting on the phone to Sydney Water to report the water leak in my driveway, but as soon as I was answered the line dropped out, grrr. Then I tried reporting the problem online but it didn’t want to take the complaint because it is on private property. However there are no water pipes on that side so it clearly has to be coming from either next door or from the street. Having dug down around the fence with Arvind’s place it seemed dry, so logic told me it’s a water main. As has worked so often before, I put the problem directly on their Facebook page and a man arrived at 7 pm! As it was raining he couldn’t do much but promised to return and did so at 11 am today. He has found a slow leak in the pipe coming from the main across the road (using a gadget that senses vibration in the copper pipe through the ground) and it is in the hands of their plumbers now. But they’ll have to dig up the road and Arvind’s grass verge to fix it so that might take a while. I suspect that it was the weight of the crane used to lift the massive tree branches that has caused a pressure fracture in the pipe, though I didn’t want to mention that and get the crane man or Arvind in trouble.

We were planning to go out today but I got suddenly and inexplicably sick just after breakfast so we decided to stay home. Lucky we did, as we got to see the Sydney Water man Josh, who was lovely and had coffee and cake with us on the front verandah, then the pharmacy rang to say that John’s prescriptions are being delivered, even though we didn’t request that. So I spent some time weeding the grass verge of broadleaf weeds and felt better over time. Josh has just had Covid and complained of terrible cramps crippling his hands that no one could explain, but they disappeared as the Covid got better. We currently have three friends with Covid, the most worrying being my old client Annette who has a medical condition that requires her to be on oxygen permanently and now she has Covid on top. Then Sue rang and asked if she could come over, so perhaps I got sick for a purpose as it all worked out fortuitously.

June 1, 2022

The first day of winter, the day each year that I feel as if it’s reasonable to put the fire on, and boy we could do with it today. However I try to avoid having a gas fire going any more than necessary, for both climate and health reasons, so I am pulled in two directions. But I don’t think a low oxygen, high carbon dioxide environment is good for anyone for long periods.

John went off with Greg to Richmond and they ended up having lunch at a cafe owned by one of my old shop clients. Greg had suggested lunch at the Richmond Club which neither John nor I was keen on because of the Covid risk. They seem to get on well and Greg comes up with good suggestions for trips they can do, next week it’s Wiseman’s Ferry. I wish I had som

meone to drive me about like that, it would be wonderful.

iping for the water leak was too big a job to do without a road crew to control the traffic as they need to dig across the road. So we are in the dark about the next step but it’s all happening faster than I expected, thanks to Facebook.

I was planning to have morning tea tomorrow with my friend Di but yesterday she fainted while cutting up a banana for breakfast, hitting her head against a glass cupboard door and smashing it (the cupboard glass, not her head, although she now has an egg sized lump). Could have been much more dramatic but now she’s in the San while they try to work out what happened with brain and heart tests.

June 2, 2022

John was happy to go to day care on the bus today. Vanessa rang to say that due to staffing problems no one can come next Thursday, which is a shame as it was going to be a day trip to a Bobbin Head. I’ll have to think up an outing for next Thursday to make up for it. She also said that they did some dancing to old music in the morning and John was sitting with his head in his hands, but later brightened up when they did painting and then played a game of bowls.

I met up this morning with a friend who used to work for me. She has the Braca2 gene and after a double mastectomy years ago she then came down with cancer of the diaphragm, also caused by that bloody gene. She’s had massive surgery this year and is now without her spleen, appendix, gall bladder and rectum, all of which took over 12 hours. Her mum, her twin sister, aunts and grandma all had breast cancer, it doesn’t spare anyone who carries that gene. Also saw Bob B. and he told me that the underbidder for Geranium Cottage where he has his little shop was…. boom tish the owners of Wild Pear. So clearly they are in a mind to expand, although I was very surprised at that after doing a new kitchen, bar and extending the seating only recently. I wish in a way that they had bought it because I know it would be a magic property where they could expand to doing dinners, I suspect the nursery where they are now wouldn’t want people wandering about at night pinching plants and plaster statues of Jesus.

I’m currently reading a book in which the main character, after committing suicide, is allowed to make a list all the decisions in life that she’s regretted and then try that life on for size to see if she would prefer it. It got me thinking about the major regrets I’ve had and how life would have worked out if I’d gone down the other path. I came up with quite a few I must say.

June 3, 2022

I got to sleep at 4 am and John woke me as agreed at 7, as we needed to take my car for a rego check and service. Since Alex moved his business to Blacktown it’s a real pain in the pinny to get there. The loan car he gave me wouldn’t get out of first gear so I travelled slowly there and back, with much stress as I really hate driving other people’s cars, even hire cars. John’s car is due in a couple of weeks so I asked him to go out with a piece of paper and pen to write down the odometer reading and the due date for the service, found on a sticker inside the windscreen. “No sticker there, it must have fallen off” he told me, but a quick check proved that there was in fact a sticker so I noted the number. I find it exhausting that I just can’t

assume any more that what he tells me is fact. Alex mentioned the possibility of selling one of the cars, something I have been thinking about, and offered to sell it for me on his business website and Facebook page, it’s tempting as he would know how to answer any questions.

Almost finished The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, the book I mentioned about someone getting to go back and relive the lives that she regretted not taking up. Of course to stay strictly by the criteria I couldn’t choose to stay in England with my family as that wasn’t my choice and I was too young to press the point, but I could certainly insist on staying at school despite my mother ringing and telling them that I would be leaving as soon as I turned 14. Another would be in my twenties, to ignore my mother’s distaste and apply for the Forensic Science Technician’s job at the morgue as I had the qualifications they were asking for and one of my Institute of Technology classmates worked there and said she’d put in a good word. Perhaps I’d have a go at refusing to get married too. The book has its issues but it certainly got me thinking about which lives I’d maybe have preferred, but as in the book those can turn out to be much better in imagination than in fact.

Made a Persian Love Cake for lunch tomorrow, so I just need to add some pomegranate in the morning. I don’t know why I don’t do more of them as they are pretty easy and foolproof. I was going to do the tidying up, dusting etc as well, but after the two trips to Blacktown and not enough sleep I just need a sitdown job for a while.

*

*

June 5 to June 12, 2022

*

*

I have been reluctant to write since the blog crashed on June 4, deleting every post from 2016 to the present. Not knowing if it will ever be restored to its former self has sapped my inclination to add anything, knowing that it can all vanish in the blink of an eye. But Mark is still working on fixing it, bless him, so there must be some hope. There was clearly no chance that I could have fixed it.

*

Last weekend was a shocker, what with the blog going down and John regressing even further, all together more than I could cope with. I often ask him to take care not to overfill the water filter as it’s on top of an antique cabinet and if overfilled it leaks through a gap in the boards on top, flooding the contents. Last Sunday he did it again and everything inside was soaked. I yelled at him (yes, I know full well that he can’t help it, thanks for reminding me) and I just felt like going out and leaving him to it for a while, but of course that’s not an option. By Monday I should have been over it but, because he likes to be the alarm person, I asked him to set it early as the gardener was coming at 7 am. Next thing I knew I’d slept in till 7.30 and the gardener was well and truly into working, but not on the things I most wanted done. ‘Why didn’t you set the alarm?’ I asked. ‘Oh I did, but I couldn’t remember why, so I just let you sleep’ says he. Tuesday picked up, it was John’s infusion day so I met my cousin at Fratelli Paradiso in Potts Point where we had lunch. There are outdoor tables, though it was very cold and blowy. As we were leaving a fellow diner approached and said ‘Has anyone ever told you how much you look like the queen?’ and I was able

to relate that in my shop it was a regular question when my hair was a little longer than usual and showed the curl. Angela pulled out her phone and showed them photos of me as a teenager and they swooned ‘Oh so like Princess Elizabeth!’ Perhaps we’re related I suggested. The other frequent question I got in the shop was ‘Has anyone told you how much you look like Miriam Margolyes?’, though I can see the latter more than the former.

*

Davina and Millie have been sick all last week and on Thursday they were diagnosed with Influenza A. Dav had booked a holiday house in Kangaroo Valley for four days but it was past the cancellation window so she offered it to us. I had been musing about a weekend break soon but with the planning, driving, packing, cooking etc all falling to me, it seemed to be more than I could cope with. However when the opportunity fell into our laps it didn’t seem too hard at all, in fact because I didn’t have time to worry about it the issues seemed to shrink. So off we went on Friday morning, stopping in Kiama for a picnic lunch by the beach and then driving through Berry and along the narrow, windy road over Berry Mountain into Kangaroo Valley. Someone in a four-wheel drive (a local I’m sure) tailgated me down the mountain, finally overtaking on a blind hairpin bend which would have sent any car coming the other way off the cliff. That was one hairy drive and I think I will go the long way via Nowra to avoid a repetition going home as many people will be checking out tomorrow and in a rush to get home. This house is in a blissful position on the Kangaroo River, with the escarpment of the mountain in the distance. It is a four bedroom two bathroom house and the kitchen is fitted out with every culinary gadget known to man, but the wood fire is perhaps second to the view in terms of importance. We go walking and collect kindling too lovely to burn, all covered in lichen. I think the break is doing us both good, I am only making very simple food, we go for walks, read, John does his colouring and we are happy. It is his 81st birthday today and after breakfast we went to the tiny farmer’s market nearby when it opened at a cold and blowy 9 am and scored some pumpkin, onion and gorgonzola frittata for dinner tonight, so I only need to make a salad and that’s another meal that I don’t have to worry about. We also picked up fabulous scones and some sweet pastries that will mean there’s plenty of treats to have with cups of tea and also for a picnic on the drive home. The town is replete with any number of cafes and restaurants but ingredients are very hard to come by, though luckily I brought plenty from home so we haven’t starved. There is a television here but no free-to-air reception, only Netflix, it’s in a separate room without the view or fire so we haven’t bothered with it. We are a short walk from the historic stone suspension bridge which replaced an earlier wooden one which was washed away in a flood just one week after the stone one was opened in the late 1800s, rare perfect timing by the flood.

*

*

June 13 to June 15, 2022

*

*

There is a huge mounted photo by Jon Frank on the wall of the cottage, but it doesn’t give any indication where it was taken. So I Googled him to try to find out and came across some company registration or similar which gave his address, only to find we have been staying in his house! Sorry to be saying goodbye to our cosy little, well not so little, house. Just as I was putting the bins out and almost ready to leave, the cleaner arrived and I was shocked to discover that she comes all the way from Dapto, 70 km over that

terrible Berry Mountain road to clean one house for four hours, it can’t be worth it with the current price of fuel. It adds over two hours in driving to four hours work. I was glad I could tell her which rooms weren’t used at all so perhaps she could get away a little earlier, I don’t know. I decided to drive via Nowra to avoid the dreaded mountain but of course we had to cross the Cambewarra Mountain anyway, however the road was wider and safer than the way we came. We joined the highway to bumper to bumper traffic, long weekends have their downsides. In Berry we laughed at the block long queue for the Hot Donut van but once we walked through town it was obvious that was par for the course. People were ordering takeaway coffees at a hole in the wall place to drink while waiting in queues for a seat at the many cafes. We decided it wasn’t for us and headed to Kiama where we picnicked again at the beach on the same table we had sat at on the way down. On the way past a couple of collieries on the Picton Road I wondered why it’s colliery and not coalery, that thought kept my mind occupied for quite a few kilometres.

Over the weekend John had three calls from his grandkids, plus he was sent numerous photos of them, their artworks etc. Aurora shows great talent as an artist, I loved her work. They said that their mum was away with her sister for the long weekend so they were home with their dad and this coincided with more contact than John’s had with them the whole year so clearly they normally feel constrained.

*

Sadly, the day after we came home was a really bad one for John, he was so confused and going over and over things to the point that I got impatient with him. We are in the process of converting his study back to a guest bedroom and although we tried, it just wasn’t possible for us to do the heavy lifting of furniture that was required. I suggested that we needed to get my friendly removalists to come and help and hang the expense, something he was quite open to doing. So I rang Jeff and luckily he was able to come the next day, but shortly afterwards John came in from the neighbour’s house and told me that he’d asked Arvind to come and move the furniture for us. Yeeks, it was way too awkward and heavy to expect him to do it, so I had to apologise and withdraw the request. As I said it was a bad day in many ways.

However today John went out with his carer Greg and the removalists finished and were driving off just as they returned. Woohoo, it was done so easily and professionally, it really is better to cough up and pay the professionals. Now John is busy putting all his beloved figurines back into the relocated display cabinet, but I have had to ask Arvind’s help to wire up the transformer and dimmer, I can’t fathom it but it’s easy-peasy for an electrical engineer.

*

John came home today with a funny story: His carer Greg took him to the beach for a drive and John needed the loo. Once inside, he saw a cubicle with a long drain in the floor and, thinking that it was some upmarket new urinal “well it was in Coogee” he used it. But when he pressed the flush it turned out he was in the shower, so he came home pretty wet. He just doesn’t see things at times, in this case a shower head coming out of the wall. They both had a good laugh over that.

*

*

June 16, 2022

*

*

Oh my goodness, Mark has fixed the blog as he always said he could.

Now I just need to work out how to get some spaces happening between paragraphs, apart from that it’s just as it was.

John enjoyed his time at day care today. They sent me a photo of him grinning broadly because he’d won some game they’d been playing. He looked really relaxed and happy.

I stayed at home weeding the grass verge, sorting out more ‘stuff’ of John’s and finding homes for his things, packing an EBay parcel to go to Colorado Springs, but somehow having been away I didn’t feel a pressing need to go out on my ‘day off’.

*

*

June 17, 2022

*

*

Today we’ve had a lot of success with getting jobs done and out of the way. First a trip to Blacktown to see the lovely Alex and get John’s car registered. I thought to show him the pic of John’s desk, actually a 1950s pine dining table, in case he had a use for it. He did and his dad will come and collect it, whoopee. It wasn’t worth paying a carrier to take it to the auction so he’s doing us a favour. Then off to The Chocolate Warehouse in Castle Hill to get a bunch of chocolates to post to Mark for his help. I offered him a bottle of Irish Whisky but he wouldn’t tell me the name of the one he likes, however they had some Dublin Irish Whisky Chocolates so I got them and a couple of other sorts. At Dural I posted off the chocs and the parcel to Colorado Springs (makes me think of poor old John Denver). It was an eBay sale of a cased antique Meerschaum cigar holder with an amber mouthpiece, sold for the princely sum of $30 and worth five times that, but who’s counting? As long as the buyer appreciates it and looks after it I am happy. The same applies to the 1905 brass standard lamp which has lived in the loungeroom for years but rarely if ever gets used. I sold it on eBay for too little money but was happy to see how pleased the buyer was when he picked it up this afternoon. He’s an antique lamp collector so I couldn’t be more pleased. Then to St. Vs at Dural with a box of vintage china to donate. I prefer the Sallies for a number of reasons, but anything old and with value I take to Dural because the ladies who work there are older and understand what they’re looking at, whereas those at the Sallies are all young and don’t know anything about the good old stuff. The Sallies is a better charity, always looking after people in prison, in the courts, in natural disasters. When people went to St. Vs in Windsor looking for help they used to send them to us at Hawkesbury Helping Hands! We had no income, no shop, no wealthy church behind us, we were all just volunteers, it used to stick in my craw and still does.

*

What is it with Australian / Ukrainians, real and imagined, and literary swindles? Coming on top of the disgraceful Demidenko affair where the author stressed her Ukrainian ancestry as the source for the vile anti-Semitic material in her novel, only to be exposed as the daughter of English parents with no links to the Ukraine at all, we now have half Ukrainian John Hughes caught in the midst of a plagiarism scandal. I’ve been having a good laugh about John Hughes, an English master at Sydney Grammar no less. His book The Dogs has been withdrawn from the long list for the Miles Franklin award (Demidenko got to keep her Miles Franklin) after an investigation “uncovered 58 similarities and identical instances of text between parts of The Dogs and the 2017 English translation of Belarusian Nobel prize laureate Svetlana Alexievich’s nonfiction work The Unwomanly Face of War”. But it gets worse……it has now been

revealed that the book also contains passages which are very similar or almost identical to sections of The Great Gatsby, Anna Karenina and All Quiet on the Western Front. He has good taste in the material he rips off, I’ll say that for him. I am miffed though, because I could have written a stunning novel and been long-listed for the Miles Franklin, if only I had thought first of cutting and pasting great wodges of famous books and passing it off as all my own work. Rats! I wonder what Hughes’ colleagues and students make of it all?

June 18, 2022

*

*

Last night I finished reading Missing Presumed Dead by former Crown Prosecutor Mark Tedeschi, but whether it was wise to read it remains to be seen. One of the two murdered women it focusses on, Kerry Whelan, was a longtime customer in my shop, as was her husband Bernie, and reading it took me back to the time that she was missing and the dawning realisation that she was surely dead. I was driving some weeks ago when I turned on the radio and heard Mark discussing his book and from then on I’ve debated whether it would be too upsetting to read or too fascinating not to, both turned out to be true. So I was fascinated with the path the police and lawyers took to finally get a conviction of the murderer Bruce Burrell, but also near tears at seeing Kerry’s photo, hearing her words recounted and imagining her terror when she realised that she was about to be murdered. In the days after her disappearance, a close friend of hers told me the words Kerry spoke to her horse groom about Burrell and there they were on the page, almost word for word. However something else that she told me then doesn’t appear in the book at all and I spent last night tossing and turning, thinking of Kerry and wishing I’d resisted the temptation to read the book at all. I have already bought a ticket for the author’s talk at the library on Tuesday and it remains to be seen whether or not that was a good decision.

*

Ever since I signed up for the new iteration of the ABC’s iview system I haven’t been able to access programs on demand despite having been able to do so easily ever since it was introduced. So I asked my neighbour, an electrical engineer, to help, thinking that John had been messing with the wires (an unjust thought in this case). After quite a palaver we managed to get a code to appear on screen and I entered this where required on the app, only to be told that it was wrong. After some time Googling the instructions Arvind informed me that it appears that you now need a smart tv to access it. These things just sap my will to live. It’s an odd phenomenon that I can stand an awful lot of misfortunes but then occasionally a small thing happens that just pushes me over the edge, and this was it. I spent much of the rest of the day feeling pretty hopeless, though still functioning, but with no joy there. Perhaps it was reading about Kerry that started the process but the bloody iview finished it. One thing is for sure, I’m not buying a new tv just because I can’t access programs on demand, yet it I will certainly miss the documentaries that I love if I can’t get them to view them when it suits me. Sodding ABC technical department, I shall let them have both barrels when I write to complain.

*

*

June 19, 2022

*

*

Thinking about all the excuses that politicians are coming up with for the rapid increase in power prices: war, use of renewables, the cold snap, insufficient gas after the exports are deducted, but no one wants to mention the bleeding obvious, that governments sold off our resources and have lost control of how they are used, transmitted and exported. Essentials should always be under government ownership, luxuries can look after themselves. It’s pretty simple but rarely adhered to. All power generation and transmission, provision of water, one telecommunications company, one insurance company, one airline, one bank, the steelworks, airports, schools and hospitals should all be public (have I missed any?). Apart from that you can have your glorified free market for everything else.

*

We went to Erko today for a traditional Sunday lunch with Dav and family. I took Millie a couple of books and she was able to read one of them to me with no problems with words like ‘porcupine’. It is The Lilac Ladies and tells the story of four older women who spend time together each week, swimming, dancing and eating, but then one of them sickens and dies (although the word is never actually used, she is ‘no longer there’. The remaining three are sad and don’t know how they will cope, but gradually they bind together again and do the same things in her memory. It is sensitively handled but introduces the concept of loss. How I wish it were that simple, but perhaps we just need to make it that simple. Death isn’t optional, so we need to have a toolkit for when our friends and partners are ‘no longer there’.

*

I have puzzled somewhat over what happened with the lady whom I met a few months back when I delivered an eBay parcel to her and discovered that she lived alone and was completely bedridden, with carers coming in numerous times a day. We exchanged phone numbers and she seemed keen for me to come back for a visit, bringing a piece of stained glass that she had been hoping to find on eBay to sit on a window ledge to reflect the colours into her room. I also offered a quilting pattern book which I had as she is a quilter. But despite leaving a couple of messages in the coming week or two I didn’t hear back and although that’s perfectly fine and her choice, I can’t help wondering what happened when she’d seemed so keen. Perhaps she decided that it wasn’t a help having a reasonably fit person fifteen years older coming and going when she can’t leave her room, perhaps someone suggested to her that I could be after something from her and she lost trust, or perhaps she got sick and I’ll never know. I think about her from time to time and hope she’s well.

* * June 20, 2022

* * I picked a novel off the shelf at the library last week when I was in a hurry, just because I liked the cover, a branch of an orange tree with fruit and blossom. But what a lucky strike it was, I just couldn’t put it down. On page one I came across the Portuguese word ‘saudade’, which has no exact English translation, but the nearest analogy is ‘the presence of absence’, a longing for a happiness that has passed or that possibly never even existed. In the non-fiction book ‘The Primal Wound’ by Nancy Verrier, the psychologist author expresses the view that an adopted person always knows deep down that they are missing something, even if they have no idea what that something is. Page one of All My Mothers has the sentence: “My saudade was like travelling in a car on a dark road and seeing, for a second, a lit window, and then, very quickly,

not seeing it”. Eva knows she is different, knows that somehow she doesn’t fit, and the book is about her slow and sometimes agonising unpicking of the life story that she has been told is hers. Coincidentally Julie-Anne, my pal from the library with whom I share an interest in books and baking, was coming for morning tea today on her way to a midday start. She mentioned (not knowing anything of my history) her friend, one of four siblings, who has always looked after her youngest brother who lives in a caravan on her property. Her brother is single and somewhat unsettled in life. Recently at the age of 52 he got a letter from someone purporting to be his sister and he contacted her, finding out for the first time that he was in fact adopted. Other family members and friends had known this all along but he was never told. I can count so many people who have been in this position, somehow not fitting in, often not finding a partner or a life of their own yet never knowing what it is that they were missing, ‘the presence of absence’. My friend Jackie felt this ‘absence’ her whole life yet she didn’t know she was adopted till she was told by her sister on the night of her fiftieth birthday party. Her life went into a downward spiral and she was admitted to a psychiatric centre soon after, from the pain of that lifelong deceit. I sat listening to Julie-Anne’s story but resisted the temptation to say very much, although it took me all my effort not to cry as I grieved for this poor man whom I will never meet. Perhaps at a later date I may recommend this book ‘All My Mothers’ to Julie-Anne as something her friend could benefit from reading.

*

We’ve finally completed the rebirth of the guest bedroom, making the bed up today, setting up a lamp on one side and a lovely Victorian washjug to sit on the opposing bedside cabinet. The paintings are not what I would have chosen but I need to accommodate some of John’s as well as my own, overcrowding the walls a bit but that’s not a huge deal. Sue will come on Friday and stay overnight so it was finished just in time, although that is a coincidence.

*

*

June 21, 2022

*

*

Today has been one of those days. I went to the dressmaker to pick up a skirt she was altering, closed on Tuesdays. Then went to the lighting shop to get some new globes for my kitchen ceiling lights but they said that sort is not made anymore so I took the replacement type and they scream at the old ones, with a light perfectly suitable for a public toilet. Sue is coming here to stay overnight on Friday and it was a big mistake to tell John that this morning. Ever since he’s been asking me what time she’s arriving, thinking that it’s today. I am trying hard to be patient but this afternoon is not going well either. Yesterday when I was hucking out in the storeroom I came across a box of tiles that were left over from the kitchen renovation. As I have a particular spot under the house where boxes of leftover tiles from various rooms are kept, John offered to move them there, only 20 feet from where we were standing. I was under the house looking for something else this morning when I noticed that they weren’t there, so I asked John where he’d put them but he doesn’t remember or even remember any tiles at all. I’ve searched everywhere I can think of but so far no luck. The bins went out this morning so if he put them there, it’s too late.

*

Last night on Australian Story there was a wonderful program about a not-for-profit funeral service called Tender Funerals, begun in Port Kembla but now spreading more widely. As well as a few trained staff they

have lots of volunteers (something which surprised me) and even the sdmin people and drivers muck in to help with the bodies when needed. They showed a graphic demonstration where people were being taught to remove pacemakers from a chest. I was trying to see if they were using human tissue but I suspect it was probably just pork belly or similar for the prac lesson, though I’m intrigued to know. I am amazed that they get any takers for this considering the community in general doesn’t want anything to do with death, but it’s a good thing to be surprised by such a positive venture. Though I wonder how many volunteers will stick around after the first heavily decomposed corpse is wheeled in? This is an odd segue into the fact that in many ways I feel my life is effectively over. I am finding it very hard to get enthusiastic about anything at the moment, though I try to jolly myself into being so. I can remember particular things in the past that made my spirit really soar but it seems so long ago since that happened that I am doubting it will happen again. Perhaps at my age I’ve passed the end point of real enthusiasm.

*

*

June 22, 2022

*

*

Last night I attended a talk at Castle Hill Library by Mark Tedeschi QC on his book Missing, Presumed Dead. It was such a full house that they needed to use the Pioneer Theatre and even that filled. My impressions of the author are many but particularly his small and expressive hands and his ability to talk non-stop for 45 minutes without notes and without a single um or ah. I guess that’s a skill you learn after 40 years as a QC, but then I’ve heard plenty of bumbling barristers. (I was once very excited to attend a trial where the Defence was the famed Charles Waterstreet and what a messy and disorganised presentation it seemed to me, the client was found guilty and got a long gaol sentence, not helped much by Defence I thought at the time). But back to ‘my learned friend’. At the end there was an opportunity to ask questions but he chose everyone but me, the lady across the aisle commenting that ‘he won’t look at you, will he?’. But I was saved at the death knock when he called an end to questions, only to have one of the library staff point to me and say ‘This lady has had her hand up for a while’. I asked a legal rather than a factual question about why the judge refused to admit three vital pieces of evidence: Burrell’s possession of a half used bottle of chloroform, his list of jobs including ‘clean front passenger area 1/2 an hour’, and the marked street directory route from the hotel in Parramatta to a deserted part of Smithfield. His answer was that judges fear a trial verdict being overturned at appeal with the judge blamed for admitting evidence that shouldn’t have been admitted. I understood that already, but my point was that an acquittal may very well have been the result of not admitting that evidence. Though that ultimately didn’t happen, there was a hung jury at the first trial which perhaps wouldn’t have occurred if all the evidence had been presented. I assumed most people would have read the book already, but not so as when I left there was a queue of about 50 people waiting to buy a book and have it signed. Worth going to, but of course the question of why Kerry got into the murderer’s car is still unanswered and will ever remain so.

*

A while back John got a call from Stephan from NRMA’s insurance arm to say that the other party in an accident that he had over 18 months ago is claiming he was never paid for the damage. NRMA has records to prove he was in fact paid and sent those to the man’s solicitors, but the claim on John remains outstanding. Finally, losing patience, the insurance company gave them 7 days to withdraw but they still

didn’t do so and the matter has been referred to a legal firm acting for NRMA. Stephan rang to explain in case the firm, Turk’s Lawyers, called John to discuss anything. I couldn’t believe that out of all the legal firms in Sydney they had sent the matter to the one where John’s grandnephew Leo works. I mentioned it to Stephan and he said ‘Oh that’s interesting, what’s his name?’ Believe it or not they know each other, which is why it never pays to bullshit.

*

This morning John’s carer Greg was coming to take him for his weekly drive, so I thought it would be a good idea to suggest they go to Koala Park to use up his Discover vouchers before they expire on June 30. I rang Koala Park and asked if it were possible to use both of them as one would be for his carer, but they said that they were perfectly happy to let his carer in for free. Off they went and apparently had a lovely time, lunching at the cafe there.

*

*

June 23, 2022

*

*

I delivered a car load of stuff to the Sallies today: unwanted games of Millie’s, clothes from various sources (much of which I’ve washed and ironed), John’s dinner set which I’ve had on eBay for over a year (not old enough to pass on to the auctions), and some crystal and a decanter that won’t get used here any time soon. I wonder if we will ever host a party again? I can’t imagine it somehow, so perhaps the glasses could be culled soon as well. I go to the Sallies at Dural which is 9.8 kms away, when there is a branch at North Parramatta 5.4 km distant. But the drive to Dural is semi-rural and relaxing while the journey to Parramatta is pretty boring with no outstanding features, strangely the staff at each could possibly be similarly described. So it seems worth the little bit of extra petrol to come away feeling a little better than when I left home. Little things matter at the moment.

*

I have over the last year or so developed a habit of sizing up jackets. Not on real people but on those flat people who inhabit our televisions, both male and female. So every time a newsreader or commentator comes on I immediately go ‘shoulders check, drape of jacket front check, sleeve length check’. There are some pretty terrible sights on people who obviously never look at themselves on the teev, but Ashleigh Raper is the top performer. Having seen her many times at court, I can attest that she has the body shape of a breadknife, tall, thin and almost invisible from side-on, but she could still have ill-fitting clothes if she chose badly. However I’ve come to the conclusion that she gets all of her togs tailor-made as there’s no way she could score a consistent perfect 10 otherwise. I am actually not that keen on many of the things she wears but we’re talking only fit here. But some of her compatriots……no names, no packdrill…..look as if they’ve bought their clothes in Vinnies on the day when the mirror was broken.

*

While on the subject of television, I heard that the best new talent award went to the delicious Tony Armstrong, who first came to light for me on ABC News Breakfast, but apparently he was known to others for playing some sport or other. The thing that is so engaging about him is his total relaxation in front of a camera, it’s just as if he were sitting with you on the lounge having a chat and so you relax in his company

This is the dia

Graham Creed. She is so uneasy with herself that she makes me uneasy, so instead of making a cuppa during Finance I’ve changed to making it during the Weather so she can keep her edginess to herself rather than gifting it to me. Recently at a friend’s house she commented out of the blue that Lara makes her feel uncomfortable, so we are either a pair of petty nit-pickers or onto something (or both of course).

*

*

June 24, 2022

*

*

John has been hankering to go to a movie for well over two years now and I wonder how long this bloody pandemic will prevent it because I doubt it will be over in our lifetimes. So today I looked up movie times that would be relatively unpopular and sessions nearing the end of a movie’s run which are likely to be poorly attended. No luck at all. There’s the choice of Elvis (brand new, so no good), a redo of Top Gun (yawn), Jurassic World (purleeze!), two various animated films (nup) or FOUR various films in Hindi or Punjabi. I’m sorry but when I walk down the street I don’t see that there are 4 Indian people out of every 9 people I pass, so why exactly are 4 out of 9 films in these languages? There are plenty of Chinese people for example but not a single film for them. Very odd, but I had to rule out the possibility of a film for John for a while yet.

*

Today was book group at Michelle’s house and for the first time for a while I felt some enthusiasm. Everyone loved the book, The Promise by Damon Galgut, some reading it twice. It was one of the very few books I’ve given 5 stars to in the last year. Heather came over to stay with John while I was out and when I got home she’d brought a high tea for them both on a two-tiered silver server, loaded with turkey and cranberry sandwiches, date and walnut sandwiches, scones with jam and cream and pumpkin fruit cake. I was expecting my mechanic’s father to come one day to pick up John’s desk, but it was understood I thought that he’d ring me first. However he came while I was out today so I didn’t get to meet him and didn’t get to offer him other things that I had in mind, which was a shame on both counts. It could have been the case that we were both out which would have been worse. I was lazy and put the remaining sambos in the sandwich press and called it dinner, with a wisp of salad on the side. Not Masterchef but sometimes it’s just chef’s night off.

*

*

June 25, 2022

*

*

We got a few jobs done today including planting pots of spinach and coriander and carefully putting Feed and Weed on the bloody broadleaf weeds which infest the grass verge all of a sudden, though that’s an endless pursuit. I’ve noticed lately that if I call out to John he answers ‘What have I done?’ or if something is broken/damaged/misplaced he always asks ‘Was that my fault?’ even if I’m berating myself for it. It’s sad that he feels he’s always in trouble, even though I haven’t been cranky with him at all lately (yes I’ve spat the dummy a couple of times in the past). I’m not mentioning the missing antique cast iron moneybox. I asked if he were able to remove the painted price and he took it away, later I asked it it had come off

okay and he said yes it had been easy with a wire brush. ‘So where have you put it?’ I asked. That was 3 weeks ago and it hasn’t turned up yet. I had promised it to the auction house for a toy auction which is now past, but I had to say that I will bring it for the next one when it turns up, if it turns up at all of course.

*

John made a beautiful chess and backgammon table as a project when he was doing architecture and it is all finished apart from some of the hand-whittled chess pieces that fit onto pegs on the sides. He did all of the pawns, but life overtook and he didn’t finish the other pieces. Years ago I bought him an expensive whittling knife from a knife place upstairs in Blacktown (it looked like the sort of place frequented by types of people I wouldn’t like very much). But what with illness and arthritis in his hands the carving still remained undone. So this year I suggested that seeing he can’t carve safely any more we give the wood to the men’s shed in Lane Cove where he was a member and asked them to finish it. Months passed and it sat there underneath their counter but no one attacked the job, so then we picked it up and then I asked my friend and restorer John Koster to do it. He no longer has a lathe and passes all of his carving to another man Neil Collier, so now I’ve contacted him. Apparently he won the woodwork section of the Sydney Royal this year so I suspect he won’t come cheap. The saga continues.

*

What to say about Roe v Wade? Not a lot, except that I feel so sorry for the poor in America and for those unwanted children who will be born and have miserable lives as a result. It seems in America life begins at conception and ends in a mass shooting, or a pointless war or in a legal murder in gaol. Consistency demands that they now ban all weapons, foreign wars and capital punishment. Bring it on!

*

*

June 26, 2022

*

*

A trip out to Windsor today to meet the delightful woodworker Neil, show him John’s chess table and ask him to finish the remaining 16 chess pieces. He was totally sympatico, understood without being told how John wanted them done and made useful suggestions. He asked if he could borrow the project design book that John drew up as he went along, to see how he had made the table and his design influences. So Neil will do the turning and Dave, whom we also met, will do the hand carving to finish them off. He told us that his wife’s father died 8 weeks ago and they are going to sell up their Kurrajong property and buy her dad’s 60 acre farm at Nabiac, presumably from her sibling/s., so we are getting this job done just in time. It’s a pity that John isn’t up to doing woodwork any more as Neil and a few pals meet twice a week out that way and work on projects side by side. ‘Sort of a men’s shed with women’ was how he described it.

*

After that we went for a walk through Windsor Markets and I was surprised at the new shops since my time there, including one called Manor which, although their things were new, appealed to me a lot. I could have spent a fair bit of money there, but didn’t. A large wooden articulated Pinocchio really appealed, but various metal crowns with glass ‘stones’ embedded were fun also as well as glass domes with odd collections of items inside. One shop selling odds and sods, like a charity shop but privately run, had signs saying ‘China, save it from landfill’ and others for glass and all sorts of bits and pieces like odd balls of wool, buttons and whatever. I am still thinking about a delightful framed embroidery I saw there

but I have nowhere left on the wall to put it, so I need to think of who would like it as a gift and then I’ll have to go back. We did a walk along the river and were amazed at how high the floods were, evidenced by the grass and debris in the fences. We only spent $16 for some honey but considered it a successful day, if not a profitable one for the traders there.

*

*

June 27, 2022

*

This morning Kirk and Dean (I always think it’s funny that their names sound so Presbyterian) came to help with the gardening and I did the bend-over weeding while they did the kneel-down weeding (do Presbyterians usually kneel? I think they do as they are basically Calvinists but it depends I guess whether you’re kneeling in humility to God versus kneeling in adoration of an image, like those pesky Catholics do, but I digress). As a result of the bending and kneeling combined we got quite a bit done. Then John and I went off to do a major food shop and we chose just the right day apparently, as at Coles every second thing seemed to be on special. It took me a while to realise that it would be End of Financial Year, trying to get as much stock off the shelves as possible to keep their tax down. We were able to assist in that regard and on a spend of about $320 we managed to get about $80 in discounts. I think that’s the biggest single shop we’ve ever done and as John said: ‘Now we just need to live long enough to eat it all’. I’ll do my best, in both the living and the eating.

*

I am nearly finished the Forensic Science text that I bought a few months ago, I read it in small snatches of a chapter or two at a time, hopefully assisting in committing more of it to memory and to avoid getting too depressed about the terrible things humans do to each other and to themselves. Coincidentally last night’s section was on Pregnancy and Abortion including Methods of Performing Illegal Abortion with lists of possible causes of death as a result, including septic uterus, gas gangrene, haemorrhage, air embolism and more, complete with photographic examples of each. Perhaps the US coroners will be needing this information more frequently in the near future, but illegal abortions in the UK are now more of a historic than a current issue. The book is an English publication and it specifies that legal abortions there must be performed in a ‘Health Service hospital’ ie a government facility, what a difference.

*

Last night, bereft of library books till this morning and trying to avoid withdrawal symptoms, I was reading old New Yorker magazines and laughing at the competition they always have on the last pages. Their cartoonist draws an image for which readers are invited to submit a caption, then the editors choose the best three and invite readers again to choose the final one. The best one was a drawing of a woman in a tower a la Rapunzel but in this case the man at the tower’s base has the long hair. The winning caption was: ‘It is I, Manbunzel’ which had me snort-laughing. Another was a woman on the phone in her loungeroom telling a friend that she is surrounded by a flock of sheep, caption: ‘I don’t know how many there are, I’m trying to stay awake’. This is why I must never be left without library books, I sink to the ridiculous. At this point I gave in and went back to forensic science, hardly a snort-laughing undertaking (no pun intended).

*

*

June 28, 2022

*

*

I wasn’t going to let my final Dine voucher amount go back into consolidated revenue when they expire on Thursday, so today I booked a restaurant for lunch with an outdoor eating option, found via Tripadvisor. It was Deckhouse at Woolwich which has wonderful views towards the Bridge and the city and is right on the water. The weather at that point was fine and sunny so it seemed the perfect day for it. Just as we were walking from the car to the restaurant there appeared a big flat barge with about a dozen people on board. It pulled up at a wharf right in front of us and I noticed then that the people had various Navy uniforms. Because I am as curious as a cat I had to go down and ask what the heck it was and was told the name of the vessel, which of course I’ve now forgotten. But it is to transport tanks and other vehicles to shore from ships. Amazingly this huge thing is fastened on its side on the ship and lowered as needed. The Leading Seaman explained that he was teaching the folks aboard to operate it, they would need some careful attention as it has no sides so I guess it doesn’t work in rough weather. I can’t find a photo of this baby online, the ones there are all in one piece, whereas this one is a collection of floatable sections joined together to make whatever size vessel you need and in this case it was very large. It was great to get the lowdown on it from the boss man. Lunch followed at the Deckhouse and we sat out on the sunny deck which soon became very cool as the clouds and breeze joined us. The waitress was about as capable as I would be, that is: willing but hopeless. When I asked for a wine list she said ‘Oh you want wine‘ as if it were the first time anyone had asked. When she brought the glass of prosecco it was ‘Is that some sort of champagne? I know nothing about wine’. We both ordered the Barramundi with mushy peas and roasted fennel with a side of Roast Pumpkin, maple tamarind glaze, pepita seeds and coconut yoghurt, all of which was delicious but unfortunately our friend forgot to order the pumpkin so it came as we were nearly finished the meal. Thankfully she suggested taking it home and it will probably be reheated as dinner. It had turned very cold by then and she asked if we would prefer to be inside where it was toasty warm but she kept pushing when we declined, saying that we preferred to be outdoors for Covid reasons. ‘Oh don’t worry about that’ she replied ‘it’s the needle that causes people to die, not the disease’. After all this we decided to leave their desserts to savour another day and have dessert at KOI which we were driving right past on the way home. The waiter with whom I settled the account was fully professional so I think we struck an exception. Dessert at KOI was delicious as always so a good day was had by all.

*

June 29, 2022

*

*

Martha had mentioned last week about some photos that she might donate to the museum at Windsor so this morning she texted to see if I wanted to go out with her for the drive. Just before she came to pick me up I checked my Facebook messages to find that one of my old shop clients had posted a positive Covid test result but although she had 98 (yes 98 !) responses, not one of them commented about whether she needed anything. I sent her a message and she had no Panadol or cough medicine, so I offered to pick up both. Sharif our pharmacist said that with Covid it’s important to take both Panadol and Neurofen as they work differently and can be taken together. He also recommended another product so I got that as well. We tootled out to Windsor and I knocked at the doors, both front and back, but with no answer. I had taken a

few soups and a packet of crackers as well so in the end I hung the lot on her front door and sent her a message. I was quite worried that she may be seriously unwell, however later she messaged to say she’d been asleep. Martha and I had lunch in Windsor and then had a look around the museum which I thought underwhelming apart from some videos of past floods.

*

When I got home I discovered that I had received over 20 identical emails from a friend. Suspecting she’s been hacked I tried to find some way of sending them automatically to junk but so far I haven’t worked out how and I am getting one every 2 minutes or so which will fill up my inbox overnight. Simultaneously John is searching the house for his beanie, sunglasses and handicapped parking permit which he took on an outing with his carer today. I’ve rung the home care service and they said that the carer remembers John taking them out of his car so only the gods know where they are.

Coda: John just found all of the missing items inside the garage, on the bonnet of my car. Why you may ask? I’m still asking the same thing, but it seems that every time the carer leaves I need to call about something that’s missing which eventually turns up here, very embarrassing but I guess they are used to it happening and they are very patient about it.

*

*

June 30, 2022

*

*

Good to wake up and know I don’t need to start a stocktake, June 30 is just another day on the calendar. We were to go to Bob’s place at Toukley tomorrow but I decided to check with him last night as they are forecasting a rain bomb starting then. He thinks we should postpone, as does Sue where we were staying over the weekend as she’s driven on the freeway in those conditions and doesn’t recommend it. So I am not committed to packing and baking today, which is the upside. I decided to organise something with our remaining Discover vouchers so I spent a long time on the phone booking tickets for the Archibald Prize at the Art Gallery, but sorted it eventually. Next I contacted Sydney Water about the ongoing leak and was sorted there very quickly, the helpful girl rang their contract plumbers and gave them a push so hopefully they will come to fix it next week. The last call was less successful, to the ABC about my inability to get iview. First she insisted that I hadn’t signed up to an ABC account and was a bit pooey at my ignorance. Luckily I persisted in saying I had and it turned out she’d mistyped my email address (no apology). Then she said it is my Chromecast which is at fault, which I find hard to believe as it ceased working exactly when I signed up to the new ABC account. Now I have no idea what to do so I guess we manage without iview until I come across someone techie.

+

Shocking to read the accusations about Trump’s behaviour on January 6, though thinking it through it shouldn’t be shocking at all, it’s the typical behaviour of an extreme narcissist. I smiled grimly at the image of him throwing his meal against the wall when he didn’t get his way ‘ketchup dripping down the wall onto the smashed plate’. Oh I’ve seen it more times than I can count in the past, the unacceptable meal flying across the room. Once I recall my beautiful hand potted mugs being thrown at the gum tree in the back yard, smashing against the trunk, because of some imagined slight. It amazes me now that I put up with it for as long as I did, but there’s no point looking backwards. If Trump doesn’t end up in gaol

there’s no justice in the world, actually when I think about it there is no justice in the world so he should be fine.

*

I was concerned about the emails coming in every couple of minutes yesterday (now happily fixed) as my friend had a close call with scammers this week. She got an early morning text supposedly from her son, saying he’d changed phones and needed to pay an Afterpay account linked to his old phone. She agreed to pay the amount after some to and fro messages and gulped when it was $2500. She paid it by bank transfer to the link in the text. Luckily she emailed him, rather than texting, to say it was done, only to find he knew nothing about it. She contacted her bank who told her that they hold money for 24 hours if deposits are to go to new accounts that a customer hasn’t used before, so luckily they reimbursed all the funds to her account. Later the scammer kept texting ‘Mum, the money hasn’t arrived yet’ till she blocked their number. What a way to earn a crust.

*

*

July, 1, 2022

“

“

I’ve come across a new word, a ‘multipotentialite’ for a person who has many different interests or creative pursuits. It’s so much better than my usual description of myself as a gig, or a busybody or ‘wanting to know the ins and outs of a duck’s bum’, as I have been described. I can’t help being curious. If I see workmen looking down a hole I can’t avoid asking them what they are doing there and why, likewise if someone has a job I know nothing about. I once went into a paint shop in Castle Hill looking at colour charts and got talking for half an hour with a tradesman house painter about colours and the benefits of using Porters Paints. A few years ago one of my clients was head of the Sydney Masonic Lodge and I asked so many questions that he offered to take me on a tour of the building and the museum. The staff almost genuflected as we passed. So now I can just say ‘Sorry, I’m a multipotentialite so could you explain what you’re doing there’. Perfect.

*

Seeing our weekend away was cancelled we went in to the Ervin Gallery to see the Salon de Refuses, chosen from those artworks that were refused a place in the Archibald and Wynne Prizes. There were a number that I would have chosen over the actual winners, but that’s always the case. Unusually this year we are seeing this exhibition before the Archibald itself, but having seen the winners on the teev I can safely say that some here suit my taste more, art’s so subjective though. However I think the Archibald Prize is very political and the winners are often predictable just from keeping an ear open to the zeitgeist.

*

*

July 2, 2022

*

*

Had a big culinary fail today making honeycomb to take out tomorrow. I’ve done it successfully before, but this batch is sticky to the point of being difficult to even get off the baking paper, didn’t hold the air bubbles and won’t go crisp. It’s like the old stickjaw toffee. Apparently it happens when the temperature

doesn’t get up to 165 degrees on the sugar thermometer according to Mr. Google. But in this case it did, though I thought it was happening way too fast so I took it out and put it back in again just to be sure, clearly there was a ‘thermometer malfunction’. If it doesn’t firm up at least a little bit I’m afraid I’ll have to use it as animal treats (in very small doses).

*

But I did have minor success in painting cards this morning, one of Monstera leaves is good enough to use and the other, a combination of pressed leaves and paper ones cut out and painted is an okay. I got a letter this week from MADRA, the Mallacoota and District Recovery Association, thanking me for the small painting I did of the bushfires as seen from the sea. I had forgotten about it altogether, but I was both pleased to hear from them and embarrassed that I didn’t do a better job, however I did the best I am capable of. I think a few lessons in watercolour painting would do me a lot of good though I don’t know anyone doing that at the moment. My friend Luke does lessons in acrylics but it’s a different style altogether to what I am trying to do.

*

So this week we will achieve the 10,000th death from Covid, half of them having occurred in the past six months. But according to governments of all persuasions we are ‘post-pandemic’. ‘Post-pandemic’ is not a phrase anyone should be using to describe the current situation. A doctor from the Burnet Institute says we could see a total of 15,000 deaths in 2022 alone. It amazes me that when the figures get higher and higher the population chooses to burrow deeper and deeper into denial. No one enjoys harsh control measure but few people enjoy death either, so I can only assume that because the dead are likely to be your ‘olds’ rather than your peers, it makes things like wearing masks not worth the trouble. It seems China is the only place where the government is serious about keeping the death toll down, even though they have plenty of folks in reserve. There’s no talk any more about herd immunity. Prof. Raina McIntyre has always said that this idea is a myth, it can never happen with a virus as prone to mutation as this one is. Why did we ever expect it with Covid when we knew that it was impossible with the flu? If governments and individuals came out and said ‘Look we think people just need to take their chances with this thing’ as many of my friends have effectively said of themselves, then that’s a point of view worth discussing, but this ‘post-pandemic’ nonsense is just denial pure and simple.

*

My old customer at Windsor, who’s not old at all, is recovering from her bout with the dreaded virus and I noted that she had 133 responses to her Facebook post about being positive with 113 people actually leaving comments. Did every friend reply I wondered? No, not even close. I discovered when I visited her page today out of curiosity regarding her wellbeing, that she has over 2,800 ‘Facebook friends’. I find that I miss much of what my 106 friends post, the thought of 2800 just makes me feel tired. I read recently that most people can handle relationships with about 150 people, the author suggesting that this somehow relates to the size of a village in ancient times, though I remain to be convinced of that theory. But toting up I think I came to about 180 people who wouldn’t be too surprised to get a call or an more likely an email from me and I do find it hard to keep up regularly with that many. Perhaps I came from a slightly bigger village as apparently the Vikings, whose blood is the largest percentage in my veins according to DNA analysis, have villages typically housing 150-250, so I can theoretically cope with a few more friends yet if the theory is to be believed.

*

*

July 3, 2022

*

*

During the night I was planning some more cards, this time I think watercolour paintings of various sorts of autumn leaves. I can see the result in my mind but I’m not at all sure I can get the brush to cooperate. It’s frustrating, but I can only keep practising and see where I end up.

I read this morning that a paper has been written showing that vaccination for the flu can deter Alzheimer’s Disease. Using data from patients ages 65 years or over and free of dementia they created two groups, each consisting of 935,887 patients. The study showed that patients who received at least one flu vaccine were 40% less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease over the 4-year follow-up period than those who had not received the vaccine. The risk was lowest in patients who had received a flu vaccine every year over the 6-year look-back period. But it seems that vaccinations for tetanus, shingles or other diseases has the effect of lowering dementia as well. I am at a loss to work out what the mechanism could be, and it seems the medicos are as well. Medical detective work is always fascinating, but this one is a particularly engrossing study.

Jane and Boris, like us, were set to go away for the weekend but the rain changed their minds. Instead we were invited for Sunday lunch and enjoyed a lovely meal and company while the sky gave us its best. Davina went to visit Ryan and Terry at Blackheath by train and sent photos of the flooding Nepean River as well as local floodwaters next to the tracks at St. Marys. Windsor Bridge is under again, what a complete waste of millions that replacement bridge has turned out to be.

July 4, 2022

Oh my, John is obsessing so much about whether or not he’s picked up his pharmacy order (not at all urgent) that I’ve sent him there for a walk (and a mental health break for me). He gets one thought going eg have I picked up the medicine? and asks me constantly until it’s just easier for me to do it and get it over, but today he can combine it with a walk and kill two birds. I usually go with him when it’s raining as I actually prefer walking in the rain, but not today, I need an hour free.

The honeycomb saga continues: After the mix clearly failed on Saturday I Googled ‘why did my honeycomb fail’ and it is a thermometer problem apparently. I didn’t get the temperature high enough despite the reading telling me that I had, so I turned it out onto a board with a view to cutting it into squares to take to Jane’s as ‘honey toffee’. However it welded to the board and both John and I spent an hour levering it off a millimetre at a time, trying to get pieces to use. We managed to get some reasonable looking bits which we placed on a plate in the fridge ready to take, except they all melted into one plate-sized piece and welded to the plate! It’s impossible to get it off without breaking the plate so it sits there looking evil, like something that could expand and take over the kitchen, indeed the house, while we sleep.

I could put it under the tap and soak it off and down the drain but I don’t want to let some honeycomb defeat me.

My card painting this morning was a partial success, four different types of leaves attempted with two of them not too bad and two needing more work. I decided that when it’s finished I will send it to someone in Windsor whose backyard overlooks the floods but is high enough to stay out of the water, in the past anyway. I now plan to do another using only the leaves that I was happy with, but painting them larger and in more detail. (Wowsers! The type problem that has been annoying me ever since the blog came back up suddenly rectified itself and I think that the spacing between paragraphs might have fixed itself as well. I did nothing but type as usual and it reverted to original half way through, this blog is possessed). But back to the cards. I was faced with a dilemma, how to address the envelope. It’s fair to say that I am closer to the wife than the husband, though I like both very much. He is a professor at Western Sydney Uni with degrees that go right down the page, so do I address the card to Professor and Mrs.? No, that sounds bad, she is a clinical psychologist with degrees of her own so perhaps I should send it to her and just mention him inside the card? That doesn’t quite feel right either, perhaps he’ll think of it as ignoring him. I tossed it around for a bit, thinking of the time my boss at Sydney University actually yelled at me for addressing mail of his to Mr. instead of Dr. “If you’re not sure you call him Dr. and if you think he’s Dr. address him as Professor!” he shrieked. I hadn’t realised that academics in science could be so easily slighted about titles but I learned fast and everyone was Professor to me after that. (When writing to my friend Robert I always used to address the envelope to Professor and I think he quietly enjoyed it.) So back to my friends. In the end it was all too hard, so I left the titles off totally and just addressed it to Donna and Roger. Sometimes the simplest solution is the best.

July 5, 2022

I’ve read a number of books about Trump’s reign but the one I’ve just finished is by far the scariest. In the transition period following his election Trump sent just one man to the US Department of Agriculture for the handover from the Obama administration, then appointed to important positions in the department a long-haul truck driver, a clerk, a gas meter reader, a cabana attendant and the owner of a candle company. None of them had experience in agriculture, many had not finished college, but all were Trump loyalists. The skills on the resume of one of them included ‘pleasant demeanour’. Multiply this through the departments and you see the problem. Trump thought and said he was so smart that ‘we can leave the victory party two hours early and do the transition ourselves’. The person tasked with the handover from the Department of Energy came alone without a pen or paper and left after an hour, not having asked a question. Half of the DOE budget is spent maintaining and guarding the nuclear arsenal and tracking weapons grade plutonium and uranium at loose in the world. a quarter of the budget is for ‘cleaning up the mess left behind by the manufacture of nuclear weapons’. Radioactive waste is stored in barrels with ‘inorganic kitty litter’ but when a contractor accidentally scribbled down ‘organic kitty litter’ the barrels burst causing the entire site to be closed for 3 years and the clean-up cost was $500 million. Obama had a nuclear physicist running the organisation with a budget of $30 billion and 115,000 employees, but all Trump wanted was a list of any employees who had attended ‘anything to do with climate change’ in the

last 5 years. This is what happens when you elect someone with no knowledge of, or interest in, public policy and government administration.

It was John’s Nelune day but the weather limited my options for the three hours that I wait for him, so I went to nearby Darlinghurst Court to see what was going on. The friendly security guard said it was a bad day with only one bail application happening. But he did tell me that today was the very first day that people other than those connected to a case could be let in. Here am I, thinking that for years I’ve been showing restraint in not going to court for fear of the virus, and they wouldn’t have let me in anyway! (By the way the beautiful Victorian iron railings around the perimeter of the court complex are in serious need of de-rusting and painting Mr. Perrottet). So then off I went to the Jewish Museum where I watched an interactive presentation with a Holocaust survivor from Sydney who had been filmed for a week answering endless questions so that when an audience member asks her something the film automatically goes to that or a similar question and she answers. Technologically brilliant and a way to preserve the stories of the last remaining survivors who work as volunteers guides. Looking through the museum I was reminded again of all the similarities between Judaism and Islam, the head coverings for women, the food rules, the way they nod constantly while reading scripture, the ban on worshipping graven images, the command on circumcision, the reverence for the physical expression of their holy books. What a pity that they can’t celebrate those similarities.

July 6, 2022

Finally Sydney Water came to fix the leak that’s plaguing my driveway. They dug up the grass verge next door and then tested at various points with an instrument that picks up sound in the pipes. Woohoo I thought, now we can get the driveway done, but not so fast. Eventually they came with the bad news, the leak is from the hydrant installed directly across the road, the private property of the units there, therefore not Sydney Water’s responsibility. They’ve left a message explaining the situation in the letter box of their strata, but it’s up to them when they get a plumber to fix it. Back to tors.

My old customer Dave, well more a drop-in pal than an actual customer, sent me a video taken from his back verandah of two rookie police officers responding to his emergency call about someone trapped in a ute in the flood waters behind his house. With no ropes or equipment the two waded into the floodwater and eventually rescued the chap. I hope that they are given recognition for what was a very brave act by them both and I hope Dave pats himself on the back too as the man would have died very soon without his intervention. Now I’ve had a message from Bob, whose house we were supposed to go to last Friday. The lake has climbed up his back yard to the ground floor of the house and inundated it for the first time ever. Luckily the floor is tiled but still everything has had to be relocated upstairs. We live in interesting times.

John is getting more inclined to obsess about things. Yesterday it was his ‘lost’ wallet which couldn’t be lost as it hadn’t left the house. Telling him that it will turn up doesn’t work, he just goes searching over and over in the places he’s already searched multiple times. I end up getting cross when he won’t let it go and we have the same

me conversation repeatedly. I

Today his carer came with a list of what John needed to take with him: phone, sunglasses, money purse, beanie etc and insisted on them ticking it off when leaving and again when they came back. I guess he’s had one too many phone calls about things supposedly left in his car when they are here all the time.

July 7, 2022

I could have gone out today as John is at care till 3, but somehow I didn’t have the energy. I decided instead that I wanted to have achieved something before he came home so first I painted, making two very ordinary cards but getting some pleasure from the process. Then my big achievement was listing 8 eBays! All small value items but things that deserve good homes such as a 1923 book on Vaucluse House (replete with insect holes and severe foxing), a Palace Theatre programme from the 1890s, a bag full of shirt studs (a bargain at just $5 the lot), a 1952 military driver’s licence, a vintage hand-beaded belt and more. The most expensive item is $10 but I can’t throw them out, the Sallies won’t understand their value and I don’t want them here for the kids to bin when I die. It occurs to me that much of what I do these days is pre-mortem clearout.

Yesterday both Albo and Pero were in Windsor doing a walkabout, looking at the floods. Both the News and 7.30 showed them at the headquarters of Hawkesbury Helping Hands and although I could see Linda talking, thankfully what she was saying was covered by the voiceover. Even now seeing her on the teev makes me feel stressed, others I know who left the organisation feel the same way and poor Frank died waiting for an apology for being publicly abused. Yet the organisation goes from strength to strength and her work with the homeless is very much needed and rightly recognised. I guess you need to be homeless to be treated well, though I’ve seen some people in that situation being abused as well. I guess it’s like Nick Kyrgios, he can play tennis really well but hasn’t mastered being pleasant to those around him. (I’m trying to be nice here, what I really want to say is that he’s a self-entitled little prick and I’d volunteer to box his ears for free, but I won’t say that).

The lake has retreated from Bob’s Toukley house, luckily he now has three days off and will go up there tonight to start the cleaning. I wonder how all of this will affect the properties for sale along the waterfront there and in the Hawkesbury. An agent once told me it is best to hold off selling in the Blue Mountains for two years after a bushfire, by that time people forget and think it won’t happen again. I am struggling to feel pity for the buyers of the 200 year old Doctor’s House on Thompson Square at Windsor, the closest house to the Bridge and therefore the river. ‘Before it flooded last year there hadn’t been one since the 1990s so we thought that would be it, flooding is done,’ said the owner. Mmm, perhaps walking two doors up the street and reading the sign affixed to the wall there, showing the highest flood level since white settlement may have helped. If we had a repeat of that one their whole house, not just the cellar, would be underwater. It beggars belief that their solicitor didn’t point out that the house floods every time the water rises, not just in a big flood like we’re having. That’s why a 3 storey 200 year old waterfront house only cost you $2 million folks.

July 8, 2022

I woke up smiling this morning after having a dream about my friend Robert, now sadly gone. We were at a restaurant or party and he was wearing a pair of coffee coloured chinos with little pleats at the front and a dark navy checked shirt. I seemed to know the owner/host well and introduced him and Sue to her, telling her that ‘Sue’s a bit sozzled’. We were all having such fun together and the dream kept a smile on my face into the morning. I think the memory of Robert probably came about after Martha commented on a particular First Saturday group and I remembered it well as he was trying to get me to laugh by making sotto voce silly comments while the speaker was talking. Eventually he won and I got the giggles, something he could always achieve when he put his mind to it.

July 9, 2022

The wonder of technology. Yesterday the half-typed blog post disappeared while I was gas-bagging in the sun with my neighbour who had knocked on the door, but today it tells me it had saved some of it so I posted that part instead of the whinge I had put up about it disappearing.

Today was a dear friend’s 80th birthday party at noon. It is unusual to like the children of friends and their husbands equally. In this case they are a friendly, warm foursome who always seem to greet us as if they couldn’t think of anyone they would rather see. I guess it follows considering their warm and caring parents. I was able to put on my ‘multipotentialite’ hat and chat with one husband about cooking, he’s a chef who wants to borrow my New York Times Cookbook, and then move on to the other who has already been appointed to the new Federal ICAC before it has even been brought into law. Talking to him is always a special treat as he is up on all the ICAC investigations past and present and the gang warfare in South Western Sydney which seems to be his specialty. It gives me great confidence that someone like him will be in the forefront of the investigations.

The drive there took an hour and a quarter in heavy traffic but coming home was worse, ending up on Parramatta Rd in bumper to bumper traffic, facing the setting sun and barely able to see the lane lines. We passed one bad accident on the way over and I decided to stick to a safe speed for the conditions and damn those behind. John suddenly asked ‘What did you do today while I was at Pentagon House?’ ‘What’s Pentagon House?’ I asked, confused and thinking it could be something from his past, but he didn’t know either and then he remembered where we had been and laughed about it. I told him he was getting ideas above his station.

July 10, 2022

I need to go to Life Notes 10 as I’m up around 65,000 words on this one. I’m always a little afraid to rock the boat by starting a new one but it has to be done. This morning we had a cleaning blitz because Karen had to cancel for tomorrow. We are vacced and dusted, the mould has been cleaned off the ceiling of

John’s bathroom, luckily reachable on the low side of a sloping ceiling, my bathroom is bleached and shiny, so I can relax.

This morning I discovered that the whole street library has been cleaned out, from full to empty overnight, except for a few children’s books. John thought that was great but I am more suspicious as it ranged through non-fiction and fiction, from Dickens to James Patterson and I just don’t believe that one person could possibly want that range of content. So either someone has raided it for their street library or else they’ve all gone to a second-hand book shop perhaps. Either way it will be interesting to see if it keeps happening.

I was reading about how the US military targets schools in low-income areas to sign up recruits and I started to wonder if that has some bearing on the trigger-happy nature of the police force there. When someone leaves the army I’m thinking that their training could lead them naturally towards police work and their military background could incline them towards a shoot first and ask questions later mentality. Possibly on the wrong track but if you don’t go up a track you don’t know if it’s the wrong one.

I think I could live on books and articles about Covid, it is both fascinating and somehow sinister in equal measure. A new and interesting article yesterday talked about a study at St Vincent‘s Hospital on 128 patients who had mild or moderate Covid and then long Covid symptoms. They checked them regularly for 12 months after their long Covid diagnoses. There were small, but persistent, declines in their cognitive function and this equated to the extent of the brain fog that they reported. This finding suggests that there is an ongoing pathological process which is affecting these patients and is independent of their pre-Covid cognitive functioning. They have no idea whether this decline will continue after the 12 months that they were monitored. Sinister doesn’t begin to describe how what was initially thought of as a respiratory virus is acting on the brain. Another study at Swinburne University looks at Covid‘s ability to attack the central nervous system and they propose that this mechanism ‘may be similar to Alzheimer’s Disease, proteins in the virus can build themselves into amyloid assemblies which then have toxic effects on the neuronal cells in the brain. The cytotoxicity of these assemblies may result in their persistent presence in the brain of patients post infection. This will be particularly important in older people who get mild Covid but are entering the dementia range range and therefore are at risk of early onset cognitive decline’. Yeesh, a horror movie scenario.

July 11, 2022 – February 1, 2023

July 11, 2022

So off to Service NSW to which we’d made two unsuccessful visits last week, both our fault, not theirs. We had to renew John’s Disability Parking Permit and cancel his licence and both were achieved, though it was lucky that I kept the accompanying letter from them as they announced that he would have to be reassessed by a doctor to confirm the state of his disability. I pointed out that the letter states: If you are renewing the permit you need to fill in page 1. The doctor’s pages were 2 and 3 which are definitely required for the initial permit. She went off to consult a higher power but came back saying ‘Well the letter’s wrong but we are going to renew it for you anyway’. So thankfully we don’t need a doctor’s visit and a fourth trip there. Then off to the Chocolate Warehouse to get some gifts for visits we are making today and tomorrow. I am a keen consumer of marzipan but it is always coated in dark chocolate if you get it as confectionery, however I spied a block from Lubeck in Germany coated in milk chocolate so I snaffled that for myself. Years ago I used to go the Dutch Shop over the back of beyond in Fairfield somewhere, they sold Dutch marzipan pigs with no chocolate on at all, bliss. (I just looked up that Dutch shop, it still exists but it’s now called Holland House and one day soon I will make the trip and stock up on the pigs.)

Thank the gods that Wimbledon is over and now I won’t have to look at Kyrgios’s face on the front page every day, in the Sunday paper he was on both covers, back and front. Let’s get back to what’s really important AMA vice-president Dr. Chris Moy saying: ‘Unfortunately we’ve been like frogs boiled slowly and we’re accepting this death rate.’ Every health officer and the government knows that masks in

shopping centres, theatres and the like will save lives, but the ‘freedom’ lobby is pretty quiet at the moment and I think they just want to keep them that way. John went into Terry’s party all masked up. I mostly sat outside, but when I went in there he was with no mask in a room full of people ‘No-one else had one on so I thought I was doing the wrong thing and took it off’ he said. We were visiting a man with cancer who has refused visitors for many months in fear of getting Covid yet no-one seemed to worry about the risk to him, let alone to themselves.

I watched a little of the Barilaro Inquiry today before going for afternoon tea at Brigitte’s. I was shocked to learn that not only did Ms. West miss out on the plum New York posting but then she wasn’t put back into her Deputy-Secretary post at Investment NSW, so her public service career ended through no fault of her own. She was told her job offer was being rescinded because the role was going to be “a present for someone”. Most of the questions were reasonable and respectful but one National on the inquiry, MLC Wes Fang, lived up to his name.

July 12, 2022

Watching the film of the Hawkesbury floods reminds me of speaking at a council meeting many years ago against a planned development in Pitt Town on the grounds of possible flooding, but no one wanted to know, least of all the developer who was a councillor. All of that estate went under in March and again this time, but I’m afraid some responsibility must go to the buyers who just don’t want to face the facts of their proximity to the River or to South Creek. Wishing and hoping doesn’t do a great job of holding back water I’m afraid. Some who live by the river are there because the rents are cheap and that’s all they can afford, but the folks in the new homes had choices, weighing up a new home in a possible flood zone against a pre-owned or smaller one in a safer spot. It’s late in the day to try to fix decades of bad decisions, but I suspect it will be taxpayers, not developers, who will foot the bill.

An advertisement for a 34th floor unit on George St in Sydney lists ‘amazing panoramic views’ but from that high up you might as well be looking at an aerial photograph, nothing looks real, not a person can be seen. I play a game each week reading the Domain: 1. Would I swap it for my place (to live in, not sell) and 2. How would I redecorate it. The best ones of course are those where I would happily move but not touch a thing. Many fantastic properties need a top to toe redo for my taste I’m afraid, while a few are just delightful as they are.

I was cheesed off this morning when I discovered that the Barilaro Inquiry wasn’t sitting today, I just happened to jag it yesterday. (Hint: It’s good to include the next planned meeting of the committee on the website as the Federal Government committees do. I couldn’t find a hint on when or if they sit again.) In the afternoon we visited with Bronwyn and Michael, after our many attempts to have a picnic were washed out we settled for a delicious lunch at their place instead and their back verandah proved a superior spot in the sun and out of any wind. Bronwyn, like me, tears out recipes from the weekend papers and both main and dessert proved well worth it. They will come here over the next few weeks and bring their new whippet with the unlikely name of John.

July 13, 2022

Oh I see now, maybe it’s because today’s the 13th that two things went belly up. First the car battery was flat (my bad for not running it often enough) then when I tried to get the NRMA app working to call them it wouldn’t cooperate. So I tried to ring them, nope she’s a no-go as well, it’s now a phone that doesn’t make or take phone calls. So later I went to Apple who said it was an Optus problem, then to the Optus shop who said it was a phone problem and back to Apple who said I needed to come back for an appointment in the afternoon. Grr, my day is shite now I decided and we won’t be taking a little run somewhere as planned. Back at 3pm and someone at the Genius Bar decided that the phone had in fact gone to god so then I had to buy a new one and wait interminably it seemed for the data to be transferred from old one to new one. They are certainly on top of their products there and I am thankful for that and the ability to save all of the data, but it would have made the day a breeze if someone had said in the first place ‘it’s cactus, buy a new one’ and let me out of there in 10 minutes, still with eyes watering at the price of a new phone though. Now I am too mentally exhaustipated to cook what I was going to do for dinner so I’ll will do something easy instead and save the culinary arts for another night.

That Barilaro is a ton of fun who keeps my small mind amused. His qualifications were previously listed as a Certificate IV for Construction and Building Services that the former Deputy Premier used to claim himself as a tradie apparently. But now he’s sporting three new Graduate Diplomas ($3500 each from Churchill Education) and an Advanced Diploma ($2000, also from Churchill Education). Barilaro bolstered his CV ahead of his sadly cancelled trip to New York it seems. Churchill Education offers certifications such as the Diplomas of Management (Learning), Strategic Leadership and Portfolio Management that he received based on ‘recognition for past learning’ and they are intended for those wishing to transition careers. Ouch, $9000 for a few now useless qualifications, but I guess he can afford it. I’m going to give this mob a ring and see if I can get a Diploma or two or maybe even a Master’s, once I decide which subjects I have ‘past learning’ in. Proofreading sounds a bit lame but I guess forensic science might be tricky to arrange, however if I added a couple of grand to the fee……

July 14, 2022

When are we going to find something better than LGBTQIA+ &%@!*^#. I mean even LGBT was maladroit, but to keep adding on the end is just plain silly. It will take a cleverer person than me to come up with a word that everyone is happy with, but please people, start the process.

I’ve been thinking about China, it seems everyone is at least thinking, if not obsessed. It is the one topic on which I part company with new PM Albanese. He is so afraid of being painted ‘weak on China’ that he falls into the trap of the public humiliation and criticism of that country instead of saying the same things, but through diplomatic channels. I think about other regimes which we were unhappy with and publicly vilified: Syria, Iraq, Libya, Yugoslavia, Haiti, Chile, Nicaragua, just to name a tiny few and I wonder which one is better off now than before the interference? Syria, Iraq and Libya were laid waste by the decision to disrupt the existing regimes but in the case of Taiwan we are not looking just at that country’s

future, but of the future of the world if China and the US were to go to war. Instead of lining up as supporters our government should be telling both sides to put on the brakes. Ukrainians are suffering and their country has become, essentially, a US proxy (as US Secretary of Defence Lloyd Austin has acknowledged) in a war that helps achieve America’s long term goal of weakening Russia. Taiwan is an excuse for a war with China and they should be very careful what they wish for when asking other countries to come to their defence. Both China and Russia are attempting to reclaim territory that they claim (rightly or

wrongly) to be part of their remit, a somewhat different case to an invasion of an unrelated country but a potential tragedy nonetheless. Russian invasions have occurred in the past but beside Tibet I can’t think of a country that China has invaded. ‘We’ however have serious form in this department. Just as we look back at the disasters of Chile, of the countless souls trying to flee Libya now and the wreckage of both Syria and Iraq, we may very well look back at the wreckage of the planet and ask whether it was really worth it.

July 15, 2022

Today was John’s carer outing day because his usual man Greg couldn’t come on Wednesday due to looking after his wife after a fall. So we had a replacement, another John, but it didn’t go well. I packed them a picnic but the new chap had no idea where to go to have it it, unlike Greg who comes up with a different excellent suggestion every week. So I suggested Fagan Park and off they went while I left to meet up with my friend Di. But about noon John rang to say he was at home alone, he’d asked the carer to bring him home without even opening the food as he said they were ‘not a good fit and too culturally different’. Apparently John couldn’t find any topic to discuss with him and he says the fellow didn’t attempt to communicate. Really the carer should have stayed here till 2 pm as planned, by which time I would have been home, but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt as it could be, in fact it’s likely, that John told him to go. My outing was truncated as I came home as soon as he rang. So here’s hoping Greg is only off for one week. I was idly thinking of going to North Shore Craft Group’s exhibition cum sale tomorrow at Thornleigh so now that our meet up today was shortened we’ve decided to go there tomorrow and take John.

It’s funny how recipes are fixed yet every time you cook with one the result is different. I did an old recipe for corn fritters last night which I had marked in the book as ‘brilliant’ but the result seemed stodgy and pretty boring. Now I’ve got a box full of them in the fridge but luckily John thought they were okay. The bakery at Dural is now gutted and I asked workmen the other day what was happening as they had ripped out all the showcases, racks, preparation tables and ovens. It’s going to be a deli, which is good, but seeing the premises all awry made me sad, a dream gone up in smoke. The men said that ‘they’ve gone back to the homeland, Vietnam’ but whether that’s fact or a guess I don’t know. I’ve been able to find excellent fruit loaf at Aldi and good whole grain bread at Coles, but I still can’t find a white loaf that I’d want to buy on a regular basis. Whole grain is fine for savoury things, but for jam it just has to be white. The search continues.

July 16, 2022

A few changes today after Di was unwell and couldn’t come to the craft exhibition, then Dav couldn’t come for lunch as planned because Louis has been up half the night trying to fix some mutinous website. But they are now coming for dinner so all is not lost. We just loved the exhibition especially a watercolour artist who had me drooling over a fish she’s painted, a textile artist whose scarves were divine (can a woman who sports over 100 scarves justify another, no matter how fabulous? answer no), a delicious pottery jug influenced by Japanese patchwork and a host of other things I could happily have bought. I weakened for an outrageous large beaded fabric brooch which I will give as a gift. When I sent the photo to Davina she beseeched me not to give it to her, we have very different taste in jewellery and clothes. So now I am waiting for 4 pm when they draw the prize for $200 worth of the goods for sale, but I am agonising over what to choose. The jug is right up there, plus the orange scarf I think.

Some friends opined that Tony Abbott might be looking for a comeback, so reasonable was he in a TV interview this week. It hadn’t occurred to me that he could be so bold, but a man brought up to believe he is god’s gift to whatever role he takes on might just consider it. I wonder how much it costs to hire a plane to write ‘Tony Abbott is an inveterate liar’ over whatever electorate he might decide to accurse with his attempt? Let’s remember that he supports ‘religious freedom’ organisations such as the Alliance Defending Freedom who describe their mission as “seeking to recover the robust Christendomic theology of the 3rd, 4th and 5th centuries”. My spellchecker doesn’t even recognise Christendomic, that’s how far out of sync these souls are. Abbott is obsessed with “the challenge to Western civilisation of Islam” and sees same-sex marriage as “a consequence of our civilisational self-doubt”. (Spellcheck doesn’t like civilisational either, it must be just his schtick to use big words). He supports the Ramsay Foundation’s sponsored university course covering “the best that has been thought and known in Western Civilisation”. A one-trick pony you’re thinking? You would be about right. How easy is it to wage war, or even think of waging war, against people if we fail to see them as our equals? To think of wiping Iraq or Syria or even China off the map, as some hawks seem to be pushing towards, is made easier if we come to believe that their millenniums long culture just doesn’t stack up next to our own. The idea of Western supremacism is downright embarrassing and Tony Abbott is its archduke.

July 17, 2022

This morning we chuffed off to Parramatta to look at the various high rise buildings which we see from the back deck. We wandered around and compared them to a sketch made on the deck this morning as it was something I thought John would enjoy. Which he did to an extent, but he was very slow and needed help getting up or down stairs. He just isn’t himself today so perhaps he’s coming down with something, he’s retired to bed for a rest and has slept through my neighbour banging loudly on the nearby door. Amazed at the number of restaurants lining Church St, it’s so long since we’ve been there and things have changed a lot. I looked inside a restaurant calling itself a ‘dessert bar’. I was foolishly thinking it might be something like KOI, but they had great wodges of cheesecake and big chocolate buns that looked as if they could double as bowling balls, but it seems that they were just directed towards filling up the customers rather than tantalising their taste buds. I’ve been thinking about John’s inability to relate to the carer on Friday and I can understand it to an extent but going on a picnic and then insisting on coming home without feeding the chap even a morsel shows how ill at ease he was. Telling the home care provider not to send

him again is going to be a bit tricky so I won’t go there unless they suggest the same person again in the future. I’m not sure that I would send him off with confidence with any new carer which makes it tricky if I have an important commitment. Greg is an absolute gem for John so hopefully we get him back this week and he continues well into the future.

Unfortunately I didn’t win the prize at the craft fair which was a big disappointment, I had my choices sorted and was just waiting for them to call at 4pm. But artistic inspiration is a good thing even if I don’t have anything tangible to show for having been. I got chatting to a woman there about getting rid of lots of collectables she has and almost offered to help till I bit my tongue and realised that I have enough of my own to dispense with. However I gave her my phone number and she may yet ring, so I need to be measured in what I offer to do, perhaps teaching her to use eBay and some advice about good auctioneers might suffice. But I’ve had 3 eBay sales today which buoys my dispersal efforts a tiny bit: a bag of antique shirt studs for $5.50, a souvenir from a cruise in the 1930s for $5 and an Australian Army Driver’s Licence from WWII for $10. Three less things that the universe has gifted me along with the expectation to look after them. Unfortunately the charity shops would bin all of the stuff I’ve just sold as they don’t value paper ephemera or bits and bobs.

July 18, 2022

John woke up sick this morning with a headache and cough but I wasn’t surprised after his weakness walking along the river yesterday, so I whisked him off before breakfast for an 8 am PCR test which will pick up Covid, flu or RSV (RATs are not worth a rat’s arse early in the disease). It was a fast and efficient process, though for some reason they couldn’t get their text to come through to John’s phone but were able to send it to mine with no problem. So now we wait, if he’s Covid positive I’ll race up to Bob and get the anti-virals quick sticks. Luckily I had bought painkillers, gargle, cough lozenges etc ages ago so I wouldn’t need to go shopping if he got sick. In the meantime we are eating on the verandah, wearing masks indoors and distancing. We had tickets to go to the Archibald today but the Art Gallery were very nice about taking a rain-check even at such short notice.

I decided to write to each of the neighbours across the road about the leak in the driveway coming from their hydrant seeing the buggers haven’t done anything about fixing it. Perhaps the body corporate of such a small block doesn’t meet very often. I think after all these months I am entitled to give them a push so I included my phone number and we’ll see what eventuates. The driveway man won’t start till it is 100% fixed so that’s another reason to press them.

It was spew-making to watch Biden fist-bumping the Saudi ruler Mohammed bin Salman. It shows, as if we ever doubted it, the appalling double standards that the US applies, not that I’m naive enough to think that we wouldn’t do the same. What must Jamal Kashoggi’s fiance be thinking? ‘Oil trumps human rights’ as we always knew. As an aside, observing Biden’s walk and hearing his hesitant speech would lead a lay person to question whether Parkinson’s Disease is a possibility. If that is the case, it’s a dangerous situation as even early sufferers of the dise

ease have a lower cognitive reserve and difficulties with memory,

other types of dementia. I am still cogitating about John’s decision to cancel his carer last week before the guy even had a bite of a sandwich, I doubt he would have done that pre dementia but he didn’t feel even slightly uncomfortable about doing so.

July 19, 2022

John got a fast reply to his Covid test: POSITIVE delivered at 3.25 pm yesterday. Then there was a text to Bob and he faxed a script for Paxlovid to our pharmacy which I collected post haste and he was dosed up before 5 pm. He spent 24 hours in bed quite sick but when I got up this morning he was in the kitchen eating a mandarin, he had beaten me by 5 minutes and asked “Did you say I’ve got Covid, I think I’ve just got a cold” so that was quite a turnaround from last night. He ate breakfast after nothing but milk yesterday and was quite chirpy, but by 9.30 am he was back in bed and I am back in my nurse’s uniform. It’s a funny old disease. So John’s outing with the carer is off this week of course and the day care centre is out for 2 weeks, according to the different rules for each. I really appreciated Bob’s support yesterday, 3 texts and 3 phone calls is above and beyond customary ministrations, especially when one call is from the Opera House where he is singing in Mahler’s Symphony No. 2 every night this week. He’s nothing if not versatile, not to mention being a qualified electrician on top of medicine and the Philharmonia Choir. Makes me look even more like a slacker.

Feeling very ordinary by lunchtime so I took myself off to the Covid testing centre as I’m sure a close contact is allowed to go out for that reason. It’s a very efficient process and I’m glad I went when I did as I wouldn’t have been well enough to be safe to drive later in the day.

July 20 and 21, 2022

I would not want to repeat yesterday as I was very sick before and after discovering at 2 am that I have Covid too. I’ve also discovered that it isn’t workable to lie down in my room for half the day as John needs constant watching. I don’t think he’s got worse due to Covid, I just think I hadn’t fully realised how bad he is now. Yesterday has shown me how confused he really is. I’m normally watching everything he does but yesterday he tried twice to go for a walk (‘what do you mean isolation?’, then I found out he’d gone out to chat to men I’d organised to pick up a piece of furniture for the Sallies from under the deck (this after I told him numerous times not to answer the door or go outside if they came while I was lying down) and now I discover he didn’t take the antivirals this morning despite my reminding him. Why ? He says he doesn’t have Covid any more. Also I’d had some flowers delivered, apparently tied in a beautiful scarf. I found the flowers in a vase with the ribbon and scarf on the floor. He said he doesn’t know where they came from. The sound of head banging against wall should have ricocheted down the street. So then I realised that I would have to get up and watch him from the loungeroom sofa. Bob organised Paxlovid for me and Heather collected it, after having to ring Bob’s office four times as the fax hadn’t come through to the pharmacy. It has certainly improved the way I feel but the downside is a constant terrible bitter taste in my mouth which is a side effect of the drugs apparently that only occurs in 6% of people, but my natural distaste for anything bitter probably makes it worse.

Just got a call from Wendy’s Home Care to say that John’s account with them is nearly dry. It’s topped up every month from the government but he’s using funds more quickly than they’re coming in, so I can no longer get the cleaning or gardening help I’ve been getting and they are going to cut his weekly outing with the carer from 4 hours to 2 or even 1 and a half hours. This is hopeless as Greg always takes him for a drive which is the highlight of his week. I just don’t know how I will manage for the many months that it will take to get an appointment for a higher package and then the many weeks it will take to institute the change if it’s approved, but perhaps it just feels worse because I’m not well. Wendy’s put in for an upgrade before and were told by the department that they couldn’t apply till his money was down near zero, which it now is. I feel gutted but some lunch might help.

July 22, 2022

Just been watching the January 6 Capitol Riots Commission live and it’s amazing how many people are testifying about how hard they tried to get Donald Trump to condemn the riots as they were occurring, which is admirable in itself. But they were all involved in his election campaign or in his administration or both, when it was clear to anyone what sort of a man and what sort of a president he was. They were the propagandists and apologists for him from day one. Sorry, too little too late, trying to dodge any blame.

I didn’t need anything else this week but here we are. After writing to all the neighbours in the units across the road on Monday about the water leak, their plumber arrived on Wednesday asking what the problem was. He assured me (from a distance) that he would find the leak and fix it. I didn’t check his truck to identify him as I assumed that he would come back and tell me when the job was complete. Now of course the driveway man has just emailed to say he wants to start this coming week. I’ve had a look at the leak and it doesn’t seem any different to me, it’s a bog. But how long the water would take to dry up in this situation of sprinkling rain is way above my pay grade, however other parts of the garden are much dryer. I just wish he had come back to tell me if he’d successfully traced it or not as now I can’t go across the road to ask the residents who he was. I can’t see the driveway going ahead as the situation is at the moment. Perfect bloody timing, not.

I don’t know if you would call it brain fog, though I doubt it, but I can’t settle to read, watch TV, listen to music or do anything much. It’s taken so much mental energy to type this that it’s ridiculous.

July 23, 2022

Back on election day I saw Morrison during a press conference smirk like a cat who’d seen a fat bird fall out of the sky right in front of him. He had been asked a very specific and knowing question by a reporter about a Sri Lankan asylum seeker boat at that moment being dealt with by Border Force. I turned to John and said ‘That question was set up by him’ and so it’s proved today after an inquiry showed that the information was released to his favoured news outlets as a last ditch attempt to sway the election result. The depth of cynicism shown by this man (and his benefactor, the too long-lived Murdoch) is Trumpian in its sweep. There isn’t an institution, individual or group whose interests he won’t surrender for his personal

gain. On that day I could have backhanded him happily and knowing what we know now, it would almost be worth the short gaol time that might ensue.

This morning by chance we had two tradesmen arriving at exactly the same time. As John likes to be in charge of alarms I asked him to set one and then quietly checked that it had been done. But when I woke this morning it was well past the alarm time so I asked John if he’d slept through it. ‘No’, he said, ‘I couldn’t remember why I set it so I just turned it off’. It was raining so I texted the roof repairer to let him know, in case he lived out of area, which he did. ‘You’ve broken my heart’ he said ‘I’m all dressed and ready to walk out the door’. Turns out he lives in Regents Park and it was sunny there. He will try again tomorrow. Then the driveway man came and looked dolefully at the driveway leak. But luckily I had been able to locate the plumber who came the other day and he told me he’ll be back on Tuesday with two pieces of equipment to locate the leak, but if it’s under the road he’ll need to get permission from the council to dig it up, thereby adding weeks to the process. Even worse, Grant told me that the tipping fees for all the soil he has to remove to do the driveway have increased from $125 to $364 per load. Oh I can manage $239 I mused, but no, it is at least 12 loads! Adding about $3500 to the job on his estimate. Apparently they don’t like wet soil and some places aren’t taking it at all. Sometimes I wonder if this project is jinxed.

Yesterday was my worst day of this whole Covid journey. But not with Covid symptoms, I think it is a reaction to the drugs, kind of odd to think that poor old Biden and I are having something in common at the moment (I noted this week that his walk looks very Parkinson’s to me, that sort of classic hesitation of step). Bob had told me Paxlovid can come with side effects and I purposely didn’t ask any more so as not to encourage suggestibility, but I’ll bet my nausea and general unwellness is coming out of a packet, though I’m hugely thankful for all the good effects it’s having. Anyway only one more day of the stuff.

The bigger problem yesterday was a feeling of absolute grief to realise that I have lost my best friend who is here and yet not. I can’t discuss anything of a serious nature with him, in fact when I was rearranging an appointment due next week with the surgeon he was quite worried ‘You’re not having surgery are you, what’s wrong?’ I explained that I’d had surgery last year and this was just another check-up but he had no memory of it. ‘I hope it was nothing serious’ he said, but I couldn’t see the point of upsetting him with any details as it would just add to his insecurity about not being looked after. This is the crux of it, I can’t discuss things in depth, or much at all really, and it just happens that my brother has become hard to communicate with this year as well after his fall and subsequent long hospitalisation, so I’ve lost two stalwarts at once. The bro never rings me much now and when I ring him he’s a bit vague and our conversations are pretty shallow, no more debating politics, international affairs or his fascinating career/s.

July 24, 2022

It was a funny morning as the gutter cleaning man came but was absolutely determined not to get Covid, which is perfectly fine, but ringing me from the roof warning me not to open the doors for infection reasons seemed a bit OTT. He certainly wouldn’t accept payment and rang to ask me to fix him up using

bank transfer. Arvind, who can see my roof from his decks, thought he had done such a great job that he’s booked him a fortnight hence. Unfortunately though he couldn’t fix the broken tiles as they go under the roof cap and also need to be cut. He is as perplexed as I am regarding how the damage happened, saying it was almost as if something small but heavy had dropped from the sky, exactly what I had jokingly said. Anyway he’s recommended a tiler so it’s an ongoing issue. I was intending to do some weeding in the front garden today but after his reaction I think I had better stay in the house and not pollute the suburb.

Yesterday Heather turned up with a gorgeous brown sugar pavlova, strawberries, blueberries and a passionfruit which we had for dessert last night and which raised my spirits no end. Sugar addiction, moi? John had spent most of the day in bed yesterday so I used the time to laze around reading the Saturday papers and then to do some cooking. Luckily I don’t have the level of fatigue that he is experiencing.

I’ve just downloaded the full Pezzullo Report from the Home Affairs Department website to read later. I know from going to court sittings that the things journalists pick out to write on are often the most important parts, but it’s certainly not always the case. I prefer to read from the primary source if it’s possible rather than see it through the prism of the reporter. Same with ICAC, the transcripts are much better reading than even a long form journalistic article. All of us tend to incorporate some bias or other into a retelling, despite our best intentions.

July 25, 2022

A fascinating article in the Sun-Herald yesterday relates the story of a neuroscientist who, researching psychopathy and Alzheimer’s at the same time, came across an MRI of someone who was clearly a psychopath. The scans were anonymised but he sought the name of the individual because ‘I knew this was a bad case’ only to discover that it was his own, presumably inserted as a control. He was later diagnosed as a high-functioning psychopath and discovered that he is descended from ‘three lines of murderers’ as well as being a distant cousin to the famous Lizzie Borden. This is right up my alley in terms of interests and I plan to get his book, The Psychopath Inside, though unfortunately the library doesn’t have it so far. But it raises all sorts of questions about the justice system and how we deal with people who commit crime due to genetic or other abnormalities. While studying genetics we had to analyse the chromosomes of unidentified male prisoners from Long Bay Gaol. My goodness what a pool of genetic oddness we discovered, lots of trisomy of 47,XXY, 47,XYY and a few outlying abnormalities that I can’t now remember. There is evidence that aggressive crime, sexual abuse, burglary and arson are all committed at a higher rate by those with chromosomal aberrations. So rather than the devil made me do it, a theory which would appeal to our erstwhile PM, it is a case of my abnormal brain made me do it. Clearly these people are victims and as such deserve our care, though we can’t obviously have them running around with axes, a la Borden. So what to do? Perhaps we need some kind of mental institution where affected serious criminals are housed but in a humane, caring and dare I say loving environment? It’s a hard one and I doubt that there is much electoral desire to spend the money to achieve it.

Next week I am due to take John to see his haematologist Nada. Apparently she has had Covid twice, the second time falling victim to autonomic nerve dysfunction, which is usually caused by diabetes or is an autoimmune condition, but in this case was caused by Covid. It affects all the nerves for the ‘automatic’ processes of the body such as blood pressure, temperature control, digestion, etc. She was in hospital for two weeks and still has respiratory, cardiac and other symptoms. She’s in her 40s at my guess with small children so we should think ourselves lucky with our Covid experience so far. Whether she will be seeing John next week remains to be seen.

I said yesterday that after the gutter man’s reaction I decided not to weed in the front garden but a particular patch was annoying me so I did it anyway. However I completely forgot that I can no longer get up from kneeling and John was inside having a shower, so I had to crawl through the dirt to reach a tree and pull myself up, a very bad sight if observed by the neighbours. I’ll have a reputation as a lush if I’m not careful. I need to speak to Mr. Bunning about a gadget which will enable me to push myself up without wallowing in the dirt.

July 26, 2022

Well it’s time to face head-on a problem that has occupied many of my night times this year, that of my brother. After a fall around Christmas time he was hospitalised and while there they investigated why he was having repeated dizzy spells. They discovered a heart issue and treated that by inserting a stent, but then he got Covid there. His stay stretched out to a month and when he got home he was understandably in need of short term assistance so his daughter started staying overnight initially ‘for about a week’. But as time went on he didn’t improve and he has gone consistently downhill since then. Seven months later his daughter still needs to stay overnight, he is unable to hold a conversation for long, has totally stopped reading and using his computer, and for the last few weeks he has stopped ringing me at all. This past week he hasn’t answered the phone once so I finally decided to ring his friend Anne to find out what the hell is going on. Her first words were ‘I’ve been planning to write you a long letter, but I just didn’t know where to start or what to say’. She agreed that he is suffering from some sort of fast moving dementia but has no idea exactly what it is. Theories have been put forward by doctors that it is caused by: the fall, the stent procedure, Covid, mini strokes and more but no definite answers have been arrived at so far. She says he hasn’t rung me because he would have trouble making an overseas call by himself and has gone from constant contact with her to calling her once in a few weeks. When she visits she sees he is unable to work out how to use the TV remote or turn off the gas fire and when the phone rings he may pick it up, but at other times does not seem to understand where the noise is coming from. It is absolutely typical that none of this has been conveyed to me by his daughter who, when I have spoken to her on the phone at his house, always promises to keep me fully informed but never rings. Anne’s in much the same boat and commented in her always careful and precise phrasing that ‘there exists in that family a certain amount of possessiveness’ and don’t I know all about that in another context! Usually he and I talk books, politics, ideas of all sorts, but when we’ve spoken recently it is limited to weather and what Tanya is getting him for breakfast, though I’ve noticed that he’s much more talkative when he’s there alone, the possessiveness being subtly applied perhaps? This towering intellect has finally come to rest in the suburban environment that he’s railed against his whole life. Kenneth has filing cabinets full of his writings which he planned to

begin packing up and sending to me late last year saying “I could never get my daughters to even look at my writing all these years, so I know it will all end up in the recycling when I go. Would you like to have it all?’ I was of course delighted by this and offered to pay for the parcel postage though he assured me he would cover that, but his accident ensued and the rest is history. Poor Anne who lives alone in a small village of disparate souls, sadly told me that ‘I’ve got no one to talk books to any more’ and I genuinely sympathised, though I wanted to scream and reply: ‘But I haven’t got a brother any more’.

July 27, 2022

It’s been a day of ups and downs, the first up being that I am now Covid negative as was John yesterday, so I suggested that we make use of our one month of resistance and go to the movies. Nothing on at Castle Hill so decided on Roseville. I wanted to give my car a run but when it came to leave my keyring with house and car keys was missing from the back door. John had locked it but has no idea where they went after that, so we turned over every piece of clothing, opened every drawer, but at time of writing they are still missing which made me nervous all day.

On Tuesday we are going for an appointment with Nada, prior to which John has to have a few blood tests. I rang and told them that we had Covid and that I was not prepared to drive to St. V’s just for the tests, which this time would have to be done elsewhere even though Nada doesn’t like using other companies. I couldn’t believe it when they reeled off various places that we could go for the tests which are part of Sydpath, St. V’s own pathology service. Most are in inner Sydney but just one is in the west, at Carlingford. I don’t know how many times over the last 5 or 6 years that I’ve schlepped John into town for blood tests and only now they tell me it was all for nought and could have been done locally.

Then on to the movies where we saw Falling for Figaro, a predictable and often monotonous film with wonderful operatic singing, which was lucky because without it I’d have given it 0 stars instead of the 2 that it earned. But it was dark and there was a big screen so we are not complaining, the first movie we’ve been to in well over 2 years. Salt, Pepper, Nutmeg was unusually closed so we ended up only having a milkshake for the day and we did grocery shopping on the way home. I was wondering what to make for dinner when I discovered a text from Heather saying she had left dinner on the front verandah. It turned out to be a casserole, mashed potato and two greens, all cooked. Couldn’t have come on a better day as I am feeling pretty exhausted tonight, which will no doubt improve if the keys materialise.

July 28, 2022

Disappointed to read that Stan Grant is now the permanent host of Q and A, I headed to their Facebook page to leave a few comments about why he is an unsuitable choice. But imagine my surprise when after commenting I checked what others have been saying and discovered that at least the next 30 comments after mine expressed the same sentiments for the exact same reasons. I didn’t keep going, trying to find a congratulatory post, but I am always amazed when I’m in the majority, in this case the vast majority, as it’s never been my usual position on the field. Grant is a poor interviewer, always trying to rephrase the

questions in his own words and keeping himself as the focus instead of the guests. He will always use 10 words if two would do and doesn’t respect the intent of an inclusive interview program, always trying to steer the discussion towards the Gospel according to Stan. The fact that he threw out a questioner recently should have been enough to ensure that he didn’t get the job. Plus he’s a hawk, as are so many these days.

A couple of months ago John complained that his old electric razor took forever to recharge but unfortunately it couldn’t be repaired so I bought him a new one which he loved. But one of the blades popped out accidentally and I wasn’t mechanical enough to replace it. Today was the first time we’ve been able to go to the shops to deal with that so I went to get the shaver, but it was missing. All drawers and cupboards in the bathroom were searched to no avail and then John said that I’d taken it to be fixed. After a search of his bedroom I turned it up in a cupboard but with no charger, however ultimately the charger turned up in a different place. So off we went to the Shaver Shop where the man fixed it quickly (I’m the world’s most unmechanical person). I proudly set it up for him in the bathroom when we got home but he didn’t look happy, he said he’s decided that he wants to use a safety razor from now on and promptly put the new electric one away in a drawer. I spend a good part of my week looking for ‘the disappeared’. We are both feeling overwhelmed at the moment and for the first time today he said ‘If I’m getting too difficult just put me in a home’.

The plumbers have been over the road all day trying to find the water leak. About 3 o’clock Paul came to the door and said ‘I’ve got good news and bad news’ so I asked for the bad and it was that they’ve found no leak and suspect it is not coming from the fire hydrant at all but from a ‘blocked storm water pipe somewhere’ though they have no idea where that could be. ‘So what’s the good news?’ I said, ‘well we’re still trying to find the leak’. Hardly my idea of good news. I’ve told the paver that he can’t start work tomorrow as he wished and we are now waiting for a breakthrough, as he needs to wait until it’s dry.

July 29, 2022

Woke up feeling wretched and was not surprised to hear John say ‘I think I’ve caught a cold’, even though we’ve really had no opportunity to catch one. I said we needed to do a PCR post haste but he didn’t think it necessary, so I had to simply insist. Got to the testing centre just after it opened and there were plenty of others with the same intention, however as always the line moved quickly and efficiently. Those folks in the testing team work outdoors with just a tent like covering over them in all weathers, I hope they are well paid. Came home and skimmed the book Mother Tongue for a few particular favourite passages which I had luckily marked previously. I was determined to make my comments dispassionately at the Zoom meeting but a combination of feeling unwell and thinking about the similarities with the character Alex/Hector finding his sister and my finding my brother made my good intentions falter. Just minutes before the meeting started we each got our Covid results, positive as expected. I asked the pharmacist if we needed another script for Paxlovid but she said she hadn’t come across anyone else getting it twice, so then I rang the Healthline number that was sent with the positive result text, however the lady hadn’t heard of Covid rebound, ‘except that I saw something about it in the paper’. However it didn’t appear in her notes so she wasn’t much help. I reluctantly texted Bob on his day off and he called me to say that Anthony

Fauci has Covid rebound now and he’s taking a second round of Paxlovid, however in Australia the rules don’t allow a repeat or second prescription, presumably for reasons of scarcity or cost. So it’s a case of treat the symptoms and hope for the best. John is a bit better than the first time while I am considerably worse. I thought we’d got out of this a mite too easily and so it appears. Went to bed after book group and stayed till morning after telling John what to heat up for his dinner and crossing my fingers (blessed be the microwave when the cook be abed).

July 30, 2022

It seems John coped okay on his own last night and he seems better this morning, I wish I could say the same. His haematologist Nada has been ill with a second bout of Covid which triggered a rare disease, autoimmune autonomic ganglionopathy, that she didn’t have previously. It affects the autonomous nerves controlling heart rate, breathing, blood pressure and digestion. Yesterday I’d tried three times to ring her office to cancel an appointment that John had with her on Tuesday, but no one answered so I left it to try again Monday. But today John got a voice message to say that Nada is off sick till the end of September and making a new appointment with another doctor for August 11. After a two week stint as an inpatient at St. Vs her problems are clearly nowhere near resolved. She was adamant to John that he must ring her immediately if he caught Covid because of the dire possibilities but in a turn up for the books she has ended up to be the one with the serious health problems while he is okay so far. It really is an unpredictable (and fascinating) disease. One good thing has been a call from the Aged Care Assessment Team to say that John has been placed on an urgent footing for extra assistance, so instead of a wait of months they expect he will be assessed in about two weeks. This is due to pressure from Kristy our case manager at Wendy’s Home Care and it takes a huge weight off my shoulders as I just can’t see myself managing if his current rate of decline continues. I’m hoping he will go from a Level 1 package to a Level 3, but that remains to be seen. I know that he will gather all of his wits to try to impress the lady when she comes, falling back again after she’s gone but I just need to explain that to her, I don’t think it’s a rare phenomenon. I will tell her about how much time I spend looking for things he’s lost, I still haven’t found the house and car keys and perhaps never will.

July 31, 2022

John is thankfully well again while I have gone in the opposite direction. I now add to the symptoms a blocked parotid gland so I look like I’ve got the mumps but just on one side. Eating is impossible as putting the tiniest morsel of food in my mouth causes excruciating pain, so it’s been water only all day and I hope it subsides overnight. This used to happen occasionally as part of Sjogren’s but it has been controlled by the drug I take for it. Bob rang on his way home from the Opera House rehearsal and said that the virus has played havoc with my immune system and restarted a number of autoimmune problems which should settle over time. Davina asked me to use my oximeter to get oxygen saturation and we were both a bit shocked that it was 92, the cut-off point recommended by the Health Department website for calling an ambulance. I really think I am safer here though, especially after Sue’s doctor daughter in a major Covid treating hospital was told to put people over 70 in a room with some morphine to ease their

symptoms and use the ICU to attend to younger patients! My aim tomorrow is to get out of pyjamas for the first time since Friday and then to pack a parcel that needs to be sent to Victoria for an eBay client. If I do both of those I will be a happy chappy.

I have had to write the last days retrospectively but that didn’t matter as I discovered that the blog had been hacked again. It is beyond frustrating but this time I wasn’t in a position to be using it anyway. I contacted Mark who said that it was “an attempt to hack your site (a robot sends stacks of password attempts – millions of them) until you run out of bandwidth or it gets the password right and gets in”. There was nothing he or I could do until the moderator decided to restore my bandwidth. I suspect that it only occurred today because it’s the first of the month and perhaps that’s when they do it routinely? When I asked Mark how to avoid it happening his reply was: “It’s unfortunately a fight you cannot win. You are striving to keep things secure against the inexhaustible numbers of people who want to try to rip off a rich Westerner and until you solve global inequity you’ll be staving off attacks from people in poorer countries….and there are lots of them.” The political becomes personal.

August 1, 2022

Pleased to manage a piece of raisin toast for breakfast and didn’t that taste good! But unfortunately that was enough to start up the pain again so now I’m back on the water. At least I’m losing a bit of weight I guess. I’ve spent the morning cancelling and rebooking medical appointments for myself and for John, cancelling his day care, and putting pressure on the tiler to come and fix the bloody roof. Just can’t deal with the water leak today, there’s a limit. But I succeeded in getting out of pyjamas today so that’s a win.

Last night I finished a book I randomly chose by the cover, Unsettled Ground by Claire Fuller, and it was such luck. She had me with the opening lines: ’The morning sky lightens, and snow falls on the cottage. It falls on the thatch, concealing the moss and the mouse damage, smoothing out the undulations, filling in the hollows and slips, melting where it touches the bricks of the chimney. It settles on the plants and bare soil in the front garden and forms a perfect mound on top of the rotten gatepost, as though shaped from the inside of a teacup.’ I loved every single word of this book. I was there, with all the smells and sounds and sights in that abject thatched cottage and on the block of land where vegetables are grown to feed the family and to keep the wolf from the door with the profits from those few veggies and eggs sold to the local deli ‘selling posh bread, cheese and olives, fancy coffees and pastries’. Although this was a contemporary story it was like a trip back in time to an almost Mediaeval poverty of rural life on land owned by and adjoining the squire’s house. The main characters, 51 year old twins Jeanie and Julius, were constantly making decisions against their own interests, but decisions totally in keeping with their background and lack of education. It’s not often that a book makes me break down and howl but this one certainly did, more than once. Mother Tongue did the same but for very different reasons. Now I want to read everything she’s written.

August 2, 2022

Yea! I can eat again after the problem resolved itself overnight. I had two slices of raisin toast this morning just in case it decided to come back. Rang St. Vinnies to pick up John’s leather perfectly good two seater lounge which hasn’t sold on eBay. They said they would come tomorrow so, even though it looked fine, we cleaned it thoroughly including underneath and sent photos as requested. Only to come back upstairs to find an email to say they had cancelled ‘because the photos show it is soiled’. Soiled my arse, I don’t know why I waste my time with Vinnies, I really don’t, they are sooo picky.

Got a call from Grant the paver who realistically said that we may never track down the source of the leak in the driveway. He has suggested putting in an ag line under the bricks where the water comes up, running into the garden where he will install a pit to take the water so when it overflows it’s in the garden and not on the driveway. I’m so sick of the whole thing that I agreed that it sounds like a plan, more money of course but probably not as much as the neighbours just paid for plumbing that was all for nought. I do feel bad for them but it was Sydney Water, not me, who insisted they do it in the first place. So it looks like the team will be starting on Monday if the bricks arrive by then. Roof tiler is expected next week too so it’s all systems go here.

Just read the new documents on the Barilaro Inquiry website and came to the conclusion that Amy Brown is not to be trusted to give a straight answer. She is back on tomorrow so I hope dear Daniel Mookhey gives her a right Mookheying. She often says ‘I was asked to….’, our Daniel requests ‘who exactly asked you?’ and the response is ‘Oh I’ll have to take that on notice’. Even the simplest question she takes on notice, I doubt if she were asked the date she could give an unequivocal answer. Protecting the bosses shouldn’t be the first priority of a supposedly independent public servant. At least Dom has scrapped the $250 million which was going to rebuild suburban football grounds and that nasty piece of work Peter V’landys is having a huge tantrum over it, which is something to put a smile on my dial. I think he makes Dom look positively upright by comparison but V’landys is a dirty player and Dom might rue the day he crossed him.

August 3, 2022

What a luxurious day watching the Barilaro Inquiry, though I did race outside and prune the rose bush during the lunch break if that accounts for a day’s work? Amy Brown, (perhaps relieved of pressure by Ayres departure?) was happy to answer anything today and only resorted to taking questions on notice on a couple of minor and quite reasonable occasions. Our friend Fang managed to keep his teeth tucked inside his mouth and was relatively passive (again, because Ayres is now gone?). One interesting aside concerned the Agent-General appointment in London, a job given to one Steven Cartwright. Apparently he, like Barilaro, was a late entrant and was a stickler for more, more, more in contract negotiations ‘throwing his toys from the pram’ in his desire for more money and threatening to go to Perrottet and Barilaro if he didn’t get what he wanted. It seems Cartwright was pally with Pork B. and perhaps their appointments were a slam dunk of jobs for the boys. Then we come to the references for PB and surprise, surprise one

is from good old Arfur Sinodinos. If you see a bucket of feculence and stir it, you will likely turn up our Arfur, so it was only a matter of time before his name came up. Oh dear, what a venal, sad, naive bu

ut of it that you’d think by now they would cover their tracks somewhat more professionally.

So Nancy Pelosi got her face in the spotlight and bugger the consequences. I’ve always worked on the idea that if you’ve got a cross bee in a bottle, you don’t shake the bottle. But it seems that the US is determined, under any government, to face off with China. You can brace for a war without provoking one Nance. It would be trivialising the issue to say how much I hate watching an 82 year old teetering and struggling not to fall in her high heels, but it indicates a lack of judgment which would only harm herself, unlike the disaster her political lack of judgment may cause.

August 4, 2022

The Daily Mail published an article yesterday with a video taken at the Sydney Boat Show of a stallholder making racist comments to a Korean man who was walking along holding a fishing rod. Obviously the stallholder thought this was some unimportant tyre-kicker, but he made a big mistake there. John Lee is an angler and an ambassador for Whittley Boats in Sydney, he has a website and Facebook page for his business, and shares his fishing adventures and tips. He filmed the encounter and put it on his pages. I felt the need to email him and apologise for their behaviour and since then he has sent a few messages back. The offenders are now claiming they can’t be racist because they have Asian people in their extended family, I think they got that one from Tony Abbott who said he’s not a misogynist because he has daughters. What a shit society this is at times, but the minorities are starting to fight back which they never did in the 1950s. All power to them. We thought in the 60s that this stuff was all behind us when we sang those immortal words: “My brothers are all others, forever hand in hand, Where chimes the bell of freedom there is my native land, My brothers’ fears are my fears yellow, white or brown, My brothers’ tears are my tears the whole wide world around”.

I had an appointment with my surgeon Alan last week which has been rescheduled till next. It is perhaps odd that in between appointments, which are occurring less and less frequently, I rarely consider the word cancer but it does come to mind as the date approaches. Last week I was so sick that I just brushed it off as ‘too sick for cancer this week’ and at other times it is ‘too busy with John’s issues to have cancer right now’. The author Samuel Park made the observation that “Cancer is death by promissory note” and I so wish I had written that line. He says that we use survival statistics not as a piece of scientific information, but as a coping mechanism. By whatever yardstick and for whatever reason I think I am coping very well, on that score at least.

August 5, 2022

Free at last! John’s carer Greg came at 10 am to take him out so I hightailed it to browse for fruit and veg on my own. Then I took myself over to Norwest with a view to buying some of the wonderful fresh fish there, both to drop some off to Heather and for us over the next days. I did a walk around the so-called lake, a pond with a central fountain in fact. It has never seemed like a particularly attractive place to me as

it is the ‘lake’ overlooked by Lakeview Private Hospital where I have anaesthetised a few times, so it has negative connotations for me. However I was surprised to find that the opposite shore is a mecca of restaurants. Though I knew there was a restaurant precinct I had no idea there were so many or that they were so popular, today there were numerous groups arriving to dine. Interestingly they seemed to be groups of women or groups of men, not many were couples. However there is a Messina Ice Creamery which made my heart bounce as it is a place we have often frequented in Darlinghurst. Perhaps we will give one of them a try as there were many places with reasonable lunch specials, all of which I managed to ignore today, coming home without having eaten a morsel.

We have a new verb in this house: ‘to Mookhey’, meaning to give something a thorough red hot going over. When John pulled from downstairs a hand-woven Pakistani rug which may have been dusty, I suggested that before it came upstairs it needed a ‘right royal Mookheying’ and he knew exactly what I meant. I am watching more of the inquiry this afternoon but it is extremely annoying because the sound is constantly breaking up and sometimes the picture as well. It is being filmed from a totally different angle this time and perhaps in a different room but it’s pretty poor reception all round today. Though poor old Mr. Fang hasn’t achieved a single point of order so it has had some positives. The highlight of the sessions from my point of view was Kathrina Lo, who has dumped a load on the whole recruitment process. She for me is the most direct and trustworthy of any of the witnesses so far.

I’ve been thinking a lot about John’s best friend Terry whose funeral we will be going to next Wednesday. He was an intellectual in the best sense of the word, a deep thinker. We got on so well and used to laugh about the fact that we both had the text book character profile for Librans. We both loved meeting new people and had an aversion to injustice in all its forms, but on the downside we both spent hours weighing the pros and cons of even the smallest decisions, even if they seem inconsequential. I well remember the agonising that went on over the colour scheme and finishes for their new kitchen and even when I thought the whole thing was done and dusted a call would come in months later from Terry….’now about that colour for the kitchen…’ He could put off difficult decisions for as long as possible, and all decisions were difficult ones for him. At one stage Terry, who was a privately practising Jungian analyst and analytical psychologist, was president of the C.G. Jung Society of Australia and we had the privilege of attending an address he gave to that group at their headquarters in the city. I can honestly say that I didn’t understand a single word he said past ‘Good Evening’. I had refreshed my memory of Jung’s theories prior to the talk, even reading a book of letters between Jung and Freud which is here on a shelf somewhere, but it didn’t help me an iota as I was forced to admit to Terry afterwards. However there wasn’t any sense from him that I had failed, he just replied that he’d had the benefit of five years fulltime study of Jung in Zurich and about 40 years in practice. His talk might as well have been in Latin from my point of view, but giving it in Latin was quite within his range of abilities as languages, particularly Latin, were another well-honed skill. Vale good and decent man.

August 6, 2022

I decided this morning that I really need to winnow my scarf collection which threatens to take over the bedroom cupboards. I suggested to John that some sort of rod under my window on which I could hang the most loved would be useful. Before long he had rigged up such a rod and I began sorting and ironing scarves. Unfortunately there are as many piled on my bed at this point as there are on the new rack so that has only been a partial solution. However it is now up to me to decide which are ‘lesser favourites’ and which can be dispensed with altogether. The trials of the first world woman never cease.

Michelle my friend of yonks has kindly agreed to come back as my cleaner and today was her first day. What a relief to have her back. The first hour and a half were spent at table catching up on news from both sides. I was excited to have a delicious original Art Deco glass powder bowl to give her (she is a collector, with superb taste) but I can never trump Michelle, she arrived with a bag full of chocolates, rocky road, coconut ice and a small cheesecake for me. How lucky I am with friends and how important they have been over recent weeks.

Thinking back over the Barilaro Inquiry I am pleased that my first impressions were accurate (Brown and Bell covering for the minister and Lo having been misled into signing off on the final choice). A department secretary suggesting that a minister release a press statement at 4.30 pm on a Friday to avoid media scrutiny goes way above the role she’s there to do, that’s clearly a political matter, not a public service one. I can’t see her keeping her place in the department after this, but perhaps a sideways transfer and a rap on the knuckles would do.

August 7, 2022

We bid farewell to Michelle at 7.30 last night, all encouragement to finish up and go home were ignored until the place was ship-shape to her exacting standards (she is paid by the visit, not the hours). John saw her washing the plates that hang on the walls! I suggested that the glass table didn’t need a go but she produced one of the pure white nappies she brings with her and a wipe told her that it did in fact need a serious clean, she’s a wonder. So for the first time in forever it seems the whole house is clean at the same time and I’m loving it.

Just been cancelling our visit to the Archibald and two doctor’s appointments yet again, but the lady at the Art Gallery listening to my coughing on the phone said ‘I think you are making a very wise decision’ which I thought was funny. At least they weren’t cross that I was altering it for the third time. I’ve moved everything forward by two weeks and surely by then I will be able to breathe and talk, or breathe and walk, simultaneously. Seems so simple in theory.

Got a rare call from Kenneth’s daughter in Bradford this morning to say that he’s been in hospital for a week and a half. He was unable to judge the distance to put a cup and saucer on the table for example and would drop it a foot away from its target. She worried that he’d had a stroke and called 999. Now he’s in Calderdale Infirmary, he hadn’t had a stroke but it is part of this unnamed creeping dementia and they are talking about sending him home with daytime carers, but she has been staying with him for three months

and doesn’t think he is safe to stay overnight on his own. I can see a nursing home on the horizon very soon, but she’s trying to come up with some other solution if possible.

August 8, 2022

The upside of cancelling going to the Archibald today is that I’m free to watch Pork B’s testimony in full, we are now on lunch break. Damn, I feel justified in doing what I feel like doing in current circumstances so my bum is glued to the chair today. I have been taking notes as usual and I ask myself why? Am I expecting the ABC to ring and say ‘Ashleigh Raper has the gastric, can you do the live cross for the 7 pm News?’ No, it’s just habit from going to court, though I usually throw them out once the trial ends, all except those for the William Tyrell inquest which is still live and still fascinating. I was thinking of Ashleigh and the cut of her perfectly made jackets as I watched the inquiry (hint to Sarah Ferguson: ask for the name of her tailor). Barilaro (bad jacket) was less Bolshy than I expected initially, perhaps he’d had his medication. Fang (bad jacket) was his usual combative self. Barrels has refused to name his third referee (after SIN-odinos and Garry Barnes, who was appointed by Barilaro, oh the incestuous relationships never end). Cate Faehrmann, cool as an iceblock as ever, calmly defended his right not to answer and then went on to say ‘but if you choose not to we will summons you and get the answer that way’. Barrels decided to ring the referee during lunch and get his/her permission. I’m betting on a public figure here, probably a political one, and look forward to PB spilling the name shortly.

Yep Barry O’Farrell, not surprised, now in his own sinecure as High Commissioner to India. I remember well being at ICAC when BO’F denied any knowledge of an expensive bottle of wine he’d received and not declared. While I was still in the hearing room he was forced to resign due to the donor of the wine giving journalists Barry’s thankyou letter, thereby ending that little friendship. So two out of three of the referees have form at ICAC and the third is a PB appointment. If Barrels says ‘eckspecially’ one more time….. Now it turns out that the person responsible for choosing the Trade Commissioner, public servant Amy Brown, was asked by Barrels to consider his girlfriend Jennifer Lugsdin for a media role in Brown’s department, a role which she subsequently got (did I mention incestuous relationships).

John has today been installing a shelf under my street library so people can more easily pull out books for perusal. Firstly I found him stirring a tin of stone coloured paint but luckily I pointed out in time that the house and library are grey so a bit more digging turned up the right colour. I said I was happy to help him install the shelf but it had to be in the inquiry lunch hour. However he went ahead and did it somehow on his own and did it beautifully, he said he didn’t remember my offer to help.

August 9, 2022

Terry’s funeral tomorrow will be an epic, full mass at Arncliffe, then to Rookwood, then back to Bardwell Valley for the wake. There will be interstate friends there so it isn’t really possible to miss any of it. After waiting months for the paving contractor to come, he rang this morning to say they are starting tomorrow. Natch. As if that weren’t enough the tiler rang late this arv to say he’s coming at noon tomorrow to fix the

roof. I have never met him but he seems happy to do it while we are not here and to let me pay him by bank transfer, so that’s a plus.

John announced today that he found doing the shelf yesterday too stressful so he has asked if I could only give him simple jobs to do in future: namely: washing up, putting out bins and hanging out washing. I pointed out that I had idly wished for a shelf, not asked him to make one, and was surprised when he offered. But it’s no good letting him do things that cause him grief so point taken.

Brigitte rang but it’s so hard to have a conversation with this breathing issue. Grant the paver said he has a friend who’s a schoolteacher and she hasn’t been able to talk at all since getting Covid, so she’s on Worker’s Compensation with no idea of a timeline to return to her job as the docs think it’s a brain issue. I’ve said it before, weird disease.

August 10, 2022

Terry’s funeral was in a very big church which was packed, only a couple of rows of the 150 or so people were wearing masks and they were all people we knew. There were six priests and a Carmelite monk doing the service. Apparently Terry was a lay Carmelite, whatever that means, and gave talks to their congregation. Because it was a Catholic mass we didn’t really hear much about Terry at all, as is usual with these things, but I gleaned much from talking to various people afterwards. The part at Rookwood where he was buried was bleak and desolate, perhaps the grave had been handed back to the cemetery as all around it was used, mostly decades ago. I couldn’t get over the impoverished soil they had dug up for the grave, a barren clay. It made Gerringong Cemetery look like paradise. Then back to Canterbur-Hurlstone Park RSL for the wake. Normally I wouldn’t have gone, the last wake amongst John’s friends resulted in 10 cases of Covid, but I understand we have a month where it’s unlikely that we’ll catch it again. At one point during the wake I wondered why Terry hadn’t come, such is the nature of death.

When we got home it was dark, so I asked John if he could do a couple of boiled eggs for his dinner as I wasn’t hungry. He was fine with that, but then needed coaching about how to do them. Thinking it was all under control I sat down but then wondered why I heard the microwave going. He had turned it on with nothing in it to time the eggs cooking on the gas.

August 11, 2022

A funny exchange when I went up to get a car key cut at Platinum Locksmiths. It wasn’t the press button locking mechanism, that gave up the ghost long ago, but just the key. I was expecting it to be about $5 so when he said ‘one-ten’ I said ‘that seems cheap, are you sure that’s right?’ but it turned out to mean one hundred and ten! He explained that Toyota keys have a chip in them and they won’t start the car without it. All this to replace just one of the keys which went missing in the house a few weeks ago. He must have felt

bad then as he discounted it to $88 and I agued that he should charge me the $110, a funny old conversation that we both laughed about.

Came back to find that the pavers had come across a large terracotta storm water pipe barely under the ground. This had to be smashed up and will be replaced lower down with a poly one, which will need to drain into a pit which they will build. Then they found what looks like an old water pipe going who knows where. They are still trying to work out if it has water in it or is just an old redundant pipe. I’m not even asking how much all this is adding to the cost, but I can see that the finds are genuine so I can’t expect them to foot the extra cost.

Well, I didn’t have to wait long for the next disaster. The paving men just got back from Belrose tip where they attempted to dump a truck and a trailer load of soil. The tip man found a tiny piece of fibro in it and refused the lot. Now they have to go out past Penrith tomorrow to a special asbestos tip in a quarry….at huge expense, the details of which I chose not to ask about.

August 12, 2022

After sleeping in till 7.30 am expecting the men to start late today I found the paving contractors hard at work, deciding to go to another tip at Lucas Heights this afternoon instead of the Penrith one. They put in new plumbing all the way down the drive to drain off excess water into the storm water system. I’m sure it’s costing heaps extra but at least they could do the plumbing themselves, not having to call in an outsider should keep it down a little bit.

I am so breathless that holding a decent conversation is well nigh impossible, but at least I can do other things, such as picking enough sugar snap peas for dinner tonight. Just needed to throw that detail in somewhere.

August 13, 2022

Saddened to hear first thing that Salman Rushdie had been stabbed in the neck but it got worse as the day progressed with news that he’s on a ventilator, may lose an eye and use of his arm. For some reason it reminded me of the fanaticism of the Trumpists, who can’t see truth because of blind adherence to the Trump cult and are calling for the death of FBI personnel. All religions are cults of some sort, though many are benign, and why bother with a god at all when a Donald will do. Hillsong is in bother again, this time for its accountancy practices (read rorting the system). An ex member told me that the practice is to move the pastors around the world with some fancy expense accounts paying for luxury accommodation, food, alcohol and god knows what else. A pox on them for the money they skim from their members to fete those at the top.

We walked down to the park with Millie for an hour but coming back up the hill was hard work. I know we have a month before we need to worry about catching Covid again but I need to get some stamina if

we’re going out and about and I can’t go to a restaurant or theatre while I’m coughing so much, so I need to speed up the recovery somehow.

August 14, 2022

Watching Insiders this morning it seems as if everyone is on the war with China juggernaut. I’ve always felt that poor old Chamberlain got bad press for trying to stave off a world war and I guess I am cut from the same cloth. While I might be dragged reluctantly to support a war if China invaded Japan or India or the US, I am less inclined to support one in what I see as basically a long drawn out civil war between China and Taiwan. It has been accepted since 1949 that Taiwan is disputed territory and we should butt out of it, sad as that may be for the Taiwanese it is better than a world war over one of the smallest countries in Asia.

On Friday I changed John’s bed linen then today I went down to do the washing, but he stripped the bed again and added the fresh linen, forgetting that we had already done it two days ago. Multiply that sort of confusion by many times a week and you have my life in a nutshell. My task this afternoon is to keep sorting and ironing my scarves. So far, after the few Dav took yesterday and those going to friends or the Sallies, there are 92 remaining. That’s summer ones, I haven’t started on the winter. I wonder why I do this to myself, but at least there are only two fetishes, scarves and earrings, could be worse.

I am still perplexed about the water in the driveway. It seems relatively dry at the top now, but if you step on the clay where they have skimmed off the soil water oozes up, particularly at the driveway end. There are puddles there that haven’t dried up in the sun of the past few days, it’s a geological mystery that I could do without.

August 15, 2022

Got an invoice for the next payment tranche for the driveway, adding $975 for the extra plumbing on account of the water issue and $375 for the time spent tipping the dug up soil a second time when the first tip wouldn’t take it. Let’s not even mention the extra tipping fees. However they are doing a good job as far as I can see and to be fair the problems have not been of their making, but it seems to be a rule that every renovation or alteration costs way more than expected. I shall park myself on the finished driveway in a bikini for the whole of summer to get my money’s worth.

Kelly, a neighbour from a few streets away, came for morning tea and saw the pile of freshly ironed scarves from the pile I have decided to part with. She happily took two silk ones which made my long stance at the ironing board seem worthwhile. I want them to go to people who love them, not people who buy them because they’re cheap. We talked about the problems with vaping at schools and I lent her John Safran’s enlightening book Puff Piece. Apparently the manufacturers make them in the shapes of coloured pencils and erasers so kids can easily hide them in their pencil cases, a positively wicked idea but absolutely typical of the big tobacco companies behind this craze. She teaches Japanese, French and

English so we discussed the different brains which make certain subjects easier or harder. She went to a Japanese speaking school and her daughter goes to a bilingual English/Japanese school. Today her daughter was having a science lecture all in Japanese. Phew.

Talking of wicked, what’s going on with the revelations at The Australian? That bastion of the Liberal Party has put out two stories in as many days involving corruption or shady behaviour by top Libs. First the sneaky doubling and trebling up of portfolios by Scott Morrison, unbeknown to the rest of the government, bar Christian Porter. Now today they are reporting that James Packer paid Peter Costello $300,000 to act as a secret lobbyist for him. These people would sell their grandmothers if there were a quid in it, yet they still get votes. The voters are almost as culpable as the crooks they vote in.

August 16, 2022

And so it goes on…. the skip company picked up just one of the two hired skips on the grass verge and totally uprooted the grass and dirt, including breaking the concrete footpath. I’ve sent photos as asked by the pavers but I am not sure who will take responsibility for the damage. Once again it wasn’t the pavers’ fault, they weren’t even here. How did I get talked into this?

Morrison was once again exposed as a bare faced liar when he told a radio interviewer this morning that he ‘can’t remember being signed in to other portfolios’ than the ones already exposed. How can a person forget going to Government House and being made Treasurer and Home Affairs Minister, among others? The man is a pathological liar a la the Trumpster. But I am not at all surprised by the Governor-General’s involvement. Certain people, unlike Morrison, give their views away on their faces. Leigh Sales was one, David Hurley is another. He was all smiles whenever he was swearing in a Lib, but seemed to be sucking on a lemon when doing the same job with Labor members after the election. This can be very handy as we know the allegiances, but Morrison has the bland face of a classic con artist. A pox on him.

Today we had to see the replacement for John’s doctor Nada Hamad who is very sick with long Covid. That went well and he then had the monthly IgG infusion, during which I drove to Woolloomooloo Wharf to meet up with my cousin Angela who lives nearby. We lunched on the wharf at Manta and loved the swordfish and barra, getting one each and sharing along with a side salad. It was perfect weather and I really appreciated the time out.

August 17, 2022

The skip men collected the second one and managed to crack two more panels on the footpath. Grant the paver is going to repair the path and then try to get reimbursement from the skip company. The saga continues…

I received a letter today from Transport NSW asking me to get a medical to continue driving. I was pleased that I could tick NO to every medical box, now I just need to get it signed and sealed by Bob. I dread the

day in the future when I will have to have a road test, not because I can’t drive but because the mere idea of it makes me nervous.

Trying to factor in a haircut but because I’ve rescheduled so many appointments from when we were sick, there never seems to be a day when we are not committed to be somewhere. I have managed to reduce my cull pile of scarves by quite a few this week, some to a visitor on Monday, then a couple to Angela yesterday and another half a dozen today at Colleen’s. I will still get to enjoy them when I see them being worn by others.

Interesting that there are now rumbles about Amy Brown being moved from her job as CEO of Investment NSW. She was professional sounding in a clipped, proper public service way at the beginning but as other evidence came to light she opened up more, pouring a bucket on the Agent-General in London and to a lesser extent Stuart Ayres. So she was telling the truth and nothing but the truth perhaps, but not the whole truth, at least in the beginning. Too influenced by politics to be a good public servant.

August 18, 2022

Watching the Barilaro Inquiry would seem to indicate that Amy Brown may be looking for new employment before too long. Dear Mr. Cartwright, our agent-general in London, should perhaps start to look for someone else who is prepared to pay him $800,000 plus a year. I just can’t see any firm will be jumping to get him considering the aggressive performance he put on to get a higher salary and perks. What a bunch of deadbeats some of these candidates are, yet no-one thought that their behaviour should rule them out of consideration, which leads me to believe that this conduct is considered the norm, or at least acceptable. I’m listening now to Warwick Smith AO who is unduly verbose and loves to pat himself on the back, perhaps people who are attracted to this high life are hubristic in most cases.

Talking about deadbeats, Morrison’s explanation of the reasons behind his secretive behaviour as Prime Minister hasn’t gone down too well, even with right wing commentators. When Andrew Bolt and Peta Credlin don’t buy the arguments of a right wing PM I think he’s in bother. But how people couldn’t see his megalomaniac leanings before this is something of a mystery.

August 19, 2022

The pavers came this morning to repair the footpath, broken by the skip truck man who isn’t returning their calls. Hopefully they will start laying bricks next week. No disasters in the last few days so perhaps we had them all at once. I gave them some orange cake this morning and interestingly they both scraped off the thinly sliced orange slices dipped in Cointreau, then John did the same this afternoon. ‘Oh I didn’t know you could eat it’ he said.

We finally went to our third booking at the Art Gallery to see the Archibald. As usual we differed from the judges but such decisions are intensely personal. Loved the Robert Hannaford self-portrait, in fact I think

I’ve always voted for an RF portrait if he has one in the finals. Whenever I go to the Portrait Gallery I search for Hannafords and pay my respects, similarly at Parliament House and the High Court. I found the walking quite taxing today and was pretty exhausted by the time we got back to the car. However a sit and a milkshake from the kiosk at Mrs. Macquarie’s Chair soon brought things back to rights. It’s interesting that we always look towards the Bridge and Opera House, whereas her seat faces the opposite way, I’m sure she wanted to catch sight of any sails on the horizon, coming through the Heads.

The Anglican Church’s split is concerning for those who still believe. It’s always sex that they get hot and bothered about, a throwback to the Catholics perhaps, who’ve never got over sex at all. If they split I think it’s a downhill path for the church, not that the idea upsets me, but it’s a shame for those decent people who support it. My sister-in-law in England stopped going to church because they put in a black woman priest….. All of this reminds me of studying English for Scientists in Year 1 at the Institute of Technology. We were asked to choose a topic and write an essay debating both sides using only biblical references. I thought it would be difficult but it was sooo easy. I particularly remember a section of the bible forbidding any body markings and tattoos (don’t ask why that comes to mind). ‘Thou shalt not kill’ versus many parts of the Old Testament saying whom you can in fact kill. It amazes me that people are still debating the fine details of this stuff after 2000 odd years.

August 20, 2022

Thinking more on the Anglican split and the fact that the current Archbishop Kanishka Raffel has very similar view to the splitter, former Archbishop Glenn Davies. It seems to me that the stayers are smart, anchored where they are to hold on to the keys of the real estate. Perhaps it’s just a clever approach to have two Anglican options, but with just one set of views. Should we now expect a third for those Anglicans with moderate views?

Back on Morrison, one possibility that no one has canvassed, even in jest, is that he’s actually batting for another team and his whole career is a front for another government. When I put that proposition to Bronwyn today she ruled it out because she said he simply isn’t smart enough, though he’s certainly devious enough.

One somewhat concerning tendency is my sudden loss of the appropriate word. I won’t say it’s never happened before but it has certainly happened a lot more over the last couple of weeks. We were having a couple of friends over for lunch today so last night I made a short list of what needed to be done and what had to go on the table, but it contained items like __ paste and the dessert was _____ and pomegranate. I couldn’t look up the words because I wasn’t even able to guess the first letter. This morning quince paste and Persian Love Cake came back to mind, but it’s the first time I’ve written a list with dashes in it. Similarly I am having trouble with certain words in conversation, I know there’s a perfect word for

what I want to say but just can’t find it. I am not jumping to unpleasant conclusions.

August 21, 2022

h up on all the cancelled appointments. Today John decided at noon that he wanted to ‘go to the beach’ but the drive and thoughts of the traffic on a Sunday put me off. Because he no longer drives John doesn’t take time, distance or traffic into account if he wants to do something. So I countered with the idea of a picnic along the river at Mortlake or Cabarita (hey, there’s lots of water and a little strip of sand) which we subsequently did but the traffic to get there was horrendous too, though at least it was not as far as the beach. I was impressed with some of the unit blocks at Breakfast Point, some in weatherboards with delicious decorative wooden rooves over their balconies. I asked some walkers about the absence of any houses and they told me it was once the gasworks until about 25 years ago when the huge site was decontaminated and turned into a massive waterfront housing estate. It is rare for me to comment favourably on any block of units but I found the neighbourhood quite pleasant. Just near where we parked there was a family where the father, aged 60 or so, was smoking a hookah. He was constantly smoking it from when we got there about 1 pm to when we left about 4. I can’t imagine the colour of his lungs but it wasn’t intermittent like cigarettes, the only time he took it out of his mouth was when he spoke.

It’s funny that whenever we go for a walk from home John focusses on just two properties in the street and asks about the house and the people who live there, ignoring every other place in the street. But today even as we walked at Cabarita Park by the water he asked again ‘Have you ever met the people in the fibro house on the corner of Cross and Jenner Streets?’. It’s interesting to me why those particular houses have settled in his mind and why he keeps asking despite my answering the questions countless times already. It’s the same in the yard, almost every day he asks the name of two trees in the backyard, then comments on how fast they are growing and asks what height they will get to. All other trees are ignored. He hasn’t been able to read for a long time now but still browsed the newspapers, however lately I’ve noticed that it’s only a brief look at the front page. He commented after friends left yesterday that ‘I can’t keep up with people’s conversation any more’.

August 22, 2022

Tomorrow we have an appointment with a member of the ACAT team to judge whether John should be on a higher Home Care Package. Unfortunately she wants it to be via phone, not at all my preferred option. I have been trying to explain to John that it’s not a competition in which there’s a prize for him if he can show that he’s very capable. I asked if he could qualify his answers fully rather than giving just a yes or no, the example I gave was ‘yes I organise my own tablets, but I need help to remind me to take them’. But he got upset and said ‘I never lie, I’m not going to lie to this woman to get more help’, quite missing my point about full and complete answers. It won’t surprise me if he maximises his abilities to try to impress her but there’s not much I can do about that except disagree with him at the time, which could be touchy. I wish we could be interviewed separately.

I am currently reading a spy novel Rip Tide by Stella Rimington, who was former Director General of MI5, the first woman ever in that job. Perhaps that’s why the scenarios seem so realistic, she has plenty of experience to draw on. It involves many current issues such as Somalian pirates and young British citizens

of Pakistani origin who are involved in terrorism. It is interesting that a British spy in the book deliberately avoids telling the CIA operative about issues in Somalia ‘so the Americans don’t go in guns blazing like they did in Iraq’. Not hard to imagine that this was a view held by MI5?

The paving men have had a few slices of various cakes for morning tea over the last couple of weeks (some out of the freezer before I was well enough to cook) but today they both said that it was the best one yet, so because it was the last two slices I’ve baked another banana cake this arv as well as roasting a whole sliced pumpkin while the oven was on. Dinner tonight is a couple of small whole red fish which I got out of the freezer but couldn’t identify. I texted a picture to Michelle whose husband caught them and she replied that they are pig fish, apparently a fishermen’s delicacy. That’s a new one on me, but the internet says they are often a favourite catch and often kept by the fisherman for himself.

August 23, 2022

Phew!! The ACAT appointment this morning was nothing if not thorough. The lady rang on the dot of 10 am as planned and hung up at 12.05. We don’t know the result, she will send us her report after talking to Bob as well, but I think he should at least be bumped up by one level, if not two. It was awkward in the sense that I didn’t want to complain about the things that drive me nuts, like his constantly losing things and getting obsessed over the same small details, but she did ask if he could cook, answer ‘no’ or help around the house, he answered ‘just the washing up and hanging out clothes’. I was able to explain that he can’t work out how to use the stove, dishwasher or washing machine so hopefully we get some more help.

Still enjoying the spy book Rip Tide by Stella Rimington ex MI5. In one scene where it is being decided whether they or the CIA should handle a particular rescue in Somalia she muses ‘It would be disastrous for the CIA to come charging into the case. Now was not the moment for their bombs away approach’. These asides are peppered through the story and it’s pretty clear that it was the author’s view in real life. I wish I could discuss the book with my bro but its subtleties are way outside his abilities now.

The bricks have arrived and the driveway paving begins. They are meticulous in the spacing and cutting of the bricks, which all looked white when they arrived due to the cement dust on them, but now after rain yesterday their subtle colours are showing. I can never understand red paving or red rooves for that matter. In a hot country red just gives an even greater perception of heat, so I specified no red bricks to be used. Ditto the red pebbles on the courtyard of Parliament House, which is barren, hot and unpleasant in my view. I once gave that opinion to John’s friend Rodney, a Canberra architect, but I think he was offended by my implicit criticism of his friend who designed it.

August 24, 2022

Very sorry to hear of John Farnham’s cancer operation. I was a follower of his concerts in my youth and his soaring voice rang through my speakers many a time. The fact that the cancer was in his mouth freaks me out as I’ve always said I could cope with cancer from the shoulders down but anything to do with the

face, mouth or throat gives me the absolute heeby-jeebies. I well remember a shop client who had a tiny ulcer on his tongue which was diagnosed as cancer and he took his surgeon son with him to the appointment regarding his options. The son sat quietly through the discussion but after the surgeon explained that they would take most of his tongue out, his son said ‘I can’t allow my father to have that operation as it isn’t curative and he’ll have a miserable life from then on’. The surgeon reluctantly agreed that this was in fact the case and no surgery was performed, however he was dead when I rang to check on his welfare a few months later. JF’s wife has issued a statement saying there were 26 surgeons operating on him over 12 hours but that is impossible, however 26 people in the operating theatre in that time is entirely possible.

The paving men like their cake at 9 am, their morning teatime. However the caramel tart had too much ginger in it according to Grant and funnily I disliked it for the very same reason. However the banana cake got full marks and they seem happy to get the same one each day. The baking dish full of roasted pumpkin made a delicious pumpkin soup for dinner last night, just the pumpkin, onion, baharat spice mix and coconut milk. I’m glad that gradually cooking has gone from impossible, to a chore, to a pleasure as I recovered from Covid.

John found Terry’s funeral brochure this morning and was saddened all over again as he’d temporarily forgotten that Terry had died, he can’t remember going to his funeral at all. Whether it comes back to him remains to be seen but it must be so terribly confusing to have forgotten one of the biggest things that’s happened in his life this year. I’m thinking that by the end of the 3 to 6 month period that we’ve been quoted for implementation IF indeed he gets a better Home Care Package, we will need to apply all over again as it will probably be inadequate.

August 25, 2022

My six-monthly follow up with the surgeon today at St. V’s and he commented that he was glad that he didn’t go back and operate a second time when a cancer diagnosis was given by pathologists, as it seems that he achieved the purpose with the first op. There was debate about it between him, the specialist in viral cancer that he referred me to for follow-up, my immunologist and me. I got the last call and decided against more surgery, trusting in Alan’s belief that he ‘got it all’. The vote between the specialists was 2:1, so not a unanimous decision, but it seems the right one. I’m a bit surprised that after so long Alan still wants six-monthly visits to both him and the cancer specialist, but I am happy to comply. I grabbed a bit of lunch at bill’s cafe in Darlinghurst while reading Artichoke, a glossy magazine dedicated to interior architecture. It documented the prize-winners in their annual competition for designs of bars, cafes, restaurants and shops. The winning restaurant design was in… drum roll … Parramatta so I must go and have a squiz at that sometime. Most were depressingly brutal, one particular business in Manly, a clothes shop which I will also go to look at, would turn me off ever entering the premises. It was very weird to turn a page and discover the very table I was sitting at portrayed, bill’s having won an award. I hadn’t realised that before starting the cafe with $20,000 as a 22 year old Bill had done an interior design degree. Then I wandered up the road to the car and to my delight found a tiny antique shop that I had gazed into in

the past was actually open. The French owner stocks all manner of quirky things and I bought a pair of sunglasses which he said he’d just put out, having bought them in France on a trip from which he only returned two days ago. I resisted the taxidermied turtle, the various dentist’s teeth moulds, the battered lampshades, the monkey’s head film prop and more, but I’m very happy with the pair of vintage Dior sunglasses for $35.

More problems on the driveway today, but they are Grant’s problems not mine thank goodness. Yesterday he put in a drain halfway down the drive and carefully cemented it in, but since he left someone has stepped on one end, pushing it out of alignment and then the concrete has set overnight. Now he has to use a concrete saw to remove it and reset it, apparently a very tricky job to avoid damaging the remaining part which is not askew. It wasn’t me and it wasn’t John so we can only assume a passer-by was sticky-beaking and trod on it. Grant said he’s had a lot of interest from people passing and a request for a quote, which he didn’t take up as he’s booked out for months. But coming half way down the drive and walking on wet cement is a bit much.

John arrived home from day care and asked how I’d gone at the doctor’s. I repeated Alan’s comments and he asked, confused ‘But why are you going to a cancer specialist?’

August 26, 2022

Michelle called in sick this morning so there was a hasty rearrangement of the car-pooling plans but we all managed to fit into the station wagon, albeit with some discomfort. Dropped John off to Bronwyn and Michael and the three of them went off walking after having lunch together. We were very early to the meeting, victims of my fear of being late, but it worked out well as we could chat in the meeting room without being in anyone’s way. I thought I would be the only one who didn’t like the book so I must admit it was a bit of a relief to find that, though there was one appreciative reader, no one else finished it apart from me. There was general agreement that the author was somewhat pushy and self-aggrandising so I think her husband managed to gain a bit of sympathy. (There’s a lovely story about the author David Sedaris who noticed a woman in the queue to have his latest book signed, she was complaining about the wait and trying to queue-jump. When her turn came he smiled up at her, asked her name and signed the book, closing it as he handed it back to her. He’d written ‘You are a really horrible woman, David Sedaris’. Apocryphal perhaps, but I loved it anyway.) It was a lovely warm meeting, though there was some discussion about aging, going into care and the perils of same. Perhaps that’s an inevitable subject going forward.

Sue stayed overnight and graciously accepted the glass of rose with dinner, though I’ve discovered that it is her least favourite wine. The salmon baked with a lime and honey sauce went down well though. I’ve been buying the Aldi frozen Norwegian salmon in the hope that it is better than what I’m hearing about its Tasmanian equivalent, but in any event it’s a good staple to have in the freezer. Great to have Sue here after a break of a few months.

August 27, 2022

I got up at 6.30 as Sue is such an early riser but she’d been up since 5. After a leisurely breakfast we went down to the corner bakery for Sue to get some bread to take to her mum’s for lunch. I felt I had to apologise for its quality, I usually refer to it as ‘the bakery of last resort’, better than Tip-Top White but not by a lot. Saw John’s carer Greg down there, so he must live very close to us. I had never thought to ask him exactly where he lives (perhaps he’s not supposed to say) though I knew it was in the general area. Later in the morning John started to feel unwell so we cancelled the plans we had for later in the day. I think I may have found the culprit for treading on the newly cemented drain though, I saw that the fuse box was open so clearly the meter reader had been, only about 3 feet from the scene of the crime.

Sue mentioned that her brother Martyn had sent her an article agreeing with his views on vaccination and Covid precautions. She sent it to me and I was somewhat surprised that there were no references for any of the figures provided. But when I looked back to see the author and their credentials I discovered to my horror that it was written by the infamous Rebecca Weisser, neo-con and Trump apologist, member of the Centre for Independent Studies, executive associate of the Ramsay Centre for Western Civilisation, fervent critic of the ABC, the WHO and the UN generally and pal of Tony Abbott. One of her many helpful suggestions includes recruiting ex-Liberal Party staffers to co-host the Insiders program!! I had long imagined Michaelia Cash as the nastiest woman in Australian politics and political commentary, but that was before I heard and read Rebecca Weisser. (I couldn’t bring Cash’s name to mind when typing this so I just Googled ‘nasty WA female politician’ and bingo, up came her photo).

August 28, 2022

During the week I mentioned to John that a friend’s husband is in a nursing home overlooking Sirius Cove. He remembered that his brother used to take him swimming there when he lived at Mosman so I promised to take him there on Sunday. He recalled the promise today so after we watched Insiders we chuffed off there. (After Insiders finished he said: ‘Well I didn’t understand any of that’. So we parked at the Cove and walked the track round to the Taronga Wharf, seeing hordes of people lined up to enter the Zoo. When we got there the sign said Bradley’s Head was another kilometre so I thought we could do that with no problems. We made it eventually only to find that the toilets were out of order due to a rock fall, but we had passed a track up to Athol Hall Cafe on the way so we went back to there, but they were closed due to a wedding so it was off again to the ferry wharf, where I discovered there are no toilets at all! We discovered that an 8 km walk with no toilets is probably past us, certainly past me anyway, though it was very beautiful along the walk and the weather was perfect.

Coming home to my lovely, if half-finished, driveway is a treat and I’m sure that I will eventually forget the cost and all the extra problems we encountered and just enjoy it. I remember reading that bricks and tiles are the only building materials that don’t shrink, in fact they swell. I was once sitting on the toilet in a rented unit in Westmead when the whole floor popped and the tiles flew off the floor. Apparently the builder hadn’t allowed for expansion, it was a memorable lesson.

August 29, 2022

I made sure I was up and breakfasted in time for the driveway men to arrive by 7 am, except they didn’t. Then a text came from Grant, Perry has Covid and Grant dropped something on his foot on Friday and can’t walk. It made me realise that I will miss these men when they finish, we have a lot of laughs and the money seems worth it now that I see how meticulous they are. Grant expects to be back on Wednesday so I’d better get cooking as they love their morning teas. I commented to Grant that I thought I had found the culprit for spoiling his freshly-concreted drain, the electricity meter reader, and he remembers her coming on the day that they laid it. Mystery solved.

John has been on top of things for the last few days, from Friday to Monday his memory seemed improved, aided by visits from Sue and to Bronwyn and Michael, plus a long walk yesterday. However this morning he’s been all over the shop, asking what we usually have for breakfast, where we went yesterday and seeing things around the house that he thinks are new. He keeps asking when we are leaving to go out today, but there was no plan to go out as I’m waiting for someone to pick something up from me and starting to get annoyed that they haven’t indicated when they are coming, despite my emailing them to ask. But I hasten to add that it may be the pot calling the kettle regarding John. I just went to Goodreads to write a review of Stella Rimington’s book Rip Tide, only to find that I had read and reviewed it already, in 2018! I thoroughly enjoyed it this time and had no memory of having read it before.

That wretched Morrison has charged the taxpayers a motza for his trip to Japan. After emphasising that his and Jenny’s trip was “privately funded” it emerges that it will cost taxpayers thousands of dollars because a team of AFP close personal protection officers travelled with them. Apparently he trousered about $50,000 for speaking in Tokyo. I am so looking forward to his exit.

August 30, 2022

This morning I decided to take John to Auburn Botanic Gardens where the cherry blossom is out. Discovered that the blossom is very nearly over, but that didn’t stop us enjoying our walk around the various water features and gardens. It was very busy on a Tuesday so it’s a place I wouldn’t recommend at the weekend. On the way home I pulled up in Granville, basically for old times’ sake, and noticed among the many Arabic food shops the Fiji Supermarket and the Island Food Company, each stocking things like cassava, taro and kava. I’ve never tried kava but had both of the others in Fiji and never want to repeat the experience. I am finding that the best thing I can do for John is to keep him busy, he loved the outing today but couldn’t quite understand when I said that Granville Station was where I left for school and work each day, insisting that ‘I don’t think you’ve ever lived in this area’. We went to Moran & Cato supermarket in Granville every Saturday morning, followed by the butcher and the greengrocer, then lugged all our shopping for the week home. I told him that I was sitting in a hairdresser’s chair there when it came on the radio that Kennedy had been shot, I’ll never forget it.

I was conscious that the judge was handing down the verdict in the Dawson trial today. He started talking at 10 am, broke for lunch and resumed, but only now at 3.20 pm has he given the verdict. What a marathon for the accused to sit through, not to mention of course their children and Lyn’s other family. I had formed the opinion that if he were going to come out with a guilty verdict he might have announced it and then given his reasons, but no, he made them squirm the whole day. Hopefully one day they will discover where her body lies.

August 31, 2022

I have always thought that imprisonment was a crude tool for changing behaviour, and I still think that. But recently I’ve noticed that while the judiciary has extensive powers to ‘make the punishment fit the crime’ they don’t seem to use those powers often or wisely. Take the case of gangland widow Roberta Williams, who received a two-year community-based order after pleading guilty to blackmailing and recklessly injuring her victim at Collingwood more than three years ago. The victim was lured to a video production studio where he was tied to a chair, had his and his family’s lives threatened and was bashed over the course of about three hours, sustaining visible injuries. The judge’s summing up astonished me, she went over Roberta’s rough upbringing at length then basically gave her a slap on the wrist, saying she was unsuitable for community service (which I can understand as I wouldn’t want her helping out in St. Vinnies where many of those on community service end up). The young men who assisted her in the crime got similarly light sentences. If I were the victim I’d be looking over my shoulder considering their underworld links. Surely there is the possibility of weekend detention in cases such as this? I know that convicted people hate that as a sentence, it ruins their weekends which is a good punishment in itself. One of the thugs was pictured leaving court grinning from ear to ear, as well he might.

The internet was off today due to some NBN maintenance but we had a Zoom call planned with John’s sister-in-law in the US at 2.30. I went to the library to pick up books and thought of using the computer there, but alongside me was a pesky woman who was having trouble sending some sort of communication to 52 people. I know this because she was talking to herself about it endlessly, ringing someone for help using the speaker phone and finally asking the librarian for help (at least he told her to turn off the speaker phone that was echoing the conversation through the library). Ultimately I just emailed Justine to cancel the Zoom and came home glad to be shot of her. But librarians are endlessly patient, which is why I love them. Nice people register: Librarians, ambos and firies. Not so nice people register: well I think we all have our own list and seeing there are always exceptions to the rule so I will stay mum.

September 1, 2022

I had plans for a drive and a walk while John was at day care but then Michelle rang to say she could come to clean today (now we are on a monthly clean the place is so much more liveable) so I changed tack and did some ironing of outgrown clothes of Millie’s that I’d washed for the Sallies, baked a cake, did a few

jobs alongside Michelle in the cleaning department, plus caught up with some food shopping. I must admit I feel virtuous about having stayed here, after eating cake together and seeing her leave with some scarves, some tiny clothes for her dolls as well as some food. What a good stick she is.

The cake was Papa’s Apple Pound Cake, a French recipe from the New York Times Cookbook which I use a lot. It involved boiling raisins, then soaking them in a little rum and the topping is just icing sugar and rum. Being a French chef the recipe’s creator is pedantic about how the apples are cut even though they are inside the cake ‘cut the cored apples into 12 and stand them curved side up along the middle’ then the rest of the batter goes on top with another apple cut into 16 pieces topping the mix. I make a point of doing a recipe exactly the first time, then I can waver the ingredients or method however I want from then on. I may throw caution to the wind and also cut the second apple into 12 pieces next time. Anyway it is absolutely delicious and will no doubt please the pavers when they come back tomorrow after the stint with Covid.

I asked a friend who is a medical specialist in public health, a researcher and lecturer in global health and developmental epidemiology to look at an article in The Spectator about the evils of vaccination for Covid. It was written by Rebecca Weisser, she of the neo-con persuasion whose very being causes my marrow to curdle. His first reaction was that it was ‘scandalous’. Apparently the lead story in the article about the death in the US of Bobby Bolin seems to be a lift from the Conservative Daily News website. Bolin had his second Moderna vaccination on April 17, 2021 and died on August 20. He had a pulmonary embolism (along with deep vein thrombosis a not uncommon problem on long flights) while flying back from a holiday in Jamaica and the pilot got permission to fly at a lower altitude as a result. He was already on the waiting list for a double lung transplant, was on blood thinners, had atrial fibrillation and a stent and was on 31 prescription medications. Despite all of this and the four month interval from vaccination to death, the conclusion Weisser draws is that the vaccine must be the cause of his death. This woman is an absolute menace because most people just won’t take the time, or have the ability, to dissect her claims. Of the last 7 articles she penned for The Spectator, 5 are on the dire effects of vaccination and one is entitled ‘Where have all the babies gone? Progressives rage about the right to abort while birth rates tumble’. I need a stiff drink.

September 2, 2022

The driveway men didn’t come again today, Perry is apparently still sick or else still testing positive. So I decided to take John for another walk, this time around the harbour at Clontarf. I’m sure I’ve never been there in my life, it’s amazing how big Sydney is and how many little pockets get overlooked. We managed to get lost on the track but the phone enabled me to get us back to the car eventually. As we drove through Neutral Bay and Mosman John commented how long it had been since we were there, in fact we went walking along the harbour front there last Sunday. I explained that to him but he has no memory of the outing at all.

Last night I watched Foreign Correspondent, a program I enjoy when I watch it occasionally. It was on the problems Chinese people have looking after the elderly, bearing in mind that only 2% reside in care

homes. But I couldn’t sleep after watching a blind man caring for his blind wife who has dementia. He was cooking with a wok of oil over gas…while unable to see what he’s doing. I was waiting for him to spill it but he handled it all beautifully. However the enormity of seeing them struggling in their humble life kept me awake and I shan’t complain for at least a week.

More news has come to light about how Roberta Williams managed to avoid gaol last week. Roberta did a deal with police, pleading guilty to blackmail and recklessly causing injury on the promise she wouldn’t do jail time. Judge Fiona Todd sentenced her to a two-year community corrections order (yet didn’t force her to do any community service at all) adding that she would have been sent to jail for 12 months if she had been found guilty at trial. The victim is victimised all over again with this outcome. A funny aside is that at her husband’s funeral, mourners were led in the front entrance of the church, then out the back and around again to make it appear to be a packed crowd. Apparently, the gold cross from the casket was stolen, as well as money of the priest’s from the rectory.

September 3, 2022

Last week when I picked John up after he stayed with Bronwyn and Michael while I went to book group she was eager to tell me when I arrived that ‘John wants you to cook lamb shanks’ so I bought some (at the astronomical price of over $30 for 4). They are so big that with vegetables I can barely fit them into my large slow cooker. I’m going to put them on tonight and let them cook overnight and Boris and Jane will join us for lunch tomorrow. Then we had a call from Peter and Dawn who are in Sydney and will come to lunch on Tuesday, so I don’t need to dream up things for John to do for a little while. Today we had a Zoom call with John’s sister-in-law Justine in the US and it always brightens him up to hear from her, though I had to remind him of his nieces’ names before the call.

I am constantly amazed at how long things take to sell on eBay these days, even at very low prices. I have just sold a small pair of Orrefors crystal candlesticks for $20, they have been listed for all of this year. I try to keep 20 items for sale all the time but that doesn’t take much work as they are there for many months if they sell at all. I am thinking of taking a pair of French plates to the antique shop in Darlinghurst, run by a Frenchman, where I got a beautiful pair of sunnies a week ago for a very good price. I’m happy to give them to him, he’ll have better luck selling them there than I will.

Reading the recently released ‘August in Kabul’ by Andrew Quilty and it is amazing to me that while people were desperately fleeing that city before the Taliban takeover he was hurrying back there from a wedding in France to witness that very event. It appears that everyone seemed to be predicting the government’s downfall for some time, except the allies supporting it. While I find the Taliban as terrifying as most others do, I can’t help feeling thankful that finally that blighted country is being governed by its own people rather than a regime held up by its invaders. Perhaps many others there feel the same way.

September 4, 2022

Well I ended up cooking the lamb shanks for 15 hours on low with carrots, pumpkin, Puy lentils, onions, dates and almonds and they went over very well. I couldn’t quite come at them (too much like legs of lambs!) but the accompanying veggies were delish and the dogs next door were extremely happy with the bones apparently. It has fined up today so Grant will be happy to get back to work on the driveway tomorrow. It is an awful lot of money which I would never have spent on my own account, but it pleases John every day to see it happening so it’s money well spent in that respect.

The My Aged Care people passed on our details to the Anglicare Dementia Advisory Service (it might have been nice to ask us first guys) and one of their staff rang me last week. She wanted to visit us at home but I said I’d prefer to find out about what they do via mail and then make a decision. However when their brochures arrived their ‘tips’ included Smile! and Be patient and calm. Mmm, I guess I was more thinking about how to be patient and calm rather than knowing that it’s a good idea. However I am feeling patient and calm today after finding my keys this morning, pushed behind my recipe books. Don’t ask, I don’t know. I just wish I had found them before I had new ones cut, but I suspected that would be the case. The other thing this group offers is Connections Groups where carers meet (for a whinge fest maybe) or others where the carers and the person with dementia come together with others for a couple of hours. Neither appeal to me at this point, but perhaps that will change one day, so I will thank them for what they do but say no to a visit I think.

I see Gary Jubelin has written a book ‘Badness’ about his past investigations and the subsequent relinquishment of his position as a detective after he was found guilty of illicitly recording conversations with a witness in the William Tyrrell case. I sat next to him a couple of times at the Coroner’s Court and he seemed intense and passionate about that investigation, which ultimately led to his leaving the force. The families of victims hold him in very high regard, so I would be interested in reading his version of events.

September 5, 2022

Reading ‘August in Kabul’ by Australian photographer Andrew Quilty is quite an eye-opener. One of the many things I didn’t know is that the ominous-looking barren mountains around Kabul were once covered in forests with ski-trails through them, that is until the Russians napalmed them. Heaven knows, but I’ve been unable to ascertain, how long the land is rendered barren after a napalm attack. In regards to the August Taliban retaking of Kabul, it seems it was more that the locals who supported them finally came out, so when the exhausted fighters drove and walked into the city there were plenty to welcome them, and

those that didn’t pretended they did for their own safety. Quilty reports people seeing their neighbours suddenly wearing clothes associated with the group and with Taliban flags on their cars. All of the long-rumoured nepotism and patronage is described in the book, with government ministers demanding commissions, police chiefs taking a cut of the opium profits and army officers pocketing the salaries of ‘ghost soldiers’. ‘Revenge was meted out, often under the guise of anti-terrorism’ he says. People offered up to the credulous American intelligence gatherers business rivals or families with whom they had feuds. The author quotes a Taliban commander: ‘At first there was no support for the Taliban. It was when the Americans started killing civilians that people started supporting us,

men’. In July 2002 seven 900 kilogram bombs were dropped on a wedding celebration when celebratory gunfire was mistaken for hostility, dozens were killed. This was far from an isolated event. For the 70% of people who live in rural areas, the experience of war was marked by incidents, whether deliberate or not, that resulted in injury or death to civilians from bombings to small scale attacks by ground troops. This drove people towards, rather than away from, the Talibs. Somehow we never seem to learn that invasions produce resentment, not approbation and the blessing of the populace. Vietnam Mark II it certainly was.

The paving boys are back, but Grant’s wife has put him on a diet so it was awkward giving morning tea to just Perry. I intended to make a chocolate cake for them today but in light of this news I only I made a date and caramel rum tart for tomorrow’s lunch visitors and Perry can have what’s left over from that. Then we went off to Norwest to walk around ‘the lake’, trying to keep up my practice of taking John somewhere different every day. I was naively hoping he might have had a call or text for Father’s Day yesterday but then I realised that he’s never had one in 15 years (birthdays and Christmas included) so why would it start now?

September 6, 2022

We were lucky to have Peter and Dawn from Canberra for lunch while they are staying in a caravan in Lane Cove National Park for a few days. They are between homes, their house settled last Friday and their new residence isn’t ready for a couple of weeks. Lots of laughs as always with them. I was telling Dawn, who used to be in the Democratic Socialist Party, about my friend Gail Lord who was a 40 year stalwart of that party until she died in 2007. She was a committed socialist and when she was in hospital she used to ask the nurses if they were in the union. Her father Edgar Penzig was once a socialist too, until he left his wife and married a woman with allegiance to what Gail considered far-right causes and he joined his views with hers (echoes of Sir John Kerr here) beginning a schism with Gail that was never settled. I knew Edgar when he ran a small museum in Katoomba, he was a collector of colonial artefacts, particularly firearms, and gave lectures on colonial history. I came to know Gail through the peace movement and over the many years I got to know them both I had no idea that they even knew each other, certainly not that they were related. During the Iraq War I suggested that we weave flowers through the wire fence of the Richmond RAAF Base on my day off, so I put up appropriate signs in the shop and had a few leaflets printed. Edgar happened to come in and with a scowl took a leaflet, then two hours later a couple of police arrived to question me, clutching the leaflet. As it turned out the big demo was me, a couple of my staff, one or two others and Gail and her husband Ted, plus two police cars and an SBS film crew who looked very disappointed and left shortly after they arrived. Gail was such an inspiring and compassionate woman who felt for others in a way few people do, while Edgar was a man who was firmly focussed on his own success.

September 7, 2022

A very thick letter arrived from the Department of Health and sure enough it was the adjudication of the long interview with the ACAT team. To my surprise and pleasure John has been judged suitable for a

Level 3 package, up from Level 1. I was expecting a 2 and hoping for a 3 because I realised that in the 3 to 6 month time frame for the package to be put into effect he would likely have deteriorated more and we’d have to go through the whole thing again. I’m sure the assessor realised that too. This will mean that I can go to book group, medical appointments and the odd function without imposing on friends to take John, I can simply organise a carer. I’ve realised that I definitely can’t leave him alone now, as when Sue was here last week I went with her to the corner bakery as she wanted to buy bread to take with her, telling John where we were going and estimating how long we’d be away, 15 minutes. But when we got back he was upset, saying that he didn’t know where we were or why we’d gone and left him. Similarly I tried to show him how to boil an egg yesterday, he’s done it countless times before, but he couldn’t remember the instructions and kept getting the egg out, at 1 minute and then at 2 minutes, despite my repeated telling that eggs need to boil for 3. He went off with the carer today and was due home at 2pm and I was about 5 minutes late getting home so I was worried he would be confused, though luckily he was talking to the driveway men till I got here shortly after him.

I am excited to say that I’ve booked for us to go to the Blue Mountains next week, it will be a lovely couple of days away and a great celebration of getting the Home Care Package finally sorted.

September 8, 2022

I thought we’d try for a movie at Castle Hill tomorrow, foolish in the extreme of course as unless you are a teenager, like animated, high action or horror movies or speak Hindi or Punjabi, there isn’t anything worth seeing. Well there’s Where the Crawdads Sing which got an average of 2.5 out of 5 across the review sites, with one reviewer saying: ‘This movie is cheesier than a quattro formaggi! Like the backdrop of the film – marsh or swamp – it’s all a bit soggy’, that was enough to put paid to that one for me. Sixteen screens and not one worth going to.

I am getting fed up with seeing the way those who can afford high powered lawyers are walking out of court unscathed, it’s certainly becoming a two tier legal system. Solicitor Bryan Wrench of Murphy’s Lawyers seems to be able to polish the image of his clients to a shine radiant enough to dazzle the judge. A recent client admitted hijacking an Uber while three times over the limit after having 30 drinks, he had also taken the drug Stilnox and then fled from police on foot when apprehended, but our pal Bryan managed to convince the judge that despite the guilty plea his client deserved some sympathy and he was not convicted of stealing the vehicle. He was put on a bond and his licence was cancelled for six months, but here’s the kicker, he hasn’t held a licence since 2018. Bugger the poor Uber driver and the fact that he lost work time once when the car was pinched and again to go to court. My friend who is in a long-running estate battle with his siblings has just discovered that they have now hired the lawyer who represents Clive Palmer, not feeling too confident about the outcome right now.

September 9, 2022

After attempts to contact my brother by phone had failed, I rang his paramour Anne last night. He is no better and despite a sojourn in hospital there is no definitive answer as to the reason for his sudden cognitive decline. Interestingly she commented that she thought the Queen was dying as the tone of the language had changed and the statements that ‘doctors are concerned for her health and recommended she remain under medical supervision’ were euphemisms for that fact. Once again Anne’s perceptions proved correct, I so wish she were closer as I admire her intelligence, knowledge and insight.

The hospital gave Kenneth two choices: agree to home visits every day or go to a care home, which he was very much against. But apparently he resents the carers who come a number of times a day. There was some debate at the hospital about whether he was competent to make that decision, with staff voting opposite ways on the question. She recounted how K’s daughter Tanya is again staying with him, but he rang Anne saying that Tanya had left him and gone home and he was distressed as he couldn’t manage alone. As requested she rang Tanya, only to be told that she she was in fact at his house, but temporarily upstairs. Anne is going there to visit tomorrow so I might get the latest news after that, certainly the family doesn’t think I warrant the expense of a call. He has gone downhill so suddenly and I can’t bear to think about it for very long, I just have to block it out. To aid in that I decided to take John to a movie at Roseville, Full Time, a French film which effectively displayed the desperation of a separated mother trying to manage two children, a low paid job and a long commute, all in the middle of a train strike. It worked its magic and I didn’t think about any other situation once in 83 minutes.

September 10, 2022

I would be interested in talking to Sue’s brother Stephen about how he feels regarding ceremony and protocol, now that he no longer works for the Governor. He was up to his eyes in it when he was her private secretary or perhaps charge d’affaires, I’ve forgotten his exact title now. I find it all laughable when taken to extremes (this prompted by the report that the Prime Minister’s and Governor-General’s staff had to make sure that they always had black ties available in case the Queen should die). I just can’t imagine anyone outside that lofty circle being shocked if they saw that the G-G was announcing the Queen’s death IN A GREEN TIE. How would mere mortals even know about the policy, a monarch’s death hasn’t happened since 1952? If I went to the palace, or to parliament, or something similar I would be pleased to be told where to stand or where the loos are, but if someone told me how to address the person I was visiting or how to curtsy or what to wear I think I would ignore them totally, well I hope I would. When my father worked for the Daily Mirror in the 1960s he told me that the paper had already typeset the front page for the Queen’s death, as well as for those of other various dignitaries. This I can understand, each paper wanting to get a jump on its rivals, but the colour of ties, puh-leeze.

I am used to making small eBay sales for whatever base bid I nominate but today I actually got 8 bids on an item, I’ve forgotten the last time that happened. It is a Glomesh handbag, brand new, but bought in 1980. It still has the original labels and a receipt from Grace Brothers in December of that year, an unwanted Christmas gift perhaps? We’ll never know the story.

This morning we went to the Castle Hill Farmer’s Market but kept the purchases to a minimum due to the impending break from Wednesday. I was amazed that the only stall selling baked goods, apart from bread of which there were four, was all sugar-free and gluten-free. I was reaching for a packet of lovely looking tarts when this was proudly conveyed by the stall-holder and I’m not sure if she noticed the speed with which I withdrew my hand. Lemon tarts with no sugar and no gluten equals no thanks. By 9 am we were on the road to Box Hill to pick up wood with Arvind so he can rebuild the fence panels which are missing due to the fact that his tree formed part of the fence. My station wagon was up to the job of taking the long lengths and once again it justified my decision to hang on to it. The pathetic number of dollars I would get for it is nowhere near its value in these situations.

September 11, 2022

I was looking forward to Insiders but had to turn it off when they said they were wheeling out old Howard to wax lyrical about the Queen. It’s going to be a long fortnight. But I am finding it absorbing to see the reactions of different folks. A leftie friend has responded to statements about Her Maj by Green’s Senator Mehreen Faruqi on Twitter. She said: “Condolences to those who knew the Queen. I cannot mourn the leader of a racist empire built on stolen lives, land and wealth of colonised peoples. We are reminded of the urgency of Treaty with First Nations, justice & reparations for British colonies & becoming a republic”. He took issue with this and pointed out that she’d sworn allegiance to the Queen in parliament. Many others highlighted that with three investment properties and a primary residence, she is benefiting from stolen land more than most others. I don’t take a hard view on all of this, neither criticising Faruqi nor condemning her critics, but I find it all very interesting, more interesting in fact than much of the overblown commentary which I am now tiring of. If John’s day care is cancelled the week of the funeral it will be the last straw.

It’s funny how spring always puts me in gardening mode. I’ve planted seeds today of lettuce, coriander and spinach plus some strawflowers for the front garden. Today I’ve also cut back the Hypoestes, pulled out the sugar snap peas, done some weeding and decided to remove the big woody rosemary, so I’ve planted a cutting from it in the hope of starting a new one. And it’s only 10.45, there are benefits to canning Insiders.

Thinking back to when I decided I had had enough of the Queen’s ‘celebrations’, it was the moment when King Charles III snottily fanned his hand to get an underling to move an inkwell that was in his way on the desk when he went to sign the proclamation. The fact that he couldn’t simply slide it across the desk himself told me a lot about him and the fact that none of the press seems to have thought that behaviour unusual indicates that any form of criticism is currently unacceptable.

September 12, 2022

Today was John’s Nelune day so I walked down to Hyde Park from St. V’s passing Alex Greenwich’s office. Just as I was thinking ‘wouldn’t it be funny if I bumped into him’ I almost did, as he was coming the other way armed with a coffee, but he wouldn’t have seen my smile as I was wearing a mask. However

I noted that he’s even more handsome in real life than on the teev. The last time that happened was as I approached The Ivy in George St. and idly wondered if Justin Hemmes might come out, which he duly did and I was amazed at what a beanpole he is. Later I went to bill’s and had a pot of tea and some of his amazing peanut brittle, reading The Ratline as I did so. There is much about Ukraine in that book and once again a lot of reference to the support for the Nazis, before, during and after WWII, so I will recommend it to Boris whose family comes from that region. But we did get home just in time to see the pavers before they left and to give each of them a hug, they are going to come for morning tea soon. It transpires that Grant goes to the same mechanic as we do and I found out only because he was raving about how good Alex is.

I have been waiting for batteries for my hearing aids to arrive by mail, they were posted last Monday but alas they are still not here. It looks like I will have to drive to Macquarie Uni to pick some up tomorrow before we go away as I will be lost without them and I doubt the ones I’m using will last much longer, rats. Someone could have crawled here in that time.

I read the SMH deaths every week but rarely see someone I know, however this week I stumbled on Nort Crossley’s name. He was an old friend from out of Windsor where he and his wife Carrie had a pottery-making business. They rented a property near Kurrajong Village for many years with a large shed for their kilns, but eventually the owner surprised them by wanting to sell and they weren’t in a financial position to afford the market rents so they relocated to a property in Bellingen, after which we eventually lost touch. I always remember a conversation about the fact that they regretted never buying real estate when they were young and feeling anxious about that as they got older. One memory that sticks is when they came to dinner and I cooked Moules Mariniere because they were Kiwis, but they both hated them as they were cheap and plentiful when they were young and they’d had a gutful. They mostly ate bread, wine and dessert but we had a good laugh about it. Vale Nort.

September 13, 2022

I was troubled during the night about the hearing aid batteries not arriving, my brother’s poor condition, painting the steps into the garage this morning and much more, not in that order obviously but when you are generally anxious somehow it all melds into one ball of apprehension. Last night, well about 12.30 this morning actually, I rang the bro and his daughter picked up. She put me on to him and he commented that he’d slept in and the phone had woken him up, it was only later that I worked out that it was 3.30 pm over there! He told me that he is absolutely exhausted and when I asked if he’s lost weight he said he had, now weighing 7 stone 7 pounds or 47 kilos which totally shocked me. He has no appetite and has to force himself to eat. His daughters had never mentioned any of this on the occasions I’ve spoken to them. He claims the doctors don’t know what is wrong, though he seemed less confused this time compared to previous calls, constantly repeating ‘I love you, I miss you, when can you come over?’.

I decided that I needed to cross some things off the stress list so by 8 am I was painting the metal steps to the garage, after having coated them with rust converter yesterday. Far from perfect, but certainly a lot

better than they were. A helpful person ‘touched up’ part of one step, but the paint was already half dry, so the touch-up just made the finish lumpy instead of smooth. Luckily I intervened before any more was ‘bettered’. I wanted to get that job done before Grant comes back to do the concrete around the garage with paving paint. John is right this minute acting as advisor to Arvind who is building a small section of fence between our properties and he is being quite helpful in terms of technique and method, with Arvind providing the muscle. Arvind this morning: ‘I’m sorry that the queen died but I’m afraid I’ve had enough queen now’, a sentiment that I’m sure is being recited around the nation. Personally I don’t understand why the Australian Parliament shuts down when the British one doesn’t, countries seem to be trying to outdo each other in devotion, with government here trying any means to get us to buy into it: free public transport to see the NSW ceremony, a public holiday ‘to mourn’ (since when do people need a holiday to mourn? will we get a holiday in future if our mother dies?). Yes Arvind, I think I’m getting over it too.

A miscalculation on my part has resulted in the Melissa Caddick inquest sneaking up on me. There isn’t a single day this week that I can go and I can’t believe that I planned a holiday for the very week it is on. Unlike parliamentary inquiries I can’t access the transcripts (well I could for $94 for the first 8 pages, and $11 for each page after that, so no thankyou). I am thinking that it will flow over into next week, even though it’s mentioned for only five days, so I live in hope. How I will get a carer is something I refuse to worry about until it happens.

September 14, 2022

First stop in the mountains was Schwarzes at Wentworth Falls for morning tea. This German bakery is a favourite and we usually have one of their cherry specialities, as we did today. On to Blue Mountains Heritage Centre at Blackheath to see Luke Kelly’s exhibition, which was all excellent, but somehow none of the pieces were as good as his painting of the fairy wrens which is hanging in the hall at home. After a picnic lunch I noticed on the town clock that the time was getting on and we should be moving towards our hotel, the Fairmont Resort in Leura, but when we got there we realised that their clock was working but wrong so we could have spent more time there. The features of the hotel are many and varied, including indoor heated pool, sauna, spa, outdoor pools, a skating rink!, ponies, a train to take kids around the grounds and a miniature railway which takes up a whole room. As we wandered around we noticed a sign showing that a conference for Link Housing was underway. An extraordinary coincidence as John was last year made a life member and has been to prior conferences. When I remarked on the coincidence he said ‘oh yes they rang me last week and invited me but I told them we were going away and I couldn’t go’. This was news to me and in the past preparations for the conferences have gone on for months beforehand. So there seem to be two possibilities: 1. He was invited last week, perhaps as a replacement delegate for someone who had to cancel or 2. It is a false memory (these happen) which arose when he saw the sign and he simply filled in the details of what must have happened. I am intrigued to know as the delegates were leaving as we arrived and sadly we didn’t come across any people we knew. I think I will have to contact Pauline and work out which scenario is the right one. If he were invited we could have had five days here, three gratis with the conference and two afterwards at our own expense.

In the evening, after suggesting she come here to the restaurant, we ended up going to our friend Sheila’s at Wentworth Falls for a night of delicious food and stimulating company, although I was somewhat embarrassed when she served individual pear and chocolate puddings with chocolate sauce and choc-chip ice cream and I had to decline. At one point Sheila, in her very English accent, said ‘I was over all this Queen business after a day’, which surprised me. I’m starting to wonder if it’s a majority view, so often am I hearing it. John was good while we were there but a little later asked ‘what did we do tonight and who were we with?’. The last couple of weeks has shown a noticeable decline in his condition.

September 15, 2022

John was really bad this morning asking what we are doing here, what we’d already done and what we are still to do. He said before we came that he hadn’t been sleeping well for worrying about meeting with his daughter/s tomorrow for the school open day, but this morning he didn’t have a clue about it. We had asked a week ago for details of the school and the class but nothing’s come, so I’ve sent off another message. After a breakfast in the hotel we went off to Sublime Point to go for a beautiful walk, looking out over the valley full of mist and low hanging clouds. By the time we got to Katoomba Falls to do the same the rain had started so we didn’t get far and repaired to the car to look out over the valley and the Scenic Skyway while drinking piping hot tea from the Thermos. Later in Leura we bought a few makings from the deli including a delicious artichoke and green apple salad. We had lunch in our room, but discovered that, this being Leura, the very few things we bought at the deli cost as much as lunch in the hotel coffee shop would have, but c’est la vie. I love the architecture here and it is a very warm and comfy place to be, with a library and a bar as well as the large foyer with lots of sofas, though we are sticking to those places less frequented, no one seems to want the library, preferring the bar, sigh. A full sized ice skating rink has been built here as well, but is waiting on final council approval to open. When the weather seemed to clear we went out for another walk but the rain bucketed down as soon as we got outside so we thought better of it.

September 16, 2022

Well we have an answer to the conference conundrum after a fortuitous email from Jack at Link Housing. He is writing something about John and his Life Membership of Link for the Annual Report and wanted to check a few details with me. So when I replied I asked if he’d been at the Fairmont Conference (he had) and whether John had been invited as he had explained to me that he was. NO said Jack it was a staff only conference and no one else was asked to go. So John’s recollection of the invitation, specifically one that came by phone while he was being driven last Wednesday by his carer Greg, was all a false memory. He doesn’t lie, so in his mind it all happened, and he related both sides of the conversation to me in detail. That in itself was odd as he can’t remember conversations. The mind is an amazing thing as well as a complete mystery.

After a delicious breakfast we headed off to Katoomba North Public School for Tallulah’s open day and visited the classroom to see her work, followed by morning tea, then a whole of school concert including singing, dancing and a recorder ensemble. It is a small school, just 160 students, which has a really warm

and inclusive feel to it. At lunch time Dan went to get Aurora from her high school in Katoomba so we all, including his mum Lynne, had lunch together from the canteen. John commented how different it was to his school, where he was caned almost every day and went each morning in fear. It was lovely to see the girls and hear how well Tallulah is doing, particularly in music and art, but she is doing year 6 maths in year 4 so she’s no slouch in that department as well. Tired but happy campers at the end of the day after the drive home.

September 17, 2022

John asked me at breakfast where we went yesterday and I said ‘to the school open day’. He then asked if he’d met Millie’s teacher and I replied that it was the Katoomba North School. After a few minutes he asked why Dav and Louis had moved to Katoomba and I realised that he had no memory of the event at all. With the help of some photos I’d taken and talking through the events I was able to remind him of the day but he has no independent memory of it and asked me who else was there. He also asked if we drove up and back yesterday, so the memory of the hotel stay has gone too. I have thought for a couple of weeks that his memory had declined a lot, but in the last week it has absolutely plunged. Going away seems to have made it worse, but perhaps that’s just coincidence. He fell over in the hotel room and kept asking ‘where am I?’ I had no idea that it could progress this fast.

Arvind and John are working on the fence today so he’s a happy chappy. I’ve been planting strawflower seeds in the front garden but decided he was fine outside with Arvind so I could get some other things done. A lady I didn’t know came from over the road to complain about the plumber’s bill they got for investigating the water leak. Apparently it was over $3500, divided by 9 units: ‘We’re not happy’ she said, which I assumed anyway but hadn’t been told directly. There’s not much I can do but suggest they speak to Sydney Water who were the ones who said it was from their property in the the first place. Not a popular neighbour right now, but Grant the paver said they should be glad they didn’t discover anything or else the bill would have been much higher, though I doubt that’s much consolation.

Peter and Dawn from Canberra rang to say that they are going back home on Tuesday and asked if they could come to visit tomorrow, so I raced up solo (John still occupied with helping Arvind) to Panetta’s to buy salad stuff, olives, cheese, rolls etc for lunch and then I remembered that I had three ripe bananas in the freezer so I will do Banana, Walnut and Honey Puddings in the morning. At Embers Restaurant at the Fairmont where we had dinner on Thursday night I had a really bad dessert, the wondrous-sounding Saffron Poached Pear with Rose Snow, Turkish Delight and Pistachios. Delish, non? It turned out to be a quartered still hard pear with an odd tasting white shaving foam looking stuff on top, barely a 1/10 and something I’d be ashamed to have served up. I should have been warned when John pointed out that the Embers sign was roughly attached to the wall with blue masking tape. The fried brussels sprouts with garlic, chili and honey were 9/10 though so it certainly wasn’t all bad.

September 18, 2022

Lunch here with Dawn and Peter was full of good conversation as is always the case. They are off home to Canberra to move into their new place at the end of the week hopefully. Just did a salad for main but the banana puddings were well worth doing, there’s something about a hot dessert that eclipses a cold one, excepting pav of course. For fun I looked up the Tripadvisor reviews for Embers Restaurant and lo and behold there were many others complaining about their desserts. I read as far as hard rhubarb in one and hard apple in another so it seems to be a tendency. One unhappy diner sent her rhubarb dessert back and was told that ‘the chef is still working on getting this one right’ but the patron noted the worn state of the printed menu…..

Last night I finished reading The Ratline, about the movement of Nazi war criminals out of Europe, primarily to Argentina where Peron, the Fascist dictator, welcomed them. This was organised through the Vatican and the US government who recruited these virulent anti-communists, regardless of their crimes, to work for the CIA as informers and spies. Included were Commandants of concentration camps, including Buchenwald. A figure of 10,000 Nazis is mentioned as having been spirited out via Italy in the immediate post-war years. The book is beyond depressing in one way but crucial reading for anyone interested in politics and post WWII history.

I was a bit shocked to hear in an interview that the Governor-General is younger than me, yikes. Also discovered that he isn’t a particularly articulate person. He’s okay at reading a proclamation but in an interview he is hesitant and not a comfortable speaker. I suspect he won’t be reappointed somehow, what with his dubious involvement with ScumMo, so it won’t be a big issue into the future. I’m all for no head of state at all, let the Prime Minister be our representative where one is needed.

September 19, 2022

Feeling pretty smug after doing a decent amount of weeding in the front garden today. Then Brigitte rang and said she could return my book, so we had her for morning tea but I had not a scrap of home-baked goods to offer. What with being away and then visitors yesterday I just haven’t had time to bake, but the company was the main thing. She sat down and immediately made reference to ‘the overkill about the Queen’ which seems to be a recurring opening line with everyone I meet this past week. Despite the fact that in terms of an interviewer Stan Grant is not my favourite person, I was brought to tears by his heartfelt article in the Herald over the weekend, beginning with the story of his mother initially being denied an opportunity to stand by the roadside to see the Queen in 1954 because she didn’t own a pair of socks. I well remember standing in the sun on Woodville Road at Guildford in my school uniform waiting for her to pass and waving my flag. On another occasion in the 70s or early 80s I was driving home from the beach when the lights went red on the corner of Anzac Parade. I waited…and waited…and decided that they had malfunctioned, but suddenly the Queen went past in an open convertible, right in front of me. Luckily I hadn’t decided to ignore the light that was apparently broken or perhaps the Queen’s funeral could have happened way back then and I might just be getting out of gaol.

I think it is very short-sighted of the Palace to restrict any country from attending the Queen’s funeral as it just makes a joke out of those not on the restricted list yet have appalling human rights records. Russia, Syria, Afghanistan, Belarus, Myanmar and Venezuela are non grata but of course Saudi Arabia is on the list of those welcome. You have to hand it to those Teflon Saudis, the shit never sticks. There are benefits in owning all that oil.

I thought Michelle might be bothered by the negative reports on her surgeon Munjed Al Muderis this morning so when she rang me from hospital today I didn’t say a word. However she brought it up and wasn’t fazed by the criticism. Apparently she started to watch 60 Minutes on him last night and a nurse said that everyone on the ward was watching it. Better that they’d had the surgery rather than still waiting for it I thought.

September 20, 2022

I was curious about the owner of the Fairmont Resort as it is a single person rather than a big conglomerate. Dr. Jerry Schwartz it turns out is a cosmetic surgeon, mmm, not a good start. He came from a wealthy Hungarian-born family, the father was a dentist but they owned a number of hotels and pubs. The name kept ringing a bell until finally I looked up his mother Eva and then remembered instantly why the name was recognisable. I had followed with interest Eva’s inquest in 2013 which resulted in an open finding and some very harsh words from the coroner about one Jerry Schwartz, in fact he was referred to the Medical Council for possible misconduct.

The problem was that Jerry (I am feeling as if I know him personally by now) had signed the death and cremation certificates for his wealthy mother Eva at Point Piper and three weeks later her best friend Magda Wales in Rushcutters Bay. Seventy-six year-old Eva had died in unusual circumstances at her home. Her wrists had been slashed but no blood was found on the bed where she lay. Dr Schwartz listed his mother’s cause of death as due to a collapsed lung and lung cancer and that of Magda Wales as caused by heart disease, obesity and diabetes. He aggressively tried, but failed, to gain entry to her apartment before he visited her body in the morgue and wrote the death certificate there. The coroner said Dr Schwartz was an unsatisfactory witness who gave vague and evasive answers and that his behaviour did little to dispel the impression he did not want to co-operate at the inquest. “I do not accept that the causes of death given by him for each of the deceased were either accurate or based on proper medical investigation. There was insufficient evidence in each case for him to have stated the causes of death as he did, or indeed the times or dates.” Cremation covers a multitude of sins doesn’t it?

Good old Jerry had a former partner, Liliane Viselle, who went to the police to allege that, after initially claiming his mother had committed suicide, he had confessed to killing her and Ms Wales. Ms Viselle told police he had said ”My mother was in the way, Magda knew too much, I had to get rid of them.” The inquest also heard allegations that Eva Schwartz was thinking of changing her will to include her estranged daughter, but sadly for her daughter it was all too late. Jerry inherit

ed $70 million from his mum and

added a harbourside mansion for $67 mil. Fascinating stuff indeed.

What to say about the funeral? Well as a ceremony it was pretty impressive, though I wished I still had my childhood books which explained all the different palace uniforms and their histories (I was immersed in Royal information as a child). I texted my daughters to say I hoped they were jotting down ideas for my funeral, the reply: ‘yes, closed casket, no snacks’, which wasn’t at all what I had in mind. But the ABC’s reporting all this week has been shamelessly sycophantic and over the top. Last night I sent off numerous letters to the Herald, none of which will see ink as it is infra dig to criticise at the moment. Who even wears black to funerals in Australia? I wanted to see one brave soul, just one, who had the intestinal fortitude to wear another colour, but I was sadly disappointed.

September 21, 2022

Apparently the time taken to reply to Freedom of Information requests to the Federal Government is getting longer and longer, with 51% refused altogether, making a mockery of the legislation. I remember discussing this some time ago with a high ranking public servant in Defence. ‘Oh, we’ve fixed that problem’ he said, ‘we just have one staff member whose job it is to answer all requests, then we can say that the request is being dealt with and will be responded to in due course’. I suspect that’s the lurk that all departments are using.

Normally I don’t have any interest in articles about sport, but one caught my eye yesterday. It was about Mario Fenech, long time rugby league player, who was diagnosed with early onset dementia at 53 and now at 60 is seriously affected by it. His wife told the story of his looking forward to his son’s wedding for months, then on the day he gave a reasonable speech and the event went off very well. However the next morning Mario woke up and asked ‘Oh, I’m really excited about the wedding, when is it?’. This is John exactly. In an interview with his neurologist she said: ‘Mario’s condition is advancing. It won’t long before he needs care’ and that comment really threw me.

September 22, 2022

Yesterday was my lowest day since I got back pain after gardening on Monday morning. I couldn’t drive as turning my head too far was painful. People garden all the time, I garden all the time, but for some reason I have upset the muscles bigtime. The pain affected my cooking today when the kids came for lunch, so much so that when I made some meringue with five egg whites I put them in the mixer with the sugar right at the start, a mistake I have never made before. They did whip up stiffly but somehow the meringue didn’t taste right. Then I followed the recipe for Queen Pudding and the meringue on top torched a bit, normally I’d have seen that coming and lowered the temp, it’s hard to think straight when you are in pain. The kids didn’t seem to mind and Millie opted for bread and jam instead so she certainly didn’t care. We played a game of charades after lunch and she is very good at it.

I have been thinking that Ita Buttrose was likely to blame for the all black livery on the ABC of recent times, coming from the Australian Women’s Weekly where she was used to 12 pages of Royals for no real reason at all. But I read that the protocol for the Queen’s death was written under Howard and nobody has thought to change it apparently. The government needs to be going through the things left behind by that sleazy Morrison to make sure we don’t get any surprises in the future.

September 23, 2022

Feeling a lot better this morning so I was pleased to see that Carol was cake-making today as we’ve been unable to help before for various reasons. Had a very pleasant time with just Jack, Carol and Madeleine. John was very good and was happy helping. Michelle, who is recovering from surgery, rang and asked if I could ‘mind’ her next Tuesday while Kev goes out for a few hours. I said I could but it will have to be the two of us. On the way home I picked up a book from the library and blow me down there’s a portrait of the Queen and a condolence book to sign, will it ever end?

One of my tables in the back yard on which I have herb pots is just about to collapse after years of service outdoors, so I need to keep my eyes open for a replacement on the council clean-up heaps. It’s easier when everyone puts their stuff out on the one day as we used to, rather than ordering a pick-up individually as we do now. One day when I went to Jane’s there were numerous excellent pieces of furniture put out over there but I had taken John’s car and couldn’t fit anything in it. She is in Hornsby Shire where everyone puts out on the one day, a much more efficient choice for we scavengers. I am planning to pull out the big woody rosemary bush (and the weeds and fern around it), then grow a new bush from cuttings, freeing up room for other herbs to grow there. My lettuce and spinach seeds are going great guns in seed trays, but I’m not sure if the strawflower seeds in the ground are coming up or whether what I’m seeing is just weeds. Time will tell.

Just got an email inviting me to a Carers Relaxation Retreat, a ‘weekend of relaxation and social activities’ with respite provided for John. It goes on to say: ‘We know caring for a loved one may be challenging at times and would like to take this opportunity to give you a break for a few days. The weekend is free of charge to our carers but spaces are limited, so book your spot as soon as you can’. Believe it or not it’s at the Fairmont Resort! But the ‘relaxation’ includes ‘yoga and meeting other carers’, neither of which sound at all relaxing to me. They almost had me in with the free transport and gourmet meals though. Why can’t they just take me there and dump me, I’d be in like Flynn if I didn’t have to worry about anyone else for a whole weekend.

September 24, 2022

Well yesterday afternoon was a bit of a flurry. John went for a walk, I got a call from Tania while he was away and we talked about her recent trip to Rome and Venice (great, apart from catching Covid on the plane). Midway through the conversation John rang and was lost, but I didn’t know the street he was in at all. Looking it up on my phone it turned out to be way past Castle Hill, but in a dead end street where all

the streets off it were cul-de-sacs due to a nearby creek, so the only way out was to turn around and retrace his steps and of course he didn’t know how he got there. So I jumped in the car and it took about 15 minutes to drive there but he was in a bus shelter where he’d described. On the way home I pulled into the street with our corner shop in it and it was wall to wall police; uniforms, plain clothes on walkie-talkies and an unmarked police car as well as regular ones. It didn’t seem to involve any of the shops, they were outside a private home and of course I was itching to quiz them about what was going on, but didn’t, just got the milk and came home wondering. Then, after sending an email replying in the negative regarding the carer’s retreat invitation, I got a phone call from Leeing, the Hills Community Care Co-ordinator urging me to rethink my decision. I pointed out that John had been reluctant to stay at day care for three weeks in the beginning and then refused to stay with a carer on the one time they sent a replacement, so having a stranger come here just wouldn’t work. She countered with an offer to add another day at day care just for that week and suggested canvassing friends who might be able to come here or take him to their homes for the two nights. So this morning I rang Sue who agreed happily to stay over on one night and I’m sure I will be able to get someone who would be willing for the second one. Being weeknights rules out Davina coming. Sue was on her way to Sydney when we spoke as she flies to Melbourne tomorrow for a holiday and she surprised us by popping in on her way through. Now it really seems possible that I can go to this turnout, I am getting quite excited at the prospect, yoga notwithstanding. Maybe I can say it’s against my religion?

Made a fruitcake and it was just slightly underdone so I left it for another two minutes….which turned into five and now it’s just a bit over. I hate cake overdone, the whole smell and texture changes, so I’m cross with myself. It develops a bitterness and I just hate bitter, but I’m sure the middle will be fine. I was wondering whether the leftover Coronation Chicken that Davina brought would work heated up, but when I asked Chef Google he said that it is terrific over rice, so there’s dinner with a few greens on the side.

September 25, 2022

We decided at breakfast that seeing it was such a nice day we would do some outdoor jobs after watching Insiders, but John said very quickly that he couldn’t understand what they were talking about on the program (the first time he’s said this) so I turned it off and we repaired downstairs. I had a few little jobs down there that needed two pairs of hands but he said he didn’t feel like doing any of them, so I changed tack and did some photos of bits and bobs for eBay. I had discovered an old jewellery box from the shop that I used to keep all of the costume pieces in and some leftovers were still inside it, so I’ve put them on as a job lot of 9 pieces for $25, a good score if you have a market stall or similar. We had afternoon tea at Ryde with John’s ex neighbour Ann today, so I packed a few pieces to offer her and her daughter as gifts. However her daughter didn’t come and Ann doesn’t wear gold (or in this case case gold-coloured), so she only took one piece, a bead necklace. Afterwards we walked around Ryde park three times as we chatted so that’s my day’s exercise. Spoke to a lady who was walking her obviously impaired husband around and she mentioned that she works in the kitchen at Ryde TAFE where the chefs are trained. She talked to us about coming to their luncheons, 3 courses for $25, with all of the food cooked by the students. I remembered trying to get a booking there decades ago and giving up after umpteen tries, perhaps it’s easier now.

The man who is carving John’s chess pieces texted to say they are finished after months. Neil was doing the turning and Dave the carving, but Dave only did one and threw the job in, returning them to Neil, who kindly offered to finish them. We are busy for the next two days so we’ve arranged to pick them up the following week as Neil is going away for a few days.

September 26, 2022

I have realised that although I accompany/drive John to a few family and friend gatherings I rarely ask him to tag along to things that I want to do. So today I said I wanted to go to the Melissa Caddick inquest and he was happy to come. Just as we were going in I got a phone call from the lady organising the carers’ retreat and I didn’t want to miss that, or a spot in court either, so I asked John to go in and get two seats. When I went in he had opted for back right whereas I always opt for front left, perhaps because I’m left handed and he right? Unfortunately though it meant that we were far from the witness box and many witnesses tend to speak softly. Also we were looking at the backs of the barristers’ heads so I couldn’t lip read if I missed hearing. The first witness was an AFP officer who took part in the raid on Melissa’s house on the day before her disappearance. Her husband and parents are blaming the AFP and ASIC for her disappearance, saying that she wasn’t allowed food or water for the 12 hours they were searching her house. This seems bunkum as they gave her a document saying she could either leave or stay and she had access to her own fridge and food cupboards. Their barrister Judy Swan tried to accuse them of unfair treatment but really made herself look pretty silly, in fact she was corrected a number of times by the coroner. They videoed much of the raid and we saw some of those films, so it was pretty obvious that they were searching the premises carefully and respectfully, not at all upending drawers and tipping out cupboards in the manner of Windsor Police. John slept through much of the evidence but it was understandable considering the difficulty hearing. At morning tea time Anthony Koletti, who was seated with Melissa’s parents and brother, held open the heavy door for me with a smile, which I returned.

After tea we moved to the front left and it was a different experience with sound. The next witness was an investigator for ASIC who was a very impressive witness, never needing to refer to notes. ‘When did you get that email Ms Allen?’ ‘On the 14th of July’ she answers, never blinking. What was Caddick doing during the raid? ‘She was observed filing her nails from time to time and taking a nap in the afternoon’. Not quite the ‘torture’ her parents are suggesting. Clearly the phone was monitored prior to the raid as Allen reported that Shred-X had been contacted, so there was concern about what might disappear before they got there. She also said that the CCTV cameras were removed because Caddick refused to give them the password, so the film was viewed after the code was cracked by the IT specialists. All in all there was not a riveting breakthrough moment, but lots of little insights into how the system works. (Their risk assessment included looking out for dangers to the police and ASIC staff from things as obvious as aggression from the investigated right through to the less likely electrical and radiation injury!). The funny part came as we were leaving at lunch (there’s a limit to the torture that I’m willing to put John through). He wanted to go to the loo, so I positioned myself at the corner of the corridor leading to the courts so he could clearly see me when he got out, yet I wasn’t standing outside the men’s. But I hadn’t realised that Judy Swan, Caddick’s parents and her husband Koletti were going to go into an unmarked door right near where I was standing, some sort of meeting room I’m guessing. A little later along came a man pulling a

suitcase (the attending solicitor?) who growled at me ‘So are you going to loiter there all day?’ before going into the room. No time to explain that I had no idea they were going to use that room, perhaps he thought I’d planted myself there to listen to the conversation inside? Who knows, but he was a very cross man who maybe knew that his boss had had a bad day in court.

September 27, 2022

This morning Kirk came to help in the garden and I got him to dig out the huge rosemary bush that had taken over the herb garden over time. After hurting my back last week weeding I wasn’t going to attack that job. There is a limit to how much rosemary you can use in a lifetime and I need space to grow other herbs. I can’t wait till John’s new funding comes through as it will pay to get Kirk on a more regular basis. Now I just need to pick up a table or two from council clean-up in order to have my pots elevated. Went over to ‘mind’ Michelle for the day after her knee surgery while Kev went to town for a meeting. Took some cheeses, crackers and fruit for our lunches and got stuck into the book group book later in the afternoon while Michelle had a nap.

Naturally everyone is getting into a flap over the Optus hacking and my account is one of the ones most exposed. Optus sent me an email saying that the hackers have my date of birth, email, phone number, address, and the numbers of my driver’s licence and passport. I haven’t panicked over it because there’s really not much I can do, apart from changing my banking password and lowering my internet banking limits and I did both as soon as I got the email. I will trust the government to go in to bat on my behalf and sort it out.

September 28, 2022

I used my four hours today to race to the Coroner’s Court and catch up with Mr. Koletti. Luckily they started a bit late, so I didn’t miss anything. Bemused by the fact that he seems to have many shirts in an identical and unusual shade of navy, either that or he rinses the one out each night. I am starting to think that the man has very limited intellectual ability and his weird behaviour may perhaps be explained largely by that (he told us that his father thinks he’s stupid, which may explain why the only support he gets in court is from his wife’s parents). However being stupid is not a crime but a disability and he shouldn’t be criticised for that. At one stage Koletti replied to a question: ‘Your questions are confusing, the way you talk is not the way my mind works, everyone has got a different mind you’ve got to understand that’. The form of words made me think autism spectrum may be the issue, but who knows. The poor counsel assisting tried asking questions in many different ways but he didn’t succeed in getting any direct answers, yet I sensed confusion more than evasion. He asked Mr. K. if he could read and I don’t think it was entirely a sarcastic throw-away line, a note to Melissa Caddick was tendered and the spelling was lower primary level. He maintains a weary affect as if somehow none of this tedious questioning is his affair at all. At one stage his barrister tried to answer for him until the Coroner chipped in “I don’t need you to repeat the evidence Miss Swan”, ouch. At morning tea, taken early because Mr. K. couldn’t follow proceedings, I chatted with Peter and Tracey, fellow court junkies each there alone, and asked what they

thought of Judy Swan: ‘hopeless’ and ‘useless’ were the simultaneous replies. That’s a trifecta then. Perhaps she isn’t used to this type of proceeding, maybe her talents lie elsewhere, but her clients here must be wondering what all their money is achieving. Tracey pointed out a fellow who had had a go at her last week and lo and behold it was the same one who had said to me: ‘So are you going to loiter there all day?’. I said I thought he was some sort of assistant to the family’s barrister as he was following her wheeling a black suitcase, but I was wrong, she informed me that he’s Melissa’s brother. I had to leave by 1 pm to get back before John’s carer left, but I went 15 minutes early because Mr. K. was taking yet another mental health break, I suspect he will soon call it quits a la Barilaro.

Greg informed me when I got home that there are three weeks in October and November that he can’t come, gulp. I will need to talk to Kristy and see if she can get one person to do those three days considering the problems we had when we had a replacement last time. That extra funding would be really handy right now so we could get a secondary carer.

September 29, 2022

I seem to be living it up this week as I went again to the Caddick inquest this morning. Koletti came back to finish his evidence, such as it is. But today three of us were shepherded to Court 2 to watch via video, which I thought was odd as it didn’t seem at all crowded. We were encouraged to sit in the barristers’ seats with headphones and a screen each, but I decided to ask the court officer why we were being so privileged. ‘Oh just to be extra Covid safe’ she said, which I didn’t swallow for a minute because every second seat in Court 1 always has a sign on it not to be used. When she had gone Peter (whom I met yesterday) told me that after I had left at lunchtime Caddick’s brother, who had been a bit aggro with me on Monday and with someone else the next day, was stalking up and down swearing and having a go at people who were not court officers. Apparently the sheriff was protecting us from his antics, which was much appreciated. I started to hum the old Dylan number I Shot the Sheriff and got a laugh out of him, the poor soul weighed down with handcuffs, a gun, communication equipment and whatall else. Koletti was as unreliable as ever, not only claiming lack of memory of events two years past, but of what he put in an affidavit last week. ‘Did you go out on the day of her disappearance?’ ‘No, except for taking her son to and from school.’ ‘But you previously agreed with the police that CCTV footage opposite Rodney Reserve showed you in Melissa’s Mercedes.’ ‘Oh yes, that was me.’ It turned out that he’d told police in his statement that he’d been out numerous times that day. I don’t think you can rely on a single word he says, but the reasons for that remain elusive. It is somehow comforting to be with another couple of people who have the same level of interest in this as I do and it was a change to sit with someone at the tea break and discuss the evidence. Peter commented that he feels very much at home in the Coroner’s Court and I was able to admit that I do too. I still remember telling my mother when I was in my twenties that I wanted to apply for a vacancy in the old Glebe forensic science lab and being told how strange and weird I was (I still am, but thankfully now I care less about other people’s opinions).

Had a word with Kristy about trying to get a suitable carer replacement for Greg’s absences and she recalled someone called Libby whom John liked a lot way back at the beginning, so hopefully she may be

available. I told her about his somewhat sudden deterioration but there’s nothing she can do to speed up the funding. She suggested a period of respite but I am reluctant because the big change could push him further in that direction, plus I doubt I would get any say in where he went and I imagine some One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest scenario which wouldn’t do either of us any good.

September 30, 2022

I went to the bank this morning to find out what ‘two stage authentication’ actually is, but there was no help available as they didn’t have a clue either, which is quite funny seeing all the papers are saying we need to use it if our data has been stolen in the Optus hack, as mine has. So I’ve decided that I would have to be very unlucky to be targeted and I will just worry if it happens.

Book group was at Carol’s with six of us, three able bodied members assisting three who have mobility issues, so we were well matched. No one was as keen on The Caregiver as I was, but I’m not sorry I recommended it as I appreciated his wisdom all over again on rereading it.

I wasn’t able to go to the inquest today, which may be just as well. The Police Barrister Lachlan Gyles was having a sarcastic shot at Koletti, presumably in a tit-for-tat attack after Koletti’s criticism of the AFP, in which he asked: ‘You’re not very numerate, are you? You didn’t win any academic prizes at school? You were at the bottom of your class in maths and English, weren’t you?’. I would have found it hard to listen to this without comment, it was a pathetic attempt to intimidate a witness for no good reason and makes me wonder if Gyles was a police officer before going into law. Yet another barrister struck from my list of options if I ever find myself facing charges, Swan for incompetence and Gyles for being a bully. Caddick’s brother was making mischief again today and was told by the coroner that if he didn’t behave he would be tossed out, so he absented himself before she sent him packing. It is now in abeyance until late November, I wait with bated breath.

Tomorrow three of John’s friends are coming for lunch and I had written a shopping list for bread rolls, cheeses, cut meats, salad. ‘Can’t we have a leg of lamb and veggies, a roast dinner?’ said John. Seeing they were coming for afternoon tea but leaving the city at 1pm, I suggested a light lunch simply because it would be too early for them to eat before leaving home. John wasn’t dazzled by that argument so I relented and said I’ll do a chicken with veg and salad instead. He is so keen to impress them even though they’ve all been here before and I don’t recall John worrying about the food before. This morning he couldn’t work out how to open his phone, the first time that’s happened.

October 1, 2022

Whoa! I just lost the whole of what I’d typed for the day for reasons I can’t fathom, so it might be a truncated version now. Dally, Kevin and John B. are here chewing the fat after lunch so I’ve repaired to the computer. Dally is here from Melbourne for the Dally M Awards and the football tomorrow where he

is a guest of the NRL. They are all lovely men and a pleasure to have here. Terry is obviously the missing person at the gathering.

Tomorrow we were to go to the Botanic Gardens with Dav and Co. but she has a cough and is worried about meeting with us so John wants to go out for lunch for my birthday. I tried Sails at Lavender Bay but it was booked out, so I suggested the Public Dining Room at Balmoral and luckily we got in there. I had hoped for a big party for my 75th but it was not to be so it’s something to plan for the next life. I was looking forward to asking all the people I wanted to be with, but not feeling obliged to invite any that I didn’t. (You can do that when you’re 75).

I’m not sure what else I had written and lost, but clearly it was superfluous to requirements.

October 2, 2022

What a lovely day. John kept asking when his carer was picking him up but once we got going he had a handle on what we were doing. He doesn’t know what has happened, or what is going to happen, but is across what IS happening, so as long as we keep things moving he’s fine. We had a noon booking at Public Dining Room and I was surprised to see that it was quite full when we arrived on time. The food was wonderful, especially the taster of Fish Mousse on a Blini with Cod Roe and the Cauliflower and Smoked Mozzarella Souffle. John was quite confused by the menu and asked me to order for him, he gave his meal 9.5/10 so I must have chosen well, especially his Spaghettini with King Prawns and Trout. They make a mean White Peach Bellini so I indulged in two and then we went for a wander around Balmoral until I was

sure I was under the limit to drive home. A very happy birthday was had by me and John looked relaxed and happy as well. One funny thing happened when I recognised a waiter two tables away and he recognised me. It was Mark, the owner of my once favourite and much missed restaurant in the Hills, Trellini’s. He came over for a chat and asked what we were doing so far from home. I explained it was a birthday lunch and he produced a Happy Birthday message written in chocolate on a big plate, which John was more than happy to scoff. It turns out he owns Public Dining Room which is why he closed our local, something I could never understand. Another reason to make PDR a special occasion favourite.

Last night the bro rang, accompanied by his daughter Tania and friend Anne, so I was able to have three conversations in one. He has carers coming four times a day and his daughter stays overnight. None of this waiting 3-6 months as we are currently, he needs help so it happens straight away, as it did when Mary got sick. I think Tania said he was sleeping downstairs now and as there is no bedroom down there I’m assuming they’ve also got in a hospital bed or similar in the dining room so he doesn’t have to access the stairs unless he does so supervised by a carer for a shower. Things are getting pretty grim for him but there really is nothing I can do from here.

Strangely I keep thinking about Anthony Koletti and wondering how he is now he’s got a break from the witness box and the ghastly Mr. Gyles. If he were trying to edge Koletti towards suicide he couldn’t have

done a better job. Perhaps my empathy is misplaced but I do feel for him despite his transgressions, minor or major as they will be shown to be.

October 3, 2022

Last night the bro rang again to wish me a happy birthday, totally forgetting that he’d rung the night before. I ended up in tears after the call with him saying repeatedly ‘we will be together again, won’t we?’ and reminding me that he had taught me how to build sandcastles on the Lincolnshire coast the year we met, ‘making up for what I should have taught you when you were a little girl’. Of course the upset meant that I didn’t sleep till after 4.17 am (the last time I looked at the clock) but luckily there was no need for an early morning start.

Today we went to Jane and Boris’s house for lunch and she had invited Martha and Lucien as well after Claude didn’t turn up yesterday from Townsville as planned. He missed the flight, a reprise of so many other journeys. John commented that Lucien is a man now and fitted in well with the oldies, something he says hadn’t occurred to him before. It was a relaxed and enjoyable occasion, our third day of functions in a row, social butterflies that we’ve become lately.

October 4, 2022

Today’s task was to go out to Windsor to meet up with Neil who has been working on carving John’s chess pieces. He was as good as his word so now the table and pieces are finally completed. Begun as a project for his architecture degree, he finished most of it at that time but didn’t finish carving half of the chessmen and now that task is past him. Later I planted another batch of lettuce seeds, the first lot having come up nicely. All of the coriander seeds that came up have disappeared and were replaced by weeds, snails? insufficient water? I’m not sure so I need to do some replanting. Today I also planted out the Clivia seeds which took about two months to germinate, but finally did. Mr. Google says they will take about five years to flower so I hope that’s an exaggeration. Went to Plantmark at Vineyard to try to get some white flag irises to put down the driveway but they had none, nor have the Digger’s Club or elsewhere that I’ve tried online. Wrong time of year I’m afraid.

It is a bit worrying that John is having trouble opening his phone, for some reason his finger is not doing it (mine still does) and he can’t remember the password, so having it with him on a walk is a bit of a waste of time. He regularly gets lost so he needs to call me to pick him up or provide directions as he’s also unable to use the map function.

I’ve decided not to go to Colleen’s for sewing tomorrow, there are heaps of little jobs I need to do and it’s faster when I’m on my own. When I need to speak to J’s doctors, home care service or whatever by phone it’s difficult to explain things as he’s always within earshot. Similarly when people ask how he is, I routinely say he’s well and leave it at that, when sometimes that’s far from what they are asking.

October 5, 2022

Whoa, it was jam-packed at Services NSW this afternoon when I went to renew our National Parks parking permits, which I had tried and failed to do online and then with the help of a NP person on the phone. Services NSW staff are so helpful and so patient that I always end up wanting to give the server a hug. ‘So why are you so busy today?’ I asked naively and of course it was because of all the leaked ID documents courtesy of Optus. It is totally unfair that individuals or the government (ie me) should have to pay for all of this. Optus should be footing the bill 100%. I have had a couple of lousy little one paragraph texts from them all through this, none of them telling me much at all, but I am certainly not planning to get a new licence or passport at this stage of the game.

Castle Hill Medical Centre, which we attend, has let us know that their patients over 65 had an almost 50% lower risk of mortality compared to the state Primary Health Network average over the last 12-month period. Mmm, there’s something about living in a middle income, relatively safe area with an abundance of medical care available isn’t there? I am interested to see the figures from other areas of Sydney as a comparison.

While I am generally very impressed with the government’s progress on the national integrity commission, they are making a big mistake by restricting the public hearings to exceptional circumstances (yes I know I have a vested interest, but the point is bigger than my desire to attend ScumMo’s downfall). The only person who can and should decide whether the hearings are public or private is the person reading all the evidence, the commissioner. I have complete faith in ICAC’s past commish, the lovely David Ipp who was totally in favour of public hearings, the crossbench shouldn’t budge on this one.

October 6, 2022

I find I spend a lot more time thinking on the days I’m by myself, obvious I guess, but I must have my thinking time or I sorely feel the need of it. I don’t know how very busy people manage in that respect. Today I have been tossing around the thought that the press hasn’t yet (to my knowledge anyway) pondered the question of whether Charles will join/has joined the Masons. The Queen’s father was a ‘devout’ member, her husband apparently a half-hearted one, her cousin the Duke of Kent is the current Grand Master in the UK and the Queen herself was the Grand Patroness (strange in an all male organisation), this now falling to Charles. However Lord Mountbatten, Charles’ favourite uncle, was very much against The Brotherhood, so perhaps that will influence him. The Church of England, of which Charles is now titular head, has been a bastion of Freemasonry for the last 250 plus years, so that’s a pull in the positive direction. Apparently according to Stephen Knight, somewhat of a Masonic expert, in the 1950s there were only half a dozen C. of E. bishops out of over a hundred in the UK who were not Masons. They banned books exposing or critical of Freemasonry from sale in C. of E. bookshops and I understand this still stands. I await the Guardian filling us in on Charles’ intentions when they get a

around to it.

the majority around the $20 mark. I may live long enough to see everything sold but I doubt it. The main thing is to get them into the hands of new owners who will appreciate them. One item is a medallion from the 1st Psychological Operations Battalion in the US, listing Haiti, Panama and GTMO ( Guantánamo Bay) among their areas of operation. It is chilling stuff as their aims show: “Operations to convey selected information and indicators to audiences to influence their emotions, motives and objective reasoning. The purpose is to induce or reinforce behavior perceived to be favorable to U.S. objectives”. Now I’m wondering if I should even be listing the bloody thing.

October 7, 2022

We watched the first episode of The Australian Wars on SBS on Demand (free of ads, what a blessing, perhaps I can go back to watching SBS this way). It brought me to tears and I abandoned the idea of watching two episodes straight as too emotionally wrenching. Only recently a friend of a friend commented to me that ‘you shouldn’t feel guilty for what was done so long ago’ to which I replied that I live every day benefitting from what was done, so I do feel guilty. I don’t know how anyone could watch that programme and not feel the same way. It was interesting that North Rocks got a mention as the site of conflict with Aboriginal people early on in the piece, long before any of the other suburbs around here had a name I suspect. Rachel Perkins is a credit to her father’s memory.

So far I have $265 worth of bids on the eBays I listed just yesterday, with nine more days to go! Of course they are all things of male interest, as per usual. I think if ever I started dealing again I would only sell those things that appeal to the male of the species, they are happy to pay whatever is necessary to get what they want. Pretty bits are a dead loss, even rare ones. I often had women in the shop asking me to give them a paper receipt for less than they actually paid for something, then they threw away the credit card receipt in case the husband saw it, often it was for a pathetically small amount. Some told their husbands that they picked up the item in St. Vinnies, but never once did a man ask me to downplay the cost of something.

Noticing that a protester in Scotland was tackled to the ground and arrested for calling out “Andrew, you’re a sick old man” as Prince Andrew passed was quite disturbing. No violence, just a bit of truth telling it could be argued. I thought generously that perhaps he’d been put into ‘protective custody’ considering the Royal fervour of the time but no, he was subsequently charged with something like breaching the peace or similar, I can’t remember the charge exactly now. When in Thailand I was shocked to find that criticising the Royal family is a criminal offense, the so called “lèse-majesté” laws: “Whoever defames, insults or threatens the King, Queen, the Heir-apparent or the Regent, shall be punished with imprisonment of three to fifteen years.” The code however doesn’t include a helpful definition of what actions constitute defamation or insult, so it is a dangerous business to test the law in Thailand. However I hope that the public solicitors in Scotland jump all over this charge and give the young man and the population generally the right to heckle without threat, anything else would be a travesty.

October 8, 2022

It was fine in the morning but rain was forecast for the afternoon, so I accepted a lift to town with Jane who was taking John to the Art Gallery for the morning while I met my girls at the Queen Victoria Building prior to my birthday lunch. I bumped into them upstairs on the way to the loos so I didn’t need to text that I’d arrived. The destination was a secret so we set out from there walking west (I had assumed we might be headed towards Darling Harbour but I was wrong there). We passed Chinatown and headed still further west, finally stopping at Gavroche in Chippendale. An upstairs room furnished very much in the French bistro style greeted us, with some parts of the decor actually taken from Brasserie Georges in Lyon (which must look very much depleted now I’m thinking). The wine list was exclusively French and judging by the excellent two glasses I had, at the upper end in both quality and price. It was a lovely afternoon with my girls, something we rarely get any more. I am very thankful to Jane who took John out and then to her home for lunch and the afternoon. He was totally confused this morning thinking I was going to book group ‘no, I’m going out to lunch’ and a bit later ‘why isn’t Jane going to the book group lunch?’. We repeated this conversation or a similar one many times over until Jane walked in the door and we were off. My red raincoat, equipped as it is with its own carry bag, proved invaluable as it was in fact pouring by the time I was leaving to come home. Numerous buses pulled up and I asked for the QVB but the drivers all said a simple no, it was only when I got to the eighth bus that I was told that ‘buses haven’t gone along George Street for three years’, aaah so I could have got on any of the previous seven, grrr. But it’s so long since I’ve wandered around town that it wasn’t at all a problem to walk from Elizabeth. One the way down Cross St in pouring rain the paper gift satchel (in which I was carrying my gifts and some table scraps supposedly for the possum) disintegrated. Luckily I was able to catch the breakable gift before it hit the concrete but the food, some of which, like the delicious remains of a baguette and some garlic croutons may have constituted my dinner, splattered on the road and even I was not prepared to scrape it up. Now I’ll just have to go back and eat another of their delicious baguettes.

October 9, 2022

Woohoo, I am up to $400 in bids on the blokey stuff I just listed on eBay, plus I’ve had some nice email exchanges with people who are bidding. One man who’s the lead bidder on a Sydney brass tram ticket is planning to write an article on it for a transportation journal and says he’ll send me a copy. I so miss the interaction with passionate collectors.

I’ve just finished reading a book, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, by the American poet Ocean Vuong. It’s an autobiographical story of his journey to the US as a small child with no English, living in poverty with his mother and grandmother, neither of whom were literate in their own language and never mastered English, his mother breaking a pencil as she wrote “a b c” over and over, trying to teach herself the alphabet. He learned to read at the age of eleven and is now a professor of English, quite a journey, but neither his mother nor grandmother ever got to read his work. The book impressed on me yet again the damage done to people by war, he was physically and psychologically abused by his mother and his grandmother was schizophrenic, with bizarre behaviour characterising their relationships. It brought to

mind the damage being done to Ukrainians and Russians at the moment and the profound psychological damage to Putin wreaked in WWII. Vuong is clearly a poet and the language is luscious at times. I was taken with the idea that that everyone who has ever lived has seen the same sunset: “Cleopatra saw the same sunset. Ain’t that crazy? Like everybody who was ever alive only seen one sun.” Or try: “An American soldier fucked a Vietnamese farmgirl. Thus my mother exists. Thus I exist. Thus no bombs = no family = no me.” The book covers so much, the material differences in the US population, racial inequality, drug use, gun violence, as well of course the plight of the Vietnamese. “Here, good is finding a dollar caught in the sewer drain, is when your mom has enough money on your birthday to rent a movie, plus buy a five-dollar pizza from Easy Frank’s and stick eight candles over the melted cheese and pepperoni. Good is knowing there was a shooting and your brother was the one that came home and was already beside you, tucked into a bowl of mac and cheese”.

October 10, 2022

Answering an email from a friend caused me to consider which people if any I’d have trouble sharing a room with. Of course the temptation is to jump to extremes, think Donald Trump for example, but I’m inclined to think I would stand my ground and argue in that particular case. The names of those who would make my skin crawl are all women interestingly, Michaelia Cash, Amanda Stoker, Hollie Hughes and Teena McQueen all qualify, but I would be more minded to stand and fight with men of similar ilk, I am not sure exactly why.

Although I am fully supportive of the National Disability Insurance Scheme in principle, I was somewhat shocked to discover that it’s not means tested at all and has no upper limit for benefits as does the Home Care Package for those over 65. I realise that people with profound disabilities need huge amounts of care, but it worries me to hear that the government is now thinking of including things like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in its gambit. I was recently talking to someone who was pleased at having just received a diagnosis and I now wonder, somewhat cynically, if the satisfaction had anything to do with the benefits soon to accrue. It seems that we could find a pathology for half the population if we tried hard enough and it worries me that in future restrictions will be applied to the absolutely worthy because the scheme is stretched beyond its budgetary limits. I hope not.

October 11, 2022

Lunch today with my cousin Angela at China Doll at Wooloomooloo to celebrate both of our birthdays. I had indicated to her in the past that Chinese is not my favourite food by a long way and she was keen to convince me that China Doll is a long way from your suburban Chinese, where the food always seemed as if it were cooked in a factory somewhere and dealt out to every Chinese restaurant in Sydney in a delivery truck. Well she was right, the food was beyond delicious, with no sign of chow mein or sweet and sour fried short soup on the menu. (This was the first Chinese food I ever ate at age 16 in Parramatta. On telling my mother with excitement about this new cuisine I’d discovered her reply was ‘don’t be ridiculous, you can’t fry soup’. It was pretty packed but we sat outside on the wharf so that wasn’t a problem. We ate lots of different bits but roast duck and watermelon salad is something I will try to replicate.

Angela showed me photos from last Sunday’s wedding of her nephew, my Timorese cousin Domingos’s son Ibrahim. What a league of nations it was as the bride is from South Africa with Malaysian heritage, her two sisters are married to a Kiwi and a South Korean, all of whom were present. I think back to when Domingos and Callisto joined the family straight from Villawood after being evacuated to Darwin when the Indonesians were invading Timor Leste. They have made good lives for themselves from tragedy, divorced from their families and culture.

Professor Brian Cox got a short interview on 7.30 tonight with the lovely Sarah, but short is the operative word, five lousy minutes. I shot off an email telling the producer that we can listen to talk of recession, power prices etc any night but we don’t often get Cox’s wisdom, it was a bit of an insult really and I think his face showed it.

October 12, 2022

Woohoo, today I finished organising for John to have people here when I go away in November. Sue is coming Thursday until the book group event at Carol’s on Friday afternoon, then Jane will bring him home from there and stay till I get back on Saturday at a time to be confirmed. She thinks he will be less confused if he’s in his own home and I think she’s right there. Both were happy to help so now it’s just a case of not getting sick and then it’s all systems go.

This morning I collected bit and pieces to go to the Sallies and seeing I would be passing Brigitte’s I offered to pick her up for the ride, which she gladly accepted. I managed to get rid of an all-weather coat I was given which proved to be too small and a few bits of costume jewellery that hadn’t sold on eBay. It seemed light on but when I got home I found the blouse and straw hat that I had intended taking as well. We had a cuppa at Dolcettini’s and there was just one person serving, the other had been called away to her child’s school so I told the man behind the counter that if I’d been there alone I would have been happy to fill in for a few hours unpaid, to help out and for the experience and I think he would have been happy to let me. In the course of our conversation I discovered that one of Brigitte’s neighbours is the mother of an old friend of mine who is now a Church of England minister so I Googled him to find that he’s at Panania church after being at Casula and Liverpool in the past. David and I worked together at Sydney Uni until he announced that ‘I’ve been called to the ministry’, something he swore he would never do after growing up as a minister’s son. It took me back to our philosophical arguments while working in the fields of wheat at the farm, gosh it was 50 years ago. Must ring him and catch up sometime, though I guess we are further away from each other now than ever we’ve been.

October 13, 2022

Decided to head to the Coroner’s Court today for a look see, though I knew there were no vitally important cases on the go, an opinion confirmed by the total lack of press there, however any case is someone’s relative so in that sense they are equally important. On the way on James Ruse Drive there was an end to end six car pile-up involving three tradies’ vehicles and three cars, one poor sod in a recent blue sedan was

stove in heavily both front and back so that baby is on a one way trip to the wreckers. So there were at least six folks having a very bad day. I arrived in time, before the Coroner emerged and noted that the only other people present were 8 or 9 police, uniformed and plain clothes. They looked at each other and were clearly a little discomforted by the presence of a ‘foreigner’. Finally one of the plain clothes men came over and asked, with a smile that was terrifyingly like Barnaby Joyce’s grin, if I needed any help. ‘No thankyou, I’m just an interested member of the public’ I answered. He tried again: ‘So you’re here for the Ellis inquest?’ he asked, ‘I thought perhaps you were in the wrong court?’. By then he had convinced me that I was in fact in the right one. It was a pretty simple case of death following a vehicle hitting a tree at over 140 kph late one night in Yass. However the police had seen Mr. Ellis driving erratically and called on a nearby highway patrol to give chase, by that time the fellow had shot out of sight and was subsequently killed hitting a tree in a single vehicle event. Despite my Googling the event with name, dates, location etc there doesn’t seem to have been any publicity that I could find and I’m sure they are hoping to keep it that way. The chap was driving at high speed, was 3 and a half times over the limit, on bail for other offences and in my mind I am writing a brief report to compare with Magistrate Kennedy’s, pretty much an open and shut case I would think. From there I came home to bake rock cakes and wash up many crystal glasses with a view to finding them all a home, a day of some variety.

October 14, 2022

Managed to get a bucketful of weeds before a shower of rain stopped me and perhaps prevented the strained back I got last time I did some serious weeding, so I decided to accept the hand of fate and leave it at that. We had planned to go to a movie, The Stranger, which is a somewhat fictionalised version of the book The Sting which I read recently and was very impressed by. So at breakfast and at lunch I went through the story with John, hoping it would help him understand the movie better. Off we went after lunch but when buying the tickets I wasn’t wearing my glasses……so we were in the wrong cinema which resulted in a totally different movie coming on after the endless ads, but by then I was afraid that the movie we actually went to see may have already started, so I stayed there and hoped for the best. We were lucky that it was Amsterdam, a most unusual film that I wouldn’t have set out to see but which I am not sorry we saw. Afterwards I asked John if he’d noticed any difference to the plot I’d described but he said he couldn’t remember anything I’d told him so he didn’t know it was the wrong movie. I’m not sure how to describe Amsterdam, perhaps as a black comedy about the true events prior to WWII when there was a Fascist plot to overthrow the US government. An attempted Fascist takeover of the United States is something one would likely remember, but I had completely forgotten that it even happened so the movie has done me a favour as I will seek out more information about the actual event. I’m sure that the director’s intention was to focus our minds on the events of January 6, Trump and the threat to American democracy, but whether people will link this given his humorous approach remains to be seen.

I posted off two eBay sales, one a 1938 commemorative coin and the other a brass finial of an eagle. The latter had a slightly military feel and could be from the US or Nazi Germany or neither, though exactly what it was once attached to is a mystery to me. The coin was cast for the 150th anniversary of Australia and after it sold for $15.50 I happened to see one advertised at a coin dealership for $85, so perhaps a

dealer bought it and good luck to them. My Dead Man’s Penny keeps going up, now having reached $415 with the same two bidders pushing it north, so hopefully they will continue.

October 15, 2022

Dead Man’s Penny now at $495 with 18 hours to go. If I were of a mind I could game the system as I can see the leading bidder has another higher bid in the pipeline which will only take effect if someone bids against him. Who knows what his top bid is? But I’m happy as it stands.

I’ve been thinking about the Brittany Higgins jury and feeling glad that I’m not on it. Usually it’s the reverse, I am cracking my neck to be there. But the more the trial goes on the more confusing it gets and considering that the job of the defence is to cast just enough doubt on the accuser’s story, this is not a good sign for her. Under the Scottish system of Innocent, Guilty or Not Proven there is scope for the jury to say that they think it may have happened but there isn’t enough evidence, but this jury doesn’t have that option. Bruce Lehrmann’s barrister needs to find answers to the question about why he walked into Parliament House at that hour of the night to ‘get documents’ but walked out 20 minutes later with none. Why did he leave without the person he had arranged to be signed in? Why did he say she didn’t appear particularly drunk when CCTV shows her barely able to walk and unable to put her shoes back on? On the other side Higgins barrister needs to find an explanation as to why she refused to do a police interview until she had spoken to journalists and why she insisted on the story coming out in the first week of Parliament. She did have a motive to lie, fear for her job after her behaviour came to light. Considering the competing stories and no witnesses or hard forensic evidence it seems that a cautious jury would be loath to convict, however I’ve only heard part of the evidence, just what the journalists highlight to put in print, and there are more witnesses to come. But if I were having a bet at this stage I’d go for Not Guilty, not because it didn’t happen necessarily but because it hasn’t been proven to the required degree, considering the penalty is 12 to 20 years. As I said I’m very glad it’s not down to my decision.

October 16, 2022

Millie was on the sick list Friday night and Saturday with vomiting and was sleepy and generally unwell. We were going to go to visit her this morning as she was a bit better, but just before we were to leave she said she was too sick for visitors so we changed tack. It’s a constant battle for kids, getting one thing after the other for years, I remember it well both as a child and with my children, no fun.

Well the Dead Man’s Penny sold today ….. drum roll ….. for $567 and the buyer had more bids up his sleeve. Also sold were a 1966 set of pre-decimal and decimal coins for $41 and a brass ticket for the Sydney trams for $27.20, blokey pieces all. Unfortunately I don’t think I have any other similar bits to sell, but I am flush after this little flurry so I can’t complain.

After catching up on some emails I am now looking for a nice recipe for dinner combining barramundi and trout as I have a fillet of each in the fridge. Lurve mixing seafood, just wish I had a few prawns hanging

about as well. I’m still thinking about the fish dumplings and prawns in a lobster bisque that I didn’t have at Gavroche (diner’s remorse), might have to make a return visit to rid that from my culinary wishlist. I could use one of my smaller sales to finance a kir royale (or two) while I’m at it.

October 17. 2022

I wish I could stop worrying about shit and only focus on worrying about important stuff. Yesterday I sent an email around with photos of some glasses to give away (drinking glasses not eye glasses, of which I have a few pairs as well). It was a case of first in, best dressed but I didn’t check for responses for a few hours. The first email was from person A who asked for the set on the left, so I immediately replied in the affirmative only to open the next email from person B who wanted the same ones. But she had replied within minutes of the photos going out so in fairness they should be hers. I replied to person B explaining that they’d already gone but got no response, so went to bed assuming that I am a bad person for not informing person A that I had awarded them to her in error. I am still thinking about what I should do, even though person B may not have even thought about it since. On the other hand she may feel quite cheesed off, perhaps justifiably, as the process was unintentionally inequitable. Why does any kind of injustice eat my soul to this extent? I know not, but I wish I could channel it to more important issues.

Today we went to see the movie I intended to go to last week and stuffed up the theatre number. It is The Stranger, a version of the events surrounding the undercover police case in trying to bring to justice the killer of Daniel Morecombe. Out of respect for his parents the names were changed and it doesn’t focus at all on the murder, just on the police work, which is astounding and a story in itself. I realised when it was over that I hadn’t taken a deep breath through the whole film, it was so suspenseful despite the fact that I knew the story well and hence the ending. It was filmed in low saturation colour as well as being mostly filmed in dark places or at night, it’s a brooding, gloomy film with full understanding of the idiom of the criminal underclass. Eleven out of ten from me with full credit to the amazing men who formed the actual covert police team and closed this case when it looked as if a man had committed the perfect murder.

October 18, 2022

Sad to be informed that my favourite cousin in England, my mother’s brother’s son Victor, died on Sunday after a stroke. I loved Vic and so enjoyed spending time with him and Sandra when I was in the UK. He was the first person in my mother’s family that I met and through him I got to know lots more. When I was visiting the UK I cold called him after finding his number on British Telecom and he knew exactly who I was. He said he used to look surreptitiously at my Christmas and birthday cards to my mother every year to see what I was up to. Even though I was supposedly a huge secret as far as my mother was concerned, he’d been told about me decades previously, probably by his mother. A few weeks ago I wrote to him, a common way to connect as he wasn’t on email, but didn’t get an answer which was most unusual. I had been thinking that I should ring to make sure that there was nothing wrong but expected a letter to come any time. I have been debating whether to tell John as he enjoyed Vic’s company when we visited

England, but I would have to explain in detail who he was and then he would immediately forget about the death anyway, so there doesn’t seem much point.

We went out to Fagan Park for a walk, the quietist I have ever seen it there. On the way home I had a funny call from a friend and as a result of my uplifted mood I decided on the spur of the moment to pull in to Wild Pear for a Peach Bellini and lunch (Barramundi on Beetroot Risotto with Roasted Beetroot and Goat Cheese for moi). We both gave our meals 11 out of 10, a score we’ve succeeded in achieving for two meals and a movie so far this week. A party of about ten women managed to confirm that this configuration is the noisiest grouping possible, but luckily there was some distance between us and the shrieking so I was able to avoid taking out my hearing aids.

October 19, 2022

John had a replacement carer for John today but Becky was just the ticket, telling him she’d had a lovely time and hoped to come back and take him out again. They went to nearby Cumberland State Forest, did all the walks and had lunch at the cafe there, he brought me a brochure about the place not realising that we have been there numerous times. I’ve decided not to tell him about my cousin Vic’s death at all, he’d either not know who he is or else be upset that he’s died, so lose/lose.

I am currently reading Talking with Psychopaths by British criminologist Christopher Berry-Dee. It isn’t well written at all, has numerous errors that any basic proofreading would pick up quickly and it’s full of self-promotion ‘if you want to know more about this read my book Blah or watch my Youtube video Blop’. But the worst thing about it is that, as often happens with people who are involved with crime for a long time, he has become way too cynical for my taste, expressing pleasure at capital punishment and harsh treatment by prison officers. He delights in US prison officers commonly addressing inmates with “hey fuckwit”, ‘none of this leftie human rights stuff’, he says. He refers to prison penpals as ‘murder groupies’, eyeroll. Did I stop reading? No I did not, because he does have a wealth of experience in the field and I don’t have to like him to benefit from that. While the common wisdom about psychopaths is that they emerge from a childhood of abuse, mistreatment and misery I was fascinated to read about one Russell Williams, Colonel in the Canadian Air Force and Commander of Canada’s largest military base. As a pilot he flew the Queen and Prince Philip, the Canadian Governor-General and the Prime Minister in the Canadian Forces VIP aircraft. But old Russell had a nasty evening hobby, breaking into homes and stealing women’s underwear, which graduated to sexual assault, rape and then to murder. One of his victims was a female serving air force officer unknown to him. So where does his psychopathy originate? We’ll never know. Functional MRI studies show that scans of psychopaths taken while they are viewing horrific, violent images show their amygdalae remaining dark with reduced activity, whereas ‘normal people’ show a lighting up in sections which are believed to generate feelings of empathy. It gets us back to blame; how much blame can we ascribe to someone born without empathy? I hope we will eventually find a way to keep these people safely away from harming others, but without the further dehumanising treatment that prisons provide.

October 20, 2022

Excited to get the chance to go to the Coroner’s Court today for part of the inquest of pilot Gareth Morgan and his passengers Richard Cousins, his sons Edward and William, his fiancee Emma Bowden, and her daughter Heather. They had been on holiday from Britain when on New Year’s Eve 2017, ahead of Richard and Emma’s planned wedding in 2018, they chartered a seaplane from Rose Bay to take them to lunch at the Cottage Point Inn before a planned evening watching the fireworks on Sydney Harbour. Sadly, on the return flight the pilot circled unexpectedly then took the plane up Jerusalem Bay and it finally crashed there killing all on board. Tests on the plane found no mechanical problems and there was nothing in the pilot’s autopsy or medical history to explain what had happened. Two years later, still without any explanation, it was suggested that tests for carbon monoxide be done on reserved blood from the autopsies. Surprisingly it was found in all six, with levels ranging from 4 to 11%. The evidence today centred on what three experienced forensic pathologists thought about the causes and effects of these amounts. They were interviewed together (a process oddly described as a hot tub!) and all agreed that the amounts of carbon monoxide are usually tested in suicides, after fires or similar, so the levels are always 50% and above, however the tests are very inaccurate at levels of 20% and less. So explaining exactly what the effects of 11% could be is difficult, plus the blood was two years old and had been frozen and the apparatus used doesn’t give accurate readings at low levels. This was debated three ways for three hours and I was fascinated. At the lunch break the man next to me in court held out his hand, introducing himself as being from the Australian Transportation Safety Board. He said the after lunch evidence would be really interesting too and I so wanted to stay on, but the maths told me I’d only get half an hour before having to leave for John’s return from daycare. This story has all the elements of a novel: New Year’s Eve, an impending wedding, three much loved children, a pilot who has never put a foot wrong in his career and a family with oodles of money, but sadly that made not a whit of difference to their fates. Could I possibly go again tomorrow and take John I’m asking myself……

Back to the glasses issue over which I agonised. Person A decided they were a bit too fine and delicate so I went back to Person B who jumped at them because they were fine and delicate. She also kicked off the Bill Crews collection box with a massive tin of coffee and a clutch of cans of fish, baked beans etc. Win-win.

October 21, 2022

I weakened and dragged John along to court. He was quite chuffed and got dressed up in good pants and a jacket. I must have the luck of the Irish, because as we were going up in the lift, only two floors, a man asked if we were going to the plane crash inquest and when I said yes he announced that he was the doctor who gave evidence all afternoon yesterday. I said that I had left before he began and so he filled me in on all his evidence. Talk about personal service! He gave us his history at length: medical degree, joined the army, helicopter pilot, later forensic investigator specialising in aircraft issues. I think he was delighted to have a new audience. However I think John found today’s evidence a bit dry, centring as it did on how the carbon monoxide got from the engine into the cabin. Apparently any replacement parts are supposed to be

authentic ones from the manufacturer, not random ones that happen to fit, so there was a long discussion about the bolts attaching the firewall, between the cockpit and the engine. All of those recovered from the wreck were non-standard (not even matching each other) and could have allowed leakage of gases into the cockpit, three were missing altogether. The person relaying all this from the witness stand was my pal from yesterday, the investigator from the ATSB and before proceedings began he came up and introduced himself to John and filled us in on what I missed yesterday afternoon, though I didn’t tell him we’d already had it from the horse’s mouth. I’m realising that these people are besotted with what they do and are overjoyed to be able to explain it all to anyone who will listen, in this case us, as the only two people present who aren’t already party to the proceedings. So different an attitude to criminal proceedings. One of the legal teams is representing the father of the little girl who died along with her mother. Presumably if he is funding a team in Australia to represent him he is planning to sue whoever is found responsible for the crash, again deep pockets allow such options. Apparently it will go on into next week so if the gods are kind I will get an opportunity to go again.

Currently reading the novel Bon and Lesley and wondering exactly why I am doing so. It is a surreal story set in a dying town in central western NSW with four characters who drink, argue, eat junk food, drink more, watch TV, drink again and at one point burn the contents of abandoned houses. Where is it going? Why am I still reading it? There must be a point and I am keen to find it, but somehow suspect I never will. However the characters remind me strongly of people I have met in the past, particularly through the shop, whose interests are negligible and who are substantially focussed on day to day survival. I’m so far into it now I may as well continue.

October 22, 2022

Enjoyed the Farmer’s Market at Castle Hill this morning, coming home with lots of fresh goodies and an empty wallet, some of the cheeses (which I resisted) were $12 or $15 for a piece. Since then I’ve been cooking for visitors coming for lunch tomorrow, so the place is full of mess and a pile of washing up. But at 2 pm John’s friends from Melbourne rang to say they were coming at 3 pm for a cuppa, so there’s been a whirlwind of vaccing and kitchen cleaning. Not a piece of anything to give them I’m afraid so they’ve had

to be content with packet biscuits. I had a pav cooling in the oven but it ain’t going to be cut today.

Doing a bit of a Google search on my new pal Duncan, the lead investigator from the ATSB, and discovered that he was instrumental in the hunt for MH370. Gosh I would love to invite the three of them here for a meal, especially seeing they are all put up in hotels and away from home, but the next few days are spoken for and they may misconstrue the invitation. I’d be happy to talk about any topic with them, such an interesting bunch they are.

I finished Bon and Lesley and am none the wiser. There are three themes that I identified with, firstly the way we take beautiful natural places and deface them with ugly service stations, shopping malls, Colourbond fences and whatever else. Secondly the appalling stuff that passes for food for some people, the ‘meals’ described are cringe-making ‘a packet of cabanossi, a bag of lettuce and some finger buns’

although others were worse, from memory hot chips, a packet of Burger Rings and some dried wasabi peas was one, anything available close by and cheap seemed to be the criteria. Thirdly the totally depressing and dysfunctional rum-soaked lives that he’s describing: ‘Freedom is having a job and not being bashed’. These four can’t manage a job between them (apart from at one point being paid to pointlessly torch abandoned houses) and freedom is hardly a word I’d use to describe their lifestyles. However I still struggle with the motivation for this book, though I may find that he’s a genius, that the surreal parts have some deep psychoanalytic reasoning, but I’m just not smart enough to interpret it.

October 23, 2022

Enjoyed lunch with Boris and Jane, did Bobotie with Ginger Coconut Rice and sides of asparagus and a salad, plus a pav to finish. They brought a lovely pinot noir which went perfectly. It finally rained as forecast so I was pleased for the basil and lettuce that I planted. I had to smile at something I saw on Facebook today “Some people want a big house, expensive car and designer clothes. Others have a garden where they can avoid those people”.

I wish I could keep my focus on the important parts of a story but I’m afraid that during Liz Truss’s famous resignation speech I couldn’t take my eyes of that god-awful podium. Who on earth thought that could be attractive? It was a different one to the one Boris always used so I wonder if it’s just been made? There is a fence on the way to Killcare that I try to avoid looking at which has a similar design and somehow I always have to look to see if it’s been bulldozed, though sadly not.

It was very interesting to watch the program about Medicare fraud and it reminded me of something that happened a few years back. A doctor whom I knew as a client and with whom I became friendly told me he was looking for a receptionist and shortly after the wife of a Group Captain from the air base told me she was looking for work so I introduced them. She got the job and a few weeks later I asked her how it was going. She confided that the doctor was running a counselling practice, no medical appointments were accepted, but once she realised this she pointed out that having clients attending for long sessions every week couldn’t be charged to Medicare as GP appointments under the rules. She said if he continued she would have to resign as she didn’t want to be caught up in Medicare fraud. He let her go and went his merry way. Only later I remembered his telling me that he never wanted to be a doctor but his famous medico father pushed him in that direction, he’d always wanted to be a psychologist or a counsellor and finally he had the bucks behind him to do what he’d missed out on earlier in his career.

October 24, 2022

With the obvious proviso that I wasn’t in court to hear the evidence, I am somewhat encouraged to hear that it’s taking the Lehrmann jury a long time to decide his fate. Sentencing someone for 12 to 20 years is an onerous task and they are right to take all the time they need, you’d need to be damned sure with that amount of time hanging over the person’s head. I am betting on a hung jury and I myself am a hung jury in this case, swaying back and forth as arguments were played out one way and another.

I’ve lived all my life with the ‘blood’s thicker than water’ idea in my mind but it seems that still isn’t enough, even when you’ve got the blood presence is also required apparently. My brother wasn’t answering his phone for a long time earlier in the year and I finally found that he was in hospital. I explained to his daughter that is difficult being so far away and not knowing what’s happening and I gave her my email address so she can notify me easily and without cost, which she indicated she was very happy to do. For the last two weeks there’s been no answer yet again, and no call or email, so I stayed awake till 2 am to try ringing at a different time to usual. Still no answer so I rang Anne and she was shocked that I hadn’t been told: he’s been in hospital for two weeks. Apparently he had carers coming four times a day, plus his daughter staying over every night, yet Kenneth got it into his head that he needed to go to the corner shop, Sharma’s, to get milk even though there was always milk in the fridge. Despite being told that it was too dangerous for him to leave the house, after the carers left he headed to Sharma’s but only made it half way up the driveway before falling and either breaking his hip or his femur, Anne wasn’t sure which. He lay there until his daughter arrived, no one apparently passed by in the street so it probably wasn’t too long, and an ambulance was called. I can’t imagine that he’s going to be allowed home after this as he’s confused as well as physically weak. He has rung Anne from hospital to say that no one ever visits despite his daughter going every day and he rings her on his mobile to complain that he can’t find his phone. As he turns 89 in December I think he’s headed to care, something he will rail against. A sad end for someone so intellectually brilliant.

October 25, 2022

Went to Plants Plus at the Forestry to ask advice about my pathetically sad Michelia which keeps growing but has hardly any leaves and has never had a flower in the four or five years I’ve had it. The young man looked at the photo and said that I shouldn’t have let grass grow up to the trunk, it’s taking all the goodness out of the soil before the tree gets any, so I will try clearing the grass and see what ensues. I am thinking of buying a snowball tree but I’ll have to find a spot first. I did weaken and buy a tall white delphinium and took great care getting it home in one piece but as I was repotting it the main stem snapped, not broken off but seriously bent at right angles, which I think will end up killing off the flowers. Some days are rust….

This didn’t help my already flat mood and I got cross with John which he doesn’t deserve. He is constantly querying what we are doing so I get him to write everything in his diary, but now he keeps asking ‘are we still going to the nursery today? are we still going to be having book group on Friday?’ so it hasn’t solved the problem. Add this to the fact that the Home Care Package was approved over two months ago and despite three phone calls this week to see where it’s up to there’s been no return call so far (well not true actually, there was one when I was driving and I missed it). He’s been invited to a school reunion in the city and is very keen to go, announcing that he’d be fine going in on his own on the bus, despite the fact that he can’t find the exit of a business or the way back from a toilet. So I’ll take him there on the bus and pick him up afterwards, finding something to occupy the three hours in between. I’ll need to speak to someone about not letting him leave the venue for any reason, everything seems to involve so much planning these days. I’d better shut up, it’s just a whinge fest today.

October 26, 2022

Had an appointment with Bob today to appraise him of the fact that I self-medicated with antibiotics for a suspected UTI and he was fully supportive of that. (The antibiotics are a couple of years out of date but Dr. Google assures me that they only lose 5% efficacy per year after expiry so I wasn’t too worried about that). The drastic improvement signifies that I was right about the cause of the pain and he’s organised for pathology to be done after two courses of antibiotics. He had a doctor with him whom he is supervising, a middle aged Indian man, so I suspect he’s a migrant applying to practise here, but that’s only a guess. Bob introduced me as one of his oldest patients, having been in his care since 1978 when he started in Castle Hill. Of course the My Aged Care people rang in the middle of my consult with Bob as I’d predicted. However I managed to get onto them again later and he is still on a wait time of 1-3 months to get to Level 3. I told her that he’s much worse than he was at the assessment and the paperwork says that he’s approved for Level 2 so I tried to get that instituted while we are waiting. But that’s not a goer as Level 2 packages are currently on a 6 month wait time and would not be actioned until after we were already on Level 3. But she said she would try to get him moved from Medium Priority to High Priority and if it’s approved that should speed things up. I had a bad day with him yesterday and that’s motivated me to persist and try to get something moving. I felt so under the pump last night that I didn’t even watch the budget as I couldn’t handle any bad news.

My friend who is in an ongoing legal contretemps with his siblings over his house is almost on his uppers financially. He’s gone from $220,000 in the bank to zero and it’s all gone in legal fees over a number of years. He built his house on his parents’ land with a granny flat for them, at their request, but after he’d been looking after them for many years his father changed his will leaving the land, and therefore the house, to his two siblings. Both parents are now dead and as well as suing him for the house they are now asking for $200,000 in back rent for a house he paid to have built. They are using top lawyers and when one move fails they just begin another. I fear for my friend’s sanity as he can talk of nothing else and he rings me almost every day going over some legal detail (this didn’t help my state of mind yesterday when other things were going wrong). He is so much more au fait with it all than I am, yet he asks me for advice and I’m never sure if I’m helping or giving him a bum steer. He feels he’s looking bankruptcy in the eye at the moment. Affidavit, subpoena, caveat and mediation have become words I am unfortunately listening to many times a week, but I’m reluctant to refuse these discussions as his mental state is deteriorating. Perhaps that’s how they are hoping to win, if he collapses and simply can’t go on. Porsche- driving mongrels doesn’t even come close.

October 27, 2022

What a disaster of an outcome in the Lehrmann trial. It couldn’t be worse really than a dismissed jury at the very end of proceedings. One of them is not telling the truth, either the accuser or the defendant, and the innocent party will now suffer for many months before the thing is retried. I thought they were heading for a hung jury, but even that is a better option than what’s occurred now, as with that the ACT legal eagles

would have decided whether to have another go at trial, but the way I read this is that it will be retried in February. What a mess.

My friend who is in dispute with his siblings over property has told me today that the Supreme Court judge shook his head in disbelief at the amount being contested, about $3 million. His comment was that he’d never seen the big-shot barrister representing the siblings in any case worth under $30 million (he used the barrister’s name which I won’t). It makes you wonder if gold’s been found beneath the soil of the disputed five acres.

I chuffed off to the Coroner’s Court this morning and sat at the end of the front row only to hear Duncan calling ‘We’ve missed you’ and motioning to a seat next to the ATSB team. He briefly filled me in on what I’d missed before the Coroner arrived. The witness today was the Licensed Aircraft Maintenance Engineer (or Lammy as they pronounce the acronym) employed by AirAg, who were responsible for the repair and maintenance to the plane which crashed. It was at times disturbing testimony, although I thought the witness was an honest and credible one. He explained his using the wrong, and not permitted, bolts in question as being because ‘I didn’t have any of the approved ones so I used the ones in my toolkit that I thought should do the job’. He reported replacing aluminium parts in the engine with rubber hose, ‘because I didn’t have any of the right aluminium bits and pieces that didn’t have damage to them’. Counsel assisting asked if he realised that in each case he was breaking Civil Aviation Safety Authority rules, to which he answered ‘yes’ both times without trying to defend himself. I’m not sure about the penalties for these breaches, but surely there must be some. No accident has just one genesis, it always seems to be a cascade of things coming together, but today I think we saw one of those clearly exposed.

October 28, 2022

Because Endeavour Energy chose to replace a nearby power pole on book group day, we were forewarned that there would be no power from 8 am till 4 pm and it took them all of that time. As I result I did the cooking yesterday: an old fave, a Blueberry Almond cake, as well as a new recipe for Pear and Oat Slice, which didn’t look too exciting so I won’t do it again. John judged it ‘okay’ which makes it not worth the trouble in my opinion, although others at book group seemed to like it. It was annoying that Optus and the burglar alarm company wanted to know why I had no power but I guess that’s what they are being paid for. More of a problem is that I can never remember how to turn off the annoying power interference warning beeps from the alarm, so I always have to hunt out the instruction book to work out how to stop it. The street was full of about ten trucks and four wheel drives and some visitors had to explain to the men why they needed to access the house, important when three of our number were using a cane or a walker and one had luggage in order to stay the night. The meeting went well and the discussion was interesting, most of us found the book tongue in cheek and very funny but though Martha enjoyed it, she read it without seeing it as humorous and put that down to the difference between the American and British/Australian sense of humour. We discussed the lengthy passages on literary theories, especially deconstructionism, which I read in the novel as being as send-up of these latter day approaches to literature. All-in-all a good meeting I thought. John was tea and coffee server and then went for a walk

during the discussion but Sue told me later that he’d got lost and had to ask a man to direct him home. Sue brought a ready prepared dinner which she’d made at home, all we had to do was to pop it in the oven and delicious it was. As usual we chatted into the night over the leftover wine and made plans for next weekend when we are going to stay with her.

October 29, 2022

Sue was here for the morning till her mother’s 97th birthday lunch, leaving just after noon. Her brother chose the Saligna Cafe next to Plants Plus Nursery for a large gathering and I told her that the food isn’t much chop there but it’s a nice setting. She texted me later to confirm my opinion of the food, saying that her sister-in-law had commented to the waiter that the corn fritters weren’t very nice and he replied ‘No they’re not the best, but they could be worse’!! I had worked out by viewing the menu and looking in the prepared dessert cabinet in the past that it is a shop where you can buy food, rather than being a real cafe or restaurant. But they managed to have a good time despite the food.

October 30, 2022

This morning Arvind gave us a barrowload of good composty soil to fill the narrow gap between the driveway and the fence. I intended to plant white Dutch irises there but I’ve missed the boat timewise. Michelle offered me some reddish ones that are excess to her requirements if we wanted to dig them up, but I have my heart set on white flowers. I have also been thinking about the delicious snowball trees we saw in flower at Fagan Park and decided to go back to the nursery this morning and get one. As well I bought a packet of 1250 Alyssum seeds to put in the narrow garden, I just love them and they are so hardy. John was digging a hole alongside Arvind’s back fence to replant a dwarf conifer to make room for the snowball. Arvind’s head popped over the fence looking a bit concerned. ‘What are you planting there John?’ ‘Oh a pine tree Arvind’. ‘How big does it grow?’ he asked with some disquiet. ‘It’s like that one there’, says John, pointing to a conifer in the yard that’s at least 25 metres high, probably more. The look on Arvind’s face was priceless before I corrected the estimation of height to about 1 metre.

I have long thought that my brother and Vladimir Putin share some physical characteristics such as size, body conformation, movement style and there is some facial similarity. When Sue was here she saw the photo of both of us on my desk and was astonished, saying that it looked like a phot with me and Putin. I’d better not let the right wing press see it or I could be in trouble. Speaking of which, Fox News is blaming Biden for the attack on Nancy Pelosi’s husband and the potential attempt to murder her. He’s too soft on crime they chortle, not blaming at all the Q Anon madness and Trumpism which festers in the US. It’s getting to the point that the society could become (has become?) irrecoverable, something unimaginable just 20 or 30 years ago.

October 31, 2022

Well I sent some fuel to waste today, totally unintentionally. I really wanted to hear the summing up of the seaplane inquest so I dragged John (quite willingly, he dressed up) over to Lidcombe. As soon as we entered court I knew we were in trouble, wrong barristers and no Duncan. They unexpectedly wrapped up on Friday while we were book grouping. Expected findings in April 2023. Later today I discovered that the expanded Barilaro inquiry is back on, broadcast from State Parliament House, but I missed that and will miss it again tomorrow as we have other plans. But at least today I got 1250 Alyssum seeds planted (sounds so much better than one packet). I deliberately planted them before the rain expected at 1 pm, for which at 9.25 pm we are still waiting.

I am currently reading The Witness by an American woman who speaks for defendants in the mitigation phase of trials, where the accused has been found guilty and is facing the death penalty. It’s sad when victory is seen as getting LWOP, life without parole. I’m not far enough into the book to give an opinion, but I was interested in the opening comment that: “All capital murder cases are decided upon the emotional reaction of jurors to evidence presented to them. Jurors then search the evidence for facts which support their emotional decision”. This makes a need for a spectacle, a dramatisation which may or may not be accurate, but could sway a juror. With the prosecution batting first and showing gruesome autopsy and crime scene photos, perhaps that’s when juror’s minds are made up, before the defence even stands up. I don’t know if that is true or not, but it certainly makes the defence’s job difficult if it is. She states: “In over a hundred capital murder cases I’ve worked on about 97 per cent had very poor attachments with their parents or parent figure”. The idea is not rocket science, but the figure surprisingly high.

Louis, who loves dressing up as much as any gay man, made an elaborate outfit for himself and Millie for Hallowe’en tonight. I haven’t see the movie, but it’s a Ghostbusters theme with Louis in a blow-up ghost outfit and Millie in a boiler suit with an elaborate backpack, a proton pack with particle thrower, designed and made by Louis. He’s a dress up genius. One sorry incident was when Millie got a trick instead of a treat, an onion, and sobbed because she didn’t understand, though apparently that was short-lived.

November 1, 2022

Tell me it isn’t so, it can’t be November! Today we went for a drive to Manly and Freshwater, doing a walk along Freshie Beach and watching all the school children learning board riding, water safety and rescue. How different life is when you live somewhere like that, always a beautiful walk to be had, your kids go to beach sports instead of rotten netball and the like. I made a big mistake when I opted to stay in the west, but it’s too late now. John looked sadly at the seminary on the hill at Manly and wondered yet again why he didn’t just walk out of the place when he could. ‘Four long years’ he said dismally.

Sorted out the food donations for the Bill Crews Foundation this afternoon and found a few out of date things so I replaced them with similar items from my pantry and we’ll happily knock off the out of date ones. I emailed them this morning and asked if any of their staff happened to live out this way as I could deliver the food to them instead of to Ashfield, otherwise I would take the boxes there this week. They replied immediately that they will send a driver here to get them tomorrow, so of course now I’m weighing

up their petrol costs to do so. I hope I have enough to justify the trip. Another scrounge in the pantry coming up.

At Freshwater we saw the lines of people going into the Harbord Hotel in their finery for a Melbourne Cup lunch, but I wasn’t the least bit envious. As someone who always organised the sweep every Cup Day wherever I worked, I’ve gone to being the person who doesn’t want to be involved at all. I found a dollar on the beach today and John said: ‘Put a bet on the Cup, one dollar straight to win’ but my first thought was ‘What if my horse breaks a leg?’. Nowadays I just can’t do it. As Frank Hardy said in his book of the same name back in 1976, it’s The Four Legged Lottery, but sadly the horses don’t get a say.

November 2, 2022

Boris is a bit of a volcano buff and I asked him if he’d been to Peat’s Crater and Muogamarra Nature Reserve near Cowan. It is an old volcano, yet it’s rarely mentioned. When I was going one night a week to a jewellery course at the Gemmological Association of Australia in the city a few years back we did geology as a subject and there was a hike involved to see Peat’s Crater. The teacher was a professor of geology but I can’t remember his name now, he’d written a great book on Australian geology which I wish I had bought at the time but money was a bit tight and it was $125. It nearly killed me getting back up the hill from the crater and without John’s help I may still be down there! So sadly I wouldn’t attempt it again. The other students had no problems but they were all less than half my age and the lecturer had no trouble either, but he was as fit as a flea. The lecturer stopped every now and again to discuss the terrain and he explained that the only two gems that come from the centre of the earth, and are therefore thrown up in volcanic eruptions, are diamonds and peridots. He found some tiny peridot fragments on the walk and I bought a peridot ring soon after that as a result of that information. I already owned a couple of diamond ones, one with blue and yellow pave set diamonds and the other a black diamond. Gemmological people deride many of the diamonds now sold as gems, ‘champagne’ diamonds in their view are just plain old brown industrial ones with a fancy name. I recently read of some well-known person and their brown diamond engagement ring, gemmologists would shriek. I remember seeing one of the students slowly sliding her left hand under her bum during this discussion and felt very sorry for her as her fiance probably paid a bomb for her ring nonetheless. Perhaps I will try to get that book, now that I’m a pensioner and can afford it.

I am reluctant to describe anyone as evil, but today I was sorely tempted. Trump is spreading the rumour that Pelosi’s window was broken from the inside (denied by police), that he and the assailant knew each other (also denied) and intimated some sort of homosexual tryst as the cause of the attack. Trump you are driving me very close to the edge here….

November 3, 2022

It is John’s day care centre today and I’d hoped to go out, but the world thought otherwise. First there’s the Bill Crews pickup of food and then the pavers rang to say that they could come today to do the painting of

the concrete around the garage. If the plane crash inquest were finishing today I’d have been upset but as it finished up last Friday it doesn’t matter much. So I’ve got some book reviews written and uploaded, a fruit cake made to take to Killcare this weekend and some watering and weeding done, but now it’s after 3 pm and John’s home and neither the food pick-up nor the paving men have eventuated. Exodus are on their way now and the pavers came but think that the chance of rain is too great and are coming Monday instead, so I could have been out on the harbour drinking champagne and eating oysters all day.

Sooo, the Crime Commission has nabbed William Tyrrell’s foster parents for lying to them. This after police had bugged the foster parents’ homes with nine listening devices and eight hidden cameras and heard her admitting to her husband on the phone that she had hit another child with a wooden spoon, after denying that very same act occurred when talking to the CC. I am amazed that the authorities gave them more children to foster when the coroner has still not pointed the finger at anyone for William’s disappearance and they were two of many suspects. I have a pile of notes here somewhere from that inquest and I was staggered by how many suspects there were. I am desperately intrigued at how the Crime Commission people got in and out of their home undetected. Their neighbours must surely be watchful considering the wide publicity about the case. Do they use some sort of burglar’s universal keys or climb in through tiles on the roof ? Do they pose as foster care authorities? Or something else entirely? It’s spy stuff really. I know an investigator at the Crime Commission but it’s hardly a question you can ask over a glass of wine is it? I’d happily ply him with a case to get the answer though, even a generic answer as to how one would approach the problem. I guess he’s the investigator and I’m not precisely because he’s able to keep those sorts of secrets.

November 4, 2022

I am struggling today but it’s been improving as the day goes on. Being forced to do some things towards going to Sue’s tomorrow is helping but I know if I were here alone it would be a bleak time. I’m finding the death of my British cousin Victor particularly upsetting as he was the person who knew my mother well and was able to remember lots of things prior to and after my birth. His mother, now dead, remembered seeing me in hospital and tried to convince my mother to leave me with my father as originally agreed to. Vic said he followed my life by reading the birthday and Christmas cards that I sent mother, sneakily peeking at them when she was out of the room, as my existence was not something he could allude to. The three ‘new’ cousins who contacted me earlier this year from Britain and Spain are his much younger siblings who didn’t know about me until recently. I succeed in letting all of this go for a while but then it bubbles back up when something happens, like losing Vic. “You always order fishcakes Maureen, every time we go out for a meal, you love your fishcakes”. I did them for lunch today Vic my love, nothing’s changed.

This morning I copied an idea from Facebook, planting seeds in potting mix in half eggshells, which you then plant holus-bolus in the ground or pot. I’m sick of putting seeds in the ground and just getting weeds so I’m trying this trick in the hope I have better luck. I know I’m not much of a gardener, so I need any

tricks I can find. But it appears that the 1250 Alyssum seeds are coming up in half the time specified on the packet, either that or 1250 weeds. I should be able to tell definitively by Sunday.

I commented recently about the absolutely ghastly lectern that the last British PM used (forgotten her name already) and then noticed that Rishi Sunak (remembered that one) used a totally different one. So either Number 10 reads this missal and junked it or else they just happened to buy a new one. So I did a bit of a squizzy and discovered that every recent PM, I went back six, has a new and different lectern! Are they desperately trying to find things to spend money on? Or perhaps it’s another example of their grandiose and pompous ‘protocol’. I’d happily dispose of the old one for them, my green bin is only half full.

I really am trying to keep buoyant today, but when John offered to take my library books back and pick up the new one on his walk just now I unwisely agreed. The library books arrived there okay but he somehow lost my card on the way. He only took his phone in one pocket and my library card in the other, so how? I guess it would be worse if he lost the books, but these things add up and just make life wearying, however I managed to say it didn’t matter and hopefully someone will hand it in.

November 5, 2022

We left early and were relaxed and ready when Bob and Nancye arrived. We had agreed to have lunch at the beach to make things easy but Sue had felt energetic that morning and made salmon quiche and salad and rhubarb crumble, so we ate in style on the verandah overlooking the ocean. It seemed to be a laugh a minute and I think we all had a great time. Clearly Sue’s place is too clean as Nancye walked into different glass doors three times and then later John did the same, but carrying a jug of milk in one hand and a cup of tea in the other and almost knocked himself out, amazingly not breaking either of the things he was carrying despite both hitting the ground. But there’s no good crying over spilt milk as they say. I wasn’t happy when I was told that I had to have stickers across my glass doors for safety reasons, but now I can clearly see why the builder insisted, saying ‘it’s the law’, though it seems not to be so on the central coast. Mine would be less of a problem though as they are never as clean as Sue’s. Woohoo, the library rang during lunch to say that my lost card was handed in so they ‘uncancelled’ it. After farewelling our friends we spent a calm evening reading and chatting and I went to bed wondering why I get so stressed at home.

November 6, 2022

I woke at dawn to watch the sun coming up over the water and was very glad that I chose the ocean side bedroom. Unusually I was up before six reading my gripping John le Carre novel. When John got up he asked when I had bought this house and after I explained that it wasn’t mine he congratulated me on choosing an excellent rental for the weekend. After further explaining that it is Sue’s house and we are visitors, he thought about that for a minute and said ‘I don’t think so, she was here visiting us yesterday, but I remember waving goodbye to her’. Later, after speaking to Sue, he accepted that my version was the correct one. After breakfast we went down the road to Bell’s, a luxury hotel, which has a small shop attached selling their own bread and baked goods as well as many gorgeous refrigerated and dry deli goods

as well as wines. I intended to buy some of the wonderful olive and tomato fougasse that Sue had served yesterday and which we finished for breakfast, but they looked a bit overcooked and too brown so I gave that idea away. The server explained: ‘We have two bakers and one cooks it more than the other’ but I can pick some up another time. Then we went off to the beach and sat watching the few board riders (the flags weren’t up today so it must have been a bit dangerous). Sue and I went for a walk along the beach while John minded the bags and my water bottle. When we got back to Sue’s the water bottle hadn’t come with us so I drove him back down some time later and it was still on the seat. The man next to it said ‘Don’t drink out of it because I’ve been using it to feed my dog some water’ which I was glad to know!

Bob texted his thanks to Sue for yesterday and mentioned the Laurel and Hardy events with the glass doors. John queried what this was about and despite Sue explaining about Nancye’s three bumps and his more dramatic one, he has no recollection of any of that happening, which is so surprising seeing we were all on our hands and knees mopping up the tea and milk off the wooden floor. It has been surreal in many respects this weekend and I can only put it down to his being away from normal routine. Coming home was uneventful but traffic was heavy and bumper to bumper from the Berowra turnoff to the end of the highway.

November 7, 2022

I wish now that I had stopped to pick (read dig up) some of the thousands of tall yellow flowers growing in the bush and on verges in Killcare, Woy Woy and down the highway as far as the Hawkesbury River. I didn’t have any sort of digging tool with me and along the highway it seemed dangerous to stop. Today Mr. Google tells me they are Ranunculus lappaceus which is a native Australian buttercup. If I go up again in the next few weeks I am going to grab some for my yard, they are so happy and bright, so I’ll put them across the front near the street. My eggshell grown seeds haven’t come up yet, understandably, but the seeds along the drive are looking good.

The driveway men came back today to paint the concrete around the garage with paving paint and they are doing the back steps for me as well, using my leftover house paint. I will paint the uprights later as it is not possible for John to do that sort of thing now. We can’t walk on it for 24 hours or drive over it for a week. Today I have been sorting out a few antique Chinese coins I had saved and I’ve put four of them on eBay as a job lot. I loved holding them and imagining the hands that have held them in a different world that I’ll never know. Because they used those large bronze coins with a square hole in the middle for hundreds of years, from the 4th century through to about 1900, I have no idea of their actual age but someone who can read the symbols will know. They could be worth $5 or $500 or more, but I’ve listed the four for $20 and I’m sure eagle-eyed people will run them up a bit if they are rare ones. John offered to go to the corner IGA and the bakery just now for milk and a loaf of bread, seeing I need to be here for the men while they’re painting. He’s rung three times asking again about what I wanted, despite my having written it on a piece of paper for him to take. Then I told John just now that I had locked the back door and put the key away so we couldn’t accidentally walk on the back stairs, but when I came in from watering out the front

for no more than 10 minutes he’d found the key and opened it again, though I can’t see any damage to the paint. This is getting so scary as it’s hard to think of every possible eventuality.

November 8, 2022

Today was John’s much awaited school reunion so we went to town on the bus for him to attend. He had assured me a couple of weeks ago that he’d be fine going on his own but that was clearly not the case as I needed to help him even tap on the Opal card and finding the Castlereagh Hotel in the city would have been impossible. There were a bunch of men in the foyer when we got there who were part of the reunion but John didn’t know any of them, however I asked if he could sit with them till someone he knew arrived (it turned out there was only one other person attending that he knew). They didn’t look too keen so I hung near the door watching, just long enough to see them up sticks and head for the bar without him, which I thought was pretty indifferent to his situation as I clearly wouldn’t have asked the question in normal circumstances. So I went back in and took him to the fourth floor where the lunch was being held and had a quiet word with the organiser who pointed out to him the table where he would be sitting with his only other classmate. I didn’t feel confident in going to court as I would have had to turn my phone off and I wasn’t sure that he’d want to stay. So I took off wandering around the city, much of it changed since I last went in February 2020. The Hilton loos are always lovely so that was the first stop, then I headed to see how David Jones has shrunk to one building, seemingly catering only for the well-heeled judging by the roped off Dior stand as soon as I walked in the door. In fact the whole city seemed to be given over to luxury brands so it wasn’t very interesting to me. The DJs food hall is a pathetic shell of its former self and I wasn’t even tempted to drool over anything, never mind buy. Back to the QVB (luxury brands all over again) but at least the Palace Tearoom hasn’t changed. For lunch I had a roasted vegetable tart which anywhere else could have been dull and humdrum but here was extraordinarily good, as is everything they serve. Pumpkin, caramelised onion, tomatoes, asparagus, feta, with a side salad, oh my giddy aunt it was good. I watched with interest two female tourists who ordered high tea. They each drank concurrently a glass of champagne and a pot of tea, then had a green salad which they ate alongside their double-decker plate of cakes. Trying not to stare, but I did notice they they left the macarons, a capital offence to me, perhaps they were the wrong flavour to go with the dressed rocket? I resisted the temptation to ask the friendly waiter for them and regretted that it’s taken me two and a half years to go and enjoy the place again. Another good walk before picking John up, he’d had an okay time but said that as he only knew one person he wouldn’t consider going again. Are we in Canberra? he asked as we left. Bless him, I need to take great care from now on.

November 9, 2022

Lovely day today as although John’s carer had to be cancelled due to his routine hospital appointment, I was able to catch up for a couple of hours with my cousin Angela and we went to lunch at The Butler, self-described as an Ibero-American restaurant. It has wonderful views of the city from its open deck and unsurprisingly my outgoing cousin made friends with the waitress who has an Italian/Hungarian/Aboriginal/Irish history and is stunningly beautiful. They turn out to be neighbours in

Potts Point and by the time I see Angela next they will probably be friends as she was already showing Ange the dog pics on her phone. Yesterday Angela had gone to lunch at China Doll and left the pub across the road from there at 7 pm after spending the afternoon with people she’d met, who just happened to be sitting at the next restaurant table. I love the openness that allows her to ask a person their background or why they are in Sydney and then take it from there.

I have been reading with horror the book QAnon and On and I’m afraid to say that the American pile-on that we’ve sadly come to expect is taking over here as well. It’s horrendous what is being said about Dan Andrews by his Liberal opponents in the state election, backed in by Murdoch newspapers of course. One ghastly woman candidate is querying how he could have broken his back falling down so few stairs at a holiday house in 2021, trying to turn his accident into some sort of conspiracy and bemoaning the fact that he was off on sick pay at taxpayers expense! I’m afraid reading that book has made me feel even more strongly about the fact that we need to punish people who lie in a deliberately unscrupulous way. Why there are not more libel cases seems to be because of the cost of legal representation, but allowing these people to keep going costs the society bigtime.

My heart is in my mouth about the result of the US midterm elections tonight, I am almost too scared to look at the results, though I’m sure we’ll be bombarded with them soon enough. Perhaps I will focus instead on the Medibank hack and see if any of my colonoscopy photos have made it online yet. I’m lucky that I don’t have anything medical to hide, but I feel for those poor sods who have undisclosed HIV, drug addiction or who have had an abortion. It is beyond cruel to even consider exposing people in those situations and I damn to hell those wretches responsible.

November 10, 2022

Yesterday while walking around Potts Point I saw on the footpath the perfect table for my herb garden but bemoaned the fact to Angela that I wasn’t in my station waggon to pick it up. Whenever I drive locally I have been taking that vehicle in the hope of finding a small table, hopefully glass and metal, but wooden at second best. So after picking John up I drove along Victoria Street to show him ‘the one that got away’. However he was convinced that it would fit if we could disassemble it, and we did! So now my metal and glass table is sitting in the car and later today we’ll put it together, my herb garden will be extended by whatever pots will fit on it.

This morning at dawn my bedroom smoke alarm went off and I spent a while trying to turn off the noise on my phone before realising that it was the alarm. It was a terrible racket that would wake the dead but John slept through it and eventually it stopped. The mystery is that I rang the alarm company and they had nothing on their screens to say it had gone off. They only record one alarm in the hall, so it’s a mystery why the second one isn’t connected to the system, something I will ask on the next free service rather than paying now for a technician. I hope it’s the last time I hear it.

Woohoo, we managed to get the new herb table set up down the back and then I planted some coriander seeds in an unused ceramic water filter. I love using oddball stuff that wasn’t designed for plants. I asked my neighbour about the Return and Earn app and now I’ve downloaded it I can scan bottles to test whether they are accepted by the system. Mostly they are John’s kombucha ones, and yes they can go into the reverse vending machine for reuse which is great, as I’ve got crates of them under the house.

November 11, 2022

I don’t know where to start with my bitches today, but let’s give Senator Jacinta Price that dubious honour. She objects to a government plan to appoint an ambassador to represent Australia’s Aboriginal people, referring to government Senator Wong’s Malaysian background and asking effectively if she would be happy to have an ambassador representing the Asian community. Hang on, last time I looked at history the Aboriginal folk were the original people of this land, not the Malaysians, so her smart aleck remark is a nonsense, but that won’t stop her I’m sure.

Next we have Kelsey Turner, an American woman who killed a child psychiatrist, Dr. Thomas Burchard, who had been paying her $3200 monthly rental for over a year. He made the mistake of telling her face to face that he could no longer afford to pay and was allegedly beaten to death with a baseball bat by the former Playboy model and a former beau. (How long does it take to kill someone that way? Long enough to change one’s mind and call an ambulance I’d suspect. He insisted on being driven to hospital after the first time he was hit, walked to a car and they allegedly finished him off inside it). Turner entered an Alford plea which means that she avoids a trial and maintains her innocence but accepts the punishment of a guilty verdict on a second-degree murder charge. An Alford plea apparently means that you claim innocence but admit that on the evidence a jury is likely to find you guilty, this is available in all but three US states. It’s an odd concept to me, but plea deals seem to happen more and more frequently and I guess courts decide on accepting them rather than taking the risk that the offender gets off completely.

So Covid is well and truly on the rise again apparently. Tangara School had to close last week when 15 teachers and some pupils came down with it. My friend who travelled to northern NSW for a wedding last weekend got an email from the bride a few days later to say she was positive as were other guests, so my friend and his wife did a test and yep, they had it too. They had an unfathomable episode on the way to the wedding when they had a tiny bump with another vehicle in a car park, but with no apparent damage. They exchanged details but the other driver wouldn’t accept the licence on my friend’s phone, saying it could be a fake and insisted on calling the police. Then the driver and passengers immediately attached themselves to my friend’s car, sitting on the bonnet and banging on panels to stop him from leaving. The police duly arrived and verified his licence as genuine, asking if he wanted to press charges against the people involved in the incident but he was in a hurry and wrote it off to experience. Later he discovered there was damage to his car caused by their efforts to restrain him but he hasn’t decided whether to do anything about it, they are obviously people not to be tangled with.

Sue called in briefly today and reminded John that she’d asked him last weekend to show her how to give the last rites, but he’d forgotten about doing it and in fact he can’t remember going to Sue’s at all. This was discussed because he’d told her that the church says that as far as the last rites go it’s ‘once a priest, always a priest’ and he retains the right and responsibility to do that even though he’s a non-believer, weird as that may sound. In fact he has given them once since he left the priesthood. She asked him to do it in Latin but he’s forgotten how, however he did it with no problems in English. I can now relax about one of his friends choking on a fish bone over lunch.

November 12, 2022

Early trip to the Farmer’s Market where we soon bumped into Heather, she leaving, we arriving. The place was just packed with delicious stuff and it was timely with friends coming for lunch tomorrow. I spent just under $100 on fruit and veg, it doesn’t seem long ago that I was spending $40, but the bounty was so wonderful I wanted to start eating it right there. The baby truss tomatoes, baby carrots, raspberries and asparagus were probably the pick of the crop but everything was good. When we got back to the car the glass on the back tail light was stove in, but no damage to the car, as if it had been poked with something. Luckily I’m not fussed about how cars look but I’m not sure if it will be legal next time it is being registered, however I’ll worry about that next year. After depositing the goodies at home we went to Carol’s to help with cake-making although we left before lunch to attend to some chores before beginning the food prep for tomorrow. I did a red cabbage slaw with cranberries and walnuts which looks good enough to plunge your face in, so I’ve robbed a bit for our dinner.

In its wisdom our government has allowed 800 people with Covid to walk off a cruise ship in Sydney, advising them to ‘use private transport to get home’. Many people fly in to board cruises so they will be free to infect hotel staff, airline staff and whoever else has to deal with them. It is so short-sighted, if people want to cruise then they should have to pay for quarantine so the rest of the population is protected from them. When politics versus health, politics always wins.

First World Whinge coming up: I love bread, all sorts of different types of bread, but since the Dural Bakery closed down I haven’t been able to find a decent white loaf that isn’t sourdough. I’ve had Italian loaves like ciabatta and others which are all okay in their way, but nothing like that delicious crusty loaf with a soft centre like Jimmy made. I love sourdough with cheese, peanut butter and the like but with jam it has to be something like Jimmy’s. Sue was eating olive bread with lemon curd on it last weekend which gave me pause….oh dear no, but the only one I’ve found that I like in these last months was Aldi’s Brioche Fruit Loaf, which they’ve now replaced with Choc Chip Brioche, so I’m on the hunt again.

November 13, 2022

What a lovely day it turned out to be with David and Esther. We ate lunch indoors and then spent the afternoon on the deck. They were able to talk about their daughter Mary’s death and the lack of help they got from everyone they approached. Her psychologist and psychiatrist said they couldn’t discuss her at all

for privacy reasons, even after they said she was threatening suicide. One of them actually hung up on them. We decided that in a future new administration Esther would be Health Minister, David Education and Science, John Social Security and I struggled, but settled on Attorney-General seeing the Feds don’t have a Justice Minister these days (no law degree but plenty of good advisors I reasoned). It is a pity they don’t live closer as we all get on so well.

I see that the Powerhouse Museum is doing an exhibition of Carla Zampatti clothes and it occurs to me that her very negative quotes about not wanting to see her clothes on larger size women (I can’t even find them on the net to quote exactly, but certainly remember them being said) are airbrushed from history. It seems, as often happens (think Shane Warne), that it becomes a sin to speak the truth about someone once they have checked out. I am happy to praise the praiseworthy elements of her career, but surely a retrospective doesn’t equal a hagiography? A friend commented recently that my outfit was ‘very much the fashion’ and ‘very edgy’ and although I didn’t say so, I thought that the last thing I think about when I get dressed is fashion, in fact I don’t give a tinker’s cuss about it. Fashion changes to keep people buying, no other reason, and seeing I don’t buy it’s irrelevant. If I am accidentally in fashion it’s a pure fluke.

There have been a plethora of people attempting to get off criminal charges lately (and succeeding) because of ‘mental health issues’. This is something that could affect penalty, but shouldn’t affect whether a person is found guilty or not, except when the person is so mentally ill as to be oblivious to consequences. It seems as if it happens with high-profile people who can afford expensive lawyers and judges are swallowing it more than I am comfortable with. I doubt that too many legal aid lawyers are getting people off this way, but I’d be interested to see the figures.

November 14, 2022

We had a long home visit from John’s case manager Kristy today. He told her ‘I am in a bubble of now, with no before and no after’. I think she saw how much he’s gone down as he couldn’t understand some of her questions. She’s going to push My Aged Care to try to speed up the already approved package. Hallelujah if she succeeds.

Thinking back over yesterday’s conversations and the fact that Esther had been in 10 different foster homes from the ages of four to fourteen. Her siblings had been in different ones, even her twin sister. Her brother was turfed out of a foster family he loved when he turned sixteen and the payments stopped. A trip to Canada a few months ago has enabled her to assist in getting her twin and another sister moved from a prison-like nursing home into one with very good care, it seems that they have suffered in the social security system there at both ends of their lives. It is hard to imagine the pain and the lack of support that the system imposed on them when they were all separated as children.

I finally got a response from my brother’s daughter, I guess I should say my niece though it hardly feels like that, after leaving a voicemail on her phone yesterday pleading to be informed about Kenneth. I got an email back saying that he’d broken his hip on the front path a month ago (which I knew from Anne), had

surgery, was in hospital three weeks and is now in a care home for six weeks having rehab. See, it wasn’t so hard to type that out was it? The old downhill slide of the elderly: hospital, care home, ‘sorry you won’t be well enough to go home’. He will be doing it tough, he hates interference in his private life, even visitors unless he’s invited them, even family up to a point. He is a loner through and through so I hope I can get on to him there by phone, but at this stage I don’t even know the name of the home so I have to play along nicely, at least until I can get on to him directly.

I’m lucky to have a car. As we were driving in Norwest a BMW came out on our left, from Carlile Swimming not from another street, and we both slammed our brakes on. It was on John’s side and he swears there wasn’t two inches between us, in fact she had to reverse into the carpark to let me continue. On the phone? Daydreaming? I’m not sure, but it was the closest thing I’ve ever had to an accident that didn’t actually connect.

November 15, 2022

I have the gardener here and I was pretty proud of what we’d got done in the weeding and cutting back department this week, filling the green bin to the top. But I asked him to weed under the trees at the front and although he was willing and is doing it, he was pretty down in the mouth: ‘I’ve been doing that somewhere else for the last 4 hours’ he said glumly. But he’s at it with a vengeance poor man.

I asked John to add sliced almonds to the shopping list and I just noticed that he did: ‘sylid almonds’ he wrote. This from a man with umpteen degrees, it’s a shitty disease. I’ve sent my bro’s birthday card off today but had to send it to his daughter’s place as she hasn’t told me yet the name of the home he is in. Also sent my Indian friend Ram his birthday gift and card and an old customer of the shop has messaged to say he is collecting baseball and football cards if I have any, which I don’t, so I’ve sent him a collection of 1954 Royal Visit match cases which he can keep or use as swaps to get cards he’s more interested in. ‘Thanks mate. You’re a legend’ he replied and being a legend to Dave was worth much more than the cards and the postage.

It occurs to me often that being a good journalist or feature writer requires a very broad knowledge of all sorts of different subjects. A recent interview in the Good Weekend mentioned the art works on the walls of the home of the interviewee and made me wonder if she had told him about the paintings and the artists or if that was just part of his knowledge base. It brought to mind a searing interview a few years back, I think in the same publication. When the reporter arrived to speak to the newly appointed head of an arts body (Australia Council or something similar?) there was music playing in the background. Aaah, said the scribe, Andrea Bocelli. Yes said the hapless man, I love her voice and it’s amazing that she can sing like that when she’s totally deaf. The feature included those words with no comment, but I’m sure the man is still cringing, I certainly am on his behalf all this time later.

November 16, 2022

Well I had a call from Kenneth’s daughter last night and the news is not good. He is a difficult patient (that’s almost a given) and in the hospital they had to have him sitting in the doorway of his room so they could watch him at all time as he kept trying to get up, with a broken hip. Now he’s in a very small care home, only 8 rooms, and seems to be well looked after but his mind is still all askew. He was told that he was having a memory test the next day and Tanya found him reading Crime and Punishment, in Russian, and very upset that he wasn’t able to memorise it for the upcoming test. This is the most intelligent person that I have ever met, it’s a tragedy. I have sent Tanya some photos of us to show him as he isn’t using his email or texts, just like John. I’ve also asked her to take a pic of him to send to me, so hopefully I will have that soon.

Kenneth always told me that reading John le Carre was a good way of finding out how the Intelligence Services really work, considering that the author, whose actual name was David Cornwell, was an operational spy in both MI5 and MI6. MI6 would not allow him to publish his first novel, ‘Call for the Dead’, under his real name so he went with John le Carré, I am currently reading The Night Manager and as usual with his more recent books there is an underlying contempt for the American equivalent services, referred to in this book and others as ‘the Cousins’. I think the contempt flows too towards the UK spy services when he feels they are too often in bed with the wrong people. I am enjoying it thoroughly but disappointed that I can’t discuss it will Kenneth as per usual.

I’ve been thinking about Julia Baird and her ongoing absence from her usual column in the Herald and from The Drum on the ABC. I am assuming, hopefully wrongly, that her ovarian cancer has returned. It was particularly nasty last time and I’m not sure that I heard she was in the clear after her surgery, not that you ever know for sure with that bloody disease.

November 17, 2022

It occurs to me that while I am very sympathetic to people who have had or continue to suffer from cancer, it rarely occurs to me that I am also in that boat. Somehow my life is so busy with other things (perhaps this is fortuitous?) that I don’t have time for cancer, which is what I told the doctor when my results came through in the first place. I’m not sure that it’s wise to ever put cancer into the past tense, though many people do, but it has a habit of tapping you on the shoulder later on when you are having a good time. So I think it’s best to assume that once diagnosed, you just consider that you have it and get on with life, rather than pretending that it’s done and dusted after treatment. That’s best for my disposition anyway.

Saw Bob yesterday and ascertained that John qualifies for a fifth Covid vaccine so I rang to organise that and they asked me to choose between Pfizer and Moderna, a decision way above my pay grade I decided. So then I had to contact Bob again for that ruling and he’s gone for Moderna, which I would have done if pushed, simply because it gives a more diversified antibody responses, therefore providing broader protection. However I’d only read that in the literature a little while back, so it could have been out of date by now and I was glad to know via Bob that it’s correct. He has an appointment tomorrow morning so I feel pretty happy about that. Next I rang Link Housing to ask why John doesn’t have an agenda for this

afternoon’s AGM online. She told me it had been posted by mail in October and while she was still on the phone I rummaged in John’s room and found the paperwork on his chest of drawers. I’m doubtful he will be across the meeting but it’s not my place to tell him that, if he can’t follow it he’ll cut the link presumably.

I see the contemptible Murdoch dynasty has switched horses and is now kvetching against Trump. Vanity Fair’s headline ‘Rupert Murdoch Knees Trump in the Balls While He’s Doubled Over Coughing Up Blood’ probably explains the effect of the change better than I could ever do. While some things like their headline Trumpty Dumpty could be mildly amusing it is beside the point, which is why a billionaire can call the shots about who should or shouldn’t be the next President. Speaking of billionaires I saw that the abominable and downright creepy Gina Rinehart was in the audience when the ‘stable genius’ made his election call. What a wonderful double they make.

I asked John if we had ever been to Eugowra and he said no, but when I saw pictures of the flood it seemed recognisable and I was sure we had been there. So I searched my emails and yes, in April 2010 we spent a couple of days in that little town and in Millthorpe. With 95% of the buildings wrecked or damaged it won’t look like the same lovely little town now, it’s hard to believe that a body of water could travel across country like a rogue wave at Bondi.

November 18, 2022

We went to Castle Hill for John’s fifth Covid injection this morning. He qualifies for the extra one but I don’t, however I think it would have been very easy to get it if I were of a mind as John didn’t have to justify his. I just told them that the doc had approved it and they took my word. Before that I tried to get Millie’s Christmas present, she wants a long-sleeved nightie, but the worker at the first shop asked what a nightie was so I didn’t have any luck there. Tried Myer who had some really cute ones but nothing in her size, long sleeves are all on sale as summer approaches so I am still nightie-less. Then off to Carol’s to work on cake baking with a small team, but I think we achieved a fair bit despite the low number of helpers today.

I went to write my review of QAnon and On and found that all of my notes about the book have disappeared. This is a minor tragedy as I’d wanted to go over certain sections again, but if I have to read the whole book again it won’t be a bad thing seeing I gave it five stars.

People are funny creatures and this has been reinforced during the week when John Didion’s personal possessions were sold off at auction. Everything went for way over reserve and some things went out of the park. A pair of her Celine faux tortoiseshell sunglasses sold for $27,000 (I did say faux tortoiseshell, otherwise known as plastic), her desk clock “that does not appear to be in working order”, was estimated to sell for between $100-200. It sold for $35,000. A pair of leather wastebaskets went for $5,500, a Random House dictionary for $11,000 and a group of desk items, including scissors, a box of pens and a clipboard, brought in $4,250. A collection of seashells went for $7,000. I have been to auctions like this in

the past, when the run is on it’s an exciting place to be, sitting there watching people throw their hard-earned at stuff they will look at in the morning and say ‘whatthefuck did I want an $11,000 dictionary for?’ Of course the resale value will be in the $20-30 range at most as the provenance has gone out the window, unless of course she had signed it in which case it might bring $100. Caveat emptor. But I must admit that I would have bid on the small drop-leaf table where her husband John Gregory Dunne was sitting when he had his fatal heart attack back in 2003, an event Didion wrote about at length in one of my favourite books, The Year of Magical Thinking. It sold for $4,250 and perhaps I am as silly as the rest of them because that seems somehow worth it.

November 19, 2022

We went on a nightie hunt at North Rocks K-Mart and TK Maxx but scored zip, so we opted for the other choice, a game of Monopoly. I already had a brand new one here, it was a gift, but it turned out to be an Officeworks version that looked the part but instead of Pall Mall etc it had Officeworks Blakehurst and Officeworks Parramatta! Not quite Millie’s cup of tea so later in the morning we dropped it and a few other things (a heated curling wand, a too-small straw hat and a too-small jumper) to the Salvo’s. Weird that I haven’t thought about Monopoly for years and then deal with two brand new boxes of it in a day, synchronicity. Also chose Christmas gifts for John to post to his granddaughters, a watercolour kit with paints, paper, brushes plus a book on this artform and a biography of Truganini for Aurora. For Tallulah we got a weaving kit and a Colosseum 3D model that you build. I hope I’ve got it right but with two things each, at least one should work hopefully.

I’m reading a memoir by a British neurosurgeon who was diagnosed with a terminal illness, And Finally by Henry Marsh. He is a philosophical man who actually gave up philosophy at university to study medicine. He is somewhat shocked by his diagnosis and to realise that he had previously assumed: ‘Diseases only happen to patients, not doctors’. He realises now that his practice has always been to separate the two tribes in his mind. This causes him to reassess the way he has handled patients in his long career. But there are lots of interesting asides, such as a basic explanation of how an MRI works and the fascinating bit of data that up to the age of two all children can imitate the sounds of all languages, but after that they home in to the dialect of their background, so for example Chinese children lose the ability to distinguish between l and r. He repeats the famous quote from zoologist J. Z. Young that ‘We are risen apes, not fallen angels’. Loving it.

I have been thinking about a comment this week during a discussion about the release of Prof. Sean Turnell from gaol in Myanmar. I said that now it is time to release Julian Assange, but the person replied that ‘He should never be released, just like those ISIS women in Syria, he made his choice and now he has to live with it’. What is it now, 10 years? 11? 12? since he saw freedom. For the life of me I can’t see that penalty fitting his crime, if crime it is at all. We bleat about illegitimate locking up of people in China, in Russia, in North Korea, yet we feel morally justified in doing the same. The biblical quote comes to mind: “Why do you see the speck in your neighbour’s eye but do not notice the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbour’s eye”.

November 20, 2022

Finally got around to splitting my big orchid on the back verandah. I had noticed that I didn’t get the usual number of flowers this spring and then Esther remarked on the fact that the pot had cracked due to its growth so I was shamed into doing something about it. Now I have three orchids so that was a job worth doing. It’s as windy as hell here, I hate wind, bring back some drizzling rain (or even better mizzling rain as it was called in Yorkshire).

I’ve skimmed Van Badham’s QAnon and On again and boy, what a read! It begins with our own ScumMo and his QAnon pals but goes into so much more. There’s the Australian psychiatrist Russell McGregor who was struck off the medical register in February 2020. The NSW Medical Council had been alerted to his odd behaviour and theories and during the investigation McGregor produced 600 pages of QAnon material to the assessing psychiatrist, who found him paranoid and mentally unfit to continue treating patients. Some of the bizarre Q beliefs include that John F. Kennedy’s son, who died in a plane crash in 1999, is still alive and will emerge to support Donald Trump and become his running mate, this after having located a photograph of him with Trump. Others have insisted that Hillary Clinton was behind the plane crash that killed him, as well as believing that JFK was about to reveal the existence of a secret government when he was assassinated. Of course the poor old Jews suffer from QAnon, they claim ‘Jews function as dissembling Demons using their whiteness as a cover to stir up trouble among the subhuman dangerous base of the other races’. This presumably means black people for whom they also have their knives out. “This is the same old stuff we’ve seen down the centuries, Romans against Christians, then Christians against Jews, then Christians against witches, and then Catholics against perceived heretics”. Although QAnon embraces anti-Semitic myths it also includes the ranks of white nationalists and the racist Right, but it could be seen as people concerned less with racial supremacy but simply feeling a loss of cultural supremacy. In the US, Australia, Britain and Canada QAnon followers are “predominantly white, Christian, patriarchal, heteronormative, property owning and xenophobic”. In a QAnon piece for the Atlantic Adrian la France has described it as “the birth of the new American religion”. In 2020 a researcher was discreetly attending services at the Omega Kingdom Ministry and writing about how it functions as a QAnon church. It is a charismatic home-based Protestant religion running Zoom services focussing on QAnon conspiracy theories and the Bible (helpfully beginning with an opening prayer to protect the Zoom link from Satan). I was curious to see if this abomination had reached Australia and it took me but 2 minutes to find a congregation of OKM, in Blacktown.

November 21, 2022

The wind is really foul here, the price of living on top of a hill. Eucalypt branches that normally sit over the deck roof are banging on it constantly and giving me the creeps. My Acacia cognata out the front is being hit by the whippy wind in exactly the same way as its predecessor, which suffered a fracture to the trunk just wide enough to pass a business card through, yet it ended in the tree’s death a week later. So I replaced it with yet another expensive cognata and I will be cheesed off of it suffers the same fate, I’ve had to stop looking out of the window to see it being blasted and whirled. However I did suffer the wind long enough to top up the potting mix in the pots of the orchid that I divided yesterday, after making a quick trip to Bunnings to buy same. It was morning peak hour and it reminded me yet again not to tangle with folks

late for work, I can do without testy drivers and the delinquent citizenry weaving in and out to get there 30 seconds earlier.

Last night I broke my own rule and watched commercial television (how do they bear it??). But in this case it was obligatory to watch the bizarre story of Renee Heath, the number one candidate for Victoria’s Upper House election on Saturday and a moral to win. Nine Liberal Members had previously expressed concerns to their embattled leader about the views of her and her father, the pastor of City Builders Church, but did he listen? No he did not. It’s another evangelical Protestant, tongues-speaking, exorcism- inclined, gay-hating church (are there other types of Pentecostals? perhaps not). This one’s a doozy though, in that the good pastor encouraged his other daughter to marry a man he was trying to save from a gay lifestyle. Mmmm, I’m afraid that one was doomed to fail Pastor Heath, as it surely did. Now they are spilling the beans on him and the Malaysian pastor who runs a global network of ultra-conservative churches which includes City Builders. These people are spreading like the plague it seems, or perhaps it’s that legalising gay marriage has brought them all out of their lairs.

Sue has decided to come here on Wednesday and stay till Friday, obviating the need for Kev to come and see John safely onto his daycare bus on Thursday morning as I’d arranged, so I’m busy cooking so that Sue has meals already prepared. I’ve written out a program for the days, who’s here and what’s happening, and put it on the fridge. But John keeps querying why he is going to daycare twice this week. When I remind him, he says ‘oh that’s right, you’re going away to learn how to look after me better’. Then later he asks why he’s going twice to daycare this week and we start again. Funny that I am being infinitely patient because I know that it’s only a couple more days till I go away……

November 22, 2022

Millie’s first tooth fell out yesterday and she wants the tooth fairy money to go to the Zoo ‘to buy more animals’. Kid’s on the right track. Although I must admit that in latter years I have wondered about the wisdom of locking animals up in order that we can gawp at them. Certainly the big cats, elephants and the like have very restricted lives, but places like Dubbo Zoo are headed in the right direction.

My trepidation about going back on antibiotics is playing out as expected, the interstitial cystitis is giving me a walloping today. It always seems to be that the symptoms come back worse than ever, despite the wondrous 10 days while I’m taking them. I’m just hoping it gets no worse before Thursday or I might be forced to take them again, just kicking the can down the road with a decision to suffer later rather than now.

A visit to the audiologist today was the first since Covid and I came out of it pretty well. The tests are long and interesting, though I don’t understand much of what he’s doing. My hearing isn’t down by much, a surprise, but he said that under government rules I’m entitled to a new set of hearing aids after the time I’ve had them. But there’s no point in trying to live with all my existing goods and not buying new ones yet expect Albo to fork out to replace hearing aids that work fine, so I told him I’ll wait till they play up

and get new ones then. He was surprised and said most people jump at the opportunity to get new replacements, which made me more confident that I’d made the right decision. Albo will probably pop a thankyou card in the mail. Speaking of our glorious leader, I dreamed that I went to Albo’s house and he was showing me his huge collection of antique glass, all inherited from his father he said. Which is ridiculous considering his back story, with no father ever in this country. Terry would have put his psychoanalyst hat on to explain it, but sadly that will never happen again.

November 23, 2022

Last night I was as close as I could be to tears after discovering that the tube of one hearing aid, replaced by the audiologist yesterday, was falling out constantly to the point that it wasn’t usable. Try as I might I couldn’t fix it so I went to bed thinking that on top of all else I had to do today, within my four hours of freedom, I needed to go back to Macquarie University to get it sorted. But this morning I thought of Michelle who also has hearing aids from the same place so I fronted up there, getting her out of bed, and by a wondrous coincidence she had a spare tube for the left ear, which worked fine. A life saver.

I have been wondering why I have heard nothing more about the retreat in the past two weeks but then the organiser rang me today to get my car rego so it can be parked at council while I’m away. Apparently some people have had to pull out due to Covid and other medical issues so we are down to eight and the organiser. I think all are from John’s dementia day care service. So I’m packed and ready, bring it on! Where is the cocktail bar again?

What to say about the assault on local protestor and wannabe comedian Danny Lim? But it’s a curious coincidence that an old man carrying a Smile Cvnt sign is then thrown onto a tiled floor by two of them, as I’ve written to the SMH this morning. It was astounding to me that people were walking past and not intervening. The government who changed the name of the New South Wales Police Service to Police Force years ago did the community a great disservice as so many of their number take the word very seriously. Sadly only a person in uniform could get away with throwing 78-year-old man onto a tiled floor and severely injuring him, giving him a fractured skull and a brain bleed. without being charged with assault occasioning grievous bodily harm. And get away with it they no doubt will. The QVB is also at fault, it needs to lighten up and realise that Danny Lim is a loved part of Sydney‘s rich culture. The proposed snap demo this evening is a reminder that we’re not all cvnts though.

November 24, 2022

Well it’s been a funny old day. Of all times to get my Sjogren’s symptoms by the bucket load, it had to be this week. Sue was here overnight and it was a great relief to know I was leaving with somebody here who fully understands the situation and is capably in charge. I got away on time and boarded the minibus feeling wretched and drugged up. There are eight people going on the retreat, seven women and one man, plus the driver and two staff members. Unfortunately I had to ask twice for the driver to pull over so I could use a loo and no one else got off the bus so that was a bit embarrassing, but I’m used to being the

nuisance unfortunately. We pulled in at the Three Sisters for a while and then went off to the Hydro at Medlow Bath for an absolutely delicious high tea of which I could only sample a few pieces sadly. While we were there Bob rang and I told him that I felt woeful, so he advised me to take the drug we keep on hand for emergencies only. It is banned in Australia, but sold over the counter in the US and it works a treat. Luckily I have been able to import a stash of it with the help of someone in the US and using it very rarely I have plenty available. Apparently it has been found to cause liver cancer if taken for a length of time but it is the only thing that works. His comment that ‘you probably won’t live long enough to get the liver cancer, so just take it’ raised a smile. By the time we got to the hotel it was 3.44 pm and the first session began at 4. It was a woman from the Carer Gateway who talked about the services that they can provide. It was interesting but they were all things I wouldn’t need if I could only get John’s package sorted, things like home help, visits to take John out etc, so I was reluctant to sign up with another organisation for help when the package that’s already been approved is so close (hopefully). She was quite an unusual person though and sparked my interest. She is only 25 but is the foster mother of a 17-year-old with autism. She had been looking after the girl as a carer on odd occasions for a few hours at a time, but the girl’s situation at home became so intolerable that she wanted to leave and Julia applied to be her foster mother. She was able to get all sorts of government help, but that will all disappear overnight once the girl turns 18 so as well as supporting herself and paying a mortgage on a small unit, she has to look after the needs of the girl who cannot work. So she’s not just a person working for a caring organisation, she is also a dedicated carer herself and it occurred to me that it’s probably a lifelong commitment. We all had dinner in the hotel restaurant after that session which would have been in normal circumstances a delight, however although I managed a main course I had to say no to an entree and dessert and wine, all of which was included and paid for. I was a little bit shocked, knowing that the council is footing the bill for all of this, that people at the high tea and also at dinner asked if they could have wine as well, yet made no attempt to pay for it. Clearly what was provided was what was on the menus we were given and I would have thought that anything else would come at our own expense, but no one offered to pay for the alcohol so it was paid for as part of the bill by the organisers. I was very glad to be refusing it as it felt like a bit of a corruption on the goodwill of the council. I had an early night, leaving everyone at the table ordering their dessert, tea and coffee, but when feeling unwell there is a limit to how long I could discuss the best things to binge-watch on Netflix and the relative merits of various football teams. I guess I haven’t so far found someone I feel totally comfortable with, although they are all very friendly people in their own way. Bath and bed at 9pm was bliss though.

November 25, 2022

Well two days could hardly be more different. This morning I decided not to have any tea or wine just to be on the safe side, but I was very much improved. Had a lovely breakfast overlooking the view with the group leader as we were the first arrivals and Lee talked me into getting WhatsApp on my phone and set it up for me. My cousins in England and Spain have been on my back about getting it but I didn’t really understand what it was all about and didn’t know how to do it anyway, but she has sorted all of that.

After breakfast we all trotted off to the Ubika Spa which is on the grounds of the property, as is all else including swimming pools, (one heated), horse riding, a full golf course and a jolly ice-skating rink for Pete’s sake. We each got a complimentary massage which was just amazing. The last one I had, in fact possibly the only one I’ve had, was an Ayurvedic massage in India nearly 15 years ago. It was really relaxing despite being interrupted twice by phone calls before I got the masseuse to turn my phone off. It ended up being Orange Blossom Cottage ringing because the Friday group of which John was a part today was going on an excursion and wouldn’t be back in time for Sue to pick him up. So they wanted my permission for him to join a “normal” recreational group for today so he would be able to be picked up early as planned. It was good of them to ring, just bad timing. Then we had a buffet lunch, again delicious, and after that a painting opportunity. We were to paint a landscape and so I opted for what I could see out of the window, but unfortunately I didn’t have time to paint in the big gumtree which dominated the view. However I got the sky, the distant mountains and some foreground done. I could have given it another couple of hours happily and ended up with a much better result, but I may be able to finish at home. It was fun anyway. As soon as we finished the painting I raced to the pool area, had a sauna then a swim, then a spa, then another sauna to finish off. But it left me just enough time to dress for dinner which was in the little Italian restaurant in the hotel. We tried to order from the menu but then discovered that we were having a group sharing menu where they bring three different salads, garlic bread, four different pizzas, a couple of different pastas and a risotto and we all share. Our gluten-free person and our vegan person were well accommodated. Seeing I’m not that fussed on pizza I let that pass and went straight to the salads, gnocchi and risotto, all of which were excellent. There was so much pizza left over that we asked for boxes to take it away, but we got a long story about why they are not licensed to do takeaway and all the dangers involved in transporting food etc etc but I persisted because I can’t stand waste and eventually they brought out pizza boxes, which just happened to be sitting there in the kitchen. I find Russell has the best sense of humour in the group and we have had some good laughs during the day and evening. His wife has aphasia from a stroke but most of the women have husbands with dementia. I am more than ready for bed at 10.30 and my book hasn’t been opened since I got here. It is sad that I couldn’t enjoy yesterday, but today more than made up for it. (Separately, five of the women have come up to me and said that I seem like a different person than the one they met yesterday, which I am, thanks to a banned drug).

November 26, 2022

Unusually I got up very early and was out just after dawn walking the wonderful grounds of the Fairmont in the morning mist. I didn’t see a soul except for a lady sweeping the paths as I was returning, it was weird to see the usually buzzy foyer totally empty with no one on the desk and no concierge. The most beautiful sight was a pair of black swans swimming through the mist on the lake. Back in time to pack up and go to breakfast at 7.30 where I mentioned that I should send a tip next time I pay my rates, but it turns out that the money for our jaunt comes from the Feds who allocate funds to the council to support carers

and because they haven’t had a retreat during Covid we were the eight who benefited. Our driver on the way up was the loquacious and jokey Alastair and on the return trip it was the very quiet Vang, both were excellent drivers. We arrived back to Hills Council at noon and there was a certain sadness that the diverse group was splitting up. We had a Cambodian, an Indian, a Sri Lankan and a Chinese, a vegan, and just one man. As we were saying goodbye the Chinese lady, the director of a pre-school, asked: Do you mind telling me what you did before you retired? So I answered 27 years an antique dealer and 12 years as a technical officer in a scientific lab. Aaah she said, that’s why you’re different. Different from what I don’t know, but she was smiling.

Jane was here with John, having spent the night here, and we had a brief chat over a cuppa before she left. Seeing me with a suitcase he asked: Are you going away somewhere? I think he was pleased when I said I had already been. He has forgotten yesterday’s party already so when I asked if he’d enjoyed himself he had to ask Jane if he had.

I am going to stick my neck out and confidently predict that Dan Andrews will be comfortably returned in the Victorian elections today. It has been a bitter (bordering on wicked) campaign with the Murdoch media hounding the man on everything from daring to break his back to an accident his wife had years ago. The Liberals are desperate and I think people will see that and turn on them, proving the polls inaccurate in the end.

November 27, 2022

Well you read it here first folks, Dan is the Man. I am very happy to be right this time but I was despondent to be right when I forecast Trump’s 2016 victory in these pages. The Herald-Sun and The Australian newspapers were vicious every day in their failed attempt to dent Dan’s popularity, even though they must have known that their views went against those of most of their readers, proving that it is not an economic imperative but a political one that impels them. The Liberal Party polls apparently expressed the view last Wednesday that the Libs were going to win, other polling companies gave them a chance and once again I am of the view that the polls are rigged to suit their audience, either deliberately or to please their masters who are picking up the tab. No scientific method in evidence. Matthew Guy is an enigma, he looks so benign, like a very decent fellow in fact, but his actions tell a different story, good riddance to him.

Today I’m back to taws on the health front and that’s pretty disappointing, more drugs ingested and no end in sight at the moment, rats. But I’ve managed to put up and decorate the Christmas tree (with John), send off replies to numerous texts and emails that came in over the days I was away and now I am cooking a pile of duck legs which Michelle W. left in my fridge on Friday, using a Jamie Oliver recipe: Sweet Duck Legs with Plums and Star Anise so dinner is looking pretty special. Not that I should be eating anything at all after the last few days of gluttony. John has just rung to say he’s lost, in the same street and on the same corner that Sue had to pick him up from last Thursday, so I’d better go pick him up, see you!

November 28, 2022

This morning was a bit of a farce but it worked out okay in the end. I had asked John to accompany me to the last two days of the Caddick inquest as I couldn’t bear to miss the end, but when we got there I was very suspicious as there wasn’t a TV cameraman in sight. We arrived at the appropriate court room to discover alas that it was being held at the Downing Centre instead of Lidcombe. The court officer had no idea why, but I suspect that it is for security reasons as her brother Adam was quite aggressive towards people so they had to bring in two sheriffs to keep an eye on him. Normally there are no sheriffs at Lidcombe so I think they’ve moved it to the city court where they are plentiful. So seeing we had travelled over there anyway I asked a chap in the office to recommend an alternative case and we went to that. Seeing it was just starting today we heard counsel assisting’s opening remarks (which went for over two hours) and then left. I will have to give tomorrow a miss as I don’t want to drag John into town.

Seeing my suitcase at the back door this morning, waiting for me to put it away in the storeroom, John asked ‘Are you going away somewhere?’. ‘No’ I answered, ‘I’ve just come back’ and he seemed quite relieved. I am still waiting for the wretched aged care team to get back to me about his package upgrade, but it’s no good talking to John about it because he’s forgotten what a package is and what it does, so I have to whinge here instead. I thought the retreat might be a bit of a whinge fest with all the carers together but we didn’t even want to talk about it and just tried to have a break from worrying about home care packages, aged care homes, day care, what to do when our charges decline and all the things that normally fill our minds. I am extraordinarily lucky to have gone.

November 29, 2022

Decided to head to the dreaded Towers this morning to pick up the requested gifts for our family Secret Santa, it’s good that everyone has been very specific. I have asked for two books, the new Niki Savva, Bulldozed which comes out Thursday and Clinton Fernandes’ new one Sub-Imperial Power: Australia in the International Arena. It is a sad comment on this area that we no longer have a bookshop and half of those in Parramatta are either New Age crystal-bashers or Christian bookshops. Dymocks closed a long time ago and no one replaced them, so the books are on order at The Bookery at Lane Cove. But it seems that as soon as I get back to health the old Japanese bladder packs it in again, so I’m having two good days at most and then a badden as soon as I stop taking the drugs. I’ve made another appointment with Bob though he’s already said that he’s run out of options, but I can’t go on like this. The Big C wafts across my mind and I will bring it up on Thursday, I have every symptom that’s for sure.

I am getting fed up to the teeth with that menace Jacinta Price. As soon as she came on the scene I recognised trouble with a capital C. When Nick Cater, Rebecca Weisser and all the Sky News extremists are singing her praises it’s pretty much a given that she’s an extremist too. Someone is going to have to call her out sooner rather than later, we’ve all been hesitant because she is Aboriginal let’s face it, but she is the proverbial bad apple and needs to be labelled as such before she ruins the whole barrel. I feel so sorry for all the Aboriginal people who’ve worked and struggled to get the Uluru Statement up and

happening, it must be a stab in the heart to have that work pulled down by one of your own. Charlie Perkins would be spinning in his grave, I’m sure he would have called her out quick smart were he still here.

November 30, 2022

So, it seems someone has been brave enough to take on Jacinta Price after all….Noel Pearson has stepped up to the plate and good on him. While we are speaking about abhorrent people, I was pleased to be able to watch the censure motion in parliament this morning albeit on the small screen of my phone. John went off with his carer and I wasn’t up to going anywhere so I spent the time on card-making, managing to finish eight, though a number had been started previously. No red and green to be seen, no mangers either, but a card to write on and send my good wishes to friends and rellies overseas and interstate. I like using up odds and sods on my cards and my favourite of them features one of the cardboard and foil pieces that go under cakes at a patisserie, in this case Dolcettini, cake presentation boards I think they call them. I used it to glue onto the card and decorated it with some beautiful mirror-like paper that was once around a gift and too good to throw out. Apart from some watering, that filled the four hours that John was away, cutting and pasting (no, not on a computer haha, but paper and cardboard) while watching the censure speeches and finally the vote on my propped up phone, with Bridget Archer the only Liberal with the intestinal fortitude to support the motion. The guns will be out for her next preselection time.

Last week I had an audiologist’s appointment and Andrew kindly changed the tubes for me but one started falling out straight away, then I replaced it with one purloined from Michelle C. However, that one repeatedly fell out too, so I had to email Andrew for help. He said that they sometimes wear loose (it was rock solid before) and that the tubing adaptor in the hearing aid itself needed replacement. So, it must go back to Macquarie to be fixed, but how glad am I that I took out insurance on them. The repair fees on hearing aids over five years old, as mine are, is $350 to $450!! Why it matters how old they are I have no idea. So I said to them that I may as well take up Andrew’s (well in fact Albo’s) offer of new ones for free, but I was quickly told that the cost doesn’t apply to me as I pay the $45 a year insurance, which includes unlimited batteries, tubes etc as required, with postage thrown in. Now I won’t bitch about having to drive there and back to get the job done. I can also pick up the books I’ve ordered at Lane Cove on the same outing. It will kill me to let John wrap up the Niki Savva one till Christmas though…..I am just in the mood for some serious Morrison hammering.

December 1, 2022

At the visit to Bob this morning I didn’t need to ask for any investigations of my ongoing malady, I think he took one look at me and decided it had gone far enough. So I’m now back on antibiotics at an increased dose, plus the pain-killing tabs, plus a scan tomorrow at Westmead Private Hospital. I don’t have a carer for John but I’m sure he’ll be fine in the waiting room for that amount of time. (Did I mention the buggers at ACAT who never ring me back re getting more care?? Yes, I think I may have). However after Christmas Bob wants me to have a cystoscopy as well and he won’t be able to wait around for that one,

however I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I came home straight after that and didn’t feel like doing anything standing up so I did some more cards, this time watercolours and some with pressed leaves. They are not at all Christmassy so I may keep them for other occasions, they are wish-washy pastels as I was in that sort of floaty mood. That’s the good thing, the cards reflect a mood at the time and so are always different.

John came home from day care to sing me a song they had done about an Australian Christmas, lots of koalas, utes and swaggies in the lyrics. They also decorated the centre’s Christmas tree and he enjoyed doing that. When I was on the retreat Lee signed me up to WhatsApp and used it to transmit messages to us all as needed. I have watched it since then, waiting to see if anyone would want to keep in touch, though I didn’t initiate any contact myself. But last evening one person sent a message around and the thing was pinging away for an hour or two as everyone else replied. It seems this disparate group has somehow coalesced into a coterie of carers plus our two advocates. Let’s hope it continues in similar vein.

I am proud to say that I think I have finished all of our Christmas shopping. We have the Secret Santa gifts from each of us sorted, plus the Millie gifts and some for each of John’s grandchildren. I found a new shop in the dreaded Towers called The Uncommon Collective and just loved the bits I bought there, a cardboard put-together pirate ship with textas to colour it, this from Denmark, a gorgeous unicorn toy made in wool from a women’s collective in the Himalayas and some divine cards printed from black and white pen drawings by an Australian artist, these of animals but with their fur or scales made of intricately drawn flowers (these are for a gift, not to use myself). Commendation to self for getting the gifts sorted, now to planning the food.

December 2, 2022

Phew! Just home at 3.30 after getting a motza of assorted jobs out of the way. First to Officeworks to pick up my diary pages, always a priority at this time of the year. Next to Westmead Hospital for a bladder scan but despite drinking one litre of water as requested, when we arrived they were running very late and said to go to the toilet and then start the one litre guzzle all over again. We got there early for an 11 am appointment but didn’t leave till 12.30, however the scan itself went off without problems, results next week. Then to the Hearing Hub to pick up the repaired hearing aid, followed by the Bookery at Lane Cove where we got two books, my Christmas presents from John. We shall see if the wrap stays on the Niki Savva one till then….

In the press there’s been a huge fuss about the royal household’s Lady Susan Hussey asking a Caribbean woman where she was from. Admittedly she laboured the point, but that’s something I do all the time. It’s a conversation starter and I did it as recently as last week. My daughters are mortified if I ask a taxi driver where his family is from yet I’ve never felt the slightest reluctance from the person asked, in fact they are usually more than keen to talk about their country of origin. I guess I will have to curb my tongue in future if it’s now become such a sin, even though I am delighted to be asked when travelling.

Currently reading Somebody I Used to Know by Wendy Mitchell, who has early onset Alzheimer’s, and it’s been helpful in understanding John’s confusion and memory loss. Some things she mentions haven’t happened to him, but others are very familiar. One strange experience was when she looked outside and saw that her garage ‘had been stolen’, just a concrete slab remained. She was deciding whether to ring the police or her daughter when it suddenly ‘reappeared’. She has also seen both her mother and father at different times in her home, both of them are long dead. John said today that it would be good to get a brain transplant so I’ve said I will keep an eye out for one and we laughed about trawling hospitals and cemeteries looking for one that’s no longer being used, preferably younger and fitter. He’s been asking me all day what we are doing and now we’re home he’s asking what we did, where we’ve been is a total blur to him. Tomorrow we go to Dav’s place and he enjoys seeing Millie so I keep reminding him of that.

December 3, 2022

Card-making on the agenda today before we went to Erko. I think I’ve made a rod for my own back as I intended to do just a few and now I feel as if it’s a slight to send printed ones to the remaining people so I’ve committed to make them all. But at least it’s only the overseas ones that need doing by Monday and I don’t send them to Sydney folks whom I see routinely, just those somewhat distant. Luckily I had a supply of pressed dried leaves and decided to leave some natural and paint some, so that has worked nicely. I don’t even know where to send my brother’s card (I’m not risking a gift just yet) as I still haven’t been given the name of the care home, but I’ve emailed Tanya and asked for an address. We shall see. Another job out of the way was a hand-written letter to the ACAT team explaining my need for John to be put on a high priority list and letting them know that my three phone calls so far have gone unreturned. I think I’m whistling Dixie there but anything’s worth a try. Apart from going down and making a fuss in person I don’t know what else to do. I’m trying to be the squeaky wheel, but it’s feeling more like the screeching and grating one.

December 4, 2022

John seems to have gone downhill again this weekend. He has spent months colouring in cards to send at Christmas but yesterday he managed to write only two before getting distressed and deciding it was all too hard, as he couldn’t work out who people in his address book were and even whether or not they were alive, some of these were close friends seen only recently. Luckily just then Lynne rang and said that she’s not sending any Christmas cards this year so I suggested that he abandon the idea, as Lynne had, and it gave him an out which he happily took. I’ve done six more cards with painted and natural leaves and I’m quite in the swim of it now, having finished all the overseas ones and made a few now for interstate. Rang Jane at the hospital and she’s coming along as expected after her knee replacement, however John has forgotten about where she is so they chatted about general stuff and we left it at that, no point upsetting him unnecessarily. He was quite chuffed when the Link Housing annual report arrived (a thick glossy tome which would have cost plenty) and he was featured with a double-paged spread thanking him for his work for them over 12 years as a tenant advisory group member, going to conferences on their behalf and making street libraries for their tenants. Well-deserved recognition.

December 5, 2022

I’ve been harping on this for years but I’ll do it again: There should be a ban on breeding or selling dogs with killing in their nature, starting with pitbulls but not necessarily ending there. There dogs were purposefully bred to possess aggressive and violent characteristics and it is not wrong to stereotype certain breeds of dogs as being inherently dangerous. Pitbulls caused a whopping 71% of fatalities in the US where figures are kept, despite the fact that they only account for 6% of the total U.S. dog population. Perhaps the biggest reason for their violent behaviour is the task they were bred for. Every dog was bred to accomplish a specific task and pitbulls were historically bred to kill. They were initially bred to bite and hold the head and face of large animals such as bears and bulls (ringing any bells here?) but when this practice was outlawed in the 1800s they started being used in the ‘sport’ of dog fighting. This resulted in deliberate breeding based on the degree of aggressiveness. Then of course there are rottweilers, Rhodesian ridgebacks, American bulldogs and dobermans (should that be dobermen?) but let’s get rid of pitbulls first and then see how we go. When was the last time you heard of a labrador ripping a person apart? Charging those whose dogs cause injury or death is an important step too. I couldn’t believe the police quoted this morning after the tragedy of the meter reader’s death: “The owners of the property are very upset because they really loved their dogs”. Give me a break, a man died here people.

This is becoming a boring blog about Christmas cards but it’s also a mirror of what’s happening in this house. Yesterday we had the great Christmas card meltdown when John got so upset about the mechanics of actually writing them that some were torn up and a decision made to abandon the process, but this morning he calmly announced: ‘I think I might do my Christmas cards today’, apparently forgetting yesterday altogether. I couldn’t think of anything to say but okay, however it’s afternoon now and it hasn’t been mentioned again. It must be so terribly bewildering to be in his shoes at the moment, so discombobulated all the time. In some ways it will be better when he forgets that he forgets, if that makes sense. It is paradoxical that I only started making my own cards as company for him while he was sitting colouring in and now I am the only one making them.

I spoke too soon. He has now done the list of who to send to and I’ve interfered by removing the dead, the ex-wives (that might have caused some consternation) and the relatives who have clearly indicated that they don’t want any communication. Thank god they are not being written today as well.

December 6, 2022

Off to St. V’s for John’s monthly treatment and I wandered in to Ovolo Hotel at Woolloomooloo as usual to use the loos, but enjoyed their Christmas decos and the sculpture exhibition in and around the hotel. I asked about non holiday room rates and found they are about $400 a night so I can’t see we’ll be going any time soon, perhaps for a celebration sometime. Met up with Angela for a Christmas lunch and had a crab lasagne and a salad, though it was disappointing that we has to ask for dressing on the rocket salad, the chef’s day off perhaps. I had some port glasses I had promised her from my overstocked collection of glasses and I put them under the table, I thought out of sight. But the maitre d spied the nasty plastic bag

and almost insisted on putting them in the storeroom, but I suspect it was the plastic bag rather than a parcel that offended, a Hermes bag would have looked the part at the venue and remained there. We usually have sweets but unfortunately this was the one day that John was finished in 2 hours instead of 3, I had to leave as soon as he rang and so our Christmas lunch was foreshortened. Next time.

We went then to Millie’s school where she was doing athletics. Her face dropped when she saw us, not happy as we expected, but it turned out that she was disappointed, thinking we were taking her away from athletics. We watched till she was done and then took her for an iceblock and to the park while mum and dad were working at home. It’s a different world down there, with mums with blue hair and covered with tattoos picking up their kids. Whatever they do is accepted thereabouts, whereas around here it would cause a few funny looks. Just the driving and walking absolutely exhausted me (only one drink I promise) and I was in bed by 8.30, sad geriatric that I am becoming.

Justin next door told me he is doing a bit of landscaping with a friend in Rose Bay. The owner bought a harbourside house for $6 million, demolished it and built twin four storey apartments at a cost of $3 million. He’s going to live in one and sell the other for $12 million, another world again. The view looked divine in the pic, but four storeys sounds like a pain in the butt, though I guess there’s a lift. I would never get in a private lift without my phone though, I’ve read too many creepy stories I’m afraid.

December 7, 2022

This morning John’s replacement carer Beckie came and suggested that she take him to Newport for a walk on the beach and fish and chips. First she had to clear it with Wendy’s Home Care to make sure he had the funds in hand for the petrol. They said it was okay but the funds are low and they probably can’t do it again till they are topped up. This made me hopping mad but I told Beckie to take him anyway, then I got onto My Aged Care and struck a lovely man in Queensland who spent half an hour going over the boring story. He was shocked that no one at ACAT ever returns my calls or the hand-written begging letter (using my good fairy wren stationery no less!). He told me to get my home care provider to ring them but I explained that they don’t answer her calls either. He went off for some time, perhaps trying the number himself, but came back saying he would email them marked URGENT to get them to call me. When John was at Lane Cove he got fabulous service from the Northern ACAT, it’s only the Western Suburbs one that we’ve had trouble with, not a coincidence I’m sure. I was still as cross as a hornet so I rang the local Federal Member Alex Hawke’s office and got a good hearing. I was very pleased to discover it is a federal issue as the State Member and I do not get on due to my letters to the press about his government and him in particular. But Hawke’s office said that they would ring his Parliament House office and try to get some action. Bless.

Pastor Brian Houston, ex Hillsong, is in court this week charged with concealing a serious indictable offence for not reporting his father Pastor Frank Houston for abusing a boy in his congregation. Houston Jnr allegedly told the man “you know this is all your fault, you tempted my father”, the abuse occurred when the man was seven. He was paid $10,000, in his view to keep quiet. Another pastor Rose

Hardingham told the court that she didn’t report the abuse to police either, because it should be sorted out within the church “not in the secular courts”. What planet do these people live on?

December 8, 2022

I had some more interesting things to talk about but as happens at the moment ACAT dominates yet again. Kristy rang them three times today and left messages so finally the assessor got back to me. Hallelujah! I thought, but after lots of questions she said that ‘the criteria for raising a package to high priority are very tight’ and she doesn’t think that it will be approved. She also wrongly claimed that she’d told me it would be at least 6 months before the funds become available but as I’ve said to her it was definitely 1 to 3 months, which is exactly where it stands now. At least she rang me on a mobile so I have a more direct number now, but for what?

December 9, 2022

It was interesting to read of ‘Prince’ Reuss and his Reichsbuerger and QAnon pals who are accused of trying to overthrow the German government by violent means, January 6 in the US probably having given them courage. Various supporters in the police and army were also arrested as well as a judge. The army people had been ‘procuring equipment, recruiting and holding shooting lessons’ according to reports. It seems that around the world the ‘forces’, be they police or armed services, are the centre of right wing thinking. I can’t forget my friend’s quite normal son who became a racist and right wing conspiracy theorist in a matter of months after joining the army and a school pal of my daughters who was described by her mother as having become a ‘very tough nut’ after only a few weeks of training in the police force. I am so glad that neither of my girls showed interest in either career. Journalist Umair Haque has been warning of the rise in this thinking and action for a few years now and I totally agree with the proposition that the times are getting more and more like the 1930s.

In similar vein, a report on ABC news breathlessly proffered the idea that if inmates were well treated in gaol they may have a better chance of rehabilitation. My goodness, who would have thought? A pilot project has prisoners working in the mornings and doing art and other classes in the afternoons. They live in dorms instead of cells and the problems in the gaol have halved. Sometimes I wonder at the mentality of the officials who think they’ve reinvented the wheel with this stuff. If you treat people as people they will respond, unless they are impeded by mental illness, in which case they shouldn’t be there at all, but being looked after in a forensic mental health facility. Prof. Tony Vinson taught us all this stuff in the 70s and yet Corrective Services has gone down the retribution road ever since. I doubt I will see an improvement in my lifetime.

Medibank Private has kindly informed me today that the following personal details are now showing on the dark web: My full name, gender, date of birth, email, residential address, phone number, policy number, all health provider numbers, dates of hospital admissions and discharge. Well it could be worse I guess…..what have they missed? Passport perhaps, credit card details perhaps, but really it is such a huge

thing that I don’t have the mental energy to del with it. I am more concerned about why John is getting so exhausted. Today he sat in the car while I went to the Post Office, then drove to the print shop and then the library, now he’s sleeping it off. It’s another thing that’s come on suddenly, but is now consistently happening.

December 10, 2022

We were at the Farmer’s Market at 8 am and got lots of lovely stuff including zucchini flowers which I adore and will stuff with goat cheese and anchovies and cook for dinner tonight. But when we unpacked the car the beautiful Irish bread, a loaf of which weighs a ton, had disappeared as well as the cloth bag it was carried in. If someone found it and took it home I’m delighted, but people are so germ averse that it may very well end up in a bin which pains me to think about.

John asked me to help him write a newsletter to send in his Christmas cards and I was able to copy his hand-written draft into a document complete with a couple of photos. But when I printed a test copy it was grey rather than black and the photos’ colour was distorted, but try as I might I couldn’t fix it. So I got Arvind to have a look and he couldn’t fix it either. He came up with the idea of emailing it to a neighbour and getting him to print a copy, it was perfect. So it seems that the brand new cartridge I bought on Friday is faulty perhaps? Printers are demonic, I got rid of mine to the storeroom years ago and now John’s is here to drive me deranged. This bloody Christmas card business will be the end of me.

Alex Hawke’s staff were as good as their word and got onto My Aged Care for me yesterday. Not that it helped, Therese from ACAT is still saying that they won’t review the timing of John’s package because he is too close to getting it (in one to three months) and an appointment to review his case can’t be organised until, you guessed it….one to three months. I think I’m vanquished, but at least I can stop carrying my phone in my bra on the off chance that the good Therese will ring.

December 11, 2022

I beat the demon inside the printer with the help of the Cartridge World owner Jeff whom I emailed in desperation. Not expecting a reply till Monday I was very surprised when he replied, despite the shop being closed on weekends. Have you shaken the cartridge hard? he asked. No, I hadn’t, nor did I know I was supposed to, but clearly the demon who lives within is a delicate soul and once shaken vigorously his powers were crippled and I reigned victorious…..this time…..John’s newsletters are done and posted. Sue rang asking if we wanted to do a house swap with her Kiama daughter in mid-January. Kiama, omg how I’d love to go, but I think we need to continue pulling our heads in for a bit and not tempting fate. John is getting exhausted about lunchtime every day and needs a long sleep, plus I could see him being upset if his room is annexed and with a family of five that’s inevitable. Best to say no and hope for an opportunity to get away when he is a little more relaxed.

I was thinking about our interview in August with Therese and whether or not I imagined an intake of breath when John divulged his past employment and offered “But I’m an atheist now though”. Surely that wouldn’t have had an effect on the outcome? No, that’s too close to a conspiracy theory to entertain, though thinking back the intake of breath and the hurry to the next question sticks in my mind.

Thinking this morning about the people I’d be really happy not to hear about again when I open a newspaper. Meghan Markle of course, but Lisa Curry is right up there. There are various Kardashians and Hiltons and that ghastly woman from the Eastern Suburbs whose name I am happy to have forgotten, David Warner, of course Shane Warne absented himself from the list. Many of these sporting has-beens (think Curry) suffer from irrelevance syndrome and for some it is actually pathological, they simply can’t live out of the limelight. So we are constantly bombarded with articles, pictures, interviews with people who will go to the opening of an envelope. But at the other end of the spectrum is the decent and impressive actor Richard E. Grant whose book, A Pocketful of Happiness, I am currently reading. Of course he’s in the limelight, at the Oscars, whatever, but he just seems to be a mere mortal doing a job to the best of his ability. His openness and honesty are disarming. I loved the story of his lifelong adoration of Barbra Streisand and the letter he wrote to her as a small boy, asking if she wanted to come and stay with his family for two weeks. Even now the fascination persists, he has commissioned a bust of her and it stands in his garden. Bless.

December 12, 2022

Well Bob has decided today that it’s probably the anti-inflammatory part of Keflex rather than the antibiotic part that’s working on me as I don’t have an infection, just all the symptoms of one. So we are having a trial of a low dose of the antibiotic for 40 days (sounds very biblical, but actually it’s just the maximum he can prescribe). We shall see whether this works but the upside is that if it doesn’t I can self-medicate to full dose until I can see him again to rethink. While I was seeing Bob Heather came and stayed with John, bringing sandwiches and cake for them. She was early and this allowed me to also duck into Alex Hawke’s office to thank his assistant Linda for shaking up My Aged Care for me last week. I am not usually of a mind to praise young Alex and his team, but credit where it’s due. I explained to her that I didn’t get a satisfactory result, but that I was more than pleased with the fact that she’d tried and put a slight tremor in the voice of the chap who rang me: ‘ah um Alex Hawke’s office asked me to ah um ring you’. Great work Linda, you did well even though I told you that I bat for the other team.

Finished the Richard E. Grant book and it was heart-warming to read that Prince Charles, on a number of occasions, had his secretary ring to ask if he could come around to visit Joan, arriving with an armful of roses and produce, both from his farm. Richard praises Camilla highly as a warm and caring person. It’s good to hear of people from the inside and to hear of their human characteristics. The finger-licking Nigella Lawson is given high praise too, regularly sending a home cooked meal in a taxi to their home. His wife Joan, a dialect and voice coach to the stars, had an interesting theory that landscape and climate directly affect accents. Flat Norfolk accents parallel flat US mid-western ones while up and down accents are typical of hilly places like Wales. She says the nasality of New York and Liverpool accents are related

to the fact that both cities are ports with sea air. I will have to try thinking of exceptions to that but one that comes to mind is the Caribbean, you can’t get much more up and down than West Indians. Needs more cogitation.

I texted our friend Kevin yesterday to get an address for someone who has moved and he called back to say that he’s been in hospital since Thursday for breathlessness. They’ve drained two litres of fluid off his lung but don’t yet have a diagnosis. He doesn’t have any flu-like symptoms so pneumonia isn’t the cause. I don’t like it.

December 13, 2022

What to say about the Queensland shooting tragedy? I sent off a letter to the Herald which pretty much corrals my thoughts, apart from feeling gutted by it all. It read: “I fail to see how a call out to the remote property of a known conspiracy theorist with a hatred of police and a wife who left her government position over the vaccine mandate could in any way be seen as ‘routine’. The tragedy seems to hark back to inadequate intelligence, much more needs to be done federally to identify and monitor those who have gone down this rabbit hole before we lose more innocent people to this madness”. I think that both state and federal governments have failed to understand the ferocity of feeling that these people have for government in all its forms. This puts all public servants in danger of at least aggressive behaviour, and at most murder, as we saw in this case. It takes a depth of callousness to look into the eyes of a young woman begging for her life and to fire your gun into her anyway.

Well after a 45 minute consult with Bob on Monday in his confined office he went home and tested Covid positive. We had quite a few texts flowing back and forth yesterday and I laughed as he described his ‘covert operation’ to get a packet of Paxlovid in the carpark of his local pharmacy. It involved hanging a bag with the script on the external rear vision mirror and having the assistant deposit the drug and remove the script from the bag in a socially distanced operation. He is missing three rehearsals for singing at the Sydney Festival. I am not too concerned about catching it, but it will indeed be a test of the N95 mask’s effectiveness. another friend was testing herself last night too as she had a sore throat. Personally I wouldn’t trust a RAT very early in the piece, too many false negatives.

Late yesterday I wrote three book reviews before returning the books to the library today. Mere hours later I saw that someone had ‘liked’ my review and to my great surprise it was the author! It was the New Zealand novel Paper Cage by Tom Baragwanath, which I had given 4.5/5. I try not to just talk about the plot in the reviews, but to try to get to what was the overall intention of the author, it seems I may have hit on it with this one, unless of course he sits on his computer excited to see anyone at all who has read and liked his book.

December 14, 2022

I’ve been watching Scott Morrison on the Robodebt Royal Commission and he just waffles on and on and doesn’t answer a simple question. The commissioner has called him out a few times but it’s like water off a dog’s back: “You come from a background where rhetoric is important, but can you please….. Just answer the question”. He’s not listening and doesn’t look the least bit chastened, his pouty lips looking scarily like John Howard’s.

An hour later: God, he just won’t be told. Counsel assisting just said that Morrison had taken 10 minutes to give a simple answer of No to a question. He intimated that Morrison was dragging out his answers in order to run out of time, which had occurred to me. He is enough to drive the Counsel to drink. I am screaming at him just before the Commissioner says the same thing to him more politely. He’s started again: “I’ll give you an example…” No, don’t give us an example Mr. Morrison! she retorted. He knows he’s doing it and he knows it’s driving everyone nuts, but the showman in him keeps pushing him forward. I’ll have to turn it off before I have an apoplexy.

In the last day or two John has had a couple of texts from his granddaughters, I have had some messages from one on Facebook Messenger independently and he’s had a good long phone call with both of them. It turns out that their mother went to a conference in Wollongong at which everyone in her group caught Covid, but further communication has established that virtually everyone at the conference got it. So until she recovers, the girls and Dan are sleeping in a ‘studio’ that he has built in the backyard, complete with a shower and gas cooker! That’s the first time they’ve communicated with me directly and I’m chuffed. Long may it continue, though I think things will revert to usual once their lives get back to normal and the studio is not their interim home.

December 15, 2022

Sometimes there isn’t much of interest in the Good Weekend magazine, apart from the recipes, but last week’s was a bottler. First was an interesting story about the child of a GP and a cancer researcher who sadly suffered from diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma, a childhood brain tumour that is always fatal. It raised interesting questions about the parents’ desire to keep the child alive for as long as possible. It seemed to me that, despite the natural desire to have her with them, it didn’t do the child any favours to extend her life. Her father goes on to say that his life has been overtaken by the desire to find treatments, and hopefully a cure, for other sufferers and that the only time he is not thinking about the disease is when he’s running or playing football. That is hardly a healthy situation for a man with three surviving children, though it’s a totally understandable way to deal with the grief from his personal point of view. The next article was about the life and character of golfer Greg Norman, in which people referred to him as ‘an arsehole’ and described his obsession with money and power. I can only say that anyone who has listened to GN over the years and not realised this obviously has their arsehole detector permanently turned off. Let’s waste no more time on him and go to his diametric opposite. This was a lovely story about Matt Green who has given up his apartment and possessions and walked nearly every street in the five boroughs of New York, carrying a little spiral notebook and copying details of animals and birds, people and buildings and even bits of metal he finds on the road as he passes them. He is dismissive of people saying

things like, “You’re white, so you can’t walk through that neighbourhood.” His answer is: “Yes, you can feel tension sometimes if it’s a neighbourhood that’s predominantly one race, and you’re not that race. Someone might walk down the street towards me, and they might be glowering. So I just put a smile on my face and say, ‘How’s it going?’ and it’s amazing. Nearly every time they’ll smile back, and sometimes they’ll even start a conversation. We’re so quick to judge people, but you’re half of any interaction with someone else. So, if you make your half of the interaction a 100 per cent positive, that’s a lot of power towards winning over that situation.” How uplifting is that statement? I loved it, it made my weekend.

Rats, I’ve accidentally done something to my Hotmail and it’s only showing me the unread emails (some old as the hills) but I can’t get the current ones back. I tried sending one to myself and it didn’t appear, yet it shows up on my phone.

December 16, 2022

It has always seemed to me that evangelical religion and conspiracy thinking are close bedfellows and so it seems in this terrible case of the murders in Queensland. The father and father-in-law of the shooters was interviewed on television and seems blissfully unaware that his background of writing books about the ‘Masons being the children of Lucifer’, preaching about demons and devils and whatever, has led to bringing up children who believe implicitly in this tosh and then take it to the next level. The videos and online statements that they have produced over years clearly show that they believed that ‘God’ is on their side. Various friends of mine who were or are steeped in religion are the only people amongst my acquaintance group who subscribe to conspiracy thinking. The religions are different, varying from Pentacostal to Baptist to Seventh Day Adventist but the common thread is that they are deeply immersed in religion now, or at some previous part of their lives, and they have a terror of the consequences of a lack of religious faith and a fear of this other world of the occult. The father of one of them commented to me years ago that his greatest fear was of being put in a gaol cell with a non-believer, it struck me as weird then and even more weird now, considering all the terrible things that could befall a person. He too was a ‘demons and devils’ believer and I recall him burning beautiful and valuable old items from his home because they ‘were possessed’. In the 1990s 55% of Americans believed in the Devil as an actual being, that rose to 70% in 2000s. The belief in the concept of religious evil has been increasing in recent times, hand in hand with conspiracy theories like QAnon and others which thrive in evangelical communities. I don’t think we have yet seen the peak of this phenomenon.

December 17, 2022

In the oven as we speak (I guess I’m doing the speaking, rather than both of us) I have a pavlova made to a new recipe by Adam Liaw and featured in the Good Weekend. It throws out the universally accepted method of whipping egg whites and then adding sugar a spoonful at a time. This recipe tosses everything in together, but using icing sugar. I had my doubts that it would work but it certainly looks the part, we shall see how it cuts and tastes. Another rigid rule bites the dust.

A friend from Grafton sent me a pic today of flowers on the grave in Macksville of VC winner Frank Partridge, a cousin of my very ex husband. When I told him the relationship, he replied that he thought FP was my uncle and he’d wasted his money on the flowers. I shot back that if he raced to the shop and explained they may give him a refund, though judging by the look of the flowers I think they were actually left a while back, by someone else entirely. Nick was always a tease.

I came across an Oliver Sacks quote: “If a man has lost a leg or an eye, he knows he has lost a leg or an eye; but if he has lost a self – himself – he cannot know it, because he is no longer there to know it”. It made me think of John and the fact that he does know it. He has been complaining about not being able to turn off the taps in his bathroom, I’m always finding them dripping. So he asked me to get the plumber because they need new washers and he’s forgotten how to do it, but unfortunately the plumber showed me that they are severely corroded inside and need replacing altogether. This morning when I said I have to go to the plumbing supply place to choose new taps, John told me I was wasting money and that he can turn them off, if he just puts his mind to it. I went in and found them still dripping, so I will go to get new ones after all and end the tap discussion.

December 18, 2022

Last night late (I was finishing Holly Throsby’s wonderful new book ‘Clarke’ till midnight) I checked the news before going to bed and the lead story made steam come out of my ears. Apparently Nathaniel Train, the person whom the Queensland Police were looking for in a ‘routine welfare check’ which ended three people’s lives, was known by the police to have travelled illegally into the state during the Covid lockdown. He was seen by a local farmer trying unsuccessfully to break through a locked border gate between the states, then cutting off the padlock with an angle grinder and driving through. He then stalled his 4 WD going through flood waters and tossed the contents of his car into a nearby flooded creek before phoning someone who then came to pick him up on the Queensland side. Once the water went down locals discovered loaded guns, ammunition, ‘Rambo’ knives and a crossbow along with medical and other paperwork clearly marked with the man’s name. The farmer reported the illegal entry, filmed by government installed security cameras, to local police who ignored it. Later he reported the guns as they emerged from the flood, but the police allegedly said ‘the car’s not stolen so we can’t do anything’. I was flabbergasted at this and the fact that not only had his actions been identified twice to police, but it was all on file 12 months before they were doing a ‘routine welfare check’ at the property where the shootings took place. No wonder the police were cagey when asked about whether they had had been any previous interactions with the brothers. On Thursday, not 24 hours after the murders, police turned up asking the farmer to show them what had been retrieved from the vehicle a year ago, but he had disposed of it all long ago. If I stole a packet of biscuits from the IGA I’d be in more bother than this bloke was for illegally entering Queensland, destroying government property, being in possession of loaded weapons, having unlicensed guns and I’m sure they could dredge up a few more charges than those. What a debacle.

When I read the guts of the article out to John this morning his reply was ‘what siege is this you’re talking about?’, he’d forgotten it entirely since Thursday. Something still zinging my brain has already gone from his, which reminded me how much we are losing. Communication, shared passions, shared memories. He asked me at breakfast this morning if the 2001 Toyota he owns now was the first car he bought after his

motor cycle accident, in 1971, and if he’d owned any other cars in the interim. He’s asked a few times if it is right that Terry, his closest friend, has died as he doesn’t want to make a mistake about that when three other friends come to visit on Tuesday, one of whom he can’t remember at all apart from the name being familiar.

December 19, 2022

I have been puzzling about why NO other media outlets had repeated the ABC’s story about Nathaniel Train illegally crossing into Queensland, with a cache of guns. I couldn’t understand it as to me it was front page news. I checked every news outlet and the only one running it was in New Zealand. So I started to think that maybe they were waiting until the State funeral planned for Wednesday, out of some erroneous idea that telling the truth would offend the police department. (Am I becoming a conspiracy theorist?) But now the story has been picked up (modestly) by a few outlets and while I can’t understand their reticence at least it’s out there at some level.

Seeing something online about radio man Doug Mulray yesterday reminded me of an incident decades ago when he came into the shop on a quiet afternoon and we just hit it off. He stayed for some time and I remember we discussed the idea of ‘love at first sight’. He had just hooked up with Miss Lizzie, later to be his wife, and explained that he went to a party (Christmas party perhaps?) at his radio station and saw her across a room. They walked towards each other and both expressed the view right then that they were meant for each other. They are still happily married by the way. He is the second person to tell a similar story, the other is a psychotherapist who met his now wife across a crowded room at a psychology event in London. He wrote a beautiful poem about their meeting but sadly I lent the book of poetry to Brian once and while he was away for a weekend his son and girlfriend ‘cleaned up’ for him, tossing a number of my books in the process, including a first edition Graham Greene. Grrr, it still rankles.

I recently came across the words ‘like a stork that’s fallen through a wardrobe’ in a fiction book. Now every time I look at Dominic Perrottet I can’t not think of it. There are parameters of size and shape that we get inured to and for me he always makes me want to say ‘gosh you’re tall….and thin’ which is pretty pathetic really.

December 20, 2022

Expecting a number of John’s priestly pals for lunch, all ex-priests not current ones. Two people have said that the name of the only one of them that I don’t already know is shared with another priest whom I have been told by one person is ‘very conservative’ and by another is ‘intellectual and conservative’. So I hope we are getting the other one who’s moderate and if not he’ll have to take me as he finds me. Unfortunately John can’t remember the chap at all so that’s no help. He’s been beyond delighted about them coming and asks about it every day, though today he saw me in the kitchen cooking but still asked: Are we going anywhere today or just staying here? I’ve tried a new coleslaw recipe with a dressing of coconut cream, very crunchy peanut butter and sweet chili sauce which tastes alright but looks a bit stodgy, so I’m not sure

I’ll do it that way again. But the potato and asparagus salad and the avocado and mango one both look good and should go well with the fried trout fillets. (When Boris came I did a baked fillet of salmon with asparagus, which he relayed to Jane as baked salmon with asbestos). Made a Lemon Polenta Cake for dessert. My Kitchen Whiz has carked and after chopping everything by hand today I decided to break my usual rule of not buying new stuff and have just ordered a Continuous Grater and Slicer Attachment for my Kenwood Chef. Stupidly excited, and if it comes before Christmas I shall wrap it up and give it to myself.

Yesterday we had a call from John’s case manager from Wendy’s Home Care to say that his regular Wednesday carer Greg has come down with Covid last weekend, which means he got it just about the last time he was here. That was a close shave. She also relayed that John’s Home Care Package increase is showing on the My Aged Care website now as ‘less than 1 month’ instead of the previous ‘1 to 3 months’. After the call, which was taken in the car with the speaker on, John asked who it was and what she was talking about. I explained, but he didn’t understand and said he didn’t know anyone called Kristy at all. She was here in the house in early December for a couple of hours and he has often spoken about how much he likes her and how good she has been for us. Later in the day I had a text from the ACAT assessor to say that he had moved up into the ‘less than 1 month’ category. Is this just natural movement up the list or due to intervention by Alex Hawke’s office? Who knows and who cares, but it’s coming at the right time.

Well it was a lovely gathering this afternoon, lunch went off well and it turns out that the visitor was the ‘good’ John after all. When it was said to him that there are two he laughed and said he knows the other one and he’s a ‘very scary priest whose parishioners are all afraid of him’. We got on famously and there’s talk of him coming back with his wife. I think I’ve made a pal there. As soon as they left we darted up to the Farmer’s Market, but there were limits to what I could buy, too early for berries and greens for Christmas Day for example.

December 21, 2022

Glad to see Julia Baird’s name on an opinion piece in the Herald today. She disappeared from The Drum so suddenly and without explanation so I’ve been worried that it was due to a return of her cancer. and suspect it must be. Her comments were as usual wise and valid, regarding the contemptible criticism of Meghan Markle by that awful excuse for a human, Jeremy Clarkson. It’s true that Meghan isn’t someone I’d want to spend a lot of time with but I don’t ‘hate’ her or hope that she has shit thrown over her, I’d simply like to hear less of her and about her. But just as my mind filters out ads I can quite easily filter out Harry and Meghan so it’s no big deal.

John’s latest carer Rochelle, here because of Greg’s bout of Covid, was lovely and happily took him on a drive. Now we have four people that he’s happy to go with and one that he never wants to see again, so that’s a pretty good team. Bob is back at work after his second Covid and rang yesterday evening, his morning shift finished at 5.30 pm and he says Covid is ‘rife’. I have been ‘making a list and checking it twice’, not of Christmas wishes but things that I want to do once I’m left to my own

devices for longer

aulkham Hills yet, then I’m hoping to do some art classes, preferably watercolour. The Botanic Gardens has some classes in January in botanical watercolour but they are for Intermediate and High Level not beginners, so they are not for me. Then of course there is court, ICAC, lots of interesting stuff to do. There’s a Chinese lantern-making workshop on in Glebe in January that I’d like to go to, but I’m getting ahead of myself. If I get too excited John’s Home Care Package will take even longer to come through.

Last year I ordered a turkey breast for Christmas and did the same this year. My preference is for seafood but I’m trying to please everyone. But today I realised that I had accidentally bought a 1 kilo one when I’d assumed it was the same size as last year, 2 kilos. Stupid mistake, but I have over a kilo of duck drumsticks in the freezer courtesy of Michelle W. so I’m going to bake them in red wine and quince as well as the turkey. Perhaps we’ll be glad about the mistake on the day.

December 22, 2022

Out visiting this morning when Australia Post sent a message to say my Kenwood attachment was being delivered this morning but it had to be signed for or they would take it back to the PO. Grrr, I came home to find it on the doorstep (not signed for, don’t tell Kenwood). They are a great company to deal with, sent it Express Post and free postage, can’t ask for more than that. Guests this week had supermarket coleslaw with a homemade dressing, but now I can go back to pushing cabbage and carrots through a machine which I find strangely satisfying. Then went back to buy yet more food! Which is ridiculous as the fam is only here for one day and I have bought jointly from the Farmer’s Market and today: watermelon (John has forgotten that he doesn’t like it), four big mangoes, nectarines, peaches, bananas, grapes and blueberries. Making a whole cauliflower au gratin tonight with a few soft tomatoes pushed into the gaps, looking yum.

The Queensland Police Commissioner said today that four police were sent to the Train property because of an arrest warrant issued for Nathaniel after he dumped loaded weapons and crossed the border illegally a year ago. Which contradicts her answer to a reporter’s question about whether there was a reason four police were sent to the job and she answered: No, a risk assessment was done and it was decided it was safe. They were just helping each other on a routine call. Mmm, not so sure about that and I doubt the Coroner will be either.

John, who more than once insisted on my picking him up from Orange Blossom Cottage because ‘I hate it there’ arrived home today full of the fact that they had a Christmas party today ‘with three singers and games and a special lunch’. ‘I love going there’ he announced while unpacking his lolly bag and putting his present under the tree. He assures me no one else got a gift, it looks like a Christmas cake so perhaps he won it, I don’t know, but anyway he’s a happy chappy tonight.

December 23, 2022

When I saw the folk demonstrating in China’s streets about the harsh Covid lockdown conditions I immediately thought ‘Be careful what you wish for’. Now there is talk of a million people dying in coming months. Although a British professor of public health says that it is not because they lifted the restrictions too soon, but because it was too late. The protective effects of the massive vaccination program have now worn off, as it was not topped up with the effects of natural infection. As my mother would have said: Sometimes you can’t do right for doing wrong. I feel for the Chinese who did whatever seemed feasible to avert this tragedy but ended up just kicking it down the road.

So it seems that I wasn’t too far out when I predicted the truth would come out about the Queensland police murders pretty quickly once the funerals were over. It’s pretty clear that the police are on the back foot over sending four innocents into a situation that two would never come out of alive. The police commissioner it seems speaks with forked tongue (how I love that American Indian expression). Before the funerals: It was just a routine welfare check. After: The police were attempting to serve an arrest warrant. Before: There were four police because in the country they help each other. After: Four police were sent because of an outstanding warrant for the arrest of Nathaniel Train. Before: There was no evidence that police had been to the property prior to that day. After: They admitted that, although wrongly interpreted by the conspiracy theorists, the killers were right when they said police had attempted to come on to the property a number of times prior to that day. When something like this happens it serves no one for authorities to duck and weave when clearly all of these facts were known to police on day one. One wonders how the parents of those poor young coppers feel now they know the truth.

Just back from the final, final, final food shop at Aldi. All out of sour cream but apart from that we dun good. The parking took longer than the shopping. I think the Aldi checkout operators are hired for speed. I can never get the goods packed before they’re handing me the bill. We got another call from Aurora and Tallulah, seems to be very frequent now while mum and dad are at work, probably the first year they have been old enough to leave at home. We are both thrilled about this development.

December 24, 2022

Taking a break from Christmas food prep, it’s 3 pm and the duck legs are baked, ready to be reheated in the red wine and quince sauce. Potatoes par-boiled and coated with the duck fat from the legs, ready to roast tomorrow. Turkey breast ready to roast, cauliflower au gratin made, dipping sauce made for the prawns, pavlova in the oven, mango, strawberries prepped to go on top, passionfruit can be added last. I think I can take a break.

Tired because I got up at 4.30 to ring Anne in Ripponden UK to see if she has news of the bro, but she’s been kept out of the loop as well and could only say that he’s in a care home in Mount Tabor, a biblical sounding small town on the outskirts of Halifax. However the British directory of care homes doesn’t show any homes in that town, so I decided to email some random business and see if they knew its name. The main business seems to be the pub, but its website says ‘Permanently Closed’ so perhaps it’s a ghost town with a ghost home as the photos of the place are only of the pub and fields and a Methodist chapel. Talking

through how we’ve come to this it was suggested by Anne that it’s a case of wanting total control, keeping out anyone but the daughters (now where have I come across this before?).Kenneth discovered an older cousin a few years ago, he had been adopted out of the family but he’s since died at the age of 90, though his daughter has kept in touch with Kenneth and they were fond of each other. Apparently she either came over or phoned, I can’t remember which, and Anne said the response from the daughter who was there at the time was so ‘snippy’ that she’s unlikely to try again. Perhaps they are worried about a claim on his estate? There’s never been any suggestion of that so it doesn’t make sense, but what other explanation is there to cut out family? So I’m reduced to emailing any small care homes in the general area (Anne said she was told there are only 15 or 20 beds) in the hope that one will come up as correct. But what with privacy laws being what they are, will they even tell me if he’s there? Anyway all that occupied me till morning, with the occasional wasted call to his landline and mobile just in case.

December 25, 2022

No joy from any of the care homes I’ve contacted in the UK trying to find the one my brother is in, I guess it’s a busy time for them but still I’d hoped to hear something by now. I’ve sent another pleading email to his daughter but it’s the last. If I don’t get a reply to this one I shall move into FU mode.

December 26, 2022

December 27, 2022

I am actually getting excited about Canberra, especially since I booked the three of us into the National Gallery at 10.30 am Sunday for the Cressida Campbell exhibition. I realised I could get in free as a carer but decided it would be a bit mean for a one off visit and paid up. My logic for the time slot is that a lot of folks will get up late on New Year’s Day, but we’ll see.

I learned a trick yesterday with John: he constantly gets stressed about anything ruled out in his diary, was it intended? why did things change? so finally I went through it and hit any changes with white out, he immediately stopped stressing and doesn’t even notice the changes now. I wish I could work out a few more tricks like that one. Interestingly John has forgotten that he doesn’t like raw tomato and watermelon (he’s disliked both all the time I’ve known him) so I am serving them both regularly, in case he remembers and I have to take them off the menu again. Makes lunch an easier proposition.

Yesterday his nephew Damien rang and we both had good conversations with him. He is such an interested and interesting person with a real joie de vivre, although he was bemoaning having turned 65 recently. He’s now into vintage cars, collecting the model that his father had when he was young, plus he runs a thriving business and has six hours a week of one-on-one Chinese language lessons direct from China, this on top of learning Thai after meeting his Thai wife. As a result he has made a number of Chinese friends

and is able to ring them and polish his skills. He says even those in remote Western areas are suffering badly from Covid, so sad.

December 28, 2022

Okay, so I’ve played nice and got nowhere. Not one of the care homes in Halifax has answered my emails asking for an address or phone number of any home in Mount Tabor. Tania isn’t answering my emails either so this morning I have emailed West Yorkshire Police telling them that I can’t locate my brother in the place I’ve been told he is staying. My experience of British Police has been very good in the past and I am hoping that they keep up that reputation by at least replying and making a suggestion.

It was John’s carer day today and we had Karen, a very nice Korean-born lady. She was a bit nonplussed about where to take him so I suggested either Koala Park or Parramatta Lakes, but in the end she took him to both, coming home with photos on his phone of their adventure. It’s good to see that he managed yet again with a new person, it’s always a bit iffy. Martha came over for a cuppa, it’s been a while trying to get our schedules to coincide. Then I had another go at a small painting of a stormy sky, it’s far from great but as good as I can get it with my lack of skill. I’ve emailed the Sydney Art School asking about their watercolour classes, which are showing as only available at night. Hopefully a day class may pop up while I still have the motivation to attend.

Froze the rest of the turkey, going back to fish tonight, woohoo. Still loads of veggies to get through, but we are getting there. I am really enjoying the Simnel Cake which I did in lieu of Christmas Cake, but I’m conscious of making it last till the fam can come.

December 29, 2022

Well the good old Bobbies came to the party in as much as they replied immediately, but said that ‘due to data protection requirements’ they couldn’t help. So I wrote back explaining that I don’t want them to find my brother, just find me the details of any home in Mount Tabor or its vicinity. Another reply came: ‘I am sorry Maureen however like previously said by my colleague, due to data protection we would be unable to provide this information’. So apparently the location of British care homes is secret stuff, perhaps they have the old folks locked up in classified locations, behind razor wire. So I am waking every morning about 4 am to try ringing his mobile, which always goes to message bank. When I was once contacted by a complete stranger in Britain to try to find a long lost friend who’d migrated to Sydney in the 1960s, I did internet searches and finally drove to Bondi to do a house to house, eventually putting them back in touch. I need someone like that in Halifax, other than my two nieces of course. I was able to find my niece Jane’s address but sadly it seems as if her landline is extinct as British Telecom doesn’t list it, bugger. I thought she may be more helpful than her sister. There must be a way.

Now it looks as if Louis might be getting the plague too, just as Davina was hoping to salvage something out of their holidays. We also heard from our friend John who was one of the ex-priests who came for

lunch on the Tuesday before Christmas. He was hospitalised with Covid before Christmas and has just come out. So if he was so sick before Christmas, it’s a moral that he had it on that Tuesday, another bullet dodged. I read an interesting article by Peter Doherty, the Nobel Prize winning medico, who says it’s a mistake to think of Covid as being somewhat akin to pneumonia. “It took us a while to work out that unlike influenza, but like measles or polio, Covid-19 causes a systemic infection, with the virus distributed to internal organs via the blood and it can have the added complication of being a coagulopathy, a blood-clotting disease, via mechanisms that are yet to be understood”. With so many folk we know falling victim at the moment, I wonder if this wave is actually the biggest wave we’ve had.

December 30, 2022

News from my cousin Angela on holiday in Melbourne, she has Covid and managed to give it to her cousin on Christmas Eve. She’s holed up in a two storey luxury unit overlooking the Yarra and the city, but not able to see the extended family since Christmas. I think it must be grossly underreported by people only using RAT tests and not bothering to notify Health.

Busy packing for us both as John asks: Is Davina coming with us? (no, she has Covid) and Are we going for 1 night or 6 nights (it’s 3 actually so he’s maybe half right). Yesterday he said: Don’t worry that the watering can is not on the front verandah, I’ve found a new home for it down the back. Today we’ve both searched, but the new watering can is nowhere to be found. Sort of like my brother, no luck there either, with emails and calls to various organisations being a waste of time. The Halifax NHS Headquarters can’t even be contacted by email with a message coming up: ‘This site can’t be reached, www.cht.nhs.uk took too long to respond’ and I am not talking about once, but constantly. It would be funny if not so tragic.

For Christmas John got me a book by former Intelligence Officer Clinton Fernandes, whom I’ve been following for a while but no one seemed to have heard of him. Yesterday he had an Opinion piece in the Herald and today there’s another article about him and his book Sub-Imperial Power. The unfortunate thing is that I haven’t even been able to open it, what with everything going on with the bro, Covid, John and all the other shit clogging up my bandwidth. I need to go on a retreat, oh hang on I’ve already done that, seems like a year ago. One positive today is that I found a friend willing to look after John while I go out on January 9. Orange Blossom Cottage can’t take him because it’s a women only day there on Mondays and it was looking a bit dicey that I’d find somewhere. A group of women who used to meet monthly have being getting together on Zoom for nearly two years, but it’s just not the same and it’s awkward now with John. They’ve decided to get together face-to-face for the first time and I have been hoping to go, now it’s looking possible, if I can dodge Covid. Feeling pretty negative, I need to buck up to go away tomorrow.

December 31, 2022

Sue popped in yesterday and complained about the traffic being horrendous going both ways, so I was expecting it to be heavy coming to Canberra. However it was no different to usual so that was a pleasant surprise. We stopped a few miles (miles is a blast from the past, but just came into my mind) after Berrima

at a little picnic spot and enjoyed our Thermos tea and some Christmas cake. It was wonderful to see Lake George so full of water after decades of seeing it as a dead flat feeding spot for sheep. I wonder where they’ve taken them all? I kept thinking of the couple who rolled their car in WA just 10 km from their destination and were killed on Christmas Day, trying to keep my concentration up, this drive seems to get longer as I get older..

January 1, 2023

There was not a single painting that I didn’t like and so many that I simply adored. My faves are the room interiors and the still life masterpieces. Who paints a vase of flowers and just focuses on the stems in the glass vase? Her nasturtiums could almost be picked off the painting. Her taste in interiors is just divine and when she paints a wall of her house it has half a dozen of her paintings hanging on it, those same paintings that we’ve just looked at in a previous room. If I could do just one of those pictures I’d consider my life to have been worthwhile. Off to the Botanic Gardens for a light lunch outside before walking through the delightful Rainforest Gully, misted with water and glistening with life, lots of birds, reptiles and insects, especially butterflies. Home for a rest and a change of clothes before heading off to Monash in the south of the ACT for dinner with Peter and Dawn in their new home, but before we left my pal on the desk came up and taped folded sheets of newspaper over the offending switches, solving the problem. Querying ‘I’m not the first one to complain about this problem then?’ and he admitted that was the case. I guess the architects wanted all mod cons but they don’t sleep there so the issue wasn’t anticipated. We sat outside and had a lovely meal and the conversation was wonderful as always. They are off to Japan soon and in February Dawn will be part of Mardi Gras as a 78er, one of those arrested in the first ever gay rights march which eventually became Mardi Gras. I remembered to ask Peter if I could look at his watercolours and enjoyed seeing those he’s done on his travels, my favourite is from Moscow, but others were from Italy, China and South East Asia. He is very talented and along with his skills in languages and as a diplomat I guess you’d have to call him a polymath. The trip home was a bit hairy as I am no longer happy driving any distance at night, but it was safely accomplished and the sight of the papered over switches made me smile.

January 2, 2023

Later John said he’d like to go for a half hour walk, which I was a bit dubious about, but he promised to stay on Northbourne Avenue for 15 minutes, then turn around and come back, but half an hour later he rang up lost. He can’t use the maps on his phone but clearly he’d turned many times judging by where he was. He was able to ask a lady where Northbourne was and I could hear her directing him to go to the next lights and turn left. I told him that he needed to head west and despite the fact that the sun was setting he couldn’t work out which way west was. It took a number of calls before I finally found him, and certainly not anywhere near where he was meant to be. Clearly I can’t let him go off by himself again unless it’s from home, and perhaps even that won’t be possible for much longer. I was sure that if he stayed on the one street he couldn’t get lost, but he’s lost any sense of direction at all.

January 3, 2023

We called in to see some friends on the way out of Canberra but only stayed briefly before setting out for Berrima. Although they are my friends originally, John has had a bit to do with them and we’ve visited a number of times before, but he didn’t remember them at all and was out of the conversation really. Went for a walk through Berrima, very warm there, and found that my favourite shop The Little Hand-Stirred Jam Shop has closed, as I’d been told. For decades there was Mrs Oldbuck’s Pantry who sold out to the above business and I understand there was an agreement not to set up in opposition for a period of time, but soon after that the original one reopened (dirty pool?) and although the two have coexisted in the same street for quite a few years now it seems that Mrs. Oldbucks has won out. It’s a shame as I always preferred the Hand-Stirred products. Off to the Gumnut Patisserie for lunch but as John had asked me for a meat pie and they were sold out I went outside to ask if he wanted a sausage roll, a pastie, a quiche or whatever. But a big family got in the queue and said ‘we’ll have the lot and we’ll divide them up’, so that was that. Ended up having a picnic of leftovers from the food we took to Canberra, cheeses, avocado etc which we had on bread and decided that we enjoyed that more than the absent pastry goods, loving the Maggie Beer Truffle Camembert. The traffic was pretty bad but moving and in a way it’s less stressful driving at 80 than at 100 so I wasn’t complaining. When we got home about 4.30 the television had turned itself on, something it mysteriously does but hadn’t done for the past couple of years. I went to turn it off and realised it was a program from Britain about people finding their long lost relatives separated by adoption, in one case a sister found in New Zealand by the program was reunited with her brother in Wales. So of course I sat down and watched it in a gush of tears. Wendy’s Home Care rang to say that John’s carer for tomorrow has been altered to someone he’s never had so it’s touch and go whether that will work out, but here’s hoping.

January 4, 2023

I FOUND HIM!!

After emailing many care homes before we went away looking for Kenneth, without a single reply, I noticed that one, Valley View in Moor End Rd Pellon, had a different email address on its Facebook page to the one I’d used so I sent off a message and within 15 minutes I’d had a reply. Yes he is there, but had been taken to hospital on December 30 and was expected back that day. Julie the manager suggested that we make a time tomorrow for me to ring him. Unfortunately she sent another email to say that although he had been brought back briefly he ‘needed admitting back to the hospital ward he was on, but he was muddled up about where he is, bless him’. But oh joy, finally I’m dealing with a human. I have replied asking for the name of the hospital and the ward. Only a day or two and we’ll be back in touch. Still deciding whether to keep that fact a secret from the daughter or not, I’ll be advised by him.

John’s replacement carer was a lovely Korean lady, somewhat older than the other girls he’s had but very kind as I could see by her eyes. She took him to Parramatta Lake for a walk and lunch, Orange Blossom Cottage is still on holidays so he won’t be going there tomorrow. I went to ‘sewing group’ at Colleen’s but I’ve decided that I’m not even attempting to do any dreaded sewing, so I took the dried leaves I’d collected and traced copies of them onto cardboard which I will cut out and paint to intersperse with the real ones on

some cards. The huge eucalypt ones I got in Canberra are too long for my normal cards so I will need to make some bigger ones and use business size envelopes for them. It would be a tragedy to cut them. On the way home I stopped at a house where bark is peeling off a tree in great swathes. I knocked and asked if I could have some of the bark and collected half a dozen pieces, some as long as I am tall. Delicious.

January 5, 2023

It has become my usual practice now to wake in the middle of the night, ring Kenneth’s mobile (always unsuccessfully) and go back to sleep. Julie from the care home hasn’t replied as yet to my email about the name of the hospital he’s gone to so I am sending emails to the likely candidates, or at least trying to. I’m having difficulties because none of the hospitals have an email address separate from the NHS itself and of course they’re not answering. But I think I have some terrier genes as the more they block me the more determined I am.

John can’t turn off the taps in his bathroom properly and the plumber couldn’t fix them with new washers as they are all corroded up inside. He needs to replace all the piping underneath as well as a new spout and tap handles, but the local plumbing supply place didn’t have the right gear. So today I went to Cook’s Plumbing at Windsor and got all the right bits, confirmed by sending a photo of them to the plumber, three cheers for modern technology, hip, hip hooray. Of course it turns out that he leaves for two weeks’ holiday today so he can’t come till the 25th, but at least it’s in train. Unusually John stayed in the car at each place we went, first calling in to check that an old customer in South Windsor didn’t have anything valuable in a raft of pictures he’s been given that were on their way to the tip from a deceased estate, then Cook’s, then Woolworths. He said he was too tired but I wonder if he’s not sickening with something as now he’s abed, but before he went he asked if we had been out today, he gets worse by the day but I keep saying that don’t I? The only pictures that were interesting were a few pretty embroideries of old cottages, but they are frightfully unfashionable these days and not worth much, if anything, and a fetching decoupage of flowers which I could have bought for $20 and still may, there again worth $150 or more back in the day and a measly 20 bucks now, despite the many hours of work that went into it. The rest of the stuff was pretty much unsaleable, the old girl who died had pretty bad taste bless her. It occurs to me sometimes that craft is what humans do in order to fill in the hours till death, and I suppose that I could buy cards for $1 instead of spending a long time making them. Our labour-saving devices just give us more time to fill with stuff that will be tossed into the Sulo bin when our kids are trying to clear the house for sale.

January 6, 2023

Well am I the cat that swallowed the canary? You bet I am. This morning at 6 am I got an email from Julie, that gem of a manager at Kenneth’s care home to say that he was still in hospital and giving me the name of the hospital, the ward number and their phone number. By 6.05 I’d rung them and confirmed his presence there but the phone was a desk one that can’t be moved. Eventually she came up with the idea of giving me a hospital mobile number and she took the phone to him. He was in good form as I told him the hoops I’ve jumped through to find him. The reason that his mobile doesn’t answer is that he left the

charger at home. He told me he’s been in three care homes and two hospitals since we last spoke and he seemed quite lucid, discussing his time with me in Australia and our adventures in England. I really don’t care what he tells his daughters, they are as useless as marshmallow hubcaps as far as imparting information is concerned. Dads and daughters, harrumph, I think Freud had something there, they are as green-eyed and distrustful as can be from my experience, both here and in Halifax. Kenneth said I’d have been good in his job, I’m assuming he meant the intelligence service rather than surveying! I’ll take that on board as a compliment Kenneth my darling brother, thankyou.

All else pales beside this morning but I have been more patient and obliging with John now that my mind isn’t half occupied with the search. I didn’t even complain when I saw that the alarm man had ticked off a lot more tests on the system than he’d actually done. He helped me make a slice, prep dinner, we did a load of washing and hung it under the deck, dealt with the alarm maintenance man and I put together my Christmas present to myself, the Kenwood Chef Continuous Grater and Chopper and with it made a carrot salad. As usual the busier John is the happier he is. I did get a letter off to the Herald but I’m sure it won’t get in, however it keeps my letter-writing neurons active. It read in part: “‘Simple, sombre and sober’ funeral with 130 cardinals, 400 bishops, 4000 priests and a pope. I will now put ‘simple, sombre and sober‘ into my funeral instructions as I know what it means in practice.”

Did I mention that I spoke to Kenneth for 20 minutes?

January 7, 2023

Aurora rang this morning to let us know that she and her sister were at their grandma’s house for a couple of days so we planned to go there to visit them this afternoon. Lovely visit from Carol and Jack for morning tea discussing books and much else and I was glad to get the visit in before Jack goes to Gerringong for two weeks, and happy that he took a couple of good books to go down with him. After that I got things together to drive to Cranebrook but discovered John had changed into ‘house clothes’ and was playing cards so it took a bit to get him organised to go out, he had completely forgotten and couldn’t remember the arrangement even after I mentioned it. The visit enabled us to deliver the girls’ birthday presents, they are 3 days apart in mid January, with 4 years difference in age. They are delightful children and loved being with John. Lynne showed me some of the many things that Ivan had collected, books, pewter, an English pub style bar well stocked with every type of liquor and every type of glass, a huge model car collection, hundreds of videos and CDs, a Gestetner machine and so much more. Then there are the vintage cars and the guitars……

I’ve realised once again that both of my girls consider my kitchen practices very lax. Apparently you can’t freeze something you’ve cooked if any of the ingredients were previously frozen (oops) or use a board to cut something if it’s had meat or chicken on it, thawing must only be done in the fridge, not on the cupboard top no matter how briefly, anything spilt onto the table can’t be eaten (is the floor alright?) and use by dates, my goodness they are immutable. But even though I am lax no one has ever got poisoning from home cooked food here though I myself have had it badly three times, every time from a restaurant or

caterer. Perhaps I’ve built up a resistance, yes I’m sure I have, so that out of date sour cream that tastes and looks fine can still go on my potato tomorrow night, or later in the week maybe, anyway next time I do jacket potatoes.

The beautiful Julie from Valley View Care Home emailed me again, I get some correspondence daily, to say that the hospital has decided that Kenneth isn’t well enough to return there, as it’s a home for the ‘medically fit’, they will be placing him somewhere else where I am unlikely to find another Julie. However she volunteered to find out where that place is so I don’t lose him again. What a trooper.

January 8, 2023

I’ve had an eBay drought for about a month, but now a small vintage flag for an Italian soccer team has sold, to an Italian of course, then 50 cigarette cards from 1930 went to a good home in the central west. All this for a massive $40 less fees, but satisfying nonetheless. Seeing the stuff that Lynne’s husband left behind for her to deal with has once again focussed my mind on finding homes for things.

We had a belated Christmas at Davina’s today though of course timing is everything and this was sans tree, Christmas fare and champagne, but we made the best of it. The most appreciated gift was Millie’s Monopoly set, she was wildly excited and we all played during the afternoon. She has a good understanding of the concept and was muttering ‘I need to get rich’ and did so, ending up with hotels on Mayfair etc and skimming us all of our hard-earned Monopoly money.

A few people have recommended that we watch Our Dementia Choir on ABC and we’ve caught a couple of episodes on iView. But I just can’t get past the 31 year old former drummer suffering from Alzheimer’s, diagnosed at age 30, close to the first birthday of his twins. His father died at 36 from what has been retrospectively diagnosed as dementia and it’s clear by the severity of his disease after just one year that his life will be short and brutal. After that I just couldn’t muster up any sympathy for those in their 80s I’m afraid.

January 9, 2023

Today I went off to Killara to catch up with some folks I used to meet with pre-Covid. Dropped John off with Bronwyn and Michael at Lane Cove and while I was away they spent time playing Scrabble and then went for lunch at a nearby cafe. I enjoyed seeing friends again, though as a larger number than usual turned up (10) I didn’t get to talk one on one really. Will plan to see Jenny, Di and Greg separately at some point. This month is extraordinarily busy with only a few odd days blank in the diary till the end of January. Boring medical stuff, minding Millie some days, friends from New Zealand visiting Sydney, book group at Killcare, phew! I’ve told a few people today that we’d have to plan something in Feb as this month is a

wipeout. After so much anticipation, today was a bit of a let down really, sometimes you can wait for something so long that it doesn’t live up to the internal hype.

Just read The Premonitions Bureau which was an odd book in many respects but I did find some interesting facts in it. It tells the true story of John Barker a British psychiatrist who in 1966 set out on a project to establish if peoples’ premonitions came true. So folks logged their premonitions with him and he recorded them to see which if any materialised into fact. His methods were totally unscientific in my view and it seemed he just set out to prove his own theories (whether or not all psychiatrists are a wee bit mad is a subject for another day). He began retrospectively asking people if they believed they had a premonition about the Aberfan mining disaster, guaranteed to bring all the crazies out of their wardrobes. Then he followed up with those who said they did and added more over time. He was a show-business fanatic, appearing in every article and on every television programme who would have him. He pioneered aversion therapy (boo hiss) and seemed to have an abiding interest in the occult. He had an interest in ‘psychiatric orchids’, or unusual mental conditions. Barker had conducted studies on Munchausen syndrome, sufferers of which feign illness and was in the midst of researching Scared to Death, a book about people who accurately foretold their own deaths. Yes I have had premonitions by the way, and some have come to fruition, but I would not for a minute think that this proves anything one way or another and his research, set up so haphazardly, would not either. Some Yorkshire relatives of both the adoptive and natural families attended Spiritualist Churches and it seems that was a fairly common thing in that part of the world. Kenneth and I attended his grandmother’s church in Keighley one night and were overcome by stifled giggles when the person leading the meeting was desperately trying to find connections that weren’t there. (I’m hearing from a Bernard, does anyone have a Bernard? No, well there’s also a Peter? Anyone waiting to hear from a Peter?). Eventually we had to flee when her desperation and the bizarre nature of the service got the better of us. We sat in the car and laughed till we cried. But back to the book….I did learn about the nocebo effect which describes adverse symptoms induced independently of the active component of a treatment, the opposite of a placebo effect. This occurs due to negative expectations or perceptions of a treatment, which can be influenced by factors such as healthcare beliefs, media, or suggestions of adverse possibilities from a medico. All of this stuff is fascinating to me but it needs to be studied very carefully, and not by a devotee of a particular theory.

January 10, 2023

A couple of people have suggested that John should maybe go to respite occasionally to give me a break, but I have reservations about it after hearing plenty of stories of people deteriorating rapidly once they spend time in an institution, even temporarily. I think that he would see it as the thin edge of the wedge, which in a sense it is. There is a harm in ‘incarceration’ regardless of the setting. The strange surroundings and people, the enforced change to normal routines can cause a person to give up on a confident idea of the future. Of course if I fell ill for an extended period that would be different but as things stand I’d prefer not to do it, even though I crave some time when I don’t have to clock watch for the end of the carer’s time. Yesterday I had to leave early from the group so as not to stretch the friendship with the friends who were looking after him.

Well before John’s dementia took hold he had a strong tendency to drop everything if asked to do something, particularly for any family member, but even a doctor’s receptionist could give him a totally inappropriate date yet he would accept it without a peep, even though another date would be perfectly fine

with them. Yesterday his cousins from Narromine rang and said they would be in Sydney on Friday and could come and visit at ‘any time of the day’. His immediate reaction was to say he’d cancel his carer for the day, but eventually they said they could come after 2 pm so he was convinced not to do that. Once off the phone he asked: ‘Remind me who those people are who just rang’. They have rung again this morning to say that their plans have changed and they will come in a couple of weeks so I’m glad he didn’t cancel Greg.

We will be staying with Sue for a couple of nights at the end of the month and I’m thinking that seeing we are more than half way to Newcastle we should use that opportunity to go and see Stephen and Deborah which was on the cards to do early in the year. So I rang Rydges Newcastle where we stayed last time and they had rooms available. I like it there as it’s right on the harbour edge and I love watching the ships going past the windows. I joined their loyalty programme last time and it does mean a decent discount, which is a help as being a sort of holiday weekend the normal rates are a bit steep. Looking forward to it all very much.

January 11, 2023

I’ve been trying to decide what to do about a workshop I’d signed up for last year to make a Chinese lantern for their New Year. I had hoped then that John’s new package would have come through by the time it came around, but sadly no, it’s still showing as under one month, the same as in December. I was going to cancel but then this morning I thought of asking if he can come too, something he is quite amenable to, and the answer was ‘yes of course’. So we are off to that next Tuesday. One of the hard things about looking after him is never being able to do anything spontaneously, even it’s planned way ahead as this was you can’t just say ‘Oh I think I’ll visit so-and-so on the way home’ or go out for dinner afterwards for example as there is a committed time to be home to relieve the carer. That won’t improve with more hours on the new package as each respite time will be from x o’clock to x o’clock, but it will help as I can allow extra time just in case.

All the usual suspects are singing the praises of George Pell of course, as people always do once you are dead. I’ve yet to see a notice in a Saturday Herald saying ‘Joe Blogs he was a thief and a career criminal, but much loved by his wife’. I feel sorry for those who are currently suing the church and Pell as his absence will make their case more difficult. But it did firm up my resistance to ever having a joint replacement. I’d need to be in agony, having seen how badly they can turn out. Luckily I’ve never played sport and it seems people who have are more likely to end up under the knife.

Today I got the required raft of blood tests done before I see Glenn Reeves on the 27th. The phlebotomist was a man in his 50s with an unusual name, so I asked about his origin (my kids would be mortified) and it turned out he was an Afghan. It seemed perhaps an odd career for a refugee, which he was, and I guessed correctly that he had been a doctor in Afghanistan. Once here he did a medical science degree intending to do research, but couldn’t get a job anywhere. I asked why he thought that was and he replied that ‘contacts are everything’ and he’s not wrong there. We talked about charity workers in Afghanistan, though perhaps I won’t go into his comments here. I felt right from the get-go that there was a real sadness about him and

his lost opportunities career-wise seem to account for it. Although I agree with the government’s strict criteria for approving doctors trained overseas, there must be many stories of failed ambitions as a result and being there with all the young people doing the same job, when he is a medico with a medical science degree on top, must rub salt in the wound every day.

January 12, 2023

What to say about Pell? Tony Abbott thinks he’s a saint, which says more about him than about Pell. Now they are saying he came from humble beginnings….excuse me, his father owned a pub! He was the sort of person that any normal person would resile from on first meeting and I can’t think of a single priest, ex-priest or nun out of John’s many friends who has a good word to say about him. Peace to those who are suffering, perhaps it’s a comfort to know that he’s no longer looking up at the same moon as you tonight.

Tried to get hold of Stephen and Deborah but so far haven’t succeeded, however Pell’s surprise death may have meant a few press interviews are happening which involve him, I don’t know but hoping that’s the answer. Today I decided to paint for the morning and although my bunch of leaves looks seriously like a bunch of spinach, I decided that renaming the picture simply Spinach would solve the problem. I shall try again and hopefully get it more like what was in my head. If the image is there, why can’t I reproduce it, the way I can with colours for example? Following that I took myself off to the movies (gasp) to see The Banshees of Inisherin at Castle Hill. The rest of the films are either in Indian languages or animated so I was lucky that it was there at all. The only way this story makes any sense to me is to view it as a message about the pointlessness of simply disagreeing to the point that mutual destruction results, that view seems all the more apposite when during the film we are periodically hearing gunfire and explosions from the mainland due to the civil war. So here you had two sides, almost as close as relatives, who decide to destroy each other rather than find a way to solve their differences, is that not war in a nutshell? Perhaps the director sees it differently and the reviewers too, I deliberately haven’t read any reviews, but that reading seems like the only way the movie speaks to me.

January 13, 2023

As soon as I heard of Dominic Perrottet’s fall from grace I immediately said ‘that smells like David Elliott’s work’ and so it has come to pass. It is one thing to have made an appalling decision at the age of 21, it is quite another to be a back-stabbing disloyal wretch at the age of 52 (I was going to use the word weasel instead of wretch but I’m trying not to attach any derogatory human term to an animal). But now exposed, I hope any future employer will discount him as totally unable to show any sort of allegiance.

The Pell caravan rolls on, now he’s been outed as the author of an anonymous and highly critical public letter criticising Pope Francis. The poor old Pope now has to be part of the mourning ceremonies for Pell, knowing that he’s a back-stabbing disloyal wretch. If the rumours are true that the federal government is paying for the repatriation of the body of George Pell, then it is certainly time that we think about withholding our taxes, not that I pay any I hasten to add. The current estimate of the wealth of the Catholic

Church in Australia is $30 billion, that’s billion with a B. Surely they can afford to transport a box by air freight.

I have resisted reading Julia Baird’s article on Prince Harry and his book, simply because I don’t want my feelings on the matter to be coloured by her views, especially as I respect her greatly. I feel for him and am sad that his pain is on such public show. But he is a man who lost his mother twice, once to separation and again with her death, whose paternity is so publicly in doubt, a victim of primogeniture, who along with his wife has been pilloried in the gutter press. With all of this in his past and present I can’t bring myself to criticise his lashing out, I just want to give him a hug, a glass of plonk and a home-cooked meal. Anytime Harry.

While we are on about justice, and I guess that’s the theme running beneath the previous paragraphs, it is so concerning to me when magistrates seem to be hoodwinked by pathetic excuses dreamed up by defendants and their lawyers. Perhaps it’s because prisons are so crowded and so unnecessarily punitive in themselves that they are reluctant to send even the deserving there. I am not a Laura Norder zealot, however I am a believer in restorative justice and I’m seeing too many escape both types of justice. Go figure how a self-identified Nazi who attacked a coloured security guard, punching him in the face six times and knocking his head against concrete, was given 150 hours of community service in part because his partner is 36 weeks pregnant and it would be stressful for him to be in gaol at that time. Who exactly is he going to do his community service with? Working in the Sallies shop? I think not. He showed his thanks for the break he got by giving a Nazi salute on the court steps on his way out.

January 14, 2023

The Pell extravaganza rolls on. The gubmint has decided in its wisdom that we needed to send some ‘Australian officials’ to supervise his body being brought back here. What an absolutely ridiculous waste of money, not just because it’s Pell, but for anyone. Have they not navvies in Italy who can carry a heavy box? Surely a couple of burly chaps from the fruit markets should be able to heave him onto the jet and all the paperwork can be done online. At least we don’t have to suffer a state funeral, in fact why does anyone need a state funeral? Except for a pauper who can’t be buried any other way. Which brings me to a memory from a Coffs Harbour guest house I stayed in a few times in the 60s. One old man who lived there died unexpectedly and no relatives could be found so a pauper’s funeral was arranged. The sole people at the funeral were the elderly proprietor of the guest house and a couple of other folks who also lived there. The proprietor went up to the funeral director and told him that she thought it was the wrong coffin as it was small and the man was very tall. No it’s the right one he said, they only pay for the cheapest coffin so we just cut his feet off and put them under his arms.

My brother’s daughter finally got in touch with me to let me know what is going on with him, after he’s been in three different care homes and two hospitals. She says he has Alzheimer’s, though I’d been told that his brain scans just a few months back didn’t show any signs of it. His cognitive decline came on so suddenly a year ago after an operation to replace a heart valve so I suspect it is actually related to that and

not Alzheimer’s at all. Perhaps she is using that as a generic description for dementia, I don’t know. However it’s pretty clear that once he goes my contact with the family will fizzle instantly. On my mother’s side though, despite the loss of my cousin Victor a few months back, the other three cousins who appeared out of the ether a year ago have continued to stay in touch, Carole in Spain contacting me almost every day. A parcel arrived from her this week containing a ceramic plate with a symbol on it that is only found in Almeria Province where she lives and is thought to bring good luck and good health, so aye to that.

After surprisingly getting a booking to go to Newcastle following the stay at Sue’s at the end of the month, we discover that Stephen and Deborah are going away for most of those dates. I was sooo looking forward to it and it had the advantage that I don’t have to drive so far, as Sue’s is already half way there. Not sure what to do now as I had primed up Damien that we could be in town then and he was going to tell his brothers as well. We’ll have to have a think, of course John says he’ll do whatever I want, so really it’s only up to me. One of his questions today: Are we a republic now or are we still under Queen Elizabeth?

January 15, 2023

John had no prior mental image of Mary and David from New Zealand whom we met today for lunch, but luckily remembered them as soon as he saw them. He couldn’t though remember anything about the two week holiday we had with them in NZ, their house or anything about where we went while we were over there, in fact he doesn’t remember going there at all. But we had a lovely time, the food at The Palace Tearooms is always great and the salmon fishcakes hit the spot perfectly for me. The staff there are particularly good and it was funny when David dived to the main counter to pay while I dived to the till at the front with the same intention, we couldn’t agree so we just laughed and went halves. They are off to Griffith tomorrow where he has a job as a mediator for a family wine company that is in serious financial trouble. I wish they lived closer, I just love being with both of them and we get to see them so rarely. First we wandered around the QVB shops and wondered at some with hardly anything to sell, probably 50 items of clothing in the whole space and the only way to make that a feasible proposition with those rents is to sell everything at 1000% markup. I didn’t feel at all envious as the dresses in the windows of some of the shops I wouldn’t wear at a gift, or even on the $2 rack at the Sallies, but it takes all kinds. In one shop they were selling the most impractical shoes I’ve ever seen, covered in purple fabric, they had huge bows in front that literally dragged on the ground, so every step you take that’s not on white carpet soils the shoes irrevocably, I don’t even want to consider rain. What would possess someone to spend nearly $1500 on shoes to wear two or three times? I did see though a piece of solid opal in matrix that had been polished as a whole. Paperweight? Just a beautiful thing? I didn’t ask the price and they don’t have prices visible in those sorts of shops, but I could see myself fondling its lustrous surface while reading and enjoying it immensely. I guess not everyone could understand that, so I can’t criticise.

January 16, 2023

Whoa, what a day. We were at Erskineville a little after 8 am and walked up to St. Peters Station with Millie for the train ride to Town Hall, then down to Darling Harbour which looks a mess due to various construction projects. There is a Sydney Festival event there called Cupid’s Koi (the name relates to nothing I could see) which is a series of large blow-ups which sporadically emit water. But first we went to two permanent water features in the park which Millie loved to play in, particularly one with moveable dams, pumps etc to control the water flow. After a couple of hours there, we headed off in search of the ferry to the Quay, but the usual wharf was now a private one and a walk to Bararangaroo ensued. Stressed, hot, confused, I took a call from Sue and misinterpreted what she was trying to tell me. Wrangling two people, a biggie and a littlie, is hard work. Eventually we took a leisurely ride to the Quay and looked for another ferry to take us to Watson’s Bay for lunch. There I encountered a surly employee, unusual for ferry people in my experience. We had gone to the right wharf but were on the wrong side of the central dividing fence so I said to the fellow ‘I think we are on the wrong side of the barrier?’ it was meant as a question I guess. The reply was ‘well wadda ya want me to do about it? just walk around like everybody else does’. Seeing I didn’t expect him to bodily lift the three of us over the fence, I thought it was the reply of someone not comfortable with customer service. The ferry across to WB was a delight, stopping at Rose Bay next to Sydney Sea Planes terminal where I said a little prayer? entreaty? appeal? (what does a non-religious person do?) for those folks whose inquest I’ve been going to, who came to grief along with the pilot in Pittwater. How can a sea plane crash on water I kept asking myself, answer: quite easily if the pilot succumbs to carbon monoxide in the cabin. But I’m jumping the gun, the coroner will hand down her decision next month, wise woman that she is. Note to self: follow up on when the finding comes in, I want to be there.

My Opal card chose today to malfunction, but when I tried to top it up manually instead of by automatic bank transfer as usual, it came up as an invalid card, despite being used on Sunday to go to the city. So I got through using Millie’s and carrying her, which we needed to do in any event as she’s frightened of the barriers coming in and squashing her. Her fears are diverse. On the way home I tried to hold on to her Opal card in case she lost it, but was told that ‘you can’t have it grandma, because it’s MINE’. Not wanting to make a fuss I let it pass till we got to St. Peters and saw it being entered into a drink machine, and then a gap between two bins, so I was mean and confiscated it. This got me a lecture about property, ownership and rights, however I still held firm to the card. John insisted on holding her hand along a very busy road and she appealed ‘grandma, he’s breaking my wrist’ so I decided it was a good time to return the Opal card and suddenly holding hands ceased to be a problem. All in all a great big day out which she enjoyed and which totally exhausted me. No dinner and a flop on the lounge ensued, thank goodness for home made cole slaw and a tin of salmon which made an easy dinner for John.

January 17, 2023

Yes I will speak ill of the dead, George Pell and Jim Molan gone to their rewards in the one week? Let’s hope their respective replacements will be more gracious, kind and fundamentally decent human beings. I have to add that Renee Geyer’s passing after a hip replacement kind of caps off a weird week.

Well the long-awaited Chinese Lantern Workshop was…how to describe it…a fizzer, a debacle, disaster is perhaps too strong a word. After driving all the way to Glebe with John in tow it was a bit surprising that the ‘Chinese’ design was a floral one with a rabbit which we were to colour in. Despite John colouring in every day he didn’t do more than 5 minutes before he declared that he didn’t like it and sat there with his eyes shut. There were folks at home on Zoom too which was a bit disconcerting, but I could have managed. However after half an hour or so I could see that this wasn’t going to work so I gave our apologies to the somewhat nonplussed group. I was kind of glad I’d kept a mask on so people won’t recognise me if we meet again, haha. Feeling sorry for the lady who tried so hard to involve him but I could hardly say ‘don’t worry he’s got dementia’. On the way home he kept saying ‘I don’t want to join that group’ despite my saying repeatedly that it was a one-off. Then later he kept asking where we had been and I just said I’d forgotten as I didn’t want to keep going over it again.

Made a call to the St. Vs clinic for an appointment for my 2 year check-up after the bowel cancer op, waiting for a call back. I hope it’s not going to be from February 14 till the end of the month though as they are all gay in that clinic and it’s the period of World Pride, somehow it doesn’t seem auspicious or opportune, or something, but tricky to say that. Perhaps I can just be busy all February. Anyway it takes some hours so unless John’s funding comes through I can only do Thursdays anyway and that may not suit them.

January 18, 2023

No call back from St. Vs so perhaps they are already in party mode and I get a leave pass till March? I saw John’s haematologist reported in the Herald this morning saying that fatality from Covid for people with lymphoma is 30%, so John was extremely lucky to come through it as well as he did. The doctor herself suffers from long Covid.

I sent an apologetic email to the artist from yesterday and got a lovely reply back saying that she’d like to keep in touch. Gosh that happens a lot, but I’m getting hard pressed fitting in all the people I need to keep in touch with. I have followed her on Facebook and that’s probably enough, then I can see when she has an exhibition or whatever. Some of the designs she’s done for Maxwell Williams China are really pretty. I have cut out and painted some of the designs from the lantern project and will use them on cards with a watercolour painted background, so it hasn’t all gone to waste.

Apparently there was a birthday party last Sunday for John’s granddaughters at Bronte Beach. I know they would have been delighted to see their grandfather there, but we only heard after the event from others who were invited. They had to drive within two streets of our place on the long drive from their home to the beach, so picking him up and taking him with them was a very easy option. I decided not to even mention it to John, why upset him for no purpose?

I’ve typed out the cancellation email to the hotel in Newcastle but just couldn’t press send so it’s sitting there as a draft just in case it all turns around and we can go. John has never been as keen to get away as I

am and now he wouldn’t care if we never went anywhere but I need to, so another holiday plan will need to replace this one.

January 19, 2023

Well I’m too cool for school now that I was told this morning that John’s home care package has come through (vale little old man or lady who either died or went into a home for this to happen). I immediately rang Sydney Art School who informed me I’d better get weaving as the class I wanted has a maximum of 12 students and they already had 11 enrolled. Communication with Wendy’s assured me that there would be ample funds so I booked the classes and Kristy will sort out a roster of carers next week when she’s back from holidays. I would have much preferred daytime but it was better to start somewhere. St. Vs rang me back and I didn’t need to worry about seeing the docs during World Pride as they’re already booked out till April, enabling me to kick that can down the road. It’s a Tuesday and I will be able to get a carer with no problems now. Bragging here…

My cousins in Spain and England who first contacted me just a year ago have become my most frequent correspondents. I have been able to ascertain that my mother’s brother was short and dark and they used to joke after his visits to his sister in Florida that he’d have trouble getting back into England as he looked for all the world to be another ethnic group after just three weeks in the sun. I’ve sent them a photo of my feet which have brown stripes after one day in the sun in sandals last week, thanks for those tanning genes mother. My DNA showed about 26% old Roman genes and I wonder if that’s where their dark skin and eyes came from? Mine is diluted via my dad, but mum and her siblings were short and dark, her brother could have got a bit part as a Calabrian don. I was able to dig out photos taken in 2005 in England with my cousins Vic and Brian and noticed that the dress I was wearing still hangs in my wardrobe and it doesn’t look the least bit fetching in the pics. So yesterday I washed it and it’s now headed for the Salvos, well done good and faithful servant. It is very freeing to be able to part with something and not feel wasteful so I’m glad I dug out those pics.

These blessed sovereign citizens are becoming a pain in the neck. An extension of the bleeding libertarians and often tied up with the QAnon conspiracy movement, this group is much more dangerous than their petty arguments would indicate. We only need to look at recent events in Tara to see that. I have always maintained a right to ignore dangerously bad laws BUT I realise I must accept the penalty attached to making a protest by breaking those laws. It often seems to me when looking at video of these people arguing with police or whomever, that they are far from bright and of course it’s impossible to argue with people with no relationship to logic. A pox on them.

January 20, 2023

So John tells me this morning that I ‘need to do a workshop about looking after a person with no memory’ after I requested for the hundredth time that he write down the answers to frequently asked questions on a little pad, which I have provided. The little pad idea is clearly a no-go and to him just represents my failure

to happily keep repeating answers endlessly. We took his car to the mechanic for service this morning and are waiting for a call to pick it up. I loathe driving other people’s cars as I know I’d be sleepless for weeks if I had an accident. It wasn’t an issue when Alex was in Castle Hill but now he’s in Blacktown it’s a pain, however he’s too good to change mechanics so no point whingeing. He’s just rung to say the car needs new brake linings and discs for a total of $1450, which is a neat figure seeing John has $1558 in total in his bank till next pension day. As long as there is enough, who cares? But even if there were $10 in the account he’d happily flash the card and attempt to pay, money matters are beyond him now. That $100,000 that he’s been deplorably accused of stealing would be very handy for him right at the minute.

John’s friend John de Luca, a retired priest, died yesterday at his home in Maroubra. His family was from Salina, an island north of Sicily and were famed here as high end greengrocers in the city. His cleaner alerted the concierge of the apartment complex when she could not gain entry to John’s apartment. Together, the concierge and cleaner, found him dead at his desk. He had bought that loft style unit with a view of the beach and with very high ceilings to take his pipe organ which graced the loungeroom, alongside the grand piano and the harpsichord. While studying and later working as a priest he simultaneously studied for a Master’s and then a PhD in music at Sydney Conservatorium. Christmas carols around his piano with his sister singing were really something else. I put off telling John till after dinner, thinking he would be very upset, but he just said: That’s no good, are you right for me to wash up now? It’s very difficult knowing how things will go.

For the first time I can remember all five books that I ordered from the library today were available, as in they exist in the catalogue, even if they are out on loan. Perhaps I’m reading more popular and mainstream stuff these days? There were no classics in my requests this time but I was particularly glad that they had How To Catch a Killer by American criminologist Katherine Ramsland, with whom accused murderer Bryan Kohberger was studying for his PhD in criminal justice. She is a forensic psychologist which serves to remind me of the forensic science course I had signed up for at UWS which was sadly cancelled due to Covid. Decades ago I did a great forensic psychology course which sparked my ongoing interest in reading about the subject and I can’t wait to get into this book.

Pretty pleased with the two cards I’ve made from the artwork provided at the ill-fated Chinese lantern workshop. I’ve cut the pieces up and painted them, then made collages. It was fun and I’ve still got quite a few more bits to work with. Some good comes out of everything as they say. But I am loathe to part with some cards for a while, they’re my babies till new ones surpass them.

January 21, 2023

Good day with Greg and Linda, friends from Sans Souci, who came for morning tea at 10.30 and left at close to 4 pm after a hastily prepared lunch of cheese and tomato toasties with a bit of salad. They are great company and we learned a bit about life in Switzerland where they lived for many years. Apparently everyone must carry photo ID at all times, everyone does military service with their salaries paid by their employers, initially for 3 months and from then on for 3 weeks every year. Those over 40 work at fire

stations, a disaster organisation or in hospitals. Greg worked as a medical assistant at a hospital that is completely underground, safeguarded from atomic fallout or biological weapons by elaborate systems. I was interested to know that every house and public building must have a functional bomb shelter underground, fully stocked at all times with water and food. Linda likened it to a police state in some ways, but interestingly commented that unlike Australia and the US ‘there are no crazies’ and people respect the laws. Switzerland breeds sane people due to the quality of its societal rules: discuss. Apparently much of the Swiss military apparatus is kept under mountains, including massive hangers for their fighter planes. It was not only a fun day, but an educational one.

We raced up to Castle Mall after they had gone and I expected it to be very quiet. But due I guess to Chinese New Year the place was rocking, a big queue for barbecued duck and a maze of barriers to walk through to get to the seafood shop counter. But I got the last of the black tiger prawns to toss through some fresh pasta for dinner so no complaints. The fruit market had navel oranges for $1.49 a kilo, as distinct from $7.99 in another shop a few days ago or $5.99 at the supermarket for American ones, which I would never buy as it’s always better to simply wait till local produce is available again. Don’t get me going on that disgusting Chinese bleached garlic, ugh. I started wishing random Chinese people a Happy New Year and got a number of beaming responses and good wishes and left the shops feeling well blessed.

January 22, 2023

Sent off a card to Duncan, the friendly Australian Transportation Safety Board investigator whom I met numerous times at the inquest into the Pittwater seaplane disaster. He was so helpful, unasked for, in explaining the more technical parts of the evidence and he introduced me to the doctor who first promoted the theory that the pilot may have been accidentally under the influence of carbon monoxide, this after the investigators had run out of feasible theories. I asked him for the date of the coroner’s final decision as now John has more hours of care available I want to be there. He is past being able to come with me, it is just too confusing for him these days, even on the only time I took him last year he told Duncan that his evidence was ‘too boring’, while I was enthralled.

Tried to read Christos Tsiolkas novel 7 1/2, but had to pack it in. I like his writing usually but in this one he is the main character and his efforts to write a novel are explored, however I decided that he is so full of himself that he doesn’t really need me as a reader, if that makes sense. Also an example of ‘autofiction’ is The Eulogy by Jackie Bailey. In contrast this was a book that I really didn’t want to finish and thought about for days afterwards. It documents what could only be described as child abuse by the mother character which each of the children deals with in their different ways as they grow up, however none of them take the perfectly understandable choice to cut ties with her altogether. Of course the questions remain about what parts of this ‘autofiction’ are true and which are fictional, but that’s something we’ll never find out I suspect. This is the problem with the genre and why I would prefer a straight out memoir, but in this case I just considered it all as fiction and got around the problem that way.

I know everyone is sick of Harry and Meghan (or Ginger and Whinger as my friend David calls them) but I keep coming back in my mind to exactly what he’s being criticised

for: telling the truth as he sees

most of all for having the temerity to put a number on the people he’d killed in Afghanistan. Apparently that is a no-no, of course it is, it humanises the enemy and we can’t have that! It is considered ‘bad taste’ to reveal how many people you kill, but not bad taste to kill them in the first place, in fact if you kill enough (and keep the number secret) you’ll get your own little window in the War Memorial. Killing is not beyond anyone, but I’d like to think that I could choose my own target, not just be sent out with an assignment on behalf of faceless superiors and government ministers. Soldiers suffer PTSD for a very good reason, they have been asked to do what is forbidden in any other walk of life and I commend Harry for having the courage to put a number on his trespasses.

January 23, 2023

I’ve been awake since 2 am due to forgetting to take my once a day antibiotic on Saturday night. I had cleaned up when we were expecting visitors that day and put my tablets in a drawer in my bedroom out of sight, clearly out of mind as well! It just goes to show that the treatment is barely holding the problem at bay and it isn’t really a long term solution. I can’t bear the thought of going to a fourth urologist when the first three did nowt that worked. But after a couple of extra doses I’m feeling fine now. Sue popped in to give me the key to her place in case she’s down here seeing her mother when we are due to go to her on Thursday. It’s a bit of a nuisance that we can’t just cancel, but I need to see the immunologist at Erina near her place on Friday morning and I can’t really afford to put it off as the wheels are falling off a few things at the moment. It was perfect timing with the book group meeting at Sue’s which has now been cancelled, but them’s the breaks.

I’ve spent sooo long on phones today juggling the pharmacy order, trying to get a phone appointment for John with Bob, trying to see if the new home care package will fund a handrail at the front steps (yes they will) and dealing with the offer of an extra day a week at dementia care and then after accepting it, trying to alter all the appointments for the next two months that fall on that day of the week. The catch with the handrail is that they will pay only if I get an occupational therapist to come and then write a report to say that he needs a handrail. I’ve decided that the government paying someone $330 to approve it is wasted money from his package so I just ordered and paid for the bloody thing myself. I know she (OTs are always shes) would just be one more person to deal with and it’s worth the price of the handrail not to have to answer another whole raft of questions. So I ordered it and paid for it online and it should be here from Melbourne this week. John is out of money till pension day thanks to the car repairs and his card bounced at the pharmacy so that was something else to sort out. What also prompted me to refuse the OT was a series of messages from an acquaintance urging me to apply for a government grant that she herself had just received. It wasn’t peanuts, but went to six figures, and I can’t for the life of me stomach anyone freeloading a system designed to help those at the bottom of the pile. Frustrating too that I applied for the council’s day bus trips for the over 65s to give John another day out opportunity and was told I had to get permission to use the service from My Aged Care. Jumped through those hoops and got the permission numbers but now the council has rung to say that John is ineligible because he’s on a Home Care Package, but I am welcome to go, hardly the point. I had told the council person on day one about his package, but clearly the message didn’t get through. Pity as it would have saved me driving him places, but fair enough

now that he’s getting the other assistance that he needs. I need to apply for a secretary to deal with all this bureaucracy, perhaps I could get a six figure grant for that…..

January 25, 2023

Went up to Castle Mall to pick up John’s scripts from Bob’s office and came across a Chinese New Year celebration with lion dancers, drummers and percussionists. Who needs to go to Chinatown? Followed them through the centre and particularly liked seeing them behind the counter of my usual fishmonger. What fun, I’m happy to celebrate whatever’s going, apart from Australia Day obviously.

John’s latest thing is the inability to dress appropriately for the weather. Yesterday when we were taking Millie out all day, including the beach, he was dressed in singlet, warm shirt and jumper. I advised him at breakfast that it was too warm, but he said a bit grumpily: ‘I’m dressing for now, not the middle of the day’ and then complained all day about being too hot, despite the fact that I had talked him into leaving the jumper behind. He did the same thing this morning for going out with Greg and often wants the aircon on at 8pm when it’s quite cool. Another oddity to deal with.

I was pleased to discover that the messages about government grants that I had thought were from my acquaintance weren’t at all, but from a sophisticated hacker/scammer who seemed to know her quite well, perhaps via her Facebook posts? It irks me no end that I actually communicated back and forth with this person, but thankfully showed no interest in what he (it’s usually a he) was peddling. I was surprised though at how easily he gave up when I said I had no reasonable criteria for applying for a grant, usually they are much more persistent than that, so it won’t surprise me if I hear from him again.

Mmm, got an email from The Painting Teacher telling me what to bring next week. The brand of paints I bought previously and have been using, Reeves, isn’t in her list of preferred ones and the colours don’t cut the mustard either (Don’t buy cadmium lemon yellow, oops). No one told me that there would be a list of things to bring so that’s a bit annoying, I’ll have to top up at Eckersley’s next week with a few more colours and turn the brand over on the existing ones in the hope she doesn’t notice. My paper probably isn’t up to scratch either though it works fine for the cards I’m making. I wonder if Van Gogh and Monet had the right brands?

January 26, 2023

Off, along with half of Sydney, to the central coast. We pulled in at Woy Woy for a break and I was amazed at the two pubs we saw, both full of early drinkers quaffing schooners. No entertainment as far as I saw, just boozing. Is Australia Day becoming like Anzac Day? Just an excuse for a piss-up. We enjoyed milkshakes by the water and I considered going on a round trip to Empire Bay on their little ferry but it only goes a few times a day and it just didn’t suit timewise. However we drove on to Umina, where I tried to get a park from one end of its long beach to the other to take a dip, it was wall to wall people on the beach and the streets were parked out for miles so that plan didn’t germinate. On again to Hardys Bay, not

far from Sue’s, where we enjoyed a walk on the wharf and a bit of lunch at the cafe, an okay salad for an okay price but a $10 surcharge for Australia Day! Nothing else was open so no other choices. I can’t understand why so many businesses were closed, why would you pull up the drawbridge on one of the most popular summer days of the year, unless of course you were objecting to the day on principle and I very much doubt that was the reason.

The side of salmon I took up for dinner was amazingly still mostly frozen so no need to worry there. Sue added green beans picked from her farm a couple of hours previously and a potato and parsnip bake made with similarly sourced veggies. It was a Nagi recipe that I intend to emulate once the markets reopen and I can get lovely fresh parsnips. We watched a couple of episodes of the ABC programme Better Date Than Never which was somewhat excruciating, seeing the lack of confidence of the people shown. I can’t see that having your shyness and diffidence exposed on national tv can be a positive experience, but I hope I’m wrong. These people are at the extreme end, really needing a lot of help, which I hope materialises as a result of the programme. John found it so mortifying that he asked if he could wash up instead. Sue and I both had the same reaction, wanting to hug them, especially the young Chinese man who is pathologically shy.

I wish George Pell were still alive. I should probably qualify that to: I wish George Pell were alive long enough to hear Pope Francis say that homosexuality should not be against the law and that gay people should have all of the benefits of the church. Perhaps Pell would have keeled over there and then, making it doubly newsworthy, but perhaps Francis has found his voice because he hasn’t got Pell looking over his shoulder, who knows? But one thing is for sure the Pope seems infallible only until some cardinal or other disagrees, then they ignore that concept entirely. You can’t have it both ways boys, sorry he’s either infallible or he ain’t.

January 27, 2023

Off to Erina to see Prof. Reeves for an appointment that ran to half an hour. He has another idea to try for the interstitial cystitis, something that ‘calms the mast cells’, another thing I’ll need to read up on. So if the antibiotics fail to work long term at least I know that there is something in reserve. His dictaphone letter to various other doctors is always amazing, he is so good at covering every aspect of the half hour of discussion and putting his views and mine cogently so others know exactly how the appointment unfolded. A funny thing happened at the desk when I was paying. There were three women there instead of the usual two and one asked how I was and if the appointment had gone well. ‘Oh yes’ I replied ‘it always does, he’s such a lovely man I could happily take him home with me’ I said. ‘Well maybe not’, the new woman laughed, ‘I’m his wife’. But her sense of humour matches his, so I was very happy to have met her and had the interaction.

In the afternoon Sue took us to Patonga, somewhere I hadn’t been since my girls were born. I took note of the ferry which travels between there and Palm Beach, another possibility for an outing with John. We also drove down to Pearl Beach and through Umina again, marvelling at the numbers of people on the beach.

We decided to eat at the local Empire Bay Tavern at night and then watched a doco on Netflix that I had read a review of recently. Into the Deep was about the murder of a journalist in Denmark on board a home made mini submarine. It was as riveting as the review claimed and I’d happily watch it again if we had Netflix. Reading about psychopaths is fascinating but seeing an interview with one is totally engrossing.

January 28, 2023

This morning we headed down to the beach and I had my first swim of the year in delightfully warm water. This after a walk along Killcare Beach to Putty Beach and back. Then by chance we got into conversation with a couple from Lane Cove, she a retired teacher, he a history academic, specialising in India and the relationship between Christianity and other faiths. I wrote his name down, particularly to look into his books but he warned me that ‘they are heavy’. It turned out that he was best friends with Charles Birch, the amazing biologist, entomologist, ethicist and theologian who was an idol of mine back in the 60s and 70s when I was working at the University of Sydney, where he was a professor. A huge cat lover to boot he always had a cat with him when he was interviewed. So we ended up exchanging phone numbers and we’ll see where that goes. If it’s nowhere we still passed a lovely morning with them. The trip home was a dream compared to the trip up on Thursday, partly due to traffic and partly due to the fact that I’d just had an invigorating dip.

I have been having trouble sleeping for months, waking at 2.40 am most mornings and often failing to get back to sleep, however at Sue’s I slept like the proverbial fallen tree trunk both nights. I’m sure this was due to the fact that I relaxed up there with no concerns about appointments, home care plans, prescriptions, ACAT etc. I noticed as soon as we got home John was getting back into the habit of asking the same questions repeatedly, whereas at Sue’s he was much more relaxed too. Moving in with Sue is perhaps the answer I’ve been looking for. She has taken up my suggestion of keeping her Kirribilli unit rather than buying a place in the inner west and is now looking to furnish it. It appears she will take John’s leather sofa which I’ve been trying to offload for months, woohoo!

January 29, 2023

I got an offer on eBay for three non-working watches, $15 instead of the advertised $20, which sounds like an offer I can’t refuse. In fact any offers fall into that category at this stage. We got a phone call yesterday asking if John’s Narromine relatives could come for morning tea and it was good to see them after some time. He doesn’t know exactly how they are related but that proved not to matter. Chris is a truck driver and has offered to take John with him on a trip, but then I think he wondered how that would work and said he’d just take him to Campbelltown and and back next trip. Perhaps he’s seeing how it goes before doing a longer country journey, which is wise. Their lives are so different to ours, with crops, horses and various jobs all competing for attention. But I think it would be great for John if a longer trip ensues, giving him different experiences and someone new to talk to.

Outside at the car I heard my name being called and eventually realised it was Paul who used to live across the road. Many years ago he had a disastrous and life-changing accident when he was working as a self-employed builder and was hit by a car while standing at the back of his trailer. His legs were terribly damaged and his career cruelled, but luckily he had invested in excellent insurance which paid him his normal wage for a few years and then negotiated a lump sum because he would never be able to go back to working. He used the money to buy a boat and now lives on it with his partner in North Queensland, while his daughter and family rent his house here. He loves the life, fishing for their food, travelling up and down the coast at times and he says he thinks that they will live on the boat indefinitely, they’ve already been on it for ten years and he’s only in his 50s. Different lives, but a success story from a catastrophic accident.

Started reading a Cormac McCarthy book, The Passenger, and I don’t think there’s another author who does suspense like him. I don’t mean suspense as in some criminal creeping up behind you, but suspense in an ordinary situation that will probably come to nothing…..yet you are holding your breath just in case. I remember Bob discovering my blood pressure soaring and it was purely because of No Country for Old Men, so gripping that I could barely breathe, I’m not sure he believed me but it was way lower next time I saw him. This one has alternate chapters describing the illusions (or more properly delusions) being experienced by his sister and these are disturbing in a different way. But just a description of his diving with scuba gear is creepy as you are always waiting for the calamity to occur.

January 30, 2023

This post was gobbled up by something in the blogosphere, so I’m post-dating my recollections. I went to Eckersley’s to fulfil the obligation to the painting teacher and have all the items she prescribed. The staff there were great but on eyeing the list they rolled their eyes and said: ‘is this really for a beginner class?’. I wasn’t expecting a sheet of watercolour paper to cost $55, maybe $5. But ever helpful they rustled around out the back and found a leftover pack of one of the approved brands (must be 100% cotton, must be cold pressed) in a 3 pack that was previously on special for the same amount. Paints are priced depending on the pigment, except the Reeves range which I’d already bought and which is apparently infra dig, but the list has specific colours and brands which vary from $15 to $50……per tube. No wonder Blue Poles is worth $550 million, it’s the paint. Anyway I was lucky in two respects, one that the two women were super helpful and two that we were the only people in the shop. An hour later I exited with paints, paper, tape, whatever and with a somewhat reduced bank balance.

Next I attacked the Dental Clinic at RNSH and was told that despite John having been on the waiting list for 4 years he now has to go to Westmead and start over because of the change of address. Feeling confident after my success at Eckersley’s perhaps, I simply refused and after some consultations I was told he could have an appointment in 6 months. Nope, not good enough, I replied, his teeth are falling out, no doubt a result of radiotherapy. How about February 9 she said and I accepted immediately, despite it being the day care bus trip to St. George Rowing Club, I thought I’d pushed my luck as far as I could.

January 31, 2023

The Catholic Church has clearly had a word in the ear of the police who have applied to the Supreme Court to ban a demonstration passing the cathedral on the day of Cardinal Pell’s funeral. How bloody typical. As Frances Sullivan, who was CEO of the Catholic Church’s Truth, Justice and Healing Council, pointed out last week when the church was cutting down ribbons tied to the cathedral’s fence in memory of victims: they have learned nothing. This follows the appalling ‘revelations’ in last night’s 4 Corners programme about the work of Opus Dei, particularly in respect of its schools, sadly located not far from here. Every man and his poodle is acting surprised about this organisation, do they not read? Opus Dei supported Franco in the civil war in Spain, supported various right-wing dictators in South America who murdered thousands and still support corporal mortification (read self-harm here). But we as tax-payers support them financially, along with Scientologists and other crazies. A pox on the lot of them, but please don’t say ‘we didn’t know’.

I scored a leave pass today and it was revitalising. It is John’s friend John de Luca’s funeral today and I intended to take him over to Coogee, however last night his friend Phil rang and asked if he’d like a lift. It freed up most of the day and I have put it to good use making pikelets and a batch of coleslaw, getting my stuff sorted for painting and doing some hand washing. Sue called in briefly to inspect the colour of the lounge which she may take for Kirribilli but I couldn’t press her into having a pikelet as she’s trying to lose weight. I explained that death is a certain weight loss method and she should wait for that, but she looked unconvinced.

February 1, 2023

A message from a good friend this morning freed me of the (very pleasant) obligation of lunch with her tomorrow, if I wanted to go to the Pell protest. I like to be known as someone who doesn’t renege on an arrangement, a friend years ago used to call it ‘always waiting for a better offer’ so I hadn’t brought up the possibility of going. But I really DO want to go to the protest and especially so now that the police are trying to have it banned. So I’ve been down in the storeroom cutting lengths of ribbon to tie onto the cathedral’s fence and I assume my friend will act for me if I happen to get arrested. Looking at the diary for the first few weeks of February it is following last month in filling up fast, mostly with medical appointments for John. His carer today has said he will do some of the stints needed for my painting classes so it will be good to have his familiar face. Yesterday John got home from the funeral with Phil after 6 pm but by 7 he asked ‘where did I go today?’. When I filled him in, thinking that he would then remember, he replied ‘but how did I get there?’

After watching the absolutely horrible murder of Tyre Nichols I thought it couldn’t get much worse, but I doubted the depth of America’s plunge into oppression by police. I just watched video of the murder by cops of Arthur Lowe Jr, a black man of course, a double amputee who got out of his wheelchair and was chased by police while running away on his stumps, I repeat that, while running away on his stumps. He was killed with eight bullets to the chest ‘because the police feared he might throw his knife at them’. What a gutless bunch, words fail me.

Typing this while listening to the Robodebt Royal Commission, currently speaking is the Dishonourable Alan Tudge. He’s doing a Morrison, slow to answer questions, wavering, sorting through papers, trying to get through the day saying as little as humanly possible. Yesterday his former media adviser (and lover) Rachelle Miller told the Commission that she had leaked to the ‘right-wing press’ personal details of welfare recipients who had spoken out against the Robodebt scheme, in order to discourage others from coming forward. The Federal Government (ie us) has recently paid Miss Miller $650,000 for hurt, distress and humiliation she alleges she suffered while working for Tudge and another minister whose name I choose not to type on an empty stomach. Just wondering why we need to pay this woman, in a relationship with her boss, against all protocols of government?

August 3, 2023-January 19, 2024

August 3, 2023

Today was an all-day Dementia Australia workshop, held at Castle Hill RSL, but luckily I didn’t sight a person on a poker machine so that’s a positive. Did it help me? I’m not sure. There were 5 participants, well 6 but one left at the morning tea break, and 3 presenters. It was more about looking after me whereas I wanted more strategies for looking after John. Three people were looking after elderly mothers and two had partners with dementia. One segment that I found somewhat interesting were the tips: 1. Shit happens, suffering is part of life. 2. Don’t lose what you’ve got grieving over what you’ve lost. 3. Ask yourself if your actions are helping or harming, it’s your judgment, not someone else’s. Have a pity party if you need to, but set a timer for how long you can sit around feeling sorry for yourself, then get up and do something positive for yourself. But did it help me work out how to help John? Not really, it’s just a day at a time, changing tack as the illness does.

August 4, 2023

Only writing a little bit as the blog is currently down, but hopefully will be all fixed tomorrow. Today was very exhausting. Picked up John about 9 to go to Nelune for his treatment, but first we needed to go to the floor above to get a blood test done for his haematology appointment next week. That was completed but then he wanted to go home thinking that we were all done. Luckily I had gone in with him or else he would have gone out the front to wa

hadn’t begun. I chuffed off to Woollahra and mooched in Simon Johnson, buying cheeses for First Saturday (Italian gorgonzola was one mmm-mm) instead of the cake I had intended to make. Looked in Kidstuff for a game for Millie but thought everything looked overpriced and underexciting. But I did spend in Woollahra, the only place apart from Bundeena where I can buy my favourite fruit loaf, 3 of them to freeze, and my favourite Irrawarra granola. I’ve asked the makers to help me track down suppliers out here in the sticks but it can’t be done apparently. Gracewood rang to ask if it’s okay for John to be assessed by a specialist geriatrician who would come in and see him there. I suspect it’s because of the same deterioration I’m seeing, so I said yes provided he/she doesn’t change his medications as they are finely balanced. Cecilia assured me that if that is recommended it won’t be done without consultation with me, but I do worry a little that he could end up in the dementia unit which I would definitely fight against. Sue rang and I sat on a seat and chatted with her for half an hour, before realising that John should be well and truly cooked, but his phone went straight to message bank. I panicked a bit and raced back, parking in a loading zone and racing in to Nelune to find that he was only half way through and his phone was accidentally on silent. As his treatment always takes three hours I queried this and was told that he’d always had an American blood product but this time it was an Australian replacement which can only go in at half the speed, hence six hours versus three. Went back out and luckily found a legal park so we could chat for his remaining time, reminding me of the endless weeks I spent sitting at Nelune while he was having chemo. I had been quoted $600 for a nurse to take him from Gracewood for the three hours so I can’t imagine what it would have been today, but luckily I can still keep doing it each month. Drove home in peak hour but what was really dangerous was the angle of the sun, at some points I had to slow right down on the freeway as I couldn’t see a thing in front. We passed a car on the breakdown lane which was dented in at the front and I suspect that was the reason, scary drive.

August 5, 2023

I saw that the publicity cost of the Barbie movie is more than the cost of making the film, unbelievable as that is. Warner Bros production cost of the film was $145 million and the marketing budget was $150 million. I can quite believe it as the ads are everywhere, not to mention the free publicity on TV interview programs and the like. The last straw was going to Castle Hill RSL and seeing a Barbie display in the foyer, and the connection is….?The blog has been down for a few days while it’s being transferred from one server to another, three attempts at download have now failed, I don’t understand why. Somehow the idea that it may not get back up somehow impedes the thoughts of what I may write, silly as that is. The book I’m reading Say I’m Dead is a fascinating biography of an educated American woman whose parents fled Indianapolis in the 1940s rather than being gaoled or attacked for marrying, she a white woman and he a black man. The daughter graduates, marries a black man and gets a good job in a New York company but they accept a transfer to Baton Rouge Louisiana in the 1970s, beginning an unending period of discrimination and harassment, including the old flaming cross of the Ku Klux Klan hammered into their lawn on the first day of occupancy of their newly bought house. The first house they chose, on a new estate, was eliminated when the salesman refused to sell to a black man, on the grounds that the rest of the houses would be unsaleable. The part about the 1940s was shocking but not unexpected, however the terrors they experienced in the 1970s knocked me for six. It is an eye-opening book, at least it is for me.

August 6, 2023

After attending a First Saturday presentation yesterday, we decided to just have a home day today, with a bit of gardening, making some pumpkin soup for lunch, changing over the gas bottles on the BBQ, exciting stuff to be sure, but we enjoyed ourselves. I’ve discovered that adding some paprika and a little chilli to pumpkin soup just before serving is a piquant improvement on having it plain, last week I tried adding julienned fresh ginger at the end and it was delicious too. I’m glad we’re back to soup weather, it makes lunches so easy, but yummy, I’m in no hurry for summer. Of course we read the Sunday paper too, which we continue to enjoy and yet not pay for, as despite how many times I report to the SMH that we don’t order or pay for a Sunday paper, we get it anyway. Blessed be the delivery driver.

Reading ‘5 Minutes with Fitz’ in said paper. He interviewed a Vietnam vet as Australia will commemorate 50 years since the end of its involvement in the Vietnam War this month, but the more I read it the more depressing it became as the interviewee seemed to have gained no inside on the war in all these years. He was asked whether he “wanted to serve Australia, or stop communism“ giving him the opportunity to show some higher aim, but admitted “my main interest was to go overseas and experience life“. Later, he says that he was “hoping the war would not be over before me and my mates got there and got into it“. Regarding the protests at the time, he says: “we deliberately placed ourselves in front of them to provoke them, and we got into a bit of a rumble, a bit of biff, and the police were there, and broke it up“. He says “as a young bloke I didn’t have access nor did I really want to research the reasons why Australia was involved in the war, I was just glad to be going”. Perhaps understandable considering his age and that of his confreres. Well he has that opportunity for research now and one day I hope he takes it up, though somehow I have my doubts.

August 7, 2023

Today while shopping in Baulko I happened to spy some English spinach at the front of a Korean supermarket and it reminded me that the greens here always look just picked. While I was browsing the owner approached me and said that he goes to market every day for their greens ‘and then I sell them at prices that make sure that they all sell by tomorrow’. Sure enough his greens were $2 a bunch or 3 bunches for $4 and I could have munched them there and then, buying spinach, shallots and bok choy blossom, a new one on me. Actually there are no flowers on them, just fleshy stems and green leaves, but I’ve found a recipe for them grilled with a ponzu sauce so I will have that for dinner. I tend to avoid Asian greens, but only because I don’t know what to do with some of them.

Yesterday after a lunch of pumpkin soup and toast I made a cup of tea and John politely asked ‘At this time of day, don’t we usually have something more than a cup of tea?’ I told him we’d just had lunch and he asked what it was, even after being reminded he had no memory of it, just in the time it took to boil the jug. Also we had seen Sue on Saturday yet he commented at breakfast that ‘it’s a long time since we saw Sue isn’t it?’. So scary the way this disease takes hold, but we need to be thankful that he is perfectly happy in the present moment.

While on a bit of a texting fest with Sue yesterday morning I picked up my beloved glasses to answer her and they simply fell into two pieces at the centre of the bridge, not dropped, not roughly handled, they just gave way. I know I’ve had them about 20 years and they are on their third lot of lenses, but still I love them to bits. However it is better that they died at home rather than getting lost somewhere, to be always missed. Perhaps the lenses can go into optometrist Ralph’s collection for poorer countries. I went up to Ralph’s but there was a sign on the door to say he was off sick, however I am overdue for the ophthalmologist so I’ve booked there on Friday. He’s not particularly personable (the doctor, not Ralph) but he has all my records and it’s just easier to put up with it on the rare occasions I go, as I’m sure he does a professional job despite his personality bypass. But on my fleeting visit to the shops this morning I noticed a pair of glasses that I really liked, a colourful creation that I only later discovered on their website is an Aboriginal motif designed by Helen Dale Samson, a Warnman woman from the Karlamilyi Region of WA. I think I’ve fallen in love with them, which makes me such a shallow person, to find a new love in the glasses department while still mourning my old ones, before they’re even cold you might say. But as they told us at the dementia workshop, ‘don’t lose what you’ve got now grieving for what you’ve lost’.

August 8, 2023

Went up to try on the glasses I saw fleetingly yesterday and really liked, but the man told me that they are too big for my face because the frames touch my cheeks. Why is everything so complicated? Now I will wait till after I get the script from the eye doc on Friday and decide then.

I rang John and told him that Bill had died last night, but he couldn’t remember him, which leads me to the question of whether it’s appropriate to take him to the funeral of someone he doesn’t recall at all? Why upset him? Particularly when he doesn’t like to go to a Catholic Mass at the best of times. When we went to Bishop Bede Heather’s funeral John insisted that we stand outside and watch through the windows, even though he remembered Bede perfectly and liked him a lot as his teacher at the seminary. Another one to wait and decide later. I had to smile at a journalist in Leongatha in Victoria who was reporting on the deaths of a number of people poisoned from eating mushrooms. One was the local Baptist minister’s wife and the others close relatives and fellow congregants and the journalist told of interviewing the parishioners ‘as they came out of Mass’ something that Baptists believe to be blasphemous. No prizes for guessing the religion of the young reporter.

I am quite dumbfounded at the news that ex judge Walter Sofronoff leaked his own report to journalists before giving it to the ACT Government, as well as giving the press secret briefings during the inquiry. I am fairly used to governments leaking like a sieve, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a judge leaking his own report before. I did watch a bit of the inquiry and my gut feeling of the man was quite negative. I didn’t like the way he addressed the witnesses and he came across as arrogant in his style. But arrogance is one thing and leaking to the press is quite another, the whole business is outrageous, but how many more dollars are we going to throw at the whole Higgins/Lehrmann debacle. It occurs to me that if Lisa Wilkinson had managed to keep her mouth shut about it all, the trial would have gone ahead earlier with a different jury, likely with a result one way or the other and all this could have been avoided. Of course I

didn’t go to the trial, but the more reporting of it I read, the less I was convinced that a crime had been committed.

Seeing reports of the Matildas win last night in the Women’s World Cup, I thought about the fact that each sport has a predictable way of celebrating the end of a match. If you are a tennis player you have to lie flat on the ground, preferably in starfish mode; if you’re a footballer you must give a group hug, those at the periphery leaping onto the backs of the huggees; runners keep going along the fence, interacting with the spectators; car racers waste perfectly good bottles of Champagne (this is my personal bugbear, it’s both wasteful and stupid). I’m waiting for a footballer to do the starfish collapse for a change but I’m not holding my breath.

August 9, 2023

Left early on the bus to go to the city, wanting to taken my time walking again around the Harbour foreshore and under the Bridge and looking at the sculptures displayed along the wharves, particularly loving a large stainless steel octopus and an endlessly looping circular one which I could happily ensconce in my garden. Lunch at Venuto with Martha and Jane consisted of entree servings with a shared salad before heading off to the Wharf Theatre for the play Constellations. I’m afraid I’m not clever enough for this play which (I think) expects us to imagine a human relationship between a bee-keeper and a cosmologist in terms of quantum mechanics? string theory? or something? where multiple realities co-exist. Some scenes are repeated five times with varying outcomes, something that could easily resemble a drama school exercise or be repetitive and boring. In fact that’s exactly how it was for me, patiently waiting for the end. I saw Jane checking her watch at some point and thought that said it all. None of us would recommend it, though we all thought the actors were excellent. Thankfully we then had a glass of wine on the magnificent deck outside the theatre overlooking the harbour and that was probably the best part of the day.

I’ve been thinking about a man in front of me at the Coles checkout who was complaining to the server that ‘we are being governed just for the minorities these days’ to which the server agreed. This is the core of Trumpism surely, the idea that the ‘we’ are being subsumed by the ‘them’. You do see some black faces with Trump hats on but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Latino one, anyone south of the border being the current ‘them’ I think. It appears to me that the US always has to have an enemy, both internally and externally. I really hope that the ‘we’ in this country are a little bit smarter than that, though I am not at all confident.

August 10, 2023

I decided this morning to approach the admin at Gracewood to point out that John’s overnight ‘social leave’ from there is rarely social and almost always medical of late. I suggested that seeing he has an appointment at the dental prosthetist today and the haematologist tomorrow, it would be good if he could

have two consecutive nights away this week to actually do something social. But that idea was quickly

jumped on as apparently the restriction is not imposed by Gracewood, but by Centrelink and each week Anu has to inform them how many nights John has spent away. She pointed out that she was going to ‘have a word’ with me because I’d taken him out two nights last week, having cleared it with the head nurse who isn’t across all the rules. This is only because Centrelink is picking up the tab and if I go over the allotted amount they will say that he doesn’t need to be in care because he has sufficient support already. Annoyingly I discovered that the total goes from June so I could have doubled up before then without any penalty. They only tally it yearly but Anu pointed out that at times like his birthday and Christmas I may want to extend his leave so it’s better not to get ahead of myself. Bum is all I could think to say, but I waited till I was out of earshot.

At the dental guy we discovered that the cost of John’s lost partial denture is $1800, reduced from the usual $2200 because he’s a pensioner. Ouch, that was an expensive loss. He had the mould taken today and we go back in two weeks, bum I said again but this time I was happy to say it in front of Dr. Rozek whose opinion of me carries less consequences than that of the Gracewood staff. They are a lovely couple, he the professional, she the receptionist, who are endlessly helpful and patient with John, which is good because it offsets my distaste at having to go to bloody Chatswood. I bought sushi to have in Lane Cove National Park on the way home after which I pulled up at North Rocks to look again at the glasses. The lovely Paul there doesn’t think that they are too big for my face and I decided I don’t care anyway, them’s the ones I like and them’s the ones I will buy (or at least the ones Medibank Private will buy for me). Apparently you get two pairs for one price there and I rummaged around trying to find a spare pair that I liked but they were all pretty boring. Then Paul recommended a polka dot pair (“you look like the polka dot type” he said). Mmm, seeing they are only a spare and nothing else appeals more, I’ll go with the polka dots. Still feeling sad about the restrictions on John’s home time as we have two more appointments with Dr. Rozek yet to do, but that’s the price you pay when someone else is paying your bills.

We lost two friends last Monday night I’ve discovered. Margaret Casey at 7 pm and Bill Warner at 9.30 pm the same night, both to cancer. Although each was expected, somehow it is always hard getting your head around a person no longer existing. You’d think humans would have got used to the idea by now. Two funerals happening next week, Wednesday and Friday at Wollongong and Bundeena.

August 11, 2023

What a frustrating and boring bloody day. I loathe going to the ophthalmologist because it’s always an epic, but today it really was a saga in the negative connotation of the word. Prof. Reeves gets on my back to get my eyes tested for a rare ocular complication of a drug I am on. I am supposed to go once a year, but this time it’s been three years because it’s so damned time-consuming. Got there at 10, dragging poor John with me, and got out at 1 after 4 separate eye tests, with different people, and then a session with the doc. I

don’t have the dreaded complication which is very rare anyway, but apparently I do have cataracts, which he says will need to be operated on in about a year. He asked if I’m having trouble with headlights at night, something I wouldn’t have said I did, but I admitted that I don’t like driving at night any more and he says

that’s the reason, whether I’d identified it or not. You would think after all that I’d have a new script for my glasses, but no. He says that they don’t test for that part, so get the optician to do it. Far out.

Then we came home and had a late lunch of Hungarian Mushroom Soup which I’d thankfully mostly prepared before we went, and got ready for John’s haematology appointment. Poor Nada is still off with long Covid, must be 2 and a half years now since she’s been able to work, so we are seeing Dr. Cashman, but after that I have to take John back to Gracewood as Anu didn’t want to give him a second night away. So far we are 50 minutes past the appointment time but we’ve been warned that she ‘is in a meeting’. Anything else I can complain about? Give me a minute to have a think, mmm oh yes, the book group novel is only available from the library as an e-book and I hate e-books, my hair is an absolute mess and I can’t find a day to go and get it cut. That will do for now.

August 12, 2023

What’s the best way to get over a dose of the whinges? Go to the ocean! So that’s what I did today, picking John up on the way for a surprise day out. We had a couple of long walks along the beachfront before and after lunch and then had ice cream at Anita’s Gelato where the queue was way out the door. I took John’s to the table and went back for mine, returning to find him feeding his to two little girls with a spoon! But they are such big scoops there was plenty to go around. We watched a young kid who was busking, playing a keyboard and singing and he is sure to be the next big thing, his name is Taiyo Marchand and he’s confidence personified. I looked up his Facey page and he’s done a busking tour of Europe in the past, he is 13 and has been busking since he was 6. Weirdly when we got back to Gracewood the doors wouldn’t open and visitors were stuck on the inside trying to get out while we were trying to get in. Lights were flashing, buzzers were going, but we never succeeded in getting the doors open, I rang a nurse who came down and took John in through the garden, then she was going back to bring the visitors out as well.

I meandered in a couple of optometrist shops and clearly all the plain designs get sent out to the burbs. There were oodles of bright colours, even some psychedelic ones and lots of good shapes to choose from. I

found a brand I really like, The Elusive Miss Lou, so now I will try to find a stockist west of the beaches. My last pair, RIP, lasted me through three lots of lenses over 20 years so it’s not as if I go through them apace.

Thinking about throwing a dinner party for my least favourite people and serving a special Beef Wellington, but there are logistical considerations: firstly, where to find the death cap mushrooms for the duxelles and secondly, how not to get caught after serving them. Perhaps I can watch the current case in Victoria first and avoid the pitfalls that have occurred there, as I can’t even imagine how you’d get away with poisoning a number of people in this day and age, forensics being what they are now. The Alnwick Garden in Northumberland in England has a small but deadly Poison Garden filled exclusively with around 100 toxic, intoxicating, and narcotic plants. The boundaries of the garden are kept behind black iron gates, it’s only open on guided tours and it’s something I would have loved to see. (I

wonder if they have a gift shop?) But I think I’ve missed the boat on it now, so that might be curtains on my plans for the Beef Wellington.

August 13, 2023

I watched an old episode of Grand Designs New Zealand on Friday night (just to see Chris Moller as I’m a bit sweet on him and not on the new host). But sadly the female client drove me crackers. She is a feng shui practitioner (marrying a super wealthy New Zealander) and everything has to be angled according to her little wheel. One ‘interesting’ aspect of the design include a small room room, with a door which no one is allowed to enter, which is only there to ‘capture’ negative energy. They have to sleep away from the stunning sea view, because sleeping facing southwest is incredibly negative, a ‘disaster’. The house was supposed to be New Zealand style with Oriental touches but ended up looking like a lift from Imperial China. I’m not sure which I disliked more, the house or the woman, but thankfully I don’t need to live there (or with her). I’m trying not to be a total skeptic here, but in actual fact that’s my comfort zone. She is supposedly a biomedical scientist and I’m sorry but the two don’t compute.

I see they have decided to shoot the brumbies in Kosciusko National Park. I don’t want them destroying the natural vegetation there, but my goodness I can’t imagine anyone shooting a horse from a helicopter, it’s obscene. I’m so glad that I am not the person to make that decision. Couldn’t they have given them injections to stop them breeding decades ago?

My blog now has a new hosting service, in Australia not in Britain, but it is so out of my realm of understanding that I even had to get help from Mark to understand the emails they sent me, but it’s done now and he says I just need to pay the quarterly hosting fee and the annual use of the domain name and all should be well. The last post I did before the thing crashed was a review of the play On the Beach but it sadly died, as did all the characters in the play, so it was quite appropriate really.

I’m not at all a sporty person but I watched the second half of the Matildas game last night after my cousin in Spain contacted me on WhatsApp to see if I were watching it. I just saw one of my replies to her during what was apparently a penalty shootout: “They are taking turns hitting goats but I don’t know how many they have to take??” So that is the level of my understanding. Women running around the field, hitting goats.

August 14, 2023

I am still thinking about On the Beach, the play I went to see a couple of weeks ago with Carol, and that’s a good sign. I remember thinking at the beginning that they were going to lighten the story up when the Moira character was pretty flippant for someone facing radiation poisoning, but that lightness disappeared in the second half. I loved the imaginative sets, particularly the large fabric sheet billowing in the wind to suggest the threat in the air, it was both beautiful and ominous considering what the wind was to bring. The most nuanced character for me was Dwight, the captain of the submarine USS Scorpion, who had lost his

wife and children to the radiation in the northern hemisphere and is one of just a few Americans who escaped the country’s fate. On a trip north to measure radiation levels with a CSIRO scientist on board, one of the crew decides to leave the sub and simply succumb to the radiation in the city where all of his family have already died, a poignant scene and an understandable reaction. This production, combined with the film Oppenheimer, has caused me to read again about the atomic bombs at Hiroshima and Nagasaki and everything I’m reading seems to confirm the suggestion in Paul Ham’s book that it was not at all about winning the war. Take this from Eisenhower on learning of the planned bombings: “I had been conscious of a feeling of depression and voiced to Secretary of War Stimson my grave misgivings, on the basis of my belief that Japan was already defeated and that dropping the bomb was completely unnecessary. I thought it was no longer mandatory as a measure to save American lives. It was my belief that Japan was, at that very moment, seeking some way to surrender with a minimum loss of ‘face’.” To me it is one of the great shames of humanity, but to those of a military bent it is something to be celebrated and some still want to believe that it ended the war.

I have been avoiding reading any more about The Voice because it is so depressing to hear the antics of the No campaign and I fear the cause is screwed. When Sky News sets up a 24 hour news channel just to fight it you know that Murdoch is really determined on this one. I was invited to a lunch at Parliament House in a couple of weeks but declined as the speaker was talking about the issue. I’ll never be able to look an Aboriginal person in the eye again if it goes down.

Looking again at glasses and the store person mentioned that they had an optician’s appointment available in five minutes, whereas the next appointment with the person who does the tests for my usual fellow Ralph is on the 22nd when we are busy and then not another for two weeks. So I got the thing done and asked for a copy in case I decide to go with Ralph for glasses. This hinges partly on whether he can get in the ones I’m leaning towards and that’s no certainty as they may say he has to buy too many pairs to make it viable for him as it’s not a company that he usually deals with. However I always give Ralph first offer if I can, sticking to the old principle than once you find a skilled and helpful craftsman you stick to them.

August 15, 2023

Feeling somewhat depressed about life in general today so I went up to visit Logan who is in respite at the Anglicare village in Castle Hill. I had on an N95 mask which I was told I had to take off and use one of theirs. Theirs were the blue surgeon’s masks which are totally unsuited to protection from viruses, they are splash masks, nothing more. But they have their silly unscientific rules there and if you want to get in you have to abide by them. I’m really glad that they stuffed me around so long that it was too late when I tried to get John in there for respite, at least at Gracewood they have a basic understanding of PPE. John is having two visitors today and I wondered whether to tell him or not, perhaps I made the wrong decision as now he’s ringing me repeatedly, asking me what time they are coming and I have no idea. I hope they don’t change their minds, but they are very reliable people. I think reliability is one of my top preferences in the character traits department.

I went up to see my optometrist mate at Castle Hill and was shocked at how much weight he’s lost and how he’s aged since last I saw him. I pop in whenever I’m over near him as I’ve always thought he’s a lonely soul, living on his own since his wife died, so I think it is only six months or so since I’ve seen him. It’s a small one man business so there’s always time for a sit down and a chat, rarely are we interrupted by a potential customer. He is the same age as me and drives six days a week from Springwood. I used to take him cake but lately I just haven’t been baking so I went empty handed today. He knows I like glasses that are quite different to his conservative range and was excited when I showed him some unusual ones online (on my phone, as his computer is so old it wouldn’t bring up the website!), immediately ringing the rep and arranging for him to meet us both there tomorrow at 10 with a case-full of the sort of things I like. It was very generous of him and it’s not to get a sale, I don’t think he cares any more, the shop is there to give him a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. He has two styles for ‘jazzy people’, both of which have sat there for 20 years or so that I know of and I doubt he has sold one pair. One is an Edna Everage style with frames in the shape of the Opera House! The other has frameless lenses in the shape of Australia (minus Tasmania of course). Great for a bit of fun from a $2 shop but certainly not something that you would pay money for. I always smile to myself to see how long I’m in the shop before he mentions his hero Trump, today he brought him into the conversation in about 60 seconds, par for the course. He has 26 reasons why Trump should be President and thankfully I only had to listen to a few today. He quipped that maybe we should just talk religion and sex instead and I agreed that either would be preferable to Trump. Of course he’s a big Sky News fan and loves Rowan Dean, James Morrow and Rita Panahi in Outsiders on Sunday mornings, probably at the same time I’m watching Insiders. He did use the argument that Biden has Parkinson’s and I couldn’t argue with that one. I’ll be sorry if he has to close up shop, but I can see the writing on the wall.

Trying to keep out of the misery mire, I tidied up the herb garden and planted some seeds: coriander, some small tomatoes that produce stripy green fruit and a couple of pots of Calendula Orange Flash which are edible. I prepared a big pot for planting spinach seeds and then lost the packet! I’ve searched everywhere, at least everywhere except where the packet went, perhaps it blew away or the fairies took it, I don’t know. Martha gave me some leftover larkspur seeds a couple of months ago and I’ve looked after them carefully but it seems I only got two plants out of them all. Seeds are difficult I’ve discovered, you either get none or a zillion to germinate.

August 16, 2023

Showing once again what a pessimist I am, I really thought those Aussies and Indonesians missing from a capsized boat off Aceh were gone for all money. But now all but one have been found and searchers continue to hope for the remaining crewman. How lucky that the tourists had their long boards with them or it would likely have been a different story. It reminds me of the two sons of a friend who went missing in a plane crash during a surfing trip to Indonesia decades ago. Was it the late 80s or the 90s? I’m not sure. David had come out to his family as gay after falling in love with someone whom he met through his business, a gift shop in Baulkham Hills. He came here a few times with his boys in tow and they astonished my daughters with their boisterousness. He soon moved in with his new partner and not very much later his only children, the two sons, died in the plane crash. I’ve often wondered how his wife coped

with it all. David died a few years later from multiple myeloma and it made me think of the statistics about cancer and personal tragedy.

Finally the glasses hunt has come to a close. Naturally I got to the appointment a bit early and steering Ralph away from Trump meant getting onto the stolen generation and then colonialism and whether or not the countries overtaken were better off. Luckily the rep Gerard arrived and saved my bacon on those two topics. I picked a pair from The Elusive Miss Lou range that I’m happy with (a colourway known as Riot) and which will come in way cheaper from him than they are selling for in the posh suburbs. The original ones with the Aboriginal design were declared ‘too big for your face’ and I had heard that comment enough times now to finally admit defeat. They both benefitted from the appointment as Ralph chose a number of the less unusual styles to buy for his shop and I had fun modelling them for him. I tried to get him to lash out on a couple of slightly funky pairs but lost that argument. He also offered to repair my much loved Prada ones which he can do because Prada uses some expensive type of plastic which can be melted and welded together again (he told me the name of it but I’ve forgotten) so gluing the two halves together, a poor solution, isn’t necessary.

Poor John has developed a cough and is therefore in iso again since this morning. It puts paid to my taking him out for the day tomorrow as planned, but it’s better than next week when we have so much on. Cecilia says she’s sending off samples for pathology and we should know tomorrow if he’s got anything to worry about. Trying to think of a way to reward Cecilia for her superb caring, without putting anyone else’s nose out of joint. Needs to be something in an envelope that she can slip into her uniform pocket.

August 17, 2023

Yesterday afternoon I picked up my daughter from her job at Eastern Creek where she had been giving training in consent and sexual assault education to groups of 200 employees at a time in a large company there. The GPS said 35 minutes from here, haha is was more like an hour and a quarter, so on the way home I didn’t tick the toll free option and got home in under an hour on the M7. It is truck city out there, massive semis coming and going from the many factories, I saw one labelled ‘carrots’ and can’t imagine how a truck that size could be full of carrots. We had dinner together at home so we could be ready to watch the Matildas get into the final at 8 o’clock, but sadly it was not to be and England won 3:1. That’s the second time I’ve sat right through a football match, the first being in an anti-apartheid demo in the 70s. This morning we left here at 7.15 to take Dav back to work, she driving my car to get some more practice up for getting her licence. It was a road unknown to her, in heavy traffic, in fog, with loads of trucks, but she got us there in one piece which was a champion job. I then decided to do some visiting as I can’t got to see John, heading straight for Warrana to see Logan and then to see Brigitte in the same vicinity. Had a good jaw with each and then headed home for a tuna sambo lunch. I’m sure there will soon be a warning in the SMH about eating too much fish, we had it for dinner last night, then my lunch today and I have a piece of barra in the fridge for m

my dinner. Tomorrow will likely be a repeat, perhaps with some salmon paste on toast for breakfast.

getting home from the match last night was ‘a nightmare’ so I’m sure it really was. Two men aged 47 and 33 have been arrested for vandalising a railway signal box and cutting cables inside it. I can understand theft, but jeepers what sorts of people vandalise something they partly own and frustrate tens of thousands of people on a happy night out, many of them with kids in tow? Selfish pricks is the answer, and if I were the magistrate I’d give them some serious penalty for so doing. Unfortunately we have never come up with a good system of deterrence, prisons are cruel and inhumane and community service is a joke. We need serious, considered interventions to both punish and simultaneously support and tutor these people, though I have to admit I’d like to give them the rounds of the kitchen with a wooden spoon myself at the moment. I am very keen on restorative justice but it’s so rarely used, in Australia anyway. “Let the punishment fit the crime” goes back to Cicero but few have had a serious stab at making it work.

Later: Apparently the blokes who vandalised the signal box were homeless and living in the damned thing. This goes to explaining their behaviour but doesn’t excuse it. Homelessness/inequality/mental health/drug abuse/education/crime/restorative justice, where do you start? Too late to start tonight on that mess.

Just got a message to say my adoptive cousin died this morning from pneumonia, decades after his first wife died of the same thing. He was 87 but Robyn was very young and died after a local GP, without putting a stethoscope to her chest, told her to go home and go to bed, she just had a cold. She did as she was told and died a couple of days later from pneumonia. That’s two friends and one cousin gone in one week, they talk about things coming in threes but still…….

August 18, 2023

The day started with a plan to meet Iris, after seeing her husband Logan twice this week in ARV on respite. She works fulltime but had today off so she rang last night to arrange to go for brunch or morning tea depending on our moods. However she texted early to say that Logan had fallen so she was off to see him. In the afternoon she texted again, she was in the emergency department at Hornsby as he’d fallen a second time and done himself more damage. I remembered his diagnosis which I’ve had trouble keeping in my head, it is supranuclear palsy which sounds like something radioactive but is in fact a brain condition. Cecelia rang to let me know that John has tested positive for RSV, or respiratory syncytial virus, a nasty beast that tends towards pneumonia in the elderly. Bob told me weeks ago that it is more severe than Covid (in an immunised patient). I woke at 2 am after a dream that he had pneumonia so that threw me a bit, but Cecilia has been terrific as usual in keeping me up to speed and assures me there is no pneumonia as yet. It makes a mockery of his being refused a second night at home last week as he’s had none this week and likely will have none next week either as he’s on a seven day isolation. So yet again I’ve had to alter his appointment for dental work next Tuesday.

Sue has invited me up to Killcare, tomorrow or Sunday, and if all is okay with John I might take her up on it. I’m finding that I really want to be out and doing things, but at the same time can’t get up the motivation to start. Somehow my frame of mind has slipped in the last week or so and I’m having trouble staying

positive. But I did go to Carol’s and work on the cakes today even though curling up under a blanket was what I really wanted to do. There were nine volunteers plus Carol and Jack so I think we got a fair bit done and had a wonderful lunch to boot. My faves were the pumpkin and mushroom quiches and the pumpkin and potato salad but I was very impressed with the salad greens which unfortunately can only be bought as part of a regular weekly box of veges, but if that changes I would certainly get some. I love greens that I can’t name.

August 19, 2023

Decided that part of my problem is not having anything concrete to look forward to, so I booked a seat for The Importance of Being Earnest in September and immediately felt better. The last time I saw it was when my friend Owen was drama master at Kings School and it was an all boy cast who did it wonderfully. I remember Owen telling me never to believe anyone who went to Kings because they are ‘trained to cover up their feelings, be diplomatic and bugger the truth’. He hated the school’s philosophy and after having a meal with him in a restaurant (which was where the Riverside Theatre now stands) I wondered how on earth he fitted in there as he shovelled the food into his mouth with bits flying everywhere like the bachelor he was, but it was hardly what was expected in the dining room at Kings. He was teaching in America, literally writing on the board, when the FBI arrested him, having discovered that he’d been in the USSR but hadn’t declared it. The Ruskies always offered not to stamp your passport in case you wanted to go to the US and he’d happily agreed. However the long arm of the law got him and he was deported, something Kings obviously didn’t find out about back in those days of limited technology.

A friend told me to check out Long Lost Families which is on ABC at 4.40pm, not a time I’m ever watching the teev, but I looked up the first episode on iView. Maybe it was a good idea or maybe not. They do two stories and one was of a woman who didn’t know she was adopted till she found her birth certificate when she was 7, mmm a bit too close for comfort that one. She was 66 and trying to find her twin sister, which of course they achieved or else they wouldn’t have made the program. She lived 3 miles away! However, although I was happy for them I felt sick watching it so I’m not sure how many of them I can handle. The other story was a missing father who had left his pregnant girlfriend at 18, they found him as a successful businessman in Canada and he was overcome with joy, but also deeply affected by the guilt of his youthful behaviour.

I called in on Ralph briefly (no time to get on to Trump on a flying visit) and also picked a bunch of flowers from the garden and took them in a vase to John. Camellias, white iris and a stolen rose from over the fence in Arvind’s, seeing I’ve already pruned mine I had to steal one your honour. We talked on the phone, with him in the window of his room and me in the car park, just as if he were a Long Bay inmate, although at the Bay you can’t get that close. I have confirmed with Sue that I’ll go to Killcare tomorrow and come back on the train Monday or Tuesday as I have a commitment on Wednesday.

I came across a new word, anankastia which means ‘a focus on a rigid standard of perfection and right and wrong, while controlling one’s own and others’ behaviour to conform to those standards’. In other words,

most religions. I love it, it reminds me again that your religion doesn’t prohibit me from doing anything, it prohibits YOU and you should learn the bloody difference. I only hope I can remember to say this if I am ever unlucky enough to come across that pesky newish Anglican archbishop of Sydney or his predecessor Glenn Davies. I rarely find the right words when I need them, though I’m an expert at knowing what to say afterwards.

August 20, 2023

In a new paper in Nature Human Behaviour researchers reviewed the evidence regarding ‘happiness strategies’. The professor of social psychology culled many papers that she thought too small, or poorly designed and focussed on the rest. She found that among the most important things were gratitude, talking to strangers (this is a huge one for me), being in nature (yes to that!) and acting in a more extraverted way than you feel. However there was a lack of strong evidence that mindfulness and meditation or physical activity benefit our happiness, yet I know a lot of people who find enormous comfort from those. I guess the answer is: if it makes you smile it’s probably doing you good.

Reading this morning that the names and addresses of the Georgia Trump Grand Jury members have been leaked online was certainly depressing, not just because of the danger to them and their families personally, but because it will frighten off the decent people that juries should be comprised of. We don’t need just the warriors of one side or another but a collection of people, as randomly selected as possible. I can imagine folks who are called up in future may very well decide to refuse, or to find legal excuses not to go, for their own safety.

Packet falafel are a quick and easy lunch heated in the microwave with a few leaves added and some yoghurt or hummus, but the packet had four left and I foolishly ate all four instead of leaving two for another day. Now I feel as if I’ve eaten an elephant. Perhaps the happiness list should include ‘don’t overeat, there are no food shortages at the moment’, but certainly eating things you love in moderate quantities should be added to the list. Fish of all sorts (except deep sea bream which is gross and of course basa out of the polluted rivers of Vietnam), stuffed zucchini flowers, oysters, fresh lettuce with a good dressing, snow peas, baby kumatoes, chestnut puree, pavlova ‘these are a few of my favourite things’.

Going to Sue’s this afternoon is one of my ‘good things to look forward to’ which is a key to happiness for me. After my surgeon’s appointment next Thursday I plan to head to Woollahra to get some more lovely cheese from Simon Johnson, pick up my favourite fruit loaf and granola and maybe grab a bit of lunch. It is a moot point whether John will be well enough to go to his appointment at Nelune which I so carefully arranged to happen at the same time as mine, but if he can go, and my doc is on time, I should still be able to fit in some time for lunch before he’s done. Instead of thinking about the driving and the surgeon I am thinking cheese, another strike for happiness.

August 21, 2023

It was so relaxing to be at Sue’s looking out over the water and seeing the sunrise from the bedroom window. We didn’t turn on the teev last night, just got into our books in our jimjams after a pub meal nearby. I had an entree of tempura prawns which was well and truly enough for me. Sue went to pilates this morning while I wandered around Avoca, walking on the beach and popping into the antique shop. They have a show and tell cabinet with unpriced things just to talk to people about, including a beautiful Roman gold and garnet ring which was found washed up on the Thames and has been professionally authenticated. I would have guessed it to be Georgian by the style but it just shows that you can be a couple of thousand years out if you don’t know what you’re doing. I wouldn’t like to be paying their insurance bill as there were many pieces of jewellery in the tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds more pieces in the range of a few hundred to many thousands. Perhaps they have a very large fire proof safe and take the risk themselves, I don’t know. I liked looking but didn’t walk out wishing to own anything, except perhaps the Roman ring which luckily wasn’t for sale.

Later Bob came over and we went down to the Killcare Beach kiosk for lunch overlooking the water and after that a walk along the beach. Unusual for a man to order a salad roll for lunch but that was what he did. I like him a lot, you could describe him as ‘an old-fashioned gentleman’. I lent Sue Miriam Margolyes’ autobiography which she is loving and Bob immediately commented that Miriam is ‘very rough, but somehow she gets me in’.

Sue has a painting done by one of the original owners of the Killcare house and decided that she didn’t like it much and so was going to put it out next to the bins. Of course I had a fit and convinced her to let me get an auction appraisal of it as the artist is ‘a known’. Even if it only gets a couple of hundred dollars it’s better than nothing and doesn’t waste a lovely picture. So I did photos and sent them off to an art auctioneer for an opinion, still waiting on the result, but I will be very surprised if he doesn’t want it.

We went to Umina to the Copperpot Indian restaurant for dinner and I agreed with Sue that it’s a good one. We shared a huge entree platter and a main and still brought home enough for another meal. Fifty dollars total with tip and delicious.

August 22, 2023

Went down to the Fat Goose at Hardys Bay for a mid-morning coffee for Sue and a milkshake for me to fortify us for the trip to Sydney. While there I got a loaf of their fabulous wholegrain bread and a spinach quiche for dinner tonight. I insisted to Sue that I was going back on the train and she insisted to me that she wanted to drop me home and then go looking for appliances for the Kirribilli kitchen project. So we ended up at home in Baulko for lunch and then went to Winnings in Northmead to look for a fridge, oven, cooktop, dishwasher, rangehood, sink and taps. Phew! It was lucky I went as Sue had real problems understanding the man who was patiently explaining each appliance. I said to him that ‘you’ve heard of the blind leading the blind, but this is the deaf leading the deaf’. This morning in the cafe she asked me if she were talking too loudly and the man at the nearby table said ‘yes’ but I don’t think she heard him, which is funny in itself. The appliance choices are so complex (and the prices so huge) that we were both exhausted

by the end of it, however I am very pleased that I don’t have to pay the bill at the end of it. Sue couldn’t find the email with the layout so it looks as if we need to go again on Saturday and confirm that the things she’s chosen actually fit.

Martha has just let us know that Nada died unexpectedly from a heart attack. It has been a very bad couple of weeks for losing friends that’s for sure. I had not long ago expressed the view to Martha that Nada had seemed to get old suddenly, something that happens frequently and is not accorded to any particular age, it just seems to be individual and one day you think that someone has aged significantly. He was a good man and I’m sad to hear that he’s gone.

August 23, 2023

Just back from the city by bus after stopping off in Castle Hill to try on my new glasses before the lenses go in, one advantage being that I didn’t have to risk life and limb crossing Old Northern Rd. Ralph was

in a chatty mood today (not a word about Trump) and told me that I am ‘arty’ because I’m a Libran. A discussion about birthdays ensued and it turns out we share the date but he is one year earlier. He is chuffed that he now has a fancy display with the new frames he ordered from The Elusive Miss Lou, it came with little artificial (but cute) feathered parrots to display with the glasses and it looks terrific.

I haven’t had chance to read much about the Lucy Letby judgment but I’m surprised that no one seems to be mentioning Munchausen’s by proxy as a possible reason for her murder of umpteen babies and attempted murder of umpteen more. Of course there needs to be some sort of punishment, but if it’s Munchausen’s then she has a (maybe treatable?) mental illness and perhaps should be in a mental institution and not a gaol. I’ve only come across one person who had this disease and he feigned leukaemia to his live-in girlfriend after coming to Australia from Britain. He was often ill and once was admitted to hospital before being turfed out when it was discovered he didn’t have the disease at all. However in a random call from his mother in England the girlfriend commented that his leukaemia was now in remission to which the mother was aghast: ‘Oh he’s not doing that again is he?’ Apparently he’d fooled his previous girlfriend with the same story but was eventually exposed. Doctor Google says that recovery tends to be slow or non-existent and treatment is rarely successful as people refuse to believe that they have the condition. She will be in solitary, or bashed, for life and though it would be an unpopular view I feel very sorry for her. Surely there must be a way to accommodate people who are like this in pleasant enriching rural surroundings with access to nature, birds and animals, and with good treatment to hopefully live some sort of fruitful lives?

August 24, 2023

Phew! That day is done and dusted and it seemed to take an age. It was inly when I got under the shower in the evening that I noticed that my dress was on inside out! Luckily it was black so I doubt anyone noticed. First call was to Gracewood to get John, then to Nelune to drop him off, then to Alan Meagher for my six-monthly check-up, but he had an urgent surgery so that meant reading a book near his office for an hour or

so. (I did offer to don PPE and talk to him in theatre, which got a laugh, as if it were a joke.) He gave me the tick of approval for another 6 months, though I declined his suggestion of a PET scan on the grounds of

the radiation risk. His comment was that in years past it wasn’t even offered, so he’s cool about my refusal. Then a flying trip to Woollahra for a few bits for a cheese platter for book group tomorrow. I was going to do a Limoncello Cake but seeing it’s now lunch… Drove back to get John but parking was at a premium so I decided to sit in an empty loading zone as he was soon to come out. When he didn’t exit on time I rang him and was told 40 minutes more, then after 45 minutes I rang him again and was told 30 minutes more. I’m not sure what went on there today but I had to skip lunch as there weren’t any parks where I could risk leaving the car. It will probably do me good, but dinner will be very welcome. It’s a slice of baked eggplant with cheese but I think I will stretch to a slice of bread with it. I have a bit more to say but I’m too bloody tired to type.

August 25, 2023

Aaah, a 10 hour sleep and I’m a new person. Had a long call this morning from my friend who has been battling his two siblings for the last five years over their father’s will. The siblings showed no interest in the father until he was very demented and approaching death, at which point they spirited him away to a friendly solicitor to write a new will leaving everything to them, cutting out my friend from both the proceeds of the will and his joint executor role. He has just received a report from a professor of geriatrics who was paid as an independent advisor. He advises that going back through brain scan records held at a hospital and reports from the numerous nursing services who refused to continue attending to him due to his verbal abuse, he considers that the father had moderate dementia from the age of 59 (he died at about 80). Later scans show that he had severe dementia and would have been unable to form a view about his accommodation or care, never mind signing a legal document. The report charged $7000 for 10 hours work but is worth every cent I think. The previous geriatrician’s report also found severe dementia, but an email trail uncovered by the solicitors showed that his siblings were sending many messages pressuring the doctor to alter her report and tone down the diagnosis, which she eventually did. What a saga it has been and still is, he could sell the movie rights. He’s now expecting an offer to settle……to be continued.

I had a call from Dally in Melbourne hoping to visit John this weekend while he’s up here for the 50th anniversary celebrations for the start of civil celebrancy, a movement in which he was intimately involved. So he’s coming for Sunday lunch and we’ve added on Kevin and Pat who would love to see John as well. Both of these have had to give up driving, Kevin due to mesothelioma and Pat because of eye problems. Pat is a priest, but (why did I type but?). I will rephrase that: Pat is a priest, a good friend to us both, and a very decent human. Planning to do a dip with crudites (ha, I first typed crudities, probably not the best plan for a priest and 3 ex-priests, though a bit of crudity certainly wouldn’t faze Dally or John), a side of salmon with an orange glaze and a salad, probably a cake to follow. They will all come on the jolly old 610X bus from the QVB, my well-loved lifeline to the city.

August 26, 2023

Went to the Castle Hill Showground Farmers Market this morning and got some fabulous olives as big as cumquats for the guests tomorrow, as well as some smoked garlic and other odds and ends. I noticed that the prices on some cheeses, fish, meats and deli lines are pretty eye-watering, it’s a market for the well-heeled. Managed to resist some fabulous earrings made from….boom tish….recycled skateboards, certainly a conversation item, though for someone else’s conversation sadly. Not long home when Sue turned up unexpectedly, on her way home from Winnings where she’d settled on all the appliances we looked at the other day. She changed to a different salesperson and was able to understand him much better. We did some watering in the afternoon and then Dav rang to say they were nearby, they came for a cuppa, so I was able to give Millie the dress and some books that I’d bought for her. Sadly Kevin has had to pull out of the lunch tomorrow as he’s just not feeling well enough, so I’m unsure if it’s just Dally coming or Pat as well, we shall see in due course.

My inability to let stuff go takes ridiculous forms at times, such as the 10 year old lipstick which is down level with the case top, but I still feel the need to dig out the remnants with a cotton bud, despite having a holder full of others. If anyone says that they’ve bought a new one but didn’t like it, I always add it to my collection rather than see it go into the bin, so I have the few I’ve bought at the makeup remainder place at Erskineville and a heap of others passed on to me from family and friends. So why exactly do I need the last gram out of the one I’m using? Your guess is as good as mine, but I suspect it dates back to managing with very little as a child. Each Saturday I used to buy out of my pocket money a bubble of shampoo from the chemist (was it Sunsilk? or Clinic?) as there was never enough money to buy a whole bottle, my mother used soap and thought my shampoo purchase was more than a bit luxurious. With the rest I usually bought her a bunch of flowers. From memory I got 3 shillings pocket money on Saturdays but then I started fulltime work when I turned 14. I know for sure that I earned 3 pounds 2/6 there and from that time on I bought full size bottles of shampoo and thought that the chemist should be mightily impressed.

August 27, 2023

A great day was had with Dally and Pat, quite a contrast in characters but both lovely to be with. The salmon was cooked for half the recommended time in my ‘hot as the bowels of hell’ oven, yet the skin on the bottom was black due to the orange and maple syrup glaze, but interestingly when the salmon was all gone we fought over the burnt bits of skin. Had pastry custard rolls for dessert and I think a good time was had by all. John was in great form though five minutes after they left he asked who had visited. Dally is going to the US Consul-General’s Office tomorrow for an audience so I told him to ask for Julian Assange’s release as he is leaving.

Heather rang to say she is going to Bathurst for a funeral, having lost six friends in the last month, going from her old car club days right up to floral art people of recent years. I said I thought we’d done badly with four in the last fortnight but perhaps it’s just par for the course at this age. I noticed that Nada’s birthday was August 20 and I think he died on the 17th, though I’m not sure of his age. Dally said his doctor told him that if ever he got prostate cancer the doc would recommend doing nothing as once you reach 80 something else will get you before the prostate cancer does, a wise decision I think.

Interesting to read that supermarkets are installing cameras to stop people cheating at self-serve checkouts, clearly that’s cheaper than actually paying staff to serve us. The average Woolworths has 62 CCTV cameras throughout the store and it will cost $40 million to upgrade the systems. Recently I was buying bananas and put them on the self-checkout scale, but while I was looking for the right fruit and veg button to press the screen came up with bananas and their weight and price. I looked around for a camera but couldn’t see one. Good old Woolworths CEO Brad Banducci says stock lost costs between $22 million to $25 million per week, not per year, per week! Yikes, perhaps we’ll end up with attack dogs trained to rip stolen stock from the hands of the thieves, at this rate we’ll need a police station in every shopping centre. While I have a great deal of sympathy for those on low incomes I also know the lengths to which charities go to make sure people are fed.

I haven’t yet seen the new incarnation of ABC’s Kitchen Cabinet yet, but I remember how uncomfortable I felt watching Annabel Crabb schmoozing politicians from all sides. I don’t expect her to go in boots and all, ready for combat, but I do expect a little more serious discussion than I’ve seen in the past. It’s almost as if she says ‘come on my show and I promise not to ask too many tricky questions’ but even then it’s a bit too smarmy for my taste.

August 28, 2023

Bussed up to Castle Hill and picked up my glasses from Ralph, no Trump talk today but plenty on UFOs. He showed me pics of his young life, an only child living in a unit in Double Bay near the water till his mum decided that she wanted to live in England and deposited him at Sydney Grammar as a boarder for the whole of high school. One photo was of his large new car, bought while he was boarding, against all rules, but parked nearby for trips with his pals. He now gets up at 4am on Sundays, his only day off, to watch Hour of Power, then Mass for You at Home (despite not being a Catholic) then Turning Point with Dr. Jeremiah. What backstories you get about people’s lives when you just sit and listen.

I planned to write quite a few cards and letters today but it’s now nearly 5.30 and it’s clearly not happening. Ram in Kerala is on the list and I just got a message from him wishing me a Happy Onam, so I had to look that up before I wished him a happy one back. Apparently Onam is a festival celebrated by Malayalis in Kerala to mark the homecoming of the Great King Mahabali. It also marks the harvest season for Kerala. I’d like to hope I will see Ram again one day but the chances are near zero. However an email just received tells me that my friend Mary from NZ will be in town this week and suggests Friday for a meet-up, the only day for which I don’t have plans, wonders will never cease.

Just watched the replay of Nada’s funeral and as is always the case, I learned a lot about him from the eulogies. I didn’t understand some small elements of the service but I will make a point of asking what was happening at those junctures. Mostly it was easily understandable, non-religious in the most part, in English, with lots of people giving speeches about him and his interests, in fact it was a long funeral at over one and a half hours. Vale Nada, you were a good decent human.

August 29, 2023

Thinking back on Nada’s funeral, it was noticeable how excellent the speakers all were, especially his brother from the UK I thought, but perhaps that is because of their uniform level of education. Each speaker mentioned the huge influence his beloved wife Sunetra had on him, his brother saying that she made him a better, more compassionate person. Apparently his parents disapproved of the marriage (the reasons were not given) but he went ahead and this caused a fracture in his relationship with his parents resulting in his not seeing them for many years. Why is it that we only find out the backstory of our friends at their funerals? It makes me even more determined to sit and listen to the stories of those around me.

Harking back to my trip to Lawton House yesterday and I commented that the Douglass, Hanley Moir offices look like a public toilet, with brilliant white walls and fluorescent lighting. I suppose they are trying to communicate ‘clean’ but I was told to look at what the owners have done to the public toilets in the building, bright white again with huge white tiles. Gone are the beautifully coloured Zimbabwean tiles which graced these rooms, chipped off and replaced with ‘clean’. Why? I asked and the answer was that the tenants had complained that the toilets were ‘too old-fashioned’, so the owners relented. As my friend Trevor used to remark about such people: ‘it’s like feeding strawberries to pigs’. It reminded me of a unit in Sue’s Kirribilli building which is due to go to auction, in this late 1940s building the owners had done it over in white, white and white, marking it forever as having been renovated in the 2020s. I’m sure it will sell for a zillion, but I guess someone in the future will paint it, rip out the kitchen and bathroom and redo it to suit another fashion trend.

Watching Australian Story last night (why do we only get AS for a few months of the year these days? the Morrison government’s funding cuts I assume) I was blown away by the story of Gina Chick. She was the winner of the TV series Alone Australia in which the participants were dropped off on their own in various remote parts of Tasmania to live off the land, which she did for 67 days. To call her unusual is a huge understatement, she is perhaps my antithesis. She is supremely confident and does not let the opinions of either family or society interfere with what she wants to do. After the death of their daughter Blaise she willingly let her husband go so he could again become the father he had always wanted to be. I didn’t watch the SBS show, it’s not really my thing, but I dips me lid to this amazing woman. However I think I will now have to look at a couple of eps to see how she managed to outstay all the other contestants, by sheer force of will I suspect. One very interesting point was the discovery that her mother was adopted, she is the child of the famous author Charmian Clift. It’s easy to see connections between Charmian and Gina, once again moving the nature versus nurture argument firmly in the direction of nature.

August 29, 2023

What a dreadful double those Anglican Jensens are, although most of the Sydney Diocese seem much the same. Now Phillip Jensen has come out with a swipe at eulogies saying they bring no comfort to the grieving friends and relatives and calling out ‘inane’ and ‘silly’ comments. So we should go to funerals and sit back to listen to what are effectively ads for the church, devoid of any reference to the person who

has died. Cardinal Pell, that great authority on compassion, agreed that eulogies shouldn’t be allowed in churches at all. How long do we need to wait for these old blokes to die off, it seems to be taking a while, then they can enjoy the hollowed out funerals that they want to inflict on everyone else.

Took John to the dental prosthetist again today but instead of picnicking or eating something on the run we came home and made soup from the week’s leftover vegetables. Celery, leek, carrots and potatoes don’t make a bad soup I discovered, especially with a bit of Louisiana Creole spice thrown in the mix. John loves to be sous-chef, chopping and stirring, so we make a good pair in the kitchen. I was hoping for a bit of leftover from that delicious baked salmon for dinner tonight but the platter was left completely clear, which is a good thing when your visitors come back for seconds.

Reading a book called Cured, written by a doctor, which talks about spontaneous recovery from various serious illnesses such as cancer. It has some interesting parts but so far it’s boiling down to people being unexpectedly cured by diet changes, meditation, acupuncture, even by hiding a terminal diagnosis from the patient! But then the doctor is a psychiatrist, mmm. Spontaneous remission happens, no doubt about it, but he agrees that there is no way to tell which intervention works, or if any will, so there really isn’t much point in knowing this stuff or ascribing what you think may be the cause. I’ve known people who went down this path, doing the lot and still died and also one person who had kidney cancer where the blood vessel feeding it got knotted and cut off the blood supply, killing the cancer and saving the patient. Sure that’s spontaneous remission, but by doing absolutely nothing. The author uncritically retold a Dr Oz episode about a faith healer, but really this is like recommending a jar of coloured jelly beans and saying just the purple ones may work, or perhaps the red ones do, or all eaten together, but in the end he can’t tell us with any kind of certainty (ever heard of medical statistics?) whether any of them do, or perhaps we should really throw out the jelly beans and change to acai berries.

August 30, 2023

So I finished reading Cured last night and sadly realised that I’d spent many hours on it that I’ll never get back. I feel a bit conned, because the first third to half of the book spelled out concepts that I was familiar with and so I felt a false sense of security that the guy knew what he was talking about. But the ride got wilder as the book went on, focusing a lot of ink on a Brazilian dude called Dr. Nemeh (actual qualifications not mentioned) who seems to be more of a faith healer than a doctor: “Whether it is a laser or love working on the quantum field, I believe they have the same effect” says our doctor. The latter part of the book is focused on him and his amazing ‘cures’. But it was when the book addressed something I knew a little bit about, the Benson Prayer Study, that I really started to worry about the author’s credibility. In 2006, Benson et al did a rigorous study on the effects of prayer and surgical outcomes, the largest prayer study ever done. It was randomised, double-blind, placebo controlled, in other words watertight scientifically. Over three years the team organised intercessory prayer for 1500 people undergoing cardiac

bypass surgery. The results were more than interesting. Of those who didn’t know whether or not they were being prayed for (half of these actually were being prayed for and half not) the effect was an almost iden

were being prayed for had worse outcomes than usually recorded! The famous conclusion is: ‘Intercessory prayer itself had no effect on complication-free recovery from CABG, but certainty of receiving intercessory prayer was associated with a higher incidence of complications’. Then he discusses why this may be the case. So what is our author’s take on the three years of Benson’s study? “Ultimately, I couldn’t take the result of this study – rigorous as it was – as a final statement on prayer. Perhaps prayer could be transformative, or it could be utterly powerless – depending on what you believe”. So prayer is just a placebo effect then, which is what many have been saying for centuries! He finishes the chapter going back to good old Dr. Nemeh and the people he’s cured with prayer, science be damned. I’m pissed off right now that I took this book as a genuine investigation into spontaneous remission and ended up just feeling conned, which of course I will ultimately record in my one star review on Goodreads.

Thinking back about reading The Eulogy and the dire state of affairs which befell the author’s sister, it occurred to me that we don’t have any idea about the brain surgeon responsible for her operation. But if he were Charlie Teo, we would certainly learn all about it I’m sure. Brain surgery by its very nature extols its successes but buries its failures and I’m sure every person in the role has horror stories of surgery gone wrong and people spending long lives in care. My sister-in-law’s brother was ‘successfully’ operated on for a brain tumour (successful in that he didn’t die) but he lived decades in a care home, fully aware of his circumstances, because he was too disabled for his wife to cope with him at home. Certainly Teo did himself no favours with his arrogance, but I suspect he’d argue that he has plenty to be arrogant about. My concerns about him are around giving people false hope (as is the case in The Eulogy) and overcharging, but as for his technical skill, that’s another argument.

August 31, 2023

Up to Bob for a health check for my driver’s licence, he is as puzzled as I am about why this is always done at age 75 but it has occurred for me coming up to my 76th. I told him excitedly that I am going to see Wynton Marsalis with the SSO tonight and he told me excitedly that he will be on stage singing! He says it was some of the most difficulty music he’s ever had to learn and he’s in awe of Marsalis. Can’t wait. There are a lot of different Marsalis concerts in the next couple of weeks, one entitled Jazz at the Lincoln Centre and another is the Marsalis Violin Concerto performed by Nicola Benedetti, so he’s a busy boy.

Poor Boris is having bad luck with his pacemaker. First the leads became detached from his heart and he had to have surgery a couple of weeks ago to reattach them, then on Sunday it stopped working again, but this time he was sent to RNS. It’s always the case that when things go wrong during or after surgery you get sent to a big public hospital, which is why I’d rather be there in the first place. They have a team operating again at 1pm today after a raft of tests to sort out the problem. The cardiologist said that although there is a 1% complication rate for this surgery he personally had never had it happen, so the universe has decided it will give him a biggy.

I watched two episodes of Alone Australia so I could again ogle the amazing Gina Chick. One male contestant gave up early on day two, mainly because he missed his family so much and a female one gave

up in the afternoon of day two because she just couldn’t cope with the whole thing. I suspected she would leave early when she was quite obsessive about every noise in the bush, wondering if it were an animal. No judgment here, I am too cowardly to even consider going on this program, but it did surprise me that these people with wilderness skills threw in the towel so soon. I might just need to watch a bit more, though Davina assures me that the American one is better, there be bears!!

September 1, 2023

Well last night’s concert was something else! I don’t know how to describe it as I’ve never heard music quite like it. It was a cross between classical, jazz, gospel and any other music style you want to throw into the mix. To say I understood it would be an exaggeration but it was certainly a new experience. Oddly Wynton Marsalis was not visible at all as he was directly behind the conductor and I didn’t see him till he came forward at the end to overwhelming applause. How do you describe a piece where the lyrics go: “A hundred and a hundred, a hundred and twelve. A hundred and a hundred, a hundred and a hundred, and a hundred and twelve.” This was based on ‘a little chant my son Simeon sang for about two hours on a train ride’. Some of the latter pieces seemed to be a call and response from saxophone and trumpet, but I just don’t have the terminology to describe most of it. I think 90% of it went over my head, though I loved watching the 10% going past. Even the programme, which I read today, talks in a language I don’t understand. Got to talk to Bob about it as he texted me at interval offering a lift home.

Today the Jehovah’s Witnesses are doing a blitz on Cross St. As I was leaving this morning I was greeted by two beaming women at the front steps (I’ve been around long enough to know that beaming equals selling). I took their brochure to save time, only to see a few minutes later another pair putting stuff in my street library. Later at the end of the street I was greeted by a beaming male and female (see previous note re beaming) so it was a concerted effort to save us today, but I got on the bus to town and thereby saved myself.

Met up with Mary and David, our friends from Auckland, for lunch at Glass in the Hilton where they always stay when David is here on business. After eyeing the prices I reminded them that there is a daily business lunch served in the bar area of the same restaurant at which the prices are a third to a half of those in the main part of the restaurant. So we upped sticks to that area, despite the frowning waiter, and all had Barramundi with Bok Choy and XO Sauce, with a side of their fabulous truffled mash at $25 per meal, plus $12 for the mash. David comes here in his role as a mediator and it seems that it’s usually about wills, farm foreclosures or people suing hospitals for some medical misadventure, and so it is this time when he has four mediations to do. I think about them both often and wish we were closer geographically. I remember how many times my friend Mike insisted that I meet David, convinced that we would be firm friends, even offering a birthday present of a return flight to NZ. But sadly we met on either side of Mike’s open coffin at the funeral home following his unexpected death, each of us recognising the other from the descriptions Mike had given us and he was right, we hit it off immediately.

September 2, 2023

I was suddenly motivated this morning to book a couple of days at Fairmont this coming week and then I thought about the Wynton Marsalis concerts still to come and the fact that I doubt he’ll be back here while I’m in a position to go (read above ground) so I booked for his Violin Concerto with Nicola Benedetti. I was literally just about to press the button to book when Sue contacted me and when I told her what I was doing she said she’d like to come too, so I changed from my favoured matinee to Friday night when she can go. I couldn’t get a pair of seats together as it’s nearly booked out but I got two in a box, one in front of the other so that will be fine.

Then I picked John up and was met by Cecilia who returned my gift of a credit card for Messina Icecream because it is over the $20 gift limit, which of course I didn’t know about. Easily fixed as we will go and have a couple of double icecreams ourselves and that should reduce the card down to the allowable 20 bucks. Then we went off to Cake Decorating Central to pick up some bits for making Boris’s birthday cake next week. Walking around that place always gives me ideas and so it was today. I didn’t need to buy much, just getting the decoration sorted in my mind was the main thing. I plan to find a tiny basket for the top of the cake, one that will tip on its side, and have caramel lollies, maybe chocolates ones too, spilling out of it. I didn’t see anything like that, but the place just focusses my mind on cakes I think.

Off from there to the Botanic Gardens where first we went to an exhibition of the Australian Watercolour Institute at Lion Gate Lodge in the gardens, and oh my giddy aunt, didn’t I love it. There were a heap of paintings there that I’d consider buying if I still had wall space. Some were so extraordinary that I have no idea how the artists got the effects they did. I bought a raffle ticket and the first six or so out of the hat get to choose one from a group of paintings (none as good as those in the exhibition of course). There is a ghastly George Gittoes one that could be worth sending to auction as he brings decent money, so I would be a bit tempted to pick that one and if it came up trumps I could buy one of the divine ones in the exhibition and lean it up against a wall. Actually there is room on my bedroom walls but I’ve always limited that room to a couple of pieces of Chinese art and nothing else however if I win we shall see. I can always say that the gods decreed it. The Spring Walk was just that, loaded with delicious flowers. We had some lunch at the cafe in the gardens where the ibis are always a problem on the ground hankering for scraps but suddenly I was hit in the face by the big wing of a bird I didn’t see coming and when I got over the shock of that I discovered that the remaining lunch I was holding had disappeared from my hand! Neither we nor the people at the next table actually saw the bird, I was blinded by the slap on the face, but I assume it was an ibis. It was worth losing the rest of my lunch to be smacked in the face by a bird’s wing, both hard and deliciously soft at the same time. Previously I had been hit in the face by a microbat in a cave at Jenolan and I still remember that day with affection.

September 3, 2023

We’ve had a lovely day at home, pottering in the garden in the morning, having a special Father’s Day lunch (John had no calls, as expected) and then going off in the afternoon to collect bark to lay down in the garden. Planted Green Zebra tomatoes, to be picked once they get yellow stripes, basil, coriander, mini wombok and edible calendula flowers to mix up with the nasturtiums in salad, all from seed. I think my

containers for the tomatoes are too small, it says on the net only one of these per pot, but I didn’t see that until later. Anyway I can always thin them out. Last night at dinner I said to John that at least no bird will steal this meal, but he had no memory of the bird event, even after I repeated the story. I turned on an episode of Alone Australia last night, thinking he would like the beauty of remote Tasmania but he said it was a silly show pretending to have people alone when clearly there was a cameraman with each of them. I explained about their cameras but he still thinks the whole idea is pointless. It did give me some inspiration last week watching them building primitive structures single-handed. I was going to get Kirk the mowing man to stake up a tree that is leaning over towards the sun, but I thought it was a silly thing to ask and found a stake in the garage and did it myself. A small feat but inspired by Gina. David, who has family connections with Samoa, reported that the Survivor series filmed there was a con, the contestants were actually in bush next to a five star hotel where they all traipsed to sleep at night. Pretty disappointing story, even though I’ve never watched it.

Reading the Deaths column in the SMH and noted as usual that everyone was ‘dearly loved’, ‘missed always’, ‘a wonderful friend to all’, I wonder where the death notices of horrible people are published? Perhaps no one bothers to waste money on an ad at all? Of course they all ‘passed away peacefully’, after reading these for over 50 years I’ve never come across anyone who died in pain, funny that.

I’ve just sent off an email to Media Watch with the report of Amanda Vanstone’s major blooper on ABC Radio. Thinking that the interviewee had hung up she mocked his voice and then said that the programme would have to be edited so he didn’t ‘sound like such a fuckwit’. The guest was Corey Tutt who is the founder of Deadly Science, which provides remote communities with educational resources and was named the 2020 Young Australian of the Year. He was awarded an Order of Australia Medal in last year’s Queen’s Birthday Honours List for service to Indigenous science, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM) education. He’s an Associate Professor. Who’s the fuckwit now Amanda? I notice that none of the ‘mainstream media’ mentioned this over the weekend as far as I could see. The ABC has ‘counselled’ her, I wonder what you have to do there to get the sack? While I’m having a bitch about the ABC I was somewhat shocked to see Julia Baird push back against a guest who commented that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had not done anyone a favour by hanging out till the end and not allowing President Obama to choose her replacement instead of Trump. I totally agree with his point, but Julia is a huge RBG fan and told him snappily that it was Mitch McConnell they were there to discuss, even though it was the issue of ageing and the ability to continue in politics that was the real point. Later someone else mentioned her and her response was: ‘Oh we’re back to RBG again’ shutting him down too. The first chap looked cheesed off till the end of the show and I don’t blame him. But hey, compared to Amanda…….

September 4, 2023

I wish my mind knew how to turn off at night, there should be a button. After trying unsuccessfully to find a tiny basket to go on top of Boris’s cake, I decided that a wine glass lying on its side with the goodies spilling out could be a good look. But all night I dreamt of glasses falling off cakes, liquor spilling out of the glass, round chocolates rolling off the cake, really dumb stuff. So this morning I went back to the

Chocolate Warehouse and bought one of their surprise lucky dip goodie bags which had lots of things nearing their end date and some that went through to December. Now I am not using anything that rolls and have lots of different choices including eggs, broken pieces of dark chocolate, brandy filled chocolate bottles, gingerbread fudge and a marzipan log, which will be enjoyed by moi once I shave the dark chocolate off it, I can use that as sprinkles on the cake too. Went to Messina to swap Cecilia’s gift card and although there were staff inside they wouldn’t open the door till noon and as it was only 10.30 I had to pass on that one. Came home to continue my fight against the broadleaf weeds in the grass verge, no matter how many I get rid of, triple that number replace them.

Yesterday I Googled the new Farnham ad for the Voice and couldn’t turn up anything, but then in the evening it was showing up everywhere. I watched it with tears in my eyes and I think it will affect a lot of people that way. It’s certainly affected Dutton enough to suggest a second referendum. Insert eyeroll emoji here! I’m sure the No campaign is trying to find an equivalent but hopefully this will win out. I have been to many Farnham concerts and he is an amazing performer, hopefully he will help to get us across the line at the same time as lifting his spirits after whoever is running this show decided to give a singer mouth cancer. I have sent off a number of emails trying to get a YES sign for the front garden but all I get back is ‘thanks for supporting us’ generic messages so I sent another one this morning. Decided to head back to the watercolour exhibition tomorrow to attend a talk and demonstration in the afternoon, someone confiscate my credit card!

I painted a card this afternoon, the first one for months. It’s not wonderful, it’s not even good, but it was very satisfying. Watercolour is just so watery and ethereal and fragile somehow. I did send off four cards to various people early in the week and though I’ve still got plenty to be going on with, it’s time I started to replenish the stock. I want to get back to doing some paper dyeing too while there are flowers about, though most of mine are white, so they’re no use, but I want to try the Clivias and seen how they work. Perhaps after I go to the talk and class tomorrow I will have stumbled on the trick of doing watercolour well. I will pick John up to come too and as he says, the paintings will all be new to him. I can’t even imagine not having any memory at all of the recent past, but it must be so bewildering. Janene rushed to tell me that ‘he came to breakfast in his pyjama pants with a football jersey on the top!’ but I decided that fact was better left to waft into the ether.

September 5, 2023

Eggs-austed, too tired in fact to cook an egg for tea. Picked John up this morning, drove to Baulko, bussed to QVB, bussed again to the Botanic Gardens and lunched there without an ibis attack. In fact the clever birds know there aren’t as many people as sources of food on weekdays and their numbers drop significantly. John asked if we had been to the gardens since last spring and wouldn’t believe me when I said we were here on Saturday. Mooched around the gardens taking a few pictures as requested by Donna the activities officer at Gracewood and then went to Lions Gate Lodge to see the watercolour exhibition again. We were joined there by Jenny and Mike, to whom I’d raved about the exhibition during the week. We went to a watercolour demonstration by Ian Chapman, who has a painting on show. He learned his

craft during 6 hours per week of training as part of his architecture course, back in the days when plans were rendered in colour. I was later able to ask him some questions about the techniques used in a few of the pictures and his knowledge was really helpful as I had no idea how the effects had been achieved. It was a long slog home but I’m glad I chose not to drive in, I am over battling tradies at peak hour.

September 6, 2023

Davina got her driver’s licence today! Third time lucky, so now they are on the lookout for a car. I’m kind of glad I don’t have to worry about stuff like that, though I suppose I might have to one day if mine carks it or I run it into a ditch. I think I’m rusted on to Toyota now so at least that would make the shopping easier.

This morning I bussed down to Parra and visited Court 1.4 to see William Tyrrell’s foster parents at the trial of the mother. She has pleaded guilty to assaulting a different foster child, though not guilty to two charges of stalking and intimidation. Considering the four hours of audio evidence she could hardly have contested the assault as she admits on tape kicking and hitting the child and threatens to do it again. She’s using the barrister John Stratton, who represented Eddie Obeid and latterly Adam Cranston, both of whom are serving long prison sentences, so although they clearly have deep pockets to pay for him, they may be wondering about his track record. I happened to sit next to a detective whom I saw at the inquest into William’s disappearance, which made me wonder again if bringing these charges is part of a plan to try to get more information about his disappearance. The foster father will be tried separately over the assault and intimidation accusations, then they both face a charge of paying a dummy bidder to raise the auction price of their $4 million house. All of this was exposed when their house, car, landline and mobile phones were bugged for many months in 2020 and 2021. Pity the poor transcriber typing up every word either of them spoke for about a year or so. The dossier they were using today was over six inches thick and only related to the four hours. The detective told me that the magistrate has the entire transcript, not just the four hours aired in court. Apparently the child will be a witness on another day, by video link. Whether they are capable of doing harm to William or covering up his accidental death is another question, but they certainly come across as both controlled and controlling. Saying to a friend that her husband was ‘mean and cruel’ to the 11-year-old girl, she continued ‘life does not work to (JS)’s time frame. He does not run the world’, though it is the mother who seems to incite the most fear, judging by what we heard today. I can only hope that child is in a better home situation now.

September 7, 2023

Finished Boris’s cake and iced it at home but decorated it at their place as it involved lots of chocs and treats on the top which wouldn’t have carried well. Boris seemed chuffed with it, so that’s success. His daughter knocked on the door and she had flown from London without telling him so that was exciting, it should be a good party on Saturday. Jane made me a cuppa and it was served in a Maxwell Williams cup and saucer that I was sure was designed by Gabby Malpas, a Sydney artist with whom I’ve been in email contact regarding adoption issues and I attended one of her design tutorials last year, somewhere down near the fish markets. When I got home I hit the internet and sure enough it’s Gabby’s design called Peony.

I’ll keep an eye out at the op shops as it sells for $75 or about $40 secondhand. Jane’s is red which is lovely but the one I saw on the net is a fetching aqua and I’m a sucker for aqua. As well as painting she is a potter and licenses her work on scarves and other items, makes pottery and does commissions for businesses. She has entered the Gosford Art Prize which opens tomorrow, so I must go up and see her work there. It’s watercolour everywhere I turn at the moment, telling me something.

On the way home I went to the chemist and Sharif, who is very good to me, bailed me up with ‘Great letter in the SMH today, can you write one about how pharmacies are affected by the new 60 day prescription rules’. I’m thinking nooo…I actually support those rules and his arguments were pretty thin, such ‘as it’s not safe for people to have that many drugs around the house’. But I think the main argument is a financial one so I tried to beat a retreat, however he called ‘bring me in a copy of the letter as soon as you’ve sent it’ so I’m glad I stocked up on drugs today as hopefully he will forget, but he’s got the memory of an elephant unfortunately. He suggested that I send an accompanying photo of us both….. The letter got the headline spot, so that was good apart from the pharmacy problem, it read: ‘The current debate about the fault or otherwise of Alan Joyce in the customer dissatisfaction at QANTAS misses the point. Joyce puts his shareholders benefit above those of its customers, which is what he is required to do. The problem is the privatisation of our nation’s airline. Had that not occurred we would all be the shareholders and then our interests would be paramount. You can’t have it both ways. Rather than dishing out billions to QANTAS during Covid, it might have been the perfect time to buy back the farm’. I rather suspect that Sharif didn’t share the thrust of it anyway, but he’s a great businessman.

I was lamenting not being able to go to court today when the foster child concerned, now aged almost 14 I calculate, is appearing via video link, but I can’t be everywhere and I needed to get that cake done. Perhaps I can squeeze in a morning there tomorrow before Sue arrives. The two memories that stick with me from the William Tyrrell inquest are the amazingly long list of paedophiles who were suspects in the local area, I have all my notes from the time with names and their association eg the man who works in the local servo and a few men in the Port Macquarie Lone Fathers group. Secondly the startling differences between the birth family: casually dressed Westies, upset, looking discombobulated by the court situation but with supporters and the foster parents: immaculately dressed, austere, controlled, emotionless, but alone. It will be interesting to see what the magistrate decides, though I did see her wipe the corners of her eyes with a tissue during the tape recordings of the girl being cruelly berated.

September 8, 2023

Well I made the right decision to do what I needed to do, instead of what I wanted to do, yesterday as the foster child in question in the Tyrrell foster parents case was heard in a closed court so neither I, nor the press, heard her evidence. Only the counsel and the magistrate were present so I can’t draw any conclusions from that evidence. So I decided not to go in today as it may very well have been closed court again. As a result I got some tidying up done before Sue arrived before lunchtime. As part of that I tossed all the paperwork from the Dementia Australia day-long workshop as I don’t really need ideas about what to eat, advice about exercise, sleep, mindfulness and a support network. All this is pretty basic stuff and I

went there for information on dementia and how to deal with it. But they meant well and perhaps some people need that sort of advice. Also threw out a $30 Sussan voucher with purchase which expired June 30 and as a reward I found a new one in the letterbox expiring November 30. The gods are always watching and clearly they liked my tidy up.

Sue and I went in on the bus and had dinner at Manon at the QVB, excellent food and wine. It was at the end of their Happy Hour (which goes for 2 hours, but anyway) and Sue got a glass of wine for $8, then ordered another of the same wine 15 minutes later at a cost of $18 as Happy Hour had ended. We noted that going to dinner there a bit earlier is very advantageous, for both wines and snacks. Sue had the Spaghetti Marinara (very seafoody says she) and I had the Souffle a la Suissesse, with gruyere, asparagus and hazelnuts (to die for). We will return. Trammed to the Quay then went to the pre-show talk at the Opera House, which unfortunately Sue couldn’t hear. The main attraction was the Marsalis Violin Concerto, with a John Adams piece, Short Ride in a Fast Machine, as an appetiser. It was his reaction to accepting a lift along an American freeway with someone that he found had a Ferrari and drove like a maniac. This was his depiction of that drive in music and it was wonderful, as was the main course by Marsalis. Violinist Nicola Benedetti played her heart out for its 40 minute length and it was a joyous piece of music that scored a long standing ovation during which Marsalis was coaxed up on stage from the stalls to take a bow. The second half was Stravinsky’s Firebird c.1910 which was an early influence on Marsalis. After the show I decided to hunt for a programme each, as they were all sold out when I tried earlier. Raiding a recycling bin like some sort of well-dressed ibis, the hunt proved successful so tomorrow we can each read up on all the things we missed as well as the background to the pieces.

September 9, 2023

So the Freedom of Information Commissioner is resigning, what a hopeless job that would be, trying to get any politicians to fund giving information out to the public. Every opposition wants to be informed and every government wants to conceal. Years ago someone I met was going into a new job in Defence and I asked what exactly he’d be doing. Well, looking after FOI he said, which is easy because there’s only me doing it so I just add the requests to the pile as they come in. He thought it was quite a sensible way for the government to deal with the problem of these pesky people asking too many awkward questions, just reduce the staff to one. Best of luck to any new commissioner who may be appointed.

John is home for the weekend as usual and yet he’s asked me repeatedly if he’s staying overnight. ‘I live in a world of unknowing’ he said. I put a short comedy show on iView for us to watch but he wasn’t laughing and afterwards I asked what he thought of it: ‘I didn’t understand it’ he replied soberly. Gracewood got a geriatrician in to see him on Thursday so in due course I will get a report, however I think I have a fair idea what it will say so I’m in no rush. Cecilia was surprised that he hadn’t rung me, apparently that’s the usual procedure and she offered to email him, but I told her I’m not in any desperate hurry for the report. There is a large green button at the front doors at Gracewood to exit the place but lately it has been covered by a temporary looking ugly hinged piece of hard plastic, so I asked if the button were malfunctioning. ‘No’ she replied, ‘we have absconders’. It sounded like escapees or fugitives or gaol-breakers, but I couldn’t think

of another less pejorative term to suggest. Thank goodness John isn’t ‘an absconder’, I should be thankful for small mercies I guess.

September 10, 2023

Today I gave John a choice of three things to do and he came out strongly for the Kenthurst Fair. It was just a folksy affair with a couple of bands, the SES and Rural Fire Service trucks, the local pre-school and school marching, as well as only four scouts and two girl guides (scouting and guiding are clearly on the nose these days, surprise surprise). The roads were parked up for more than a kilometre in each direction and no side streets so, knowing that John couldn’t walk that far, I asked one of the marshals to let us through a barrier so I could park behind a shop. I’ve noticed just this week that his physical abilities have declined markedly. Happily there was a YES stall there where I was able to procure the street sign I wanted, so thankfully I can stop annoying them with emails. But as we walked around the fair I was approached by an officious young Rotary person and informed that ‘you can’t carry that here!’. ‘Why not?’ I asked and she said that no ‘political signage is allowed’. I explained that I was on my way to the car but she persisted so I told her that the referendum is a moral issue and not a political one, however she laid down the law so I took my sign and left. When we got home Arvind bolted it onto a power pole in front of the house and then John insisted on wrapping tape around it as well, but of course vandals and NO voters can easily rip it down if they feel inclined.

Stopping at Dural on the way home I thought about the fact that I was always a rusted-on Woolworths shopper, but now I go to all three of the big ones. Aldi is cheaper with good own brand groceries but in a few things I am brand conscious: it has to be Sirena Tuna for example, I’ve been eating it since I was a kid and on the rare occasion when I’ve changed brands it was a let-down. Also the Hart and Soul soups and Tilda rice products are non-negotiable, as is Connoisseur Ice Cream, so Woolies or Coles get my business if those things are part of the shopping list. Somehow though I feel as if I’m cheating when I’m in Coles, old habits die hard. However today I discovered a new Sirena product, tuna in a jar! That suits me perfectly as I can just ‘fish’ out as much as I want and fridge the rest, in fact I might do just that for dinner tonight.

John told me this morning that he couldn’t have his shower because he was ‘waiting for the electric razor to heat up’ but shortly after I discovered the real reason, he’d been reading a book of politically incorrect jokes, some of which he read out to me. He still has his sense of humour anyway, though not so much if it’s a TV program or film where he loses the plot. He always laughs at funnies that I point out on my Facebook feed though. He commented this morning that: ‘I live in a world of constant unknowing’ which is a profound description of his circumstance.

September 11, 2023

Fifty years ago today Allende was overthrown in Chile and it sticks in my mind as I was in Italy where all hell broke loose, big demonstrations, riots, graffiti everywhere ‘Viva Allende’ but of course he didn’t survive the generals’ coup. Although I couldn’t understand the Italian reports the signs were clear, with the

CIA and MI6 being seen as the organisers and culprits. Now after 50 years the papers from the time have been decommissioned — and the demonstrators were spot on. Communications from the British Embassy there talk about the need to keep their heads down because of worldwide protests and of the fact that the new government will ensure supplies of copper being guaranteed. They acknowledge the murders and torture (which went on for 17 years with over 40,000 people affected) but say that these shouldn’t be publicly discussed. American governments are often nasty and don’t care too much about being seen to be nasty, but the British like to keep up the veneer of class while getting down and dirty with the worst of them. I am sometimes ashamed of having that heritage but proud that my ancestors were never powerful enough to have blame fall on their shoulders.

Watched another episode of Alone Australia last night and marvelled again that the two ex-Army chaps are so ill equipped to deal with the loneliness and isolation. I would have though that would be part of their training. I was amazed at the one of them who built a kayak with next to nothing, something I thought would fail miserably, but then he couldn’t cope with not catching a fish. I remember my client Jerome telling me that he was ‘tortured’ at Holsworthy with all night loud music, no food, harassment and whatever in order to toughen him up for Iraq, but I guess you know that it’s a war game and not the real thin

ng. However the people in this ‘game’ know that they can get out with a phone call so the same should apply.

September 12, 2023

Just sent off an email to Woolworths (and both of the companies involved) about the two packets of granola I bought there this week. One was Farmer Jo Honey Granola and the other Blue Frog Macadamia, Almond and Manuka Honey Granola, both on special for about the same price. Normally I pick up granola from a little supermarket in Woollahra where they stock my favourite brand but since I’m not over there till next week I thought I’d give the Woolies shelves a try as granola is really the only cereal I like to eat. The Farmer Jo one was only so-so, but the Blue Frog was fabulous, so I looked at the ingredient list and the Farmer Jo has 7% nuts and seeds, while the Blue Frog has 87% nuts and seeds! I wish I had read the packet more carefully but the lesson has been learned, I can actually buy a decent granola locally so that’s a win. Then I found a photo from 2020 of a pile of 10 blocks of chocolate, that came as part of a Woolies online order done for me by John. The order arrived with a note that they were out of the other flavours he’d ordered

After the last Marsalis concert with the SSO I was puzzled about a huge tuba-like instrument played near the end so I sent off an email to the SSO expecting a one-liner in reply, but got a great explanatory missive telling me about sousaphones, with links to articles about both the instrument and New Orleans Brass Bands. It was from the delightfully named Pim den Dekker and he has added to my understanding enormously. That got me thinking about the endless debate with the Opera House over John’s funeral and the fact that in July they promised to come up with a written agreement which hasn’t yet materialised. So another email went off and was quickly replied to (only part of which follows): “I will present to you in due course some other locations at the House we believe are much more appropriate for an occasion of this kind, providing better privacy, easier access for the guests, and a wonderful view of the harbour and bridge. I’m conscious though that the original location discussed is the cleavage which we will ho

have a think about it – at most times it’s a very unfriendly environment being weather dependent and nearly always very windy etc. We are in a very busy time at the moment preparing for the 50th anniversary events etc next month. Can I come back to after all that is over?” Of course I replied that I’d be delighted to come in to look at the other locations as he suggested and on we go. He always asks after John and I suspect they are enraptured when I report his good health.

My friend who has endured an expensive, soul-destroying, almost five-year legal battle with his siblings over his father’s estate had a little win recently when a professor of geriatrics sent an independent report saying that his father’s medical records, scans etc showed unequivocally that the father had serious dementia when he was carted off to a solicitor to change his will in their favour, in fact his dementia began at the age of 59, decades before the last will and his death. After refusing to speak to my friend for years, but having read the report, his brother sent a jolly little note saying ‘we should be able to sit down and work this out as a family, when would be an appropriate time’. I won’t repeat the language I used after hearing this but I’m sure you get the drift. Remembering Tolstoy’s “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”, yet money-grabbing at a death or approaching death seems to be a consistent pattern amongst those who are reluctant to do anything for their relatives when they are alive.

September 13, 2023

Got an unwelcome text from Jacinta Price, as did a number of people I’ve spoken to, and it has a link to apply for a postal vote, but clicking on it takes you to a Liberal Party site, not the AEC. It is probably just as well that my reply ‘failed to send’.

Yesterday I watched another ep of Alone Australia and as well as noting the inability of the ex-military people to manage alone, I also pondered on the fact that of the three women contestants two are gay and one bisexual, perhaps this is a coincidence or perhaps not. I am taken enough with the character of the contestant Gina, who has no problems at all with being alone, to begin reading her mother’s book Searching for Charmian. Suzanne Chick discovered in mid-life that she was the daughter of famed writer Charmian Clift, who had given her up for adoption at the age of 19. I mentioned my interest in Gina to a friend and she produced the book to lend to me, I began it last night and so far I’m very impressed. She can really write and her line drawings decorate many pages, adding an even more personal touch to the story. The physical similarities between Charmian and Gina are obvious, but it’s the mental parallels that interest me more.

A Sydney vascular surgeon is mounting a one man campaign against illegal tobacco sales. He asks his patients to identify, using online maps, where they purchased the illegal cigarettes and records the businesses in a makeshift database. It reminded me of when I decided to map where the drug-dealers’ houses were in Windsor, not that anybody gave two hoots, but my drug-using clients and drop-ins were happy to oblige with the information. I guess they knew that the police wouldn’t be interested and right they were. So if a surgeon can get this intelligence so easily, what are the detectives doing? It is such an easy crime to stop: random searches of shops and storage facilities, seizure of unexplained large amounts

of cash, sending in plain clothes detectives to be fake buyers, gosh I could set up the plan in an afternoon. So it begs the question, are the cops on the payroll? I think the evidence has to point in that direction.

The Brits are debating whether to ban the XL Bully dog breed, which came out of America of course, and grows to over 60 kilograms. Four breeds have been banned in the UK under the Dangerous Dogs Act: the American pit bull terrier, the Japanese tosa, the Dogo Argentinos and the Fila Brazileiro, all are bred as fighting dogs, so it seems obvious that this one will be added to the list. But it seems crazy to me that they let the first one in, what were they thinking? Doctors inform us that because the dog has such powerful jaws, the wounds are worse compared to other breeds. It’s a crushing or a tearing injury and once they grip they lock their jaws and don’t let go. Perhaps we are all expected to carry a weapon against savage dogs, but it’s something we absolutely shouldn’t need to consider.

September 14, 2023

Making corn fritters for dinner and my hands smell of the delicious smoked garlic that I buy from the Farmer’s Market, however it smells so good that I don’t want to wash it off. I had a lucky combination which did my dinner for two nights this week, a bunch of broccolini in a baking dish, topped with fresh corn kernels, then I sliced a sad half cucumber that needed using and then raw pieces of fish topped with a cheese sauce and baked. Mmm-mm it was good.

I’ve long realised that I am addicted to beauty. I find ugliness personally offensive so I will drive on a route that avoids really ugly buildings and try to find one that takes me past a beautiful one. I think that’s why yesterday when we were at Ebenezer Church, and on past visits, I felt so relaxed. There’s a stone church, the river, a garden, the neat cemetery and lots of space provided by the fields around it. The volunteers even bring a tablecloth to put over the outdoor tables if you order a Devonshire tea, the milk jug has a crocheted and beaded cover, it’s so lovely. When I first bought my Wedgwood dinner set in the 70s my boss at the university said to me that I was a snob to want such a thing, he who wrapped his sandwiches in newsprint, but it’s not about impressing other people it’s about making everything you do as beautiful as it can be in the circumstances.

Talking about things being ugly, I am surprised that there aren’t more letters to the Herald about the unwanted text message about the Voice from Jacinta Price. I sent one in and I know Michelle did too, perhaps tomorrow we’ll see something. I was sent JP’s mobile number and email address so I was able to reply asking who exactly is paying for these millions of texts, hopefully not the taxpayer on her electoral allowance. I was polite but stressed that I don’t want spam from her or from anyone else. Regarding letters I decided I was cowardly in not telling Sharif to his face that I support the 60 day prescriptions and therefore will not be writing a letter on the topic on his behalf. I should have said so straight away but I always think of what to say afterwards. He thanked me for coming back and telling him and the relationship has improved if anything.

John asked me yesterday if Jane and Boris are married, completely forgetting that he was the celebrant. I am keen to take him to the Bowral Tulip Festival but he has two medical appointments next week and with this bloody one night a week rule I can’t see that it’s going to happen.

September 15, 2023

Home absolutely exhausted after driving in with John to Erko for Millie’s after school poetry performance. I was looking forward to going to bed as soon as we got home and then discovered that it’s only 7.15! This night driving is no good for me any more, I just can’t see well enough. He was totally nonplussed about what we were doing today and asked me repeatedly where we were going and why we were there, but that’s the way of it now. He has been obsessing for months about getting the papers delivered on the weekends and Mondays, but we already have them delivered and he looks at them. Today I got an email from Gracewood saying that he’s asked them to get the papers delivered there too and they wanted me to pay up. Luckily they asked before they ordered them so I explained that he often asks me to order them while he’s reading one! Or looking at it anyway as I don’t think he reads the stories.

One good thing is that I’ve found two consecutive days that we can go to Bowral, leaving on the 25th, and I’ve booked a cheapish motel, only one night so it’s not worth spending up. We’ll go on the Sunday and see the tulips on the Monday when it’s a little bit quieter, you have to have a ticket and they are only bookable online. Pity the poor computer illiterate pensioner. To bed, I just can’t keep awake any longer.

September 16, 2023

Just went to answer some emails on the computer and suddenly the type became so small I could barely read it and only the last little bit of the email shows, so you can’t reply as that window is at the top and therefore not visible. I’ve Googled how to fix it and nothing they said worked so I can now only send and receive emails on the phone.

Been baking with Carol today and was on chopping duty which was stickily productive, doing amazingly plump apricots, kiwifruit, pineapple and ginger. John was on washing up and enjoyed himself. Yesterday he got a call about going to Glenbrook for lunch tomorrow and, thinking that he was at Gracewood as it was a Friday, it was said that a call had just been made to me to arrange this. But my phone was sitting right in front of us on the table and there had been no call. He doesn’t want to go, but feels better to ‘get it out of the way’ in his words by going tomorrow rather than worrying about it till it comes up at a future date, which means to keep him happy I have to miss the Yes March. But he is right that planning ahead will stress us both so better to go tomorrow. I don’t know what the answer is, but if it is like last time I will just pull the plug and drive him home (have I mentioned how much I hate long drives? yes I have). In the next few days I will be picking John up three times, twice for medical appointments, and he can’t stay over here after any of them as he’s used his one overnight for the week, bloody ridiculous and a waste of both time and petrol, but what can I do? Nothing.

Typing here is just annoying me because I keep thinking about trying to fix my Hotmail so I’ll get off the computer altogether.

Later: So what’s the ABC’s view of the most important thing that’s happened in the world today? A footballer died at the age of 87, my goodness what a shock! It went on for about 10 minutes, highlights of his career, what Albo said about him, Twitter discussion, video of him playing and an old report of him in hospital after an accident. When I pop off no-one will have anything to say on Twitter, which is just the way I’d like it. It makes you wish another tattooed dude had dodged a bullet today to make news (note that I restrained myself from saying copped a bullet).

It occurred to me very strange that, although I’m assured we have a booking at Bowral, the lady didn’t want a deposit. I offered my name and phone number first and she laughed and said that it’s okay she can see my number so I don’t need to worry. You can’t even get a booking for lunch any more without a credit card guarantee so I think I had better confirm by email at least, perhaps she was the cleaner who happened to be walking past the phone when it rang.

September 17, 2023

I was about to leave home this morning when Annabel texted me to say that we were now having a picnic instead of going to a cafe so I rapidly packed sandwiches, nuts, fruit and some chocolate, as well as a Thermos of tea. Just home from Glenbrook now after a difficult drive up and an easy drive back. First I stupidly missed the M7 onramp, thinking I could go west at my usual entry and then finding I had to ditch the M7 altogether and head to the M4. That was fine till I got to the onramp there which was blocked by heavy machinery widening the road. Turned around and ended up in Blacktown before pulling over and getting the map on my phone to tell me where the hell to go, which it ably did. We cooled down in a cafe with aircon to shelter from the 34 degree spring heatwave and had an excellent cold milkshake each before heading to the station to meet John’s family. The shops in Glenbrook have become very trendy with a patisserie, lots of cafes, gift shops, and some luscious delis and foodie places. I escaped having spent nix apart from the milkshakes, but that was due more to the heat putting me off browsing rather than anything else. Chatted to a couple of women in Yes T-shirts who said they had been yelled at from passing cars in Silverdale where they live and we discussed the fact that it’s become ridiculously political. We all picnicked in Glenbrook Park, getting the last available table, and the day was relaxed and friendly and decidedly ‘normal’. The kids were very happy with the books and jewellery that I took up for them and related to me so differently to last time. All in all it was a huge success and I am not quite sure why that was, but a different vibe altogether, and I am pleased beyond measure.

Last night I was thinking that I’ve got Glenbrook, Chatswood, Darlinghurst and Bowral to drive to this week, the first three for John and the last one for us both but my feeling was noooo, I can’t do it! However after today went so well it feels as if it’s on the downhill run now and I’m quite up for it all. Amazing how the night makes everything so hard and the morning makes it all doable. I decided to send an email to our Bowral motel asking about check-in and out times, just so I have some record of the booking. A quick

reply came back so now at least I have something to prove that I actually booked. Very unusual, but I’m happy not to have to give out credit card details if I don’t have to.

Really wanted to see the movie Past Lives which hasn’t been on for that long, however the last session at the dreaded Towers was 10 am today. Grrr….now it’s a long drive or bus trip to anywhere that it’s showing and I have something on every day this week, so I bet I’ve missed the boat.

September 18, 2023

All happening today, by 8 am I had a load of washing done and hung out, a mass of washing up done as well as the watering. I think my energy came about from the release of the weight of John’s family off my shoulders. I was up getting the shopping soon after that and feeling fine about driving John tomorrow and Wednesday. Now I’ve made a couple of cards and sent off an email thanking Di again for the art paper and bits and bobs she gave me earlier this year, I’ve still got lots left to use.

I got not only a text, but a letter from Alex Hawke telling me that the sky will fall in if I vote Yes. Well I wrote a reply across it telling him that he has no right to tell me how to vote on a moral issue and pointing out the flaws in his arguments, I am posting it back Reply Paid. He’s a sod who never learns to bar me from his sendouts, so it serves him right.

Sent a message to Ram in Kerala earlier today as I was reading about the Nipah virus outbreak in India, a virus which has an estimated death rate of 40 to 75% depending on the particular outbreak. I naturally assumed it would be somewhere far from him, India being such a huge place, but he says the centre of the outbreak is only 30 kilometres from his home! Seeing it’s spread by bats 30 k is nothing. In his area 2 people have died and 4 are in hospital. Apparently they are controlling it with contact tracing as there is no vaccine or other treatment. I suppose without the magic of telecommunications I wouldn’t even know he was in danger from it. But it has led to an ongoing real time communication on WhatsApp for the last hour, sending photos to each other waving (pathetic I know) and his front garden and street and then mine. They are not that different except his is a dirt road, the house has lovely windows, leadlight maybe? It pains me to think that I will never get one of his bear hugs again, unless I shout him a trip to Australia, a warm idea that crosses my mind occasionally.

September 19, 2023

I took a bunch of Easter eggs to Gracewood this morning to give out to my favourite nurses, telling them that they are two weeks past use by date, but perfectly fine. I bought them from the Chocolate Warehouse to use broken up on Boris’s cake and that worked a treat. Had a whinge to a nurse about not being able to bring John home between medical visits and didn’t see that the decision-maker on such things was sitting in her nearby office, she called out ‘you can go on the train from Bella Vista, it goes to Chatswood’ which is hardly the point. Today was dental technician day at Chatswood, I hoped it was the last time I needed to take him but David said to bring him back on Thursday to make sure the new teeth are okay. I made the

appointment, but I have a meeting with some of the women from the Carer’s Retreat I went to last November and I really want to go to that. As long as the teeth are okay by tomorrow afternoon I think I will cancel and book at a more convenient time. Then we came home and I made for lunch corn fritters with added chopped asparagus and broccolini and I think it’s a definite improvement. Served them with canned Portuguese sardines on top which made them like a delicious fish cake. I was inspired by the Sardine Soldiers Sue and I had at Manon Brasserie recently, yum I must email them for the recipe.

My friend Tim rang yesterday and said something that I hadn’t heard put quite this way. He has, for his court case, a report about his father from a Professor of Geriatrics and it points out that people with dementia ‘listen to the opinion of the last person they spoke to, because they have forgotten that they have held another opinion on the matter previously’. Of course, that’s why it was so easy for his siblings to tell their father that ‘Tim doesn’t want to look after you any more’, even though that was never true, he was simply asking for a week off to go away with his wife. But the old man was scooped off to the solicitor (in the Porsche, I love that bit) before Tim could put his case to a man already paranoid as a result of his disease.

I wonder if the ABC realises that for ad phobic people like me, every time they show a trailer it is less likely that I will watch that show? I always turn the mute on for ads, but if I see one more for The Newsreader I will scream, well I do scream now, but nobody’s listening. I’m sure if the cops ever bug my place they will wonder who I am yelling at when the TV is on: Dutton, Price, Joyce (Barnaby version), in fact anyone on the other side of politics will get a serve of their arguments are ludicrous enough. But it keeps me more polite in person which is probably a good thing.

NSW Police have killed a woman who had earlier threatened them with an axe, despite the fact that for the previous hour and a half she was lying on her bed watching a children’s TV show and livestreaming herself. The family had informed police that she was upset as she was to be evicted that day. She was Tasered and also shot with bean bag-style rounds, which pierced her chest and damaged her heart. Who could forget the 1968 8 day siege in Macquarie Fields when Wally Mellish forced Police Commissioner Norman Allan to arrange for his wedding to his girlfriend Beryl and to be best man. Allan provided the ring and the police canteen supplied the wedding breakfast. I always loved that story, even though poor old Wally went to the psych centre at the end and the marriage was annulled. In my weighing up, a life is absolutely worth police wages for 8 days, but these days Wally wouldn’t have great survival odds. Why have we so diminished our respect for the mentally ill, bloody annoying as they can be at times? It sickens me.

September 21, 2023

Nothing is as simple as it first appears. Yesterday the lady who works on the front desk at Gracewood called me out for doing the sign-in and sign-out for John on the computer. ‘He is quite capable of doing it and if you do it for him he will lose that skill’. Fair comment, even though it takes him an age because he needs to read every question in full before ticking the yes or no box, whereas I know all the answers off by

heart. Even so he gets lost with the process a couple of times with my supervision or types answers in the wrong fields, slowing it down even more as he doesn’t recognise that he’s made a mistake. But I did wonder why, after months of watching me do it for him, she chose yesterday to mention it…..but then I remembered that she had seen me slip an outdated chocolate Easter egg to someone when I didn’t realise that she was behind the counter. Okay, now I know where we are at, I have run out of eggs but another treat on another day should solve that little problem.

Today was infusion day and I hoped that I could fit in Past Lives at the Valhalla Cinema but no, the first session was too late for me to go, rats. So Woollahra it was, though the heat meant it was less than pleasant on the street. It occurred to me that apart from Charcoal Charlies a person of limited means could starve there for want of cash. But the little supermarket, though expensive, gets brownie points for its understated advertising, a sign no more than a foot square reading Maloneys Grocery. I got the monthly supplies of my favourite Dutch fruit loaf, some good Irrawarra granola and some Pilpel houmous none of which can be purchased in the boonies of the West. (I wish there were a consistent spelling of the word houmous, I cycle through the many options randomly, but I guess when you are translating from Arabic or Hebrew it’s tricky). One positive today though was that when I paused briefly in the street planning my next move, a young woman came up and asked if I were alright, something that’s never happened out here. John assured me when I rang that he was almost finished but when I called to say I’d arrived outside he said ‘oh there’s another bottle yet so I’ll be another 40 minute’ and the heat was punishing.

This morning John’s friend/fellow captive Janene was waiting for me as usual and said that John had told her that I had a Yes sign outside. She wanted to let me know that her daughter’s friend who works at ‘an Aboriginal settlement up north’ had rung her to say that ‘the two men behind the Voice are bad and will rip them off if it gets up’. Who are these two men? I asked, but she didn’t know, only that they are bad so she and her family will vote No (sound of head banging on doorjamb).

September 21, 2023

It pays to delve a bit below the surface on news stories if you can, but mostly we simply don’t have the time. There was a story about racial tension in London where an Asian (in British lingo read Pakistani or Bangladeshi) shopkeeper or employee of a small cosmetics shop was photographed with his arm around the neck of a black woman in the shop. The article was totally in the woman’s favour, but I decided to see what else I could find out about the story and turned up the video from which the still was lifted. The woman was caught taking goods and was approached by the man to return them when she started hitting him with her hands and the shopping basket until it broke. He was fighting her off when he very briefly put his arm around her neck before the fight continued, while he called for someone to get the police. Now the shop is closed and boarded up, with demonstrations outside by the black community. I can’t see any future for that business I’m sad to say.

It occurs to me that the religious dogma experts (I’m looking at you Sydney Anglicans) seem to cherry pick the bible according to their own personal belief structure. While Kanishka Raffel, Glenn Davies et al

are so het up about what the Old Testament says about homosexuality they carefully ignore the permission given in the Bible to own slaves, to indulge in incest (in the story of Lot he goes on to have sex with both of his daughters after his wife is turned into a pillar of salt), murder by stoning or in war, and there are multiple cases of bigamy condoned including King Solomon’s 700 wives. That’s funny when you consider how evangelicals insist that the Bible defines marriage as between one man and one woman, but one man and 700 women passes muster. Funny that is if you are not one of the many gay folk whose lives are constantly strafed by these people who are so blinkered in their reading of their rules. If you are of a mind you can find justification in the Bible for almost anything. In fact we did just that in an essay for the subject English for Scientists all those years ago. We had to argue for and against a number of propositions using only the Bible as references. I remember getting 100% for it, but it was money for jam because the bible was so littered with incongruities. How I’d love to debate this with them but of course that’s never going to happen, you can’t expose these people to difficult facts, or any sort of argument actually.

Today there was a meeting of the folks who went on the carer’s retreat last year along with one of the organisers who went with us. The meeting shrank when one person pulled out this morning, then another contacted the group saying perhaps there weren’t enough people going and maybe we should cancel, subsequently cancelling herself when the rest decided to go ahead. So it was just me, Russell and the group leader Michelle who met at Rydges Norwest, a place I had never entered before. It has a large carpark, tick; a large comfortable outdoor area, tick; friendly staff, tick; but the only food is at the bar, not at any sort of coffee shop so the only drinks except alcohol were tea or coffee, with nothing to go with it. I found this very odd, surely the kitchen could make some slices, or biscuits or something? Perusing the evening menu I decided that the chef (cook?) isn’t very inventive because even at high prices the best they can come up with is affogato and cheesecake, pur-lease, any home cook could do better than that. So I am not the least bit tempted to eat there for some future occasion. Today was a cheap day out as my compatriots just had a tea and a coffee and I had a gulp from my water bottle, but the goat cheese on toast was delicious when I got home. I am doing an Ottolenghi recipe for dinner Baked Stuffed Zucchini filled with rice, pine nuts and currants, but I hope they freeze okay as I’ve done six big ones.

September 22, 2023

Well the Stuffed Zucchini was okay, but nothing out of the box so I won’t do it again. I cooked them in a baking dish but didn’t put paper under them, and although they didn’t stick the juices stuck on the bottom. I soaked the dish overnight, boiled it up this morning, used a coarse scourer but still it didn’t want to give up its baked on juices, so I tossed the bloody thing into the recycling. I had already got rid of all of my non-stick frying pans and this was an old baking dish of the same type so I think the universe was telling me that I’d eaten enough polytetrafluoroethylene for one lifetime, so bon voyage good and faithful servant.

John had a dizzy spell this morning and rang to tell me, so I texted Cecilia to ask if it were low blood pressure, which he is prone to, but it wasn’t. This afternoon he called to say he couldn’t understand the movie so he’s gone back to his room but ‘people there were asking if I am alright, was I sick?’ the dizzy spell was remembered by his compatriots but not by him. When he went to the hospital I set him up with

some of his coloured-in cards, envelopes and stamps so he could write some letters while he was on the drip. He was perfectly happy with the idea but when I said on the way home that I could post any he’d done he answered ‘I’m not writing to anyone. People know where I am and if they want to hear from me they can pick up the phone’. Okay!

I am spitting chips about the pressure being put on the Tasmanian Government to build a stadium right behind the stunning Georgian waterfront buildings in Hobart. It’s a monstrosity, will cost over $700 million and as well as paying for it the government will be responsible for maintenance on the bloody thing in perpetuity. Every time I go to Hobart I grind my teeth seeing the 12 storey Hotel Grand Chancellor which blocks part of the view of Mount Wellington from the Harbour. It is widely accepted that building it was a mistake and this atrocity is taller! I shall write to the city council, but plenty of others have already done the same to no avail. While on the subject of Tassie I’ve emailed the National Parks people there asking why on the programme Alone Australia the river is full of dead trees? Has it been dammed? Is it some natural phenomenon? I have never seen a river so full of dead trees and I think about it during the night, foolishly. I hope an answer is forthcoming.

William Tyrrell’s inquest resumed briefly today but was adjourned till March 4 next year after the police said they will know by January if the foster mother will be charged with disposing of his body. I somehow doubt it unless they have information that we don’t know about and is so far being withheld. I just can’t see how people who were unknowingly being taped for a year could have avoided even the most tangential reference to having hidden a death and disposed of a body. I know they are controlled people but I just find that idea a bit too hard to swallow. Time will tell.

September 23, 2023

Only going to Bowral for one night tomorrow but as always it seems like a big prep. Talk to the neighbour about picking up the papers, water everything thoroughly, pack clothes for the forecast weather and then add more in case they’re wrong, book entry online to the Tulip Festival, book our favourite Italian restaurant for dinner, oops they don’t open Sunday, search Tripadvisor for a replacement and book that, ring John and tell him what to pack. This on top of being awake till 4 am and getting up at 7. Sleep is so difficult to predict, some nights I’m off two minutes after going to bed and the next night I’m still awake at 2, or like last night 4. No rhyme or reason to it, except that the lack of sleep is predictable if I watch Q and A or some other political show, then I spend the night composing letters, and sometimes get up and write them.

I watched The Whiteley Art Scandal on iview and was absolutely rivetted to it. Art dealer Peter Gant, no stranger to scandal, and conservator Aman Siddique, stood accused of art fraud after part finished ‘Whiteleys’ were photographed in Siddique’s studio. It seemed an open and shut case, but although the jury unanimously found the pair guilty, the judge disagreed and involved himself in the appeal on the side of the accused, something I’ve never heard of before. The arts journalist Gabriella Coslovich wrote a book about the affair after sitting through every day of the trial. Unfortunately she bears a scary resemblance to

the horrid Rebecca Weisser, she of the far, far Right who sadly lives in Sue’s Kirribilli building and is widely disliked there. I winced at times as even her manner of speaking had similarities to Rebecca. The show has prompted me to go again to the Whiteley Museum, perhaps I’ll take John. Wendy Whiteley, who to me is both the epitome of style and the antithesis of a nice person, featured strongly in the court case and I’m sure that the jury would have been influenced by her knowledge of his work. The whole Whiteley story is a modern day tragedy and it never seems to stop. The man who paid $2.5 million for one of the fakes didn’t get a cent back, ouch.

So Tony Rabbit is going on the board of Fox News, a marriage made in heaven, or the other place perhaps. Hopefully Peta Credlin will go with him as his able assistant, the less she is in Australia the better, but I guess that’s too much to wish for. One should breathe a sigh of relief that Old Murdoch is stepping back, except that Murdoch the Younger in the guise of Lachlan is worse. I read that he has built or bought a house in remote Canada equipped with a safe room, storage for a year’s supplies, a helipad etc. So he can promote hostility between countries and if it sets off WWIII he can retire to his bunker to watch it unfold. Perfect.

September 24, 2023

It was 4 degrees in Bowral when I got up at 6.30, against 14 degrees here, so I threw another jumper in. The thick jumpers haven’t had much of a workout this winter, between the weather being mild and not going away to colder climes. All packed and ready to go at 8 am but John will be at table, so no good going yet. He has forgotten why we are going but hopefully will appreciate it once we get there. Sue contacted me last night, 3 of her 4 girls and some of their kids are climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania and one of the children developed what sounds like altitude sickness. His mum had to bring him back down with a guide, a tricky business as the path was dangerous and he kept shutting his eyes and wanting to sleep. They got down safely but it shows the dangers, one of the things about that illness is the inability to work out who might succumb to it and who won’t. I’m glad I don’t have that pushing the envelope gene, though I would certainly appreciate the view from the top. Last night I dreamt that all of the party came here for a meal on their way home but everything that we pulled out of the fridge was beyond use-by date, a chicken, sausages, whatever, things I would never have anyway. Such rubbish the mind scrambles and tips out.

The motel I had booked in Bowral was bobby basic but very good in that it was warm, had good beds, a huge balcony overlooking the Gib and also a fully equipped kitchen. Not a luxury escape but I would stay there again as a good budget option, Emily who seems to run the place was extremely helpful. It’s a very quiet spot about 3 kms from the township, which was a good thing as the place was absolutely overrun with Tulipers. Lunched at our fave place down there, Your Vintage Occasion, with their mismatched old crockery and silver teapots. We shared a toastie and then shared scones with jam and rose cream, but it was an elegant sufficiency. Later we went walking from the motel and I scored some pine cones and a bunch of beautiful leaves which I will enjoy using for cards. Dinner was at Bistro Sociale which I would return to in a heartbeat. Unfortunately a table of eight came along just next to us and a woman coughed and sne

ezed

, however they kindly set us up for dessert at a large coffee table and two armchairs in front of the fireplace. The staff came by a couple of times and said they they couldn’t believe that she was still coughing nonstop, saying how inconsiderate it was and that we were right to move. I would like to try the Berida Manor Hotel of which this bistro is part, the decor was delicious and the staff really good so it’s one to keep in mind.

September 25, 2023

We were able to do breakfast in the very well equipped kitchen, a real bonus, then we went off to the Tulip Festival in Corbett Gardens. The garden isn’t big but they couldn’t have fitted another tulip in there. A few were at the end of their lives but those in the shade, and perhaps some planted a little later but in the sun, were spectacular. John was confused the whole time we were away, asking about where we actually were and why we were there, but once we got amongst the flowers he was fine. I got Millie a lovely sleeveless parka affair with a fake fur collar for $7 and from Dirty Janes a packet of ‘fairy garden gems’, ‘so that the fairies can find your garden and the glitter in the gems will sparkle in the moonlight so your fairies will sit on the petals of your flowers and have a magical tea party’. The only downside is that the person can’t spell, calling them fairy’s, but I bought them anyway and hopefully Millie will be chuffed to be able to see the mistake. Later we walked to Bowral Art Gallery and lo and behold they had a watercolour exhibition, featuring a couple of pictures by a man whose work we loved at the Botanic Gardens exhibition a couple of weeks ago. Lunch was of course at Your Vintage Occasion, this time a shared salad that we could hardly eat, thoughtfully brought on two plates knowing that we usually share. Enough sweets after yesterday, just cold drinks each before setting off for home. I thought it would be a good time, but there were as many trucks as cars on the road.

I see the Herald has finally woken up to Pezzulllo, or The Pez as he’s not so affectionately named in Canberra, a bit late to the party but better late than never. How he has got away with his political interference until now stuns me, but of course Abbott, Morrison and Dutton are all on his hard Right side of the fence. It’s over 20 years since Jerome told me about serving with him in the army and how ultraconservative he was then, both politically and socially. He’s a menace about long hair on men, tattoos on anyone, earrings, proper dress codes, just a typical corseted 1950s conservative, with politics to match. Horrible creature who will hopefully slide down the ladder of importance after these revelations. I’m amazed Albo kept him on, seeing everyone and his pooch knows what he’s like.

September 26, 2023

Back to the Pez, he comes across to me like a modern day version of J. Edgar Hoover, constantly beatinghis head against the wall of loose morals, communists and socialists, people who just won’t toe his line. JEH did all of that, including encouraging McCarthy in his witch hunt against Americans in the entertainment, military and government fields. Of course Hoover was a closet gay while encouraging and facilitating exposure of others in the same situation. Well he was not actually far into that closet, but appearing to be ‘a bachelor’ as far as the public were concerned. He was with his partner for decades,

eating together every day, spending holidays together, playing golf together, but living a short walk apart. His partner Tolson resigned from his position at the FBI on the day of Hoover’s funeral. So I’m not sure what drives the Pez but I’d have a bet that it’s either religion or some personal driver from his upbringing or past. Someone who knows him well commented to me this morning: ‘that karma bus gonna get ya’. Roll on driver.

Michelle rang to invite me to an Australian Ballet Philanthropy morning tea this morning in the QVB, but as Sue is arriving some time today I decided it was too difficult as it meant tying Sue to arriving later in the day when she probably has the day planned out to a T, if I know Sue. Doubtless I would have loved it but you can’t be everywhere, or read everything. I get sent so much political stuff that I just can’t keep on top of it all. I questioned Michelle about what is to stop a person from promising $10 grand to the Ballet in their will, scoffing scones periodically until they die and then leaving everything to the RSPCA? No answer was known to Michelle so it might be worth a try. Multiplying that idea with lots of cultural organisations such as the Opera House, Opera Australia, the Art Gallery and more could keep one in scones and glasses of bubbly for a long time. I doubt that they ask for a photocopy of the will and if they did, it could be arranged with some artfully applied whiteout. Food for thought.

In Bowral I bought a $7 item from an op shop but they didn’t have change for my $50, so I asked John for the $20 I always give him so he has some money, though he rarely needs to use it. She gave him the $13 change which he promptly dropped into the collection box on the counter, so my bargain wasn’t such a hot deal as I thought, seeing I give him his pocket money. I was surprised that he’d donate to St. V. de P. so I asked him if he’d got over his disdain of the Catholic church in all its forms. On no, he said, I put the money in there because I didn’t know what to do with it. He had no idea who ran the shop, which is funny if you don’t think about it too much.

How can I tactfully explain to the under 40s that ‘important’ doesn’t have a d in the middle?

September 27, 2023

Today Sue and I walked 5.7 kms around the harbour edge according to my phone. Then to the theatre to see The Importance of Being Earnest, a fantastic rendition of the play that leans towards, but doesn’t quite reach, slapstick. So it becomes a play of tremendous wit, combined with sight gags that for me added to the production, not to mention the over-the-top costumes and wonderful sets. I certainly had a good laugh, as did everyone I think. Leaving the theatre we bumped into old friends Bob and Larry who thought likewise about the production. Came home to a dinner of leftover Hungarian Mushroom Soup from the freezer and now I’m too tired to think, except to say that I felt sad that Dan Andrews is no longer the premier south of the border, I always had a soft spot for Dan.

September 28, 2023

I think that my sadness about Dan-less Victoria is largely to do with the fact that he governed on principle, not on whether or not his decisions would be popular. Agree or disagree with his decisions, he crashed through with what he believed was right and took the political consequences rather than governing by focus group. Compare that to Mike Baird’s shocking backdown on the greyhound racing issue. I heard a commentator on the ABC say that he had been out to a restaurant for dinner and there was a palpable sense of grief for his loss, overhearing another diner saying that ‘Dan was the greatest politician, state or federal, of my lifetime. A big call. On the other hand we have the Pez, a story to which I’ve been rivetted this week. Any hope of continuing in the public service is out the window, as is the idea of a sinecure after this appointment ends. He is in limbo, like Morrison, sucking on the public teat for no good purpose until someone is willing to hire him. But the most fascinating aspect of this is who leaked the communications. Nine is saying ‘someone who is entitled to access the messages’, but that is weird because who else apart from sender and receiver is entitled to the contents of an end-to-end encrypted app? I can’t say his perfidy came as a surprise at all, considering what I’ve been told in the past from diverse sources, but how he was sprung is a fascination. Hopefully all will be revealed.

On the way to Sue’s we pulled up and bought seafood at Witchard’s in a back street of Woy Woy, Sue getting prawns for book group while I bought mullet, often absent from my usual suppliers, some scallops with roe on and some orange roughy. A fisherman on the north coast at Macksville, when I queried the absence of mullet, told me that the fishermen keep it because ‘it’s the best fish’. He kindly sold me some from his personal freezer. Most of the scallops on sale these days are the wretched Queensland variety which have an inedible roe, which is why I never order them in a restaurant any more because the waiters seem clueless about the difference. Once at a Boxing Day function at John’s niece’s house I watched in horror as she snipped off the roe from a pile of scallops and binned the best bit, I so wanted to raid that bin. Witchard’s, a third generation business, stock fresh local seafood including fish, prawns, crabs, squid, lobster and freshly shucked oysters from their own local oyster farm. Open from Wednesday to Sunday, they spend Monday and Tuesday working on their oyster leases apparently. I froze the fish in salt water to bring home in an Esky.

Late in the day Sue rang a friend whom I’ve met previously and he and I had a chat as well. But soon after perplexing texts arrived which made it clear that he had misinterpreted our interaction, I believe due to incipient dementia. Whether I’m correct about that or not will play out over time, but there was some bewilderment in Killcare Heights as we tried to most tactfully remedy the situation, which I won’t go into detail about here. I think we succeeded but it remains to be seen.

September 30, 2023

Sweeping outside, putting up umbrellas, cooking, organising seating, crockery, cutlery, glasses, phew this entertaining business is full on. A funny occurrence was when the cannelloni was being made and after filling only two or three the piping bag burst, spilling out the spinach and ricotta filling dramatically. From then on, seeing we needed 24, I held each one while Sue pushed the filling in with various instruments, as a spoon was too big. However all’s well that ends well in the cannelloni department. There was a mountain

of food and then a mountain of sweets, including a huge carrot cake from Rosanna and Sue’s own preserved peaches and cream as well as a pie from her home grown rhubarb. We all came home with silver beet and/or rhubarb from the farm. I was lucky to get a lift from Kevin and Michelle, which made life so easy as I had a suitcase and an Esky to carry as well as spinach, a fairly tricky load to manage on the train.

I decided to book for the Soweto Gospel Choir performance on Tuesday night and sent out an email yesterday to others who may have missed the fact that it’s on in Parramatta, the week before the Opera House concerts. Martha replied that she, Lucien and Claude already had tickets. It was odd that there are no concession tickets but looking at the Opera House tickets the same applies so it must be the choir’s decision as it’s the first concert I’ve seen at either venue with no pensioner concession.

September 30, 2023

Two lovely birthday cards arrived and I decided not to open them until John was home today. A little later he asked what we had bought for Millie’s birthday party here tomorrow, hers was in March. He’s very confused today, even to the point that he hadn’t packed his bag when I got there this morning despite it being in the diary as usual that he was home for the weekend. He asks for a little job to do and then can’t remember what the purpose of the job is or how to do it. Garden watering and washing up are his safe zones.

One card was from Anne in the UK, with much wanted news about Kenneth. I haven’t heard from his daughter since February and Anne says that if she bumps into her at the care home she suggests perhaps sending me an email update and ‘Tanya reacts as though to a wildly original suggestion, and says she certainly will’. The home has been in Covid lockdown for about 3 weeks but Anne reports that when she last saw him he was in ‘an alarming state, very nervous and paranoid’. He thinks hundreds of people are coming to the guesthouse he used to run decades ago and there is no food in the fridge. He believes that they are constantly knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell, which is actually the phone in the nurse’s office across the corridor. So he’s gone downhill much faster than John has and perhaps doesn’t remember me at all. I don’t know, but it makes our often strange lives here look pretty normal by comparison.

Anthony from Yes 23 rang again to firm up the roster for pre-poll for the referendum. He was on a stall in Winston Hills this morning where he was abused by two different men. He said he’s sick of it now and ‘let them have it’ so clearly they are not the first. Having correctly predicted Trump’s presidential win (despite an American friend saying I couldn’t possibly have done so because no-one predicted it!). I hope I am wrong this time, but I think we will win on numbers and lose on states. Having the ACT and NT out of the state count is a real blow, as along with Victoria they are a moral to have a majority of Yes voters. I feel as if I am flogging a dead horse at this stage but I still have to make the effort just in case I’m wrong (I was wrong about something once or twice before, so I have form).

October 1, 2023

Wow October, Christmas decos in the shops this week I’m reckoning. Family all here for a birthday celebration which went beautifully. Davina ordered a fabulous cake from a French baker/patissier who works in his apartment and home delivers. It is almond sponge with cream and strawberries and pink marzipan on top instead of icing, it was (is) fantastic. Conversation rolled over Dav and Louis’s new car, a Toyota Corolla Hybrid which should arrive by Christmas (remember when you just bought a car and drove it away?) then at length about the Pez of course and who could be responsible for the leak. We all agreed that Briggs seems to be the most likely candidate, though it was hard to find a reason seeing he incriminates himself in the process, but we shall see. Both of the girls disagreed with my assessment that Annabel Crabb is too smarmy, the reason I find it hard to watch her show Kitchen Cabinet. They think she is very clever, lulling the guests into a false sense of security and giving them the rope to hang themselves. Perhaps I will watch an episode with that thought in mind and see what I think.

I am always collecting recipes from the weekend papers, as well as looking at restaurant reviews. But a couple this week were really gross looking to my taste, a Chinese place in Haymarket where I couldn’t find a single thing discussed that I would order and another where the Japanese chef is famous for his soup, which has just two ingredients, pork bones and water boiled endlessly. Hopefully no-one surprises me with a trip to either.

October 2, 2023

Seventy six trombones led the big parade! Hard to believe I have lived that many years, but there you are. Quite a difference here to being born in one of the coldest and snowiest autumns on record in Yorkshire, with snow half way up the buildings, covering the windows of the houses in a photo my mother showed me. Animal herds froze or starved to death and transport was in disarray for months. In the Netherlands they experienced the worst winter since 1790 and much of Europe was similarly affected. Last night I got a wonderful present when Tanya rang and handed the phone to Kenneth in his nursing home. He didn’t have a lot to say but just speaking to him was enough. He turns 90 in December. I first thought that Tanya had initiated the idea as I was sure the K. wouldn’t have remembered the date, but at the end of the call she said: ‘Anne was here visiting on Friday and asked me to be sure to wish you a Happy Birthday when I rang you this weekend’. Aah Anne, what would I do without you?

Well I had a wonderful birthday centred on a long lunch with Carol at Wild Pear. We got the last three stuffed zucchini flowers (bless), then shared barramundi with fennel, risotto and a delicious miso sauce, followed by the usual, strawberry and rose Turkish delight pavlova, all washed down with sparkling chardonnay. Is there a better lunch spot around? No there is not. Before the lunch I had over a dozen birthday wishes by phone, text, email and WhatsApp, many from people that I haven’t heard from for years. How they remembered my birthday I have no idea. The only downer on the day was that when I got home my Yes sign had been torn down, despite the four bolts into hardwood. Discussing at book group the same thing having happened to Carol’s sign last week, a couple of eternal optimists expressed the view that it was just supporters wanting to display their own sign, something I thought was tosh. Mine would

have had to be torn to pieces to remove it, so well was it attached. I think I am wasting my time working at pre-poll but I don’t want to pull out on that account, someone has to wave the flag.

October 3, 2023

I was very interested in going to a behind the scenes tour of the State Theatre this morning, but decided that this on top of a very busy week, then a concert tonight and pre-poll for the remainder of the week was just too much. So I busied myself contacting Yes23 to get a new sign (on past experience it should arrive a week after the poll). I am toying with asking my neighbour to put it out of human reach on the same post as the previous one but that involves his getting out a tall ladder and I don’t want to stretch the friendship, but let’s cross that bridge when the sign arrives. I am buoyed by the adage ‘Silence rides shotgun wherever hate goes’ so I must have some sort of sign up, even if I have to make one myself.

Next job was to renew the pensioner’s free National Parks and Wildlife Service year-long membership. Mine was super simple, but I couldn’t get onto John by phone to get his pension card number, after his telling me this morning that the phone wouldn’t charge. So I texted the reliable Cecilia who was going to get the nurse Francis to investigate and now after numerous attempts I’ve been able to get onto John and get the number, another box ticked.

I’ve been thinking about the tragedy that is Libya and it seems that some populations need to have a strong leader to keep the ship afloat. Think back to Tito who managed to hold Yugoslavia together from 1945 till his death in 1980. It was a federal system of republics that managed some local self-government but under the centralizing influence of the communist party. Tito managed to gain some respect for his position of aligning himself with neither of the major powers of the Cold War. This allowed the socialist country to maintain internal cohesion while suppressing nationalistic movements within its borders. Of course we know that once his power ended Bosnia, Croatia, Macedonia, Serbia and Kosovo in particular were at each other’s throats, with estimates of over 300,000 people killed. Prior to its collapse, Yugoslavia was a regional industrial power and an economic success. So to Libya. Ruling from 1969 when the king fled the country, Gaddafi abolished the monarchy and the old constitution and established the Libyan Arab Republic, with the motto “freedom, socialism and unity”. Various sweetheart deals offered by the west were rejected until the clever Tony Blair, acting on behalf of his buddies in the USA, offered a ‘peace deal’ involving Gaddafi giving up plans for nuclear weapons in exchange for future cooperation. Libya had been attacked militarily by the US under Reagan. A sweetener thrown in by Blair was the promise of British university places for Gaddafi’s sons. I remember reading this and calling out loud ‘don’t do it’ as it seemed such a crystal clear con. Sadly Gaddafi trusted the promises and now he has been murdered, along with three of his sons, the country is a basket case and no real government exists. The Mediterranean now holds the bodies of many refugees from this blighted land, where once free medical treatment, free education, low income housing, disability and old-age pensions were the norm. Don’t try to tell me that it’s a coincidence that these benefits also applied in Yugoslavia and Iraq. Sometimes a strongman is the only glue holding a country together.

October 4, 2023

A knock at the door yesterday afternoon brought a beautiful big bunch of roses, Geraldton wax, dahlias, snapdragons and sunflowers, from Sue who had very naughtily had them delivered. I must admit that I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her name on the card and not that of a recent admirer! The other thing that raised a smile was Yes 23 ringing to tell me that they would come last night and install another sign to replace the stolen one which they did while I was out, so my fears about how long that would take were unfounded.

Well last night’s concert at Riverside came with no shortage of enthusiasm, I am still in awe of one of the Soweto Gospel Choir, who must have have been a size 30 if a size 24 is super big, yet was one of the most active and dynamic of the women on stage. It just shows that big doesn’t necessarily mean unfit. The first half was in African languages and the second half was to be African American Civil Rights protest songs in English, though I must admit I couldn’t understand most of them (accents? unknown songs?). This was proven to be at least in part an accent issue when an unknown song turned out at the end to have been We Shall Overcome. It was very jazzy and it’s easy to see the origins of jazz, and rap dancing, when listening to the African music. There were plenty of African people in the audience and they were a noisy and enthusiastic audience, which all added to the atmosphere. I arranged to meet Martha, Claude and Lucien there but couldn’t find them either pre-show or at interval, so I assumed they hadn’t made it for some reason. However as we were coming out I bumped into them and Martha had forgotten that I was coming so they had stayed in their seats at interval. One fun thing was that I wore my Yes badges and was asked by a couple of different people where I had acquired them, so I was able to simply take one off and give it to them.

Today was spent at pre-polling at Norwest and thankfully the No people were pleasant, in fact one woman came over and kissed me as she was leaving, though she didn’t kiss the other worker. Perhaps because I’d introduced myself to them initially. I only had one cranky man who was more than compensated for by the Canadian chap who stayed for a chat of about 20 minutes on the way out. He told me that some of his rellies who look Anglo are actually indigenous Canadians, he was a lovely man. Local MP Mark Hodges came and spoke to the No campaigners, pointedly turning his back towards us. Interestingly Carol received a printed newsletter from him recently and I didn’t so I checked the boundaries and yes, I am still in his electorate after the boundary change. Perhaps I’ve been blacklisted by the former member David Elliott with whom I have had some spats? Should I let them know and waste more paper? I shall think on that one.

October 5, 2023

Back to the pre-poll this morning and I am changing my forecast of the result. I had said we would win comfortably on votes and lose on states, now I’m not even sure we are going to win on votes. The older people were often refusing the Yes flyer, it was almost uniformly taken by the young and by the various ethnic groups like the Chinese and Indians, but the oldies were a real worry. Damned conservative old

fogeys. One man, in his 40s and driving a Lexus, walked past and screamed at us that we were ‘fucking racists’. I can only assume that he thought we were all No people and hadn’t worked out that there were two of each side standing there. Then he drove past and gave us all a serve again, I just smiled and waved as he gave me the finger and swore at me, what else can you do? As the signs are near each other it is very confusing initially for people to know which side we are on, as well as it being hugely confusing about where to go to actually vote. The No people were perfectly pleasant, although I didn’t get a kiss today, however they all knew each other and I’m assuming they are members of the local Liberal branch, one proudly telling me that he was ‘to the right of Genghis Khan’. The Yes workers are a more motley crew of Labor, Greens and unaligned people, who were handing out water and muesli bars to others. I think we are wasting our time there as people have already decided, but I will keep doing it anyway.

John wasn’t happy today and I agree with his complaint. It was bus trip day and they were told that they were going for a drive but couldn’t get out at the other end. It was to the park at the north end of the Harbour Bridge and unfortunately for him when they opened the door it completely blocked his window, so he tried to go to the bottom of the bus steps just to look out to see the view of the Opera House. However he was told to stay in his seat and as he said ‘the whole trip was a complete waste of time and petrol’ as far as he was concerned. He commented that the social organiser Donna, a favourite of his, was being officious and overzealous which disappointed him. The thought of being inhibited to that degree is what freaks me out about the thought of going into a care situation. I’m sure I’d soon be an escapee and end up in the locked ward.

I happened to turn the tele on to get an early news on the night I went to the theatre and saw a bit of Long Lost Families on the ABC. I find the host Davina McCall to be the most perfectly dressed person on the teev for my money, I lust after every outfit even though they are so simple and understated, she is taste personified on that show. In the episode I saw part of, a woman had given up a daughter for adoption for the usual reasons of lack of family support (what will the neighbours say!). But clearly the one who was adopted out was in a very different social class to her mother and sister, she lived in London, was beautifully dressed, in a good job, with a lovely home (including two divine Bengal cats, which don’t come cheaply). The mum was in a humble Birmingham terrace and her sister was totally different in accent, clothes etc. I wonder how they make that work, or will their shared genetics overcome the class differences? To make it more complex the mum had later converted to Islam to marry her husband, what a cake mix of a family.

October 6, 2023

So Trump gave Anthony Pratt detailed information about America’s nuclear submarines. Of course Pratt kept it to himself, realising that it was inappropriate data to share, right? Wrong, according to the report, he “shared the information with at least 45 people, including his own employees, journalists, foreign and Australian officials and three former Australian prime ministers”. Oh my, who needs spies when you’ve got a goose like Pratt on the loose blabbing to anyone who’ll listen? The FBI and others have been to see

him twice, for a chat. His claim to support Trump was explained away as ‘I always go with the king’. It would be funny if it were not so serious (actually it’s funny anyway).

Sue’s friend whom I’ve met in recent months became disoriented and unable to turn on the air-conditioner last Sunday in the heat. He rang his son who came over and got the aircon going but then decided to call an ambulance. A couple of days later his neurologist has said he can no longer drive (after buying a schmick new car in March, ouch). So our perceptions of him recently seem to have been right on the money. It will be a big transition for someone used to his freedom.

I have now had two offers at pre-poll to join the Labor Party, both of which I declined. I explained that I’m not a joiner, as I prefer to be able to discuss issues freely and criticise at will. Oh but you can do that at branch meetings I was told. Yes you can, but once a decision is arrived at you need to shut up and I’m not so good at shutting up. At previous elections the Greens have suggested the same, and got the same answer.

I have started to make a dish for First Saturday tomorrow but can’t find the brown pottery lidded casserole dish I’ve had forever. Clearly it has gone to a pot luck meal at some time and never come back, or perhaps to Sue’s when I was sending food up there regularly. It’s just a good size and the others seem too big or too small for this dish, rats.

October 7, 2023

Yesterday afternoon Heather came over to visit and we shared biscuits and cheese and a piece of birthday cake. I mentioned that I wished I hadn’t sold my flower presses in the shop years back as now I am doing a lot of pressing. This morning Michelle W. arrived with a gift for my birthday, a large flower press! I recounted the conversation of yesterday and she said ‘well whenever you pick up a book in this place there are flowers or leaves pressed under it’, something I couldn’t refute. It is such a lovely one and I can’t wait to get to use it. When we were in Bowral I collected a lot of divine little winged seeds from the ground and have been using them in card making. I wrote to Wingecarribee Council asking what the trees were but haven’t had an answer, however Heather identified them immediately as Chinese Elm samaras, the technical name for these winged seeds. It helps to have a friend who is a florist.

Today we went to First Saturday at Jane’s house. I made a spicy black bean bake and heated it up there with parmesan on top. The talk was on Zen Buddhism and while mildly interesting, I failed to be a convert. I really bristle at the idea of not thinking, of lowering the highs and lows of life. Surely joy and sorrow are part of what makes us human, we think because we are intelligent humans, we grieve because someone we love has gone, the depth of the sorrow we feel is commensurate with the love we felt for a person. If we are going to even all that out we may as well not have come out of the ocean, or not developed an analytical brain, should we strive to be a frog or a lichen and accept everything without question? We see the primates who exhibit joy and sadness and grief and it makes us understand how close we are to them. Yet this philosophy wants to send us backwards, as do all religions in their different ways, and this is just

one of the less harmful ones. But you will never see a Zen Buddhist getting the Nobel Prize for discovering something which will save millions of people from suffering, they are all at home trying to slough off their attachment to the world.

October 8, 2023

Just heard that Deborah Knight on 2GB was saying on Friday that the “Yes people” at the Norwest Council Chambers are harassing people to vote No. What a crock, we couldn’t have been more accommodating to the opposite view. I’m seething and could not believe it when I was told. Obviously one of our No compatriots rang up to make mischief. Are there any decent folk amongst the No-sters? I am starting to feel quite an affinity for the Mitchell Yes 23 group as I’m on a WhatsApp with them and see all the lengths they go to in order to protect their Yes signs, some are in windows or on roofs or even in one case on top of a tall TV aerial! But I’m still not tempted to join them in the Labor Party. Stage 1 foundations for the Voice and Referendum were actually laid out by Libs in their last term of office but they never completed Stage 2. What Albo’s Labor team has done since is to actually implement Stage 2 of the Voice and Referendum process by activating the procedures required to call and hold the referendum. That argument actually left many of the Lib voting No Team people speechless at pre-poll last week. They had no idea. Apparently Malcolm Turnbull is part hosting the Parramatta rally today, an event I decided would be too much for John to cope with unfortunately. What a cheek! If Turnbull had embraced the Voice proposal initially we wouldn’t be where we are now. I would have boo-ed him.

Thinking back to the Zen talk one comment has stuck with me. At the end Mari said ‘it’s interesting that you all have philosophical points to make about the talk, but in Zen we don’t discuss philosophical issues at all’. Slam dunk really.

October 9, 2023

I intended to go straight to pre-poll this morning until Gracewood rang and said John was upset because he left his phone here yesterday, so I did a detour there first. The AEC were setting up and saw my shirt and badges so I hurriedly told them that I was ‘visiting, not campaigning to the olds’, a joke when I thought about it later as I would be the same age as many of them, a terrifying thought. Then off to Norwest where I was accompanied by the lovely Bala from Kellyville (I’m always sharing the job with someone from Kellyville it seems, usually a first generation immigrant). He had a good sense of humour and we agreed that he would go for the migrants and I would go for the Anglos, of course giving me the harder job. I talked to a few No voters who fell into two camps, either voting No because Albo hasn’t explained enough about how the Voice will work, and they don’t trust him OR they were originally happy to vote for it except so many Aboriginal people have come out against it, clever tactics to get Mundine and Price on board early it seems. I would say today was the worst day I’ve done in terms of numbers of No voters. We’re sc

rewed I’m sure, but we’ll have to see it through to the end. It may be hemlock and not champag

day night. To lighten things up I posted on Facebook ‘He started believing things I knew weren’t true. At first I thought it was Alzheimer’s. Then I realised he was watching Sky News’.

Sue, Bob and I are going to an art exhibition at Gosford Gallery on Wednesday and I planned to go up early on the train, but she has suggested going up tomorrow, which takes the pressure off a bit as I won’t have such an early start to get there at 9.30am. Then I’ll train and bus it back in the afternoon. Bob can’t drive now and I explained that the bus from The Entrance to Gosford passes near the gallery, but he’s sticking to getting a taxi. He must have deep pockets if he’s going to keep doing that into the future.

I have been buying things from the Pialligo Estate Smokehouse near Canberra for years but for a few months their goods seemed to be always out of stock at Panetta’s and Harris Farm. Now I know why, it shut its doors earlier in the year and eventually went into liquidation owing more than $10 million. Such a shame as their produce was amazing.

October 10, 2023

Things changed here when Sue texted early to say that she’s unhappy with the responses from her Kirribilli kitchen people and decided to come here instead, postponing the art gallery trip, as Nobbys have an office in Castle Hill so she could see them face to face. However by noon she had got some resolution with them over the phone and decided to stay at home, but by then I had started on a project here and made other plans for tomorrow so I didn’t change those and travel to Killcare as originally planned. I can do an extra shift for Yes as a result, even though I’m sure we’re wasting our shoe leather. Tomorrow I plan to also take a trip to Davidson Auctions in Annandale to show them a Dahl Collings painting of Sue’s. The Collings family built her house and are known for painting, sculpture and film-making. This is a picture that Sue doesn’t much like and it was going out for the pick-up men until I offered to try to sell it. Admittedly I haven’t been overrun with interest, most people having forgotten the artist, but two auction houses offered to sell it, Davidson’s being the most financially desirable. I just hope I can get a park as it’s on Parramatta Road and I’m taking a couple of other bits with me in case he’s interested.

I’m glad I didn’t have a ticket for the Opera House last night. Although I could never sanction the murder of civilians, I also totally disapprove of lighting the sails of our national symbol to support Israel’s ongoing theft of Palestinian lands, so I would have been torn between the protestors and the OH. I wrote a couple of letters to that effect, but I’m still steamed up about it. If we light the sails for this, why didn’t we for the much bigger loss of life in the Morocco or Afghanistan earthquakes? Or Libya after the flood? or sympathising with Canada during their wildfires? We would never see the sails white if we carried this to its logical conclusion. Keep the lighted sails for major Australian events (and I don’t mean horse races!). It would be ridiculous if it weren’t so bloody cynical.

On the bright side Martin, one of our Mitchell Yes team, got a letter in the Herald today replying to the frankly stupid George Brandis opinion piece on the referendum. We also had working on our team this week the father of one of our opponents (actually his son’s name is well-known Australia wide). I

wouldn’t want to cause the dad any grief, so the son will have to remain nameless, however we all appreciated that he was showing the courage of his convictions.

October 11, 2023

Can’t think of sleeping after the 7.30 story tonight on the financial backers of the No case. All the usual suspects, Clive Palmer, Kennard of the hire company, Blackmore of the endless pills and some new dude to me Simon Fenwick, all linked to the Institute for Public Affairs of course. I have known of Kennard and Blackmore and their association with Right-wing causes for years so I’ve long refused to use businesses linked to either of them, but Fenwick has been under the radar. A funny aside is the fact that Blackmore is an anti-vaxxer and smittled his wealthy neighbours with Covid at a drinks party held at his waterside home. They were not happy. But the serious question is what do we do when a handful of multi-millionaires can cleverly infiltrate radio, television and print media to relentlessly push lies to the gullible public. Should I be angry at them or the dillboxes they seem to so easily sway? All of them, every miserable one. If I were not such a cat lover I would curse them with the classic Gaelic curse “May the cat eat you, and may the devil eat the cat” but that doesn’t sound nearly as nasty as what I really want to say.

Managed to get a park with no problems at Davidson’s Auctions, they have a rear lane parking spot as well as out the front. Only managed to offload Sue’s picture, as expected he wasn’t impressed with the couple of add-ons I took along. One can only try. But it was nice to look at their current auction, a room full of collectables and art all from the one owner. Clearly it was assembled in the 60s and 70s, with heaps of Australian pottery, Brownie Downing and the like. It would have been valuable back in the day but it is totally out of fashion now, so although there were good bids on some pieces like Harvey School pottery from the 30s I’ll bet a lot of it goes for a fraction of what she paid (I’m assuming it was a she but I have no reason for that except gut feeling). It was all shipped down from Queensland and apparently there is a lot more to come. Tastes change, in antiques and art as well as everything else.

While typing this I got a call from John’s ex neighbour. Last night she texted at 11pm ‘can I call you?’ but I ignored it as I’ve told her before that I won’t accept phone calls after 10pm (she has rung after midnight a couple of times). Just now she rang asking when she can come to lunch here on a weekend day when John is at home. She said he had told her when she rang him to organise it with me, but he also said to leave it till next week as I was busy every day on the referendum. Then I got a 10 minute tirade asking why I would support aboriginal people who get $2000 a week in unemployment and other benefits, get first place in the queue at the doctor’s etc and it went on and on. She said that John and I are on the socialist left (fair comment) and she couldn’t understand us. I was waiting for her to start on Israel which of course she did and I didn’t reply, so she asked if I were still there. Yes I said, but I don’t have the energy to continue this conversation. Ring me back when you do, she said as we both hung up. Yes, when hell freezes over, I thought to myself. I’ve tried for John’s sake to keep that channel open but she is just more than I can deal with and so, so aggressive. Kaput, finito, the end.

October 12, 2023

Last night was the final Zoom meeting for the Mitchell Yes team and I participated even though I hate bloody Zoom. It was planned to go for 45 minutes but ended up at over 2 hours. I’ve got to dip me lid to the organisers of the almost military campaign with Group Captains, Booth Captains, Scrutineers and Troops all given their orders. I would have liked to put my hand up as a scrutineer but with John home that was impossible. However I am really glad that I didn’t volunteer to pack kits for every polling station with everything from how-to-votes, T-shirts, badges, corflutes, snacks, water etc. They started at the end of the Zoom and finished after 3 this morning! One of the team is the son of Whitlam’s first cousin and another is Professor John Juriansz, Head of the Whitlam Institute. I noticed that MP Meredith Burgmann is rostered to take over from John and myself after our shift on Saturday.

Today I had to take John back to the dental technician as his new teeth are rubbing. But afterwards we went to Lane Cove as he likes the salads made by Charcoal Charlies there, though today they had made Nasi Goreng which looked nice so we shared one of those instead. Sitting in Lane Cove Plaza a couple of Hungarian men asked me about the Voice because I was wearing my badges so I gave them a little spiel. But more interesting were a Filipino couple Danny and Cecilia who asked me to sit down at their table and explain the referendum to them as they didn’t understand it what it was for. It seems that the information just isn’t getting to some people with English as a second language in a form that makes sense to them. We chatted for about 15 minutes and when we got up to go they gave us the thumbs up and called out Vote Yes! It was very humbling and made me regret that good people like them have fallen through the cracks in the advertising campaign, though it’s the old Aussie men who are the main problem I think.

John told me that he was going to the funeral of Ray who sat at his meal table but died a couple of days ago. I helped him choose clothes but then luckily I thought to ask a staff member if they were travelling by the Gracewood bus. No she said, the funeral is north of Newcastle and no-one is going except his wife. He constantly asks me to buy him some red pencils, even though we have a huge bucket of every colour here, so today I just took him to Eckersley’s in Chatswood and he bought two red ones. Now he’s pleased as punch, so maybe just saying okay is the easier answer.

I am thinking of writing a letter or email to John’s ex-neighbour explaining exactly why she won’t be coming here again. It won’t change anything, but at least I will have set out formally why I can no longer stand being badgered by her and it would enable me to refute the claims she made about Aboriginal welfare payments. We’ll see.

October 13, 2023

There is an outbreak of Covid at Gracewood, but thankfully contained at this stage to Level 2. However all visitors are confined to residents’ rooms and must wear both a mask and a plastic faceshield. One of our Yes 23 team came down with Covid earlier in the week and now the team leader Dave has it too, right before the voting day where he was Booth Captain. He has worked from 7am to 7 pm for 2 weeks so he’d have talked to thousands of people by now, including me many times, but we were always outdoors. Some

unlucky people were rostered in the underground carpark and were gasping from the fumes at times as cars were constantly coming and going. I think they deliberately kept me outside because of my age which I w.

One thing that I keep thinking about regarding our mega Zoom meeting is that at the end they asked each person to sum up how they were feeling about the result. One after the other they used words like optimistic and positive, even though I had spoken to these same people individually and they were anything but! Why do people feel the need to pretend in the interests of cohesiveness, to ensure the members appear to agree at all costs? I see it everywhere, this desire for people to agree and not rock the boat, but this was an example of groupthink at its worst. I was hoping he wouldn’t call on me, but of course he did, and I had to say that I was depressed by the polling and hoping it was wrong. I could tell by the uncomfortable faces that I had broken the spell. Groupthink is how cults perpetuate and I’m damned if I will go along with it.

I am always taking home food scraps for my birds and possums and this week I asked a waitress if I could have the table scraps that she was clearing away. When she brought the container I discovered not just the few bits I’d asked for, but a whole cutlet and lots of salad, toast, all sorts of stuff. (I’m sure people think the poor old pensioner fries it all up for the next day, but I’m trying to give up caring what other people think). So today I made a little card for her and posted it, thanking her for all the food, purportedly from the possum and signed with a pawprint. Admittedly I needed to Google what a possum pawprint looks like, but it wasn’t too bad a replica in the end. I had to try spelling like a possum too which took some thinking as mine never speak, at least not while I’m around.

Just having a long text exchange going back and forth with my computer guy Omar, a Palestinian. Over two hours so far and no sign of ending any time soon. Ever since he set up my new computer some years ago I haven’t needed his help (fingers crossed I won’t any time soon). But from time to time we communicate and so today we’ve been discussing Palestine mostly, but then it led to the referendum. Regarding dealing with the pain that life inevitably brings, he talked about the fact that apparently even after a terrible occurrence, a person’s happiness goes back to its prior average after about 12 months, so he copes with things going wrong using the belief that time will heal him. A good proposition to think on. Naturally, as with almost all migrants, he’s a Yes voter and he also has very decent humanitarian values.

October 14, 2023 Voice Referendum Day

Managed to get us to our allotted polling station by 9am, something of a feat considering the palaver of getting John out. Monika set us up and we introduced ourselves to our No fellow worker. In a smart move John plied him with barley sugar, thereby buying him off, though that would not have been his intention. A couple of old ladies bailed him up asking why, with his South African accent, he thought he had the right to campaign against the wishes of 80% of the original inhabitants, I gazed at the sky and left them to it. In the three and a half hours till we were relieved by Meredith Burgmann MLC we were in the sun but it was worth it as we got first dibs at the arriving voters. As usual migrants were the positive ones at our end with grumpy old men at the negative end (male, pale and stale comes to mind). I realised how many people

have mobility issues with lots of folks on walkers, crutches or simply coping with the aftermath of an apparent stroke. We were told that the No person at Northmead School was so abusive and aggressive that our folk complained to the AEC, to no avail, so more vollies were despatched to help those who had put up with him all morning. They kindly sent out a photo of him and our booth leader said the same man, a Northmead Lib, threatened her mother in a previous election. For some reason, seeing all the folk streaming in to do their duty, I thought of the 80 million people who didn’t vote in the last US election, a staggering number. Compulsory voting is in my opinion the greatest gift to democracy. I think John enjoyed himself overall and I was glad that there was no nasty behaviour. I don’t think we will go to the celebration/wake at the club tonight, I don’t feel the need to be seen in tears if we lose. I’d rather be here sniffling into a Drambuie and milk, or hopefully, downing a few in celebration.

October 15, 2023

Well I didn’t even feel like a Drambuie and milk last night, it would have felt like a celebration when it was anything but. It was looking like a fail for weeks if not months, but it was a slap in the face to have it done and dusted before 7.30 pm. (I wonder if it’s possible to neatly slice Queensland off and let it sail into the Pacific? No, too unfair to the land mass into which they bump.) The Mitchell for Yes WhatsApp was going hot all night, in fact 179 posts while we were watching the telecast. Then it kept tinkling late into the evening, in fact the early morning, and restarted before 5 am this morning. I could have turned off the sound, but somehow it kept me company and made me smile when I heard it in the dark, as if there were kindred spirits out there after all. I’m wondering if the pollies who came to help yesterday were drafted rather than being volunteers? Somehow Meredith Burgmann looked as if she’d rather be somewhere else, in fact anywhere else, her only comment being about standing in the sun and that if the vote were about 50/50, an estimate based on our reception from the voters ‘it would be an excellent result for this conservative electorate’. But she was there, so points for that. Our scrutineers reported ballot papers with Fuck No!!! written on them and some few with swastikas, ah Australians, such lovable people. John watched the disaster unfold last night and watched Insiders with me this morning before asking ‘did we win?’ He was most chuffed that he got to keep his Yes 23 T-shirt and his badge ‘what? permanently?’ he smiled. Rachel Perkins has asked for a week of quiet and grieving and I am responding by having absolute quiet from Price, Mundine and Dutton, muting the teev as soon as they open their mouths for the next week, or perhaps the next month? Do I want to listen to their self-justification? Fuck No!!! to quote some of our voters.

October 16, 2023

Well I finally snapped with John’s ex-neighbour and wrote her the following self-explanatory letter:

“I have been very annoyed since your call a few days ago. You began by berating me for my stance on The Voice but there was no conversation at all, just a very long rant from you about supposed Aboriginal privilege and how you, your family and friends were voting No (which is totally your right). But it is not your right to be rude to those who are of a different view and I abided by that principle when dealing with

the No person working next to us for hours at the voting station yesterday. Not one negative word was spoken towards him, in fact we shared our supply of lollies with him. The day after your call I actually rang Centrelink and got a quote on the unemployment benefit, it is $802.50. Then I told her that I was aboriginal and asked about the rate. Exactly the same she said, $802.50. The only exception to this figure is a person of any colour or race who is very close to retirement age, is eligible for the pension, has been unemployed for 9 months and is single. It is a tiny difference in the amount. So it appears that you have made up a figure of $2000 for Aboriginal people just to bolster your case. Then without any connection whatsoever you start on Israel and Hamas. Another rant. You have no idea whatsoever what our views are on this question, and you were not at all interested in asking, because you were on your soapbox and only your views were of interest to you. Amazingly you then say words to the effect of “when can I come over for lunch?” Well you can come over for lunch when you learn how to deal with people without superiority, aggression and downright rudeness. I’m not sure where you learned about what constitutes polite or normal social behaviour, but you certainly don’t seem to abide by the same rules as the rest of us. In the last week I have spoken to 3 friends about the Israel/Hamas issue, two are Jewish women (one working towards The Voice) and one is a Palestinian man. In each case, we had an interesting and useful discussion and exchanged our views. This is impossible to do with you. So by all means visit John, but I would be a damned fool to put up with your rudeness in my home”. I suspect she will see that I’m cross.

Watching the special referendum edition of The Drum last night was both an instructive and emotional experience, with a 100% Aboriginal panel who had widely diverging views, in fact I’m thinking of watching it again, blessings to iView. The Mitchell for Yes WhatsApp group tinkles away all day and night but now I’m just skimming the messages every few hours, though there are currently 17 since I last read them 2 hours ago.

This morning I bussed to Parramatta and walked to the NSW Aboriginal Land Council offices there. I planned to take a bunch of flowers but going into Westfield, that palace of good taste, failed to get me the bunch of flowers I had planned. The concierge looked blank when I asked for directions to a florist, in fact he seemed confused about the mere concept of a florist, so I took only the card I made. The 6th floor offices were closed up and locked but as I was turning away from the glass doors the only lady inside saw me and let me in. Apparently they are literally closed for mourning, I had read their press release understanding it to mean no comment for a week, but it means literally closing. Their online presence is showing just black. However she was very welcoming, gave me a hug and I came out with a lovely cloth bag from them. I know I could have emailed, or posted the card, but I wanted to actually DO something and this was the best thing I could think of.

October 17, 2023

Last night’s Australian Story on Sam Neill was interesting, not least because he has the same type of lymphoma as John and is treated by a doctor at St. Vincent’s in the same haematology team that he goes

to. I thought as always Sam comes across as a really decent person who’d be a pleasure to know. 4 Corners followed and although I had come across the forensic patients set-up in the prison system I had never seen photos of the actual circumstances in which they are held. It was appalling stuff but I acknowledge that forensic patients are a real problem ethically. However an arrangement must be found to accommodate them in a better way than this. Surely having some sort of mental hospital for the criminally insane or those unable to be safely released is not impossible? The concept of a ‘funny farm’ is a delightful one compared to caging people in this way. I used to visit a forensic inmate at Parramatta Gaol years ago and he was so clearly unable to understand what was going on that I doubt he could ever have been put to trial. Perhaps he’s still locked up after all these years, who knows?

The tinkling of the Yes 23 group WhatsApp has markedly reduced so I think many people are taking seriously the call for a mourning period of a week. I hope some of these good folks keep in touch in the future as they are a ready made contact list for future campaigns, not necessarily restricted to Aboriginal issues. Then Michelle asked me if she could join the group so I put a message on there asking how to go about this. In no time someone replied ‘OMG is that the Michelle who used to work at Riverside and the Hills theatre?’ and soon after someone else asked ‘Is that the Michelle who was in the Scouts?’ so it looks like she’ll have plenty of pals there once she’s accepted.

An email from John’s sister-in-law in America tells that her daughter, who converted to Judaism before marrying, has a nephew in the Israeli Army. This brings that whole awful conflict even closer into real life, as if it weren’t real enough.

October 18, 2023

Today was John’s infusion day and it’s bloody annoying because we have a dental appointment for him tomorrow, but if he stays overnight he can’t come home on the weekend. I went to Woollahra to pick up my fruit loaf and they were out of it, Shock Horror! But she assures me it’s on order, however the granola and gluten free crackers that I buy (for visitors, not for me) were available. I wandered down to the Victor Churchill Butchery, not to buy meat but to check out the window. It changes regularly and today it was a spring garden scene of a zillion flowers with large ants carrying pies, tarts and cakes on their backs. I don’t know where they get their props but it’s always fun to see their displays. I did see minute steaks there and thought that they seemed a reasonable price compared to everything else, it was only after I put my glasses on that I saw they were $119.99 a kilo, not $19.99 as first thought. Some of the wagyu beef was $400 a kilo!!! and the roasts were massive, which would result in the protein for dinner actually costing thousands, the mind boggles. Still people were coming out with parcels, very well dressed people I have to say. The traffic speed bumps there are not actually bumps, but seem intended to stop a tank, perhaps they are expecting an invasion some time soon, but it is impossible to go across them at any speed without jarring both the car and oneself. Stopped in at bills cafe for a snack while I waited for John and a lady near me ordered a huge sandwich with accompanying salad ($26), took one small bight from the middle of a half and left everything else, ordering a cupcake to finish. No one asked her what was wrong with it so I

have no idea why. Admittedly the bread was cut like doorsteps but still….it would have fed my possum for a few days.

John made appointments for the next few treatments and all are at a time in the morning that I can’t get him there. They don’t like residents leaving before breakfast, understandably, and there is no way I could have made it in time. So I rang when I got home and they happily changed the times, also correcting his statement that their is no infusion available in January and telling me that the February appointment is with the haematologist, as well as one for an infusion. I need to check everything these days. His doctor, Nada, still isn’t back at work almost two years after getting long Covid and so I asked when she is due to return. The reply was that she will be doing research and consulting with other doctors but will not be returning to clinical work. What a sad situation for someone at the height of her career.

October 19, 2023

So why am I talking about fruit loaf and the flowers in a shop window when the Middle East is once more in crisis? Because I have no answers and I expect I will die seeing things in Israel and Palestine not much different to what we are seeing now. But I mention one thing that no one has talked about to my knowledge. Although I could never imagine crossing that fortified border to kill Israelis in their homes and at a festival, I also could never imagine taking part in a music festival just one kilometre from the barbed wire topped border with Gaza, so close that the music could be heard there. With freedom of movement a luxury that Gazans don’t have, what possessed the festival organisers to site it right next to the border of the disputed territories? I guess the answer would be ‘Because we can’. Red rags and bulls come to mind, though I’m sure the incursion was planned long ago, but I wonder if the festival was particularly targeted? The current effort to kill every last Hamas fighter may or may not succeed, but rest assured that for every one killed two teenagers and children who are living through the attacks on Gaza will grow up to take their place.

So back to food, an area where I at least have some control. Sara Lee is on the point of collapse and I am not a bit surprised. I was one of the thousands who added Sara Lee Croissants to my shopping list regularly, until one day they were gone from Woolworths. Querying the disappearance with staff, they proudly told me that ‘We don’t stock them anymore, we make our own’. So I bought those, which looked identical but didn’t compare on taste. This occurred over many product lines, Sara Lee came up with the ideas and the supermarkets copied. Should we be surprised that they are going broke? A fun trip to the factory at Lisarow on a couple of occasions proved that the croissants were made with 100% butter, huge vats of it, and visitors packed their bags to take home seconds which were underweight, or where the fruit-filled Danish had more fruit at one end than the other. Having a Sara Lee jam and cream sponge in the freezer was a perfect solution when unexpected visitors arrived, and I have to say that their sponge was better than mine. They had a Seconds outlet in Northmead where as well as the off-perfect treats we could try export products bound for Japan or Korea, these with less sugar to suit the tastes of those populations. Capitalism is harsh, being on top of your game one year can result in selling off the equipment the next, I just hope it doesn’t end up in Woolworths.

Sad to see that a New Zealand doctor, columnist, author, TV and radio personality and most importantly an advocate for mental health and suicide prevention has died……by suicide. He was constantly talking about family being a bulwark against mental health issues, but his family is as stunned as everybody else about his sudden demise. We never really know the person sitting next to us.

October 20, 2023

Well for the very first time the Herald Letters Editor has cut one of my letters to alter its intention totally. The letter expressed an opinion about why the food company Sara Lee has gone CTD (a medical term I love for a patient near death, it is an abbreviation for ‘circling the drain’. I said similar things to what was written in the blog yesterday but toning it down and removing any references to Woolworths. However the way it reads now is as a mourning for the sweet treats themselves, with no reference to the causes of the decline of the company at all. I think they used it as a funny little piece to break up the misery of other letters. This was what Murdoch used to do in the 60s with any letter in his newspapers that disagreed with his policies or criticised programmes on his television stations. Not happy Pat.

Louise Herron the Opera House CEO scrubs up well on the telly and comes across as such a lovely person, but as I know from recent dealings with her, looks can be deceiving. ‘Once the 50th anniversary celebrations are over’ she wishes to entertain me again regarding the promise that the OH made regarding John’s funeral arrangements. I can’t wait, cold tea and a colder reception is what I’m expecting.

A friend who has recently moved house has put up a list of 50 items that she would like to have, ranging from measuring spoons to a cappuccino machine. Commenting that Amazon is The Devil but listing items she wants/needs from their website, it finishes with ‘if you feel so moved as to want to send me a gift, well, who am I to deny you that pleasure!’. I know wedding lists are a thing (a thing I resist, but a thing nonetheless) but I’ve never heard of a moving list. Clearly I live in a different world.

I’ve bitten the bullet again and put a few things on eBay. Starting with a couple of landscape paintings by the late Hawkesbury artist Lily Paul that have been rejected by a number of auctioneers and adding a few bits of cheap jewellery, nothing over $30. With paintings the only thing that matters is the artist. Any piece of crap done by a ‘name’ will be auctioned but a masterpiece by Joe Bloggs or his sister Mavis will be rejected out of hand. I’ve seen absolutely wonderful art being rejected for this reason, the world is obsessed with brands.

October 21, 2023

On the way to pick John up this morning I noticed how quiet it was, there was a decent fog and I mused about how it was acting like a snowfall and muting sound, until I was almost there and realised I hadn’t put my hearing aids in. So we scooted back and solved that problem before going on to the Artisans in the Gardens exhibition at Lions Gate in the Botanical Gardens. Absolutely loved the rusted iron leaves of various sizes, some up to 6 and 7 feet tall, but super realistic in every other way. Some of the jewellery was

exquisite including a silver necklace which turned out to be $4500, which quickly took away the temptation. Managed to get out of there without spending a cent but it was a close call. Then to the Calyx in the gardens to see their floral exhibition. We headed to Dav’s for afternoon tea and of course Millie was waiting eagerly for us to get there to play a game, this time one that involved spinning a wheel and then doing various mental or physical challenges. On the drive home I commented to John about how much she loves board games but he’d forgotten that we’d been playing most of the afternoon.

For some reason the ABC is running an article on Jayant Patel or Dr. Death as he was known at Bundaberg Hospital. I well remember racing home from work every afternoon to sit down and read the day’s evidence from the inquiry into the allegations of bad medical practice, fraud and dishonesty exposed by a nurse after every person she had approached in the Health Service and the hospital had refused to listen. In fact she was threatened with dismissal. That was until she approached investigative journalist Hedley Thomas who uncovered Patel’s past with a simple Google search, a litany of deaths and removal from his previous surgical posts in the US. It was a classic example of groupthink, where unchallenged decisions are accepted because they would show up one of the group. This was complicated by the fact that the hospital had struggled to get a surgeon and simply wouldn’t hear ill of the one they had managed to find. I well remember being told by my friend who was doing medicine that the big city hospitals get first dibs on the best graduates and then the others go down the line, so Bullamakanka gets the bod who just scraped in, but this was worse, much worse. I was going overseas and when I got back I discovered to my horror that the somewhat testy, but meticulous inquiry head had been dumped and replaced by someone who could better play the nice game. As a result the charges against Patel were watered down and he only got 7 years gaol, serving just 2. Of the 80 deaths originally investigated, from memory he was only convicted of malpractice in 13 (this is memory, I haven’t looked it up again). But I would like to reread the two books written at the time, Dancing with Dr. Death and Hedley Thomas’s Sick to Death, so it’s been a reminder to myself to try getting these on inter-library loan if I can.

October 22, 2023

Still thinking about Patel, remembering his distaste for biopsies. Although not part of the murder charges against him, there were numerous cases where he operated, mastectomies, bowel surgery, even Whipples, where the patient was subsequently found not to have had cancer at all! Of course he wanted to keep his surgery rate up and a biopsy would have given him no reason to operate. Another quirk was his flat refusal to wash his hands, not to sanitise them, but to wash them at all before or after handling a patient. I wonder where he is now?

We had a lovely day today with Boris and Jane coming over just after lunch until time for me to take John back to Gracewood. They now have 2 cases of Covid, 4 cases of influenza A and 2 of parainfluenza, but all on the floor above John. May it stay up there.

I am genuinely puzzled about how I very rarely see clothes I like in shop windows, yet Facebook constantly sends me ads for divine clothes that I would happily buy but they are all overseas and I do

y offer just some things that I wouldn’t wear in a fit? How could that algorithm possibly work? I must ask Louis. He now works for Channel Nine and I didn’t realise it, but he tells me that he’s on the TV floor but the Herald is produced one floor down. So does he share the lift with all the journos or do they all send in their copy remotely? So many questions that I forget to ask.

October 23, 2023

I bounded out of bed this morning only to discover it was 6 am, but before 8.30 I had watered, done some weeding and planted the Chrysocephalum apiculatum or yellow button plant that I bought for Davina from the Botanic Gardens (no spot there to plant it). My four gifts ended up as only one, as well as the plant I took two books for Millie which I’d already bought in the past and a Halloween mask for her to make which went over well. Then up to the dreaded Towers, still on the hunt for loose diary pages for 2024. Normally I would have bought them by now as I have appointments for next year already, but Officeworks don’t have them, newsagents don’t have them (Nextra at Castle Hill asked me this morning why I don’t just buy one of their $5.95 diaries, good question). Collins says to try Dymocks but we no longer have one in CH, in fact there are NO bookshops in the Hills anymore, so a trip to town is in the offing.

On Saturday night I made bean nachos for dinner with the usual avocado, cheese and sour cream on top. I smiled to myself when John asked ‘does this leftover meat go in the fridge or the freezer?’ Last time I did lentil rissoles he said that the meatballs were very good and different, so I felt no need to rock the boat on that assumption. We have moved to a new phase in the drugs department. He used to manage them himself, then we went to the timed packages that Gracewood provides and I just needed to remind him, then I needed to actually hand him the drugs and a glass of water. Yesterday I discovered that this isn’t enough now, Saturday night’s three tablets were sitting in the kitchen on Sunday morning. ‘You’ve got to watch me actually take them, like they do at Gracewood’ he said, putting the responsibility firmly back where it belongs.

Wrote a letter to the Herald this morning “I have been waiting for the various reporters and journalists to ask Israeli military spokespeople one simple question: How will you distinguish Hamas fighters from civilians? Without an answer, can we assume that all Palestinian men will be ‘legitimate targets’?” I deliberately made it very short so they can’t cut it, as they did the last one they published. Channel Nine has surprised me with some good work lately, the Herald in league with 60 Minutes, on investigative journalism. Today’s story on Pratt just confirms a long-held opinion of him, though I was shocked to learn that Paul Keating is on a $25,000 a month ‘retainer’, as is Tony Abbott for a lesser sum. What a lurk being an ex PM is, with all the perks they get in terms of security, generous free travel, a private plated vehicle, free office costs, free telecommunications, invitations to who knows what. $25,000 a month, more than I earned for a whole year from my shop.

Well I got there in the end. The boring chase after diary pages is over after I noticed that Collins Debden’s head office is in Bella Vista! So off I went to where my phone GPS said it was, but it was a vacant office,

so I rang them and they’d moved a 10 minute walk away. Finding the office was tricky but the reception when I got there was so lovely: Come in, sit down, have a bottle of water, what can I do for you? I just want to buy one of your products quoth I. Not a problem, except the warehouse is in Minto (might as well be Alice Springs as far as the likelihood of my going there) but Simran said ‘it’s no problem, we’ll just post them to you for $9.95 postage and give you a VIP discount of $10 to cover the cost of postage’. Then I got a tour of the view of the mountains from the fourth floor windows and was farewelled by the five staff as if I were a regular visitor. I’m so glad I persisted. Got home just before a ring from Hills Shire Council to check on my health and wellbeing status to go on a bus day trip next month: contact person, health questions, mobility, permission to call an ambulance if needed! I feel very looked after today which is no bad thing.

October 24, 2023

Another lovely retail experience today. I went to Eckersley’s to get some more watercolour paper and got chatting with the manager there about using graphite. I was looking at a book on watercolour techniques but it’s a bit exxy so I put it back. ‘When’s your birthday?’ he said and then told me that members (which I am) get a $10 discount birthday gift so I should get the email soon and then I’ll go back and buy the book. Woo-hoo. On the strength of that I came home and painted a not-too-bad waratah card using watercolour with Artline pen highlighting, which I might give to Bob next week for his birthday. It turns out that the manager is an art teacher with a degree in art practice, so I’m thinking about doing a day class with him and then going from there. I like him a lot so I feel more positive than I was about the previous classes at Sydney Art School, after which I decided not to attempt any classes again.

There has been a Covid and influenza A outbreak at Gracewood for a while, but all on level 2, however an email this afternoon says that there are now two Covid cases on his level as well. Talking to Bob this arv he told me that I need to get another vax asap, so I’ve booked in for Thursday. Ever since I got the email I’ve been sneezing but I think it’s totally the power of suggestion.

I’ve been thinking about the recommendation of an investigation saying that we should abandon special schools and group homes for disabled people. Two of the commissioners recommended this and two were against, but there was a snide comment from those in favour that appeared to suggest they knew best because one is disabled and the other is a parent of a disabled person. I’m sure most people would agree that every effort should be made to include disabled people into mainstream education if at all possible, but I would suggest that in many cases it is simply impossible, because the disability is profound (think of deaf and blind children in a normal school, the idea is preposterous). There is also the issue of class sizes and what is best for the students as a whole. No, it’s an understandable gut reaction by those in favour, not thought through and kind of like the idea of handing over Palestine to make a home for the Jews, sounded alright in theory…..

October 25, 2023

Last evening the ABC coincidentally had another piece on the issue of abandoning special schools, which I wrote about yesterday. I was wrong about the numbers, there were six commissioners and three each way on the issue. I think the division will enable to the government to retain the status quo, using the disunity as their reasoning, and thereby keeping everyone happy.

Chris Minns doubled down on his support for Israel tonight. He says he would again make the decision about lighting up the Opera House in the Israeli colours, it’s hard to fathom for me. Clearly it’s a genuinely held opinion as there are a lot more Arabic voters than Jewish ones, so he’s not pandering to them for electoral reasons. At last Penny Wong is seeing some sense on the issue, though Albo trails behind. The UN’s statement was pretty unequivocal and I loved the old Israeli woman hostage leaning back to her captor, shaking his hand and saying ‘shalom’. I’d love to hear his frank opinion on Biden’s mental fitness but he won’t be saying anything to Jodie across the pillows while in the US where I’m sure the walls have ears, if not eyes.

Yesterday I did an online satisfaction survey sent by Gracewood and mentioned the three people whose work I particularly love there. This morning when I picked John up I mentioned to Francis that I’d given him big raps and quick as a whip he replied ‘thankyou, but I’d rather have cash’ which just underlines why he’s so good. Caring and smart are a great combination. I’ve asked John a number of times not to ring me at mealtimes and put the phone on speaker so the whole dining room can hear, but I’m wasting my breath. This morning he rang at breakfast and asked if he could invite his tablemate Jenine to come with us for our day out today, which I don’t mind in principle, but I don’t want to be held over a barrel on occasions when that may not suit for some reason. I said yes but it turned out today didn’t suit her and she took a raincheck, however John has told me that we must pay for her lunch when she comes, as usual thinking that all others are worse off financially than we are. Again, no point in arguing. Sitting to have an icecream at Mrs Jones the Baker at Freshwater today, I could hear the woman at the next table declaring to her companion ‘but you should come to stay, we’ve got a $9 million three-storey house overlooking the ocean, why not?’ Maybe because you are in it, I’m thinking to myself. Who brings up the value of their house in an invitation? But the Northern Beaches people are something else.

October 26, 2023

Well another crazy kills dozens of people, this time in Maine. He is ex-military and a reservist, surprise surprise. Meanwhile Albo and Jodie are eating at the White House amongst more flowers than you can count, and eucalyptus leaves of course. It’s been proven that a free biro is enough to cause doctors to lean towards a particular drug company so you can’t tell me that whenever Albo smells a flower he won’t feel a teeny bit inclined to whatever Biden thinks Australia should be doing. What a crazy land it is, a Trumpist who supported the overthrow of the election is now Speaker, perhaps they’ll give Trump a medal if he survives all his court cases, but at the least Congress will throw support his way. They deserve what they get.

Again this year I have been asked to do a phone interview with Morgan Polling (now done) and then a mega online survey of which I’ve completed just one module. It covers everything from politics to sport to TV to illness to opinions on anything you can name. I’m always impressed to see how few illnesses I tick on the pages and pages of options, showing I’m pretty damned healthy. I don’t do it for the measly $10 they give you at the end, but because government looks closely at their research and I want to push my various barrows.

In the Good Weekend I always follow, and often try, recipes by Adam Liaw. This week he talks about olive oil and says that he’s been told that people in Australia in the 60s used to buy it in pharmacies as a medicine, but he didn’t know whether to believe it. So I emailed him last night to confirm that the story is absolutely true and told him that my father bought tiny bottles of the stuff to put on his hair. When my cousin Ruth married a Greek, his parents came to visit. Never used to visitors, my mother cooked a leg of lamb and veggies, but when they sat at table they asked for some olive oil. Confused, my father went to the bathroom and brought it out. He was appalled when they poured it all over their meals and the story lived in our household forever more: ‘Greek people eat their food covered in hair oil’. I think it confirmed their idea that having visitors is a somewhat dangerous concept.

October 27, 2023

Lovely book group meeting at Rosanna’s today, it is a very relaxing house with beautiful artefacts and we were spoiled with wonderful food as always at this venue. I don’t feel inclined to wind myself up about anything, so I will leave this post as a record of a gentle day.

October 28, 2023

I always offer John three choices of what to do each day that he is home, one is usually to stay at home and then two other competing options. This is because he simply can’t remember what the options might be, he can’t imagine any possibilities unless they are laid out in that way. Similarly if I ask him what he’d like for breakfast he can’t answer, but if I say a boiled egg, avocado on toast or toast with jam, he can choose instantly. Last year when he was going out once a month on a bus trip with the day care centre it was often a drive to have lunch somewhere, usually fish and chips or spag bol, but on one occasion he came home very excited by the lunch as he’d had lemon sole at a place with a view. I got the name, Carmen’s on the Park overlooking Canada Bay, so today one of the options was lunch there, which he chose. It was a rollicking Italian place which was almost full. Two parties were celebrating, Luca’s Christening was a group of about 20 and about 40 older ladies were having a school reunion, both largely Italian which is not surprising for the area. We shared some zucchini flowers (nowhere near as good as Wild Pear as they used mozzarella or bocconcini which is pretty tasteless cheese) and a plate of ‘Swedish’ prawns with rice which was enjoyable, although what exactly was Swedish about them escaped me. As usual John couldn’t choose and left the ordering to me. Disaster struck at the start when he knocked over a glass, then a few minutes later knocked over and broke a full bottle of water, soaking tablecloth, menus and serviettes. Both times it was from leaning on the edge of a round pedestal table, exactly what happened to the table that used to

grace the front verandah and now lies in pieces waiting for me to have a go at repairing it. They were very nice about it both times and I’m very thankful for that. After a major clean up and removal of a pile of broken glass, the meal proceeded without incident. I decided to have a piccolo of Italian prosecco to calm my nerves and it did the job. It is clear to me that it won’t be too long before these outings stretch John’s abilities too far so we need to do as many good things as possible before that happens. We went for a walk along the shoreline of mudflats after lunch till I was sure that the piccolo didn’t cause me to be over the limit, sparkling wine always being a bigger problem than still. However I may be in trouble with the bobbies today for a different reason. On the way to Gracewood Memorial Drive is under a huge reconstruction and the speed limit is 40 because of the workers. Today no workers were around and I was part of a line of traffic doing about 50 or a bit more, when suddenly they all slowed and I caught sight of the highway patrol. Cheeky to come on a weekend when people rightly assume that no work is happening but he may have got me nonetheless, I await the letter in the mail, or hopefully not.

I teared up over two items on the news, one a man in Gaza writing loving messages to his dead wife and baby on their body bags and the second was the death of Bob Carr’s wife Helena who collapsed and died in his arms in Vienna. The Israelis are beginning blocking all internet and phone communications in Gaza so international media will not see the results of their attacks, appalling and cynical at once. Australia’s gutless abstention at the UN vote for a ceasefire made me sick.

I may have chosen yesterday not to wind myself up on these pages, but I certainly did so in private. Not about just one issue but two. One of these is an exciting development which kept me awake last night and will become clear before too long, I hope. As Benjamin Franklin said: Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead, but I need to prove him wrong.

October 29, 2023

So ‘All living former PMs are signing a letter supporting Israel’ according to the Daily Telegraph. Apart from the difficulty of getting dead ones to sign, it is a shocking headline and I hope it’s not true. Knowing the Smellygraph it’s probably wildly overegged. The blocking of phone lines and internet is such a cynical ploy to stop people filming their murder.

As usual today I gave John his three choices today and he chose staying home, something that was fortuitous when we had a phone call this morning to say that visitors from Millthorpe were in town and on their way over, so a lovely unexpected visit ensued. John told me today that he has invited Jenine to stay next weekend ‘to save you driving her back after First Saturday’. Um, no, we have two functions to go to on Sunday so I’ll have to sort that one out before then.

For lunch I did a copy of the dish Rosanna served at book group, a zucchini souffle in her case and an asparagus one in mine. It turned out perfectly and was much enjoyed, so a recipe from one friend and the eggs from another made the perfect combination. I’m now looking for a recipe for a raw beetroot salad to use the beets that landed on my doorstep yesterday.

October 30, 2023

The Israelis in Gaza are doing the equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel, they know it, the US knows it, the Australian government knows it, but no one will lift a hand or even a voice against mighty Israel. The American arms manufacturers must be dining out tonight.

I took a bagful of avocadoes back to Coles today. They were bought in September, use by date 26/9, but despite being left out in the fruit bowl they never ripened. Those I’d cut, using a big knife, were rock hard and inedible. I emailed Coles, not for a refund but to warn them they were picked too green or something, I’m not sure what, and they needed to report it to the grower. They replied urging me to take them back so they could investigate so I did, got a refund, but I’m sure they went straight into the bin. It’s not something I’ve ever come across before.

I’m not sure about this phase if putting loads of flowers at the scene of tragedies, the florists must be loving it, but for what? No one is going to take them home, they just rot there. Even worse is the habit of putting teddy bears where a child has been killed. The child is dead, dead children do not play with teddy bears. If you must do something, buy one and give it to the Sallies so someone else’s kid at least gets to play with it. Humans are very strange animals.

Off to julienne an apple to go in my raw beetroot salad tonight. I was expecting Sue after her appliances were delivered to Kirribilli by Winnings this arv, but they didn’t get there till 5 so she’s decided to head straight home. She was surprised that they came in an Appliances Online truck as she thought they were the opposition, but that company is owned by the son of the Winning family so clearly they would be cooperating. Winnings report that the top end of their business is booming, one of the top of the range fridges Winnings sells is a Sub Zero model that retails for $40,000. Yes that’s correct, not $4000 which would be bad enough, but $40,000. I have no words.

October 31, 2023

“The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley” as Robbie Burns told us well over 200 years ago and so it is with Martha who has come down with Covid the day before the sewing group’s birthday bash for Michelle. However it’s going ahead with the remaining crew, minus Martha and Becky. I painted her a card and posted it off this morning, showing a cup of tea which as everyone knows is the cure for whatever ails you. On the walk back from the post box I found a $2 coin, the universe confirming the rightness of my decision to send it straight away despite the walk in the heat. Martha is looking for a volunteer to host First Saturday this week seeing she is out of the picture, but I am going on the train to Sue’s tomorrow arv after Michelle’s do and then we are taking Bob out to lunch for his 80th on Thursday so when I actually come back remains to be seen, however I won’t have time for the cooking and other preparation involved. It’s a bugger as Iris and Logan plan to come and it would be good to be having it here from their point of view, but you can’t do everything as much as you may wish to.

When Bob and Judy were here on Sunday he mentioned a drug called Evushield which he’s been prescribed because he has an autoimmune disease, it’s to avoid catching Covid. I will need to look into it to see if it is taken after exposure or before as a general prophylaxis, interesting because it’s new and I’ve never heard of it before. Another thing to ask Bob about, not that I feel the need of it, but I just like to know the ins and outs of a duck’s bum in everything, but particularly in medicine.

I used to love Johanna Lumley in Absolutely Fabulous years ago but after seeing her in the shorts on the ABC for various travel shows I wonder if you can call yourself an actress when you are just being yourself, even if someone else is writing the lines? The over the top character was funny but I don’t watch the travel series because the focus is more on her than the places which is what I am interested in seeing. I’m sure she’s fun in short bursts but 45 minutes at a time may be too long.

I see that the three tradies who were arrested for giving Nazi salutes outside the Jewish Museum are up in court today and of course it’s all a big misunderstanding. One of them has engaged Bryan Wrench also represented actor John Jarrett when he was found not guilty of sexual assault in 2019 and in the same year he was the lawyer for activist Danny Lim, who had his case of offensive behaviour dismissed. Sam Burgess is another recipient of Bryan’s skills and came off pretty well. So one of them at least has deep pockets and good taste in lawyers, it will be interesting to see if there are any differences in the determinations of sentence between the three, or if they are convicted at all. Personally I am giving the Jewish Museum a wide berth for a while, it is sometimes where I go while John’s at Nelune, but I won’t be going for a good while I think.

November 1, 2023

Can’t believe it’s November and I can’t believe that 7.30 coolly announced the death of Palestinian ABC correspondent Roshdi Saraj. He was bombed to death by Jewish forces in an air strike, along with many others in Gaza. Can you imagine the hue and cry if it were John Lyons or any other reporter there? By the way Sarah, he didn’t ‘pass’ either, he was murdered in fact, but for some reason the ABC is very reluctant to call this out, going along with Minns, Albanese et al. I had put in an entry to a competition run by The Monthly with various tickets as prizes, one being two tickets to a showing at the Jewish Film Festival. It would be just my luck to win it!

Each month I get an email from Gracewood giving me a rundown of upcoming activities. Tuesday is always Devotions (as well as Sunday when John is at home), but next week Devotions is off, replaced by a Melbourne Cup party! At least it gave me a good laugh to start the day, knowing that having to hold your breath in case a horse falls and is killed is seen as more important than praying to somebody/something for which there is no evidence. I’m not sure which activity is more dangerous to society but I’m sure a sociologist could write an excellent article on it, I hope they do.

This is celebration week. Today I’m off to Michelle’s 80th celebration in a minute, then tomorrow to Bob’s 80th at Shelly Beach Golf Club, just the three of us. I have been trying to stress to Sue that I won’t

want more than tea and toast for dinner tonight and she’s suggesting leftover Japanese soup which she made last night, sounds perfect. Eggslunt! she replied.

November 2, 2023

Up at sunrise, which came straight into my bedroom, and chatted with Sue over whole grain toast and French cheese. There were heaps of choices but that’s what I felt like. Later we moseyed down to the art gallery in East Gosford to see the Gosford Art Prize entries, one of which was by Gabby Malpas whom I know and a delicious portrait of his cat by Sue’s tenant down the road, it was real enough to pat. I really enjoy that gallery in its garden and bushland setting, the works I’ve seen there have always been excellent. I was surprised by the number of entries and the quality of many of them, though some I would have been too embarrassed to display had I painted them, including one tribute to people with breast cancer, painted with a breast instead of a brush…..the less said the better. I voted for my favourite, a stunning picture of a cottage at Hardys Bay which was designed by the artist’s architect father 50 years ago. I am cross with myself that I was so engrossed in looking and reading that I completely forgot to take any photos of my faves. Unfortunately artists can be wankers when it comes to written descriptions and I defy anyone to understand what many of the explanations were supposed to mean.

Then it was off to Toowoon Bay to pick up Bob from his home and tootle to the nearby Shelly Beach Golf Club where I convinced Sue that the seafood platter for two would easily feed three. This was confirmed by the waitress who said yes there would be heaps, but at the last minute Sue added garlic bread and a plate of corn fritters, just in case. The platter emerged with half a lobster mornay, half a dozen oysters, the same of mussels, fresh king prawns, fried prawns, calamari, fried fish, smoked salmon, bread, chips and salad. Needless to say Bob took home prawns and salad for dinner and I brought home a full container of bits for Possy. Great meal overlooking the Pacific, good company and a glass of bubbly. Plus Bob was thrilled that we’d taken him out and given him gifts as well, chocolates from me and some tomato relish and bottled peaches from Sue, both home made, he was rapt. He really is a lovely man, his politics notwithstanding.

Waiting for the bus at Epping after getting off the train from Woy Woy I was idly looking at the large pictures of food in the window of a Korean restaurant. There wasn’t a single thing there that I would ever want to order, not the intestines in tasty sauce, nor the boiled pork, nor the cold pork and noodle soup (which had realistic oil patches floating on the top). Obviously Korean is not my thing. Home by 6.40, just in time to watch the news, perfect.

November 3, 2023

It was tragic enough to hear about the boy crushed by a lift at St. Lucy’s school, but to see a photo of him was just heart-breaking, he was gorgeous and an only child. The parents will never be the same. We use things like lifts without even thinking most of the time but, like any form of transport, they can be fatal.

The sympathy I have for the Israelis caught up in the Hamas terrorist attacks is slipping fast when I see the terrible toll that innocent Palestinians are paying. Why the devil did they elect such a murderous man as Netanyahu? It can only mean that the Israeli government believes that Palestinian = Hamas and therefore killing civilians is justified. Today’s news that those who fled to the south, as directed, were also bombed just proves the point. The world has gone mad.

To add to the ghastly stories the woman accused of poisoning her husband’s relatives with a Beef Wellington has been charged not only with 3 counts of murder but with 5 counts of attempted murder. Perhaps she harboured deep feelings of resentment towards him and all his rellos and, having succeeded in making him very sick three times over the years, thought she could do the same to them, but without killing them. I suspect that murder wasn’t the intention but sadly it was the result. Forensic psychiatry is the goods, second only to forensic science. But I wonder why with all the talent and patience that the police show in cases like this, they can’t seem to train their lower ranks to stop harassing people, assaulting them, falsely accusing them and often getting caught so doing. It seems there are two police forces at work.

November 4, 2023

The tale of the Coreopsis: last year at Sue’s I noticed that the streets were lined with a wild yellow flower and kept thinking about them when I got home, so I asked Sue to dig a couple put for ID and planting. However she said there weren’t any yellow flowers about so I’d missed my chance. On Wednesday I saw them all again and didn’t want to miss my chance. I asked Bob what they were and he texted to say his neighbour said they are dandelions! Mmm, no. So Sue asked her botanist friend who identified them as Coreopsis. A search last night turned up the identical type being sold as seeds in Tasmania. An email to them was quickly answered to say that it’s too late to plant them for this year, however Sue turned up at the door a few hours ago with five plants dug up from the roadside. So it being good weather for planting, they now adorn the edge of the front garden and hopefully will self seed there as they do in Killcare.

This morning I took John to the Hawkesbury Creative Collective at the showground at Clarendon, yes he picked it out of the three options but I think he knew that was my fave. Some of the art was superb, looking at you Jennifer Beal, an artist who works in both paint and pastels. Her pictures were very reasonably priced to my thinking and by far the best of the exhibitors. Others were quite competent and some should perhaps wait a bit before exhibiting, but thankfully none were painted with body parts. Apart from the painting my favourite display was a lady who does weaving, making baskets out of reeds, all sorts of plant materials in fact, as well as torn up old saris and even phone chargers! She calls herself Waste Not Fibre Designs and lives up to the name. I was very tempted but resisted. However I did not resist when I saw a pair of earrings made out of orange slices and daisies. How on earth did you get them so real? I asked her, but she informed me that both components are real, but preserved in resin. There was only one pair, most of her pieces being dishes, coasters, soap holder and the like. I’m thrilled with my $19 purchase. There were also jewellery makers, polished gemstones, lampshades and amazingly a boy who makes toys with his 3D printer! He and his two smaller siblings were manning a stall and I asked if he intended to go into this business when he is older. Oh no, he replied, I want to be an engineer and I’m sure he will

succeed. He has three 3D printers at home and I’m sure if he’d had time he would have explained the process, which I don’t understand at all.

I am appalled to read that Israel is getting their intelligence on Gaza via the US via Pine Gap. “The Pine Gap facility is monitoring the Gaza Strip and surrounding areas with all its resources, and gathering intelligence assessed to be useful to Israel” says correspondent David Rosenberg who worked there for 18 years. Of course they are now that I think about it, but I don’t want to think about it, it is just too stomach-churning.

November 5, 2023

The Israeli newspaper Local Call has leaked an official government document recommending the forcible transfer of all of Gaza’s 2.3 million people to Egypt’s Sinai Desert, first into tent cities and then they will ‘not allow the population to return’. Netanyahu’s office acknowledged the proposal exists, but in a statement to the Times of Israel described it as a ‘concept paper’. Who could even countenances such a concept? One of the critical points in the Intelligence Ministry’s document stressed the need for harnessing international support for the expulsion plan, something analysts argue Israel’s allies are already doing. ‘Despite claims now being made that the majority of the public in Gaza desires peace and is being held captive by Hamas, data and evidence collected over the past two decades consistently demonstrates the opposite. Hamas enjoys widespread support among Gaza’s civilian population’. Dror Eydar, Israel’s former ambassador to Italy, called for the complete destruction of Gaza during a live interview with an Italian TV channel. ‘For us, there is a purpose: to destroy Gaza, to destroy the absolute evil,’ he said. The intention is obvious to anyone who reads English language Israeli newspapers, which sure as hell means the Americans. I feel as if I am watching the end of Palestine.

Driving John to Gracewood I saw a rainbow lorikeet flying low and then saw why, its dead mate on the road. Travelling a kilometre on I saw a beautiful black cat wearing an identification collar newly dead on the road. I thought of picking it up so it wouldn’t get squashed but the traffic was heavy and it was difficult to stop on Showground Road. Now I wish I had though as it will be reduced to mince, I hope the owner doesn’t see it. Which is worse seeing it or never knowing what happened? I guess the latter.

Trying to think of positives, I made sweet corn and spinach soup for lunch and it was delicious, then Anzac biscuits for afternoon tea and they were likewise. John is all excited by plans for a Melbourne Cup event at Gracewood. They said to dress up so he has taken his grey suit, red shirt and a fancy tie, plus for another group where they talk about their previous lives he has taken some of his architecture plans that we found in storage. He seems to be getting more involved in the activities which is great. Whenever he comes home I check his emails and texts as he never does. His friend reports going on a tour to the Maritime Museum and falling inside the ship, breaking his hip. The ambos couldn’t get him out so Police Rescue came and strapped him to a board and lifted him out upright! He went to RNS and then Greenwich hospitals and is now okay apart from needing a walking stick. I replied that I go there occasionally and was very sorr

y to have missed his vertical resurrection from the ship, it must have been quite something.

I rang John at 10 am, later than usual as I was concentrating on gardening in the front yard, and woke him up from ‘an afternoon nap’. But luckily there was still time for him to go to the 10.30 walking group, which he likes to do each Monday. They only go around the grounds or a little way up the street but it’s better than nothing. Yesterday I decided to display my collection of antique and old glass marbles and having been stored a long time they were very dirty. John washed up after lunch and I was making biscuits so I asked him if he would rinse them once the water cooled down (he has it so hot he complains about the heat through thick gloves). A bit later he said ‘these are plastic, not glass, some of them are melting’. To my horror I discovered that some were in fact falling apart, not because they are plastic but because he had poured boiling water into the bowl. Later I put them in a glass salad bowl for display but a couple more fell to bits as they cooled, however Aquadhere came to the rescue of those that didn’t shatter completely.

Trying to get my mind off something that happened yesterday and the best way to do that is to write it down. Michelle C. was let down by the musician who was going to play at the Brontë Christmas party in the city, so I suggested John’s great nephew who plays in an orchestra. Michelle rang and said it was all going well but that his mother asked at the end of the conversation who had recommended him and Michelle said ‘my friend Maureen’ to which she replied ‘I don’t know anyone called Maureen’ so Michelle then referred to Maureen and John and she said, ‘I’m sorry I don’t know any Maureen and John’. Is this what they mean by being cancelled?

I’m sure all will be sorted in the Middle East now that Scott Morrison and Boris Johnson have arrived. They are being feted at a kibbutz where Hamas murdered and kidnapped Israelis, this presumably to reinforce to the world Israel’s need to retaliate. What a pair of clowns. Throw them into Gaza and see how long it will be before they are crawling back across the border, begging and pleading to leave the Middle East altogether.

November 7, 2023

This morning on the bus to town a lovely man asked ‘may I sit next to you?’ the first time anyone has asked that question. Then he wanted to chat all the way which I was certainly up for. It turned out that he is an actuary with APRA, the prudential regulator of the Australian financial services industry. He lives in Beecroft, loves being a public servant at less money than he earned before and volunteers driving ill and elderly people to medical appointments with a service run by the Presbyterian Church. He often takes his children out of school to go to an opera matinee, the cricket or to go away camping, believing that these are also an education. As a result they had a visit from the welfare folks, who left satisfied that they are doing a good job of parenting. I’m not sure what I said beyond having been in antiques, but I really enjoyed listening to him and when he got off at Wynyard he wished me a ‘happy rest of your life’ which was sweet.

Well it’s pretty easy to cross Old Northern Rd on Melbourne Cup afternoon, so even though I said Nup to the Cup I got some benefits from it. I’ve been following the case of William Tyrrell’s foster parents through various proceedings and it has come to the foster father’s trial for lying to the Crime Commission investigators, not realising that the police had been tapping their phones and bugging their house for a year. JS was asked if his wife had been violent to their foster child and he had answered ‘Never’ despite her confessing to him that she kicked her very hard just 22 days previously, something the police had already taped, so they knew the answer before they asked the question. I don’t think anyone doubts that he lied but their barrister got down to semantics to prove that perhaps JS misunderstood the question or had simply forgotten. It was tricky finding the right court because at Parramatta recently they showed up as JS and SD but at Downing they weren’t showing up on the court lists at all, so I had to go to the office to find out where to go. Luckily I got the very last seat in the small court, every other one being taken by a journo with a laptop apart from the lone detective with whom I have a nodding acquaintance after all these years. Today we exchanged a few words and remarked on our joint love of the Coroner’s Court building in Lidcombe. I knew that the magistrate was going to acquit by his body language, I’m very rarely wrong in judging that, but I am sure that all parties know exactly what he was up to, defending his wife from assault allegations so that they didn’t lose another child. Clearly there was enough doubt seeded by his barrister to win the day. They are so cool and controlled in court, in fact the tapes reveal a pair of control freaks and I pity all of those children who ended up in their care.

John has been excited for a week about the ‘dress-up’ Melbourne Cup party today. The place is decorated with horse stuff everywhere and when he went back on Sunday he took his suit, a red shirt and a lairy tie, after much debate on what to wear. This morning I reminded him not to put his suit on till lunchtime, then after lunch reminded him to take some photos. But at 5pm when I rang I asked how the party had been, was it fun? did they have a sweep? and the answer was what party? He couldn’t remember anything about it. It is so strange that you can obsess about something for a week, experience it and then completely forget about it in a couple of hours. He is getting so much worse and who in his big family gives a hoot? Maybe one or two. His niece responded to Michelle’s query about her son doing a musical interlude with ‘he’s going away that weekend’ which she clearly wasn’t aware of the day before, prior to finding out that Michelle is a friend of hours.

November 8, 2023

So Optus has had a crash today and I am hoping this will upload okay. I feel sorry for all the small businesses as a lot of people never carry cash, a very short-sighted approach I think. It led to a funny situation where I couldn’t get into Gracewood to pick John up because the doors were still locked and my phone wouldn’t work to ring the nurses to let me in, but luckily a staff member taking down all the Melbourne Cup paraphernalia saw me at the door. I asked John to take lots of pics of the festivities (to help him remember them) but his phone shows about 20 pics of him in his suit but none of the actual party, so I think he kept asking the staff to get photos of him, which is better than nothing. One classic is in front of his bathroom door with the loo as a backdrop. Tomorrow John is reading the poem In Flanders Fields for the Gracewood Remembrance Day commemoration. They are so thoughtful in organising all these things and he’s as proud as punch but it’s so sad that he won’t remember it on Friday.

Up at Sue’s last week I speed read a book called Mulch, with lots of useful tips such as the fact that you can use food scraps (such as the eggshells, potato peels and onion skins that possy won’t eat) as a way to suppress weeds. I had hardly any food going into to the bin before, now I’ll have zip. I’m so pleased that soup weather isn’t quite over yet, so I made a silver beet soup for our lunch today with an onion and some potatoes in it and put the scraps on the garden, around the Alyssum to be precise. She even recommends using broken concrete to cover nuisance weeds. I am desperately trying to kill the native Wandering Jew (Wandering Israeli is perhaps a better name these days?) which comes in under the fence from Arvind’s. It’s a useful ground cover on his side but I don’t want the pesky thing on mine. The author also suggested using weeds pulled from the garden as mulch instead of binning them. We shall see how it goes. Facebook sends posts from this day years ago and users can choose whether to repost it or not. Today’s was a picture showing that I had decided to put cuttings into the bird bath till roots grow instead of using a vase inside. All very sensible, except that I totally forgot that I was doing it that way and reverted to a vase of water almost immediately, but now it’s like a new idea.

So 200 ABC journalists have attended a meeting to complain about the coverage of the Israel Gaza conflict. About bloody time, it’s been embarrassingly one-sided so far. Apparently there is a blanket ban on reporters using the word “Palestine”, something I have noticed but didn’t realise was officially mandated. I was very excited when Sarah Ferguson took over 7.30 but her reporting on this and some other issues has been biased in the extreme, particularly the difference between her attitude and questions to Palestinian spokespeople versus Israeli ones. Her view of people and situations is written all over her face and she is quite aggressive when she wants to be, for the first time I’ve been turning her off.

November 9, 2023

Well I wondered who had put a dark green tennis ball into the fruit bowl until I recognised it as once having been an orange. It was totally covered and the mould filled the air when I lifted it up but the remaining three were fine. Yuk, but good news for the new mulch bin.

I am reduced to commenting on orange mould because I can’t find any good news to relate. John was given the role of reading a poem today for Remembrance Day but I couldn’t get him to give his phone to anyone to take some photos however Cecilia was going to do so and she’ll send them to me. First he said that he wasn’t doing the poem at all as the ceremony had been cancelled but further investigation proved that this was only in his imagination. I resisted the temptation to go out there as Jane was coming over, however it ended up being a flying visit after lunch. But I need to let go and realise that they will sort him out, though it’s very hard not to try to make everything go smoothly when he’s so confused.

Nuffin else.

November 10, 2023

Our routine had to change when John’s phone wouldn’t work at all after playing up for a while, so I picked him up for the ‘weekend’ on a Friday and we arrived at Apple at 9.30. They are wonderfully helpful, but try as they might the phone was stuffed so we got a new one, just the most basic model but still reducing his meagre savings even further. It was interesting that it cost somewhat less than my similar basic model did about 18 months ago or so. But unfortunately he can’t remember his Apple ID so it took ages to transfer his data across, we left there at 11.45 by which time I well and truly had Towers overload. But the rest of the silver beet soup and then an Anzac biscuit soon brought me back to terra firma, then I made a couple of cards by hammering jacaranda flowers into wet watercolour paper. Not at all the rich purple I was hoping for, a lot of brown tones coming out as well, but they are usable and I have pressed some jacaranda leaves to add to them later.

Despite his still thinking it was cancelled, John did read the poem at the Remembrance Day ceremony yesterday as proven by the photos sent by staff. It was a small gathering of mainly ex-servicemen by the looks, but unfortunately John couldn’t wear his father’s medals as he wished to, since his priest nephew took them 15 years ago ‘to look after them’ purportedly because John was going into social housing which the priest deemed ‘a security risk’. He immediately donated the lot to the War Memorial in his own name and later went on ABC Radio claiming to be John’s father’s closest relative, even though he’d never met him. As John was want to say to say ruefully: ‘Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?’ quoting Henry the Second before the death of Thomas Becket, the Archbishop of Canterbury, in 1170. I would add to that: ‘Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves’ Matthew 7.15.

I’m trying to think up something to give/do for Cecilia who goes so far above and beyond what the job requires. There is a limit of $20 value for gifts but I guess there’s no rule about the frequency. Thinking, but perhaps some art supplies for her children could be useful as I know they share my love of art (and cats).

I see Optus is offering a meagre compensation for the 12 hours their services were down, but it’s hard as one person couldn’t get a hospital’s call about her dying mother until it was too late, while I just had trouble getting into the doors at Gracewood. The two hardly compute and it’s unrealistic to think that any compensation can be individually crafted. I don’t know how I would work it out so I can’t be critical.

November 11, 2023

This blog started off as Lymph Notes, intended to inform John’s friends abut his perilous medical situation at that time. Now things have changed for the better in regard to those earlier illnesses, due to the superb treatment at St. Vincent’s and Royal North Shore Hospitals, but new challenges have arisen. Many of the friends who regularly read this epistle back then are now gone. So I am very conscious of being around to look after John and although it sounds odd, I am more careful crossing the roads (my hearing means I often miss noticing that vehicles are coming) and even to avoiding ladders and wearing sensible shoes to avoid falls. For if I’m not here who sits in Apple for over two hours egging the staff on to find a way to save his

phone data? This is not self-important, but a statement of fact; the Gracewood staff do wonders but it’s all confined to their centre, no service exists to deal with the many things like visits to specialists or for essential treatment or getting dental problems dealt with or needing a new phone. I suspect that if no one is there to do these things they simply don’t get done. When I asked about the possibility of getting his treatment done at St. V’s if I couldn’t drive him I was told it could be arranged with a nurse for $200 an hour, all up it usually takes about six hours, once a month. His meagre resources would be gone within a few months and then what?? This is not a complaint, simply a stating of the facts and the reasons why I won’t be sky-diving any time soon.

I’m loving the fact that my Agapanthus are in bud, even more so since Joan Didion told me that they are known as Lily of the Nile. Yesterday I did some botanical dyeing on watercolour paper with Jacaranda, but I will try it with Agapanthus as it’s not always obvious which species will give the best colour and I’m dying (haha) to get a good purple, it’s a matter of trial and error. My Baby Mizuna which I grew from seed were less than successful with only two plants coming up, however I now see that neither looks like Mizuna at all and I suspect I have been mollycoddling two weeds. The Bergenia seeds planted in early September produced two only plants also, each now just a few millimetres high after careful propagation in Vermiculite under clingwrap. Sometimes I wonder why I persist with seeds, it’s either 50 plants or zero. But the Coreopsis Sue dug up on the roadside are happy as pigs in clover, flowering already, maybe stealing plants is the go.

During the week I bought a large whole mullet at my favourite Norwest fish shop and got them to fillet it but to keep the head and bones. Today I made fish soup for lunch out of the carcass with rice and half a fillet added and using the fish stock and coconut milk as liquid. It was delicious and as it was a big fish I ended up getting three different meals from the fillets as well as lunch for both of us today, all for $13.50.

I did think of something to toss into any class action that emerges from the Optus failure: I belong to a group which sells off tickets to shows cheaply in order to keep theatres full and often they send me shows I’m not interested in or theatres in Randwick or places too hard to get to. But on the day that Optus went down they advertised free tickets to the premiere of a movie that I want to see, but by the time the internet came back on all the tickets had gone. Sad enough for a big payout? Not really, but it’s the best I can do.

November 12, 2023

It’s 4 am on the 13th, but I crashed at 9.30 last night after a huge day so that’s okay. Heather had invited me to do the Arcadia Artists Trail with her today, something that’s been on for over 30 years but has passed me by somehow. We began at 8.30 at Fiddletown, way past Arcadia, in an area I’d never been to before. There are 6 locations ranging from Dural to Fiddletown and each property was host to 6 or 7 artisans. They ranged from sculptors to ceramicists, painters to blacksmiths, jewellery makers to glass-blowers and not a bad one amongst them. The very first stop included the amazing artist Ian Leon and if I were younger I’d have hoovered up a few of his landscapes, particularly the seascapes around the Central Coast. Here I bought from Sophie Cooper a jewellery kit for Millie for Christmas, disks of plywood with

designs printed on them with a set of paints and brushes, cord and beads to make bangles or necklaces, but resisted the fun earrings that they laser cut from ply and then paint. It was fascinating to go to a sculptor’s workshop and see grasstrees made full size from metal for $3000 and life size metal brush turkeys for $800. All of the properties were in the bush, some with gorgeous gardens with ponds and sculpture and each was the home of one of the exhibitors. Bushfire I kept thinking, but hats off to them for living their dream, clearly art and craft can pay big mortgages. Planning to do just a few venues, we ended up doing the whole six and I came home with just enough time for a quick shower before heading to the Thankyou Barbecue for the Yes 23 campaign at Balcombe Height Estate. They didn’t want us to bring anything and around 50 of the 200 vollies turned up to be served barbecued bangers, bread and a host of salads along with a bucket load of soft drinks. During the speeches our leader Ryan Tracey, a Hills Labor councillor, gave me a mention: ‘thanks to Maureen, the quiet achiever’ which was quite something as it’s the first time since I was a shy and always terrified child that someone has referred to me as quiet! Perhaps I need to come out and be more vocal in that group, but because I was one with everything we did I never felt the need. They are pushing me to join the local Labor Party branch (‘meeting this Tuesday night Maureen’ but be careful what you wish for Ryan. It was such a great day that I didn’t find time to worry about John, quite a rarity.

November 13, 2023

My gardeners came today and I’ve been slack in getting them lately so the grass was long, plus I wanted a small tree cut down as it is sending out suckers everywhere and they needed to cut that up and pack it into the green bin. I insisted that they charge me extra but they simply refused, saying that I’m a pensioner and that’s that. Note to self: their Christmas bonus should be a bit bigger this year.

I get into so much trouble smiling at strangers, especially if they are men. Today going into the Sallies to drop off oodles of Christmas decorations (how did I acquire so many? a whiteboard and a football??) I smiled at a man as I was walking in and he walking out. A bit of a blunder as it turned out, because it took the next 40 minutes to get away. First he wanted to know the price of Tontine pillows in the shops and I offered to Google it for him as he was worried about paying too much. I found them as low as $15 in Big W. ‘Well, how can they ask $15 for new ones here?’ he wanted to know. Then he told me that he cruises op shops for records and books and sells them at auction, making a lot of money apparently. I listened without comment but it turned out he knows all the auctioneers by name and reputation so he knows whereof he speaks, then he began to apprise me of the various good deals he’d done, what he paid in the op shop versus what he recouped at auction (a Margaret Preston woodcut bought for $50 and worth $30,000), the fact that he is very well off, lives in Lindfield, is Jewish, was audited by the Taxation Department ‘after some jealous person had apparently dobbed me in’, has no overheads to speak of, sells without a business premise or staff, doesn’t use computers and doesn’t even have a mobile phone. I would still be there except that Tim rang at the right time for once so I got away, though he sat in his car outside for some time waiting for me to get off the phone…..I wonder why it is that men always seem to think I would be impressed by wealth? But I’m thinking of V. now so given the time over I would still smile and still listen to his life story: came from England with nothing 50 years ago, now a wealthy man through dealing etc etc. He has the gift of the gab and that’s half the battle and having a good eye is the other half.

Penny Wong is in all sorts of bother for calling for a ceasefire in Gaza (about bloody time!) but luckily for Labor the Jewish community lives in seats that they could never win anyway. I didn’t bring up Gaza with V. today at the Sallies, perhaps I should have, but he was a talker not a listener. Nothing as queer as folk and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

November 14, 2023

Sometimes I’m glad I’m a fusspot. Today, despite Gracewood’s doctor eventually writing a referral to a dermatologist for John to have a large and ugly skin cancer on his hand removed, I took him to Bob who said it needed to be done immediately and asked the RN to set up the little operating theatre for that to happen. Within minutes we were in there and Bob operated, leaving John with about 8 stitches but very glad he doesn’t have to wait weeks for a resolution. I would bet money that the dermo wouldn’t have dropped everything to operate, it would have been done at some future appointment. I may be a bit unpopular with Dr. Castro at Gracewood because I overruled her decision but that’s okay. Very happy and also glad that I’m taking him to St. Vs tomorrow so I can keep an eye on him. Better to be away from Gracewood as much as possible at the moment anyway, as they have six people down with gastro.

Trying to decide which book to wrap up for the book group lucky dip is tricky. I keep choosing one, but then think ‘oh no, so-and-so would hate this book’ and choose again, then the same thing happens. Trying to please all takers is not easy. I’m selling A Dictionary of Dairying from 1955 on eBay, nah not that but perhaps Boyce’s Motor Vehicle Specifications 1975 which is also on there? No one else in Australia wants either of them at any price I should add, but I just can’t throw books in the bin.

My back yard looks so much better since Kirk and Dean cut a self-sown tree out yesterday. I should have done it a long time ago but it’s like the books, if the universe has chosen my yard for the tree who am I to object? Funny that I don’t feel that way about weeds in general, but anyway. However I was excited to see a lilac bush growing at Gracewood and snaffled a few bits for pressing, the car smelled divine coming home, now I want to plant one. I’ve learned a lesson from pressing some jacaranda, coloured newspaper supplements don’t cut the mustard, they are just not absorbent enough and the flowers deteriorate.

November 15, 2023

Off to Nelune today for John’s treatment so I met up with Fran and had a good chinwag. It is not lost on me that John has been successfully treated there for many years but Bill didn’t manage even one year despite all the therapeutics that they threw at him. She is deep in sorting out Bill’s estate matters, which are complex. We went for a wander to Berkelouw Books where she bought 3 or 4 for gifts and I escaped unscathed. When I went back to Nelune the staff there had downloaded colouring-in pages for him from the internet and supplied highlighters, very sweet.

I see that K-Mart has had to scrap a Christmas themed cloth ham bag because it read Merry Ham-Mas. How bloody ridiculous, how could they have possibly known about the attacks that were to take place

when they planned manufacture of the bags and what possible association would the average person draw between a bag to store ham and a Palestinian group? But the Jewish Board of Deputies objected so that’s it. We mustn’t risk offending them no matter how petty their complaint. I am getting pretty sick of the kowtowing to this group by business and government, not to mention the boot-licking some of the Press is engaging in. Chris Minns is particularly guilty of bias here, jumping every time the JBD rattles his cage.

John’s hand hasn’t caused him any problems, no pain, nothing, so Bob has done an excellent job there. But now the poor bugger is restricted to his room as the gastro outbreak in his wing has spread, it was at 6 yesterday but today the number is described as ‘increased’ which to my mind means there is a lot as they don’t want to reveal the number. Hopefully he will be okay and he can still come home for the weekend.

November 16, 2023

John of course forgot that he was in lockdown and went to the breakfast room, only to be shepherded back to his room to wait for his meal to be delivered. I can show patience to him, but imagine dealing with dozens of people who don’t know what’s going on and can’t follow instructions? It doesn’t bear thinking about, I know I would snap.

Today I am stupidly happy. Someone took the 856 page book A Dictionary of Dairying from the street library. I can’t believe it, but have cancelled its listing on eBay for $1 (you can’t list things for less than 99 cents and I refuse to use that stupid price). I so hope that they don’t bring it back. It’s listed as selling for 40 pounds in England so I hope the taker can make a quid on it.

We all know that a big part of any conflict is winning the propaganda war, but the case of Israeli soldiers carrying into the Gaza hospital boxes marked ‘baby food’ is a monumental fail. Who labels such products with big block letter signs (easily readable by TV cameras) not in Hebrew or Arabic but in English? Pull the other one. They take us for fools, which by and large it seems we are, looking at you Chris Minns. What was in those boxes? Who knows? but premmie babies need special formulas, non generically named ‘baby food’. Considering some Israeli military have said that the end game is no Palestinians left at all, would you feed babies on what is being supplied, assuming there is anything at all in the boxes? ABC reporter John Lyons is back from Israel and reports that the hospital raid found no tunnels, no weapons cache and that it was a big failure which undermines the US and Israeli reasons given for the attack. The Weapons of Mass Destruction moment?

I have been drawn as John’s person in the family Secret Santa so I went up to Eckersley’s and bought the watercolour painting book I’ve been wanting as well as a packet of glitter gel pens for making cards. The stock there always fascinates me but unfortunately you need talent and that is the one thing they are not selling. The manager CJ tried to interest me in a painting class but the subject didn’t appeal and some of the others class examples looked pretty ordinary so I think I’ll wait and see what’s on offer next year.

November 17, 2023

Grrr, the glitter gel pens I bought are so different to the results I showed CJ that I was trying to achieve that I’m afraid they will have to go back. The lines they make are as narrow as a fine biro, whereas I wanted wide ones I could draw with. But that’s a problem for another day.

Spent last night at Erko with Millie Mooch while D and L went to a concert. Apparently it was a bit weird because although the band was excellent, the lead was quite abusive to the audience who ended up booing him by the end. Drugs? booze? just his shtick? They don’t know but they won’t be going again if another concert comes up. I slept like a log till 3.51 am and then was awake till the family rose at 7, so I am quite empty of comment tonight.

November 18, 2023

Now it’s 3 am and I’m wide awake. I would never have coped with the sleep disruption of medicine, another reason to choose forensic science next life. Talking about career choices, I have been reading a bit about the SAS since finishing the book on Ben Roberts-Smith and some very scary facts emerge. A psychologist who was employed in WA screening special forces candidates comments: “The rhetoric has always been that you are really looking for similar features to a psychopath. But they don’t really want psychopaths. Just men who exhibit a few of their traits. What we are looking for is someone who has high sensation-seeking attributes. They want to and are happy to take risks. But they may also have lower scores on something called warmth”. Could a better description of BRS be written?

The thought of another Trump presidency is too scary to dwell on for any length of time, but Biden is becoming more and more of a problem. If he doesn’t show the warning signs of dementia I’ll eat my hat. His latest public description of Chinese president Xi as a dictator, this while attempting some sort of rapprochement, shows that any diplomatic skills he had acquired in the past have fallen away. I do have some comfort that the team around him seem to be functional, unlike those around Trump, but it’s a terrible choice. His blunder reminds me of my sister-in-law who, suffering dementia, was waiting at the hairdresser and when her turn came remarked to the lady leaving “I would change hairdressers if I were you, your hair looks terrible”.

John has thankfully managed to avoid the gastro outbreak, no-one goes in without full PPE with face shield so I waited in the foyer, ringing to remind John to collect his meds from Cecilia on his way down. But after ages he appeared with no meds, then Cecilia was on the phone saying that when she tried to give them to him he went straight past her to the lift, saying that Maureen is waiting in the foyer. Anyway she came down and it was all sorted. I asked the lady on the desk if they had isolated the bug and she answered that yes it was rhinovirus, which of course is a respiratory disease so I said nothing and asked Cecilia. It is norovirus which is very contagious.

John wanted to be here today so I didn’t argue. He also said he wants to come to book group next week. This afternoon I planted coriander seeds while trading texts with my Palestinian friend and he sent me a video of a comedian at the Opera House last night whose show finished with Palestinian flags and music,

saying ‘they wouldn’t have our flag on the outside, so they can have it on the inside’. The crowd went wild. I’ll bet Louise was not pleased, which makes me even more pleased.

November 19, 2023

John asked at lunch today ‘what is the word for the act of asking for a dish that is sold out or off the menu?’ Mmm, I asked Mr. Google but he didn’t know either, perhaps there is a word that we’re not aware of. I asked John why he wanted to know and he said he was just thinking about it. He wanted another at home day but also wanted me to take him to Eckersley’s to buy a pad of drawing paper for his colouring so for moi I picked up a pad of black card while we were there as I am out of black altogether, both in paper and cardboard. I could spend a fortune in there but I’m being good. I got a couple of cards finished and posted today, one for my bro’s birthday in early December and the other for Antonia in Melbourne whom I haven’t head from for a while. I’ve taken to picking up small bird’s feathers to add to paintings of small birds, just a couple really lifts them, plus the big feathers I find are wonderful for dragging across wet watercolour paint for texture. A class was going on at the shop when we were there, but I wasn’t fussed about the end result painting when I saw it previously so I gave the class a miss.

I am getting pretty cheesed off with the extent of plea bargaining occurring. This was an American phenomenon which we’ve picked up on and, as they do, it seems to be overused. A Sydney mother, charged with stealing tens of thousands from unsuspecting people whose credit cards she scammed was found with a toolbox containing 96 SIM cards as well as other people’s credit card details and identity information. She was initially charged with about 300 offences, but pleaded guilty to only 70 charges including dozens of counts of fraud, several counts of attempted fraud, possessing stolen goods and drug possession. Apparently those charges are expected to be further whittled down by the time she is sentenced as part of plea negotiations. Then when it’s heard the jury will think that what they are hearing is the totality of her offences and give her a slap on the wrist. I wish more judges would hang out and let the jury hear the whole truth, then their deliberations are closer to the reality of the situation.

I really love Caesar Salad. Just sometimes I’m of a mind to make one, which I did for dinner tonight and it was by far the worst Caesar ever. I fried the prosciutto first before realising that it should have been the croutons, so I tossed them in and soon had almost burnt prosciutto with half cooked cubes of bread. Then I cracked the boiled egg, which had gone much too far. Next I mixed the mayo with a couple of anchovies and tossed it all together with the Cos lettuce, only realising later that I’d forgotten the parmesan. While it was edible it tasted like what it was, hard boiled egg with burnt prosciutto and bread.

November 20, 2023

Today I met up with friends Di and Jenny for lunch at their favourite place, The Runaway Spoon at Lindfield. The mains are always good and they never order wine or sweets, so I don’t either, making it a lower calorie meal than if I were at Wild Pear for example. Still, it will be next to no dinner for me tonight. Had my usual, a Double Baked Spinach and Ricotta Souffle with roast tomato sauce and a ma

ssive

ll red, yellow and orange. John has a thing that pairing egg and tomato makes him sick so he would run a mile but I loved it. I parked in Lindfield Harris Farm Markets and the place is absolutely huge, I actually got lost in it. I was looking for the wonderful smoked English cheddar that Bronwyn served us a few weeks ago but couldn’t find it, though I spent up on berries and cherries anyway.

I saw in the weekend paper that the owners of the Bondi Junction Motor Garage sold their house for $28.5 million and are moving up. How many grease and oil changes in $28.5 million I asked myself? About 142,500 it seems by my calculations, so one has to ask the question: what else are they selling? Or put another way, if they have that much money why are they tinkering with cars?

Ever since I changed from Saturday and Sunday papers to Saturday and Monday I’ve had problems. First I was told that I needed to wait for the current contract to end, back in May, because it was too difficult to adjust it otherwise. Then I kept getting the weekend papers but not Monday, then Mondays came again and now they are back to just the weekends. The SMH people are going spare trying to get it right but the delivery people just can’t manage such a complicated mission, so I haven’t had a Monday paper for three weeks now.

November 21, 2023

Sue rang last night to see if I wanted to go down to Kirribilli today to have a geezer at the new kitchen going in. I was tired and said I’d confirm today but of course after a sleep…. However the GPS is showing an hour and 19 minutes to get there even using the M2 so I’m not leaving till the traffic clears a bit. Sue sent me instructions to get there via the Pacific Highway to avoid the tolls but I can’t read and drive, so I will just pay the toll I think. Yesterday coming home from Lindfield the M2 was 23 minutes and Epping Road was 47, a no brainer. Perhaps foolishly, I told John what I was doing and he replied that he, rather than me, was more suited to giving an opinion on the kitchen. True, but I think it may have been a hope that I would take him with me as he’s still in lockdown so there are no activities happening. Of course now I feel guilty about not taking him and silly for having mentioned it.

Apparently Channel 10 is going from bad to worse which made me cast my mind back to when it began. I was proofreading for Murdoch at the time and TV Week was one of my responsibilities. There was no call for a third commercial station, in fact the pundits were commenting that three couldn’t survive, but Rupert insisted as he wanted his very own propaganda station and the kudos that came with opening one. It had to have a bigger number than the others, therefore 10. So from then on the publication’s Movie of the Week and Best New Programme and feature article were always and ever about something on Channel 10, funny that. Of course Murdoch sold out long ago, but it is still in many ways the redundant channel.

John’s memory is pretty bad, except when he’s really engaged in the idea of something. I decided to make it a short visit to Sue’s as I was feeling bad about not taking him, a pity as I had been looking forward to spending time there. However Sue assured me that he would have forgotten all about it. I rang him as soon

as I got home at 1 pm and the first thing he said was: ‘Oh I suppose you’re still at Sue’s’ and seemed happy when I said that I was home after a flying visit. The kitchen men were assembling the cupboards but then the floor men have to come before the benchtops go on and the appliances are put in place. The mossy green colour is understated and looks perfect. I was amazed at how many cupboards there are, no wonder I don’t have space for everything in my little kitchen, I would be lucky to have a quarter of the number. From the windows I watched the Federal Police wandering the grounds of Kirribilli House below and suggested that Sue could rent out a room to a sniper a la JFK’s Lee Harvey Oswald in the Dallas Book Depository. They wouldn’t need to be a good shot, it’s so close. Joke AFP, joke.

November 22, 2023

Today was my first oldies bus tour with Hills Council. They were very late picking me up but I discovered that I was the last person, plus one lady wasn’t to be found, they knocked, peered through windows and rang, but no one came out. So she either forgot and went out or as I write she is sprawled on her bathroom floor cold and wan, I guess I will find out if it’s the latter. Then our lovely driver Vang went to the Balcombe Heights Estate where John used to go to day care and I feared I had boarded the wrong bus, but he was picking up the poppers and snacks of nuts, cheese and crackers or sweet biscuits to eat on the way, none of which I touched as I didn’t want to spoil my lunch. How pleasant it is to be driven. You can look at the clouds, the houses, the trees, even the sides of the M2 get interesting if you are free to look at them. We arrived at Church Point and the two volunteers offered us a walk around but I was the only one apart from them who left the bus. Shortly afterwards we pulled up at Pasadena Restaurant which overlooks the water. I asked some of the ladies if they had been on other trips and they announced in chorus ‘We go on EVERY trip’ so it wasn’t a surprise when the lady seeing us to our table said to one of them ‘weren’t you here a couple of weeks ago?’ The food was very nice, not cordon bleu, but probably better than club or pub food. I’m glad I didn’t order fish and chips as it was a huge pile of THREE large pieces of battered fish with a basket of chips. The missing lady had ordered that so the volunteers got her meal as a takeaway, for them? for her (if she is extant)? I’m not sure but it didn’t look good with the fat slowly coagulating inside the plastic. They seem a nice enough bunch, some younger than I am and some older. I picked one volunteer’s accent as middle Yorkshire and blow me if she didn’t grow up in Halifax and go to school at the place that gave my brother’s street its name, School Lane. She could almost pinpoint his house.

While I was out Sue was texting to ask about tiles and flooring for her kitchen so she called in just after I got home (last on the bus means first off, bless). She was in a rush to get back to Kirri but showed me actual tiles and photos of various wooden floors, but she may come back tomorrow and we’ll go to the flooring place for a final decision. I was a bit nervous about going out with a bus load of olds, but altogether it was a successful day and a real stress reliever. John understood that he couldn’t come because the trips are partly government funded so it would be double dipping in their eyes, so I didn’t have the guilts today.

November 23, 2023

My oh my I’ll be glad when I finally choose a book for the book group lucky dip tomorrow. A few have been chosen and put back, too sad, too ironic, too specialised in interests. But then I thought of Nora Ephron, whose books I love and perhaps a few others would too, so maybe that’s it but I can’t wrap it up till I’ve thought some more. Then there’s the poetry reading. I have shelves of poetry books but many are by the war poets and Wilfred Owen and his ilk are too sad, as is Robert Frost, John Betjeman is great and I have two copies of his collected works so I considered this as the gift but the print is very small. So I think I have settled on reading Clive James, the irony may be a problem for some but he is sooo good. I think the theme is thanksgiving in its broadest sense but it seems that none of my faves deal with that sort of topic at all, so we are left with Clive.

I keep thinking about a funny/sad part of our lunch yesterday on the bus trip. The lady next to me acceded to a request by Evie opposite to share her chips, but Evie’s companion was outraged: She’s got chips left on her plate! she said with umbrage. Evie declared that she wasn’t at all bothered as she couldn’t eat them all, but her pal looked daggers at the chip thief. A bit later her hand came out to take another couple of chips (in defiance?) and that was the last straw for Evie’s compatriot so she began telling the volunteers ‘She’s taking Evie’s chips when she’s got three on her plate already’, this fully audible but behind her hand. The culprit reached for another, but Evie’s friend saw her coming and moved the little wire basket further away. I watched with awe and hoped my obvious attention may stop the nonsense. I can’t help wondering if the chip thief had heard it all before, she is Chinese with perfect English and good hearing but I suspect quite used to being excluded. I just can’t see that level of overt criticism being levelled at an Anglo. I await further developments with interest (note to self: sit next to the Chinese lady in future and speak up if it happens again).

Poor John told me this morning how much he was looking forward to the bus trip at 10 am. Oh great, I said, so you’re out of lockdown, but he didn’t understand. If you’re getting your meals in the dining room that means the bus trip will go ahead, I said. No, he replied, I am getting all of my meals in my room. Somehow he hadn’t connected that with the bus trip happening, or not happening in this case.

November 24, 2023

A bit of a rush to pick John up for book group as the breakfast can be later than usual due to the interminable lockdown. They need 72 hours infection free before cancelling it and just when they think they’ve got it, another patient falls victim. But we got here in the end and I made the salad with home grown lettuce, asparagus, peas, cucumber and mint with an avocado cream dressing of avocado, lemon juice, water, olive oil and smoked garlic. Yum I could have eaten the whole pot with a spoon. We sorted some books for next year and exchanged books as gifts (just to show that I needn’t have worried so much about my book choice, there was one left over, mine, which I will now deliver to Brigitte, I hope she hasn’t read On Chesil Beach). We gave our poetry readings and listened to John do The Man From Snowy River perfectly. We had roasted pumpkin, pumpkin curry and pumpkin pie which was fine for Thanksgiving Day.

The car that crashed doing very high speed at the Niagara Falls Canada/US border was a Bentley. Police have rules out terrorism and the two victims are a local married couple who own businesses selling timber and hardware. It seems such a strange case, but seeing they were headed to a Kiss concert perhaps they were pre-stoked. Why else would you be driving the Bentley at 160 kph? Of course mechanical failure or some sort of medical emergency is possible too, but that’s an inquest I’ll never get to.

November 25, 2023

Went to the Farmer’s Market for smoked garlic and avocadoes and came home with four bags full of fruit and veg. My favourite seller has fewer types of produce but the stuff is wonderful quality and always heaps cheaper than the others, which makes me think that they sell what they grow, not adding to it from other growers to get a fuller range. So 4 avocadoes for $5 and a giant Jap pumpkin for $5 led the bargains. My smoked garlic man was there so I got a big head, he only has smoked garlic, smoked nuts and smoked spices. I asked about what timbers he uses for the smoking and he told me, but they’ve gone out of my head already. I have bought 3 hydrangea plants over the years, each has died, but I saw such a beauty there that I decided to have another go but to keep it in a pot, not in the ground in case there’s something in the soil that they don’t like. The seller was a man who has had a stall in Windsor Mall for decades, but he didn’t recognise me so I didn’t start a conversation in the rain. He says his son grows the plants. Two ladies got bogged in a small patch of wet ground and John went over to advise/help but the driver revved up and splattered him head to tow with mud. We had a good laugh about it and no harm done, but I’m glad that we weren’t going somewhere fancy afterwards.

I asked John whether yesterday he got to catch up with Martha’s sister Becky, over from Maine. He couldn’t understand the question, asking how he could possibly have done that, so I said I was talking about the book group party. He has ZERO memory of the day, despite my mentioning what we ate, who was there and his poetry performance. Likewise when I repotted the hydrangea he didn’t know that I had bought it this morning or that we’d been at the markets.

November 26, 2023

I am curious about the fact that incoming refugees from Palestine seemed often to be wearing crosses around their necks. I wouldn’t have thought that the Christian population there is huge so I asked Mr. Google who said it is about 6%. My suspicious mind wonders if it’s Syria all over again where we offered heaps of places to refugees but they almost all happened to be Christians? There is someone who would know the answer to this question but I don’t want to step on an ant’s nest, so I will just observe and say nothing for now.

So a couple of people are dead and hundreds sick in the US with Salmonella from eating rockmelons. Rockmelons? I couldn’t see why they would be a problem but apparently they are susceptible to Salmonella contamination, with irrigation water being the likely problem. The rough external rind is a potential hiding place for Salmonella bacteria apparently, whereas I saw that as a protection. The offending

fruit were grown in Mexico but were shipped all over the US and Canada. Then there’s Listeria, which can survive for up to 84 days in soil. Heavy rains on a crop can splash listeria from soils onto the surface, especially those fruits which grow low to the ground, such as rockmelons. Unlike most bacteria, Listeria can multiply in the fridge so that’s no help in avoiding poisoning if they have been contaminated. NSW Health recommends tossing uneaten rockmelon after 2 hours if it’s been at room temperature (though that doesn’t help if you’ve got Listeria on the part in the fridge) and says it should be avoided altogether by people over 65! What you learn by following up on news article. I kind of like the idea of the Russian roulette of eating rockmelon this summer.

November 27, 2023

Been cutting back my Hypoestes or polka dot plants. For some reason they get super leggy and three times as high as usual, all you can see of them is the long shoots and not the beautiful leafy plants below, so today was the day to start cutting them back. I’ve sent a ‘before and after’ photo of what I’ve done (about a quarter of what’s needed) to the Botanical Gardens to seek advice on what I can do to avoid this happening, so we’ll see what they say. I can’t seem to garden for more than an hour or so which is annoying, but a bit each day works just as well.

John has been in lockdown for about 2 weeks now, unable to leave his room at all unless coming home for the weekends. This morning I rang at 8.30 am and heard a bit of noise so I said: ‘Oh that’s great, it sounds like you’re out of lockdown’ but he didn’t know what I meant. He has totally forgotten that he’s been locked in his room all that time, it’s hard to imagine how it has made no impression on his memory. There were 4 people at his dining room table originally, John, a married couple (one of whom died a few weeks ago) and a retired fireman. I asked John if the two remaining people were happy to be out of lockdown and of course he hadn’t asked Jenine as he couldn’t remember any of it, but when I again mentioned the fireman he said calmly: ‘no, he’s not here any more, he’s been moved to the loony bin section’. Gracewood works on a different level of emotion I think; people disappear, new people come, it’s just accepted.

I’m taking John back to Bob tomorrow to get his stitches out. The whole thing went well (I’m so used to complications with him). The pathology was squamous cell carcinoma but seeing it’s been successfully operated on we can forget about it. I made an appointment for myself at the same time as I fell in the loungeroom a couple of day ago due to my right leg being ‘dead’ from the pins and needles that occur whenever I sit for very long in a chair. It’s been happening for a year or so, I’ve put off asking him as I don’t want a diagnosis of Sjogren’s peripheral neuropathy, but I was very lucky that I fell onto the lounge and realising that it could have involved falling out of a bus or train after sitting for an hour I can’t ignore it any longer. Hopefully he’ll pull another diagnosis out of his kit bag.

Reading more about Gaza one turns up with so many puzzling stories. Such as how the buildings of the Israeli kibbutz Be’eri could have been largely destroyed by Hamas Palestinian fighters who crossed from Gaza on 7 October. How could the mass destruction to Israeli homes there happen with their light hand-

held weapons? Yasmin Porat, an Israeli civilian who lived there, claims that on 7 October Israeli forces went on a panicked response to the incursion by Hamas, firing wildly with very powerful weapons, destroying buildings and killing both Hamas fighters and the Israeli civilians who were with there. If the photos shown are accurate, then the building are clearly destroyed by heavy weaponry which the Gazans simply didn’t have. We will never get to the truth as no independent body will get within coo-ee of the sites.

So Mike Pezzullo, The Pez, has finally bitten the dust and I’m imagining that a celebration something like a cross between Christmas Eve and Melbourne Cup Day is happening across the Public Service as I type. Is that a Champagne cork popping that I hear in the distance? It’s amazing that a person could be so roundly despised and yet continue in the job, just proving that once a someone like him gets into a powerful position they are damned hard to shift.

November 28, 2023

Had big ideas of where to take John today after an early appointment with Bob to get the stitches out of his hand, but Bob decided that the raw looking depression in his cheek was potentially ‘a cancerous ulcer’ so he asked us to hang around till the theatre and he were both free. He operated on his face but, unlike the hand surgery, the local anaesthetic didn’t work for reasons best known to the gods. After three injections Bob did it anyway, with John in pain and particularly so during the stitching. We don’t know why it didn’t take but I don’t think I could have put up with the pain. His stressful morning and our late arrival home at 1 pm meant that any sort of activity was out of the window, so we just enjoyed a lunch of vege fritters and carrot salad and he rested up here. I felt bad when he asked me ‘why did you tell me to wear nice clothes to get my face cut open?’ Good question, but of course I had no idea how things were to unfold. Bob told me that my leg problem sounds as if it is a nerve issue, possibly a Sjogren’s connection, but thankfully opted for a wait and see approach.

It’s amazing how easily things come to light if you follow a bad smell to see where it is coming from. I found that Israeli government spokesperson Mark Regev told MSNBC in a recorded television interview: “We originally said, in the atrocious Hamas attack upon our people on October 7th, we had the number at 1,400 casualties and now we’ve revised that down to 1,200 because we understood that we’d overestimated, we made a mistake. There were actually bodies that were so badly burnt we thought they were ours, in the end apparently they were Hamas terrorists.” Clearly they didn’t set fire to themselves, so keep hunting. In another interview the Israeli air force admitted that it sent up more than two dozen attack helicopters on 7 October, which “fired huge amounts of heavy cannon shells and Hellfire missiles, even though in many cases the pilots could not tell Palestinians apart from Israeli civilians”. As I said before we will never be sure what actually went down that day.

An email from one of John’s ex-priest mates tells of two of them apart from John now seriously affected by dementia. As well there are various forms of cancer including mesothelioma, prostate, non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and more, ain’t old age something to look forward to?

November 29, 2023

Today was the second of the bus trips I booked on. There were two bus loads, 9 people to each bus. The first trip was better because I formed a good relationship with one of the volunteers, but I’m certainly not complaining about this one. It was to Yarra Bay, close to La Perouse, overlooking a lovely little white sandy beach, with the heads of Botany Bay in one direction and the docks of Port Botany in the other, so we were able to watch the container ships arriving. Last time we sat in the main restaurant at Pasadena but here we were in a separate room, still with a lovely view, but had plastic cups and no tablecloths, clearly the second class of the restaurant guests. However the food was very nice so no complaints there. Coming home I was last drop off, despite being last pickup this morning, however I got to see where all the other people live, some in a very ritzy part of West Pennant Hills with enormous houses, but three in various parts of the Anglican Retirement Village and one in Aminya. The trips will resume late in January apparently.

Our friend Logan is again in hospital after his 39th serious fall since January. I’m not sure how long this can go on before he has to go into a home, although he was taken to hospital from ARV while in respite there so I guess that’s no answer either. I think he will be confined to a wheelchair at the very least. Supranuclear palsy, a bastard of a disease, which causes so many issues but falling is a very common one.

I happened to see a video of the questioning of a man in England charged with two 1980s murders and 101 cases of sex with dead women in the mortuary of a hospital where he worked as an electrician. He was confessing to police in the video and it was amazing how gentle and understanding they were with him, gently asking about what he did and the motivations behind it. I just can’t imagine a police interview in Australia proceeding the way this one did. It’s the difference between an unarmed police service and an armed police force. A quiet diligent man, living in the house he was born in, and interested in birdwatching, cycling and photography. I have to say I felt sorry for him, guilty though he is and despite his horrific crimes. I wanted to give him a hug and to say that I at some level l understood.

November 30, 2023

Yet again, a plea deal seems to have led to another crime. A man allegedly broke into a 90-year-old woman’s room at an aged care facility in Bateau Bay and sexually assaulted her and she has now died in hospital. He had just been released from prison for a similar attack in the same town a decade ago. He was charged with nine offences, which were reduced to three as part of a plea bargain. This happens over and over again, when serious allegations are downgraded in order to get a guilty plea. Leave the bloody charges up there and let the jury decide!

December 1, 2023

Juggling a few balls today, I visited Brigitte to give her the book from the book group swap, later John had an eye test which he came through okay. But it surprised me to hear them say he had cataracts in both eyes,

seeing he has had surgery for exactly that. I refused glasses in agreement with him, as he had said that he didn’t want anything more to worry about. I wouldn’t have had the testing done at all, but it’s part of the Gracewood policy so we went along with it.

After two harrowing books exposing the bastardry which the SAS got up to in Afghanistan, I needed a breather. I usually go to someone like Jane Harper or Liane Moriarty, but I’ve started a Maeve Binchy novel Quentins which is a great form of stress release. She has a wonderful understanding of human nature and although I wouldn’t call it a deep book, it is certainly an engrossing one. I’m sure Maeve is a really decent person, at least that is how it appears in every book, always allowing her characters to have another side no matter how poor their actions and decisions are.

I had to smile when John said to me that ‘Michelle is doing really well since Kev died’. I was pleased to inform him that Kev is very much alive. The late afternoon was spent baking for tomorrow while listening to the Lehrmann defamation trial live stream. I so wish I’d heard his evidence which apparently turned up as many questions as it answered, but to me the shocking thing in her evidence was how she juggled the police and various media companies to get the maximum damage to the Liberal Party and the government at that time. Much time was spent making sure that the interviews came out during a sitting week in parliament and just before Question Time to squeeze maximum embarrassment from Senators Reynolds, Cash and others. Not a usual first priority for a rape victim it may be argued.

December 2, 2023

The Saga of the Table: a few weeks back John knocked over and broke a table from the front verandah so Sue said that her handyman could easily glue the two halves back together, so she took it to Killcare. Then I got a text to say that the top had a 30 degree bow in it and couldn’t be fixed. I was puzzled as it wasn’t like that when it left so I said not to worry about it, I only paid $20 for it decades ago and it can be a plant stand in the garden. Next thing I find the table on the front verandah Estapoled, and with a new hardwood top. Puzzlingly, the old top (with no 30 degree bow) was repaired and with it. Sue and I were both flummoxed till she got a text from the handyman’s wife saying that he had spent three days fixing it and to make sure that I knew that. (Maureen makes gesture of rubbing her fingers together). She also reminded Sue that they need payment by the 10th as they are going to stay in Melbourne at their other house as they do every summer while they let their Killcare house out for zillions. So I have a table and a bill of unknown quantity but with a high degree of expectation on their part (I’m sure it’s on her part actually). Thinking, thinking.

We went to First Saturday for a very interesting talk by a man who wrote a book about someone who walked around the perimeter of Australia in 1921. I found it fascinating and I’m tossing up asking to borrow one of only 20 copies printed, though it’s also on the net. To me it would be so much more real in book form so I will think about how to approach him and will totally understand if he says no. It was a lovely smallish gathering where I knew every person but one. I did a stand of cupcakes, chocolate with caramel frosting and chocolate bits, ugh, but others seemed to like them. I made sure some went home to

Boris who wasn’t there. We came home happy and I just did a tuna and egg salad for dinner and then spent the whole evening helping John in writing his Christmas cards. It’s an epic, with decisions needed on recipients, choice of cards, what to write etc etc. After numerous mistakes and wrongly written envelopes we ended up at 11 pm with 8 complete, addressed, stamped cards which are ready to post in the morning. Gee whiz it was an epic.

December 3, 2023

The Saga of Sue’s Driveway: As she is spending a lot of time at Kirribilli through the week, the wife of Sue’s handyman asked if she would like him to blow the leaves off the driveway for her. Yesterday she came home to an invoice for $200 for so doing. Appalled, and with the Table Saga in recent memory, Sue hot-footed to their house clutching $200 cash to be met at the door by the confused handyman who clearly wasn’t expecting 200 smackers. He went and got said wife who, after seeing Sue’s face, said ‘you don’t have to pay it if you don’t want to’. Sue paid up but made it very clear that from now on any work done by him must involve a quote. She asked how I was planning to handle the table issue and after that story I decided that a Christmas card with a bundle of lottery tickets would be a good plan. No mention of their instructions is necessary and they will get the message without an argument. Sue wholeheartedly approves.

Whoa it’s a funny world we live in at the moment. I discovered today that John had cancelled the appointment with Bob this week to have his stitches out, this from a man who can barely use the phone. Luckily I was able to rebook it so nothing lost. He wanted an at home day today so we did a bit of gardening together but unfortunately it’s a very short session for me if I’m bending over as I soon feel sick, though I can trim branches standing up with no problems. However most of what needs doing in a garden is on the ground.

So then we went to Eckersley’s for gifts for John’s granddaughters and bought paints, brushes, cardboard sheets, multi-coloured paper, jumbo pencils, ordinary coloured pencils, sketch pads, a little easel with a small canvas on it and some other stuff that I’ve forgotten. We packed it up in a big parcel and I will post it tomorrow. After I addressed it I got a call from Lynne who said that Annabel and Dan and the kids are going to an uncle in Tasmania for Christmas and probably not coming back till March or April. Lynne is very worried about their schooling as apparently there wasn’t much happening schoolwork-wise during the Covid lockdown so she feels they will get further behind. I would have chosen the gifts differently if I had known, but Lynne said to post them to her so they can take what they want to Tasmania and have the rest when they come back.

December 4, 2023

This morning I got up early and planted the Coreopsis plants that Sue robbed for me from the roadside at Killcare. I figure that if they can grow wild on the roadside they are a good thing to encourage to self-seed in the garden. I was hoping to be less dizzy in the cool of 6.30 am and so it appears, but I didn’t do anything else apart from the planting in case it started up again. It was good seeing the nurses coming

down from the bus stop to Aminya, presumably for a 7 am start. I even saw the paper man and he insisted on photographing the paper in situ (in front of Arvind’s place not mine!) so he’s clearly been in trouble over the missing Monday papers.

Posted the presents we bought yesterday after standing 15 minutes or more in a queue before the PO even opened and that again once inside. It is so understaffed which is why it scores 1.5 out of 5 on Google, but I said nothing as it’s not their fault and I’m sure plenty of people have a whinge. Treated myself to sushi for lunch and then got down to business making Christmas cards. The plan is to make all of them this year but clearly I can’t aim for masterpieces. I’m now up to more than 20 which should be almost enough as I don’t send to people I normally see, at least I hope it’s enough as I’m dying to sit down and paint something half decent and not a quick slash of the brush to look like a Christmas tree. It’s amazing how a bit of glitter can lift a pretty pedestrian bit of painting though.

Finding out that John’s family are going to their uncle in Tasmania stirred memories of the last time we saw him and his telling us that his wife, who had started visiting India fairly often, had converted to Islam. She wore a hijab, even at home, because her husband was an infidel. He offered to convert in order to keep the marriage together but she said that it wouldn’t work as it wasn’t a genuine conversion. I’m curious about the washup of all that so perhaps my idle curiosity will be assuaged.

Sue is at Kirribilli today while the stone benchtops are being installed and judging by the photos she’s sending the whole project is looking fabulous. I think the tiles are the next step. I would love to do a kitchen or bathroom design again but I’ll never do that here so it’s next life I guess, unless I come back as a monkey, which would be kind of cute.

December 5, 2023

What a funny old day. Near miss in the car, confirmed in my mind that my optometrist mate is too confused to be anywhere in the range of normal, had a polite spat with Anu and won, and met an absolutely lovely man.

Firstly did the early watering trick and said hello to Aminya staff on their way by, then painted a couple more cards while waiting to see my mate about my broken TV watching glasses, without them everything is double. Anu rang to say that I’d had John home 32 nights since July 1, something I knew wasn’t right. This troubled me a lot but I focussed on seeing to the glasses and he, as per usual, came up with a quick solution. He found a pair of ‘excess glasses in the junk box’ which happened to exactly fit my lenses so he just swapped them over. However I loved the junk glasses and am happy to pay for them, so now I don’t need to buy new frames and he can just make new lenses from the latest prescription.

After the call from Anu I decided that I needed to get out of the house but pulling out onto the main road to turn right, with a green light, I suddenly heard a siren begin to my right and braked just in time for an ambulance to fly past in front of me. Counting my lucky stars I went to buy a gift pack of lottery tick

machine having been out of action for days at Baulko) I met such a lovely man and had to edge my way to the door after about half an hour of conversation. I think he is the owner but I’m not sure. We talked immigration, he’s a Fijian Indian like Arvind, gambling addiction, Christmas, our families and more. His name is Shalvin and at the end we shook hands and both said that we will keep in touch. Then I called in to my mate again, for him to check my Medibank Private entitlements for the rest of the year so we can use up any funds that are remaining. I found him, as I often do, asleep on the couch in his office/shop, but he had no recall that I was there this morning and went looking for my new glasses, assuming that I had come because I had something to pick up. Anticipating this, I had taken them with me and he was relieved when I produced them. Confusion reigned till I explained exactly what we had decided. He used my card to claim the $45 remaining in my entitlements and said to come back after Christmas when he will change the lenses and charge Medibank the balance. I have no paperwork and expect him to be totally confused about it all next year, so I’ve written a detailed diary note which I know he would never dispute. Bless him, I don’t know how he manages to run the business. So a day of many small matters completed, but that’s my life at the moment.

December 6, 2023

My brother’s birthday. Started with getting John’s stitches out and finding out that Bob was right, it was a cancerous ulcer and operated on not before time. I sent the path report back with him to Gracewood so hopefully the doc there will pause to reconsider when she sees another one. Then a home day, with John finishing up the dreaded Christmas card job and me writing and posting all my overseas ones.

I just don’t know what to say about Netanyahu so I haven’t been saying anything. But when political murderers’ names are mentioned in the future his will be right up there. I applaud Louise Adler’s comments, but was shocked to hear her say that she had been summoned to see the Israeli ambassador as a result of publishing her opinions. The damned cheek of the man. And don’t get me started on Senator Cash, the ex-minister for utes and weekends, who is like a rabid dog in the way she reacts with people. How someone hasn’t decked her I don’t know.

December 7, 2023

I had hoped that perhaps my niece in England may have helped my brother to ring me on his birthday, but not so far, perhaps allowing for the time difference a call will come tonight. He doesn’t answer calls on his mobile and the home is reluctant to let him use their cordless phone. But his Christmas card is on the way from here, that’s about as much as I can do at the moment.

I see the Herald’s Kate McClymont has written an expose on Alan Jones and his inclinations and unwanted actions towards young men, something his power has enabled him to get away with till now. I must say that I would have been more impressed with the story if it had come out decades ago, everyone who knew someone who had worked with Jones was aware of this (one assumes that number has to be in the

thousands) but no one dared confront him. Certainly it was alluded to by one of his radio studio staff in conversations in the shop back 20 or more years ago. How does he get away with it? I had asked. Power and money was the reply.

Another blast from the past occurred yesterday with the re-emergence of one Jesse Wotton, who to my great surprise popped up in the Bruce Lehrmann trial. I wasn’t watching or listening yesterday unfortunately so I was pulled up short when I saw Jesse on the news and in the press. As a 16 year old he used to call in to the shop to argue politics, telling me that he was planning to become a politician, of course on the hard right side. He was the most extreme right-wing person I had ever had a face-to-face discussion with. He had left school before the age of 16 (because all the teachers were too stupid) and ran a small computer-fixing business in his mother’s garage at Richmond. He said he loved having political debates and came to see me ‘because I don’t know many lefties’. He was a witness in the trial as one of the people partying with Higgins and Lehrmann on the night she claims to have been raped. Mr. Google informs me that he is now Deputy State Director of the Liberal Party of Western Australia as well as being, back at the time of the alleged rape at least, a staffer in the office of Cash and previously Reynolds. That fits because the reason he stopped coming to see me was that his mother had taken up with a submariner (from memory) and they were moving to WA. I knew her as well and she could hardly have been judged politically savvy, so I’m not sure where the interest in politics arose. He once said to me that he didn’t mind me as a person but despised everything I stood for. He was 16 and I was over 60.

Geez Louise, it was a very different meeting today than the one a few months ago. You deferred to your assistant to take me on a tour to show me options for the service and surprisingly we just hit it off. We settled easily on the service being held in the upstairs northern foyer overlooking the harbour with chairs and a lectern provided and the curtains drawn back to show the John Olsen mural. Afterwards we would proceed downstairs to the Midden Restaurant for refreshments (at own cost). He also offered to suspend any tours that would usually be taking place during that time. He will email me to this extent. I commented that Louise must be having a good day after seeing her nemesis Alan plastered across the front page of the Herald. This led to telling me of his own experience of AJ’s negative reaction to women and related an unpleasant personal experience with him as well, which of course occurred when he was younger. He also related that the lift going up to AJ’s floor in the Toaster is a veritable boy hoist according to a friend of his who lives on the same floor. I held out my hand at the end for a genuine handshake of thanks but he leaned in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I trust him to follow through. I celebrated the successful conclusion of the matter with a Gruyere Souffle at Manon and would even have been tempted to lash out and follow it with the Crepes Suzette from the daily specials, except it was off. How a daily special can be off is a debate I had with myself but no conclusion was reached.

December 8, 2023

Trivia warning 1: Unfortunately Woolworths at Baulkham Hills won’t stock my favourite granola Blue Frog from New Zealand (it’s kept for the wealthier areas it seems, just like the Harris Farm shops are now). So it was either have toast or drive to Dural for granola so I chose the latter, but bought five packets.

Trivia 2: It has always annoyed the crap out of me that Kennard’s Storage paints their buildings orange and their signs a different shade of orange, how easy is it to match the paint? But someone has heard my swearing as I pass and hey presto! both signs and buildings are now the same colour. Which one changed I can’t be sure but I won’t be patronising them in any event as Kennard is on my Do Not Support list along with Marcus Blackmore and others.

Woohoo! I have been trying to book a ticket for Swan Lake but the whole season is booked out, I’ve tried numerous times. I mentioned this in passing to Anthony yesterday and he just emailed me to say he has one perfect ticket in the front of the dress circle for next Wednesday’s matinee, a house ticket for VIPs. Do I want it? Do I ever! Apparently they will email me with instructions on how to pay. Sometimes it’s good to have friends in high places, no actually it’s always good to have friends in high places.

Today I saw a disgusting video of an interview of an extreme Zionist member of Israel’s government. He was asked about a two state solution and he said ‘it’s three lies, first there are not two states, second Palestine is not a state and third it’s no solution’. Asked another question about the occupation he said that ‘you can’t be said to be occupying land which is your own’. What about Gaza, the reporter asked, is that Israel’s own land too and the answer was that yes, it is.

December 9, 2023

Davina and Co picked up their new car today, a hybrid Toyota Corolla, the first car they have ever owned. Pity it’s too hot to go anywhere. John arrived at the Gracewood doors wearing a woollen beanie and carrying a jumper, the joys of living in air-conditioning during a heat wave. My early morning watering, while well intended, hasn’t stopped some plants from flopping in the heat, even my tiny Clivias were burnt white and the mint and coriander were lying down by midday. But it was worth the time this morning spent as about 7am a lovely young Sikh man, delivering groceries next door, came over for a chat as I watered. He was so friendly and I’m starting to wonder if that is a Sikh trait. He insisted on taking a selfie of us and I agreed despite no makeup and no undies! At least the dress wasn’t sheer. Love these serendipitous meetings.

I try to avoid plastic, but I’m so sick of throwing out cucumbers, even the baby ones, that I’ve reverted to buying those that are tightly enclosed in cryovac. At least I will get a couple of weeks out of them now. Luckily my lettuce is standing up to the heat better than other things so my decision to give the farmer’s market a miss today because of the heat won’t matter in the salad department. They sent an early Facebook post of the shoppers there and it was packed at 7.30 when it doesn’t even open till 8. I’m puzzling about when to pick the heritage green tomatoes I have been growing though, how do you know when they are ripe when they don’t turn red? I’ve asked the seed company in Victoria but haven’t had an answer yet.

My favourite Herald of the year today, the one where about 50 authors are asked to name their favourite book of the year. Usually I go yep, read it, read it, read it, but this year in the first eight authors I had only read one book, Yellowface. So I’ve been feverishly copying recommendations into my To Read book,

three pages of them so far but I’m having a rest before finishing them because I was getting writer’s cramp. Clearly I have my work cut out to catch up on current releases. Obviously I’ve been reading mostly older stuff this year, probably been waylaid by books coming into the street library.

December10, 2023

Ordered five random books of the many written down yesterday and the library had every one. More surprisingly I am first on the list for all of them, so I’ll get five pretty new releases early next week which should nearly see me through to Christmas.

I was pretty pleased when Mick Fullofimself stepped down as NSW Police Commissioner but I celebrated too soon. Karen Webb (Webb of lies?) took over and so far has a few fails on the scoreboard. First was announcing that an elderly woman died in a nursing home from a fall but forgetting to mention that it was preceded by being Tasered by a cop. Now she’s been accused of having a quiet word to the Coroner suggesting that Deputy Coroner Harriet Grahame be removed from almost all cases after it became public that her 45 kg demented mother was the person double handcuffed by police at St Basil’s aged care home. Her crime? She had snatched a staff member’s ID tag and wouldn’t give it back. Grahame said the letter was questioning whether it was appropriate for her to “continue to preside over matters involving the Commissioner and NSWPF Officers”. The deputy coroner correctly noted that would effectively disqualify her from almost all matters in her jurisdiction.

Reading Larkin last night I came again to his wonderful Aubade, talking about the thought of our own death: ‘Making all thought impossible but how and where and when I shall myself die’. Talking about denial he says:

‘Religion used to try,

That vast moth-eaten musical brocade

Created to pretend we never die’. Never a truer line was written.

I gave John his choice of three things to do today and he picked Windsor Markets, but sadly the fruit and veg people weren’t there so nothing achieved in that department. (When we arrived he asked ‘was this a surprise, coming here?’. However I found a lovely pink agate crystal to add to Millie’s Christmas presents, that was the extent of the purchases, apart from buying John a meat pie for his lunch while I settled on a milkshake. Then off to Purple Noon Gallery to see Sergio Sill’s exhibition with two paintings in particular catching my eye, both different views of the same waterfall in the Kimberley. The cascading water was very real in both. Apparently two paintings have sold and there were a pair of interested lookers there when we left. Yesterday they had their last person about 12 noon, unsurprisingly. Yesterday was the first time in 48 years that chocolate has melted in my pantry, despite the air-con being on for over 12 hours. I am afraid to unwrap the chocolates I did up yesterday for a couple of John’s nurses, but I think others

getting moisturiser or tea are the luckier ones. John asked why I hadn’t done a gift for the lady who washes his floor every day so I told him to get her name and I will add her to the growing pile.

December 11, 2023

I was so pleased to see the back of the weekly slog to RNSH to the dentist for John followed by weeks of appointments with the dental technician at Chatswood, but I smiled too soon. Yesterday at breakfast his other front tooth fell out so we are back on the hamster wheel. His teeth were severely damaged by radiation to his face so I had mentioned the possibility to the dentist that the other front tooth may fall out in sympathy with its mate, but she didn’t think it likely. Seeing the brand new denture cost him $1895 from a rapidly depleting bank balance I’m not sure if we can get a tooth added or if that was just money down the drain. But if he were in Gaza the tooth would be the least of his worries so that’s how we need to think of it. To me it beggars belief to think that you can destroy a political movement by killing some of its members. In fact a survey a couple of weeks ago showed that 75% of Gazans now support Hamas, increased from their last election result where they achieved 44.45% of the votes. Does that mean the Israelis need to kill 75% of the remaining population? Anthony Albanese and Penny Wong are as weak as piss and that’s something I thought I would never say. You can’t separate this from the whole AUKUS deal, we will be on one knee to the Americans from now into the foreseeable future.

How lovely it is to have a routine dental appointment for myself at 2.30 and be back home before 3. How I wish John’s were that easy. I’m a bit perplexed about a gift for Michelle W. as she doesn’t like anything new and I just don’t get to antique shops anymore, so I called in to the Vinnies on the off chance that they may have something good. The big antique market in Mittagong closed down last week and I planned to ask her if she wanted to take a run down there, hoping she would admire something and I could buy it, but she’d been with her daughter and it was pretty much empty a week before closing.

I’m reading Peter Singer’s book The Life You Can Save which poses many philosophical questions about how we live and how we give. I’m not sure if it came off my shelves, is a new acquisition or if it’s on loan from someone, a possibility I don’t want to think about because I’m making lots of marks in the margins, though I’ve restricted myself to pencil. It did make me think about the $322 I just spent for a ticket to Swan Lake but I decided that I really, really wanted it and I could do an offset, like you can for plane miles, by paying an extra $322 for something important, and there’s nothing more important than the people of Gaza at the moment.

Reading the death notices on Saturday night, a ritual, I idly wondered if I would ever come across someone born on the same day as me and three notices later I did. I don’t recall seeing that date before, so it was slightly weird that I thought about it in advance.

December 12, 2023

I was gob-smacked this morning when the papers, particularly the Herald, had nothing about the recording released last night of a conversation between Brittany Higgins’ solicitor and her fiance, discussing how she should respond to cross-examination. But good old Justice Lee thought it was very important, unlike the papers, and subpoenaed the recording. Now of course it’s front page news, better late than never. My only comment is that Leon Zwier, who is highly regarded as a solicitor, must simultaneously be a dope to have this conversation in a public bar.

Today was infusion day for John and I was lucky enough to find a movie at Verona at 10 am, and what a movie it was. Maestro is the story of the career and personal life of Leonard Bernstein and his wife Felicia. I found it hard to believe at times that Bradley Cooper was acting and that this wasn’t a documentary. The direction is astonishingly good, phasing from black and white to colour, from his musical career to his marriage, from his ebullient personality to his depressive side. I cried at the end, not because of sadness in the script really, but an overall sadness that the movie was ending and I was bidding farewell to the character of this genius, in both real and theatrical versions. I’d say my best movie of the year, but that means little when I’ve seen so few so I’ll just say 10/10. John’s treatment used to take 3 hours but lately it gets longer and longer, today he was there from 9.30 till 2.

John Lyons reports on Gaza are always worth listening to, but yesterday he reported from Hebron in the West Bank and showed a street of Palestinian shops with Jewish settlers living in apartments above them. There was a permanent metal mesh strung right over the whole of the street, which puzzled me a bit until he explained that it is to catch the bricks, stones, bottles, dirty nappies and whatever else that rains down on the shopkeepers from the settlers above. All of this is viewed from the guard towers constantly manned by Israeli soldiers.

December 13, 2023

Swan Lake Day! Greeted the day with much excitement which was an impetus to get into town in plenty of time, allowing me to go to the British Lolly Shop in the Rocks to get some Made in England Cadbury chocolate for Louis as part of his Christmas gifts as he is my person for the Secret Santa. I am John’s person so I bought myself some art supplies from Eckersley’s, which was easy enough, but it’s odd to be buying your own present. Apparently the taste difference between British and Australian Cadburys is quite marked as the Australian stuff has preservative as well as different oils, because early experience of exporting it here showed that it is prone to weevils and also melts (though the chocolate in my pantry melted last Saturday and it was made here). As a result there wasn’t a lot to choose from as they reduce their stock over summer. Grabbed a quiche at Renaissance, but it’s never been as good without the salad which they stopped offering years ago. I don’t know why as it was only lettuce and French dressing which doesn’t seem that hard but it turned the quiche into a meal.

The ballet was divine, the synchronicity of the dancers, especially the swans and cygnets, almost unbelievable. The last act in particular was choreographed differently to the other versions I’ve seen, but I think it was even more beautiful. Costumes were among the best I’ve seen. Prince Siegfried, the male lead,

was performed by Russian Daniil Simkin, who it tiny but stunningly athletic and a beautiful dancer to watch. Of course the lead roles vary from one performance to the other so in a sense it’s a slightly different ballet when that happens. My centre seat was perfect, no one passing me from either direction. I’m not sure I could cope with a night performance though, my 1.30pm matinee saw me arrive home at 6.30, it’s a long ballet.

I had mused that perhaps one way of justifying the huge cost of the seat was to match it with a donation and blow me down if I didn’t get to page 174 of Peter Singer’s book The Life You Can Save only to find that he’d beaten me to it: he says ‘matching your own non-essential spending so luxuries cost twice the sticker price, curbing extravagant tendencies and making extravagance defensible’. No need to worry about curbing luxuries in my case but the latter is applicable. Thanks Pete.

December 14, 2023

Off to Dan Murphy’s at opening time like a sad alcoholic, but in this case to buy one of every brand of no alcohol beer as the rest of Louis’s Christmas pressie. He won’t drink at all if he’s driving so I’m guessing this is related to the fact that they have just bought their first car. Anyway there are lots of these beers now, so I stopped at 16 of them, any more he can explore himself. I hope he keeps a little tasting book. As always the staff there love a challenge. Then trying to finish the Christmas cards, oh my, what a rod for my own back when I decided to make every one. Some I am quite pleased with and some are…..well, just barely a card, but there are no two the same. Next year I might go to email cards, though I don’t really have the skill set for that. Talking about cards, one of my Facebook ‘friends’, an ex-customer of the shop who asked to keep in touch, posted a complaint about the Christmas card sent out by the local mayor. It shows a child’s drawing of the Taj Mahal with kangaroos and other native animals around it. She objects that it is ‘the burial place of a Muslim princess’ and presumably that fact shouldn’t pollute Christmas I’m assuming. But the writing at the bottom says it’s the 1st prize in the local school’s competition on the theme My Dream Christmas Holiday and perfectly appropriate to use as a card in my view, something I felt the need to point out, as has someone else since. I just hope the poor kid doesn’t see the post, spoiling his excitement at having won and having his card go out to all the ratepayers.

I was one card short and couldn’t understand it, till I discovered that I’d written two to Heather and David. Rats, I’ll give them both . Evidence at the Lehrmann trial is interesting in that Lisa Wilkinson admitted that she thought it strange that Brittany Higgins claimed her phone was scrubbed to black except for one photo of a bruise which she claims happened during the assault. Her explanation was that governments can scrub phones remotely (presumably choosing to leave certain bits of use to the complainant).

December 15, 2023

Off to Carol’s to pick up some of her jams, made by one of the volunteers to raise money for Exodus and the Wayside Chapel. Unusual combinations involving cumquat, lillypilly, mulberry and others make them both delicious and different. Back via the library to stock up on pre-Christmas reading, then communicated

with Gracewood (who have a bloody Covid case today, right before Christmas, grrr) and later with Kathryn Booth from Picaluna Funerals. The latter call was to confirm or otherwise that Picaluna is being bought out by the big American funeral mob Invocare (more inclined to the invoice half of that word and less towards the care). She explained that they hadn’t been bought out, but Invocare has bought a 30% stake with clauses to prevent any interference in the way that they run their business, however giving the bigger company first offer to buy them out after 10 years if they so wish. The benefit for Picaluna is that now they can use the Australia-wide mortuary services that Invocare have, meaning that if I decide to be buried in Tasmania instead of Gerringong they can still handle the funeral, which is some sort of weird relief I guess, in case I so decide just to be difficult.

But the funny news item of the morning was the parcel on my front verandah when I got home: a bottle of Italian sparkling red wine with about $25 worth of unfranked stamps on the package. Inside was an envelope with another $125 worth of unfranked stamps! Of course it was from Antonia in Melbourne, my eBay client and now friend whose previous bevy of stamps sent at Christmas 2022 were weirdly only finished this morning before posting the last of my cards on the way to Carol’s. I immediately rang her and she informed me that she’d only posted the parcel on Wednesday afternoon, pleading with the PO person not to frank the stamps ‘as my friend collects them’, not mentioning that collect probably wasn’t quite the accurate word here. She said she used to work in a mailing department somewhere and when the company closed down they gave her all the part used packs of stamps. In the course of the conversation she told me about a health food herbal tablet which ‘sticks its sugar to the spikes on the Covid virus so it can’t infect you’ but then told me that she ‘doesn’t believe in Covid anyway’ so she didn’t get a vaccination, but still takes the pills. I decided to stick with discussion of stamps and wine and we ended up on good terms.

John rang last night very excited and it turned out to be because his daughter had rung to wish him a happy Christmas. I agreed with him that it was a lovely gesture and didn’t rock the boat by suggesting that a visit may have been even better. Later Sue popped in, ringing me from the front door when I didn’t hear her knocking, bringing me some much-appreciated veges from the farm. She told me about her friend whose partner of 25 years died last week. He had sold his house back then and helped pay off hers, where he subsequently lived. Immediately after his death she started getting vile, abusive texts from his daughters saying that they are intending to make a claim on her house. Of course she is devastated. Death always seems to bring the cockroaches out of the woodwork, especially when there is property involved.

December 16, 2023

Just back from Christmas drinks a few doors down. I took a Louisiana dip I’d made and it was Hoovered by the host’s son-in-law who loves spicy things, as I do. One couple there have sold up all their stuff and are leaving within days to go skiing in Switzerland, then on to Chiang Mai for months or years, having rented out their place to a friend. He is no chicken so it’s a big move, even though she is a little younger. I took a bottle of prosecco and had two glasses so now I’m as silly as a coot.

It puzzled me muchly when I saw the film of Scott Morrison and Boris Johnson in Be’eri kibbutz in Israel; why were there massive holes in walls, almost to the point of demolition? The Hamas people were armed with sub-machine guns incapable of doing that damage. It’s irked me ever since. It didn’t take much digging to discover a 30 minute video of the sole survivor of that massacre talking to an Israeli journalist. She relates how the attack and hostage-taking took place and bemoans the fact that it took many hours for the police and then the army to arrive. But when they did, it was in a tank which fired rockets into the buildings, killing all the Hamas people and all but one of the Israelis in the house where they were holed up. A helicopter gunship firing missiles was used as well. Now she is asking for a government inquiry to investigate why they fired indiscriminately into the houses where they knew hostages were kept and why subsequent people, gullible Morrison and Johnson among them, were toured through the place and told that the deaths and damage were caused by Hamas. Try all day to knock walls out of buildings with a machine gun but I doubt you’ll succeed, why did they not question how that is even possible?

December 17, 2023

So in the last couple of days the Israeli Army has killed: 3 Israeli hostages who carried a white flag and stripped to the waist so show they had no weapons, a Gazan Christian mother and daughter walking into a church and an Israeli civilian who was shot by an off-duty reserve soldier after he pulled over to help in a hostage situation. All have been widely publicised with the IDF fessing up for what happened, which makes me wonder why they haven’t admitted to killing all those hostages as well as their captors in Be’eri? Perhaps because there were many witnesses to the most recent cases, so the word was going to get out anyway? Who knows?

Yesterday at the neighbour’s drinks party she told us that she’s selling up. She lives there alone since her husband’s death from dementia, though I think she’s much younger than me. I felt somewhat sad that we hadn’t taken enough advantage of living so close, but then she told us where she is moving to, Gracewood apartments, right next door to John! So now I will still get to see her, just not on foot. This morning eating breakfast in his pyjamas he asked: ‘did I stay here overnight?’. His inability to find where cups and saucers or saucepans live is increasing, as is his persistent questioning about one particular thing, this week it’s been whether he sent a Christmas card to his friend Jude, has she replied, did she ring, what did she say. No matter how often I explain I can guarantee that he’ll ask again soon. I’m not sure why certain things get stuck in his mental in-tray but they do.

I got a letter from Anne yesterday (she who lives alone in a 17th century house in a village, with no mobile phone or computer, she who doesn’t drive or travel) and she says that when she visits my bro he is sometimes quite paranoid, then at other times he’s just happy to see her but soon starts asking wildly inappropriate questions like ‘where did you go for your summer holidays?’ and ‘have you taken in any of the West End shows in London?’. She says ‘we go through this catechism several times until I have to depart for the only feasible bus home’. She wonders if he realises who she is at all, as he asks his series of polite questions. Oh Anne I know only too well how it must feel, it would be heart-breaking. Two people of amazing intellect, reduced to one and a punctilious observer. Perhaps I am lucky not to be able to see it

unfolding in person. I recently sent the bro two cards, one sent to his nursing home and one sent via Anne’s address. She delivered hers but saw no sign of another and he can’t remember getting one (not that he would). Am I as paranoid as he if I wonder whether someone is intercepting mail? Nothing surprises me when there is a will on the horizon.

On a more mundane note, yesterday I decided to stew some only average peaches. Reminding myself not to let them boil dry I went to the loungeroom and did exactly that. They were burnt on the bottom but smelled so good, so I had a taste and they were delicious. Now I’m having Peche Brulees and cream for dessert each night.

December 18, 2023

Finally took a poly box of china, mainly plates of various sizes and ages from the late 1800s to the 50s, along with a little bit of silver and jewellery to Vinnies at Dural. I’ve already had a few of the pieces on eBay with zero interest and it just isn’t worth the grief to keep trying, even though there was quite a few hundred dollars worth retail in the box. I chose Vinnies at Dural for this lot because they seem to have a better idea about old stuff than the other shops do. But the important fact is that it’s not my problem any more. Had a few calls from John, worried that he doesn’t know how to give the gifts to the nurses and other staff, even though we had discussed it yesterday and this morning. I suggested taking them down to reception and asking her to give them out as the staff knock off today. He seemed happy with that, but let me know that I’d forgotten abut the bus driver, so I will have to do something about that. These things bother him so we need to get it right.

I didn’t know that the Barry Humphries memorial was happening but saw some bits on the teev. I was amazed at the physical differences between his two sons, who are hugely different in height, hair type and build. I assumed then that they had different mothers so I looked it up and nope, Rupert and Oscar have the same parents. I loved Barry in the times I saw him live, but of course his political and social views are anathema to me, perhaps best highlighted by the glowing comments from his son’s namesake Rupert. It occurred to me that two heroes of the right have died recently as a direct result of hip surgery, I wonder if Dutton could be persuaded that he has a bad hip….no don’t go there, that’s mean.

December 19, 2023

Lots of things to do today and none of them in the pleasure department. The gardeners are here, looking buggered when they arrived, haircut later at a very inconvenient time but the best I could do, John needs me to help him giving out the staff gifts because ‘I don’t know how to do it’ and Iris needs a

speak

I have to deal with over John’s nights home. I wanted to wish her good luck, but also didn’t want to prejudice the interaction. However more than luck was needed and she has rung back, even more upset, saying that the CLA had been ‘dismissive, unhelpful and unwilling to engage’. Mmm, so it’s not just me that she isn’t keen on. Iris explained that Logan needs a monkey bar to get in and out of bed, but was told that they don’t have that facility at Gracewood, something I don’t believe for a minute. I’ve been able to contact a couple of other places in Cherrybrook and she will look into these today, but meanwhile the social worker at Westmead is cross because he can’t leave today as was their wish. Iris has a very busy full-time job to handle so it’s difficult to be able to speak to people during business hours, hopefully I can do a bit of that. What a rotten thing, right on Christmas.

My computer didn’t want to start this morning, didn’t recognise my face and then wouldn’t turn off until I held the power button down for a long time as per Dr. Google’s instructions. Please see Christmas out Mr. Pooter if you can read this. On the bright side, I discovered that many of the stamps that Antonia sent me are in new part-used books and some are 2 cent and 3 cent stamps, so how long she’s had these put away is a mystery. I had a lovely time choosing a variety of new ones to go on a letter for postage yesterday.

Finally some politicians are growing a backbone and criticising Israel for its treatment of the Palestinians, hopefully more will follow. I think the Israelis must have Chris Minns granny locked in a dark room and threatening to top her if Minns doesn’t play ball. What other excuse for his actions? Before the October 7 attacks began this wave of destruction in Palestine, there were still racial tensions in Australia and these have only worsened now. Two women in Melbourne have been charged over an appalling attack on a service station customer who died after she was doused in scalding hot coffee and then sat on by two large 51 year old women. They were likely to face manslaughter charges, but this is now complicated by the fact that the Coroner didn’t receive the body till eight days after her death, resulting in an open finding on its cause. Video shows the two women restraining the victim on the floor as she called out ‘I can’t breathe’ after one of them threw a just-poured mug of coffee over her. In the video paramedics are later seen giving the unconscious woman CPR but by then the women had simply walked away without a backward glance. So what sparked this? The court heard the argument started after the women allegedly had taken umbrage at the victim’s racist comment moments earlier, in which she called the pair ‘those Jews’. Both of the attackers are Jewish women with no prior convictions and the victim suffered from schizophrenia. Their lawyer insisted the magistrate should not take the death into account when sentencing her clients, which is probably what will happen considering the open coroner’s report. But the astonishing thing to me in all of this is the fact that the server stayed behind his counter serving and customers came and went with their purchases, not one of them intervening, picking up soft drinks newspapers and whatever with no response the victim’s pleas of Help me! Help me! We are not talking about people in fear because of a dangerous weapon, the only weapon these two used was their combined weight. Yet they didn’t even watch the proceedings to see how it ended, just grabbed a juice and the paper and barely glanced at three women fighting on the servo floor, unbelievable.

December 20, 2023

Gave Martha the heavy striped curtains and cushions that used to hang in my bedroom for a refugee who wants to do sewing from home and is looking for fabric. Then went to the farmer’s market to stock up on bread and fresh fruit and veg. Which was a bit silly in one way as I am not doing the savoury cooking for Christmas, but at least I have the raspberries and strawberries for the pav. Made potato, pumpkin and broccoli for dinner with a bit of hommus and it was delicious, so I just need to cook a bit more veg and use them all up.

Iris let me know that ARV has agreed to take Logan on respite, their Covid lockdown must have ended. That gives her three weeks to find him a permanent place. Sue may be in the same situation as her mum wants to come out of hospital tomorrow but the doctors are saying that she is not up to independent living, preferring her to go into a hostel situation at least. As Bob has said in the past ‘there’s some benefit to a sudden death’ although I do remember it being framed as ‘a nice clean head-on’ on one occasion.

Just started reading Anam by Andre Dao and it’s quite something. I don’t often quote a slice from a book but this is too good not to, from page 12-13, describing his grandparents’ apartment in Paris, “in a building surrounded by busy, truck-laden highways that become so icy in winter that they are too dangerous for my grandmother to cross on her own to get to Boissy-Saint-Leger station, the end of the suburban RER A line, a typical Parisian outer banlieue dominated by a monolithic, modernist shopping centre in which half the shops are permanently shuttered behind metal rollers and in whose central lobby, beneath the too-bright strip lighting, a muzzled German shepherd and boilersuited security guard cast sleepy eyes over the stream of African, Arab and Asian faces shopping for chocolate-coated chocolate-flavoured cereal, microwaveable croissants, and instant noodles; the scene, in other words, of four hundred years of French colonialism come home to roost”. Wow, just wow. It reminded me of a conversation a few years ago with Dushan and Agata about their trip to the outer suburbs of Paris which they described as simultaneously depressing and terrifying, and nothing like the tourist brochures.

December 21, 2023

Planning a Christmas Eve dinner for we two before the onslaught of food the next day. I did buy a box of mince tarts from a stall yesterday and while the filling is delicious the pastry, although okay is a bit on the yeah-nah side. I searched the box and found the culprit in small letters ‘gluten free’. I had avoided the two large stalls selling only gluten free goods for that very reason but got caught buying from a ‘normal’ stall. Robert used to say that ‘give it 10 years and we’ll have forgotten about gluten free, but be really careful to avoid spinach or eggs or whatever’. I saw a lovely Nigella recipe for fried brussel sprouts with garlic, leeks and preserved lemon so I will give that a burl.

Went to Carol’s for the final day of baking and was pleased to be part of the very final batch, 360 muffin sized cakes. I bought one for Ralph but when I got to his shop, planning to spend the last 45 minutes of the day with him, there was a sign up saying he was off sick. I rang his mobile for the first time ever and he says he’s not sure if it’s Covid, RSV, flu or what, but he’s feeling pretty crook and tests should come back tomorrow. His doctor told him recently that he suffers from TMB, he was concerned till the doc explained

the disease: Too Many Birthdays. One of the fellow bakers is just back from a cruise which was due to go to Port Douglas, but because of a severe cyclone up north, headed for Eden, Melbourne, Adelaide and Hobart, leaving many of the passengers touring wet and cold Hobart in clothes for the tropics. Much disappointment I would imagine. It reminded me of my one and only cruise, plagued by daily seasickness triggering vestibular migraine, resulting in an unexpected huge medical bill after return (not claimable on Medicare) and spending most of the time in Suva in hospital. I remember saying to my husband ‘we hate clubs don’t we? so how come we are spending two weeks in a floating RSL?’ I still look longingly at pictures of ships passing tropical islands though, which is weird.

I had to laugh when I read that serial whacko Roseanne Barr gave another unhinged rant about ‘communist Nazis replacing Christian democracies with a Muslim caliphate’. Phew, she’s clearly across political stuff, so I’ll keep my eyes peeled for communist Nazis now that I’ve discovered they exist.

December 22, 2023

I bought some Bergenia seeds from Diggers Club and divided them into three lots for planting. The first seeds were zero germination, as were the second, but the third in a pot under Gladwrap produced just two plants, which are now just a few millimetres high. However they were planted on September 3! So I have nurtured either: two very slow-growing Bergenias OR a pair of the slowest-growing weeds in recorded history. So I emailed the Diggers horticultural expert to ask, but it turns out that she’s not back from holidays till January 14. In a garden success story my flowering gum is absolutely loaded with flowers and it has a halo of bees around it, divine. I just want to put a chair out there and watch them and perhaps I might when I’m done with my jobs.

I’ve read that in French colonial Vietnam there were French-only carriages on the trains with signs that read Pas de chiens, Pas de chinois, always in that order. They did not even bother to tell the difference between a Vietnamese and a Chinese. Poor Vietnam, like Afghanistan, had people growing up under colonial rule and war, with one invader moving on and the next one taking their place.

Because of her involvement with the Roberts-Smith trial I have fairly negative feelings about Sue Chrysanthou, but I do admire her sense of humour now and also the fact that she is so wrinkly and wild-haired and doesn’t seem to give a fig. She and her husband Kieran Smark SC have entered Rupert Murdoch’s inner circle apparently as they were invited to and attended his Christmas party at the Bellevue Hill mansion last year. However I am thoroughly taken with Justice Lee, who is so professional while being such a sweetie. Lehrmann’s team Whybrow SC and Richardson SC are my team of choice when I get into strife, getting Justice Lee to hear the case is somewhat trickier. Oooh, I just heard Justice Lee say to SC: ‘I respect you as a very good barrister but I’m afraid I can’t accept that argument’. We live in hope.

December 23, 2023

It seems really weird not to be going to the shops for food two days before Christmas. But I got all my fruit and veg at the farmer’s market on Wednesday so the only thing I needed was some prawns to make prawn sandwiches for lunch tomorrow, Christmas Eve dinner is all sorted. I did treat myself to a new cherry pipper as my old one broke, now I can add cherries to the strawberries and raspberries on the pav without worrying about Millie choking on a seed.

I look at my miserable geranium in the front garden and wonder where I went wrong. But I saw a row of the same one in a garden and although they were much bigger than mine, the leaves were still mean-looking and not the big fragrant ones we usually expect, so wrong cultivar is the problem. Heather came over for morning tea and left after one, so we exchanged gifts and had a good natter.

Today I actually missed having the Lehrmann defamation trial going in the background while I worked. Everyone has been very careful to pronounce his name properly, not Lair-man but Lerr-man with rolling rrr’s. So what will Lovely Lee find I ask myself? Firstly I don’t think either of them can be totally trusted and he has certainly grasped that fact. Strangely they deserve each other. Unfortunately I missed Lehrrrrman’s testimony live so I can’t judge the veracity of it by looking him in the eye so to speak. But I heard or watched enough of Brittany to know that she is a strategic thinker, a perfect PR person, in this case for herself. The most damning thing to me is the fact that she seems to have deleted all relevant emails and texts (except one photo of a bruise which amazingly remained) before handing her phone to the AFP, suggesting that the government has the power to ‘scrub phones remotely’, mmm, but later admitted scrubbing it herself. Secondly her evidence that she went into the office and lay on the couch, waiting a ‘long time’ for Lehrmann to come out from his office and eventually falling asleep there. Excuse me but what sort of rapist takes an inebriated woman to a private destination and then disappears into his office doing whatever until she falls asleep? He knew the place was patrolled by security, surely he would want to act while there was no one around? So no, the truth defence doesn’t hold water but the defamation is another thing altogether. I suspect he will find that Lehrmann was defamed but will say that that the damages are low because the vast majority of people would not have known his name, however future employers certainly would. It will be fascinating to read the judgment and I look forward to it.

December 24, 2023

Gracewood put on a party for those residents who are going home for Christmas, there’s a photo on John’s phone of a table for ten, showing meals of roast beef and Yorkshire pud and I think turkey on some of the plates, with Christmas crackers, decorations and glasses of wine. How thoughtful, but I note that there didn’t seem to be too many people there so a lot must be staying there for the big do tomorrow. Everyone was in a happy mood today when I picked John up, so there’s a fair bit of Christmas cheer happening there. On the way to John’s at 5 to 9 I passed a long queue of cars in the McDonalds drive-through (it must be a thing to have McDonalds for breakfast on Christmas Eve??). Then I spied a couple of fellows walking away from Castle Towers with lots of carrier bags of gifts I’m assuming, they certainly weren’t groceries, so the Towers must have opened early. That’s what I call leaving it to the last minute.

We’ve had prawn and lettuce sambos for lunch and a pav is in the oven for tomorrow, its cooking time over and its drying out time in the oven underway. I’ve macerated most of the strawberries in rosewater, leaving some whole, pitted some cherries and left the raspberries as they were. Topped with Persian rose fairy floss it should be a nice pink combination. We have a mountain of presents to take in as there are some to us that we will open down there as well as those we are giving.

Just checked the oil in both cars, mine was fine if dark, but John’s was quite low. So I took my car to the servo and asked the chap which oil to buy. ‘Look on the manual’ he said. ‘No manual’ I replied, ‘Every car has a manual’ he said as if I’m a complete dope. ‘Not when it’s second-hand and over 20 years old’ I retorted. ‘I wouldn’t have a clue’ he said, ‘ring your mechanic’. Yeah right, on a Sunday, a Christmas Eve Sunday at that. So I had to choose and to my great surprise I chose correctly apparently. Mr. Google says ‘You won’t likely see 10W-40 as an oil recommendation on a modern-day passenger car. The 10W-40 engine oil has a thicker viscosity than, say, 10W-30 oil when the car engine is hot. But it helps lubricate older moving parts in high mileage engines while being less likely to leak’. Phew, that was a fluke. I hate doing stuff that I’m not cut out for, leave me to what I instinctively understand.

December 25, 2023

Well what a lovely Christmas celebration it turned out to be. Had a dream drive down to Davi’s (it occurs to me that I pass on a lot of things now simply because of the traffic, it’s not worth an hour and a half to get to Brighton or La Perouse or Palm Beach any more). Millie was over the moon about Christmas and we were soon unpacking gifts, the highlight being John’s gift from Michelle W., a Lladro figurine of a little girl with her dog, looking into a hand mirror. He was close to tears, rang her straight away and over the day unpacked and repacked it numerous times. She has a knack with gifts, it was something I hadn’t thought of as he has half of his figurine collection here and half at Gracewood, but clearly it won his heart. The food was delicious, prawns and a beautiful wreath built up from mashed avocado topped with pickled fennel, cucumber, radishes and smoked salmon, finished with a creme fraiche based sauce. A smoked ham with a glaze and garlic bread went down well too, as did the Louis Roederer Champagne. I did the pav with three red fruits and rose fairy floss, which caused Millie to ask why I’d decorated it with string. I took one of Carol’s cakes but we didn’t get that far. John commented that it was the best Christmas he could remember, but of course there are limitations to that compliment. Traffic coming home was equally light and a toasted cheese sambo was all we needed for tea.

December 26, 2023

John has had two nights home and I dare anyone to question it. We had a dies non, though I did glue up the peeling interior of my car’s doors prior to trying to sell it and also buried all the prawn heads and detritus from yesterday in the garden, something I get a perverse pleasure in doing. Unfortunately John can’t read so I am reluctant to spend time reading while he’s here, but we spent time over breakfast and lunch (leftover smoked salmon and salad) and sat chatting on the front verandah, so the day passed peacefully.

No calls from anyone in his family, which was to be expected, though he rang Stephen yesterday. When we got back to Gracewood Cecilia was just knocking off and gave me a big hug, she is such a gem.

December 27, 2023

Met up with Dav in the QVB while Louis took Millie to the Ramses Exhibition (it was always Rameses when I was young, but whatever). Then we walked through the very busy city to Brasserie 1930 in the Capella Hotel in Loftus Street. It was pricey, there’s no doubt about it, but the service was impeccable and the food and wines top class. I had 6 Royal Miyagi Oysters from Tasmania, served plain, followed by a Whole Boned Rainbow Trout with Citrus Butter, Yarra Valley Trout Roe and Chives which was recommended by our waiter Oscar and was absolutely delicious. Two glasses of very good bubbly were polished off as well. The girls loved their meals too and we decided it was a great special occasion venue. Trammed back to the QVB where we split up. I had thought of taking her to the illuminations at the rose garden but she had an early shower and we decided to stay in.

December 28, 2023

My cousin in Spain messaged to say that she had heard about the storms and was hoping we are all okay, which we are apart from a wet stain on the ceiling of the back room which appeared yesterday. Now I will need to get the roofing chap to see how the water has got in, a tricky one as it’s about where the tiled roof meets the sloping metal one so who knows if the mark is directly beneath the entry point? First roof leak I’ve had except for when the big branch came down on the roof years ago, but when we got home from town yesterday it was obvious that we’d had a very heavy downpour as both balconies were soaked.

Finished reading (skimming?) Laurens van der Post’s Journey into Russia, lent to me with a meaningful look by Derrian. What is behind the look I can only speculate but I am very glad that I can now put the book to one side. It seemed to me that he travelled far and wide in the USSR, not just Russia Laurens, in 1964 with a pre-existing opinion which he attempted to shore up. Criticising the Soviets for putting 80,000 dead into a mass grave seemed petty, especially when he was complaining that there were no singular messages on the wreaths which would typically occur in the US for example. I venture to say that the US has never known death at that scale and hopefully never will. I climbed to the top of a huge hill in Minsk, only 9 years after this book was published. The hill, on flat land, was composed of single rocks brought by people who had lost a relative in WWII, it didn’t occur to me that it was less of a memorial for being communal, compared to the endless graveyards of France for example. I think much of the book was centred on bashing the collectivism of the time and is typical of Cold War accounts. Glad to be shot of it.

December 29, 2023

I felt guilty about not taking John today but I needed a quiet one, however he has a Happy Hour this afternoon so I felt better after I found that out. A day on my own so lots of thinking. First up I did some painting and realised, not for the first time, that you can buy out Eckersley’s with gear, but the thing you

really need is talent and that’s not for sale anywhere. Persisting with my idea of painting using feathers, I have done three pieces, two of them adding the feather to the finished painting and one just a design of three colours applied with a feather. I like it and will persevere. I bought the roughest watercolour paper this time and I think perhaps it is too rough, with quite a bubbly surface texture, however it has its uses for bold expressive work.

I decided to ring GIO about the watermark on the ceiling after the storm a couple of days ago. I had been thinking of getting the roofing man to come but then I’m still left with the stain so I decided it had better be an insurance job and pay the excess. However after some time on the phone the call cut out so I went to the website and sent them an email with a photo, but so far no reply. I’m sure they are deluged (good choice of word, but unintended) at the moment.

Thinking about how our prejudices affect our thinking. For example, I was delighted to hear that two states have scrubbed Trump from consideration at the next election for being part of an insurrection, but if I’m honest it seems dangerous to make that decision when his guilt hasn’t been decided by a court, which I think is exactly what the Supreme Court will say. We all want to find a way to fit the facts into our ideology, which brings me back to the wretched van der Post book. Is he biased because of Cold War politics? because he’s an Africaaner? or just that his anti-communist fervour overpowered his travelogue intentions? He had previously written a very successful novel, Flamingo Feather in 1955, which was an anti-communist work in the guise of a novel about a Soviet plot to take over South Africa. His friendship with Maggie Thatcher was well known and he’s Prince William’s godfather, despite having impregnated a 14 year old who had been entrusted to his care by her parents while travelling by ship from South Africa to London. He abandoned her at the end of the journey but paid a yearly stipend, to keep it out of the news presumably, but she came forward after his death to confirm that he was in fact her father and revealing his having spent time with her occasionally over the years. How did I get onto him again? Wretched man.

Anyway, what I am trying to long-windedly say is that we need to examine evidence with an open mind, in which case you are likely to be sometimes left on one issue and right on another, your conclusions would likely be all over the place and not always fitting into a particular ideology. Trying to nut this out while painting with a cockatoo feather.

December 30, 2023

Just in after a 2 and a 1/2 hour journey home from the city, a long but not unpleasant trip on the Circular Quay to Parramatta ferry, then a bus home. It was pleasant on the boat, but I was lucky to get a window seat as it was also very crowded. There were literally hundreds of people waiting to go back and I’m sure there were many more waiting than what the ferry holds. But that was the end of the day, first we met up at The Rocks and had a wander, before deciding on a ferry ride. A few options were tossed around until Dav suggested going to Luna Park, but for just a few rides. We discovered that the minimum spend is $65 per child and $75 per adult! Millie of course was in tears as it looked as if we weren’t going in, but Dav

relented and paid $65 just for her. However the thing she was looking forward to most was Coney Island, an inside series of mirrors, tunnels, cakewalks etc suitable for small people. But although Davina explained that Millie is a nervous child and that she needed to go in with her, not to use any activity but to watch Millie, she was told that wasn’t allowed unless she bought a ticket. She suggested that we get a refund, but those on the tills flatly refused. A polite request to see the manager resulted in a 20 minute wait before the decision came back NO REFUNDS. more tears naturally ensued as we wended our way back to the ferry with Davina $65 poorer. Luna Park has sadly become a rip-off and tourist trap and it won’t see us again. We had lunch at City Extra, somewhere I hadn’t been for decades and all agreed that the food was surprisingly good. Millie’s kid size fish and chips was big enough for any of us and I really enjoyed my Caesar Salad. I have been astonished by the number of people in the city lately, a very large proportion of them families out for the day, thank goodness we are not going to be part of the crowd there tomorrow, though I would love to see the fireworks from somewhere comfortable.

John rang this morning to tell me that he is in Covid lockdown. Suspicious, I asked where he was and the answer was ‘at breakfast’. I explained that being in the dining room meant that he is not in lockdown and asked who had told him that he was. Apparently it was a woman sitting there with him at breakfast, so he was able to put her straight. Each day he asks the same three questions, read out from a piece of paper: 1. my new 2024 diary is missing, do you know where it is and could it be under the car seat? Answer: No, I can’t find it. 2. Did my grandchildren contact me about their Christmas presents? Answer: Yes, 10 days ago. 3. How did I get this bottle of moisturising cream? Answer: It was part of your gift from Santa. I intend to find and destroy that piece of paper tomorrow.

December 31, 2023

Somehow I never like New Years Eve, it makes me sad. The only ones I’ve enjoyed were the two when we saw the fireworks, especially the one where we had dinner right next to the Bridge and it was so deafening and exciting and laden with smoke that I didn’t have time to be sad. Of course there was also the wonderful one in Kerala in someone’s apartment overlooking the home fireworks displays in the backyards around us. So tonight I am making a nice dinner and have bought a wee bottle of Cabernet Shiraz to give us half a glass each to have with it. I guess we will watch the 9 o’clock fireworks (saddest thing in the world must be watching fireworks on TV, but still) and then go to bed, promising as we do every year that NEXT year we are definitely going to stay in a hotel and be in the midst of the action.

Today I took John to Balaka Falls, a lovely spot that I’d never discovered before despite living here over 45 years. It is on the border of Carlingford and North Rocks and was full of birds, and it’s big enough to get lost in, which we did. When we crossed the creek on stepping stones, feeling as if we may well end up in the shallow water, a group of people watching clapped us. The man said ‘I am not doing it, I’m nearly 70’. He was impressed to hear that John is 82. Home in time for lunch on the back deck, feeling as if we deserved it after our walk.

I see Providoor, which I used in the lockdown a few times and was very happy with, has arisen like a phoenix with some famous owners: Calombaris, Preston, Feildel, Polyviou, Manfield and more. However I won’t be trying them out until they make some arrangement about redeeming the vouchers that were left outstanding in the $4.4 million dollar collapse. If they didn’t want to do that they should have started a new venture with a new name, seeing none of them were part of the old company. Sorry guys, but shit sticks.

January 1, 2024

Thinking back over New Year’s Eves past and there are some doozies. Best remembered was the one where ex-husband Glenn’s mother tossed us out of her home in Brisbane in the afternoon, with her poor apologetic husband Aden being told to drive us to the airport. Being tossed out was not unusual, we almost waited for it, so I can’t remember which sin it was that time, though once I know it was when I put butter under my peanut butter on breakfast toast (‘Glenn, there’s butter in peanut butter, tell her we’re pensioners and then get her out of here’, another was when I was asked if I would let my four-year-old daughters ‘marry an Aborigine’ and as a result of my answer we were immediately told to pack. However the girls weren’t born on this occasion and the last flights were booked out, so we had to stay in a crappy motel near the airport. Which was okay until we went for a walk to find something to eat and returned to discover we were locked out, they had given us the wrong room key and gone off to a New Year’s Eve party. We sat on the stoop till the early hours of the morning and still paid the bill the next morning, which in hindsight we shouldn’t have. Another ripper was being in a cabin with John at Kiama many years ago and about 7 o’clock on NYE we walked down to town to have a nice dinner, only to discover that all the restaurants had agreed to close for the owners to get together to celebrate! I still find that one hard to believe but it happened. So last night was pretty good by comparison, though I’m glad it’s done and dusted for another year.

We watched the ABC from 8.30 till the fireworks at 9, which were absolutely beautiful I must say, the colours were right up my street. But the half hour prior was very odd television indeed, even for this rusted-on ABC person. First an interesting vignette on the Foti fireworks family (what ever happened to Howard’s whose fireworks factory I used to pass on the way to work near Windsor? I vaguely remember some family dispute?). But this was followed by an extended ad for an upcoming program about sheep-dogs and then by an Aboriginal rapper of whose performance I understood not one word. I’m sure there will be heaps of moaners about the content but I let it pass and just enjoyed the fireworks as much as one can on TV, it’s all about the vibration, the booms and the smoke after all.

Tried a new way of doing brussels sprout last night, pan fried with leeks and garlic and preserved lemon added at the end, worth repeating. I ended up doing a peach and nectarine crumble for dessert and it was delicious. However the reason I chose it was my ongoing inability to buy a decent peach or nectarine this season. I find the skin wrinkles but the fruit is still rock hard, sometimes both mouldy and rock hard! Heather told me to put them in a lidded container, she uses her electric frypan turned off of course. Tried that but still they were subpar. Even trying to peel the peaches for the crumble didn’t work; usually a jug of boiling water does the trick and the skins fall off, but not these blighters, two jugs didn’t work and neither

did 2 minutes in the microwave so I cooked the buggers with the skin on, which ended up being fine so I won’t bother peeling them in future. Are they picked too green? I don’t know, but it’s like winning the lottery if I get a good batch.

January 2, 2024

Mosied over to Collaroy Plateau after Martha contacted me to say that she is house/dog sitting over there for 10 days. It’s a big 5 bedroom house with a separate granny flat in the back yard. I’d love to have a chance to decorate it, sweeping all the gym equipment out as a first priority, but it’s obviously architect designed and looks over the ocean one way and the lake the other. I’m guessing about $3 million but I’m no expert. Opposite is a brutalist three-storey jobby called Eagles Nest which I’ve now looked up, 30 photos online, a park at one side and reserve below, plus views up and down the coast, sold for nearly $9 million in 2021. After a house tour we drove with Claude to Mona Vale beach, Claude passing on the lake beach as he wanted waves, and surfed them for a good hour. Martha and I went in to a point but the backwash was very strong and we were reluctant to get pulled out. After that we went to the Nourished Cafe at Narrabeen Lagoon and grabbed a bit of late lunch, Claude Hoovering up whatever we didn’t eat. I decided to come home via Mona Vale Rd and on the way up the hill came upon heaps of police, a fire engine and a big tow truck. A lot of people turned around but I decided to wait till we could go on as I’m such a gig that I had to know what was going on. It appears as if a large digging machine front end loader thingy had fallen off a truck, it was lying half on the road and half on the bush at the side, but it didn’t appear to have hit anything luckily. I think they were going to try to crane it up onto the heavy tow truck. After a day of sand and sun I was glad to get home, somewhat sunburned but all good apart from that.

January 3, 2024

Nothing like the sleep you have after a day at the beach! I see that all the right-wing commentators are bleating about the ABC’s New Year’s Eve coverage and they do have a couple of things to bleat about unfortunately. (Note New Year’s resolution kicking in, trying to look objectively at those with a different view, we’ll see how long it lasts). The 9 pm fireworks are traditionally for the kids, so why put on a rap performance which apparently had some pretty saucy lyrics (although I couldn’t catch a word, so I suspect the kids just found it boring, as I did). Of course Bolt for example objects to any Aboriginal content on principle, but the ABC gave him the toehold for his complaint. Let’s not forget that it was Gina Rhinehart who gave him his first job on TV when she was a big shareholder in Channel 10, offering to pay his salary if 10 gave him his own show. So in many ways, if not literally, he is still on her payroll and you can’t have those pesky Aboriginal people interfering with her ability to pull resources out of the ground to sell overseas. Generally speaking the ABC has been disappointingly tame this past year, so I’m wondering if they decided to go their own way on NYE and hang the consequences?

Many of the reports in Israeli and international media networks, including CNN, the BBC, the New York Times, and many others that accuse Palestinians of committing systematic wide-scale rape and violence against Israeli women rely on testimonies by Israeli ZAKA volunteers. ZAKA is a non-governmental

religious organization specializing in collecting dead bodies and body parts from sites of “unnatural” deaths and transporting them to morgues according to strict Jewish religious laws. Its leader was previously head of Keshet, an ultra-Orthodox Jewish terrorist group that targeted forensic pathologists and used explosives against shops selling “secular newspapers.” The organisation is philosophically against autopsies and has come up against medically trained forensic scientists in Israel, both in court and in attacks on its practitioners. The Israel Medicine Association issued guidelines regarding “mass casualty incidents” and how to prioritise the order of medical attention according to the usual triage principles of injury severity but ZAKA’s “operation unit commander” stated that “he puts aside medical consideration and decisions are made on who deserves treatment based on whether or not they are Jewish. If it’s clear he is an Arab, we don’t save him.” Martha reported yesterday that her Jewish friend sadly commented that “this war could be the end of the strong Israeli peace movement”.

So the other thing about the day after being at the beach is noticing your sunburn. I had given the sun cream to John and not replaced it and even after Martha offered to share hers I thought I would be fine, putting my blouse on over the swimmers instead. But no. I have an odd shaped burn, partly around swimsuit straps and partly around the neck of my blouse, so that’s a warning for next time. It seems that I so rarely go to the beach these days that I’m out of practice.

I had a good and funny encounter with GIO yesterday. After receiving no reply to my email of last Friday about the leak in my roof, I rang them at 7 am, getting on to a lovely man called Dan who seemed to have little to do except chat, which is always fine by me. First to business when he insisted that my job is urgent, despite my telling him it wasn’t. “But if it rains heavily your ceiling might get so wet it collapses” he warned me. Mmm, possible yes, likely no. So he put it in as urgent which requires a call from the repairer within 2 hours and an onsite visit within two days. Then he chatted: we covered the rain in Queensland, the Melbourne Covid lockdowns, Rupert Murdoch (“for every character assassination his papers do Rupert gets another year of life” which was a great line). Then he asked if I were a reader and the conversation shifted to what we’ve both read lately. He recommended The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, but he had to spell out one word as his rules definitely do not let him say it, though seeing the calls are recorded I am not sure it would pass muster to be having a chat for an hour and 10 minutes in any event! But Dan was the Man and within an hour of hanging up I had a call from a company near Newcastle to say I would be getting a call from the ‘make good’ person who called shortly after. He will come today to temporarily ‘make good’ the roof with a tarp or some silicone before coming back to repair it properly and presumably repaint the ceiling. I must say that whenever I have needed to claim with GIO the service has been exceptional so I just pay what they ask and never shop around, with insurance the claims service outweighs any thoughts about premiums.

January 4, 2024

I see I have been writing 2023 and in one post December! I am a slow ship to turn, in more ways than one. I have been getting Christmas cards every day since Christmas, mostly from overseas: Britain, Ireland, USA and NZ. They were all posted in plenty of time, averaging about the 12th of December so the delivery has really been slow this year for some reason.

Well the ‘make good’ man came yesterday dead on time and got onto the roof, then asked for a green bin. I had lent mine to Arvind so I stole Justin’s for the job. It was empty but was soon filled to the brim with leaves from off the roof. He told me that there were no broken tiles, simply a mass of leaves which would have prevented the water from getting away, which caused the leak at the join of the tiled and metal rooves. Mmm, this could be a problem as GIO may well decide it is a maintenance problem, not a storm problem and therefore deny the claim, leaving me to pay for the man yesterday I presume. An assessor is due to come next Thursday so I should find out more then. I pay a man to clear leaves from the gutters and roof about once a year so maybe this isn’t enough? We shall see what he says and it is what it is.

Brought John home today as the Gracewood bus driver is on holidays and so his usual day trip was cancelled. I picked up the monthly newsletter for December and usually there are 2 to 4 deaths in the month, but last month there were 9, all upstairs residents. Seeing Level 2 has had Covid and RSV cases for weeks, this seems to be more than a coincidence. The poor buggers up there spent all of Christmas and New Year in lockdown, in fact they’ve been in lockdown for weeks so no activities or celebrations at all for them and every meal served in their rooms. Ghastly.

January 5, 2024

Spent the morning making some cards using eucalyptus leaves, bark and painted leaves made out of paper. Haven’t perfected it yet but those I’ve done are certainly usable. I just love scouring pavements for bits to bring home and press, this morning I got some darling red-toned eucalyptus leaves off my own driveway. Talking about scavenging, yesterday there was a huge pile of rubbish out for council clean-up just down the road. We went down looking for terracotta pots but there were none, however there were two large paintings, one of a giraffe and the other another animal, done in pastel colours and suitable perhaps for a child’s room. They were perfect so I decided to grab them to take to the Sallies on the way back from delivering John, however the council truck beat me to it and everything was crushed in the back before I could grab them. I was incensed that the lazy fuckers couldn’t drive a kilometre to the Vinnies to give them a new home and I almost went in to tell them so, but decided they may be disabled or non-drivers or whatever, so I kept cool and came home.

While I’m having a bitch, why did the ABC have a lead story about ONE Australian Israeli dual citizen being killed in Gaza and follow up later in the bulletin with the fact that over 120 Gazans, mostly women and children, were killed in one day? And another thing: why is it almost always the case that an offending driver travelling at great speed survives while his passengers and the people in the other car/s don’t? This happens every few days, the driver in the 5 car Wallerawang crash was one of the few not injured or killed, the same with the Buxton crash where all passengers were killed but not the driver. There has to be some reason, perhaps in the physics of a collision, but I’d love to know what it is. Mmm, so I just asked Mr. Google and it’s definitely a thing, for example UCLA researchers found that drunk patients have a 65% greater chance of survival in an accident because of something called the ‘ragdoll effect’. Findings don’t show that a drunk driver’s injuries are likely to be less serious than those suffered by sober victims, but the sober ones are more likely to die. ‘You don’t die from the injury you die from the subsequent physiological

response. Alcohol acts as a buffer that inhibits certain stress-related chemicals released when a person suffers a major injury’. Okay I get that, but even when a person is sober but driving madly they survive. Explain that Monsieur Google.

John’s memory goes from bad to unbelievably bad. Last night he rang to tell me that his memory is so bad that he doesn’t remember doing any of the activities advertised at Gracewood yesterday, which was because he was here and not there! But he’d forgotten that he was at home for the day. I know he likes Grand Designs so earlier in the evening I reminded him that it was on last night and said to write it down, then just before it started I rang again and he had forgotten, however he turned it on. As soon as it finished he rang me and I asked how he liked the two house renovations shown, but he’d already forgotten them, in 60 seconds. One was a tramways electrical station from the 1940s converted into a house and was pretty impressive. The other was a 3-storey place on the Gold Coast where the owner unfortunately had a penchant for pink. In the kitchen, in the bathrooms, on the wallpaper, on the bed linen…. But I don’t have to live there, so good on her for making her home just the way she likes it instead of everything white or beige so as not to offend any later buyers.

January 6, 2024

I was planning on taking John on the Parramatta ferry today, but boarding at Rydalmere to avoid the crowds at Parra. However Davina and Louis were going to be at home gardening so we took some cake (I finally baked a ‘Christmas cake’ yesterday, except it was an early Easter Simnel cake) and went for morning tea. Millie was keen to see the books I took her, some from the street library and a gift of First 1000 Words in French, a delightful book with illustrations of various family members, room contents, street scenes, fruit and vegetables, words related to cars and motoring etc. She had a swim on the pool at their unit complex and we inspected the garden work that they are doing. Afterwards we were going home for lunch till I spied a park just near Bitton, so we had a light meal there: Croque Madame for sir and a delicious Cheese Tart with Tomato Salad for moi. I have never eaten so many tomatoes in one go, there must have been at least 2 punnets of halved tomatoes of different types, simply dressed with a balsamic dressing and some shaved red onion. So simple and so delicious, I was glad we stopped.

John had forgotten his sunglasses and asked me every 10 minutes about where they were, as well as searching the glove box regularly. I thought he’d forgotten, but then the same thing happened on the way home, so I was very glad that they were reunited when we got back. I know it’s frustrating for him, but he doesn’t know that he’s asking the same question endlessly, so perhaps it isn’t as bad as it is for the listener, I don’t know.

Blinken was on the teev saying that ‘there’s no evidence that Israel was responsible for the drone attack in Lebanon’ which I guess is technically true if you choose not to investigate it. They lie without Blinken an eye. Netanyahu has said that he will destroy every Hamas operative and the US has had a $5 million bounty on Saleh al-Arouri’s head for a long time, payable to anyone who can find his whereabouts, so I guess it’s possible that it was in fact the US who got him finally, though I doubt it. Five others were

collateral damage, something the ABC didn’t feel necessary to report. I am pretty disgusted with the ABC’s reporting lately, they are self-censoring on all sorts of things and it shows.

January 7, 2024

My procrastination cost me today, as it often does. I was trying to plan a busy week and fit in going to see Encantado, a performance at the Sydney Festival which sounds delightful. But by the time I decided that tonight would be the most suitable session, it was booked out, something I should have foreseen. It seems an extraordinarily short season and I’m disappointed that I won’t get to see it. I need to get cracking on anything else I want to see.

John has been asking about when I am going to do the car changeover, but I keep explaining that there is some months to go on the rego and insurance for both so there’s no rush. But today he wanted to help empty my car of stuff so we can get it happening, perhaps it’s just easier to do it and end the conversation. I threw out heaps of maps that ‘I might need one day’ and moved other useful stuff like the first aid kit into John’s car. I’m sure that as soon as it’s gone I will need something large to be carted, that’s my big concern about parting with it. I know that I mention his memory and cognition problems here frequently but there’s no one else to complain to, so I get it out of my system on these pages.

I see that yet another person has died from the Wallerawang accident, again one where the driver of the vehicle who caused the smash survived. I will try to get to that inquest, though it will be a long way off. I wish you could put your name down to be notified when a certain one comes up, I’ve got a list.

Last night I finished the wonderful book The Patient Doctor, about a man who developed bowel cancer at 28, diagnosed after ignoring the symptoms for almost a year until the pain, bleeding and night sweats became too much. He was operated on after chemo and had a stoma put in for the next 9 months, but it was finally able to be removed. After 3 years and a difficult recovery, which he details, he decided that he wanted to study medicine and be the sort of doctor that the best of his had been. Considering his background, poor single mother who had a string of dodgy boyfriends, no one in his family having finished high school, it is amazing that he aced the tough entry exams. His tales of being fed cola in a bottle as a baby and given beer to drink as a three year old until he was falling about are quite sobering. But clearly he got brains from somewhere and is currently studying psychiatry. He rightly points out that most medical students are the children of doctors and lawyers and have never had to deal with people who are alcoholic, homeless or with mental conditions. This leads to an inability to understand many of their patients or deal with them at a human level. This reminded me of visiting someone in Windsor Hospital and overhearing two interns talking in toff-like voices disparaging a patient whom they assumed was gay. Are you guys from Notre Dame Medical School? I asked and they smiled saying that yes they were. How did you guess that? one asked, but I just smiled and kept going, unwilling to take the conversation to its obvious end. I think the book should be compulsory reading for medical students and at progressive faculties like Newcastle University, it may well become so.

January 8, 2024

The morning for the annual burglar alarm inspection. He came about 11 am and I immediately told him that he’ll need his ladder, a comment which he ignored. Then he asked for the code for the keypad and proceeded to check the sensors in each room. Later he was typing on his computer and asked me again for the code, to which I replied that I hoped he wasn’t entering it anywhere. He went on about having a licence and his fingerprints being on file, but I could hardly see the relevance. At the end he didn’t give me the usual receipt which I have to sign to agree that the work was done. I tried twice to get onto ADT but the phone wasn’t answered for about 20 minutes each time, which is unusual in itself. I decided to change the alarm code but needed to find the manual and work out how to do it, which I did successfully, but I still fell somewhat disconcerted in a way I never have on previous occasions.

Later I bussed into the city to meet up with Carol for our movie date to see Coup de Chance, using a couple of On the House tickets. It was Woody Allen at his best, a little bit bizarre with some good laughs at times. I was worried about sitting in the second row as it usually makes me sick, but I closed my eyes in the ads for cars and I think that helped. Thinking back I ponder the saying: The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing. Reason seeks reasons to love someone, because he/she is good-looking or clever or kind, but there are always many others who are all of those, so why this one? It seems that they are rationalisations where we find reasons after the fact. Love itself is a mystery. Afterwards we ate at Manon, both having the Zucchini Flowers with a Petite Salade. No doubts about loving both. Delish.

January 9, 2024

Today was C day, when I drove my car over to my mechanic Alex armed with rego papers for him to sell it as agreed. I did so, but intuitive Alex wasn’t happy to go ahead as he rightly said I was unsure and suggested that I had nothing to lose by keeping it for a few more months because the rego is only useful to another pensioner, anyone else would need to register it immediately after purchase. He explained that I can’t claim back the rest of the Green Slip insurance that I’ve paid, it’s non-refundable, so I’ve got time to think about it some more. I explained the pros and cons of keeping each one (mine’s a very useful wagon, but is older by three years; John’s is more recent, much easier to manoeuvre and park and more comfortable to drive). So after all that and his refusal to take a commission on the sale I ended up back here with two cars! Procrastination should have been my second name. I want Alex for a son.

Reading about the ghastly anti-gay and anti-trans laws in African countries, especially Uganda which has the death penalty. More than half Africa’s 54 nations prohibit consensual same-sex activity, many with very long prison sentences and death penalties under sharia law. But it is not that which surprised me, it’s the fact that in the non-Muslim countries it is being driven by American evangelical missionaries, presumably similar to the anti-abortion campaigners in the US. A Ugandan bill, known as the “kill the gays” bill for initially proposing hanging homosexuals, was introduced after a March 2009 conference in Kampala that hosted representatives from the U.S., including prominent anti-gay evangelicals. Having lost the argument in many US states they are looking for other countries where they can dump their toxic

ideologies. In Uganda more than 80% of people said they would object to a gay person moving in next door, yet they are fine with another race or another religion. Many have been murdered for being gay, or being suspected of being so. One explanation for Africa’s citizens being receptive to modern anti-LGBTQ attitudes is the lingering influence of colonial-era laws. Former British colonies are much more likely to have laws that criminalise homosexuality, but while these laws were overthrown in Britain, it didn’t happen in Africa. Seeing many African church leaders end up in Australia, particularly priests, I can foresee it the becoming a problem here over time.

January 10, 2024

John’s Nelune day so it was an 8.15 am pickup and he was in the foyer waiting for me, first time that’s happened. Francis was with him and told me that the three nursing homes he works in all have Covid. What a work environment! Upstairs had Covid all December and into January, then one day after the all clear the locked ward got it. It was rife in ARV too but I’m not sure now. Both Logan and, as of today, Sue’s mother Mary, are residents of Warrina aged care.

I planned to go to see One Life at the Verona today, as it fitted perfectly with John’s time at St. Vs, but it was such a lovely overcast day that I decided it should be spent outdoors. I drove to the Botanic Gardens and walked there, eventually reaching the Quay in what was by then blazing sun. I was very good and bought a salad for lunch, overhearing some American tourists from the liner moored there struggling with the menu: ‘What’s a rasher of bacon? Sounds like something that’s gonna give me a rash’. No hat, so I’m sure I caught the sun for the second week in a row. By the time I got back to the Gardens and wandered some more I was so hot that when I arrived at the plant nursery the man said ‘you’d better sit down, you look really red in the face’. Which I did for a few minutes before asking if he had a Bergenia and blow me down he did! I am sick of trying to grow one from the seeds I bought and am now the owner of a nice healthy-looking plant. On the way home after dropping John I went to Bunnings and got a pot for my little beauty, an Italian Greige one, sort of like terracotta but grey and not brick red. I had a stroke of luck getting John from Nelune as I parked out the front in a Loading Zone (ready to load him in, so I thought I’d tell anyone querying me) when the parking cop knocked on the window. I explained that I have to pick him up at the door as he may wander off and the guy looked very dubious. I offered to ring the hospital to confirm my story and he just said ‘well, how long is he going to be?’ when all of a sudden John appeared through the door and I escaped getting a ticket. Close.

Booked to take Millie to Wind in the Willows next Wednesday at the Gardens, put on by the Australian Shakespeare Company. It is an outdoor event, sitting on the ground next to the main pond. Should be great fun.

January 11, 2023

I was expecting the assessor at 8 am but he rang to say that he had a sick son to transfer to his parents’ house so would be here later. As good as his word, he turned up just after 9 and agreed with the ‘make

good’ guy that there’s no damage obvious to the roof, so it comes down to whether or not it’s worth claiming for the ceiling to be painted. My excess is $400 so we shall see what happens when GIO does the figures. Also talked to GIO about selling my car and they explained that even if I keep it till after the insurance is due next month, the policy payment is fully refundable from the date that I sell it, so no loss would be incurred there. Still thinking.

Planted my lovely Bergenia into its Italian pot and it looks great on the front verandah. It is native to central Asia, from Afghanistan to China and the Himalayan region and I like to have something a bit different to look out at when I sit garden-watching on my front porch. Its big showy leaves with their serrated edges are great even when it’s not flowering, but I’m looking forward to the pink flowers next spring.

A novel I’m reading reminded me of the appalling Nuremberg Race Laws, which forbade sex between people of ‘different races’. Of course the whole concept of race is viewed very differently now, with many biologists refuting the idea that races exist at all in humans. In the story I’m reading the child of a German woman and a black jazz musician from Paris is examined physically and psychologically to see if she passes the race laws, which of course she doesn’t. As a result she is smuggled to Cuba on a ship with Jewish escapees from Germany. I hadn’t realised that Cuba was very welcoming of refugees from Germany at that time. Apparently the story, a piece of fiction called The Night Travellers, sticks closely to the facts of Nazism and its many effects. The Germans were nothing if not thorough, setting up commissions to investigate each person reported to be mixed race or Mischlinge. They were later rounded up along with the Gypsies, Jews, the mentally ill or even the physically deformed, such as people with something as simple as missing fingers. All of this is well known but sometimes we need to be reminded which is why I go to the Jewish Museum once or twice a year, though I am staying away right now so as not to get into any arguments!

I see that Police have killed a schizophrenic man in Nowra. True, he had a pistol it appears, but British police manage these situations unarmed. While ever our police have guns people will be shot, part of the answer is to remove every possible gun from the community. It is the pile-on that’s so sickening, the estimate of shots fired into this poor blighter is between 6 and 15, from numerous police. It’s akin to wild animals when they see their prey go down and all hurtle in for the kill. I don’t blame the people who called the cops, I would probably have done the same, but calling police to a mentally ill person is raising the chances that it’s going to end in injury or death.

So after a month of lockdown on Gracewood level 2 there was an email to say that the Covid cluster was over. Just one day later, there’s an email to say that there are two cases in Barrington, the locked ward on John’s floor. but within 24 hours there were 14 cases! They said Hampton, John’s section, is ‘at risk’ because they are on the same floor, meaning that the nurses use that lift and corridor.

January 12, 2024

Last night I went to see Bananaland at Riverside Theatre and what fun it was. About a political punk band called Kitty Litter who are playing in clubs to tiny audiences, they have just one regular fan, until they realise that one of their songs has accidentally been assumed to be for children. They change the lyrics and reluctantly perform children’s shows to make a quid and the new band takes off. Great music and wonderful performances all round. New Years Resolution? More theatre and more film. I have discovered that I can apply for a Companion Card through Services NSW which would allow me to take John to appropriate shows (last night’s wouldn’t have worked for him, too complex a story) but I’m sure I could find things that he would like, so I’ve downloaded the application form which needs Bob to certify that he needs life-long support. I hope there is no small print about the fact that he’s in care, we shall see.

I am thinking that I’m very lucky health-wise now, this after sharing a lift at the shops with a big chap who had to sit on his walker for the two floor journey. When we got out we had a chat, he had to sit again before walking to the car, and he told me ‘I’m almost 75 you know’ and I had to admit to being 76. Gosh, I felt a bit guilty about striding purposefully off to my car, so I walked slowly as he sat and watched.

Trying to paint a beach scene, unsuccessfully, why don’t I stick to just doing collage using leaves, flowers and bark I ask myself. I intended to try painting with a natural sponge and I was lucky enough to find a big one on the garage a few days ago, but do you think I can find it now? How many places are there to look for a dirty old sponge that needed a good wash before use? Simultaneously baking a couple of eggplant to serve it for lunch tomorrow, a cold dish from Ottolenghi, Eggplant with Buttermilk Sauce and Pomegranate (for the latter I’ve had to break my rule and buy American, three shops told me that they are out of season, but Panetta’s had some imported ones). I’ve been loving my home grown green tomatoes and each day for lunch I’m having a slice of wholemeal bread with the tomatoes sliced on top, somehow they have a different and better flavour than the red ones.

At the Botanic Gardens on Wednesday and again at home yesterday, I was really feeling the heat. Yesterday I started to think that I must be coming down with something, but the papers now tell me that we currently have Singapore-like humidity, the highest ever recorded in Sydney. I can handle a bit of heat, but humidity slays me.

January 13, 2024

Today we were meeting Dav, Louis and Millie at Waves at Baulkham Hills. Waves is a pretty optimistic name seeing how far we are from the ocean, but as a pool complex it is great. The water in the outdoor pools was warm, Fiji warm, and delightful to swim in. John refused to bring his togs, insisting that he just wanted to watch but after seeing me swim he wanted to go in too and I convinced him that his shorts looked like swimmers, so he went in three times and loved it. He and Millie had a 25 metre race and I got some good pics. Between the playground, the water play area, the kids pool and the big pool she had a ball. So now I have added an extra activity that John and I can do together, woohoo! Came back here for lunch and the salads went down well as did the eggplant.

I never cease being appalled at the actions of the US. Perhaps they have the right to apprehend pirates in the Red Sea, to attack drones and boats stopping shipping getting through but attacking Yemen? No, just no. Is there a country in the whole world which is safe from their intervention? Is there a single dispute that they decide is none of their business? Never. Albanese needs to tell them where to stick their military interventions, but he hasn’t the personality to do it.

January 14, 2024

Saturday’s SMH contained a cynical article by David Livingstone ‘former diplomat’ justifying our support for the attacks on Yemen. He tacitly observes that keeping open the shipping lanes is not the whole story: “There is the more subtle question of whether the actions against the Houthis are purely to protect the lives of seamen and keep trading routes open, or whether the coalition is acting as a shield for Israel – both against missiles and drones directed at Israel itself, and Israel-related shipping. In the West, it is unlikely that this distinction will be closely examined, or if it is, greatly cared about”. The Houthis are described as “at best, an impoverished, improvised military force” but the throng who protested against the attacks on Yemen numbered 16,000 to a million, depending on which news organisation you wish to follow, hardly an indication of their lack of support in Sana’a. I have shot off a letter to the SMH along these lines.

John at breakfast: ‘Can we keep going to the pool every week? I really enjoyed it’. So he remembered it from yesterday. Oh my, I said, we certainly can. We had a job to do today sorting out his record collection for sale and he was a bit reluctant, despite having sold his turntable and speakers, but then I stumbled on the last few on my own records and suggested that I first sell them. This buys him some time but the process is begun and if I show him some return he may be keener to part with the dust collectors in the storeroom. I was amazed at how similar our tastes were in the old days, Dylan and the Beatles at the fore. In my case Joan Baez, Pete Seeger, Woody Guthrie and the rest of the American folk scene were right up there too.

Davina gave me two big bags of cast off clothes and shoes which I’ve ironed and in one case mended this morning. I have a plethora of coathangers so I’ve hung the dresses on them, so much more appealing to the staff than getting them in a bag. As nearly all of the people are volunteers it’s easy for them to decide that something’s too much trouble to bother ironing.

January 15, 2024

My letter didn’t make it into today’s paper, but more annoyingly the paper didn’t make it here at all. When I added Monday to my papers it seems to have confused the delivery team mightily, because I still get the Sunday one (long cancelled) but the Monday delivery has been an ongoing problem. I was outside one day when it came and I asked the chap if he could throw it onto the property instead of the grass verge, but he answered by taking a photo of the paper, lying on the verge. I wanted to gloat about Alan Jones staying in London and it’s so much more real on paper. I see that the backers of his ultra-conservative broadcasting company include the ubiquitous James Packer, climate change sceptic Maurice Newman, the revolting

Nick Cater (upstairs neighbour of my friend, ugh), barrister Margaret Cunneen whose choice of pals has always included the dubious, and Marcus Blackmore, he of pill fame and a right pill himself it seems, according to his neighbours. What an assemblage, I am trying to think up a collective noun for them all, but a bunch of turds was the only thing that came to mind.

Apparently King Frederik was quite a lad in his youth; wine, women and song, the latter in the form of rock music, had the family worried apparently and one wonders if his recent bad press was a last hurrah to the old life or just a beat-up. But good luck to them if they can have a happy life while caring enough to make sure that Danes are looked after as well as possible, which is the job of the government of course, but they can always get a little nudge in the right direction from the royals I’m guessing.

I have lots of clothes in the back of the wagon for delivery to the Sallies but it is raining so hard that perhaps I’ll put it off till tomorrow, not that I mind getting wet, but they are so neatly ironed that it’s a shame to scrunch them up on the way in. Two brand new pairs of men’s shoes, a pair each of sneakers and boots, are included for reasons I have no idea about. But although they fitted John fine he doesn’t want anything more than he has and I was happy when he refused them, as it’s rare for someone to be able to buy brand new shoes second-hand.

It would have been a good day to go to court I realise now but I just didn’t think about it early enough. I have a long list of coroner’s cases that I want to go to, so I will check the upcoming cases for anyone on there. The case today is about Bruce Robinson, a dementia sufferer aged 72, who was last seen leaving a home at Allambie Heights around 8.30pm on 27th October. He travelled by taxi to an unknown address in the Manly area at 9.45pm and that’s where the trail ends, an interesting case but not one on my list. I so admire the coroners, who all seem to be so committed to solving these puzzles where medicine and the law and detective work intersect.

Now some idiot has graffitied a Woolworths store in Brisbane and put a flare under the door to set off the fire alarm. Happy now Mr. Dutton? He tosses these provocative statements out into crazy land and then lets others act on them while he sits at home in peace. Very Trumpian.

January 16, 2024

Yesterday was a Nazi history day for me, first to the movie One Life which was certainly worth seeing, then in the evening watching Revenge: Our Dad the Nazi Killer on the ABC (fascinating, I can’t wait for the final episode) followed by reading more of Wifedom by Anna Funder at the part where the Germans and British officially go to war. As a result I was awake till 5 am, getting a total of 2 hours sleep and now feel drained, but that’s the price you pay for hearing about this stuff. Revenge brought back memories of the father of my best friend in the 60s, 70s and 80s Karl-Heinz whose parents were members of the Hitler Youth, and committed Nazis during the war. Fadi, as his family and I all called him, was a British prisoner-of-war on the Isle of Man when my adoptive father was a serviceman patrolling the cliffs on the lookout for

German vessels coming to break out the prisoners. He talked about walking at night on the c

ou met a soldier coming the other way and then turning around to head back in the other direction till you met another, this occupied them all night regardless of the weather. Fadi was determined that Karl and I should marry, but there was one small problem, Karl was gay. On one of the many social occasions I shared with the family Fadi told me ‘it’s your job to get pregnant and we will handle the rest, Karl will marry you’. But of course though he regularly slept at my house, in my double bed in fact (something that kept Fadi’s hopes alive), there was never any possibility that we would form a couple. We remained very close until Karl died in the 80s, after I had slept in his hospital room for days, helping the nurses with his care. Fadi had shown me photos of him and his wife in their Hitler Youth uniforms, photos too of his unit on skis during the invasion of the Scandinavian countries and of them sitting in the rubble of Berlin. Trying again, he urged me not to let the fact that he had been a committed Nazi interfere with ‘your future with Karl’. He marvelled at the fact that Australia welcomed them all, the local RSL even suggesting that he join as a social member! As author Mark Aarons and historian Konrad Kwiet showed conclusively, it was the Americans and British who found homes for ex German soldiers all over the world as a buffer against communist ideas taking hold. Revenge questions whether Jewish Australians in the 1950s and after were killing off Nazi war criminals that the government had allowed into the country.

It comes as no surprise that a WhatsApp group called Lawyers for Israel repeatedly wrote to the ABC demanding Antoinette Lattouf be sacked and threatened legal action if she were not, despite their admission that there was no legal case possible in the circumstances. Lattouf’s lawyer is Josh Bornstein, who is Jewish, and based on prior cases he’s fought he’s a good man to have on your side, though he’s copping quite some criticism for representing her in an unfair dismissal case. The ABC is starting to look like a craven lot, jumping sideways at the mere threat of criticism. The board clearly needs a shake-up.

Yet another case today where two passengers were killed when a P plater’s car hit a tree on Windsor Rd at McGraths Hill, but the driver survived. There must be an explanation for this phenomenon, I wish I knew what it was. Physics? Driver instinctive behaviour? What?

January 17, 2024

It was a huge day but we made it! Took Millie to Wind in the Willows by the Australian Shakespeare Company, held outdoors at the Botanical Gardens. Train to Circular Quay to the tune of ‘are we there yet?’, then a walk to the Gardens. Hot and muggy but survivable (I had brought clothes suitable for the overcast day before), the show was two hours long and really great. I loved Weasel and Millie favoured Ratty but all of the characters were fun. At one point all the kids were invited to go and search for a missing cast member while the troupe entertained the adults starting with a joke about how trusting we all were to let our kids go off with an underpaid actor, something I was thinking as he spoke. But they all returned 15 minutes later having had a good run. Next a walk to City Extra, Millie’s new favourite restaurant, where I had a Caesar Salad and she Fish and Chips. To the waiter from Millie: Could you please bring the food very quickly as I haven’t eaten for hours? This was after consuming the entire snack box of baby carrots, strawberries, popcorn and a jelly snake which we brought from home. But he told her that he would relay her request to the chef. Next we boarded a ferry to Watson’s Bay, a lovely restful

journey accompanied by ‘are we there yet?’ where Millie had a paddle for about 40 minutes, loving throwing bits of seaweed and stones from the beach into the water and getting very wet in the process. Luckily a spare set of clothes had been packed so that solved the problem. Noticed Sue’s building on the way past on the ferry coming back, but couldn’t remember which floor she is on. Trained to St. Peters where there is no toilet! But managed to get back to Dav’s just in time, too exhausted to hold a conversation. After half hour’s recovery I drove home, taking an hour and a half in bumper to bumper traffic through the city in heavy rain. Impressed by the weather forecasting as the rain arrived spot on 3pm as forecast.

Ants. Love ’em or hate ’em? I find it very peculiar that I so carefully avoid stepping on any ants which have made a big nest at the base of my street library, yet when my kitchen was overrun with them a couple of years ago I went ape at the sight of them indoors and killed them immediately. They are the same little guys after all, but it seems that I treat them as two different species depending on their location.

Yesterday I got chatting to a man who was looking after about five residents of a nursing home to whom he was serving tea/coffee/cake in the park at Watson’s Bay. The only woman had talked to Millie and we had a conversation too. She seemed totally with it and was probably a bit younger than me, while others were in wheelchairs or not quite with it. It turns out that their carer, a man about 60, lives within coo-ee of John’s establishment yet he drives to Rose Bay for work, what a drag that would be. It reminded me yet again that some people of my age are already in care, what a freaky thought.

January 18, 2024

John woke up with pain in his left (replaced) knee bad enough that he can’t walk. He had breakfast in his room but I told him to ask for crutches or a wheelchair for lunchtime. I was bringing him home today but getting up three steps at the front is a non-goer. They plan to get the house doctor to see him but after her lacklustre performance on the skin cancers I decided to text Bob, who rang sounding worried and saying that we can only ‘wait and see’. It could be some sort of minor injury but it could also be the start of another knee infection and the last two resulted in sepsis and removing the knee. I tried to contact Cecelia but unusually I haven’t heard back. If sepsis is a real possibility I would take him to RNSH as Gracewood falls in the catchment of Blacktown Hospital and I don’t want him going there. I learned from Mike’s death in Windsor Hospital and another friend’s bungled stroke treatment (or lack of it) at the same place, that with something serious you never waste time at the regionals.

The Covid spread in Gracewood’s locked dementia section has gone from 2 to 14 to 20 in three days. I was curious to find out how many residents there are there so I rang John at lunchtime and asked if he could find out. He asked the question and I heard: Who wants to know?? in an officious reply to him. Maureen, he said but they were not forthcoming. I simply looked up the website which told me this apparently protected information, there are 32. So 20 out of 32 is a damned good slice of them sick.

When the twin circular residential towers were built in Castle Hill there was a kerfuffle with the Fire Brigade who refused to give the place the all clear. But some strings must have been pulled because open it did. Now years later, the office of the Building Commissioner has the place on its website, something that I check regularly, as needing 13 different rectifications, all to do with fire safety. They cover sprinklers, fire hydrants, escape stairs (less than 1 metre wide!!!), fire doors not self-closing and not latching when closed, the list goes on. Suspicious me has always wondered if council’s meagre building management team suppressed the Fire Brigade’s initial complaints to bask in the glory of the building’s opening.

January 19, 2024

Well John has done a Lazarus. He rang me this morning to ask why there is a wheelchair in his room! He has no pain in his knee so he didn’t make the connection. One has to see the funny side. I had texted the staff to say that in the event of his needing to go to hospital I would drive him, but no such thing is necessary now thankfully. I visited my pal Ralph this morning to drop off the mini Christmas cake which I took just before said festival only to find his door shut with a notice that he was ill. I rang him at home back then and they were testing him for Covid, but he told me today that it was pneumonia and he was taken by ambulance to Nepean and kept there for three days. He had no recollection that we’d spoken back then or that I knew he was sick. But on the positive side he looks, and says he feels, better than he h

as for years, suspecting that he had a low grade lung issue now cleared up with the antibiotics. He had no recollection either of the glasses for watching television which he did for me in early December, commenting that they were a nice pair.

Palestinians who spoke about Palestinian territory stretching “from the river to the sea”, were roundly criticised. Yet Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has now informed the United States that there will be no independent Palestinian state after the current war on Gaza is over, and that Israel will control Palestine “from the Jordan to the sea.” At least he is now saying publicly what his intentions have been for the last 30 years. The hypocrisy is mind-blowing and I’m sure that the Americans will not withhold a single bullet or bomb from them as a result, but will use some sort of sophistry to explain their way around the facts.

I read the Deaths column in the Herald every Saturday but last week was the first time that I have seen a Real Estate Agent reporting a death and asking if anyone knows this person as they have no contacts for the deceased. They gave his full name and birth date and that was it. Looks like a pauper’s funeral if no-one comes forward, how sad. Some people may not want to expose themselves to the cost of a funeral so that may have a bearing on contact, if he was isolated from his family.

So the Burnet Institute says Australia’s aggressive approach to suppressing COVID-19 in the first two years of the pandemic saved thousands of lives, leading to a death rate 33 times lower than the United Kingdom and 46 times lower than the United States. But Australia lost its global advantage during 2022 and 2023 when excess deaths reached 31,000, an 18-fold increase compared to the first two years after governments reverted to a ‘living with COVID’ approach. The submission to the government’s Covid

strategy inquiry states that ‘Australia had an estimated 1744 excess deaths due to COVID-19 in 2020-21, which could have risen to between 57,552 and 80,224 deaths if it had experienced equivalent levels of excess deaths as the UK or US respectively in that period’. But still the libertarians amongst us would have been happier with that than with any sort of restrictions that restrict their blessed freedoms. Freedom to die, it’s a funny concept.

hand trying to find a place for Logan urgently. As expected, Westmead Hospital is not happy to send him home and he was to be discharged today after three weeks there, however ARV has a policy of total lockdown if a case of Covid occurs, so they won’t admit him. He is pleading for ‘just one night in my own bed and then I’ll go’ but she knows that if she takes him home she’ll have a devil of a job to get him into a car to go anywhere, but especially to a nursing home. She rang upset last night wanting details of who to speak

March 11, 2025

Well it’s time to start a new post. The last one was so distressing to write that I’ve decided I didn’t want to look at it again this morning. I need to pull myself together for John’s sake (and not wake him again up by ringing him too early!). I had to ring GIO to discuss my house and contents insurance premium which went up a lot this year. I asked if it was because I made a small claim to get the ceiling painted and the lady confirmed that happens. So I asked ‘how can I tell in advance how much a small claim will put up my policy?’ as this would help to decide whether to put in a claim or not. She answered that it is impossible to tell, so it may not be worth making small claims, not an encouraging thought. She was in the Philippines and we ended up talking about the weather, our families and so on, but I ended up in tears, not obvious to her, when she asked whether I live alone. Funny which things set you off.

March 12, 2025

Yesterday I was very surprised to find that John had no pain at all from his dental work so I give the dentist some points for that. I decided though that I am not going to put either of us through the humiliation of the public dental service experience again (apart from the compulsory follow up visit in two weeks). So I rang Dr. Rozek, the man who made John’s upper partial denture last year, only to have another two of his own teeth crumble due to radiation damage just weeks after he paid out nearly $2000 for a job well done. David said he remembers John well and soothed my concerns, saying that he will make the moulds for the teeth as soon as John is over the heart op, then adjust the teeth months later as part of the deal once his gums are fully back to normal. He also said that he will take $1000 off the usual price of $6000 because John didn’t get much useful time out of the last set he made (I hadn’t mentioned price at all, just the time frame). I had guesstimated $5000 so I was spot on there. Now I just need to make sure that he doesn’t get another roast beef sandwich for lunch at the hospital, something he couldn’t hope to eat, but I’m sure it was just a case of the kitchen misconstruing his needs. His angiogram due yesterday was cancelled due to the dangers of his having blood thinners withheld for two days in a row. A lunch today at the Star Casino, booked three months ago, had to be cancelled at the last minute as a result, but that’s small cheese in the scheme of things though I fear I’m getting a reputation as a canceller all over the place at the moment.

On Monday night I was horrified to see on 4 Corners the images of the new extension to the War Memorial, now at risk of being the weaponry company funded War Theme Park. Bomber Beasley was full of Boy’s Own enthusiasm as is his want, but the beautiful Geoffrey Watson was on the right side of the argument as he always is. I have long disliked the way all things war are celebrated there, but under Brendan Nelson (spit) and his mate Scott Morrison (double spit) things took a turn for the worse. But let’s get back to dear Brendan whom I sadly knew of when friends with his brother Philip decades ago. Philip was struggling with AIDS at the time with absolutely no support, financial or otherwise, from his brother. Phil sat in my loungeroom and cried because his brother, then the federal president of the AMA, had pleaded with him not to do anything that might jeopardise his AMA reputation and his political ambitions by revealing his diagnosis publicly or admitting to using the various alternative medicine ‘cures’ he was trying at the time (which all turned out to be cynical rip-offs in the end), in fact doing anything that would link him to his suited and upwardly mobile brother. Finally Phil died in 1995 at RPA in the room alongside our mutual friend Karl and I was in the position of visiting each of them as they deteriorated. Staff had kindly set me up with a recliner chair to sleep in Karl’s room until his family arrived from southern NSW, but sadly they didn’t make it in time. Karl died first and then Phil, although each of them was way too ill to know that the other was next door. Luckily in those visits I never once saw dear Brendan, though their parents were there much of the time. The rift was never healed and Phil’s death was not reported as being linked to his famous brother, who must have breathed a sigh of relief as he campaigned the following year in the Sydney seat of Bradfield and went on to win, finally becoming leader of the Liberal Party, a very suitable position for someone of his ambition and shortfall of human decency.

March 13, 2025

Yesterday’s angiogram went well with nothing found that would interfere with doing the TAVR. One slight hiccup is that his platelet count is down, a potential problem as far as blood clotting goes. Another blood test this morning to see if it is resolved. John rang last night with: ‘I’ve had an idea. Everything has been done now, so I think I’ll go home tomorrow and just take the same tablets there’. But what about the TAVR? He’d forgotten about that entirely. Things chop and change so frequently in hospitals that it’s no wonder he is confused.

That got me thinking about the tragic deaths of Gene Hackman and Betsy Arakawa. She died at home of a very rare case of Hanta virus and then, because of his dementia, he wandered around the house for a week before dying of a heart attack apparently due to starvation and dehydration despite the house being full of food and drinks. What a situation where you are so affected by dementia that you don’t remember that you have to eat and drink. She must have done a superb job of looking after him alone in that situation. His two daughters from his first marriage were photographed smiling for the cameras, out to lunch the following day and commenting that they didn’t see much of the pair and hadn’t been in contact for many months. The couple had been married since 1991 but I have heard that daughters sometimes resent the second partner……I’m sure that the estate will sell for a pretty penny so I guess there was some cause for celebration.

Trying to change my bed linen this morning I could not find a fitted sheet that I could get onto the bed, so either the bed has grown, or all of the sheets have shrunk, or I’ve totally lost the strength to put a sheet onto a bed. After trying many I gave up and made it with flat sheets. Should I buy a king set for a queen bed I ask myself?

Waiting now for my Zoom appointment with Prof Reeves but he is nearly an hour late as usual (because he chats, as he will with me, so that’s not a complaint). Well he was much later than an hour but as always he’s worth waiting for, a wonderful doctor and a beautiful human being. He’s giving me steroids for the worst attacks of parotitis but understands if I don’t take them. I said I probably wouldn’t, continuing to think of these attacks as a compulsory weight loss regime.

March 14, 2025

All set to go to the hospital when Audrey called to say that John is going back to Gracewood today. Okay I replied, what time do you want me to pick him up? She very quickly explained that he was to go via Patient Transport because he’s coming from a high care cardiac ward in a serious condition, so it has to be a medical facility to medical facility transfer. Fine with me. The time changed from 2pm to 4 pm to 6 pm but then they came early and he was back there just in time for dinner at 5. I met them there and sorted out his paperwork and drugs with Irene the RN, then unpacked his clothes etc.

Interestingly he said he was looking forward to the St Patrick’s Day celebrations advertised there for next Monday so I may change the plan about when I bring him home. His vocal welcome from the other residents just sitting for dinner was genuine, many saying how much he’d been missed. This echoed Audrey’s words this morning: I am really happy to see him go home, but sad too as he is my favourite patient.

March 15, 2025

It felt weird to be getting up at 5 am but considering last night was the first decent sleep in a month, I was fully rested. Watered the pot plants in the dark, well aided by the movement sensitive outdoor lights. The unseasonal hot spell requires them to start the day with some juice I think. I headed off into town on the bus and downed a Salmon Quiche at La Renaissance for brunch, already very hot in the courtyard and impossibly hot out the front. All tables were taken, not used to this as I rarely go at the weekend, but a kindly couple offered me a seat. They were waiting to board a hideous and massive cruise ship, the biggest one I’ve ever seen, which looked like a high rise building on its side. They told me that boarding was delayed due to an ‘intense whole of ship clean’, aaah…nudge nudge wink wink, enough said. I hope the voyage goes well for them, they had already been told that the Adelaide first stop had been cancelled due to forecast strong winds down the west coast of Tasmania, now they were going straight down the east coast and spending an extra day in Hobart, tough if Adelaide were a highlight. The ship has many innovations including a skydiving simulator, a wave pool for surfing and an ice rink. The more they said, the more ghastly it sounded, jammed in a tin can with 4000 people waiting to get sick from whatever bug they are fighting and with a certain bout of seasickness by the time it leaves the harbour.

Met Michelle at the Opera House for our long booked La Traviata performance. Although it isn’t my favourite opera, I enjoyed just being amongst the music and it was wonderful to see the staging and costumes as always. I hadn’t realised till I got home and read the programme that the lead Alfredo was a Korean tenor, simply registering that he was quite short. The higher voice contrasts with the baritone of his father, a hard line figure early in the opera who eventually sees the value of his son’s choice of partner, but way too late. Somehow, although it’s a tragedy, La Trav doesn’t bring me to tears in the way Madama Butterfly always does, though it did remind me at times of the many people who decided early on that accepting my association with John was a step too far and were happy to either tell us so outright or be so cold and unapproachable that each social occasion was a nightmare. His quiet optimism and faith that they would come around eventually was misplaced and only served to give them confidence. The performance was very popular with the audience, though the two men seated in front of us didn’t come back after interval. We parted afterwards as Michelle hadn’t eaten and went off in the QVB to rectify that, but I was too tired to stay back in the city any longer, we were just on different body clocks.

March 16, 2025

It wasn’t the usual picking up of John in the foyer today as he needs more guidance now about what to bring etc. and of course the drugs just got really complicated. I came home with a pack of 13 medications to be administered at certain times of the day, capsules, tablets, half tablets. The lovely RN Bisa was concerned about my getting it all correct, as well she should be, but I assured her that I would phone if there were any confusion.

Dav and family plus Louis’s mum arrived with a mountain of food, none of which John could eat of course, but I had made pureed beef, pureed spiced green beans and hommus followed by pureed fruit salad and ice cream. It’s going to be hard keeping up a variety of tasty things I think.

Tomorrow I am determined to sort out the problem with the eToll. John has forgotten the password and an email to change it didn’t work as it said it was ‘the password reset link has expired’. I asked for help by email and they told me to reset the password…..so hopefully I will get a helpful person to assist on the phone in the morning.

I have so much going on in my head politically but it just seems too hard to gather my thoughts into a coherent paragraph right now.

March 17, 2025

I was brought to tears this morning by an article in The Guardian about US army Major-General Charles Calvin Rogers. The US Defense Department webpage celebrating his service in the Vietnam war for which he received the country’s highest military decoration, the Medal of Honor, has been removed and the letters “DEI” added to his empty page. It follows on from the 1970s practice of Trump’s staff being told to add the letter ‘C’ to all applications for rentals if the applicants were ‘coloured’, ensuring all white tenants. I never in my wildest dreams thought that they would do this retrospectively to someone in their defence forces, much less a highly awarded Major-General. Surely all coloured US Defence forces would be walking out on strike over this? They can’t sack you all my friends.

Finally sorted the eToll problem and discovered why we have not been getting the refunds due if over $60 per week is spent on tolls. John registered the account when he had a business and businesses do not get refunds. In the weeks when I was going to the hospital every day, the bill was about $160 for using the M2 and the Lane Cove Tunnel so we should have been getting $100 a week back, therefore this has cost thousands over the years and we didn’t know. I’ve now cancelled his account and set up one in my name as a transfer wasn’t possible.

March 18, 2025

Well I kept John home for two nights and just now was returning him to Gracewood but the car won’t start, battery hopefully and not starter motor. Lights were all off so I don’t know what the problem is. 90 minute wait for the NRMA so I have texted Gracewood to ask them to hold his dinner. Before that we discovered that he has mislaid his room key so there was an unsuccessful search for that. Trifling problems I am telling myself. Yesterday I had some music on and we were listening to guitarist John Williams when John asked me to dance to some classical pieces. So we hoofed it around the loungeroom to a few numbers. How lovely.

Talking about dancing, I had just booked a pretty good seat for the ballet Nijinsky and while waiting for the confirmation email the invitation to First Saturday on the same day popped up, literally seconds later. Grrr. I tossed it over in my mind overnight then got an email from Alan hoping that we would be going as it is at their place. So today I rang the Australian Ballet and found that equivalent seats were not available for the other matinees, so I bit the bullet and went from B Reserve to A Reserve to get an even better seat in B row. Now I can go to both a talk about dance and a ballet, win win.

The fact that Trump kept sending plane loads of ‘Venezualan gang members’ to a giant US funded gaol in El Salvador is worrying enough, but to do it after a judge had demanded that flights be stopped and those in the air brought back is quite terrifying. The other scary thing is why all their heads were shaved and they were all dressed identically, making them look like guilty prisoners even though none had been tried. He has no concept of principled government at all and will stop at nothing to punish those on his hit lists. How scared people on those lists must be feeling right now, with Guantanamo and other gaols overseas willing to take whomever Trump decides to send.

March 19, 2025

Well the NRMA man came yesterday and confirmed it was the battery at fault but there was no warning, it was fine the day before and yesterday it was dead, just like humans really. Luckily he had the right one in the van so $225 later we were good to go, once again getting John back just in time for dinner. Bisa was on duty so I was able to discuss a few things regarding his care and give her a heads up about the call from the TAVI team. The lovely carer Joy was on too so he was in good hands last night.

The case of the missing potatoes: In the last few days I was at the shops and decided to buy potatoes as they are a good vegie mashed for his nibs, but when I went to the pottery container where they live it was empty. I hadn’t used a trolley as I only needed a few things which went straight into my bag. Car was searched, bin was checked, bags were looked into, but the potatoes, though clearly still in the world, are certainly not in mine. I fear I will find them some day, rotten and sprouting but for now we are potatoless.

Being a pharmacist sounds on the surface as quite a good career, but seeing John’s bag of discharge drugs from the hospital, 13 little packets and bottles all labelled with instructions for dispensing plus warning stickers about not taking potassium or whatever, not driving etc etc, I now have a different view. Imagine how many of these had to be done for every patient being discharged from RNSH that day, and then every day. The job would be boring in the extreme and one mistake is enough to get you testifying in the Coroner’s Court. ‘Why did you not see that you put in the wrong pink tablet Ms Pharmacist?’ ‘I was thinking about whether I had left food out for my cat your honour’. Banned, shamed, gosh no, at least patient interaction keeps a doctor or nurse thinking about what they are doing, but a pharmacist’s eyes must glaze over with boredom, or at least mine would.

Yesterday I finally got back on the horse, making a return to the Coroner’s Court after a long absence. I was glad to be there, knowing John was safe and happy to be reading Clancy of the Overflow to his captive audience in the Hampton lounge. It was day three of the inquest, the only day I can attend due to prior commitments, into the deaths of Lilie James and Paul Thijssen, both staff members of St. Andrew’s Cathedral School where the murder of Lilie took place. 

Lilie was murdered by Paul after she broke off their five week relationship and he shortly after suicided at Diamond Bay. Just beforehand he had called 000 to let them know about her body as he said he didn’t want her to be found by students arriving the next morning. He also sent $9100 to each of his two flatmates, paying his rent for six months in advance, this minutes before going to his death over the cliffs at Diamond Bay near the Gap at midnight, exactly when police were entering the school to find Lilie’s body. Then police arrived at Diamond Bay exactly three minutes past midnight, after the 000 operator had triangulated the whereabouts of the phone used for the call. If Paul had planned this series of events, he did it perfectly. He had a history of stalking and controlling behaviour with previous girlfriends. The school was well served by CCTV cameras and every part of his careful planning over many hours was captured by them. The murder occurred inside a bathroom but he could be seen waiting for Lilie to come out, with hammer raised. As soon as the door opened a fraction, he threw open the door fully to batter her to death with at least 25 blows to the head and neck. In these cases I always try to put myself into the head of the perpetrator and try to feel what they were feeling and his history, not discussed at the inquest as far as I know, included being left at the school as a boarder for a couple of years as a teenager while his Dutch parents lived overseas operating their business. I know how much that same situation affected John and how bereft he felt as a result, so it’s possible to imagine that a person could become emotionally needy, controlling and fearful of abandonment in that situation. None of this is an excuse, but it helps to understand the terror of being left. 

At the Justin Stein trial last year there was a fellow there every day wearing a red Swans T shirt and shorts. I had tentatively put him into the ‘weird’ category and kept my distance. He was in court again yesterday wearing a red jacket and shorts. He went immediately to the police seated in the second row and began a conversation, the only part of which I overheard was ‘I’ve been a court watcher for 15 years’ but the police didn’t engage with him. At the first break he approached them again in the foyer with ‘that school should never have employed him……’ but he was waved away. Interestingly when we went back in after the break the policeman was standing in the aisle and smiled as I took the same seat as previously, but when our red friend came in behind me he was firmly guided to a seat on the opposite side of the court to the victim’s family, a good move and well handled. 

Incidentally, the previous Headmaster of that school at a time when Paul was a student, and later on a staff member, was Dr. John Collier, an old client from my shop who was very interested in WWI material. He was on my long client search list to look out for items of interest to him and I sold him a raft of letters from the trenches to a woman from country NSW. He is now headmaster at Shore and got into a lot of bother for describing Paul in glowing terms including as ‘a young man who was, in everybody’s estimation, an absolute delight’. Until he wasn’t.

March 20, 2025

Off to St. V’s to see the surgeon Alan for a six-monthly check-up and the next one isn’t for a year, so that’s encouraging. While there I went to Nelune and explained John’s current circumstance so they will be careful of him when he goes in next time. I will need to send food with him which I hadn’t thought of so I’m glad I went. They will get the haematologist to pop down and see him, though he may tell her that he went to hospital in order to get his teeth out, which is what he told the RN at Gracewood. More Darlo news is that I noted the old Burke St Bakery has gone after all these years, now rebadged Hills Bakery, not a wonderful name considering the dearth of good bakeries in this area. I wasn’t buying anyway, but a quick squiz didn’t cause me to drool on the glass.

Thinking about the man at the inquest yesterday who broke Courtwatcher’s Rule 1: don’t approach any of the principals, they have enough to do and we are silent observers or should be, except of course in the rare instance when they make a move towards us, as the ATSB investigator did in the Pittwater plane crash investigation, seemingly enjoying explaining his technical stuff to this ‘less than a novice’. We are very lucky to be allowed into courts where important trials and inquests are being heard, we don’t need anyone rocking that boat.

Although I’m no longer a member of Hawkesbury Helping Hands, I still follow them on Facebook. A post this week was about some employees from Wesley Mission dropping in, in desperate need of a food hamper for one of their clients with children. It’s a government funded organization who receive a lot of money to provide food relief yet they went to an unfunded charity for what they needed for their client, instead of using the resources they are funded for. I’ve seen the same thing happening when kids went to Vinnies to get clothes for school formals, they sent them to us as we had a voluntary set-up giving out free clothes and shoes to kids each Saturday morning in a room in Windsor CWA. It was when I was volunteering there that young people told me Vinnies staff said they had to pay ticket prices. It’s why I drive to Dural with my donations rather than giving to Vinnies just up the road. But St V’s Hospital which I go to regularly is top class, giving out blankets and food to rough sleepers in the park opposite. No-one there has ever asked me for a cent for treatment, specialist’s fees or as an inpatient, even though I was in the private section.

March 21, 2025

I thought it was a hoax when I read that Trump had put an inverted pink triangle with a red line through it on his Truth Social account, using the symbolism that the Nazis used for homosexuals sent to concentration camps and on to the gas chambers, with the red line signifying something that you want to remove or delete. It accompanied an article about the US military and it appears that not only trans but also homosexual people may be removed from the US services. How terrifying to a cohort that thought their long suffering was over. I put it through a hoax-watch site but it came up as being true. Today former Admiral Chris Barrie referred to Donald Trump’s second term as ‘irrecoverable’, calling them ‘Vandals in the White House’, the first military person to tell it like it is as far as I’m aware.

Met up with Jenny, Di, Linda and Greg to have lunch at Radisson Blu in the city. The food was good, as was the company, but I was shocked to see how many people in the restaurant still drink Coke….with a meal. I thought it had gone the way of cigarettes but clearly not. No sign of vetoing US products today, thank goodness maple syrup is Canadian. I can’t think of anything American that I have to do without though as I put an embargo on their products decades ago, but I guess I still selectively watch films and read books etc from there so that’s money in their pockets.

March 22, 2025

John tells me ‘You are such a loving gentle person’ but before I had time to say thankyou he followed up with ‘and as tough as an old boot’. Happy to go with that though. He is looking forward to seeing the dentist on Monday but then I discovered that he thought he was getting his new dentures then….no it’s just to make sure his mouth is healing. On the way to the dentist I have made an appointment to deliver some things to Barsby’s Auctions nearby. My mantel clock, which served me well for over 30 years but now needs repair, is a rare one from 1906 and they are happy to have it. I decided it was better to get money for it than to spend a sizeable amount getting it fixed. Plus a couple of rings that I never wear and a silver bracelet studded with freshwater pearls that I’ve decided is just plain ugly. I am also taking most of my binocular collection, though they may not think they are worth enough to accept. I’m keeping two pairs so we can still ogle birds from the back verandah and sending four pairs to auction. I may have missed the boat with these as they are not worth as much as I paid for them. Also part of the pre-mortem distribution, we went to the Salvos at Dural to donate a bunch of crystal, a battery operated makeup mirror I’d bought cheaply which wasn’t bright enough and some paintings on canvas which could be painted over by someone. I got out of there only spending $2 for a bright pink wig which I am now dying to wear.

March 23, 2025

Posted the girls’ birthday cards, too late I’m afraid but I hadn’t realised that it was next Sunday. Davina may get hers in time if we’re lucky. Her gift is coming here by mail, delivery tomorrow according to the Post tracking.

Louise came over this morning with a meal and dessert for us so I don’t need to cook tonight. Then Sue called in unexpectedly so we all had morning tea together but the cake I made yesterday, nearly all dates and glace fruit, was a disappointment. I’ve made it heaps of times but this time I put it in two smaller tins, one for this weekend and one for book group, but it fell apart and I only got half a dozen complete slices. I’m hoping that the second one, slightly bigger, doesn’t suffer the same fate.

March 24, 2025

Off to the auction house and dentist, the only appointment at Barsbys was 10 and only appointment at dentist was 12, but they are only five minutes drive apart. Got to dentist at 10.40 and decided to leave John in the foyer while I went up to ask if there was any chance of getting in earlier. Come right in, they said, he’s not doing anything at the moment. So up we went and he took out John’s stitches, declaring that he is fit to have the TAVI and he will inform the team today. Apparently the total cost in Australia for that procedure is a tad under $60,000 with $35,000 of that being the device itself. He is the million dollar man for sure. I did well at the auctions with Barsby’s accepting everything I took: my beloved 1906 clock, four pairs of quality binoculars and a plaque from 1915 commemorating the French Postal Service during WWI. I wasn’t sure if they’d accept that but she Googled it and found one in the Musee d’Orsay which sealed the deal. I can’t even remember where I got it, but it’s been here forever. The two rings are being tested, he is suspicious of the authenticity of the stones, as am I and he agreed that the bracelet is fugly so we are on the same page. David is swanning somewhere overseas so he will give me price estimates next week.

I am a regular checker of the Castle Hill Police Facebook page, particularly looking at the alerts, and in the last week we had three astonishing responses from the folks who watch the page, each ending in a successful search for the missing people. First was an elderly lady in West Pennant Hills who went out for a walk and didn’t come back. One of the Police Facebook followers saw the ‘Missing’ post as 10.25 pm, got in her car and cruised around the neighbourhood till she found her. The next day a 93-year-old man went missing. He was last seen at 9:00 am at his home in Castle Hill. He goes to Castle Hill Mall every day and usually stays there until around 1:30 pm, but he didn’t return home. He didn’t have a phone or tracking device, but at 8.30 that night one of our sleuths found him. On Saturday there was an elderly person with dementia who was found disoriented and in distress at Wrights Road Reserve after an alert. The pair who found her provided assistance and called Police and the Ambos and she was subsequently reunited with her husband and treated for exhaustion. It’s great and thoroughly heart-warming to know that the three vulnerable community members who had lost their way were all found by fellow Police Facey members, so I’ll keep checking the page for sure.

March 25, 2025

I’ve just finished writing instructions for after my demise, including info on bank accounts and what routinely comes out of them, funeral preferences, my will, the bare minimum of who to contact (I left out my brother’s family…mmm…really my family over there in Pommyland, but sod them), getting rid of my stuff (weep) and aged care (weep again). Whether anyone will find the email when it comes to the time remains to be seen. I am control-freakish enough to want to be saying ‘no I don’t like that wording in the funeral notice’ but perhaps that trait will have worn off by then.

Saw a new musical coming to Roslyn Packer Theatre, Bloom, set in a nursing home and it looks like fun. Asked Nancye who declined, as she isn’t a musical person according to her, and then decided to go on my own as I can sit wherever I want, eat wherever I want and cancel guilt-free if John isn’t well (did I mention being a control freak?). So I’ve booked for the matinee on April 9, the same week I’m going to Nijinsky. I used to like Ventuno for a meal in Walsh Bay, but a quick look at the entree menu, which is what I usually have these days, shows only one thing I’d order, so perhaps a change is due. The prices have gone up a lot too, so I may end up with a Norwegian smoked salmon sandwich brought from home, my go-to meal at the moment since I have avoided Australian salmon for some time. I noticed how red the fresh salmon is in Woolworths and thought of the pellets they feed them to go from natural colour to the raging red of supermarket fish, so gross, I don’t ever want to eat it again.

Okay, I get why political and economic commentators ralph on for a week after the Budget, but I can’t for the life of me work out why they ralph on about for a week BEFORE the Budget, when they haven’t a clue what’s in it. It drives me nuts every year, but this year I’ve muted every comment pre-Budget, even the lovely Laura. One of the bonuses of watching TV alone. John had his weekly bus trip today and weirdly I relax more on Tuesdays knowing that he’s not only safe, but enjoying himself.

March 26, 2025

Gracewood told me that the Aged Care Quality and Safety Commission would be spending three days there and I offered to speak to them if they thought it appropriate. But better than that they waltzed into John’s room and sat with him for some time asking questions. Of course he gave the centre a glowing recommendation as was deserved. How the residents for them to interview were chosen I have no idea, but one would hope that they were fairly randomly assigned. His excursion yesterday was to Kirribilli, just near the Bridge pylon, so while there he was able to tell his friends about going to school on the ferry.

I have been reluctant to check the letterbox in case something came from the Sheriff’s Office, but today was the day it arrived. A jury callup for a 4 week trial starting in the week that John is potentially to have his operation. I contacted the TAVI coordinator to see if I can get something in writing to say that he will be done about then, but so far she hasn’t returned my call. Unfortunately the letter says that any application for deferral must be accompanied by copies of documentation, which I don’t have as it’s all been verbal. It’s like a ton of bricks on my shoulders.

March 27, 2025

Tried the TAVI Structural Heart Team phone number to see if I can get something in writing about John’s procedure for the Sheriff’s Office but no one picks up the phone and Ingrid from the team hasn’t returned my mobile call so do I send it off without documentation or wait?

In all of the discussion about Signalgate, no one has questioned the legality of bombing an apartment building because it is being visited by one of the US Government’s ‘targets’. To my limited understanding of the law it is simply a war crime, one used frequently by Israel and the US, but illegal nonetheless. To see strongarm emojis, along with US flags and fires celebrating the deaths of 79 civilians and the injury to more than 100 is too disgusting for words.

Each week I trawl through the Domain lift out to choose my next luxury property (well more likely to critique the decor, which often doesn’t pass muster despite the masses of dollars spent). The cover photo last Saturday was a $50 million harbourside mansion, but it had sadly sold even before publication so that put paid to my deliberations. However I noted that the old houses have a reasonable number of bathrooms, this massive house had 4, another selling for $80 million also had 4, while a new build at Bronte had 4 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms!

Predicting that the cop who Tasered a nursing home resident with dementia will not spend a day in gaol. The judge had sympathy written all over him when Pam and I watched him at the trial, but sympathy for the cop, not the victim.

March 28, 2025

Book group afternoon, with wonderful food and company as ever. In a book-related thought inspired by the wonderful memoir Australian Gospel by Lech Blaine, which I’ve sadly just finished, I’ve been thinking back to when I was proofreading Tharunka, the now famous University of NSW weekly student magazine. One of the main characters in the book worked on it at about the period I was there, but I really can’t put a face to any of them after all this time. I had to do overtime for editorial meetings as the editors were committed to lectures during the day and then took the train out to Parramatta. We worked till it was done and Rupert never queried the overtime when that turned out to be late. I so wish I could remember exactly who it was I was dealing with, as Richard Neville and Martin Sharp were both involved during that period, as was Wendy Bacon, though my memory is only of dealing with male editors. I was blissed out by their intelligence and wit and loved Tharunka day.

March 29, 2025

For some weird reason, this morning it occurred to me that it was Elon Musk who defamed one of the heroes of the Thai cave rescue as ‘a pedo guy’ after her refused Musk’s offer of putting a submarine into the cave. Did he even look at photos of that cave?? The victim sued Musk who had a fleet of lawyers and won, insisting that it wasn’t a bad thing to say about someone in South Africa. Perhaps another reason to keep clear of the place. But on the bright side one can now get ‘thoughts and prayers’ from the President for the bargain basement price of $1000 US. This is thanks to another executive order signed by President Trump in an effort ‘to bring back God’. Two questions: Where exactly was God? and Where do I sign up?

During a sleepless night I checked my phone at 3 am and saw the headline ‘Possibly 10,000 Dead in Myanmar earthquake’, thankfully by morning it was 140, but I’m sure that will rise. The video of the collapsing high rise building in Bangkok and the photo of the aircraft tower in Myanmar which fell onto the terminal, killing all the air traffic controllers inside, are beyond terrifying.

I saw a 20 minute long phone call on John’s phone from yesterday and it always worries me that he’s been phoned by a hospital and made some arrangement that I know nothing about (it’s happened before). That or scammers, but he finally remembered who it was so I could add the person to his known numbers for next time.

March 30, 2025

My daughters’ birthdays!! Dav wanted to see the Ocean Photographer of the Year Exhibition so I was able to book a disabled parking spot right there (one of only two available) and also a wheelchair. Louis happily pushed John around the exhibition of stunning photos, including some tragic ones like a polar bear holding a plastic bag, a cliff of seabird nests all made of coloured plastic pieces and a seabird trapped inside a plastic mesh bag. Afterwards we went to the gift shop and then to the Star where we all gorged on Messina icecreams.

Last week I made a comment on the police website, to wit: ‘It seems that up till a month ago there were CCTV photos on this site almost every day after thefts or shop-lifting with a comment about this person perhaps helping with inquiries. These suddenly ceased, so have the thieves stopped targeting the north west or has the policy changed as far as showing the photos?’ I thought a friendly police person may have answered but no, in fact the comment was taken down. This leads me to believe there has been a quiet policy change, perhaps someone wrongly implicated has sued the police? Removing the question has only made me more keen to get the answer.

March 31, 2025

Had made a list of tasks for today and I’m gradually working through them. One was to get a new windscreen holder for John’s disability pass which crumbled to bits over the weekend, they don’t stand up to the sun too well. Sorted that at Service NSW and also tried to hand in his eToll tag. This proved more difficult as they wouldn’t accept my word without the Power of Attorney document and they said it would be a lot easier if I brought him in to do it, so that’s put off for another day.

After hearing about a patron dying in the audience of the Melbourne Comedy Festival, the phrase ‘I nearly died laughing’ came to mind, but in this case it was all too real. I remembered Robert telling me about a fellow having a heart attack when he and Sue were at a concert or opera and he went to assist, but it was accompanied by the surrounding patrons all telling him to shush when he was asking the then horizontal victim questions about where the pain was. The fellow survived, at least until the ambos arrived, so Robert got to hear the rest of the show.

April 1, 2025

I learned another lesson today. When we had family for lunch I pulled out the precious white lace and linen tablecloth and afterwards a lovely helpful person pointed out that it had a small mark on it. He suggested putting it in the machine and although I usually hand wash it I agreed, as I can use the hand wash cycle on the machine. A week passed and I had a white sheet and pillowcase to do so I threw them in on top of the tablecloth, setting it to soak and then hand wash. When I went to hang them out I was horrified to see that all were pink, unevenly pink, yet there was no foreign item in the machine. Then I remembered that I’d used red paper serviettes that day, which had obviously been rolled up in the tablecloth. Now they are just miniscule bits of red paper, attached to everything, but the colour had worked its magic. Trying to at least get an even dose of pink, if not I will have to dye them all.

Well I’ve washed them all again and they are still pink, but miraculously an even pink now, so any meals I serve up on that cloth will need to have a Barbie theme. Perhaps I can dye some serviettes (or serve-you-rights as John and I are want to call them) to match. All the bits of paper are gone, so I am counting my blessings. But a pink sheet and pillowcase? save for when my worst enemy comes to stay perhaps.

When I rang John last evening at 6 his phone went to message bank and continued to do so for an hour. So I rang the nurse on duty, not one I recognised, and she said she would look into it. No call ensued and I still couldn’t get through at 9 pm so I rang her again, only to be told that she had ‘checked the phone and it’s on and working fine’ so I changed tack and asked if she could get him to ring me, which he did very soon after, apologising that he had ‘done something to the phone so it wasn’t working’ though I have no idea what that could be. Somehow I couldn’t settle to watch 4 Corners, unheard of in this house.

I’m surprised at the lack of criticism of the fire-bombing of Tesla dealerships and the attacks on individual cars. Attack the company’s CEO and its finances by all means, but it is a pointless exercise to attack electric cars themselves, adding to greenhouse gases both in the acts being undertaken and in the reduced sales of electric vehicles which results from those actions. I’m suspicious about the backing of these protests as well as the lack of criticism of them.

April 2, 2025

Today I went to the sewing group after a long absence. I had decided to fix two linen items given to me from the estate of Connie Lowe by her daughter. One is a linen nightdress made by her and embroidered all in white as part of her trousseau, the other is a hand embroidered supper cloth, also all in white. They have been in my linen press ‘too good to use’ since 2002, but from now on they will certainly be used. Connie (or Queenie as she was often known) had given me a hand carved wooden teapot stand marked underneath ‘To May with love from Queenie 1915’. I’ve used that one frequently since the late 1990s when Connie gave to to me, but sadly once I’m not around it will just be a $5 item at the Salvos with no history attached. Connie was born in 1900 and died in 2002. She was the widow of former Hills Shire Councillor, Harvey Lowe, after whom the Harvey Lowe Pavilion at Castle Hill Showground was named. Connie moved to Lower Portland on the Hawkesbury River in 1931 after marrying Harvey Lowe in that year. At that time there was no sewerage or electricity and the Lowes had to make use of kerosene lamps. Connie’s newly acquired father-in-law was an original councillor on Baulkham Hills Shire Council in 1906, Councillor Robert Lowe. In those early days it took him three days to travel to a council meeting and another three days to travel back, staying overnight at Box Hill on both trips. The house which Councillor Robert Lowe stayed overnight still stands close to the new Carmel Village Shopping Centre on Windsor Rd at Box Hill, though sadly the stone house now looks like a ruin. 

Came home and made John’s lunch for tomorrow at Nelune, pureed mince, mashed potato and peas with gravy and a couple of chocolates for afters. Now I realise that I should have done two meals, one for First Saturday, but it didn’t occur to me till the first one was done.

April 3, 2025

John’s Nelune day and as usual I didn’t sleep well worrying about parking, getting him close to the entrance etc. Parking near St. V’s has become almost impossible, some places removed for cafe table access, others made loading zones, yet more changed from 2 hour limits to 1 hour meaning I can’t park there for the day even with the Disabled Permit. Nothing at all nearby today so I parked in the ambulance drop-off and watched him walk in, then drove to the Botanic Gardens, but had to go right to Mrs. Macquarie’s Chair to get a park there. A good walk through the Gardens followed to get to my destination, the State Library. John had a haematologist’s appointment at 2.15 while he was having his infusion, so I planned to get back well before that. However as I got to the Library I noticed 4 missed calls and guessed they could be from the doctor so I rang John, and yes, she was there early and hoping to talk to me. She commented on the quality of John’s lunch despite it being well before11, which was funny. I always feel 100% confident with the doctors there and any interactions with them are positive.

I was able to spend more time in the Library as a result and luxuriated in reading The Atlantic for a couple of hours, before eating my packed lunch and wandering back to the car, strangely closer when you are going downhill. On the way I popped into the Gardens nursery to ask why my crucifix orchids are growing and healthy but not flowering. I was told I am ‘being too kind to them’ by putting them in potting mix, ‘they like harsh treatment’ so I should have added bits of tree bark for half of the mix and not watered them very often. This fits with the ones I saw at Dural growing along a wall, small, not watered or cared for, but flowering. Trust me to choose a masochist plant. When I picked John up, again in the ambo drop-off, he came out with a nurse for the first time ever, he slept on and off on the way home and complained of feeling unwell, something the nurse must have picked up on, bless her with her beautiful Irish accent. We had a couple of Irish nurses at RNS and they were so human as well as professional.

April 4, 2025

A cooking morning first making a dish for First Saturday tomorrow as well as some chicken soup for John. Also stocked up on Buttermilk Dressing, my new fad thing for salads. I used a New York Times recipe from 2003 which has more ingredients than my simple one, including Parmesan cheese, but I can’t say it tastes dramatically different to my usual version. Then the phone rang and it was RNS to say that John has to go to the Pre-Admission Clinic there on Thursday the 10th, which will take at least 3 hours! It was at one of these marathons years ago that he was told by the anaesthetist that his heart wouldn’t withstand surgery, a surgery his cardiologist had already approved. It resulted in his getting the new heart valve that has now malfunctioned. Hopefully no surprises this time. They have no date for the op yet, but should be able to give us a date then. Woo-hoo, movement at the station. Now I just need the bloody letter for the Sheriff’s Office as I have had no response yet for something that seems a simple request.

I dropped off a few things to auction over a week ago but David was overseas so I couldn’t get estimates. Today I rang and was told the mantle clock would bring $100-200 to which I almost had a fit, only to hear David in the background saying ‘no, tell her $1600-2000’ which I’m very happy with. The estimate on the form must have been done by the person who booked it in, obviously not a clock expert. For 100 bucks it would be coming home again, as I’m hoping to get enough from the three items I took to put a dent in John’s dental prosthetist’s bill, expected to be $5000.

I well remember being offered a chicken sandwich by Gough Whitlam on the hustings on a very hot election day (from memory 1964 as I know I wasn’t old enough to vote). For this election the Libs are putting up some jerk in the great man’s seat of Werriwa who previously ran for United Australia, and whose views include an opinion that the education system has ‘brainwashed young Australians with Marxist ideology’, plus he is promoting a flat tax rate to attract billionaires and making anti-transgender comments. Oh I forgot, and women should not be in combat roles in the military. Where do they dredge up these people and who is doing their vetting? Unfortunately it is a very different electorate from the white bread one where Margaret Whitlam made sandwiches at the local public school and some of these views may well appeal.

April 5, 2025

John had completely forgotten that I was picking him up, which has become pretty usual. We went to Service NSW and he successfully closed his eToll account, so there’s $88 to come back to his account. I had already cooked the eggplant and tomatoes for my lunch dish for First Saturday so it was just a matter of assembling the rest of the ingredients. Kev and Michelle offered to give us a lift, but even with Sue’s suggestion of using the ramp at the back he struggled to get inside. Alan kindly sat at the table with John who had to eat the soup I brought rather than the delectables laid out. I always head straight to Michelle’s salmon quiche. Talking about salmon, after my letter was published in the SMH last Monday on alternatives to eating the Tasmanian stuff, they published an article on Thursday on just that topic.

My bung eye, which mysteriously started with a headache behind it last Thursday, had turned into a swollen and bloodshot one by Saturday and caused a few comments at FS, mainly wondering if I’d suddenly developed glaucoma, though Rosanna had a similar thing which turned out to be a virus needing hourly eye drops. I have booked an appointment with Bob for Monday so we’ll see what he says.

April 6, 2025

I was wrong about the electorate in which the far-right candidate Ben Britton was standing for the Libs. It was the seat named after Whitlam, not the seat held by him. In any event he has gone, even Dutton couldn’t risk someone so openly extreme. Good riddance, though we could see him pop up again in One Nation or the Trumpet of Patriots (I can’t even type that without laughing). The next to go must be Scott Yung, he’s had a trifecta of dodgy reporting which I think will see him go. First when he stood against Chris Minns in Kogarah in 2019 and reportedly understated his spending, then there was the infamous dinner with John Howard as speaker where he proudly claimed to have made $60,000 but strangely reported to the AEC a much, much lower figure (‘it raised less than I had recalled at the time’, and then recently he was found to be paying out much more for this campaign than he was reporting. As they say: ‘Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern’. He’s also in bother for calling a casino high roller linked to the Chinese Government as ‘brother’ in Mandarin, but as someone who calls even the postman darling, I won’t criticise him for that.

John now needs to sit down half way through doing the washing up, a task he still maintains that he wants to do. I had parked the car across the road yesterday and it took him all his time to walk that far. I need to take the wheelchair to the pre-admission appointment on Thursday in case I can’t get a close park, but the way he is now I think he’ll need it even if I am parked nearby.

April 7, 2025

Yesterday a friend in need of some work came and did over my herb garden, so now they are all in the ground instead of in pots. We shall see how that affects the growth but I think I’ll forever be weeding, which is why they were in pots in the first place. It does look better, though I want to move the windmill back into the garden and off the cement as I can’t see it from the deck and it’s something I like to watch. However it’s too heavy for me to move and John can’t lift anything any more. Planted some cut up tomatoes to see how they will grow there.

I feel as if I’m the recycling police as I notice jars and cans being put in the yellow bin without being washed and things like CD covers and soft plastics going in which should be going elsewhere. Instead of making waves I just take out the things I can see easily and rectify them but I’m damned if I’m going to pull out everything out of two bins to sort. Somehow today I am at sixes and sevens, so even a small thing like the bins is enough to agitate me. I did make an orange and almond cake early, and it turned out perfectly, so that should have put me in a calm and productive state of mind, but not so far.

April 8, 2025

Yesterday I went to see Bob about my bung eye and he told me to go to an optometrist asap for a glaucoma check, quicker and cheaper than an ophthalmologist. I rang Specsavers at Baulkham Hills from there and they had an appointment straight away. I then spent over an hour and a half with the loveliest professional you could imagine. I thought he would want to test me for glasses, but no, he was totally focussed on doing a heap of tests for whatever was wrong. At one point he asked me to wait outside his office while he made a phone call, it turned out that he had sent all my test results to an ophthalmologist friend to make sure that his initial diagnosis was correct! He called me back in and said he thought it was episcleritis and without knowing anything about my circumstances, he commented that it is common among people with autoimmune diseases, especially if they are under stress. Tick and tick. Then he said that his equipment is sophisticated enough to diagnose brain tumours, which he had done in the past, and in one case at closing time he drove the man to hospital where the diagnosis was confirmed. I will still buy my glasses from my pal Ralph but as far as eye tests go, Matthew has got me for life.

This morning I spoke to the TAVI team leader who wanted to know John’s weight today so it could be compared to his discharge weight. He had gained about 6 kilos which they are not happy about as it shows that his heart failure is worsening and that the body is retaining excess fluid in the tissues. Add to this the increased breathlessness and it’s not a pretty picture. Many calls followed after they called the cardiologist Gemma who wants his diuretic drugs increased, then they wanted phone numbers for Gracewood, the RN on duty and Bob in order to get the changes implemented today. They said that he needs the surgery done asap but with Easter, ANZAC Day and a doctors’ strike……. Anyway we shall see what they make of him on Thursday. Nancye has offered to come with us for company, an offer that I am still thinking about.

On a brighter note, today was the day my friend Tony came for the morning before beginning work at the library at noon. Apart from the many phone calls we had a lovely time, as we always do, discussing books, politics and people, my three favourite subjects, what bliss. I am so lucky to have his friendship.

April 9, 2025

After thinking a year ago that an email from a mob called Phi Finney McDonald Lawyers was a hoax, I decided to ring them in Melbourne, only to find that it was in fact a real court case that I could join via a class action. It was something to do with overcharging by ANZ on my credit card, though I must admit I didn’t get to the bottom of it fully. However today I received a notice that: ‘You can expect your final settlement distribution of $33.75 to be transferred to your nominated bank account by the end of this week’. I’m thinking about spending it on half a dozen oysters, but that decision isn’t yet definite.

What is going on with fish shops? When I was in Castle Mall seeing Bob I went to get some prawns but the entire fish shop was barricaded up, no signs or indication that it is being renovated (which it didn’t need anyway), just plain shut. Yesterday I went to Winston Hills to buy a particular book for Millie which was listed on the website as selling at Big W, except it wasn’t. But I did notice that the Wild Fishmonger, another large shop, was permanently closed. I know fish is getting very expensive but I would have thought that lots of people would be buying it up at Easter. So I came home prawnless and ordered the book from Big W online, with just a $4 postage, still about $10-$15 cheaper than a bookshop, if we had such a thing.

I read with horror of Trump’s plan to take over half of Ukraine’s oil and gas resources, almost all of its metals and much of its infrastructure. In return the US gives Ukraine nothing, zip, nada, it is all for services and military assistance provided in the past. Ukraine would be bound to the agreement but the US forfeits nothing, effectively making Ukraine a province of the USA and a money-making one at that. The US would control ‘Ukraine’s roads, rail, pipelines, ports, terminals, refineries, processing facilities, and similar assets’. They need ‘to pay off $159 billion of war debts to the US, with 4 % interest added’ until that is achieved, something that is apparently unpayable considering their GDP. The 51st state perhaps, Canada will have to settle for 52nd.

April 10, 2025

Today was John’s pre-admission clinic but knowing how frail he is I decided to borrow a wheelchair from Gracewood in case I had to park at the far end of the carpark. It wouldn’t go in the boot so I took it back, then came home and packed the one kindly lent by my friend Tania months ago ‘just in case’. It fitted perfectly and we sailed off via Barsbys Auctions where I picked up two rings that I’d put in to sell, both marked gold and sold to me as white gold, but Alex had found that they were fake marks so they didn’t pass muster. However I was able to see my mantle clock sitting proudly on a cabinet and waiting for a buyer in a future sale. Then off to John’s appointment, and yes we were parked a bit away but he assured me that we didn’t need the wheelchair. However he was hard pressed to even cross the road, never mind climb the hill, so it was hastily pulled from the boot. It took me all my time to push him uphill to the side entrance (where are the Maoris when you need one?) but I got there eventually. Pre-admission involves a series of appointments one after the other, in this case cardiologist, anaesthetist, pathology, TAVI nurse and more, but he only got as far as the first. Bernie listened to his heart, and listened at the back, and listened again at the front and side, finally telling us that John’s condition had deteriorated and he needed to be admitted immediately. The beautiful Ingrid took him for yet another echocardiogram while I went to the car to gather his PJs, toiletries, colouring in etc which I had secreted in the car this morning in case of just this eventuality. He ended up in a respiratory ward temporarily until they found a bed in the cardiac ward where he is now ensconced, waiting either for the operation scheduled on the 24th, or else an earlier one if it can possibly be arranged and judging by the doctor’s reaction I’d say this is highly likely. Quotes of the Day: John to the pre-admissions officer ‘I’m here to collect my teeth’ and later when asked how he was and replied ‘I’m fine thankyou’ the cardiologist replied ‘you look anything but fine to me’.

April 11, 2025

What a day! Bob and Nancye came for morning tea and we were having a great time laughing away, after which I was going in to see John at the hospital. But their pharmacy rang to ask if I could handle his tablets in boxes rather than in the strip form that comes from the nursing home. I was totally confused as I explained to her that he wouldn’t be coming out for a couple of weeks. ‘Oh no’ she said ‘he’s being sent home this afternoon by patient transport’. I couldn’t believe it and neither could Bob, so I asked for the doctor to ring me, however it was like talking to a very polite brick wall in terms of getting the decision changed. So the operation is back to the 24th. I had a weep, but that didn’t help either.

April 12, 2025

Last night got worse again after John eventually got back to Gracewood. I was talking to him on the phone when a nurse came in to his room to ask if he was given his evening tablets at the hospital. Of course he didn’t have a clue so I suggested she look in the discharge summary, which didn’t specify either. So I went to bed knowing that he could have had no tablets last night, or double. Anyway he survived till the morning so it worked out in the end. His dementia seems worse and it was suggested that lack of blood to the brain may be the reason, which makes sense, and was yet another reason to bring the op forward. I blew $50 for a week in advance of television hire, which is non-refundable but considering everything else going on it is small cheese.

Finally I have a doctor’s letter supporting my case for a jury deferral now that we have a definite date for the operation, that’s one rock off the pile on my shoulders so I will post that off tomorrow, having decided not to do anything medical related today in the interests of mental health!

The daughter of someone I know is standing for One Nation in the upcoming election and it was discussed with me a couple of weeks ago. I’d hoped that it wouldn’t happen, but today the candidates names were released and yes, she not only nominated but got top spot on the ballot paper. I refuse to think about the election today either. Yesterday though I saw something wanting donations to fund an excellent television ad showing children repeating announcements on climate by various named Liberals and Nationals. It was so good that I sent them off some money but later in the day it appeared again though this time the quotes were there but the names of those who said them were removed. It really affected the ad detrimentally and I don’t know why they changed it. I didn’t think I’d ever donate to a campaign run by a multi-millionaire for largely wealthy candidates, but no other party seems to be be running ads as good as these Climate 200 ones.

April 13, 2025

Yesterday I got to see Nijinsky, which was looking doubtful for a while there but then Gracewood wanted John to be observed for a bit longer, so thankfully I didn’t have to try to find a late taker for my ticket. It was certainly an experience, but I would be a liar if I said that I understood what was going on all the time. It was long, it was like a cross between ballet and modern dance, it was somewhat hysterical, as befits Nijinsky’s long history of schizophrenia. So I am glad I saw it, but I would need the choreographer sitting next to me and explaining what was going on to really understand it. I spoke to a woman who asked if I had seen Oscar, which I desperately wanted to see, but didn’t. She claimed it was the best ballet she had ever seen and left the audience, including her, in tears.

Today I brought John home, but I also asked for a copy of his discharge summary, and it’s lucky that I did. I was aware of the drug changes and Bisa told me that he is on a 1.2 litres per day fluid restriction, but I also discovered that I am supposed to take him to RNSH on Thursday for another pre-admission clinic. The staff were stunned that the hospital hadn’t told me, boy that was such a messy exit. They had lost one of his meds as well so I had to get Gracewood to order a replacement. You really have to double check everything to be sure all procedures are being met correctly.

April 14, 2025

Today I actually received the $33.75 from Phi Finney McDonald lawyers for whatever ANZ did wrongly in years past. Unfortunately I’d already spent $38 on oysters so I’m in the red on that one, however my oyster craving was satisfied (almost) gratis. Thanks ANZ, but I somehow think that the Phi Finney mob feasted on rather more oysters out of this deal than the ANZ customers did.

My library pal Tony advised me to book for the Sydney Writers’ Festival event at Castle Hill Library – An Evening with Shankari Chandran. I booked and then immediately rang Nancye to see if she wanted to come too, but she just got the waiting list. Considering the timing it seems that I was the last ticket and she the first on the wait list. Them’s the breaks.

It occurs to me that I need to be more pro-active in making sure that specialists’ requests are adhered to promptly. Last Thursday the cardiologist was visibly displeased that his request for weekly blood tests had been ignored or overlooked for a month and also that his instruction for an increase in a diuretic drug two days before the appointment was still not showing on the medication chart that I had had printed that morning. It’s a juggling act between specialist, GP and various RNs at Gracewood but it is important that things happen immediately when his condition is so delicate. We may have avoided the hospital admission if the drugs were given earlier. Of course I am blaming myself, but what’s new there?

April 15, 2025

Got a letter in the Herald today so that’s always a good start to the day. I’d written three on various things, but I’m glad they chose that one which read: ‘One thing that puts a lot of people off voting for Peter Dutton is the perception that he has a “nasty” streak. He is certainly trying to come across as the helpful policeman, but he just couldn’t resist breaking out with a jibe at Jim Chalmers’ 2004 PhD, referring to him as “the so-called Dr Chalmers”. You could almost feel his speechwriters grimacing. As we all did’. My prediction that Scott Yung may finally go from rooster to feather duster may yet come to pass as there is still a low burbling about his various dishonesties, however are they being translated into Chinese? That is the question, and his opponents should be focussing on making sure they go up on WeChat, a tricky ask when none of them are Chinese speakers as far as I know, but perhaps some of their staff speak the language.

I’ve been doing some digging about the additives that go into Tasmanian salmon and have found the name of the chemical that they are adding to get the unnatural pink colour, or even red, as the colour depends on the dosage. Buy salmon from Norway which is widely available (Aldi has fillets, Woolworths has smoked salmon) and you can avoid the chemical which is banned in the EU. Farmed salmon is fed with synthetic astaxanthin pellets, a chemical that gives it that pink or even red colour, not exactly something you want in your sushi. The EU requires that salmon be naturally pigmented through diet, not artificial chemicals so it is safe to buy it from any EU country. Don’t even get me started on the antibiotics we use here.

April 16, 2025

After a pretty sleepless night I decided that the best thing I could do with today was to work on restoring more of my blog after its butchering last year. It is a slow and tedious task but it gives me great satisfaction as it will ultimately restore many memories, much of them of times spent with John that I can never get back, as he has forgotten altogether and my memory is patchy. So I’ve put in quite a few hours today and feel better for it. I did duck up to the shops for a few things I forgot yesterday and made a point of looking at the newspapers in Woolies. The Daily Telegraph and The Australian and getting very panicky, each with a plethora of hysterical headlines against Labor and pro Dutton. That’s why I wanted to see the printed copies as you can’t get a handle on things like size of type, size of photos etc from the internet version. It is good in one way because it means that their polling is indicating trouble for the Libs, but bad in the other in that there will be so many people reading this stuff. The biggest threat to democracy is people who don’t think about politics until election time as they have no background to assess what’s being told to them. I would have loved to go to the leaders’ debate tonight in Parramatta, but I emailed the ABC asking how to get a ticket and got a reply saying that they can’t respond to every email. Also I am too emotional at the moment and might make a fool of myself if a certain couple of people were there. Not a good look on national television. Gracewood just rang wanting John to be part of the Anzac service on April 24. I explained that he is having surgery that day and she said ‘Yes I know, but what time does he have to be there? Maybe he could still take part?’ Aaah, no.

Yesterday a friend of ours rang me and said she had just arrived at Gracewood to visit John. She had been to Kathmandu and bought him three beanies for winter, but she didn’t think he knew who she was. I rang him straight afterwards and asked about the visit and with prompting he found the bag with the three beanies in it but couldn’t tell me who had brought them. I am shocked that his dementia has moved to that level over just the last couple of weeks, perhaps because only 25% of his blood is getting through the valve and the doctors have described it as “a washing machine“. But will his cognition come back after the operation? I’m not so sure. When he was discharged from hospital last Friday he thought it was because the operation had already been done, so yesterday wasn’t an isolated occurrence. It is terrifying to me as I just see that terrible dementia ward at Gracewood which was like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I just couldn’t let him go into there.

The pro-Vegemite stand by Albo doesn’t really reveal the issue that the Canadians have with it: they do not allow vitamins to be added to foods. The EU, Canada and even New Zealand have much stricter laws about food safety than we do. We are not as bad as the US, but certainly not as good as those mentioned.

April 17, 2025

Well Woolworths must be spying on me or reading letters to the editor, or something, as they just offered me 800 points on my Rewards Card if I bought just one packet of Tassal Smoked Salmon. Nothing else, just the antibiotic-filled, coloured salmon. You sneaky buggers, did you think I’d fall for that? No way Jose.

Well John is ready to go for surgery after an epic pre-admission that took from 12.30 till after 4. Anaesthetist, cardiologist, nurse, TAVI coordinator, pathology and X-ray one after t’other. I had a huge laugh with the pathology nurse when he had to do a urine sample amongst other things. It seemed to be taking an awful long time so I knocked and went in only to find John washing the sterile jar. ‘Why are you washing it?’ I asked. ‘Because I dropped it in the toilet but it’s all fine now’ he replied confidently. Yeah, maybe not. New jar procured. I wonder what bevy of bugs would have shown up in the report. The nurse said she was looking forward to listening to some music because she had booked two weeks holiday not realising it was Easter and it’s too expensive to go away. It seemed it was modern music she was looking for so I recommended Jim’s bar Lazy Thinking in Dulwich Hill, or Dull Bitch Hill as a gay friend used to call it, and she assiduously recorded the details to try it. We have to be at the hospital at 6.30 (that’s AM) next Thursday which is a nightmarish thought, but seeing he needed to stand leaning on the car for five minutes today from the effort of getting out of it, the op can’t come soon enough. We take Tania’s wheelchair everywhere now, where once it stood in the garage as a silent sentinal.

Looking forward to trying some recipes over the weekend that don’t have to be ‘grizzed’ as John calls it. Crustless leek and spinach quiche where the veges can be grizzed before adding the eggs for starters tomorrow. I bought 20 eggs from the farm at Dural run by Denise and her husband and son. There was a choice of white eggs or brown but I chose a pack with a mixture of colours including the darkest brown egg I have ever seen. I want that one.

April 18. 2025

Easter Show buff Sue reports that many of the District Exhibits had bottles of coloured water where the preserves usually sit so she asked the official why. ‘Because we can’t find people who make preserves any more’ was his answer. Sad. I’ve been reading a bit lately about seed oils, ‘the hateful eight’ as they’re known, though there are actually 9: Canola oil (also known as rapeseed oil), Corn oil, Cottonseed oil, Grapeseed oil, Soybean oil, Sunflower oil, Safflower oil, Rice bran oil and Peanut oil. They are heavily chemically processed and often packed in plastic, a real no-no for oils. Seed oils are all chemically processed, which may include cleaning, pressing, bleaching, deodorising, refining and, in some cases, adding a chemical solvent hexane for oil extraction. I stopped buying them decades ago when an ophthalmologist commented that because my mother went blind from macular degeneration, I should only eat olive oil, avocado oil and butter and I’ve stuck to that. He showed me pictures of patients’ eyes which were quite quite yellow looking and said that it was a build-up of seed oils, which put me off them right sharply. But although I never buy them, any bought food is likely to contain one or other, cakes, biscuits, fried foods, almost anything, and you can bet your boots that the oils are packed in plastic as well and we know that plastic leaches into oily liquids much more than water based ones. Puts you right off eating out, or buying in for that matter.

April 19, 2025

When we were at the pre-admission clinic on Thursday we were sent to pathology for some tests. I didn’t look at them as assiduously as I usually would but I remember that one was marked BLOOD TRANSFUSION in capitals across the top so I assumed it was for cross-matching just in case he needs a transfusion. At 3 am today I remembered that no blood was taken and got into a panic about it. At 4 am I rang the cardiology ward but there was only an emergency doctor on duty and he couldn’t do anything about it of course, telling me to ring the TAVI coordinator and leave a message which I did a little later, but she isn’t back till Tuesday. So if it is a case of it being missed, rather than another explanation, I will have to schlep him down there again on Tuesday. I can’t understand why she wouldn’t have rung us if it were an accident. Micromanaging is exhausting. Anyway I feel like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards through lack of sleep but I’ve noticed that John is falling asleep on and off all day, presumably oxygen related but I can’t be sure.

Planted some sage and dill in the herb garden and sowed sweet pea seeds in pots, hopefully to climb up the windmill. A green-fingered shop client told me to always plant sweet peas on Anzac Day but I’ll be pretty busy then so I got in early.

Travelling through Carlingford the other day I was surprised to see all the Labor signs along the main roads, I counted 9 to the Libs 1, though that may have changed. I’ve seen none in Baulko for any party.

Finding recipes everywhere for uneaten Easter eggs is quite an indication of the level of over-consumption that we have become used to. Luke Mangan had a disgusting recipe on his website for a bread and butter pudding made with hot cross buns and layered with broken Easter eggs. Apart from the fact that it sounds absolutely vomit-worthy, what about all the plastic and foil and energy that went into the ingredients. I bought none this year and received none so I felt quite happy about that.

April 20, 2025

John was falling asleep on and off yesterday, then went to bed at 8.30 and slept 12 and a half hours. This operation is so sorely needed. He asked at breakfast ‘Let me get this straight, I’m having the TAVI to get more blood to my gums so I can get the teeth sooner, is that right?’ Sometimes I’m just tempted to agree, but that would be the one time that he remembered the answer. Next door neighbours Justin and Karen came in for afternoon tea and I discovered that the new owners of their house, the Qantas pilots, have lived in Hong Kong for the last 10 years.

I am looking forward to eating food that needs chewing as I’m trying this weekend to eat what I cook for John. The crustless spinach quiche was boring and I won’t do it again, though he liked it. However the Mexican creamed corn with a bit of cheese and chili was worth doing, it’s an old favourite and I was able to pick the last jalapeno chili to go in it. However I’m not seeing any more coming on that plant, though I have a super hot plant as well. Enjoying watching my herbs growing plus I sliced a small sweet tomato into half a dozen pieces and planted them, now I have some tiny tomato seedlings coming on.

I wonder if Lisa Curry gets paid to regularly tell us all of her boring domestic details? If so I can just ignore them when they pop up in the press, but if not she has a serious ‘look at me’ problem which needs some attention. Who is interested in ‘the moment that prompted her to give up alcohol’? Yawn.

April 21, 2025

I am really worried that John won’t even make it to Thursday. I’ve told Gracewood not to take him out on the bus trip tomorrow as even with a wheelchair it’s too much for him getting in and out of the bus. As well as profound exhaustion he now has a cough, both of which are classic symptoms of end stage heart failure. I have rung Cecilia this morning and told her to let me know if she thinks that I should take him back to hospital before Thursday.

There are heaps of things that I decide I want to write about but somehow once I open the computer I can only think of John stuff and the rest disappears.

At 6 o’clock I took out pumpkin seeds and peel for the possum, it was dark and I didn’t put the light on. Putting it on the feeder I touched the possum, sitting there waiting, and frightened the bejesus out of both of us. I leapt backwards, as did he, but he was high off the ground and landed in bushes below, maybe 20 feet away. No sign of him since so perhaps he’s licking his wounds, but hopefully shocked more than injured.

Oh my, it’s not the he, it’s the she, with baby aboard! So she jumped all that way with the little one, but they are both back and eating the pumpkin with, it seems, no serious harm done.

April 22, 2025

After making myself sick at times over the weekend worrying about John not having had the required blood test last Thursday, I finally got onto the TAVI department and the coordinator said she would look into whether they could go on the previous one or require me to take him back to the hospital today to have it done. She just rang back to say that the doctors are happy to use previous ones, which begs the question of why they prescribed it, but a good result for me. Now we can spend the time relaxing together and not running around the hospital.

I must admit that I felt sad about the death of the Pope. What rotten luck to have spent some of your last hours on earth having to greet J. D. Vance, whose ‘values’ are the antithesis of the Pope’s. I felt sorry for Albo whose statement on television showed him close to tears. But I take issue with the ABC’s journalists all togging up in black, something the rest of Australian society gave up long ago. They did the same thing when the Queen died and copped much criticism for it.

Reading the bizarre stories about Peter Navarro, Trump’s economic advisor, he who is leading him down the tariff path as well as encouraging his anti-China rhetoric. Apparently after his election Trump tasked his son to find him an economic advisor. Trump Jnr looked on Amazon for books about conservative economics and chose Navarro from the covers he saw there according to a New York Times journalist!! (I guess that’s what you do when you don’t actually read books). They included Death By China and The Coming China Wars amongst many others, including at least two books praising Trump and including a photo of him on the cover (good career move). But when his books where checked more carefully it was discovered that he uses as a constant reference for his economic and political theories one Professor Ron Vara. Despite exhaustive searches, no such dude could be found and Navarro was forced to admit that he didn’t exist, he simply made him up from an anagram of his own name. I thought I had heard the most shocking story about dodgy references from someone in my own circle, but this one takes the apple pie.

April 23, 2025

Had a visit from Martha this morning and it was good to sit on the back verandah in both sun and rain. Currently we are waiting for a call from the hospital to say exactly what time we need to be there (I am hoping for 10, after the last estimate of 6 am) as well as times for fasting. Lots of pumpkin in the oven baking for a dinner of Roast Pumpkin with Tomato and Pea Sauce, something that looks like a normal meal but which John can mash up as he eats it. For some reason I keep thinking that after Thursday John will be eating normally but of course it has nothing to do with his mouth, something he keeps attesting and now that idea has spread.

I can’t believe that Dutton is even remotely considering reappointing Mike Pezzullo, and the fact that he is admitting it before an election seems madness. Pezzullo is an extreme hawk plus an extreme social conservative and I know this not from the press but from someone who served with him in the army all those years ago. He described frequently going out with him in a group for a few beers and the Pez could never get past conversations about the dangers of China, gay men, lefties and more. He was boss of Australia’s Home Affairs department and was removed from the top job after an Australian Public Service Commission inquiry found he had breached the government’s code of conduct at least 14 times, including for using his power for personal benefit. What more needs to be said to keep him a long way from any government position?

April 24, 2025

We! Got! There!
After a 4:30 am start which John couldn’t understand “why are we getting up in the middle of the night?” we got to the hospital at 5:45 and he was first cab off the rank. This fits with what I was told once by a surgeon that they start their day with the hardest cases and work down to the easiest. I was promised by a number of people that they would phone me as soon as he was finished but nobody did and as 10, 11, 12 ticked over with no news I had to do a search to try to find him in the afternoon. Apparently it took longer than expected and they didn’t finish till 11, after adding another stent to the TAVI job. After asking the people on the front desk, the admissions, the intensive care unit and finally the cardiac care unit I found him ensconced with a catheter, a drip, oxygen, and 11 wires going to his chest to monitor his heart as well as a contraption to hold the artery closed until it healed, which was causing him some pain. They did a 35 minute ultrasound of the heart while I was there and although I couldn’t read it on the screen, she seemed quite happy. Home exhausted but mightily relieved, especially after Bob confided here a couple of days ago that he hadn’t been sure that John would make it long enough to get the surgery done.

April 25, 2025

Anzac Day is always somewhat confounding for me in that the memorial or remembrance aspects are tied up with the celebration ones, the latter pushed by successive governments to convince young men that it’s a good thing to be willing and happy to kill strangers that said government doesn’t like, then to come home to a hero’s welcome. My father, the most unpolitical person and a WWII veteran, refused point blank to acknowledge Anzac Day as he saw it as ‘Australians glorifying war’ in a way that he said was never done in England. The beer swilling and two-up added to this view. The intense religiosity of the event, especially considering the secular nature of Australia’s defence forces, is also a put off. Does the “mono-ideological stranglehold” of Christianity over RSL dawn services alienate people? So I keep my Anzac thoughts (and commemoration) to myself as to do anything else is to invite a pile on.

The Australian has to be juggling its favourite topics at the moment, Anzac Day and anything to do with the Catholic Church, so the Pope’s funeral coming the same weekend was unfortunate for them. It only occurred to me the other day that the Oz’s opinion writers and editor are largely from Irish Catholic backgrounds so they fit right in: Kelly, Sheridan, Shanahan, Healey. How did I not pick that up sooner? I have heard the paper referred to as The Catholic Daily. And dear Rupert of course, whose conversion was facilitated by John’s cousin and fellow ex-priest John Hunter Murray who worked with Murdoch in London and was asked to provide private lessons in the religion to Rupe and his family in their New York bolthole.

Last night I vegged out in front of Restoration Australia and marvelled at the gorgeous mansion in Yass that was being worked on (not to mention its physically stunning owner whose face I couldn’t get enough of). However I was shocked when presenter Anthony Burke referred to the house as Georgian, something it clearly wasn’t. Later in the show he mentioned its building in 1890! How can a Professor of Architecture get that so wrong I asked myself? and then why wasn’t the mistake picked up by the editors? I like his attitude to restoration, but if a heritage architect made that error I think I’d be looking elsewhere. But cut the guy some slack, maybe he was besotted by that face too.

I was expecting John to be up and about this morning but he was still attached to 2 different drips, oxygen, a heart monitor and a catheter so he was shaved and bathed in bed. One drip is Levosimendan which he’s never had before, ‘a calcium sensitizer used in the management of acutely decompensated congestive heart failure’. ADHF is described as ‘a sudden, severe worsening of heart failure symptoms requiring immediate medical intervention’. It is worrying me that he wasn’t on that in the worst attacks of heart failure that have seen him admitted to hospital in the past, but he is on it now. Also his urine is badly stained with blood, something that wasn’t happening yesterday, but the nurse passed it off as ‘some damage when they put the catheter in’. Just don’t like all of these signs, but the sign I want is a doctor to explain them. He has been moved to right opposite the nurse’s station so they can ‘watch’ him but what are they watching for?

April 27, 2025

Yesterday afternoon I had a wonderful trip to the Art Gallery of NSW with my granddaughter, first to a kids activity in the new modern art section Naala Badu and later in the original building Naala Nura. I still subscribe to the view that it’s all about the building in the modern art area, which to me is disappointing as we already had a modern art museum which now has had to bring in an admission fee, I’m sure as a result of deliberately splitting the clientele across the two venues. Frankly I find little to excite me in either one as I’m clearly a Philistine as far as modernism is concerned. But we very much enjoyed making a collage from supplied paper, foil, and pipe cleaners at the first venue. Then at Hikoko Ito’s Happy Birthday 2U2 in the main building we were able to find our birthdays in the colourful 366 mailboxes she has constructed, one for every birthday of the year including leap years. Each box contains birthday cards, illustrated with an artwork she has selected from the Art Gallery of New South Wales collection, made and left by someone with that birthday. Then, having read the card, we could return the favour, crafting another card to be found by the next visitor, our ‘birthday twin’. It was a lovely idea, very beautifully executed with fret worked designs to the fronts of the boxes representing each day of the year. On to Art Express, to marvel at the skill and imagination of HSC art students, the quality of the work is phenomenal. The only downside was the lunch, or I should say my charge’s lunch. She chose the Kids Pizza but what arrived was a huge thick slab of white bread with something? on top hidden by melted cheese. It was inches thick and she took one bite and said it was awful and I agreed, you can’t pass off a three inch thick lump of bread to a 9 year old and call it a pizza. The menu seemed very constrained and I suspect Matt Moran has handed over to someone else, in fact I did see the chef’s picture come to think of it and it ain’t Matt. Oh and the funny ending to the day was when I was waved off by the smiling security guard at the door, but discovered outside that I was holding a book from the Gallery shop! A hasty retreat and apology at the shop ensued.

John is out of bed today but still has a catheter. The urine is full of blood and seems to be getting worse every day. It’s so dark that it looks like a blood transfusion bag now, which he thought it was! They think it’s some damage from putting the catheter in but it was fine on Thursday so that doesn’t add up logically. I am still trying to have a discussion with a doctor ever since last Thursday! But the specialists will be back tomorrow and I will be onto them first thing. I was told this morning that he’s fine to go home from a cardiology perspective but they need to investigate the blood first.

I was toying with asking in my will for a simple funeral, but after seeing the Pope’s ‘simple funeral’ I’m now convinced that 250,000 people, a televised ceremony and many days of mourning would be perfect for me. It doesn’t matter a fig to them what he wanted, they must adhere to tradition in preference to his wishes. I see that they are now saying 400,000 so that’s even better.

April 28, 2025

Well I spoke to a doctor finally yesterday, on the fifth day of asking. John’s catheter bag still looks like a blood transfusion bag and until today I couldn’t get any answers as to why, although I’d had a good guess but I wanted an authoritative opinion! But apparently it is due to the fact that they put his blood thinning drugs up from 1 to 3 and the slightest little cut will bleed like mad so clearly they did some small injury when they put the catheter in. They have reduced that now to 2 drugs and hopefully that will control the issue but they got the urology team to look at him yesterday to give them advice. 

They did a bladder scan and recommended to take out the catheter at midnight last night (why midnight? I have no idea) and if he can wee unassisted after that he will go back to Gracewood. Catheters can be buggers to withdraw while getting the person to take over the function again. But apparently from a cardiology perspective the valve is working perfectly. It very much added to the stress that I couldn’t get to speak to a doctor regardless of how much I tried over the 3 day weekend.

Sue recommended the dental technician who made teeth for her mother recently when she lost the upper set at the nursing home, so I decided to get a second quote. $6159 was the damage from Dr Lindsay which is $1159 more than our Chatswood guy. His receptionist made a point of saying that there are no discounts for pensioners. Also, she said if the moulds are done now they will need relining in six months which is an extra charge. David Rozek had explained the same thing but said he would include that cost in the initial price. So it’s back to Chatswood unfortunately. He was excellent before for John’s partial denture and the plate was metal and very good quality, but I was willing to compromise a bit for a lesser bill. I had sent off my 1906 clock to auction to pay for a slab of it, with the $1600-$2400 estimate, but sadly it didn’t get a bid. However they will try again next month at a lower price. I did get $50 for 4 pairs of binoculars and $90 for a French brass WWI plaque, so that’s something I guess.

April 29, 2025

Everything came together today when both the cardiology team and the urology team agreed that John could go home. He was dressed and ready to go early this morning, waiting for the patient transport, so I took the opportunity to go to pre-polling at Brookhollow to hand out how-to-votes. There were two handing out for the Greens, four Labor people and six Liberals, sometimes more, but interestingly five of them were Indian (three of them Sikhs). It was pleasant and cordial for the most part, well if you don’t count the fellow who told me to Fuck Off, to which I replied with a smile Thankyou Sir. My compatriot said she was disappointed that she hadn’t been abused, but tomorrow is another day and I advised her to be patient. The Labor chap said to me ‘you must realise that we are considered beneath the Liberal people, it’s in their eyes when they look at us’ and damned if he isn’t right. Even the polite ones amongst the workers look down on us in their patronising way. Winning should fix that for a bit. No other parties were represented, not even by the candidate, which is weird. John eventually got back to Gracewood at 6 pm, poor man waited all day for transport, which is usual I’m discovering. It’s a taxi service of sorts and I don’t understand why it isn’t more tightly controlled timewise.

An interesting article in the Herald today was about the writer’s brother and his inability to get dentures via the public system. ‘After sitting for three years on the public dental list to have dentures fitted, we were suddenly informed that the system had no capacity and Simon would have to seek help in the private sector hence our recent visit to the dental surgery. And while I don’t complain about taking on this responsibility or the eye-watering cost…… I do get slightly irate when I think we could have pursued this option years ago, if we’d known this was a likely outcome’. So the 2 and a half years that we were quoted has now blown out to 3…or never. I will ring the dental guy tomorrow and get the ball rolling.

April 30, 2025

Well the caravan of voters rolls on, where are they all coming from….. No Fuck Offs today, though plenty of disapproving looks. I must admit that I’m concerned about the One Nation preferences, especially as one of the candidates is at the edge of my social orbit. I’m still gob-smacked that people put themselves up for election and then don’t even turn up to hand out at pre-polling, nor do they send anyone else to hand out for them. This makes me think that the parties are only interested in getting a person, preferably breathing, standing in every electorate to influence preferences. I think back to my parents who were so apolitical, not voting for the federal government because of a pothole or something similar and refusing to vote Liberal once because they thought the CP in the Liberal/CP coalition stood for Communist Party and not Country Party, so they voted Democratic Labor Party because it was ‘democratic’ and look where that got us. I was only a young teenager but tried to explain the system to them and because in Britain there are no state governments they (rightly I think) thought that we are over-governed. But god it taught me to be wary of any party with words like democratic, family, Christian, or even Australian in their title.

Interestingly the receptionist from Sue’s recommended dentist just rang me back and I immediately told her that I’d decided to go with another company. She was sooo happy and apologised that the owner doesn’t give any discounts. She said she had been thinking of us since I rang on Monday. I have booked David Rozek for John next Thursday morning but when I rang to tell him he said ‘great, we’ll go out for lunch straight after, when I’ve got my teeth’. Um, maybe not.

When I was at Barsbys Auctions I was speaking to their wonderful jewellery expert Alex and he commented that we would all have been better to put our money in Pokemon cards rather than antiques or jewellery as they are what is bringing the money at the moment. Now I read that In Wollongong a man arranged to hand over a Pokemon card, a 1999 Pokémon Charizard Hollo Unlimited grade nine, to an online buyer but was assaulted and the $8000 card stolen. Ooh that’s why I only deal with sales that can be posted, not that I’ve sold anything this year or well into last.

May 1, 2025

How can it be May? I feel jilted out of months somehow, it seems to have been a long row of medical appointments with not much joy in between. But the results have been good so that’s the main thing. The good thing about May is the election, but I’m glad I’m not Jerome Laxale today, after his dopey old father kicked an own goal for him by abusing a Liberal pre-polling person with homophobic slurs. Don’t take the rellies along people, neither sons whingeing about not having a house at 20, nor fathers with a nasty streak and without any political nous.

I fully understand the fear felt by the cop running into the Westfield to apprehend the knife-wielding man at Bondi Junction, but her comment that ‘I resigned myself to the fact that I was probably going to die’ sounded odd to me considering that she was armed with a Taser and a Glock pistol and he with a knife. I think it was more about how she was feeling rather than the actual risk, as was clearly shown by the ultimate result. The comments by the senior paramedic who had to queue outside while people were dying inside was gut-wrenching, according to reports. He said that the security guard was operated on in the open air outside as soon as he was brought out, but died anyway. I worked out from the timeline that he was stabbed 45 minutes before that, surely it can’t be said that no one’s life was lost due to the delay? Yet that was the evidence. I had assumed that they were all killed ‘instantly’ but now it seems that some just bled out waiting for help. Beyond tragic.

I am so pleased that the polls are showing that Dutton is on the nose, but let’s realise that still means that nearly 50% of the population is willing to vote for him or those even further to the right. Who are these people? I know one only person who will vote for him and he is a lifelong Liberal, with whom I’ve argued for the last 56 years. Another friend who has always voted Liberal has told me that this time he is voting Labor. I am dismayed by the level (or complete lack) of understanding of the issues by people interviewed on TV. When asked about the election they reply that they don’t follow politics or are not interested in the election or don’t understand the system, with absolutely no idea what the policies are that they are required to vote for, or against. A lady telling the reporter about her inability to pay for food is covered head to toe with tattoos, which must be going dead cheap these days, but still had no idea about election issues or the difference between parties. I’m sure there are many business people who will vote Dutton 1, but many others are the ‘don’t have a clue’ brigade and I’m not sure how parties can reach them effectively. Learning about the political system in schools would be a good start.

May 2, 2025

I had agreed to work at Baulko North School for the Greens at the election tomorrow, but last night the candidate rang and asked if I could do TAFE instead, the catch being that there is no one to set up the booth (apart from moi) and no one to take over when I finish. They are dropping me the corflutes, A-frame, leaflets and cable ties tonight. John is so keen to go to First Saturday tomorrow but I will have to go straight from TAFE to Gracewood to FS. It’s all very well to tell him no, but he doesn’t get many pleasures these days so I am reluctant to do that. Buggered and can’t think past tomorrow.

May 3, 2025

Got to TAFE after 7.30 and was the first there, apart obviously from the AEC staff. So I got the best spot, though it was a small booth and that hardly mattered. I was Booth Captain, Deputy Booth Captain and the only worker. Eventually a sole Labor man arrived, a Kurdish fellow, and then the Liberal, an Indian man whose wife was working the local school. When they had a huge queue there, we had two or three. We all got on well and I picked up a bit of goss on the way: That there was some resistance to the Sikh Liberal candidate in an adjoining seat because ‘she barely speaks English’ and when I commented that the biggest obstacle to the Liberals was Trump and the second was Dutton’s personality he agreed and said many people had commented that they were ‘happy to vote for Alex Hawke but don’t want Dutton’. We spent the hours chatting and wished each other well as I left, leaving my box of how to votes prominent on the steps and guarded by the Labor chap. I had texted Gracewood yesterday to say that I would be coming about 12.30 to get John and had told him numerous times what was happening, but at 9.30 he rang to say that he had been outside with a nurse waiting for me since 9 am…..

First Saturday was a talk on plants and bush regeneration. Charlotte is smart and witty and very likeable and I enjoyed the discussion, though Carly rang towards the end of it. My Nigella recipe Ratatouille with Butternut Squash went down well and almost all was eaten. I took John a ripe avo and he managed to eat some carrot cake afterwards. I usually do an election night feast of finger food so we can watch and graze, but with John not able to eat much I canned that idea and made soup.

Tipping Albo by 2 seats.

May 4, 2025

Well I could be a cheat and alter my prediction on the election result to Albo by 22 or 32 or 42 or even 52 seats, but I will just claim victory for predicting an outright win for Labor. What a wonderful night it was, reminding me of 1972 and 2007. I spent the night tapping out messages and getting them in, largely from Tania, Nancye and Bob but from a few others too including from my pal Nicholas who bats for the other side. His message this morning began Congratulations Comrade. My booth at TAFE, where I was Booth Captain, Deputy Captain and sole worker, scored an increase in the Greens vote from about 13% last election to nearly 25%, astonishing. The benefits of talking personally to every voter! Something you can do in a small booth. I’m very glad that I was moved there.

Porridge, then Insiders, then Gloat was the beginning of our day today. Keith Wolahan, the outgoing Liberal who lost his seat, was gracious and quite the opposite to his hardline image before the election. Dutton appeared human in his concession speech, the first time I could ever say that. Later, after Sue came and we had mushrooms and toast for lunch, I went under the house and hauled out some old boxes, decaying plastic drop sheets and the like to add to Justin’s council clean-up pile, but couldn’t resist bringing back in from his pile an enamelled metal stool on which to place a potted orchid under the hawthorn.

My British cousin who lives in Spain sent a glowing report of the success of Nigel Farage and Reform UK in the local government elections there. Still trying to formulate a response in my mind, being honest but not too honest, tricky. A disgusting Trump-loving extremist doesn’t quite have the right ring to it….

May 5, 2025

Just saw Albo on the 12 o’clock news and he’s like a different person, brimming with confidence, not just happy but a definite personality shift. Trying to find out how Independent Nicolette Boele is going in the counting but there are no updates. Very disappointed that we are still stuck with Dai Le but with all the good news I can shoulder the fact that she got in. Sue tells me of three old friends who have NEVER voted Labor in their lives, one is 80, one is 91, but all told her that they voted for Albo. Happily I only have one rusted-on Liberal friend and a few swinging voters in my circle. But people have recognised the dramatic shift to the Right that the party has taken and don’t want a bar of it. People like Jacinta Price scare people and rightly so, but judging by her reactions on Saturday night she has no intention of giving an inch. Seeing Liberal senator Dave Sharma on the news today as well, it is as if they are from different parties, if not different planets.

I am craving for some Epicure cheese, my favourite cheddar for many decades after being pointed towards it by a shop client in 1988 with the words ‘Once you’ve tried Epicure, all the rest are tasteless’. So I wrote to Fonterra who know owns Mainland Cheese but the buggers have deleted it from their range. As is so often the case when companies tamper with the range, it is the best things that disappear. I only needed to use half as much because it was so strong, so it had financial benefits as well.

Watched The Piano last night and while I expected it to be good, judging by the trailers, I didn’t anticipate that I’d be in tears before long. Classically trained DJ had dreamt of becoming a concert pianist and attended the Conservatorium of Music followed by studies in Moscow, But then he suffered a stroke in his early 20s leaving him unable to move the right side of his body. Depression naturally followed but he taught himself to play one-handed and won the first round of this heart-warming tournament. Can’t wait for the next ep.

May 6, 2025

On Sunday I mused to John that I thought Zoe Daniel had an uphill battle in Goldstein after her opponent was credited before the election with sending out a zillion postal vote applications to electors. As was proven in an experiment with doctors who were simply sent a pen by pathology companies, folks who get a gift (even a pen) have a natural desire towards repaying the debt and using that company in future. We received postal vote applications from Alex Hawke but threw them in the bin, applying instead to the AEC for forms unencumbered by ads for Alex Hawke, even though we would never have voted for him. But the Libs postal vote printing is coming home to roost in Goldstein and probably other electorates.

I am livid that this morning after I had to watch the council truck chewing up a dining table, 6 chairs, a buffet, a bookshelf, a BBQ, 2 leather lounge suites and a trunk. This after I had given my neighbours the website for a charity who would pick up any excess furniture. I rang the charity early Monday but their truck was in another area and couldn’t get here in time. I was tempted to pull the water filter we gave them out of the red bin but then decided to let it go too as it was such small cheese by comparison.

Went to the Bondi stabbings inquest at the Coroner’s Court today and listened to the head of Queensland Police’s vulnerable persons unit say that changes were needed to the law to prevent the criminalisation of those with mental illness. In NSW we seem to just shoot them, although a First Saturday presentation last year surprised me with the knowledge that Castle Hill Police Station has an aged, disabled and vulnerable persons unit so maybe the police are finally catching up with the rest of society. An email sent by the officer who attended Joe Cauchi’s home and was concerned by his mental state requested a follow up by this unit, but the fill-in police mental health incident co-ordinator for the Darling Downs region saw the email but forgot to action it due to an “oversight”. Perhaps it would have made a difference, but who knows?

May 7, 2025

An interesting story from a friend who worked on the Labor campaign in Eastwood. Four voters came to her booth and commented that they had spent 45 minutes on a queue at the main booth in Eastwood and asking if they could vote there for the adjoining Parramatta electorate. Assured that they could, they went in and quickly returned after being told that it was not possible to vote there. My friend went in and queried this information for them, only to be told that they had been instructed ‘to discourage voters from other electorates’. My friend argued and was then told that the people could in fact vote. But by this time all four had left, possibly without voting at all. She has written a complaint to the AEC.

Of all the metres of newsprint I have read over the past two weeks about the upcoming election, the only article which forecast the result almost exactly was Mike Seccombe’s in The Saturday Paper, ‘Where the election will be won and lost’. Almost a carbon copy of the end result, which makes one wonder about the analytical skills of the other journalists covering the election. It’s looking like a possible win for Kapterian over Boele which would be a shame on a few fronts, not least that she is the protege of Berejiklian, a confirmed corrupt premier.

May 8, 2025

Just finished reading The Furies by Mandy Beaumont and it is pretty hard going. I don’t know where to start in describing it. It fills me with words like depressing, gross, inhuman, harsh, brutal, savage, sadistic, monstrous and that applies whether we are talking about treatment of the cattle in the abattoir where the protagonist works or to what happens in her life, the two are in parallel. I don’t think I have ever read a book so unrelentingly merciless. Did I enjoy it? No I can’t say that I did, but I stuck there until the last page to see how the author tied the story together. Have a crack at it only if you are prepared for a heartbreaking ride.

Took John to Dr Rozek to get the moulds done for his dentures and then made another appointment for next Thursday late afternoon, only when I got home realising that I have something on in the evening which means I can’t do that date. It was easily changed to the following Tuesday but I feel bad that I didn’t remember that at the time. John has been telling me that the dentist left one tooth in but I couldn’t see anything there, but David did. He said it’s either a piece of tooth or a piece of bone and it’s sticking up through the gum like a pinpoint. Apparently it will work its way out over a couple of months. I’m hoping that the job will be finished by his birthday but David gave no guarantees. Perhaps next time we will go on the Metro seeing John is able to walk unassisted now. John suggested approaching someone who owes him a substantial amount of money to see if they will kick in for the teeth. I think he’s whistling Dixie there, however I will do as he’s asked with nothing to lose. Afterwards we went to the Runaway Spoon in Lindfield for lunch as I knew that they had a Spinach, Pumpkin and Cheese Souffle with a Tomato Sauce around it that John could eat. It’s the first time we’ve been out to eat since he got sick again so I guess it was a bit of a celebration.

May 9, 2025

John’s Nelune day so I went down to the Art Gallery for the Archibald, only to be told that it starts tomorrow. Walked to the State Library to read The Atlantic and other things, but got hooked on reading research about the Covid deaths of Republicans versus Democrats. Much the same you would think? Yes they were, until vaccines came in during spring of 2021, but from then deaths amongst self-declared Republicans were 43% higher than self-declared Democrats! Was it due to people taking Ivermectin? Hydrochloroquine? drinking bleach? who knows? but it’s one hell of a statistic. By winter 2023 the five counties which were most electorally pro-Trump had a death rate of two and a half times the five counties which were most anti-Trump. I hope they dig even deeper into these statistics but what the researchers have turned up so far is fascinating.

In The Atlantic I found an article about the savage cuts to the USAID budget. On the ground workers have been cut in Africa from 10,000 to about 300 with medical research projects abandoned, hospitals closed and vaccination teams abandoned. Which means, it seems to me, that now countries like China and Russia have more ‘soft power’ projects happening than the USA does, which surely must have ramifications into the future. But worship and ignorance keeps Trump’s supporters onside, their faith not extending to feeling responsible for anyone who is non-American and their ignorance ensuring that they probably couldn’t point to Africa on a map.

May 10, 2025

So, it’s only been a week since Albo was elected and already I am pissed off with him twice. First when he couldn’t resist having a dig at Max Chandler-Mather, jeez man you just gave a perfectly gracious mention to Dutton but can’t hold back from petty meanness with someone on your own side, someone who’s just lost his seat. Poor form, and why I don’t join political parties. Then yesterday you allow Ed Husic and Mark Dreyfus, both experienced ministers, to be shafted in favour of two Victorian unknowns. Albo you had the power to say ‘No, we’ve just had a great victory and I won’t allow two good men to be screwed over for the sake of some old custom’ and within a week of such a great victory you would have got away with it. Piss weak man. (I have just emailed the three of them and made my views known in words very similar to the above).

Noticed a big, bright new patisserie has opened in Baulko in a street front location, eat-in with tables, just the thing. It is oddly called SeaSweet so I thought it may be Asian with some seaweed in there somewhere, but sadly it is Lebanese. Some of the European things looked good, but the vast majority involve chocolate and one baklava a year is more than enough for me. I may try a piece of something one day but it’s not like Dolcettini where I want to leap over the counter and eat the whole shop out. I wish them well though and they should pick up some business from the nearby El Jannah chicken shop.

May 11, 2025

Had a communication from Ben Speechly, our local Greens candidate, commenting that the total votes at the TAFE booth where I was last Saturday totalled 26% for the Greens and saying it was amazing, apparently the highest booth count percentage in the electorate. I let him know that it was circumstance, due to it being a small booth and therefore being able to find a connection with each small group or single person (‘that’s a cute dog’, or just talking about the weather or asking them who they think will win) unlike the atmosphere in busy booths where you can only stuff a bit of paper into their reluctant fists. My fellow workers from the other parties watched what I was doing but didn’t emulate it, perhaps because of personality differences or perhaps because of having accented English, I’m not sure, but it paid off.

I knew I would soon have an occasion to wear the fluoro pink wig I got from the Sallie-Ann’s for $2 and today I have it. Mother’s Day is all about pink right? The family came over for lunch, along with John of course. I told my granddaughter that I’d had my hair dyed pink but I don’t think she believed me. Had a lovely lunch together and I was glad that we were here rather than going out, which wouldn’t have worked for John this time.

May 12, 2025

I had decided to write a joint letter to Albo, Ed Husic and Mark Dreyfus and let the words flow as I was feeling, no ‘dear Prime Minister’ just plain Albo. It was harsh, but needed to be. I don’t object to reshuffles after an election of course, but basing your decision on state or factional allegiances is just plain crazy. Anyway Mark sent a nice reply first thing this morning, thanking me for my ‘thoughts and reflections’, he was very informal too which suited the original letter. I am in a WhatsApp group with all the people involved in the local Voice campaign, most of whom seem to be Labor members, and yesterday I sent off a post there as well. Some defended Albo totally, but others were very supportive of my post so there’s some division of thought on the matter there too.

Now to Grieving for Epicure. After getting final confirmation of my suspicions that Mainland in NZ has in fact stopped making Epicure cheese, my favourite for roughly 35 years, I am on the hunt for a replacement. I tasted a strong cheddar at a friend’s house but it didn’t have the hard, almost parmesan-like texture of the Epicure. So I decided to compare the two in terms of ingredients and here is what I found: The Mersey Valley Club Classic Cheddar Cheese contains milk, salt, mineral salt, culture, rennet, artificial cheese flavour, preservatives (202, 221), emulsifiers (450, 452, 339), and colour (171). Artificial cheese flavour???? Give me a break. The Epicure ingredient list is: milk, salt, culture and rennet aged for 36 months. So still Grieving for Epicure.

.

September 24, 2024

Off to Turramurra this morning where the trees looked wonderful and will look even better if we get the forecast rain. Had morning tea with Rosanna on her delightful back deck and admired the gilded mirrors she had installed on the wall, amazed to find that she made them herself many years ago, cutting up mirrors into tiny pieces, mounting them and then gilding the complex frames. She is a wonderful artist in all sorts of genres: portraiture, watercolours, pencil drawings, crafts and cooking. I dips me lid.

Reading John’s RNSH discharge summary I was unimpressed with much of it, such as ‘He was admitted to XX under XX for XX’, and also the part that describes ‘a pressure injury stage 1 lower limb Achilles’, that neither I nor his nurses can find. But one line caught my attention: that was that his heart failure is ‘secondary to cardiomyopathy, which is secondary to chemotherapy’. I knew he had cardiomyopathy but assumed it was just age related. So both the Alzheimers and the heart failure are gifts of chemo, I knew about the former but no one has ever mentioned that fact in terms of his heart problems. Informed consent lacking there, but I’m also aware that he’d have been dead long ago except for it. He told the head nurse today that I am a ‘boss’ which probably relates to my encouragement to use the walker, he was always proud to say that he was one of the few residents there who didn’t need one. The last three weeks have put a significant dent in his self-image and the walker issue hasn’t helped that at all. Sometimes I feel more like his mother than anything else.

I did look up some of the council election results for this area, which was pretty depressing as it showed a general 60% for the Libs with about 20% each for Labor and the Greens. So every time I say hello to someone outside my house there’s a 60% chance that they voted for everything I abhor. Dear me, that’s a depressing thought.

September 25, 2024

Today I got back on the waggon literally with another bus tour. I had it in mind that we were going to a venue in North Sydney but after morning tea at tables in Parramatta Park (ah bliss, the bats hanging everywhere made my day) we went to Granata’s at Canada Bay for lunch. I always pocket the cheese and biscuits we get for morning tea and just have the drink, so as not to spoil my lunch. This time I was very glad I did as the Prawn and Tomato Spaghetti I had ordered, which could have been anything from ugh to divine, was very much up the divine end with big fresh king prawns and cherry tomatoes, not a cloggy sauce. A strange utterance from one of the olds, someone I’ve found to be a smart woman in all respects, was the question when we pulled up in the park: ‘Is it safe to get out of the bus here?’ which made me think that getting fearful is a sorry part of ageing. There was a touchy moment at morning tea when the only male passenger on the bus suddenly railed about the Israelis and their US supporters to which one of our number replied ‘careful there, I’m a Jew’ which doesn’t really answer the issue but put an end to the discussion. They sat at different tables for lunch. I have noticed before that many of the volunteers are politically quite conservative, with one noted exception, today discussing Ray Hadley’s radio show and all the good he does in pointing the finger at those doing wrong in the community. I decided to stay mum, despite the fact that he was a regular customer in the shop and I knew his attitudes all too well. I deserve a star for staying out of two arguments today.

I just noted an ambulance screaming down my street and mused on the fact that they are always going one way with sirens and lights, down to Aminya, the nursing home down the hill. Never once has one come charging back with lights and sirens……

My Hills Police Facebook page had a post today about a modified Nissan Patrol pulled up on Norwest Boulevarde yesterday with the driver charged, due to a number of defect notices. Unusually there were 398 comments beneath it so I decided to have a look. They were overwhelmingly negative towards the bobbies, which is quite a reversal to the usual near universal support. Mostly they complained about what they saw as petty charges being dealt with while there are so many more important things that the police should be spending their time on. Also there was criticism that the driver was pulled over because he was a young P plater. A number of comments referred to the charge relating to the car having ‘a metal plate obstructing the passenger airbag’ and pointing out that this modal doesn’t have a passenger airbag! So the mock number plate reading Milwaukee M18 Fuel simply covered just a flat part of the dashboard, ouch, it looks like that charge may need to be dropped.

September 26, 2024

I had a check on the Police Facebook page to see if the latest posts got as many negative comments as the one yesterday, but it was back to the usual 15-30 comments, nearly all positive. So it seems the blokes were out in force to defend the right to alter one’s car, laws be damned. Interesting that there are now over 500 comments on the one about the modified car.

I have been trying all week to alter John’s IgG appointment at Nelune for October 30, because I have something else on that day. Normally on the rare occasion I make changes it has been fixed up immediately by the person answering the phone but this week, if they answer at all, I am told that only a senior person can alter appointments and I’ve been given her number. I’ve rung 12 times so far today with no pickup but I know the phone works, as sometimes it comes up as engaged. Half their luck.

I have just spent many (too many) hours trying to restore some of my previously wrongly deleted blogs. What a terrible task it is, slow and boring, but it must be done while I have some free hours. However now the whole of the retrieved stuff is coming up above the current posts and I have not a clue how to alter that.

Hehehe….deleted the old Musings 2 and replaced it with Musings…2. Fooled the system.

September 28, 2024

Just wrote an entry for yesterday and today, half a dozen paragraphs, pressed Update and it disappeared altogether. I have no idea why or where it went.

September 29, 2024

The short version of the previous two days posts: John seems a lot better; wheelchair delivered; went to Farmer’s Market at 9.30 am and spent nil, due to La Tartine having sold out of bread, egg man sold out of eggs; and my favourite veggie stall having permanently gone due to too much work on their farm. Oh, and getting a bill for nearly $500 for John’s ride in the ambulance, a bit of a fright at first despite the fact that he’s exempt as a pensioner. I hope whoever received these posts in Lower Mongolia found them of interest.

At 2 am today there was a blackout, accidentally discovered when I tried to turn on the bedside lamp. My first inclination was to check the meter box outside but decided against it and instead Googled blackouts in this area but turned up nothing. Then of course I couldn’t sleep worrying about the blackout and its causes. But it was genuine, not just me, as the burglar alarm’s emails kindly informed me in the morning, 15% of this area was down, no reason given. In India we expected numerous blackouts every day, often racing to do things like boil a jug or iron once the power came back on and before it went off again.

September 30, 2024

Yesterday I had a lovely day out with Davina and Millie, including high tea at The Tearoom at QVB. The food was well in excess of requirements so Dav had brought a plastic box for leftover cakes to take to Louis and I asked for a paper one for the little birthday cake they produced at the end, after I was full, and the leftover sandwiches which did me for dinner last night. Curried egg on white bread and salmon, avocado and sun-dried tomatoes on brown were just the shot. The man who served us was a darling and Millie related to him so well, high-fiving as he came past our table and shaking hands with her and calling her by name on arrival and departure.

Visited Heather this arv to take some food and boy is she suffering with the shingles. She had a wet towel wrapped around her head and an icepack around her neck, trying to quell the pain which only eases briefly after she takes the meds, so sleep is difficult and even sitting up is a trial. It’s a bastard of a disease and she could be like this for a long while.

October 1, 2024

My shared talk with Alan at First Saturday this week is looking a bit shaky as I’ve come down with the dreaded breathing problems which I used to have every winter but now apparently only get when I have to speak. If it doesn’t improve Alan may have to read my notes, we shall see.

Making a pot of soup for Heather and David which I’ll whip round there when it’s cooked in an hour. I got a list of meds from Sue’s brother Stephen who now wishes that he’d heeded advice to hit the pain heavily with drugs right from the get-go. He’s now 10 months in and still the doc is gradually upping them, while Sue’s daughter, an anaesthetist and therefore pain specialist, had counselled to hit it hard in the beginning and then taper down. I don’t see how Heather could survive 10 months as she is, so hopefully her situation works out differently.

I sent a letter to the Herald last night about this crazy idea of threatening people for carrying a Hezbollah flag or a photo of its slain leader. It’s a dicey position to take. As I said in the letter: Those of us who go back far enough to remember demonstrations in favour of imprisoned Nelson Mandela would also remember being accused of supporting a terrorist. However there was never a suggestion that we should be charged for doing so. Both government and opposition need to remember the old saying that one person’s terrorist is another person’s freedom fighter and tread carefully. But both major parties seem to love this strongman stuff. By all means harass and arrest those plotting acts of violence, but holding a flag, pffft.

Cecilia commented this morning that I was ‘so good for your age’ which is a worry as she doesn’t know how old I am so clearly I look old! She said that she had commented to another nurse that ‘if we miss anything Maureen will pick it up’, I suppose I should be glad as some of the residents at Gracewood could be younger than me.

I was browsing through Domain as I am wont to do and realised that there are few listed properties that I would want to swap my house for, even multi-million dollar ones. Either I am getting fussier or else more satisfied with my lot. Yes there are some places overlooking the ocean that are lust-worthy, but many others have negatives related to the areas they are in, the size of the rooms, the decor, the amount I’d have to do to them, that they just don’t tempt me to move at all.

October 2, 2024

77, sheesh, that’s a horrifying number, but better than the alternative as they say.

John wanted to take me for lunch today and our original choice would have proved too far for him to walk, so we chose another option right across the road from where our bus comes in, Glass Brasserie at the Hilton. I’m so pleased we went that way as our meal was excellent, the service was great and the room is a lovely one to be in. John went for Steak, Chips and Bearnaise while I had Humpty-Doo Barramundi with Sauce Vierge and Asian Greens, with a shared side of Grilled Asparagus, Pecans and Feta. Both of us had the Sticky Date Pudding for dessert. Being a gig of the next table (in the sense of an observer; one who stares curiously; a detective; forgetting the other meaning of a simpleton or a fool) I noticed that all six of them had Coravin wines by the glass, a Boroli Nebbiolo from Piemonte Italy at $39 for 150 ml. Why you would not buy a bottle? I asked myself. I’m not sure, but they were all of a mind, and it certainly looks impressive when it’s being squirted out of the Coravin! One ordered Scotch Fillet steak and one by one they all followed suit, at $62 each. plus sides. I mention this as our meals from the lunch menu were $38 each for a main and a dessert, had I ordered the barra from the main menu it was $46 alone. One day I will sample the full menu there but today I was more than happy with what we had. Luke Mangan in jeans and a T-shirt wandered into the bar and helped himself to a glass of water.

I dragged John up to a jewellery shop in the QVB where Davina always admires a particular necklace in the window, just to see what it costs. The assistant explained that it is $2200 and I said that was way over what I was thinking, so he did some calculations and said he could do it for $1900. Still not interested, so we got to the ‘last price’ of $1500. He explained that the stones were natural tourmalines, mined in Colombia and then the boss arrived…..he took over explaining that he made the necklace himself from tourmalines mined in…..Burma! So I played ball and asked for the best price, we began at $2000 but were down to $900 before we left. How I wish I’d had a low few hundreds in cash in my wallet because I think I would have walked out with a very beautiful Christmas present for Dav, Colombian or Burmese or whatever the hell they are. They were pretty desperate for a sale and looked downcast as we left. I’d hate to be trying to make a quid in that building.

October 3, 2024

Today was Nelune day with an appointment with the haematologist at 12.45. So after I got John safely into the waiting room I walked down to meet Fran at Flour and Stone, a new place for me but somewhere Fran knows well. It is one hell of a bakery and we feasted on Leek and Gruyere Tarts, mmm. I was tempted to buy owner Nadine Ingram’s new cookbook Love Crumbs as a birthday present for myself (as if I haven’t been spoiled enough?). It was just released yesterday, but I kept my cash warm in my wallet. Fran bought one for her sister’s birthday though. I may yet relent, it is a serious baker’s heaven. Her previous one has too many recipes that I already have and way too much chocolate. I did buy a baguette though and dinner tonight will be the end of it filled with cherry tomatoes, salt and pepper, yum. I guess the bakery is about 2 km from the hospital so I powered back there to arrive in time for his doc to arrive, except she didn’t, at least I think that’s what happened as John couldn’t remember whether she had been or not! The discharge summaries I printed for her along with the new medication list had somehow disappeared and he couldn’t recall what he’d done with them, but after a thorough search of Nelune I went back to the waiting room and there they sat, he’d gone in when called and left them there. It’s getting to the point that I can’t let him carry any important papers as he won’t remember that he’s ever had them. It is so weird considering that yesterday over lunch he asked: Do you think the the rise of economic rationalism went in tandem with the rise of modernist architecture, which decries all decoration? This while looking out at the QVB.

Thinking back to our lovely lunch and the lovely Kieren, the sommelier who served us seeing we were at the bar. When I queried the workings of a Coravin he brought one over and explained how it pumps argon gas into the bottle forcing the wine out slowly through a needle piercing the cork, without letting any air in. Later he came with another version meant for screw top bottles, but that’s a bit confusing to me still. Kieren owns one himself so he can drink red wine without wasting a drop, although the gadget is worth over $400. I suspect however that he’s not drinking the $15 special from Aldi.

October 4, 2024

My recent onset of mental arithmetic difficulties meant I spent way too much time staring at two lots of capsicums in the fruit shop, one lot loose by the kilo and one lot in a net, to decide which was the better buy. In the end I just decided to buy the big bag full, part of which will go into the ratatouille for First Saturday tomorrow and with the rest I made Sweet and Sour Capsicums this morning to drop off to Heather for lunch along with a baguette from Flour and Stone yesterday. I see that their new cookbook has an introduction by Annie Smithers, whose recipes are always both fascinating and daunting, the two chefs are a good match in their penchant for finely detailed instructions from what I saw delving into the book yesterday. I was thinking back to the early days at Sydney Uni and doing chi squares on a calculator for hours because to have them done on a computer you had to take all the paperwork to the Computing Department and a nerd over there got around to the calculations in a couple of weeks, if things weren’t too busy. Now I can’t even remember the formula or what a chi square even measured! This follows on from accidentally turning up a copy of a paper I jointly wrote which was published in an international journal while I was working there, but now I cannot for the life of me work out what it all means. I’m sure at some point I will need to discuss this with Bob, but I’m not in a hurry.

After seeing two segments on 7.30 about the appalling treatment of residents in retirement villages, I just can’t get the victims (or the perpetrators) out of my mind. The overarching body, the Retirement Living Council, is an offshoot of the wretched Property Council, the mob who lobbied government to privatise building inspectors with disastrous results. In fact they soiled their own nest as now people only want to buy older buildings that were constructed before the changes, particularly when it comes to units. I made a submission to the parliamentary inquiry into all of this stuff and my criticisms of the Property Council made it into the report. I want to throw rocks, or worse, whenever I see their sleazoid faces on the teev.

October 5, 2024

While Alan is rehearsing and timing his part of our First Saturday presentation I haven’t had time to consider it much at all, so it remains as written. More focus was on getting John, making the ratatouille and preparing something towards dinner tonight with Sue. I was stunned to see Bob and Nancye turn up at FS, I had no idea that they were coming, along with about 20 others who were interested and asked a lot of questions, a couple of which I couldn’t answer because the information is embargoed. Although the court staff, legal people and court watchers know the answers, no one is permitted to discuss certain facts until that particular matter is over, possibly in November. Alan discussed a wrongful dismissal case, the Bruce Lehrmann defamation case and the ongoing antics of our bumbling criminal brother and once Auburn Deputy Mayor Salim Mehajer (probably not a good idea to be texting the other vehicle’s driver in the minutes before faking a car accident Salim). I discussed the inquest on the seaplane with six people aboard which crashed in Jerusalem Bay, the William Tyrrell inquest and subsequent trials of his foster parents for abuse of their remaining foster child and the Medich trial for the murder of the wealthy criminal Michael McGurk. I think they were all a good mix.

With dinner I cracked a bottle of 2014 Clonakilla Riesling which I bought a couple of years ago during a visit to their Murrumbateman winery. I had noticed a pricey 2024 bottle on the wine list at Glass and thought it was time to give this one a burl. I think I paid about $50 back then and the bottle shop price is now $144. Whatever of that, we all enjoyed a glass of it over a simple dinner.

October 6, 2024

Sue and John were drinking a cuppa in the loungeroom when I woke up, but I got around to doing a basic breakfast while we chatted. We’ve settled that I am going to Killcare the week after next as things stand.

My bathroom scales carked it so I Googled for a replacement. There were a few at Big W with a uniformly bad rating, all saying that your weight is different when you step off them and then step back on. So then I saw a few at K Mart, all with good ratings but when we got there I discovered that they all had to be linked to an app, can record weights of up to 12 people, blah blah. There was a 10 page book to set the thing up! Tried a couple of other shops and then retreated to Target where I found a simple scale in tasteful black glass for $15 (embarrassingly cheap) with no apps or body mass indices or whatever else, it just weighs you. Got it home only to discover that neither of us could open the battery compartment. Eventually I took it in to my free engineer next door, who had a screwdriver for the tiniest screw I’ve ever seen which held the battery compartment closed. It’s working fine but ridiculous that I will have to get Arvind every time the batteries go. I don’t know what some poor little old lady would do it she didn’t have an engineer next door, probably break the compartment open and then tape the batteries in.

This week I received a lovely 2025 diary from a cousin in Britain and a card with a birthday cake design bearing a Union Jack on top from my cousin in Spain, neither of whom have done something like this before. So counting Anne there were three birthday surprises from Pommyland relations (can I call Anne a relation? I’m not sure). Facebook has thrown up a few photos of birthdays past and one showed me beaming over two gifts, a book on finance and a bottle of whiskey. Strange that neither is something I remember getting and also that neither is something that I would normally enjoy, but I looked pretty happy and the benefactors are not in the photo so it’s a mystery.

October 7, 2024

I don’t know why I bothered trying to watch the ABC News and 7.30 tonight, I should have known better. 7.30 was 100% Israel and the news was 75% Israel and 25% football. (Why do they keep annoyingly asserting that Penrith’s four wins on the trot is unprecedented and unequalled and unrivalled? Sorry, I was a proofreader on Rugby League News in the 60s when St. George was in the process of winning ELEVEN grand finals in a row). Anyway a pox on the ABC on a few counts. But Australian Story and 4 Corners were worth waiting for, despite having to turn off the sound and read for the best part of an hour before they came on. I think Chris Minns is politically naive if he thinks his constant criticism of the pro-Gaza demonstrators is not going to harm his chances, even more so Albo whose election is so much closer. Neither of them were ever going to win in the Eastern Suburbs. Not that I think political considerations should trump moral ones, but they are on shaky ground both ways.

Finally finished listing the costume jewellery I had in a box for years, about half has sold and I’m hopeful about the rest as it’s so cheap. A funny jewellery-related occurrence today was Michelle sending me a picture of an earring that Kev found in the back of their car. It was the one I had lost months ago after a trip to Carol’s, but now I can’t for the life of me find its mate. I sometimes put little things as freebies on the shelf under the street library and perhaps that’s what I did with it. It certainly isn’t anywhere that I normally keep jewellery. Just proves that you should never throw anything out…..

I finally got around to speaking to Panetta’s about their giving away the Epoch Times at their checkouts. It annoys the shit out of me every time I shop there. So I wrote: “I am writing to you to ask why you are supporting the Epoch Times by having the papers available free at your checkouts? The paper is neither Chinese nor Australian, but is a far-right and anti-China publication run out of the US, and associated with the Falun Gong religion. In the US it stands accused in a Justice Department lawsuit that alleges it operates as a money laundering and cryptocurrency scam. Every time I go to your store in Baulkham Hills I wonder why you are handing this paper out and what it has to do with Australia or fresh fruit and vegetables for that matter. If the family who owns Panetta’s is in fact encouraging the Epoch Times’ campaigning for Donald Trump, as they do, I wonder if I should be supporting Panetta’s.” Happy to recycle what’s left of them if they decide to stop stocking it.

October 8, 2024

I had hoped to go to get a haircut and combine it with a social day out with John, but Martin was booked out till 4 pm so I have made a date for Thursday. (It would make perfect sense to keep him here from then till Sunday as we have plans for the following days, but I’m stymied by the one night a week rule, so I will have to waste time and petrol driving to and from Kellyville Thursday and Friday). This change of plans left me with opportunity to catch up here so I finally ironed all of the clothes I had previously washed after picking them up outside a house in Annangrove this past winter, knowing that if I donated them then they would likely be tossed as too summery. I am usually nervous about St. Vs versus the Salvos as I think the former are more inclined to toss things. In fact Bob told me just on Saturday about his son working in a Vinnies and seeing them accept boxes of books and then tip them straight into the recycle bin. But I had to weigh up petrol cost to get to the Salvos at Dural versus going to Vinnies just up the road, so I asked her to go through them all and return anything not suitable. I got none back so I have to trust her. Then I was feeling somewhat lost, so seeing my two solutions to that are to go to court or bake and it’s a nice cool day, I decided to do a cake to put in the freezer and no doubt I will be thrilled to discover it there for some future ‘bring a plate’ weeks or months from now.

Trawling my junk mail I discovered emails from both Sue and my computer fixer-upper. One wonders why the thing coughs and forgets that these are people I communicate with regularly in Sue’s case and rarely in Omar’s. This afternoon I got a call from Melbourne (it’s always from Melbourne if it’s a scam) and a great racket could be heard in the background from all the people harassing folks on the phone. It took a minute before she came to the phone and started waffling on about my Telstra account being suspended. I was busy baking and not feeling particularly patient so I just gave her a quick ‘Get fucked’ and went on my way, feeling somewhat better about the world in general for so doing.

October 9, 2024

I was dying to go through the book The Outback Court Reporter by Jamelle Wells, which is full of bad grammar, misspellings, errant apostrophes, word duplication, bad grammar and sentences like ‘Can regional health it ever be fixed’. I wanted to mark all the errors but then realised that I couldn’t remember where I got it from, perhaps it’s borrowed, so I had to restrain myself and instead write an email to ABC Books asking how on earth it went to press without being proofread. On another front, my emails and texts to the doctor’s surgery which regularly contacts me asking for my Medicare details have gone unanswered….and the texts persist. The email to Panetta’s regarding The Epoch Times hasn’t been answered as yet, I’m hoping that’s because they are busy putting them all in the recycling. They have a perfect right to espouse any religion, political stance or philosophy they wish, as I did when I had a business, but the clients also have the right to object and withdraw their custom if they feel strongly enough. When I had the shop I employed a regular customer to work there after she came in wanting a part time job and as a result got a couple of complaints about why I had employed the extreme right-wing secretary of the local Liberal Party branch. I’d had no idea of her connections and decided to stick with her appointment, to the dismay of the complainers. It did cause a bit of grief later when she refused to put out the Greens A-frame in front of the shop at election time, though I gave her a dispensation there, as I wouldn’t want to be putting out a Liberal one if I were working for someone else. We only parted company when I called in to the shop and found her spreading pages of political texts all over the desk while she worked on a course she was doing on the work of the Austrian philosopher Karl Popper and the Austrian economist Hayek. I pointed out that I was expecting her to be working while in the shop and not studying and she decided it was time to leave.

Reading a Seneca quote today reminded me why I love him so much: ‘Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false and by rulers as useful’. What were his dates? 4 BC to about 65 AD from memory and how far have we come since then? Not a millimetre. I distinctly remember my mother turning off the television in disgust in the 1960s when Norman Lindsay was being interviewed and expressed the view that god had no right to blame the crucifixion on our sins, nearly 2000 years before we were even born. I was only young but it planted the seed of doubt, clearly she didn’t turn it off quickly enough.

October 10, 2024

I’ve been thinking about the laws against the Nazi salute and the swastika symbol and it’s a tricky business legally I think. The idiot Jacob Hersant had his lawyer claim that he didn’t do a salute at all and then came out of court and said he did, will keep doing it and is happy to go to gaol for it. One way or the other my friend. I think I prefer to know who these buggers are rather than have them in the darkness. Then there’s the Nomad restaurant owner who drew an Israeli flag with a swastika on it instead of the Star of David and whose business is suffering as a result. If the reason for not allowing the symbol is to discourage Nazism, it makes no sense to charge a man who is making an ANTI-Nazi point surely? But these matters of law are above the pay grade of the bobbies who arrested him, though surely any lawyer worth their salt could get him off without too much trouble. If not then that law is an ass.

Last night I was rereading David Leser’s wonderful SMH article ‘I’m terrified and torn on this horrific anniversary’ which I had cut out on Monday. Latish in the evening I decided to contact him and congratulate him on the article. Minutes later I got a thoughtful and warm response saying in part: ‘What a lovely and generous message to receive as I leave my 95 year old mother’s place. She too cut out my story’. A short interchange followed and it made my night.

Still on Israel, I was fascinated to read the Washington Post article about the genesis of the pager and walkie-talkie bombs. They were designed and made years before the October 7 attacks in a piece of spycraft that will go down in the history books, in awe as well as in infamy.

A leading asbestos expert, Roger Willey, has said that the asbestos exposure of people caught in the aftermath of each of Israel’s bombing raids on Gaza can be compared to that around the World Trade Centre when it collapsed in New York City on September 11, 2001. He says: “I made a prediction then, in 2001, that more people would die from the asbestos-related diseases than were killed in the September 11 attacks. According to the World Trade Centre Health Program, 4,343 survivors and first responders have died from related illnesses since the attack compared to the 2,974 people who died on September 11. It’s going to be exactly the same in Gaza. Airborne concentrations [of asbestos] will be enormously high, and that is guaranteed mesothelioma,” he said, referring to a cancer that commonly forms in the lining around the lungs or abdomen. Apparently the ‘dust lady’ shown in the famous photo after the collapse of the Twin Towers died of asbestos-related stomach cancer in 2015. I had no idea of these appalling consequences after that attack, perhaps it was publicised in the US, or perhaps not, but it’s news to me. If 42,000 have been killed in Gaza, what will be the number of asbestos-related deaths? Possibly upwards of 63,000 bases on the US figures.

October 11, 2024

Sorting out my summer clothes, ironing them and relocating the winter ones to another wardrobe. I’ve so far relegated a pair of pants and a top to begin a new life via a charity shop, a big sacrifice for me. I do try to reduce the contents of this house but it’s a very slow process…. Last week I tried to empty out some of my rubber band collection in the kitchen drawer but couldn’t bring myself to do it, then John asked for a few rubber bands and I felt totally vindicated in having them.

When oh when will governments bite the bullet on dangerous dogs? Last year I went to an inquest into SEVEN deaths from dogs and an ethologist or animal behaviour academic testified that pitbulls and Staffordshire terriers are genetically prone to attacking, they were bred to fight and their genetics will out eventually. He said that they take the initiative and attack first, before they are threatened, and then only bite limbs in order to floor the victim as they always go for the throat in preference. He maintained that we can never be safe from them. In one case, the family had owned the dog for six years prior to the attack with no previous problems. They need to be compulsorily desexed until the breeds die out altogether. I’m hoping for the survival of the latest Queensland victim, but the next attack is just around the corner until these animals are banned altogether.

Yesterday in Manly I saw some Sea Mullet in a shop, a variety which rarely pops up in fish retailers out here, so I grabbed one lot for us and one for Heather, along with matching sides of avocado, cucumber and asparagus. But then on the way home John told me he’d gone right off fish as a result of what they cook at Gracewood. Mmm, I bet it’s basa, badly cooked. Today I asked him if I should cook it for myself tonight instead of for us tomorrow night, but he assures me that he’d like it cooked at home. So now I need to make it especially good so he will come back to eating fish when we go out or eat here. I once asked a fisherman why sea mullet is so rarely seen in shops and he said that he, and many fisherman, keep it for themselves as it’s such a tasty fish. He then sold me some from his personal freezer.

October 12, 2024

An old pal has been asking me to let him detail my car, a generous offer. Another request came yesterday so we went to his house this morning for the Big Detail. He set us up in front of a huge screen to watch a movie, with a giant glass vase full of Fantales, but as I’d already explained John can’t understand movies any more and soon asked ‘can’t I just look at the paper?’. So we went for a walk in his beautiful garden while he did a fabulous job on the car including cleaning the seats! We got wet bums coming home but will leave the doors open tomorrow and dry it all out.

Loved our sea mullet for dinner, on a bed of English spinach, the fish spread with a little goat cheese, garlic and dill and oven cooked with asparagus and cherry tomatoes. John has decided that he likes fish again, which is a relief. Buying some things at Aldi today I discovered that they now have serve yourself checkouts AND a surcharge for cards. Remember Bankcard and their advertising that it will never cost you a cent extra to use a card?

As expected all hell has fallen on the owner of the Nomad group for his political statement on Israel. Sending false restaurant reviews is dirty pool, though a bigger problem for him is that the Good Food Guide has banned him as has the organisation representing restaurants and bars. It really doesn’t pay to stick your head above the parapet, as he has belatedly discovered.

Thinking today about some astounding trials coming up: the woman who allegedly cut up her husband with a circular saw and dropped him in bags into many suburban rubbish bins, the man who is supposed to have poisoned his wife with Ant Rid and then lawnmower man (he looks like a darling in the photos) who reported his wife having had a nasty accident on the ride-on at 3.35 one morning. Do these people not know about advances in forensic science??? But so far I’ll give them all an A+ for originality.

October 13, 2024

After getting to sleep at 12.30 I was woken at 3.04 am by a scam text wanting me to fill in some form or other to claim my $430 bonus from Medicare. I thought it was John’s doctor’s practice wanting my Medicare details again and was hopping mad. So I couldn’t sleep as I was thinking about how I was going to ring and give her the rounds of the kitchen come morning. But when I read it more carefully at 6 am it was just a plain old scam which happened to also use the word Medicare.

John, Sue and I went to the farewell to Avila, the home of the Grail for the past 70 years. Good to see Alison, Ruth and Fran among many others there. Each of the three blocks of land is an identical size so there are quite a few options I would think: buy all three and restore the house as a family home (the least likely), buy all three, restore the house and then sell the blocks on either side at some time in the future, build a nursing home complex with Avila as a central part? Lots of possibilities but I hope the house is restored to its former glory as part of whatever option is taken. Got John back just in time for dinner and then brought Sue here before she headed off home.

October 14, 2024

What is it with me and night time contacts at the moment? Last night I was plain buggered and slept fine till a WhatsApp phone call came through at some ungodly hour. Thinking it was my daughter on a different phone, I did my best to answer it but it just kept showing ‘connecting….’ for a long time, but with no connection. So I tried to get back to WhatsApp messages but I was locked to the damned call. Eventually I discovered that the country code was Indonesia so I got a whiff of rat. Then a sign came up asking if I wanted to block the caller, which I did, and the app was immediately restored to rights. Victory.

At the First Saturday talk someone asked what grounds Bruce Lehrmann could possibly have for an appeal to Justice Lee’s defamation judgment. I said I didn’t know what his intentions were, but surmised that it might be to use the 1938 Briginshaw Principle. Blow me down in the press this morning that is exactly the grounds he is using. Briginshaw’s decision said that the more serious the allegation, the more substantial the evidence must be to to prove the allegation on the balance of probabilities. That is where Alan and I parted company at the time in our opinion of Justice Lee’s judgment, he thinks that Lee was justified and I think he failed to allow for the fact that the complainant was a proven liar in many respects in her evidence (something Lee acknowledged) and it was a risky judgment. While I am certainly not a Lehrmann fan, he deserves fair treatment under the law. You can’t convict him on the basis that he’s a cad.

Sometimes you read a recipe and the world stops temporarily, well it does for me anyway. That happened just now when I read O Tama Carey’s recipe for Spring Vegetables with Cashew Cream in the Saturday Paper just now. I already have the cashews soaking for dinner tonight as I just happened to have all the ingredients in the fridge. I can’t wait for dinnertime.

October 15, 2024

Well the recipe last night tasted differently to my imagination, but still good. Strangely the cream of cashews, water and garlic was quite sweet, which I hadn’t expected. Apparently you can use it as a ‘vegan cream’, but I am not at all tempted to use it that way with a dessert, however I would add it to soup for example instead of cream. Anyway I froze the remainder and I’m sure it will come in handy for that.

Got the bus in Cross Street to Epping, damned convenient, and then only had 15 minutes to wait for a train to Woy Woy. I love that journey though it would somehow be better without the people as I love looking out over the water and into the bush. We spent the afternoon just hanging out before Sue made Neil Perry Fish Pies using trevalla for dinner. I’ve now discovered that trevalla is another name for blue-eye cod.

October 16, 2024

Bob arrived at 10 and we had plenty of time for a chinwag before heading off to Avoca for lunch for our joint birthdays, passing the nearby turnoff to Albo’s new house at Copacabana. They are both blissful spots, but I’m sure announcement of the purchase in the press will being much criticism pouring down on his head. If he can’t afford a decent house on his salary over decades then there is certainly something wrong with his economic management.

Had lunch at Avoca Beach House, a second floor establishment with great views. As we have done in the past we shared a seafood platter, though I do object to them adding watermelon etc which seems totally inappropriate and I suspect is seen as padding. Strangely though we ate it so I may have to rethink my criticism. Also I thought the cold versus hot ratio weighed a bit too much in favour of cold, so perhaps we will go back to the Box on the Water at Ettalong next time where I remember a pot of hot mussels on the side as well as fish, chips, garlic prawns in the hot department. However the company was as good as ever and Bob was chuffed that the waitress couldn’t believe he was 81. He is a dear man and suffers from memory lapses due to his Parkinsons, however his two sons and their wives take good care of him.

In the evening it was tea and toast and then we watched The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story on Netflix. It is an old US case from the 80s about two brothers who shot and killed their parents. The jury at the time was split along gender lines, all the women voting for manslaughter and all the men murder after it was revealed that their father had molested them all of their lives but a retrial, with the judge removing much of the evidence, resulted in murder convictions. It is surmised that at that time it was unthinkable to the men in the jury that a father could molest his sons, though now there is a movement to have them freed after 35 years. Watching their testimony was gut wrenching.

October 17, 2024

Watched the sun rise over Maitland Bay from the upstairs balcony before sitting down with Sue for orange juice and goat’s cheese on toast. We went down to the local Baptist Church op shop which Sue frequents, almost everything is $2 and I didn’t see anything over $5. I want some grey or black jeans but every pair I tried on were bum height not waist height, and therefore super uncomfortable. I decided against getting fish at our favourite outlet run from a house by a local fisherman and oyster grower and it was thankful that I changed my mind as my freezer is once again packed, it had been added to in my absence by Michelle W. who gifted me some cooked smoked duck breasts. Sue had bought La Tartine bread for me too so I am well and truly fed. On the way we stopped at Pine Coffee and Tea and stocked up on our favourite teas with Sue also picking up a mug and some cheese knives.

My vacuum cleaner filter has fallen apart and so I rang Dyson to see if I can buy one over the counter in their shop in Castle Hill. However she tells me that they no longer make parts for that model as it’s so old and went on to say that I can get a non-Dyson filter at various places but they can’t recommend them. Mmm, that’s a very strange thing to say seeing they can’t supply their own parts. To be continued….

October 18, 2024

Thinking about the horrendous accident on the Sydney Harbour Bridge yesterday when one car went over into the adjacent lane and crashed head-on with another driver, killing both of them. Perhaps the driver confused the lane division which changes at different times of the day, the reason why I avoid that centre lane, it is just too easy to make an error. Of course there could be other reasons like inattention or intentionally causing the crash, something that happened not too long ago on the Bridge. I once asked John if he had ever been on the Bridge when the lanes changed over and not long afterwards I was. It was late at night and suddenly the green tick changed to a red cross and I had to dramatically change lanes, I never want to be in that position again and haven’t used the ‘suicide lanes’ ever since.

Went to Carol’s for baking today and met two lovely Canadian women who arrived just this morning on a cruise! It reminded me that I have never met a Canadian nor a Kiwi that I didn’t like and these two didn’t tip the scales the other way. They are here for a week or so and what a great time they should have. I admire their energy.

It was pretty clear if you read between the lines in the sentencing decision for Greg Lynn that the judge was convinced that he killed both of those he was accused of murdering, not just the one he was found guilty of. In one sense it’s academic as the sentence he handed down is effectively life and he couldn’t have got much more if the jury had found him guilty of both. Perhaps there was a stickler in the jury room and the verdict was a compromise to get the verdict over the line, it was certainly an odd one.

Just got a phone call to say that there is a problem with my visa and I am going to be deported. That would be a really sad end to a good day, but somehow I suspect it is not quite correct.

October 19, 2024

Up early and decided to pull up some of the Alyssum which had self-seeded in the spaces between the bricks in the driveway. By 6.30 I had pulled up and potted about 30 of them with as many left to do once they’ve grown a bit more. I will replant them all in the garden bed alongside the driveway. Even though I was in the garden I missed the paper delivery man who neglected to leave my paper again today, this time the Herald. How hard is it to do what you are getting paid to do? I get sick of reporting them but it’s usually the Saturday Paper, I’m sure there’s a groan and ‘Not her again’ when I ring to report it. While I was up at the shops getting the paper and more, I got a call from John asking if I were running late. He was all packed and ready to come home after telling me yesterday that he didn’t think he should due to his cold and persistent coughing. But of course that was yesterday, and although he’s feeling no better it had gone out of his head completely. Now I feel like a real killjoy.

Finally got an email back from Frank at Panetta Mercato regarding my complaint about their stocking the free paper The Epoch Times. He is still going to stock it but his reply was reasonable, saying in part: “We’ve noticed that the stand is regularly emptied, indicating strong customer demand. We also want to assure you that if a supplier with an opposing political viewpoint approached us, and we believed their product would benefit our business, we would have no issues stocking it. Our decisions are always based on what is best for the store and our customers, not on political alignment”. I have replied saying that though I’m disappointed that this material is still being disseminated, I appreciate his response. I’ve done my bit and now I’ll just let it go.

Tried last night to find out how to access the judge’s sentencing comments in the trial of Greg Lynn yesterday. Can’t work it out so I’ve emailed the Victorian Supreme Court to ask for assistance. That is one trial I really wanted to attend and my reading of the snippets that were published yesterday indicates that the judge was totally unimpressed with Lynn’s excuses that apparently swayed the jury’s decision, so I’d like to read the whole thing. Apparently the judge cried while talking about victim Russell Hill’s family, who he said were “left in an excruciating legal limbo” as a result of the verdict. This is extremely surprising considering that they are not considered victims in the eyes of the law due to Lynn’s acquittal on the charge of Hill’s murder, leading me to think that Justice Croucher, along with many others, considered him guilty of both murders. “As one person to another, as a matter of common human decency, I should acknowledge their plight, their agony, their suffering – and I do,” the judge said. Bravely spoken in the circumstances.

Trying to get a lot of backlogged jobs done today and that included sorting out the filter for the vacuum, so I drove to the Castle Hill Dyson shop and they don’t sell spares at all…..what tha? You have to buy them online, so I came home and tracked one down on an eBay site with free postage. But an interesting comment from the girl at Dyson was that they are ‘going out of corded models and into cordless’. Well I won’t be going that way if I need one in the future as I know from using both that the cordless are nowhere near as good.

The other thing I wanted to do was to have my neighbour in to tell me all about his new job as a bus driver, he is cock-a-hoop about it. So I got all the info about how to change destinations on the bus, what routes he’s working, where the depots are, the fact that taking his phone onto the bus means instant dismissal, that half the Mt. Druitt customers just don’t pay the fare and he isn’t to refuse them service in case he’s attacked….it’s another world. But he’s super happy, so that’s the main thing.

October 20, 2024

After discussions with Martha we agreed that a First Saturday on the topic of death, funerals, legal requirements, keeping bodies at home, the new cremation procedures that have recently been in the news, death doulas etc etc would be useful. So I contacted Kathryn who did Phil’s funeral and with whom I’ve had communication since, asking her to suggest someone. I am delighted that she suggested herself and it seems she’s as keen as mustard to do it. I have a heap of questions already and will need to temper my enthusiasm so as not to hog the show. On a related topic, I saw an article about a corpse falling out of the back of a hearse onto a pedestrian crossing in Poland (Heather saw the exact same occurrence in downtown Castle Hill years ago and people were loath to believe her!!). The article read in part: ‘It is with deep regret that we inform you that, as a result of an unexpected technical failure of the electric tailgate latch in the hearse, an unfortunate incident occurred during the transportation of the body of a deceased person, which does not reflect the high standards of our company’. But the zinger for me was the name of the company….Hades Funerals, it made my morning.

Peter van Onselen has really sunk in my opinion. I used to read his articles but now they are as predictable as Peta Credlin’s or Parnell McGuinness’s, you could write their columns in your sleep as the views expressed as so predictable. Join the club of influencers Peter but don’t try to pass yourself off as a journalist. I perked up when I saw Stan Grant’s latest, quoting T.S. Eliot, but no cause for excitement, it was just another sermon in a string of many. Another journalist turned one trick pony, I’m amazed that the Saturday Paper keeps him on.

Fascinated to read some papers yesterday on the link between shingles and dementia. The latest study shows that those who have had the shingles vaccine are 20% less likely to have a dementia diagnosis six years later. Also it translates into 164 additional days lived without a diagnosis of dementia in those who do go on to get it. Another study has found that an episode of shingles is associated with about a 20 percent higher long-term risk of cognitive decline, one of the earliest noticeable symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias. One theory is that although in the past it’s been assumed that the chickenpox virus is completely dormant before a shingles episode brings it to notice, in fact the immune system is paddling hard under the water keeping it at bay and when that system loses efficacy with age or illness, the virus breaks through. Apparently there is also a link between the virus and stroke and heart attack, with one researcher suggesting that the three conditions are linked by viral damage to the lining of the blood vessels, making it more likely for clots to form and also that blood flow can be limited in the brain, eventually causing dementia. I came across this accidentally but it occupied me for a couple of hours looking for the original research. Glad I’ve just had my final dose of Shingrix. I’m pretty pleased about it even if it isn’t a 100% guarantee that you won’t succumb to the damned thing. Immunology is such a delicious specialty.

October 21, 2024

Feeling sad. No big reason, just sad at all the things we used to do and now can’t. Missing the Archibald Prize was a big one, now Sculpture by the Sea is on and it’s impossible to take John of course. These were big markers of our year in the past. I am trying to get up the puff to go myself but haven’t managed it as yet, however I did look up the route by public transport: bus to the QVB, walk to Hyde Park, bus to Bondi Beach, but the sculpture walk itself is a taxing one and it might be good to just crash in the car at the end of it. I know that if I don’t go I will be sad about it so I just need to try to muster the determination.

I went to a talk today about the history of Thompsons Corner by a descendant of the original convict Thompson who had a shop and bakery on that corner and delivered bread far and wide by horse and cart. In one of the photos of the beautiful building, sadly demolished for roadworks, there was a separate cottage which is still there across the road, now behind a tall fence. At first I thought that it was the same Thompson that I had my shop named after as they were both sent to Windsor, but they came on different ships. The speaker told us that there were 14 with the same name who were transported.

I see that Lidia Thorpe has given the king a mouthful and it will be plastered all over the news for days. As someone who has benefited from British colonialism I don’t feel that I want to weigh in, except to say that a king should have broad enough shoulders to take some stick from someone whose society was crushed by his rellos.

I see that my big Eucalyptus out the back is thinning again, even though we’ve had rain this year. The golden elm next to it only has about half as many leaves as I remember from last year, so perhaps they are both getting to the end of their lives (I know how they feel). When I called in the arborist a few years back he said that the gum was about 70 years old in his view and that they lived about as long as people.

October 22, 2024

I got my act together and drove to Bondi for Sculpture by the Sea, getting a park on the main drag even though the carparks at the beach were closed for some sort of work, great timing for that I have to say. But I hadn’t counted on how difficult I would find it to do the walk and especially those killer steps (and I didn’t go all the way). I really loved the winner though, the artist, Prof. Shen Lieyi, from China managed to make granite look like flowing water going around the roots of a tree. At first I thought the tree was real but the guidebook tells me that it is bronze, an astonishing accomplishment. My other fave by Haruyuki Uchida from Japan is a tall square sculpture of stainless steel sitting on a magnet and it sways slightly in the wind. I was tempted to give it a push but restrained myself. Unfortunately the only food stall in Marks Park was a gluten free bakery called Wholegreen so I just had a Portuguese Tart with my water as I knew that the pastry wouldn’t be up to scratch, and I was right. What is this wretched obsession with avoiding gluten and why should the general public have to suffer for it? Had a lovely interaction with Shane, a medic who was on the track and saw that I was struggling. We chatted for a few minutes before I got my breath back and continued. I noted that quite a few olds were coming in from the streets behind the park and therefore avoiding the stairs, that might be me next year. So of our three ‘never miss’ activities we both missed the Archibald, both went to the Tulip Festival with a dire outcome and I went to Sculpture alone, not a great record I must say.

A depressing but must read article in Pearls and Irritations: ‘US is spending $28 billion on Sinophobic propaganda to colonise your brain’ by Eugene Doyle. One classic sentence ‘In a staggering increase in funding for propaganda and covert action the US House has passed the Countering the People’s Republic of China Malign Influence Fund, kicking in an extra $1.6 billion The vote was 351-36…….US information/disinformation also almost certainly dwarfs the combined spend on influence campaigns of all other countries combined – and yet you’re told to fear Chinese disinformation, look under your mattress every night for Russian influencers, and so on’. Although the title of the piece is reminiscent of a Daily Mail headline, it is certainly worth a read.

October 23, 2024

Where to start? At the beginning I guess. Last night John expressed the view that he would love to go to Manly on the ferry, so that sorted out my wonderings about where to take him today. We travelled by bus, then tram (‘ Gosh, I thought that the trams were all wiped out in the 50s’ he said, despite our regularly going on them), then ferry. Three times during the day I had to send nice men to find him when he didn’t come out of a toilet, twice he was still in there but the other time he had wandered off while I was in the loo and I found him by ringing him and then Googling the Manly Mexican restaurant that he told me he was standing outside! We missed the normal ferry by a minute so decided to take the NRMA fast ferry over and the government one on the way back. John is extremely slow but provided we kept at that pace he was okay, until he said he wanted to sit outdoors upstairs. It was a much shorter staircase than on the regular ferry, with two handrails, but when he got to the top he flopped onto a seat, keeled over and was moaning and breathless. Passengers called the crew who were great and offered to pull into any wharf and get an ambulance, but he recovered and we continued the journey. So what have I learned? 1. He is much worse than even a week ago, this confirmed by Cecilia when I texted her to report what had happened 2. He can’t do stairs of any sort 3. Hospital admission can’t fix him, as he’s already on five drugs for heart failure 4. I need to curtail walking and activity even more than I have already done, perhaps using the wheelchair. Last night he wanted to discuss what had happened and said: ‘My days are numbered’. My policy of complete honesty with him meant that although I didn’t agree, I also didn’t disagree. There’s no point in kidding ourselves, he is very ill, so no putting off anything that he says he wants to do.

I was shocked (why do I still have a capacity to be shocked?) when I read about the fake Dr. Simone Laubscher who has been advising Elle McPherson for her cancer. It turns out that the University of NSW has previously issued a ‘cease and desist’ letter telling her to stop claiming that she did medicine there, so she changed her qualifications to some dodgy online ‘university’ in the US which has now been closed down. I have resisted the temptation to get a PhD from one of these, after I saw the ease that someone I know got a Masters from one of them, just choose a topic, write an essay and send it off. Oh of course, send a decent sum of money as well, that’s the important bit. All of the work references for the lovely Simone (with an acute accent on the e don’t forget) were fake or exaggerated, but she just cuts those off her LinkedIn profile and replaces then with others that are equally fabricated. Why can’t someone stop this woman before she kills someone? The wheels of government turn so slowly. Her association with Hillsong came as no surprise, fake medicine and evangelical religion are enthusiastic bedfellows.

October 24, 2024

My boy spent a quiet day here recuperating though he seems fully recovered, at least to the low standard of health that he currently has. I managed to get him a cardiologist’s appointment for next Tuesday, the last one I could wangle before Gemma goes away to an unknown destination for some weeks. I don’t have any confidence that juggling the meds will work, but we can only try. Talking today about his views about mortality John was totally with it, no signs of dementia, when he expressed sadness that he ‘won’t be here to look after you when you get old’ and said in a strange reference to the future ‘but I’ll never forget you wherever I am’. But perhaps seeing Gemma will give him a little more hope for the future than he has currently. I am neither confirming nor denying his fears, just listening.

It is disappointing to see that Nomad restaurant owner Alan Yazbek has pleaded guilty (not pled, one of my biggest hates in the word department) to displaying a swastika on an Israeli flag at a demonstration. Even more worrying was the fact that he didn’t seem to have a solicitor with him going into court. This plea may bind the magistrate’s hands a bit, I had hoped he would plead not guilty and argue that he was protesting against fascism, not encouraging it. I have written a number of letters to the Herald on this matter (none printed) as well as one to him. He has suffered a slew of cancellations at his restaurants as well as the usual abuse and death threats.

Further to the issue of the US spending billions on anti-China propaganda, a friend to whom I sent the article tells me that ‘something that demonstrates the scope of USA propaganda was a report written by a journalist who had counted the number of anti-Russian versus the pro-Russian articles in magazines and newspapers. Before the collapse of communism 98% of articles were anti-Russian. After the collapse, within a month, they were 98% pro-Russian’. Of course the same change has now occurred in how China is viewed, China has become an ‘enemy’ even though it hasn’t changed, other than to become stronger. It is so important to read across many media outlets, it’s time consuming but necessary.

October 25, 2024

Made a slice for book group using some lovely mandarin marmalade, but the topping was too dry and so it was important to keep it horizontal so you didn’t end up with crumbs in your lap, not a great recipe from that point of view. At the recent Grail function the food was catered, but the nicest thing there was the one dish that someone had brought, a simple slab of excellent pastry spread with some lovely jam. I think I had this in mind when I chose this one but it was a poor relation.

Book group was excellent, just five of us but beautiful food (who knew tomato, egg, avocado and mayo put together on sandwiches could be so good?) as well as a veggie tart followed by a South American cake with lashings of cream and fruit on top, name of it already forgotten. Later I got a brief rundown of the book from a Sri Lankan Tamil friend which put a somewhat different but interesting slant on it. The descriptions of the war there were terrible and convey so much more than just reading in the papers about what happened.

October 26, 2024

Brought John home and was quite concerned when he was winded just by getting out of the car. He used to be the person who helped the driver load all of the walkers into the bus on Gracewood excursions, but now he can’t lift his in or out of the boot, nor carry his own overnight bag. Gemma needs to pull something out of her arse on Tuesday.

Jane mentioned coming over to see John today and I was easy what time she should come so I suggested bringing Boris and coming for lunch. I had already planned to make Kohlrabi Soup, using a recipe off the net, so I stuck to that. Both had seconds so that was encouraging. It’s not something I usually cook with so it made a nice change.

The Herald was missing again today. It is so weird that in the last few weeks they have wrongly given me the Smelegraph, missed the Herald twice and the Saturday Paper once. It seems that the man who does really dislikes the job and I wish he would get another, but I’m sure he gets a pittance so I have a little sympathy.

Hoping that the Queensland Government can hold on tonight, though I am not expecting it. The worst of the right-wingers seem to come from there so we can expect changes that would be bad for Aboriginal people if they get in.

October 27, 2024

As expected Labor lost in Queensland, but it was oh so close. The postal votes were always going to go against them as wealthy people are obviously more likely to be away from home, but also the issues have turned somewhat since those folks voted. Unfortunately the dreadful Amanda Stoker who was defeated federally managed to get a seat, but at least she won’t be on our TV screens as often as she once was. Her past support for nuclear power will be a boon for Dutton. A surprise was finding that Barnaby Joyce’s wife’s estranged father was a One Nation candidate. Peter Campion once spoke of wanting to roast Barnaby on a spit and also opined that: ‘In my whole life up to 50, I had never seen or heard of a homosexual person. Now it’s fashionable, it’s just like a fashion trend.’ He actually sounds as if he’d fit in with Barnaby rather well.

It seems that the Daily Telegraph has exceptional contacts in the NSW Police Force. There are so many occasions when their reporters are present when police raids and arrests are made and there are many crime related stories which appear in the pages of the Smelegraph which are marked ‘exclusive’. I can’t open them due to the paywall combined with my decision not to put a cent into Rupert’s purse.

My attempts to get the full judgment in the Greg Lynn murder case from the Victorian Supreme Court bore fruit and I now have the full shebang. It was a 90 minute read but worth every moment as the judge managed to be true to the facts, to say what he had to say as far as the jury’s opinions, but if you read between the lines he is intimating that he thought that Lynn should have been found guilty of both murders, not just one. The daughter of the second victim for whom there was an acquittal is intending to take Lynn to court in a civil matter in order to get a finding against him that way. Lynn’s defence repeatedly told the court that the accused had been truthful and did not lie at all in his police interview. But what the jury was not told, because the evidence had been struck out for legal reasons I never fully understood, was that in a previous interview at his home and for more than half his formal interview following his arrest he had lied, maintaining he had not even seen the two campers. At the Sale police station he was asked 2944 questions. It wasn’t till question 1691 he stopped denying any knowledge and said: “I am going to ignore my solicitor’s advice and tell you what happened right from scratch.” But the jury didn’t hear this, only that he’d stuck to his story all the way through. Dermot Dann is a great lawyer but justice certainly wasn’t served. It’s the perennial problem of our adversarial system, that you are working for your client, not for justice or fair play.

October 28, 2024

Today was the 40th birthday celebration for Link Wentworth Housing, John’s old landlord, at View Hotel in North Sydney. It was lovely of them to invite him, but I had no idea what a big and important gathering it was to be. We were on the CEO’s table, along with the Chief of Property and a number of politicians. The property guy is responsible for the building of new premises, the purchase of already built properties and the maintenance of them all. He is relatively young and from Kansas, but from a family of long ago Irish immigrants, so that sparked some interesting conversation. I avoided the Trump conversation but I’m sure that with his education and commitment to public housing there isn’t much doubt about which candidate he would support. The pollies were very pleasant and I had a particularly interesting conversation with one which unfortunately can’t be relayed here. It is a credit to Link that they have 10,000 people in beds across Sydney every night. John was lauded as a Life Member and invited to cut the birthday cake. His conversation with the Liberal MP sitting next to him seemed to be going well, despite his asking her a number of times which party she belonged to, something that didn’t seem to faze her at all. The food was excellent (apart from the heavily chocolate cake). It was served to share on three tier stands with a first course of plates of delicious antipasti, only a third of which would have been eaten and it pains me to think of the rest being tipped. Mains were also to share: spatchcock, lamb, delicious plates of veggies like mini turnips, baby carrots and asparagus along with potato mash and a rocket, pear and parmesan salad. (Which reminds me, why do you never see rocket in the shops any more apart from the baby stuff, these were big leaves with much more flavour as a result). Not so much waste here so I enjoyed it more. The event was something I thought I was doing for John that turned out to be a remarkably pleasant function for me.

October 29, 2024

I thought that leaving Baulko at 8.15 for a 9.40 appointment with John’s cardiologist was oodles of time…I was wrong. We just managed to get there in time, well 5 minutes late but she hadn’t called him yet. It must be all the school traffic as well as the workers, Sydney is becoming a sod to drive around. John didn’t help matters by telling Gemma that he gets chest pain when he gets breathless (against all previous attestations) but once we got over that she opined that he is unusual in that with his degree of heart failure she would expect swollen ankles and weight gain due to fluid buildup. So she’s wondering whether he’s got a mixture of ischaemic heart disease and heart failure. Some drugs that might help can’t be given with blood pressure as low as he has, so she has halved the dose of a diuretic in the hope that she can then give him more of another drug. Later when I spoke to Bob I decided to stick to my initial request when John went to Gracewood, that Bob remain his GP. This was ignored and their doctor took over, something I didn’t dispute because I didn’t want to rock the boat and didn’t understand the system. I have never had a single conversation with his doctor there, which is impossible when you are dealing with someone with dementia. So I have made my views known this afternoon and hopefully there won’t be any backlash. John was so tired from going out this morning and had to rest all afternoon.

October 30, 2024

Lots of back and forth conversations with Bob by phone, text and email to engineer the removal of Gracewood’s doctor and the imposition of Bob as her replacement. Apparently the manager has agreed, subject to his familiarity with the Care Hub and Medi-Map electronic record keeping systems. Unfortunately Bob has never used either, the Anglicans and Catholics use a different system altogether. But he’s going to visit John today and I know he will work his magic on the staff and most importantly he will look after John’s best interests. I wish I had done this from the get-go but I was trying not to step on any toes.

Another ‘The law is an ass’ moment when tens of thousands of people walked across the Story Bridge in Brisbane naked, though if one person does it this morning they will find themselves in the klink post haste. I was appalled to see a video online of a Victorian police officer shooting a man through the window of his car at point blank range, but still managing to miss. He then lied to say that the man drove at him, the whole thing captured on CCTV. The cop should be out on his ear, if not in gaol, but was given ‘workplace guidance’, a disgusting state of affairs. I loved the driver’s comment: “I’m lucky he’s a bad shot, or I wouldn’t be here now.” Give him a round of applause for that line.

I know I shouldn’t find this remotely amusing but……..an 82 year old murder victim was a breeder of miniature horses and the photo of him in the press showed him sitting in a tiny cart pulled by a miniature horse. His name….Edwin Dobbin.

Whoa, I just clicked on a Facebook post and all of a sudden I got all the bells and whistles that accompany a virus. I couldn’t get out of it, and a voice kept telling me DO NOT TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER!! so I decided that might be the very thing that fixes it, and that’s what I did. I had to use the power button as everything else was disabled, but it seems I dodged a bullet, just like our friend in Victoria.

October 31, 2024

Yesterday proved interesting in that I had received a phone reply from Gracewood the previous evening at 8.30 pm to say that it was approved for Bob to become John’s sole doctor, as long as he was able to use their two electronic record-keeping systems, one for medications and the other for notes. Bob had never used either, all of the other homes he visits use a different system, but he was willing to adapt to it. He visited John yesterday afternoon but it caused a real flurry, he must first go through an ‘approval’ process with a manager, who was too busy to see him so her deputy saw him, but she isn’t allowed to approve him. I then got a call after he’d left, asking if I had known that he was going there and explaining that ‘it’s complicated’ to approve an outside doctor and will take a little while. Apparently a police check is involved among other things Now I am seeing why my explicit instructions about keeping Bob as his GP were ignored, it just doesn’t suit them for whatever reason.

Today was Nelune day so I dropped John off and went to Artisans in the Gardens. It seemed very thinly populated with outdoor art this year and much of that was sold, but after seeing that there were very few paintings left inside and much of the craft had red stickers on, I realised that people had been allowed to take their stuff when they bought it. Clearly it pays to go on the first weekend, though I had disciplined myself to buy nothing, except 3 raffle tickets as per usual. Gabby Malpas, whom I know, had quite a few pieces on display, some were sold, it is the first time I’ve seen her exhibit there. After being in the gardens for about an hour and a half I started to get calls from John, 8 in all, which disconnected as soon as I answered. I rang back repeatedly and couldn’t get through so I hightailed it to Nelune only to find him eating a sandwich and perfectly fine. He had been trying to ring me to see if I had planned a lunch in a restaurant today before accepting the offered cheese toastie, this considering he was attached to a drip! He was just in a corner with bad reception. Panic over, I then went to Woollahra for a few grocery bits and bobs from Maloneys, but parking was the worst ever. Eventually I got a spot and saw it was getting close to time to pick him up. Wondering if I had time to grab a milkshake and call it lunch, I rang him to find he was standing outside Nelune waiting for me. Jesus wept, I flew back there to find him luckily still there but having forgotten that he is to ring me when he is ready and then wait inside.

I don’t subscribe to any Murdoch papers or TV but I often scroll through the headlines to see what’s going on. They have been reasonably even-handed as far as Trump v. Harris…… until the last two or three weeks. Murdoch has obviously decided that Trump is more likely to win and has thrown in his lot with him. All of the editorial content in his papers, the Sky News reporters etc are leaning his way. I read today that Sky News is sending 17 (I think) reporters to the US, the ABC will have 2. In the Daily Smelegraph today: “Much of the anti-Trump rhetoric being thrown about reads like a 1950s horror movie poster, but rather than falling for this terrifying nightmare, observers should just sit back and enjoy the show”. It is getting terrifying from my angle and I am certainly not enjoying the show.

November 1, 2024

Last night I decided that 4 days into the city in one week was too much for me to go in again today to hear Michelle C’s talk at the State Library about an upcoming book that she is working on. But I woke up with energy restored and went anyway. It was interesting and warranted a bigger audience than the 7 who came, however Michelle took notes of comments from the listeners which will no doubt help her as she continues the project. Just down the road at the Law Court Mehreen Faruqi won her racial discrimination case against Pauline Hanson. She had sought additional orders requiring Hanson to attend anti-racism training at her own cost but the judge said that “it is not at all clear that Senator Hanson would benefit from such training” and “futility” was a “relevant factor to be taken into account”. Personally I think getting her to go would have been part of the punishment and worth doing, but he’s the judge.

Bob still hasn’t received any communication from Gracewood…….

November 2, 2024

A couple of weeks ago the Herald ran an article saying that the William Tyrrell inquest, which I have been following for about 10 years, would resume in December. I was an idiot to take that as gospel because it turns out it starts on Monday October 4. This after I’d pretty much filled my week, so to say I am pissed off is an understatement, but it’s my own fault for not double checking with the court. However the lists only come online very late on Friday for the following week so it’s tricky. I have 1 and a half days free so I will go then.

We went to First Saturday and it was quite a crowd, luckily it was in a big house with plenty of chairs. John didn’t recognise whose house it was, despite it being the home of his niece, but that could have been because he was so exhausted by getting out of the car as we arrived that he could barely walk across the road. Michelle’s talk was about nurses who died in WWI and II and a surprising fact was that prior to the 1860s there was no formal training for nurses who were often found to be drunkards or prostitutes looking for work (I’m guessing it wouldn’t have been an acceptable job for a lady in many people’s eyes). So Sir Henry Parkes wrote to Florence Nightingale to ask if she would send some of her trained nurses to Sydney, something she was delighted to do and there began a very long friendship between the two as well as the beginnings of nursing as we now know it. Learning all about that was worth being at the talk on its own.

November 3, 2024

A couple of years ago I put aside some bits and bobs for my old restorer John Koster but haven’t been to see him since then. So today I hucked out the box full of odd castors, handles, screws, drill bits etc and cleaned up the contents as Sue and I are going up to North Richmond on Thursday to inspect how her two Chesterfields are going in the recovering process occurring at John Mobbs Upholstery, also an old colleague from the shop days. I will take also take my silverplate teapot which was dropped and is now unusable to see if JK can fix the gaping lid. Found a large wooden case under the house that was meant for a priest’s vestments, which I had started to restore years ago and never finished. It has a plaque with the priest’s name and a date, but if JK wants it he can have it, to finish the job and sell it. Threw out some rubbish too so it was a beneficial morning, but John was sweeping around me under the deck and it has exhausted him so now he is abed.

A nurse has been suspended for a month and will need to do training in incident reporting for not breaking up a surprise baby shower thrown for him and his partner at a nursing home during the Covid lockdown. There were strict Covid restrictions in place at the time and many of the attendees were later found to have Covid. In the coming weeks 38 residents of the home died of the disease. Hang on, that was in July 2020 and last time I looked it is November 2024, how could it possibly have taken this long to deal with the matter? Justice delayed is justice denied as the old saying goes. It is especially unfair on this poor fellow who didn’t know in advance about the baby shower and left after five minutes. Surely the organiser of it is more at fault? Anyway he has squirmed for over four years to learn his fate. Governments can speedily deal out penalties when they want to, as happened in Britain recently when riots occurred after the deaths of three girls at a dance class in Southport. Within a week rioters protesting the killings were before the courts and inside two weeks they were in gaol. When it suits a government to do so, it can be done. The idea that Trump still hasn’t faced charges over his role in the January 6 atrocities is a perfect example of what happens when delays suit the accused rather than the prosecuting authority and they can afford to keep paying lawyers who constantly delay proceedings. Ron Medich being able to live the high life for eight years before being convicted over the murder of Michael McGurk is another example of deep pockets standing in the way of justice. Surely some sort of time limits need to be brought in, but I realise it’s a very complex and tricky situation.

November 4, 2024

My cousin in Almeria in Spain sent a video of her house, flooded to the depth of her high skirting boards, everything plastered with mud. Apparently there is no river or lake nearby, but there is a ‘rambla’ which apparently is Spanish for a ravine. The water just gushed down and spread out over what seems fairly flat land, though hard to tell from the photos. No power so they have moved in with friends, such a depressing situation to go back to. I hope they are insured, but getting help from anyone when so many are affected will be hard. I will be surprised if the death toll doesn’t surge after seeing all those cars in tunnels, plus there are shopping centres with underground car parks to be cleared. It was heart-warming to see the many hundreds of people lining up to help, armed with their shovels and brooms. If that were happening here, the press and the politicians would carry on about how unique Australians are and the joys of mateship, as if folks from other countries don’t do exactly the same things.

Baking at Carol’s today and it was great to be on her verandah in the cool and with a little gentle rain, looking out over the garden, prefect weather to be creaming butter and sugar.

November 5, 2024

Aaah politics, aaah climate change, what knots you tie me in. I just spent over an an hour formulating an email to an old friend, a scientist with a PhD, with whom I disagree on most things it seems judging by a recent communication. He is both socially and politically conservative, but this has concentrated into the latest missive being all about climate scientists exaggerating results to get more government grants and Israel not wanting to to deliberately kill civilians, all the fault lying with the terrorists Hamas and Hezbollah. These opinions worried me less than his usual signing off downgrading from ‘love’ to ‘ATB’, apparently it means ‘all the best’. I tried to argue my response logically and not emotionally, about two very emotional subjects, I hope I succeeded.

Just after I pressed send to my friend I decided to phone John to remind him that I’m going out today. He was in his bed and said ‘I have no pain but I am completely wiped out, I feel as if I’m dying’, such an unusual thing for John to say that I jumped into the car and went to Gracewood to find him still in his bed. He had been checked out by the nurses and when there were no red flags they put a blanket over him and left him, which is fair enough. However he perked up a bit when I said there was a festive lunch on for the Melbourne Cup so I encouraged him to go and went to the dining room with him. He eventually improved a bit, though I’ve arranged for Bob to see him tomorrow, reinforcing the fact that I am not backing down in that argument.

Well tomorrow we find out if the women of America have risen up on masse or if the angry men prevail. I think Trumpists are keen to advertise the fact but Harris’s supporters are less inclined to do so and on that basis perhaps she has a chance. I read that a Sheriff announced on X that he wouldn’t come to the aid of anyone known to vote for Harris ‘and I know who they are’. Don’t you love the idea of elected public servants?

My disquietude about the whole idea of plea deals was raised again in reading about the wretched Baggaley brothers. They pleaded guilty to attempting to import a commercial quantity of drugs worth $200 million just days before they were due to face a retrial. Initially they pleaded not guilty and got sentences of 25 years and 28 years. They won an appeal and then decided to plead guilty at the death knock, getting sentences of 13 and 15 years with parole due soon on account of time served. This pair of sods was seen by water police dumping the cocaine overboard from an inflatable boat after which it was washing up on beaches for months. After a plea deal they are now sentenced on the basis there was no evidence they “positively knew” that an illicit drug was what they were collecting or how much it was worth. I’m calling bullshit on that one, why else were they seen throwing it overboard and why exactly did they name the boat after a Colombian city known as a drug capital?? So they are both bad and stupid. But the most annoying factor about their light sentences is that both brothers have significant criminal histories and have previously spent time in gaol for serious drug, dishonesty and theft charges offences.

November 6, 2024

The Tyrrell inquest was a bit of a fizzer today with a truckdriver giving detailed evidence when a Yes or No would have done, thereby taking up the morning. Note to defence lawyers: You don’t need to ask irrelevant questions just to justify your presence. Endless talk about the colour of an excavator, or the presence of trees on a block, or the fact that you need to drive slowly in a small town are not in the least bit helpful when they are totally unrelated to William’s disappearance. Gary Jubelin was there which made me wonder whether he’s just keen to know the outcome or whether perhaps there is a book in the works. Following the truckdriver the court was closed for reasons not made clear so that was that.

To Martha’s in the afternoon for the ‘election vigil’ which turned out to be an election wake. The results did not surprise, but certainly disappointed. Sociopaths have a superficial charm and charisma that can make them appear engaging and likable, but they are also cunning and without conscience as we know it. My biggest fear is that Trump will decide that a world war is winnable and that it would give him the ultimate glory that he clearly seeks.

November 7, 2024

Sue and I headed up to North Richmond to visit my old upholsterer John Mobbs to see the progress of her Chesterfields. Then to John Koster nearby to deliver all the bits and bobs that I’d sorted out for him and to see if he could repair my teapot which hit the kitchen floor and now won’t close. He is having a go at it and with him that means he will do a great job. Then to a bead shop in South Windsor to get three necklaces of Sue’s repaired, but the shop closed 5 to 7 years ago according to the businesses next door. One recommended The Remakery, a not for profit business which encourages and teaches people to recycle and repair their goods. We found there was a knitting circle happening and lots of crafty things on sale. It is all staffed by volunteers and happily took Sue’s beads to repair ‘for a donation’.

John had exactly the same sudden exhaustion and incapacity this morning that he had on Tuesday, so he missed reading the feature poem at the Remembrance Day service, despite having his suit and tie out all ready to wear. I just don’t know what’s going on but would feel much better if we could get Bob approved as the contact person…..

Just watched Kamala’s concession speech and got as teary as some in the audience. How rotten she must be feeling and Biden along with her.

November 8, 2024

The Mormons believe that we can go back in time and convert and then christen our ancestors, so perhaps we could do something with Trump’s father so he became a decent man who produced a decent son? Elon should have a theory on how to do it.

The death of ABC journalist Matt Peacock at 72 from pancreatic cancer was especially sad considering his valuable medical reporting. It was he who exposed both the Hardy asbestos scandal and the underdosing of the chemotherapy drug carboplatin by Dr. John Grygiel at St. Vincent’s Hospital. His death caused me to go back to the inquiry report into the latter event and read it again. I’d forgotten that it was 211 pages, but it was worth rereading. It reminds us of the reluctance of doctors, nurses and pharmacists who knew that he was underdosing for reasons of his own, but felt that his position as senior staff specialist in
Medical Oncology entitled him to go off-protocol in his prescribing without a word being said. To have gone through concurrent radiation and chemotherapy, only to discover that the chemo was at a lower dose than considered to be effective must have been devastating, especially as it’s not something that can then be corrected. Vale Matt.

Today has been one of the most frustrating days since John went to Gracewood. Bob told me that when he visited John he was refused access to his medical records and even his medication chart because he is not yet registered in their system. I seriously thought about bringing him home as a protest but decided to first email a couple of people, text others and then go in person to press the case. The lovely RN Aman spoke to the manager and finally Bob received his paperwork by email, but how long it takes to approve him remains to be seen. He agrees with me that this delay is serious as he can’t change John’s medications for the heart failure until it’s sorted. It’s such a shame as everything else about the place is so good. While I was there I noted that his lunch looked good enough to eat and I would have been perfectly happy to have served it up, having pinched a couple of chips and some mushrooms for a taste test but all of that pales in importance compared to the doctor issue.

November 9, 2024

Well I’ve been to many a school fete but I’ve never been to anything like Erko Bezerko today. Literally thousands of people, food stalls with cooking by parents at the school (loved the curry puff I had for lunch courtesy of the parents of one of Millie’s friends). I had to park streets away and even when I was leaving in the afternoon folks were still streaming in, the cake stall looked different every time we walked past as they were obviously replenishing with endless reserves. Millie loved the water slides and jumping castle, so a great day was had by all, even Louis who spent the morning serving drinks. As I got back to my car parked in a narrow one way street some poor sod opened their driver door, straight into the front of a passing taxi, so easy to do and I felt really sorry for them both.

So lucky that I didn’t go with plan A and take John today. Even with the wheelchair we would never have managed in that crowd. I see that yesterday I reported this week’s administration problems at Gracewood as ‘frustrating’ which they were, but that doesn’t compare with the feelings of fear, sadness, anxiety and guilt at not being able to adequately ensure that John is safe, on the right drugs and being treated with the maximum expertise. Hopefully next week will be easier.

November 10, 2024

Off to the Arcadia Artisans Trail this morning and pleasantly surprised at how well John managed it, we succeeded in seeing three places. He happily bought a calendar with photographs of birds, directly from the photographer who took the pics. I weakened and bought a pair of painted plywood earrings (I know, I know, I’m a bad person) but they were so cute and I didn’t buy any last year. Just loved the pottery, pen drawings, jewellery, paintings etc. I was admiring some framed fabric art at one place when a couple came along and told the lady ‘we’ll have that one and that one and that one and that one’, each $430. I’m not sure how many they bought but between 4 and 6 I’d guess. I don’t know how they were made, but they were fashioned from merino wool and silk. I will contact the lady and find out what the technique is, not that I’m planning to try it.

On Friday when I was leaving Gracewood I met a lady coming in who just looked like a lovely person and I got talking to her, thinking that she was visiting someone. But it turned out she was a visiting doctor, Dr Sarada Balasubramanian, a Tamil GP from Castle Hill. We talked for a while and then parted not quite friends, but certainly more than ships that pass in the foyer. It’s so strange how you can judge so much from a face.

November 11, 2024

What a delightful day we had at Wild Pear with Carol and Jack, a late birthday celebration. The Zucchini Flowers were off, all eaten up at the weekend, which ended my devious plan to have them as a main course, but I more than happily settled for the Barramundi with Fennel and Risotto. It was a day of memorable food and company which John enjoyed as well as I did. I warned John that the one dish at WP that I really dislike is the Deep-Fried Icecream but he had it anyway, resulting in it coming home where it was much appreciated by the possum.

Watched The Space Shuttle That Fell to Earth last night on ABC and realised that it was not as I had expected about the Challenger which crashed on takeoff, but the Columbia in 2003, something I remember, but not as vividly as I do the Challenger. It was quite compelling, especially the interviews with surviving relatives, particularly the children, though I was shocked that one father sneaked his son in for a last hug from his mother 3 days before the launch, thereby breaking the strict curfew imposed to avoid passing on any illnesses to the crew. Totally understanding from a human perspective but it could have had severe consequences for the crew, as it turned out they had bigger problems.

November 12, 2024

This morning I headed in to the trial of Constable Kristian White for the manslaughter of Clare Nowland in a Cooma nursing home (a pretty lax nursing home I have to say). I chose the right day to go unlike the inquest last week. We were shown at least 25 minutes of CCTV from the nursing home, showing Clare wandering with her walker outside at 3 am, going to a kitchen where she was able to help herself to knives and a bag of prunes and then enter the rooms of various residents. During the foray outside and the 10 minutes spent going through kitchen drawers there was no sign of any staff till one appeared late in the piece and rang the police. The police body-worn cameras of the officers showed that an ambo tried to talk Clare into putting down the one knife she was holding by this stage but it was a very short discussion. There was no aggression on her part, no response to what various people said to her, no attempted attack with the knife or anything else and no indication that she understood what a Taser was when threatened with one, just the blank expression of someone with quite severe dementia. How White could have fired it is inexplicable and there was a gasp in the room when the video was shown, twice in fact, one from each officer’s camera. He had no idea how to handle someone suffering from dementia and totally misinterpreted the situation. How the jury could possibly find him not guilty after what we saw today escapes me, really I don’t know why he didn’t just plead guilty and throw himself on the mercy of the judge. We then heard the evidence of a forensic pathologist who unequivocally said that the Tasering caused her death from brain damage after it induced a fall. Just after this chaos ensued when a man in the jury passed out and his head hit the floor with such a bang that we were all reminded of what that sounds like. He seemed to come to fairly quickly and the judge sent someone chasing after the doctor who had just given evidence. He remained on the floor of the jury box and hadn’t got up when the court was cleared. Epileptic fit? overwrought by the evidence? Don’t know. The court was packed, mostly by relatives of Clare (I was sitting next to her grandsons) though White only had his wife, plus an elderly man possibly his or her father, and a representative of the Police Association.

November 13, 2024

A US Harris supporter has spoken on how to understand America: ‘Go to some small towns. People are nice but opposed to and fearful of change. They want to work, and then they want to eat, and then they want to drink. They don’t want to extend any other effort towards anything else.’ This pretty much sums up my comment to a friend that the election was probably carried by people with grievances but without any real interest in politics. Unfortunately they came out to vote Trump’s way this time. A Guardian article by a Professor of African American Studies postulates ‘the fact that Donald Trump’s candidacy was even viable, given his horrific track record, was because of the support of white men…..the downwardly mobile, frustrated white men without a degree who have been surpassed in income by college-educated women’. I am so glad that I had no plans to even briefly visit that beleaguered country.

Bob finally got in to see John officially today, so he was able to prescribe the new drug he’s talked about. It boils down to his two recent collapses being either intermittent cardiac arrhythmia or transient ischaemic attacks, mini strokes. Nothing much he can do about the latter but this pill is a help if it’s the former. I hope he got in to see the manager as planned.

November 14, 2024

Loved watching the haka being performed as a protest in New Zealand’s parliament and especially loved getting an email from Mary in Kiwiland to say that they will be over on the first weekend in December. We are already committed to a book launch on the Saturday, missing First Saturday this month, but we’ll see them on the Friday. On the same day there was an email from Tom in Northern Ireland and a cousin in England so lots of communications to catch up on.

How coincidental that an ethics report regarding Matt Gaetz’s relationship with an underage girl as well as bribery and drug use was due out today, but has been cancelled due to his appointment as Trump’s pick for Attorney-General! Phew, that was close. Trump really is an expert in scraping the bottom of the barrel if his appointments so far are anything to go by.

Had John home and noted how meticulous he still is in the washing up department, stacking everything first in logical piles, washing them in order and leaving the kitchen spotless.

I had an email from someone in Texas threatening to send all of my email contacts photos of me compromised and watching porn if I don’t send them $2000. My first inclination was to write back telling them to go right ahead as the pics will make their day, but instead decided to report it to Scamwatch.

November 15, 2024

Baking with Carol, Jack and the team today on a lovely cool day, long may it continue. Tried to work out where the reported crash was yesterday in Highs Rd yesterday and narrowed it down to two spots, though I can’t be any surer than that. I wish I didn’t need to know the ins and outs of everything but I’ve never been any different.

Yesterday at the library I looked up the last 10 books I recorded in my list as ‘want to read’ and happily two are on order so I’ve got first dibs on them, but sadly the other 8 were there but only in electronic form, which is very bloody annoying. Sometimes I go back and look up books that I wrote down weeks, months or years ago, but yesterday was all about recent ones. I can always do an interlibrary loan but that’s a costly solution.

Wrote a letter to the Herald about the appalling case of AB which proves once and for all that police are above the law. ‘If ever we were naive enough to think that all citizens are equal under the law, the current case of the senior detective-inspector AB should extinguish that idea. A man crashes his police car after drinking a colossal amount of alcohol, leaves the scene presumably to avoid breath testing, neglects to tell the insurance company that he’d been drinking, has his case heard in a closed court with his identity to be hidden for 40 years under a suppression order and attempts a plea deal on the charges. Name me a John Citizen who’s been gifted with this level of kid glove treatment. No rush, I’ll wait’. I am amazed that this case isn’t on the front page daily, especially now that the online court list, which is used to find out what is happening in the courtrooms on a particular date is leaving his case out altogether. Presumably this is so journos don’t know when to attend so they can’t even see him, despite the fact that they are not allowed to identify him anyway. Now he’s working towards a plea deal. Makes my blood boil.

November 16, 2024

Michelle told me that she has a Christmas party every day next week and I replied that we didn’t have one invitation and were clearly a pair of Nigel Nofriends, but then an email came from Mary and David in New Zealand inviting us to lunch at Glass Brasserie Bar (the famous $38 special by Luke Mangan) in December. Not a Christmas party as such, but a wonderful occasion it will be. A very odd series of emails from Link Housing has me puzzled. John and I were invited to a second Link Housing 40th Birthday function, this time a dinner at Parliament House. A week later he got an email saying they were very sorry but the invitation had been sent in error so I replied to that and told them not to worry. Now another email has come saying that John was still invited and the last email shouldn’t have been sent to him. They offered to pay for a taxi to and from Baulkham Hills which I see as a huge waste of their precious funds but have accepted one from York Street to Parliament House and back. But I’m fully expecting another to say that the last positive email was a huge mistake. So perhaps we can count that as a second Christmas party if it comes off.

Today we went to North Richmond and collected the teapot that John Koster repaired and polished beautifully after it was accidentally dropped here. On to John Mobbs who had left at 5 am today to deliver Sue’s two Chesterfields which he has recovered in leather. He gushed about the breakfast that she served him and his offsider on arrival, which included brie, duck pate and rabbit terrine served with toast. He’s agreed to fix the collapsed undercarriage of my sofa here in the house, a huge plus as it would be a nightmare getting it out of the door, as it was all those years ago getting it in. Next we went to the glazier to ask if someone can come and fix the missing silicone seal on the shower screen they installed years ago, yep no problem he said. On to The Remakery to deliver a huge carton of empty jars which I’ve tried to give to heaps of people unsuccessfully. It’s funny how all of my best contacts are in Windsor. Found two rough cut stones there for my granddaughter’s collection, a pale green one and a tiger’s eye, two she doesn’t have.

On the way back through Richmond I said to John that we had passed a garage sale on the way up and I’d decided that if the gods wanted me to have anything there they would provide a parking spot out the front, if not I wouldn’t stop. The gods said ‘yay, go for it’ so I went but they had closed early due to rain and packed things up. She happily showed me the remainder ready to go to the charity shop, and I came home with a gorgeous hand thrown pottery salad bowl with six matching serving bowls and a hand made casserole dish with lid, both by potter Sue Currey. Do I need them? No. Do I want them? Yes! Thankyou gods, best $20 spend ever.

November 17, 2024

A restful day here apart from a trip to Bunnings to replace a plastic watering can, not a year old, which fell into two halves as it was going to be used on my Alyssum seedlings. Pity all the water fell on the driveway and not on the garden but them’s the breaks. Decided to upgrade to metal, though the last metal one I had died when its spout fell off, so I live in hope.

We made a slice using mandarin marmalade on a pastry base with a coconut topping, but left a section with just flaked almonds for coconut-hating John. He declared the slice to be a 9 while the reheated kohlrabi and leek au gratin from last night which we had for lunch only got a 7.5. This weekend was the first time that he forgot that he comes home for the weekend and wasn’t packed and ready at 9 am as usual yesterday, so from now on we need to enter that in his diary every week.

I try each time to understand Stan Grant’s article in The Saturday Paper but half way through I realise that I don’t know what the heck is talking about. He is now calling himself a theologian so I looked it up and he is currently completing his Doctor of Theology at Charles Sturt University. Gosh they need to teach some clearer communication skills if he wants to convince anyone of his views. Perhaps his ideas are intended for people smarter than me and that’s fine, but I think it will all go over the heads of many people.

November 18, 2024

My my, justice sometimes comes awfully late but it seems to have caught up with Alan Jones at the age of 83. How many young men and how many women would have been saved from physical abuse (verbal abuse in the case of the women) if the law had got its skates on. I have it on reliable grounds from a person I trust that he absolutely loathes women. I have no doubt at all that if it were not for Kate McClymont Alan would be sipping G and Ts on his apartment balcony today instead of looking out from the dour Day St Police Station. Kate, along with 4 Corners, Background Briefing and The Centre for Public Integrity represent the bastions of justice in this country.

So apparently we are actually invited to the dinner at Parliament House for Link Housing. A phone call this afternoon was someone trying to organise a cab charge from here to there and return. I argued against it on distance and money-saving grounds but she insisted, so it was a draw and now she’s conferring with management. One can see how funds in charities and not-for-profits can be dwindled away, but I guess that’s what happens when there are millions and not mere thousands in the coffers.

On my way to see Prof. Meagher for a check-up today and I got a short call from his office. Pulling over to ring them back I discovered that he was in surgery and he couldn’t guarantee when he’d be out, it must be a big one. So I had the choice of continuing in and seeing him ‘tonight’ or else rebooking for Thursday, ‘tonight’ sounded ominous so I went with the latter. Seems I changed my undies today for nothing

My credit card bill was $666.66, ‘the number of the beast’, should I have bought a little less (or more) to avoid it? If I cark it in the next month you will know the reason……

November 19, 2024

Back today to the trial of Kristian White who killed a 95 year old lady in a nursing home with a Taser. The Crown was summing up and the gist of his story was the fact that no one in the nursing home used the words ‘dangerous’ or ‘violent’ or similar in regard to the victim but both of the police did, after the event. The nurse who phoned for assistance asked the operator for ambos, not police, showing that she was not particularly concerned about any danger either. It seemed to me last week and again today that the accused was simply unwilling or unable to deal with an elderly person with dementia and just wanted to get home and back to bed. The same juror who collapsed last week felt ill again and needed time out so there was an adjournment for that. It seems like a physical rather than emotional problem as the evidence was not at all graphic, but who knows? I will be mortified if White is acquitted.

I have lost the battle with Link who rang to insist on our using a Cabcharge to get John to Parliament House for the Link dinner next week. I have argued my case already so I just accepted their decision. Now it’s a case of whether the letter arrives in time, I hope they use the overnight service.

Last week I started watching The Space Shuttle That Fell to Earth and waited another week for the second episode, however I was so drawn in to this last chapter that I couldn’t wait for the third next week and watched it on iView. It’s a story of the failings in NASA of the hierarchical chain of command system which forbids people to report problems except to the next person up the line. Time and again this prevents information travelling to the person who needs to hear it because people fear for their jobs, especially if they are reporting something that the boss doesn’t want to hear. Always speaking to the engine driver and not the oil rag is a good rule. This problem has shown up in so many situations, including the chemotherapy underdosing at St Vincent’s by Dr. Grygiel and also in the Lucy Letby case. The grief still showing in the face of Iain, the son of one of the female astronauts who begged his mother not to go, brought me to tears.

A bit shocked when I saw lawyer Chris Murphy on the teev last night speaking out for Alan Jones. He seems to have aged an awful lot since last I saw him, his firm usually represented of late by Bryan Wrench, often seen on the TV news walking out of court right next to a high-profile client. He’s the go-to man of the moment and Alan’s deep pockets will no doubt be much emptier once Murphy and Wrench have dipped their fists into them. AJ looked more like a shuffling nursing home resident than the cocky man we are used to, who as recently as Saturday night was on stage hosting a bash for the top end of town. I’m sure his phone book is thinning as we speak, leaving only the rusted-ons like Credlin and McQueen.

November 20, 2024

The jury is out in the Kristian White trial and Pam tells me that the defence summing up was very good in her view. A hung jury is not at all out of the question. How I love the cedar ‘pews’ in the King St Courts, the ornate judge’s bench, even the dock and jury box, though their modern chairs take away a bit of atmosphere. Looking at the barristers’ wigs is of interest, counting the curls and wondering what made them choose that particular design. Such a difference to the Downing Centre or Down-at-Heel Centre as I call it.

My nasturtiums went to seed and I was looking forward to growing more but my first effort has failed. Perhaps I didn’t let them dry out enough? So I’m bagging the seeds as they fall off and will let them dry thoroughly before I try again. I’m not much of a gardener really but one thing I am proud of is that my Cyclamen which was given to me by Terry about 15 years ago. All the books say that they are too hard to overwinter so to buy a new one each year, however mine is still happy and flowers beautifully, outliving Terry sadly.

The louse who threw live a live pet chicken called Betty White to alligators at Oakvale Wildlife Park has been ‘spared jail’ and given a community corrections order, in other words he got off without punishment, not even a damned fine. The only pain will be the bill that Bryan Wrench gives him, though the fact that he chose good old Bryan shows that he possesses abundant financial resources, so he may not even wince when he opens it. BW can now focus fully on preparing Alan Jones’s case. He must need long showers when he gets home from work.

November 21, 2024

Had a bus ride and a half this morning heading to an appointment with Prof. Meagher at St. Vincent’s. The double decker was full to the point that the driver refused passengers after my stop, due apparently to the Metro being down from Cherrybrook to Tallawong because of some electrical issue. I was entertained pleasantly by a man so tall that his head touched the ceiling so he had to stand in the stairwell, then by the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a long while. She was very tall, with loooong skinny legs and arms, her long hands and fingers reaching to her knees, and very black. Possibly Dinka? I don’t know, but stunning. Leaving here at 8 am for a 9.45 appointment seemed plenty of time, but I made it via two buses with just a minute to spare and he was on time. Do it all again in February but next time I might take John in the car and go somewhere afterwards, though things could be very different by then.

Still sweating on the Kristian White verdict but interestingly I had a call from Pam last night and she had gone in to court for the judge’s final comments yesterday. Then she went to the Fullerton for lunch, asking the barman to make her a thin ham and thin cheese sandwich, which he duly did. He remembered her from the Dawson trial which she attended for 5 weeks and became a bit of a regular there. She is now plumping for a not guilty verdict so we are split on that one. She feels (as do I) that the nursing home’s response was totally inadequate and that White was out of his depth with an old person, not willing to wait around and impatient to get back to bed. I take a harder line and hope for a guilty verdict.

November 22, 2024

I am familiar with doctors and their staff asking people before tests or surgery whether they are 1. diabetic and 2. on blood thinners, but there’s a new one: are you on Ozempic for weight loss? Apparently it slows down the peristalsis of the bowel so it’s important for things like colonoscopies. Obviously there are enough people on it to justify asking the question, but how long will it be before we hear of the side effects that weren’t obvious when it was released?

The Hills Police Facebook page shocks me sometimes and makes me laugh a lot of the time, but a photo of the ‘person’ who stole the defibrillator from North Rocks Shopping Centre really takes the cake. If karma were the real deal it would be his granny who needs it in an emergency, but hopefully she will be looked after by caring ambos or members of the public using a working AED.

Looks like we are to wait over the weekend for the jury’s decision in the Taser trial, which suggests either a hung jury or some trouble deciding which of the two manslaughter options to choose, I am fearing the former. Yesterday I passed the Downing Centre and wondered whether to get off the bus to attend the trial of Stuart MacGill, who is fighting allegations he was involved in a $330,000 drug deal. (Is it just me or do we see an unusually large number of sports people in the courts? Certainly there has been a lot lately). Luckily I opted to come home as the jury was discharged after three days of evidence, for reasons not explained. Not another juror misconduct situation hopefully.

The gods (in the physical form of Carol) have filled my fridge with vegetables today so there will be a cooking bee here tomorrow, something that both John and I enjoy. Carrots for juice, turnips and fennel to roast, red and white cabbages to turn into coleslaw, zucchinis to gratin and radishes for salad. Should keep us out of trouble tomorrow, unless we decide to go around the shopping centres to find a defibrillator to steal (ignoring North Rocks where someone beat us to it).

November 23, 2024

Interesting that the people of Bhutan don’t climb their mountains, which have a religious significance to them. Also interesting that there are only 130,000 people in the capital, similar to Darwin. Don’t ask how I know this.

Reading the marvellous Elizabeth Strout book The Burgess Boys there was a brief mention of a case in Maine in 2003 where someone snuck into a Lutheran church hall during the service and put arsenic in the coffee urn, killing one person and making 16 severely ill at their after church meet up, a couple more of them dying years later from the effects. I thought it might just be part of the fictional story but Monsieur Google informs me that it did indeed happen. One of the church executive members suicided 5 days later and left a self-incriminatory note. At the centre was a dispute about ‘changing the ways things had always been done’ in having the celebrant at the altar with his back to the congregation to prepare the bread and wine, to a new way of his facing the church at a communion table, made and donated by the family of the perpetrator. Telling John the story he recounted that he was on the long finger with the church because of his support of the Second Vatican Council which recommended doing exactly that. After his bike accident and recovery no church wanted to take him back as curate until the Archbishop persuaded his cousin to take John, basically to get this radical out of his hair. So he related to the story and the anger that such seemingly simple changes can produce.

Last year we had problems with John deciding whether to send Christmas card or not, it went on for weeks, often changed many times a day. Today we’ve had: ‘it’s too hard, I’m not doing it’, ‘who should I send them to’, ‘how do I choose’, ‘can you do them’ (answer, yes), ‘no I don’t want to send any this year’, all on rotation. I suggested getting out the tree and setting it up and that changed the subject for some time. We needed it done early as the fam will be in England and Scotland this year and we celebrate next Saturday.

November 24, 2024

So, the latest annual report from the Commission for Young People and Children, tabled in Victoria’s parliament last month, included data indicating that THERE IS A HIGHER PROPORTION OF SEXUAL OFFENCE ALLEGATIONS IN RELIGIOUS BODIES THAN IN ANY OTHER SECTOR. Wow, finally people are waking up to what I’ve known since I was 16 when I ran into the daughter of the Methodist minister where I went to Sunday School and she told me that she’d had to leave home due to her father’s abuse. Then there was my friend who had jumped on a train and fled a Catholic boarding school in Katoomba in the 60s to avoid the brothers’ abuse and another friend whose abuser called his mother to say that he thought her young teenage son was homosexual and recommended aversion therapy, which was then conducted in hospital, leaving him a wreck. I could go on and on and on.

The report goes on: ‘A pastor in a secretive and extreme Pentecostal church has advocated corporal punishment of children as a way to prevent school shootings and gender dysphoria. The leaked recording of the pastor advocating a “rod of correction” policy emerged as Victoria’s child safety watchdog expressed concern about practices at the Geelong Revival Centre’. I’ve always said that if given the choice between a strict or fundamentalist church and a bikie group to temporarily mind a child, go with the bikie group every time.

Meanwhile, what to do about John’s teeth? Yesterday he lost parts of two teeth at two different meals. All have been damaged by radiotherapy, but if we go through the tortuous procedure of last year with the dentist and dental technician (not to mention the 2 grand) he could get all fixed up again and then lose a couple more teeth the next day. Pondering.

November 25, 2024

I would love to find the architect who decided to adorn the first building with vertical stripes of various colours, probably about 20 years or so ago. For some reason it caught on and now we have endless high-rise buildings with that same monotonous and usually tasteless design. The worst till now was the one near Delhi Road with its various poo coloured stripes but today I saw one to top it, the Deicorp building at Showground Station in Castle Hill with stripes of lemon, pink and maroon, enough to turn you off lunch. The most stylish person I’ve ever known, someone who sadly relocated to Brisbane after a dodgy builder ruined the extension of their house, always kept to the same colour palette for clothes and decorating. Never ever a floral or a print to be seen. Everything was in cream, grey, coffee, taupe and black with the occasional stripe of navy. This made me curious to pull up a recent photo of her on Facey and it hasn’t changed, so then I looked up her son and he has opened a business in Paddington, decorated with a divine mix of grey and black with a photo of him leaning in the doorway of the terrace in cream shirt and blazer and black trews. Clearly he’s got the gene.

November 26, 2024

Just after I have discovered the fabulous $38 lunch at Glass Brasserie I see in the paper that Luke Mangan is closing Glass after all these years. Thinking of all the fabulous lunches I could have eaten there and didn’t. But luckily Mary and David are meeting us there next week for lunch so I guess it will be our goodbye celebration.

Still waiting for a verdict in the Kristian White Taser case. I am dumbfounded, it was open and shut from where I stand. But clearly someone, or a number of someones, are holding out, it’s almost a week but seems like a month.

I mourn the lack of local newspapers. I miss so many things, like the Reclaim the Night Walk through Castle Hill last weekend, which I found out about after the event by looking at the Hills Police Facebook page. It is the latest of many things that only appear in retrospect. You can’t be signed up to every organisation and publicity seems to miss me altogether.

November 28, 2024

After all of the worry and agonising about transport choices, the Link Housing dinner at Parliament House last night went off a treat. The taxi arrived dead on time with the loveliest driver who happens to live not 2 km away from me. Talking on the way, after he asked whether we were going to a special occasion, he suggested that he come and pick us up afterwards and did so, arriving as we walked out. On the way in the fare was $102 and after paying the $100 by Cabcharge I was searching my purse for change but he said ‘don’t worry, that’s plenty’. I’ve never had a reverse tip before! We’ve swapped phone numbers and I’d certainly call him again if ever I need to be driven somewhere.

We got a top table and enjoyed the event, meeting a number of old faces as well as a couple of people that we knew just from the North Sydney event. One was a Sikh man who works for Link and with whom I’d talked previously. I told him about the lovely taxi driver and he asked if he were a Sikh. As he wasn’t wearing a turban I said I wasn’t sure so he tipped me to look for a silver or gold bangle on his right wrist which is worn at all times by devout followers. The bangle apparently acts as a visual reminder not to commit sins and is the final thing Sikhs would look at before committing a sin with their hands. So of course I checked on the way home and there it was.

Off to Sue’s on the train today and coming home tomorrow via a lift with Martha. Packing the ingredients for a kohlrabi salad, my new fave, so it’s made fresh in the morning. Yesterday I took delivery of some prawns for both Christmas and this Saturday’s early Christmas here with the family. The freezer is chockablock but the prawns looked a bit light on. I checked and they had accidentally sent me half of what I ordered. They will deliver the rest on Tuesday, conveniently after the freezer has been partly emptied this weekend.

November 29, 2024

A Taser can transmit up to 1,200 volts. The most recent investigation I could find on the internet showed that 538 people were killed by Tasers in the 10-year period between 2012 and 2021 in the USA. Taser manufacturer Axon Enterprise used to describe the device as “non-lethal” but now calls it “less lethal than a firearm” which should be put into the bleeding obvious department I would have thought. But even when Taser usage doesn’t end in a fatality, it can still have long-term consequences. Recently Axon changed its guidelines to warn of a slight risk of cardiac arrest and to suggest avoiding firing at the chest, exactly where it was fired in the recent case by Kristian White who will be enjoying Christmas at home with his family despite his manslaughter conviction. Everything the judge has said seems to intimate that White will not be gaoled, a gut-wrenching result for the family of his victim if that is what transpires.

November 30, 2024

The family Christmas went off well after a bit of a panic about whether I would get things ready in time. But fog intervened and Sue’s flight from the Sunshine Coast went from 11.15 to 12.15 to 2.15 to 2.45 so it was an early dinner in the end. The prawns were delish, the chicken all went so it must have been okay too and everyone loved the salads, kohlrabi of course, plus coleslaw and a warm couscous with dried fruits and almonds which I will do again. Davina brought an elaborately decorated vanilla Christmas cake with tiny gingerbread men and a Xmas tree on the top. John enjoyed the company but was confused about whether it was actually Christmas Day or not.

I joined in a class action with Phi Finney McDonald against the ANZ Bank for overcharging fees on credit cards going back years. I got an estimate of the payout today: $29 and some cents. What a terrible waste of money to pay god knows how many legal people for years to get back a pittance. I only joined as a curiosity about the process, but now I can see that it is a nonsense, better to fine the bank and have the money go into consolidated revenue.

December 1, 2024

John asked at breakfast where I had put the ‘lovely rocks that Millie bought me for Christmas’ but it was he who had bought Millie the rocks to add to her collection. I told him about the serious illness of his niece Amanda, but he couldn’t recall who she was or what part of the family she fitted into. Even after I explained the link he said he couldn’t place her, so I don’t think I will mention it again.

The tragic case of two shopkeepers murdered in their shop in Cambridge Park was all over the news and I assumed that it was a case of a burglary gone wrong, but it turned out that they were stabbed by their son. What a tragedy for the remaining children, losing both parents and now their brother who surely must be mentally ill. I was appalled by the state of the main street of Cambridge Park though, it looks like photos we used to see of derelict parts of America, everything covered in graffiti. I worry about young people growing up in an environment like that.

December 2, 2024

John’s Nelune day and Louis’s mother Sue is at a loose end while they are at work so I suggested meeting at the Quay and going to Watson’s Bay on the ferry. We looked at the takeaway, the pub and Doyle’s and decided on the pub for lunch, getting a waterfront table before the hordes arrived, filling the place chockers by 12.30. We shared a pot of mussels and a serve of two lobster rolls and both were delicious. My court pal Pam rang while we were there (in fact on the way I got four calls, some texts and also bumped into a friend Bronwyn at the Quay, so it was a busy morning). Pam thought we should go to Doyle’s for lunch and finding we were at the pub she insisted that after Christmas we two go there, something I’m perfectly happy to oblige. The ferry trip on a perfect day was very relaxing too and I bussed it back to St. Vs just in time to collect John.

Annabel texted to ask if we were interested in going to Tallulah’s end of year primary school graduation party, held at her school in December. That solves the problem of getting the grandchildren’s Christmas gifts to them as I don’t have an address for them these past 12 months. I need to check the stations at Parramatta and Katoomba to see if it is feasible to take John on the train as we need a lift at both ends.

Disgusted with Joe Biden for his cowardly pardon for his wayward son. Second last nail in the coffin of the American judicial system before Trump lets out all the crazies, vandals, hoodlums and bovver boys that descended on the Capitol when he was turfed out of office last time.

December 3, 2024

John rang to say he felt very weak and was unable to put his sandals on unassisted, so I texted Bob who will go today or tomorrow, though I said there was no rush. There is a Christmas Party at Gracewood next week and each resident can bring one person for lunch for $25 so I’m sure John will want me to go. Picked up some bits and bobs from Pine Tea and Coffee after the errant frozen prawns were delivered and did a kohlrabi and chickpea curry towards dinner. Put this way it seems like a wasted day………

December 4, 2024

Got a letter up in the SMH about Biden’s pardon, in the same issue as an article which excuses Biden because Trump’s sins are so much more appalling, which misses the point really. Trump’s pick for ambassador to France is his son-in-law’s father Charles Kushner, the same one who was gaoled for tax evasion, an elaborate web of illegal campaign donations and witness tampering which involved sending a video of his brother-in-law in bed with a woman to his own sister. Charming fellow all round, but useful to use to poke France in the eye I suppose.

Today I did a guided tour of St. Mary’s Cathedral which unfortunately didn’t include the crypt because of ‘the risks to the elderly’. Though I was assured that if I go on another day and ask at the shop I will be allowed to go down, presumably I will be younger then. It was a Hills Council bus tour and as I have cancelled the last three due to John’s ill health and the need to be with him, I thought I had better show for this one, the last of the year lest I be blackballed. The tour was very interesting to me, giving details of the early priests of the colony, the architecture and an especially pleasing talk about the main stained glass window, which I have always thought to be the equal of any I’ve seen in Europe. Looking without explanation I would have assumed a number of those depicted to be Jesus but it turns out some are interpretations of god, while some which appeared to be Mary were actually other people altogether. Then there was the row of nine statues of female saints, only a few of whom I could have named, but he gave us a potted history of each. Saddest in one way was the Dutch Jew who converted in Holland and eventually became a nun well before WWII. But when the Nazis came they were having none of it and carted her off from the nunnery to a concentration camp where she perished. She is shown holding the ragged clothes she wore in the camp. Another, Catherine, refused to marry a man chosen for her and was tortured to death on a wheel, a small version of which she is seen holding in the stained glass window. Altogether fascinating, even when one of our number asked ‘Is the Archbishop coming to speak to us?’

Which brings me to the fact that I often find some of the commentary on these trips excruciating. As we passed Parliament House the driver pointed it out (to oohs and aahs) and someone was heard to say ‘I don’t like that place because of that terrible Lydia Thorpe’. Head banging on window in order to keep mouth shut…….

December 5, 2024

Last night when eating macadamia nuts I became aware that I’d lost half a tooth. Luckily I had a routine appointment with the dentist today so I could get it fixed straight away. As it wasn’t in a visible spot he could build it up using an adhesive restoration which should last me out. Cost $675.40 all up after the Medibank rebate, initially $870. They give so little for each part of the procedure, for example one part was $300 and they paid just $48.50. But usually James bulk bills me for all the routine work every six months so I can’t complain. So glad that it happened before the routine visit and not after. Saw Bob in the afternoon so it was a ‘grease and oil change’ day all round.

December 6, 2024

Met David and Mary at Glass for lunch and absolutely loved my Red Snapper with Pipis and Fish Roe. The dessert list had a lot of things I hate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, coffee and liquorice, ugh, but I found a strange sort of trifle with fruit. Oddly John ordered plain icecream and then poured the rest of his glass of shiraz over it, saying that it was his special sauce, whatever, but three pairs of eyes and three open mouths were fixed on this new dessert as he chowed down, not to mention the waiter. Lovely to see the two of them though it was hard sometimes to follow the conversation due to the noise as the place was packed. I wish they were closer.

Birthday of an old friend Pat, no longer with us after having a hip replacement at a small central coast hospital and getting an infection during surgery. By the time they got her to RNSH it was too late to save her, though they did their darnedest.

So tuckered out for some reason that this is a pretty boring blather. But I must mention the beautiful sight of fog over the central city and Barangaroo this morning as we came across the Bridge. So unusual as it seemed like clouds had descended and according to the weather man that’s exactly what happened, but in reverse, they lifted, with warm air blowing across cold water and producing clouds on the ocean that then blew into the city. Heavenly.

December 7, 2024

What a treat to go to the launch of Chris Geraghty’s book “Daydreams and Nightmares”. I can’t wait to get started. Lots of friends there including Sue and Alan, Dally (who had flown up from Melbourne for the day), Kieran, Phil, Paul and more. In a funny twist I bowled up to a man I was sure I knew and apologised for forgetting his name. It was Joe O’Brien from the ABC, but I guess that happens to him often. He is sooo much more handsome in real life than he looks on the teev, and much taller. The book was very ably introduced by Danny Gilbert, principal of Gilbert and Tobin Lawyers and a close friend of Chris. I was reminded about how Chris was shipped off to Springwood by train to join the priesthood at the age of 12 (that’s twelve or XII). His miserable existence there is still close to the surface. Afterwards some folks drifted off the The Firehouse pub for drinks but we drove as it was a 15 minute walk uphill. We managed to get a park and got there to find that the shindig was upstairs, something John couldn’t attempt, but enquiries proved valuable and there was a goods lift in the kitchen which we used. However the crowd at the launch comprised priest allies, lawyers and other friends and it seemed as if all the priests had retired to their homes, so we did the same as we knew not a soul.

So the lovely Christopher Carrig, a member of neo-Nazi group the National Socialist Network, sneaked into Macquarie University at night with his girlfriend and graffitied Heil Hitler and other offensive slogans in paint across the buildings. On another occasion he accosted a young Jewish man, ripped off his yarmulka and forced him to kiss Carrig’s feet. Police also found a shrine to Hitler and Nazism in his house. Pretty solid sentence happening here you would think? No, he was handed a two-year intensive corrections order in lieu of a full-time jail sentence and was seen outside the court giving the finger to a photographer. Magistrates need to take into account the lack of remorse and likelihood of reoffending but I’m sure we will see this fellow again and again. Perhaps the magistrate thought that he’d meet brothers in arms in gaol? I’m sure the Jewish victim has had his world turned upside down. How are we breeding this scum?

When I went on the bus trip last week to St. Marys Cathedral we had a meal afterwards at the North Sydney Football Club, changed from a cafe in the same area because we were too many. There were four pre-ordered choices, Chicken Maryland, Bangers and Mash, Flathead, Chips and Salad or a veggie bowl option that I’ve forgotten. Almost everyone had the chicken, one had the veggie option, one the mystery bags and I had the fish. But the odd thing was that the smell of the chicken all around me really put me off, I wondered if it was past its use by, but they all said it was delicious. Perhaps after a long time not eating chicken I’d just forgotten that it has a strong smell, which clearly I no longer like.

December 9, 2024

I think we are supposed to be pleased about the overthrow of the Syrian regime but I can’t buy into the celebration. This spinoff from ISIL and Al-Qaeda who were once called terrorists are now ‘insurgents’ and ‘rebels’, you can always see what we are being trained to think by the change in language. So now we have Syria’s cities in ruins, its economy shattered, people displaced, no functioning government to speak of and a reconstruction bill estimated at several hundred billion dollars, but we should be pleased with the result because a dictator was forced to flee. Sorry but I am chilled by vision of the crowds of men firing randomly in the air (not a woman in sight) hollering Allahu akbar and the usual thieves sacking the presidential palace and it reminds me again of the fall of Libya, of Iraq, of Yugoslavia, no good comes of it for generations, if ever. Replacing a brutal government with another is not exactly a solution. The man featured in a Wanted poster issued by the US government eight years ago, Muhammad Al-Jawlani, is now being celebrated there as the new leader of a free democratic Syria. I hope I’m wrong, but I’m calling bullshit.

I love the edition of Spectrum at this time of year which asks various authors of their favourite books of the year. There were 56 authors this year over four pages and although there were a few choices in common, it was a really diverse bunch of favourites. Of course I attack it pen in hand and copy down the most interesting, leaving the fantasy and the historical novels aside. It will keep me out of trouble for much of next year if the library gets them in book form and not bloody ebooks.

I see Kerry Chikarovski’s son Mark has been handed a 35 month intensive corrections order for significant commercial drug dealing selling MDMA, cocaine, and methylamphetamine on the dark web. Chikarovski said he had started selling drugs online because he ‘lacked the liquidity’ to clear his own drug debts and had faced threats of violence. What a crock. He owned two Porsche Cayennes, paid $60,000 a year in private school fees, and had just bought a house in Vaucluse for $11.5 million. His drug debt was $150,000. But why was the magistrate convinced that he’d be a good little boy if allowed to serve a sentence in the community? The irresistible arguments of Brian Wrench the wonder solicitor of course.

December 10, 2024

My ADT serviceman had been and gone by 8.15 am, a free check of the burglar alarm around Christmas every year as a reward for signing up with them for another 5 years. Always nice friendly men and never the same one. Meanwhile a huge truck with a crane is removing a pile of ‘rubbish’ from the premise across the road, rubbish being a whole white leather lounge suite, a double bed head and foot, an office chair, cabinets and much more, a massive pile that went right across the block. No good yelling at the moving men and I didn’t catch the lazy bastards who put it all there to give them some friendly guidance about poverty, waste, charities etc. Though I’m sure it would have been a waste of breath, I have to try.

Now to roasting sweet potatoes and turnips for dinner, with a recipe involving a delicious sounding dressing at the end involving maple syrup, chili, garlic, cinnamon, citrus juices and more. So I peeled them all and then got down the recipe. First line: do not peel the sweet potatoes as they will caramelise outside but be sweet and soft inside. Okay, but too late I’m afraid.

After the surprising outpouring of glee regarding the shooting of a health insurance executive in New York there are horror stories of what his company did to avoid paying out clients. Ben, son of John’s dear friend John Butcher who is sadly also now blighted with dementia, is associate professor of economy and society at Macquarie University. He is quoted in the SMH today, in answer to a question about how Australian companies should respond he said this: “By ensuring ethical practice and doing as much as they can to ensure that those in precarious situations are helped. That’s an obligation for everyone.” He is his father’s son and I hope that John B. is able to see Ben’s words. John B. worked with nuns feeding the homeless in New York in the 70s and was always a hands-on practical Catholic who felt an obligation to the poor and mistreated.

Now Netanyahu is taking credit for the overthrow of Assad, and Biden also takes credit and calls it ‘a historic opportunity’. The previous ‘terrorists’ have been downgraded in just days through ‘insurgents’ and ‘rebels’ to just ‘the opposition’. Sounds positively lamblike, soft and smooth words urging us all to accept the status quo. The worst possibility for Syrians is that their country will follow the two Arab dictatorships that spun into chaos after the fall of dictators. Colonel Gaddafi of Libya and Saddam Hussein of Iraq were removed without a replacement waiting in the wings and foreign intervention helped to create two catastrophes. The vacuum left by the dictators was filled by looting, revenge on previous government supporters and civil war. Are we expecting this to play out any differently?

But in my safe little world sweet potatoes and turnips are baked and waiting for their sauce and an apple and cranberry crumble slice is cooling. I wish Syrians no less easy a life.

December 11, 2024

Well today was a first. I went on the Metro from Castle Hill to Gadigal. I wouldn’t have done it as a first choice but my pal wanted to go in to town that way so I agreed, thinking it was a good chance to try it out. Did I like it? Well I wouldn’t go that far, but I didn’t hate it as I expected to, and it didn’t make me sick which is always a plus. It is certainly fast and there’s little chance of a cow on the tracks, but I watched out the front window just in case.

Over years I have looked in the window of Camilla in the QVB and thought how beautiful her beaded designs are. A friend was once wearing wildly patterned tights and when I commented on them she said she had bought them from Camilla for half price of $395….. for tights! So I knew the place was not for me, however I felt sorry for the designer as you see overseas rip-offs of her designs everywhere. But the last couple of times I’ve passed the shop the clothes were ghastly, looking like a Mexican fiesta or a bad day at Mardi Gras. So now instead of drooling on the glass I’m thankful that I’ll never have to wear them. They are so garish that everyone would remember them and it would put you off wearing them twice.

Decades ago when I worked at the university I used to sit in on medical lectures if they were in large enough lecture theatres that I wouldn’t be called out. An oncologist told we twenty-somethings how not to get cancer: 1. don’t smoke 2. use sunscreen 3. don’t eat preserved meats like salamis, deli meats, hotdogs or ham 4. I can’t remember and 5. which he stressed as very important: DON’T EAT ANYTHING THAT’S BEEN STORED IN PLASTIC. I have always stuck by his mantra and not bought drinks or especially cooking oils in plastic. No I lie! I get milk in plastic all the time though I no longer buy soft drinks of any sort. He explained that fats absorb the plastics most easily. He also said never to use Tupperware or its equivalent for food, and this I haven’t stuck to in recent years though I did when the kids were little. New research is showing that he was dead right 50 odd years ago. So far, it has been shown that there exists a definite correlation between exposure to micro- and nano-plastic particles and the onset of several cancers as well as major interference with fertility. 

December 12, 2024

Took John for a day trip to Manly and on the way he asked: Do trees and plants grow until someone cuts them down? Then followed a conversation about plants having fixed lives like animals do, going over redwoods and jarrahs through to annuals. I wondered if it were some sort of discussion about death without discussing death, but I only answered what I was asked.

I was struggling to find a gift for Michelle, one of the few people I buy gifts for. She only likes old stuff so it makes it tricky. I did see a beautiful lantern for the garden which lights up at night but I wasn’t sure because it was new. So I decided to have a look in the Vinnies in Manly, which I often drive past but never go into. I found a lovely cobalt blue glass vase with enamelling and gilding and was comparing it with a few other things there when the woman said: ‘we are overstocked with bits at the moment’ (didn’t look overstocked to me, but whatever) ‘and if you want to take a paper carrier bag you can fill it up for $10 or else buy a very large Vinnies shopping bag and fill it up for a higher figure’. John had a big bag off the hook in seconds and was beaming at the prospect of my filling it. So in went the vase, along with a couple of cranberry glass tumblers, a couple of plates, a small Pillivuyt French terrine (since priced on eBay at $80 second hand), a 1930s glass butter dish, a ceramic teapot with a fitted aluminium insulated tea cosy from the 30s-40s (I don’t think I can part with this one, again selling for just under $100 online) and more. John and the lady kept saying ‘There’s still room, keep going…. and I was thinking of all the people that I can give gifts to through the year who never would have got one before. He wanted to sit by the sea as he always does and it turned out to be a pleasurable and profitable day.

My ex sister-in-law rang me for a Christmas chat at 5 pm and we hung up just before 7. I’ve always got on very well with Merryl and I look forward to she and her husband coming down in the new year. Her husband was diagnosed with dementia many years before John but has only given up driving this week. I marvelled at how slowly his disease is progressing. He remembers coming here to visit but sadly John doesn’t.

December 13, 2024

Oh boy, what a day. First thing, John rang to say that he had asked the maintenance man to remove all of his many pictures from the wall and pack them up. I was a bit confused and asked why he was doing so and his reply was: ‘because I’m coming back to live with you fulltime from tomorrow’. He maintains that we discussed it yesterday though nothing remotely similar was said. Sadly I had to explain that he was mistaken. So I upped and took myself to the nearest Centrelink, arriving half an hour before opening time to be first in the queue, to clarify the rules regarding the 52 nights a year for social leave. The lady there knew nothing about it and said to ring My Aged Care which I did and after waiting one and a quarter hours the lady who answered knew nothing about it either, but put me on to someone on another number (this time only a half hour wait) who explained that it is basically set in stone with no excuses, exceptions or special circumstances accepted. Bum, it’s harder and harder to explain to John that if he has extra days here over Christmas he must forego one weekend on either side. At the book launch last week he didn’t recognise Dally who was already seated but when I told him who it was he bowled up and acted as if he’d known all along. I wonder if the dementia has had a bit of a flare this week?

The next shock was a letter calling me up for jury service at 8.30 am on Monday February 10. Aaaagh. That is the month Carly is coming home for a visit but we have no dates as yet. What to do? I had been asked for dates that I couldn’t serve and had mentioned none. I think I will leave it for now and see what transpires.

December 14, 2024

I think beloved Cecilia must be on holidays as my usual texts to arrange John’s weekend here weren’t answered and when I rang to confirm a strange man picked up the phone. When I asked after Cecilia I only got ‘she’s not here’. Mmm I hope she hasn’t flown the coop.

So the US government is justifying Israel’s land grab in Syria by saying the nation has been taken over by terrorists, while simultaneously talking about removing those same forces from its list of designated terrorist organizations. It’s a joke but not the least bit funny.

Wrapped Michelle’s enamelled and gilded cobalt glass vase and it seems early 20th century now that I’ve had a better look at it. I’ve managed to only keep three of the bounteous gifts from Vinnies: the Pillivuyt terrine, the French butter dish and the teapot with insulated cosy. Finding homes for them may take a little time in my tiny kitchen, perhaps I need a pulley system from the ceiling supporting storage racks.

I’m sorry that Kevin Andrews got cancer but I’ve never forgiven him for introducing the 1996 bill banning the ACT and NT from passing laws on voluntary euthanasia. He can choose to suffer as much as he wants but had no right to force others to do so for over 25 years.

December 15, 2024

Just back from Davina’s where we picked up the keys to get into her place while they are away and had lessons on the watering as we need to make sure we don’t interfere with the Vegepod automatic watering system while watering the rest of the garden.

December 16, 2024

Decided I didn’t have enough oomph to finish the post yesterday. I tried to get John to talk about his 6 month stint in Scotland as Dav and Louis will be there after Christmas. But he has no memory of it, even after I remembered the name of the group he worked for, the Highlands and Islands Development Board. I really think a lot has slipped away in the last few weeks. We are going on Wednesday to Katoomba to Tallulah’s graduation from primary school and Jane commented that it may be the last time he goes up there. We last saw them in June 23 if my memory is right as last year’s gifts were sent by mail.

Visited the library this morning to stock up on books for Christmas/New Year. The head librarian Julianne was there and we chatted a while so I mentioned another friend’s attempt to become a volunteer there and her feeling that she was rebuffed. She said that if they want things done they pull people from the Friends of the Library so suggested she join that group. Got home just before Michelle’s arrival, she bearing a huge gift-wrapped box and two smaller similarly wrapped parcels, one is for John and two for me. I feel very spoilt.

Remembering the Lindt Cafe siege and the way my heart sank when it was reported that Monis wanted to talk to the Prime Minister and the cop replied no and that ‘he’s a very busy man’. I felt from that point on things were going in the wrong direction. When you are dealing with an armed madman who has people cooped up in a cafe you just give him any indulgences that he’s asking for. Being a praying person would help when remembering days like this.

December 17, 2024

I haven’t been to a film for many, many months (silly I know, but I always feel reluctant to be out of phone contact with Gracewood) and On the House was advertising a cheap deal on an upcoming movie called Flight Risk about someone being taken in chains over Alaska in a light plane to face a court case. I thought a cheap ticket deal might get me back into the habit of going to the movies so I watched the trailer before buying the ticket. Luckily. It was two minutes long and I was feeling sick at about one and a half minutes, but was able to ward it off by turning off the computer and walking outside for a while. It certainly was a flight risk for me.

I was watering the garden by 6.30, welcoming the mowing men by 7 and had done my shopping by 8.30 so I felt pretty good about that. It’s amazing how on a hot day I can go up to the shops in a house dress with no makeup or jewellery. I guess I was assuming that the talent scouts wouldn’t be out early and I was right, though the thought of being on CCTV like that occurred to me only when I got home. Relieved that it automatically scrubs the film after a certain time.

Talking to family at lunchtime and found myself tearing up afterwards at the thought of three-quarters of my brood occupying a motorised cigar case tonight, it scares the shit out of me. I am not a courageous person at all, but I did go on the Metro last week so brownie points for that?

I am working through a list of folks to talk to on the phone, using Christmas as an excuse I suppose, whilst reading Daydreams and Nightmares by our friend Chris Geraghty. The book finishes with questions about his funeral and how to weave his way through through those parts of the Catholic church that he no longer believes in and those parts that he categorically does. Then a call to folks in Queensland which ended with their comment that ‘well it could be our last Christmas, you never know when you will go’. The enthusiasm for the February First Saturday and its theme of funerals is solid. Even more reason perhaps to rue buying that lovely teapot and terrine at the Vinnies, but I think I want to live till I die, rather than caving in early and I’m enjoying the teapot every day, even though it’s an ornament so far, but I will use it when John comes home.

December 18, 2024

Quite a night last night after getting a message from friend Mark who is in Vanuatu on business telling me about the earthquake even before I heard about it in the press. His description of being bruised included the following: ‘I was thrown across the room into a wall. At 7.4, a marble floor moves like a wave in the ocean’. He was on a high floor of the Grand Hotel, at 6 floors the highest in Vanuatu, looking out over the ocean and fled to the Highlands in case of a tsunami. We communicated into the evening and since. However I can’t get in touch with our friends Alice and John who are ni-Vans, despite leaving a message 24 hours ago. I assume that communications are down, but it’s still a worry. I saw that the craft shop from which we bought various items was the place that pancaked, trapping people inside and killing some. It would have been buzzing at lunch time, how terrifying and how tragic for those beautiful people.

I had booked John on a bus tour last night, looking at the Christmas lights on houses in the district, so this morning I asked him how he enjoyed it. He didn’t know what I was talking about so I assumed he may have missed the bus. But half an hour later he started to talk about it and how he’d expected to see the Opera House etc but it was people’s houses he went to. He has definitely had a sudden drop in his cognition about a week or so ago, thinking we’d arranged for him to come home permanently, not recognising Dally, not able to understand a bit of Chris’s book that I read out to him. It goes like this, along a stable path, then a fall, then stable again for a while but this was a fairly big one.

December 19, 2024

Yesterday we went to Tallulah’s primary school graduation in Katoomba, it was quite an event with each member of Year 6 giving a short speech. Unfortunately I couldn’t understand any of them, nor could John, but they varied judging by the response from very emotional to very funny. The school makes a huge thing of it, with each child getting a rose, a certificate and a bear signed by each student. As well they each got portrait photograph, taken by a teacher who is a talented photographer, one framed and two laminated. At my school we just went home like every other day, so it was lovely to see them all so happy. John didn’t recognise his granddaughters and had to ask me who they were. Then today I went to Gracewood’s Christmas party and it was a total surprise to him when I got there despite numerous conversations about it previously, including this morning, definitely a big fall in his understanding of what’s going on these past two weeks.

At a break in proceedings yesterday I briefly checked my emails to see if there was anything from Alice in Vanuatu but was shocked to discover that my brother’s daughter Jane had died. I clearly remember the night a few years back that Kenneth told me that he’d gone over to see Jane who was sick and was lying down on the lounge vomiting and had terrible pains in the stomach. He offered to drive her to the doctor but she said no and then after he went home her neighbour rang and said that she had been to see her and called an ambulance despite her protestations. They did emergency surgery and her bowel was completely blocked by cancer, she had been having trouble getting food down for a while. They took out a lot of bowel and put in a colostomy bag. I was very concerned about her future then because it was found so late, but happy that I’d heard no more about it. Kenneth assured me that she was cured (for such a smart man he was hopeless about anything medical) and although I said nothing I found it hard to believe that it hadn’t spread considering how severe it was when first diagnosed. But just recently symptoms began again and tests revealed a terminal diagnosis so she went to a hospice and died pretty soon after that. It was only in August that I saw her on the video of Kenneth’s funeral and it seems surreal that she’s no longer here.

December 20, 2024

After doing some Christmas cake work with Carol I scooted home to wait for Sue’s friend Tom to pick up their Christmas cakes. He had never been here before and after walking in he immediately asked if he could ‘bring my partner in to see this room’ and left before I had chance to answer. So they stayed looking around the house for a while (note to self: tidy bathroom if any visitors are coming) which surprised me as I have always assumed he is a modernist due to the design of Sue’s place of which he was the architect. But it turns out he just loves old stuff and we got on very well, much better than on previous meetings, so that was good. on looking at the small bedroom he announced: so this is Sue’s room. His partner is a botanist and I wish I’d asked her about the black splodges on my Crucifix Orchid.

Raced back to West Penno to a Christmas do and forgot both my bottle of wine and the glass we were asked to take. But I remembered my plate of food which was one thing. Saw Martha, Nancye, Barbara and Barry there. I had planned to go to see Tania tomorrow but she called to say that she thinks her daughter has Covid so I will take a rain check on that visit.

Saw on the news later that the NSW Older Women’s Network had sent a scarf to rape victim Gisele Pelicot which she wore to the judgment and sentencing. I idly thought that it might be something I’d join when I get old, but I certainly wouldn’t consider it just yet!

It is odd how we identify with people’s faces. Although I was very sad to hear about a woman’s body found in the bush at Botany, that feeling was multiplied ten fold when I saw a photo of her husband whose body was found a few days later. He looked positively angelic and it stabbed my heart to think someone could kill him for something as unimportant as money. I’m sure police have to guard against those same feelings of preference during their investigations.

December 21, 2024

My friend’s daughter does have Covid so the planned visit to her morphed into a one and a half hour telephone conversation ending only when her phone cut out. I hadn’t seen her for a few months and will try to rectify that now that I better understand her situation. Things happened for her at the same time as John’s problems multiplied, but still I should be able to keep more than one ball in the air. Flower delivery in the morning is planned if I can find some nice ones at Norwest Florist.

I have never liked buying seafood at Baulkham Hills since the Greek people sold the shop years ago to set up in Lane Cove ‘where people aren’t afraid to spend’. The new folks don’t have fish that looks as good as Norwest (my fave) or Castle Hill, but today I only wanted some green prawns for a garlic prawn dinner so I bought there. I am not keen on the staff either but even less so now that the six king prawns I ordered morphed into 11 when I got them home. Two meals, but next time I won’t be tempted, good seafood is worth the drive.

Arvind tells me that the water in his pool actually gets too hot sometimes if he puts the cover over it. He doesn’t heat it in winter as that costs about $20 a day for the gas! The last thing I would want to be bothered with is a pool, but I guess if there was plenty of money to pay someone to look after it perhaps I’d feel differently.

December 22, 2024

John and I worked as a great team cooking today. First a very late Christmas cake, something I usually do in October, but it’s now cooked and iced with a silver reindeer on top and silver cachous which managed to look like his poo meandering across the cake. Then some cranberry and orange sauce to take to Martha’s on Wednesday. The recipe said to thicken it with cornflour, but I ignored that and just used a stick blender to pulverise a few tablespoons of the sauce and it acted as a great thickener without depressing the flavour, as all flour does. Decided on the mix of seafood for Christmas Eve and we are now ahead of the game.

So if I wrote a book where an anti-Islamist Saudi psychiatrist kills people by driving into a Christmas market it would be rejected as far-fetched, but that’s exactly what happened in Germany yesterday. It seems that X played a role as he got lots of support there for his views. The only positive about X now is that it’s easier for the authorities to pinpoint and pick up the crazies, but it didn’t happen in this case despite his repeated posts. Perhaps there are just too many.

This morning I had a strong feeling that I would be breathalised on the way to get John, and sure enough I was. By a cranky-looking female constable who looked astonished and somewhat peeved when I wished her a happy Christmas, apparently thinking that I was taking the piss. I am glad I was drink and drug free!

December 23, 2024

10 am and garden watered, missing newspaper found (delivered well after 9 am, he must have had a party on last night), emails to numerous friends here and overseas sent (but failed to contact Mabel who lives near the Grampians where the fires are, because her landline has been cut off and I don’t know her mobile), John’s little present to me wrapped, daily comms with overseas children accomplished. I’d love to have a cup of tea and some Christmas cake as a reward but that’s not allowed.

ABC reports that Israel is moving heavy earthmoving equipment and building materials into the Golan Heights for the ‘temporary occupation’ of this territory. The Syrian ‘rebels’ were terrorists but soon they won’t be judging by statements coming out of the White House (however they need to stay terrorists a little bit longer till Israel moves whatever it needs into the Heights to grab some Syrian land, then they can become the good guys). Enough to make your head spin. Meanwhile the US has admitted shooting down one of its own jets, an F18 in the Red Sea (worth about $73.3 million, I Googled it). My Christmas wish is that all nations shoot down every one of their own jets and drones, with no injuries as in this case. What an optimistic and beautiful 2025 that would bring.

When the bodies of two people were found separately in Botany (including he of the beautiful innocent face) police were reported as saying that there were no reasons to believe that the couple were involved in any criminal activity. Now they are saying that ‘police have a thick file on Chen’ and that he was a known drug dealer. So much for my judgment based solely on his face, though it was beautiful by any measure. While we are on beauty, isn’t Mo-vember over? So many men clearly think that a mo is so attractive that they continue to wear them for the other 11 months. Maybe a Sikh handlebar if you must, but then if you’re not a Sikh why bother? Not those silly little pencil ones I keep seeing.

So James Symond, former CEO of Aussie Home Loans and nephew of John Symond, has lost his wife at the age of 45 to breast cancer. (Why do I say lost? It’s so stupid, she died is the truth of the matter). But they were struggling together, she with her disease and he with multiple myeloma, a cow of a thing. In the middle of all this is their 5 year old daughter, no doubt destined to be an early orphan. How much worse is it when you are worth $200 million and yet you can’t do a damned thing about any of it? I feel for them, the three of them.

December 24, 2024

Well I thought everyone would be out getting their seafood this morning and boy the line at Norwest was looong, but prior to that I had scored the last 6 oysters at Kellyville before 9 am. ‘Everyone bought up the oysters and prawns yesterday’ the server said. So I bought those last sad six and went on to Norwest for more, however the line was too long and as John doesn’t eat them I decided that I was meant to only have half a dozen. The blinis (to serve with goat cheese and smoked salmon) were sold out at Kellyville too, but I scored the last packet at Norwest. Note to self: shop the day before Christmas Eve or order. So the potato salad with anchovies is done, as is the trout, the king prawns are waiting patiently for me to make the dipping sauce and the crab salad is happily in the fridge. Looking up a recipe online for crab salad, I discovered that the first six recipes started with: ‘Take X amount of IMITATION crab’. Mr Google I didn’t ask for recipes for imitation crab, I asked for crab. Memories of my dear brother buying me some ‘prawns’ on a pier in England and I spat out the first one which turned out to be a red-coloured white monstrosity of an artificial prawn.

Made a heap of calls to people I rarely see but couldn’t get on to Mabel near Horsham as her landline has been disconnected and I don’t have a mobile. Pity as she is close to the bushfires. Managed to speak to Antonia, Pam, Donna and Roger. Phil and dear Ryan rang me and saved me the trouble and Ram sent a voice message on Messenger. I wish I knew how to do a spreadsheet to list all my friends, then I could see at a glance how long it is since I last spoke to them as sometimes when I look back I get a shock at how long it’s been. New Year’s Resolution perhaps?

How wonderful that Jimmy Barnes so readily accepts the four children who have come forward over the years to claim him as their dad. Even more admirable is the fact that the four children fathered with his wife have accepted them so warmly. Eight kids with five mothers is a pretty big score but it seems there’s no shortage of love and acceptance in that family, especially seeing that Jimmy was married when this last one was born.

December 25, 2024

Breakfast of croissants and jam as usual on Christmas morning, followed by present opening which confused John no end as he kept saying that we were ‘having Christmas at Martha’s’ which in his mind included opening our presents there. But we sorted that out and of course he was most enamoured of the Lladro figuring from Michelle W. She listens intently to him and his stories and as a result of a conversation about his beloved dog, shot by country relatives after it was sent to them when he went into the seminary, she got him a beautiful figure of a boy and his dog. She never misses. I got a French bee pattern water jug to match my bee glasses. Carly and I first saw Bonaparte’s remaining glasses in the museum in Paris and they had the bee for Bonaparte on them. These are a modern copy of that design by La Rochere, a glass company dating back to 1475. I fell in love with them a few years back and bought a whole suite. However I’ve never seen accessories before, there again she hits the spot. As if that were not enough she somehow found a set of bee glasses in colour, in fact one each of four different colours. Then to Martha’s where we were a mixed bunch, one Aborigine, one American, one Persian, one Sri Lankan, one Irish heritage, one British heritage and an Afghan. Missed my bro’s call for Christmas but I guess it won’t be happening again in this lifetime, a strange and not pleasant realisation. We ended the day with seafood leftovers from last night’s platter and won’t go to bed hungry. Apparently the lonely six oysters I bought yesterday weren’t off or I’d have known it by now.

December 26, 2024

Decided to drive to Kissing Point to walk along the river there, then hopped a ferry to Parramatta under a cloudless blue sky, but not too hot. Passing the Olympic site we had a view of the sort of place people have to live in now, soulless towers, with many more at the other end when we arrived at Parramatta. I see them in the distance from my deck and that’s as close as I want to get. This morning on Facebook I got an ad for a development near Kellyville that I pass often. Because the ad men and women are off on holidays, my comment that ‘it looks like a detention centre’ will stay up and get likes for a few days instead of the few minutes such a thing normally survives. Petty pleasure, but pleasure nonetheless. When we got to Parramatta where we intended to get off for a short walk, there were 150 people at least waiting so we decided to stay on board so we didn’t have to wait in a long queue coming back. The captain decided that the ferry was full and would go express to the city but I reminded the crew to let us off at Kissing Point. Folks waiting at the other stops looked a bit down-hearted as we tootled past. Kissing Point is nothing to do with romance, but is a reminder to captains of sailing ships that shallows there will ‘kiss’ the hull if they come in to close. I don’t remember how I know this, but it is a nice bit of trivia. I found it shocking that the remaining Housing Commission houses on the port side just before the Macarthur Street bridge don’t have any windows facing the river, apart from a small frosted one in what appears to be the laundry, and no rear balcony or porch. Inconceivable these days to have houses facing away from a water view. Home for a lunch of crab sandwiches, bliss.

We got a card from the adoptive parents of John’s first daughter Caroline, he was to send them one in our card divi up, but it didn’t arrive so it appears it was never sent though now I understand why. Oddly I had known both of them long before I knew John, another of the little coincidences of life. But when he read the card he couldn’t remember who they were. I explained, but he was confused: ‘You say she is my daughter, but then why is her last name Packham? Who was her mother?’ They are both beautiful people and clearly we need to see more of them, so I invited them over for afternoon tea today, however I haven’t hear back as yet. Unsurprising on Boxing Day, I’m sure that they have commitments but it was worth a try.

December 27, 2024

A young girl on the news last night was asked about queuing at the Boxing Day Sales and announced: “well it wouldn’t be Christmas without a queue”. Happy to say I didn’t get in a single queue and that suits me fine. Christmas is about a lot of things, but to identify it with a queue seems very sad.

I feel very blessed to have had crab sandwiches for lunch yesterday and smoked trout sandwiches today, though the Woolies trout just wasn’t a patch on the glorious vodka, beetroot and ginger cured smoked trout that I got from Harris Farm a few weeks ago. I rue the day that they took their shop away from Baulkham Hills as I can’t justify the petrol to go to Penno unless I am buying a lot.

I’ve often wondered how sailors manage to dodge the swinging boom on those big yachts and now I know that in some cases they don’t, and death can be the result. Ocean racing is a dangerous business and one that I don’t feel the lack of. Humans are queer in that danger seems to be a big factor in what people like to do when they are rich and could be enjoying a peaceful life.

December 28, 2024

Got a message with photos overnight from Davina who took a card I’d written to the place where my brother’s ashes now lie. Millie chose a tree in blossom and they left the card leaning up against the narrow trunk. How wonderful it would be to imagine that he was aware of it. Dav said it was foggy all the way but a beautiful blue sky fanned out overhead when they got to the cemetery. Months ago I wrote a maudlin post here about my lack of family, it was only a few days ago that I realised that I was writing it as my brother lay dying but no one had told me (proof of my thesis right there you could say). Now I am again trying to get information, this time about the funeral of his daughter Jane, with no result so far despite a few emails to two different people. So I emailed the funeral director that they used for him, the creepily named Halifax Chapel of Repose, and they answered quick smart as they did when I was trying to get his details. They must think that I’ve been blackballed for something dire when twice I can’t get info from the family. Apparently they have asked for no death or funeral notices to be published (that explains my failed Google searches) but I was right that they would go with the same company, the funeral is on January 22, five weeks from her death on December 14. I’m not sure whether to send a letter or card or just let it pass. Thinking.

This morning I picked John up and surprised him by going to Westmead to get the new tram to Carlingford and back. It stops at three hospitals in a row, Westmead, the Children’s and Cumberland, the psychiatric hospital. Interesting to see the separate cottages as we wended our way through the latter, one marked Addiction Medical Services and another with a high sandstone wall around it. The stop there is called Ngara, which translates as listen/hear/think in the language of the Gadigal people, but they had run out of ideas for the naming of the next stop, settling on Benaud Oval which isn’t even in sight of the station nor is it a particularly interesting landmark. Just North Parramatta may have been preferable if they didn’t want two Aboriginal names in a row.

December 29, 2024

I’ve decided that the way to solve the anxiety of waiting every day for news from my UK family, and feeling powerless and uncertain about what’s going on, is simply to stop waiting. They have their own lives and can make their own choices, to include me or not, so if I hear anything in the future it will be a pleasant surprise but I’m done hanging out for them to reply. I feel better already.

Tripped to Harris Farm for a little top up and got the most beautiful and huge bunch of slim Dutch carrots for just $1, down from $4, for no other reason that I could see except that they had a pile of them. Each carrot was longer than a ruler and was a rich royal purple. Certainly worth the price of the petrol today.

I buy often from Aldi but I’ve always been troubled by their blatant copying of companies’ intellectual property in terms of packaging. Almost every supermarket shelf product either copies packaging design or else copies the name of a product as closely as they can. I’ve wondered how they got away with it without being sued but now a company is taking them to court over a copied product and packaging. Good luck to them, Aldi’s ethics are wanting in this situation and it’s time they learned how to design for themselves.

The new Opposition Leader in Victoria is right out of the Dutton mould. Months ago he ‘hosted’ a protest against a lake in Melbourne’s suburbs being renamed Guru Nanak Lake after Guru Nanak Dev Ji, the founder of the Sikh faith. Of course the neo-Nazis turned up, causing our mate Brad Battin to beat a hasty retreat. Tip to him and to Moira Deeming: if the Nazis turn up to a protest you’re leading, maybe you need to have a deep think about what you are protesting about.

Always love getting the Goodreads My Year in Books email at this time of year. It gives, as well as the total of books read (60 out of a target of 100), statistics on the shortest and longest, lowest stars versus highest and obscure things like how many others read that book in the year, a range of 2,780,965 down to 11, which incidentally was Nokukhanya, Mother of Light by Peter Rule, the story of the life of one of the giants of the African National Congress movement.

December 30, 2024

Just popped up to Woolies to get some milk and a bottle of glue for craft, ie card-making, and I went through the small lot checkout which doubles as information. I woman was paying out on the staff as it appears she objected to someone working the self-serve section looking into her bags from another shop or shops. I didn’t hear all of it but she wanted the woman sacked, threatened to call head office and then said ‘In my culture no one steals’ so I was very tempted to discover this amazing society, apparently unknown to sociologists, but I kept my mouth shut and it was still going as I left.

Found a recipe for a super salad to make with my purple Dutch carrots, roasting them in oil, 4 spices and pomegranate molasses, then served on rocket with feta. Ooh my, I can hardly wait for dinner time, I wish now that I’d bought a few bunches so I could do some to freeze and make the oven time worthwhile.

Trying to buy an old-fashioned shoe repair kit to resole a favourite pair of flats. I can find shoe glue everywhere, but nothing to use for the sole. I’ve already run them by the bootmaker but he told me that they aren’t worth fixing, well they are to me my friend. If everyone sells the glue, someone must sell the material to use the glue on!

Oh my goodness. I just happened to see a message from someone who got a card from the Hawkesbury Council Mayor and I couldn’t believe who it was…..Les Sheather, and the lovely Michelle is the Lady Mayoress although the card shows him sitting on a couch with a particularly ugly bulldog. I well remember when they came into my shop wanting me to put a sign in the window for their party……One Nation and their abrasive reaction when I told them it was never going to happen. His aim is “a less ‘woke’ Hawkesbury”. I need a drink. I’m not driving, make it a double.

December 31, 2024

How good is John’s friend Peter from Canberra. Without fail he rings him every Tuesday just for a catch up and NYE is no exception, so we all had a good chat. I’ve decided to make a last ditch stand with my niece in England, I have written a condolence letter for the loss of her sister and posted it. If no reply comes to it or to my emails I will just write that section of my little family off and get on with life.

I toted up the half yearly nights home for John and it is so far 29, so we are three ahead of ourselves. I had been thinking of bringing him home for the weekend as well as for NYE but that’s out now.

January 1, 2025

Oh god I hated typing that considering that we have Trump and maybe even Dutton to contend with this year. New Year’s Eve is my least favourite night of the year for reasons I have never fully understood, the only great one I remember is when John took me to a restaurant next to Luna Park where we ate and drank (well I drank, John was still a teetotaller then) from 7 pm to 2 am through both lots of fireworks. It was a small place and by midnight we were on first name terms with many there, including the Chairman of the Sydney Stock Exchange whose party was next to us. At one point John had some woman on his lap, it was that kind of night. The noise was deafening and the vibration more than exciting, I loved every minute of it. I did love watching the midnight fireworks on the teev last night, like everyone else around the world, but we are past sitting for 12 hours on the ground to hold a spot for the real thing.

Facebook throws up lots of old photos and today it was one of Ratty, my badly taxidermied rat, holding a sparkler here on NYE 11 years ago. Ratty was a gift from the son of the man who did the job on him while learning the ‘trade’ and as the man had just died Ratty was either going in the bin or home with me, and I chose the latter. Someone objected vociferously to the Facebook post and unfriended me over it, not an animal lover objecting to his fate, just a rat hater. But 11 years on Ratty celebrated with us and she didn’t, so a good outcome I’d say.

Today we had Donna and Roger here for a few hours and it was a delight. So much going on this year that our friendship had slipped through the cracks somewhat, but the fond feelings remain intact. Roger’s blindness has moved on apace, but he never complains and it forever cheerful. Looking forward to the pieces of Orange Roughy fish that I’m going to fry simply in butter and lemon at dinner time, I’ve been saving it up in the freezer for a special occasion and getting NYE out of the way satisfies that criterion.

January 2, 2025

Today is ‘sit down and write book reviews day’ as I am quite behind, not wanting to spend much time on the computer with John here. The first of the year is Kairos, a book which got better and better as it went along, so here’s the first review of 2025:

What an interesting and subsequently absorbing novel this turned out to be. Beginning with a young girl’s obsessive attraction to an older married man in East Berlin in 1986 but ending with such an impassioned story of the varied emotions in the East when the Berlin Wall came down.

The promised melding of the best of the two systems didn’t come about (was never going to come about despite propaganda to the contrary) and Berliners saw the 13,000 employees of the state broadcasting service sacked, everyone from the announcers to the first violin to the cleaner. The East Berlin Academy of Sciences, a vast research institute, 60 departments, 24,000 staff kaput. Rent jumped from 130 marks to 900 marks, overnight. “All are free now, free to go.”

As the changes come about, “the freedom to consume seems like an India rubber wall to her, separating people from any yearnings that might transcend their personal and momentary wishes. Is she about to be another customer?”

The relationship between the lovers deteriorates alongside the cohesion of their country, and they watch as their initial hopes and plans, both for their personal lives and for their country, crumble throughout the course of the novel. One I will keep thinking about.

Only a day into the year and Trump is already talking shit, this time referring to the origins of the New Orleans terrorist, an American-born military veteran: “When I said that the criminals coming in are far worse than the criminals we have in our country, that statement was constantly refuted by Democrats and the Fake News Media, but it turned out to be true.” I am so not looking forward to 2025 in a political sense.

January 3, 2025

Off to Carol’s to pick up Martha’s veggie box as she is away, it will get delivered to her on Sunday though it will be missing some of that gorgeous fresh basil sitting like a crown on top of all else. Had a cuppa and a good chat with Carol which lifted my mood no end after a quiet period here yesterday writing book reviews and then making some cards.

When I got home the letterbox bore two more Christmas cards, so many were late this year, particularly the overseas ones. One was addressed to M. Partgihe in Bawraham Hills Austrailier but luckily the good old postcode got it here. It was from a cousin in England who informed me that since her husband died in 2022 she has developed Alzheimers. It put me in mind of others who have developed serious illness soon after a long period of caring for a loved one. Of course it could be totally coincidental, but there are three examples in people close to me at the moment.

Another medically related topic is the case of the surgeon who cut his hand accidentally during an abdominal operation. Months later he developed a lump under the cut and a biopsy revealed that it was the same rare cancer as he had been removing. Later tests on the pathology samples proved that it was genetically identical to the cancer suffered by his former patient, so he had ‘caught cancer’ during the surgery. Very interesting to me as when I offered my body to the medical school at the University of NSW many years ago, the paperwork specified circumstances where the body could be rejected. One was if you had died from an infectious disease and another was death from cancer. ‘Why cancer?’ I asked, mystified. ‘To protect our staff’ he replied ‘because we are discovering evidence that many cancers are viral in origin and could conceivably be caught.’ I was astounded, but later reading showed there was indeed a lot of evidence, so I decided to go with the worms and get recycled instead.

January 4, 2025

John home, then Jane came for a cuppa and dropped off a couple of books for the book group meeting, followed by Michelle for a cuppa and to pick up her copy. Hot here but I watered early, however it’s as dry as biscuit underneath, we need rain badly.

I was sent an article about something I’m always banging on about (well one of the things I’m always banging on about). It is entitled: U.S. Military Service Is the Strongest Predictor of Carrying Out Extremist Violence. I’ve always thought so but now we have the figures. “From 1990 to 2010, about seven persons per year with U.S. military backgrounds committed extremist crimes. Since 2011, that number has jumped to almost 45 per year, according to data from a new report Michael Jensen, the research director at the National Consortium for the Study of Terrorism and Responses to Terrorism at the University of Maryland. Military service is also the single strongest individual predictor of becoming a “mass casualty offender,” far outpacing mental health issues, according to another study of extremist mass casualty violence by the researchers. From 1990 to 2022, successful violent plots that included perpetrators with a connection to the U.S. military resulted in 314 deaths and 1,978 injuries”. Join the Army and learn to kill! But then there’s no one there to teach you how to stop.

January 5, 2025

It is 50 years today since I drove over the Tasman Bridge in Hobart not once but twice in the afternoon of the day it partially collapsed due to a bulk carrier ship colliding with several pylons and causing a large section of the bridge deck to collapse onto the ship and into the river below, killing 12 people. The ship’s master was given a slap on the wrist, just officially penalised for inattention and failure to handle his vessel in a seamanlike manner. Had he been a truck driver he’d have gone to goal. The law is an ass. In the following days I had to go on the two hour detour to get back to the city side of Hobart, something that plagued the residents for a couple of years.

Weirdly a text I sent to Donna and Roger on Boxing Day just arrived dated today, but subsequent ones haven’t turned up at all. Someone in Kazakhstan may reply to my invitation shortly. Which reminds of an issue that happened in the shop. A family who were doing it tough had a teenage daughter who purported to be interested in antiques. I took her on as a paid trainee, until I got the phone bill and discovered all of her calls to sex lines in various African and European countries, done while I foolishly went for a walk at lunchtime to give her a sense of authority. Back in the day overseas calls were extremely expensive and she cost me bigtime. When I rang to discuss it with her, her mother came on the line and abused me, telling me that I had made the calls and was trying to blame her daughter. I was wounded as I’d been delivering the odd bag of groceries, clearly that had made me a soft touch in their eyes.

I see that South Korean protesters favouring impeached President Yoon are carrying Stop the Steal placards in English! I’m always sus when the signs are professionally printed in any protest. Another case of a US finger in the pie one wonders?

January 6, 2025

Went up to Killcare with Sue late in the day yesterday and we enjoyed cooking dinner together last night, using produce we had collected from the farm including Brussels sprouts, carrots and parsnips. Her architect and friend Tom who has a plot there was happy to see me, clearly picking up the Christmas cakes from my place has created a bond which didn’t exist before. This morning we went to tai chi on the side of Brisbane Water at Hardys Bay. I am not into physical jerks but I do find tai chi looks gentle and artistic, so I was willing to give it a go. The music is very relaxing too and I did enjoy it. There is no charge, the leader of the group does it for the love of it. Sue goes twice a week, which I would be happy to do as well if I lived up there, but I wouldn’t want to do it in some seedy hall in Baulko. Afterwards we had drinks together at the local store come takeaway. I discovered that one of the women was in the Sydney production of Hair in Kings Cross in 1969 and I told her that I saw it and had gone onstage at the end when they called people up to dance with the cast, ‘well you’ve danced with me’ she said as she was on stage for every performance. We chatted and read all afternoon until the next cooking bee, this time Jamie Oliver’s scallops with grilled tomato on a bed of mashed butter beans with garlic, chili and anchovies, always a favourite but a new dish to Sue. She is so lucky to have a wonderful seafood outlet up there, run by a family of oyster farmers and fishermen. Proper Tasmanian scallops with roe! Not these stupid tasteless round ones you get everywhere now, I think they come from Queensland. We read till well after 11, unusual for Sue who’s an early nighter.

January 7, 2025

Easy trip on one of the new Mariyung trains from Woy Woy to Epping and then the bus to Cross Street, getting home by early afternoon. The new trains are very comfortable and have power points for phone charging etc, however half the seats face each way and there is no way to move them which means half the passengers are going backwards. This is hopeless for me as I’d get sick going backwards but I was lucky enough to get the last forward seat. Very odd design I think.

It was a lovely break at Sue’s as it always is. But shortly after getting back I got a call from My Aged Care to confirm my being John’s representative. I thought I had handled it all okay until I got one text confirming that I was his representative and another one a minute later saying that my representative status is now inactivated. I trawled all over the MAC website but it appears that I can only deal with them by phone, not online. What a pain in the arse, that’s a couple of hours wasted for sure.

January 8, 2025

Today was touched by death in two ways: firstly going to Colleen’s to find that her street was blocked at both ends by police. I tried to walk in but the very nice cop said nada, so I drove to the other end and his compatriot let me through on foot. Apparently a man died when an oil tank he was working on in somebody’s backyard fell on him. Then after spending a few hours there I got home and received a call from Michelle W. to say that my former art restorer and framer Chris Masters had died on Monday while walking along the river with his boyfriend. I’m hoping that there’s not a third.

I sorted out the My Aged Care issue from yesterday but it’s still confusing. Apparently there are two levels of representative, regular and authorised. I am the former for John and they were wanting to make sure that I didn’t want to go to the higher level, which means sending doctor’s reports, power of attorney paperwork etc. She had accepted me for that level but then rescinded it when I didn’t want to do all the paperwork. But why they asked me all of that yesterday I have no clue.

There are more and more things that I can’t put on here, one of the constrictions of sharing your thoughts online. It seemed so easy 10 years ago when I started as there were few things I avoided, now there seems to be something every day.

January 9, 2025

Los Angeles is burning and Trump wants to take Greenland and the Panama Canal, saying that both were under some sort of Chinese influence, it is terrifying. His personality disorder shows itself again in his need to criticise Jimmy Carter about his handover of the Canal, something he felt the need to say because of all the focus on someone who’s name isn’t Trump, even objecting to the flags being at half mast. It would make a great movie, such a pity that it’s real.

It was John’s hospital day but I really didn’t feel up to a museum, gallery, court or anything like it. So I read Monday’s paper in the car and eventually walked to Riley Street (1.5km, I checked) to Flour and Stone. Tiny little place with superb pastries, so I indulged in a Leek and Gruyere Slice followed by a Passionfruit Tart with a pot of tea. This improved my mood no end (though I forgot to buy bread, grrr) and the walk back somewhat justified the lunch, though I will miss dinner tonight and just go for cheese and a couple of biscuits to be on the safe side. Flour and Stone delivers but I guess not out to Blacktown Heights, although I have emailed to ask the question. They do a varying weekly Gateau Voyages which can only be ordered to post in a tin, what a delightful idea for a gift.

Rang Kirk to help me with the weeping acacia which is at a nasty lean since one of the stakes holding it snapped and then it was weighed down with rain. He will buy some rope and come on Saturday to try to get it up from it’s extremely weeping habit with the lower branches sweeping the ground on one side. He’s a good man is Kirk.

Read an article about a ‘think tank/lobbyist’ group in the US that has been exposed as being wholly AI, no actual employees at all. The ‘staff’ picture was off Google as a typical office staff photo, listed as: Stock photo of “diverse business people team in office”. It is called Beltway Grid and its website is still up. Who knows where it emanates from or who is responsible for it. There are 12 staff listed and none of them appear to have existed in the past, its address is fake and none of the people supposedly running it are listed in searches, many have names plucked from 19th century novels. This looks like the tip of a massive iceberg that we will be facing now that AI can be used to fake almost anything. Terrifying.

January 10, 2025

My oldest friend Nicholas has come down from the village of Copmanhurst north of Grafton and he arrived today as planned to take me out to lunch. Afterwards he went on to Wollongong where his mother is in a nursing home. We go back to when he was 16 and I was 21 and he wanted to go out dancing or clubbing or partying or whatever and I told him that he was too young, two years later he rang and asked again and I started the same spiel until he interrupted to say ‘But I’m 18 now, it’s my birthday today’. So we shared some fun times, I particularly remember going to Hair with him (amazing that I should have met a cast member only last week, something I forgot to tell him) and also to a floating restaurant at Rose Bay. We both lived through the hellish decade of the AIDS crisis where one by one our mates sickened and died, Nicholas being one of very few of the boys who were unaffected. We were counting them off over our time together today, the ones we miss deeply and those we think of only occasionally. Just after he left a text arrived from Nancye and shortly afterwards she and Bob arrived and we ralphed on until dusk. So a beautiful day surrounded by old friends.

Looked through the Sydney Festival colour magazine to see what I was missing and found that not much piqued my interest. I’m afraid that when I see an exhibition entitled A Transcore of the Radical Imaginatory all I can think of is ‘wanker’. Transcore is not a word that I can find, so it seems to be just another way of the artist showing their preeminence and mystery, neither of which attracts me to the MCA, even though it’s free. I am not smart enough/don’t have the right brain to appreciate much of what is displayed there, it just makes me cross. Don’t get me started on video art……

Reading this week about the reasons for the huge snowfalls in the UK and Europe and the relationship to climate change and then we see the monstrous fires in Los Angeles. It will take decades to rebuild and if the insurance companies refuse to take on policies going forward it may become a ghost town. I have always loved that Malibu coast, a love derived from photos of houses owned in the past by people like Joan Didion and Barbra Streisand, the ocean in front and the cliff behind looked so appealing. How they will deal with that number of displaced people I’m not sure. But perhaps naturally, the grief and loss is morphing into anger and they are looking for someone to blame, but I doubt climate change will get a look in, though the mayor may be looking for work before long.

January 11, 2025

Late by 15 minutes to get John today and I rang to let him know so he wouldn’t worry. He wasn’t in the foyer when I arrived and so I rang him and he said: ‘but you rang me and said you were coming at 11 o’clock’. Got home before Kirk arrived and checked out how best to straighten up the tree which was leaning at a 45 degree angle by now. I decided that tying it to the big hawthorn tree instead of to stakes was the way to go and Kirk had come to the same conclusion. It is now upright and when he comes next he will trim some of the hawthorn back to give the lime acacia some more light and ‘breathing room’. He refused money, saying it was ‘next year’s Christmas present’ so I will get him some beer or wine or chocs or something.

Chris Geraghty rang saying that he was writing an article/essay/something about what priests did for a crust after they left and wanted a list of John’s jobs which I’ve just completed and sent. From driving a Yellow Cab to working at Harry’s Cafe de Wheels to working in Bob Gould’s New Age Bookstore before he finally got a public service job. When he went to Melbourne working for Bob John used to sleep in the warehouse on a mattress on top of boxes full of pornographic books and magazines, the possession of which caused BG to be routinely charged, as did posters of Aubrey Beardsley’s art and photos of Michelangelo’s David! I loved his shop in Newtown (and him too, a political and social giant) where he died when he fell and injured his head while sorting through his own books kept at the shop, a lesson to us all about trying to cull things because you are getting old!

January 12, 2025

Michelle W. arrived before 8 am with FOUR large insulated bags full of fish and one full of duck. I gave 2 x 1 kg packs of duck wings to Arvind as I didn’t want those, along with a large bagful of frozen flathead fillets, about 8 or 9 packs of 6 fillets each. Then woke Justin up (no choice as my freezer and fridge were full by that stage) to give him the same amount of fish as Arvind. I kept a couple of whole snapper and quite a few of the whole redfish, perfect size for one per person with a bit of leftover for a sandwich the next day. The bigger packs best suited people with larger families, just like my neighbours.

Lots of texting back and forth after I sent Nicholas some pictures of us taken in 1971. They were at his birthday party and showed nine of us at the Captain Cook Floating Restaurant at Rose Bay. Of the nine only Nick and myself survived, most went due to AIDS and one to suicide. Chris called to say that the info I sent on John was useful and he will send the essay when complete, he’s estimating a hundred pages. I was able to give him John Butcher’s son’s details at Macquarie Uni so he can get some reminiscences from him as his dad is suffering dementia.

Then off to Erko to return the keys and play my granddaughter’s new Christmas gift game Herd Mentality. I was given a fabulous-looking new cookbook from Scotland called Kith, ‘celebrating the extraordinary versatility of Scotland’s larder in a hundred recipes: from Grouse with beetroot and cherry, to Arbroath smokie souffle, Squash ravioli with sage butter, and Lemon posset with caramelised white chocolate and oat crumble’. It delighted me instantly with lots of wonderful veggie soups and of lots of other fish and veggie dishes.

The fires in Los Angeles are beyond tragic, but I really wonder how a woman leaves her blind son with cerebral palsy on his own in a cottage and goes into her large house to look after her peacocks. How could he possibly have assessed the danger in his condition? Okay we don’t know all the details but a day after there she is in full makeup giving TV interviews…….NAQAF (nothing as queer as folk).

January 13, 2025

Off to Killara and then to The Runaway Spoon in Lindfield to meet up with the adoption gang for the first time in six months. I didn’t want to talk about Kenneth’s deterioration and demise so I simply stayed away. The menu at the Spoon has changed but thankfully the Double Baked Pumpkin, Spinach & Ricotta Souffle remains, what a beautiful dish it is, I could eat it every day for either breakfast, lunch or dinner. Perhaps it’s a blessing that the Spoon is a long drive away.

Had a big shop at Lindfield Harris Farm which is the full monte, it has a fish shop (like Manly), butchery (like Penno) and bakery (like no other HF I’ve seen) as well as all the other lovely HF delights so I got everything I need for lunch dishes on Thursday when Stephen and Deborah come, though I’m still struggling to decide on dessert. As a trivial aside, I was looking for lemons but noted that they were $7.99 a kilo but limes were only $4.95, a reversal of their usual prices. Somehow wandering around there I actually enjoyed shopping and noting these pretty meaningless but nonetheless interesting comparisons.

By the time I got home I’d missed a few calls and messages so it took a while to catch up with these people, something I’m finding happens much more of late. I’d hate to see how long that would take if I turned the phone off for 24 hours, whereas I check John’s phone every time he comes home and there are long lists of Maureens but rarely anyone else.

January 14, 2025

Checked Beltway Grid again and found that it is still in operation despite its being revealed that it is totally an AI manifestation, with no address, no employees, no apparent owners. Yet it churns out copious amounts of reports, press releases, and stories to reporters every day. Reading more about the use of AI is terrifying but explains a lot about the flattening of Gaza.

Time magazine reported in December on Israel’s use of AI to kill civilians in its genocide in Gaza: “A program known as ‘The Gospel’ generates suggestions for buildings and structures militants may be operating in. ‘Lavender’ is programmed to identify suspected members of Hamas and other armed groups for assassination, from commanders all the way down to foot soldiers. ‘Where’s Daddy?’ follows their movements by tracking their phones in order to target them—often to their homes, where their presence is regarded as confirmation of their identity. The air strike that follows might kill everyone in the target’s family, if not everyone in the apartment building”. The Israeli magazine +972 and The Guardian in April reported that up to 37,000 targets had been selected by AI (presumably much higher since April), streamlining a process that before would involve human analysis and a legal authorisation before a bomb could be dropped. Where is the humanity of the people who program these attacks? Well there is none if it’s done totally by AI, which may be part of its attraction.

Out to Yarramundi with Martha and Claude today to look at the large area of land that she and Phil used to own in company with Boris and Lara and another couple. Its new owner is converting it into a camping ground and much earthworks and stonecutting was in evidence. I had been there years ago when she owned it and it is a beautiful spot on the Grose River. They lived there in a tiny cabin four days a week for a long time. It is now gated, with signs about trespassing which we ignored after Martha attempted to contact the owner by phone. However I didn’t make it all the way down to the river due to the heat and the steepness of the road, though M and C did. Ants aplenty tried to eat me so sitting wasn’t an option. It is remote and was kind of creepy being there, sort of like a sinister movie set, with lots of heavy equipment sitting around and half expecting the owner to materialise any minute with a gun. But we escaped all of that and I couldn’t see the threatened CCTV camera anywhere, despite the sign. Not sure what they are protecting apart from some huge and beautiful sandstone blocks that would grace my garden if I had a 10 ton truck and were of a mind.

Later we went to The Remakery where I was to pick up Sue’s rethreaded and repaired necklaces, but to my horror they were closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, so another trip must be planned. I left my donation of glass jars out of sight on their back steps but came away without the usual pat on the head for my benefaction. Later Sue asked if I had Monday’s Herald as she wanted me to cut out an article about a newly found giant funnel-web. I saw the article online dated the 13th but it wasn’t in the print version, despite my checking it thrice. I wonder if there are a couple of print runs with slightly different content?

January 15, 2025

A couple of people have contacted me wanting to find out details of Chris’s funeral, but nothing has appeared in the paper. So yesterday when we pulled up in Richmond for a drink on the way to Yarramundi I popped into a shop where he was a frequent visitor. Her comment re the funeral shocked me, though perhaps it shouldn’t have: ‘Who would go to the funeral of that ****** ***?’ Well I was planning to I said, but she went on to document his recent sins and I can understand her reluctance. That left me no further advanced, so I rang a solicitor in Richmond who confirmed that they were holding his will and he had specified ‘no funeral, no memorial service’. So that’s that then, but somehow it feels as if he isn’t really dead. I would love to know what made him tick, though a combination of serious life events in his youth and separation from all of his family can’t have helped.

Annabel has postponed the planned lunch to be held at Jane’s on the long weekend, so now it’s on in mid-February. I had already refused another suggested commitment on that day but hopefully that one can now go ahead. It has been an amazing period of invitations lately.

An article in the Daily Mail regarding a nasty housing development by the developer Bathla made me smile. It says that someone had on their Facebook page compared the look of it to a detention centre and in fact that person was yours truly. The story compared the artist’s impression versus the finished development, the former with ‘a canopy of trees and attractive landscaped gardens’ and the latter showing a meagre strip of dead grass. Why are these people not held to account?

An excellent article this morning in Scheerpost by Chris Hedges entitled Fire Weather discusses the boreal forest fires of the last few years and their steady move south.

“All of us alive today have grown up in the petroleum age, it feels normal to us the way I think people smoking on airplanes and in doctors’ waiting rooms felt normal to people in the 1950s. We’re completely habituated to it, to the point that it’s invisible to us. But if you really stop and think about how petroleum is rendered and what it in fact is, it’s literally toxic at every stage of its life. From the moment it’s drawn from the ground through the incredibly polluting refining process, into our cars and where it’s burned…Petroleum will kill you in every form, whether as a liquid, as a toxic spill, as a gas, as an emission. It’s strange to think that we have surrounded ourselves and persuaded ourselves that this profoundly toxic substance is an ally to us and an enabler of this wonderful lifestyle that we live that is now being compromised in measurable and visible ways by that very energy source. We have harnessed the concentrated energy of 300 million years and set it alight. We are addicted to fossil fuels. But it is a suicide pact. We ignore the freakish weather patterns and disintegration of the planet, retreating into our electronic hallucinations, pretending the inevitable is not inevitable. This vast cognitive dissonance, fed to us by mass culture, makes us the most self-deluded population in human history. The cost of this self-delusion will be mass death. The devastation in California is the harbinger of the apocalypse”. Unfortunately I think he is dead on the money, if that phrase isn’t too close to the bone.

January 16, 2025

A racehorse-owning dad speaks out after his daughter was killed in the horrific Westfield Bondi Junction stabbing last year, this after his horses Thedoctoroflove and Taramansour won at Flemington racecourse on Saturday. ‘I actually wore the same suit as I wore to my daughter’s funeral today and it might have helped. It’s a very special day.’ NAQAF.

Recent news about shots being fired into the bonnet of a police car at Varroville during the pursuit of a stolen car had me in stitches, not because the act was particularly funny, especially for the police involved, but because the reporter repeatedly called the suburb Varroaville, named presumably after Varroa destructor, that nasty mite infecting bees. I hope he was able to laugh later about his gaffe.

January 17, 2025

How lovely to have Deborah and Stephen for the day today, after travelling in perilous conditions on the freeway. I served a cold lunch as it was planned in 30 odd degree heat, but a hot one would have much better suited the weather, cool and blustery. We are never stumped for conversation and I don’t think we would be if we saw each other much more frequently. They came with an armload of gifts for us both. We had a few power fails over the last day but thankfully all brief, maybe lucky it was a cold meal after all. Arvind says those short ones are caused by trees rubbing the power lines. Sue has had three as well but each of hers lasted hours, she rang tonight with candles burning, whereas Jane rang the night before in the same situation.

Nooooo! My longtime and lovely neighbours Justin and Karen are selling up. He told me this afternoon after I went to give him some Cherry Ripes when I saw him mowing my grass verge. I realise how little real time we’ve spent together and regret that, it’s usually more about chats in the front yard than sitting down together over a drink or a cup of tea, though that happens occasionally. Who am I going to feed now as Arvind and Mala only take savoury stuff and never cake or anything sweet?

January 18, 2025

I’ve come up with a strategy re Justin and Karen’s house: follow any lookers down the road and warn them that it’s full of white ants. Simple, why didn’t I think of it before?

Sue’s power was still off today so I rang to suggest she call around her local friends who may not be affected and purloin any vacant space in their freezers, as Sue has one integral to the fridge plus a chest freezer. She did that and Hardy’s Bay just a few kilometres away is unaffected, so all her food is now safe. I suggested cancelling my visit on Monday but she says Bob will be distraught if I do, so I guess it is on come hell or high water (or rail problems). I am seeing Nancye that morning and she is dropping me at Penno from where I will go to Hornsby, then Woy Woy.

I went to Pine Tea and Coffee to stock up on my Russian Caravan after drinking Imperial Stockholm for a few days and finding that I needed a RC hit. They told me that because their wholesale customers think the RC is too smoky, the new batches will have less smoky tea in the mix. Clearly the customers are Philistines who don’t know a fabulous tea when the taste one. So I bought up all the remaining packets, including one for Sue who is a convert (a societal Anglican convert to RC, I must taunt her with that idea). Anyway after these nine packets are gone Nick may mix it for me if I ask nicely. They do their blends in the equivalent of a cement mixer 20 kilos at a time. I bought a number of small things there as gifts at Christmas and all were good buys, but I saw the most ridiculous product I’ve ever seen today: Bottled Sugar Syrup, ingredients water, sugar and preservative at $20 a bottle. Think about it.

Today’s Herald had a story on the anti-Jewish graffiti and car immolation in the Eastern Suburbs across pages 1, 6 and 7. The story was well covered and the very last paragraph reported: ‘police confirmed they were also investigating graffiti in Wiley Park. Photos obtained by this masthead show a brick wall on Robertson Street with “F— Arabs” and “Israel > Palestine” sprayed on it’. Always an afterthought on the anti-Semitic story, never worth reporting in its own right.

January 19, 2025

Not wanting to be too maudlin, but thinking back over the news I’ve had over the Christmas period it’s pretty bleak. The death of my niece Jane in England, then a Christmas card from a cousin in England mentioning her recent dementia diagnosis, two friends getting over surgery for nasty cancers, a shop colleague unexpectedly dropping dead on a walk along the river at Richmond (a bit of a fitness junkie), and now Justin and Karen selling up. I guess it’s what happens at my age, but I don’t have to like it.

One thing I’ve noticed with Justin and Karen’s sale is that it was a quick decision only last week and they are not doing anything about tarting the place up for the sale. I see people spend a small fortune on pre-sale gussying up and then the new owners come in and do it all over again. Buyers are like dogs, they all want to be the last to pee on the post, so better to keep that front door that the dogs have ripped to pieces and let the new owner choose a door to their taste. A friend spent ages putting in a cottage garden before listing, only to have the new owners rip it out the first week.

My cousin in Australia put up a Facebook post showing Mel Gibson recommending Fenbendazole and Ivermerctin as well as methylene blue as preventatives and cures for cancer. His friends are all lefties, anti-logging, anti-mining, sympathetic to Aboriginal and gay rights……and total fans of Gibson who is the antithesis of everything they believe in. The comments varied from ‘He’s a total hero to me’ to others asking where people buy their supplies and whether they import them, but mine was the only skeptical comment. I was reluctant to stick my head above the parapet, but I can’t just let 19 comments go by without putting up a dissenting view. Of course it was jumped on, which I expected, but it allowed me to reel off Gibson’s recent mouth-offs about Jews, blacks, gays, trans people, any religion except catholicism etc etc etc. No rebuttals since then so it served its purpose. There is such a strange congregation of the left with conspiracy theories, especially about Covid and health matters, which ends in some cases in disaster like the Wieambilla murders. It’s no coincidence that these people are settled in more remote areas, in the case of Wieambilla they were three hours west of Brisbane in an area populated by ‘blockies’ or alternative lifestyle people who live on cheaply bought blocks of land with few services. I have reasons to suspect that those commenting on this post are in similar situations in NSW, though I can’t know that for sure.

January 20, 2025

Nancye picked me up and drove me to the Probus meeting at Penno pub, before I head off to Sue’s on the train. I knew it was a talk about the Kokoda Track but hadn’t registered that it was by the infamous Charlie Lynn, an ex-politician who originally developed the walk for Australians decades ago, but he has blotted his copybook in many ways since. A couple of paragraphs into the talk I was feeling uncomfortable, but worse was to come. Suggestions that PNG’s people were better off when they were ‘neat and tidy, wearing clean white shirts, shorts and long socks’ in colonial times rather than the arse-grass they wear now, comments that PNG is a ‘gold mountain sitting on a coal field floating in a sea of oil’ and criticising both our government and theirs that these resources are not being stripped to the max …….and on and on it went. Some criticisms may be valid but it was his overbearing attitude which made the talk a cross between a political rant and a tub-thumping revivalist meeting (god got a couple of mentions in there somewhere) that had me wanting to get out of there pronto. Later a few of us conferred and also followed up with emails, one reading ‘He started reasonably but as the talk progressed the inner man emerged. He mentioned that he had been a “liberal” but I am not sure if there was any room for him in the liberal party (he was expelled). You had to agree with him or become the enemy. Towards the end there was no stopping him. If someone had asked him another question we would have been held prisoner for the rest of the day’. Speaking afterwards to a few people who have done the Track his name is mud. If this is the sort of person we will be hearing from I think my journey in Probus will be a very short one. The final straw was a committee member saying that he’d been without power for 6 days and nights and had fill two red bins with wasted food from two freezers. What sort of idiot would throw it out? Surely walking around the neighbourhood giving out free food as it thawed would have been a lovely gesture.

January 21, 2025

Today was our big Christmas meet-up with our mutual friend, who sadly has deteriorated a lot since we last saw him just a few months ago. Lewy Body Dementia is a terrible disease which often involves hallucinations but he told us immediately that his grandson puts on loud radio at 2 or 3 am and doesn’t answer him when he gets up to complain. A later phone call to his son ascertained that he is living alone and there is no one there at night. His confusion about almost everything was noted and I don’t think that he can live independently much longer. However on the positive side we all enjoyed The Box on the Water and I loved my half dozen oysters followed by an entree serve of mussels, while the other two shared a Seafood Platter. It really is a beautiful spot and the seafood is top class. I am thinking about taking John to Ettalong after all the kids go back to school, it’s flat to go walking, there’s a lovely restaurant, it’s on the water, I think it would be perfect.

January 22, 2025

Sue showed me her Irish traditional cookbook written by Darina Allen, principal of the Ballymaloe Cookery School in Ireland. (This after I told her of the wonderful Scottish cookbook I was gifted recently). I was really taken with it and photographed some recipes to try. It combines history with cooking and delves into such things as the potato famine, a lesson if ever there was one about limiting the diet of a nation to one commodity. Decades ago I read a wonderful book about it called Famine on the Wind.

The easiest train trip ever from Woy Woy, plenty of seats and then coming down in the lift at Epping I saw a bus coming and realised it was mine, ran for it and was chauffered almost to the door.

January 23, 2025

Lunched with Carol at Wild Pear and satisfied my longing for stuffed zucchini flowers, something that has crossed my mind every day recently, food junkie that I am. They were on the menu at Ettalong but I didn’t want to forego the seafood there. It was a lovely way to spend a couple of hours and I’m sure we will do it again soon, next time leaving room for the pav!

So many good movies on at the moment, dying to see Conclave, A Complete Unknown, Maria and The Brutalist and that’s just for starters. I almost never go to the movies at Castle Hill (or anywhere just lately) as they mainly serve up crap, or should I say adventure movies, kids movies and Indian cinema, but they actually have three of the above. What’s going on? Quality shows locally? Is it the forthcoming election? Trump’s influence? The comet? Who knows but I will take it while I can.

January 24, 2025

Picked John up for the day and after a healthy lunch we sat on the front verandah eating some Lindt chocolates I was given, accompanied by a pot of tea, me unfurling them to ‘cast out’ dark ones while he unfurled them to ‘cast out’ the white. I am quite warming to the Brethren concept of ‘casting out’ here.

I have a new spelling to enjoy, ‘use’ as in ‘are use going to the party?’ It’s courtesy of a lovely exchange between a chap who commissioned the setting alight of a kosher bakery in Bondi and the two lovely lads who were being paid to do the job. But their written word ability was similar to his own, so they torched Curly Lewis Brewery instead of Lewis Continental Kitchen (ooh close, but not quite). But dogged arsonists that they were, threatened with non-payment they went back and got the second one as well. Reference for the first ever use of ‘use’ in this context: “Use f—ed the whole thing now If use f—ing couldn’t do it from the start then why did use even went there for f— me It’s not even 2% burned f— me dead,” a person using the name “James Bond” on an encrypted messaging app wrote to Guy Finnegan the day after a botched fire at beachside Curly Lewis Brewery. Did use follow that?

Deborah gave me some cuttings of perennial basil and lemon verbena and I am still hopeful that the basil will shoot in water, however I’ve planted the verbena and crossed my fingers there as well. I would have loved to have seen the corpse flower coming into bloom at the Botanic Gardens but there wasn’t a single day free this week to go in, however I’ve watched it every day online.

January 25, 2025

Drove in to Erko to take my granddaughter out and found, once we got to the station, that all trains were off due to trackwork, so we got the substitute bus to Central and then train to Town Hall. By this time we needed a drink so headed to my fave Palace Tearooms for milkshakes. My lovely waiter Christian wasn’t there yet again, so I asked the manager and he said that he’d completed updating his skills in engineering and had now got a job in his chosen field. He is from Guatamala so I assume he was an engineer there as he’s a mature man, not a young student. Off to the bus again, this time down Hickson Road to the Colour Maze on one of the wharves. We blithely waltzed in only to be asked for tickets, I had assumed it was one of the freebies of the Sydney Festival, but tickets were available nearby so we went through the various activities, from soft building blocks to knitted swings and playgrounds to a curtain with ribbons to tie on and a room with stickers to add to the walls in decoration. On to Barangaroo where she refused anything but chips and tomato sauce for lunch so I assisted by eating a few before we went to Riverino for ice cream. Then on the ferry to Circular Quay, which I’ve done many times before but this time I got quite queasy and after a train and bus trip back to Erko I needed an hour on my charge’s bed to recover. The day was a huge success and I got so many I love yous on leaving that I’m keen to do something else soon.

January 26, 2025

Through the week I put a comment on a Wentworth Courier article about the sale of the harbourside mansion Elaine to a developer. I commented that is was sad to see our history being sold out to a developer when the previous owner, the Fairfax family, had offered a discount to Scott Farqauhar when he bought it in 2017, but apparently no such deal this time around. The comment stood for a day or two but on Australia Day two different Aboriginal people expressed the view that it wasn’t my history to comment on, one saying ‘it’s not your history, you’re a Pom’ so he had clearly looked me up. What to do? I decided that the most generous thing was to let them both have the last say, that was until some nasty woman called the writer a turkey amongst other things. Then I was forced to reply to both of the original commenters saying that I respected Aboriginal history over 60,000 years. Hopefully the nasty woman will be so drunk after her AD festivities that she won’t reply.

We have long given up going to the flicks together as it is too hard for John to understand the storylines. But the new movie A Complete Unknown is a bit different in that there is a lot of music and is about John’s favourite, Bob Dylan. So I took a risk and we went to the 10.10 session and it paid off, he loved it. As did I of course. In fact I was in tears a few times, particularly at the end when they played Tambourine Man, the number I had long ago decided to finish my funeral with (don’t end sentences with a preposition). I can remember sitting for hours discussing the meaning line by line when it first came out. Sadly I sold both my and John’s LP collection at auction last year but the idiots who did the photographs put the also rans at the front of both lots of photos and you couldn’t even see the Dylans and Beatles so they all went for a song. I was an idiot to do it that way and I still wonder if the best ones just vapourised before the sale somehow as each of the Dylan ones should have brought more than I got in total, but I didn’t want to try posting them individually and they were too heavy to post en masse. Anyway it was a wonderful if emotional experience. After the movie I found three containers of untouched Thai food from the lovely Kinn restaurant hanging on the back of the toilet door! Totally understandable and sensible place to hang the bag, so I hope she came back after I handed it in.

January 27, 2025

Decided to go to the shops for a few things earlier rather than later and got to Aldi when it was still closed. Just as I said to John that I would need to go to Woolies instead the doors opened, as if by magic. It was very weird being the only shoppers in Aldi for the entire time we were there, everyone must have post Australia Day hangovers. Got the basil plants I went for plus a supply of dried fruit, later discovered that the 1 kg bag of sultanas was $5.99 versus $9 at Woolies and the raisins were $5.99 versus $13 so I’m glad that the doors opened when they did. I follow something on Facebook called the Dull Men’s Club (not all men) where such pieces of trivia are shared and relished by other members. Today there was a photo of someone’s entire collection of nails, nuts, bolts and washers etc all sorted into sizes for storage, something that really needs doing here. But it can be anything from ‘what is this gadget for?’ to ‘this is something I made’ to someone finding a tiny frog in their fridge vegie crisper and letting it go free. No nasty comments, no grandstanding, just real people talking about real things, anything but dull. Anyway, I digress. Home from Aldi I planted the basil, about 15 plants in a pot for $2.79, much better value than a nursery. I will let them go for a week and then hit them with some of the worm wee from Stephen. Next we used some of the fruit to make Rock Cakes, one of my faves from the Cordon Bleu Cookery Course books which I ordered and paid for weekly when in my early 20s. My sous-chef loves cooking when he comes home so we did it early to keep the heat down. Last night we did Whole Redfish on the BBQ bars, slashed and seasoned with fennel seeds, rosemary and chili, bellissimo. Not sure where I’m going with this but basically the Aldi doors opening foretold an excellent day.

An analysis by Time magazine found that nearly two-thirds of the executive actions Trump has issued so far mirror or partially mirror proposals from the 900 odd-page document  the right-wing think tank the Heritage Foundation put out in 2023, despite Trump claiming that he didn’t know anything about them. Many critics have labelled Project 2025 as “authoritarian.” The project relies on what legal scholars call the unitary executive theory, which dismisses the idea that there are three separate branches of government for checks and balances. Rather, proponents of the theory argue that Article 2 of the Constitution allows the president to have total authority over the executive branch. Perhaps we need to be reading the document in full so that we know what is coming.

January 28, 2025

A phone call to Nick at Pine Coffee and Tea this morning ended with an hour long tea-tasting at their premises. I had been told that the recipe for the Imperial Russian Caravan tea that I buy there was going to change due to unavoidable circumstances, so I bought the last 9 packets of the original a couple of weeks ago. However it didn’t taste right to me so I rang Nick this morning and he told me to bring it back. When I got there he explained that a tea warehouse in Hong Kong had burned down and now he can’t get any of one of the eight ingredients. He had set up numerous little pots with various mixes and added a pot from the tea I brought back. So there we were like wine-tasters smelling and tasting all the different brews. He agreed that mine was flat, slightly acid and not up to scratch and then we played with different mixes until I settled on regular Russian Caravan (not the Imperial which he can’t do) with about 5% Lapsang Souchong. He insisted on refunding what I spent on the 7 unopened packets, but then gave them to me anyway. Then I bought the 2 for the new mix to experiment with. Eventually when I am happy he will mix me a batch of custom made tea. Thankyou Nick.

My brand new happy basil plants are crisp and dead looking even after rain last night, but it is 42 degrees here and despite being in the shade they can’t cope with the air temperature. I talked to them about climate change, Sydney summers and more but they didn’t raise their heads. We shall see how many survive.

Sentencing is an ass I’ve decided. A man who was booked speeding in his Merc, took off again, sped up and hit five people in a car killing all of them, valuing each life at 0.6 years or just over 7 months. The boy who stabbed the three little girls at a dancing class in Britain, at the age of 17 and clearly mentally disturbed for very many years, got 52 years minimum. Of course one was premeditated, but surely a person just booked for speeding who offends again immediately has to be seen as a premeditated offender too? You need the wisdom of Solomon for that job but in some cases I think we are talking about the wisdom of a chump. There needs to be a funny farm where people with seriously deranged minds live out their days if they are too dangerous to release, a gaol is no place for a mentally disabled 17 year old.

A surprise in the post was a big bag of Macksville macadamia nuts after telling Nicholas how much I love them. Sweet man.

Messages came from both Aboriginal readers of the comment I made in the Wentworth Courier regarding selling ‘our’ history to developers, one having pointed out that it’s not my history at all. Both were gracious in accepting my apology for having offended them, even if unintentionally. A number of friends posted Happy Australia Day messages which I ignored and they ignored my Invasion Day posts. a respectful truce.

January 29, 2025

Lots of communications this morning till I had to ignore texts and phone calls while Nancye and I had a lunch of toasties and salad at home and then went to see Conclave which I enjoyed immensely. Earlier I’d had a phone call from a friend who was a theologian in Rome, who told me not to waste my money on seeing it as it was boring. But I guess he knows all about that procedural stuff which I know little about, so that part of it was interesting for me, as well as the characters in the movie. Anyway I didn’t tell him that I was going this very day.

Reading Crimes of the Cross by Anne Manne and I am aghast at not only the abuse but at the depth of the coverup. The abuse is similar to that described in the Catholic Church but the Newcastle Anglicans had it all over them in the width of the problem, from priests to the Dean of Newcastle Cathedral to the parish laity who were holding positions of power. Stories of wheel nuts being loosened on the car of a victim, vandalism and arson at homes of those supporting the victims to the point that parish investigators needed bodyguards. Meetups of Anglican priests with Catholic paedophile priests were arranged, priests were lying in court to protect their mates, documents were hidden, children were ‘borrowed’ by paedophiles for weekends or holidays from a Newcastle children’s home, and amazingly ‘men’s and boys sex parties’ and a BDSM dungeon existed involving Anglican priests along with their Catholic counterparts, sometimes six or seven priests using the facility at the one time. The last half dozen chapters just blew me away. Many of the priests never suffered for their actions, dying before police became interested in their sins and before the Royal Commission exposed them. Perhaps the saddest case is of a boy who finally got the courage to report his treatment to an Anglican helpline, only to have his call taken by a paedophile.

January 30, 2025

I have at least 20 minutes while my Limoncello Cake is in the oven, baking for book group tomorrow. My ‘friend’ Antonia in Melbourne sent me a bottle of her homemade limoncello for Christmas and I sent her a newspaper story about an engaged couple dying in a hotel in Asia after buying a bottle of homemade limoncello…..luckily she has a great sense of humour. I say ‘friend’ because I have never met her but we have communicated for some years after she bought a tapestry from me and told me to discard the frame and roll it up for postage, but when it arrived she saw the date in the 1920s on the back and wanted me to send the frame as well. Later she sent photos of it gracing her house full of lovely antiques and we went from there. I tasted the limoncello and survived so now some of it is going into the cake. She seems to have a knack of making, or bringing back from overseas, unusual types of alcohol, though one was so bitter that I had to spit it out. Woah, my hellish oven has cooked it in the 20 minutes I set, though the recipe says 40. I have to check everything half way through or else I’d have carbon.

The discovery of a caravan full of explosives at Dural is very concerning, but I smell a faint whiff of rat somewhere. Why would someone planning an attack leave the details of targets in a note in the van? Why would a neighbour tow the van onto his property, even if it were in a dangerous position? Another neighbour nearby reported that it was parked in a position on the road with no danger at all from a driving point of view. Was the towing person trying to steal it? Why not just ring the police? Of course it was a Murdoch paper which printed the story while police were trying to keep a lid on it for investigative reasons. Very keen to see how this all unfolds.

What a courageous act by Caroline Kennedy to spill the beans on her crazy cousin Robert F. Kennedy Jr. His vetting by Congress reveals his duplicitous actions including an organisation he founded selling baby onesies online with anti-vax messages, while claiming to be pro vaccines. He’s trotted out all the usual conspiracy theories as well as a few new beauties like questioning the scientific basis for germs causing disease and threatening to end all research into future pandemics. I want to pull a doona over my head.

January 31, 2025

I have gone from the doona option to the gas oven option this morning, but I’m saved by the fact of owning an electric one. Not in any order, 1. this morning Trump claims that  “The FAA is actively recruiting workers who suffer severe intellectual disabilities, psychiatric problems, and other mental and physical conditions under a diversity and inclusion hiring initiative spelled out on the agency’s website”. 2. The new International Court of Justice president is a Christian Zionist who spouts ‘end times’ philosophy. “The Ugandan judge rejected the court’s call for the Israeli military to halt deliberate assaults on civilians, end its policy of forced displacement, and cancel its planned invasion of Rafah. In a previous advisory case on the legal consequences of Israel’s occupation of the Palestinian Territories, Sebutinde insisted that Palestinians had not been subjected to any military occupation whatsoever. In fact, she concluded that Israel may have the right to maintain a permanent presence in the West Bank and the whole of Jerusalem on the basis of purely biblical claims”. 3. Ukraine’s president was cheered at the Auschwitz Memorial Day while a survivor talked about being dragged from her home and sent there by local Nazi supporters during the war. The Ukrainian Army, Police Force and nationalist organisations welcomed the Nazis and The Holocaust began in Ukraine with 1.5 million Jews shot to death by local forces. One in every four Jews murdered in The Holocaust was killed in Ukraine, mainly by Ukrainians. Clap all you like but you can’t change history. Sickening. 4. Of course it was a Murdoch newspaper which published the details of the ‘caravan of explosives’ found at Dural while the Federal and State Police were trying to do a clandestine investigation into the culprits. To both the leaker and the journalist who put a by-line before safety, I give you the Russian curse: “May your children shit in your soup.”

February 2, 2025

We went in to next door to boost the numbers at the first viewing of their house. It needs a bit of work, but nothing more than painting, a new driveway and a few bits and pieces which would see it right. Dogs are not always kind to houses. One young Chinese man, there on his own, was jumping up and down on the floors, a good indication of interest I would have thought. The auction is on a Thursday night at Castle Hill RSL, weird for two reason, 1. they are usually on a weekend and 2. why not have it onsite when there’s plenty of room inside if it rains? This is the reason the agents have given for having it offsite, it might rain, mmm…

Then on to Louise’s house for First Saturday. It was Kathryn Booth the funeral director and I think everyone found her engaging and informative. She has certainly prompted a bit of thinking as Nancye rang me last night to say that she and Bob went straight from the talk to Castle Hill Cemetery to check it out as she has wanted a burial and he wanted a cremation. However after the talk he has swung over to a burial. She wants to meet me there one day to discuss what they’ve decided. Then Alan contacted me to say they are going to go to Kemps Creek and Frenchs Forest natural burial grounds to have a looksee. I worry that Kemps Creek is too close to the new airport, not that the noise would disturb me in my eternal repose, just that before long that quiet spot will be overlooked and maybe even overshadowed by high-rise. Nup.

February 2, 2025

I’ve been trying all day to get on to the Mantra Hotel in Ettalong to book a little holiday for us, but the phone goes to Accor. On one number it tells you to leave a message and then says ‘sorry our mailbox is full’. On the second number you get an AI person! He couldn’t understand the word and asked me to spell it, afterwards saying ‘oh yes Ettalong NSW a lovely beachside location’, but there was no way to speak to a human. I sent an email hours ago asking them to ring me but no reply so far.

I feel so virtuous that this morning I have boxed up numerous artworks from the storeroom to go to the Salvos as well as some odd crystal glasses, dishes etc that are surplus to requirements. Also numerous pairs of old glasses to go to my optometrist friend Ralph who sends them to Africa.

Interesting that the call sign of the Black Hawk helicopter which collided with a passenger jet in Washington was PAT25. Apparently it is unheard of to use the PAT call sign, which stands for priority air transport, unless carrying a VIP. It is usually reserved for when the Army is conducting missions such as having important officials onboard, but speculation exists that it was training for an evacuation of the President in the event of an attack on the White House. This would entitle them to use that call sign.

February 3, 2025

Floods, bushfires, air crashes, civilised society collapsing in the US, just another Monday. But I succeeded in getting through to Accor to book our mini holiday from March 3 to 6. There aren’t a lot of places to stay there, and very few with water views so I went with the humungous ugly Mantra which is a blot on the landscape but I figured that we won’t need to look at it if we are inside it. Unfortunately it is only possible to book rooms with a view to the west (cleverly described as hinterland views) or else with a pool/water view. We don’t want the pool view but it is a case of hoping for the best, though we are guaranteed a small kitchen so I can cook breakfast and any other meals as desired. Got $50 off for being an Accor member but it’s still expensive. Sooo looking forward to it.

John was so good on Saturday, mixing with people and holding conversations, but Sunday he didn’t know what was going on asking in the morning ‘what happens when I get up? I don’t know what to do’ but I’m assuming that was because he is used to the Gracewood routine, so that’s understandable. On Friday night I rang him to suggest what clothes to pack and then on Saturday morning I rang again to make sure it had happened, but when I arrived to pick him up he emerged with just his hat, having no overnight bag which was still in the wardrobe not packed. Holding the thought long enough after getting off the phone is becoming too difficult.

February 4, 2025

First up I got a text confirming my librarian friend is coming for morning tea/lunch on Friday, something I am more than pleased about. Then off on the bus to meet Pam. Having done my hair reasonably we sat outside on the ferry and it was such a beautiful day to have my do plastered by the wind. Pam had booked an outside table but before long the sun was coming over her seat so I carefully moved the table back against the wall, but I was in the naughty corner because the tables must stay where they are, probably for photographic reasons? However they kindly provided an umbrella which I hadn’t asked for, only because I had not seen any and didn’t know it was an option. Once we got over that bump in the road everything went swimmingly, I ordered a bubbly as is my want, but Pam upscaled that to a bottle, despite my protestations. Then my oysters came with a Bloody Mary shot so I was pretty shot by the end of the day, however my pal looked no worse for wear. I’ve had better oysters, specifically at The Box on the Water a couple of weeks ago but the Whole Baked Snapper with Thai Salad was a treat, a dish I intend to emulate with one of the snapper in deep repose in my freezer currently. It is bloody expensive there but I doubt there is a more beautiful spot to eat a meal in Sydney.

Back on the ferry and then I had a couple of hours to kill before the theatre, so I went to Renaissance in the Rocks for a pot of tea and a rest, later wandering past Pony Restaurant and being impressed by watching the chefs in the window chopping squash and huge peaches for evening service, all looking fresh and delish. A long sit under the bridge and a chat with a couple of boys fishing took me to 7 o’clock and after peering into Bob’s Philharmonia Choir practice through the windows I eventually met up with the team. I was able to get a hearing loop so that was huge for me as I was in the back row. The play was 4000 Miles and it was the dress rehearsal. The acting of the main parts was very good, especially the female role. The play covers a lot of mileage involving family relationships, the political views of the grandmother (allowing the torrid and hard-talking exchanges between her and her grandson?), the tragedy he exposes near the end and his romantic relationships with Bec and potentially his adopted sister. The play certainly improved as it went along, though the minor roles disn’t live up to the major ones in either writing or rendition. A couple got up and left at the first ‘fuck’ which is bloody typical of old middle-class people who only want to see people like them. Ran into my cousin Angela and added her to the mental list of people that I’m overdue visiting.

A delight late into the evening was a message from someone I met recently and really liked, saying that she ‘felt a connection’ with me and wants to get together for a coffee, but by this morning after a few more texts back and forth it had been extended to lunch and the day. Dates have been set and I’m excited to get to know her more fully. Last time we met she gave me a huge hug when leaving, but alas I was holding a mug of hot tea at the time and it splattered so our farewell was a messy one.

February 5, 2025

It looks as if I need to pack John’s bag from now on as even after two phone call reminders he still came down in jeans and a top with no overnight bag or drugs and certainly not dressed for a funeral. The trip to Wolli Creek took forever via Parramatta Rd and Tempe but I found the venue okay, the Rowers Club on the Cooks River. I was surprised that they allowed a funeral there, especially as the lift was a two person jobbie so he had to be carried up and then down two flights of stairs. Must have been 250 people there, Greens politicians and councillors, Cooks River restoration people, Aboriginal activists (the Welcome to Country was done in language), trade unionists, socialists and more, most wearing the T-shirts of their particular organisation. A man I didn’t know thanked me for the meal I had served him here some time ago, I believe him but it shows the gaps that are appearing in my memory, he is my age. After yesterday’s excess I limited my lunch to two quarters of a sandwich, cheese and tomato and egg, there were signs on all the food saying vegetarian or vegan, again in line with John’s principles. John Butcher worked with Dorothy Day of the Catholic Worker Movement in New York, serving in soup kitchens in the Bronx and elsewhere, later in Sydney he worked in factories with the same movement, later still joining the Greens at their inception, working on many council committees to save the Cooks River and to take Anzac Day back from the warmongers. Vale good man. Came back via the Westconnex amid tooting horns because I was doing 80 and not 90, I doubt I will use it again. Not a kilometre from Wolli John was asking why he was dressed up and where we had been, he’s slipped again this last couple of weeks.

February 6, 2025

I’m pretty knackered tonight and in one way I am looking forward to next week which has been cleared in case I’m on a jury. Certainly not looking forward to Monday when I have to hand up a plea to the judge to let me spend time with my daughter when she comes from overseas! Arvind tells me not to expect to be home till mid-afternoon as just because the judge on the first 4 week trial lets me off it doesn’t mean that he/she won’t pass me down to shorter trials and then I’ll need to go through the whole selection process again. I am trying not to worry about it but somehow it hangs about in the middle of the night.

Today was John’s hospital day and it all went smoothly. He asked half way there if we were going to the hospital, but apart from that he was good. I went to the State Library to the Pix exhibition which was a blast from the past and somewhat interesting but it reminded me that Pix was a rag really. Then I asked about The Atlantic Monthly which I have almost been tempted to subscribe to after failing to find it in the local library system. However I struck lucky and they have every issue going back to 1857 !!! It is a bit of a business getting the old ones online there but dead easy to go to the stacks to read the paper copies which were right up to date, including February 2025. I have just done a search online of the articles that I want to read and that will keep me out of trouble for many hours when John is at St Vs. I know it’s not the end of the world but once I get a bee in my bonnet about something I just push on till I find it. Their journalism is exemplary.

I did consider going to the Lattouf trial just up the road but I can’t go either tomorrow or Monday so I let that one go. What an absolute waste of money (our money) fighting this case just to pander to a host of people who sent in copycat complaints. If you can’t write a complaint yourself you don’t feel much for the cause. Poor girl will never get a decent job now, unless maybe Schwartz Media takes her on?

February 7, 2025

So some dickhead independent in WA has changed his name to Trump….surely he doesn’t expect to increase his vote with that move?? I saw a terrifying video from The Atlantic with a speech by Richard B. Spencer of the National Policy Institute, a white supremacist think tank and lobbying group based in Alexandria in Virginia. “Hail Trump, hail our people, hail victory!” is how he greeted an audience of more than 200 attendees at an alt-right conference Washington D.C. He was met with enthusiastic cheers and many Nazi salutes. It is pretty sickening stuff and thankfully Dullard Dutton should be tainted by his loose association with Trump et al, but perhaps I am just too optimistic there.

Had a lovely few hours with my librarian friend this morning before his afternoon shift. We solved the problems of the world as usual and tried to find a topic on which we disagree, but failed miserably. I casually mentioned the possibility of his doing a First Saturday presentation and he is keen to do so, so we shall see how that pans out. He left with his lunch sandwich, a couple of cakes from morning tea and a little bottle of limoncello to try, poured from the gift bottle sent by Antonia. I have such lovely friends.

Pam has been giving me updates from court in the Kristian White taser case and the judge has now said he will give his decision on a date to be announced, so we are still in the air. She commented that the Defence barrister’s summing up was better than the Crown’s. The whole day was taken up with victim impact statements and Pam is only now on the Metro home, she’s incredible in her tenacity and a great role model for me in that regard. Watching Antoinette Lattouf’s barrister at work this afternoon online and I’ve decided that if I need to front court Oshie Fagir is my man. Son of a single parent nurse in Wollongong whose parents migrated from the Glasgow slums, as a lad he attended the local public high school. I dips me lid Osh.

February 8, 2025

Today was the lunch at Carol and Jack’s for the cake bakers and it went off swimmingly as expected with wonderful food and live music to boot. I didn’t manage to catch up with some people who were sitting outside as whenever I moseyed out there they were deep in conversation, but I did spend time with Louise which is always a pleasure. John struggled a bit, especially when asked what he did in retirement, looking at me for an answer while the person suggested things like golf, before telling the puzzled questioner that he draws patterns and colours them in. Just after that he commented to me that he isn’t able to socialise any more, though once we went outside for some formalities and music he bucked up. He is putting his certificate as a cake helper up on the wall in his room at Gracewood.

Chris Geraghty phoned as we left and we had a good chat, somehow our relationship has broadened since his book launch and my comments on the book. He is ill with a chest infection which is why he wasn’t at John B’s funeral. I commented at the unfairness of John’s last years after Covid upended his previously controlled Type 1 diabetes, eventually leaving him bedridden and non-verbal, and Chris commented bluntly ‘Life isn’t fair Maureen, that’s just the way it is’.

I have been following the figures on early onset colon cancer and they are sky-rocketing in a way few other diseases have in my memory. Poor diet, smoking, and alcohol consumption have been mooted as causes but so have pollution, pesticides and consumption of seed oils (I was advised decades ago to stick to butter and olive oil, though we get seed oils in almost all prepared foods). If you were born in the 1970s you have 5 times the chance of getting early-onset colon cancer than if you were born in the 1920s, but the worst increase of all is in (drum-roll) Australia, followed by other wealthy countries like the US and UK whereas some poorer and simpler countries have no increase at all. This could indicate a purely lifestyle cause, though pollutants and chemicals of all sorts would be greater in richer countries. That puzzle is so difficult to tease out that it will be decades before we get an answer.

February 9, 2025

Last night I dreamed that I was offered a tatty exercise book for sale which contained some Jewish references and dated to the 1930s. I paid $200 for it and was kicking myself after the seller had left (not an uncommon occurrence back in the day). But shortly after Bob Dylan ambled along alone and I started a conversation, as you do. I said to him that the book might interest him as he was Jewish and we did a deal at $50 for the coverless, dirty old scrapbook. He went on his way and I woke feeling warm and happy at the interaction, deciding that $150 was a small price to pay for that experience.

Today starts a clear week in my diary, apart from my 8.30 am appointment tomorrow at Parramatta Court to argue my case to delay jury service till after my daughter goes. But I’ve kept the week clear in case they offer me a one-weeker starting tomorrow. If I am freed altogether I won’t fill the week to capacity as has been my experience lately. I can’t remember the last time I painted or made a card, I have gardening to do, a bunch of stuff to deliver to the Sallie-Anne’s as well as some new recipes to try. Oh and of course catching up with Oshie in the Lattouf trial, I may go in to see that in person as my big outing of the week.

February 10, 2025

Up at 4 am even though I didn’t need to leave for Parramatta till 7.15. This jury business has been weighing on my mind for months, but today was the day. There were about 10 others waiting when I got there but by 8.30 there were at least 200, many more than I was expecting. We were shepherded up to the first floor, after which we waited our turn to be assigned or to request an exemption. I had diarrhoea from stress and had to keep asking permission to go to the loo, while being afraid of missing something while I was there. But when my turn came I was asked ‘are you happy to serve or are you asking for an exemption?’ to which I answered ‘both’. I explained my daughter’s arrival slap bang in the middle of the 4 week trial, to which he replied that he couldn’t allow me to leave during a trial (bleeding obvious department?) and I showed him the paperwork with arrival and departure dates. He left me hanging for a bit but then said ‘okay I’ll excuse you for a month but if the plans change you won’t get an exemption a second time’, and fair enough. To my great surprise I started crying and he gave me a tissue, and the diarrhoea miraculously stopped!

A happy walk through Parra ensued and I picked up a loaf of Seeded Sourdough at Bourke Street Bakery before a wander through the new Parramatta Square to the station for a bus. It shows how bamboozled I was because I sat watching the 600 buses go past while waiting for a 610X, which goes from the city and nowhere near Parramatta. Eventually I got the bus and arrived home not long before the downpour and storm. I love the way that the Police send a message before storms or bad weather arrives, giving you time to prepare if need be, I got three in an hour. So my week is clear and I am as happy as a clam at high tide.

Cecilia rang to say that John was sick, exhausted and not able to get up. This has happened before and has been diagnosed by Bob as intermittent arrhythmia due to his cardiomyopathy. As I said to Cecilia it always reverses suddenly after some time lying down and it did this time as well, Cecilia sending me a photo to prove it, John in the dining room after lunch. They have a Covid outbreak there at the moment but not in his wing, however it’s the same floor so it could spread. It was 7 cases yesterday but no number given today despite it having increased.

February 11, 2025

I slept like the dead last night after getting the jury matter off my back and knowing that today I could watch the Lattouf v the ABC trial online to my heart’s content. In fact I was able to do that while simultaneously catching up on emails and writing some letters to various entities. They included one to the SMH suggesting that, as a sport, I may begin to try to pop off various ABC presenters on tenuous grounds, using a couple of letters from my neighbours to back me up. This mirrors the ABC sacking of Antoinette Lattouf on the basis of three critical emails, two of which were factually inaccurate and two written by professional lobbyists. I will be astonished if the judge finds that the ABC’s action was legal or appropriate, but the good Darryl is a hard man to read. I was looking forward to seeing Oshie again today but he’s missing in action, however his replacement is doing a very good job.

My Melbourne friend paid a visit to her usual dressmaker who informed her that she is not prepared to work for her any more because my friend is Jewish, except she isn’t. It goes to the level of prejudice and bias happening at the moment. I read that a group of gay men who go camping together once a year had experienced this year for the first time abuse by an organised group who attended for the purpose of verbally and physically attacking them. Ever since the first Trump presidency we seem to have been on a slippery dip of increasingly racist, anti-gay, pro-white and extreme capitalist views. I doubt it will improve in my lifetime, a depressing thought.

My cousin’s daughter (my cousin once removed, which has always seemed a very weird phrase to me) has retired early and along with her husband seems to travel constantly. Just after a motorhome trip right around Australia, they took off on a long voyage to Antarctica and are now in Ecuador after touring Peru. But I gasped when I saw amongst all the pictures of the Amazon a Facebook comment by her cousin which read “Your knowledge of finances has obviously benefited you guys – very happy for you but so very jealous no-one helped me. Financial intelligence should be taught in every school/business. Our country would benefit for all instead of just those ‘in the know’”. How true, but she was brave to write this amongst all the ‘amazings’ and ‘enjoys’. I thought it might come down very quickly, but no. A few years ago, a relative of John’s (who retired in his 50s) wrote a book called Slow and Steady about accumulating wealth over a lifetime. It starts off with advice about kids pocket money and ends up with complicated chapters about shares and superannuation, somewhat bewildering for someone who has never owned a share, but I persevered. I bought a copy and it was fascinating and all completely new to me. I thought then that if I had read that book as a young person, my life would have been very different, though growing up in a family where any aspiration for wealth or even a better lifestyle was treated with distaste didn’t help. God had put us firmly in the working class and that’s where he wanted us to stay.

February 12, 2025

Today John was home so I didn’t get to watch the current trial of the minute. However I am still thinking about Princess Ita’s performance yesterday, imperious, commanding, imperial even. Who repeatedly answers a barrister’s question with ‘So?’ I’m sure if I tried it I’d be told to answer the question in no uncertain terms. But the Princess was allowed much leeway even as she cursed ‘Jesus Christ’ when Lattouf’s barrister turned briefly to pick up a document, clearly her time was money and he was wasting it. I was never a fan, but now I am much less so. Alan reminded me of Ita’s Jewish origins on her mother’s side and I wondered if that would be raised in terms of her perhaps already knowing the complainants socially, but nothing was said. Tricky situation there. What a waste of taxpayers’ money to go through all of this rather than let Lattouf complete just two days on ABC radio with a dump button preventing her or the call-in listeners using the words Palestine, Gaza or Israel. The more I heard the more I thought that she was wronged and entitled to a decent payout, partly from my bloody pocket.

Bob came to visit John here today which was a first. He had had another bout of weakness for about half an hour mid-morning and when Bob checked his heart he said it was ‘all over the place’ despite John feeling fine by then. Checking his incoming phone calls as I do each week I discovered one from his haematologist’s office on Monday for a few minutes. He had no idea what it was about so I rang them and they had called him to arrange an appointment and he had acceded to that with no reference to me at all and with no recollection of it. The date didn’t suit so I was able to change it by one day so everyone is happy. I have asked John and each of his doctors to have the staff deal with me regarding appointments or anything else, but it’s not happening.

February 13, 2025

Gosh, I was as shocked as anyone else when I saw the video of two nurses effectively threatening Israeli patients at Bankstown Hospital. I am still shocked and disappointed but thinking it through, the man who put out the video has admitted that his intention was to trap them, they are both young (and foolish) but who among us hasn’t overegged an argument about something they feel passionate about? The Minister has no option but to act but I can also feel for these two young people whose lives have crashed so spectacularly.

I have Al here today attending to three sites of wet rot in my house, the joint of two weatherboards at the front, the rotten post at the foot of the back stairs and the storeroom door which has collapsed out of shape. Although his game is being a painter, he is digging out the rotten wood, bogging it up and painting. I had done a bogging and painting job on the post a couple of years ago but although that part was still fine, below it the post was severely decayed. He is a pleasure to have around, charges reasonably and does a good job.

I have just postponed a surgeon’s appointment for next week and put it back a month. After the busyness of the last couple of months, I’m just not going to cram my weeks so full that I am stressed and fretful from having too many commitments, two or three or even four a week is perfect. Eek, I just remembered that March could be jury month, but I will deal with that clash if it happens and it won’t be the jury that has to give.

The ABC has withdrawn its defence that Antoinette Lattouf’s racial discrimination case should fail because she had not proved that there was a Lebanese, Middle-Eastern or Arab race. It was an embarrassing retreat after some push-back from employees as well as the public (more than a few identical complaints I would suggest). It reminded me of a friend getting a very nasty hand-written letter from someone who took serious objection to a Lebanese person having been referred to as an Arab, even though they often refer to themselves as Arabs, however the letter writer was appalled at my friend’s comment. Many Lebanese are descended from Aramaic, Assyrian, Hebrew, Persian, Armenian, Kurdish or Phoenician backgrounds (thankyou internet search) so it’s a complex mix. Another case where the ABC went in asking for totally predictable trouble and got it.

February 14, 2025

The Daily Smellygraph got what it deserved when it tried to brew trouble in a Newtown Egyptian cafe, sending in a Jewish man wearing an Israeli hat and a Star of David necklace. But what did the staff do? Served him just like anybody else. That was disappointing no doubt so he tried making comments to rankle them, which they ignored until they saw the Smelly’s ‘journalist’ and videographer lurking nearby. Crikey has discovered that this was planned a week in advance and has seen internal files showing that they planned to use covert video-recording eyewear in the making of the story, which it internally named “UNDERCOVERJEW”. Good facial recognition by the staff for picking up the reporter willing to pour petrol on the fire of anti-Semitism, a typical Murdoch tactic thankfully caught out this time.

Trying to get an appointment with John’s cardiologist but she’s booked out till the end of April. A bit of pleading with Astrid worked to the point that she will look for a cancellation for me but that’s all I can hope for. I had a call from Gracewood yesterday to say that he was ‘grumpy’ after not being able to get out of his door and had demanded that they ring me. Is there a problem with the lock? I asked and I was assured that the handyman could look at it. I immediately rang John who told a very different story. He said he was colouring in when he got sudden severe chest pain, couldn’t breathe and couldn’t get up to call anyone when his buzzer went unanswered. ‘I thought I was dying’ he said. So I rang the RN back and she told me that she had checked him out and his heart was fine, so she had recorded it as a panic attack. He just doesn’t have panic attacks unless of course he thinks that he is dying! (INTERMITTENT ARRYTHMIA MEANS IT AIN’T THERE ALL THE TIME). I think it may be a case of Chinese whispers complicated by language difficulties, with the first nurse reporting to the RN that he was saying he couldn’t get to the door. Bob thinks that his heart was racing to the point that the other symptoms began and that this is typical of his cardiomyopathy and heart failure so he wants the cardiologist to check him, even though it’s unlikely that there is a cure or even a preventative as he’s already on five cardio drugs.

February 15, 2025

John’s memory loss continues apace. Last night I rang him and talked him through packing his overnight bag, as the last couple of Saturdays he’s come down with just his hat. Then this morning I rang again and reminded him that I’d be there at 9 as usual and double-checked about the bag. But at 9 he came down, with just his hat. I went upstairs to find he’d carefully unpacked the bag with its contents neatly put aside, then the nurse said she had pointed out to John that his diary said ‘home for the weekend’ but he had explained that I had just rung and altered it to just coming home for the day. I don’t know the answer to these things.

I had got up at 6 to get the family ‘picnic’ food ready even though it had been changed to lunch here due to an inaccurate forecast of rain. We ate on the back verandah so it was ‘picnic-ish’. But before all of that I had been showing John the repairs and painting done by Al this week and he decided as we walked up the driveway to pull a couple of yellowed leaves off the elephants ears, but in doing so he became so breathless that he couldn’t stand unaided, or walk for some time. These attacks are becoming more and more frequent, yet I can’t see a solution as yet. He later explained to someone that he’d ‘had a funny turn after doing some gardening’ which I suppose is true to a certain extent, but a bit of a stretch.

Thinking about the ABC in light of the Lattouf case, I wonder if the requirement for objectivity and presenting different perspectives has gone too far? There is an expectation that contrasting views and opinions are presented. I am wondering when we will see the weather presenter announce that the sun will rise tomorrow at 6.15am tomorrow, only to then say that other sources suggest it will be at 10.27?

February 16, 2025

Trust Bob Brown to give us the words we need to hear about Trumpism: “We are all on the spectrum of less or more empathy and at the other end are the anxious folk who won’t listen to the news. The simplistic egotists opt in and the worried deep thinkers opt out. It’s not a good recipe for global security, leaving the rest of us to put things right. That ultimately means confronting the authoritarians with public defiance. Brutes such as Trump rely on everyone else suppressing their better natures. Popular uprisings to defend or restore democracy can succeed or be crushed but are tough going once the bully egotist has power. Showing humility to hubris, decency to demagoguery and reason to arrogance is a losing strategy. Intelligent and confrontational action is required, and these days that requirement is global – as is the fundamental conscious wish for peace and universal understanding. The local and global populace must provide strong, humane leaders to take power from the bullies through the ballot box or civil disobedience. The old truism is taunting us all as never before: all that evil needs to flourish is for good people to do nothing”. 

Having a quiet day at home after John’s indisposition yesterday. However we did take a trip to TKMaxx for new undies for him. It was a long choice process but we got there in the end. Passing people eating Chinese dumplings and other foods at 9 am was instructional in the culture difference as far as breakfast goes. I did happen to see some Kabocha pumpkins outside the fruit shop and grabbed one but the line was too long to wait with John so I will go back tomorrow when it’s quieter. I used to buy them when I got all of my fruit and veg from an organic grower at Windsor markets and loved them, but at $6.99 a kilo versus .99 cents a kilo for Jap, it’s a bit of a luxury.

February 17, 2025

Went to a wonderful talk from a volunteer at Sydney Wildlife Rescue today and learned so much about how to help sick or injured native animals. I bought a few things from their fund-raising goods too, jam for moi and a couple of things that will come in handy for gifts. Simple things like covering a stunned bird or an injured animal with an upturned laundry basket with a brick on top till you can phone them (24/7) for further advice was a great tip. Also knowing that injured wildlife will be taken by any vet gratis if you say you were sent by SWR and how to catch cockroaches without using baits or poison. I feel so much more confident in what to do now if I see an animal that’s been hit by a car for example, so well worth the time and the little money. On the way I was thinking about John and wondering if I should abandon sewing this week despite not having been for a while to take him out. I ended up near Jane’s despite the fact that I wasn’t headed there, simply because my mind was on sewing and that’s where the next one is, so I made a quick U-turn and headed to the talk. Talk about rote driving!

February 18, 2025

I don’t bring John home on Tuesdays as he loves to go on the bus trips held that day. But today he rang at 10, downhearted because there was a spare seat but he wasn’t allowed on because he hadn’t booked. Booking is a new thing and he can’t get his head around it, despite reminders. Anyway I went out and got him and then did what I was going to do today: buying my granddaughter’s birthday presents, food shopping, garden watering, topping up the oil in the car, making apple crumble and a cake. He came with me for the first two and slept through the rest, exhausted by a little bit of walking.

The article below has come from a number of trusted American sources, yet I so hope it is all baloney. The restrictions put on US voters are criminal already, if this comes in it will be diabolical. Every day brings a new and previously unimaginable story.

“The SAVE Act Will Prevent One-Third of Women From Voting. And yet, no one is talking about it.You have to admire Republicans’ creative labeling. The latest is a doozy. The Safeguard American Voter Eligibility Act (SAVE Act) is here to “save” democracy. And by “save,” they mean saving it for husbands and not their wives, exactly as Project 2025 intended. The SAVE Act is a proposed law that changes the required proof of U.S. citizenship to vote in federal elections. Here’s the problem: The Act demands documentary proof of citizenship (DPOC) before you can register to vote. And what counts as proof? A passport (which many Americans don’t have), a military ID with service records (because obviously, everyone has that lying around), or a birth certificate (but only if it matches your current legal name). And that’s where married women get thrown under the election bus. If you changed your last name when you married, your birth certificate still has your maiden name. This means — according to this law — you won’t exist as a voter unless you can prove that the woman born as Jane Maidenname and the woman trying to register as Jane Marriedname are the same person. A marriage certificate? Not good enough because it’s not on the list of acceptable documents. And don’t even think about using your driver’s license…

Because documentation would need to be presented in person, the legislation would, in practice, prevent Americans from being able to register to vote by mail; end voter registration drives nationwide; and eliminate online voter registration overnight—a service 42 states rely on. Americans would need to appear in person, with original documentation, to even simply update their voter registration information for a change of address or change in party affiliation. These impacts alone would set voter registration sophistication and technology back by decades and would be unworkable for millions of Americans, including more than 60 million people who live in rural areas. Additionally, driver’s licenses—including REAL IDs—as well military or tribal IDs would not be sufficient forms of documentation to prove citizenship under the legislation.”

Late Mail: Dr. Bob rang to see if John happened to be here and he was, so he popped around and agreed that his heart is haywire and considers it possible that he had a heart attack last Thursday when the staff put it down as a panic attack. I explained that I had made a number of calls to try to get him in to the cardiologist, but so far to no avail. Bob took another tack and suggested I ring to say that in his opinion John needs an echocardiogram more than he needs an appointment. I rang and told the secretary that Bob was here and hey presto I got an appointment tomorrow. It could have been the plumber here for all she knew but it was an effective tactic.

February 19, 2025

Well things took a big turn today when we fronted up at RNSH for an echocardiogram for John. I went in with him and although I couldn’t read the screen, I could read the body language of the cardiac sonographer when she was taking many, many images. Then she said the words that are always a bad sign ‘I am just going to have a word with the doctor’ (who was at a restaurant celebrating a friend’s birthday). We were told not to leave until Gemma rang back so by then I knew where this was headed. Sure enough Gemma rang and said that John’s artificial heart valve or TAVI is leaking and she told me to take him to emergency immediately. Luckily I’d taken his walker with us and it was downhill to emergency so we managed that okay, if slowly. We waited about one minute to see the triage nurse and were then ushered into a room and immediately tended by a wonderful Welsh doctor called Gwyn. After he took blood and examined John he shut the door and had ‘the discussion’ about what he wanted them to do if his heart stopped. He explained the resuscitation procedure: CPR, electric shock, ventilator, and said that any time without oxygen would damage John’s brain even more, so a good outcome was difficult. John understood, asked questions, and told Gwyn that he didn’t want resuscitation in that event. ‘I’m 83, was given 2 years to live from bowel cancer in my 30s, have survived recurrences of that, then lymphoma many times, and i have outlived the ages when all of my siblings died. I think I’ve had a good life and if my heart stops, then it stops’. Gwyn noted his decision and said he thought it was the right one in the circumstances. In emergency Gemma came to visit and commented that it’s unusual for a valve to leak without an infection but there’s been no sign of that, so she’s a bit betwixt and between regarding what to do, ‘without trying any heroics’. The person in the next cubicle was yelling out and quite mental and it made me think about the psychiatrists ‘on strike’ as no one came to her while I was there. Happily about 7.30pm he was given a bed in the cardiac ward 6D so he didn’t have to listen to her any longer, not that he was complaining. We shall see what tomorrow brings. I had thought of packing a hospital bag for John in the morning as I thought admission was a real possibility, now I wish I had of course, but I didn’t want to frighten him when he saw it all as routine.

February 20, 2025

An early call from a doctor called Audrey to ask for permission to give John an iron infusion to assist his heart in functioning while they try to work out what to do about the leaking valve. She said they are going to ask Professor Bhindi who put the valve in years ago to find out what if anything can be done when it malfunctions, a rare event apparently. Trust John to be a medical outlier. Then I toddled off to Gracewood to pack some clothes for him as well as the all-important colouring in. No-one queried my appearance or the fact that I was walking out with a bagful of his things but I guess they know me by now.

Then off to RNSH and John certainly looked better even though the iron infusion is still coming up from pharmacy and hasn’t started yet. He was cheerful as always and I was there while he ate lunch, secretly starving as I’d had breakfast early. However I found a kitchen and managed to make a cup of tea, but I need to take food when I go next time.

February 21, 2025

Met my lovely daughter at Circular Quay before catching a ferry to Watsons Bay. We climbed up to the Gap and walked along the cliff edge and finally down to Camp Cove beach which is such a gorgeous spot. Saw a giant ‘ghost ship’ appear from the mist coming in to the Heads and it was quite a sight, later we saw that it was an Italian named cruise ship. Similarly the Harbour under mist was lovely with no city in view, gradually appearing late in the morning. As booked we got a front table at Doyles Garden Bar and ordered a mixed entree platter for two, with smoked salmon, oysters, scallops (proper Tasmanian ones with roe, not those silly tasteless Queensland ones that look as it they’ve been stamped out with a cookie cutter), grilled prawns and calamari. Plus a half bottle of Pol Roger, our favourite celebration drink. What a lovely spot it is, surely the pick place to live in all of Sydney.

Later we ferried back and then travelled over the Bridge to RNSH to see John. His CT scan had been cancelled due to other more important cases, however he was delighted to see us unexpectedly. We discussed the fact that I had paid until next week the very odd $10 a day fee to turn on the television. Unfortunately when I rang him in the evening and checked that it had worked okay, he said he didn’t turn it on because I’d said that I wasn’t going to pay the fee. I came home via train to Chatswood and then Metro to Castle Hill, realising that I have always ignored shows at the Concourse there because it’s such a bugger to get there and to park, but it’s easy-peasy now.

So many ghastly Trump stories to keep up with, one of the worst being the SAVE program which only accepts 3 forms of ID in order to vote, change address or enrol. These are a passport, which few Americans have, a military ID or a birth certificate in the same name as you have now. So anyone who was adopted or who changed their name by deed poll or after marriage cannot vote. The documentation must be presented every time a person votes and is set to reduce massively the numbers of women who are eligible. Clever way to reduce the very demographic where Trump has the least support. Malignant narcissist? You betcha.

February 22, 2025

Awful night in which I just couldn’t sleep so I got up at 2.15 am and did some reading, answered emails etc going back to bed at 4.30. Went in to see Justin and Karen to congratulate them on the sale of their house at auction, 22 bids from 9 bidders, selling for a whopping $1.805 million. Arvind and I had a bet on the origins of the buyers, I said Indian, but I was wrong. It sold to a couple who are both Qantas pilots which makes me think that it is destined for a bulldozing. I guess there’s a chance it was an investment, but they were asking about the local primary school so I doubt that. I look forward to meeting them.

Months ago I bought tickets for myself and Jane to see the last of the Wharf Revue at Riverside after she expressed interest in seeing it. We got the centre seats in the front row and boy was it worth waiting for. The skit of the night was a tipsy Jacquie Lambie in an evening dress announcing the silent auction prizes at the parliamentary winter ball. How she was taken off so perfectly is hard to believe. The person playing Kevin Rudd almost had me believing that he had sneaked into the theatre and mounted the stage. I was wondering what they would do about Trump and their decision was the right one, not a skit but a mournful rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner set against highlights from their history shown on screen in black and white, clearly meant as a requiem or lament. There is nothing to laugh at regarding Trump as we are learning each day.

February 23, 2025

Off to see John who commented that his breathlessness gets worse all the time. I suddenly realised at lunchtime that he hadn’t had his antibiotic which always comes half an hour before meals. The nurse said she’d been looking after him for three days and he’d had no antibiotics in that time. I was shocked as the pharmacist had come to see him on day one and asked me about his drugs, so I gave her the name of Gracewood’s pharmacy so she could talk to them to make sure nothing had been missed. It is either a dreadful mistake or there is some medical reason for it that I’m not aware of, however none of his doctors were there so I have to wait for the morning to speak to someone.

I stayed till about 1 pm then drove to Erko for lunch with the kids, staying on to early evening to play the inevitable board game which is my granddaughter’s favourite pastime. At least there was no peak hour traffic coming home. Assuming John’s CT will be rescheduled tomorrow so we may get some news perhaps. Cancelled our much anticipated holiday at Ettalong as if that were done tomorrow, one week before arrival, I would have lost half of the total funds paid. As it is I lost nothing, except the excitement of planning it of course.

I must be getting soft in my old age. As a non-Catholic, in fact non-believer, it confounds me that I had tears in my eyes reading about the Pope’s overnight deterioration. So much in the news brings me to tears these days, but I didn’t think this would. Go peacefully good man, you did your best in a community that purports to be Christian but seldom is, in a wider world where good men in high places seem few and far between at the moment.

February 24, 2025

Quite a day, beginning with a drive to Erko then bus with the girls to Coogee where we went to Wylie’s Baths, a new venue for me but one that I hope to return to. Took note of the sign to be careful about stepping on sea urchins but it was still difficult walking on the uneven and slippery rocks getting into the pool. The water was a wonderful 21 degrees and it is a very relaxing place to swim. Lunched at a nearby cafe, they know how to charge over there but the place was packed. I chose stuffed zucchini flowers which were a real let down after the Wild Pear version, full of kumara cooked without salt and although they looked pretty they were a failure in the taste department. Trying hard, but they need to try their own food for seasoning. Back on the bus via an aquarium shop in Rosebery where we inspected various fish and plants for the birthday present next week. The tank and supporting cabinet have been bought but apparently you need to have the filter running and the plants in for some time before adding the new residents. Some little guys (less than half a mouthful) were $250 each!! but even the tiniest were $25 each so I can see how an aquarium is a big investment, not to mention the upkeep. A steep learning curve for me.

After that I headed to RNSH to see John who didn’t know whether or not he’d had the CT scan but when I described the machine he remembered that he had. I discovered that his lack of antibiotics was indeed a terrible error on their part, inexplicable after the trouble I went to in giving them the correct details on two separate days. It’s been corrected now, but I just hope that hasn’t had any negative effects. He doesn’t seem to be able to get himself occupied in doing anything, I’ve taken newspapers, magazines, cards, colouring in and set up the TV but when I visit he is sitting there bored stiff. Apparently if they do find the infection they are looking for it will involve 6-8 weeks of daily intravenous antibiotics and I’m not sure if Gracewood will be happy to administer that? They did 3 blood cultures and 2 were negative and 1 positive so they are repeating them in case it was a contaminant.

February 25, 2025

John was fasting this morning so it seems that the transthoracic echocardiogram is going ahead as planned. The transducer is able to get much more detail about the heart than doing the procedure through the chest wall, so here’s hoping. It concerns me a bit that no one has suggested an alternative to an infection on the valve, so I have no idea what the answer is if that is the result. I believe it can be fixed by putting a new TAVI inside the old leaking one but have decided not to cross that bridge until we come to it. I started some time back looking at occasional photos and x-rays published online with a short list of symptoms, put up by some medical organisation. People (often many hundreds) give their diagnosis in the comments, some in jest but most quite seriously and many by doctors, or people calling themselves doctors. Eventually they give the correct diagnosis or just write a comment after a particularly good attempt saying something like ‘spot on’. Mostly I don’t have a clue but I have a stab at some and have had some successes. It becomes addictive though and I decide not to look but then I think ‘oh it’ll only take 5 minutes’…….but of course that guarantees that they will send me another one tomorrow.

Went up to the supermarket with no makeup and hair in a mess assuring myself that I wouldn’t meet anyone I knew, but of course at the yogurt fridge I bumped into Bob Y, a friend of many decades duration. We chatted for 15 minutes and he commented that it is one medical thing after another, but for me at the moment it’s only like that for John. He is 80 this year and that shocked me, but I keep forgetting how old I am.

Late in the afternoon I got a call from a microbiology doctor asking questions about John so it seems that they strongly suspect infection in the valve. Her best guess is that it’s coming from his crumbling teeth ‘Radiation is a life saver, but 20 years or so later your teeth will all crumble if you have it on your face’ she opined. Bob had advised not to get the teeth out as a whole lot of bugs from under them would flow into the bloodstream right above the heart, though this may have been happening little by little anyway.

February 26, 2025

Got to RNSH just after 8 in the hope of seeing one of the doctors but his nibs wasn’t there. Apparently he fasted yesterday in waiting for the echo but when the tea cart came around mid-morning…….he forgot and ate something so it had to be cancelled. When he arrived back today he was complaining about chest pain right over his heart, which gradually worsened as the day went on. He looked like a different person, down in the bed, holding his chest. They tried Panadol, then Nitrolingual spray, then Endone, all to no effect. The doctor came and didn’t know what was going on, however she prescribed troponin blood tests for possible heart attack, then he went for a chest x-ray and there’s talk of an angiogram. However later in the afternoon I suggested sitting in a chair to see if it made the pain better or worse and amazingly it went from a 7 to a 1 in no time at all, but whether they will do the angiogram remains to be seen. However this seems to be related to the TOE test this morning perhaps as that’s when it started.

Looked at my phone while he was having the x-ray and did the daily online medical diagnosis tool. It was an easy one today which I got straight away: infective myocarditis. What’s the chances?

February 27, 2025

Off to RNS early this morning in the hope of catching up with the doctors (not simple) but the gods smiled on us and we saw not one but two. The TOE found no evidence of infection but the dog is not letting that that bone go, so tomorrow or Monday he is having a PET scan, usually used for finding cancer spread, to look at the heart and try to find any colony of infection there that the TOE may have missed. So he will be there for a while yet and he hasn’t seen the dentist so far. However Gemma was clearly right that his pain yesterday, which he can’t now remember, was due to the TOE as now it has completely gone.

Across from him is a chatty chap from Kirribilli who is sometimes attended to by his ‘live-in carer’. I suppose that’s what you do if you have plenty of money, in order to avoid the dreaded nursing home. Beats selling up if you can afford it. There are benefits to having money I’m discovering, though not enough to make me want to do anything to get it.

February 28, 2025

Last night, feeling a bit under the weather, I made a light meal of tinned salmon and salad, but the first attempt to eat it told me that my friend Mr. Sjogren is visiting. Parotid gland blocked again, so any attempt to eat is excruciatingly painful. However water, tea or milk all pass muster as food with no pain. I had hoped that by morning it would have gone but no, so I am on an unintentional diet, which won’t do me any harm I suppose. But I also feel quite unwell which rules out either driving to the hospital or going to book group, which is a bummer as I had baked something to take yesterday, was looking forward to it and had already cadged a lift. I have an appointment with the immunologist in a couple of weeks and was expecting to get my knuckles lightly rapped for going off the drugs, however I stick by my decision even though I have to put up with these periodic consequences.

My day didn’t improve when this afternoon I got a call from a friend who has been having mental health problems. He said it was ‘imperative’ that I go to see him immediately, something that I explained I could not do. About an hour later he rang again wanting to come here, saying he had recently been scheduled into the Hornsby Hospital Mental Health Unit by his doctor ‘to protect me from all the people who are out to get me’, but the story then expanded to a police visit to his home with accusations that he had murdered someone and buried them somewhere on the five acre block, Pol-Air circling the property, followed up by a military helicopter, armed guards with guns at the hospital…… I just don’t know what to make of it all or what to do to help. Is it all true? Is it all just paranoia? Castle Hill Police ‘could not confirm nor deny’ the account without my friend’s permission. The old Privacy issue bites again, so I can only leave it for now and go out to visit him when I’m feeling better.

A happier story told to me by another friend was of an NDIS provider to one of his extended family who has disabled twins. Seeing the pressure the mother was under the woman told her ‘If you can save the money for the fare to India, you can go for three weeks and my family will look after you and we will provide care for the children’. I am getting a smile from that despite everything in the world going crazy.

John just rang (puffed out) to say that he had been taken in a wheelchair to the dental faculty where he was told, presumably after x-rays, that his teeth are crumbling away (no surprises there) and are infected. So they want to remove ALL OF THEM. He wants a photo of himself with natural teeth so they can make dentures which are as natural as possible, but that’s a few weeks down the track at best. I’m assuming that they will pump him full of antibiotics before that procedure is done. Never a dull moment here.

March 1, 2025

Able to eat again this morning, Saturday, the last meal having been Thursday lunch. But usually when a bout of this is over, it’s over, no residual symptoms. This time however, each time I eat my face swells up, noticeably enough to attract comment by Jane as I ate lunch.

I fell asleep in the afternoon only to be woken by a call from John to say that his TV had stopped working, of course it had, I had paid for a week and that time has run out. They don’t send reminders obviously. I booked for another week but then he rang again saying it only works on channel 308 ??, so I suggested getting a nurse to help. She couldn’t fix it, but luckily the rental company has a 24/7 phone line so I was able to get them to sort it out remotely. This indicates to me that perhaps it’s a big international company, otherwise how could they justify the expense of that service?

I watched in the morning the appalling Oval Office ambush of Volodymyr Zelensky (he’s recently acquired a double y at the end, but we’ll stick to the original version). I felt literally sickened. I don’t care what political differences people have, that was a cruel, personal and fully planned surprise attack by Trump and his minions. The low point (of so many) was when one of Trump’s goons called out ‘Why aren’t you wearing a suit? It’s disrespectful’ followed by ‘Don’t you own a suit?’. (Elon Musk wearing a T-shirt and greatcoat to a cabinet meeting is perfectly respectful of course). When VZ politely responded that he would wear a suit when the war was over, he was met with more abuse from Vance and Trump. The Ukrainian ambassador was seen covering her face, in tears, as well she might be. Now that the Tate brothers have been suddenly and inexplicably released from custody in Romania, will they be added to the Trumpfuhrer’s coterie of men with no morals? Interesting that they arrived back in the US in a private jet and landed in Florida. Watch this space.

March 2, 2025

Spent the day at Erko, having baked a Persian Love Cake to take, and then we all walked to Bitton for lunch (Cheese Tart with Heirloom Tomato Salad for moi, mmm). We all played a card game with Millie (her favourite family pastime), had Love Cake for arvo tea and did a couple of quizzes from the SMH and the Guardian. Sad to see my darling girl piling into an Uber for the airport, but glad that she’s had such a successful trip back.

Sent a letter to the SMH on the Chinese boat panic as follows: ‘It is worth pointing out that New Zealand and Australian warships sailed through the contested Taiwan Strait and the South China sea as recently as September 2024. Surely what’s good for the kangaroo and the kiwi is also good for the panda?’ It’s hard to get one up these days, but great to have so many engaged people competing.

March 3, 2025

Off to RNSH to make sure that John doesn’t foul up another test by eating when he’s not supposed to, but my efforts were in vain when he was taken off happily at 11.30 but brought back at noon because he hadn’t followed the special diet required for 24 hours before a cardiac PET scan. Last time it was his fault but this time it was theirs. Because the dieticians don’t work on weekends they hadn’t seen the instruction sent on Friday to say that he had to have no carbohydrates or caffeine on Sunday, and then fast Monday. So he went down, they put the cannula in and then somehow discovered that the diet hadn’t been followed. Apparently the radioactive tracer they use is a sugar which attaches to glucose-using cells, often rapidly growing cells, which are sometimes cancerous or in this case bacterial. But if the bloodstream is flush with sugars it makes for a poor outcome in the scan. Happy to be learning this stuff but I’d prefer it if it were not at the cost of John spending an extra day in hospital and another day undiagnosed.

After that I went to the Health Department Pathology lab there for my own regular blood tests ordered by the immunologist (8 bottles so even more weight lost). For some reason he doesn’t like me to go to private labs, but always to use the Health Department one, but this time I didn’t need to make a special trip as I was already there. I hope one of them tells him how to get rid of the ongoing parotitis (wonderful name for a bird lover’s affliction). Later I drove to Dural to pick up the compounded medication that Prof Reeves prescribes but it wasn’t ready. They told me to pick up Monday but neglected to mention that it is only after 4.30 pm! However to my surprise they said they would home deliver it tomorrow, putting it under a cushion on the front verandah in case the letterbox is too warm. Can’t ask for better service than that.

A huge fleet of trestle tables holding cakes of all kinds was spread right across the RNSH foyer. Looking at the treats I got a bit suspicious, 20 or so of each of about 15 types, all evenly lined up, not like the old fete cake stall at all. I asked nicely ‘are any of these home made?’ Mmm, her face gave me the answer ‘no, we had a few home made ones which went straight away, the rest we bought in’. Thankyou but nah.

March 4, 2025

So another delay in John’s PET scan. Yesterday the radiology department decided that seeing John was nil by mouth till lunchtime and then mid-afternoon went on to the no carbs diet he would be fine for a scan this morning, but today someone down there decided that lunch and dinner yesterday with no carbs was not enough, so it was postponed till tomorrow so he can have another three carb-less meals today. Aye aye aye, he will get it done eventually but it’s proving a long haul. Two weeks he’s been there now. An occupational therapist was asking about his ability to shower himself etc and when I asked why she said ‘the TAVI team wants me to do a work-up on him’ which suggests that they are thinking of replacing the valve, something that’s never been mentioned, but which I understand is theoretically possible.

I’ve been thinking about the Trump-Zelensky debacle and somehow I smell a whiff of rat. Clearly there are a bunch of aggressive and rude bullies in the Oval Office, but watching the whole thing from start to finish it seems like more than that. It has the definite feeling of an ambush, scripted to try to get him to lose his temper. Right from the first insult at the door, it was as if they played him. I’m not seeing any commentary to this point of view in the press, but I just don’t think it seemed spontaneous. In a way he outfoxed them by remaining calm, but I think perhaps they were all trying to insult him to the point that he got up and walked out, which he didn’t do so they had to throw him out.

March 5, 2025

What a load of traffic this morning, but on the way the doctor Audrey rang and said she wanted to see me. Always a sign that things are moving along. I had asked early on about the theoretical possibility of redoing the TAVI if it were found to be malfunctioning rather than infected, a very rare occurrence. I was there this morning when John was taken off for the PET scan procedure by the same po-faced, unfriendly porter who wheeled him off on Monday. The man hates his job and should be elsewhere, but I decided to let it go as hospitals usually choose positive and cheery people for these positions and this churlish chap is an aberration, however if it happens a third time there will be words. Audrey came to tell me that the team is considering a redo of the TAVI, or TAVR. It is trickier than the original transplantation and I have been looking up the statistics for bad outcomes. Of course they vary hospital to hospital, but I’ve looked at a few papers and now have a general idea at least. Much will depend on the results of today’s PET. Fran unfortunately visited John right in the middle of the time he was away for the scan so he didn’t get to see her, a shame.

Thinking of various friends and ‘sort of rellies’ on the Sunshine Coast and in Brisbane. Louis’s family is there as are my ex-husband’s lovely sisters and their families. It would be quite terrifying, but part of me would like to sit it out in a safe place for the experience of that much of my beloved rain all at once. Hopefully there will be no lives lost but it seems property damage is inevitable. I wonder what the folks in those ghastly Gold Coast towers will do? Risk it to watch the melee first hand or hightail it out of Surfers for the duration?

Seeing I was up at Bob’s this afternoon and the seafood market is just downstairs, I decided garlic chili prawns sounded spot on for dinner. Bought the prawns and then went to the big fruit market next door as I was out of garlic, but they only had imported Chinese or French. Off to the Chinese supermarket and of course no Aussie garlic there, then to the Indian food market nearby, where I had a choice of Chinese or peeled and frozen Chinese which was no choice at all. Went to the corner IGA as a last resort and got ‘fresh’ Aussie garlic which did the job but was pretty stale, as are most fruit and veg items there. Four shops to get a head of garlic must be a record.

March 6, 2025

I had thought about having a day off from the hospital today as I’m going into town to see Candide tonight at the Opera House. But I just don’t think a day off is on the cards at the moment with John the way he is, so I went in early thinking to come home before lunch. But just as Audrey, the doctor looking after him, was there updating us on the PET scan results he suddenly went deathly pale and felt dizzy. His BP turned out to be 70/39 so the Rapid Response Team was called, then we had 3 doctors and 5 nurses on his case. After about an hour on a saline drip and with a slight variation in his drugs, he came good and happily ate a decent sized lunch after a couple of walks around the ward. Lazarus as ever. Apparently Prof Bhindi is considering the possibility of a TAVI redo, considering that they’ve now definitely shown that it is malfunctioning and not infected. I left during the afternoon, knowing he had other visitors coming, but just as 8 medical students and a doctor came to listen to his leaking valve.

Just had a phone call from Dr Bhindi’s assistant doctor to tell me that they are thinking about sending John home while they decide whether or not to do the TAVR, arguing that patients generally do better coming in to hospital to have it done after a period at home rather than when they do it to an already hospitalised patient. I’m not at all sure how scientific that assumption is, but I was disinclined to ask how they know that and what the figures were. He did though mention that the redo was ‘a much more risky proposition than when it was done the first time’, something that I knew has been scientifically proven after reading papers on the technique. I can’t discuss it in detail with John until they decide if they are even willing to do it, so it’s a case of sit back and wait.

March 7, 2025

Another epic day at the hospital. There early (how come the traffic yesterday at exactly the same time was diabolical and today it was fine?) to find John in great form. I decided to spend an hour going over all the pros and cons of doing nothing versus a TAVR and he asked lots of questions, most of which I could answer and I wrote down those I couldn’t. I had pulled back from the intervention idea after nights of waking in fear of it. But when the TAVI doctor Bernard came to visit I had John’s list of queries added to those I had written down previously. He was able to answer all of our questions except mine about his lifespan if he decided to do nothing, to which he responded ‘I can’t tell you how long he would live, but with three trips to hospital in six months I would assume that would continue and worsen’. Bob had estimate ‘a few months’ and Bernard didn’t disagree with that. John didn’t wait for him to leave so we could have a further discussion, saying ‘I want to have a crack at living longer, I have a very happy life’, so with that the deal was done. Pathway now is angiogram Monday, oral surgeon probably Tuesday for opinion. When he had his front tooth taken out there last year they were adamant that he had to go to Westmead in future, telling me abruptly: ‘Don’t bring him back here, we won’t treat him as he’s out of area’. Of course if he’s an inpatient that makes all the difference. This evening Audrey rang to get my formal approval as his guardian for both the angiogram and the dental surgeon, she’s so thorough and lovely with it.

Last night I went into town to see Candide, modelled on Voltaire’s novella, a satirical takedown of German philosopher Leibniz’s optimism doctrine (the idea that we live in the best of all possible worlds, since this is the one God created). I am over those late nights on the bus but it was either a front row seat at night or nothing and I’m so glad I chose to go. It was a riotous opera with a mix of music from classical to pieces relevant to the many countries in which it is set. I could try to write a precis of the plot but to do that I’d have to understand all of its intricacies, which I didn’t. Even the synopsis in the program was hard to decipher. But Candide is a dazzling show, totally mad, and the director took it to extremes, set in the 1700s with a female character in a crinoline and sneakers, other costumes made from black garbage bags and the male lead opening up a laptop to get the answer to a question. The penultimate aria Glitter and be Gay knocks your socks off, after which the narrator chimed in ‘Finally, a bit of fucking opera!!’. I’m not at all surprised that this was scheduled during the Mardi Gras period as it is a camp riot, not surprising considering its author’s colourful bisexual history. I would love to see it again and maybe would have if seats had been available. Bravo!

March 8, 2025

Luckily I was early to the hospital, despite knowing that no medical procedures occur on the weekend. I had been told that my daughter was coming for a surprise visit to John, but minutes before her arrival was due a doctor turned up with a wheelchair to take John to act as a guinea pig for another fleet of medical students’ exams, something he had agreed to but had forgotten to tell me about. Dav didn’t get to see him at all, but as I was early I had half an hour. However we two walked to St. Leonards and had a catchup in a cafe. I didn’t stay around as the doc had said he would be ‘away for a few hours’. The patients in the 4 bed room come and go very smartly and John has not interacted with any of them, but when I rang in the afternoon he said: ‘I’m just sitting having a chat with my friend Muhammed in the bed opposite’, he’s certainly on the improve in some respects. His cognition is markedly better: the drugs? the iron infusion? who knows?

Reading the book Iris and the Friends by Iris Murdoch’s husband John Bayley there are a few interesting sentences that I was want to underline. Walking at night near Oxford he sights a tall figure in the gloom and comments ‘One had not the least fear of muggers in those days – in 1952 such things just did not happen’. (Would that were the case in 2025, especially after seeing the appalling video of a teenager bashing a Bendigo shopping centre security guard as he walked along eating an ice cream on his break, then bashing another security guard who was a Sikh and pulling off his turban, making it a trifecta by knocking over and kicking a blind man who just happened to be there). Bayley comments at length about meeting recruits in the Army and discovering ‘the romance of the proletariat’ when his fellows were open with each other and so different to the upper class people he’d grown up with: ‘big and clumsy, unworldly and uncouth, kindly and fearful’. They missed their mothers and he heard them weeping at night, no stiff upper lips in the barracks. Many may begin this book thinking that they are going to be reading about Iris of the title, she has only a bit part, of grunts and squeaks as her Alzheimer’s had taken language from her. But it is a revealing book about its author and the very different times he lived through.

March 9, 2025

Oh the joy of driving to the hospital on a Saturday or Sunday, unencumbered by the hordes swarming like bees down the M2 on weekdays. Tomorrow they’ll be back but I will have had two days free of the beggars. Yesterday his nibs was away when the food ordering person came around, so she obviously gave him the lot! Lunch was pumpkin soup, roast lamb with potatoes, cauliflower and broccoli, apple juice, yogurt, orange jelly, peaches and some cake.

The wretched Julie Bishop, not happy with the salary from her job as Chancellor of ANU, has got a sideline working for a minerals company suing Greenland for almost four times its annual GDP, in order to get access to its uranium, after the government there banned its mining. Poor Greenland, the evil empire is biting at its heels but Julie is obviously comfortable in this attack on its meagre population of just 56,542 souls. Shame on her Trumpist values!

Today I have been refused entry to two different websites despite having a valid password. First was to get into my eToll account, apparently my old password doesn’t have enough letters, capitals etc, though no one had informed me that the rules had changed. Finally I put in Forgot Password and a reply enabling me to change it refused to let me do so because the opportunity only lasts one hour and I had tried within two minutes. This happened repeatedly so I gave up. It advised me to ask for another password change but I have no confidence that it will work. Second one was Medibank, password out of date also, though eventually I was able to change it. An hour out of my life that I’ll never get back.

March 10, 2025

Today was one of the worst, if not the worst, of all the days of John’s many illnesses. I was there at 8.30 after being told that he was going for an angiogram at noon. However they decided that because dental appointments are so hard to get and one was available with the oral surgeon at 2 pm, it should take precedence. So at noon I toddled off to get some lunch and hadn’t gone far before a doctor rang to ask me to come back so he could ask me some more questions. Waited till two when he was wheelchaired to the building next to the hospital where the public dentist lives. It was a different one to the one who happily told him last week not to worry because he would soon get a full set of dentures made.

I was required to actually be in the surgery because I am his guardian and I was seated at his feet with a perfect view of what went on, the pulling out of all of his teeth, the open gums being packed with dissolvable antibiotic pellets and each of 13 holes being stitched up. Injections aplenty but no sedatives. Only after all this did I ask about the dentures. I was told that it would be at least six months before the gums healed enough to consider getting them, perhaps longer, I had naively told John it could be six weeks, based in what I’d read. He followed that with: ‘But you can’t bring him back here for that as he lives out of area, go to Westmead’. The waiting time there is currently 2 1/2 years.

John thankfully missed this conversation but asked to keep the teeth that had been taken out as a souvenir ‘and for the tooth fairy’. ‘No, they are contaminated biological waste and have already gone in the bin’ was the reply. By now I was in tears and told him that it was unfair to take out the teeth of an 83 year old with no plan to replace them, to which he said that he doesn’t make the rules, just sees the patients he’s sent and that they only did the job because he is an inpatient at RNSH. I wonder if people choose to be dentists because they lack the empathy to be any other sort of doctor?

So whether he has made the right decision I just don’t know now. But his quality of life has been dramatically reduced, possibly for the rest of his life. It was his decision but I could have overruled it legally apparently. I asked him later if he regretted it, but he said ‘my decision was made so I could spend the longest possible time with you’. This was followed later by ‘will you still take me out in public looking like this?’. I am gutted.

  

(July 30, 2019 to April 1, 2020)

July 30, 2019

I know I am supposed to eat small meals and not eat for many hours before bedtime, but I thought sharing one entree and one main with some rice and half a piece of roti at 6pm should be okay. But no, I guess because it was Indian food (and I did have one glass of red wine). I suffered last week after we went to Abhi’s, but I expected that. However I didn’t expect I would be sick for 24 hours after last night’s meal, although that’s exactly what’s happened. Can’t be food poisoning as John is fine so I might just have to do what I’m told for a bit. I’ve made pumpkin soup for dinner tonight and have eaten very little else today. As a result of all that I’ve been nowhere and done nuffin, apart from reading wrapped in a blanket. Luckily I decided to donate books for the charity dinner tonight and not actually go to it, good forward thinking two weeks out. 

July 31, 2019 

We decided to go on the new Metro today but went west instead of east to avoid a long period in the tunnel, as it goes above ground from Bella Vista onwards. The design of the stations is very attractive and the train has all the bells and whistles, but all the seats are along the sides so I needed to stand to avoid the motion causing problems. We enjoyed the run but I wouldn’t go all the way to Chatswood on it, a bit too claustro for me. Got back to Castle Hill just in time to see The White Crow, about Rudolph Nureyev. Ralph Fiennes directed it and also acts, he is such a master who looks and acts differently in every role, unlike some who carry themselves from movie to movie. I wish I had held on to all the Nureyev books I had as a teenager, I was besotted with him and Margot Fonteyn despite never doing ballet. Oleg Ivenko is just stunning as a dancer and pretty easy on the eye as well. 

August 1, 2019 

How the hell can it be August? Three years ago today I closed the shop and we were flat out packing everything to go to auction. Now that the local Sallies has closed down, I have finally decided that ebay may be the only way to get rid of some of the stuff in the storeroom, something Tim has been urging me to do for those 3 years. I tried giving a few bits from the first box to friends but got rid of exactly zero. I don’t really want to get into the bigtime ebay selling I have sometimes done, but I think I will just put a few things on each week and see how it goes. Since I had even forgotten my password, it took me a while to get it happening, but now I’ve downloaded the app onto my phone I should be able to list more easily, selling them of course is quite another matter. Pleased to see a big gap in the street library today, with a few including a large Jonathan Franzen gone (it was only in there because I have it on the shelf already). The latest donation of 7 or 8 bags of books seems to be very much in the populist line, large forgettable books churned out like sausages, but as long as people are reading, it doesn’t much bother me that the quality is somewhat questionable, I don’t want to be a book dictator. 

August 2, 2019 

Still August, so it wasn’t a mistake. Very excited about Greg and Luke’s wedding tomorrow, their joy is infectious. Their Facebook posts have included Greg’s suit, secretly hanging inside a dust cover, the horse paddock mown and ready for guests and yesterday even photos of them going through the checkout at Woolies buying food for the wedding. This morning I baked 3 kinds of biscuits to make up a platter for tomorrow. John has come here with his wedding clothes, but now he’s up getting a haircut and then going to see The Lion King. I declined as I was so amazed by the stage show that I don’t want the movie to take the gloss off the memory. No bites on my eBays but anything that doesn’t sell is headed to a charity shop. However I know how itchy St. Vinnies are to toss things so I will have to drive to a Sallie Anne’s to ensure that they don’t get junked. Waste makes me literally feel ill and I’ve always had a special dislike for people who casually ditch usable goods, a dislike I could never fully hide in the shop when people said ‘if you don’t buy this, I’ll throw it in the bin’. I always wanted to say ‘Vinnies are across the road you lazy cow’ but I had to be nice, though my views are always written on my face. 

August 3, 2019 

Had a good run of an hour and 3/4 to get to Hidden Valley for Greg and Luke’s wedding. Gorgeous warm day as ordered, though the sun goes over the cliffs at 3pm after which they lit the huge bonfire. The boys were wandering around in jeans and t-shirts for the first hour, in what was a very informal day, and then they raced in to tog up for the ceremony. Tents held all the savoury food at one location and sweets at another and it was remarkable how much trouble people had gone to, including topping cupcakes with photos of the boys. I was reminded that Luke comes from Halifax UK and he knows the actual street where my brother lives. He was a corporate type till he met Greg exactly 10 years ago, but he has adjusted to Greg’s rural lifestyle surprisingly well, earning his living now as a massage therapist and by selling his paintings of wildlife, particularly birds, which are seriously good. We left in time to get to First Saturday, which was given by Nirjala on the Ecumenical Accompaniment Program in Palestine and Israel (EAPPI) which she will be joining soon. I am awed by her commitment and bravery, but I think it would be very difficult to see all of the things that are happening over there and still remain only an observer, which of course they are meant to do, reporting but not in any way becoming a player. 

August 4, 2019 

John stayed over so we watched Insiders together before he moved a painting that we both agreed needed to go a little higher and slightly left, we always seem to agree on this sort of stuff but without him I might just put up with small errors. He went home while I went to the nursery to buy a couple of gardening bits and bobs, including spray for black spot on my one lonely rose. I have never had luck with roses but I am persevering with this one because it was a gift, actually the gift was a pair, but one bit the dust very early on, I suspect they were both greenhouse bred and the shock of the open air nearly killed them. I wish now I had pinched some of the horse poo lying around at the farm yesterday, it would have been great for the garden but tricky to conjure away in one’s wedding clothes. 

August 5, 2019 

Mondays tend to be the days I ask myself who I need to visit this week and all were in Windsor or on the way there, so I went to see Brian and Fay, a customer and friend of at least 25 years who has now joined him in the same nursing home. Her husband died just after I closed the shop so I wasn’t up with her new circumstances. Caught up with Tim whose family problems have not eased. Last week he gave me a painting he had done, in fact he gave me a choice of four different ones, but his current issues have made it impossible for him even to countenance lifting a brush. Saw Bob as well and got scripts for drugs to take on the plane so it was a friend visiting day from go to whoa. Spring feels as if it’s well and truly sprung so I’m fertilising and watering a bit each day and crossing my fingers that Chris is still coming to help me with the heavy stuff on Saturday. 

August 6, 2019 

No word from Chris, so I’m still not sure about Saturday. John is off to Gerringong to discuss his concept for the extension to Peppercorn Cottage which the owners like in theory. It remains to be seen whether the heritage architect is happy, but that is further down the track. Called in to Heather’s briefly and was impressed by the care she gives her little dog, a whippet or small greyhound? It has severe arthritis and can only just walk, regularly falling over and unable to get back up. I was scared to walk too close in case that alone was enough to make it fall. Reminded me of the residents at the nursing home yesterday. Somehow our species, and dogs too, have a long old age, slowly sinking into decrepitude and occupying the resources of the middle aged to look after them whereas birds or fish just die when they lose the ability to fly or swim. Perhaps one day there will be so many on the planet that once you can’t cross the road on your own you’re out, but nah climate change will have defused the population bomb before then. 

August 7, 2019 

Oh Happy Day! Had a good mag to Deborah in the morning before going to Dural Library for a change, two books borrowed and three put on reserve, so a successful jaunt. I was in Dural to meet up with Heather as we had decided to go to The Wild Pear cafe for lunch, reminded of its existence when the very young daughter of the owner won Masterchef a week or two ago. We got a lovely verandah table and though the property is unprepossessing at first blush, it proved pleasant as the sun poured in with a slight breeze and we looked out over the nursery grounds. The meal was sensational, barramundi and prawns for me followed by Turkish Delight Pavlova, a traditional pav with strawberries but with rosewater, turkish delight pieces and a topping of rose Persian fairy floss, it is totally worth sacrificing a few weeks on the verandah of the nursing home for this dessert. Did I mention the glass of moscato? Something I don’t usually drink but it was so good that I intend to ring them to get the name, a perfect summery drop for this meal. 

Then I went to the loo. Admittedly one doesn’t normally think of any sort of excitement happening in the loo. But as I was leaving, the other lady there asked if I were Maureen. Puzzled, because I couldn’t remember her face, I replied in the affirmative and to my great surprise she told me that she follows my blog. But I don’t have a photo on it I replied, but she said she had looked me up on Facebook, seen the somewhat dated photo there and recognised me. But how did you know whose Facebook to look up? I asked. It turned out that I had mentioned one Michelle Cavanagh at some point and Michelle’s page being public she had been able to find a photo of us together and hence recognised me. She should be a private eye, not an accountant. Hugs ensued and since I got home I have received a friend request from Tania and discovered that we live less than 5 kilometres apart so I’m sure we will catch up again soon. As I said Oh Happy Day!

August 8, 2019 

Idly musing, something I do a lot of, on what career I should have taken up, with the benefit of hindsight of course. Nursing and police work were of interest, though the latter pales when one thinks of the things government asks/allows police to do. I remember well my friend Colin going to the corrective services academy at Eastwood and graduating, keen to put his theory into action, only to last a week at Long Bay after being told on day one how to upturn the dinner tray of people in solitary confinement and then to give them a penalty for making a mess in their cells. He was of the view that most of the officers he came across there were on the wrong side of the bars so I can’t see myself fitting into that milieu. Law interests me, but only criminal law, and I don’t have the right temperament at all for the job. 

Medicine has always been my major interest, though I did once apply to be an ambo, encouraged by a friend in the service. That was scuppered when they told me I had to do a defensive driving course, eek, I was a very nervous and defensive driver already so that gave me the collywobbles and I pulled out before they made a decision. Thinking back I don’t believe I had, or have, the physical capabilities to abseil down cliffs, crawl into narrow spaces and do much of the work that ambos are required to do so luckily the driving issue pushed me in the right direction. Although I was attracted to general medicine by the science along with the personal interaction, I also love pathology which formed a big part of the electives I chose in the Biological Sciences Diploma I studied while working for Sydney University. So pathology and particularly forensic science still dominate my retrospective wishlist. I studied with a woman who worked in forensic science at the morgue and coroner’s court and told her it was my dream job, so she suggested I apply and offered to put it a good word. Then I excitedly told my mother, who was horrified by the thought of my digging around in the bowels of dead folk and told me so in no uncertain words. I was, despite being in my mid twenties, still unaware that one’s parents can’t dictate every aspect of their child’s life, so I told my acquaintance that I would withdraw from the plan. The story of my life it seems. I well remember my friend Diana telling me in my 30s that she had never known anyone so polite and deferential to their parents and it was a shock: wasn’t that what was expected, presumed in fact? No, apparently not, but it came as a huge surprise to me and by it was too late, the pattern of submissiveness was too well ingrained by then. So back to the dream job, perhaps that congruence of medicine and detective work involved in forensic science is right up there. Next life, for sure. 

August 9, 2019 

Had Martha and Phil over for morning tea and a chat, she bearing some lobelia seedlings  for my garden and I was able to hand over a bag full of empty pots for her use. She suggested we both take her book out to Brian in a few weeks, though whether he will even remember doing the interview is another story. Had a long talk to my neighbour Arvind who is not only politically aware and interested, but exceedingly knowledgeable about any country you care to name, always a pleasure to talk to him. John came over in the afternoon and while he watched the football at night I finished The Ministry of Utmost Happiness by Arundati Roy. It was a big, baggy novel where I sometimes lost the plot about the characters, but in all of that there was a wonderful sense of messy, contradictory, but always exciting India. Her focus on Kashmir went a (little) way to my understanding that sad and seemingly intractable conflict. 

August 10, 2019 

John was off early to Gerringong to see his new clients about their extension and renovation. Their son is the builder and John’s first choice of plan was least favoured by the son as not being the best value per square metre. John disagrees and will still draw up the three options in the hope they will come around. However he coped with the drive well and was back here at 5 pm ready for the fish chowder to be finished. It was a good choice for a meal that can happen at any time as you cook up the stock and spices with the coconut milk then add potato and corn and just drop in the fish pieces 3 minutes prior to sit down, yum it was too. I was musing about the fact that each winter when it snows in the Blue Mountains I get so excited and promise myself that next time it is forecast I will just go up and stay, hang the expense and hang whatever else I needed do. It was forecast (and came in spades) this weekend yet I stayed here and did what was planned. Sometimes I am just a dope. 

August 11, 2019 

Off to Erskineville to see Millie and co, meeting up with Louis after he ran in the City to Surf race. Millie refused to use toilet paper after a wee and when asked why said ‘I don’t like it’ but then when offered wetwipes she said again ‘I don’t like it’. Reasoning was a waste of time but you have to smile when she announces loudly: ‘I don’t like it EVERYTHING!’ Though what she doesn’t like varies constantly and can’t be assumed from day to day. Certainly not shy of opinion, I can’t imagine my disagreeing with anything as a child, although I was sneaky enough to secretly pour the dreaded whooping cough medicine into my mother’s 21st birthday wooden candlesticks every day and thereby ruin them. But opposing taking the medicine, or anything else, would never have occurred to me. My father used to sit at the table and read the Daily Mirror from cover to cover waiting for me to eat the small meal I was served yet I struggled a tiny spoonful at a time till it was gone. Davina and I struggled to remove a half dead bougainvillea from their little courtyard garden this afternoon and succeeded in getting it all out, feeling it quite an achievement. 

August 12, 2019 

Spent just half a day in court due to it being closed to hear argument for a name suppression order, then closed again to hear the media appeal for publication, so we spent more time out of court than in. One interested family group (not accused of anything, more sinned against than sinning one suspects) in their joggers and bad hair dye jobs were care-worn, wearing signs of entrenched disadvantage, western suburbs written all over them. In the long break I chatted to Peter, one of the solicitors representing a ‘person of interest’, and it occurred to me once again that both defending and sentencing people are the prerogative of the privileged. Most of the judges I see are fair to the nth degree but occasionally I cringe at one who is so out of touch with the real world that I fear for the accused if that judge (it’s usually a he) is making the decision without a jury. In this case though there is no such issue, she is one of the good ones. We need to remember Goethe’s words: There is no crime of which I do not deem myself capable, more colloquially put in the idea of walking a mile in another’s moccasins. 

August 13, 2019 

Spent another half day in court, this afternoon being given over to evidence from the man for whom the police successfully applied to have the court closed while he gives evidence. The Channel 9/SMH/Age lawyer continued to fight the order today but was overruled. During the breaks I attacked my current read A Spy Among Friends about Kim Philby. It focuses on how easy it was to get into the British spy service with virtually no checking, you just needed to be part of the upper classes, preferably with parents who were in the colonial service (especially in India), the military, one of the top universities or the church. Once you’d jumped that hurdle your past didn’t really interfere, Philby was a known communist supporter at Cambridge yet his pedigree was such that this was seen as a youthful indiscretion. He once said that the best asset for a spy was to be easily liked, but I imagine being able to compartmentalise one’s life would be right up there. It is not something I have ever been able to do yet my brother does it easily, slipping assuredly from one situation to another, never letting his real feelings or opinons be known. I still smile at his exchange of views with Sue, explaining to her patiently that smoking was actually beneficial to health. 

August 14, 2019 

John went to see his haematologist Nada at St Vincent’s today and she said he was in the best health that he’s been in the three years she’s been seeing him. ‘You were rubbish the first time I saw you’ she rightly but quaintly put it. She says he is ‘one of my success stories’. We then took in a movie at Roseville, Palm Beach, the story of a bunch of flawed middle aged characters having a reunion at the home of one well-heeled couple who live at the fabled beach. Speaking to a man on the way out I discovered that he hadn’t seen a movie in 10 years but came because he lives in Mona Vale and wanted to see it because it was filmed near(ish) to his home. I treated myself to some sushi on the way home for an easy dinner tonight. 

August 15, 2019 

Keen to go back to the court case I’ve been following but knowing that the court was having some closed sessions I rang first, only to be told to ‘ring back after 9am’, despite the fact that time was long past. So I drove over to find the dreaded ‘closed court’ sign up (is there anything more frustrating than that sign when you are mere feet away from getting in?). The office assured me the phone was working but then checked and apologised profusely as someone had forgotten to turn off the answering machine. So I went home and baked a Walnut and Marmalade Tart with some of the marmalade Heather had made and given me earlier in the week, inviting her over for first slice and sending some home for David. Almost finished the Philby book, amazed at how many household names were his colleagues in the spy service. Peter Ustinov’s father Klop, Ian Fleming of James Bond fame, Graham Greene, Peter Wright were all contemporaries of Philby’s. Spy books have always fascinated me, I guess because their skills are so far out of my toolbox that I have a somewhat grudging fascination with their abilities. And that was even before I actually met one in the flesh, he who was quite bemused by the spy section on my bookshelves. 

August 16, 2019 

Sad to see Virginia Trioli finish up on News Breakfast this morning after 11 years. She is such a decent person and can skewer the politicians better than almost anyone. I shed a tear. Sat up late last night finishing the Philby book and the last chapter, written by John le Carre, who of course was also a contemporary spy whom I’d left out of my list of yesterday, said it all. He had asked a senior MI6 officer why Philby wasn’t arrested and charged after confessing to spying. but allowed, even perhaps encouraged, to flee to the USSR. Others who had also confessed  were gaoled for long periods up to 42 years when their actions, unlike Philby’s, hadn’t caused mass deaths. He replied ‘yes, but they weren’t top league’. As ever, class won out for Philby. Began the novel The Mars Room, dealing with the absolute opposite end of the spectrum, the world of drugs, prostitution, crime and women’s gaol in San Francisco. No martinis and gallons of champagne in this one, just beer and cheap takeaways. 

I had hoped to try out a new gardener tomorrow, a refugee friend of a friend who has gone into business, but he hasn’t answered the phone nor replied to my messages during the week, so once again it’s a letdown. I will get the right one eventually, always on the lookout for people who enjoy what they do as well as the money they earn from it, but it takes time to find them. 

August 17, 2019 

Jane came over in the morning with some Cordylines that her gardener had culled. I made some brown sugar meringues with a few walnuts and some cinnamon to liven them up and they were a success. Not a recipe, just an idea, which proved to be a keeper. We discussed amongst other things the need to make our funeral wishes known, bearing in mind the current illnesses being suffered by her sisters I guess. The discussion prompted me to email Carly with a brief rundown of my wishes: where my will is, burial in Gerringong Cemetery, get David Barsby in to auction all the antiques, give my Aunt Ada’s Salvation Army Commission to the Sallies Headquarters in Sydney, that sort of stuff. I once had a Salvationist officer here for some reason (my father’s funeral perhaps?) and he was astounded that I had hanging on the wall a Captain’s Commission from Mrs Booth in 1909 (despite the fact that she died in 1890, they were still using her name on the Commissions). He asked if I would bequeath it to the Sallies archives as he’d never seen one before. Aunt Ada, my adoptive grandmother’s sister, was a SA Captain in England and as a young woman was sent to Belfast at a time of strikes and rioting, when sectarian animosity was real and visible. She once told me that the police used to ask her to walk with them on patrols, especially at night, so they would not be shot. The Salvation Army was highly regarded by both sides and she did so happily. In 1914 she was summarily sent from there to Lithgow NSW, travelling all the way in a blacked out ship during the war. Getting into a cab at the docks in Sydney, she asked for an address in Lithgow and was told it was a long train journey, so she was taken to Central train station instead and went off alone into the unknown. Quite a woman, I can’t even put up with a narcissistic leader in order to do ‘good works’, I need some of her courage and endurance. 

August 18, 2019 

I dreamed last night that when I got up this morning a middle aged couple were working in my garden and said they had been there since 6.30 am and were nearly finished. It was 6.30 when I woke and I realised then that it had been a dream and no-one but me could plant the Cordylines and do the rest of the gardening, so I had better just get up and do it. I worked from then till Insiders came on at 9 (tea and toast as I watched) and at 10 I went back and did some more till noon. I feel somewhat virtuous and even though I had to give up on some of the digging which proved too difficult, I did achieve much. I finished the book The Mars Room last night and was so impressed with the author resisting the temptation to make the prisoners in the book into innocents wrongly incarcerated. She told their stories with empathy but with clear eyes. They were crooked cops, addicts, thieves, violent offenders and vicious murderers yet in the milieu from which they came their acts were just normal behaviour, fanned by intergenerational poverty and drug addiction. It could be a depressing book in some senses (not one I would ever recommend for my book group) but I enjoyed every word and admired the author for not making at least a couple of her characters into the cliched hungry thief who steals a loaf of bread to survive. We need more realistic, astute and savvy work like this to help in finding solutions for the entrenched problems of crime and new judicial approaches to appropriate penalty. 

August 19, 2019 

Did a Windsor run to visit Brian and now Fay at the nursing home. Brian was still abed at 1 pm when I left, depressed and not wanting to go on. Last week he was chirpy and it seems to go up and down like this, the issue being more about motivation than about health. Looking around the day room I understand totally, it is depressing there in the extreme, despite the fact that he is in a better than average facility. Fay on the other hand was really glad of the visit and confessed to an old anger directed towards me. She had come into the shop when I had gone away for Christmas (a rarity) bearing a gift for me, but I had already left. She saw that I had left gifts for the staff but nothing for her and felt rejected as we had exchanged gifts in the past. Sometimes such things can come between friends without anything being said so I was glad that after years she’d decided to mention it and we were able to laugh about it and put it to bed. The shop was a bit of a lifeline for her and it was common to see her many times every week over more than 20 years so she ended up a friend rather than a client. I also called in to see an old contact who periodically borrows some bucks when his car needs rego or a medical bill comes in. He always pays me back a bit at a time on pension day, promising to pay it as a lump sum if his Lotto gets up. Suggesting that he bank his weekly Lotto investment as rainy day money has never met with enthusiasm for some reason. Back to gardening this afternoon, trying to get things shipshape before Darwin, while simultaneously trying to ignore Darwin and the flight. 

August 20, 2019 

Did the Manly haircut run and discovered as I was leaving that I had misread the clock and it was an hour earlier than I thought, however I decided to go anyway and park by the beach to read for that hour. When we were in India our compatriot Rob was reproached by his partner for sitting reading at sites where there were historical things to see. His reply stuck with me: ‘one of my joys is reading in all sorts of different surroundings, so I will continue to do that’. Full stop. After Manly I headed as usual to Freshwater where I read for half an hour till the wind got to me and then had a magnificent lunch of Cured Salmon with Sweet Potato Fritter, Pickled Beetroot and Ricotta. Did I say magnificent? It is such a wonderful place with food of the same quality as its big brother Pilu next door, but at a much lower price. Made my routine work in the afternoon a pleasure just thinking about it. 

August 21, 2019 

So, I have drunk that piss weak light milk for years and now the Health Department says that newer research shows you are better off with full fat, thanks for nothing guys. At least I didn’t fall for the ‘margarine is better for you than butter’ trick, seeing through that one on the grounds that anything artificially coloured and flavoured can’t be as good for you. Not to mention the fact that the ophthalmologist told me that only butter and olive oil are safe for anyone with a family history of macular degeneration. He showed me slides of vegetable oil build up in the macula of sufferers, ugh, that was enough. 

So Pell is guilty once again. Of course the Bolts and their ilk are crying foul, but my question would be ‘did you actually see the accuser give evidence?’. If not, then none of us are in a position to judge definitively except the jury and the appeal judges. That is why I like to see the evidence given in court in person, the short precis given by the press is often not in keeping with hearing the whole evidence as given, you need to look the witnesses and the accused in the eye. I am surprised he hasn’t come to grief in gaol and hope that situation continues, even protective custody isn’t very protective. 

August 22, 2019 

So now I have to face the fact that we are going away, clothes must be packed, tickets must be found, gardens must be watered, panic must be restrained. I wish to be there, I just don’t wish to fly there. I will not get sick this time, I tell myself repeatedly. John has heaps of conference stuff printed up to read and I just have two books, the book group selection and a Tim Winton, that should do me with all the other things available to eat up my time. Speaking of eating I’ve discovered that Darwin has lots of seafood restaurants, though one I saw listed prawns (imported), crab (imported), etc. Nah, I think I might pass on that place, they are sure to have the dreaded basa too, dredged from the bowels of the filthy Mekong, I’d rather eat a stranger’s sock. Tonight though we are having some lovely freshwater trout fillets, served up with a melange of odd veggie bits to clear out John’s fridge. 

August 23, 2019 

All went to plan with the pickup guy a few minutes early but we were waiting outside. A leisurely cuppa at the airport filling in time till departure half an hour late. Takeoff to the west meant the pilot didn’t have to do that awful banking which doesn’t agree with me. Later a delicious feta quiche with potato and beans was a great breakfast. The flight was calm and smooth, Australia as flat and red as always while I pondered what future trips I might take, considering the drugs were working a treat. Reading my book in the sky was quite fun I decided. 

Coming into Darwin for what John says was a ‘perfectly normal landing’ I developed the dreaded photophobia followed quickly by vomiting and vertigo. As a result I had to be wheelchaired off the plane, parked in the terminal in full view of planeloads of passengers, constantly vomiting. Eventually John and a security person got me into a cab to our hotel, but of course no wheelchairs here, so staff held me up in the lift to our apartment with its glorious king size bed, on which I was promptly sick. Poor John’s first meal here was a $25 room service club sandwich because he was afraid to leave me alone. Back to the drawing board on the drug front and another plane trip home to look forward to, sigh. But loving our water view and seeing the bats swooping amongst the palm trees below our seventh floor room, this written the next morning obviously. 

August 24, 2019 

What a difference a day makes. Slept 12 hours and went at 6 am for a walk in the lush waterfront park across the road. Couldn’t convince John to come but I saw the sun rise and the birds waking up. A sign explained that due to the fact that we are so far north, the sun rises from that direction, which it did. I am still trying to get my head around that. Had a wonderful brunch after the walk, home made granola with pannacotta, apple, blueberries and strawberries at Ray’s bakery near the hotel. Now we have done some shopping we have breakfast makings in our apartment. Later we went to Crocosaurus to see, amongst so many others, the giant croc that appeared in the Crocodile Dundee film as well as 750 kg 5 metre long Leo who used to kill and eat cattle before he was captured. Lots more animals  including a reptile exhibition and some fish which spit at flying insects to catch them. As I peered over the tank one got me fair in the face, though luckily I had on my sunglasses. Got to hold a baby croc and learned a bit about the speed and power of these prehistoric looking creatures which can’t fail to fascinate. We are going to look into a day’s car hire to get a taste of the outback, with eyes peeled for crocs. 

August 25, 2019 

Observations: Darwin’s economy isn’t too flash, there are an awful lot of empty shops. Territorians are very noisy people, just walking past a pub or social venue is deafening, especially the men. Singing out to people in the street is at maximum decibels. Looking through a real estate magazine I discovered that although most homes don’t have insect screens (neither does our apartment and we haven’t seen flies or mozzies so far) they mostly have security grilles. Leaving a restaurant tonight the owner told us how to get home via the best lit streets, wishing us ‘stay safe’ as we left. All of this indicates quite a burglary problem to me. There are Aboriginal beggars everywhere. In Sydney when people ask me for change I often reply ‘no, but I will buy you something to eat if you are hungry’. Few take me up on it, but here the response is quite the opposite, we have had three people today want some groceries so we’ve been to Coles buying bread, milk, sugar, chicken, whatever was asked for but the requests were modest. There are so many on the streets here that there’s a limit to what you can do. It’s a tragedy. We spent the day at the Darwin Military Museum, taken by a WWII Studebaker truck as it’s out of town. John discovered a book there which mentions his father who was Commander of the Northern Territory Force from after the Japanese attack till 1946, of course he bought a copy. 

August 26, 2019 

It is late at night and I can’t begin to record all of the mega day we have had. But it included 1. Hiring a car and going bush 2. Seeing three large long black things in the clear shallows of a deserted beach we were walking on and bolting because the signs everywhere say the crocs will run up the beach to get you. 3. On another remote beach a couple of hundred kilometres from Darwin seeing a sign which mentioned Jack Murray, John’s father, heading the Black Watch Aboriginal regiment after the Japanese attack in WWII. So random that we came across that, I can’t believe it. 4. Coming upon a bushfire being attended by water bombers and eventually getting past it and pulling into a mango farm in the sticks for a mango smoothie, but soon the firies rang the farm to evacuate immediately as the fire had jumped. We and the owners took off in our separate cars but John clipped a log and scratched the bumper. 6. Now the car company says we voided our insurance by hitting a stationary object and have to pay for it. It was excitement overload all day. Phew. 

August 27, 2019 

Today was the first day of John’s conference so I’ve been doing a few things on my own. First job was to meet the manager of the car hire company at our hotel at 9 am to discuss the minor damage. He surprised me by saying that because I had rung him and reported the damage instead of sending the car back and hoping they didn’t notice, he would ‘look after’ us. I don’t know if that means charging us the $100 excess or wiping the slate altogether, but in either case we are happy compared to the original decision that we’d have to pay it all. Went to the police station and Aboriginal Justice office enquiring about shelter for the homeless and it seems the Sallies and an Aboriginal aid group have accommodation, whether it is adequate or the people just don’t want to use it remains to be seen, will try to have that conversation with some people tomorrow. John rang tonight to say he was going to the conference dinner so I walked into town and had a lovely meal including a watermelon feta almond and mint salad which was divine and I brought half home for tomorrow. Then had mango and ice cream at home using the mangoes we got at the farm yesterday. We haven’t seen the news since Thursday and it’s a relief not to know what garbage Trump is disgorging. 

August 28, 2019 

John enjoyed the first day of his conference, meeting pals as well as visitors from the UK and US. He said the food at the conference dinner was the usual crap lukewarm chicken, but sadly the dinner tonight at the famed Peewees Restaurant is booked out so he got a ticket to the wrong dinner it seems. I made a momentous decision this morning: I want to stay on and complete my list of must dos. John said I should definitely stay but he has an appointment in Gerringong on Sunday that can’t be put off as the clients are going away soon. So with a bit of juggling I was able to keep our seventh floor unit and change my flight till Tuesday. Yippee! Now I can do a full day in the museum instead of a few hours and also I want to go to the headquarters of Larrakia Nation to talk about possibly organising some bucks for their service. I was lucky enough to see their work with the homeless Aboriginal people around town and was very impressed by their low key approach. They have a van which picks people up off the streets and delivers them home, to a hostel or a dry out place if alcohol is an issue. Also they repatriate people to their home areas, even interstate, just the sort of outfit that’s needed. 

I caught the bus to Cullen Bay (all seniors travel free) and arrived just in time for a cruise on the harbour so I quickly downed some tablets and jumped on, as always it’s a very different view of the place. Paspaley Pearls is a huge outfit here, 17 boats I think and we saw part of the fleet on the cruise. The weather has become more humid and summery than when we arrived and a local commented that ‘it’s turning’. Heaps of American servicemen on the streets today, perhaps newly arrived. 

August 29, 2019 

A huge day, I could write a small book on it. I got a bus out to the burbs and was on the doorstep of Larrakia Nation at 9 am and they turned out to be just the down to earth team of people I was hoping for. As well as the van picking up people from the streets seven days a week, ‘long grass people’ in their parlance, they provide tenancy services such as interest free loans for bonds, help with removals, sourcing furniture and white goods, even have a trailer to help folks clean up their properties and take junk to the tip. Add to this assistance with Centrelink, aged care and disability services and more. I left with the annual report and a pile of reading so hopefully I can turn this into money for them somehow but in the meantime I’ll do a monthly pittance. 

From there I went to the Museum and Art Gallery, which is out of town on the edge of the harbour. I spent the rest of the day there, learning so much about the geology, wildlife and history of the Northern Territory. I was scribbling in my notebook all afternoon, so many amazing pieces of information. One which beat all others I think was the fact that the aboriginal people have named a remote spot ‘sun walk fire devil rock’ and scientists have discovered that it is the site of a meteorite collision and was obviously named after that event, which occurred 4700 years ago! This name has been handed down over all that time, a fact that blows me away. We went to Mindil Beach at night to watch the sunset and ate at the market stalls there, tempura veggies and crispy chilli anchovies for moi. I had to bring half the anchovies home, too hot to eat all at once. My night was then taken up trying to confirm John’s flight. I tried online and it wouldn’t work so I rang Qantas and the wait was announced as 2 and a half hours, but what choice did I have? At 11.30 they answered and it turned out that when they split me off the ticket they gave him a new number but thank goodness his flight was correct, phew. 

August 30, 2019 

Haven’t been watching the teev since we got here but happened to see the news on my phone that the Biloela Four were being deported from Melbourne to Sri Lanka overnight when a court order restrained Border Force from continuing and they landed in Darwin. The government is always trying to get people to live in the country right? So I decided a trip to the airport was in order to try to point that out. Trying to find where they were I went to the terminal and two airport hotels, asking two Federal Police on the way who had ‘never heard of them’, lying buggers. Anyway by this time a further order had stayed the deportation till next Wednesday and I discovered they had been moved. Later intelligence is that they are at Larrakeyah Naval Base, close by and in my line of view from the balcony. Tomorrow I am away all day but I may pay them a visit on Sunday. Got an airport bus back and bought a hat for tomorrow from the Red Cross, walking home via the foreshore beach in my hat and two very under the weather Aboriginal people said ‘are you 55 sister?’ and when I said almost 72 they said ‘oh nana sit down with us , you need to be sitting down’, so I did and they told me all about the worms that can get into your feet in wet season and ‘eat you up from the inside’. They warned me to always wear thongs in the wet season and not to sleep on the ground without a blanket. Kenneth told me a similar story about Africa when he was there, you couldn’t swim in the rivers because of the worms that entered through your feet. 

August 31, 2019 

I am too tired to type but don’t want to forget anything. Picked up at the hotel in a small bus and lucky enough to be the first so I got the best seat, next to the driver with a great view from the windscreen. Down the Stuart Highway then left onto the Arnhem Highway through tropical savannah forest with some kapok trees and Kakadu plum to Humpty Doo and eventually across the Adelaide River, stopping at Corroboree for a drink break. On to the Billabong near Mary River and part of it in the wet season. Here there are four ‘seasons’, wet over the summer, dry over the winter, breakout  during October when it is very hot and 100% humidity and runoff in April when the monsoon wet drains away. Apparently breakout is the worst with a rise in crime and suicides. There have been two letters in the NT News this week complaining about the COLD weather we are having here, dropping to 18 degrees some nights to the horror of the writers. 

I was somewhat taken aback by the boat, a flat bottomed low job from which one could drag a hand on the water, but strongly advised not to. There were life jackets but our guide suggested it was madness to struggle to put a life jacket on in a croc infested waterway. Better to swim to shore, run away from the water and climb a tree he helpfully suggested. Yikes. Anyway before long I was so captivated by the wildlife that I ceased panicking. We saw wild buffalo, agile wallabies (too far north for kangaroos) before getting into the wetlands and once in the boat the bird life was stunning. It included jabirus, brolgas, brown and whistling kites, sea eagles, spoonbills, lapwings, egrets of three types, ibis, azure kingfishers, barn owls, a Nankeen night heron and one of my favourites, the comb crested japanas which have huge feet to walk on the lotus leaves. Lots more besides but I’ve forgotten the names. 

Then there were the crocs, omg the crocs. I discovered that the advantage of our boat over the weekend cruiser looking jobbies was that we could sight an animal and immediately go right up to it so when we saw a bird, or a croc, our guide had us alongside in seconds. If I’d stretched my arm out further I could have patted one on the nose, but I’m kind of attached to my left hand so I desisted. We ate out packed lunch on board sitting right alongside a four metre one and I kept my eye on him just in case he leapt across to those having cut meat with their salad, though I think the eater would have been more of interest. Occasionally he looked over and that eye just freezes you. They are perfectly evolved, outliving the dinosaurs they so resemble. It was an amazing trip and the three hours of animal hunting on the billabong will remain in my memory. 

September 1, 2019 

Three years ago today we were packing up the shop with the auctioneer today. Started the day with a walk to the Waterfront complex where a P and O ship was sitting at anchor. Intended to go to the WWII Japanese attack exhibition there but discovered it was virtual reality, so I withdrew my $22 faster than the best thief, my head and virtual reality are certainly not friends. Then to what passes for a beach in Darwin, a pool at the waterfront with an artificial wave machine, which was great fun and a bargain at $5 including a life guard (who minded my gear), flotation rings and boards. Lunched right royally in the aircon at Snapper Rocks, right at the beach, reef fish croquettes with cole slaw and chili which was more than delicious and a bargain at $17 with the aircon and iced water thrown in. Spent the afternoon in the adjacent waterway, no waves, but plenty of sand, slippery dips and other fun stuff in the water and no chance of sharks, box jellyfish, or more importantly, crocs. However I discovered that the barrier is inadequate to keep out sea lice, which got me around both ankles. Walked home tired but happy, regretting I didn’t ask Mr Qantas to extend for a week instead of just four days. Darwin isn’t dessert paradise but has fabulous savoury food, so I’ve worked out a plan: go to Ray’s for a lemon meringue tart and a pot of tea in the morning and then eat savoury for the rest of the day. Yesterday after my restaurant lunch I just ate watermelon for dinner. Trying to stick to one meal a day supplemented by fruit, of which there is plenty. Had a call from one of the rangers at Larrakia Nation wondering if I were still in town and saying he might give me a ring to go for a coffee before I go. Big surprise in the evening when I got a Facebook friend request from Ram, the manager of the small guest house on the beach in Kerala where we spent a couple of week about 10 years ago. He had joined Facebook and found me accidentally, I am not sure who was more excited, but I’ve had quite a few messages overnight including a video call which I slept through at 2.38 this morning. We have corresponded by letter and talked on the phone a few times, language difficulties exist as he speaks mainly Malayalam, but the short messages of Facebook better suit our circumstances. He offered last night to try to teach me Malayalam but languages were never my forte, we will stick to basic English I think. Perhaps I will see him again after all, I badly need a brush up on his instructions on how to wrap my sari, unworn since he wound me into it 10 years ago. 

September 2, 2019 

Funny start to the day when I decided to get a massage, choosing one about 1 and a half kilometres away. When I had walked there in the heat I discovered it was a unit block not a shopfront. Mmm, a bit sus perhaps, so I rang them and they said they wouldn’t be ready for me for 15 minutes which gave me thinking time and I decided it was definitely iffy, no signage, no nothing. So I texted them saying I was expecting a street front business and was having second thoughts, no reply which pretty much confirmed my suspicions. The window cleaner who had overheard my first call commented ‘if it’s unit 609, lot of men go there’. Okay thank you my friend. 

Spent the morning in the local court, witnessing justice NT style. The magistrate freed a man from gaol for stealing a banana from a small shop and abusing police when they were arresting him. A banana, value $1, but the point of the story is that it happened on May 24, over three months ago. A prize of one banana for anyone guessing his ethnicity….. 

I have avoided knocking about the streets alone at night after dark but on the last night I threw caution to the winds and I’m so glad I did. Walked to the waterfront for dinner and on the way I noticed that a lady who had been doing a painting since late Sunday had nearly finished it. On my way home she said ‘it will be finished in half an hour grandma ‘ so I sat and watched. I bought the painting and carried it home by the corners of the dry section. Then she pulled out some old pillows and a blanket from behind a bush and bedded down. What a place of contrasts this is. 

September 3, 2019 

I arrived here with a suitcase and a cabin bag and John with a soft zippered carryall. For reasons best known to him (probably thinking I would find the luggage difficult to manoeuvre) he insisted that we swap luggage and that he take my paper souvenirs, 3 children’s books bought on our car trip and all the Larrakia Nation paperwork. All good except that he arrived in Sydney without the bag containing all this. I’ve rung the police, the cab company and soon will check with airport lost property but he has no idea where he left it. He only knows it wasn’t in the overhead locker when the plan arrived, no time to go out to the suburbs and get the Larrakia stuff, great start to that association. 

Hurrah!!! The check-in didn’t know about the bag, neither did security but the airport admin office had it, but hadn’t contacted me despite my name and address being on paperwork inside. Anyway, it matters not, the bag she be safe. Had a good flight, doubled up on the meds, but it was smooth so perhaps I would have been okay anyway. John was up at the door when I came off the plane, expecting a wheelchair I guess. He asked if I were happy to be home and I had to be honest and say another week in Darwin would have been great but I was certainly glad to see him at the exit door. 

September 4, 2019 

John stayed over and then drove me to Artarmon to get the train in to the rally for the Biloela Four. The government is always ralphing on about getting people to live in remote and regional areas so here we are with a family who love it there and the community loves them, voila. Not to even mention the ghastly treatment of Tamils in Sri Lanka. John wants to go to Melbourne for the 90th birthday of his cousin Kevin Murray so today while filling in time at Central I booked us on the train in late September and then into our old faithful Treasury on Collins. Toying with getting a one way car hire on the way back but trying to speak to someone at a car rental company for a quote is nigh on impossible, I left my number with two of them hours ago. The weekend after we come back it is Teresa and Stephen’s wedding in Newcastle so that’s another trip away already booked, I will have to stop bitching about never going anywhere. 

September 5, 2019 

Unpacked, washed, sorted. Had a win on the burglar alarm front. I rang to order the new one I was assured I required before I got the NBN but spoke to a different person this time and she offered me a deal. Sign up for monitoring for three years and they will pay for the conversion of the system, saving me $900. Yes please, where do I sign? So then I was able to get onto Optus and let them know that there is action on the connection front. That $900 bucks pays for my trip to Melbourne pretty much, although the car is still an unknown amount, as a one way hire adds a lot. Emailed Larrakia Nation with some questions arising from reading their annual report, as transparent as a muddy billabong I find financial reports. So a good lots of jobs done today despite fielding two calls and eight texts from a friend who is struggling at the moment. The calls I answered but the texts I let go, bad person that I am, but I needed a break. 

September 6, 2019 

Did my Annangrove/Windsor run, visiting Tim, then Brian and Fay. Tim believes he has acquired an original Grecian bronze and wanted my opinion, despite my repeated attempts to explain that authenticating such an item is an academic specialist’s job, not that of a humble suburban antique dealer. However I went to look at it yet again and it certainly has many design and structural attributes of great age, but original Grecian? I just don’t know, but he is looking at many, many millions if he is right (and he has done a heap of research). Since then I’ve had 10 texts with photos of features I may have missed but after the tenth I replied ‘you are obsessed, leave me alone’ which should work till the morning at least. Brian was still looking unwell but pleased with the visit and Fay was happy to see me, who wouldn’t be happy to see anyone in a nursing home, so I don’t take that too personally. I am cross that my physical weakness meant I may have ruined the cuttings I planted this morning. I have nursed them since spring and got a 5/5 strike rate, but when I tipped the large pots out to plant them they were too heavy for me and I ended up with a pile of soil and roots alongside a rootless cutting, just needed another pair of hands but sadly they weren’t available. Now I’m kicking myself that I didn’t wait for help. 

September 7, 2019 

Woo-hoo, it appears I’ve got myself a gardener! I was advised by a friend of a possible candidate and waited in for him to call today, to see what needed doing. So I bit the bullet and he’s coming Tuesday morning at 8 to make a start. Champagne is in order. (It does annoy me that one can’t just have a glass of champagne and the consumption of a whole bottle is way beyond me, even to celebrate a new gardener). Note to self: bake biscuits before Tuesday. 

This travelling business does discombobulate me. I’ve been waking each night not knowing if I am in Darwin or here and going in the wrong direction to find the loo. Certainly felt a little sad when I realise that Darwin is past tense. However I was able to find a book on crocodiles in the library which focuses on their evolution, so that will help. Currently reading Dirt Music by Tim Winton which, although set just north of Perth, has a character who goes to the top end and lives off the land, or off the ocean more to the point. Just reading about the Pandanus trees, the birds and of course the crocs made me feel right at home. One thing that really disappoints me is finding the perfect organisation to volunteer with, full of people I relate to, and yet it is 4000 kilometres away. Wouldn’t that rot your socks. 

September 8, 2019 

Went to First Saturday last night and saw happy snaps, more truthfully happy video, of a trip by two members to northern Canada. There were polar bears aplenty and it was great to see them up close, but was I jealous of the trip? Not really, the sight of Inuit staff with guns ready to shoot the bears if they attacked would be enough to put me off enjoying the experience. Even if it never happens, it is the potentiality of one being killed just to enable a group of tourists to eyeball them that doesn’t go down well. Spent the day at Erko and we took Millie for a walk to the park, followed by lunch at Foodcraft, which is such a lovely little restaurant. Had pumpkin ravioli with goat cheese and it was delicious, though my difficulty swallowing dinner last night has persisted into today, the ravioli chosen as the easiest thing to slip down, but it proved an inspired choice. Millie got quite jealous when I helped a little boy at the park ‘that’s MY grandma’ she said indignantly and repeatedly. 

September 9, 2019 

Luckily my friendship with Tim is long lasting enough to take my frustrated text to him last week to give me a break from the constant texts, emails and photos in his attempts to convince me that he’s discovered an incredibly rare artwork. I had 24 hours without contact after that. It will make a good story if it turns out he is right, I’ll hit him for a large donation for Larrakia Nation. (Gosh, two texts while I’ve been typing this paragraph, aaagh). Getting ready for the new gardener tomorrow and I discover that my next door neighbour has borrowed and filled my green bin which the gardener will need tomorrow, it had to be this week he took it didn’t it. (Another photo just arrived). A rare trip to KMart this morning and I discovered that it is run now on a skeleton staff, self serving checkouts, no one to ask except security at the door, I’d rather pay more and deal with real people thank you. This is what happens when people are too lazy to join the union and fight for their jobs. (That’s it, I give up, another photo so I’m putting the phone under my pillow to give myself a rest). 

September 10, 2019 

So the gardener and I hit it off big time. He spent 2 and a half hours clearing privet and vines from the back corner and cutting dead fronds out of the palm with a natty little mini chainsaw on a long stick. I would love to get my hands on that little beast to take out some small dead branches in the gum tree, accessible from the deck. I shall keep that idea warm for the future. He only lives a few streets away and will come again next week to continue. Third time lucky I think. 

It is bizarre the way I am dreaming of Darwin every single night, going over every aspect: the landscape, the people I met, the wildlife, not necessarily as it happened but always positively. Made biscuits for the gardener then later a batch of a dozen scones, though when I went to wash up I found the sugar still in the measuring cup. So I had one with goat cheese for lunch and one with strawberry jam later, nothing if not versatile the old scone, they were particularly good despite their lack of sugar. 

September 11, 2019 

Last night on 7.30 Report there was a fellow with the same lymphoma as John, Diffuse Large B Cell Lymphoma, but he hadn’t responded to three different treatment cycles of chemo. It is in his bones, which break easily and he looked pretty done in. He was diagnosed just in April. So here’s the rub: he wants the government to pay for an experimental treatment which is his only chance, two treatments at $250,000 each, with no guarantees of success. What to do? Which will better value society: One human or a bridge in the country? a house for a family who lost theirs in a bush fire? or another cancer researcher’s wages? I don’t know and I’m glad that decision doesn’t fall to me. But it brought back memories of Nada telling John he had weeks to live without chemo, he was obviously one of the lucky ones. She refers to him as ‘one of my success stories’, indicating there are quite a few with that disease who don’t survive. 

I was given a ticket for a musical show at Chatswood today and was amazed by the crowd contrast inside and outside the theatre. In the streets it was Hong Kong without the tear gas. Every restaurant and food bar is Asian as are 90% of the people, the streets actually smell like Asia with its spices overwhelming even the car exhausts. But in the theatre it was a different demographic altogether: virtually 100% elderly whities, (ahem, myself excluded from the elderly part) with only a few middle-aged, who were accompanying older folk. I wondered if they were bussed in from nursing homes, such was their advanced years. I guess I love diversity, so both situations are less than ideal. 

September 12, 2019 

The burglar alarm man came today and was both on time and efficient. I mentioned that I was unimpressed that the first person I spoke to said I had to pay for a whole new system yet the second said I could have it changed over free if I signed a three year contract. He made the point that the first person was probably younger and didn’t take into account the financial situation of a pensioner, interesting conclusion. Pretty disgusted by the political news today: Sidoti in Sydney accused of using his inside knowledge to buy up land near intended metro stations and Liu in Canberra looking suspiciously like an influence pedlar for the Chinese government. In both cases, if true, it is amazing that they thought they could get away with it. Life is so much easier if you play with a straight bat, but we humans can’t help complicating things once money or politics become part of the equation. 

September 13, 2019 

Back into the Music Festival Deaths Inquiry this week and have heard interesting medical testimony about the adequacy or otherwise of the care given in the medical tents. In 4 out of the 6 deaths it seems the care was as good as could be provided but in the case where two young people became ill at much the same time in Sydney the doctors on duty at the festival were inexperienced and unable to provide some treatments like intubation which could have saved lives. The professor gave evidence that the ambulance paramedics would have had better skills in that sort of emergency. I heard the testimony of each of the doctors some weeks back and felt particularly sorry for one of them who was a GP with no drug experience and clearly out of his depth. I read in a book on emergency medicine recently that a heart attack victim has a better chance of survival in an ambulance than in a hospital emergency department because they  are staffed by the most junior doctors, a rather sobering thought. 

It is funny at this time of the year how people dress for the weather, not yet decided if it is winter or spring. There were all manner of outfits today from bare legs, short skirts and skimpy tops to velvet trousers and heavy jumpers (me). I guess in a few weeks we’ll all be complaining about heat and humidity, we’ll at least I will be. 

September 14, 2019 

Well I survived Black Friday and full moon both occurring last night. No lunatics raging up the quiet streets of Baulkham Hills. Still dreaming of Darwin every night though the images are becoming less real. Still haven’t had a reply from Larrakia which is bloody annoying; the people I met are sympathetic but the people I need to speak to haven’t met me and so I’m just a pesky person asking questions when they’ve got better things to do. 

Spent most of the day at Carol’s working on Christmas cakes for the Wayside Chapel and Exodus. It was a lovely sunny but pleasantly moderate day to be doing it, enjoying the company of Carol, Heather who came along for the first time and two Finnish helpers. A lovely lunch on the deck, along with Jack, was a highlight. I went to the nursery on the way home planning to pick up some Pandanus for the back corner but Kelly talked me out of it because in Darwin they thrive with lots of summer rain which we don’t get. So no Darwin corner for moi, I guess it was a silly idea, but seemed a good one at the time. 

September 15, 2019 

It is so lovely to have a neighbour who just lobs at the door for a chat for no reason. This happened today so Arvind and I sat on the front verandah and in the conversation he mentioned his brother in Melbourne who went broke years ago in a service station and was forced to sell his house to pay his debts. The Sallies dropped off a couple of food parcels to them and he’s never forgotten, now in a successful business he donates $10,000 a year to them. He has investment properties and refuses to claim the negative gearing benefits because he doesn’t believe in them. (Here I’d take a different view, claim any legal money you can from the government and redirect it to where it should rightly be going, but that’s nit-picking). I like the man already and told Arvind ‘when your brother visits, send him in here for a cuppa, I think I like him even more than I like you’. He grinned and assured me he would. 

Began reading Cardinal by Louise Milligan (an Irish Catholic) tonight and it makes for extremely depressing reading. Many events she describes have not been published before to my knowledge and the book is gripping. Even leaving clerical abuse out of the equation Pell is the type of person I want to positively run from. That arrogant overbearing authoritarian manner gives me the shudders. I’ve only come across a few people like that in my life but it gives me goosebumps just thinking about them. But there have been many others with leanings in that direction that I can think of as well, somehow they freeze your feet from running away, even as an adult. I can’t even imagine what a child would feel in their presence, a terror indescribable. I don’t think Pell has any idea whatsoever about the feelings of others and probably sees himself as a victim and martyr. 

September 16, 2019 

The dentist today inspected the massive hole in my tooth and said it wasn’t a filling that had fallen out, but that the tooth had split in half, just leaving the front like one of those awful buildings where only the facade is original. So he remade the inside of the tooth with some sort of white stuff which set in a trice but warned that if it cracked again I was looking at a crown. At my age that seems a terrible waste so I will be careful and gnaw my bison ribs on the other side. Which brings me to my current thinking on meat eating. I have sort of settled on not buying it for home, I live on fish and vegetables, but accepting it if I am eating at someone else’s house or going out for a special meal. I can’t stomach the idea of chicken, too many nightmarish pictures absorbed, but it tastes of cardboard anyway. No one cooks plain chicken any more, it’s either curry or honey or chili or crumbed or anything at all to give it some hint of taste, so what’s the point? I did a plain roasted organic chicken for Carly last year and it was delicious, so perhaps that’s enough. 

As I was driving home from the dentist Michelle rang to say that there was a pile of stuff in her street waiting for council cleanup which included three large plastic boxes of books, so I diverted and came across an interesting assortment of loot. A large trunk with a broken leather handle was very difficult to gutbust into the car but I got it in eventually. Then there was a dropside table which wouldn’t fit in along with the trunk so I went to the door to ask if they could keep it for me till the morning. A fellow emerged from under the shrubbery, keeping his head down to avoid any obligation to help presumably, and was willing to let me deposit the table in the garage till Wednesday. I suspect he has inherited the house, judging by the gear on the kerb and because he made such a specific time that he would meet me there. The books were a mixed bunch, many too large for my street library, WWII books particularly, and the selection indicated an older person’s taste too (I didn’t read Sherlock Holmes for nothing). I couldn’t lift the boxes and my friend wasn’t of a mind to help me so I unloaded many of the books loose into the car and was off. But guilt overcame me and I went back to get the rest of the books to take to the Sallies, only to find to my horror there was just a pristine patch of grass with nary a sign of the goods ever having been there at all. Grief, now I keep thinking of the old bibles, the WWII books in quantity, the travel guides, even the ghastly Dan Brown novels, someone somewhere really wanted all of those but now they are landfill because I was tired and also didn’t want to annoy the selfish coot who couldn’t be bothered to drive up to a charity shop. Stop obsessing Maureen. (Still obsessing). 

September 17, 2019 

I had two things planned to do today: wash all the winter jumpers that have been worn and help the new gardener, both scuppered by the lovely rain. Gardener texted at 8 am to say it was too wet which meant I had got out of my jamies an hour earlier than necessary, but that’s life. Then mid-morning I made passionfruit biscuits and texted a female friend something along the lines of ‘hi darl, djawanna come over for a cuppa, passionfruit biscuits in the oven’. The reply was fast: ‘No sorry, have to see a real estate agent about work, but save me some biscuits’. Odd I thought, as my friend is retired……but then I realised that I had sent it to the new gardener. A hurried explanation was sent to disabuse him of the notion that I was on the make. Très embarrassant! This got me to thinking about working at Sydney University on wheat genetics at the Plant Breeding Institute where almost every academic had come from a farm. They positively scoffed at building workers and others who downed tools during rain or high temperatures. We were expected to work outdoors rain or shine in any temperature, and we did so. I once fainted outside in 40 degrees plus temperatures and someone suggested I be taken to the local doctor. ‘What’s the point of that?’ my boss said, ‘he’ll only tell her to go into the cool.’ They were extremely socially conservative as well as socially inept in many ways. If they were entertaining overseas scientists I was dragooned into serving them morning tea or lunch as although they were brilliant in their fields, they seemed incapable of social smalltalk. 

September 18, 2019 

Today I had to pick up the table put aside for me on Monday and decided I couldn’t resist talking to the donor about waste! So I explained that I had come back to rescue what I could from his council cleanup to take to a charity shop but had sadly arrived too late. Charity shop? he said somewhat confused, you mean like Lifeline or something? Yes I said, I am still smarting about the waste of all those books. Oh he said do they take old glasses and stuff? Yes they certainly do I replied, after which he lugged out a huge box full of stuff which he put into my car saying that it was all going out in the next cleanup. Of course I decided to sort and wash the stuff and pack into manageable containers and I now have some bits for the charity shop but also a number of boxes of cups and saucers, vases, ornaments and glasses packed and ready to take to auction. Larrakia Nation will do well from that little haul, so thankyou Michelle for the original tip off. My new friend didn’t take offence at my remarks and took my phone number in case he comes up with more ‘junk’, he’s got the bug perhaps. 

September 19, 2019 

Managed to get on to the chief financial officer at Larrakia and he answered some of the questions I had, but he will need to speak to someone else, perhaps the CEO, to get answers for a couple of things. However on one issue his answer and the annual report are at odds, so I need clarification on that. Managed to get all the jumpers washed so need a dry day to finish them then it can pour for as long as it likes. Had a call around lunchtime from the lady I met in a cafe a while back who reads the blog, she had some free time as her work computer was down and wanted to catch up. Amazingly it turns out that we share an old friend, in my case back to my teens, a fact we stumbled on taking about a totally unrelated topic. 

Got a receipt by email today for the full price of our accommodation in Melbourne so I rang them immediately to see what was going on. It turns out that being grand final weekend for the AFL there is no cancellation ability such as usually applies and the tariff is charged in full 7 days before arrival. I knew it was finals weekend and we were paying a lot more than usual, but had no idea about paying in advance. Who puts on a party on that weekend, I ask myself. Anyway while I was happy to pass on the party altogether, John was keen to go in case he bumps into distant rellies there, which is fair enough so we are going despite the cost. 

September 20, 2019 

Late last evening Kirk the gardener called to see if he could come today after being rained out earlier in the week. Of course I was delighted and at 10 to 8 we were hucking out the overgrown almost herbless herb garden. By 10 it looked a treat with a pile of fishbone fern and weeds you couldn’t jump over. Now it is up to me to replant it after we get back from Melbourne. We gel, thankyou gods. Then I loaded up the wagon with stuff for auction and dropped it at Bargain Hunt, sitting down with the owner Mark for a chat and reminiscence over old times. It was great handing stuff over with no real concern about what it brings, seeing most of it cost me nothing. Then off to Erko for Millie’s Special Person’s Day, necessary because mother’s day and father’s day can get a bit tricky around that area. There was an Aboriginal man there to do a smoking ceremony and I got to thinking about the fact that Aboriginal people didn’t once get a guernsey in my education, apart from cameo roles as people on the headlands looking out at Captain Cook et al. The fact that the preschool is German owned probably helps their attitudes as I think often foreign born people, particularly the Germans and Dutch, have a more respectful view of our past than those of us brought up here and never taught a scrap about the real history of Australia. Later we all, including Carly who came up to be a special person, went to Foodcraft for dinner. It is such a lovely local bistro of the type we rarely see, not in a shopping precinct, just on a street corner, where everyone coming in, including Millie, greets the owner by name and he often returns the favour. 

September 21, 2019 

Thinking during the night about the Aboriginal man from yesterday who told us he was separated from his mother at birth in 1971 and never found his family again. In 1971 I was still a member of the Foundation for Aboriginal Affairs, having joined about 1965/6, trying to get some action on what we now call the Stolen Generation. The idea behind it was that if black children were separated out and brought up white they would assimilate and the blacks would eventually die out. Charles Perkins, that wonderful angry young man, was at our head and I can remember a particular meeting at Parramatta Town Hall (in a crumby little room out the back) at which we had an invited public servant come from Canberra to address us oh so politely about the justification of what the government was doing. I was too young then to give an important person any stick but at the end of his talk an old lady there asked a question: ‘Are you the person who drags screaming children onto the trains to bring them to Sydney, leaving their mothers collapsed hysterical on the platform?’ ‘Uh, no’ he answered, ‘that’s not my job, I’ve never seen that’. ‘Well in that case’ she said, ‘send us the person who does, because I have seen it and I want to look that person in the eye’. He skulked to the door and left red-faced. I’ve never forgotten it, it was an inspiration in how to speak truth to power. But unfortunately those thousands of Aboriginal children suffered, and this man was clearly still suffering, despite a handful of people in a back room. Today I have felt so powerless in a world that can’t even begin to see how wrong we were, and are, on so many issues. I think we are at a low ebb as a planet and I certainly am today as one single impotent part of it. 

September 22, 2019 

Reading an interesting novel, Dinner with the Dissidents, set both in Moscow in the 70s and Canberra in the present. It got me to thinking about the morality of the whistle-blower versus those who stay loyal to the regime of the moment. Perhaps reading about a whistle-blower is just what I need to put a positive spin on my thinking at the moment, but let’s see how it ends. Shopped and cooked today for visitors coming for lunch on Tuesday and as I was dropping unbeaten eggs into the good old Kenwood Chef a yolk came flying out of the bowl and hit me mid chest, bursting and then slowly dripping down my top. That was my excitement of the day, but now I see why a recipe always says to lightly beat the eggs before adding them, took 60 odd years of cooking to get the flying yolk though. 

September 23, 2019 

Tuesday will be quieter than expected as I got a text just after I finished making food for the lunch tomorrow that my guests are unable to come, leaving me with more food than I can possibly eat before we go away. I have texted Heather asking if she can come and collect the products of a fridge huck out on Wednesday afternoon. It’s nobody’s fault but it fits the pattern of the last few days. 

So, they have made a movie of The Goldfinch, one of my top 10 books. It hasn’t had good reviews but I will still give it a look. It is such an epic story that it would be very hard to cram into movie length without needing to leave out considerable parts of it, so perhaps that’s where the criticism lies? I am currently reading a book which has a character whose reactions are so like mine that it is creepy. It begs the question of whether we are unique individuals or really fall into archetypes as Jung proposed. I can identify so totally with this woman’s thinking that I can forecast what she will do next in the book, just by anticipating what I would do in the same circumstance and I am often saying nooo, don’t go there, but of course she does because that’s how she is wired. 

September 24, 2019 

Had a call from Brendan and it lasted an hour and 35 minutes, realising how long you’ve been on a phone call is sometimes a shock, followed by annoyance, but not in this case. H. called in and I started hauling all the salads out of the fridge for lunch but she is on a water diet so that blew that one out of the water so to speak. We are trying to work out how to come back from Melbourne: train? one way car hire? hot air balloon? The cost of a one way car hire has stopped us doing that in the past, but a ring around proved interesting, the price varying by more than a factor of two depending on the company, Thrifty being the most expensive funnily enough, thrifty by name but not by nature. The discussion continues. 

September 25, 2019 

Poor H. came to grief on her water cleanse, vomiting all night and looking awful today when she came around to pick up the food, which at least she can eat now. Spoke to Deborah, Sue, Brian, texted with Stephen and Tim and generally cleared the decks. Today has been a political junkie’s dream, you just don’t know where to look, Trump impeached, Johnson overruled by the Supreme Court, no wonder I’ve had a better day. I seem to have come up out of the murky depths to which I have been consigned since last week, actually quite enjoying packing and tidying up. Dug out from the freezer a curry and some rice and lentils to take to John’s for dinner. I love it when you just open a drawer and there is your meal entire. Also pleased that Bargain Hunt seem to have made sensible decisions regarding the lot division of the goods I took over last week. Bad lotting can reduce the prices considerably. 

September 26, 2019 

Arrived at Central Station at 6.30 am and our train left right on time. We had a bit of light entertainment when the couple sitting directly in front of us were told that they were in the wrong seats. They absolutely refused to move to their allocated seats in another carriage, insisting they should be in first class and not in economy despite what their tickets said. I was half expecting some racial slurs to start but happily only one passenger got involved and race wasn’t raised. The rail employee eventually threatened to call the police to meet the train at the next stop but that didn’t faze them a jot. Eventually three employees including a heavily tattooed member (and that was the woman) persuaded them, still complaining bitterly, to move back to economy. Apart from that bit of fun the other issue was in the row behind with a mother and three young children taking up residence. I am sure Isaac, Andy and Ann were lovely little people but 12 and a half hours in their close company was about 11 and a half hours too long. Glad I packed us a picnic lunch for the train so we didn’t need to eat the canteen food. Walked from the station to the hotel to give ourselves some much needed exercise after arriving at 7.30. 

September 27, 2019 

Decided to visit the Old Melbourne Gaol and it won my heart just by spelling gaol properly, why that changed I will never know. On past trips we trammed everywhere so I assumed we would be doing the same thing again but no, the boy wonder announced he is fit enough to walk the couple of kilometres each way so that’s what we did. The cells, exercise yards and padded cell were seriously disturbing, especially knowing that they were in use till 1994. In the watchhouse it was up to 12 to a cell, no bunks they were just given a foam mattress each to sleep on the floor and the open toilet in the corner was flushed externally by the guards who apparently did that rarely as a punishment, there was no wash basin. Across the road is the old police headquarters, the site of the 1986 Russell St bombing. Afterwards we went to the Hopetoun Tearooms for lunch of asparagus, pea and mint soup, which was delicious but lukewarm. We sent it back to be warmed up, the chef was mortified and as we were leaving, despite our saying that the soup was terrific, he insisted on giving us some of his pistachio and cranberry shortbreads to take away. We will be returning as we do every visit to Melbourne. 

Sometimes mobile phones are a pest, just had two calls in succession while typing this: one from someone wanting me to organise some legal advice for him pronto and the other from a person wanting to borrow money urgently to register his car, the latter missing the boat considering I currently can’t remember my internet banking password. Both calls emanating from Windsor of course. But back to Melbourne: it was a public holiday here today with a big parade for the football, which we were happy to miss. Nevertheless the city was packed with people and most businesses were open. Ate a delicious share meal at Rice Paper Sister just 10 minutes walk from the hotel. 

September 28, 2019 

Thinking about how the heck old Windsor contacts get my mobile number and of course it’s Brian, who wouldn’t think to say he didn’t have it. I only ever gave out the landline. I tried to ring back the person who needed rego money to say I wasn’t able to do it (somewhat cross at the interruption) only to get a recorded message saying that his phone had been disconnected. So now I’m feeling guilty about the fact that he doesn’t know what’s going on about the money (and more than a little cross that I can’t ring and get it off my mind). 

Took a train 45 minutes north to Wallan expecting to go to John’s cousin’s 90th birthday party in the burbs, but it turned out to be on a 175 acre property. Kevin is a retired Marist brother and the party was at his niece’s place. We almost didn’t make it as she had said to call from the train for a lift (John actually started ringing 24 hours before that as well as from the train) but the phone was always turned off and we didn’t have an address. Finally I suggested ringing the cousin, the only other person he had a number for, and luckily he answered so we got there in the end, otherwise it would have been a train back to Melbourne. Got back in to Melbourne about 7 pm. 

September 29, 2019 

Walked to the Art Gallery around 10 am and the streets were so crowded I couldn’t believe it, this town is super full. Enjoyed the Terracotta Warriors Exhibition, I hadn’t realised that the warriors were life size and more. The artefacts including a jade handled dagger, a large necklace and a jade belt buckle particularly impressed me, especially the fact that they were made around 700-1000 BC. Then we went to the Imari exhibition and marvelled at the wonderful fine painting of the pieces. Apart from that, John was taken by a painting of a heretic being murdered on the altar of a church, no doubt seeing himself in the picture. Talking of heretics, yesterday one of his rellies told him that he remembered an argument in his house as a child when someone mentioned John and his brother Paul and the husband bellowed ‘you will never mention their names in this house again’, this due to the fact that they had both left the priesthood. Until yesterday John had no idea that he had been persona non grata in that family since 1971, a sobering thought even after so many years. 

September 30, 2019 

Met up with Dally and Remi and went to lunch at Red Spice Road nearby. They are great to spend time with, we always have fun when we get together. The food there is just my style, spicy and rich and sweet and salty and luscious. Remi asked to take the remainder home, which is outlawed in Victoria, but the waitress weakened and gave her a length of foil and she surreptitiously tipped it in. Apparently it’s to do with insurance against poisoning but we promised not to sue. John told the story of the odd birthday party on Saturday and it all seemed to slot into place in the retelling. We were invited by the guest of honour, not by the hostess, which perhaps explains why we could never get a call returned, right from weeks ago when we were first told about the party. Ah well, it makes for a funny story over lunch at least. Tonight we are eating in, I bought us a salad to share from a nearby coffee shop and that will well and truly do in the food department. We have free Netflix here but as at home I intend to watch things but never do as it means sacrificing book reading time and John is the same apart from the football. 

October 1, 2019 

One of the many things I love about this hotel, Treasury on Collins, is the fact that the staff never seems to change. The front desk is manned by the same team, similarly the person in charge of the breakfast team and the barman who does the free wine service every evening, the so-called Wine Down. It is lovely to be greeted by name each time you see someone in the lift or go out past the desk. Sure it’s good PR and training, but the difference here is that they are all genuinely social and lovely people to boot (and the fact that they routinely give us a room upgrade is fun too). We went on a trip to Williamstown which was the original port of Melbourne before they cut a wider channel into the Yarra to allow ships to come closer to the city. I took us to the wrong wharf to get the ferry so we decided to get the train there instead and come back on the ferry to see the city from a different angle. The train went through many suburbs that looked pretty depressing but when we finally got to Williamstown there were some lovely old houses and shopfronts from the mid 1800s so we wandered the streets and decided it wouldn’t be a bad place to live, looking across the bay to the city proper. We lunched at an old pub ($12 mains at lunchtime!) and took a late afternoon ferry ‘home’. Fun it was, but sadly I fell asleep soon after we embarked and John woke me up at the wharf in Southbank, so much for seeing the city from a different angle. Then it was a rush back to the hotel for a quick shower before heading to the theatre to see Come From Away, one of the best shows I’ve seen in years, which ended with a whole house standing ovation which was well deserved. John has cancelled our plans for a French dinner tomorrow night for my birthday as I am so restricted in what I can eat at night these days, so we are going to Hopetoun Tearooms for lunch instead, which suits me down to the ground. 

October 2, 2019 

Well lunch at Hopetoun lived up to expectations, Pea, Mint and Feta Fritters with Green Goddess Sauce and Microherb Salad was made with fresh peas and the Mixed Berry Frangipane which followed was magnificent. Weird food experiences of the day: 1. At breakfast the man at the next table got two plates, one piled high with fried eggs, bacon and tomatoes, the other piled high with sausages, mushrooms, baked beans and scrambled eggs….and ate both, followed by pastries and fresh fruit. 2. The couple sitting next to us at Hopetoun ordered Mirror Dory with Tomato and Broccoli and a piece of Chocolate Raspberry Cake and shared them. That was fine, except they both ate them concurrently, a mouthful of one then a mouthful of the other, seriously stomach churning. 3. Two women at Hopetoun ordered six large and varied servings of cake, the table was covered, and were devouring them as we left. I wish I had the courage to order three pieces of cake at once, but on the other hand my hips are glad I don’t, though all the big eaters I’ve described were thin, life is so unfair. We have been watching a live website of a preregrine falcon living on a window ledge of a building nearby, so after Wine Down at about 6 pm we wandered there to see where it lives, but it was sitting on its one remaining egg so we didn’t see it swooping down. Every day it does so to attack an unsuspecting pigeon and returns to its nest with a wing or some other body part to chew up and then feed to the babies. Wild goings on in the city. 

October 3, 2019 

Couldn’t sleep last night for a really stupid reason. As we were peering into the sky watching for the falcon the previous evening a man approached us asking for money for a coffee, but we had come out penniless. I then thought to tell him we were only across the road from our hotel and to offer him a coffee there, but in the 30 seconds it took to think this through he had disappeared into the crowd. So last night my head just wouldn’t let it rest, why don’t I think more quickly? did he think we were lying about having no money on us? By now it was old news but somehow my mind didn’t think so. We left the hotel at 7 am, picking up pre-ordered sandwiches for the train on the way. Just got to the station in time to check in the luggage and then we were on our way. I find watching the countryside, and the small hamlets we pass through, very relaxing but of course when the journey is extended due to a previous freight train dripping canola oil on the tracks and thereby reducing our speed, it becomes tiring. A 7 am start ended up as a 9.45 pm finish by the time I got the Hillsbus home. I did love looking at the canola fields everywhere in Victoria, the combination of green leaves and yellow flowers makes for acre upon acre of lime green, unexpectedly shocking in the brown or green landscape we are used to. No sign of drought in any of the areas that the train passed through, it was lush and the dams were full. 

up at the wharf in Southbank, so much for seeing the city from a different angle. Then it was a rush back to the hotel for a quick shower before heading to the theatre to see Come From Away, one of the best shows I’ve seen in years, which ended with a whole house standing ovation which was well deserved. John has cancelled our plans for a French dinner tomorrow night for my birthday as I am so restricted in what I can eat at night these days, so we are going to Hopetoun Tearooms for lunch instead, which suits me down to the ground. 

October 2, 2019 

Well lunch at Hopetoun lived up to expectations, Pea, Mint and Feta Fritters with Green Goddess Sauce and Microherb Salad was made with fresh peas and the Mixed Berry Frangipane which followed was magnificent. Weird food experiences of the day: 1. At breakfast the man at the next table got two plates, one piled high with fried eggs, bacon and tomatoes, the other piled high with sausages, mushrooms, baked beans and scrambled eggs….and ate both, followed by pastries and fresh fruit. 2. The couple sitting next to us at Hopetoun ordered Mirror Dory with Tomato and Broccoli and a piece of Chocolate Raspberry Cake and shared them. That was fine, except they both ate them concurrently, a mouthful of one then a mouthful of the other, seriously stomach churning. 3. Two women at Hopetoun ordered six large and varied servings of cake, the table was covered, and were devouring them as we left. I wish I had the courage to order three pieces of cake at once, but on the other hand my hips are glad I don’t, though all the big eaters I’ve described were thin, life is so unfair. We have been watching a live website of a preregrine falcon living on a window ledge of a building nearby, so after Wine Down at about 6 pm we wandered there to see where it lives, but it was sitting on its one remaining egg so we didn’t see it swooping down. Every day it does so to attack an unsuspecting pigeon and returns to its nest with a wing or some other body part to chew up and then feed to the babies. Wild goings on in the city. 

October 3, 2019 

Couldn’t sleep last night for a really stupid reason. As we were peering into the sky watching for the falcon the previous evening a man approached us asking for money for a coffee, but we had come out penniless. I then thought to tell him we were only across the road from our hotel and to offer him a coffee there, but in the 30 seconds it took to think this through he had disappeared into the crowd. So last night my head just wouldn’t let it rest, why don’t I think more quickly? did he think we were lying about having no money on us? By now it was old news but somehow my mind didn’t think so. We left the hotel at 7 am, picking up pre-ordered sandwiches for the train on the way. Just got to the station in time to check in the luggage and then we were on our way. I find watching the countryside, and the small hamlets we pass through, very relaxing but of course when the journey is extended due to a previous freight train dripping canola oil on the tracks and thereby reducing our speed, it becomes tiring. A 7 am start ended up as a 9.45 pm finish by the time I got the Hillsbus home. I did love looking at the canola fields everywhere in Victoria, the combination of green leaves and yellow flowers makes for acre upon acre of lime green, unexpectedly shocking in the brown or green landscape we are used to. No sign of drought in any of the areas that the train passed through, it was lush and the dams were full. 

up at the wharf in Southbank, so much for seeing the city from a different angle. Then it was a rush back to the hotel for a quick shower before heading to the theatre to see Come From Away, one of the best shows I’ve seen in years, which ended with a whole house standing ovation which was well deserved. John has cancelled our plans for a French dinner tomorrow night for my birthday as I am so restricted in what I can eat at night these days, so we are going to Hopetoun Tearooms for lunch instead, which suits me down to the ground. 

October 2, 2019 

Well lunch at Hopetoun lived up to expectations, Pea, Mint and Feta Fritters with Green Goddess Sauce and Microherb Salad was made with fresh peas and the Mixed Berry Frangipane which followed was magnificent. Weird food experiences of the day: 1. At breakfast the man at the next table got two plates, one piled high with fried eggs, bacon and tomatoes, the other piled high with sausages, mushrooms, baked beans and scrambled eggs….and ate both, followed by pastries and fresh fruit. 2. The couple sitting next to us at Hopetoun ordered Mirror Dory with Tomato and Broccoli and a piece of Chocolate Raspberry Cake and shared them. That was fine, except they both ate them concurrently, a mouthful of one then a mouthful of the other, seriously stomach churning. 3. Two women at Hopetoun ordered six large and varied servings of cake, the table was covered, and were devouring them as we left. I wish I had the courage to order three pieces of cake at once, but on the other hand my hips are glad I don’t, though all the big eaters I’ve described were thin, life is so unfair. We have been watching a live website of a preregrine falcon living on a window ledge of a building nearby, so after Wine Down at about 6 pm we wandered there to see where it lives, but it was sitting on its one remaining egg so we didn’t see it swooping down. Every day it does so to attack an unsuspecting pigeon and returns to its nest with a wing or some other body part to chew up and then feed to the babies. Wild goings on in the city. 

October 3, 2019 

Couldn’t sleep last night for a really stupid reason. As we were peering into the sky watching for the falcon the previous evening a man approached us asking for money for a coffee, but we had come out penniless. I then thought to tell him we were only across the road from our hotel and to offer him a coffee there, but in the 30 seconds it took to think this through he had disappeared into the crowd. So last night my head just wouldn’t let it rest, why don’t I think more quickly? did he think we were lying about having no money on us? By now it was old news but somehow my mind didn’t think so. We left the hotel at 7 am, picking up pre-ordered sandwiches for the train on the way. Just got to the station in time to check in the luggage and then we were on our way. I find watching the countryside, and the small hamlets we pass through, very relaxing but of course when the journey is extended due to a previous freight train dripping canola oil on the tracks and thereby reducing our speed, it becomes tiring. A 7 am start ended up as a 9.45 pm finish by the time I got the Hillsbus home. I did love looking at the canola fields everywhere in Victoria, the combination of green leaves and yellow flowers makes for acre upon acre of lime green, unexpectedly shocking in the brown or green landscape we are used to. No sign of drought in any of the areas that the train passed through, it was lush and the dams were full. 

October 4, 2019 

The garden has survived my absence happily, even the parsley seeds have germinated to restart the new elevated herb garden. The bane of my life now I am back (and before I went come to that) is trying to get some information out of Larrakia Aboriginal Corporation. When I went there in August the staff I met with were really helpful and encouraging when I mentioned raising funds for them, but getting any sort of response from here is like sending emails to Mars. I don’t want to cancel but I will if the buggers don’t respond soon, as I’ve just told them in yet another email. I’m sure I would have heard if the Japanese have bombed all communications infrastructure as in 1942. When I reopened my birthday gift from John, two pairs of funky earrings from the Quick Brown Fox shop in Flinders Lane Melbourne, there were four pairs inside. Two more had been sneakily added by him before the parcel was deposited in my suitcase. He is such a sneaky present giver and I love all four. 

October 5, 2019 

Lovely to wake up with no pressure to be somewhere and my favourite weather to boot so I gardened in light rain, planting more herb and edible flower seeds in pots and moving three plants that I’d decided don’t like their previous positions. Then I had a mind to totally empty my antique apprentice chest of drawers, which acts as my jewellery cabinet, polishing it with lemon oil, cleaning out the drawers and rearranging the jewellery in a more organised fashion, one drawer for silver only earrings, one for silver plus coloured stones, one for funky costume pieces etc etc. I toted up the earring collection which currently stands at 49 pairs, so I’ve decided that better be the limit because I am sure there would be a pair lurking in a handbag somewhere and 50 is enough for anyone. I won’t mention the current scarf numbers, but it puts the earrings well into the shade. Then I wiped over the perfume bottles which stand on top and felt my day was fully worthwhile. In the evening I went to Carol and Jack’s place for a charity dinner and decided to wear my grey polo neck jumper, realising only after getting dressed that it’s the only piece of clothing with which I can’t wear earrings, the very high collar routinely hooks them off, so my earring collection stayed home and rested in its new sense of order. 

October 6, 2019 

Watching Insiders in my jamies was almost (but not quite) interrupted by phone calls from the same two people who coincidentally rang me in tandem in Melbourne last week, they each have no idea that they manage to seek inopportune times to ask where their particular issues are up to. Managed to be patient with one and a bit short with the other but it’s like water off a duck’s back, so I have no doubt that the calls will continue. Did my shopping out at Dural and came home with lots of lovely veggies begging to be cooked and eaten, perhaps too many considering that we go away to Newcastle on Friday, but a veggie curry seems in order in the circumstances. 

Dying to get back into my current book tonight, reading The Trauma Cleaner by Sarah Krasnostein and it is an absolute joy. The subject of the biography, Melbourne trauma cleaner Sandra Pankhurst, is a trans woman, who was a battered child, a husband and father, then a prostitute, funeral director, hardware shop owner and so much more. But it is her huge heart that gets me teary. Imagine lying on a rubbish covered, bug infested bed alongside a hoarder, trying to gently convince her that yes, the dozens of rotting bags of never unpacked groceries lining the rooms really do need to go into the skip. No talking down, no lectures, no superiority, just a friend explaining that these things can no longer be of any value, but understanding the value that they have to this particular person. She has that rare and most impressive quality of being able to talk to, in her words, Mrs Rich Bitch and Mr Penny Pauper, each in their own language. I humbly dips me lid. 

October 7, 2019 

I finished The Trauma Cleaner and feel like starting it all over again, which I may well do. I want John to read it but getting someone with a cleanliness fetish to dive into rat infested houses is a big ask, despite the wonderful uplifting messages it includes. He would get to the story of the woman who spread her cats’ poo on the floors of her house and just covered it with newspaper, layer on layer like a giant lasagne, and that would be it for him. I need to rearrange my Best Books Ever list so this one can be included. Perhaps if I count the Neapolitan novels of Elena Ferrante as one instead of four novels (they are continuous after all) I could squeeze this one into the list. It is not a list of the best ever works of literature but a list of the books that impressed me most at the time I read them. Did I mention that it was fantastic? 

Cooked an Indian cauliflower recipe last night but the amount of tamarind was a bit much for someone who can’t handle bitter. Also did a carrot salad with Dijon mustard and honey in it so that toned down the cauli a bit. I plan to do the lentil ‘meatball’ recipe from the latest Animals Australia brochure tomorrow and have those with dahl and the leftovers of both the cauli and the carrot salad when John comes, though I expect he will ask ‘where is the protein?’ but with a bit of luck the lentil balls might fool him. 

October 8, 2019 

Once again it proves that being nice and polite doesn’t always get you far, but one complaining email sent to two people at Larrakia on Friday resulted in a phone call yesterday (which I can’t believe I missed at 6.30 pm while having an early shower, due to being over enthusiastic with some glue). But an apologetic and lengthy message was left by the caller, giving two people’s mobile numbers, with a request that I send them some questions in an email which was then answered promptly today. Hurrah! Perhaps the remark that getting on to the CEO (or anyone else who was allowed to answer questions) was as difficult as getting a direct line to the Pope did the job. 

For some stupid reason, if I set my alarm I then either can’t sleep or else I wake up really early and don’t sleep again. I had the alarm set this morning as the gardener was coming early but I woke at 4.30 am and didn’t sleep after that. Then he didn’t turn up! At 9 am I rang him and he had mistakenly put me down for next Tuesday, which didn’t matter a fig, but now I will no doubt be awake at 4 am that day too. Spent the afternoon listening, while doing other things, to the Aged Care Royal Commission where thedepartment secretary is giving evidence with my daughter assisting her. It is a gruelling business and one I wouldn’t want to go through. 

October 9, 2019 

Went up to Castle Hill to see a picture framer whom I found on the net, looking to get my Darwin painting framed. I drove round and round looking for a building called Home Hub but in the end had to ring them. Oh, she said breezily, it isn’t called Home Hub any more, it’s the Supercentre. Perhaps change it on the website? I suggested. Anyway she understood the way I want it framed, floating on a matte, rather than with a cutout matte as is usual. However the price was more than expected so I am thinking. On the way home I pass Heather’s house and as her car was in the drive I popped in and she recommended another framer nearby who does all her work so I will get a quote there. I had an excellent artistic framer for the shop for years but he once did a job for a client and buggered the bleaching of a large old lithograph which had foxing. Accidents happen, but then he claimed to have never had the piece and only after a lengthy legal stoush with Fair Trading who wanted him to pay the clients compensation did he finally produce the damaged litho and return it to them, still wanting his fee for framing it. Nah, don’t think I will rekindle that relationship, similarly with the jeweller who ‘lost’ a very good antique diamond ring I put in for repair, but sent me a modern inferior one in exchange. I never did get the ring back and suspect he resold it for a tidy amount. 

October 10, 2019 

Last night I served Lentil and Almond Rissoles with Indian spiced cauliflower, rice and salad. John commented on how nice the rissoles were, with no idea at all that they weren’t meat, that recipe is a keeper. I think it is the umami of the soy sauce that tricks the palate. Today was a busy one, first putting his nibs’ car in for service and rego, then the gas fire technician came to replace the fan which has made a racket ever since they did a service in July, a freebie so that was nice. Then off to Heather’s framing man who quoted almost exactly half of the lady yesterday so I left the painting with him, to pick up next Friday. Then to Barsby’s Auctions to put in some quality china and glass for their next sale. John had an appointment nearby at RNS with the infectious diseases specialist who was very pleased with him and reduced his antibiotics from 8 a day to 4, but said she was too scared with his history to take him off them altogether. Picked up the car on the way home and packed for the wedding in Newcastle on Saturday, as we leave in the morning. Hoping to catch up with our friend Jackie at Caves Beach on the way but she didn’t sound the best on the phone and will tell us tomorrow morning if she feels up to a visit. She has been ill for many years now, but sounded worse today. 

October 11, 2019 

Jackie rang to say she was keen for a visit so we tootled up to Caves Beach and had morning tea with them. She is thin and frail but bursting with her own special Jackieness and love of life. We have both always found her to be wise counsel in any situation. Carl showed us a video on proton radiation treatment, unavailable in Australia but widely used in the US. Its benefits include being much better targeted and not damaging surrounding tissues so higher doses can be given. Carl contacted the Mayo Clinic to see if Jackie was eligible and they said to come over just for an assessment appointment, at a cost of $25,000 US with no guarantees that she is a suitable candidate, they’ve decided against it. He researches possible treatments constantly and was the one who asked her oncologist about a trial treatment which hadn’t been offered to her but proved to have the best results so far. Toes crossed for her. 

Booked into Noah’s on the Beach at Newcastle and went for a long walk along the beach in a cold and unpleasant wind. Later we went around the corner to a Thai place and just had a soup each, with me fishing out the slices of chicken in mine and dumping them into John’s. 

October 12, 2019 

Rain descended on Newcastle but didn’t do anything to dampen Teresa and Stephen’s wedding at Corpus Christi Church. Her brother Andrew officiated and a nice touch was singing by the Tongan church choir. The reception was at the Apollo Hotel with a sit down meal of very good food, all gluten free to suit the bride and some other relatives. We caught up with many of John’s family members and met many of Stephen’s family for the first time. He told me how they met, her saw her in a doctor’s surgery and asked the doctor for her contact details. The doctor said to write her a letter, leave it open so he could read it and if acceptable he would pass it on. Now they are going to send wedding pics to the doc. 

October 13, 2019 

Went out to Islington to the antique shops looking for a battery acid jar to replace the one I broke a few months back. I always used it for large flowers especially agapanthus. I bought the previous one here in Newcastle and thought because they came out of old power stations I might be lucky again. However no one has seen one for years so I left disappointed. Met up with Deborah and Stephen and had lunch at East End Hub, where the food is always both healthy and delicious. Afterwards we went down to Belmont on the shores of Lake Macquarie, then towards evening to Stockton where we walked along the break wall which is the mouth of the harbour, watching a huge freighter passing with tugs aplenty on its way to load. Interesting to see the rusted wreck of a ship from 1905 half way along the walk. By the time we got back from our walk it was totally dark with a full moon. After a long and happy day we got back to the hotel fairly late. 

October 14, 2019 

I suggested a visit to the wedding couple after we had looked around at a few of the historical Newcastle buildings that I’d vainly attempted to see on the last two visits there. So John rang Teresa immediately and left a message to say we’d be there in an hour! I was signalling ‘two’ while he was speaking but he couldn’t understand what I was saying and got quite snappish, all of which was recorded on the phone message along with my reply ‘are you letting all of this go on the tape?’. I will laugh about it eventually.

We tried to find the cathedral I’d seen on the top of a hill but John couldn’t remember where it was so I settled for the Baptist Tabernacle which sadly was locked up, just as I had an urge to convert, so they missed their big chance. The building is in ornate classical style but the back is pretty plain brick so perhaps facade is important to the Baptists? But apparently they believe literally in all 66 books of the bible, which is pretty scary when you consider the permission to beat one’s wife and kill one’s servants. But as I have neither wife nor servant conversion wouldn’t be of much use to me after all. We then went over to Teresa and Stephen’s to observe newly married life up close and they still seem very happy, so it appears they’ve made the right choice. On the way home I picked up the newly framed painting from Darwin and was pleased with the result. The framer said that their prices are so good because everything is done in their workshop on site, with a choice of 500 frames available in any size. 

October 15, 2019 

Kirk the gardener was arriving at 8 am but I was good and ready for him, weeding in the front garden. He cut down a privet that had grown up in the back corner and was putting pressure on the fence, two Sulo bins full of cuttings. (WOW, right this minute I had a call from the head of the tenancy program at Larrakia Nation, returning my call from early September. She will speak to the CEO tomorrow about the information I asked for in my message back then. If I get every call returned I will be a busy woman this week). John went to his clerical mates’ monthly lunch today but it was at the Baulkham Hills home of one of them instead of the club where he complains about the food every time. Phil has lymphoma and can’t go into public places, how I remember that scenario with John and how I did lunch for the boys here during his illness. It seems years ago now but it was not quite three years since we were in that position. I came home from the weekend absolutely whacked and if I sit down I fall asleep straight away so I’m trying to keep active, but doing easy stuff like unpacking and putting the washing on. Amazing to think that we push the clothes into a machine and come back and get them sometime later, so different from in the past (and the present in many places in the world). 

October 16, 2019 

So the message yesterday from Darwin was that the CEO was going to ring me today…….I carried the phone around all day like the trusting dill that I am, even had it on the side of the bath during my ablutions, along with a pad and pen for taking notes. I still haven’t had replies from 17 people about the morning tea, so the numbers right now are anyone’s guess. If they all come we’ll have to keep cutting the Vegemite sandwiches into eighths and perhaps sixteenths as more folk arrive and perhaps cut the Iced VoVos into quarters. Speaking of Iced VoVos, they look now as if they’ve been run over by a steamroller. Not that I buy them, but always reach for one if they appear at someone’s house. Methinks the Arnott family would quake to see the fate of their beloved Voey. Still feeling below par and hoping that it’s the busy weekend and not the fact that I tossed the autoimmune medication a while back. I plan to put off my next specialist visit till after Christmas, wimping out on telling him that I threw them out instead of doubling the dose as instructed, but revelling in my small defiance. He calls me ‘a minimalist’, little knowing the state of my underwear drawers, my shoe cupboard and my garage, but as far as drugs go, yes a minimalist I certainly am. 

October 17, 2019 

Almost beyond words tonight after watching the 7.30 Report on the murder of racehorses at knackeries in Queensland and NSW. One of the sites, Burns Pet Foods at Riverstone, I drove past every working day for 27 years, knowing full well they were killing horses there, and I guess I should have known racehorses would be among them. Someone who worked for the local council told me that he was tasked with picking up euthanased dogs’ bodies from vets and delivering them to Burns, astonishing when you think that they would be full of toxic drugs which were then going into pet food. He mentioned that they had picked up a German Shepherd as road kill the night before to add to the load. I once drove in and asked about the paddock full of horses near the road, only to be told that their owners had left them there for agistment, not believing a word but unable to prove that they were lying. They were all gone within the week. Sometimes I think that the planet will be better off once it divests itself of humans. 

October 18, 2019 

Thinking about how simple life was (and how dull and less interesting in so many ways) before we had access to all the information the internet provides. I must wear my glasses in the supermarket to read all the labels because now I know what all the additive numbers mean (beware E700-799 which are the antibiotics). Then there may be countries of origin one wants to avoid or products from a particular country like basa fish from Vietnam. I avoid anything made by Unilever after asking the people at the guest house I was staying at in India what tea they were using (it was foul) and discovering that despite living not far from tea plantations the poor were using a Unilever product in a jar, ingredient list was: 100% TEA DUST. Yes dust off the floor of the tea plantations, well probably off the conveyor belt, but it tasted as if it were off the floor, so no Unilever. Of course we have the businesses to steer around as well like Harvey Norman, just because Gerry Harvey is a whinging pest, and Kennards Hire who are always pushing the interests of rich white men. Radio 2GB is out, as are all TV channels with ads, but that’s just my personal preference, the ads drive me to drink. I cringe when I think of how many Melbourne Cup sweeps I’ve organised, but I’ve sworn off horse racing quite a time ago and was never into the dogs, not since the pet cats started disappearing from Berala when I lived there in the early 70s and then were discovered at a nearby greyhound track, declawed and ready to be used as lures. That track was just near the headquarters of the RSPCA but of course nothing happened in those days, no Facebook to post it on. So life is tricky negotiating all these obstacles, but so much better than when it was all happening, but we just didn’t know. 

October 19, 2019 

John was here overnight and he helped me with two jobs this morning that I’m very thankful for. One was to hang my much prized and newly framed Aboriginal artwork, Damper Seeds by Patrina Kitson, and the other was to help put some photos of Darwin into a frame I had scored on a council cleanup many months ago and had sitting around waiting for a use. I later went to Officeworks to print out two photos of Patrina actually doing the painting and was embarrassed after I’d used the machine, queued up and was asked to pay……20 cents. I can’t remember the last time I paid 20 cents for something but I certainly felt I’d had my money’s worth. 

October 20, 2019 

The loathsome Gerry Harvey, that whingeing billionaire, was in the news again today in a different context. He was the owner of one of the racehorses seen being killed at an abattoir for pet mince. Abominable people seem to manage to be abominable in so many different ways during their lives. In my list of things to avoid I forgot to mention franchise businesses. They often manage to be the meat in the sandwich between odious franchisors and the public, so they tend to be squeezed at both ends, hardly a recipe for good service. Michel’s Patisserie, Jim’s Mowing (in fact Jim’s anything), Krispy Creme Donuts, Wendy’s, Donut King, Coffee Club, all good examples of places I avoid like the plague. Of course it goes without saying that Gloria Jeans has pride of place, Nabi Saleh outclasses most comers in the contemptible stakes. Phew I feel so much better after that rant, I think I shall have a cup of tea. 

October 21, 2019 

After so much negativity I will only say nice things today. Woolly lambs, edelweiss, raindrops on a tin roof, waves lapping up the beach, I can do it if I try. Went to see Brian and Fay today. He has been quite negative the last few days but got up with the walker and went down to lunch so that is an improvement. He is so thin and frail that I sadly ignored his comment about wanting to go to the zoo. I’m afraid his family would freak out considering his current condition but I hope they will take him, and soon. He told me to go to his garden and pick some gerberas which I did, a little bunch for him and a little bunch for me and enough left to keep his garden looking good. I noticed Burns Pet Foods have taken down all their signs facing onto Windsor Rd, probably in expectation of demonstrations, but I am being nice today so that’s all I am saying. 

October 22, 2019 

Food shopping today for cooking days later in the week sent a thought across my mind that maybe I should just have sent a decent donation to Larrakia instead of involving other people at all, but it’s a social event as well and probably overdue. Looking forward (with some trepidation) to Senate Estimates tomorrow night when my daughter will be a witness for the first time in her latest role in the public service. It’s an incredibly public way to do your job, in front of television cameras in a room full of reporters. I am glad I’ll be at home on the couch watching the live feed rather than in her position. 

October 23, 2019 

Writing this in the 15 minute break while watching Senate Estimates. I kind of love Jackie Lambie’s mispronunciations and stumbles in amongst her undoubted passion. It is worth all of that to have someone real in parliament, despite the fact that I often disagree with her. Even when she’s wrong she’s interesting. Senator Roberts on the other hand is just plain unpleasant and a fool to boot. Diplomacy and weasel words are so tightly linked as to be inseparable. My friend Owen in the late 60s and early 70s who was a master at Kings School told me that they were there to teach the boys to speak in such a way that they never offended anyone and never told them anything meaningful either. I’m sure that’s a training ground for politicians and diplomats. Government language often drives me mad, but at the other extreme you have Trump with ‘Don’t be a fool!’. It’s a fine balance and one I’m glad I don’t have to negotiate. 

October 24, 2019 

Up at the fruit shop at 7.30 am, most unlike me, and home with the goods before Aldi even opened. Baking all day today. Tania came over with a basket full of ingredients to donate to the cause and made delicious looking Italian almond biscuits, which we were self-controlled enough not to sample at lunch. There was a major disaster when the sponges blew up like souffles and then crashed, the end result suitable to retyre a vehicle or use as a discus. I’ve never ever had it happen before and don’t know how to prevent it happening again, so sponges have slipped from the repertoire for a while. I thought a lot had been achieved but I realised there is as much to do again tomorrow, without my sous-chef who has gone back to her secondary career of accounting. 

A disturbing message from my indigenous friend in Vanuatu this afternoon, part of which reads: “Chinese are invading our country, we women are fighting to get into parliament in 2020. Chinese are everywhere, starting to do business reserved for indigenous people eg: small livestock, farming, kava bar, taxi, they’re getting through Vanuatu with green passport, our government is very corrupted.” It absolutely sickens me that they would use these beautiful, unsophisticated, generous people for money and at the same time ruin their magnificent landscape and economy. I feel much worse about it than anything they could do to us. Hopefully we can help in some way, but how I am not quite sure yet. Will ring her after the weekend. 

October 25, 2019 

Up at 6 and baking till about 1 pm to avoid the heat of the afternoon. I’ve had a few guests pull out today for the morning tea which always happens, but I hope we keep a critical mass. Sue rang and said they were back and looking at options about book group so I suggested they stay here and come to the function in the morning. I had idly thought of doing this fundraiser every 3-4 months and asking a different crew of people each time, but no, I think I’d rather just give a donation myself and keep up the kerb trawling. I don’t want to look at cake for a while either. Book group at Brigitte’s was gentle and most enjoyable with mixed views of the book from very positive to ‘I didn’t finish it”. We didn’t sit up for the usual nightcap, with Sue going to bed as soon as we walked in. Good to have them back safely. I was too dog tired to lie awake stressing about tomorrow which was a bonus. 

October 26, 2020 

Up again at 6 and I left the guests to their own devices apart from boiling Robert a couple of eggs. They went to visit Sue’s mother while I iced, filled and plated the cakes. It took more time than I’d expected and I just managed to beat the first guests, getting out of the shower less than 10 minutes prior to their arrival. My plan to ice the fruit cake with an Aboriginal flag made out of fondant came to nought because of time pressure and was probably a tacky idea anyway. I had received a text during the night to say that Tania was in hospital with kidney stones, a withdrawal at the barrier in horseracing parlance. So unexpected as she was fine when we communicated yesterday afternoon. Life can turn on a dime as the Americans say, and isn’t it the truth, but later she messaged to say she had been discharged which was reassuring. It was particularly great to see Jackie again so soon, having been to Caves Beach to see her only a couple of weeks ago. She holds a special place in my heart and it pains me to see her so ill. The guests all seemed to mix and there was plenty of food, too much in fact, so we did a cake run dropping off at Tania’s, Heather’s and the Fire Station. Unfortunately the firies were otherwise engaged and the station empty so I took two boxes of scones and cupcakes to my next door neighbours who are always happy beneficiaries. Those on the other side who are Indian don’t have a sweet tooth which I told Arvind is the only thing wrong with them as neighbours. 

October 27, 2019 

I was in bed at 9pm last night, unable to go a moment longer. Astonishingly the day raised $715 !! People were generous in the extreme and I sensed they were enjoying themselves (except perhaps the gentleman I asked John to introduce around when he arrived, John had to ask him his first name and he is probably more John’s friend than mine, oops, awkward moment). Bob offered to be scrutineer of the money counting in the absence of Jack who had left earlier and I thought he just wanted to write the total down so I gave him a scrappy offcut of paper. I should have known that he’d itemise every note and coin, sign and date it like a prescription. It’s funny but I’ve been craving salty food instead of the usual sweet. I don’t want to look at the leftover cake yet. It is almost painful for me to see waste, so I took another boxed lot of cakes down to Davina’s today and John also took a box for himself and one for his next door neighbour, my ex gardener. Perhaps I was thinking about whether we’d have enough if the 11 folks who hadn’t replied turned up, but of course we would have been fine. 

When in Erko today I took Millie to the park then out for a babychino followed by a play in the fountain at the apartment complex. I took her home dripping wet and put her into the bath, after which we played a few of her favourite games. In the park she was talking to a man, it’s always a man, and asking him to play with her, calling him dad. When he was leaving she said ‘thankyou, it was nice to meet you’ and shook his hand formally. He was bemused. 

October 28, 2019 

I asked John to ring Larrakia to find out when the board meets and it’s Wednesday of next week, giving me time to send a formal letter requesting retrospective permission to hold a fundraiser. Playing by the rules is fine as long as someone explains the logic, something that hasn’t happened in this case. I would never have survived in the military. 

Decided I wanted to go to the Tchaikovsky concert at the Opera House next month. He was the favourite classical composer of my youth and I’ll enjoy it I know. However I don’t seem to have a musical memory at all and despite loving opera and classical music I couldn’t hum a tune from any classical piece from memory, nor name a famous piece that I hear on the radio. While waiting on the phone they had a piece from opera playing, I couldn’t tell you what, but I knew it was from an opera I’ve seen more than once, which one is a total mystery. That was why I always failed music at school I think. John’s been complaining lately that we don’t get to enough concerts so he’s pleased that I’ve booked. 

October 29, 2019 

Last night Stephen rang about 7 pm to say that Deborah’s lung operation had been completed successfully but at 9 pm he called back to say that she had had a bleed and the surgeon and team were racing back from home to operate again. About 11 he called to say that they had taken out a 500 ml clot from her lung, rendered her unconscious and intubated her with a respirator. Very worrying news, but it seems that today she is off the breathing tube, having had three units of blood. She fainted when they got her up this afternoon so she may have more blood tomorrow. It will take a lot of rest to get over this very big hump but Stephen will be an excellent nurse. 

Went this afternoon to see the acclaimed doco The Eulogy and it was an awesome piece of work, not least because it opens with Paul Keating giving his famous eulogy for pianist Geoffrey Tozer. It was a poignant film both from the point of view of Tozer’s life and in seeing Richard Gill back on screen a year or so after his death. Tozer’s downfall is investigated in detail but to me it all seemed to hark back to a self-indulgent mother who wanted to live out her dreams through her son, never considering the effects on his overall development as a person. He was fatherless, with a dominating mother whose ambitions for him created a one trick pony, despite the fact that that one trick was so breathtakingly good that the music world looked on in awe. 

October 30, 2019 

I posted off a very official sounding and extremely polite letter to Larrakia asking for retrospective permission to have the event I’ve already had and saying that I will send a cheque as soon as more promised funds arrive and the permission is granted. Very diplomatically put of course, but underneath it all saying ‘I’ll swap you the money for the permission’ so it’s in their court now. 

I remain Facebook friends with a woman from a country town who was a regular browser in the shop, her suggestion not mine. She is extremely politically conservative but I keep her as a friend partly in order to know what the bad guys are up to.

November 2, 2019 

So, I am not imagining that the internet speed is slower on NBN. Tests over the past couple of weeks on cable have produced speeds varying from 28.8 Mbps to 52.9, averaging around 47.4. Since I got NBN on yesterday the speed has been tested four times, from 13.2 to 24.7, about half what was promised. I intend to complain strongly to the Optus man on Monday which will get me absolutely nowhere. 

Went to First Saturday at Michelle’s bearing a mushroom stroganoff from a new recipe, which I was sadly unable to taste as my parotid gland went on strike in the morning. This means I can’t eat or drink anything but water without experiencing excruciating pain, triggered by chewing or even simply mouth contact with food or drink other than water. Presumably this came about because I’ve stopped taking the Plaquenil, as it used to occur periodically but I’d sort of forgotten about it since I’ve been on the meds. Especially disappointing as Michelle had made her famous quiche. The talk concerned me in that it focused totally on assistance for veterans and remembrance without any reference to avoiding the pointless and spurious wars since WWII which created unnecessary grief for our young men and women. I’ve written to the presenters to express this view. 

November 3, 2019 

Hurrah, after 24 hours without food I luxuriated in tea and toast for breakfast. Food tastes so good after a break. Once when the spasms continued unrelentingly for 5 days I had visions of it never going away and having to be tube fed. Had an enjoyable day cooking Christmas cakes for Wayside Chapel and Exodus Foundation with Carol, Amy and Kath, the latter a woman born the same year as me in Harrogate so we told stories of places we both knew. She was from Starbeck, the village in which my adoptive cousins lived and which I visited in 1973. Reminded me to ring the bro tonight, as if I needed reminding. 

November 4, 2019 

More NBN goings on. The Optus man came today to make sure everything is okay with the changeover. Me: I’m not happy about the speed. Him: It’s dropped by 50% right? Me: How did you know? Him: Because everywhere I go they say the same thing if they were on cable before. He is getting speeds at his home of 100-110 on cable and fears the NBN coming to where he lives as he’s young and does a lot of streaming, he’s with Telstra which amused me no end. So, I rang Optus to complain and it’s obvious they’ve heard it all before. Not our fault, it’s because the government changed the system etc etc. However Ahmed on the phone offered to become my ‘case manager’, is sending a new modem (which we both know will make no difference) but I am hoping when it doesn’t he may agree to bump me up to the speed I am paying for at no extra charge. He is Indian, living in Punchbowl so we chatted India, food, culture and more and I am in with a chance as he is a lovely helpful person. What a complete fuckup this NBN has been with Malcolm the Technology Guru, who clearly was as useless as a marshmallow hubcap in decision making on this issue. I think I shall write and tell him so. 

Fascinating teev tonight with Australian Story featuring Mark Morrison, the astounding principal of a Kempsey school, who does everything from going to court with his students, rounding them up from home, feeding them, setting up a creche for their children and being a last chance for them to get an education. Respect. Following this was 4 Corners which looked at the police investigation into Bill Spedding, the repairman suspected in the disappearance of 3 year old William Tyrrell. I was surprised and pleased to see his lawyer Peter O’Brien with whom I chatted during breaks at the Coroners Court a couple of months ago (not about the case, just passing the time) but I took his card as I’d picked him as a good bloke to know if you got into deep doodoo. When I win Lotto I am going to have a million or 10 put aside to hand out as needed to fund cases like the ones O’Brien does. He is a specialist in miscarriages of justice, particularly involving the police. Perhaps I will put him on retainer. Yeah, dream on girl, you need to buy tickets to win, but the thought of millions to give away is my ultimate fantasy. 

November 5, 2019 

Yay! A big win, my spy tells me the Anzac sign has been removed from Kiama Lighthouse so I can cease and desist writing letters, emails and phoning the mayor. The RSL asked the council for permission to put the sign there for 2018 only, then applied to make it permanent against the wishes of Crown Lands, National Trust and many others. They have their own perfectly good memorial in the centre of town but got to use a historic building as a billboard for well over 18 months. Hurrah that the council were forced to see sense. 

Up gardening with Kirk from 7.30 am to nearly 10, then we went to Bondi to walk the Sculpture by the Sea. Not as exciting as some other years, but we enjoyed it nonetheless, despite ferocious winds. Had a lovely morning tea at Bronte Bogey Hole, the first cafe on the strip and still the best, then drove to Bondi and got a park right near the start of the walk. I’d figured that Melbourne Cup Day would be an excellent time to do it and that traffic would be light if we came home about 3.30 when everyone was watching tele, right on both counts. It’s Nup to the Cup for me in future, actually I beat the rush and pulled out of it a couple of years ago, an early adopter so to speak. 

November 6, 2019 

Went to the nursery to buy an Acanthus after seeing one at Carol’s in full flower, then wandered around with it in my hand looking for a spot to plant it. It’s a wide spreader and so are many other things I’ve planted recently but finally I found the perfect spot. A few of the books that came into the street library during the week had a Bookcrossing.com number inside the cover. Intrigued, I put the number into their website as instructed, to discover its history and was amazed to find that it went into that system in Geelong, then went to Rooty Hill and then into my library which was pictured on the site! So I registered on the website and I suppose now I will be deluged with emails about where these five books end up. But also in the box yesterday was the book Australian Gypsies by Mandy Sayer, interesting to me as many settled in western Sydney, particularly around Liverpool, where they were discriminated against, even to the point of keeping their children out of some public schools. We went a couple of years ago to a talk in the city on that book but I kept my wallet firmly shut on that occasion as I am downsizing right? However it has been on my ‘to read’ list and I am super glad the universe landed it to me in its own good time. With it was the novel The Reluctant Fundamentalist which was also on my list. 

November 7, 2019 

Became inexplicably ill this morning so the usual hour of gardening was out. Decided I would likely just be lying down if I stayed at home so I jumped in the car and went to court at Lidcombe, air-conditioned, quiet, with lots to focus my mind on. By lunchtime I was feeling well enough to do a bit of gardening so I came home and did just that. Court as therapy? It occurs to me that I am lucky so many things appeal to me to occupy my time because, in the reverse of Bill Clinton, John’s become a hard dog to get off  the porch. We’ve had three lovely trips away but each was occasioned by work (Tenants Advisory Group conference) or by two different celebrations in his family. When I suggested that the morning tea we had on Tuesday at the Bogey Hole was so good that we ought to consider having lunch there, my shout, his response was oh, I’d need to look in my diary, I’m pretty busy at the moment. I’m not telling anyone yet……..but it looks as if my pal Ahmed at Optus, after numerous phone calls and texts from him to me over three days, may have fixed my internet speed……..shh, I don’t want to jinx it. Bless you Ahmed. 

November 8, 2019 

I bought tickets a few weeks ago for A Russian Gala, Sydney Symphony Orchestra with Uzbek pianist Behzod Abduraimov playing Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto No. 1 followed by the full Symphony No. 2 by Rachmaninoff. His playing was sublime, four curtain calls, and it took me back to my youth when Tchaikovsky was number one on my hit parade. Did I fall in love with him or Dylan first? I can’t remember, but they were in tandem for a long time. It was partly him and partly Tolstoy who convinced me to go to the USSR in 1973, just wanting to be where those masters had been, and I was lucky enough to visit Tchaikovsky’s house in Klin, north of Moscow, to sit at his piano and to look at the remaining hand-rolled cigarettes on his desk (whether or not they were genuinely left there when he died is another question which I didn’t press). Unfortunately I didn’t get as far as Yasnaya Polyana, Tolstoy’s house, which was somewhat further afield and in the opposite direction. The two of them met and admired each other immensely, Tchaikovsky saying of Tolstoy that he was “the greatest of all writers and artists ever to have existed anywhere”. Tolstoy was such a supreme student of human nature who could, I assume from his writing, put himself into anyone else’s shoes. Last night’s concert was a wonderful experience and made me realise that I should seek out his music every time it is scheduled. Tchaik 1 and Rach 2, what a double. It also confirmed that when I go ahead and plan an event John not only comes, but enjoys it immensely, so I just need to do so more often. 

November 9, 2019 

Stayed at John’s last night and went to Erskineville to see the fam today. First thing this morning I got a message from my cousin Angela saying that her brother Jimmy is in town from his home in Byron Bay and all the family are meeting tomorrow for a picnic in Royal National Park so we agreed with pleasure to attend. Worked out the food we would take to share as two of their brothers and their families are Muslim converts and it needed to be halal. Met Dav, Louis and Millie at Sydney Park and Millie thoroughly enjoyed the face painting, Elsa of course, and the various child centred activities. About lunchtime we headed back to Lane Cove to shop for the avocado and bean salad and the beetroot, sweet potato and ricotta salad for tomorrow, plenty of fruit and cake in my freezer to take too. Just sitting down to lunch when Angela rang wanting to know where we were, I was aghast to find that she’d sent the message on Friday night and the picnic’s ‘tomorrow’ meant ‘today’. They had been waiting for us to arrive to serve the lunch. What a bummer, I was so looking forward to seeing them and having a swim to boot. I am doing this on John’s computer which is so slow as to be barely believable since he got the NBN. It took an hour and 10 minutes to upload a short video of this morning’s event to Facebook. At home it would be one minute if that. He needs an Ahmed but as he’s with TPG Ahmed’s no help. 

November 10, 2019 

Still rankling about the mixup of days for the picnic but I need to let it go, not something I’m good at. Went to Carol’s on cake duty along with Kath and Virginia. We got through quite a bit of work and had a lovely lunch to boot. Did a detour to look at a desk I was tipped off about, put out for the council cleanup, but it was much too big for me to wrestle. A glance at my phone told me that the Liberals have elected Jim Molan as a Senate replacement. He was disloyal to them once before and is an extremist in my view, so clearly this is the type of person they like. I shall turn off any electronic device which shows his face or voice for the sake of my mental health, I despise him with every grain of my being. 

November 11, 2019 

A mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes attention. Yesterday when I went to water the front garden I discovered that the connection between the hose and the tap was missing. This morning I searched through my hose bits and bobs but couldn’t find a replacement so a trip to Bunnings was on the cards, however when I went out to lay some mulch the fittings had been replaced. So did the heinous thief suffer guilt overnight? Who borrows one’s hose fittings and puts them back the next day? Life’s little mysteries abound. Martha came over to deliver our copies of her book When I Was Ten, for which both John and I were interviewed. Fifteen years in the making, it is a volume which charts the changing lives of Australians across the 20th century. I did have serious reservations about how much of my early life I had exposed but I’ve come to terms with that over the last few months. 

November 12, 2019 

Decided to stay close to home today considering the catastrophic bushfire warnings we are under, but early on I hosed the garden in a probably futile attempt to appease the fire gods. Then went up to Service NSW because the National Parks website said I could renew my concession parks pass there. Unfortunately I discovered you can only pick up the form there and must send off a coloured photocopy of both sides of your pension card to apply, a bit tricky when you don’t have a printer, so another favour to ask of John. I must say that coordinating all state government service at one office, where they are helpful in the extreme, was a very good idea. In fact the only good idea I can think of that the Liberals have had in the last decade (except banning dog racing, which they then reneged on). But seeing all National Parks are closed in NSW because of fire danger, I guess there is no rush on that account. Making a fish and prawn curry for dinner tonight, sauce already done so I just need to heat it up and drop in the small pieces of mullet and the tiger prawns at serving time. The recipe comes from a book of Indian recipes, one of a few my friend Ramachandran has sent me over the years. It’s called Indian Non-Vegetarian Delights, I love the way that in India vegetarian is the norm, and the first on any menu, then non-vegetarian comes at the end. 

November 13, 2019 

Had a sudden insight that I don’t need a printer for the National Parks pass, I just need to photograph the form and the pension card and email them, feeling very technological. Decided that I have so many summer clothes that I need to get them out and iron a few so I don’t keep wearing the same old, same old. So I ironed about 15 tops ranging from 10 to 30 years old and and hung them in the wardrobe. Most are house or going to the supermarket tops, though I did wear one of them out tonight, but even so they need to be cycled. Feeling virtuous. It is now a week since the Larrakia board met and no reply to my letter, what to do? Apart from banging my head against a rock, I just don’t know. Trotted into town on the bus and went to Cafe Chino in the Hilton for a sweet treat before meeting Carol for a movie, but sadly my query about whether a particular tart contained chocolate was wrongly answered in the negative so that was a waste of money and anticipation. The movie, a doco about a small medical service in New Mexico which treats the poor and drug and alcohol addicted folks, was both depressing and inspiring. Depressing that a country like the USA can always find money for prisons, wars and walls yet no money to help its citizens. Inspiring that the same country produces medicos and nurses who have come from hardscrabble backgrounds themselves, yet rise to help others overcome the same social problems which afflicted them. Inspiring too to see the folks trying their best to get well, not always successfully. Discussing the movie afterwards we noted a man in what appeared to be a red Trump hat, he was black. I have no words. 

November 14, 2019 

Decided to do my weekly ringaround and had spoken to Brian and Jackie, when as if by magic the call was interrupted by an incoming from…drum roll…Larrakia Nation. Not the CEO or anyone on the board, but from the head of HR who has been my best contact all along. She explained that the CEO has no secretarial support, is massively overworked, that the organisation ‘lurches from one crisis to the next’ and that he is currently in Alice Springs trying to help folks affected (who isn’t affected?) by the police shooting in Yuendumu. So, where does that leave us? Lee asked me to email her a copy of my written letter to the board and is going to attend to it if she can. I guess the answer is that if you are one person with massive responsibilities you need to delegate and I haven’t seen much willingness to do that so far. I said to Lee that I wish I could just come up for a month and work fulltime to which she answered ‘oh god we would so welcome that’. The saga continues. 

John and I went in on the bus to the Sydney Peace Prize lecture. Michelle is a fixture at this event but sadly missed it this year due to being in hospital, a lame excuse. We enjoyed a speech by Aboriginal woman Antoinette Braybrook of Our Voice, Our Visibility, to whom Tracey Spicer later donated her part of the prize money. While Tarana Burke spoke well too, I didn’t think that she outlined her organisation in the way that perhaps Hanan Ashrawi or Patrick Dodson did, partly because it was almost an accidental movement, they lit the spark but millions of women spread the fire. The prize organisers recognised this by giving it to the movement rather than one individual. Perhaps less speakers, eight plus a musical interlude which I could have happily missed, would allow the featured speaker to spend more time on the matter at hand. Do we really need speeches by the Lord Mayor and local member, however distinguished? I would argue not. But I am not running the show, however I think I shall nominate Bill Crewes for the prize next year. 

November 15, 2019 

Visited Michelle in hospital and she looked right spritely for someone a couple of days post surgery. Then on to UNSW through heavy traffic to our concert venue. Had a meal at the student food court and it wasn’t bad at all. Ordering a cup of tea I asked the lady what they had and expected the usual two choices but she waved her arm across two whole shelves of Twinings varieties, plus Asian and Egyptian teas. When I commented on her selection she gave me a sample of her favourite Egyptian tea to take home, ‘it’s strong so sit down to have it’ she said. What a sweetie. The concert was wonderful, beginning with Sibelius’ Finlandia, followed by Mozart’s Clarinet Concerto and after interval a new work to me The Great Animal Orchestra – Symphony for Orchestra and Wild Soundscapes, written in 2014 and performed only for the second time in Australia. It is set to a background of wild animal noises, taped in America, Borneo, Zimbabwe and the Amazon. There are five movements with compelling sounds and intricate layering of music. I am a hard one to please with modern music but I was enthralled and hope to go again to hear this excellent orchestra. 

Checked my Facebook when I got home and had three messages from friends who have fires approaching tonight. Greg and Luke whose wedding we went to at Webbs Creek a couple of months ago have a fire 20 km away and have had 5 RFS guys there today helping them to prepare the house. They have 4 horses, 2 dogs and 6 chooks to worry about as well as themselves. Simon is on the northern edge of the same fire at Wollemi, though they are 280 km apart by road. His fire is 18 km away and Mark near Gundaroo also has a fire 18 km away. All are out of control and a sleepless night is expected by each of them. To give an idea of the scale of current fire events, if the currently burning area was in the UK, it would cover the entire land surface and then some. Terrifying, the animal loss must be in the millions. 

November 16, 2019 

After forecasting a sleepless night for friends with fires nearby, I managed to be a bit sleepless myself just lying thinking about it. Mid morning I got a message from Davina saying they were going to Macquarie Centre with Millie to see a place which had bears dressed as Elsa from Frozen so I met them there despite loathing that particular centre. It is completely mystifying in its design and apart from always getting lost, I am very conscious of looking for exits all the time as I find the place really claustrophobic so never go there by choice. It was good to get together though and Millie was happy to have the bear, but they get you coming and going, because the boots, dress and even the hair come as extras to the base price making it a pricey Elsa in the end. It morphed into her Christmas present as a result. Clever marketing. 

November 17, 2019 

It was the day of Link Housing’s annual picnic and as John is on the Tenant Advisory Group we had to be there from 11 till 3, which was fine but tiring towards the end, especially during the talent quest….however there were a few people who could actually sing or dance so it wasn’t all bad. Lunch was included at various mobile units selling Malaysian food, paella, pizza and the Oz Harvest truck which I chose, having some nice tacos there. The preponderance of chicken dishes at every stall reminded me that chicken has gone from food for the rich to food for the poor in my lifetime. I was surprised at how many disabled people there were, but John tells me that Link has quite a few disabled tenants, they provide the real estate and other organisations provide the live-in carers. It was an event with lots of games for children, an Aboriginal dance troupe, the talent quest, Santa, a sort of liquorice allsorts selection of what people might like, not to mention the lunch, desserts and drinks. I did speak to one worker who said that the entire staff has been given over to working on this for a month, that did give me pause for thought about how internally focussed government and semi-government organisations can become, plus the cost of today must have been phenomenal. 

November 18, 2019 

I find myself absolutely fuming about the corruption arrest of Paul Whyte and an associate in Western Australia. He was responsible for ‘internal governance, standards and integrity’ in the Department of Community, he who sets the rules knows best how to get around them. But it gets worse, he was responsible for public housing, it gets even worse, in charge of Aboriginal Housing. He apparently spent the money on a high end house, lifestyle and racehorses while many Aboriginal people in that state live in poverty. If guilty I would volunteer to help tar and feather him. I know, I know, I am against capital punishment in all its forms, but today I am making his case the one exception. One paper is showing a video online of a man kicking the gates of his mansion and calling ‘come out you bastard’. Was it a disgruntled neighbour or member of the public who’d read the news? No, it was another high ranking public servant from the same department who reported apparent corruption to Whyte in 2017. Whyte supposedly investigated it and told the man he was mistaken. Bastard indeed if he’s found guilty. But I was able to let my ire go down to simmer for a wonderful lunch with a friend for her birthday. We went to Wild Pear and I swear it has to be one of the best lunch venues in Sydney, a big call but the food is top city restaurant quality. No wonder the daughter of this family won Masterchef this year. Bravo! 

November 19, 2019 

I have cooled off a little and tar and feathering is out the window in WA, replaced by public stocks and egg throwing. By the end of the week perhaps I will accept gaol as an option. John, out of the blue, asked me a question during the week that is perhaps relevant here. He said ‘if there is a place in the brain for religious belief and you don’t have one, what would you put in its place?’ Without even thinking I said Justice. I think that’s one reason why I love going to court, seeing people getting some little justice for acts committed against them or their families. But it applies too in hatred of injustice, seeing corruption in any form, but especially in government, just makes my blood boil. ICAC hearings are probably the most satisfying court proceedings and the Police Integrity Commission would be too, but I am reluctant to go (if in fact it is even public) in case I bust my foo-foo valve listening to the evidence. 

I am battling an ant plague and have been for a month. Every time I pick something up there’s an ant or two or six under it. Today I discovered they are all over the cans in my pantry, everything is sealed in there but they are on the hunt nevertheless. I had some meringues in a clip-lock cake tin on the bench and they somehow managed to get inside the sealed tin, currently the box is in the fridge and they are cooling their heels. I don’t want to poison their nest, I actually like ants, but they are driving me to distraction in the kitchen. 

November 20, 2019 

Hallelujah! An email arrived from the CEO of Larrakia Nation, headlined Grateful. Not looking for gratitude, just answers to some questions, but I will take gratitude as well if it’s going free. Then another from the woman who’s been of most assistance there, apologising for the fact that ‘your experience with us has been so poor’. So the cheques are wending their way to Darwin as we speak, a weight off my shoulders. Coming up to wet season (if ever it arrives) they need all the help they can get. 

I may, I repeat may, have had a win with the ants. I asked professor Google about ways to get rid of them and he said they hate peppermint oil. Well I happened to have some so I added a few drops to a spray bottle of water and every time I see an ant I give it a shower. So far, so good, they don’t like it and this morning I only had three instead of 50, so I am spraying the inside of the pantry as it’s harmless and smells nice anyway. 

My street library has slowed off of late, since I bought the Bunnings shelves for all the stored books, bloody typical. However today I’ve had a lady called Rosie at the door with donations and another called Rita looking for a particular book, so it has its benefits socially. I do get some good books to read myself in the donations, recently reading a few interesting novels and a book on Australian Gypsies that I had wanted for a while, so while my library has slowed, all books are appreciated and will find their way to homes in the end. 

November 21, 2019 

John went this week to his monthly meeting of ex priest friends. They lunch together, chew the fat, criticise the church and sympathise with each other about the trials of their time in the seminary. But this week John was disappointed to find that the view was widely abroad that the church was somehow badly done by in relation to the child sexual abuse scandal. He kept his powder dry for now but he felt he will need to address that view at some point. It’s the old story of putting on a uniform, in cases as wide as the military, the police and even among priests (ex priests in this case) the loyalty always wins, regardless of how serious the transgression it will be forgiven by those who wear or have worn the uniform. This is why prosecutions are rare, no one wants to testify against their compatriots. Governments cynically use this loyalty to keep the lid on scandals by their police and military and priests have benefited too. John tells the story of being pulled up for speeding and when he handed the cop his licence the only response was ‘on your way, you should know better’. A priest ‘in uniform’ wasn’t an appropriate target. 

November 22, 2019 

Yesterday I accompanied Martha to Windsor so she could deliver a copy of her book to Brian. He was surprised and delighted by it and thrilled that he got to keep his copy. Martha expressed interest in giving a talk to the residents and Brian pointed out the appropriate staff member to speak to. She took Martha’s number and was very positive about the idea. We repaired to the sushi train but for the first time I was disappointed by the food there,typical if you suggest a place. 

Working on the ant issue and a combination of leaving the pantry open and spraying the blighters with water and peppermint oil as soon as I see them is having some effect. I’m hoping to gradually reduce them but I’m darned if I know what they’re after, even found one in a letter I was about to take to post. 

November 23, 2019 

Left early for Erko to wrangle Millie for the weekend, meeting Carly there as she arrived from Canberra to be joint wrangler. Dav and Louis headed off for a weekend at Manly beach, with swims and a fish restaurant in the planning. I took along a bottle of bubble liquid, a large floor puzzle of the planets and a Wiggles activity book, all of which together occupied many hours of the weekend, as well as snap cards and other games, so a success on three fronts there. She is into looking at and identifying flowers at the moment so a walk to a small reserve with flowers was a must. Very declamatory at the moment so there was a lot of ‘sit there grandma with your hands down by your sides’ and ‘okay guys, let’s take turns, I’m first’ both of which I suspect come from pre-school. I was exhausted by the time she went to bed and don’t know how on earth I would manage her alone these days. 

November 24, 2019 

We made cupcakes this morning with Millie an active part of the making, including icing them with a blueberry on top. Later we went to the park where, as usual, she cosied up to a man there, linking arms with him as he sat on a seat trying to look at his phone. His son played chasings and other games with her, but on leaving commented ‘goodbye Millie, I like you even if you’ve got nits’, presumably referring to her curly hair. The father insisted on an apology, but it shows how early this stuff starts. I felt much better after a sleep, but it was interrupted in the early hours by a call from Togo, I needed Carly to remind me exactly where Togo is, and as far as I know I have no friends there. I suspect he has a million or two in the bank for me but it will have to remain where it is I’m afraid as I was too sleepy to respond. Although our charge was happy to see mum and dad return, she didn’t query their absence as she has in the past, just decided they were ‘at work’. 

November 25, 2019 

Made quite some progress on clearing my storeroom today. Threw out boxes of day sheets, lay-by books and receipt books from the shop, only keeping the last two years of trading. Then packed up all my plate stands and racks of various sizes and half of the jewellery display material, boxes, stands etc and all these will go to auction. I discovered I have got three Christmas trees and boxes and boxes of decorations, when only one tree and one box of decos gets used each year. I am far from a minimalist and have no desire to become one but I need things organised to a point that I know what’s there and how I can access it easily and quickly. My plastic and foil bulk cooking platters and dishes remain in case I go back to cooking for a horde. 

My internet speed has been ploughing along around the 46 mark but last night and tonight it’s dropped to 26 for reasons I can’t fathom. However John must have the slowest NBN in Sydney, dropping yesterday to 0.2 download and 0.0 upload, he’s still waiting for a pic I sent yesterday. 

November 26, 2019 

With the car filled to the brim with an assortment of goodies from my storeroom, plus a few things from council pickups, I trotted off to Bargain Hunt to put them to auction. Larrakia will get another cheque before Christmas I’m thinking. However I now have a car full of lifejackets, signs, a lamp, a 6 foot Christmas tree with decorations, Christmas ornaments, collectable matchbooks, postcards, jewellery point of sale goods, plate stands and lots more. I was only hoping for about $20 a lot, but the owner told me they had lots of good stuff coming in at the moment, so only the wall mounted bronze animal head passed muster. ‘big Christmas tree with decos and ornaments $20 bucks’ I wanted to shout from the car as I came home. Not sure what the next move is, but the only good news is that they gave me a $200 reserve on the bronze. 

I had rung my optician friend a few days ago complaining that although I keep cleaning my glasses to get rid of a blur, there doesn’t seem to be much improvement afterwards. Could I need a new script I asked? He mentioned cataracts as a possibility as well as the obvious, a new script. So this morning I went to his eye test person who confirmed that my eyes had deteriorated somewhat and she bumped up the script 2 points. However then she asked if I go to an ophthalmologist, which I do as the drug I have been on for years for Sjogren’s/lupus can damage your eyes, part of the reason I stopped it about 6 months ago. She suggested I see him soon, but it was hard to get out of her exactly why. Seeing she was Asian it brought to mind Robert and Sue’s difficulties in getting the truth out of his oncologist, something they’ve put down to cultural differences. So I trotted out to Ralph who said he’d put new lenses in my old glasses as he always does and then I left with my referral from her, which I promptly opened to find that she thinks I have glaucoma, which of course has an initial symptom of blurry vision. A bit annoyed as I am not a Nervous Nellie regarding medical matters. Anyway I rang the ophthalmologist’s office and was offered an appointment next year, but when I told her I had opened the referral and glaucoma was suspected she put me in this Thursday. All the more reason that the optometrist should have been upfront, though she did say I have cataracts now but apparently wasn’t game to mention the G word. 

November 27, 2019 

Ant update: I wasn’t here all weekend and there was no chance of the little blighters getting anything to eat, so I thought I was shot of them. Then yesterday one only knife was left on the breadboard and the whole damn nest appeared. This morning I decided that I had put up with this for 5 weeks and enough was enough, so I reluctantly went down to the laundry and got the Ant Rid, putting it on a piece of foil where they congregate on the kitchen bench. So far, they have walked around it, searching everywhere else for a crumb. 

Reading George Pell’s 2002 hagiography, ahem I mean biography, by Tess Livingstone and it is as if Louise Milligan’s recent excellent book about him is referring to another person altogether, though at one point Tess does say that many people report his serious bullying and strict adherence to the rulebook when he was a prefect at school. I am inclined to email her and ask her whether she’s read the Milligan book and what her view of him is now. I did get one laugh out of it though. Pell’s father, not a Catholic and with high regard for his son’s intellectual ability and ambitions for his son professionally, greeted the announcement that he was going into the priesthood with the words ‘you might just as well have been a bloody dill’. I am toying with wrapping it up as part of the book swap for our Christmas book group celebration on Friday, there has to be one booby prize in the pile doesn’t there? 

November 28, 2019 

Just back from the ophthalmologist, always a trial, but today I arrived at 1.30 and left at 4, groan. About 15 minutes was spent having tests done and the rest of the time waiting. I left my book in the car and was afraid to go and get it in case I missed my turn so I read every magazine there that didn’t involve sport, a pile a foot high. He is very good at what he does, but 27 people in a waiting room indicates to me that attention to the bank balance is crucial. Anyway, good news, I have neither glaucoma nor cataracts but age related deterioration of the lens. He said I would be lucky to pass a driving test without glasses and was surprised that I didn’t have difficulty driving. So I sailed through that one unscathed. Praise be. 

Thinking today about my encounter years back with Clive James, in Castle Hill of all places. Back in the day there was a very good restaurant in the Plaza there and I frequented it for dinner if I saw a movie. At the time Clive was living in Dural with a woman whose name I’ve forgotten and one night I was surprised to see them at the next table. I ignored them but as they left he said confidently ‘hello, you know who I am’. ‘Yes’ I replied and we had a short chat, about the food from memory. A couple of weeks later he was at the next table again and greeted me like a long lost friend, asking what I had ordered and chatting for some time. His lady friend looked bored and didn’t engage, I suspect she’d seen it all before. He was charming, clever, entertaining and had an ego the size of a house. When he left he stood and said goodbye loudly to the owner from across the room, judging by the bemused looks on the patrons they didn’t have a clue who he was. Postscript: while looking up his obit online I accidentally discovered by way of a photo that the woman he was with on those two occasions was Leanne Edelsten, his longtime girlfriend of the time and the reason his wife tossed him out, after discovering emails and photos on his computer. 

November 29, 2019 

Deborah is still in hospital after a month, having been transferred to rehab for a week, deteriorating and being raced back to hospital for a third go at surgery. Apparently the rehab doctor was clueless and told her she was fine to go home, despite her complaints of being too sick. He left to go on holiday at 3pm and the replacement doctor realised straight away that she was in bother, rang the surgeon who didn’t have visiting rights at the rehab centre, and presto back to hospital and into theatre immediately. They drained over two litres of fluid from her lung, followed by two more the next day. She’s there still, but this time will leave to go to a different rehab hospital, apparently the previous one is geared up for joint replacement and just weren’t with it for a lung problem. Big teaching hospitals have their problems too, but curious registrars are always hanging around to pick up things that may have been missed by someone else, that’s a big enough reason for me to prefer them over the privates every time. 

Book group Christmas party with just two members absent was a warm and relaxed affair. Carol did the customary Thanksgiving turkey and we exchanged books as is our tradition. I got Bernardine Evaristo’s for Girl, Woman, Other about which I know nothing, but I look forward to reading it. I decided to give two books from my bookshelves rather than from the street library collection, The Romanovs 1613-1918 and the novel The Lost Dog by Michelle de Kretser. Both were enjoyable but I can’t see myself rereading either with so much wonderful stuff coming onto the market every week. Just reading  every Trump book released keeps me out of trouble. I am attracted to reading about bizarre personalities, forensic psychology fascinates me. Which leads me to the Claremont killings trial in WA where the prosecution is trying to link particular domestic stresses in the accused’s marriage to the actual dates that the girls were murdered. His wife had an affair, later becoming in pregnant to her gentleman friend and subsequently leaving her husband. She testified that at each of these junctures the husband was calm and no argument ensued. The judge made the comment to the effect that if the accused didn’t react it was hard to believe he was upset enough to cause him to go out and commit a murder. I would have thought that failure to react in those circumstances would be quite an abnormal reaction, especially as he had in 1990 been convicted of going into a hospital and gagging a social worker, dragging her to another room before she managed to escape. All this immediately after he discovered his then girlfriend had been cheating on him…. but he didn’t react. It’s surprisingly similar to the common ‘kick the cat’ scenario, displacing  frustrations by abusing a lower-ranking person than the one who has caused you grief. The judge maybe needs to get out more. 

November 30, 2019 

Library run this morning and all’s well with the world. I began an unusual new book tonight, Quiet Until the Thaw, about American Indians living on a reservation in the 1960s and 70s. The similarities with Aboriginal experience are many, loss of language and culture, use of their people for war but with no respect or rights attached, removal from family and abuse in the institutions into which they were placed.A depressingly familiar scenario. Talking of depressing people, I had a communication late tonight from Chrys in Brisbane to say that the depressing figure of Angus Taylor may have had a secretive motive for his attacks on Clover Moore, using forged documents. Apparently his wife, barrister Louise Clegg, was planning a tilt at Clover’s job as Lord Mayor, giving him the motive everyone’s been looking for. If true, he’s toast and she has to be under suspicion as an accomplice. Contacted all the journos I could think of to ask if it’s true. 

December 1, 2019 

Oh no, 24 days to Christmas and I haven’t given it any thought at all. It will be a smaller gathering than usual and I think the first time that Dav won’t be home for Christmas, although one year John and I were away and the girls spent it together. On cake duty at Carol’s today in a big group of seven, it’s looking as if she’ll be finished earlier than usual this year. I probably needed a stiff Drambuie tonight after a big black spider came up the inside of the armchair I was sitting in. I didn’t know I could move so fast. I’m good with most critters but oh my goodness I’m a big coward with spiders and had to ask Mr Mortein for urgent assistance. Bless you Mr Mortein. 

December 2, 2019 

Interesting morning as Jane had asked me if she could bring over the wife of an American friend who is spending 5 weeks in Australia. So they came for morning tea, the primary aim being for  us to discuss antiques, which are her passion. She is well versed in the subject and made knowledgeable comments on my bits and pieces. She is booked to go on a tour to England for a week of antique hunting, the tour guide said there is absolutely no sightseeing involved. I had sent Jane an email detailing the best auctions houses and a rundown of their upcoming sales in the period she is here, but I’m not sure that she’d received that.

We seemed to hit it off well in the time we spent together and ended up furiously agreeing about the madness of Trump and the dangers he poses on so many levels. Perhaps we will meet up again before they go back or at least become distance friends. Later John arrived after a Tenant Network meeting in Parramatta which seemed to be a waste of a morning as is often the case. They are fixated on procedure and constitutions and whatever and never do a thing that helps anybody. He asked if I wanted to join some other homelessness action group but I said a resounding NO as I think it will be another jawfest. 

We went to Newtown for a late session of the movie Farming for which I had cheap tickets. It was the story of how Nigerian families in Britain farmed out their children to working class white families for profit, in this particular true case it was so the parents could study there. It was harrowing, and I doubt John would have gone had he known the content was so violent. It was the time of the skinheads and in Essex they were dominant in the generally right wing and racist culture of the 60s. His adoptive parents, who were illiterate Gypsies, took in ten Nigerian children from different families for payment and the children were routinely abused on the street by white locals. However that paled compared to the suffering the skinhead gangs inflicted on them and eventually, I guess to save himself from beatings and to find some sort of family, he became a member of Tilbury Skins himself. Eventually a devoted teacher at a prison facility encouraged him to get his O levels, then to study at university where he ended up with a Masters in Law. He played his own father in the movie and went to a lot of trouble to exactly represent the home in which he grew up, replete with china ducks on the wall. I don’t think I will forget it for a long time. Home after midnight but we didn’t turn into pumpkins. 

December 3, 2019 

A trip to Windsor today to  dump all my auction rejects on a contact there who has regular garage sales, mostly junk but very cheap. I gave him some of the stuff and said we can go halves in some other things. He filled me in on a couple of very recent deaths out there. The first was of a bikie local whose most memorable line in the shop was ‘I want a pair of earrings for the missus that don’t come off when I’m humpin’ ‘er’. I obliged and found a pair of silver ones with clip hooks. His son is currently in gaol for murder awaiting trial, after the first jury was strangely unable to reach a verdict. His excellent legal aid barrister was able to instil doubt in them, but certainly not in me. It was a drug dealers’ argument after which he has admitted putting the body into an old car and towing it to the wreckers at Penrith to be crushed. I wondered why he admitted that bit, until a lawyer explained to me that for murder with a missing body the penalty is higher, so he is taking a hit for disposing of a corpse and still hoping to get off the murder charge. A sad day if he succeeds. The second was Horrie, only in his 50s, a local boy who somehow or other managed to get a lovely Finnish girl to fall for him years ago, they married and now have an 18 year old son. He had an op 6 months ago and had complained ever since of chest pain which the doc ultimately decided was emphysema, sadly he was wrong and poor Horrie died at home suddenly, suffering in fact from sepsis from the operation. I think about both of these flawed characters with some sadness, yet in life I disliked both quite intensely. The former was probably the worst racist I’ve ever dealt with and the latter I had long ago nicknamed Horrible. Yet it just shows that for all of that we still regret a life ending, one that could have been so much more, yet they were both hidebound by their own upbringing and now it possibly flows on to the next generation, certainly it has gone even further downhill in the case of the bikie’s son. Perhaps they did their best with what they were given. 

December 4, 2019 

Sometimes you get a win. On Saturday an auction house rang me to say that the highest bid on the bronze I had put in their sale was $100 and they were hoping I would accept that. ‘I’d rather use it as a doorstop’ I said and planned to pick it up today. Yesterday I had a message not to come in because they had sold it for $200 post sale. I replied that the charity the money was going to would be pleased and a message shot back ‘if it’s going to a charity we won’t charge the commission’ so I will get the full $200. Of course she asked for the charity details and presumably will make the cheque out to them. Bonza. 

We went in to the city on the bus and had an early dinner at The Grounds in the City. I don’t know why we don’t eat there more often, yes I do actually, it is because we are usually going to the Opera House and it is just a bit too far away when you are hurrying to a performance. I had a salad which was all nuts and grains and shoots and herbs and roasted baby carrots with not a lettuce leaf or a slice of tomato or cucumber in sight, it was fabulous. Went on to the Recital Hall at Angel Place to see Vivaldi’s opera Farnace and what a performance it was, both musically and dramatically with a dark, but arresting design. The joy of not one, but two, counter tenors was a rare treat, though to my ear it was the smaller part of Gilade which was the highlight of the night. Max Riebl you can sing under my window any night that suits you. What a talent he is. It is interesting that I am usually the opera person in the family, yet because it was John’s favourite composer, he dismissed all his usual complaints about the length, the unlikely storyline etc and just immersed himself in the music. I hope he feels the same way about those I have booked on subscription for 2020. 

December 5, 2019 

Went up to see Bob Elliott with John at 8.30 and then continued on to Ralph the optician where I had my glasses upgraded to the new lenses, the third set in these frames now. He charged me the Medibank rebate only until I asked what the proper price was and found there was a difference of $30. He is a great optician but not much of a businessman, always finding ways to do things cheaper for me. This time I stuck the 30 bucks in his pocket and his answer was ‘thanks, it’s a lean time right now’, so even when things are tight he is still trying to save me money. Love dealing with the same reliable good people, it takes decades to find them all, but then you don’t have to think about looking around for any service from then on. Heard a god-awful crash tonight and thought it was another branch down on the roof, but it was a large painting in the dining room which had come down due to the eye hook failing. Luckily it didn’t smash the glass but sadly it took off the top of one of my ladder back chairs c1700, which fills me with guilt as they’ve survived over 300 years and now one comes to grief on my watch. 

December 6, 2019 

I was so happy when my pal Ahmed, my ‘case manager’ at Optus, got my internet speed up to a steady 46, but suddenly and for no apparent reason it has dropped to about 25 so I phoned him up and it appears it is 48 when it leaves Optus but only 25 when it gets here. So after a bit of trying this and that he decided to get an engineer out here on Monday to have a look see. If you need help at Optus insist on Ahmed is my advice, just tell him Maureen sent you. 

Went to Erko to Millie’s pre-school Christmas party which had loads of food and activities, including biscuit making which involved the staff baking the results. I must admit ours were more flour than dough but whatever. Had dinner with the Erko mob and still got home in time to read a few chapters of my latest Trump book. The librarian asked if I ever read pro- Trump books and I pointed out that I hadn’t heard of one, a point she acceded. 

December 7, 2019 

Talked to Deborah who is back in rehab from hospital, a different one this time after finding the previous one lacking. Then I was just about to leave for Carol’s to do some cake baking when Arvind next door rang to see if he could come in to see me. I judged rightly that he had some concern and it was that someone had thrown two eggs at his house, one hitting the upstairs balcony and one the downstairs one. We were both at a loss to guess who might be responsible, but I think he needed to sit and talk about it. A mighty effort at Carol’s over the last many weeks means the cake baking is finished, about 5000 small ones made for distribution to homeless people on Christmas day and other larger ones to be sold to donate cash to the two charities involved. What an amazing commitment successfully completed. Carol cracked two bottles of champagne for those of us there today to celebrate. 

December 8, 2019 

Millie is a bit obsessed with poo at the moment, understandably for a 3 year old. Last week she gave me a painting of 4 poos: cat, dog, Millie and one of her pre-school friends, in various shades of brown. This last was the biggest, as the little girl had apparently pooed her pants one day, much to Millie’s delight, not too young for schadenfreude. On Friday the Mooch was very excited that she had got up from a nap, pooed in the potty and wiped herself without assistance, a fact with which she regaled her teacher as soon as we got to the Christmas party. On the walk home she spotted a dog poo and pointed it out to me: ‘Look grandma, that’s a dog poo!’ Yes it is Millie, but don’t worry it’s on the grass so we won’t step in it……long pause…..’It’s not as big as the one I did grandma’. 

Still reading Siege by Michael Wolff and the Trump stories abound. I’m up to the part where the ghastly Kavanagh is appointed to the Supreme Court with Trump trying to get an assurance that he would find in his favour if he is impeached, tried over his business dealings or charged with any other offences but Kavanagh is on record supporting the idea that a President can’t be charged while in office so he seemed a safe bet, ‘you want judges who owe you’. The man is beneath contempt. On a lesser scale but shocking nonetheless, the father of the former NSW Police Minister Troy Grant has finally handed himself in to police today over the hit and run killing of a man back in November. But the thing that shocked me most was that he was chased by the police on the night and charged with drink driving but wouldn’t admit to being the driver responsible. Investigations have continued but it’s taken him till now to hand himself in. He’s a former cop, an inspector would you believe? Actually, yes I would. 

December 9, 2019 

I have often told people that the koel is a very honest bird. The only time it calls ko-el is when it is about to rain in the next 24 hours, the rest of the time you don’t hear a thing. But the koel has blotted its copybook, calling every day in the last month or so with not a drop of rain arriving. So has the constant smoke confused the poor bird who thinks it is cloud? I don’t know, but I can’t trust its forecasts any more and that’s sad. Now I am glad I didn’t vote for it in the best bird stakes recently. 

Bright and early came the Optus man, sent by the lovely Ahmed, and it seems the distance from the gadgetry to the computer is a small part of the problem and Malcolm Turnbull the bigger part (computer has been in the same spot all this time). But the solution to getting back my 46/47 speed seems to be plugging it into the modem, (wi-fi speed of 25, cable speed of 47 when he was here testing it). Sort of defeats the idea of wi-fi doesn’t it? But whatever, at least I can go back to good speeds if I simply move my carcass to the desk, which is probably where I should work anyway. 

December 10, 2019 

The New Zealand volcano disaster dominates the thinking of everyone today, that and the smoke which is the worst ever. I wore a mask just to go out into the front yard. But regarding the NZ tragedy I hope we can accept that it is just the might of nature showing its hand and not that someone is to blame. Volcanoes are amazing things, we all want to see them and walk on them if we can, the website of the tourist company clearly states that there can be an eruption at any time, not just in times of perceived increased risk. Part of the reason we love volcanoes is the danger factor, so blame shouldn’t be our primary concern. When Robert and Sue went to Vanuatu they took a helicopter to a volcanic island and hiked up with a guide. Robert jokingly asked the guide how many people had fallen in after observing that there was nothing to stop a slide into the crater. The guide casually replied that a young Japanese couple had fallen in a few months back and their bodies were never retrieved. Didn’t even make the news. It is a tragedy, but the earth is a harsh mistress. As well as earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanoes, flooding, drought and bushfire there are cyclones, thunderstorms, the list goes on. This is why religion was invented, to give us some surety in an unsure world and to give us the hope of seeing our lost relatives and friends again, but I cling to the reality of just accepting these things, tragic as they are, as bloody bad luck. Our sensitive prime minister chose today to ralph on about 11 changes to the religious freedom bill. I sometimes wonder if he’s on the spectrum, so out of touch with the zeitgeist he is. 

December 11, 2019 

A trip to Windsor through appalling smoke to visit Brian and see Martha give a talk to the residents. They were very dynamic and keen to discuss the slides she showed. The manager said to me ‘you can bring her back whenever you want, they never respond as positively as this to talks’. I think the fact that she asked them to relate stories from their lives to the slides she was showing was the key. John came up and we headed into town by bus to see Cosi at the Drama Theatre. It stands up well after all these years, as an autobiographical look at Louis Nowra’s production of a musical in a Melbourne psychiatric hospital in the early 70s. It doesn’t glamourise the patients, but it certainly finds their humanity and was hugely funny. Beforehand we ate at Salt, Meats, Cheese at the Quay. We were home again at 12.30am and it seems that’s the third time lately that we’ve arrived after midnight, but luckily before the witching hour. I am starting to think about Christmas but that’s as far as I’ve got, thinking. 

December 12, 2019 

My bro’s 85th birthday and the British election both. He is very anti-Brexit but hates both Johnson and Corbyn. I sent him the book The Dry which, despite being a murder mystery, gives an accurate picture of the country in drought. Decided to head to Rozelle with some donations for the Gunawirra charity which supports Aboriginal mothers and their young children. I had quite a bit of stuff such as tinned formula, clothes, toys etc to drop off but unfortunately missed crossing paths with Graham with whom I’ve been dealing. Then into town to the Rocks Christmas Markets which were advertised as being on daily, instead of just at weekends, up till Christmas. However it eventuated that there were just three stalls! Oh the big markets are on the weekends the tourist office said, well why do you bloody advertise them as on every day I was wondering. So I hopped straight back onto the bus home, bah humbug. 

December 13, 2019 

Well the bro’s birthday is over and with it any chance of the British avoiding Brexit. But they clearly understood the result of their decision and that’s what they want, a Donald Trump but with a better vocabulary. The UK will not only lose duty-free access to the EU’s single market of over 500 million people, it will have to renegotiate every single trade deal with the rest of the world. Good luck then. It all comes back to immigration of course and you only need to spend a few days in England’s north to know how hated migrants are. 

Went to lunch with Tania at Sarino’s where the food was very good but the atmosphere, we both agreed, was far south of the prices. Very noisy, no clothed tables, no outlook or architectural artistry to keep the diner entranced. But looking around at the diners, I suspect we were the only ones who noticed. Am I pompous and old-fashioned to think that denim shorts are perhaps not the best choice for a restaurant lunch? Yes, okay I am pompous and old-fashioned. The waiter was a tall Brazilian with good looks and a mouth full of teeth and he took his job of schmoozing two lunching ladies seriously. After a bubbly and a glass of limoncello to finish, on the house, plus birthday cards for each of us signed by all the staff, I was buoyant enough to put the Brexit vote aside and to smile benignly as I watch Britain begin her unceremonious slide into the sea. 

December 14, 2019 

Drove down to Erko to give them their Christmas goodies and Millie was thrilled with her gifts ‘grandma, a Frozen dress!’ she said excitedly, actually a nightie, but that didn’t dent her enthusiasm. She packed it to go on the plane to England on Monday. Got home in time to attend the late afternoon auction of no. 20 Cross St, a house on a small corner block, the backyard having been chopped off years ago. I was amazed at the quality of the restoration, obviously gutted and rejigged to include a walk in wardrobe, 2 ensuites and a full bathroom, plus a divine kitchen with marble benches and a super cooking range. The young buyer, a single man, paid $1.43 million with his steel-eyed mother doing the bidding for him. I picked her as the winning bidder immediately, she was not going home empty handed judging by the set of her jaw. One wonders how a man in his 20s gets $1.43 million, but I’m guessing rich parents is the answer. Cooked fettuccine with broccoli sauce for dinner and splashed a tiny spot of boiling water on my hand while testing the pasta, it hurt a lot and made me wonder how a human could even survive the pain of being caught in a volcanic eruption as happened in New Zealand. It is unimaginable that shock didn’t kill them. 

December 15, 2019 

Yesterday I saw a Noisy Miner going to each agapanthus flower in the front garden and sticking its beak in. I hadn’t seen that happen before and was pleased, but decided it was a dangerous occupation so close to the ground. This morning I found the little fellow dead next to one of the plants, looks like a cat was watching as well. Life’s cruel out in the wild, you will be missed little friend. 

Just got a text with a photo of me nursing a friend’s toddler son about 30 years ago. I was blown away by the resemblance to Millie, the same teeth but more particularly the masses of dark curly hair. I had simply forgotten that I used to look like that, never having seen this picture before it was quite a shock, but certainly a pleasant one. I have the Christmas cake in the oven, the fruit macerated in port from a 1994 bottle that’s lived in the back of the liquor cupboard after I got it at a house clearance about 20 years ago. Seeing I don’t drink the stuff neat it may as well be used up in the cake, smells damn good in the oven anyway, starting to smell like Christmas. 

December 16, 2019 

Had lunch with a friend today at Geranium Cottage, a restaurant at Middle Dural where we sat outdoors under an umbrella and enjoyed food, wine and a gentle breeze. I am becoming quite ‘the lady who lunches’ lately, though we discussed the group Christmas functions that she goes to and I never have. I am not really a joiner so there aren’t the invitations flowing at this time of year, something that I’m perfectly fine with as I really prefer small more intimate encounters. 

I saw with horror the racial abuse hurled at an Aboriginal artist couple in their home in Mildura and I’m so glad he filmed the whole thing. Very pleased that McDonalds were so quick off the mark to sack the man as franchisee of two of its restaurants. His recent online posts exhibit more racial taunts attacking Chinese, plus posts supporting the coalition, particularly Dutton and Abbott. His lovely wife is past president of Gold Coast Young Liberals, why am I not surprised by this fact? Got a call from one of the agents who sold the property near me on Saturday. Of course they follow up the attendees but I must say this agency, which came out of nowhere a couple of years ago, seems to be better at it than most, not putting the hard word on you to buy or sell, just a low key ‘what did you think of the auction? what price did you think it would go for?’. Apparently the vendors are moving to New Zealand and all the high end furniture and fittings were included in the sale, lucky young buyer indeed. 

December 17, 2019 

Davina and crew left for England last night at 9.45 and just after I remarked to John that they would be on the ground in Doha I got a text to say they were in the airport there having a coffee and waiting for the onward flight to Birmingham. The thought of being in the air from last night to 1.35 pm today is almost unbearable for me now. She reports Millie vomiting numerous times even though it wasn’t turbulent, so it appears she has inherited the motion sickness gene along with the dark curly hair one, the former she could have done without. 

Just finished reading The Costello Memoirs about Peter Costello’s long stint as treasurer. Yes, the GST, WMF, GDP and the rest of the financial hooha glazed me over a bit but I read it to get a sense of the man. On the good side he is certainly loyal, patient, steady and a self-confessed ‘tax law addict’, well I guess someone has to be. On the negative, if one judges a person by the company he keeps he is a bit of a worry. Thick with the parliamentary ‘God squad’ he cites Michael Kroger, Eric Abetz, Tony Abbott, Peter Reith et al as allies and friends so with those dubious characters as intimates you have to be wary of his perspective. I was willing to give good works their due, but I’m afraid I saw a classic conservative who can’t see past the monetary aspects of society and with little human empathy, unlike his famous brother. His vigorous support of all of the American wars is in itself a damning summation of his inability to see outside the conservative package. Having said that he has a wry sense of humour and showed incredible patience and forbearance not to out John Howard for reneging on the deal they made for Costello’s succession. Eventually it was a witness who made the agreement public, though JH still welched on it anyway, losing the election and even his own seat in the process. 

December 18, 2019 

Just back from a visit to Bob and I had a winge about the fact that I was unable to eat for about 20 hours after consuming a bowl of pasta, garlic bread and a dessert for lunch on Monday. Same thing last week when I went out to lunch, so the restrictions on what I can eat at night have morphed into what I can eat at noon as well, which is a pain in the butt for someone like me who lives to eat. One option is to go back to the gastroenterologist who will have me in hospital for an endoscopy before you can say garlic prawns. Bob said that when I had it done last time the doc said that he went down looking for one problem and came out looking at four, so no doubt he’d be keen for a reprise. So I can expect to be in pain on Christmas afternoon and just need to cop it sweet. It was a medical day all round with John going to St Vincents at 9 am for the monthly transfusion of blood products to keep his immune system strong, then seeing the orthopaedic surgeon for a check on his knee at 1.30, followed by the public dentist at 3.30. No wonder the country’s in a mess, it well never get back into the black while John is draining Medicare like he has the last three years. 

My seeds arrived from the Diggers Club and I planted the Four O’Clocks out near the street in a raised bed. I have no idea what they look like but they open in the late afternoon, so that’s fun. Then put the Salad Burnet into pots as my mixed lettuce leaves are getting close to their end. The Zinnias were put into seed trays to be transplanted later, I remember calling them ant flowers when we had them in the front garden as a child, they were always crawling up and down the stems. Purple Basil will go in later once my current green basil finishes, good work but now I need to keep the water up to them, not simple now we are restricted to watering cans only. 

December 19, 2019 

The story of the leaf blower so far: A brand new boxed McCulloch leaf blower appeared under my deck some weeks back and I immediately phoned my friend Tim who admitted to being the trespasser and culprit. It is my Christmas present he said, from someone with whom I’ve never exchanged presents at Christmas or any other time. It is a 2 stroke machine about which I know nothing, but my occasional gardener informed me that it isn’t the sort of thing I could use easily and I should ask for it to be exchanged for a battery one. Undefeated I went to Bunnings and bought 2 stroke oil and a petrol can with a spout, but the Bunnings man told me the same thing as Kirk, it’s not for someone who doesn’t understand using 2 stroke. So after some thinking I finally decided to return the bits and bobs to the hardware shop and email Tim to thank him profusely, but explain that I wanted him to take it back. NO came his response, but he kindly offered to give me a coaching session which he did today. He came armed with earmuffs, a petrol can and some of the oil. I managed with some difficulty and blew the leaves out of my open laundry and under the deck then took the mess off the pebble paths at the front. Maureen 1: Leaf Blower 0, but whether I can start it on another occasion is a vexed issue. (Press the button 6 times, not 5 or 7, then move the choke to N then back to the start, then press the trigger and pull the starter cord hard, or was it the cord and then the trigger……" src="blob:https://theblathering.net/085b2b20-7567-4f44-8bc1-312a2132c98d">. 

December 20, 2019 

During a wakeful night I had the sudden realisation that Christmas was on Tuesday and I’d miscalculated my preparations as I was a day short. Then I really couldn’t sleep trying to work out a timetable to fit in food shopping, cooking, a trip to Windsor and more. Half way through this morning I glanced at my diary and discovered that it’s actually on Wednesday and my preparations are all in order. Talk about wasted angst. 

On my way to Windsor to distribute a few small presents I called in at the Headquarters of the Rural Fire Service in the Hills at Kenthurst. I was surprisingly met by the commander wearing more epaulettes and cloth badges than I’ve seen outside of television. I asked how to best help and he was so positive, telling me exactly what food carries well in the trucks and what the fire fighters like to eat on duty. Muesli bars, poppers of juice, sandwiches are preferred to taking say a cake or a box of biscuits, unless those things are individually wrapped to pop into their tucker boxes. I broached the subject of their receiving pay from the government for days worked but he said unequivocally ‘no, they would all refuse it, they take pride in being volunteers’, so a letter writing campaign on their behalf would be redundant. A few loaves of sambos seems a poor thank you for what they do, but he assured me that they would be well received. Blinded by the bling, I didn’t even get his name. 

December 21, 2019 

Well I never! The zinnia seeds I planted on the 18th are well and truly up on the 21st. I don’t think I’ve ever had any seeds grow that fast before but as it was new potting mix they can’t be weeds in those neat little rows. Now I have to decide where to put them which is more of an issue. Contacted our friends in Blackheath and they have decamped to a hotel with cats in tow until the bushfire emergency has passed. I can’t ever recall both the Great Western Highway and Bell’s Line of Road being closed at the same time, making it impossible for them to head to Sydney rellies even if they were of a mind to. I’m not sure how else you would get to Sydney as the Putty Road via Singleton is closed too. Unprecedented, and it must make the mountains folk uneasy knowing that they are trapped both ways. Ben Quilty came out with a scathing attack on the government over its lack of action on climate change which, as one would expect from Ben, hits the nail right on the head. 

December 22, 2019 

Whinge whinge, I may have to go back to the gastro next year after all, ate dinner last night before 5 pm and was still suffering at 2.30 am, what a pain in the arse (no, in the stomach actually). I might even have to take the medication he prescribed, ha ha. As Professor Reeves once commented I am a minimalist when it comes to drugs, so I can hardly go back and claim that I’m sick if I haven’t continued to take the tablets he prescribed. Anyway next year is soon enough. 

Yes the little green shoots in the seed tray are actually the zinnias, which are extraordinarily keen to come into the world, haven’t heard about the fires obviously. I watched the presser that ScoMo gave at the RFS Headquarters this morning and checking out the fixed faces of the staff, they weren’t actually too keen to see him. He waved as he left and was met with blank dials, no one jumping up for a chance to shake the Prime Ministerial paw. Even if you accept the ‘can’t let the kiddies down’ response, which has some merit, that doesn’t explain his department’s evasion and downright lies regarding his whereabouts. The Hillsong NYC theory still bounces around the net, with the Hawaii trip a cover or add on to that, but one thing is for sure, the truth will come out eventually. It doesn’t make any sense at all to hide a simple beach holiday so a whiff of rat is definitely in the air. My friend Tim, he of the elaborate conspiracy theories, would be able to link it in effortlessly with Kabbalah, child abuse rings and crooked judges but I think the fact the ScoMo is naturally as cunning as the proverbial shit-house rat is probably closer to the truth. 

December 23, 2019 

Did my fresh food shopping today so I can have an uninterrupted cooking day tomorrow. Thankyou, to whoever organises such things, for the cool weather which made my shopping trip a pleasure instead of a trial. I have just four takers for Christmas but enough food to feed quite a few more of course. I took a gulp when the fishmonger gave me the price of the side of salmon I bought, but will have forgotten that when it comes out of the oven all dripping in honey, lime juice, garlic and coriander, I can taste it already. The Christmas cake however looks dry, yet it’s the recipe I’ve made for years. My oven is like the bowels of Hades and if you give something another 15 minutes it can be catastrophic. Hopefully I’m wrong, but I don’t think so. 

Got a good laugh at a Canadian tourist who bears quite a resemblance to ScoMo wearing a T shirt announcing ‘I Am Not Scott Morrison’ because he kept being abused on the street in the Gold Coast, which by extension means that the real one is copping some abuse too. (I shouldn’t like that idea but I do because I am a bad person.) He is unable to change his behaviour because he just doesn’t see where he’s going wrong and why people fuss, in that respect he is like Tony Abbott. 

December 24, 2019 

So glad that the weather has changed for the better, for the firefighters in particular. Spent the day cooking and preparing for the festivities. Carly arrived about 6 pm and we enjoyed the baked salmon, just the right laid back food for Christmas Eve. I think I shall have a day or two with no news, no politics, no getting angry, just relaxing and enjoying life. Strange to have no one else here but we three enjoyed ourselves immensely. 

December 25, 2019 

After the traditional Christmas breakfast of croissants and jam (as distinct from the usual breakfast of toast and jam) Carly and I prepped for the main meal while her friend was travelling up from Canberra. Lunch of roast beef porterhouse with Yorkshire pudding, bread sauce, roast veges, snow peas and sugar snap peas ticked all the boxes. We followed up with spiced creme brulees but unfortunately the heat gun misbehaved and doing the brulee topping was a bigger job than usual. Present opening filled much of the afternoon and I was lucky to receive some unusual ones like the hand knitted house socks from Himachal Pradesh, plus a hand painted duck from Kashmir, both from her friend. His mum sent me a beautiful scarf from northern India too. Too much food but I am assured calories don’t accumulate on Christmas Day so that’s a relief. As my grandmother always said after every present opening…’we’ve all done very well’.

December 26, 2019 

Luckily I bought enough croissants that we could indoctrinate our visitor into the Partridge Boxing Day breakfast even though he missed the Christmas one. He is lovely to have around, very accommodating, easy to be with and happy to discuss any topic in a relaxed and intelligent way. In the afternoon Heather came over, shortly followed by Robert and Sue, so we had a house full for a while. Robert seemed well and was sparking on all cylinders. We did a strange fridge raid for dinner, having Yorkshire puddings and gravy as an entree and baked salmon and veggies for main followed by Christmas pudding and brandy custard. Our visitor told us about a 6 month post-graduate course for doctors in Varanasi to treat people who believe they are possessed by demons, something he might like to do once he has finished his PhD. What a weird intersection of science and belief. I rang the restaurant that I am taking John to on New Years’ Eve and asked if we could have a window table. They replied that we already have a corner window seat ‘the best table in the house’ which shows there is benefit in booking in the first week of January for NYE 12 months hence. 

December 27, 2019 

Danish went back to Canberra this morning to continue his studies and John went off to RNSH to visit his friend who broke a femur and wrist just before Christmas playing street cricket. I had had 5 texts during the night about the fact that the burglar alarm battery was down and it wasn’t communicating with them. The texts woke me each time but I just thought it was some idiot up very late and ignored them. But sure enough it was security so they sent a techie this morning and it was promptly fixed, the speed due to the fact that most businesses are shut and so I was near the top of the queue. He was a lovely young man and we talked antiques for some time. I have his phone number and promised I would look through my reference book collection with a view to passing a couple of books on to him. Next we drove to the nursery, taking my very dead Acanthus plant to see what I did wrong. Turns out I was ill advised about the position it needed by the person I asked when I bought it, so it basically fried to death. By rights I should have asked for a replacement but I let it go. Then we went to Wild Pear and shared a meal and a dessert, being served by Larissa Takchi, the owner’s daughter and winner of Masterchef 2019, who is the restaurant manager. The dessert of Lemon Parfait was extraordinary in that it came with a lemon and black olive compote, a black olive madeleine and was ringed with olive oil. Not hugely sweet but absolutely delicious and very Masterchefy. She is just amazing, not that I watched the series this year, but I did watch her once at the beginning and then the final. To cook like that at 22 just blows my mind. 

December 28, 2019 

We tossed around the idea of going to Balmoral or Manly and decided that the traffic and the parking issues weren’t really worth it, so we went to Baulko Pool and had two good swims. The shade has improved since my girls went there as kids and we enjoyed it immensely. Also went to a strangely situated pharmacy in Norwest Business Park that is the only place in the area to sell Passport brand glasses. I had rung the company in Adelaide to find their stockists as I am hoping Ralph will be able to put my new script for long distance glasses into these funky $20 frames after passing on all the boring ones that optometrists sell. Perhaps he’ll say no, but the chemist will take them back in that event. The only nearby business is a medical practice and both are accessed by a lift so I really don’t see how she would stay in business if the surgery moves out, but perhaps the doctor is her husband? No passing trade at all seems risky to me. 

December 29, 2019 

We three went into the city to the Art Gallery to see the Japan Supernatural exhibition and to go to the Quilty one man show there. The Kenthurst boy has certainly made good, always on the compassionate side of any argument and a wonderful portraitist. Do I like the more recent surrealist ones….no I can’t say I do, but his earlier works sustain me. Then we doodled around the exhibition of Kaldor Public Art Projects, no doubt funded by John Kaldor, and I constantly asked myself WHY? Why is wrapping the coast important? why is a dog made of flowers earth shattering? why is some dude baking multiple loaves of psychedelic-coloured bread consequential? I got as far as the photos of society matrons munching the vile looking bread at the art gallery (bread they would rather die than touch anywhere else) and decided Kaldor can keep the plurry lot of his artworks, wouldn’t take any of them as a gift. Wandered down to Boy Charlton Pool and had some lunch at their cafe overlooking Garden Island Naval Base. I fared well but John’s barramundi, plainly garnished with some tired rocket and two orange segments was a rip off. Then we had a swim in the pool while John minded the gear and it was noticeably colder than the water at Baulko yesterday, but good all the same. As usual the RAN ships Canberra and Adelaide were in dock opposite, a permanent situation since early this year when the navy discovered that these brand new bits of gear have major faults, so they sit in the aptly named ‘graving dock’ as $3 billion dollars worth of scrap metal. (Hint to navy brass: check if any of the designers have Russian names). 

December 30, 2019 

My conspiracy theorist friend often regales me with tales of child abuse by the judiciary and prominent politicians (Hillary Clinton features), of the killing of babies in order to drink their blood, of successful Jewish efforts to control the world via financial markets, of surveillance within our homes and lots more besides. These theories have led to a restaurant in the US being invaded at gunpoint by people looking to free child slaves which some idiot had tweeted were being held there by Clinton, Obama et al. Increased anti-Semitism in the US may also be related. My eyes glaze over at this sort of stuff, even when Trump is retweeting their rubbish, but now it turns out that the Australian promoter of this group, QAnon, is an old friend of our PM and his wife and has been appointed to Scott Morrison’s staff, working out of Kirribilli House. His wife, a lifelong friend of the PM’s wife, has also been given a job. They put a lot of store in symbols and one of these is to refer to child abuse as ‘ritual child abuse’ a phrase which QAnon is claiming they influenced Morrison to use in a speech and which he did in fact say, to the puzzlement of many. Red shoes are apparently a sign, so now Julie Bishop is suspect according to them…. This is getting a bit too close for comfort, I prefer my ratbags well and truly over the water, not sitting on the verandah looking over the harbour. 

December 31, 2019 

Talking about ratbags looking over the harbour, my friend Judith alerted me to a post on Twitter that she wrote about Smoko using Kirribilli House on New Years Eve as the venue for a private party for his rellies and friends to watch the fireworks. Her post went ballistic and every response was hugely negative, excoriating him for everything from holding a private party at our expense to queries about the invitees, some asking if Tim Stewart, the QAnon conspiracy theorist was attending. Clearly that association has been widely publicised, and of course Brian Houston of Hillsong was another name widely bandied about. There were hundreds of responses, every single one critical of Scotty from Marketing. If only the election were next weekend…. 

I booked the best table for New Years Eve at The Boathouse at Blackwattle Bay back in the first week of January 2019 without telling John so he was super pleased that our NYE was sorted. It was in the front corner with our backs to the restaurant proper and plate glass on both sides, looking out over the back harbour and city, apart from the noise we could have been the only people there. Oddly in all three course I preferred his meal to mine, but that’s the luck of the draw and my choices were perfectly fine, it’s just that his were better. We were between courses when the 9 o’clock fireworks went off and saw the aerial ones but of course not those on the Bridge. We decided to book for next year as we were leaving, same table thank you garcon. 

January 1, 2020 

My god, 2020’s a weird thing to type, sounds like an eye test. The bushfire disaster is just unbelievable, even with everything I’ve read about the sorts of fires climate change could produce, this was still hard to believe. I know all those little towns well, we holidayed in Mallacoota for a week just before John got sick and travelled back staying at Bermagui and spending time in Mogo and Lake Conjola. Mallacoota is memorable particularly for the wilderness cruise we went on from Gypsy Point, west of the town, where Captain John was so knowledgeable pointing out lots of birds such as sea eagles, kites and azure kingfishers as we travelled along the river. I suspect all that beautiful bush is now gone. 

We decided today to go on the Rivercat from Parramatta to the city and take in a movie at Opera Quays. Loved the lazy trip in, but discovered that the last boat goes to Parra at 4.07 so we had to train back unfortunately as we’d parked at the wharf. Shocked to find out that the cinema has lost its lease and now the only Dendy will be at Newtown from February, our favourite cinema destination bites the dust. We planned a quick lunch at Renaissance which was closed so ate some sushi standing up at the quay. Good day out though the city was packed. 

January 2, 2020 

I am finding myself quick to anger about the bushfires and those suffering as a result, but I guess anger is more healthy than depression. I do believe that there is a place for anger, after a certain point of being nice and patient and accommodating, a short sharp burst of anger can help everyone. In my household as a child it was an absolute no-no to show anger about anything. But to paraphrase Malcolm X, “There’s a time and a place for anger, where nothing else will do.” I salute those who made their views known to the Prime Minister today at Cobargo, I can’t imagine Jacinda Ardern running off with her tail between her legs if faced by a few angry fire victims, but that’s what he did, of course making the people more angry than they were in the first place. Apparently at a fire station one of the volunteers refused to shake his hand, this will not go unnoticed in the Liberal Party upper echelons. But any changes will be superficial and only enough to pacify a few gullible voters. If only the election were next weekend, the government would sink like a stone. 

January 3, 2020 

THE ANTS ARE BACK!!! Just when I thought that the peppermint oil spray had deterred them, I discovered a track across the kitchen opening to the pantry where they had forced entry into an unopened $15 bag of almond meal and were feasting inside the bag. I upended it into a salad bowl, trapping the little monsters at the bottom if the bowl and later in the day I found a sieve appropriately sized to filter them out. Anyone objecting to this practice should perhaps avoid my almond meal cooking for weeks/months. Their buildup escaped me this time by going higher than my eyes could reasonably detect and coming down into the pantry from the top, but I’m a wakeup to that tactic now and my spray bottle is refilled and in use again this morning. Not giving a hoot about their lives anymore puts me in mind of our PM who, when told by a weary firefighter that he had had nothing to eat that day, replied ‘well, I’ll let you get back to it then’ and walked off. If the man is suffering from some variation of psychopathy perhaps I could spare him some sympathy, but his psychiatrist should have warned him that public service probably wasn’t a good idea. But David Elliott is back from holidays so an improvement in the fire situation should follow, not. If I can contribute to getting that bloke out of parliament and into street sweeping my life has not been in vain. 

January 4, 2020 

At home today, 46 degrees C currently on my shaded back verandah, 48.7 degrees in Penrith, the hottest ever recorded in Greater Sydney, that’s 119.66 Fahrenheit. It’s a day of huge news interspersed with the domestic, the ants are in retreat, Australia is burning, idiots (whom we are paying to govern us) talk about fires starting from self-combusting cow manure. I just noticed that my deciduous trees are dying back severely, the PM says everything possible is being done for the fire refugees yet he won’t call in the Defence Force apart from two ships to get people without enough food, water or medications off a beach. Well there seem to be a disconnect here between reality and what is coming out of his mouth. Welcome to 2020. 

It seems somehow important that my garden is watered, yet what does it matter in the scheme of things in Australia on this awful day? It’s a bit like knitting through the Blitz, keeping something small and controllable happening normally. It pains me to hear that Southern Ocean Lodge, the place at which I’d intended to spend a month when I won Lotto, is just a blackened ruin. Six staff stayed back to fight the fire, but ended up in a bunker built for just this eventuality, thankfully safe. Strangely the thought of Champagne bottles exploding as they heated comes to mind, a macabre version of the celebratory popping corks. I think of Walt Whitman’s words in Leaves of Grass for some reason: ‘Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.’ I think we need to be large at the moment, moving from the huge and impossible to control, to the minutiae of life to keep ourselves sane. Having said that I think I need to make a cup of tea before I face looking at the News. 

January 5, 2020 

The importance of donating appropriately came to mind today. Bilpin Rural Fire Service had a Facebook post asking people to come to their hall to take away donations of toys, clothes, food. Not fire victims mind, just anyone, they want their hall back and it’s full of stuff donated by well-meaning people, but there were only a handful of homes lost in Bilpin and a heap of donations left so it was really a wasted exercise. Bearing this in mind I rang RFS local headquarters in Kenthurst first to see if they could use some sandwiches, fruit and biscuits packed into individual lunches today, as I had a free day and was available to help. No they said, nearly all of our trucks are at Mittagong so there’s no one around to eat them, yet on other days they were more than happy to have them. 

I could see various black marks on the kitchen cornice this morning so I got the steps and a wet Chux and climbed up to wipe them off. But they were not just marks, they were groups of 20-30 ants, not moving, just in a tight mass. It’s as if they had drawn the waggons in a circle, were having a meeting triaging new tactics or perhaps they were having a prayer meeting, I don’t know. I am starting to get paranoid, they are smarter than I am and get around every stratagem I dream up. The pantry doors are left open, the steps are permanently in place so ten times a day I can climb up to where I see, or imagine I see, a solitary scout looking for a new way in. All the while an open sugar basin for guests sits on the shelf and nary an ant goes near it, so perhaps not quite so smart. I had these tiny buggers once before and they had a taste for flour, not sugar and I am wondering if these are the same when they bit their way into almond meal yet left the sugar packets alone. I will win, not immediately, but definitely. 

January 6, 2020 

John came up and fixed the frame of the picture that fell off the wall a couple of weeks ago, half demolishing a chair and then we went to a movie in the afternoon, Knives Out, which was a ridiculous premise made into a funny film. It stars Daniel Craig who needed to spend more time with the voice coach, but because he’s a big star no one wanted to tell him. His Southern drawl veers too close to Cheshire England on many occasions, but all in all it was an antidote to the grim news surrounding us at the moment. I was unable to sleep and ended up in the spare bedroom, still only getting a couple of hours. I think this whole fire disaster has really got to me and it feels hopeless at times, so I intend to go to the Sack ScoMo rally on Friday night, it won’t rid us of the smirking bastard but will be a good morale booster, for me anyway. 

January 7, 2020 

Sue texted early to see if we were home for visitors so I invited them to lunch, arriving less than two hours hence. A quick trip to the corner shops provided leg ham and pate, the garden provided salad greens and the rest was a fridge raid, luckily I made another batch of tahini sauce yesterday. Along with six eggs halved and stuffed with anchovy and a few cheeses from the fridge it made a meal which catered for Robert’s keto diet, high fat, no carbs. We laughed and played up as usual, not much talk of the fires, which was a good thing as I’d been obsessing about it all. We took a nap in the afternoon, a rare event, but a welcome one today. John also plastered up a few match head size holes at cornice level through which ants may be entering. Yesterday they ate their way into a new packet of honey coated cashews with heavy packaging. I washed them off then dried the nuts in the oven and put them into a tin. They rarely find food, it is the constant scouts that drive me mad, I picked up my glasses to read and one walked across the lens, mocking me. Sigh. 

January 8, 2020 

No ants this morning, for an hour anyway. Then they came streaming in from the direction which John thought he sealed off yesterday, the top of a door jamb. I am now spraying with vinegar and water, too much needed to keep depleting the peppermint oil, which is too good for them anyway, vinegar works just as well. 

The expectation with the government’s plan to pay the firefighting volunteers was that they could claim once they’d spent 10 days on the fire line and any days thereafter. Wrong. The first 10 days makes the volunteer eligible, but those first 10 days cannot be claimed, only day 11 onwards can be claimed. Also the expectation was that the volunteer could claim $300 per day. Wrong again. The volunteer can only claim their normal working day wage, after tax. The expectation was that the volunteer could claim for the day they spent on the fire line. Wrong three times. If the volunteer’s normal working day was 9.00am to 5.00pm and they spent from 6.00pm to 10.00am fighting fires and then turned up for work, they can only claim the one hour out of their normal working day – 9.00am to 10.00am. If the volunteer is retired and does not have a ‘working day’ then they too are not eligible to claim compensation. God, I hate this government and all members of it with every fibre of my being. 

January 9, 2020 

Michelle rang with another ant tip, tea tree oil on cotton balls left in their path which I will try. I think I am ahead as I was out all day and expected heaps when I got home but none so far, perhaps they just like me and want to hang out. I went to Erko to meet Davina after her holiday. I thought we were going for a swim at Marrickville but it was Mahon Pool at Maroubra that she had in mind, so we tootled off there instead. The water was cool under the overcast sky and we were initially the only ones swimming but soon a couple of other hardy souls joined us. I remembered to take my goggles so I got to observe all the sea life clinging to the walls, reminding me of one of the many benefits of a sea pool over a tiled one. Today a message came from Anglican Parish Gosford that I have reached Top Fan status, acquired by the number of times I’ve accessed the website or shared a Facebook post. They asked if I minded them adding Top Fan to my shares which when you think about my religion, or lack of it, is pretty funny. The fact that I once posted ‘Father Rod for PM’ didn’t hurt I guess. I was sold on him once I read his autobiography and get his sermons sent to my page each week, although I must admit that I gloss over the religion and focus on the politics, but I suspect his sizeable atheist following does the same. 

January 10, 2020 

The protest against ScumMo was huge, stopping the trams as it spread out across George and Park Streets. The square isn’t really big enough so there ended up being three different protests, one in the square itself, one on the Town Hall steps and one on the Park St corner, but all for the same purpose. I’m sure it suits the powers that be that the plaza there can only hold a modest crowd. It didn’t appear as if they had permission to close the roads, it was just a case of people swarming over them. Very few police and no counter protesters so that was good on both counts. 

I have been teased in the past for reading the Daily Mail and I don’t defend their trashier moments. However when I want to know fast about what’s going on or when I just want a leisurely browse I find it worth the $0 it costs me to look. Anyone reading early this week would have seen an article saying that Harry and Meghan would be moving part time to Canada in a deal worked out with the government there during their six week holiday. The DM is often (rightly) criticised for robbing stories from other papers, but here was a case where the other papers ignored their story, to their cost. Now we have a shock horror reaction from most media to something that’s been in the press for days. In the days prior to that the DM also pointed out that the Queen had photographs of William and his family on her side table during her Christmas speech, but none of Harry with his. They speculated about a rift and were proved right. I’m not sure why they are often first with a story but I suspect they are willing to rush to print and will wear the opprobrium of being wrong on occasion. 

January 11, 2020 

Went in to town on the bus to the once a year meet up of a group of women I’m friendly with, almost all north shore ladies, for lunch in the kiosk at the Botanic Gardens. It was interesting that their criticism of ScumMo was unanimous even though they are not at all a political group. The Gardens were looking a bit tatty, many of the tropical plants browning off and two very tall palms lying where they had fallen, dead as dodos. Then I wandered to Circular Quay to meet John for the movie Sorry I Missed You, another Ken Loach classic, this time on the subject of the working poor in northern England, specifically contract home nurses and delivery drivers. It was gut-wrenching and so well acted that you would be forgiven for assuming it to be a documentary. Our future, if we keep electing conservative governments. Dinner was at Jimmy’s Recipe at the Quay, which cost all of $20.80 for us both, including card surcharge. A new bus service from the city right to John’s door whisked us home. 

January 12, 2020 

We exchanged gifts with John’s neighbour Ann this morning. She doesn’t do Christmas but does celebrate Ded Moroz, Father Frost in Russia. I was spoiled rotten with a plaque reading ‘I’m not old, I’m vintage’, a delicious Donna Hay Seasons Cookbook and some earrings, actually 12 pairs, twelve, one dozen, the number of months in a year, a duodecim of earrings. These range from tomato slices, goldfish in plastic bags, pineapples, daisies to various shapes and colours in plastic, metal and stone. Each was bought separately online on ebay or from retailers. I bought her a bottle of perfume that she didn’t like so now I have that too. A somewhat asymmetrical Ded Moroz. 

We went to Narrabeen, potentially for a swim, but it started to rain as we got there, quite a downpour in fact so we retreated to Driftwood Cafe to share some banana bread and a cuppa until it stopped, except it didn’t, so then we drove to Curl Curl and read in the car looking out over the ocean and luxuriating in the rain on the windscreen. Both beaches were closed for swimming but they looked fine to us, a rip perhaps? I read that Rise Up Australia Party leader Danny Nalliah, who once claimed the Black Saturday bushfires were God’s payback for Victoria having decriminalised abortion, has closed down the party because “Rise Up was formed almost a decade ago because of a vacuum in Christian-conservative politics, which has now been filled. There is no need for us to continue because Scott Morrison was elected,” the pastor said. So nice to know that’s all sorted and God’s happy. 

January 13, 2020 

John woke me between 12 and 1am to ask if I’d slept well, which I had up till then, but didn’t afterwards. He thought it was 6 am as it’s a pretty full moon. We loaded into the car the painting that fell from the wall recently and the sad chair that it broke on the way down, so I am set to take both to my old restorer tomorrow. I did some food shopping and decided to cook a meal from my new Donna Hay cookbook for dinner. It includes a tzatziki which has honey and cumin in it as well as the usual yogurt, cucumber and garlic. I like I’ve decided. Picked up my new distance glasses today and I’m very happy with the funky $20 frames, not to mention the fact that I can now see sooo much better at a distance. I get on so well with my optometrist who is a very generous and helpful soul, as well as a homophobe, a Trump supporter, a climate denier  and of course in this quadrella…..an evangelical Christian. Aaagh. 

January 14, 2020 

Went for a run to North Richmond to see John Koster and leave my painting and chair for repair. Followed this with a visit to Brian, taking a selection of fruit, which he always loves. Had a glimmer of hope in the ant situation after ringing the Department of Primary Industries for advice. They put me through to an entomologist in Orange who was helpful, conceding the possibility I raised that they could be Argentine ants. Their nests are so huge that they need to need to utilise every available food source to feed the vast numbers of ants that eventually build up. Argentine ants become a major pest by invading houses and swarming over everything, including entering fridges, unopened packets and have even been known to follow the spiral down inside screw-top jars to get at the contents. When I told her that they have managed to eat through plastic to get into sealed packets and that they’ve invaded clip lock sealed cake boxes she suggested that she send me a pack to catch some of the tiny blighters to return to her for identification. When I was a kid we were always searching for them as there was a cash reward, but I never succeeded in finding one. I told her I’d killed thousands but she said it’s pointless because they will just organise the queen to lay that many more eggs. They also use pheromones to tell the other ants which areas they’ve already checked and which areas are most dangerous eg my kitchen bench. Now they only travel at cornice height, so at least that’s somewhat of a relief because I can cook without interference. They walk around Ant Rid, teatree oil likewise, Mortein barrier spray didn’t work under the house so I am just left with my trusty vinegar and water spray bottle if they come down below the cornice. 

January 15, 2020 

A trip to the nursery yielded just a Thai chili plant for $4.70 after loyalty discount. I looked at the succulents, trying to get more of the ones I have in already but there were none there, nor at the nursery at Windsor yesterday. I had bought some on special there before Christmas, typically I didn’t buy up when they were cheap. But I am looking forward to getting chilis as I need them because fruit shops sell them en masse in packets and I only want them intermittently. Trying another recipe tonight from the Donna Hay book that Ann gave me, Salmon with Lemon Cream Sauce on a bed of greens. I now have my pantry slide-out baskets spread around the house, cake icing things in my bedroom, cake cooking ones on the chaise in the loungeroom, others on my desk or in the spare bedroom. So far the ants haven’t twigged and it’s a nuisance getting the flour from the lounge, the nutmeg from the desk etc but it seems to have fooled their limited language capabilities as they are still going to the empty pantry. He he, primates rule, so far today. 

I came across yet another article from Quadrant written by John’s football friend who is so opposed to everything we believe in that I can no longer safely be in his presence. He rails against the gullible people who believe this climate change nonsense, in the past writing scathing articles on unions and racial diversity on the ABC. Everything is a Communist plot as far as I read his meaning, but he’s way smarter than me and wouldn’t be crass enough to put it that way. One article explains how the current climate hysteria is born out of the anti-nuclear movement of the 60s, carried on through the generations by leftist Teachers Federation apparatchiks. Last night as I sat reading it on the net I was as angry as a hornet in a bottle, but he refuses to debate his views with anyone, or at least not with John. He is the intellectual darling of Catallaxy, the IPA, climate deniers and libertarian causes, justifying with excellent writing skills the attitudes of his friends Gina Rinehart and Christopher Monckton. Deep breathe Maureen, deep breathe. 

January 16, 2020 

Decided to go in to town to the Police and Justice Museum which is always worth a look for the old photos from Sydney’s early days, apart from any current exhibitions they may have. Then I got a welcome call from Sue beginning ‘have you got time to talk?’ so we spent a while chewing the fat. I was still in my nightie at 10 with good intentions lagging, when I looked up the hours and discovered the museum only opens weekends now, so that was that. Did some weeding, to find that the light rain we’ve had only dampened the top centimetre of soil. It was as dry as a pommie’s bathmat underneath, then the postman brought my water bill and I discovered that my usage was way up on last year, so much for my saving water. The postman also brought the ant kit from DPI so I am closer to getting them identified, if not to getting rid of them. They haven’t discovered my pantry contents hiding in plain sight, so that is a win of sorts. 

Continuing to enjoy the Harp in the South trilogy, read as a 20 odd year old and totally new to me as I read it now. I am taken with the way the characters address each other and half of me thinks that we have patently improved in our civility, while the other half wonders if it were better to be able to state one’s opinions forcefully and then come back the next day with no hard feelings. I can’t even imagine the response if I addressed someone in my book group with the equivalent of ‘shut your ugly face you skinny slag’, but I don’t think I will do so, even as an experiment. 

January 17, 2020 

Lucky me! I have had a grey butcher bird on the deck twice this week. Wondering what attracted it, I looked up my bird books and it appears they will eat grains if meat is not available and I had put out some leftover savoury rice. My two magpies have brought their big adult size baby and it sits, as its parents used to when young, on my outdoor chairs to avoid the rain. The parents sit out in the tree despite the rain, watching over it just as their parents used to do for them. It squawks to be fed rather than bend its head to eat what is right there, I feel like telling the parents that they are being used but I think perhaps they know. Making an old fashioned baked rice pudding for tonight as I had some perfectly good cream that was out of date but I didn’t want to push my luck, so just added some milk and cooked it up with the rice, sugar, vanilla and nutmeg, yum. Will serve it warm with fresh white peaches and raspberries, but John will still want his icecream later I know. 

January 18, 2020 

As predicted John said he liked the rice pudding last night, but would have preferred his usual icecream. Ah well, I did predict it. We checked online for trackwork on the rail to Katoomba and there appeared to be none, so off we went on the bus to Parramatta only to be told that we needed to catch a bus to Penrith due to trackwork. Felt a bit cheated but as it turned out we were only a few minutes later than expected as the bus left before the train had been due to leave. We were meeting up with Annabel, Dan, Aurora and Tallulah to celebrate the children’s birthdays, both this week. John had the brilliant idea of inviting Dan’s mother Lyn and her sister Pat, both of whom we get on with very well, and the whole event went off without problems. We had lunch in the lounge of the Carrington Hotel, replete with many people in vintage clothing for the 1950s festival this weekend. Lots of vintage cars in the closed off street and markets selling vintage clothing and jewellery, which I was self-disciplined enough to avoid. A tent with 50s live music completed what seemed like a very good event. By the time we negotiated a train and two buses to get home it was after 7pm, tired but a good day had. 

January 19, 2020 

Drove to Erskineville to see Dav and Co and to give Millie the gift I’d bought of a box of yucky, creepy stuff like a plastic poo, a cockroach, some blow flies and maggots and a slippery tongue, all the correct sizes and very lifelike. It went well till I suggested she trick mummy and daddy by quietly putting the cockroach in the fruit bowl but the concept didn’t appeal and she pulled a blanket over her head and looked upset. She was fine with doing it openly though and spent the next couple of hours finding funny places to deposit them, such as a blowfly on biscuits Dav served up with a cup of tea. So she got the joke, just didn’t want to do it surreptitiously, which was interesting. Afterwards we went to see the film Jo Jo Rabbit which was clever and superbly acted by its young lead, but I am afraid I just can’t get used to the idea of joking about Fascism, and Nazism in particular. Although I can see what he was trying to do and most of the audience found it funny, I was often cringing, as I always did with M*A*S*H and Hogan’s Heroes in decades past for the same reasons. Not sorry I saw it though, but not my fave by any means. We went to it because Carly texted to warn me not to go to 1917 which she saw last night as she’d had to leave due to motion sickness, so I would certainly be affected by it too. Pity, as John was looking forward to it, but he can go alone through the week. 

January 20, 2020 

Rang the Sydney Festival for tickets to Betty Blokk Buster Reimagined after a very positive review from Michelle who went last night. I was a regular for years at all of Reg Livermore’s shows in the 70s, seeing some of them twice, and once when I visited his open garden in the Blue Mountains he came wafting out of the house to the gazebo in a heavy mist with a tea tray and invited me to share a cuppa. One of life’s highlights was seeing him appear out of the those tiny droplets of water suspended in the air, just like an entrance from one of his shows. He may have been a few inches above the ground, but perhaps I imagined that. Drove out to pick up my damaged chair from the restorer and confirmed that he is a genius, it’s impossible to pick where it was broken even though I took a bag full of pieces for him to put together like a jigsaw. Then I called in to see one of my contacts theoretically just to pick up a payment on a loan we’d negotiated last year. Seeing he now has no car, that turned into a trip to the post office, the real estate (to pay the rent), pet food store (meat for magpies), the bulk bird seed place at McGraths Hill (seed for the hundreds of other birds he feeds every day), the bakery (stale bread, ditto), then to Aldi for his fortnight’s groceries. Pension gone, he’ll now live with just small change till next pay. It is the life many lead and few understand. 

January 21, 2020 

Had an exciting morning making a cake from the Donna Hay book I was given recently. It is unusual because it is cooked in the oven in a heavy frypan after cooking the orange slices in said pan with sugar and vanilla and then pouring the almond cake mixture on top. I used blood oranges and it looks superb, waiting for sir to arrive before I spoil it by cutting, but he needs to get his skates on as it looks too good to resist. The excitement came when, half way through making the cake, a nasty big spider ran across the kitchen bench and when I screamed it reared up on its hind legs and presented its large fangs, reminiscent of funnel web behaviour. I couldn’t hit it because of all the cooking equipment between us but finally it ran into the flour sifter (ugh) so I cleverly placed a plate on top and sprayed it through the mesh base. Primate 1: Spider 0, but where are his loved ones I ask myself? Why has the world of insects and arachnids got it in for me at the moment? Ants I can deal with, just, but spiders creep me into a shrieking mess. On the ant front I am still seeing outliers but the constant trails seem to have been stopped by separating all food sources into different rooms, although I did open my morning jam jar to find it full of the little bleeders. The lid was firmly tight, so that goes to show these little ants can and do travel around the thread of the jar to get in, as I had been warned, so all jam goes in the fridge now. Note to self: Screaming indoors does not bring help of any kind and may in fact precipitate a cardiac event. 

January 22, 2020 

For some reason I like typing 2020 as I can do it so quickly, pathetic typist that I am, 2020, 2020, 2020. There, that’s it for now. Well with John’s help and advice I succeeded in getting a lot of stuff out of the garage today. Firstly we decided that my beautiful hand woven Persian carpet which has remained rolled up there ever since the loungeroom was extended should come back up to live in the dining room as I just can’t bring myself to sell it. Vacced front and back it looks a treat. Huge spacemaker in the garage too. Then I unpacked numerous boxes and repacked them for auction, gift giving and to keep. Tossed lots of packing paper into the recycling and felt suitably virtuous. Later we went to the framer and I chose a frame for the broken painting that came down off the wall, a nice silver painted wooden one which is much more suitable to a modernist painting than the poor choice in which it was originally framed. Later we went to Riverside Theatre to see Bran Nue Dae and enjoyed it very much but I thought the crowd was a bit disappointing. I booked it as part of our Opera Australia subscription and splurged on the best seats in Row C, but most other takers were much further back with only 4 people in Row A, 3 in B and 4 including us in C. It was well received but the turnout reminded me once again that I live in a cultural wilderness. Ernie Dingo did a good job, though I was a bit shocked at how old he is looking and hoped it was makeup, but the star of the night was male lead Marcus Corowa who was able to go from a gawky schoolboy to a man before our eyes. The lyrics are often memorable: “They taught me the white ways, and bugger the rest, Cause everything white is right and the best. So learn all the white things they teach you in school, And you’ll all become acceptable coons.” Late in the piece blown up condoms showered the audience so I grabbed a couple and as we wandered back to the car through Prince Alfred Park a drag queen (pneumatic lips and skimpy outfit) was headed to the St. Vinnies food van there. ‘Are those condoms?’, she asked. ‘Yes they are’, I replied and she responded ‘aren’t you sweet’ and began to surreptitiously take some photos of us. ‘Do you want to come for a coffee at the food van?’ came next, but we were both bashful about scrounging drinks meant for the homeless. Later we regretted that decision as we could have just paid for them with a donation and continued parleying with our new friend, with whom I’d disagreed about the bats in the park, specifically in relation to whether they were cute or repulsive. I also wanted to suss out the van because I was thinking about joining that team, but the 9.30pm start put me off. Perhaps a smiling face or two would have changed my mind. 

January 23, 2020 

Somehow or other this day pales into insignificance because I updated this blog on my phone rather than the computer and have now discovered that the three days on which I did this have disappeared, but I am sure it consisted of sending off letters or emails of protest, cooking then reading at night. They’re all safe bets. 

January 24, 2020 

I WON! I WON! 
Got a call from the vice-captain of an RFS brigade to tell me I’d won their raffle. I’d joked with him at purchase that Purple 76 of the many I bought was the winning ticket and by George I was right. Perhaps predestination is a thing after all. I shall ponder the question while aboard the High Tea Cruise on Sydney Harbour which was the prize. Plenty of anti-nausea drugs will be consumed to make sure the food stays where it belongs. Discussed with Carol her similar experience of just ‘knowing’ that she would win a raffle (with a much bigger cruise as the prize) and being totally unsurprised when it actually happened. Instinct can be odd and unexplainable sometimes. 

Went to the amazing play The Visitors at Carriageworks tonight. John booked it as a surprise and I had no idea what we were going to. It was about the day in 1788 that the Aboriginal clans gathered to watch huge ships appearing in the harbour. Where are they from? Who and what do they carry? Should they be welcomed or treated with suspicion or attacked? Seven senior law men (cleverly dressed in business suits to indicate their power and position) meet to decide how to respond. Their decision must be unanimous. They are pulled between fear of the consequences of a wrong decision and their culture of welcoming visitors to their land. The play ends with the decision to welcome the visitors because everyone knows that visitors are just that, visitors, and they do not stay. I was wet-eyed by the end, but the two young Aboriginal women sitting in front of us were wiping away tears all through the second half of the play, perhaps seeing their alternative destinies playing out, 10/10 from me. 

January 25, 2020 

Another day where the post went up in smoke after being done on the phone. But I know I had stayed at John’s overnight, did some food shopping on my way home, watered my garden after 4pm and read into the evening. I am currently reading Ronan Farrow’s amazing book Catch and Kill about his near year-long investigative reporting on the victims of Harvey Weinstein. He was working for MSNBC and CBS News who encouraged him all the way until phone calls from Weinstein to executives caused them to can the TV program that was ready to roll. Farrow documents the day to day experiences in detail until the point that he realised the work would never come to air and jumped ship to The New Yorker who, after much fact checking and legal work, embraced the project. And the rest is history. Farrow received the Pulitzer Prize for Public Service, which he fully deserved in my opinion for the way he ignored legal threats and physical surveillance for a year, to the point that he needed to move to a safe house, in order to publish. 

January 26, 2020 

A huge day beginning with the Invasion Day March. After many speakers in a very hot Hyde Park we trudged off towards Victoria Park somewhat the worse for wear (in my case at least). Later we discovered that the trams weren’t working due presumably due to the crowds at the Quay but eventually got there by train and lunched at Renaissance. Later in the afternoon we headed back to Hyde Park to see Betty Blokk Buster Revisited, which was very good in itself but not a patch on ‘our Reg’ whose delivery snapped from aggressive, sad, sympathetic and bitingly cruel. This version was a great reminder of Reg, but never a replacement. 

January 27, 2020 

Up early to email the honours division of the Governor-General’s Department to complain about the awarding of an OAM to the horrendous Bettina Arndt. I suggested that they rescind the honour under Section 4 which says this is possible if the recipient brings the awards into disrepute. Also requested the details of those who put her name up and I suspect somehow that they will be from the usual suspects of the Right. But this is not just a political matter, she is also an apologist for paedophiles, is a promoter of the Men’s Rights Movement who believe that children of physically and sexually abusive fathers should remain in their custody and refuses to accept that misogyny has any bearing on violence against women, ‘except in countries like Saudi Arabia’. The woman has been peddling this stuff for nigh on 50 years to my knowledge and the award gives her views credence. 

My neighbour came in to tell me that his house has again been the target of egg-throwing. What to do? he asked. My suggestion was 1) Notify the police and get a name of the investigating officer and 2) Visit the three townhouses from which the eggs were apparently thrown (they were at the back of his property, not from the street) and give each resident a slip of paper with the name and phone number of the officer, as well as his own name and number, with a request to contact either if they observe anything suspicious. This will put them on notice that he is a wakeup to them as well as making them aware that their neighbours are also watching them. He liked the plan but said he needed someone to go with him, so I volunteered and we plan to put the scheme into action next weekend. 

January 28, 2020 

A fun day all round with a train trip to Leura to pick up my raffle prize. John couldn’t come as he was picking up Ann and Karina from the cruise terminal after their latest of their frequent trips to sea, then was on standby to take a friend’s wife to chemo if needed, both part of his ‘pastoral care’ I told him. The friend is in hospital with a broken femur and wrist after falling while playing street cricket, he is John’s age. I say nothing about the pitfalls of playing sport, nothing. Met the RFS vice-captain at Sparrows cafe and it turned out he is a local architect and all round nice guy. So we talked architecture, building, bushfires, roll bars on their trucks, and face masks and their undersupply, while the government keeps a store of a million of them for ‘an emergency’. The waitress at the cafe, seeing him handing me the big envelope, got excited and took about 20 photos, so I said I would mention their great service on social media and give her praise on Tripadvisor. Then I wandered Leura shops, finding some beautiful salad bowls made of bamboo and decorated with Aboriginal designs by the Utopia Community with a photo on the base of each of the person who did the work. Rang Carly to see if she wanted one, but she has a Kashmiri theme happening (funny that) and said no, so I was forced to buy myself one. Then purchased a pair of huon pine ‘salad hands’ from the lovely wood-working shop after querying whether they would stain with say, balsamic vinegar. Assured that it wouldn’t happen, I invested in them and will be mightily pissed off if they do. Next was a dress for Millie’s birthday and then lunch at Leura Deli which was fabulous, as always. It looked like a delicious quiche but was actually caramelised onions topped with goat cheese and not eggy at all, happy to have one for lunch every day. Declined a sweet, I am getting so good. Late at night when the Canberra bushfires worsened I mentioned in a call from Carly that friends Peter and Dawn lived in that area and her immediate response was ‘tell them to come here if they need a bed’ so I sent off a text to Peter. They are packed and ready to leave. It took me back to their wedding, a wonderful occasion where a believing Catholic ex-priest married a Communist atheist. Speeches were given by a Bishop and by Dawn’s Communist father, what a treat it was. 

January 29, 2020 

Now I am finished the amazing Catch and Kill, I have started another non-fiction book, Troll Hunting by Ginger Gorman. Although the explanations of Facebook, Twitter and the Australian law (or lack of it) regarding trolling are of some curiosity, it is the personal contact with the trolls themselves that has me really interested. I love people who can deal with the ‘bad guys’ as humans and interact with them, this provides the key to motivation. It seems there are many different reasons but it’s not unsurprising to find that they are almost all white males (Bettina Arndt, note well). They mostly tend to be right wing, though there are exceptions, with an almost fanatical desire to uphold free speech at any cost. Ginger’s ability to maintain internet friendships with these guys, genuinely curious about them and their lives, makes her quite different to someone who just researches them like lab animals. I noted today that I suddenly have 2,186 spam comments on this blog, a massive increase. So I checked them, expecting them to be mostly ads, and discovered that there are great slabs of what looks like lifts from academic medical journals with no comments attached. The WordPress system has rightly identified them as spam and removed them before I was even aware, but still I wonder why would someone send such stuff, what was their purpose? Unlike Ginger I don’t intend to reply, though I might have if there had been 3 instead of 2,186, so it remains one of life’s little mysteries. 

January 30, 2020 

In the light of Ginger Gorman’s book and seeing I am constantly reading about, and writing letters about, Bridget and Bettina (spit, spit) I started to wonder if perhaps I have troll tendencies. But I guess the difference is that I am not putting my opinions of them on their Facebook pages or on Twitter, which I don’t use, but writing to the powers that be trying to get their worst excesses curbed (let’s face it, to get them sacked). Perhaps that just makes me more two-faced in that I am not taking the argument up to them directly, but in each case they have shown no inclination to listen to critics, however they are approached.

My New Year’s resolutions were 1. Swim more and 2. Call out bullshit every time you see it. The second has kept me quite busy of late. 

The Australian response to the novel corona virus outbreak has been less than stellar with an academic a few days ago saying that the Chinese had ‘overreacted’ by sealing off Wuhan and being very critical of them. Then our Health bureaucrats said that there was no evidence of transmission before patients were symptomatic, despite publicised Chinese advice to the contrary. Now they’ve changed their tune on that one too. I know it’s fast moving and changeable but one reading of the excellent 1995 book The Coming Plague answers a lot of questions about previous epidemics, animal causation and spread. I’ve reread it each time there’s been an outbreak of Ebola, Lassa, SARS or whatever and it is invaluable. Though writing in the early 1990s, Garrett discusses the effects of global warming on pathogen populations and spread and following up the more than 100 pages of footnotes could easily keep me reading from now until I pop off. 

January 31, 2020 

Arvind and I did our neighbourly visit to the townhouses below our properties to see if we could ascertain who was responsible for the twice repeated egg-throwing incidents emanating from one of them. At each of the four doors he did the same spiel, ‘hello I’m your neighbour over your back fence and someone has been vandalising my property by throwing eggs. Would you please keep an eye out for anything suspicious and ring me or Detective Bloggs whose phone number I am providing’. Three of the places were super friendly, asking questions about what happened and when, commiserating etc. At the fourth, number X, both the husband and wife came to the door, she asking when and what time this happened and her head positively whizzed around to her husband as if to say ‘was that you?’. One resident had suggested we be careful at number X because the man there had left a nasty note on his door telling him not to wheel his rubbish bin in after 7pm. Sherlock and I agreed that we had probably found our man and doubt if there will be any more problems in the future. When asked by the suspect who I was Arvind quickly responded ‘she’s a distant aunt’ which was funny considering he is a dark Indian and I a white Brit, but he was protecting me from a neighbour whose property is also close to mine. Quick thinking 99. 

All of this paled against the fact that a crack has appeared in a wall close to the previous crack from which all the ants descend. Also the door jamb is away from the wall and it appears something is eating at the gyprock. I called the pest controller and he said he was busy for a few weeks but could come then. In the meantime he suggested I send photos of the damage and immediately after I sent them he replied that he would come late afternoon tomorrow as it looked like white ants. Groan, my heart went through the floor and stayed there. John helped me clear much of the storeroom contents to under the deck  and we relocated the rest to the centre to let him inspect, which was all we could do, between spraying ants. Book group was good but termites were never quite out of mind. 

February 1, 2020 

A hot and restless night imagining the house crumbling around me then we started early on the garage, which took till well after lunchtime to partially clear the walls, by which time the temperature in there was 46 degrees or 115 in the old money. Jeff came in the afternoon and after a limited inspection told me he thinks it’s a giant ant nest and because I removed all possible food from them they’ve begun to eat the gyprock paper and the silicone which seals the door frame (kind of makes me sorry they are starving, but my mental health demands a cure). I had left the ants I’d killed this morning with my vinegar spray on the benchtop and I think he was pretty shocked. Apparently when I had termites in the garage he used a chemical (banned later that year because some pest people were spraying it instead of drilling into the ground and pouring it in as he did) which has a half life of 25 years. He was able to say that he did it in 1995 and it’s probably still working fine so he is reasonably hopeful that there aren’t termites but will do a complete inspection and ant treatment later this month. I could easily have kissed him but controlled my joy and kissed John instead. I feel as if I might get my life back after all. With all this happening and 46 degree heat to boot, I had cancelled a visit by the Erko fam but we’ll reschedule next weekend. 

February 2, 2020 

Ant report: Swarms came down on the bench within half an hour of my cleaning up the dead ones I’d left to show Jeff. I sprayed hundreds more and left them there to clean up this morning as I’d already done it so any times yesterday. But this morning the bench was sans dead ants, which were apparently raised from the dead Lazarus style or eaten for breakfast by the hundreds of live ones that arrived overnight, eew. February 19 come quickly before an admission to Callan Park is required. Oh, that’s right, we rarely admit people to psychiatric hospitals any more, leaving them to struggle alone in the community. 

My instincts failed when I made a bet that Bridget would be sacked by last Tuesday at 5pm, but luckily I won’t have to pay out on a loss because I only bet myself this time. I continue to shake my head at the lacklustre Australian response to the corona virus outbreak. While the scientists are doing amazing work, as usual, the policy makers and their publicists stumble along. Potential pandemics, as this clearly was, need action that is both strong and meteorically fast because anything else will let the disease run in any number of directions. This has been shown over and over but we still put in good policies, but way too late. No one will complain about rigorous safety precautions in this sort of event (oh well there was that academic who said China had ‘overreacted’, but leaving her aside…" src="blob:https://theblathering.net/53a10381-d44a-4807-a1fd-31835747c999">. When at the library today a fine young Chinese schoolboy apologised to me in the lift ‘I’m sorry, I should have put my mask on’ and promptly did so. I understood then just a little about how we have made Chinese Australians feel that they are the bogey men in this outbreak, I told him that I didn’t have a mask on either and that I was as big a risk to him as he was to me, he smiled and carried it from then on. 

February 3, 2020 

John and I went in the afternoon to see A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood with Tom Hanks, who performed admirably as Mr Rogers, the American children’s show host from the 1960s on. It walked a fine line between ‘schlock and soppy’ and ‘erudite’ or sometimes profound, falling only just within the latter two. A dream scene where Hanks’ character was seen as a miniature person in the childrens’ show fell definitely into the soppy camp and needed to be left on the cutting room floor, but all in all Hanks’ acting lifted it over the line. I am interested now to read the Esquire article on which the story is based and to learn a bit more about the real Mr Rogers, so I guess the film did work for me. Had some more communication with my ex sister-in-law, with whom I am becoming closer over time. We reaquainted a few years back courtesy of Facebook (her approach, not mine) and this also led to my becoming friends again with her two sisters. She and her husband came to visit last year from Brisbane and plan to do so again later this year. I wish now that I had reached out to them years earlier but for all its faults Facebook made it easy and has allowed me some amazing connections with people whom I wouldn’t be talking to on a regualar basis otherwise, such as John’s sister-in-law in the US whom I’ve never met but  communicate with at some level every few days at least. 

February 4, 2020 

After breaking my rule not to watch Q and A because of its effect on my sleep, I watched last night out of interest in its theme of the bushfires and to see how young Hamish equipped himself in the role of host. Am I in love with young Hamish? Possibly, yes. But it was the diabolical Jim Molan, with his lounging posture, his superfluously overlong legs dominating the set, that sent lasting shivers of disgust up my spine and ruined my sleep. I guess iview, not at bedtime, is the only solution, though I did read till midnight to try to wash him off. The general thrust of my sleeplessness was a feeling that we are already ‘rooned’ as Hanrahan would say. But it seems we’ve dodged a Barnaby today, but by how much remains to be seen. The figure is important because it will influence his decision on whether to keep trying. These ego-driven politicians are like my ants, they only know ‘barge straight ahead without stopping, no matter what’. Those sorts of people put me off in everyday life as well, the Gladys Lius and their more mundane counterparts in this world will never end up in my phone directory. A couple in my sphere of aquaintanceship give me the gee willikers after a short time in their company, they are like human steamrollers. 

February 5, 2020 

It was lovely to get a call from Robert for no apparent reason other than to chew the fat, which we did, covering a myriad of topics for over an hour. This morning Michelle rang from hospital after an eye operation “I thought I’d ring someone since I can’t read” she said, which reminded me that she had done the same in the afternoon after her morning hip replacement. Perhaps it’s a sign of friendship when a person rings you for no reason at all, there should be more of it. I headed to Windsor today to see Brian and got there just after his daughter had taken him out for lunch, but at least I was able to pick up $100 from my old shop associate, almost clearing his lastest loan. It’s always a good feeling to get back to tors before the next calamity hits him. I was thinking on the way home that I need a short list (or perhaps a long list) of people I refuse to watch before bedtime for my self protection. Jim Molan, Judith Sloan, ScumMo, Angus Taylor, that Witch from the West Michaelia Cash, all the Queensland Nationals, Alan Jones, Andrew Bolt and their ilk, it goes on and on. Barnaby is such a fool that I can laugh at him so that lowers the pressure, unless of course he succeeds in his Lazarus attempt, in which case he will need to be added. Gosh, life is a series of mini labyrinths which one needs to negotiate for sanity. Or perhaps it’s just me? 

February 6, 2020 

Unusually I was up at 6am, but for some reason I wasn’t hungry so I gave my usual jam on toast breakfast a miss. Later in the morning I suddenly realised that I needed to go and get the 36 blood tests which I have every six months before seeing the immunologist. The phlebology technician asked if I had fasted, no I said, I haven’t, before remembering that it was 9.30 but I still hadn’t eaten as yet so I changed the answer and wondered yet again about instinct. Although I’ve had these done twice a year for 7 years, the staff query every time that some of the tests have to be done in his lab in Newcastle. I’ve never jagged the same staff member twice so it needs to be explained and the same furrowed brows appear and phone calls are made but eventually it gets done. 

My kitchen tap has gradually become loose and a close inspection reveals that neither my tools (nor John’s) will fix it, as they need to go into a deep channel to tighten the screw. So I rang 3 plumbers and asked about the cost of this very simple job. They all quoted about $80 to come out and then $50 per half hour and I was hesitant. But the last chap, when I said I would think it over, asked what I’d been expecting. I told him honestly that I was hoping to find a plumber in the street doing a job for someone else and I was going to offer him $50 to come over and tighten the screw. He immediately said ‘you’re not far away so I will come and fix it for the $50’ and was there in 20 minutes. It was even more complicated to access than I’d thought and it took him half an hour, but he insisted on sticking to the quote and I sent him home with $50 plus some baking from the fridge. I now have myself a plumber for life as he’s just a young fellow and will see me out, though I am happy to pay his normal rate for bigger jobs of course. 

February 7, 2020 

Lunched with a friend at a tiny Japanese place at Cherrybrook. It was my first ever visit to the town centre there but I didn’t explore as I was reluctant to hold up my friend whose car I was in, but I shall return. My dessert was unusual, a green tea lava pudding which I’ve never had before. I am a bit besotted with the book I am reading, Born Bad: Original Sin and the Making of the Western World by James Boyce. He traces the journey from Adam and Eve through St Augustine, Luther, Calvin, Wesley and more, all the way to Adam Smith, Billy Graham and on to Richard Dawkins in his story of this idea and its influence over 1500 years. I have learned so much from this book but one fascinating piece of information is that “In God We Trust” only became America’s motto in 1956, subsequent to the Billy Graham crusades from 1947 and every year from then on. The founding fathers were particular in not mentioning God in any of the original documents because of their agnosticism and their strong desire for separation of church and state. Then along comes Billy, who wheedled his way into every White House until his son Franklin took over the family business and continues to this day. The chapters on early Protestantism were absorbing and I couldn’t help seeing the face of Eric Abetz, (small eyes, tight mouth, grim) whenever those hardline witch-burning Scottish Protestants were mentioned. So perhaps this Tasmanian author was thinking of that connection as he typed. Wesley bragged that none of his 10 children dared cry after the age of one as he deliberately ‘crushed their spirit’. One daughter eloped and had a child but the father failed to marry her and she went home in disgrace, only to be refused entry. She married a local plumber and was the victim of domestic violence from then on, losing subsequent children to miscarriage. I will reread this book again soon, it is one of the most enlightening (no pun intended) philosophical books I have read in quite a while. 

February 8, 2020 

In a bit of a funk today that just wouldn’t lift, despite it being my favourite weather. Sadly I didn’t get to enjoy it as a result. Sometimes it is just so hard to pull yourself out of a hole that you’ve dug for no tangible reason. Prepared food for the Erko crew for dinner and was pleased to hear Millie’s newest phrase “so, what’s the situation?” which she recycled when Heather arrived at the door to visit late in the afternoon. I found a box of china animals in the storeroom, Wade Whimsies from the 1950s or 60s which she enjoyed playing with. Sleep was elusive while my mind tried to solve the corona virus situation single-handed. 

February 9, 2020 

Dav, Millie and Louis left early and I attacked the grate in front of the garage which had filled with soil and as a result the garage was flooding. Managed to drag the grates off and then used a hoe to pull out all the dirt and throw it into the barrow. After that I lost some enthusiasm for the garage work I was planning to do, as I was soaking wet. Went to a movie with John in the arv, Bombshell, which was interesting from a historical point of view but not a masterpiece. The movie stopped three times due to power outages which didn’t help. When we got out there had been a call from Justin next door, a fact that worried me, rightly as it turned out. The Eucalyptus nicholii had crashed onto the street library and the grass verge, severing the power lines at my house and Justin’s, as well as our NBN and internet. It had been there 45 years so it was very sad as it protected my front windows from the northern sun in summer. The SES informed me that they wouldn’t come if I had been in China recently, so clearly they don’t trust the government’s quarantine policies. Live power lines in the front garden wasn’t enough to get Endeavour Energy here in a hurry so I hope I don’t go out to find a black figure attached to the wires. I made the worst pumpkin soup ever, can’t cook when stressed apparently. 

February 10, 2020 

Restricted now as I have no power, no water, no phone and no internet. SES is cutting down the tree, but into huge unmovable sections that 3 men couldn’t lift, and the council informs me they won’t help with removing the wood piled on the grass verge, let alone what’s on my property. They’ve turned off the water as the tree crashed onto the metre area, but it will be back on when they finish, unlike the power as I am in a queue for that. NBN and Optus can’t do the phone and net till the power’s on so there we are. I am at the library waiting while my phone charges as I’ve spent so much time, hours, ringing all the services. The SES opined that the drought had killed most of the tree roots and it was a moral to fall in the first wind. 

February 11, 2020 

John in his usual calm and methodical way decided that the only way to clear up the wood was to tear off all the leaves by hand and then saw up the branches, so by the end of the day we had just three piles of branches looking like stork nests and two green bins chockers with leaves. If I had been in charge I’d still be standing there wondering what to do. Of course the huge logs are a different matter, but I’ve decided to rename them ‘garden feature pieces’ and they can sit where they fell. In between I took up Michelle’s offer to put all my freezer contents into her spare, and luckily empty, fridge. So I did that and fortuitously most of the important stuff was still frozen, while the lesser things like bread, berries, cakes etc could be used by them as they were already thawing. We thought we were going to spend another night with candles but right at the end of the day Endeavour Energy arrived and spent a couple of hours redoing the power lines. The boss man looked up at Arvind’s tree and said ‘I wouldn’t want to sleep under that’ so I explained that I had moved into the back bedroom for just that reason. I put the point to them that in the old days when government controlled electricity, crews could be moved around to places where there were issues but now that they are all different companies we just wait. They agreed. I think I hate privatisation more than any of the other myriad problems government and the markets have conspired to cause. Come the revolution, I’ll be putting them all back in government hands so be warned Gladys! 

February 12, 2020 

Someone has put a hex on my house apparently and when I went to get the vacuum cleaner out of the front bedroom the lock had mysteriously collapsed so I can’t get into the room. I’ve doused it in WD40 but so far no luck, the key just won’t move it, so I swept instead. I will be mightily pissed off if I have to get a locksmith. Waited in for the NBN man who was booked to come between 8 and 12 this morning, but didn’t. Just before 12 NBN rang to ask if the power was on, they’d been notified of this fact by both phone and email yesterday and that’s when the appointment was organised. No I will not scream or swear, I know there are more important issues, but patience is wearing thin on the ground here. Now I’m stuck at home again tomorrow when I had plans for this week, of which not one has materialised. Finding it impossible to get Dark Emu, our next book group volume, in any of the four library services I have access to. Great that it’s popular. Then John just rang to say he has bought it, even though he’s already read it, because he feels he will want to reread it at some time, so problem solved. 

February 13, 2020 

I am wondering what sort of person, driving a garbage truck, reverses at speed into a passing jogger, gets out to see what he has hit, rolls the body out of the way and continues his garbage run? I think I make a lot of allowances for people’s upbringing, life experiences, IQ etc in any circumstance I come across, but still I am constantly amazed when people do these things, despairing actually. Started rereading The Coming Plague, the 768 page epic which I bought about 1995 or so and which is still the bible for understanding plagues, new diseases, pandemics, the interaction between humans and animals resulting in disease and the functions of the World Health Organisation and the Centre for Disease Control amongst many related topics. One chapter describes the issues which cause epidemics to be much more serious in cities than in villages, relating incidences going back to the Roman Empire and before and listing many disease outbreaks in China over the centuries which resulted in massive population drops, casualties in the millions. The story of the sudden emergence of the Ebola virus in Zaire in the mid-1970s has a Joseph Conrad-esque feel and is as scary as a novel. The first people to see the outbreak were Belgian nuns who were running a remote hospital with very limited or no medical training and no doctor within cooee. When told by radio communication to put up a ‘quarantine cordon’ they just strung bandages around the trees with signs not to come in, brave women but most died as a result. No sign of the NBN man, no opportunity to go out in case he comes, but tomorrow is an appointment up the coast with the Prof so Saturday is looking like the first opportunity, groan. 

February 14, 2020 

It is a week of disasters. Apart from the tree, now a huge stain has appeared on one ceiling so a roof leak has occurred. I wasn’t going to claim on insurance for anything but it looks as if I will have to now. Then Millie’s portrait fell off the wall, bringing down a smaller picture of her that was beneath it, but I can fix that myself. Then John rang to say his car had broken down in Lane Cove on his way to seeing me and had to be towed to our lovely mechanic at Castle Hill. The NRMA man was interesting and dropped J at my house on the way, which he didn’t have to do. They had deep and meaningful discussions about religion on the way, he is a Baha’i and it seemed to John that the values they discussed: internationalism, lack of discrimination on the basis of sex, colour, race etc, support of minorities, world cooperation and peace, were pretty much aligned with our views, except that we are without the god aspect. Anyway they swapped emails and phone numbers to keep up the conversation so whether we end up meeting him again remains to be seen. This morning we went to the mechanic’s to collect the disabled parking sticker from his car and Alex the mechanic said that he didn’t think it was a big deal so he could fix it on the spot. He charged $51 which was for the part and nothing for the half hour’s labour. This is the umpteenth time he’s done something like this and won’t be argued with. So Valentine’s Day was spent on a trip to Erina to see the Prof. I pointed out to John that I have seen him up there 15 times over 7 years and we have never taken the opportunity to stay a couple of nights at the beach while we were there. Except the first time, when Robert and Sue came with us, and we went back to their place overnight but I had to be at Windsor at 10am the next morning so it was hardly a relaxed break. We couldn’t stay anywhere this time because the NBN guy is due at 8 am Saturday. Anyway, the Prof said that my blood tests were slightly better than 6 months ago despite my stopping the medication, so he didn’t go crook about my doing so, which surprised me. He gave me a kiss as I left, the first time that’s happened!! Went on to Killcare and had some lunch before visiting Robert and Sue. He looks somewhat more frail and tired but apart from that was his usual funny self. Sue holds up magnificently. We departed before dinner as we didn’t want to add any pressure to her existence. 

February 15, 2020 

THE NBN MAN CAME AT 8AM AS PLANNED AND SAID: ‘I CANT FIX IT BECAUSE THE LINE IS DOWN AND IT NEEDS TWO MEN AND A CHERRYPICKER TRUCK’. Which is what I’ve been telling them all f*****g week by phone and email. He is the second NBN man to come and say the same thing. I despair of the stupidity. Despairing as well about human? nature after discussing with Arvind the truck driver who rolled the corpse out of the way and continued his garbage run. He countered with a story almost as bad in that it was premeditated. He is an electrical engineer and he got a new assistant, a young man with a recent degree from UNSW. He always has a number of phones so Arvind asked him why. He explained that he has a girlfriend but goes on dating sites, telling the unsuspecting girls that his car is in dock so he gets them to pick him up and suggests a walk in a park. His girlfriend follows in his car and robs the vehicle of cash or phones through a window which he has cleverly left open. Arvind told him how disgusted he was and when he told the assistant that he didn’t want to discuss anything with him again, apart from work, the guy appeared shocked. Beautiful Arvind was in my house to try to set up internet for me using his wifi, but try as he might the double brick of his place defeated it. How can these two people be part of the same human race? It was noted though that the country from which the thief originates is one which has been in chaos for decades and I guess as a result it is dog eat dog from birth. How lucky we are, we decided, to have grown up in different circumstances to the thief. 

February 16, 2020 

I decided to shop for ingredients for the ‘flexitarian’ week of recipes I saw in Good Living online, well a few of them at least. So I made for dinner a Salade Nicoise with fresh tuna and some of the eggs Sue gave me and plan to do some falafel stuffed mushrooms, a green bean dish cooked in coconut cream and some fish skewers later in the week. Managed to sort out a few more things for charity, including five lampshades which were taking up a  lot of room in the storeroom, plus  a folding camping chair and a box of china. Each dispersal gives me inordinate pleasure. The leaves on my beautiful healthy blueberry ash trees have become covered with a white powdery film which I assumed was some sort of powdery mildew, however when I asked Mr Google two different websites said it is common with this tree and to simply ignore it. Hard when the leaves are yellowing and the trees are looking mighty unhealthy, but I do remember how hard it was to treat when we got this fungus on wheat at the University farm so I guess some harsh sun will do the job when the weather goes back to usual. 

February 17, 2020 

NBN sent me an email saying that since my case was ‘now closed’ would I like to fill in a survey about my contact with them. Actually, no. No, I won’t do the survey and no, my case is far from closed. I can’t be bothered replying. Spent 1 hour and 45 minutes on the phone to GIO putting in the insurance claim for the watermarked ceiling, but once I got on the response was excellent. She asked what else was damaged and I mentioned that the garden tap now won’t stop dripping since it was hit and she replied that we need to get a plumber on to that quick smart, something I wasn’t even going to claim for. Then she pressed me for more, well I said 5 of the pavers were broken, no problem she replied, we’ll put that down. So all in all it was a time-consuming but successful call. Picked up my painting from the framer’s and asked the nearby locksmith how much it would cost to get the door to my spare bedroom opened, but beat a hasty retreat at $165! I bet a house burglar could get it done in a trice. 

Still bothering anyone who will listen with facts from the book The Coming Plague. Today’s beauty is that when Belgian, American and African doctors wrote a paper about the AIDS outbreak in Zaire in the early 1980s, 13 medical journals worldwide refused to print their research because…..the US epidemic was among gay men, so therefore it couldn’t be the same disease if it were occurring in heterosexuals, despite laboratory tests confirming that it was. The other widely known story is the neck and neck race between France and the US to find the causative agent of AIDS. The French scientists had the virus cultured but Robert Gallo in the US insisted that no, it was actually his leukaemia virus which was responsible. He asked the French for a sample of theirs and when the French published Gallo suddenly announced (wow, amazing) that the virus he had was identical, even though theirs was certainly not a leukaemia virus. The French suspected strongly that he had simply stolen the sample they had happily provided to him. As a result the two shared the Nobel prize, which should by all accounts have gone to the French team. 

February 18, 2020 

To overcome a generalised feeling that I have wasted my life (prompted by watching programs on my usual Monday night tv binge and seeing lots of professions that I probably could have done, but didn’t) I decided I had better go out and sod any NBN men who hadn’t notified me that they were coming. Went to Dural to put in my script for the 50,000 unit tablets of Vitamin D which the Prof prescribes. They need to be compounded and cost less there than at the Castle Hill equivalent, then off to Glenorie where I bumped into an old client with whom I remain friends on Facebook so we sat and chatted for a while. Back via Warrah, a Rudolph Steiner home and organic farm for people with intellectual disabilities, where I was able to get a few things I’d had trouble buying elsewhere. On the way home I got a call from the Optus guy to say that NBN will take up till the 28th to reinstall the downed cables, then arrived to find two of them up their ladders doing just that! Now I just need the connections man and we’re done. Praise be. 

It appears that the novel coronavirus may be even more novel than it first appeared. If people were in quarantine for almost the entire 14 day incubation period on the Diamond Princess and yet more are being found to be positive every day, then perhaps either the incubation period is much longer than was estimated or else it is able to be spread via air-conditioning, neither option is advantageous to control of the virus. Perhaps those that have been released from quarantine are still contagious at some level, a sobering thought. It’s looking more and more like a pandemic, despite eventual good moves from the governments of China and Australia. Being an island has benefits, but we are still welcoming people from countries where the health protections are sub-optimal. Time will tell. 

February 19, 2020 

Jeff the pest control man arrived at 6.45 am but I was actually dressed and waiting. No termites, yoohoo! But a very wet patch inside the roof just near the front door which will need attention. He was supposed to charge me $250 to get rid of the ants, which I had accepted, but decided to use a little tube of attractant/poison in just two spots and see how we go. If that fails he will come back and do more, but for the ant job today he charged nix. What is it with tradesmen, they either rip me off (rarely) or else give me unexpected bonuses (mostly). Met up with John at Renaissance and we lunched there, then went to the architectural photographic exhibition at the Museum of Sydney. Finished there in time to see the 4.40 session of Richard Jewell, the new Clint Eastwood movie. A lot to think about in this film which has echoes of the Lindy Chamberlain story and is wonderfully acted, particularly by the Jewell character and his lawyer. I need to read up some more on the story, there is a Vanity Fair article and a book which I hope to source. Bussed home to arrive just as the sun was setting with a red glow. 

February 20, 2020 

Asked Sue if some food would help matters and she said yes, it would, so I offered a couple of suggestions and was happy that she chose Neil Perry’s Massaman Curry, which I enjoy doing. It is the ridgy didge Muslim version with no onion or garlic to inflame the passions, but tastes amazing anyway with all the spices, peanuts and coconut. Also cooked a pot of Coconut and Spinach Dahl which is so good I could plunge my face into it. I kept a little back and had it for dinner with extra spinach and some tomatoes, mm-mm. The beauty of this recipe is that you can water it down and call it soup just as well. Sue’s brother is going up on Monday so he will take whatever I’ve made by then. It appears that Woolies may be cutting back on the organic Macro lines, so I was able to pick up lots of their frozen spinach and peas at a good price. My friend JanBert used to ask me what I was going to do with the pittance I’d saved by buying specials but it is ingrained in me to buy cheaply as long as quality isn’t compromised. I am still deep in The Coming Plague and it just gets better and better. 

February 21, 2020 

One of those days when I’d answered half a dozen emails and messages by 8 am, but hey who’s arguing about having friends? Went to the cake decorating shop and agonised over how I will do Millie’s cake but they were able to print the image I had emailed them to go on top of the cake, so now it is just a matter of working out how to do the rest. I will have a practice on a few ideas on Monday. Then out to the compounding pharmacy at Dural to get the 50,000 unit Vitamin D tablets made up, as ordered by the Prof. Dicky immune systems use a lot of Vitamin D apparently. Turned around to come home and fire engines were racing, police everywhere, one of whom indicated I had to turn around so as not to run over the fire hose running across the road. It turns out that the squash courts and fitness centre was up in flames (dangerous places fitness centres, so I never go there). What to do? It’s an awfully long detour if I can’t go that way so I decided to wait it out at Wild Pear just up the road. Had a rose milkshake and then they said that the date and orange scones were just cooked so I weakened……but I am blaming the police. It was delicious but had to serve as both morning tea and lunch. Cooked some Harissa Eggplant and a batch of Chocolate Brownies to send up to Sue. 

February 22, 2020 

Thinking about the coronavirus (who isn’t?) and wondering whether it’s possible that it can live in the body asymptomatically like TB or Herpes. It seems odd to me that it’s a new virus yet many people are having hardly any symptoms while for others it’s fatal, and not only the elderly as we’ve been told. Usually a new virus cuts a swathe through almost everyone as there is no resistance in the community, but if it can secrete itself away and wait for the person’s immune system to labour, due to another illness or lack of food or stress or whatever…..then we could be in knee deep do-do because these people would be in the community as time bombs. If its spread continues, which I am sure it will, I think I will get the flu vaccine early as it should give limited protection to something of the same family, theoretically at least. 

On another issue, I am waiting for a man to come to clean the gutters. Sounds simple enough, but the chap who was given the job rang yesterday and said he’d done his back in and would be sending his offsider instead. Later I remembered he had told me that he had ‘a couple of young fellows’ who work with him but that ‘I do all the roof work’. So now I’m imagining the offsider splattered on the concrete at worst and doing a really bad job at best, but Arvind has a much better view of my roof than I have so I’ve asked him to keep an eye out for what’s going on. However he’s in and out today and they may not coincide. Somehow I’ve got a feeling that maybe the boss isn’t sick at all and this is a way to fit in a few extra jobs, but I may be totally wrong there, so we shall see. I’ve booked a plumber for Monday to repair the bent and dripping tap at the front, damaged by the tree, as I haven’t yet had the GIO assessor come, but they did say I could get urgent work done and they would pay the invoice so I booked the lovely fellow who did my kitchen tap a couple of weeks ago. I am a tradesman’s dream at the moment, one trade after another, but hopefully GIO will come to the party for the plumbing and ceiling repainting. POSTSCRIPT: The gutter boss man came because he ‘woke up feeling fine’ so my worries and night terrors were in vain. He discovered two broken tiles and replaced them for me as part of the job, though I tipped him for that, so pleased was I that none of my worst nightmares had befallen me. Now I’ve added a gutter, roof and pressure cleaner man to my endless list of tradies to contact when things go wrong, which they are doing at an alarming rate right now. 

February 23, 2020 

Today we went to the Opera House for a special subscribers event Behind the Scenes at the Opera where we got to try on costumes, watch makeup being applied, watch wigs being made and ask questions about stage managing, conducting, singing, direction etc. It takes 40 hours to make one wig by hand and they make them for each new opera. The hand embroidery on the costumes was stunning and I got to wear a few examples. It reminded me why the sub is so darned expensive and I will stop bitching about it (for a while anyway). It was a lovely afternoon which we capped off with a ferry ride to Watsons Bay and fish and chips in the park there. 

I haven’t spoken here about the murder of Hannah Clarke and her three children a few days ago, simply because the appalling nature of their deaths is outside my ability with words. But we must realise that it is as a result of pushback against the idea that a man no longer owns his wife and his children, after thousand of years of that being so. Fred West in England who raped and murdered 12 young women including his own children apparently told them ‘I made you, so I can do anything I like with you’ and that is fundamentally the view behind these crimes, the rights of men over those of women and children. Bettina Arndt’s children are both sons and you have to wonder at their attitudes with the sorts of ‘male rights’ lessons they are learning from their mother, but hopefully they will see things differently. I can only beg that her award is reversed, a possibility which seems more and more likely given the public outcry. 

February 24, 2020 

Last night John’s 90 year old cousin Kevin rang and invited us to morning tea at his ‘priests and brothers retirement village’ at Randwick, which I am sure has a fancy name but I don’t know what that is. We had attended his 90th in Wallan in Victoria last year but the order has moved him to Sydney for easy access to medical treatment. It was lucky that although we each had an early morning appointment, both of those went to plan and enabled us to get there right on the appointed time of 10.30. Two other Sydney cousins Gai and Brian came as well and it was the first time in 12 years that I’d met them, such is the polarised nature of his family. Kev is planning to come to watch football on Friday nights with John once the season starts. My appointment was with the plumber and it was lucky I went ahead with it as he dug down and found a rupture in the pipe a foot underground where it was leaking water, as well as the bent pipe and drip which I thought he was fixing. So now I have a taller, more practical, non-leaking, non-dripping garden tap and hopefully my good friends GIO will reimburse me for that. Now my computer battery seems to have gone as it only charges up to 4% and goes no higher, what was I saying about all my money going out to tradesmen at the moment? Funnily I got a long letter from a NSW politician whom I don’t remember writing to, but seeing the reply was about something I am very interested in, I can only assume that I did in fact write. 

February 25, 2020 

Cake making day! I did a mud cake for Millie’s birthday because it needs a dense cake to hold fondant and they don’t like fruit cake, much as it pains me to report that. I’m told young people don’t go for it and it seems that’s the case, as weddings and other celebrations all seem to have the dreaded chocolate mud, but at least this one’s caramel. The cake decorating shop where I buy my supplies and get advice told me the trick to making a flat topped cake for icing: start it at 120 degrees C and then gradually increase it to 130, 140 etc so it doesn’t dome in the middle…..and it worked, that cake’s tall but as flat as a pancake. Now for the icing later in the week. Dav asked all the class, so as not to discriminate, and 22 kids are coming along with their parents, plus us and Louis’s family from Queensland, in a unit, should be fun. I offered to do a Valium cake but haven’t heard back. 

We have got out of epidemics really cheaply in recent years, HIV excepted, but I am not so sure that applies this time. It seems a mordant factor that the church in South Korea, which is the epicentre of the coronavirus outbreak there, is a doomsday cult. A senior health official in Daegu, the city that lies at the centre of South Korea’s outbreak, confessed to being a follower of the controversial doomsday church cult only after testing positive for the virus, so 50 other high ranking health officials have needed to be quarantined. They believe that Jesus will return soon and take only 144,000 people to heaven, so a lot of us will be left behind to manage climate change, environmental degradation, disease, wars etc I guess. The way this thing’s going he might get them in one hit, but there are 250,000 in the cult, so some must be secret unbelievers. We could do a lot worse in terms of epidemics. In the 1970s an apparently harmless squirrel monkey virus infected other primates in a Boston Primate Research Centre and turned out to be an extraordinary cancer-causing Herpes which killed the monkeys there within weeks from a strange contagious lymphoma. The virus was 100% fatal to any other primate which caught it, other than the original host animal species. The virus was airborne and terrified researchers as a squirrel monkey simply had to breathe near any other type of monkey to cause death from cancer in five weeks. Now if that one had got out of the lab…….. 

February 26, 2020 

Woke up fine, breakfasted, watched the 7am news, then started to feel very seedy indeed. I lay down and slept from 9 till 11, then proceeded with my day. While shopping at Castle Mall I half filled a trolley with fruit and veg and then had to alert the staff that I was sick and needed to abandon it. Hopefully they put the goods back on the shelves because I wasn’t well enough to go back. The rest of the day was pretty much written off and I had to email Mary and cancel our lunch date in the city tomorrow. They are only here from NZ till Saturday and I don’t have any time to reschedule, so that’s it for seeing her this visit. John came up to work on the street library repair (if the GIO come to the party I will pay him for this, but so far no GIO assessor has contacted me but I appreciate that they are busy after the storm). John got another nasty communication from guess who, deriding him for going off to university to do architecture at age 53 (what, 25 years ago and still aggrieved?) leaving the family with insufficient ready money. So much for the nice family event last month, clearly it was only the presence of others that kept it civil. I don’t know why I bother, but of course I do know why he does, he’s living in hope of a change in attitude but also knowing it will never happen, poor lad. 

February 27, 2020 

Headed up to Castle Mall and bought the same fruit and veg that I abandoned yesterday, plus a bit. Hope I didn’t infect the last lot with a 24 hour virus as I am fine today. I complained to the owner, whom I deal with a lot, that the mint wasn’t very fresh and he gave it to me for half price, but it pains me to buy it at any price since I managed to kill off my plants at home by spraying with my vinegar and water ant-killer solution in order to kill the big green grubs which were eating it. It killed the grubs alright and the plants as well within an hour or two. John is working on the repair of the street library and finding it somewhat difficult whilst I am making the decorations for Millie’s cake, fondant snowflakes in press out moulds. First the springs kept popping out of the two larger size moulds, then to my horror I discovered that I’d given my whole collection of small paintbrushes to John when I was cleaning out the garage two weeks ago and needed one to apply silver sparkle to said snowflakes. I was forced to use a pastry brush and so it didn’t give me near the result I was hoping for. The world is going to hell in a handbasket and I am fart-arseing about with glitter on snowflakes, but I guess it keeps disaster and death somewhat out of mind. Iwould have more faith in the WHO if they still had active teams of scientists on the ground and testing labs and whatever, but now I think it’s more of a giant health bureaucracy than anything else. When asked yesterday why he hadn’t declared a pandemic when it clearly is one by their own definition, the head replied ‘because we don’t want unnecessary panic’. Aah, okay I shan’t panic till I’m told to by Geneva. Sorted. 

February 28, 2020 

Last night Sue’s brother rang to let me know that he is going to Killcare on Monday and is able to take food if I have any ready. My first thought was ‘aaagh’ because I am on cake icing duty today, then Millie’s party tomorrow and Luke’s art exhibition Sunday, so cooking time is limited. But I said yes, figuratively crossed myself for inspiration and decided to cancel the exhibition opening and go later on, as it’s on till the end of March. But then I realised I was a dope as my Crockpot can work night shift if necessary. So I raced up to Aldi (it was late night shopping, something I never avail myself of but exceptions need to be made). Midnight found me chopping and dicing to make a Crockpot piled high with lamb shanks, sweet potato, lentils, dates, nuts and spices. Robes will love it I think. Dinner tonight was a pasta bake so the rest could be frozen to make a second dish, so I soon recognised that the time frame was doable after all. 

The cake went ahead more easily than anticipated, my only self criticism being that the snowflakes I made yesterday were a mite bigger and clunkier than I’d imagined in situ, but four-year-olds won’t pick it. I have such a collection of cake icing paraphernalia that I used to use often for birthday cakes for children and others who came to the meal service at Windsor, but now that’s ended I rarely use it. Carly arrived just as I finished the cake and later we went to book group which was a small but sympatico gathering. 

February 29, 2020 

Headed in to Erko with gifts and cake in hand and met up with Louis’s mum, sister and nephew who flew down from Sunrise Beach in Queensland for Millie’s party. At 2 pm the barrage of little people arrived, 22 in all, accompanied by parent/s and the odd sibling. Then arrived the Elsa-dressed entertainer (is that the real Elsa? one little boy queried). She sang with them, blew bubbles, made ‘snow’ out of some chemical or other, played games and finally did some cracker face-painting, all this spanning two hours, after which I was exhausted from doing very little. John asked me if Millie will remember the day as she grows up and my answer was ‘sadly, it is doubtful’. But there will be photos, hundreds I suspect. We decided to go back to plan A and go to Luke’s exhibition tomorrow, cooking at night to be ready for Monday. 

Peter Hartcher has done it again and I am sick and tired of his mind-reading. His column today pretty much mirrored discussions I had yesterday with my daughter, and earlier with John, regarding the WHO and their tardy action in calling a pandemic. Perhaps he has my house bugged, but it has to stop. It is reported that a dog has caught coronavirus and while this may eventually prove untrue, it could also mean that dogs are the mysterious vector between bats and humans that they have been looking for in China. That doesn’t bear thinking about for pet owners if or when it starts here in earnest. 

March 1, 2020 

Saw Carly off back to Canberra before taking a leisurely drive to Blackheath, with a stop at Patisserie Schwarz in Wentworth Falls for the obligatory cherry crumble slice for me and fruit tart for John, washed down with a pot of Irish Breakfast. At Blackheath I found a world globe in an antique shop which was closing down and had 50% off everything. John had been looking for one for a while, just to grab when a particular country is mentioned in a book or on the teev, enabling a quick location check. Off to the Heritage Centre at Govett’s Leap for Luke Kelly’s art exhibition, after having sent our apologies on Friday night. I had told John not to let me buy anything, but hadn’t counted on his falling in love with a dear little painting of two baby fairy wrens, which he bought as the first sale of the exhibition. Then at Gleebooks he saw the Macquarie Atlas of Indigenous Australia, completing the trifecta of pieces he took home today. Later he asked what would happen if we both got the coronavirus together and his will then had no executor, no doubt considering the new purchases in the light of current events. I told him we’d have a few days notice to attend to that possibility which seemed to satisfy him. I think a few people might be heading to their solicitors in coming weeks, as well as stocking up on canned chick peas that is. One friend has already told me her husband is (unnaturally or naturally?) very, very afraid of catching the virus. I would far from relish that possibility, but be more concerned for the young whose world seems to be crumbling in so many different ways. The fatality rate for the under 9s is about 1% while it is 15% for the elderly so perhaps it will eventually improve the bottom line by ridding the country of all those pesky pensioners? 

March 2, 2020 

Up early to ferry the food for Sue and Robert to her mum for pickup by brother Martyn. I had last night got a late night message from Tania wanting to know if I would come on a taste testing adventure to Blacktown, sampling a local pasticceria’s cannola with a view to ordering them for a big party she is planning (and I mean big). So we sat down to five of same, one of each flavour, tasting a small sample of each and taking away the remainder. Although they were certainly crisp and varied, we decided that perhaps the fillings were made on the cheap and a better source could be found. Blacktown hasn’t seen me for about 40 years and likely won’t see me again for a goodly while without a specific reason, but it is certainly a multi-cultural hub where I will go if I need a Pakistani salwar kameez or my eyebrows threaded. At first I thought this was to bulk them up but now I know it is to slim them down, a service nature is providing for me unpaid. We retreated to my place for a bit of a fridge raid lunch, just a hurriedly made repeat of the Green Counterbalance Salad of lettuce, watercress, mint, fennel, green apple and onion, which I did for book group last week and can’t get enough of at the moment. I had expected the computer man with a new battery in tow between 4 and 5 but at 6 he rang to say the battery hadn’t arrived in his post box, which didn’t matter particularly but would have been handy to know at 4. 

March 3, 2020 

A shock message from Carl to say that our friend Jackie from Caves Beach died yesterday. Last weekend she had planned a trip to Sydney to meet up with city friends for a ‘coffee day’ as she always called it, a drop-in over many hours at a venue in Lidcombe where people could turn up for a little while or for longer. Unfortunately it coincided with Millie’s birthday so I wasn’t planning to go, but then on Wednesday came an email from her saying she had fallen over in the middle of the night and Carl had called an ambulance, but it just required a check over and 6 hours later she was home. The email to all her friends said in capitals DON’T RING, YOU HAVE ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION NOW, so I abided by that and hoped to see her in a month when she planned to reschedule the event to celebrate her 70th. Now we meet on Friday to celebrate her funeral instead. I have no idea yet if the fall contributed to her death or if it was just the cancer she had fought for so long, even travelling to Latvia to join a program of immunotherapy which did wonders for her for a few years, but sadly wore off gradually after that. Still, she had been given only months to live before going to Latvia, so she bought herself another few years by taking Rigvir, astounding her oncologist. Vale dear wise perceptive Jackie, she was always there to be a trusted confidante to her friends, but there no longer. 

March 4, 2020 

Last night I went with Carol and Jack to see the film A War of Compassion about the life of Rev. Bill Crews of the Exodus Foundation. He is a man of incredible energy, compassion and love. Also he is a driven man and I think the film showed that his work with the homeless is not a choice, but a compulsion, an addiction almost? Does this make him some sort of ‘saint’ or martyr perhaps, as he has never really made a life outside his work? I am interested in the forces that drive this very complex man. It appears the work is not an option for him and will remain so for as long as he breathes. 

I am both bemused and amused to read that there was a skirmish in the toilet paper aisle in Woolworths at Parramatta involving a woman pulling a knife. Police were called, six of them, and the store barricaded each end of the aisle and were handing toilet paper to customers over the barrier. How thin is our veneer of sophistication and savoir faire. Brought up with newspaper squares in an outdoor toilet I can’t see myself getting into a fight over toilet paper somehow, jam perhaps, dairy products maybe, but loo rolls? Nah, that’s just common. Sue went shopping and had rice on her list. In the large supermarket at Erina she found one lonely 5 kilo pack of (brown) rice and, unable to shop at leisure while coping with a sick husband, bought it. This is with a handful of cases of coronavirus, imagine how it will be if/when the pandemic hits with a vengeance. Apparently the supermarket runs are worse in some suburbs than in others, Cherrybrook, Pennant Hills, Chatswood were named as particularly bad. Anyone waiting to buy cherries in a fruit shop behind a Chinese lady checking each cherry one by one will understand. On the basis of what we’ve seen we will need to lock our home against grocery thieves who will only take our jewellery incidentally if it is in their way. 

March 5, 2020 

So ScumMo has finally heard me yelling at the TV and telling him to quarantine arrivals from South Korea and Italy. The right time to do that has come and gone I’m afraid, we already have people who’ve come here from those two countries and have tested positive. They started off so well, but then lost courage to continue. It is easier for a wealthy island nation to quickly bring in travel rules to stem this outbreak at the border, putting returning citizens in quarantine and refusing entry to tourists, but they squandered that chance. Now I can’t even buy a kilo of flour to bake a cake. 

On a more important note, who will send me emails and texts now that begin ‘hi sister’? Who will counsel and advise John not to give in when he is monstered by an errant relative? What a philosophical giant you were Jackie Patricia, with skills learned in spite of little education but with a lot of scholarship in the school of hard knocks. I am suffering that same lack of understanding that always comes when someone you love dies, where has she gone? I guess that’s why we have funerals, they are proof that the person is there, in that box at the front, and they are never ever going to walk through your door again. I am doing my best to continue as normal but so far it feels like I’m walking through honey. 

March 6, 2020 

Jackie’s funeral today and it was one of those that did absolutely nothing to ease the heartache, but many in the packed church, standing room only, were part of the congregation so I am sure they felt differently. The minister, or priest as she called herself, was a bit of a control freak (6 minutes each for a family member and Jackie’s two closest friends, but no time restriction for the priest to bang on and on and on). The whole shebang was a very long two hours where we heard stories about little leaves, big leaves and autumn leaves, which drop softly onto the earth. In case we missed the point she cleverly explained that the little leaves were young people, the big leaves were big strong people and the autumn leaves were grey-haired people like herself who drop softly onto the ground, ‘that means they diiiee’ she said ‘and that’s all very natural and as god planned it’. Helpfully she had brought along a shoe box covered in red cello and was able to produce the appropriate leaves as she yammered on. Oh please god I prayed, save me from this woman who would presumably have been a fair age when she became a priest and must surely have been a pre-school teacher before that. Plus she had a snappy streak (where’s the banner! I thought we had a banner! undertakers come to the front!). So I spent most of the funeral deciding whether to sit in the car or see it through in case it improved, sadly I chose the latter. Not a speck of you came through Jacks. 

John got another noxious message which, while being abusive and accusatory, simultaneously asked for money for school camp fees and swimming lessons, plus a design and drawings for a studio to be built on the new block of land. How he will respond without Jackie saying ‘no John, you just cannot reward bad behaviour’ I have no idea. 

March 7, 2020 

Survived a 5am alarm to get the 7.05 train from Central. Almost empty in First Class, but I’m not sure if the early hour or the Coronavirus scare was responsible, certainly the least passengers I’ve ever seen on that route. Passing Canberra Gaol I noticed the large grounds, with trees and fields but not a soul visible. Seeing it is surrounded by high fences and razor wire I don’t see why the poor bastards can’t be outside enjoying some sun and nature, but the way we treat prisoners is appalling in most respects. No wonder so many come out worse than when they went in. John packed me some of his sultana cake which was a lovely morning tea on the train and I was met at Canberra Station. Later we went to the Spy exhibition at the National Archives and I saw a covertly taken photo of Laurie Aarons taken in the street amongst the historical photos. A woman looking over my shoulder asked as a joke ‘can you see anyone you know?’ and I was able to reply that yes, I did. Loved seeing the spy paraphernalia such as the tie with microphone and the book with embedded camera, both used by ASIO agents in the 1950s-60s, but so primitive by today’s standards. Carly told me she needed a pack of toilet paper so we tried the supermarkets but no chance, then walking home we called in at the Caltex servo on the offchance and got 30 rolls for $14 on special, the only size available and the biggest pack she had ever bought. Dinner at Pilot, highly recommended by her winemaker friends, but while the food was inventive and delicious, the portions were tiny, tiny. Our wine serve was so small I thought they were offering me a taste, and that at $20 a glass. Ordering two mains and two sides to share, the waitress informed us ‘that won’t be enough for three people’ and she was right. We repaired afterwards to Frugii for the best icecream in the world, frankincense in my case, omg it was stunning. Messina is the best icecream available in Sydney but Frugii is another world above, just eight flavours at any time, changing daily, each with a single natural ingredient for flavouring such as cherry, pear, white chocolate, caramel. Died and gone to heaven. 

  March 8, 2020 

Got Jackie’s story in my inbox this morning, written late December to be read at her funeral. It was discovered on her computer on the morning of the funeral but for unexplained reasons they decided not to read it out. The reasons given were that it was long and had some typos, neither of which is a valid excuse from where I stand. It is just inexplicable. She talks about going for the Public Service exam just before she turned 15 at the family’s insistence and coming ’22nd out 0f many thousands’. She was offered a job in an office and her mother wrote to the school the next day to say she would be finishing immediately and starting work the following Monday, much to the horror of her teachers. We had never discussed this but her experience mirrors mine, except I had just turned 14 and hadn’t sat for any exam. There was so much more in her document that I am sure many people wouldn’t have known about, such as being told after her 50th birthday party that she was adopted and her sister wasn’t, which explained the preferential treatment her sister always had and which seemed inexplicable. She left out the fact that she collapsed and was admitted to a psychiatric centre for six weeks, but did include the story of going to her birth father’s funeral and remotely identifying her brothers for the first time as the pallbearers. I hope they were at the funeral, but have no way of knowing, not wanting to ask Carl on the day. Not having her hurts more keenly than I’d expected. 

We spent the day at Canberra Zoo and it has been extended and has more animals than when we last went. Asked for my three favourite animals on the day I had to nominate four: white lions, tigers, black and white Colobus primates and meerkats, though the runner-up list was huge. I’d hoped to handle some snakes but the reptile handling opportunity was at 1pm and we were at the opposite end of the zoo so we gave it a miss. Dined royally at Blackfire, delicious Angus the Bull Cabernet Sauvignon is one I will try to track down and the food certainly made it a ‘must return’. The bill was half of what we paid last night and the wineglasses filled amply. 

March 9, 2020 

Up early for the Canberra balloon festival and so was everyone else in this city it seems. Beautiful to see mass hot air balloons crossing the lake and then to see the huge Tyrannosaurus rex and Skywhale on the ground and to marvel at their size. I’ve never been up in one but I’m sure it would be quite an experience. We all went to The Cupping Room in the city for an amazing breakfast afterwards with Potato, Leek and Jalapeno Fritters winning out, just ahead of the Mushrooms, Goat Cheese and Caramelised Peach on Sourdough. We shared one of each between the three of us and it was more food in total than we had at Pilot for dinner the other night for a fraction of the price. Do they do bad food in Canberra? They must somewhere I guess. Carly and I went to IKEA where we sourced a pair of cane armchairs for her deck as a very late housewarming present. On the way home we had to walk through Braddon and Frugii has some of the frankincense icecream left…..so we were obliged to partake. 

March 10, 2020 

Got in late last night after a good trip from Canberra on the train. Danish had driven me to the station and as usual called me Aunt Maureen, though occasionally it is Maureen Auntie. He is such a sweet person and apart from his not liking cats I can’t find fault in him. Today John had a routine morning appointment with Bob who was so late that John fell asleep in the waiting room. I had counselled John not to mention the dreaded virus at all because I’m sure Bob is sick of hearing questions about it. So true it turned out, but as he was leaving Bob volunteered that ‘this virus will be the death of me, I am run off my feet’, though it was the worried well rather than the sick who were taking his time. I spent most of the day on hucking the storeroom (in haste now, before the virus gets me I’m telling myself) and was able to half fill the bin with old receipt books, dirty paper items, unwanted metal tent poles and the like. I found my 1995 diary, written every day till Karl’s death in the early morning after Mardi Gras, just the same as Jackie, and then abandoned for the rest of that year. I immediately went out and bought a black kitten then, my beautiful Isis, because the risk of infection from animals had been too great to have one in the house all the time he was sick, but no kittens will be bought this time. 

March 11, 2020 

Went to Castle Towers to see Dark Water and we were both blown away by it. The storyline, the acting and the filming were as good as they could have been and it was interesting at the end to discover that some of the ‘actors’ were real people affected by Du Pont’s pollution in West Virginia. Of course we now know that this wasn’t limited to that area and that almost every creature on the planet, including 99% of Americans, have PFAS or PFOA chemicals in their bloodstreams. These chemicals pass on to the next generation, and the next and the next, no-one is currently able to tell how many generations will be affected. For a complete change of pace we went in the evening to the City Recital Hall to watch Xavier de Maistre playing his harp with the Brandenburg Orchestra. Loved that they played the first movement of Albinoni’s Adagio in G Minor, Paul Dyer now at the organ instead of the harpsichord, but to my mind the piece was played more than a touch too slowly. However the Vivaldi pieces were wonderful and high spirited. It occurs to me that the CRH people are the most musically educated audiences around, never a soul clapping in the wrong place. The full house went wild over Xavier and incidentally I noticed, as is always the case there, many of the women wear a few thousand dollars on their backs. The young woman next to John wore the most beautiful silk dress in a pale green floral, but I resisted asking who designed it, now I wish I had. Got home absolutely buggered but worth it for such a day. 

March 12, 2020 

I think I deal with some things better by getting angry rather than scared or nervous, some examples for starters: 1. How about the fact that the US had a Department of Homeland Security Pandemic Preparedness team in place. They were the people who understood best how epidemics and public health works. Then Trump said that ‘as a businessman I didn’t like it when people were just sitting around’, so he defunded them. Ahem, firemen ‘just sit around’. 2. At the CDC the head can’t speak unless Mike Pence sees everything he wants to say first. The CDC has been financially gutted under Trump. 3. I just paid $40 for the last bottle of hand sanitiser at my local chemist, the same bottle I’d bought for John before Christmas for $18, but the chemist just shrugged when I pointed it out. 4. The same pharmacy is selling ‘eco-friendly herbal hand sanitiser’ for $12.99, with no apparent anti-viral or even anti-bacterial ingredient that I could see. Once again the chemist pointed to the label and said ‘look, it says it works on viruses’, when I asked which particular ingredient was anti-viral. It was selling out. Capitalism, you’ve gotta love it. I guess it’s more healthy to be angry, at least you are inclined to do something rather than falling into a slump. Making a curry for Sue and Robert, he likes them and it’s very different to the last one, so stuff the virus this afternoon. 

March 13, 2020 

Wow, Friday the 13th is living up to its reputation. Where to start? I just sat through ScumMo’s press conference and my eyes were rolling back in my head at its idiocy. (I wish I’d known it was in Parra, I’d have seriously considered demonstrating just as a single person, sometimes that catches more attention than a crowd). But anyway, missed opportunity, though I might have ended up in the watch house if I’d been close enough to him. I have learned to tell though when he is lying or evading or exaggerating or understating…his mouth is open…boom tish. But what a scatty, disorganised, muddled, shambolic address it was. We are getting a lot of local transmission so we close down events over 500, but not tomorrow lest the PM looks like a goose for going to the football. Could he please catch it there? No, be careful what you wish for as we’d then get a bigger goose, his deputy. 

Interestingly, John who has faced death numerous times over the last three years with great equanimity has decided he definitely doesn’t want to go out with coronavirus. He rang yesterday to suggest we start limiting our social interactions to the necessary (there goes La Traviata on the Harbour, blubber) and has even cancelled his very first football night of the season with the execrable Rafe. We were/are going out to lunch for St Patrick’s Day with his ex-priestly mates next week, the first time the partners have been included. It was moved from the Irish pub at Ryde to a yacht club somewhere to enable us to be somewhat spaced but I suspect even that may now be cancelled. Then we had a play later in the week at the Belvoir. I had suggested having a couple over for afternoon tea next week but now I don’t know whether to invite them or not. Perhaps my anger is prophylactic as I haven’t yet succumbed to much fear of the virus but it could be just around the corner, as John’s wasn’t here two days ago. But the quote of all time was at the end of the conversation “If I died there would be no-one to finish the street libraries” and no, it was not a joke. 

March 14, 2020 

Martyn, Sue’s brother, rang to say he will be able to pick up food on Tuesday, and ended with ‘and that cake last week was really lovely’, so I took the hint and made some date and walnut slices and a raspberry coconut slice, some of that one will stay here though as I am particularly partial to it. I still have lots of baking supplies to get through, but I understand flour is now restricted so I might need to do a hunt for some soon. I rang the bakery where I buy my bread to put a couple of loaves aside today but it was all sold out. Had a good long chat with Deborah this morning and then I was sent a piece by Dr Dan Suan, an immunologist of renown at Westmead Hospital, asking people to have minimal contact with each other and to ‘cancel unnecessary things’ in order to slow the virus. Just before I sent this message around to contacts I got an email that our St Patrick’s Day lunch at a yacht club on Tuesday has been cancelled, a good move I think considering one attendee is on dialysis and two have lymphoma! I think we need to make judgments sensibly one day at a time, weighing up the dangers to ourselves, and more importantly to susceptible others, about every event. Life was so simple in December, but hang on, we were in the middle of bushfires then, so no, not so simple at all. Father Rod Bower just sent around a simple picture being circulated by doctors in Greece. It is a row of blackened matches, then one unburnt one pulled almost out of the row with the caption “The one who stayed away saved all the rest”. 

March 15, 2020 

When we were in Vanuatu for a couple of weeks many years ago we had a lovely unit on the edge of the harbour. From there I used to swim past the nearby kustom village where I would hear wonderful hymn singing first thing in the morning. Then one day at the end of a wharf nearby was a man in a little boat heading out to fish. I introduced myself and said that I would buy a fish or two if he came back with some. A few hours later he appeared at the door of our unit with a huge fish, but when I tried to pay he wouldn’t accept money initially because ‘I can’t charge you money because now you are my friend’. Eventually I convinced him that in our culture it would be very bad form if we didn’t pay him the full value he would have got from the local restaurateur to whom his fish are usually destined. From there the relationship developed to his bringing his wife and sons for afternoon tea, causing incredulous reactions from both the French owners and the local staff. Later they drove us around the island of Efate, stopping to meet various relatives in villages on the way, and admiring the pig at each home. I have remained in touch by letter and later Facebook with Alice, who speaks fluent English, French and Bislama. John is a bit more restricted language-wise so we don’t communicate at distance. Now this month Alice is standing for parliament in their elections for the electorate of Tongoa Islands. There are no women in Vanuatu’s parliament and I am so hoping Alice may be the first. I offered to contribute to her campaign, but only after she looked into the legality and propriety of foreign donations. This deeply religious woman has the motto ‘better to fail with honour than to succeed with lies’ so how could you not support her elevation to government? Anyway it was a problem to send her money, but eventually we worked it out. Her daughter-in-law is in Sydney at the moment, staying for some reason at a conservative Orthodox Jewish shule at Dover Heights, but not wanting to do the slog over there as things stand, I arranged to pay the money into the account of a Russian-sounding lady there, who then paid it to someone else who got it to John in Vanuatu by 3pm that day and he sent it off to the islands where Alice was campaigning. I think it must all have been on trust, I’ll pay you X when I get back and on and on from there, but Alice had it by dusk. Please do well Alice, your country certainly needs leadership right now. 

March 16, 2020 

Wow, it’s been a day of fast moving situations. First a call from the organisers of a luncheon I had been invited to attend at Parliament House on Friday, it has been cancelled after discussions with the Health Department, even though there were only about 100 people going. Then later a call from Carol to discuss cancellation of the Open House at Gerringong next weekend, something both John and I (to a lesser extent) were involved in. It came on the back of an email from Sonia to say that she is ill and had a coronavirus test today. All of this in the space of an hour so my head was spinning. I wonder if in a hundred years a text book will talk about the incredible response to the pandemic in certain Asian countries and the pathetically late and inadequate one in Europe, the US and Australia? Somehow on the basis of our piecemeal response so far it is looking more likely. The Asians, both Communist and capitalist, have a certain disciplined response to government edicts while we tend to take a more individualistic reaction. By the way, where are all the anti-vaxxers at the moment? Praying that they get a vaccine developed asap I suspect. So lunch is off tomorrow, play off Thursday night, lunch off Friday and open house off at the weekend. Thanks coronavirus, you just wrote that week off pretty effectively! 

March 17, 2020 

Love to say we went to the planned St Patricks Day lunch but of course it was cancelled, so I didn’t even remember that it was St Pats until I saw someone on the news in a silly hat. Instead, at 6.45 am I lined up with about 150 others at Woolworths for the early preferential shopping for pensioners and the disabled.  After showing my pension card I went in to find a very busy situation, with a security guard handing out single packs of toilet paper which wasn’t even on my list. But as far as rice, pasta, flour, hand sanitiser and much more, the shelves were already bare so clearly no stock had come in overnight. The whole thing wasn’t worth setting my alarm for. Martyn came dead on his appointed hour of noon to collect the food for Sue and Robert. Although I am here alone, I’ve often been cooking for three so things like rice and flour have been used more quickly than usual. I will need to cook with what I have in future, rather than planning a recipe and then trying to buy the ingredients. Martyn’s take on the coronavirus situation surprised me and I am still thinking it through. As a medical specialist I expected to hear what we’ve been hearing from all the others: get in fast with restrictions and closures to stop the spread. But no, his take is that the collapse of the economy which we will see if widespread shutdowns occur is much worse in the long run and that we should effect total home quarantine on the over 65s and then let the virus rip. This means no restrictions on travel, large groups, shops, cinemas etc in fact we should encourage them and build up the herd immunity (he didn’t mention herd immunity himself, but that is basically what he’s talking about). Then in 6 months or whatever, after which some vulnerable younger people have died, we let the oldies out and by then we will have enough hospital availability to treat them if and when they fall ill. I am glad I am not the one who has to make decisions like that. But he feels that if we continue as we are going ie following Italy, we will see poverty, homelessness and crime rise to epic proportions ‘they will be breaking into your house for food’ he surmised. 

March 18, 2020 

Decided to do a meat loaf for Sue and Robert and, not prepared to battle the big shops, I walked to the corner IGA and butcher. I know him because he’s been there a long time but I wouldn’t call myself a customer as I rarely buy meat anyway and not from him as his prices are way high, but quality no better than elsewhere. ‘Half a kilo of mince please’ I naively asked. He smiled and said that all the mince was gone by 9 am as there were 40 people waiting outside when he opened. ‘And I doubt I’ll have the meat to make any more for a couple of days’ he breezily said as I left, I suspect cheesed off that I never buy there. Touche. 

John had his monthly IgG infusion today, his only break from self-isolation, so I sent him with a list of questions. Q. Is the blood used for this tested for coronavirus? A. I don’t know, no-one’s asked that question before.Q.  Can you find out? A. Goes away, returns with we don’t know but this batch would have been made last year before it was an issue. Q. As it comes from America, that makes future batches somewhat suspect? A. Don’t know, sorry. I have told him to contact the blood bank and get it in writing before next month’s infusion. John: but they wouldn’t give it to us if it wasn’t safe. Me: Yeah, there were the 12,000 that got AIDS that way in the US alone, and then there’s the hepatitis cases, but nothing to worry too much about I guess. 

March 19, 2020 

I don’t want this to become a shopping blog, but boy a kilo of mince is hard to find (up from the half kilo I was aiming for yesterday you’ll notice). I was at  Castle Mall at opening time and managed to score a kilo, just. But both butchers were serving huge orders, hundred of dollars, mine was a bit of a joke I think. But with NO PRICES on anything, and no-one was asking. I later emailed centre management to complain, as the fruiterer advised me to do when I told him. If he can find time to put prices up in the rush so can they. Perhaps people are all buying chest freezers, I can’t see any other way they could be storing these meat mountains. The chemist was my only other stop, almost everything restricted to one per customer and many shelves bare. Don’t anyone tell me in a hurry how great Australians are compared to everyone else in the world, because I didn’t buy it before and I certainly don’t buy it now. We are better than some and worse than many. Shelves in South Korea are full apparently, the government told them not to panic buy and they didn’t. In some supermarkets today the police were dealing out the toilet paper, I kid you not. 

Two tales from the front: 1. A friend of someone I know is the bestie of a well known immunologist who yesterday commented privately that if we don’t ALL isolate for the next two weeks, we are Italy. 2. The specialist medico daughter of a friend says her hospital has today put in plans not to treat anyone 70 and over come the rush. Pain relief only. Jeez, it’s a bastard that you can’t even spend up on good wine and restaurants when you are looking down the barrel. Quay one night, Bennelong the next, every show at the Opera House, go out with a bang at least. Bob said to me years ago that ‘anything you want to do you should do now, you never know when life could change in an instant’. Wise words unheeded. 

March 20, 2020 

This morning it was confirmed that the reports I’d been reading online were correct: hydroxychloroquine is the new big thing in coronavirus prevention and treatment. Trump has just announced government support for the drug to be used so I guess it will become as hard to find as hand sanitiser. I am lucky to be ahead of the game, as this is the drug that I decided recently to quit using, so I have a bottle in my medicine chest and a script for more. It is used to treat the autoimmune diseases Sjogren’s Syndrome and lupus, but I suspect that now the president has wrongly claimed that the FDA has already approved it for coronavirus the pharmacies will be swamped with desperate buyers. 

It is so hard being unable to visit Davina and particularly Millie now, I am trying not to think into the future to speculate how long this situation may last. She came home from daycare talking about germs and coronavirus which is both good and sad. I phoned Kenneth in Halifax last night and we spoke for an hour and a half. As usual he takes the libertarian view that he is entitled to go out if he feels like it but was shocked at our food restrictions, the only thing in short supply in Halifax is toilet paper. I told him that may change very soon as it did here but he thinks Yorkshire people are too sensible for that, I hope he’s right. Instead of the usual ‘when are you coming over?’ discussion he volunteered that ‘I don’t think you would be able to get into Britain now, probably the whole year is like that’. Not wrong I thought. Emailed Tom in Northern Ireland to quell ideas that we might be able to take him up on the offer to stay with them in Northern Ireland. Look at all the money we’ve saved, to spend on luxuries such as……well maybe it can just sit in the bank in fact. 

March 21, 2020 

John is taking advantage of isolation by trying to learn The Man From Snowy River by heart. All good, except I think I am the test vehicle for his learning and that may end up affecting my mental wellbeing if I need to listen to it each day on the phone….today I got the whole thing, read of course, but I fear the days ahead. A later call began ‘just listen to how much I’ve memorised now’. 

Today I filled the day by writing a story for the Fellowship of Australian Writers’ Seniors Stories competition, the prize being publication in a book of 100 short stories in October. The pessimistic me thinks that I probably wouldn’t be able to go to the launch at Parliament House anyway….. and I’d have preferred it if the comp were an open one, but the timing was right so I plunged in. I recounted an actual event, recorded at the time because of the effect it had on me and it still caused the odd tear while typing. Also shed a tear watching The Scribe on ABC, a wonderful doco about Graham Freudenberg, Whitlam’s speechwriter who went on to write for Hawke and Carr. Particularly affecting was his last message to Gough just prior to the great man’s death: ‘My Leader as ever’. It reminded me of Gough’s custom of referring to supporters as comrade. I was lucky enough to be the recipient of that greeting in 1969 while working on the federal election campaign handing out how-to-votes in his electorate of Werriwa. I have never forgotten the sentence and the heat of that day ‘Can I interest you in a chicken sandwich comrade?’. Those were the days when politics really meant something. 

March 22, 2020 

They will still be writing books about the times we are living through in 100 years. I suspect as well as the colossal figures of deaths, they will be talking about the laid-back attitudes of the West to the coming plague, leaders who believed nothing could touch them because they were rich and money controls everything, right? Whereas the Asian countries with their greater focus on elders and obedience to rules might just find they jumped onto a higher rung on the world’s ladder, but we are getting ahead of ourselves. As ever it will be the poorest and weakest who suffer most: the homeless, the prisoners, the refugees, the old and the ill. I idly wonder if one day in the far distant future someone will get excited doing their family tree ‘Oh wow, my great-great-grandma died in the Plague of 2020. How cool is that!’ The reply from his friend may very well be ‘Well everyone has rellies who’d died in the Great Plague, it’s no big deal’. 

I signed up for Woolworths home delivery today, something I didn’t think I would do before I was very old and infirm. Although I don’t inspect every single cherry like some do, I still like to handle and sniff my apples, if they don’t smell like apples they’ve been in cold storage. I guess I will have to accept purple Chux as well, though my preference is green or blue. I smiled at myself when I refused to take the purple ones off the shelf on Tuesday during the pensioner shopping time, normally we lose important things one at a time but this week we seem to have lost a motza. Naively I thought we could drive to a beach somewhere for a swim, the salt water is disinfecting after all, but now that’s been canned. Or perhaps get a cabin down the south coast as we were supposed to be doing from tomorrow, taking our own food so we don’t have to mix, but no, travel is banned too. 

March 23, 2020 

Ended yesterday in a funk after a big fail in the Woolworths online ordering system. I got a text to say I was approved and went online to order but when I got to choosing the delivery time I discovered every time for every day was taken so I cancelled the order and walked down to the IGA to pick up butter for baking today. It looked like a Beirut shop looted after an earthquake with almost every shelf empty, no dairy, no canned fruit or vegetables, no frozen food, no meat, no nuffin, except for some ghastly looking biscuits, dog food and some rusty lettuces at $6.50 a pop. Actually when I think about it, very like Moscow’s GUM department store’s food section when I was there in 1973. At the time it was basically tins of fish or….tins of fish. Then decided to treat myself to some Indian food for dinner so I rang, ordered and paid only to discover when I tried to give the address that ‘oh it is pickup only, we have no drivers’ so I just got her to do a refund. Then Planet America wasn’t on at it’s usual time…..I had an early night. The Eastern philosophies talk about the Guna, or mood that rises and falls, well mine went way down last night. 

But this morning was another day! I was on the pensioners’ queue at 6.45 am and lo and behold there was food. Chicken and meat aisles were virtually empty but I didn’t want those anyway and 75% of the things I did want were there. Hallelujah. Came home to cook Choc Chip Muffins for Sue’s pick up tomorrow, the meals having already been cooked and frozen. I got a call today from my ex-husbands wife to see how I was doing. This on top of a friend request on Facebook yesterday from someone who unfriended me years ago….seeing if I am still above ground perhaps? Anyway I am not averse to friendship so I accepted and we shall see how it goes. Strange times. 

March 24, 2020 

Busy busy morning for a change. Firstly I rang GIO to pay my home and contents insurance and struck a chatty person immediately, no waiting. Forty minutes later we had been through coronavirus, school closures, working from home, Trump, Morrison, panic buying and more. She explained that she always works from home and I told her I had imagined her in a smelly, dreary little booth somewhere in a nasty office building, but no she is ensconced at home as are 75% of her colleagues regularly in that office. Also she told me she had dealt with a woman this morning who was canceling her car insurance policy as she had just got the sack, she is going to leave her car in the garage from now on. Anyway at the end of the discussion she put my payment through, $1265 instead of the invoiced $1489. That wasn’t my devious plan as we chatted, but I was very happy that she did. Sue told me at the petrol station this morning the attendant asked if she had a Coles docket. She didn’t but the girl said ‘it’s okay I’ll put it through as illegible’. Perhaps we are feeling a bit more obliging to each other. Then arrived Martyn for food pickup and while he was there the assessor from GIO arrived to look at my ceiling water damage etc. He told me it was easier to ask the questions on the phone as he needed to wear a respirator to come into the house! He then got on the roof, went through every room drawing a plan of the place (he said many people object to his doing this, but I was fine with it) and then photographed the damage. He was here for about an hour and a half and I don’t expect any issues in pursuing the claim. 

Trump last week talked about the current research showing that chloroquine and hydroxychloroquine may be both preventative and useful as a treatment for coronavirus. ‘I’ve got a hunch it will work’ the cretin surmised publically to the horror of his medical advisers. Well now an elderly pair of Trump watchers saw the containers of chloroquine phosphate they had on the fishtank for cleaning the water and, deciding this must be the stuff, downed some of it. Both dead now, so in fact they didn’t get coronavirus and I guess Trump has been proved right in a grisly kind of way. I now foresee difficulties in getting my prescribed supplies of hydroxychloroquine as a result of a worldwide shortage on the horizon. When will they staple his lips together and let the medicos handle this? Professor Fauci always looks ready to explode when he stands behind the imbecile during press conferences and I am hoping to be watching live when he does so, figuratively of course. 

March 25, 2020 

I decided this morning that I need to get back into my gardening before the weeds cover the house. Also I want to be able to sit on the verandah peacefully and enjoy a tidy front yard without the silent accusation of the plants. But first I rang the council chambers as soon as they opened to ask when the library is closing. They didn’t know but soon rang me back to let me know that today is the last day, so I was at Castle Hill library, all masked up, when they opened. They have a much better selection there, I usually go to the closer one and have them sent over but today that wasn’t an option. I filled my shopping bags with 20 books and hoped she would approve, but the librarian offered to let me have even more if I wanted, so I ended up with 26 after she did an overide on the system. Mostly they are old favourites: Cormac McCarthy, Ian McEwen, Elena Ferrante, Barbara Kingsolver et al but of course only those I hadn’t yet read. I picked up an early Thomas Keneally, the one he wrote after leaving the seminary in Manly. The critics commented at the time that it was too unbelievable because a seminary couldn’t possibly be as bad as he portrayed, but of course it was all factual stuff but with names changed. Then I got a few random picks, just in case I pick up a five star book that I had not heard about before, it has happened a few times in the past. One random was an Australian novel about people fleeing from England to Australia due to a pandemic over there, should be fun. Cooked up a pile of baked potatoes, pumpkin and eggplant to have in the fridge as meals or sides or even soup. 

March 26, 2020 

I was thinking this morning that I should make a point of speaking every day to someone I rarely see, just a random person from my directory. A couple of days ago I got a call from my ex-husband’s wife in rural Queensland, then a person who unfriended me on Facebook years ago suddenly sent a friend request and just now I got a call from an old acquaintance whom I last spoke to 18 months ago, so perhaps lots of people are thinking along the same lines. I’ve just finished reading Eggshell Skull by Bri Lee a Queensland lawyer who, as a judge’s associate, sat through many, many rape and sexual assault trials where she believed justice was not being done. She decided to stand up and have charges brought against the teenager who sexually abused her as a primary school child. I found interesting her descriptions of circuit court and her comment that in Gympie she saw not a single rape or sexual assault defendant found guilty, of course many in the the jury knew the men accused. Similarly in Warwick it was extremely hard to get a conviction. Her descriptions of the cases heard were disconcerting, all the more so for her as a survivor, but her respect for the judge for whom she worked helped her to tackle her own case. Inspiring reading. 

March 27, 2020 

Saw a photo this morning of a gowned and masked doctor working on coronavirus patients in London and around the eyes he looked awfully like my friend Mustapha who is a cardiologist who took an early retirement or at least a stand down from medicine about 5 years ago when his partner was given a promotion to Singapore. Sure enough there is a photo on his Facebook page showing him in his gear, but I had been unable to read all of the comments as he speaks many languages and none of the respondents had posted in English. He has volunteered to go back to work in an NHS coronavirus hospital in London, a fact which made my stomach sink, but all power to his healing hands in this situation. Only yesterday we were in contact discussing onions of all things and he sent me a recipe for his favourite tagine, with not a mention of his work. Then I got a text from a friend who let someone rent a cottage on their property while they did their 14 days isolation after coming back to Australia. Now the property owner and the tenant have tested positive, despite very little contact between them. Sheesh, this thing is sooo infectious. 

Tried to contact Optus to get caller ID put back onto my phone so I can avoid callers from Chad and Burundi and wherever. The country of origin shows on my mobile but not on my landline since the NBN was connected. But the phones to Optus are impossible and the email page just says urgent communications only, which I don’t understand really as people could be working from home. Book group tonight, but by email. Perhaps I will make something to take as per normal and then eat it all myself. Or make an exception and have a glass of wine all by myself. 

March 28, 2020 

A lovely interlude this morning when I went for a walk for the first time in ages and came upon an old Chinese man sitting on the bus seat in my street singing out across the road to no one. I stopped to listen and indicated with my phone that I would like to take a photo of him but he seemed to have no English at all and instead wrote down his phone number on a scrap of paper for me. On the way back he had moved seats and wasn’t singing so I sang la-la-la and he got the message and gave me another song in his not at all bad voice. Glad I went out. I am pissed off with the confinement of the last 16 days but not panicking about the disease, though for the last two nights I’ve had nightmares which both involved coronavirus in some form so perhaps I am kidding myself about the concern. It’s just not there consciously. 

Planning to make nachos for dinner with a can of black beans that has cluttered up my pantry for the last couple of years. I don’t cook Chinese so I don’t really know why I bought them, but finally I stumbled on a non-Chinese recipe to use them up. Missing an avocado to put on top, but isolationists can’t be choosers. I do have the cheese and sour cream though. Sue’s Kate is arriving shortly to return a heap of plastic boxes, cold bricks etc from the food deliveries. It’s a pain to have a visitor finally and not be able to invite them in. Martyn has gone back to Orange so I need another person to deliver, I guess I will try to tee something up with his brother Stephen, even if it means meeting him halfway between here and the Hornsby area where he lives. PS Kate arrived with two organic pumpkins picked this morning from Robert’s garden and a big tub of Sue’s pumpkin soup, so that’s tomorrow night’s dinner sorted. She will also be food courier next week, so a very successful visit. 

March 29, 2020 

The nachos recipe was a keeper, great with the black beans, better than the usual kidney beans I think. I was planning to make soup for Sue this arv but she contacted me to say they still have plenty of meals in the freezer and to give myself a rest, not accounting for the fact that I actually enjoy doing it, but she’s the boss. Surprised that one of our book group today offered her home for our June meeting, something I really can’t see will be going ahead, but I hope she’s right and I am wrong there. I was good this morning and continued an overdue weeding of the front garden, which gave me much pleasure as I saw flowers up close that I have been walking by this last week. One of Millie’s confreres asked her mother if they still had to stay at home because of the corona pirates, the mother went with this and said yes. 

I am still on the coronavirus rollercoaster as are we all, but I must admit that I enjoy getting the spontaneous youtube message from the Prof to all his patients which arrives each Sunday afternoon, in which he discusses the week’s events in his usual calm and encouraging style. This one was much longer than the last and covers things like the hydroxychloroquine shortage, a drug many if not most of his patients would be on. Apparently the government has restricted the writing of prescriptions to appropriate specialists, which will take the pressure off GPs being pressured by the mob. John’s upstairs neighbour was taken away by ambulance during the week with chest pains and there was naturally speculation that she might have the big V, but unfortunately it is worse than that, it is the big C, in her liver with spread to her shoulder. With two kids that I have met, plus apparently two more that I haven’t, and with no father around their future is grim indeed. Everyone has a story at the moment but that is one of the more tragic ones. 

March 30, 2020 

Forty-one years at about noon today since my twins were born. I’d like to do it all again, but do it better this time (not the birth though, no, certainly not the birth). It is a weird birthday in that we had a family dinner planned and booked for Saturday night and Carly should have been here for the weekend, but they are each working from home in different state capitals. We will certainly talk every year about ‘that 2020 birthday’. Following the last few days of happy contact surprises I got a message from Sheila in Blackheath sending a photo of me when I had the best of grey hair, naturally evenly grey but no white, pity I couldn’t have kept that look I decided. 

Monday is my appointed ‘getting whatever you can’t order in’ day, my only venture out in the car for the week, so I look forward to it now as if it were a huge social occasion: a ceilidh, a mardi gras and a soiree all rolled into one. Today I got three loaves of bread from the bakery I frequent, (1 to eat, 2 to freeze) seeing my freezer capacity makes it slightly more feasible now. I’ve had to give my Lane Cove baker away due to distance, this one is much closer and was always a close second. Their sweet stuff is miles ahead of his too, forcing me to purchase a small lemon meringue tart to eat during 4 Corners tonight. Lane Cove has Sydney’s third highest concentration of CV infections incidentally, so I am glad John is getting his shopping brought in and not going to shop there anymore. It is 3 years today since he went into remission for lymphoma after months of heavy chemo. Bravo, celebrations all round!! Arvind arrived from next door with four hot curry puffs straight out of the oven, bless. Good day. 

March 31, 2020 

I had booked an appointment with Bob a couple of weeks ago, hoping he might have flu vax by then. I was told it wouldn’t be here till mid April but insisted on making the appointment anyway as I knew there would be a rush once it came in. I could check each week and keep moving the appointment forward if necessary. But today when I rang to move the appointment it appeared as if their phone was down for many hours, but when I finally got through I discovered that the vaccine arrived today, so I wasn’t so silly after all. John wanted an appointment too so I halved my double one and now we will each get jabbed on Thursday. Stephen rang later and asked if we’d had our pneumovax….um, flu vax I asked? No pneumovax, which I discover protects against 23 types of pneumonia and according to Health NSW should be given to everyone over 65. Bob has never mentioned it, but I will ask him on Thursday. We had planned a picnic today, somewhere closeish, with no people or homes in sight. But the new rules and regs made that impossible so we had it on the back verandah instead. Pumpkin soup spiked up with chili and garam masala with Arvind’s curry puffs on the side. Sir is visiting today and declaimed it to be a perfect lunch. I took a bow. 

April 1, 2020 

Not making any April Fools calls today, I think we are all the April Fools for trusting our governments to protect us from what was always just over the horizon. As I wrote here in January: ‘I continue to shake my head at the lacklustre Australian response to the corona virus outbreak. While the scientists are doing amazing work, as usual, the policy makers and their publicists stumble along. Potential pandemics, as this clearly is, need action that is both strong and meteorically fast’. Luckily for their residents Singapore understood this and acted accordingly, including having a fully stocked 300 bed pandemic hospital sitting empty, waiting for just this occurrence. Had we had a similar hospital set up (and we can afford it) we would now have it occupied by those initially infected, with no community transference occurring.  But experts like Prof Raina McIntyre, who workshopped this eventuality with international colleagues in a week long conference just last November, were ignored. As usual the government gets off scot free and the populace pays bigtime for their mistakes, pays in lives and pays in money, more money than ever we could have imagined. A stitch in time Scotty, didn’t your mother ever tell you that proverb? 

One of John’s ex priest mates helpfully sent around to their group Pope Francis’s Urbi et Orbi Vatican speech, retelling the story of Jesus sleeping in the helm of a little boat when it hit rough weather. The disciples woke him in a panic and he replied famously ‘why are you afraid, oh ye of little faith’. Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves and it was completely calm. Perhaps they won’t be expecting his reply: ‘I’m not going to read any nonsense about Jesus and corona virus.  If Jesus is in charge, why did he let it happen in the first place? Stay safe boys.  The only people who are going to save us from this plague are ourselves and our wonderfully skilled and dedicated health professionals.’ He has certainly left that culture waaay behind.

February 20, 2024

I went to the Coroners Court today for the inquest of a man in Tregear who had been killed by dogs. But when I got there I discovered that it was an inquest into seven, yes seven, people who had been killed by dogs. One was a three week old baby pulled from its mother’s arms by their American Staffordshire terrier, which was actually a pitbull. Apparently no one wants to admit to their dog being a pitbull these days because of the restrictions on the breed so they are being sold by breeders, or on Gumtree or privately as American Staffordshire terriers in something called rebranding.

We heard from Professor Paul McGreevy, who gave evidence that the two breeds are closely related, pitbulls were bred for dogfighting and the less aggressive ones are now on the dog show circuit as American Staffordshire terriers. However, he pointed out that the genes for aggression can be shown in the DNA sequences that both breeds share. American Staffordshire terriers are taught to allow for some handling at a show, but that does not alter the aggression in their genes. He described both breeds as bold, aggressive, and importantly, they both take initiative. So they don’t wait to be attacked or hurt in some way, they take the initiative and attack first, therefore we can never be safe from them. Central Coast City Council rangers had given the couple 28 days to prove that their dog should not be declared a pitbull and therefore restricted. The father of the dead child requested a stay because they were dealing with a new baby, two weeks later the baby was dead, he was three weeks old. 

March 14, 2024

One of the weirder encounters I’ve had recently was a man running up to me outside the QVB and excitedly asking: ‘black, black?’ and indicating something with his hands. He looked perhaps Thai and didn’t seem to understand English at all. My bus was due and although I was trying to help, it wasn’t going well until I realised that the hand gesture was like spreading so I asked ‘on toast?’ to which he replied ‘YES, Yes’. So I was able to suggest Vegemite was the word he was looking for and he was thrilled, but we parted and as he walked away he was repeating ‘Vegemuch, Vegemuch’.

A quote from Don Watson: ‘Anzac Day was originally for people who fought. Now it’s become this big national thing that is poorly understood and more and more it’s like a national religion’. I so wish that I had written that though I’ve often said something similar.

March 18, 2024

How hard is it to make a Caesar salad? Pretty hard it seems from the strange combinations I’ve been seeing lately. One at the Palm Beach Club (on a bus tour) came in at $27, but I passed on it when I saw that they were using spinach leaves instead of cos lettuce. At the other end of the price scale was one John and I shared at Olympic Park after long walk on Sunday. It was $14 and even though we shared it, we discovered that we couldn’t finish it and the remainder filled a large takeaway container. That was my dinner tonight. The price was certainly right, the quantity was too, but having mixed leaves with tomato and cucumber made it a fail. It was interesting in that the owners of the shop were clearly Muslim and the bacon had been replaced with very thin, crispy strips of beef, something I hadn’t seen since Dubai. Hopefully soon I will get this delicious dish with all the correct ingredients: cos lettuce, boiled egg, croutons, anchovies, and bacon strips topped with a creamy anchovy-rich mayonnaise. I live in hope.

March 24, 2024

I paid for my Forensic Science course by credit card yesterday and shortly afterwards got a text message purportedly from the ANZ bank asking if it were a genuine transaction. If so, I should press one, and if not press two, but in the meanwhile my card had been temporarily halted. I was at odds, was it a scam? So I tried ringing the ANZ number and it kept telling me to put in my tele code, which I don’t have so I couldn’t get through. My daughter told me not to answer the text under any circumstances as it sounded like a scam. Then I got a call from the Medical Register Of Australia saying that my payment had failed. Finally, I came up with the idea of calling the lost or stolen card number at ANZ, and eventually got through to someone who seemed rather surprised that I hadn’t just pressed one. This is despite numerous messages saying to ignore texts and emails about your bank account. So I pressed one, and it announced by a second text that the transaction would go ahead in about 15 minutes, but the story didn’t end there. the Medical Register people got back to me to say that they had received the funds twice! They were very apologetic and said that they would refund the second payment, they had no idea how it happened. What a bloody mess up and crazy system.

March 26, 2024

I couldn’t believe it when I got a fine notice in the mail. Yes I was parked where they said, but had John‘s disability parking sign on the windscreen. I tend to park there when going on the bus somewhere if John is with me so I don’t have the problem of getting him across the busy road safely. So I decided to contest it, and as part of that lengthy process online, I was asked if I wanted to view the photographs which of course I did. But right in the very first photograph taken from the rear of the car, what is that thing you can see on the windscreen? Yes you got it in one, the disabled parking sticker, so I very politely suggested to them that they enlarge the photo a bit and have a look on the windscreen. I had been there over the mandated two hours but was entitled to stay there indefinitely. I awaited their response with interest and the letter came, with no apology or explanation, just an instruction not to pay the fine.

April 6, 2024

I am always impressed by ABC News presenter, Lydia Feng but last night she made a couple of howlers, first by misnaming Taylor Auerbach (calling him Backhour) and secondly reporting on a bike race where she said a man fell and “broke his cervix“. In both cases, she continued on with no apparent recognition of the mistakes. Who would want to do live television?

May 10, 2024

It came as a shock to have my credit card declined twice in one day, both for piddling amounts. So I rang the bank’s overseas hotline only to be more confused than ever when I was told that I hadn’t paid the bill. It is paid automatically on the due date from an account at a different bank, and has been done that way for decades. So I went to front the bank only to be told that ‘the money is in there but the funds haven’t cleared’ so then I went straight to Bank 2 who assured me that they paid it the day before. Bank 1 couldn’t explain it to my satisfaction but said that the funds should clear overnight, which they did. BUT the next day I got a flurry of emails wanting to know why direct debits hadn’t been paid the day before, some offering me financial counselling or staggered payments! So I’m cross, as this affects my credit rating with a number of organisations. While in Parramatta on a different mission I popped into Bank 1, explained it all over again but was told there was no logical explanation as I still had over $3000 to spend on the account when the card was paused. So none the wiser, but if it happens again I need to think about cutting the card up, though it would be a pain to redirect all the automatic debits.

May 19, 2024

Well I’ve never had as close a shave on Old Northern Road as I did on Saturday night. Thought being around 6 pm on a weekend the traffic wouldn’t be too bad compared to a weekday peak hour, so I got off at my normal stop and waited for some time to cross the busy road. But I’ve learned that it’s easier to tell the speed of cars in the daytime than at night when you can only see the lights. There seemed to be time to cross in a gap in the traffic but I suddenly realised that cars were bearing down at a great speed and I had to run across the second  half. The main car I was worried about didn’t slow down at all, in fact he just kept boring down flashing his lights. I managed to jump up on the kerb but wasn’t at all sure that my suitcase would make it, and was a bit concerned that if he hit the suitcase I could be dragged back onto the road, however I made it and so did the suitcase but not by much. I need to rethink crossing that road at all, perhaps going up to the tech college, crossing at the lights and walking the longer distance home. There has been a trifecta of pedestrian deaths near me in the last 10 days, information courtesy of the Hills Police Area Command, which I’ve recently started following on Facebook. The first was a woman killed by a driver coming out of the petrol station that I usually go to on Seven Hills Road, then a woman was killed at the corner of Old Northern Road and Olive Street near the Baulkham Hills shops and finally on Saturday afternoon, a man was killed crossing Windsor Road. Their ages ranged from 78 to 80. I’m lucky I wasn’t the first in another trifecta.

But on to some good news. John was asked if he would accompany some more disabled residents on a bus tour to the Powerhouse Museum at Castle Hill last Saturday as a helper. So he went as ‘extra staff’ rather than as a resident which he was rightly chuffed about. The lady he looked after bought him a milk shake in the cafe afterwards as a thankyou.

May 20, 2024

Went to Parramatta today to sit in on the Justin Stein murder trial in the Supreme Court. Seeing the trial was in the online court list I was surprised that I couldn’t find the courtroom number on the foyer directory, even more surprised when someone at the Registry told me that there’s no Supreme Court matters heard in Parra! But with persistence I discovered the right court from a Sheriff, apparently Supreme Court matters are not listed on the board for reasons best known to them. I got there two minutes before the judge, who proceeded to tell us that one juror had rung in sick and they were trying to ascertain how sick, in order to decide whether to appoint one of the reserves in his/her place. So an hour was set aside for that, happily filled when Fran rang for a chat. Back to court to find that the jury was stood down for the day to sort it all out. Stein is the son of wealthy high-end antiques dealers Annemie and James Stein at whose QVB shop I occasionally drooled on the glass cases. They also own the luxurious property Wildenstein in Mount Wilson where the murder allegedly occurred. It’s a sorry tale but he is suggesting that his fiancee murdered her 9 year old daughter and he simply covered it up. While not impossible, bearing in mind that she was a drug addict, I find it somewhat unlikely, so I want to spend some time at the case trying to get a sense of the truth.

May 22, 2024

Although I didn’t write it here at the time I have been thinking lots about what I learned at the Forensic Science and Crime Scene Investigation Course recently. Thoughts seem to pop up randomly like when I was driving next to a Tesla today. The lecturer referred to electric vehicles as ‘driveable bombs’ and explained that the only way to put out an electric car fire is to drop the whole vehicle into a dam, swimming pool or similar. Firies can hose them but it’s really pointless as the heat is too great from a lithium battery to be extinguished, they just need to burn themselves out. Interestingly they can’t be towed by a conventional truck either because if the back wheels are rolling it is charging the car, potentially causing a fire, so they need to go onto a flat bed truck.

I have a host of books to read for the course and the first arrived by mail yesterday from World of Books, one of those lovely companies that sends post free. It is about Richard Kuklinski, the American psychopathic killer who began murdering people whom he decided were looking down on him or patronising him in some way but then was noticed by the Mafia who employed him as a contract killer. They put on a film (during our lunchtime, so I was glad I took my own food and didn’t need to go to the cafe) of a psychiatrist interviewing RK in prison and it was poignant when at the end he asked: ‘Doctor I’ve answered all of your questions, can you answer one for me? Why am I like I am?’ He had previously explained that he had no concept of feeling sorry for other people or sorry for his own actions. The doctor did his best to explain, saying that 2-3% of people are genetically primed to be sociopaths but those who suffered mental or physical cruelty before the age of five could then become psychopaths, however those with a happy childhood could use their lack of fear to become test pilots or explorers or climbers of Everest for example. Richard looked somewhat sad and I wanted to give him a hug, which left me wondering if there is also a set of genes that makes a person vulnerable to wanting to hug a mass murderer?

May 23, 2024

A lot happening here. John rang me early complaining of back pain, headache, pain in his arms and legs and a cough, he was fine at 9 pm last night. I texted Vivian as it was shift changeover and I knew she would be busy. She did a RAT for Covid, negative of course on day one, but then did the right thing and organised a PCR, so we can only wait and see. I have tickets for an Eric Bogle concert tomorrow night but clearly he won’t be well enough for that, which is a shame as it was part of his birthday present.

I went as planned to the Stein murder case at Parramatta and saw that the jury is now down to 14 so the sick member has been pulled. The jury is a real League of Nations, only 3, maybe 4, members are Anglos and I’m interested to know if that’s because it represents Parra’s population in general or whether for whatever reason this mix was specifically chosen during the challenge process. Near me there was an elderly lady in a floral skirt and blouse with a hand-embroidered collar, looking just like someone’s sweet old-fashioned granny. She approached me and asked my connection to the Steins (which of course is zero, I only know them by repute) then telling me that she’s been coming each day just because she’s interested in the case. She is 88 and travels by public transport from Epping. She came to Epping to live from Newcastle so she could more easily attend music and theatre performances in the city, rather than travelling down by train! I seriously admired her puff and I’m sure I will be able to get a good rundown of anything I miss from her in future, she’s a very sharp lady who won’t miss a thing.

The first two witnesses were a married couple who own a weekender next door to Wildenstein, talking about what they saw, or more accurately, didn’t see. It was a good day to go as we heard then from a young female forensic pathologist who did the autopsy and she was an excellent witness, explaining things in detail and addressing all of her comments to the jury, not to the wigs or the audience, just as it should be. I was somewhat puzzled by the fact that the shots, from a .22 rifle, were fired in an upward trajectory, strange considering it was a 9 year old being shot by an adult. Her stomach contained schizophrenia medication prescribed for the accused, but nothing was said about the effects that would have on a child, though that was probably due to be discussed by the toxicologist who is a later witness. Next was a forensic ballistics officer (a South African who presumably had plenty of practice over there) who discussed the testing of the rifle used. I understood this better than I would have before the ballistics lectures of two weeks ago. I know very little about guns, but we had a talk at the course on firearm types, ammunition, rifled and smooth bore weapons, and the different types of wounds coming from different guns, so what he was saying made sense.

May 24, 2024

Bussed down for another day at the Stein murder case. In a call with her son recorded at Silverwater gaol, Stein’s mother, Annemie Stein, begged her son not to say that the fatal shooting occurred on the family’s luxury Mount Wilson property. In reply, he agreed and said instead he would say it was ‘on crown land, behind the shed, on the fire break’. The priorities exhibited here are almost unbelievable, to lie to save yourself from being locked up for life is surely understandable, but to do so to protect your mother’s reputation and the value of her piece of real estate is just plain sad and says much about the family dynamic. The Stein family certainly haven’t had a life out of the spotlight. Their super expensive antiques shop in the QVB was in the news about 20 years ago when their best customer, from memory a Blacktown domiciled bank teller who had bought hundreds of antiques, mostly diamond jewellery, turned out to have fraudulently milked the best part of $8 million from the NAB, much of which ended up at Martin and Stein. She had been wined and dined all over Sydney by the Steins and spent weekends at Wildenstein with them. Try to convince me that these wealthy folk didn’t notice a teeny bit of class difference there…. Then there was the well-publicised Stein marriage split and also the long-running court case they brought against their neighbour who had a penchant for firing his guns at birds who were trying to feed on his orchards. Notoriety seems to follow the family but of course this tragic case is something else again.

A man who attempted to befriend me yesterday at court was quite chatty again today. I was a bit reluctant after my pal from yesterday quietly informed me that ‘he’s a psychic’ and to me that’s getting close to ‘he’s odd’. But he was very pleasant today and I was happy to talk to him in the break, when he explained that he’d been down in Victoria searching for the missing Ballarat woman, now feared murdered. He thought that he may have received some sign, clue, manifestation, whatever one calls it, so he rode his motor bike down there but got nothing and came back. I figure that a psychic who tells you that he tried yet got no signs can’t be all bad. My grandmother used to go to spiritualist services in England where it was quite the thing in the north and she told me that the speaker told her that ‘the picture of your dead brother who was killed on the railways is askew and you should straighten it’. It was and she did. So who am I to say he’s not a psychic, I will just take him as I find him.

May 26, 2024

Friday night saw a blast from the past when I went to an Eric Bogle concert at Riverside. It was meant as part of John’s birthday present but he was sick so Martha came along with me (luckily he forgot that we were going somewhere special). Yesterday he was diagnosed with Covid, about which I was totally unsurprised considering his symptoms. Last Saturday when I was in Canberra he was asked to accompany some more disabled residents on a bus trip (perhaps because he was a bit down in the mouth that he wasn’t going home for the weekend?) and I asked him if he had worn a mask, something I insist on whenever we go out. Of course he hadn’t, arguing that no one else was wearing one, so now a number of passengers on the bus, as well as the driver, are stricken with Covid while no other resident on his floor has it. Them’s the breaks but there’s a good chance he could have avoided it with something as simple as a mask. I’m trying not to extrapolate that to ‘he wouldn’t have got Covid if you had been here to look after him’. But back to Eric. His voice has held up remarkably well and I was pleased to hear a lot of new songs as well, he’s now written 260 of them! One called The Flag about neo-Nazis impressed me particularly, but I’m having trouble finding the lyrics online unfortunately. I thought that he became quite emotional near the end of the concert and especially during the encore which he sang without the accompaniment of his excellent band. It was a song he’s in the process of writing and seemed to me to be about the end of his life, which I guess one is thinking about in the 80th year. What a good human he is, it will be a huge loss to the country when he goes.

Sue came on Saturday morning and then we went with Kate, Harvey and Anna to a talk with Niki Savva and Lech Blaine. Harvey was a real hoot at the end, talking his mother into buying one of Savva’s books so he could get in the queue to talk to her. She asked him questions about the genesis of his interest in politics and his answers were classic, but probably not for this journal. He is a one-off that boy, quite a delightful old soul. I am keen to read Blaine’s upcoming memoir about the children his family fostered when he was 10 (amongst many others that they fostered over years), who were removed from their fanatically religious family after the parents sent death threats to Queensland’s politicians. Again a decent human. More about his mum in this article: https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2022/apr/10/mum-dedicated-her-life-to-protecting-others-in-australias-aged-care-system-she-received-no-such-sanctuary.

We came home to feast on fresh mullet brought down by Sue, which I baked with spinach and the tiniest tomatoes I have ever bought (she brought 8 fillets! 6 of which I froze). We had some good laughs about Harvey and discussed topics far and wide. She left this morning after we watched Insiders together.

May 27, 2024

Off to court on this lovely warm autumn day. Kallista Mutten, mother of the murdered girl Charlise, was in the box today. One of my aims in going to this trial was to make a judgment about whether he (Stein) or she is telling the truth about happened. My gut feeling is that her testimony stacks up, but I’m not sure whether he will take the stand at all, somehow I doubt it. His barrister Carolyn Davenport SC must be 80 if she’s a day, though we have heard very little from her when I’ve been there, apart from a persistent and hacking cough that overtakes her periodically. I am curious about how the reporters can simultaneously listen to the evidence and type. As someone who can only concentrate on one thing at a time I find it compelling to watch, but I guess interpreters do it all the time. One lonely man, the only hand scribe, takes longhand notes in a spiral notebook, spacing them across the page and leaving lots of white space, another oddity to someone who uses every scrap of the paper, closely written.

I expressed some doubts about the strength of the ‘balance of probabilities’ in the Lehrmann defamation case. The concept of a 51:49 majority just seems too loose for something that will affect a person for the rest of their lives. I was out of step with everyone from the judge to reporters to family members, but then in the Forensic Science course the lecturer was very clear: that balance depends on the severity of the wrongdoing as well as the penalty that accrues from being guilty. Only my court-going mate had put this view, saying that he was ‘shocked’ by the decision, not because he was confident in the innocence of the accused, but because he felt that it was not adequately proven. So I’ve been reading up on this and discovered the Briginshaw Principle (193 which apparently still stands. “A majority is often described as ‘50% plus one’. Analogous to this, many lawyers assert that if the court is 51% certain of an alleged fact then it is ‘more likely than not’ and so the civil standard is met”. This explanation was specifically rejected by Sir Owen Dixon in 1938.

“Factors that should be taken into account include: the nature of the the allegation and the consequences that would flow from the finding of fact. The Briginshaw principle is not a separate standard of proof, but rather a standard of satisfaction. The more serious the allegation, the more serious should be the consideration given by the decision maker. Serious allegations with serious consequences require more
compelling evidence for the decision maker to feel an ‘actual persuasion’ and reach the
necessary state of reasonable satisfaction that the facts in dispute are more likely than not
to exist”. I’ll go with you Sir Owen, it makes so much more sense to me. Given time I will read the whole case and all of his comments.

John’s treatment appointment at Nelune scheduled for next week has of course had to be cancelled and when I rang them they said they would ring me back with some options for the following week. I pointed out that they needed to ring me rather than John but later discovered that they had rung him and he’d accepted another date and time without speaking to me about it, luckily it is a day that I can do. He just can’t get the idea that I may have other plans, but this time we were lucky. It will disrupt all the future appointments too as they are very strict about the four week gap between infusions.

May 28, 2024

The best laid plans can go awry….I was walking out of the door to get the bus to court when my trusty roofer rang to say that he would come around noon. I need that little matter sorted out so I gave up seeing Kallista Mutten cross-examined, an important part of the proceedings if you are trying to ascertain her guilt or otherwise. She was almost unrecognisable from previous photographs when she appeared in court yesterday, in fact I wondered who the devil she was when she got in the witness box. So if she is physically unrecognisable perhaps she is also quite a different person to the drug-addicted woman of two years ago, making it very difficult to decide how to take her evidence. The meeting with the roof guy Ayman went well, he agrees with me that GIO is just trying to get out of paying the claim for a very small repainting job where water got in during a torrential downpour in January. He says some of their excuses are clearly wrong whereas he agrees that some of the cracks in the ridges need repointing, however they are nowhere near where the water got in! He’s going to give me a quote for that and replacing the sarking that has perished, although he pointed out that many new houses don’t even have sarking. I may tell GIO to take a running jump and just hire a painter myself…to be continued. It is sad because I’ve always found their claims process to be excellent in the past.

So now I’ve discovered Justice Lee references Briginshaw in para 102 of his Lehrmann judgment (I would have heard that, but not known what the devil he was on about at that time) but he still overrode it in his decision. My pal says: “Part of my reasoning is that Lee was scathing of The Project’s unquestioning acceptance of Higgins’ version of events, but that he too has accepted her claims without any corroboration”. Mmm, I will drink to that.

Book group on Friday so I should soon start the book! So far I’ve picked up some differing views on it which makes me keen to begin. No court on Friday either as a result, I will be very cheesed off if Stein gets on the stand that day. He had a good education so he should be able to acquit himself well in terms of answering questions, but I still wonder if his barrister will risk it. I’d prefer it if we could at least see the testimony online but it’s not done, though seeing they need to type it up anyway it is just the flick of a switch to get it out there for the masses, not to mention the help it would be to all the poor madly typing reporters.

May 29, 2024

Off to court for a morning session that ended early because two crime scene investigators from the same lab have come down with an illness of some sort, however we heard from a psychiatrist who saw Mutten as well as a number of police. Of most interest was the news that Annemie Stein is due to give evidence tomorrow, beginning a bit early before the jury is called in, so I suspect from this that she could be classified as an ‘unfavourable witness’ and seek some sort of protection from self-incrimination (purely speculation here).

Each day I get an update from the Hills Police Area Command and I have been shocked by the frequency of serious accidents, burglaries and thefts (these usually coming with excellent CCTV photos of the suspects). One burglary was in Baker Crescent, the dogleg street I walk down to the corner shop, where someone advertised a motor bike on Facebook Marketplace only to be burgled and have three bikes stolen, the masked thieves correctly anticipating that there would be cameras. That is exactly why I never use Marketplace, the person picks up at the door and gets to scope your house while they are at it, with eBay it is all at arm’s length with delivery by post. The suspect pics have made me have a rethink about going up to the shops for a quick purchase in my gardening clothes and sans makeup, someone somewhere can put you up on candid camera, even in the background.

May 30, 2024

To court again today and it was Annemie Stein’s turn in the witness box. I think her evidence was summed up by the judge who, when the jury were out, said words to the effect of ‘I don’t think we are going to get much cooperation in finding the truth with this witness’. She initially denied knowing that Charlise was missing, until she was played police body-worn camera evidence of discussions to that effect; then claimed to have heard Charlise’s voice on the phone in the background of a call with Justin, this after a police video was played where she specifically said that she heard no-one in the background; didn’t know that there was a gun safe in her own house; and generally couldn’t remember much at all, except for remembering very clearly how good her son was with the child and how bad the mother was. Though the gunsafe was news to the witness, others have testified to seeing the ‘safe room’, entry via a fake back wall inside the wardrobe, taking one to a set of stairs into the roof cavity (lots of antiques stored here) and ‘the bunker’ another room hidden underground beneath the back verandah (lots stored there as well). My newfound pals were all there, the 88 year old woman, the bike-riding psychic and the man who always bought his wife’s jewellery from Stein. His memories of her are interesting but I’ve decided not to repeat them here so as not to risk a libel suit.

One fascinating episode came in the morning when I was sitting right behind the only grumpy one of the reporters. Jack had told me years ago about the Daily Mail lifting photos and bits of stories from other papers and I replied that I think they all do a bit of that. But as I watched she altered the headline of the DM story of yesterday updating it with today’s news (big type so I could read it clearly), then the story was added to as the evidence unfolded. Interesting to watch how news is reported in real time, but nothing unusual. But then the photos taken this morning were reviewed. Apparently none was good enough so our friend went to an old Financial Review article about the sale of some of the jewellery from Stein’s shop at auction, viewed a large clear photo of Mrs Stein in a large room, lopped it significantly to just head and shoulders, and dropped it into the article. It will be interesting to see if the photographer gets a byline, but I hardly think so.

Well The Guardian reports that New Delhi had India’s highest ever recorded temperature yesterday. It is almost unliveable at 52.9 degrees I would think and has certainly been so for the poor souls who died without the option of retreating into the aircon. Thinking of all of those outdoor workers and the many shopkeepers in their tiny businesses.

June 1, 2024

Sue stayed overnight after book group yesterday. It was a high end afternoon tea of savoury and sweet delights held in the beautiful environment of Sonia’s house. (I am lusting after the set pf 8 porcelain candleholders which looked for all the world like paper, I’m glad they were not for sale). We were on a unity ticket about the book I think, Small things Like These by Claire Keegan, a novel which moved me to tears in parts and did the same for Michelle. We read according to our past experiences and it was a bit too close to the bone for both of us. I’m on a bit of a Garry Disher roll, having discovered him only recently. Sanctuary, my current read, explores so many iterations of crime and dishonesty by a number of characters that there are scenarios that I wouldn’t even have considered, for example setting up a private detective agency with fake IDs in a ritzy office, talking a client into paying upfront in cash to be used for bribes or whatever, then closing the office and bolting interstate. Similarly the cyber crimes done in somebody’s spare room with a bunch of computers and equipment to fake identities. Parts of this were so real that when he talked about setting up spy cameras in people’s homes I immediately looked up and wondered if ever I would notice if such a thing had been installed, the answer of course being no. But whether someone would go to the trouble to see me in my Ugg boots and dressing gown or sitting on the toilet is another story.

After we got home yesterday I got a call from my court buddy filling me in on the day’s events, basically the Crown wrapped up its case and the Defence case begins on Monday. Aaagh, I will have John tomorrow and Monday so I will miss it, though she is sure to ring me with an update. I am assuming that the defence will consist of putting enough doubt in the jurors’ minds that Kallista could be the guilty party, due to 1. the effects of recently ingested ice 2. possible psychosis at the time 3. her belief in the supernatural eg using a pendulum to make decisions and 4. a fear of the breakup of her relationship with Justin. She’s already instilled a little doubt in my mind (though not in the minds of my compatriots) and she just needs to build on that, with the jury being aware that he’s likely to get a decent sentence in gaol for disposing of the body anyway. My buddy is a close talker and on Thursday sat right next to me, digging me in the ribs with her elbow if she detected lies or evasion. She proffered the suggestion that our biker associate ‘may be a bit predatory’ but he certainly isn’t deaf and as he was sitting two seats away at the time I cringed a bit about that. I had sensed a tinge of jealousy perhaps that his friend was spending more time talking to me than to him, but perhaps it was imagined.

Sue is going to see her daughter today and offered me a lift to Erskineville as Anna lives on the next corner to my daughter. I was planning to drive in after lunch, have an early dinner with them and then go on to see Ink, a play about Rupert Murdoch, at the New Theatre but now I will cadge a lift with Sue after lunch and come home on public transport after the show.

June 2, 2024

After a relaxing morning yesterday Sue and I headed through torrential rain along the M2 to Erko and I spent the afternoon playing the card game Organ Attack, a super educational game where we tried to attack each other’s organs with diseases and such other delights as necrosis and botched surgery. But it is a fabulous introduction to the body and what can go wrong with it as I discovered when my granddaughter was delighted to hit me with gallstones and a urinary tract infection. How else can an 8 year old find out about muscular dystrophy or stroke I ask myself? Lots of fun and cleverly designed.

After dinner my son-in-law drove me up to the New Theatre for the play Ink, the story of Rupert Murdoch’s first foray into publishing outside Australia, his purchase of the failing newspaper The Sun, turning it straight downmarket and making it the biggest selling paper in Britain, now biggest in the world. He did this with near-naked models on page 3, competitions, giveaways and scandal. I had vague memories of the death of Murdoch’s colleague’s wife at the hands of local crooks, they kidnapped her because our Rupe had lent his friend and deputy his Rolls-Royce for a few weeks while he went back in Australia and the baddies assumed that the woman riding around in it was Anna Murdoch. Sadly for Muriel McKay the suitcases full of (fake) money left for the kidnappers were seized by local Bobbies who hadn’t been informed about the arrangement, so poor Muriel paid the price and although her assailants were tried and convicted no body has ever been found, though there was some suggestion that she’d been fed to the pigs on the farm. Some superb performances, particularly by the man who played Muriel’s husband, quite chillingly realistic. The evening ended as it began with thunderous rain along the 15 minute walk to Newtown Station, by now it was 11 pm, but that was all forgotten on the train to the city especially so when I made the acquaintance of a lovely young Samoan man who pressed me to take his umbrella so I wouldn’t get any more wet on the way home. I refused of course but I told him that he was a typical Samoan, which seemed to please him immensely.

Today I picked John up from a pretty depressing Gracewood where everyone is locked down due to Covid and ‘various flus’. Thankfully he is over it now but there are no activities or meals in the dining room due to many others now afflicted so he’s once again confined to barracks. I suspect that situation may prevail for a while. I outsmarted myself at my favourite service station on the way home when I keyed in and paid for $100 worth of petrol on their ‘pay before you fill’ system only to find it would only take $95 worth as I hadn’t allowed for the recent drop in price. Doing a curry and green rice for dinner, the rice full of peas, dill and basil, just the thing for early winter.

June 3, 2024

Who was the most important witness in the Stein trial? Justin. When did he give his evidence? Today. Was I there? Noooooo. No good crying over spilt evidence, I’m sure Pam will fill me in tomorrow if not by phone tonight. We took a trip to the The Water Shop in Cammeray where I did the unthinkable and bought something new. My old water filter has been leaking from the tap and needs a jar under it, plus the three filters were well overdue for replacement. However he didn’t have the filters for that one in stock and when they did come in it was going to cost a pretty penny for three, plus none of the replacement taps fitted. So I bought a new one, much bigger capacity, but with just two filters which were included. When we got home I asked Karen next door if she wanted the old one, explaining that it’s long in the tooth and she jumped at it, so then I felt I’d made the right decision. After that we called in on Michael bearing a cake from Maggio’s in Cammeray which was beyond delicious.

I looked up the headlines just now and it says ‘Giles admits there are no drones’. If that’s true I am completely gobsmacked that he could be so stupid. Perhaps there are white-anters in his department giving him wrong information? I don’t know. But I have supported him because much of the criticism of immigration decisions has been a beat-up considering that every minister in his job has overturned visa cancellations for people convicted of serious crimes, however if this is true there’s no saving him. Tip in case by some miracle he survives: look the detractors square in the eye, stick to the facts, but tell the truth.

June 4, 2024

Well it’s all about courts and crimes today one way or another. Firstly an innocuous observation: I’ve always panned plywood, it’s the bottom choice in any situation, but in the Supreme Court in Parramatta all of the tables, benches, jury box etc are ply. But this is super thick, about 4-5 inches or so though I haven’t yet counted the number of layers. It is just beautifully done, with massive dovetails which make a feature on the sides. I may have to rethink my opposition in the light of this.

But to more important issues. Justin Stein was in the box all day yesterday and today his grilling by the Crown continued. I have to say he is articulate, calm, a good witness in terms of understanding the questions and responding to them and quite willing to agree about the lies he’s told the police in the past. Tapes of his phone calls from gaol to his mother are damning to him, but just as damning to her character perhaps. So what do we know for sure? That either Stein or Mutten killed her daughter and either Stein alone or both of them together conspired to dispose of her body. I’m glad I’m not on this jury, it’s nowhere near an open and shut case.

Next door in court 6 there is a case which has my interest aroused. It was ‘court closed’ all last week but today it was open, however I was otherwise committed. That sign usually means something involving a child, or a sexual assault case or something affecting national security, like terrorism. His name is South American, probably Colombian I’m guessing, but there is zip about the case in the press as far as I can find. Once Stein is done I will have a gander if it’s still on. One highlight of the day was bumping into a fellow court watcher in the toilet, someone whom I regularly chat with, except it was the men’s toilet as he kindly explained.

Our old mate Lehrmann has posted his intention to appeal Justice Lee’s ruling and actually quotes the Briginshaw principle in his reasons for doing so. I think he’s in there with a chance but let’s see what the judges think of it all. The other case of interest at the moment is the double murder charge against pilot Greg Lynn in Victoria. In a sense it has similarities to the Stein case in that there are two competing narratives, both with body disposal being admitted by the accused.

Last night’s 4 Corners was the touching story of Rainbow Lodge in Glebe, one of the few places where released criminals can go for residential rehabilitation back into the world. Many of the inhabitants were struggling and the main reason seemed to be drugs. My reaction to the drug problem has hardened, I think that if we don’t make drugs extremely hard to find, by both strong Border Force work and heavy penalties for dealers we are not going to ever get on top of the problem. Humans are just too susceptible to the seductiveness of drugs to resist them, so the state has to do that job just as the Soviet Union managed to do. Bag searches getting into that country were unbelievable and drugs were the target; get a whole team of drug-sniffing dogs and search every damned piece of luggage and shipping container coming into the country before we end up like Mexico or the US. Crack down big time on the crack labs and don’t dilly dally about starting.

June 5, 2024

I asked my mechanic back in January if he would sell my car for me and he suggested leaving it till a month or so before the rego was due so as to get full value for the green slip fee which isn’t refundable. Then a few weeks ago my neighbour expressed interest in buying it as he was planning to change jobs and needed a vehicle to get to work. I suddenly realised that the rego was due next week and texted him about it but he’s decided to stay where he is with a vehicle provided. So that leaves me with the problem that there’s not enough time to sell before the bill is due, so I puzzled about it during the night and rang GIO at 8am. The shortest period that I can take is 6 months, at well over half of the full year rate, so I’m going to be blowing almost $300 for no benefit.

My court pal rang me first thing to say that she will be there today and will fill me on proceedings in with a phone call tonight. Yesterday she was chipped by the Daily Mail reporter who really doesn’t like anyone sitting near her. The other case of great interest at the moment is the double murder charge against Jetstar pilot Greg Lynn in Victoria. In a sense it has similarities to the Stein case in that there are two competing narratives, but both with body disposal being admitted by the accused.

Took some costume jewellery over to a friend’s house today as she is putting together an outfit to wear to a wedding in Spain next week, a gorgeous dress that she bought with a sheer bolero which she made to go over it. Have left a few brooches with her to try on, mostly gold coloured ones which I don’t wear, they and their fellow goldies are waiting for me to eBay them in a bulk lot, something I should have done long before now. They were the property of a woman from Roseville and I bought them from her widower. I’ve already sold about half of the earrings, all clip-ons, but I have lots of strings of fake pearls and coloured beads to get rid of yet. They only bring pin money but it feels good to send them off to new homes.

June 6, 2024

Apparently the jury went out today in the Stein trial, just in time for a long weekend of thinking, if they last till then. I have swung somewhat in my opinion. Though I don’t feel as if I can trust Kallista, it does appear that Justin changed his testimony about the day and time of the shooting after seeing evidence in the police brief of evidence, which he was given before the trial. In phone conversations with his mother he clearly said that she was shot by Kallista in the early hours of the Thursday when it seems it happened on the previous day. As to motive? One could suspect child abuse in a case like this where the child was alone with him overnight though the Crown didn’t make that suggestion, perhaps because there was no forensic evidence and suggesting motive without evidence might just confuse the jury even more. His mother only came to the trial to give evidence, never to support her son and the father didn’t come at all. So I guess I am satisfied on the balance of probabilities, but not beyond a reasonable doubt. If he is acquitted (which is a possibility I think) it will be for that reason, because the jurors were pretty sure he did it but not sure enough.

Today was the opening of the Sydney Film Festival and Carol kindly offered me some tickets. We saw a Mongolian film, City of Wind, about a teenage shaman who was trying to balance the beliefs of his culture with a modern education and a developing relationship. Very interesting look at the traditions of Mongolia as well as its landscape and it had some worthwhile things to ponder later. The second film, Pepe, was probably the most excruciating film I’ve seen for a long time, if not ever. Carol bravely stayed on to hear the director’s talk afterwards so she may have the good oil on it, but those leaving via the side lane when I did seemed universally censorious. I was pleased to find that it was only 2.30pm when I came out which gave me time to do some chores at home before taking John to St. Vs tomorrow. Had my ticket checked on the bus home and felt suitably virtuous when it was approved.

June 7, 2024

John’s visit to St. Vs is always long but today was a record. We got there at 10.30 and I went back to pick him up at 2, but he was nowhere near finished, which he finally was at 3. Meanwhile I was hoping to get a bus from Darlo into town but couldn’t find a park anywhere so I went to Woollahra instead, pottering around the shops picking up some fruit and veg, nothing exciting sadly, though I did enjoy the time reading my book while waiting for John to finish. It is about an American serial killer, Richard Kuklinski, who we discussed in the psychopathy lecture in the forensic science course. What particularly interested me about him was the question he asked the psychiatrist who had interviewed him in gaol for many hours. ‘Can you tell me why I am like I am?’. The psych explained that about 2% of people have the genetic background to find it difficult to experience fear and to feel empathy. If those people are abused in some way up to the age of 5 they have the potential to become psychopaths, but if they are happy as children they become confident, fearless adults who often gravitate to being explorers, military men, test pilots or similar. I find that both fascinating and poignant. Other studies have shown that the vast majority of serial killers are either adopted, victims of abuse or both. Sadly Kuklinski inherited both the genes for violence and the abusive upbringing.

I think Peter Costello just had his Mark Latham handshake moment. Having watched the video it is hard to see him coming out of this with his job. Ignoring his version of events as well as that of the journalist Liam Mendes, we fall back on the two independent witnesses who have called assault in no uncertain terms, one of them without knowing who Costello was. So typical that PC was at the time being asked questions about the bad behaviour of male Nine executives, join the club Peter.

June 9, 2024

Great party for Jude’s 90th yesterday in a private room at St. George Leagues Club. Somehow I thought the place would be crowded, with difficulty parking, but neither was the case. However our party room was packed with 120 people of whom only 3 seemed not to be family. I find it so odd to be in that environment, when a party for my entire family could be held in a bathroom. Yet here are almost 120 people obviously loving each other to bits, from babies to tattooed teens to middle aged parents to grandparents. The care which is shown to Jude by her grandchildren is a delight to see, young Lachlan ferrying his gran around the room with his arm firmly around her and watching Jude dancing with her very musical and handsome Mexican son-in-law was a treat too. But still somehow it seems foreign, like something I’d read about in a novel but that you would never actually see in real life. I always come away from that family feeling loved, somehow they manage to extend that feeling outside their familial boundaries. T 4. A need for excessive admiration.ook 2 hours to get home through horrendous traffic (where are all these people going and coming from I asked myself), but absolutely worth it. Especially loved Jude’s story of how she managed at age 40, having been a nun for over 20 years and owning only two habits, to get money to buy a dress to go on a date with a priest, later her beloved husband Terry. But that’s a story for face to face only.

Mmm, below are the criteria listed in the DSM-5 for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Obviously one person comes immediately to mind when we read these, someone who has been referred to at times as a malignant narcissist, but what if it applies to the administration of a country or the way a country looks at itself? Perhaps peak capitalism and peak narcissism have reached the obvious endpoint? Consider as you read through these: 1. A grandiose sense of importance. 2. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success and power. 3. A belief that they are special in such a way that only other high-status peoples or institutions can understand them. 4. A need for excessive admiration. 5. A sense of entitlement. 6. Interpersonally exploitative behaviour. 7. A lack of empathy.  8. An envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her. 9. Arrogant and haughty behaviours or attitudes.

June 10, 2024

I’ve been trying, largely unsuccessfully, to piece together bits of my old blog entries from emails and whatever, and discovered that back in 2018 I was attending a court case about the will of writer Colleen McCullough. She had changed her will in her last days to her estranged husband Ric Robinson, who had recently moved back to become her carer. All her papers and the royalties from her books were left to the University of Oklahoma in her prior will. Despite the best efforts of her close friend and executor, he sadly won the case despite having had a paramour during the marriage, having moved out and reportedly mistreated her towards the end of her life. Justice is elusive.

Bussed into town yesterday to see Gospel According to Paul, a one man show about the life of Paul Keating. One needed a pretty good political knowledge to remember all of the characters mentioned, but most of the audience were of a vintage to understand all of the references. It covered his early life, rise in politics and his time in government, fairly evenly spaced over them all. When I left the theatre the sun was setting behind the bridge and the city and it was a beautiful sight. Decided to wait the 45 minutes or so till the Vivid lights were turned on but sadly those I saw were cartoonish representations, not the beautiful or artistic representations of other years, so I gave it away and came home. The trams had been stopped understandably, the crowds sweeping towards me when I came out of the Opera House were like a huge wave which I had to fight my way through. I wouldn’t have wanted to be there later in the night.

Months ago I laid out a lot of money on tickets to various plays and an opera, but it just happens that they all bunch together in a period of a few weeks, four of them within the next two weeks, so I will be a busy beetle. However if they are all as good as Keating was it will be money well spent.

I see that the wife of sadly deceased doctor Michael Mosley said that: “We’re taking comfort in the fact that he so very nearly made it”. To me that is the biggest tragedy of the whole thing, that he got within 250 feet of safety and perished anyway. But I guess at times like people have to grab whatever comfort they can find. 

June 11, 2024

Well today didn’t quite work out as planned. I rang GIO at 8am and paid the 6 months green slip on my station waggon, then took the car to my mechanic Alex for the pink slip, still full of fuel after putting in a $100 worth a few days ago. But unfortunately it needed 4 new tyres and something else I’ve forgotten which came to $1500 all up, add this to the green slip and it comes pretty nearly to the $2000 I was asking for it. So Alex said to cancel the green slip (which took a lot longer on the phone than getting it!) and he will ring around the wreckers and see what he can get for it. Makes sense financially but I am not someone who sends stuff to scrap easily. However I then needed to come home to drop off John’s birthday presents and some other things that I had foolishly picked up on the way, not knowing how things would pan out. (I had been to the Chocolate Warehouse and bought him a box of Baci Amaretto chocolates, a bag of barley sugars, a bag of eucalyptus and honey drops, a bag of dark chocolate almonds and 2 various blocks of Old Gold chocolate, that should keep him out of trouble for a few weeks). Then back to Blacktown to sadly drop the car off, then a journey home by public transport, getting home after 2pm. Done and dusted, I just hope they syphon out the fuel at least. I think I might have a bath with some lavender oil, guaranteed to salve all ills.

A few weeks ago I joined the Hills Police Area Command Facebook page and what an eye-opener it has been. A few days ago they posted that there had been a group of boys in hoodies and black masks hanging around ‘transport hubs’ and robbing people. Then yesterday they arrested a group of males wearing said hoodies and masks after someone was robbed at Castle Hill train station. But what shocked me was the photographs of the weapons they were carrying: a very large and nasty looking knife, a smaller knife, 2 hammers, some box cutters and somebody’s mother’s meat tenderising hammer. In Castle Hill. At 3 pm, not 3 am. I think I’ll stick to the bus.

June 13, 2024

Yesterday was John’s birthday but we spent it largely at home, planning to be out to a movie and lunch today. However after the present opening ceremony I needed to do some more car admin including the transfer of ownership of his car to me, thereby bulking his dwindling bank account. But Service NSW said that I should have returned the plates of the waggon when it went to the wreckers (I’m sure they didn’t tell me that so they could drive it there instead of using a tow truck). So I needed to fill out forms explaining why I wasn’t returning the plates before they would let me transfer ownership of John’s car. Then I went to leave and the woman reminded me that the car was now uninsured as it had changed hands, so I had to wait on the phone for ages to insure it with GIO as well as getting a green slip for it. When we got home I had to cancel John’s insurance, cancel my Linkt toll gadget and something else now forgotten. Luckily he was rewarded with a dinner he liked after a day of car discussions, but his promised lunch and glass of wine today wasn’t a goer because I wasn’t feeling well enough, however he has a raincheck on that one. Perhaps we will go to Glass Bistro rather than the Palace seeing he has had to wait. We went with Carol in the morning to see Thelma at the Film Festival, it was a delight from start to finish though sadly John couldn’t understand the plot, it looks as if films are completely off the agenda for him now.

Tried to read another Stan Grant article but the thing ended up as a sermon, as do all of his articles lately, so I gave it away. I find that I agree more with John Hewson these days which is a bit of a joke considering his past associations.

Bloody claim assessor from GIO is on my case again (still) because the roofing guy has let me down, providing neither report nor quote, but clearly she thinks I’m full of do-do as she’s sent me an ultimatum regularly. This time it’s 10 days to get a report or else. My policy cancelled? a firing squad? tied up in a cave to be eaten by rats? (I cheated by borrowing this last option from a book I’m reading on the New York Mafia), but the punishment was not at all clear. Now I will have to go through the whole procedure with a different guy and I think roofers are particularly suspect tradesmen as you can’t see their work.

June 14, 2024

I was reduced last night to a fraction of a person, sitting in a hot bath and drinking Ural, so I had to take Bob’s latest antibiotic offering to get me out of the current predicament. Luckily for me the pain faded somewhat overnight, enabling me to still attend to getting the pink slip on John’s (now my) car. It sailed through with no problems and I feel a little bit comforted by Alex’s comment that my old car (sniff) is being ‘cut up for parts’ which is better than my imaginings of it being squashed into a metre x metre block of metal. It’s the first time in about 40 years that I haven’t owned a station waggon and I am trying to avoid looking at council clean-up piles in case I see some wondrous antique which won’t fit in a sedan. Hopefully I will be up for going to the opera tomorrow as planned and also to the lecture before it, which is particularly helpful with a new work.

Still frustratingly trying to patch together bits of the old blog. Paragraphs here and there, but I really want to retrieve all of the Covid period stuff as it is a different mindset altogether and the best way to remember it is to read back through the posts of the time. I found some of it and I had forgotten getting all my fruit, veg and fish from Harris Farm in that period, the fish coming straight from their freezers in the Flemington Markets complex. I’d forgotten feasting on stuffed sardines amongst other things from them.

June 15, 2024

I have cried in an opera before but I’ve never cried through an opera as I did today. Watershed, an opera based on the death of Dr. Duncan in Adelaide’s river Torrens in 1972, brought back a flood of memories of my friends being harassed, beaten, and in one case driven to suicide by the actions of police who made the lives of gay men miserable for decades, and did so with impunity. This was a 5 Star production with a down to earth libretto written jointly by Alana Valentine and Christos Tsiolkas and directed by Neil Armfield with the music composed by Joseph Twist. Dancer Macon Escobal Riley hung by a harness from the ceiling head down for longer than seemed healthy, before being pushed into the ‘river’ onstage and lying in presumably cold water for a quite some time, through all of this looking balletic and beautiful. Tim Reeves wrote the book The Death of Dr. Duncan on which the performance is based and he was signing copies in the foyer, but I couldn’t have got a word out then so I decided to save getting the book for another day. Three vice squad police were implicated and refused to give evidence at the inquest so as not to incriminate themselves. A Scotland Yard team found they were most likely guilty and years later they were tried but refused to testify, the judge accepted an 11 to 1 majority to find them not guilty. I wonder what they are doing today?

June 16, 2024

The roofer due to come this morning postponed at the last minute, saying that his son was sick, but I had done my baking for today’s baby shower earlier this morning to accommodate him, so I was well in front in the end and had time for a leisurely glance at the paper before we left. It was a lovely function, with an activity to decorate a bib with special fabric pens, something I hadn’t seen before. With my limited drawing skills I just did a big butterfly and the baby’s name, Alec and then got talking and neglected to go around and see what others had done. It suddenly occurred to me that I had made the card but not written inside it, however a hasty reopening of the envelope solved that problem. There was a huge pile of gifts there, more than the number of guests I think. I got John back to Gracewood just in time for dinner.

I always read the Deaths in the Saturday Herald and muse that everyone will be ‘sorely missed’, is ‘loved by so many people’, often ‘adored’ in fact. I frequently wonder what the notices would say if everyone told the truth. But this week there was an attempt at that for Richard John Burgess ‘Involuntarily incarcerated in Wyong Hospital 7 months’ and ‘Exiled and stolen from his loved ones. Karma to his Captors’. My goodness I would love to hear the story behind that death notice, almost worth a trip to the funeral to get the lowdown, a pity it is in Wyong. I met someone years ago who admitted to going to funerals of people they didn’t know, partly for the free feed I guess but mainly for the camaraderie. I could relate to that and didn’t feel critical of them, as long as it’s not a mass of course, it just isn’t worth sitting through all that for some sandwiches and a couple of scones. A good atheist funeral though, especially one leaning towards the political left, can be a call to arms and very uplifting and inspiring.

June 18, 2024

Yesterday the roofer came and I was impressed. Last night while I was minding my granddaughter his quote came in by email at 9.30pm, so no complaints about his promptness. I considered it in detail this morning and decided to accept his quote, all of which was clear and made sense to me (apart from the almost dyslexic spelling) BUT this morning I rang Fair Trading to check on his Builder’s Licence details and they had never heard of him! Bugger me, I can’t win in this roof business. I was going to cancel the other chap who is coming tomorrow, but now I won’t.

Still mulling over the Forensic Science course and loving the story that Alexander the Great died in 320BC and his body was preserved in a container lined with honey. Because honey is mainly monosaccharides and H2O, it deprives the microorganisms of water. The low pH and low moisture content starves bacteria of the water they require to survive and grow, though who’s to know how much of the actual Alexander story is myth and how much is truth. However it does link to modern use of honey as an antibacterial agent. Worth more reading. As part of the course I have finished reading The Ice Man, the story of Richard Kuklinski, a classic psychopath and contract killer in the US. Both absorbing and shocking, it is 524 pages of murder most foul. He took orders about methods, so it was hard for law enforcement to connect the dots with someone who shoots, stabs, beats, drowns or burns his victims. The degree of suffering was also to order so a Mafia boss could order a long and painful death for someone who impregnated his daughter or killed his son in a hit and run for example, any way or any degree of brutality could be accommodated. The Iceman (his name due to the fact that some of his corpses were dismembered and frozen) was more than happy, in fact eager, to oblige.

I had been told that the huge, sad, faulty Dyldam buildings at the main intersection in Baulkham Hills was empty apart from security guards living there, but the other day I got talking to a man called Ram at the bus stop and bemoaned its wasted units in a city with so many homeless people. He replied that he lived there, renting from someone who bought off the plan, never a good idea these days. He said that he is the only person on his floor but there are others scattered through the buildings. I fail to understand how a building can be refused an occupation certificate yet still have tenants, but I have no doubt that the young man was telling the truth. The mystery continues.

June 19, 2024

Well Maurice the roofer was on time and gave me a cheaper quote than the unlicensed but charming Irishman. It occurred to me overnight that it was odd that a roofer could afford to have his office on the 20th floor of a tower in Chatswood, but perhaps he runs a few businesses under different names? I should have picked that up as being sus and not been beguiled by his pronunciation of ‘tousand’. Maurice was pleased to see that I had icons on the wall (for purely aesthetic reasons) but when he asked what religion I was I answered honestly. I think I will take his advice, junk the insurance claim and pay him to fix the roof, employing my own painter to do the ceiling. But then I won’t have the lovely Chloe to email………

I was driving this morning when a call came in from my court pal Pam, somehow it rang with importance so I took the call and she was ringing to tell me that the Stein jury had come in with a verdict of guilty. I had over time come to this view myself and breathed a sigh of relief, but felt emotional at the thought of the child and sad at the way his life has turned out, schizophrenia, drug addiction, petty crime and now this. He will face a very long sentence. Pam is on the hunt to get the sentencing date and I will try to be there too.

June 20, 2024

Well as expected Pam rang with the sentencing date for Justin Stein, I think it was August 23, but I was in the car and didn’t write it down. She wants to have lunch afterwards, so I guess we will, she’s a good stick. I’ve set her a task, finding why the trial in the next door court was closed to the public. She’s a bit of a Sherlock and has more time than I do, so I’m sure she will come up with the goods.

I’m probably in the minority here but I have bones to pick with this current production of Death of a Salesman which I saw on Tuesday night. Anthony la Paglia is superb, from his posture and shuffling gait to his eternal optimism in the face of the fact that he’s a has-been. His wage removed, reduced to selling on the road for commission only, it is one of the saddest plays I know and he totally pulls it off. However the parts of his wife and sons are to my mind over-egged, theatrical rather than real, bordering on histrionic at times, while la Paglia holds himself in and lets the suffering show in his face, in his body and its mannerisms. When I last saw this play it was set in the family loungeroom, dull and brown and boring from memory. Was it Belvoir? About 2012? This version is sited in the football stadium where Biff’s dreams crumbled all those years ago and I don’t think the change of scene does anything for the play. Better to site it in the very house he is so desperately trying to save, but I guess every director wants to put their own slant on a production. It was written in 1949 as a condemnation of capitalism and it stands firm as that today. Of the minor cast members Biff’s old school friend and neighbour Bernard, who succeeds in becoming a lawyer appearing before the Supreme Court, was calm and caring towards his pal, realising that Biff’s failure to go to college has probably ruined his life. His performance, like la Paglia’s, was all the better for its control. After the Belvoir performance I could barely leave my seat, I was so traumatised by the play, that didn’t happen this time, yet it did happen in the current Opera Watershed, even though both had the same director, Neil Armfield. Strange.

My my, being on the local police Facebook page is a reality check on what goes on in the area. Just last night another woman was killed in a car accident when the Merc she was travelling in collided with a ute in Tuckwell Avenue at Castle Hill, three others were taken to hospital. It’s a back suburban street but the comments on the page seem to indicate it’s a bit of a speedway. In regards to another post I commented that a black ute that overtook me on the left then crossed three lanes to the right on Old Windsor Rd at Bella Vista this week. He was on L plates! Immediately someone else reported what sounds like the same black ute with L plates cutting her off on the same road in the same area. I need to try to get a number plate if he pops up again. One annoying but unsurprising thing is the spelling on that police site, my fingers itch to correct it but cops and tradies mostly seem to have been off sick or at the toilet during spelling at school. The best one I’ve seen recently was the Irish roofer who in his quote called Gyprock ‘chip rock’, aaaagh the sheets used to have Gyprock written all over them so how can someone not notice at least that it starts with G?

June 21, 2024

From spelling to pronunciation: can someone please organise a class for ABC reporters and politicians to help them say the word nuclear (ensure that Chris Bowen attends). It is “new-klee-ah” people, I don’t understand why this word trips so many people up, perhaps residual brain damage from Mururoa?

In the wake of the nuclear debate I was thinking about Whitlam’s Minerals and Energy Minister Rex Connor who wanted funds to nationalise minerals across Australia. He proposed that to finance his plans, the government should borrow $4 billion from the US. If that had occurred imagine the wealth pouring into the country now, we could have initiated a fixed income for every person in Australia out of the small change. Opportunity lost, probably forever.

When I told friends that I was renewing my passport which had expired I was given dire warnings about the complications and time it would take. But it was 10 minutes in the post office and now it is coming by registered mail today, only 10 days since I applied. Easy peasy.

I have been buying some wonderful glace fruits, oranges, peaches, pineapple, cherries and more, from my tea supplier Pine Coffee and Tea in the industrial estate in Castle Hill. I sensed that it was a once off buy for them so I have been getting quite a few packs to stash away. Today I’m doing an American Fruit Cake which is in the oven as I type. I have rung them to ask that they put away whatever packs they have left for me but sadly that doesn’t amount to many. The oranges are particularly good and I look forward to trying a cake using only them.

June 22, 2024

So the fruit cake I made yesterday was okay, but wasn’t as good as I was hoping for. I wish I had done another recipe which has very little flour but heaps of glace fruit and nuts, somehow this one is more like a traditional fruit cake, not something really special, but John asked for seconds so it can’t be all bad. I’m looking forward to baking pumpkin, potatoes, carrots, onions and my fave Jerusalem artichokes for dinner tonight, I so love their nutty texture. John put the rest of the carrots through the juicer but it always amazes me that a kilo gives us only two glasses, but the possum has a load of crushed carrot for his dinner. The ‘new’ possum, smaller and younger, is the first one who’s ever come in daylight, he usually comes about 5 o’clock or so. I worry that a cat might see him but I guess that can happen anytime, however I’ve been feeding them 40 years or more and it’s a sudden change of habit, maybe he’s a hungry little blighter who just can’t wait for dark.

Two shocking stories on the front page of the Saturday Paper today (a very wet paper as was the SMH), first that the CSIRO has had to close two clinical research units and cancel a plan to set up a food research centre in Victoria due to funding cuts. What do we need more than clinical research and food research? Oh of course, we need to cultivate Scott Morrison to be a link between our government and a possible Trump presidency. How could we even consider such a thing? The man can’t be trusted at any level, certainly not to push this government’s agenda. One hopes that the journalist wrote it from the depths of a febrile imagination. I am still getting over the fact that he was able to use our Washington Embassy to launch his wretched book.

June 23, 2024

We headed off on the bus to the city this morning for the Food and Wine Fair. Loved the cheese tastings, but I didn’t see as much of interest this time, along with the feeling that there were less stalls than last year. I didn’t buy anything and the idea of brochures seems to have fallen by the wayside. Certainly I looked out for the Murray cod, the Lubeck marzipan and the amazing soup mixes that I remember but none were there. We gave the crackers made out of crickets a miss. John was pleased that I suggested ice creams afterwards at Darling Harbour. The walk back up the hill to the QVB burned off some of the cheese.

June 24, 2024

It has been reported that the Riverstone factory that processes ‘meat waste’ for dog food is going to close due to the ghastly smell affecting nearby residents. It was once an abattoir as well but that closed some time ago. I can remember talking to a person who worked mostly at night on a council truck. One of his jobs was picking up the cadavers of euthanased animals from local vets to deliver there and the men at Rivo told them to ‘pick up road kill as well if you see it’. It occurs to me that these animals would be in one case full of drugs and in the other possibly rotten, yet the end product is used to feed animals, presumably mostly dogs. Isn’t this sort of thing how we got mad cow disease?

What I’m finding out on the Hills Police Facebook page fills me with doubts about my fellow man, or in this case woman. “Female charged with High Range Drink Driving – almost six times the legal limit!! A 20 yo Bidwill woman will appear in Parramatta Local Court next month after allegedly driving a Kia sedan on the M2 Motorway Baulkham Hills at 11.20 am 22/6/24. After 000 calls were received regarding erratic driving PolAir tracked the vehicle as it collided with a number of barriers before stopping near the Cropley Drive underpass. Police were directed to the scene where she returned a positive road side breath test. She was arrested and conveyed to Castle Hill Police Station where she returned a blood alcohol reading of 0.284. She was charged with High Range Drink Driving. Her licence was suspended and she’ll appear in Parramatta Local Court next month”. This was all bad enough but a follow up story hours later was almost worse. Believe it or not, she was caught driving again a few hours later, but this time only four times over the limit. I think the judge may be a little cross, as well they should be.

I was very interested to see that that a Freemans Reach egg farm has been quarantined with bird flu, causing a tragic end for those caged chooks (or a blessed release). The only egg farm I know there is P**e Farms which has a history easily recalled. My old client Bob was a close friend of the owner of this establishment and related a conversation about ‘magic eggs’. When he asked what they were Mr. P**e gleefully stated that he only had 200 free-range chooks yet they produced thousands of ‘magic eggs’ every day, raising his bottom line in the process. I have never bought from that company since and encouraged Bob to dob them in, something he wasn’t willing to do. However I may need to rethink my disbelief in karma.

June 26, 2024

Too busy yesterday to post, but spent the day enjoyably, catching up on eco-dyeing technique. It is so unpredictable despite all coming out of the same pot. The plain white cotton scarf came out a treat with clear images of maple leaves, berries and more and adds one more to my already ridiculously large scarf collection. The papers were mixed, some very usable, others less so, but I managed to make two passable cards this afternoon by cutting the worst paper in two, glueing it to card paper and adding paperbark in one case and flowers and leaves in the other. John was here colouring so it was good to sit with him and do craft together.

Big news day with Julian finally free, thanks in large part to our government, but also to his staunch supporters. The big news yesterday was of course the Lynn murder case in Victoria, with a surprising result of not guilty for Russell Hill’s murder yet guilty for Carol Clay’s, but I guess one out of two ain’t bad as Meatloaf sang. What shocked me today though was how much Lynn’s excellent barrister Dann managed to have the judge withhold from the jury, vital evidence all of it, including 5000 hours of taped conversation over many months. There were some things that were arguable such as a doorstop by the police which was taped without the suspect’s knowledge. But as a result of one restriction Dann was able to tell the jury that Lynn had stuck to exactly the same story for the entire time he was being interviewed (despite his knowing that this was untrue) because the judge had only allowed the last four hours of his police interviews to go before the jury. The judge agreed to cutting out all of the many hours that Lynn was denying having seen the couple at all, making the defence’s lies to the jury unable to be refuted by the prosecution, something that they and the police must have found galling in the extreme. It must add more pain to the family of Hill, for whom the not guilty verdict applied. Lynn comes across as a high-functioning sociopath, probably an excellent pilot with his lack of fear and his strong need for absolute control, but not someone to mess with in a deserted forest.

June 27, 2024

So how can it be half way through the year? Saw Bob this morning, still trying to get on top of the latest flare which has taken three weeks to get under control with a change of drugs. I don’t know what I’d do without him, I don’t want to think about it. Currently reading Peter Goldsworthy’s book The Cancer Finishing School, this great writer and GP is suffering from multiple myeloma and describes his treatment, not just from a scientific perspective but from how it feels. Going through a bone marrow transplant is harrowing and often fatal, but he explains how ‘coffee tastes like diesel so I want to get a cup of diesel from the service station to see if it tastes like coffee’. He talks about losing energy, losing taste, losing intellectual ability to do things like reading and he really isn’t that interested in whether he survives or not. But far from being a depressing book it is lots of fun, with laugh out loud stories about his patients over the years. He seems to do house calls for a chance to sit and share a cuppa and a chat as much as for purely medical reasons (don’t tell Medicare) but he’s someone you’d welcome in any time at all, no matter what the reason.

This arv I had a front row seat to see the play Gaslight at Riverside and it was well worth the price of the ticket and more. Four in the cast and you’d be hard pressed to choose between them in terms of acting talent. Afterwards I realised that I’d forgotten to buy some things at the fruit market where Bob is so I just stayed on the bus to Castle Hill, bought my fruit and veg and got the bus back, leaving me on the right side of the road and not risking my life at peak hour.

June 28, 2024

I talked to Bob yesterday about my nightly bad dreams and full on nightmares but he agreed with Prof. Reeves that they are a very rare side effect of the Plaquenil which I take every day. What this stuff is doing to my brain can only be imagined, but seeing he quoted anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation and psychosis as being in the same family of ‘very rare’ side effects, perhaps I have come off fairly lightly. If I weren’t in a flare at the moment I’d give the big P a rest for a few months, however now is not the time. Last night it was all about the child of my next door neighbours and somehow I was responsible for getting treatment for her deafness but seeing she is in her 20s and living elsewhere with her partner I have no idea where that could have come from. John’s friend Terry, a psychoanalyst, may have had some clues about all of this but I certainly don’t. However at the time it is very anxiety producing and only comes across as nonsense the next day.

After finally settling my claim with the GIO for ceiling water damage a few days ago (only sorted by my acceptance of a small cash settlement to get the work done myself, rather than using their tradesmen) I happened to ask whether my loss of a freezer full of food due to a faulty power board is a claimable event. Yes certainly I was told, and was sent the online claim form immediately. I have just filled it out and it appears that it’s been accepted already, as I was told that the money will be in my bank in a few days! Contrast this with the hoo-ha that’s gone on since January over the roof, particularly when you consider that the amount they are paying me for the food is MORE THAN THEY’VE GIVEN ME FOR THE CEILING. Perhaps I was just unlucky in that the particular claims officer I ended up with was difficult, as I’ve suspected all along. This latest claim was handled in the polite, efficient manner I’ve become used to since I went with them in 1976. I am supposed to be getting a minor roof repair on Monday, though rain is expected now. However I am so glad that I didn’t go with the silver-tongued Irishman who quoted more than double the amount for the roof repair than what I’ve agreed to with the new fellow. My daily Facebook message from the Hills Police told me yesterday to beware of a group of Irishmen going around quoting for roof repairs and then disappearing with the deposits (or the full amounts in some cases). They target the elderly, surely not moi I thought defensively, however I’ve retrieved his brochure from the Sulo bin and handed it over to the bobbies. So glad that I thought to check him out with Fair Trading who of course had never heard of him or his companies. A close shave.

June 30, 2024

Yesterday after a full day of fun I was too tuckered out to post anything. We went to Manly, had a lovely lunch on Manly Wharf at the Wharf Bar, a shared plate of flathead fillets, chips and salad which neither of us could have eaten alone. Lovely spot and good grub at a fair price. Then we walked through the Corso like tourists and got ice creams at the best gelato bar in Sydney, Anita Gelato. Funny how I always thought Movenpick to be the best, then the only outlet I knew closed and Messina became the ice cream of choice, but that was before Anita opened. My two scoops were superb, Macadamia Cream and Pavlova with Berries. John had Raspberry and Passionfruit, the latter making you wince just like eating an actual passionfruit and of course it was full of seeds as it should be. Spoiled me for any other brand.

Got a letter up in the Saturday Paper yesterday following on from the lead article last week about ScumMo being touted as a conduit between our government and a potential Trump one. Spare me the thought on both counts. But after Biden’s performance, or lack of it, yesterday that option looms over us even more tangibly. If the choice is a near-corpse versus a sociopath, I guess the only answer is to vote for Biden, trusting that his backup team is capable. His festinating gait has been obvious for a couple of years if not more and it is selfish in the extreme to risk another Trump presidency for the sake of his ego. Carl Sagan in 1995 in The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark said it all: “I have a foreboding of an America in my children’s or grandchildren’s time when the United States is a service and information economy; when nearly all the manufacturing industries have slipped away to other countries; when awesome technological powers are in the hands of a very few, and no one representing the public interest can even grasp the issues; when the people have lost the ability to set their own agendas or knowledgeably question those in authority; when, clutching our crystals and nervously consulting our horoscopes, our critical faculties in decline, unable to distinguish between what feels good and what’s true, we slide, almost without noticing, back into superstition and darkness.” Well noted Carl.

Working on the idea that it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission, I am keeping John here for a second night. I suddenly realised that today is the last day of the financial year, having thought that it was the 30th yesterday. So, seeing the lady who monitors his nights home doesn’t work on weekends I thought…….well there’s no one to ask is there? He wants to know what we are doing but if the roofer comes we are stuck here, however it may rain in which case we can decide in the morning.

I saw a picture on Facebook of someone’s pantry black with ants and it made my heart jump, just remembering the terrible infestation of a couple of years back. Thousands upon thousands descended on my pantry for weeks and used to drive me to tears. Despite removing the packet they had eaten their way into, the message was going back to the nest that there was still food to be had here. I’m so careful not to step on ants outside but come over the border into my pantry and it’s just kill, kill, kill.

July 1, 2024

Well the roofer was here for four hours and cleaned the roof and gutters of copious leaves as well as repairing the cracked mortar in the capping tiles and replacing a couple of broken ones. He suggested lopping a few branches off the golden elm so that they didn’t hit the garage roof and didn’t charge any extra for that. A bonus is that the green bin is full of rotted down leaves off the roof which will make excellent top up mulch for the garden, something I will attend to this week. So I think I found a goody and would happily use him again. Interestingly after I sent a pleasant email to the Irishman who quoted double what this man did, to tell him that I was not going ahead, he didn’t ring or text me back or attempt to talk me into going with him. The roof job prevented us from going out but we both enjoyed our activities anyway, John colouring and me making a few cards and prepping a Granny Smith apple crumble. I’m on a bit of a run of cat card designs but not sure who to send them to, however Boris loved the cat one I did for him so an opportunity will present itself.

I see that the Art Gallery is asking for an extra $17 million from the government so it need not make further cutbacks. But Treasury has found that the opening of the new contemporary gallery has failed to boost sales for ticketed shows, in fact the numbers are down! Ahem, if you plan to spend $344 million on a new gallery it’s a bit rich to come begging when its building doesn’t profit you at all. Especially when its all about the building and not so much about the contents. However the government decided to fling them $12.1 million towards its operational costs, which would have been hugely increased when they doubled the gallery footprint. Why exactly do we need two contemporary art galleries in Sydney, as well as the private ones including the highly regarded White Rabbit Gallery in Chippendale? My prediction is that the new gallery will eventually cause the main one to be forced into charging admission, I will get no satisfaction from saying I Told You So.

July 2, 2024

So the aptly named Wes Fang is getting his comeuppance courtesy of Mark Speakman, and not before time. What a nasty piece of work he is, guaranteed to say something unpleasant every time he opens his mouth. I have watched him a number of times online at hearings in parliament house and he alternates between constantly looking at his phone and interjecting inappropriate comments on the matter to hand. I hope Speakman doesn’t back down.

I am feeling virtuous after, instead of going to a movie, I succeeded in spreading on the garden ALL of the mountain of wet leaves retrieved from the roof yesterday. I wish I could also get rid of the many gum branches I have piled up, no one with a fire seems to want them and I don’t want to waste them to the green bin if they can be used. Also I had a feeling that somewhere in the storeroom there was a small lidded wooden box, ideal for storing finished cards I thought, and with luck I found it. So that led to cleaning out my drop-front bureau, putting a pile of made cards into the attractive new receptacle and tidying up the rest of the essentials I store there.

So the West Australians are up in arms over the new live sheep export ban, as expected. I was interested in the 4 Corners programme on Chinese technology (much of which went over my head of course) that they gave an example of a man setting up a company to build massive computers to process cryptocurrency transactions. They were built in some remote place and not causing any objection apparently, but the government just decided that cryptocurrency isn’t something that they support and therefore closed the whole thing down. Now, apart from the obvious fact that refusing permission to build it would have been smarter, I applauded the Chinese for saying that they don’t want to have operating anything that is detrimental to their society. Wow, what a concept. Where do we start? Live animal exports, online gambling sites, casinos, selling off all our minerals and gas for a pittance, gosh so many thing that I’d need time to make a list in case Albo takes up the idea, though there’s fat chance of that.

I was just interrupted by a pleasant young chap from Red Cross and explained that I prefer to give to certain organisations that I already follow. But he surprised me by saying that he wasn’t asking for donations, just letting people know about Red Cross. Somehow it seems an odd thing to pay fellows to do these days, but they must have their reasons, unless of course he’s just looking for houses to rob.

July 3, 2024

Today I tried another bus trip, this time without incident. They rang at 8.20 to say that I was first pick-up despite my expecting them about 9, but they rescheduled me for later which meant I didn’t have to go through all of the winding up, down and around streets to pick people up, a real bonus. We went to high tea at the Intercontinental Hotel at Double Bay (best known as the place where Michael Hutchence breathed his last) and it was lovely sitting near the marble fireplace in the dining room and feasting on savoury Portuguese tarts, egg, cheese and cucumber sambos, sweet tarts and scones. I was very surprised that prosecco was $5 a glass and Moet was $10, the cheapest I’ve ever seen for quality wine, considerably less than you’d pay at the bobby basic local pub here. My table partner quaffed three glasses, while I was happy with one of Moet. The staff were particularly friendly and obliging, not at all stuffy. Home without feeling unwell, the trick is to take the tablets before each of the trips and not rely on just one in the morning to do the job. Lesson learned.

This day in 1993 the Greek government generously decided to forgive Germany its debts from the war. It helped spark what became known as the German economic miracle. Decades later Germany was among the countries resisting Greece’s requests for debt relief, so much for owing a debt of gratitude.

John has been complaining of pain in his hands from arthritis so I talked to one of his three five-star nurses, Bisa, yesterday and suggested Panadol Osteo daily. Just got an email to say that they’ve discussed it with the doctor there and it’s been prescribed. So easy to get things done, just ask any of the three and snap, it’s sorted. I thank my lucky stars every day that my first choice, the Anglican Retirement Village, were so slack in not replying to me for two weeks that he ended up in Baptistcare.

July 4, 2024

Receiving regular emails from Alan as he traverses 6000 kilometres across Canada by car. Prior to this they were on an extended cruise stopping at six ports in Norway then going across to Iceland and Greenland. These last three places, along with Newfoundland which they have just been to are my absolute bucket list destinations, if I realistically thought they were possible, which I don’t. However they remain my dreaming list. I am trying to convince Alan to prepare a First Saturday presentation but he doesn’t seem to think that people would be interested.

So Bruce Lehrmann is to face trial in Toowoomba on another rape charge, but this one could be as problematic as the first, considering they were both on cocaine and she consented the first time earlier that night. Maybe with a judge alone trial perhaps, but not with a jury from what’s been released so far.

John’s nurse Vanessa, one of the five-star trio, is sadly moving to the locked dementia ward so I won’t have the benefit of her wisdom any more, but I couldn’t think of a kinder person to look after those poor tormented souls. I noted last weekend that perhaps John’s sense of taste is awry somehow. I made him toast with a lovely South Cape smoked cheese for breakfast but when I asked if he liked it he replied that he had thought it was peanut butter. I hope that his appreciation of food, one of the things we share an interest in, isn’t going the way of so much else that’s been lost.

I feel a bit sorry for Albo, who hasn’t lived up to my hopes on the Palestine issue, yet had the Fatima Payman disaster right when he should have been getting some kudos for tax cuts, wage hikes and more. I think the problem goes back to the rule that pollies in the Labor Party can’t cross the floor on issues of principle or conscience. Drop that rule and it becomes a non-event politically.

July 5, 2024

Poor John rang at almost 10 am to say that he’d been waiting for me in the foyer since 9 am, he’d got mixed up with tomorrow. I offered to go and get him now but then he’d have to be there all day Sunday with nothing to do, as there are no recreational activities. Fridays he has Happy Hour and a music programme in the afternoon so he decided to go back upstairs and wait for tomorrow, but then discovered that he’s lost his room key, a precious comfort since the attempted heist on his figurines. I’ve told him to ask for a spare to be cut and I’ll fix them up tomorrow, so hopefully they can do that.

Lovely to have Sue here overnight. We sat in front of the fire but no red wine as per usual as she’s trying to do Dry July. I missed my glass of red though as I never open a bottle for myself. Did lentil and feta rissoles with fried tomatoes for breakfast which went down well. Good for me that she comes here for an overnight stay in preference to Kirribilli.

My experiment with stopping Plaquenil is working a treat. For the first five days there was no difference at all, but in the last few days the nightmares have gone altogether!! Too soon to be sure but so far it looks as if it’s working and I feel sooo much better when I wake up in the morning. I decided that the Sjogren’s symptoms were better than the nightmares but the Prof will have a fit, however I don’t see him till January so I will worry about that debate then.

Wonderful news about the British election, apart from the fact that we will have to endure Farage’s ugly mug and grating voice for the next five years. I was so hoping that he would slip into obscurity. He lied that the problem with Britain was the European Union, now there’s not a mention of that at all, everything is the fault of the immigrants.

June 7, 2024

Oh Biden what are you thinking. In the very interview where he is supposed to be reassuring his country that he’s on top of his game he comes out with “You know, not only am I campaigning, but I’m running the world.” We know that US presidents are more like emperors than their counterparts in most other countries, and running the world is probably truer than we would prefer, but to actually say that is astonishing. He should have been pushing his vice-president forward for the last 18 months, making sure she is well known and familiar, but no. The generous observation is that he’s doolally and the alternative is he is a control freak and megalomaniac, both of which are reasonable criticisms of his opponent. Poor America.

Then here we have Albo who can’t get any Press about all the good things he is doing that doesn’t include questions about Fatima Payman. The problem is partly the rigid rule about not crossing the floor for a conscience vote. The Greens and the Coalition have had plenty of people cross the floor and coped, in fact 17 MPs in recent parliaments have crossed the floor, the most frequent being Barnaby Joyce who’s crossed 28 times and Bob Katter who’s crossed on 9 occasions without the world as we know it ending. I do worry about two other things though, the idea of a religiously based party which, along with religious based schools, is a very divisive idea. Also the fact the Glenn Druery is involved, he is no friend of the left and I doubt if he gives a flying fig about Palestine, however getting the opportunity to cut Albo off at the ankles would be a huge temptation for him and so his advice likely has an undertone that may not be understood or appreciated.

We went to the annual Watercolour Exhibition today and for me it wasn’t a patch on last year. I was not sorely tempted to buy as I had been last time, partly because the paintings in general were not as good. But also it has previously been held in historic Lion’s Gate Lodge in the Botanic Gardens with sculpture for sale in the gardens, a raffle to win a painting or two, and Devonshire teas and sambos served in the lodge surrounds so you could have a break for a cuppa and then go around to see your favourites all over again. None of that this time, just in the bare walls of the new gallery, which may be practical but is totally without character. What a pity, it was a favourite event for us in the past. John kept asking where we had parked the car but happily we went by two buses, so parking wasn’t an issue.

July 8, 2024

After checking photos I took last year at the watercolour exhibition I discovered that they were taken in September, not July, and it turns out that I was confusing this exhibition with Artisans in the Garden which is later in the year. So we still have that one to look forward to and it will be at Lion’s Gate I hope.

My communications with the nurses about John are frequent, factual and friendly, always perfectly understandable, but sometimes I am baffled by those from the admin people such as this one about brochures available: “You can find spare time at each level when you are out of life”. Still mulling over what they are trying to tell us here.

I’ve pretty much given up reading anything by Stan Grant since he went down the religious road, but now I am finding Peter Hartcher does my head in too. First it was just on China but he’s taken the road to the right on many things it seems. Pity on both accounts.

July 9, 2024

I am wondering if the current spate of domestic violence incidents is partly a backlash to the fact that women are coming out of the boxes that they’ve been in for so long. It is said that the surge to the right in the US is partly due to the horror of those, particularly in the southern states, who just couldn’t abide the idea of a black president and carried that anger forward. Of course there are other issues involved too, unemployment, struggling to make ends meet, social isolation, to name just a few. In the recent case I mused about how I would have coped at age 28 with 7 children? Not well I suspect.

I noticed that an expected email hadn’t arrived and belatedly looked in junk, only to find seven recent emails there from folks who would usually go straight to the inbox. It’s a very good system but sometimes it’s overzealous. However I won’t complain when I see the tide of rubbish that also found its way to junk.

Currently reading Dassi Erlich’s book In Bad Faith which shows that she was severely abused by both her parents, and the religion itself, long before Malka Leifer came on the scene. She talks of being starved as punishment, being sent to bed along with her siblings at 4.30pm and refused permission to use a toilet till morning, being beaten constantly. But the religious rules have to take much of the blame for the madness in their home. Stealing food from other children’s school bags and eating it sitting on a toilet, she avoids bread because the prayers involved in eating different foods are varied and the bread prayer is a long one. Once again I wonder why we are funding religious schools when I read that the day’s lessons began with Torah studies, followed by a double period of Jewish history, then Jewish law, following that was Yiddish classes and only the last two lessons of the day were English and maths. The whole Orthodox experience she describes would constitute mental illness outside the confines of religion. Then I turn on the 12 o’clock news and Albo has appointed the former president of the Executive Council of Australian Jewry Jillian Segal as a new antisemitism envoy, I had to turn it off.

July 10, 2024

The Hills Area Police Command serves up a daily feast of information, such as the fact that a 17 year old was arrested in Dubbo in relation to burglary in company offences in our local area including the theft of eight pairs of luxury shoes, worth about $14,400. It was in Oatlands and we know the reputation of the suburb as a bolthole for a few wealthy people whose source of income is somewhat dubious, but $1800 per pair of shoes? Though the bigger question for me is ‘how did they know the value of the shoes?’ I’m sure I wouldn’t even be able to hazard a guess at their worth, so did they employ a shoe valuer? Hopefully we will catch a whiff of the procedure when it goes to court.

Another source of neat information is my cousin Carole in Spain who, in response to a question about the heatwave they are currently having and my expectation that their pool was getting a hammering, replied that they couldn’t use it due to the Calima dust?? I had to Google it and it turns out to be a meteorological phenomenon that occurs when fine sand from the Sahara Desert is lifted into the atmosphere and transported by prevailing winds, in this case all over Spain. Apparently they can’t use the pool filter to remove it and it’s ‘a nightmare to get rid of’. Well that’s one thing I won’t ever need to bother GIO about.

July 11, 2024

Now I have cooled down enough to talk about Albo’s ridiculous decision to appoint an ‘envoy’ against antisemitism. How could he be stupid enough to announce it with a follow up statement that ‘we are appointing an Islamophobia envoy as well’, tacked on as an afterthought. Count the Jewish votes Ant and then count the Muslim ones, and don’t complain when you lose all the south western seats of Sydney in the next election, you were never going to win the eastern suburbs ones mate. More importantly, reducing it to a Jewish identity and religious issue and not about the occupation and colonising of a sovereign land is looking at all this in a very narrow way. These actions reduce the conflict to a simple religious conflict and not the conflict of the Palestinian people’s liberation struggle against the Israeli state. I can’t even formulate a letter to the SMH that would be polite enough to publish. I am not anti-Jewish, but I’m happy to put my hand up as anti-Israeli under the current government. Send your bloody envoy around here and we can thrash it out. Perhaps we can book her for First Saturday?

While I’m on my high horse, I’d like someone to convince me of all the good that religion does in the world….. Just finished In Bad Faith and was mortified by the details of the Orthodox upbringing that the author suffered. In a psychiatric hospital in her early 20s Dassi couldn’t believe what she saw from her window, just a couple of kilometres from her home, she had lived her whole life within the few streets of East St. Kilda where her tribe resides. It reminds me so much of the Exclusive Brethren, of which I have some knowledge via a friend. Keep the women at home until they get a marriage offer as soon as they leave school, keep them totally within the community, ban outside friends as evil, use tradespeople, doctors, food providers, etc who are also in the cult so they never get to see how people live ‘outside’, don’t let them go to university or TAFE, ban TV, newspapers and radio, ban secular books. Yes I’ve heard it all before and hate it with every cell in my body.

Today I read about The Saints in Toowoomba, 14 of whom are on trial for murder and manslaughter for watching a type 1 diabetic child die after refusing her insulin. They won’t accept the authority of the court and refuse to plead, ditto re accepting legal advice. (Reminding me again of the Orthodox Jews who partied in Melbourne during Covid lockdown and laughed when the police came calling). What a pity that we can’t tally up how many people religion kills against the few they save. I am half hoping that the Jehovah’s Witnesses come knocking today.

July 12, 2024

Now that I’ve calmed down I fired off a few letters to the papers (the ‘envoy’, Biden, greyhound racing, Anzac Day trading etc) but I think I am too late to the party to get any published, which is fine. Finishing the Dassi Erlich book I came across the statement that: ‘Israelis are remarkably rude or refreshingly frank, depending on your perspective. It’s quite normal to be pushed to the back of a queue if you don’t stand your ground, or to be questioned by a stranger about personal matters’. I immediately thought of John’s ex neighbour, perhaps she is not quite as mad as I thought, just typical of her cultural upbringing. I still don’t want a bar of it though, it took me too long to object so I think I was seen as a willing victim, until I called it quits on the relationship.

So, spies to the left of us and spies to the right this morning. Somehow I always feel more comfortable listening to the AFP’s Reece Kershaw that I do with ASIO’s Mike Burgess, who would be type cast as a shifty bad guy if he were in the movies. Probably a good fellow, but he certainly has shady written on his face, perhaps that’s just what dealing with spying does to you.

Yesterday my entire herb garden was upended if at all possible, and dug out if not, presumably by brush turkeys as I can’t see any other animal eating all of my rocket. I can’t hate them though as many people do, they are pretty and clever and just doing what their nature tells them to. In fact one just came onto my verandah rail, peering down at what was the herb garden as if to say ‘I dun good’. I rarely get them here, though John said he saw one on the garage roof recently, scoping the joint apparently.

I got a text from Gracewood late last night offering me a shift from 7 am to 3 pm today! Clearly it’s a case of mixed messages but it would have been funny to turn up in a nurse’s pinny ready for work, except that it was for the locked ward and eight hours in there would not qualify as funny at all. I thought John may have been interested in seeing Maggie Beer’s new show aimed at revamping the kitchens of nursing homes, so I put it on iview yesterday. Bad move as he got quite upset about it and I had to turn it off. Not quite sure why it upset him so much but it certainly did. I was fascinated by the reactions to their current food from the board members of the home, with the chairman’s comment that it was ‘just like I eat at home’ to be pretty damning. Perhaps his wife has a pantry full of protein powders like the cook there uses. Serving cordial with each meal was a dead giveaway that the ‘chef’ was actually a pretty ordinary cook. I still remember spending a couple of months in Hornsby Hospital in mid-summer and getting brilliantly coloured but liquid ‘jelly’ on my tray every day. They never succeeded in getting it to set. Here’s hoping that Maggie can get the food up to speed, as the dietician reported that 75% of the residents were suffering, or in danger of suffering, from malnutrition. Save me from ever having to be in such a place.

July 13, 2024

Went to the Farmers Market first thing despite having a fridge full of fruit and veg. But I love the marinated goat cheese and the Moroccan spicy hummos that the Lebanese chap makes so I got both of those as well as some sugar snap peas, carrots and salad leaves. Last night I cooked up a pot of cauliflower au gratin with tomatoes on top which will do me for a few meals.

John rang last night asking if I was coming to get him today and I made sure that he recorded in his diary that it is tomorrow, because I am going to the Opera House tonight with Millie and fam to see James and the Giant Peach. But this morning as I was arriving at the market he rang to see if I was on my way and I explained again. But just now at 10.47 he rang to say that he’d been sitting in the foyer for ages and when am I coming. Apart from getting him to write everything in his diary I just don’t know what else to do, he sounds just like that little boy whose parents kept leaving him home alone to go to cocktail parties and dinners and eventually to live overseas without him. It breaks my heart.

July 15, 2024

A lot going on and I had John home yesterday so didn’t do my duty and write here. Let’s get Trump out of the way first. Biden used words something like ‘unprecedented’ or ‘unheard of’ regarding the shooting and I can only say that he needs to read a little bit more history. I found it shocking, but totally unsurprising, in fact I had commented recently wondering how long it would take for a crackpot to try shooting one or the other candidate, not long is the answer. Then we discover that the boy was ‘a misfit, a loner, quiet, shy, was bullied’, surprise surprise. His father owned the AR-15 military style rifle and was registered to vote as a Libertarian, surprises by the bucket load then. I wondered how soon the loonies would get to work on this and then saw someone had posted that it was fake blood that comes in a capsule that you bite, it must take a lot of skill to transfer it to your ear, it would take quite some practice. Pity the young chap who got his head blown off for nothing if that were actually the case.

Yesterday David came over and spent time loading all of my fallen branches for firewood, ably assisted by John who loved helping as well as having him here for morning tea and a chat. I planted daffodils and topped the pot with plate glass just in case the brush turkeys come around the front. I commented to John that I have more to plant and could do with some more sheets of glass and the universe was listening because this arv I pulled up to a roadside rubbish collection and scored 5 sheets, so now I can cover any new plantings. Thanks be to gardening fairies. In the afternoon we went to Radioactive Live at Hills Lodge and it was fun, though I don’t think it works for John, he was confused and couldn’t follow the stories, so if I go again it will be on my own. I found us a seat for afternoon tea but he wanted ‘to sit at a table where our friends are’ but the set-up doesn’t really allow for that unless you are first to bags the only lounge. It is strange that a hotel doesn’t have a cosy lounge with a fire going.

Today I bussed to town and saw the film A Silence at Palace Central. I love that cinema, partly for the great movies they show but also for the super comfy seats. I was alone in the cinema until a man came during the opening credits, but it was still like a personal showing. It was a moving film with superb acting. I’m having a bit of trouble walking with a pain under one heel since yesterday, Trusting that the dreaded plantar fasciitis isn’t either catching or hereditary, while knowing it is neither, but whatever it is I hope it disappears soon.

July 16, 2024

So, J. D. Vance for a possible vice-president. When I read his book way back when, I noted that he was intelligent and funny, but potentially unstable and dangerous. His original description of Trump as America’s Hitler was spot on, but he has since retracted that opinion. The two make a chilling combination, his intelligence and Trump’s rat cunning.

I am planning to take John to the S.H. Ervin Gallery tomorrow to see the Salon des Refuses, but my foot is worse and I will now have to take the car, as walking from Wynyard to Observatory Hill is out of the question, what a bummer as I so prefer to bus it. I had a little competition with myself beginning on April 1, wondering when I would see a Hillsbus with the clock set to the right time. I thought it may be a month, but no, it took till yesterday July 16 to find a bus with the time even remotely close to correct. Woo-hoo!

I tried to change over the membership of the NRMA on John’s old car to my name but was told to leave it in his till it expires. But I was hoping to get him a refund of the unused portion, however it turns out that they don’t refund anything if you cease being a member. So I transferred it into my name and now realise that it wasn’t many months ago that I paid it for him, so I probably shot myself in the foot there as I could have used up the rest of his membership before paying for mine. The downside is that my membership for this car only starts after 48 hours, so tomorrow we either have to go on the bus or drive with no breakdown cover?

I made some lemon curd the other day but discovered that pikelets don’t freeze well, the ones I got out of the freezer were like cardboard, so now I don’t have anything to put the curd on. I really dislike sweet things on whole grain bread, it’s like yogurt with sweet stuff, ugh. Making something to put the curd on is now a job for another day. I am concentrating today on planting the rest of the daffys, covering them with my newfound glass. Managed to score an outdoor table and a stool from a junk pile in the next street this morning, great for raising my pots off the ground in the garden.

July 17, 2024

Well I was feeling pretty down yesterday between Trump/Vance and various minor problems with John which all added up to a dose of the woebegones. But today was a new day and we went to the Ervin Gallery for our annual visit to the Salon des Refuses. The harbour is beautiful from Observatory Hill, with the old and new buildings alongside each other and the water behind. Voted for my favourite painting and then we had something light to eat at the cafe. The notoriously difficult proprietor was all smiles today and I enjoyed my mushroom, leek and potato soup though $23.50 was a rude shock, 50 cents less than John’s chicken salad. Luckily I drove in, as the flight of steps up from Kent Street was closed for restoration of the stone and we would have had a long walk to the bus stop.

The head nurse has asked me to sign a permission note for John to take Aricept, a psychotropic medication which tries to fend off the early effects of Alzheimer’s, for a while at least. Which is strange as he’s been on that tablet for over two years, well before he went to Gracewood, and no one there has asked permission before, an oversight perhaps. I tried to contact his neurologist because I seem to remember her saying that it only works for about a year so I need to know if there is any point in continuing with it at this stage. She’s away till next week so I will do it by email.

Watched Maggie Beer’s televised attempt to revitalise a nursing home, especially in terms of its food, and while I commend her endeavours there are obvious flaws in her approach too. Serving up afternoon tea in gilt edged china which can’t be put in a dishwasher is a fail for starters. Then serving food buffet style is an excellent idea, but having large jugs of cold and HOT milk for frail aged people to serve themselves is just crazy. I suspect that as soon as the cameras depart the staff will go back to the way they’ve always done things. It is interesting that the vibrant and enthusiastic Maggie is a similar age to some of the residents, but I’m sure she won’t settle for a nursing home of that calibre if that unfortunate end befalls her.

July 18, 2024

This morning I decided to see if there was a YouTube video of painting using a straw to blow the paint across the page, an idea that came to me during the night. Of course there was such a thing and although it was intended for adults, the American woman helpfully and in depth explained tricky words she was using like imagination: ‘that is when you think of something in your head, so if you can see a picture in your head, that’s imagination’, realism: ‘means when something looks like the real thing’ and abstract: ‘when it doesn’t really look like something’. I guess by definition I am an abstract painter as none of mine look like much. I was so put off by the commentary that I wasn’t even watching the demo but went as far as ‘this looks a bit like two insects dancing’ so she drew on legs. Nah, I don’t think so.

Today is busier than usual with ‘JohnStuff’, though every day there seems to be something. First the pharmacy bill came in, $241 which was a bit of a shock, so I investigated it in detail. There was a drug on there that isn’t on the PBS so it’s nearly $40 a pop, he needs one a day and there are 30 in the pack, but checking the dates it seems they are charging him for it every 20 days. Bob says there is a PBS substitute available. However that doesn’t answer why they are charging for it so often. Gracewood has changed pharmacies a few months ago and I am starting to think that they’ve picked a bad’n as the previous one was spot on with charges. Now I will have to do a chart of all his meds and see if they are overcharging for the others as well. I did and it gets worse! His BioZinc tablets are in a bottle of 84, yet they are charging him every 42 days. If I contact them today I’ll be calling them fucking crooks and mongrels, so I will wait till the morning and just call them bloody rorters.

July 19, 2024

I’ve often wondered what it was like in Germany in the early 30s as far as the adoring crowds for Hitler are concerned but now I know, much like the Republican Convention which we seem to be following here with an obscene interest. Now I wish I hadn’t wondered. Trump is to give a one and a half hour speech today, bandage intact. I wonder how long it will take for him to accept just a Bandaid, a prolonged time I fear, more likely it will be replaced with a small pillow.

I have finished reading No Country for Idealists by Boris Frankel and oh what a book it is. I took a holiday from David Marr’s Killing for Country and I have to say that the Frankel book is infinitely more intriguing to me, mainly because I had previously read quite a bit on the wars between the British and Aboriginal people, depressing as that is. But back to Boris. His family, committed Communists in Melbourne, decided to migrate to the Soviet Union and within a day of arriving they were regretting their decision. However leaving was much more difficult than getting in and they needed both an exit visa from the Russians and an entry visa from the Australians, but neither were willing. They lived a miserable life in a small Russian town, hungry, with poor accommodation for many years until finally Boris, his mother and two sisters were allowed to come back but not his father, who blamed himself totally for their plight. Eventually, fearing bad publicity in Australia for splitting up the family, he was allowed to return after signing an agreement to never again support a communist or Russian cause. Fascinating stuff.

The trial in the Northern Territory of policeman Neil Mellon has ended with his being sentenced to three months gaol for a string of offences including destruction of evidence. He took it upon himself as a private citizen, not as a police officer, to attend a helicopter crash which involved friends of his, moving the body, disconnecting part of the plane and getting rid of the dead man’s phone. The man who actually threw the phone into the ocean was given just a fine. Later Mellon involved himself in a number of other friends’ cases including domestic violence offences, revealing to them mental health information and details of high-profile investigations related to them. It took me back to the couple of weeks we were in Darwin when I spent some time in their courts for a look see. The case I remember most was the Aboriginal man who was sentenced to the rising of the court after spending 3 months in gaol for……stealing a banana from a convenience store. It’s clear how the law operates in the NT.

JohnStuff: Yesterday I sent an email to the pharmacy dispensing his drugs politely asking them to explain their oversupplying and overcharging of his drugs (the swearing at them is waiting, but not yet). Interestingly when I first queried his account the reply came within minutes but now it is nearly 24 hours and nothing. I guess they are trying to think up a believable explanation which does take time I’m sure. This morning I showed the bill to my Baulko pharmacist who agrees it is a rort, but I am stuck with using them as they have a contract with Gracewood. However I intend to demand that they refund John’s account with the overcharge and threaten them with exposure to whichever government department looks after such things as well as to the Pharmacy Guild. If they don’t comply it’s only a short drive to their location at Eastwood which is where some swearing may come in handy.

July 21, 2024

A surprise call yesterday from Mary and David, our New Zealand friends, to say they are in Sydney for a few days for David’s work (he is a legal mediator in NZ and Australia). So plans were laid to have them here for lunch today. It was so horribly windy yesterday that some time was spent tying more staking to my precious “Lime Magik’ acacia after losing the same tree to a whippy westerly in the past, the current one is a replacement for that after it was broken and killed by the wind. Also it was quite scary hearing the big gum tree hammering the roof and we lost a few branches but no lasting damage. So I decided to make a meal for today that didn’t involve going out shopping, it’s Atlantic Salmon with lemon and brown butter sauce, green veges and salad and an apple and berry crumble (I knew I bought those Granny Smiths for a reason earlier this week).

I already knew, but the sudden thrust of activity has now confirmed, that I’ve been depressed all week. Trump, Vance, issues with John, and a dose of self-pity the culprits. I really felt (and feel) despondent that the pharmacy has ripped him off and it makes me despair of people. So far three polite emails have gone unanswered but I’m determined to make them refund what they’ve stolen, even it it means a hissy fit in their shop (actually a hissy fit would do me the world of good at the moment). Bob says exactly the same thing happened to Nancye’s mother when she was in a home and he suspects that seeing that a patient is on drugs for dementia makes them think that they can get away with it. John’s deteriorating condition means that there is no point in trying to discuss anything like this with him, and I am only too aware that I’ve lost my best friend and loyal supporter. Seeing Mary and David today will be a boost, even though John has forgotten who they are, despite our spending two weeks with them on holiday in NZ a few years back.

The universe did shine on me a few days ago (actually it shines when I wake up at all). Years ago I lent my J. D. Vance book to someone who lent it on and it didn’t come back, but as I was thinking that I wish I still had it to read again, the gods delivered Hillbilly Elegy for use in the street library, thankyou providence. I see Martina Navratilova has come out about Trump’s bandage, saying that a nursing friend contradicts his assertion that ‘ears bleed a lot, there was a lot of blood’. No doubt she will suffer for that comment. But I fear more for all his many critics and how they will suffer if he is elected. I was horrified that one of those helping the poor man who was shot and killed at that infamous rally was a specialist doctor working in emergency at a hospital, how on earth could a person like that be a Trump supporter I ask myself?

July 22, 2024

Yesterday with Mary and David was just what I needed. They are such beautiful people and I regret that they are so far away. Mary came with an armful of flowers for me and in the process left her handbag on the bus from the city, so we waited at the stop as buses came back but no luck. Then I saw one coming back marked ‘Not in Service’, David contacted the depot, and yes by then they had the purse. Drove David to Seven Hills where we picked it up and came back home to toast the find in champagne. Got John back to Gracewood for dinner at 5 to 5, although he was just up from the lunch table where we sat all afternoon.

I always check the food photos in the SMH and for years, no decades, they have been styled by Hannah Meppem and photographed by William Meppem, but I’ve noticed lately that the styling is being done by somebody else though he’s still doing the photography. Has she retired? been overthrown for a younger model? died? I must investigate.

As expected Greg Lynn has appealed his murder conviction, with his tenacious barrister I had no doubts. But I still choked to see Dermott Dann’s quote that ‘Lynn answered honestly every question put to him by the police……..that the jury saw’, the last four words exempting all the lies he told in the recordings of his police interviews, widely seen since his conviction. The hide of the man is astonishing. My court pal Pam rang to make exactly that point, she doesn’t miss a thing.

July 23, 2024

Universe shining department: Today I have been gifted the following, a box full of very interesting wooden, stone and enamel funky costume jewellery (a friend picked up a full jewellery box off a council cleanup but I’ve only seen the photos so far); a large collection of books (mostly children’s, many brand new); and then when I was shopping at Baulks I found first a boxed discarded muffin for the possum and then half a packet of sushi for the birds. To pay back the universe for the animal donations I tidied up the mess that both people had left on the armchairs provided, putting their drink bottles and general rubbish into the bin. Fair deal. Is this not an improvement over last week’s string of downers, yes it is! I commented to my friend that the woman who threw the jewellery out is a selfish cow as it could all have gone to land fill if he hadn’t opened the box, so he went back and tactfully said that if she’s throwing anything else out his friend will find a good home for it, apparently she was chuffed

Of course we are all wondering who Tunnel Man is. What we know so far: he is a detective inspector of NSW Police; he clearly has a drinking problem; he crashed a police car in the Northconnex tunnel abandoning the car in a nearby street suggesting that he lives in the general Hornsby area; he didn’t lose his licence and he didn’t lose his job; his name is suppressed for 40 years!!!; he omitted to tell the insurance company that he was as drunk as a skunk when the car was totalled, having been shown on CCTV to have downed 23 drinks in 8 hours (is there an award for that, like there is for most hot dogs in a sitting for example?). What do we want to know: his name; why he’s so important that his identity is suppressed (does he have a side job with ASIO perhaps?); what punishment will he be dealt? Knowing the risk of a gaol sentence for anyone who reveals his name I can only hazard a guess, which is that his initials are the same as Donald Duck.

This arv I went to the Hearing Hub to collect my new hearing aids. There was a lot of testing going on but I wasn’t asked to respond to all of the noises, just to sit there, so I have no idea what they were doing. But 45 minutes later I walked out with new hearing aids and I go back in a couple of weeks for a follow up and then again in September. Thankyou Albo my sweet, I won’t say anything bad about you today.

Yesterday I got a notice to return a book to the library but couldn’t find it anywhere, finally deciding that I’d accidentally put it in the street library. Of course I beat myself up as careless and was hating having to confess to the librarian, but today it materialised on the floor underneath my library table (where else? it was trying to stay with its pals) so my self-caning can cease till I stuff up next time.

I went up to Dulux yesterday to see if I could snag a painter to do my watermarked ceiling but I found none hanging about, though the staff were really helpful in recommending two. My old painter Joe of past years is not answering his phone, retired? dead? or just changed phone numbers perhaps. One man has come already but I am not keen. I asked myself if it was his quote, his heavy gold chain or his request for cash that put me off, anyway he’s not my guy despite smelling pleasantly like a perfumery when he walked in. The other is coming on Thursday and over the phone I likes him.

July 24, 2024

I have been to sewing but spent the time repairing a box full of clip-on earrings that I want to be rid of. I will put them on eBay but they need cleaning and in some cases glueing. There are almost 30 pairs so I think dividing them into three lots is the go. Colleen mentioned that the house next door to her, old with leadlights and well-restored period features, is going to be bulldozed by the new owner who paid about $3.5 million for it. Apparently there is some delay due to his waiting out the time for overseas arrivals to buy property here without having to pay an extra tax. But a person just in the country has no sense of heritage, no understanding that the street holds two heritage listed properties and many others have good age, so replacing even one of those devalues the whole street. Development hungry councils and the current state government don’t give a fig for holding those values for the future, certainly this buyer doesn’t know or care.

July 25, 2024

I see that the driverless metro train died in a tunnel to Chatswood last week and the poor folk were stuck there for over two hours, with one woman taken to hospital eventually with a claustrophobic anxiety attack. The firies have complained about being asked to enter the tunnel without the power being switched off on the tracks, risking electrocution. My worst nightmare come true and why I won’t be going on the damned thing. Actually second worst nightmare, worst is any sort of plane malfunction.

Well the second painter recommended by Dulux has been and I have my man. Friendly, warm, natural “can we have a look see at whether you’ve got any ceiling white in the garage so I don’t need to charge you for the paint?”, his quote is 30% of the first guy, not 30% off, but 30% of the total! And he didn’t ask for cash, a big bonus to me because I’ve never resented paying tax, only objected to some of the things my taxes are spent on. He’s busy for a month but I’m not in a hurry.

I was going to comment on Netanyahu but why spoil a lovely day? He can wait.

July 26, 2024

I am wondering if Netanyahu’s referral to Joe Biden as “a proud Irish-American Zionist” was a deliberate dog whistle to Democrats, hoping to incense them and thereby increase the Republican vote. Calling someone a Zionist these days is surely a coded insult in most people’s books.

JohnStuff: My argument with the new pharmacy seems to have been solved for now with a refund for overcharging and a commitment to use only PBS funded drugs unless I have approved same. I’m sure they think I’m a penny-pinching old witch but in John’s case I’m happy to have that moniker. Last night he was so confused about what was happening today that I needed to explain to the staff and they wrote it out for him. But this morning he asked ‘so what are we doing for the rest of the day?’ and I explained who was coming, what time etc. After a moment he asked ‘who owns George?’ which I thought was lovely terminology, though he remembered him after I mentioned Sonia. On a more concerning level I sometimes hear him muttering ‘You’re a goose. What are you Murray?’ followed by ‘I’m a goose brother’, referring back to a frequently remembered conversation that he had with a harsh teacher at his Catholic school. He has never let that slur go after all these years and it still upsets him. How our words can echo down the decades.

July 27, 2024

I am so pleased that Gladys Berejiklian lost her appeal against ICAC’s findings. It was on a technicality anyway and the majority rightly threw it out. Having watched the ICAC hearings live, I had no doubt about the original decision being the right one. Unfortunately I believe that Gladys is psychically unable to see herself in a critical light; after all she was dux of her school, top achiever in her family, Armenian migrant made good, minister, premier, how could she possibly do wrong? In a way it’s the exact opposite of John’s personality where he blames himself for everything. If something is missing it’s ‘did I lose it?’, if something’s broken it’s ‘did I break it?’. But Our Glad believes her own PR I’m afraid, got her a good job at Optus though didn’t it? Confidence is all apparently.

Back to the painter’s quote: The GIO’s painter wanted $885 to paint a tiny ceiling and wouldn’t guarantee the work because of his idea that the slope of the roof was inadequate, so eventually I accepted a cash settlement of $485 (less the $400 excess that I need to pay). The first painter quoted $500 cash, a cost to me of 15 bucks but with the second quote of $150 I actually make a $350 profit! Just shows how much the GIO’s tradespeople are overcharging them though.

Picked up a host of stuff today: children’s books, a linen basket full of clothes and a box full of jewellery, all thrown out by someone in Annangrove, thank goodness they were all retrieved before it rained. So I’ve spent the afternoon sorting them (books for Millie versus street library books, worn clothes cut up for dusters, good clothes ironed for Sallies, summer clothes stowed away for Sallies later in the year, jewellery poor moi, jewellery to go to Sallies). Although it was a big job it was eminently satisfying.

July 28, 2024

Went to cake baking at Carol’s today and I think it worked out well in terms of output. Had a beautiful carrot and beetroot salad at lunch which I think had orange juice as the dressing so I plan to emulate that soon. I never tire of salads, winter or summer. On the way to Gracewood, shortly after leaving Carol’s, John asked me why we had been there today. After I explained that we had been there to help with cake baking he remembered that and asked ‘what tasks did Carol give the other men to do? I didn’t see them’ but the rest of the group were all women. He was on his usual and chosen duty, the washing up. Sometimes you think he is across what’s happening and then you discover he’s not, bless him. Anyway he said that we’d had a good time so that’s the main thing.

July 29, 2024

It was 9 degrees in the loungeroom when I got up so I quickly headed off to the Sallies at Dural with the clothes I’d washed and ironed for them, plus a couple of pairs of shoes that I never wear, a handbag and some ornaments. I got out of there only having bought 2 packets of five cakes of soap for John who doesn’t like the liquid soap he is provided (plus I must admit, a beautiful scarf for $1). Sallies often has lots of new stuff like shampoo, soap, cleaning products etc that must be donated by companies. Then bought some beetroot to try to reproduce the carrot and beetroot salad I had yesterday but somehow it doesn’t taste the same, despite making a dressing of olive oil and orange juice which I detected in the original. However mine is nice and perfectly edible.

I am thinking that we need to consider renaming the ABC to ARC (for Antiques Roadshow Channel) as it seems to use that show to fill every gap. Even though I enjoy the programme, it is galling to see them replace The Drum with it. A friend of a friend asked for advice in reducing the furniture and smalls in a large 4 bedroom house in Pymble to downsize to a unit nearby. I suggested getting Bargain Hunt Auctions to come and take everything in one go, which they promptly did. However I saw today the first of her things go online and cringed to see a kitchen dresser she paid $5500 for get an initial bid of $100. I know it’s a first bid but gosh I don’t think I’d have the hide to bid that low, there are 6 more days to run though. However judging by another auction finishing in about 4 hours, the prices are woeful. Royal Doulton statues that I would have asked at least $250 each for in the shop are going as a pair for $20, not one pair but numerous different ones. Lladro was always a good seller and I was pleased when some came up at the right price, but 3 or 4 in a lot are going for $30. I’m glad I didn’t do as some folks did and buy up Doulton and Lladro as an investment.

I see Albo has demoted Andrew Giles which is a shame as he is one of the few pollies who never says an unkind word, even as he’s being skewered by Dutton et al.

A young Hunter Valley man has died from Influenza A after paramedics called to his home told him ‘that he was coming out the other side of it’. He had worked with engineered stone and it’s considered that this could have caused his death when the flu turned to pneumonia, however it’s bad that the ambos didn’t take him in. John’s dear friend Kevin has been taken to palliative care at Concord Hospital due to end stage mesothelioma, he is unable to talk on the phone and I’m reluctant to visit as he’s struggling to breathe. A beautiful soul and a terrible loss to the world.

July 30, 2024

I just looked up the furniture that I recommended be sent to auction and the 12 foot dining table in cherry wood with 12 matching chairs, all in perfect condition, is going at the moment for $40 all up. Yet people will go out and spent thousands on crap furniture at the big name stores, I just don’t get it.

Today was so cold that I finally wore the hand knitted Kashmiri socks I was gifted a few years back and that I’ve resisted wearing because they are ‘too good’. It was 8 degrees in the morning and I ended up leaving my PJ pants on and putting a jumper with them to complete the ensemble, luckily there were no visitors. I was intending to take a piece of hand embroidered fabric, Indian maybe, to give to the sewing group in case anyone could put it to use. It was the covering of a damaged box that was in the Annangrove haul, but then I decided to start cutting it up and making cards from it and got four done this afternoon, not works of art but something different.

My letter to the SMH didn’t get a go but here it is in part: ‘Despite the designer of the Olympic depiction of an Ancient Greek Bacchanal refuting that it was even remotely connected to Jesus and the Last Supper, all the usual suspects have come out of their boxes positively outraged. Outrage and moral indignation seem to be their favoured positions, regardless of the facts. In the old days we recommended a Bex and a good lie down in these situations, but perhaps just sticking to the lying down is for the best these days’. As soon as I heard about the Paris fracas I thought here comes Israel Folau and the Australian Christian Lobby and as if I had snapped my fingers, there they were. The right wing Christians are always searching for persecution or anything that would indicate the ‘end of days’ to justify their position and I think in many cases they actually hope it is the end of days, which is why they give not a fig about climate change, war, poverty and the like.

July 31, 2024

I woke up this morning and thought whatever is on today I think I’ll cancel, but then realised it was a bus tour and as I had booked a month ago it was a given that I’d go. It was just a lunch outing to Vanilla Cream Cafe at Annangrove but I was very lucky in that I was seated with the driver, a Zoroastrian Indian and an Indian volunteer, so we spent lunch discussing British colonialism, American dominance and so forth, at their instigation not mine. Such a change from the usual pedestrian conversations on the bus group outings. The food was good and reasonably priced and the place was packed, though partly because as well as our minibus group there was a car club gathering, lots of sports cars and a purple Rolls-Royce in the car park (probably the last colour I would paint a Roller, but each to their own). I had taken with me a purple stone necklace to give to Tonya, who always wears purple, but she didn’t go on this trip. We passed by the end of Memorial Drive on the way home and I wished we could have called in on John, or better still taken him with us, but that’s not allowed as it would be double dipping into the government coffers. If only I could be sure of the destinations I would like to do the mystery tours as well, but I don’t want to risk any more windy roads.

Reread Tim Winton’s novel Breath at Martha’s instigation as she wants to discuss it and it is years since I read it the first time. It is just as powerful the second time around and I finished it this morning while waiting for the bus. It really takes us inside the head of Pikelet and even though I’m not a bit sporty I loved all the surfing descriptions. Would he get away with a novel these days about a relationship between a 15 year old boy and a woman in her 30s? I’m not so sure, we’ve become much more conservative about what we can depict.

August 1, 2024

Happy birthday horses and wattle. I’ve decided that the premier qualification to be successful in the Olympics is a flat chest. Swimmers are always ironing board flat but I’ve started noticing that it’s the same for all the sports. I’m glad therefore that I was always disinterested in every sport.

I have been pretty slack on the Coroners Court front lately, though I check the register every now and again and read some of the findings online. At the forensic science course there was a talk about coroners versus medical examiners, the US system. Apparently there were so many cases of corruption in the coroner system there due to political pressure from those affected or their relatives that many states abandoned coroners altogether and went to a medical examiner system, but both systems remain. Many states have a medical examiner system, many have a coroner system, and 18 states have a mixed system. Coroners there are elected lay people whereas here they are judicial appointments, so it’s easy to see how a coroner in the US could be enticed not to notice a suicide if that means that the insurance company won’t pay out to one of the town’s powerful families. In fact a number of coroners are currently in gaol for corruption for Medicare fraud. Conflicts of interest occur especially when funeral directors, prosecutors or sheriffs act as coroners. A medical examiner in contrast is an independent doctor with specialist training in pathology and forensic science who can integrate autopsy findings with those from the crime scene and the laboratory. I think we are stuck with the coroner system here but I think moving to the medical examiner model would be a great improvement overall.

April 2, 2024

After coming to Killcare by bus and train yesterday we dined last night at Osteria Il Coccia on the Esplanade at Ettalong. A thing about the central coast is being able to drive to your destination and park at the door as often as not. They don’t use electricity or gas to cook there, everything is made over the flame. We supped on Merimbula oysters, then shared a slab of tuna just tickled by the flame, served on a bed of Jerusalem artichokes with sides of brussels sprouts with chili and parmesan and a salad, following up with a shared serve of cheesecake with grapes and Montenegro liqueur. Sharing made it all manageable without being too full. It had been prearranged that Bob Brimble would book community transport to come down from Toowoon Bay for the day and as it was quite cold we sat in front of a warm fire most of the day apart from a short drive to nearby Wagstaff to look out over the lake and watch the birds. In the evening Sue cooked a pie of blue-eye trevalla in a cream sauce after which we returned to the fire. Bliss.

April 3, 2024

Off after 8 to the big smoke, picking up John at Gracewood (where he was in Covid lockdown due to three cases on his floor) and then coming here. Sue took off to see her mum while I finished off the rice, lentil and brussels sprout dish and headed off to Martha’s for First Saturday. The talk was by Norman Webb on bees and it was fascinating, so incredible to hear about the complexity of their short lives. He mentioned inexplicable things like the fact that a swarm of bees can settle on a particular branch of a tree and a year or more later another swarm can land on the exact same spot, despite the fact that all of the first swarm are long dead as their lifespan is only six weeks. How is it so? He didn’t know. He explained the fight against the verroa mite and expressed the view that it was always a waste of time to try to eradicate it and many beekeepers were put out of business by the attempt. Every country who had tried to stop the mite had failed, we were the last country to get it. Bought some Manuka honey from him so bees will remain in my thoughts for a while. John really enjoyed it and asked some interesting questions.

August 4, 2024

Well my pleasure in the honey was short-lived as it didn’t get as far as home. Searched the car, pantry, fridge and kitchen but no honey. Martha says it isn’t there so I think someone has mistakenly picked it up, that’s the only explanation I can think of. But the good news is that John remembered First Saturday this morning and knew it was about bees, he was really engaged with it yesterday. We stayed home today and I fashioned a small cork from a whiskey cork Sue gave me, so now my hanging basket of nasturtiums and Spanish Moss has a better source of water when it rains or when I remember to water them both. Cork shaving is an interesting little job I discovered, which we followed by hauling out all the many paint cans I have looking for undercoat and ceiling white, both of which I found, so the painter whose quote was so reasonable won’t even have to shell out for paint. Some cans which rattled were even thrown out!

I watched the very end of an Antiques Roadshow episode, hard to miss on ABC now, only to see someone with a magnificent rosewood table inlaid with satinwood. It was from about 1800 and the couple had inherited it. Giving a value of about 15,000 pounds the man asked if there were any chairs; ‘Oh yes there were but they got a bit rickety so I burnt them’. The assessor was incredulous, as was I, but they would have been worth a similar amount. Philistines about such things are not as common in England as they are here, but clearly they exist.

I am seriously thinking about going to the Jewish Museum and asking whether there are people there who support the state of Israel but deplore its tactics and its government. As there are plenty of protestors over there, there must surely be some of like mind here. It is inexcusable the way they have (cleverly) conflated anti-Zionism with antisemitism and that needs to be called out.

August 5, 2024

I keep getting an invitation to work shifts at Gracewood, despite having replied that I’m not a nurse and I’m sure they wouldn’t really want me! But still they come, this morning’s being worded somewhat differently: ‘There is vacant shit on Tuesday 7-3 in Hampton if you are interested’. If it were not for the language difficulty I would reply asking them to just clean it up.

The appalling scenes in Britain and Northern Ireland these last few days are distressing but not unsurprising. I have never seen such blatant racism and overt racial abuse on the streets and on public transport as I have in northern England, so when you add that common behaviour to the tragedy of young girls being stabbed and the internet posts wrongly blaming the deaths on an asylum seeker, it just fires up existing biases. My own family laughed at my suggestion that I take them to Bradford for an authentic Indian meal as recommended in my Lonely Planet (of course what is known as Indian food there is largely Bangladeshi of Pakistani, but that’s another issue). Why we would want to go and eat with Pakis they said, when there’s a good Indian takeaway place nearby run by British people? Um okay, I dropped that idea. But I was always nervous when on a bus driven by a coloured person, waiting for the abuse to start, often as the abusers were getting off but sometimes a continual tirade. Now they have the far right telling them that it’s their duty as white British people to attack hotels housing asylum seekers, I think this is only the beginning.

My beautiful Bougies de Luxe lavender bath oil bought as a gift from my friend Michelle W. is nearly empty despite my judicious use. So I thought I’d look up the company and see if they mentioned what oils they use, and bingo, there is the recipe. So I went to the chemist for sweet almond oil and jojoba oil to combine with the lavender which is profusely flowering in the garden right now. Should be able to make two bottles with what I’ve bought. They told me that they were out of jojoba but as I was walking out of the shop they came running with the news that they’d put the last bottle away for someone but she hadn’t come back, so I was lucky there.

August 6, 2024

Off to the audiologist today to check my new hearing aids but it was a short appointment as everything is fine. The booklet that came with them says that this model works for hearing loss of 15db to 75db, mild to severe deafness, so I asked Andrew what mine was and he said 35 so I’m pretty much in the middle as moderate. One more appointment before he’s happy that there are no problems.

Made the lavender bath oil today and I probably overdosed it with lavender, it looks almost solid, but I can dilute it with more oil as it’s used. Also planted in a pot the two new crucifix orchids given to me by Barbara after I said I had bought one from the Botanic Gardens, she has quite a few in her garden. The rest of this morning was filled with writing a long letter to Anne in England (who has neither computer nor smart phone), sending a card and letter to my brother and a card to a lady in Melbourne whom I know as an old eBay customer. Dropping three in the postbox at once was very satisfying.

A friend took her stepmother to the doctor to get antibiotics for a UTI and the doc said that there is a vaccine out for that problem. Last I read of it many months ago it hadn’t been approved for use in Australia but it seems that it’s a possibility now. I shall bend Bob’s ear about it next time I’m there.

I had a couple of other things I wanted to talk about but they’ve gone, a problem that seems to be happening more frequently lately. Add that to my rapid failure to do mental arithmetic and it adds up to……let’s not go there.

August 7, 2024

Today was John’s hospital day and we left Gracewood at 8.30 because he always needs a blood test before seeing the haematologist, who was coming to visit him while he was having his IgG infusion. But when we got there the lovely Filipe rang her and she said she didn’t need a blood test today so then we were quite early. I waited with John till his treatment was due to start and then decided to go to the State Library which had a photographic exhibition on with some entries from our friend Paul’s daughter. Trotted off down William St and then decided to cut across the back of the cathedral and through the Domain, a fair walk. Unfortunately the exhibition was catalogued on big cardboard folders of which there were only three and mine had the pages after the 1990s missing, nothing was attached to the pics on the wall. After hoping that one or other of the only two people there might finish with theirs in a reasonable time, it was obvious that they were there for the duration so I gave up and wandered to Hyde Park. By then my dodgy foot was really grumbling, even more so after I walked down the stairs to St. James station to get a train to Kings Cross, but discovered that they go on a different line so I had to climb back out. By now I could barely walk on my dodgy foot but was too mean to taxi it back to Darlo, so eventually I found a bus going there, with an enjoyable Cooks tour of Woolloomooloo and Elizabeth Bay included. Walking back from Kings Cross I was feeling a tad peckish and stopped to read the menu at a Filipino Street Food shop but deciding between a fertilised duck egg, chicken entrails, pork intestines and pig’s ears convinced me that I was actually more thirsty than hungry so I kept walking and fell back on the old fave, a vanilla milkshake instead. Usually John calls me when they are doing the flush after the infusion so I can get to the door in the next 15-20 minutes to pick him up, but he phoned me to say he was on the footpath outside Kinghorn and why wasn’t I in sight? I raced there and when I asked later why he had departed from our usual practice (of 3 or 4 years) he replied that he didn’t remember what we normally did so he just went outside and was then anxious when I wasn’t there. The oddest thing though was that the doctor came while he was in the loo and didn’t wait, leaving a message that she’d see him next month!

I have been very nervous about the results of the auction which I had recommended to someone selling off the contents of a large house to go to a unit. I checked right up to 6 pm on Sunday night, an hour before it was due to end and the results were so appalling that I decided to stop watching. However I thought I needed to ring and apologise for the disaster, but she’s over the moon. The 12 seater dining table which was $20 at 6 pm was $3000 by 7 and the 12 matching chairs which were $20 for the lot at 6 went for $3500. Apparently the bids were coming in so thick and fast at the end that they extended the auction, much to the angst of the underbidders I would imagine! Anyway all her things went well and I am off the hook and on the pedestal now, phew.

August 8, 2024

Well after a month of on again off again foot pain I was forced to seek an appointment with Bob for later today as walking has become very difficult. I hope his answer isn’t a physiotherapist because if so I will just grin and bear the pain as I don’t have much faith in them through past experience.

This new pharmacy servicing Gracewood is a pain in the neck. Despite cancelling all of John’s supplements from them I got an invoice for a Blackmore’s product yesterday. I replied saying that it had been cancelled but he is arguing the toss. However Cecilia had confirmed to me on July 20 that she had organised cancellation of all supplements and the product he mentioned in his reply was a different one to the the one he had charged for. Perhaps they are sampling some of their products, she says with gritted teeth. I wish we could go back to the old pharmacy but apparently that’s not an option.

I got caught out financially by another company this week but it was rectified by Apple. For years I have used the free PlantSnap app to identify plants, getting five free queries per month, though I only used 1 or 2. The other day I couldn’t quite make it work, try as I might, and then it told me to put my finger on a particular spot on the screen only to see a message pop up to say that I’d enrolled for unlimited snaps at $29.99 for a year. I immediately contacted Apple who only a day later organised a refund of my money. The app was promptly deleted from my phone! Clever, but no cigar in this instance you cheeky buggers.

I have pretty much given up on walking across Old Northern Rd due to the heavy traffic, but yesterday I came close to having an accident there with a pedestrian. I had pulled up behind a bus which had stopped to take on passengers, looked in my rear vision mirror and then pulled out around the bus. I was shocked to see a bloke suddenly appear, running across the road to get the bus. Luckily he saw me just in time and stopped in the centre of the road, but it could have been very nasty if cars had been coming the other way or if I hadn’t seen him just in time.

August 9, 2024

I could have leapt through the teev last night to congratulate Paul Keating who was ranting about AUKUS, our partnership with the ‘aggressive US’, China and more. I had had a discussion last week with a friend of a friend on exactly these issues but he is of the opposing view, seeing the US as our saviours. Paul’s comments were like a rerun of my arguments in that conversation. And while I’m on the hustings, I deplore the decision by the US ambassador to Japan to skip this year’s memorial service for the nuclear attack on Nagasaki because Israel is not invited. The US dropped the bloody bomb! They should be there on bended knees. Of course our government has copied the gutless American position, the 51st state of the US as always.

My trip to Bob yesterday was helpful in that he ordered an X-ray that confirmed plantar fasciitis but also found calcification in the heel bone. I’ve never had it before, so it was a coincidence after another person’s momentous struggle with PF. I was glad when Bob specified not to ‘get involved with podiatrists or physiotherapists’. I hadn’t asked the question because I didn’t want it to appear as if I was interested in going to them, but he warned me off the option anyway. We see eye to eye on most things but I was still pleased about his advice, restrict walking for a while, buy lace-up shoes with soft soles and wait was the counsel.

Anne’s letter of this week was disturbing on a number of counts but particularly in respect of my brother’s drop in cognition. She travels there by two long bus rides across country which he asks her about in detail each time, but after being told repeatedly last week he asked ‘did you come on the Tube?’. Then she overheard him asking a staff ‘who is that woman? has she been to see me before?’ this after about 40 years of a close relationship. She keeps going bless her, but how long she will keep it up remains to be seen as she’s not in good health herself and is in her 80s. I checked for the last email to me from one of his daughters (my nieces haha) regarding his condition, it was December 2 2023, so I don’t even bother asking any more and rely on Anne for a truthful assessment of the circumstances.

August 10, 2024

John has expressed the desire a couple of times to go to a park but I didn’t feel like driving far, so we tried Nurragingy at Doonside. Native gardens, a Chinese garden, a marsh, deciduous trees, heaps of birds, a really lovely spot. Wearing lace-up shoes as instructed and it was much easier to walk. I knew there was a reason I was holding on to those ugly 25 year old joggers, now I know what it was. Joggers really are the ugliest footwear so unless I suddenly want to take up running I shan’t be happy wearing them, but joggers versus pain is no contest. The modern idea of joggers with a dress is just not on as far as I’m concerned, but perhaps they all have something wrong with their feet.

I put a few bits on eBay yesterday and now I’ve had a sale, but I’d accidentally listed it as Buy-it-Now instead of auction, grrr, but I got $10 and tomorrow he will pick up so I’ll be rid of the thing. It was a boxed set of stencils of the alphabet and numbers, something a woodworker might use to do signs for example. How did I get such a thing? what did I pay for it? I wouldn’t have a clue. The rest of the lots are clip-on earrings so I’ve notified the person who bought a lot of them from me last year. He’s a dealer online who only sells clip-on earrings, a niche market indeed.

I’ve had another win with the pharmacy who does John’s meds, they’ve finally agreed to remove the last item that they billed him for, a Blackmore’s supplement that he doesn’t take. They must rue the day that the bill goes out, knowing I’m going to argue but eventually they will learn to get it right. I would never get anything from wretched Blackmore, financer of the No case for the referendum and much else on the wrong side of politics (yes, yes I know Blackmore himself retired but I can still punish the company).

August 11, 2024

Well the lovely Keith came to pick up his stencils and he was bearing a bottle of wine because I let him have them at a mistaken price. What a sweet man, you get such lovely people on eBay and some not quite so lovely ones on Facebook Marketplace. Inspired I have sorted out some of the costume jewellery that came with the clip-on earrings and have put one listing of necklaces on as well as a job lot of broken jewellery which could be useful to a craftsperson or jewellery maker.

Darling John gets more and more confused, repeatedly asking me if he’s staying the night and packing his bag when he’s not going till the next day. Yesterday I told him repeatedly that the family day wasn’t happening due to illness but after we went out and enjoyed the park he wanted ‘to get changed before they come’. It’s strange that he both forgets the right story and simultaneously remembers the wrong one. But he’s doing a lot better than others so I’m not complaining.

Well who does one trust in an argument between Mark Latham and Peter V’landys? Neither is the short answer. Both are unpleasant people but V’landys outranks even the irksome Latham. Whatever sport he is involved with he is loud, vexatious and a bully I’m sure. I’m hoping they lose Rosehill Racecourse and fail to find another, but that’s wishful thinking with those deep-pocketed racing types who will fight the government to the hilt.

I have never had a police officer come to my door armed with a bottle of gin. I would be shocked if this occurred, just as I am shocked that the police are handing out liqueur to anyone else. On what basis? None that I can think of. But I have a sneaking suspicion that the gin wouldn’t have drawn any attention at all if the police commissioner were male. I suspect that it is part of a bigger pile-on intended to remove Karen Webb, with the Murdoch press always howling about her.

August 12, 2024

It’s been an eBay day so far, first with my buyer from yesterday getting back in touch to tell me the time that his grandson did in the City to Surf. He’s going to make him a wooden sign commemorating the run and the time using the stencils he bought from me. He asked me for an email address to send a photo when it’s done, it’s always tricky doing that as eBay’s AI blocks messages with personal details, but I was able to get it through using the word ‘at’ instead of @ and leaving out the dots. Now I want a sign saying that I beat AI, but I suspect it won’t be long before it will be able to beat my little ploy. The morning was spent listing numerous necklaces and brooches from the big collection of jewellery I bought so many years ago. It wasn’t a shop thing as I decided they were too downmarket, despite being pretty, but I did buy furniture from the same man whose wife had just died. He was so keen to be rid of the jewellery that I bought it personally but never got around to selling it. He had a disabled adult daughter who was interjecting things like ‘will you give us a thousand dollars for them?’ and so I weakened, but not to the point of $1000 or anything like it!

Heather reports that every year random Japanese people turn up to photograph the cherry blossom tree in her front yard, and they have returned again this year. Some things just resonate with us emotionally and cherry blossoms certainly do with the Japanese. They symbolise life and death in that culture, the coming of spring promising new life. At the same time, their short lifespan is a reminder that life is fleeting.  Mono no aware is their expression born over 1,000 years ago that refers to a feeling of awe and sadness for the transience of life and the impermanence of things. Note to self: take John to the Auburn Botanic Gardens where I think the cherry blossoms should be out.

John told me this morning that the usual bus tour was definitely on so I advised him what to wear, something he’s been needing lately, but unfortunately when he tried to go down to the bus he was shooed back into his room as the lockdown is still in force. He had been going on the printed weekly event sheet, not a personal communication, so he was naturally disappointed. I will take him out on Thursday, perhaps to the Auburn Gardens, which might make up for it a bit.

August 13, 2024

What a gutless decision by Albo et al regarding gambling ads. The end result is more addiction, therefore more fraud, more bankruptcy, more domestic violence, more suicide. If one of the commercial channels folds then so be it, the other two will then be brought back to profitability perhaps. It’s dangerous to go against a policy that 80% of the public supports. While I’m on the rantan here’s one for Minimal Minns: Anzac Day is not a religious festival, and even if it were there are many religions in Australia these days. Those of us who are not rusted on supporters of Anzac Day are being encouraged to spend the day at a march, playing two-up (hang the fact that it’s illegal!), getting pissed and being objectionable as a result. Anzac Day was the worst day of the year in my shop because of all the drunken yobbos on the street who couldn’t find Turkey on a map, even with a gun to their heads.

John is finally out of lockdown today after 10 days. There was a residents meeting this afternoon but neither he nor his friend Neville could understand the accent of the speaker so they didn’t have a clue what it was about and left. I baked a couple of things in the morning, something I haven’t been doing enough of lately. Then did some more work on eBay, sold a collection of earrings today for $20, went to Pine Coffee and Tea for more Russian Caravan and they gave me a sample of Lapsang Souchong as they know I like smoky teas, went to the pharmacy and stocked up on the drug supply, went to the Post Office, pretty exciting day? No, not really. I decided to look up Lapsang Souchong and discovered that Twinings can’t get it and have brought out a copy marketed as “Distinctively Smoky, Inspired by Lapsang Souchong”. Mmm sounds dodgy as well as smoky. Sue loves my Russian Caravan tea and so she bought the Twinings version and was very disappointed, now I get it for her at Pine. Their comment today was ‘we have three different Lapsangs but we’ll give you the smokiest one’. I’ll try it with John at the weekend.

August 14, 2024

The Melbourne Symphony Orchestra just cancelled the pianist Jayson Gillham because he played a piece ‘dedicated to Palestinian journalists killed in Gaza’ in his previous performance. They then sent out an email to those who were to attend his upcoming concert in two days on why they cancelled him, including: “The MSO was at no point made aware of the content of the remarks Mr Gillham was intending to make. They were made completely without authority. The MSO understands that his remarks have caused offence and distress and offers a sincere apology. It has been a priority for us to address this difficult situation today”. Since when does an artist need to have their comments scrutinised in advance of a performance? This follows on the heels of the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital removing a display of artwork on plates, done by children from Gaza. Lawyers intervened on behalf of ‘some Jewish patients who said they felt vulnerable and victimised by the display’. This whole thing reminds me of what I’ve read about life in the Netherlands before the invasion by the Nazis, when people were charged by their own government with offences related to their spoken or published criticism of the Nazis, for fear of upsetting the German government. Of course the Germans invaded anyway, just what the laws were trying to prevent. Giving in to bullies never works, never.

Today I was talking to an acquaintance who suddenly announced, apropos of nothing, that last week she was told by her family that she was adopted, she is 82 or 3. I don’t know her well, and she didn’t know that I was adopted, but she said she was brought up by a very strict and unloving mother. She has no idea who her family was and doesn’t know if she wants to find out, it’s all too new, but it has put her childhood into context. I’ve heard of late discovery but that one takes the cake. Although I didn’t speak of my experience and it was a short conversation, it came to mind once again that blood is everything. I thought my ex-husband’s family would become my own, haha to that. His mother positively loathed the spouses of her four children and never missed an opportunity to let us all know that, having nasty pet names for each of us. Later in life another opportunity for a family presented itself and proved to be a bigger disaster than the first. In both cases I foolishly tried to appease the bullies in the hope of some acceptance, if not a warm relationship. As I said in another context, giving in to bullies never works.

August 15, 2024

Today I picked John up on the way to getting the car serviced and then took a loan car (how I hate driving other people’s cars, constantly expecting a disaster to befall the bloody thing, but the only problem was not being able to work out how to turn off the heated driver’s seat!). We went as planned to Auburn Botanic Gardens to see the cherry blossoms two days before the big crowds arrive and a hefty fee is charged to get in. There were in fact moderate crowds and every single person bar us was Asian, perhaps Japanese I’m not sure, but quite possibly Chinese or Koreans too. There were busloads of people, many in matching hats and some even with matching windcheaters and hats, which made me wonder if they could be cruise passengers as who buys someone a quality coat and a hat for a day trip? Anyway the grounds looked beautiful, the waterfalls were a delight and the cherry blossoms were out on cue. The food stalls hadn’t opened yet but I took cheese and crackers, nuts and mandarins with a cupcake for John so that did us as lunch. On the way back we were early for picking the car up so I pulled in to Granville for a looksee. It is even more depressing and down at heel than it was when I travelled there every day during high school and early years of work, getting the bus from there to Guildford morning and night. But I noted that the fruit shop’s navel oranges were $1.49 a kilo instead of $5.99 at Castle Hill so I bought some as well as carrots. Much of the produce was suited to the tastes of the locals with great piles of okra, bitter melon and the like with not a pea, a bean or a bunch of broccolini in sight. I always like to leave some money in a place that I stop to visit, but the going was pretty hard in Granville. We arrived back to Alex and I paid for my ‘service’ but I must admit that I expected to be paying a number with a 2 in the front rather than a 7, though he had rung me for approval to fix a couple of extra things. I do wonder though if services used to include ‘washing down the motor’ and ‘lubricating all the door locks and catches’. He assures me the next one should be a cheapie, I should hope so.

August 17, 2024

My spirits have been lifted by the debacle of the Liberal Party failing to nominate their candidates. But now as expected they are going to the courts with all the excuses they can muster. What is the point of having a deadline if they let them off? One Northern Beaches candidate survived by putting in his own nomination, he is a newbie and didn’t know that the office does it normally so he is the lucky duck candidate for the Liberals. If they succeed in court then the power of the electoral commission will be reduced as a result, with the extreme consequence being that the staff find out who is going to stand on the day and write the ballot papers in pencil as the voters are walking in. The deadline is there for a reason.

Also pleased to see that the members of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra have ‘by overwhelming majority’ passed a vote of no confidence in senior management as a result of their cancellation of a concert, due to the pianist’s stated dedication of a piece to ‘the journalists of Gaza’. This artificial attempt to link every sympathy expressed about the war to anti-Semitism is almost McCarthyist in its scope. Just as Katherine Deves and her many acolytes spend their time searching for a drag queen or a trans person to vilify, the pro-Netanyahu camp does the same, looking for any sign of sympathy towards Gazans and pouncing on it.

But in my kitchen Jews, Gazans, drag queens and trans folks are all welcome so I’ve enjoyed making a carrot, beetroot and walnut salad as part of our dinner tonight and icing a mandarin cake to take to Erko tomorrow. The cake has mandarin peel in it and segments of mandarin all over the top, which adds a nice burst of flavour as you bite through them. John is now washing up the mountain of mess I’ve made doing that and making lunch. John, while eating lunch: If somebody asks me what I had for lunch what should I say? Me: Say mushroom risotto John: Oh good.

Apparently a friend of a friend who was recently diagnosed with dementia has now been found to be suffering instead from long Covid. This on top of recent research that shows that existing dementia patients worsen after Covid and “older adults who have had Covid infections are at a higher risk of cognitive decline as compared to matched healthy adults or individuals who have had other respiratory diseases. The risk of new-onset dementia was found to be one of the long-term outcomes of COVID-19 infection”. Note it is not severe infection they mention here, just infection. Perhaps my inability to do mental arithmetic for the last few years is Covid linked rather than a precursor symptom of dementia after all?

August 18, 2024

I am a constant note jotter: things to write to the papers about; book review notes; feedback positive and negative to businesses I’ve used; things I need to add to the blog. But lately I am having trouble working out what the devil the notes are about, today trying to figure out ‘private gaol apc’; ‘paracetamol empathy’; ‘swift community’; ‘Coles we’; ‘man and dog’. I couldn’t work them out so I’ll delete them, but I’m sure they were very important when written. Blame Covid, my convenient new excuse for everything.

A Sydney teacher charged with sexual offences with a number of her male students is in the news. It reminded me of being with a group of women (maybe a school group when the kids were little, I’m not sure). One of them, a married PE teacher in her 30s at the most prestigious school in Sydney if not Australia, casually told us that she was ‘having a relationship’ with a year 11 student at the all boys school ‘I’m training him and we go running after school and just happen to stop off at my place as we go past’ she said. Although I think everyone was shocked, no one said a word and it would never have occurred to any of us to talk to the police. Had the teacher been male and the student female it wouldn’t have come out in discussion in the way that it did in this case. I think that reflects the difference 40 years makes in how we look at these things.

Apparently the owners of White Fox have spent $120 million on four properties in Vaucluse and are currently seeking permission to demolish three of them to make way for a mega mansion on the site. The mind boggles. How do the previous owners of these homes feel to know that they will be turned into rubble. I would be devastated to see that happen to my humble cottage, but perhaps it’s just real estate to them more than a home.

August 19, 2024

So not a great start to the morning as I fell in the garden and toppled into my rose bush, the thorniest one I have ever seen anywhere, which had just been pruned last weekend. The result was that I was pinioned between two thorn-ridden upright stalks and couldn’t get out! I decided to wait for a passing person to help but on-one came so I was force to deal with it myself as I had Anzac biscuits in the oven. I gingerly pulled one branch away and pushed myself up, ending up with a row of thorns in one side of my hand and arm and a few gashes in the other as well as a skinned knee. Sitting on the front verandah pulling out thorns and getting over the fall and the postman arrived with my new ‘old lady shoes’ which had finally worked their way through the postal system but he took one look and retreated without a word, as if an old lady dripping blood was either quite usual or else more than he could deal with first thing in the morning. Second fall in the garden in the last few weeks, but if anyone tells me to join a gym I shall inform them that no, I truly enjoy falling more than going to a gym.

On the last bus tour I took note of the passengers’ footwear: one man with shorts and thongs on a cold wet day and nine women in either joggers or orthopaedic shoes In one case I noticed that the shoes were quite different to each other, custom made for her dodgy feet, at considerable expense I would imagine. Although I gave up wearing heels long ago I still like nice shoes and unfortunately bought two pairs from my pal at The Entrance a few months back. Neither pair has come out its box as they were waiting for summer, here’s hoping I can wear them by then.

Saw Peter Regan, head of Sydney Metro, on the early news today rightly basking in the success of the mega project that he has overseen, right back to Berejiklian days. I well remember a long lunchtime barbecue at his home overlooking the harbour, was it Naremburn or Longueville, something like that. He and his wife can certainly put on a party and somewhere I still have the cards I was given by an Indian man who was on Blacktown Council (‘if ever I can do anything for you don’t hesitate to ring’ and a professor from the University of Notre Dame with whom I debated gaols and capital punishment at length. We agreed on the fact that gaols needed a complete makeover in terms of putting the focus on rehabilitation but he argued that capital punishment was kinder than a life sentence. I reminded him that his church has a policy of ‘Thou shalt not kill’ but he didn’t seem to think that was a problem in the same way that the church is so anti contraception but takes no stand against war. Anyway we had a good slog and followed it up later by email but neither of us budged in our positions. I do remember his comment that when he took medical students to Lithgow Gaol they often commented that ‘the inmates seem just like us’ which is the point of my arguments: we either attempt rehabilitation where there’s any chance of that working or else if they are so mentally damaged that they can never be returned to the community we put them in a secure but lovely funny farm somewhere with good food, activities to amuse them and medical care.

August 20, 2024

A month or more ago Gracewood asked me to sign for a drug called Aricept that John takes for Alzheimer’s, as it is psychotropic, but why I hadn’t needed to sign for it before is another question. I thought I was told by the neurologist that it only works for a year so I didn’t have the information I needed to answer the question. I thought I was clever to ask the neurologist by email for the answer, but she said that she needed to speak to him to make a decision and that conference was set up as a video call today. No link came through so luckily I phoned, only to be told that I should have organised a referral, grrr why didn’t you tell me that a month ago I said sotto voce. A hurried text to Bob should have fixed that I hope.

It was so lovely to see the enthusiasm of the crowds who gathered at some god-awful time of the morning to celebrate the opening of the M1 rail link yesterday. (Why would they name it the same way as a highway? No I don’t know either, but it’s very confusing if you say you to someone that you are arriving on the M1). I am all for celebrating anything, but I probably (actually definitely) wouldn’t get up at 3 am to do it, but all power to those folks who did.

I am like the walking wounded at the moment with one sore foot, the opposite knee bruised and one arm very painful after the rose bush altercation. John changed the bandage for me which is damned awkward to do on your own. Suddenly I’ve gone to being an old lady and I don’t like it! Luckily I can still drive with no problems, though turning my left arm is more difficult than yesterday.

Eventually the video link with Dr. Massey materialised and we had a good three-way discussion, the upshot of which was that she considers it possible that the relatively slow progression of his disease is due to the Aricept, so she wants him to stay on it. I’m glad we went through the process. She says there are newer drugs available for Alzheimer’s but they are not yet approved by the TGA but she will contact us if that approval happens.

August 21, 2024

Went to sewing group at Louise’s with only Martha and Gaby attending. It was lovely sitting outside as it was unseasonably warm. I opened a jar of Pickled Watermelon Rind to go on a cheese plate I took and found it quite addictive, I’m still picking tiny bits off it off the empty platter now I’m at home.

Dr Massey’s rooms sent a bill for John’s consultation yesterday, $740 ($370 plus $370 outstanding) which I had a fit about, but when I rang it was actually an error so the payment was reduced by half thankfully.

Our friend Kevin has finally seen an end to his suffering and died yesterday. What a hard death mesothelioma is. It wasn’t even possible to speak to him for the last few weeks as he was too breathless to respond. Vale good man.

August 22, 2024

Why do I wake so early every time I set an alarm? I set it for 6 am and woke up at 4.30, apparently to make sure that I hadn’t slept in, which is just silly. It happens every time, though but I can’t undo the brain program. I arrived at Erko early for the school Book Week parade and open day. Some of the costumes were amazing including the one on our girl, but I am so out of touch with the books of this generation that I hardly recognised what character they were imitating. We are very lucky that there is such a good school nearby.

So let’s say that two men are on trial for fraud involving billions of dollars and after a 12 month trial they are acquitted. Then one dies in a yachting accident alongside his lawyer and a witness in the trial. A couple of days earlier the other accused dies in an unrelated motor accident, killed when hit by a car while out running. So both defendants dead, the lawyer and his wife dead and the witness and his wife dead. If this trial were in Russia everyone and his poodle would be telling us that it can’t possibly be a coincidence, and we would believe it, but sometimes extraordinary coincidences happen. I do wonder if we will see a slew of theories that agents of Hewlett Packard were working overtime? It is a tragedy all round but I will be very interested in what the authorities make of the cause of the sinking. Apparently the mast of the yacht was the highest ever built and one theory is that when it snapped the sheer weight of it in the water pulled the boat into such an angle that the ocean flooded in to doors and hatches left open in the heat. I know zip about boats but it seems logical. So what were the final words of the lawyer in a post about the acquittal before he went onto the ship: “And they all lived happily ever after…”

August 23, 2024

I was always planning to attend the sentencing hearing of the Justin Stein case today, along with my new friend Pam, but last night when I was dog-tired I discovered that it was in the city and not in Parramatta where the case was heard. In conversation last night with Pam (88 years old and full of go) I intimated that I may have to rely on press coverage as I’d spent the day in the city yesterday. However she unintentionally shamed me into going because nothing was going to stop her getting on the new Metro and heading in to town. I am glad to have her positive influence as she abashes me when I think something is going to be too hard and makes me believe that I may have another ten years of useful and enjoyable life after all. The summing up by ‘Mr Crown’ as the judge calls him (though she calls the defence barrister by her name) indicated that he believes this murder is in the worst case category and should deserve a life sentence. Defence had little positive to say except that it wasn’t planned in advance. I believe, on the basis of the judge’s questions, her comments, her body language and facial expressions that she will give him a life sentence, if not a never to be released one. Interestingly I was saying this to Pam afterwards in the court corridor when the defence solicitor was walking past and surprisingly he entered the conversation with the words ‘I think you are dead right, that is what we are expecting’. I’m guessing he feels freer to speak to outsiders now it’s in the judge’s hands, but I was still surprised by his comments. Although Stein has neither confessed nor explained what happened, I believe that he attempted to or did sexually molest the child who ran away to escape him, during which time he shot her twice and killed her with the second shot. She had his anti-psychotic medication in her bloodstream which could have been given to subdue her. I doubt we will ever know the answer for sure and it will be interesting to see if the judge speculates. Two peripheral matters from the day: Mr Crown’s robes fall down around his arms every time he gets up to speak and it annoys me, as it must annoy him, I’m thinking of buying him a safety pin and more importantly the balustrade to the spiral staircase up to the second floor of this beautiful heritage building is not legal, it barely comes up to my hip bone and considering my recent penchant for falling I held on to rail on the opposite side. But a tall person would be even more at risk and I’m amazed that they haven’t had to install a second higher railing which they did in the QVB, but only after a boy fell to his death.

Finished rereading J. D. Vance’s book Hillbilly Elegy and, just as the first reading, I enjoyed it immensely. There is a lot of thoughtful observation of people and society that makes me think that he’s no fool, so his support of Trump may just be politically convenient, perhaps hoping that the next assassin will be a better shot and he would end up as president? However towards the end of the book he is heading further towards religion and three years after it was published he adopted Catholicism. Raised evangelical, then briefly atheist, Vance was baptized Catholic in 2019. He has supported efforts in state legislatures to have schools display the Ten Commandments, has opposed no-fault divorce, and opposes support for transgender people. He supports Project 2025’s plan to criminalize porn, supports legal challenges to get prayer in public schools as well as being fiercely anti-abortion. Remembering John’s words from the past about Tony Abbott that he ‘wants to go back to the Middle Ages’, Vance as well as Abbott would like to push ‘classical education’ in schools and universities as well as reintroducing the Latin mass so it appears as if his latterly espoused views are more closely related to his conversion to Catholicism than to his ‘hillbilly’ extended family.

August 24, 2024

For the third Saturday in a row I took John to a park for a walk. First to Nurragingy, the next week to the cherry blossom festival and today to Fagan Park, the biggest of them and a really lovely space. Loved seeing the trees covered in lichen and listening to the whip birds in particular. Took some fruit, cheese and crackers and enjoyed morning tea au plein air. In the afternoon we made potato salad with anchovies and capers and carrot salad, the latter with some pickled watermelon rind and currants which prompted John to say that he was looking forward to First Saturday here tonight. He was quite surprised to find it was just part of our dinner ‘who’s coming?’ he asked, to which I replied ‘you’.

Since buying my old lady orthopaedic shoes online I have been deluged on Facebook every day with ads for all manner of shoes, all flat laceups. Seeing I didn’t buy them from a Facebook ad but from their website it just shows that every keystroke is monitored somehow, somewhere. I never usually buy things online but this purchase has been simple and foolproof considering I payed with Paypal who will refund if you are not happy, though the company offered free exchange or refund themselves, so I would deal with Axign again.

In years past I often went to see the Festival of Dangerous Ideas at the Opera House, but now it’s at Carriageworks which is so much more difficult to get to from here. The other reason that I am not going this time is that the ideas have become less and less dangerous, really most were pretty mainstream like The Case for Not Having Children for example. Perhaps in this cancel culture environment the fear of outrage keeps the lid on anything too dangerous, they certainly haven’t made me desperate to go as in past years.

The article in the Good Weekend recently on Michael Klim and his rare autoimmune condition was interesting to me as I’d tried to remember which disease a lecturer at the forensic science course had. Now I recognise it was CIPD or chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, something I never would have forgotten once. He was on crutches and really had to heave himself around, he didn’t seem long out of a wheelchair. I don’t understand why it affects just the leg muscles, something else to read up on.

August 25, 2024

I have been seriously considering going on my own to Bowral for the Tulip Festival, but going just before it formally starts, to beat the crowds and the higher accommodation costs. I decided to mention it to John to see his reaction and he was somewhat disappointed, so I have rethought the plan and now I will take him as well. My concern was partly that last time we went there he thought that I had moved him to a different nursing home and was very concerned that it was too far away for me to visit him. But the counter argument is that he is currently the best that he will ever be, so I just need to keep explaining that it’s a holiday and everything will go back to normal afterwards.

Tomorrow is the Stein sentencing which I am looking forward to in one way, but also sad about. No winners there, particularly sad for the grandparents who made what proved to be a life-changing decision with the very best of intentions. He commented on Friday that some family members still blame him and his wife and he doubts that the family rift will ever be righted. He is also divorced from his daughter for understandable reasons. Also Stein is schizophrenic which complicates things as how do we know what that feels like and what lapses of judgment accompany it, but you can’t let someone with his criminal history out on the street. I mentioned schizophrenia in another context last week at a social gathering and someone there arced up immediately and defended schizophrenics from criticism, saying that her son suffered with the condition but was a gentle soul. I’m sure that is true, but I did have two shop customers with the condition and I was afraid of both of them. One subsequently assaulted and injured a stranger while waiting to see a doctor at Windsor Hospital emergency and the other became very aggressive when I wouldn’t buy something he had picked up at a charity shop. I was on my own on a quiet Saturday afternoon and had to grit my teeth through the verbal abuse and ignore him as he revved up and down the street at speed to punish me for my sins. Two out of two (not counting the many in court proceedings) has made me wary.

August 26, 2024

The sentencing comments for Justin Stein’s murder charge went from 11.30 am to 1 pm, during which he sat placidly (I see the Daily Mail reporter said nervously, but I didn’t see any sign of that). What was going on in his mind, knowing even before she spoke that he would serve somewhere between 25 years and his whole life in gaol? I can’t even imagine, but he showed no reaction at all. Perhaps he was medicated. The judge listed his sad and troubled life in a very well off family, attending Cranbrook (where he was expelled in year 9 for abusing the headmaster) and Kings. He told a psychologist that he started using drugs at age 11, was on heroin by 15, and reported a poor relationship with his father. He has had repeated charges involving drugs, including some leading to gaol sentences, and has entered Odyssey House and numerous private hospitals for treatment for addiction. He claims that he uses drugs because they ‘block out the voices’ yet none of his psychiatric reports definitively mention schizophrenia. However an ambulance officer who took him to hospital reported him ‘talking to people who weren’t there’. The judge was quite critical of the most recent reports done this year while he was in prison, where a big section of the report seemed to have been cut and pasted from one done in gaol in 2017. What a total waste of a life, before we even get to his victim’s short life. There were a number of her relatives present, yet they didn’t sit together, nor did they speak at the end of proceedings, family rift indeed. I feel very sad for them but also sad for Justin at just 33, in some ways it would be kinder to let him die.

August 27, 2024

My Melbourne friend Antonia, whom I’ve never met but I think is about the same age as me, commented on my email in which I told her that I had fallen into a rose bush: ‘First of all, you didn’t fall, old people fall, you tripped on a stone, slipped on a banana peel, but never ever say fall’. She always gives me a good laugh. It’s true that medical people get a certain look about them when they ask the question ‘do you ever fall?’ I think it goes on a register somewhere and counts against you in the future. 

I seem to always be doing surveys, but I continue in the hope that it will change policy somewhere down the line. Every Wednesday I do the SMH one, just four questions with the results published the following Saturday. Yesterday I got a Morgan Poll set of questions by email and one was ‘If you got a $3000 bill tomorrow, how would you pay it?’ Answers ranged from savings, which I ticked, to credit card, get a loan, sell some possessions, and on down the line probably including murdering your granny for the dough, but I didn’t go as far as the end. Then at 1 am my burglar alarm company texted to say that they had lost communication with the alarm system, so this morning I rang them and they talked about 4G and the age of the alarm (this one went in in 2011) and the fact that at the last free service the technician had disconnected the outside warning light and siren as it was cactus. I decided to get the whole thing replaced rather than keep paying for service calls when it malfunctions, as it did a couple of months ago. Well there ain’t much change out of $3000 so I think they paid Morgan to see if I were in a position to cough up the dough!

August 29, 2024

Got a call from Kiama only to find that it was an ‘epidemic warning’ with some dame asking me to choose a language via the keyboard in which to hear all about it. I just don’t have time for an epidemic in my life right now so I hung up and will never know what dire end was going to befall me.

Silly Albo has buckled to Julian Leeser’s request for an inquiry into anti-semitism, but the definition of anti-semitism includes any criticism of Israel. As Leeser well knows, and Albo should know, Judaism and Zionism are not the same things and there are many Jews who are not supporters of the current Israeli government and support a Palestinian state. The gall of even asking for an inquiry with those terms astonishes me, but Albo is more to blame than Leeser who just tried it on and got lucky.

I have collected so many Spring leaves and flowers for pressing that I am running out of containers to put them in. The solution of course is to make cards with them as intended, but there never seems to be a day when I can just sit down and do it, certainly there were none in this week and the next few days are spoken for.

Baking cakes today, one for book group tomorrow and another for lunch on Saturday. The Swiss Chestnut and Hazelnut one suggests dusting the top with cocoa, ugh I don’t fancy that, but I can blow it off I guess or eat somebody else’s cake. The second is an Apple Cake, a lemon and almond kuchen with 12 quarter apples sliced part through Hasselback style and pushed into the top. I thought that the apples would be somewhat more cooked than they are, so I may need to serve it as a warm cake or pudding with a quick burst in the microwave to finish cooking the apples, though I notice that the picture looks just the same as mine so perhaps a bit if resistance in the fruit was intended.

August 30, 2024

It is dear Kevin’s funeral today but I am not up to going so I’ve arranged for John to have a computer brought to his room and set up before it starts at 10.30. He asked whether he will be able to speak to people but I explained that it’s just visual for him with no feedback. When I thought it through there are few of his friends left to attend, with one in Melbourne and one currently in New York, but he knows Pat who is the priest doing the service very well. Pat was a school friend of Kevin’s since kindergarten, it must be a hugely emotional task for him.

Reading about the PFAS chemicals in Medlow Dam in the Blue Mountains reminded me of staying with the family in a motel in Blackheath when the kids were about 4 or 5. We drank tap water as usual but I turned on the local radio station as we drove away to hear them constantly reminding people not to drink out of any tap due to a giardia infestation in Medlow Dam. No one at the motel had told us and I didn’t think about it much until I became violently ill a few days later and remained so for the next couple of weeks. Oddly no one else in the family caught it but I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, well perhaps I can think of a few people I’d wish it on now I think about it…….

Someone told me that you can turn on your phone’s light just by saying Hey Siri Lumos and it bloody works! I don’t even use Siri so it was a surprise, to turn it off you just say Nox. I guess it is through this sort of thing that mobile phones are tapped? I pity any poor cop being tasked to listen to my conversations for days or months. I still cringe thinking about poor William Tyrrell’s foster parents (poor William, not poor foster parents by the way) who were taped non-stop for 14 months in every room of their house, in both their cars and on their mobiles. All of this was transcribed as evidence, fascinating but creepy job that must be. I’m sure it must somehow have been done remotely as how would their Turramurra neighbours not notice a team of overalled bobbies breaking into the house to set up the bugs? The tapes were played in part at the court hearings for each of them for intimidation of a child and for assault. They were pretty shocking stuff, I felt intimidated just listening in the safety of a court. They are both control freaks, very dominant and scary people even to an adult. That poor child must have been damaged beyond repair to put up with that behaviour for years, prior to the police reporting them to FACS who immediately removed her.

September 1, 2024

Johnstuff: John is noticeably weaker, puffing just walking up my driveway from the back yard to the front when we were doing some watering this morning, also finding it hard to bend over or kneel down, just in a week. Seems strange, but I guess changes have to happen sometime, however his spirit and optimism remain the same.

The story of the poor folks stuck in the space station till next February after expecting to be there for just a few days reinforces my decision not to become an astronaut. I can’t even imagine the sense of terror, of claustrophobia, that situation would induce. I guess people are prepared for that sort of option but even so it must occur to them that they may never come down.

Loved the article in the Good Weekend about the Sydney marble sculptor Alex Seton. While I wasn’t over the moon about his rendition of a drop toilet, I absolutely loved the life jackets and the folded flags, just superb. Next time I go to Canberra I will visit both, though actually I remember now that the life jackets are in Adelaide, equals plane trip, equals unlikely, but never say never.

In another article on Rwanda, Blood and Toil, there was a monumental quote about their civil war and the monstrous genocide of 80,000 Tutsis: “The West knew what was happening, had been called on to help, and effectively did nothing – in fact, worse than nothing, because United Nations forces were on standby with a mandate to act but, for reasons too ancient to go into here, chose not to intervene. The commander of those forces, Canada’s General Dallaire, observed later that it was ‘the fear of Western world ­casualties in a country of no strategic or resource ­importance’. In short, he said, in the world of real­politik, ‘Rwanda didn’t count’.” A country of no strategic or resource ­importance, like East Timor and West Papua and Palestine and so many other places where we sit back and watch as their populations are gratuitously murdered.

John hasn’t heard anything from kin today but Heather came around with a card and gift for him and Michelle W. sent greetings, both of which gestures were much appreciated..

September 2, 2024

Watching last night’s news I was amazed that they didn’t make a big deal about the heat yesterday. It was after 8 pm that I happened to notice that the air conditioner was going, on the heat setting. I had left the doors open all day to try to cool the place down, but John was up when I got up at 7 am and he must have turned it on then. He has a funny idea of temperatures these days, constantly changing from sandals to shoes and shirts to jumpers. But on the bright side: over 6 months ago one of my set of Global knives disappeared. Bins were searched, every cupboard and drawer opened, as well as looking in the fridge and freezer, all to no avail. But yesterday John washed up and there was the knife, he had no idea where it had come from…..

Last night I watched Kevin McCarthy’s funeral again on Comcast and noted how frail the celebrating priest is getting. He struggled a bit getting up the three steps to the altar and his voice was much thinner than it used to be. He was forcibly retired at age 80 a few years ago, but he told us yesterday that he is used to slot in to different parishes when the priest goes on holiday for a couple of weeks or a month. He can’t drive any more so he trots off to the churches on public transport every day, which begs the question of why they made him retire from where he just had to walk from his house in the grounds of the church and where he hoped to see out the rest of his life? The upcoming churches are at Carnes Hill, Bonnyrigg Heights and Malabar, so all over the shop and none with train services. The other notable thing about Kevin’s funeral was the reading by our Minister for Indigenous Australians Malarndirri McCarthy. I assumed she must have been a friend of Kevin’s until Pat told me that she is the daughter of Kevin’s brother, I’m so slow that I hadn’t even connected the last name. She looked deeply affected by his loss. Comcast is such a wonderful tool for people unable to attend, I am looking into the possibility of using it for another upcoming funeral overseas but so far I’ve had no reply from an email to the funeral director, however I somehow doubt that it will be on offer.

I decided to contact ADT again as I was having second thoughts about the alarm upgrade and whether or not I should go ahead. So I just asked them to check the records and see how often the connectivity had dropped out, deciding if it was once I would cancel to wait and see if it was just a glitch, but if it was more I would go ahead. However it had happened three times over a couple of months (on specified dates) so I am going to go with the replacement. Luckily I decided that way as when I went to the front door to welcome a visitor there were two parcels of parts on the verandah to do the job. Why don’t delivery men knock any more? Because everything is contract so there’s no customer loyalty to worry about.

I think I am developing a salad addiction. Carrot salad with pickled watermelon rind has been a recent favourite, also potato salad (capers and anchovies a must), and any green salad with a dressing of olive oil, apple cider vinegar and honey. Today I had a sudden desire for coleslaw but instead of buying the ingredients I took the cheat’s way out and went up to El Jannah and bought a pack, can’t wait for dinner.

September 3, 2024

Audiologist this morning for the final testing of my hearing aids before he ticks off to Albo that they are with me permanently. Interesting test involved repeating back about a dozen sentences from a recording, first with hearing aids, then new sentences with ‘cafe level noise’ added, then repeating both types with no hearing aids. It turned out that I got 97%, 92%, 60% and 52% for the four tests, so clearly the hearing aids are doing a fantastic job. The Hearing Hub does a fantastic job and it’s great that I can park in their basement.

A friend was here for lunch on Sunday and reported that she was seeing a physiotherapist for neck, arm and back pain, to no avail. I relayed my experiences with that particular discipline in the past so she cancelled the next appointment and today went to a medico, only to find that she has shingles, exactly the same scenario as Sue’s brother who was having painful treatment for some time last year before going to a doctor. Our friend Terry went to a physiotherapist for almost 12 months while his undiagnosed cancer continued on its merry way untreated till he finally relented and went to a doctor, but by then it was terminal.

I understand our mate Justin Stein is to appear in Penrith Court on Friday for a Readiness Hearing which I think is to just to make sure that everyone is ready to proceed. The parties are required to complete a Certificate of Readiness prior to the case being heard. I can’t go but I doubt it will be more than formalities, however I am interested in what he is being charged with, something I can’t access online. If I am right about his motive in the Mutten child’s murder it may be something to do with viewing child pornography, but we shall see, it could also be to do with his firearms theft or drugs. Seeing he has a life without parole sentence it’s all academic anyway from his point of view.

September 5, 2024

I have been positively deluged with emails supposedly from Microsoft say that my email address is going to be cancelled because of all the spam emails originating from it, plus dozens more variations on this theme. They all ended up in my spam file but so did lots of other emails that were genuine, some quite important. It’s stressing me out so I’ve sent a random couple to Louis for his opinion. What a wonderful world it would be if all of the dishonest people just vapourised overnight. No locksmiths, no keys at all in fact, no security guards, hardly any police, just some for getting cats out of trees and attending accidents and natural disasters, no high fences, no razor wire, I can’t wait, it will be like the Rapture watching them all go up.

Yesterday I had brunch with Fran at bill’s, note no initial capital as per their preference, then went off to Woollahra to find, shock horror, that my favourite fruit loaf was out of stock, but an acceptable if not favoured replacement was purchased along with some other foodie bits that Maloney’s tempted me with. John’s treatment took a record 5 and a 1/4 hours, up from the usual 4. It used to be 3 but when they changed from US blood to Australian it lengthened the procedure by an hour for reasons no one could explain. Perhaps Aussie blood is more laid back and takes its time. I need to pick him up at the door which is a no standing area except for ambulances, so it was tricky when he he told me he was ready an hour before he actually was and then when I was parked in front he phoned to say ‘they’ve just plugged in another bottle’. Anyway it all worked out in the end as everything does, well almost everything.

Reading Miriam Margolyes autobiography and loving it. She seems to be a clone of her mother in many respects, her father was very socially conservative. Though one difference is that la mere was a snob and social climber par excellence whereas Miriam seems to find pals in all walks of life. She is very critical of some people she’s worked with or met socially, and not afraid to name names. There is no vague descriptions of the people who’ve pissed her off, she calls them out pointedly. Her sexual encounters are many and varied, with hilarious results in a few cases. Some of the lines in this book even shock me, which is somewhat hard to do! She writes: ‘I’m a repository of many confidences. People often tell me about things…..that they haven’t told anybody else’ and I can believe that with her openness to oddness. She talks about being a court watcher! ‘going to the Oxford County Court sessions to listen to the cases….I saw and heard details of crime close up’. This led to becoming a prison visitor and going to visit Broadmoor an institution for the criminally insane, saying that many of the inmates ‘looked as mad as snakes. They looked vicious and deranged and were nearly all murderers’. I laughed at her description of going to their carpentry workshop, full of saws and drills and screwdrivers. She got so interested in talking to the inmates that she didn’t realise that she’d be left behind alone with them, amongst all sorts of dangerous objects, something that would never happen these days. (I remember an inmate at the Mulawa Women’s prison cutting off someone’s head with a circular saw in the workshop, or was it her own head? it was some years ago, but in either case I’m glad I wasn’t visiting). I love Miriam’s stories, and her, to bits.

So Elle McPherson sought the opinion of 32 doctors before deciding not to have chemotherapy. This means nothing if we don’t know the stage of the cancer she had, plenty of docs don’t insist on chemo after a low grade cancer lumpectomy. But for those people who will only read the headlines and not think it through, she could be doing real harm by dissuading women who do need it. Who needs 32 doctors anyway? Someone who has a lot of money to waste I’d suggest.

I’m trying to focus on what Kenneth always said to me: ‘You’ve got to learn to com-part-mental-ise, there are lots of parts of your brain and you can just park something in one section until you have the ability or desire to deal with it’. He had to do that in his spy training, learning not to know things that were inconvenient at a given time was a useful skill for a spy and he was very good at it, but I think I’ve been a poor student.

September 6, 2024

This morning there was a beautiful, huge, fluffy, grey cat lying peacefully on my grass verge. It just looked as if it were sleeping there, but was very dead. I burst into tears only to be comforted by the lovely Umair from ADT who is here to install the new alarm system. (He assures me that the system is way past its use by date and it would only cause me trouble in the future if not replaced). That was comforting in itself, but more comforting were the words he used about the cat: ‘Maureen that’s just part of life, it happens to us all’. Somehow, although I knew that intellectually, his words spoke to me at a much deeper level and relieved my soul. Thankyou Umair, thankyou beautiful cat.

September 7, 2024

First day without my beloved brother in the world, his funeral was last night our time and I’m thankful that I was able to watch it live. I had emailed the funeral director asking if this facility were available but they said that the family hadn’t chosen it, however they then (cheekily I think, to get the 54 pound fee) bumped my email to Tanya who authorised it to be done. I watched it here and Davina watched from her place, having offered to come out here to see it together but I said no as it was quite late at night. Carly got a message from Dav but not in time to watch it live, however I have sent her the link. She rang me at 2 am and we had a long chat. Facebook memories came up this morning with photos of Kenneth, John and me walking around Haworth exactly 12 years ago today, a strange coincidence. I tried looking through the Facebook photos for more images of that trip but they only go back 10 years, though somehow they come up as memories from earlier than that.

I tossed up whether to go to First Saturday or not but decided to do it, getting a lift with Martha. I’m not sure it was a good decision as I struggled talking to people, though they probably didn’t notice. It didn’t help that I had already seen the lengthy presentation on polar bears before. My crispy vegetable stir fry seemed to have been through an oven or microwave many times till it was a dish of overcooked veggies and was then served cold, so I left that for others to struggle with and enjoyed mushroom tart and an egg sambo with side salad. By the time we were due to leave I was starting to fray at the seams, I should have driven myself so I could beat a retreat as needed, but it couldn’t be helped. A slice of raisin toast and a cuppa will do me for dinner and I will get up early to finish packing and prepare a simple picnic lunch for tomorrow.

September 9, 2024

The traffic gods were kind to me yesterday and we had a very good trip to Berrima with virtually no trucks on the road. Luckily I stopped at the Mittagong Tourist Information Centre because they told me that the Corbett Gardens where the tulips are will close today Monday for the setting up of the festival due to begin at the end of the week, so we had to see the tulips today, not tomorrow as planned. We had our picnic lunch at Mittagong and then booked into the Berida Hotel as planned.

September 10, 2024

I began typing yesterday’s post in our room after seeing that John was falling asleep during breakfast and after he said he felt unwell and needed to lie down, but the post was rapidly abandoned when I saw that even lying down he was breathless, was as white as a sheet and shaking. I went to the desk to ask for assistance to get him down to the car to go to hospital but once I went back up to the room it was obvious that he wasn’t going to be able to walk down a flight of stairs, so an ambulance was the only option. It was there in 10 minutes and they did an ECG, gave him two lots of drugs and chewable aspirin and carried him in a chair to the ambulance, despite one officer being about 8 months pregnant. I followed the few streets to Bowral Hospital and he was taken in immediately, tested for a heart attack, had multiple other blood tests and a chest X-ray done and then we waited for the rest of the day for the results. Not surprisingly, they showed that he had pulmonary oedema or fluid in the lungs due to heart failure, so I’m really glad that I took the ambo option as that’s a serious diagnosis. He was given a couple of injections for this and told that he would need to be on the same drug in tablet form from now on. He improved overnight but was still very puffy when we started to walk half a block to get some lunch in Bowral before driving back to Gracewood. Eventually I decided that we needed to drive to a bakery instead and thankfully got a park right outside. The hotel was fantastic yesterday, while we were at the hospital they collected all of our stuff and moved it to a much bigger room downstairs (at no extra cost), apologising that they couldn’t give us the Grand Suite because it was upstairs. The manager phoned in the evening and inquired on his condition, all in all a fabulous and warm response.

We were very lucky that we saw the tulips on Sunday as all hell broke loose on Monday. They were absolutely at their peak and I fear will be a little past it by the time the festival concludes. Personally I preferred seeing the gardens without the stalls and food outlets that they will set up by the weekend and I will go before the festival proper begins in future years. It’s hard to imagine how much time and money it would take to deliver that display, 80,000 tulips as well as other flowers like the delightful Hellebores with which I fell in love, I so love green flowers. This morning we went briefly to the emerging Botanical Gardens at Bowral, though John couldn’t walk far so we sat on a seat and looked out over the new garden with volunteers everywhere weeding, mulching, pruning, it doesn’t seem to have any staff that we could see, just a host of busy volunteers. I was taken with a green Hellebore plant and bought it for under the trees out the front. When I said I didn’t have much space in the garden because I had planted a lot of Agapanthus and Clivia the lady stepped back and said, somewhat jolted: ‘Oh, perhaps you could dig some out to make room for better plants’. Clearly my choices were considered infra dig to a seasoned gardener.

Another memory that comes to mind is at breakfast yesterday watching an older couple, aged in their 60s perhaps, trying to get a week’s calories in one meal. First it was fruit, then a large hot breakfast from the buffet, then an order of an omelette with ham, cheese, tomato and chili, followed by crumpets, toast and jam, then Danish pastries. I thought they were done, but no. They ordered pancakes with berries and icecream to top it off! I was agog. Today I felt virtuous as we ate just mandarins in our room for breakfast. I have cancelled everything I had planned in the next week including helping on council election day on Saturday and a bus trip next week, I am going to bring John home for the weekend instead (despite breaking the one night a week rule and having three, we can make up for it some other time) and visit him each day. It’s not that I don’t trust Gracewood staff but I just trust my own judgment more, I know what’s normal with him and what’s not.

September 11, 2024

In an unusual occurrence I emailed the Local Member Mark Hodges about the Dutton-like negativity of his newsletter article on the new Metro and within 10 minutes he was on the phone, reasonable and personable, to defend his stance. He ended up by saying ‘point taken’ and we parted on good terms. How unlike his predecessor, the ghastly David Elliott, who got nasty if you had the temerity to disagree with him, a point I made to Mark.

Although I totally agree with the demonstrators against the war machine conference in Melbourne, I can’t abide seeing police horses caught up in it. Throwing things at a horse doing its job is a low act, full stop.

I am glad for many reasons that I was not driving the Mazda that killed a senior member of the Bandidos motor cycle gang yesterday. Regardless of whose fault it was, and while I think that it would be horrifying to be involved in the death of anyone, it would have an added layer of apprehension when it turns out to be a Bandido. I remember racing to a bikie who had come off his steed near me, only to be abused because, as he told me, the damage to the bike was much more important than the damage to him. I couldn’t really do much about that and left him picking up pieces of it off the road.

John seems to be a bit better today, though Gracewood organised a physio to visit him last evening (I have no idea why) and she said he shouldn’t go out on his usual walks around the block with a companion until next week to allow the drug to start working. My observation in the hospital was that it worked within minutes, but whatever. Anyway I explained to John that he’d agreed yesterday to abstain from walking outside till next week, but of course he forgot that instantly and went out with Neville anyway at 10 to 2, a time rigidly adhered to by his companion. I decided to keep out of it and let them go.

September 12, 2024

From memory the day 10 years ago that William Tyrrell disappeared. John is still doing okay, my anxiety levels are still on a high but I guess will come down. I woke up at 2 am and didn’t go back to sleep. I can’t help thinking about the fact that I had planned to go to Bowral alone, but John wanted to come and thank goodness he did as if he’d got sick at Gracewood and just gone to bed things may have worked out very differently. But I can’t get bogged down in what ifs, she says while bogged down in what ifs. I took the discharge summary to Bb but they had already sent it by email, however I was there for the second shingles vaccine so that’s another job jobbed.

I have had three phone calls this week from Kenneth’s daughter Tanya, funny how the dynamic changes when you delete someone from the picture, now I’m her aunty and she seems to enjoy talking to me. I’ve sent her a couple of photos by email and she asked me if there was anything I wanted as she packs up the house, ‘only his stories’ I said, copies of which she can easily send electronically to save money. I took quite a few photos of me as a toddler and child to show him on my first visit to him (as he had asked me to) and he swiped them I realised later, but I guess I was flattered that he wanted them so much, and he usually got what he wanted. I passed Kenneth St going to see John and smiled, it will be Brother St from now on. I sent an email to John’s priest friend Pat, one of a few we’ve exchanged lately, mostly about all the parish work he’s doing despite being forced to retire. As I hit send I realised I had signed off ‘love Maureen’, perhaps that’s not the done thing, but it was too late by then. Swordfish baked in the oven with spinach, tomatoes and a cheese sauce for dinner, even if I only eat half it’s a step back to routine.

September 13, 2024

It puzzled me that Umair from ADT couldn’t replace the second smoke alarm because it was hard wired with 240 volts while the original one was just attached to the burglar alarm with 12 volts. So I rang the firies and as ever they were keen to help. Four of them arrived in a fire engine soon after and informed me that the second alarm was perfect, didn’t need replacing and even changed the battery so it works if the power goes off. What a gem firies and ambos are! Any questions? they asked at the end. ‘Yes, why is it that you guys and ambos are always so nice and yet the police come in two types, either lovely or really nasty human beings?’ I asked. ‘Oh we know just what you mean’, they said, all nodded furiously. ‘Well the nasty cops are the ones that didn’t pass the test to get into the fire service’, one replied. ADT are going to refund the price of the second alarm, so happy me.

John has had another small setback. A staff member from Gracewood rang to say he was walking unsteadily, quite wobbly, and when they checked him he had high blood pressure and has been confined to quarters. Mmm that didn’t sound right, he has low blood pressure normally and the new drug would make it more so. On personal investigation, it turns out he had LOW blood pressure which made much more sense. I’m hoping that they still let him come home for the weekend, but I will argue that case if and when it happens.

Years ago, 15? 20? when I had my DNA done I was matched as a cousin up with a man in South Africa and we correspond occasionally, still trying to work out our common ancestor. He is much more adept than I at this sort of thing but this week he wanted to know if I had any Taskers in my ancestors. Yes I do! Back in the early 1700s in Lincolnshire, on my mother’s side. I sent him all the details and he’s doing the research. His long later email described every family’s worst nightmare, the death of his grandson in a freak truck accident. He had just finished his final year at school and while deciding his future he was temporarily working for a family company, as a trainee mechanic. One of their articulated trucks returned early from its journey and parked in the normal place for the weekend. The driver switched off and submitted his paperwork but then decided to take the truck and fill-up with diesel ready for an early start. But the boy thought the truck was finished for the weekend and as he could hear air escaping from the rear of the trailer and always being eager to please, he went under to try and determine where the air was leaking from on the air brakes. The driver, not knowing that the boy was under the truck, pulled away and crushed him under the rear trailer wheels, killing him immediately. They think that he didn’t hear the truck start up again due to the noise of the leaking air. It is hard to know what to say to someone you’ve never met in such horrendous circumstances, but he says his wife and daughter are crying day and night and sometimes he is too.

September 14, 2024

I was a bit shocked when I picked John up, he was more confused than usual and Cecilia told me that he was very breathless and to bring him back if he got any worse. She also asked what we were doing for the weekend, suggesting that we not go too far from a major hospital, she was very happy when I said we would spend it at home. Mmm if I had heard anything about tomorrow’s meet-up in the mountains, which I haven’t, it would be off anyway. This afternoon it was touch and go whether to take him to hospital again but then he improved slightly. I think he’s safer here than at Gracewood as there isn’t a doctor readily available at weekends.

September 15, 2024

Had a leisurely and happy breakfast of a pot of tea and toast but before we even got to opening yesterday’s papers John decided to have a shower and that set off his breathlessness so badly that I got quite worried. He was still puffing 10 minutes later and said he felt as if he were going to pass out. When I asked if I should take him to hospital the answer was a definitive yes, so I hared down the M2 to RNSH where his cardiologist is a staff professor and wheeled him into emergency. We waited less than 5 minutes and were soon ushered to an acute bed, then to X-ray. The doc came back with the same news as Bowral, heart failure, which was not unexpected. He was given the same IV drug which helped there as well as a couple of others which I’ve already forgotten. I’m not sure where we go from here as he can’t keep going to emergency and being pumped with the stuff and clearly the tablet form isn’t doing the job. He got a bed in the cardiac ward and tomorrow will see Gemma or her team. It is going to be hard for the staff as at one point they asked him why he was there and he said ‘for bowel surgery’, which would have been the right answer decades ago. His nurse is named Manon, the same as a favourite little French bolthole in the city, a silly fact that pleased us both.

September 16, 2024

Bob rang at 7 am and I burst into a flood of tears then and afterwards, from discussing the merits and demerits of a ‘do not resuscitate’ order. But John is looking much better today and was up walking around when I got there. Compared to yesterday that qualifies as a Lazarus, courtesy of the IV drug. Now we just need to get that amount or something like it into him via tablet. A couple of weird asides: the lady who yesterday wheeled John up to the ward kept her lips tightly shut and didn’t engage with us but when a staff member went by and greeted her she was forced to respond and her top teeth were at a 45 degree angle outwards. I’ve seen buck teeth but this was something else, it must make eating a bit problematic but I think she is way too old for it to be corrected. Yesterday in the paper there was an article about a woman being badly bitten by a pitbull on the North Shore and as a result of the dog bites she had a heart attack. I’m sure she is in the next bed to John, she certainly looks like the woman in the photo and always has a sheet pulled up over one shoulder. He hasn’t seen Gemma yet and the nurse said he was being looked after by another doctor, which seemed odd, so I went to her office and asked if she was away. No, she just does procedures on Mondays and her acolytes are looking after him. Home at 5 exhausted for no good reason, but it’s my TV night tonight so I can veg out.

September 17, 2024

Home at 5.30, it’s a bugger of a trip at that time of the afternoon with the sun in your eyes. When I got to the hospital John was asleep so I let him be, but then thought it would be a good time to try to speak to one of the doctors. She was working on a computer so I indicated that I would like to speak to her, but no hurry. An hour and a quarter later we had a brief chat. She thinks he may be discharged tomorrow, but it depends on the result of an echo they did today. She is doubling the dose of the tablets he was put on in Bowral and hopes that will be enough, however it can be increased even further. Got back to John who was still asleep but then a chap came with a wheelchair to take him away for another test, so it was a pretty disrupted day as far as visiting time went. Those nurses are on 12 shifts, I don’t know how they do it.

September 18, 2024

This has become a hospital blog, as it was 10 years ago when I started it. John has been moved out of cardiac care and into a ward. The cardiologist has been and doubled the drug Bowral Hospital put him on as well as adding three more! One is a diabetes drug and he doesn’t have diabetes, so it must have other properties that help his heart, but the other two I didn’t recognise. Still no call from Gemma, so I think I can forget about getting one now. He seems quite chipper and has acclimatised to being there.

I wanted to get all the details about the council election results but with everything going on I’ve only discovered a few things, that Clover is back, that the Libertarians picked up a lot of votes from absent Liberals and via a message today I found that one of our Hills for Yes 23 group has been elected, so welcome Councillor Tina Cartwright. The rest is a mystery.

I wonder whether the Israeli Mossad squad responsible for the death and maiming of nearly 3000 people in Lebanon and Syria were high-fiving when they heard that the results of their evil plan had been so successful? What a heinous, clever and depraved plan it was, to kill people going about their business, buying their food, visiting their friends, with not a care in the world about who else is mutilated. If that’s what it takes to win I’d rather lose.

September 19, 2024

Woah, the folks who control the universe are having a beano with us at the moment. Last night I came down with a respiratory infection so I can’t go to see John today in case I pass it on, but he says he doesn’t feel as well as he did yesterday ‘for reasons I can’t articulate’ so perhaps I have already done so before my symptoms became apparent. Of course we could both have picked it up hanging around in two different hospitals. RNSH rang just now to get me to come and pick him up but I had to tell them that they need to organise Patient Transport. I had already warned somebody there earlier today that I am unable to get him, but no one was sure if he was being discharged today or not, so clearly my message hadn’t got through to the right person. A pharmacist rang this morning and said John was ‘antsy’ because I hadn’t turned up to visit, despite two phone calls to him explaining the situation. Everything was so simple yesterday and he was looking up.

6 pm and John informs me that the bus can’t get there till 9 pm, so he’s going, but not for a while yet. This morning he was upset with his breakfast ‘oh so what is it?’ I asked. It was fruit salad and pancakes! I pointed out that this is a pretty high end breakfast and he agreed to eat it but reminded me that he has porridge at Gracewood. I tried to avoid going out but even though I thought I had every drug known to man here (never throwing anything out) I have nothing for cold and flu symptoms, so I dragged my carcass up to the pharmacy and got the one Shariff recommended. Weirdly, it works a minor miracle in about 20 minutes, no headache, no sinus pain, no runny nose, no sneezing……but 20 minutes after that they all come back! A bit of a waste of time but nice to have 20 minutes of freedom I guess.

I will watch the news but the TV will be in danger if they talk about our gubment abstaining in the vote put up at the United Nations by the Palestinians. Hang your head in shame Penny and stick your head in a paper bag Dutton (even better a plastic one).

September 20, 2024

John is back safe and sound in Gracewood, but because I couldn’t pick him up he had to wait on the patient transport service, something I’m very grateful for. He is luxuriating in all the space he now has, his own room instead of a similar sized one for four people and plenty of community space including a small garden to wander around in. I am forced to trust that all his new drugs are working and interacting well, he certainly sounds okay.

I got up this morning at 7.30 am, decided to lie down again ‘for a few minutes’ about 9 am and was just woken up by a phone call from a Gracewood nurse at 1.30 pm, the few minutes having stretched out to many hours. I am trying not to beat myself up for all the things that I could have done in that time, as realistically I know I wouldn’t have done any of them.

When I had a cuppa with a slice of fruit cake for lunch I was astonished to find a cherry seed in it, the first time ever I’ve seen one in a glace cherry. For some reason I felt as if I had won something. It reminded me of all the cans of Heinz Baked Beans in Ham Sauce that I consumed over decades, just because the flavour of the sauce was so good. But one day after eating them for 30 years I got a piece of ham and I can remember writing down the date in my diary as some sort of celebration, Ham Day. Well today is Cherry Stone Day and I’m just as chuffed.

I read an article in which J. D. Vance admitted making up many of the stories he recounts. It is astonishing that someone would admit to (and attempt to justify) making up stories about powerless and vulnerable people to try to win an election. He says that it is up to journalists to work out which of his stories are true. But if that were not enough, I saw another article on the ABC about the black Trump-supporting nominee for Lieutenant-Governor of North Carolina who identifies as a Black Nazi and says: “Slavery is not bad. Some people need to be slaves. I wish they would bring it back. I would certainly buy a few.” He pities the fact that the KKK doesn’t allow black men to join. From what swamp do they dredge these people up?

September 21, 2024

Up before 6 am, courtesy of all that sleep yesterday! Still under the weather but fit enough to sift through a whole bunch of court cases, ICAC hearings and inquests to decide which three I will use in the First Saturday talk. Not an easy task, but I must remember that not everyone is as addicted to this stuff as Alan and I are, so we need to limit how long we speak and how many different cases we present. The difficulty will be in the gleaning, not in finding things to talk about, there is no shortage of fascinating human dramas to choose from. In one case I was reading over and that I’ve chosen, it only just occurred to me that every person involved, from the victim to each of the varied perpetrators, was a criminal with a criminal brother. One of them admitted to being a ‘fourth generation criminal’ and in every case the villain was aided and abetted in the offence (or at least supported after the fact) by his brother. What to do with people where crime is part of the everyday functioning of a family? Where doing the right thing is thought of as weak? I’m not sure, but it did stop me in my tracks to reread the notes and remember that one of these brothers lives in Castle Hill. How simple it once was to just look up the White Pages to find an address. However are they any different to the Plymouth Brethren families who are directed to “spoil the Egyptians (non-Brethren people, governments and businesses) by charging the highest possible price to take their money” and to maintain an “utter hatred of the outside world”. Crime families come in all stripes, they are not necessarily murderers.

Hopefully by tomorrow I can safely scoop up John, who would chase a fellow down the street to tell him that he had dropped a coin. He had the opportunity to go on a tour of the Powerhouse Museum at Castle Hill this arv, but was quite content to just colour in instead.

September 22, 2024

I have met Lily Arthur a few times and was both shocked and delighted to see that her story was on the front page of this week’s Good Weekend. Although I remembered the basics of her life story, seeing it described in detail was gut-wrenching. The theft of her child was not just cruel and heartless, but totally illegal, and has ruined her life. The steps taken by the Catholic Church to prevent her marriage to her son’s father reminded me all over again why I dislike religions of all stripes, who manage to inflict pain and misery in the name of their Christ, Allah, Buddha or whoever. The gems who are within a church framework, looking at you Bill Crews, are people who are doing wonderful things despite the values of religion, not because of them. The allegations of private hospitals ‘giving’ children to mothers who had had a still birth are chilling and doctors playing god is something I had heard of before. Two people that I’ve met socially are quite proud of having worked in hospitals where they helped to find ‘good homes’ for these children of ‘girls in trouble’. The ‘trouble’ was actually in the attitudes of them and their ilk, but when it has been raised I’ve chosen to stay silent and not tarnish their positive self-image with views that they would never understand.

The weekend paper was certainly worth its cost this time with the wonderful article from Louise Adler, which unfortunately is just going to earn her more abuse. The ideas expressed seem to me to be the bleeding obvious, but not to a committed Zionist obviously. She is a good egg and I admire her bravery.

Picked John up this morning and it is patently obvious that he is far from his old self. I needed to carry his bag, jacket etc into the house as just walking in from the car was as much as he could manage. The wonder drugs are keeping him alive, but certainly not returning him to what he was a couple of weeks ago. I need to look again at various plans in the near future as clearly he can’t walk very far at all now. The first is that in a couple of weeks he was going to take me out for lunch for my birthday (which he has told me a few times is ‘in a couple of weeks on March 8’ and it involved a 500 metre walk from the bus stop in the city to the restaurant. Clearly that’s not on, so we’ve been tossing around some alternatives over lunch and currently Garfish at Manly is winning, where I can drop him at the door and then go to find a park, however it might be tricky to leave him on the street, though perhaps I can ring them from the car so he can go straight to the table. I need to keep an eye out for a free or cheap collapsible wheelchair for taking him out, otherwise the restrictions are too onerous. Mmm… I just had the brainwave that perhaps Gracewood could lend us one for the days he comes home? Things are not going to be simple from now on.

Yesterday I got a text and then a call from Gracewood to say that his hospital discharge notes had mentioned his monthly IgG infusions and they were ringing around departments at RNSH and St. Vincent’s trying to find someone who knows about this and what it entails. ‘Why didn’t you just ring me?’ I asked and it turned out that according to the notes an agency nurse had rung me and I’d said I knew nothing about it. I’m not sure which Maureen she’d rung, but certainly not this one. The nurse told me she’d also asked Gracewood’s doctor who knew nothing about it either!! This despite his going one day every month for the last 4 or 5 years, including the whole time he’s been at Gracewood. Aye aye, sometimes you can see systems failures that haven’t caused a disaster yet, but easily could have done. Anyway I know if I tell Cecilia or Bisa something it will be sorted with 100% certainty.

September 23, 2024

I see there were plenty of complimentary letters to the Herald regarding Loise Adler’s terrific piece, but of course the big headline had to go to the pro-Israel guy. I’d like to the see the figures about the relative number of letters, but of course we’ll never know that.

Yesterday as we were coming home I stopped at the new Woolworths near Gracewood and noticed a chap driving a very flash silver car that I’d never seen before. Of course because I’m a gig I had to ask him what it was and it turned out to be the latest model Corvette. It is so low to the ground that it has a button to press that raises it to go over speed bumps! How bloody ridiculous, but anyway, I must admit it is aesthetically very pleasing, if ridiculously priced and impractical. I Googled it last night and discovered that there isn’t much change out of $400,000. I said to the chap that I’d always thought that people who buy two door cars don’t have any friends, but he replied that must be doubly the case with him as he owns two two-door sports cars. I would have loved to ask what type of crime he specialises in, but as we’d had a laugh together I decided not to push my luck. Love random moments.

Today I finally had the ceiling painted in the back room where water got in last December. After months of haggling with the GIO who have always been very good about claims, they finally got sick of me and offered $400 cash, which I accepted. I had two quotes, $450 and $150, from two very different fellows. Seeing it was the cheaper fellow I liked, I went with him and I’m very happy with the job, the man who did it and the fact that I now have a painter to use if I need one. Win, win, win.

John made it through the weekend okay but could not have carried his bag into Gracewood on his own. Luckily I took it upstairs and met the physio who began trying to get him to accept the use of a walker. After some reluctance he accepted it ‘as a trial’ when she explained that having something to lean on will lessen his breathlessness. I had no need to bring up the wheelchair option as yesterday Tania rang wondering why I’d gone quiet of late. After telling her about John having been in hospital she announced ‘If you ever need a wheelchair I’ve got one in the garage and you could have it for as long as you like’. Thanks to whomever is listening in to my conversations and reading my blog entries.

(April 1, 2020 to November 30, 2020)

April 1, 2020

Not making any April Fools calls today, I think we are all the April Fools for trusting our governments to protect us from what was always just over the horizon. As I wrote here in January: ‘I continue to shake my head at the lacklustre Australian response to the corona virus outbreak. While the scientists are doing amazing work, as usual, the policy makers and their publicists stumble along. Potential pandemics, as this clearly is, need action that is both strong and meteorically fast’. Luckily for their residents Singapore understood this and acted accordingly, including having a fully stocked 300 bed pandemic hospital sitting empty, waiting for just this occurrence. Had we had a similar hospital set up (and we can afford it) we would now have it occupied by those initially infected, with no community transference occurring. But experts like Prof Raina McIntyre, who workshopped this eventuality with international colleagues in a week long conference just last November, were ignored. As usual the government gets off scot free and the populace pays bigtime for their mistakes, pays in lives and pays in money, more money than ever we could have imagined. A stitch in time Scotty, didn’t your mother ever tell you that proverb?

One of John’s ex priest mates helpfully sent around to their group Pope Francis’s Urbi et Orbi Vatican speech, retelling the story of Jesus sleeping in the helm of a little boat when it hit rough weather. The disciples woke him in a panic and he replied famously ‘why are you afraid, oh ye of little faith’. Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves and it was completely calm. Perhaps they won’t be expecting his reply: ‘I’m not going to read any nonsense about Jesus and corona virus. If Jesus is in charge, why did he let it happen in the first place? Stay safe boys. The only people who are going to save us from this plague are ourselves and our wonderfully skilled and dedicated health professionals.’ He has certainly left that culture waaay behind.

April 2, 2020

I was looking forward to gardening this morning but a neighbour across the road, who obviously doesn’t smoke inside and pads the pavement with her cancer sticks, was on the prowl. She came over straight away and gave me her news ‘Did you know that between 5 and 14% of people carry coronavirus naturally in their blood, so what we are seeing is all the false positives from those people and we are being kept inside as a result?’. It is so true what Elizabeth used to tell me in the shop, I thought: ‘You are a crazy magnet’. So I gently disagreed with her and her retort was: ‘Yes most women would agree with you but men see through what we are being told’. Ah, not only unscientific I am, but a woman to boot. Then she went on about vaccination not being the answer, so I suggested that we do nothing and let it rip, killing off the weak and susceptible. She was nodding in agreement when I remembered I had left something on the stove….. Shit, I can’t even go into my front garden in peace now.

I was thinking about which things we are loath to give up in our current situation and how we are altering our lives in regards to consumables. I am certainly using up all the stuff that was too good or too new to be used, so the packets of bath salts and lip gloss and chutney in pretty packaging that I had been gifted over

time are being ripped open and used. Treats like the more expensive Kumato brand of tomatoes, black skinned beauties, are now bought despite their higher price. (This is both a taste and an aesthetic choice, they look sooo beautiful that I smile as I put them on crackers for lunch). However there are some things I refuse to give up such as Epicure cheese, which Kevin managed to score for me at Coles North Rocks today, and which was home delivered by Michelle. (She asked me for self-raising flour that he couldn’t get, but sadly I was out as well). At this stage of the pandemic I simply decline to eat any other cheddar, though I realise that may have to change one day. Likewise Chux, I could have bought purple ones but am hanging out for blue or green to tone with all my crockery and kitchenware, but if I must buy purple in extremis they will need to be kept inside a cupboard, wet or not. Similarly bread, bought from a good bakery, will be among the last things I surrender, Tip Top will not be entering this humble abode until we are barred from leaving our homes and have the doors welded shut. Which is not out of the question I have to say.

April 3, 2020

John’s neighbour, who has now lost her job and in the past occasionally caused us to connect our heads to the wall forcefully, has come into her own in this crisis. First she insisted that she do all his shopping as well as things like going to the Post Office or to the chemist for scripts. She also has him on a short lead, ringing him if she hears his garage door going up to ask ‘why are you going out?’. Yesterday his excuse that he was off to get a flu vaccination apparently passed muster and he was allowed to proceed. Davina has decided that because of my immune system issues I am taking too many risks by going out shopping at all, even walking to the corner IGA for milk as I told her I was going to do this arv. So they will deliver for me tomorrow and after that I will use priority delivery from Woolies, current wait 2 weeks! The jaws of the coronavirus trap are closing slowly but surely. Going to Bob’s surgery was certainly different, with patients needing to line up outside for temperature checks and symptoms quizzes, only allowed in at the exact appointment time. Then Bob did our injections himself because ‘I don’t want you sitting in the waiting room with sick people until the nurse can see you’. We go back in 2 weeks to have the Pneumovax, of course not effective for coronavirus, but preventative for 23 types of bacteria that could cause bacterial pneumonia as a complicating factor.

It occurs to me that coronavirus could very well equal creeping socialism. Whereas weeks ago the government called the idea of subsidised pre-school education ‘communism’ they have now made it altogether free. Jobseekers were dole bludgers, now they are suffering Australians. The idea of evicting unemployed tenants is not on, hoarding is infra dig when once it would have been boosting the economy, private hospitals are being temporarily taken over by the government, discussions of nationalisations abound, soldiers are helping manufacture needed supplies. Well I never, so it’s true that every cloud has a silver lining.

April 4, 2020

We all need something to look forward to and my thing at the moment was Mondays when I ventured out, early and briefly, to buy those things that I can’t order in. But both my daughters are of the view that I am playing Russian Roulette. So today the family turned up with a heap of groceries on the proviso that I don’t even walk down to the corner IGA in future. I know a number of others in the same situation, including John whose neighbour keeps him honest, watching out her window to ensure compliance. I think I probably need that policing as I am already thinking wistfully of Monday, oh the bakery…..and what about KOI where my weary carcass has not been sighted in all of two months? Not dead though, so there’s that.

One good thing about the current situation for me is that I am now using all the things that were ‘too good to use’ or had to be held back for some impending emergency… so this evening I used the Molton Brown bubble bath left over from our last visit to Treasury on Collins and stepped into my best fancy hotel pyjamas, now known as my everyday pyjamas. Pity you weren’t here to smell and to see but there you are.

April 5, 2020

Spoke to my bro last night and as usual he is the most un-medical person I’ve ever come across. Doesn’t have any interest whatsoever, even when it pertains to him and he doesn’t ask questions when he goes to the doc. Have you had a flu vax? ‘I don’t know.’ He’d told me his daughter brings groceries twice a week but I know a lot of it goes to feed squirrels and foxes…..and he has a cold. Okay, so you’ve not been going out? No I haven’t he says, apart from getting the bus into Halifax last week. Telling him that it might not be just a cold is a complete waste of time. He did mention though that the daughter who works in a Bupa nursing home has complained that they have no protective equipment. None at all? I asked. That’s what she said, he replied. This is the daughter coming twice a week with groceries, but I can do nothing from here I’ve decided, apart from gritting my teeth and ringing more often. The saddest thing I’ve heard in the last few days, and we are all hearing plenty, was the black American bus driver complaining in a Facebook post about the woman on the bus who had coughed all over him. I must admit I had been concerned about the fact that during the post he was constantly wiping sweat from his face and it’s not particularly hot anywhere in the US right now. I actually looked up temps in various places in the hope I would find a heat wave somewhere, but no. It was a giveaway that he wasn’t well, but I tried to imagine he’d just had the bus heater turned up, sadly no. Three days later he was dead. The story today of Ged Kearney’s father-in-law was sobering. He had panic bought and they had teased him for filling the cupboards for just him and his wife. But he had ventured out to the shops, just twice, and that was enough for infection and death. How unlucky can you be? It’s a tenacious little bastard this virus, you have to give it that.

April 6, 2020

It is a funny thing but the more I am restricted in what I can do, the more I think of to write about when I sit down at the computer. Anyway one funny thing is that I noticed that the latest script for hydroxychloroquine, Donald Trump’s purported cure for coronavirus, which I have been taking on and off for 8 years is marked ‘take in the morning with food’. I always take it at night so, being a curious person, I asked Dr Google why I should change and the answer came back that it can cause nightmares which is less likely if it’s taken in the morning. Ah, I have had a few nasty ones lately so I will be trying something that simple to avoid another.

I am having increasing doubts about NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller. He was Mr Nice-and-Helpful early on but now he seems to be enjoying the spotlight a tad too much and I worry that he may be becoming Commissioner Full-of-Himself. His blustering about Carnival Cruises indicates that perhaps he’s already holding them responsible for the Ruby Princess disaster, even before the ‘criminal investigation’ into the matter has barely begun. Can anyone really believe that he will find his boss, the NSW Government, was responsible? Or the woman who appointed him, Gladys Berejiklian? The government clearly knows where the blame lies and if it wanted us to know it would have appointed someone outside of its sphere of influence. My money is on Carnival being called out as the culprit, regardless.

April 7, 2020

I was curious as to how I made the mistake of not reading the label on the drug I take which the script now says must be taken in the morning. But I found a repurposed bottle and it simply says to take one a day, so no-one had told me otherwise. It gives me the creeps that it is working on my brain and thinking as well as whatever else (perhaps I can use this as an excuse for something down the line) but I didn’t have a nightmare last night so that’s an improvement. I had put them down to a subconscious anxiety about coronavirus, which I think I am handling reasonably well at a conscious level. I teared up though when I heard that Boris Johnson had gone to intensive care. He is a goose, but to get to that position which he’s aimed for his whole life, and which his father also coveted, only to be struck down at the peak of his powers is mammoth. His statements about only having mild disease showed how totally out of his depth he was/is about the course of this virus, the progression of which basically seems to fall into three phases: Week 1, mild symptoms for almost everyone Week 2, either progression to serious disease or gradual improvement Week 3, either deterioration to ventilation and possible death or else recovery. Clearly he just didn’t understand the thing when he happily admitted to shaking hands with victims, but ignorance shouldn’t bring a death sentence. The chief health officer of Scotland has been sacked for twice retreating to her holiday cottage against their current laws and also the health minister of New Zealand has barely escaped sacking for going out bike riding on one occasion and for taking his family on a bushwalk, after a drive 20 km from home, on another. NZ’s PM has promised punishment and says he deserves to be sacked but she can’t put in a new health minister in the middle of a pandemic. These people were both responsible for giving out the segregation message publicly, as was Boris, but it just shows the delusion that the rules don’t apply above a certain rank. Which brings me in a natural segue to Pell. I grieve for his victims, including those who came forward last week in the last episode of Revelation. No-one could ever look at their faces and see a liar, just as the jury said about the victim at Pell’s trial. But he could afford the best of barristers, and as I have seen happen many times before, the best of barristers can get a defendant walking swiftly out the door scot free as John Marsden did a few times for Ivan Milat. The serial killer didn’t slow down afterwards, such was his compulsion to kill, but Marsden gave him the opportunity to go on to murder many more. John Marsden said he had always been plagued by his decision to represent Milat on rape charges in the 1970s, saying on his deathbed that the backpackers might be alive today if Milat had not been acquitted. Solicitors and barristers are between a rock and a hard place in representing people they know or suspect are guilty and Marsden took his own responsibility to his grave.

April 8, 2020

Some silliness in a sea of death and misery can only be a good thing, right? So I set my mind to finally deciding between my two toy boy candidates of the moment, Hamish Macdonald from the ABC (yes I know he’s gay, but I don’t choose to complicate matters) and Chris Moller of Grand Designs NZ. The problem is that on Monday nights Hamish is far away the winner, but then I watch an old episode with Chris and I’m back with him. What a lovely problem to be having.

I’m currently reading Thomas Keneally’s novel Three Cheers for the Paraclete from 1968, one of two he wrote based on his time at St Patrick’s Seminary in Manly. Of course this is where John studied and he tells me that Keneally’s novels were well reviewed at the time but considered exaggerated, one review in the Bulletin reading ‘this is a metaphysical novel about a place that couldn’t possibly exist’, despite the fact that the characters were based on real people whom the seminarians could identify by name and the setting describes the seminary in detail. I go from grinning to sadness as he explains the dark, confined, narrow and oppressive surroundings and the people, who can be portrayed by the same words. Very much enjoying the book and I think I appreciate it more now than I would have when it was written, due to John’s horrific tales of the place. On the subject of Catholicism, I’ve read a fair bit over time about Pope Francis and tried to understand his difficult struggles with the Curia, but his indecent haste in coming out with support for Pell means I’ve written him off now and won’t waste my time and sympathy on him in future. Francis did not mention Pell by name at mass, but compared the suffering of those inflicted with “unjust sentences” to the way Jewish community elders persecuted Jesus with “obstinacy and rage even though he was innocent”, adding “let us pray together today for all those persons who suffer due to an unjust sentence because someone had it in for them”, so it didn’t take a seer to read his meaning. Dead to me now Franky boy, you’ve shown your true colours.

April 9, 2020

I woke up this morning completely oblivious to the fact that it was Easter as of tomorrow. I had thought all the Easter holiday warnings were in advance of next weekend. So I was more than a little pissed off, no Simnel cake made, no seafood or treats of any sort procured. I phoned John who didn’t know either but couldn’t care less, then the other phone rang and it was Michelle who told me she was shortly going up to the seafood market at Castle Towers. So the hand of something, ‘god’ or fate or serendipity or Lady Luck will do as explanation in this instance, pushed Michelle into the breach and not long after I was the adoring owner of one whole trout, some giant green prawns and 4 pieces of excellent barramundi. That should see Easter out with the trout baked for Saturday lunch with all the trimmings. I have been eating from my liberal stock of veggies all week so some seafood will go down very nicely. I had even sorted an order from the bakery for next week, thinking that it would cover me for Easter weekend, but I’ll let that stand now.

April 10, 2020

I’ve been waiting for a rainy day, and a few showers was close enough, to replant the naturally occurring Hypoestes plants that have self seeded along my driveway. These are the pretty shade-loving guys that look as if someone has splashed pink housepaint on them accidentally. I had two plants appear a couple of years ago down my driveway near the garage apparently from seeds washed under the fence from next door, but they don’t like the full heat of summer so I transplanted them into the front garden where they are doing much better. But now I have about a dozen more of them coming up from where I removed the first two, so this morning I moved every second one to the front and I will give the others a chance to remain where they are with some help by watering them in hot times. Love these donations from the universe so I will try to help them survive. After that I went out for a walk, which is tres ennuyeux in this area, and living on a ridge means a climb back up from wherever you go, which I suppose is a good thing in one way. But it goes to show what I have always thought, that if you can afford it you should live in an area of natural beauty such as along the beach or harbour or in the mountains because you have your recreation right at hand. Next life I am definitely doing that.

Decided to do Jamie Oliver’s Baked Whole Trout served with a potato, pea and broad beans combo with mustard sauce. The recipe is supposed to have a whole bunch of mint but sadly every time mine gets healthy some mint-coloured grubs descend on it and the whole bush gets eaten to soil level overnight, so perhaps it will be a bit bland I’m thinking now. More research may be needed for a new accompaniment. Bloody virus puts paid to everything when you can’t go to the shops or even ask your neighbours. Bah humbug.

April 11, 2020

The universe provided again in the form of Heather who rang for no reason (love people who ring for no reason) so I was able to ask if she had mint and yes, she had a motza. I said I would drive over to get it but she offered a bicycle delivery courtesy of her husband David, so that happened this morning just as I started the food prep for lunch. We lit a candle, in the middle of the day no less, had a lace tablecloth and cloth serviettes and really enjoyed the trout with an unusual veggie combination of potato, broad beans, peas, lettuce and mint, all served with a yogurt based horseradish sauce followed by baked custard and hot stewed plums. John then went for a SCAN, a senior citizens afternoon nap. I think coronavirus is knocking him around more than it is me, not the isolation, which he quite likes, but the fear factor.

I had trouble sleeping last night due to a silly thing, but the sort of thing that always leaves me wakeful. Yesterday I had a call from John’s closest friend about identification of the timbers on the mantelpieces in his Federation house. He mentioned that John had sent him an extract from my blog a few days ago regarding George Pell. John doesn’t normally read the blog, but was interested in looking at anything I wrote about Pell so I sent him just that day. His friend then mentioned that he’d seen a good interview from Sky News with Father Frank Brennan, a longtime defender of Pell in this case. He asked if I would read it (I haven’t as yet) and I see it popped into my inbox immediately after. Part of the interview deals with Brennan’s assertion that the accuser was defending his dead mate who was actually abused by someone else, somewhere else, not in the cathedral at all. In other words he was trying to punish the church by punishing Pell. I don’t know the source of his evidence for this but will look at the interview in due course. My lack of sleep was engendered by the fact that John’s friend is a beautiful person, intelligent, a deep thinker, yet he is in my opinion grasping at straws to find Pell innocent and if he of all people is doing that, then so many others in John’s circle are likely doing it too. I mentioned all the other accusers but he let that go and seemed locked onto this interview as evidence of innocence. It just made me feel disturbed and unutterably sad.

April 12, 2020

Night time is thinking time and a thought suddenly came upon me at 2am: Don Harwin, who was until yesterday a NSW government minister, is now a backbencher after being found in breach of current regulations regarding staying at one’s primary residence. He was sequestered at his holiday home on the coast, apparently in the company of a man recently returned from the UK, another breach if true. But what came to me was his physical presence: he has fairly suddenly become fat, not fat all over though, but just fat around the middle, something like a child’s swim ring. It didn’t seem quite right when I replayed in my mind the pictures of him being interviewed yesterday. Fat doesn’t float around when you walk and his did. So I think it is not fat at all but ascites, that dreaded accumulation of fluid that comes with cirrhosis or abdominal cancer or end stage heart failure. The latter is ruled out by his walking ability, but I think he could be in real trouble medically. I hope for his sake though that I’m proved in time to be talking through my hat. That happened once before, I think in 1970?

April 13, 2020

I finally got to looking at Frank Brennan’s interview on Sky News and replying to the friend who recommended it. A brief excerpt is as follows:

“Firstly, neither you, nor I, nor Frank Brennan heard the evidence of the complainant in all of this. The only ones who did were the judge and 12 members of the jury. Pell chose not to defend himself, as is his right. The Appeal Court and the High Court were discussing matters of law, not only matters of guilt. Secondly, he says that the witnesses for Pell and his movements had ‘no skin in the game’ which to me is a nonsense. Monsignor Portelli, the main defence witness in regard to Pell’s movements in the cathedral was an old friend and colleague. For five years he spent time as Pell’s ‘driver, editor, ghost-writer, ceremony-preparer and proof-reader’ and he and Pell worked together from Thursday to Sunday for 50 weeks a year, with Portelli putting onto computer all of Pell’s handwritten speeches because Pell is a technophobe. Hardly someone with ‘no skin in the game’ as he has frequently described himself as a close friend. The Appeal Court judges found that ‘in our view the jury were entitled to have reservations about the reliability of Portelli’s answers under cross-examination.’”

Somehow just typing about this stuff makes me want to have a shower. Everyone will choose which court to trust, but he has had his day thrice and as the lyrics of the old song declares “Now don’t be sad, ’cause two out of three ain’t bad”. Here endeth the Pell discussion.

April 14, 2020

Just finished reading Me, Myself and Lord Byron (2011) by Julietta Jameson, a sometime travel writer and journalist. My neighbour across the road lent it to me, I took it reluctantly, but I’d mark it as a fail. Her writing skills are not in question, and she is particularly candid about her own shortcomings, but I was underwhelmed and wondered if Elizabeth Gilbert read this before writing her book Eat, Pray, Love (2016) which was similarly underwhelming. They both have something for everyone: failed love affair, travel, spirituality, new love affair….but pretty boring for all of that. The concept is suspiciously similar, a midlife crisis solved by a trip which shows the writers that they were pretty much alright before they set out. More interesting was Audience of One, written by chief NYT film and TV critic James Poniewozik, in which he examines the last 40 years of American media and relates it to the phenomenon known as Donald J. Trump, the ‘volcanic, camera-hogging antihero’. Some of the early references were lost on me, partly because I knew all the names of the shows but hadn’t taken enough notice of them to fully understand the characters mentioned, but later when the focus was closer to Trump’s campaign and election I was more attuned to it when he talked of Fox News etc. It appears little Trump watched endless TV in his mansion as a kid, often with his father, including hour after hour of Billy Graham Crusades which, having seen old Billy perform in person, would be enough to warp anyone for life. So the author postulates that Trump is lead character in his own imagined ‘raging, farcical reality show’, still wanting to yell ‘You’re fired!’ as he famously did in The Apprentice, something he does with monotonous regularity in the White House with each appointment worse than the last. I am predicting that even Fox News will peel away from him in coming months, not wanting to be seen as a laughing stock along with the 45th President. I must make a list of these predictions somewhere so I can gloat if they come about and confine them to junk if they don’t.

April 15, 2020

Each day I am trying to cook a mildly ambitious meal, something new from a recipe I hadn’t got around to trying for example, and also make a staple of some sort. Yesterday it was houmous, today it was rock cakes. One of my favourite small cakes, made from the same recipe for about 50 years, yet they turn out slightly differently very time, from dry and needing butter to moist and delicious as they were today. Oh and I also boiled and mashed and froze a lot of potatoes that I had here, because John got his first online grocery order yesterday and it included two huge bags of same, perhaps he ordered two potatoes I don’t know, but he is bringing up one of those huge bags to me tomorrow as a result. Potato curry, potato bread, potato whatever is on the menu from tomorrow on.

Spoke to my bro in England again last night, something we do frequently of late. His libertarian streak means that he’s ignoring the stay at home advice and doing his own shopping, both at the supermarket and at the corner shop, though he rails about having to wait outside till someone else comes out. Isolation suits him very well as a loner and a thinker and a reader, he is very happy with his own company, even complaining about the weekly visit by his daughter and her husband because they stayed for an hour and a half. I know he would have been itching for their departure but not showing a thing on the surface, I’ve seen it all before, ‘Bloody hell I thought they’d never go!’ I sometimes wonder how many people really know the man that I know, I suspect maybe one other, but certainly not his children. His final comment was that the shutdown was ridiculous and they should just let the virus rip to save the economy and let those who die die, ‘people die every day, so what’s the difference?’. I didn’t waste my breath, I have to be in the mood to argue which I often do, but not last night.

April 16, 2020

John rang at 8.30 am to say that he’d be here shortly as he only had to have a shower and then wash up. At 1 pm he rocked up, by then I was near starvation but I had cheese and salad sambos and rock cakes at the ready. Had a long discussion about the Pell matter and my ongoing correspondence with his best friend around it. He had commented little so far and admitted that he sees his lack of belief and his friend’s enduring belief as a ‘gulf between them’ which meant he didn’t want to enter into the debate with him, despite being CC’d into all our emails. Interesting, but typical, in that he doesn’t want to rock the boat with close friends and family and admit to views that they may find unpalatable, though he would argue those same views enthusiastically with anyone else. Later we toddled off to Bob’s to get our pneumovax injections, lately when we go I keep trying to stand up and go but Bob always has more stories to tell or jokes to share and is in no hurry to see the back of us. I suspect we are a welcome relief to the horde of worried well who came at the beginning of the pandemic wanting to be reassured that they won’t get coronavirus, plus of course the fact is there are very few patients game to enter a medical centre now. For us it was a huge social occasion, masked up and sanitised, his surgery is the only place we’ve gone together since March 12. We are very lucky that when we get there it appears that Bob feels the same way about the get-together.

April 17, 2020

Had a Facetime talk with my granddaughter this morning but she was much more interested once I asked if she wanted to speak to John. My interstate daughter has adopted a desexed and immunised feral cat through an organisation that traps the kittens and rehomes them. Though she’s 11 months old, she has been absolutely traumatised by the move from her foster mother’s home and has been under furniture, neither eating nor drinking, since Wednesday afternoon, poor little mite.

I read a novel in one night this week and although it was short, only 186 pages, I couldn’t have stopped reading even if I’d wanted to. Cormac McCarthy is a favourite of mine, The Road and No Country for Old Men being just two of my favourites. All of his novels are bleak, but boy this one was the darkest, not of course in terms of numbers of people affected in the tale, The Road takes the prize for that, but certainly by the depths of human experience he trawls. Shocking doesn’t come anywhere near to explaining it, perhaps horrifying, disturbing, grisly, terrifying, overwhelming might come closer. Certainly not one for my book group, many of whom favour more uplifting or edifying fare, but as a chilling narrative of someone cut off from society and eventually from societal norms, it’s a ripper. Too believable in fact.

April 18, 2020

I’m ropable after reading about a guy with practices in Canberra and Bowral who is claiming cures for coronavirus. Bill Giles is the dude’s name and when I looked at his website last night I almost levitated. Firstly he explains that the coronavirus is just ‘one of your everyday cold viruses’ which can be treated with echinacea, vitamin C, olive leaf extract, colloidal silver, multivitamins etc etc, all of which he conveniently sells of course. But he goes on, ‘the single most important thing to do is to avoid all grains’, ‘plus drink warm water or tea’ with occasional ‘small nips of brandy’. On his website he throws in cancer and autoimmune diseases as his specialties and claims to be a ‘clinical immunologist’, but he has no, nada, zip, zero medical training at all. Why didn’t I hang out a shingle decades ago I ask myself? This guy’s been in business 30 years. How can these people get away with it? But they seem to until someone is killed by following their advice, then they get sent home with a slap on the wrist. Did I say that I’m angry? It’s taking me all my time not to ring him and if I do it won’t be pretty and I’ll bet I’d be the one charged, for harassment.

Back in the real world, in a Boston homeless shelter officials decided to do testing and the results caught them, and the CDC, off guard. Of the 397 people tested, 146 people were positive. Not a single one had any symptoms. This is a terrifying set of statistics as it means that the underground infection level in the US could be massive. Whether these folks are spreading the virus remains to be seen, but it is quite possible that they are. Meanwhile Trump tweets in support of those demonstrating against the lockdowns. Perhaps this is social Darwinism in action, survival of the fittest and the rest can go to hell.

April 19, 2020

I’ve been noticing a difference in my huge gum tree in the back yard lately. The leaves are a paler green than usual, there are masses of flower buds on every branch and whole dead branches have been dropping out of the tree for no apparent reason, each loaded with buds. The latter fact lulled me into a false sense of security as I thought it must be healthy if it’s producing flowers, right? Well wrong it seems. As I have a good relationship with the horticulturist at a nearby nursery I rang him and explained the problem. Ah, severe stress he said, you need to call in an arborist to cut it back by 10%. Okay, so Arvind has a very good arborist and I rang him yesterday afternoon, luckily for me he wasn’t far away and offered to come within the hour. Halfway down the drive he looked up and said ‘that tree’s in a mortality spiral’, a phrase I’d never heard before. Apparently when a tree thinks it’s going to die it produces heaps more seeds in the hope that it can at least reproduce its kind by seed, so my positive view of the flower buds was sadly awry. When mature trees are exposed to stress from environmental factors, wounding, pest infestations or other causes, growth rate slows and the declining tree has less growth, smaller and paler leaves, abnormally heavy crops of seed and branch dieback. Tick, tick, tick, tick. He believes the cause is twofold, the drought and particularly the building of units at the back of my property a effectively removing a big part of the root system and subsequent grading below me two weeks ago would have killed off even more. Expecting a mammoth bill after treatment of the tree I was amazed to hear him say ‘I’m not willing to prune it and cause further stress, but I’d recommend putting the sprinkler on it and throwing handfuls of sugar all around it to try to give it a bit more energy’. I couldn’t force money on him, yet he asked me to keep reporting in to him about the tree’s progress. How do I find these simpatico souls?

On the other hand, I heard on the American news that it is a conspiracy theory website that organised and is promoting the US demonstrations, possibly independently or possibly at Trump’s behest, who knows? Seeing there are quite a few Australian followers of this site, including a few of my Facebook friends I suspect, I won’t be surprised if we see an outbreak of this stuff here. Would I be an evil person to think that a surge in coronavirus cases in that cohort might be a benefit to Americans as a whole?

April 20, 2020

I just started to do an order at Harris Farm but not sure if I will finish it, have the prices of fruit and vegetables really gone up 100% since I’ve been away from the shops? $4.50 for a small cos lettuce? (I interrupted typing to check a couple of prices at Woolies and I couldn’t order a cos there at all so it looks like I am snookered).

I received a Sydney University Public Health survey on COVID19 and boy they wanted to know the ins and outs of a duck’s bum in the questions. Apparently I will get them for the next 12 months, which I am happy to do, egocentric enough to think that my opinions matter. For example, some of the odder ones with a scale of responses: How confident are you at using fractions? Can you work out with mental arithmetic the price of a shirt if there is 20% off? (Is mathematical incompetence a first sign??) More to the point were things like: List 3 symptoms of COVID19, Do you think the restrictions are too harsh/don’t go far enough, How many times have you been out this week and where were you going? How are you feeling right at this minute? with a range from calm to extremely stressed. Ha, I was fine because I was concentrating on the flipping survey wasn’t I? I’ve forgotten most of the questions but it took me 42 minutes to answer all of them. John seems to get a heap of phone surveys and I never do, or else when they get to my age they say ‘we have enough people in that demographic’, so I feel my 42 minutes on the computer evens it all out. I remember when my kids were little and a man came to the door doing a survey on bananas. I welcomed him in, an actual adult to talk to, but he asked me eventually ‘are you sure you are not connected to the industry? you seem to know an awful lot about bananas’. I was racking my brain for banana opinions to keep talking to him for as long as possible.

April 21, 2020

We did a sneaky drive to the Cumberland State Forest and took a walk that claimed to be 1 km but must have been double that I think, as we were buggered by the end. I just got so sick of walking around the burbs that I suggested a forest walk would be just the ticket and luckily it’s a very short drive. Being in the

forest really lifted our spirits so it was worth the risk. If a bobby had pulled us over I was planning to discuss the philosophy of whether we have an obligation to obey the law or the right, which may have got us in deeper but was worth a try. Did some gardening and then cooked a tagine of barramundi for dinner, the last of the fish Michelle brought me before Easter. All out of fish now but I’ve plenty of other options, so I will just wait till John does a Woolies order and break my long-standing rule never to buy seafood from a supermarket.

I am thinking that there is one way in which coronavirus has done me a huge favour. Previously I lived in fear of catching a cold and getting the dreaded cytokine storm that always comes with it. It is a constant fear in the back of my mind as I know how ill it will make me for a couple of weeks, followed by a recovery period of over a month or more. Now I am self-isolating I can’t get coronavirus, but I can’t get a cold either so I am free as a bird. No more ducking and weaving when I hear someone sneeze, bliss.

April 22, 2020

Woken up early this morning by a text from Harris Farm Markets to say that my order was being packed, then another later to say the truck was on its way. The technology is pretty good, with a tracking device that tells you exactly where the truck is, where you are in the queue and the minutes to arrival. The masked delivery guy brought splendid fresh vegetables so now I am not whingeing about the price and just being thankful that they are so reliable and efficient. I made soup for our lunch with some of the produce before John left for home.

I jagged an intriguing book on the last day that the library was open. I decided to grab a couple of wild cards amongst the 26 books I chose, this one an Australian novel with an appealing picture of a jellyfish on the cover and considering my longtime love of jellyfish of all kinds, that was enough. It is The Trespassers by Meg Mundell, published only last year, and would you believe it? it’s about a ship full of British folk coming to Australia during a plague. They have been quarantined and repeatedly tested before boarding the ship to come here as workers, a strange cross between refugees and ten pound Poms. I’m not far into it but so far I am enjoying not knowing where the story is headed as well as having some curiosity about how the plague is being dealt with. I don’t believe in karma, the good seem to die young and the bad seem to prosper, but the true story of a gentleman in Ohio has me wondering if I rejected the philosophy of karma too soon. He posted on Facebook dismissing the killer virus as a ‘political ploy’ that he said officials were using to exert control over the public and claimed that the state governor didn’t have the authority to close businesses. “Prove me wrong,” he wrote in a March 13 post, well I think it just did my man. He died of the virus in hospital in late March.

April 23, 2020

Listening to the earthmoving equipment down below my house as they dig up more roots of my eucalyptus tree but of course there isn’t a thing I can do about it when it isn’t on my land. I will be devastated if it dies but it is out of my control I’m afraid, as is so much else at the moment. Somehow I have become used to isolation though, I can’t actually remember everything I used to do, so that has to be a good thing I guess. My morning routine is usually to search through the SMH then one other overseas paper, then read one or two of the daily suggestions from Medium, which is delivered to my inbox every morning. It is a selection of newspaper and magazine articles from the US which may include longform features from the NYT, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post and my favourite, The Atlantic, interspersed with pieces from lesser known journals. Then a walk (boring) followed by a bit of weeding and watering by which time I do some basic housework or washing, ring one person who doesn’t have much happening right now and then it’s lunchtime. I may sneak in the headlines of the US news on SBS at either 12.30 or 1 pm, then decide on dinner, looking through my recipes for something I haven’t tried which fits with my fridge and freezer contents. Do the dinner prep, then perhaps make a cake or cheese biscuits or a salad and then a late afternoon retreat to the sun of the back verandah to read before dinner. No wonder I get tired!

April 24, 2020

Now I’m convinced that Trump is actually barking mad as well as all the other things: narcissistic, egomaniacal, corrupt, malicious, contemptible etc etc. He has brought up the possibility of the use of ultraviolet lights or injectable disinfectant as a cure: ‘I see that disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute, one minute, and is there a way we can do something like that? By injection inside?’ ‘Supposing we hit the body with tremendous ultraviolet or just very powerful light?’ How long before some idiot takes him up on it and dies trying? Rabid barking mad.

His encouragement of hydroxychloroquine has made for a worldwide shortage, the White House buying millions of doses and even Clive Palmer buying millions of dollars worth and donating it to our government. I left my name at a couple of pharmacies to get supplies but I’m not in great need, having about 90 tablets left. Yesterday a pharmacy rang to say she had had some of the generic form of the drug come in, which is interesting as I’ve never been offered a generic in the 8 years since I started taking it. So I photographed the script and emailed it to them and they will deliver free by courier this afternoon. Recent research in the US has indicated no positive effect from its use as in the study of 368 patients the 97 patients who took it had a 27.8% death rate, while the 158 patients who did not take the drug had an 11.4% death rate. This is not at all compelling evidence when you consider that it was data from after the event, not randomised, not double blind testing, so perhaps the doctors only gave it to the worst cases? Looking at the actual data, rather than the news reports, it is impossible to tease out that information, so for me the whole thing is still in the ‘don’t know’ department.

April 25, 2020

Today I decided that I should rearrange my day from the usual so I don’t risk becoming institutionalised, so I baked a cake first thing instead of doing my walk as the primary task. I did the old fave Blueberry Cake, but as I had none of that fruit I replaced them with frozen raspberries which worked a treat. The icing is just icing sugar and fruit whizzed together so it looks pretty violently pink, even though it’s all natural. The icing was a bit quantity poor though so I have added that staple to my next food order. (Such highlights of my day must surely be of interest, but to whom I can’t think). I hope there will be enough Domestos left by the time I put in my next shopping order as it will be like toilet paper all over again now that Trump’s let the injecting secret out of the bag. Then instead of phone calls I emailed my overseas contacts in NZ, England and Northern Ireland and I just hope all are doing okay. I downloaded a plant identification app on my phone after seeing Danish using one and it was a bit tricky, saying it was free and then after you downloaded it saying it was $29.99 after the 7 days free trial. I shall delete it by then but I had fun trying it out in the garden. It correctly identified the majority but was totally wrong on the weeping acacia, calling it a teatree. It does weeds, flowers, whatever and it is a nifty piece of kit, but I am not sure I would use it often enough to pay that.

April 26, 2020

I’ve been having fun trying a new recipe for dinner every night but last night’s was a disaster. It was a French prawn dish, Shrimp with Sour Cream Blesoise, which I thought was very different but it turned out to be different in a bad way. Fry onion, fennel seeds and parsley in butter, add raw prawns then when they are nearly cooked stir in some red wine vinegar and sour cream. So far so good, but the last step was to add fresh breadcrumbs which immediately turned the sauce into clag, killing the flavour of the prawns and all else. A big azalea (a failure) as the Windsor regulars used to say. I’ve never known a place where Pommy rhyming slang is more commonly used, outside of Pommy land of course. Always put it down to the fact that many of the area’s antecedents were convicts, and possibly East Londoners, with the same convict names cropping up repeatedly in the area.

One thing that I’ve found puzzling and disappointing recently is the small but consistent minority of my Facebook friends who instigate or disseminate unfounded rumours and fake news on their pages. In the last week I’ve had someone suggest that China propagated the coronavirus to overtake the US economically and another that the deaths in the US are being deliberately overstated by adding in mortality from all other causes (this one was originally posted by US Attorney-General Barr, presumably to get some heat off his pal Trump) and reposted by a relative of mine no less. A couple of weeks ago a rellie of John’s posted something from a friend saying that we should all let the virus rip to save the economy, but I let that one go through to the keeper for obvious reasons. I usually do take the time to refute this stuff online though, otherwise it just gets carried further without dispute, but it’s emotionally tiring dealing with it and I’ve got better things to do, like stuff up some really good prawns.

April 27, 2020

Today we broke the rules, went to the Cumberland Forest nearby and did a short bushwalk. Apparently in Queensland the rules from today allow picnics of household members only, so we are awaiting that change here and are planning a picnic at Bilpin or Mt. Wilson, both places where we can be completely away from other people. I can’t wait. It did us both good to get out into the bush, even if it is only a bit of bush in suburbia. It prompted me to do some gardening when I got home and tomorrow I plan to sow some seeds for lettuce, rocket and spinach for salads.

I was thinking this morning about how I misinterpreted my gum tree’s health based on the fact that it was producing copious quantities of flower buds. It shows how a little bit of knowledge can often lead us astray. It reminded me of when the Prof asked if I needed a new script for daily eye drops and I said proudly that ‘no thankyou, I don’t get dry eyes, in fact they are the opposite, with tears running down my face at times’. ‘Is that so?’ he replied ‘well then you really do need a script, because if your eyes get severely dry your brain reacts by producing a liquid to stop them seizing up, but it is devoid of the lubricants that should be there, so don’t neglect the drops in future’. Okay, understood.

April 28, 2020

Was pleased to sow my greens this morning and I look forward to eating them over time. Jane rang and said she was culling out some various creepers and she could drop off some cuttings, so shortly after she arrived with Boris and a box full of cuttings, which I can now use my plant identifier app to record, before I delete it that is. I threw caution to the winds and invited them onto the back verandah for tea and cake so we were able to have a good chat but unfortunately John had gone to RNSH for a blood test before a routine doc’s appointment tomorrow so he couldn’t be at the tea party. We all agreed that the risk was very small but it felt very daring nonetheless.

Last night talking to my bro in Halifax I posed the question of whether or not there was pushback or even demonstrations in the UK over the strict lockdowns there. Oh no he said, rather shocked, nothing like that! It goes to show the deep divisions between the societies of the US and UK. I’ve found it quite surprising and somewhat heartening when I’ve been visiting my brother that you are just as likely in the local pub to hear folks discussing Prime Minister’s Questions as football or the weather. There seems to be a much higher level of civic awareness there which would tend to make ‘fake news’ laughable rather than believed. Sadly we fall somewhere in between with a population more interested in real estate and sport than in how we are governed.

April 29, 2020

I used my free trial of the Picture This Plant identification app to identify all the cuttings that Jane brought over yesterday, which is very handy because it tells me heaps including their names, origins, as well as what position they like in the garden. I could get quite attached to it but I’ve deleted it for now. I am sometimes wondering if I am a bit peculiar, not for the first time I must say. Amongst my friends quite a few are feeling quite anxious and stressed about this whole coronavirus business, but after the first couple of weeks I sort of sank into it and now it feels like normal. Not to say that I am not horrified by the external things, the loss of life, the job losses and much more, it’s just that the effects on me personally seem to be much less than my friends in terms of worry and fear. Of course if I got the damned thing it would be a different story, but I think the chances are very very low while I am totally isolating, so I am just getting on with enjoying life under the new regime. Perhaps the fear will hit me all of a sudden, who knows. But once we start going out again, if we do in fact, I think that will be much more challenging as the bloody virus is hiding under every rock and living on every handrail, just waiting to welcome us. Now that’s what I call stressful, perhaps I’ll decide to just stay in.

April 30, 2020

I have been keen to see some discussion about the decision last Friday afternoon to include priests, nuns and pastors in the JobKeeper scheme. Did it slip past the attention of journalists, as it was meant to do by releasing it quietly late on a Friday? Does no one think it peculiar that people who don’t normally get paid can qualify for $750 a week of government funds? Or shouldn’t we ask the question because it is churches who are appear to be rorting the system?

While I am on my soapbox…… I am getting mighty sick of the China bashing happening every time I pick up a paper or turn on the news. No one turned a hair when SARS or MERS or swine flu or bird flu were ravaging Asia, no one except the epidemiologists called for investigations into its source, but now Australians are affected everyone is in the game. Yes we need to look into the source, as we needed to on all the other occasions, but it should be a medically led investigation, not a politically led one. Do they not see the effects on Chinese Australians on public transport, in the streets and even having their homes vandalised? The press picks up the raised temperature in Canberra so that when Twiggy Forrest donates millions of dollars worth of tests and invites a Chinese official to the publicity event the headline is ‘Chinese official gate-crashes Hunt’s press conference’, um he was invited. If you object, take it up with Forrest privately Greg Hunt. In any event Forrest is hardly ‘donating’ the millions of tests as the government intends to repay him in full. One radio person even accused Forrest of treason! It has gone beyond the bounds of reason and all the usual suspects jump on the bandwagon. There are very valid political and social issues to be taken up with China but this foghorn ‘diplomacy’ is not the way to reach the best outcome and I for one am in danger of throwing something at the television very soon if it continues. Postscript: Dr Stephen FitzGerald, Canberra’s first ambassador to Beijing, must read my blog. He just wrote an article for the SMH agreeing with all the above but putting it much more eloquently than I ever could.

May 1, 2020

What an odd and ultimately uplifting day. It started when I decided to have hot milk at breakfast and discovered that the microwave lit up, buzzed and went around but the milk didn’t heat so I tried it again but it had gone to its eternal reward. So I started hunting for a new one online and discovered that the vast majority won’t fit on the purpose built shelf that John designed in the kitchen. It took literally hours to go through all the options, reading the specifications of each until I finally made the decision. Rang Winning Appliances and Appliances Online, my favoured retailers for such things, both of whom offer free delivery. Nup, can’t supply till June and as I steam veggies in it almost every night I can’t wait that long. But they did tell me not to buy any other brands than Panasonic and Sharp for microwaves, saying that LG and Samsung were the ones they have trouble with. This fitted with what I was told by one of my friends who is a kerb crawler who has warned me never to buy LG as they were the electricals most left out for council cleanup. That led me eventually to the ghastly Harvey Norman (Gerry Harvey I hate giving you even $1) as the only place with that Panasonic model in stock, but they wanted $59 to deliver, so I baulked at that. The lovely salesman agreed to meet me in the carpark with the machine so I could pass the money through the window and not enter the store. He was a darling plump man with a decided limp and a big smile who made me feel as if this arrangement was the highlight of his day. He had paid for the microwave on his own credit card before I even arrived and I reimbursed him with cash! I was delighted to find his name was George Whippy so I have dealt with Mr Whippy for electricals instead of icecream. I was impressed enough to give him big praise on the HN Facebook page. Then my bakery delivery arrived from Dural and after paying her at the door I went back inside only for her to return with the offer ‘If you ever need groceries when I am coming I am happy to pick them up for you on the way’. I seem to come across lovely people lately, perhaps I am starting to look very old and they’re all taking pity, I don’t know, but it warms my heart every time I meet another.

May 2, 2020

After yesterday’s lovely people, today I watched the American ABC News on SBS and was horrified by the people demonstrating against the lockdowns there. It is their right to protest, but the gun-toting, Nazi flag-waving, aggressive, disrespectful attitudes made me feel sick. One can’t help pondering a clear out of their ilk by the virus and frankly I won’t be losing sleep over some of them. Standing without a mask screaming into the faces of young police officers is way more than they should have to put up with. What other country on the planet has anti-lockdown protestors waving guns? Or a head of state who would support them?

Also on the bulletin was a story out of China about a small family who went from Wuhan to a restaurant in Guangzhou, not knowing they were infectious. Fifteen other people in the restaurant caught the virus from them, despite no physical contact and sitting up to 15 feet away, which is just more evidence that it is likely airborne as well as droplet transmitted. Also tests on infected airline passengers show a likelihood of 85% of catching it if you are sitting 2 rows ahead and behind or across the aisle, as happened to those passengers seated near Peter Dutton, but only 1% if you are sitting in the rest of the plane. I have had continuing online discussion with my second cousin (or first cousin once removed, I can never work it out, but anyway he calls me aunty) who is strongly anti-vax. I discovered that neither he nor his sister were ever vaccinated for anything due to his mother’s belief that it was detrimental and it’s true they are each as healthy as a horse, but I suspect genes and not lack of vaccination is at play here. But it is fun parlaying with him and his Byron Bay friends over the issue. They are convinced they will be lined up and forcibly vaccinated, one of them telling me I’d been ‘Sco mowed’ for downloading the app, which I had to laugh at.

May 3, 2020

We took a drive to Parramatta Park to go for a walk, but so did half of western Sydney apparently. So we parked over near the gate into the mental hospital which has nice gardens and a walk ‘to the head of the river’. We promptly got lost and ended up on a long walk through the hospital grounds, happily free of knife-wielding psychopaths this morning, and ended up on a sort of history tour encompassing the delicious sandstone buildings including the infamous Parramatta Girls Home. Growing up it was common knowledge that being incarcerated there meant physical and sexual abuse, it was a given, but it was only a few weeks ago that its 82 year old ex-superintendent was gaoled for 20 years for rape, buggery and assault occasioning actual bodily harm for the beatings that the girls sustained in a locked cellar in the 60s and 70s. However it was much earlier than that when I was aware of it so it appears it was the culture of the place for decades. We came out near the stadium and then wended our weary way back to the car and home for a lunch of leftover Cheesy Spicy Black Bean Bake with rice, a recipe I saw in the NYT last week. After that walk I felt totally justified in spending a couple of hours reading Malcolm Turnbull’s new book A Bigger Picture, which I am enjoying more than I expected. He certainly has led a big life, with contacts in all sorts of fields and friendships with all sorts of people, many of whom are on the opposite side of politics.

May 4, 2020

Today John went home to be part of an ’email meeting’ of the Tenant Network. Pretty much as expected it was cancelled at the last minute, it seems such a disorganised mob which he threatens to abandon after every misspent gathering. I’m so glad that I steer clear of organisations which suck your time for very little result. They are more interested in navel gazing, rewriting the constitution or such things, with virtually no movement forward for the public housing tenants they seek to further. Luckily his involvement with the Link Housing tenant advisory group does produce results for his compatriots. I have no inclination to continue hucking out the storeroom as the charity shops are all closed and the auctions are all online only now so prices are very low. Luckily I did get in early and sell some stuff before the crash, but the remaining items went for next to nought once the onlines began eg today I got a cheque for $13.40 for the remainder of the lots. It comprised a mug, bowl and 3 plates of Royal Doulton Bunnykins ware as well as 2 pieces of Royal Worcester, a cigarette box and a cigarette container. Any one of those 5 pieces in the shop would have brought triple what I got for the lot at auction and most would have brought more. But it is Larrakia that misses out in all this and of course their needs are constant. I achieved an acceptable apple and maple cake to use up a few apples in the fridge before I reorder from Harris Farm later in the week. Discovered my very recently planted rocket seeds (expiry date 2014) have come up so that’s a pretty exciting end to the day.

May 5, 2020

Michelle offered to coach me with Zoom so, after a few stumbles, that took up the middle of the morning and we got to talk in the end. Then on to the Harris Farm order which takes me longer than it usually does to go out and do the damned shopping, but there you are. They charged me for delivery after saying last time that it was free for the first 3 orders over $80. So I rang and got to speak to a lovely lad in lockdown at home in the Philippines who refunded the delivery, so that made the error into a positive. I have been thinking with all this talk of businesses and schools reopening, no-one is spelling out what happens to the over 70s and those with existing illnesses. I suspect we are down for the count until such time as a vaccine or treatment is discovered, unless of course we choose to play Russian roulette each time we go out. If that is the case I for one can deal with it, but I just wish someone would have the guts to say so. I also spent time today checking on annual death rates in the UK for the last few years because my cousin keeps putting up dodgy ‘statistics’ on Facebook, sent to him by people with an axe to grind over coronavirus. His numbers claim to show that the death toll in Britain this year is actually lower than in previous years. So I wasted my time getting averages for the last 3 years for the month of April and comparing it to this year. The figures were 57,254 for 2020, versus an average of 31,322 for the last 3 years, an excess of 25, 932 extra deaths just for April! So I’ve emailed him spouting a version of the saying that you can choose your own opinions but not your own facts. This whole thing has brought out people who are just a bloody menace and it is time-consuming to refute every claim. I guess eventually I will give up and leave them to just keep convincing people who don’t have the energy, time or smarts to refute their nonsense.

May 6, 2020

In the shop I always left the glass cleaning to the staff because I always made things look worse than before I started. No staff here, so today I decided to clean the four glass doors and panels to the deck. First I washed them with hot soapy water, a cloth and one of those wipery things that window cleaners use. Five minutes later I discovered that all the dirty spots are now smeared evenly over the glass so I did it all again with window cleaner and newspaper and while not perfect at least I can now see through them. Next job is my bedroom window but not today Josephine. However if I am housebound it may as well be in a clean house. I am so enjoying Malcolm Turnbull’s book and learning about the decision making behind the scenes on things like how to handle Trump (don’t give in to a bully pretty much sums it up), what needs to be taken into account when ordering a submarine and what world leaders are really like one on one. Merkel, Obama, Jokowi and Abe come off particularly well, though Obama’s comment to Turnbull at the White House “Don’t worry Malcolm. The American people will never elect a lunatic to sit in this office” proved somewhat innocent in hindsight. But when MT asked why the US insists on supporting the Saudis despite their many human rights and other abuses he was spot on: “One word Malcolm. Oil”.

May 7, 2020

Thinking more about the length of our lockdown so I sent a message today to someone in a similar situation as us, she with an autoimmune disease, he with other health problems. His reply was that they had decided to sit it out, having only contactless deliveries done, no visitors etc. They’ve decided that life together alone is better than life with the constant underlying fear of infection, which would likely prove fatal in both instances. Clearly people are coming to individual decisions and it seems from the very small straw polls I am taking that most are staying in lockdown, one said that they will review it if things are still the same after a year! A specialist doctor from Melbourne was on last night’s news saying that she left work at her hospital immediately due to having an autoimmune disease and won’t be going back. I’d seen a fuller interview with her elsewhere and she indicated that having an autoimmune disease means it would likely be a fatal outcome despite her young age. But it is remiss of the government not to address this situation publicly, by all means let folks come to a decision themselves, but some guidance should be given by the medical experts as has been done in the UK where they were flatly told to stay locked down for the foreseeable future. Plain speaking is so refreshing, more leaders of the likes of Daniel Andrews and Shane Fitzsimmons and less like slippery ScumMo please.

May 8, 2020

I’ve been struggling with a few low level lupus symptoms these past days but this morning woke up with my face swollen up, a rash and feeling pretty crook. Had a Facetime call with my girl who said ‘open your eyes grandma’ and found it hard to understand that I couldn’t, well not to her satisfaction anyway. By 12.30 I’d accepted that nothing was happening in this house today and lay down, waking in the late afternoon. Tonight was our book group Zoom meeting which I thought I’d have to bow out of but with a shower and a good slap of makeup I managed it okay. I was worried that Kenneth might ring in the middle, but luckily he rang at 6. I had sent him the Thea Astley book Drylands and last week I asked how he found it, Dry was his response. I was puzzled until I realised that as a man who’s always made all his own decisions and kowtowed to no-one, the idea of a woman not being able to do as she pleases is a mystery to him. But tonight he told me that Anne, who lived for decades with a dominant and violent husband, had borrowed the book and thought it wonderful, so I think my reading of why he didn’t like it is accurate. I got my Harris Farm order today and am luxuriating in a fridge full of beautiful produce, the fact that it comes straight from the markets shows in the freshness. This time I risked seafood as well, green prawns and fresh sardines, so I will cook the latter for dinner tomorrow night. Tonight all I could manage was a piece of peanut butter toast, but hopefully the flare will pass by tomorrow.

May 9, 2020

Still feeling off so had a quiet day. Made mushroom soup for our lunch and at night I did Sicilian Stuffed Sardines, oh my gosh, heaven on a plate. I am so pleased I can get fresh sardines from Harris Farm as they don’t appear in the fish shops around here very often. In the evening I finished Malcolm Turnbull’s book and despite what the critics say, and I doubt they’ve read it, only a small section is about the coup which overthrew him. He is a big thinker who delves deeply into many things that politicians would usually leave to the public service or advisers, from the new door required at the Lodge to the design of a hydro plant in the Snowy Mountains. I would have liked to see an Australia where he was able to run the show unencumbered by the right wing of his party, always dragging us backwards. In some ways he is a statesman, but we will never know how he’d have gone with no anchors trailing behind him. His behind the scenes cameos of various world leaders and their wives were worth the read on their own. Would I rather spend a long evening over a bottle of wine with him, or with Bill Shorten? MT no question. While not agreeing with his politics, I commend his vision.

May 10, 2020

Hurrah! Mr Lupus has left the building and gone home to wherever he lives between flares, so I woke with plenty of energy for the day. Cooked black bean nachos and we had a garden party Mother’s Day in the front yard with a lovely bottle of Barossa GSM red that Dav brought. Then her carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and toffeed walnuts, plus I got a jar of the leftovers of toffeed nuts, mmm. Millie was happy to play in the garden while John and I sat on the verandah. Tonight John rustled up a fridge raid for dinner, he the leftover mushroom soup and me a couple of leftover sardines. Millie was asking today to see ‘the little blue man in the shiny bucket’ but we couldn’t work out what it was. Clearly she knew but didn’t have the words. She was recently talking about the ‘rainbow circles’ which turned out to be CDs, logical really, but the little blue man in the bucket? We will find out in due course.

May 11, 2020

I fear we are following the US down the path of craziness when the NSW Health Department has to do a press release to let the population know that COVID19 isn’t caused by wi-fi, in this case 5G. Perhaps 5G does have negative health effects, how can we know without evidence that can only be provided with research and time? But last time I read anything about pandemics it appeared that we didn’t have 5G in 1918-19, nor during the AIDS or ebola crises. They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and it can be, but not nearly as dangerous as no knowledge at all. One Republican senator who is a doctor claimed that the number of COVID19 victims is being wildly exaggerated, it gets picked up by Fox News and before you can say ‘reelection’ it is all over the world as a fact. The protesters in Sydney and Melbourne this weekend were the usual suspects: the libertarians, the extreme right-wingers, the anti-vaxxers, the QAnon maddies (more wicked than mad I suspect) and a scattering of the ‘I should be able to open my business no matter what’ folks. I think the days of patiently arguing with any of these folks is coming to an end in this house. It’s like a religion and we all know that you can’t sway anyone about religion with logical argument.

May 12, 2020

As John and I talked early this morning he noticed a policeman right outside his window. ‘Open it and ask him what the f**k he’s doing there’, I helpfully advised. No more jokes when not long after it all became plain, his neighbour Scott was led down the steps outside John’s flat in handcuffs. Of course John was curious but it became clear very soon after when channels 9 and 7 turned up to record the arrest of the accused murderer of Scott Johnson, US citizen, brilliant mathematician and PhD student who was apparently pushed or thrown off North Head in 1988 in an apparent gay hate crime. His deep-pocketed brother had recently added $1 million to the existing $1 million reward offered by NSW Police, who at the time had insisted it was a suicide. Three inquests later, despite police disagreeing with a murder scenario, the coroner found it was in fact a homicide. There are so many questions here: is he guilty? is the first and if he is, how do you live your whole life with that on your conscience? how can you live for 32 years waiting for that knock on the door? if the reward is a material part of the story, how do you go for 32 years knowing that a murder is unsolved, but fail to put your hand up till $2 million is in the offing? The crime was deplorable and the family deserves justice. If they hadn’t persisted against police intransigence the suicide assumption would never have been put aside. But I can’t help thinking of Scott too, sans his beloved little dog Jazz, who is spending possibly the first night of his life in gaol.

May 13, 2020

Feeling virtuous because I got my sweet pea seeds in, under a spiral frame to support the lush growth I am forecasting. One of my long-term acquaintances in the shop used to tell me every year that sweet peas had to go in on Anzac Day, it was one of his life’s rituals, but I’m sure with weather changes the mid May sowing will do the job. I have mixed lettuces, rocket and spinach coming up as well, have made Anzac biscuits this morning, as well as redoing the glass in the back doors with Windex (I don’t have good cleaning genes) and writing a couple of letter to pollies, so I think I’ve justified my existence temporarily.

I’m still thinking a lot about Scott’s arrest yesterday and the fact that someone is hoping to pocket a cool $2 million out of it, mulling what sort of person it would take to sit on that information. It occurred to me that a particularly nasty fellow who lives in John’s block had recently been having some contact with Scott and the fellow’s partner has confirmed in an interview that Scott had discussed a possible accusation of murder going back to the 80s. Though I could imagine this obnoxious fellow trying to profit from hearing a person’s secrets it’s likely just coincidence. Nearly midnight now and I’m still mulling over all my earlier thoughts, it is too easy to knit a possible scenario together, my mind wants to sort it out, get the facts, ask the questions, solve the puzzle. One day soon we may have a better idea of whether Scott is a murderer or just a gentle helpful neighbour, or both perhaps. As the wise Elbert Hubbard once said: ‘The criminal is not wholly a criminal, he is only a criminal at times. Under the same conditions, if I were of the same quality and temper, I would have done the same’. That quote always helped me decades ago when, under the auspices of Justice Support, I was writing to and sometimes visiting murderers and other serious offenders in prison, and it helps me tonight.

May 14, 2020

A funny day which started when I cooked pikelets in expectation of a garden visit by friends Greg and Luke. When whipping the cream I accidentally used the wrong container with the electric whisk and managed to spread cream around the room, walls, cupboard doors, shelves, self. What’s more it formed a 3 metre circle which sprayed the kitchen and dining room floors, with some intrusion into my bedroom through the open door. A massive cleanup followed, so glad that it wasn’t blood as it was a fine imitation of a chain saw massacre, an excellent spray pattern exercise for a forensic scientist. (Incidentally the forensic science course which I was so looking forward to doing this year at UWS has been converted to online, so nah. Luckily I hadn’t yet paid. I can study forensic science on my own online, I want to put the skills into some sort of practice.) Anyway John arrived at the end of the cleanup followed soon after by the boys, who were delivering John’s gorgeous wren painting, bought from Luke back in February. I apologised for the coronavirus precautions but Luke made the point that he wouldn’t be happy any other way. He is a clever boy, a wonderful artist but also a virologist whose work focussed on both AIDS and influenza, particularly the 1918-19 pandemic. He told us the story of that flu virus being found in the lungs

of 10 Danish people dug from the permafrost for research purposes a few years ago. The expedition was designed specifically to isolate it for study at his London Hospital because no other examples existed. They fully expected the current pandemic, without knowing the exact form it would take. His summary: Don’t hold your breath for a vaccine, it’s a very hard one to develop and even if they do succeed, an RNA virus mutates so easily that it will get around the vaccine pretty smartly. We just need to learn to live with it until some anti-viral treatments are developed.

May 15, 2020

Thinking back to yesterday when John asked Luke ‘how long do you think before we get back to normal?’. ‘Never’ he said, ‘this is the new normal. We will get treatments but the virus will continue to be endemic across the world, with flareups happening from time to time until it mutates again and then……’. Viruses are ancient, starting as a fully functioning self-replicating cell that lived billions of years ago, shortly after life first emerged on the planet. From this cell, bacteria have evolved in the direction of increasing complexity while viruses have gradually shed genes they found they didn’t need until they could no longer even reproduce on their own. Which got us onto the perennial question of whether viruses are ‘alive’ or not. Luke leaned somewhat to the no case, because they can’t survive independently, but we agreed that this is more a philosophical question than a biological one, they are on a continuum with prions on one end and us on the other. Which still begs the question of when is it safe to go out again, in some ways the answer seems as far away as ever, but in others I think it is right there on the wall. We can go out all we want, but will never be safe from infection. Had a visit from a friend this arv and we quaffed tea and the remaining pikelets from yesterday with jam and cream, just the thing for a cold afternoon. Good to have two visits in two days, perhaps there is some life to be had in due course, even within the limitations.

May 16, 2020

Writing this a day late after feeling pretty flat yesterday. I am quite content to be at home but find it increasingly problematic that no-one is able to say how long my particular lockdown is likely to last. In a straw poll of three others with lupus I discovered that all of them have been totally locked down on doctor’s orders since mid March, not expecting the current easing of restrictions to apply to them at all. My Canberra daughter spent the afternoon with her friend from Health, a doctor who is heavily involved in the COVID19 planning. She asked him in conversation about my query ‘when is it safe for people with immune problems to begin coming out of their foxholes?’ His answer was far from promising: ‘It is one of the trickiest questions we are being asked’ (that’s why we hear no-one in government addressing the issue!), ‘we will need to keep researching which interventions have been most effective and why’, basically indicating that at this stage there is no answer available. Okay, I can deal with long term lockdown but it would be so helpful if someone qualified gave some guidance on the issue. Made a crumble with two persimmons given to me by my friendly baker when she delivered last time. I’d never eaten one in my life but it worked okay cooked with two apples, though my decision to use honey and cinnamon on the fruit was a dubious one. Long live nutmeg, that queen of spices.

May 17, 2020

Watched Insiders but was disappointed by the sabre-rattling about China. It is so easy to get people angry about a particular country and its people but very hard to stop the racist attacks that bubble up as a result. I have had a number of very aggressive Facebook posts about China sent to me by people who should know better. By all means let the scientists (including the three Americans working in the Wuhan lab) investigate the pandemics origins, but just keep it non-political, as it should be. No-one seems to be asking why governments took no notice of all the epidemiologists who’ve been telling us for decades that a pandemic was on its way, but everyone is pointing out where this originated, even though a pandemic could equally (and may still) come out of Africa as did Ebola and AIDS before it. Somehow I think that we would likely feel sorry for an African country, but it’s much more politically acceptable to kick China in the shins at the moment. In last year’s pandemic preparedness meetings the UK failed miserably and the US didn’t take part because Trump had fired the whole long-standing Pandemic Preparedness Team in 2018. I rests me case because I am sick of arguing it.

May 18, 2020

Went for a walk around the local burb with John and along the way I found a perfect spiral metal CD stand out on the footpath for council cleanup, just the ticket for supporting the sugar snap peas I intend to sow, once I get the seeds. Recently I also found a perfectly fine cane chair with a ‘free’ sign on it which now resides on the front verandah so the boring walks are proving profitable. I think the universe is trying to encourage me, particularly now that The Hills has today been declared a Red Zone for coronavirus. Jimmy from the bakery came with my order, just as I was in the garden cutting some camellia branches for his wife Natalie to put in the shop. They always include a treat, today it was two apples picked just yesterday. Baked a loaf of banana bread for afternoon tea and tonight I am cooking a recipe sent from London by my friend Mustapha, a cardiologist who has come out of early retirement to help treat people in the pandemic. I fear for him and was glad when I saw he is feeling positive enough to bother sending me a recipe.

May 19, 2020 (written 21/5)

John thought we were well overdue for a picnic so I suggested Mt Wilson, prompted by the beautiful pictures of Bebeah garden that Facebook sent as a memory from this same week last year. So a picnic I prepared, smoked salmon and lettuce sambos, banana bread, fruit and a thermos of tea. An uneventful but partly beautiful drive ensued but by the time we reached Kurrajong I was feeling very odd and by Mt Wilson turnoff I realised that the car had provoked an attack of the dreaded vestibular migraine. For the last 18 months or so I have never left the house without the two medications to help control it, but I not only forgot to pack them, but actually forgot that I have the condition! That’s what two months in iso does I guess, not leaving the house has its benefits and one is that I don’t get motion related illness. The day passed with difficulty but John enjoyed being away and particularly his solo picnic in the beautiful surrounds, however the thing didn’t abate and by late afternoon he told me I would just have to bite the bullet for the trip home. I’d have happily paid for a motel in order to forego the drive but of course there are none there to go to. So lying down on the reclined seat I travelled what seemed like the distance from Melbourne to Sydney with numerous sick stops whenever he turned the wheel. I will certainly never forget in future and I won’t leave the house without those drugs, in fact I am feeling at the moment that I never want to leave the house period, but I guess that will pass. Isolation is sweet I’ve decided and I will not be complaining in future.

May 20, 2020 (written 21/5)

After a 12 hour sleep I awoke to my resident nurse, the best one ever, with tea and toast. Apart from the usual odd symptom of finding it hard to recollect words, Sard soap became ‘gluestick’, the stepladder was a ‘climbing frame’, I enjoyed the peaceful second day calm. It is as if the mind is emptied of all worries and excitements, with just a clean slate of peace and tranquility where anger or worry is an impossibility, quite pleasurable in fact. The neuro’s explanation when I saw him last was ‘well, your brain’s just been zapped so it’s time to relax and get over it, but don’t make any important decisions in the two or three days afterwards’. As if I even cared enough about important decisions, I felt like saying.

John had noticed that my bulging pantry is so heavily stocked that I can never find the ground almonds or whatever, even though I know they are in there somewhere. I love to be able to do any recipe I fancy without pre-planning and that’s even more important when nicking to the shops isn’t an option. So he suggested repurposing my meat safe as storage for unopened goods, using my current pantry drawers for everything that’s on the go. Brilliant decision which just involved my sitting on the lounge while he brought me the endless folders of paperwork currently stored there, 95% of which ended up in the recycle bin. Currently I am inclined to toss out the maps and tourist guides to places I thought we’d definitely go again, but it’s pretty clear that’s off the agenda for a number of reasons. I turned up lots of long lost oddments in the process though and now I have a veritable Woolworths in the meatsafe and my kitchen pantry is a pleasure to use. My hero to the rescue in more ways than one.

May 21, 2020

My weather app told me there would be showers around 10/11 then fine till a later storm and more rain, so being a trusting soul I spread sugar around under my ailing tree as advised and hey presto! it rained on cue. I am lucky enough to have food cooked for the next few days, so I decided to attack a job emanating from the reorganisation of the meat safe. I had numerous newspaper and magazine cuttings of recipes in a big folder, but I now have numerous cuttings sorted into separate labelled folders according to desserts, seafood, etc. I managed to cull some recipes that I’ve done and some I will never do. The system is that once tried they go into the bin, unless they are extremely good in which case they are copied into my hand written recipe book. There are hundreds so I need to get speedy if I want to finish them in this lifetime.

I got an update from GIO regarding my claim for tile and water damage from the storm in early February. It said they are waiting for the assessor’s report, which was the exact same message I got a month ago. I am not trying to hurry them up as I don’t really want painters in here at the moment but I wouldn’t mind

being repaid for the money I spent on roof repair and plumbing over three months ago. Whatever, life’s little issues are not feeling very pressing right at the moment, I am already saving money by being at home.

May 22, 2020

Still sorting stuff from the deconstructed contents of the meat safe. I found an Aboriginal themed book I had bought for my granddaughter at some point so I added another from my gift box, a Ruth Park story, and packed them up, walking down to the corner shops to post them at the PO box there. Trying to send her a card or a parcel every week or two so she has something from grandma until things free up in the visiting department. I deliberately don’t take my purse with me so that I can’t be tempted to go into the corner shops and break quarantine, therefore abiding by my promise to a certain person that I wouldn’t. Then I attacked the fern that constantly grows up in the herb garden, feeling pretty good about life by the time I’d finished that and restocking the street library. Apparently libraries open on June 1 so I’d better get weaving and finish the 26 books I borrowed as I want to take them all back as soon as they open and there are still half to go. I deliberately interspersed them with some of mine so I didn’t feel bereft of library books, but now I have a return date I shall attend to them with delight. Waiting impatiently for the sweet pea seeds to come up so I can see them start to climb their fancy frame, then I will plant some sugar snaps and the pink star flowers which I ordered. It’s funny that I pace the fun things so I have a couple each day rather than racing down and planting them all at once as I would have when time was short.

May 23, 2020

China has much to answer for: the treatment of its Uyghur people, the Hong Kong situation, capital punishment and more, but I can’t see the justice in blaming them for the pandemic as the US has tried to do. China has multiple centres constantly testing for novel viruses spread across the country, yes they missed this one initially and local authorities are guilty of covering it up and not referring it up the chain, but the aggressive tone of the foghorn diplomacy regarding an inquiry was unnecessary and counterproductive. One of the European countries, Belgium from memory, quietly asked them to agree to a scientifically led investigation and they immediately signed on, later voting as part of the unanimous decision for an inquiry. Mary-Louise McLaws, a professor of epidemiology at the University of New South Wales who also sits on the WHO’s health emergencies program experts advisory panel for Covid-19, was one of the few willing to call this out: “The only unprecedented issue is the politicising of the source country,” she said. “We’ve had swine flu, we’ve had HIV, we’ve had Ebola, we’ve had mad cow disease, you name it, and we’ve never politicised the source before”. Hear hear to that.

I am still sorting my pantry situation and now I can see them properly I discovered that I have 10 cans of butter beans, one of 4 bean mix, 3 of lentils, 5 of chickpeas and 1 of black beans. I do love all beans and legumes, but that’s a little bit over the top. Planning to do Jamie Oliver’s butter bean mash with chili and garlic instead of potato or rice tonight, too easy. Since the pandemic started I’ve been getting the Herald delivered on both weekend days and The Saturday Paper as well. Somehow a story is always more meaningful on paper than online, in fact if I read a particularly interesting one online, I reread it on paper if I can and always enjoy it more the second time. Anyway I tried to duck out surreptitiously to get the papers today as I was still in my dressing gown at 9.30. Mission accomplished, but I had to smile when I saw my neighbour in the yard wearing hers at 11.06.

May 24, 2020

Decided to walk up to the bank this morning as I seemed to remember they had a chute to deposit when the bank is closed but no, apparently now there’s just an ATM so I will ask someone to drop it in for me next week. At least it gave my walk an excuse. Then I decided to type up a review of a book I finished just last night, for the book group virtual meeting next week. It wasn’t my favourite of recent times but by the time I’d finished writing I’d realised that some parts of it will stick in my memory for a long time and perhaps I will give it a second go at some point. Then Carly asked me to nominate a book and write a review of it for her Book Challenge on Facebook. I nominated A Manual for Cleaning Women and fell in love with it all over again as I wrote. Note to Self: Reread it soon. Oops, I just checked my diary and the book group is in a fortnight, not next Friday as I’d thought. There I go, reinforcing my reputation as not being quite with it, but unfortunately there isn’t a countermand button on Hotmail to suck back emails sent in error. Spoke to the bro at length last night, he seems well but I sense he really, really wants us to get together soon and I just can’t see it happening in the foreseeable future which saddens me beyond imagining. He always finishes the call with: ‘Well we’ll just keep loving each other till we get together won’t we?’ I miss him so much, I’ve missed him all my life in fact, before I even knew he existed.

May 25, 2020

For some reason I choose to have my Harris Farm order delivered in the early morning and the text to tell me they are leaving wakes me up. Somehow it is a nice start to the day, this time it came at 6.25. Then I have time for breakfast, sorting space in the freezer and washing out the fridge crispers while he’s on his way so when he arrives I am ready to go with loading the delivery into its appropriate places. Today unfortunately the fish was missing, although the prawns were there, so a call ensued and they were able to contact the driver to make sure it wasn’t left in the truck. No luck, but they are going to do a refund so I changed the menu for tonight from fish to parmigiana pasta, with an eggplant and tomato sauce. Doing Margaret Fulton’s bread and butter pudding which has sherry (or whisky) added to the milk, eggs and sugar. I soaked the sultanas in a bit of sherry too, so I am looking forward to that.

I have been trying to get my head around the mass social activities going on in the US this weekend, as shown in their ABC News which SBS broadcasts at 12.30 each day. I refuse to watch ads, but all I need to know is in the first 15 minutes before the first ad comes on, so I sometimes flick it on to see what bastardry Trump is up to today, I am rarely disappointed on that score. But today it was all about the packed long weekend beach, pool and park congregations, not to mention the churches. I wonder what it is that makes these people tick? Lack of science education? blind adherence to Trump? faith in their religions? the confidence of youth? the libertarian streak which is so prominent? I don’t know but I fear some will suffer for it, or perhaps not them but their parents and grandparents. Of all political philosophies, apart from fascism, I think libertarianism is the one I find most objectionable. I know I’m an old socialist but the idea that people could demonstrate against public health is anathema to me. Meanwhile a church congregation in Germany went back together for the first time after lockdown and infected 40 of the faithful in one service, what can you say?

May 26, 2020

Planted my sugar snap peas and lemongrass but the lettuce and spinach seed trays are looking very light on. I am afraid they are almost a fail, but I will give them a bit longer before writing them off and starting again. John was very taken by the bread and butter pudding, saying it was ‘as good as my mum’s’ which was pretty good considering the extra shine we always put on things from the past. There’s been some correspondence re having the next book group meeting in person, but I won’t be participating despite the general acceptance of the idea. I’ve learned (well more truthfully I am still learning) to trust my gut and it is telling me that it wouldn’t be a good idea and would defeat all the other things I am doing to stay out of the firing line for coronavirus. I remember an excellent article this month written by a Yale epidemiologist who said: “If your son visits his girlfriend and you later sneak over for coffee with a neighbour, your neighbour is now connected to the infected office worker that your son’s girlfriend’s mother shook hands with.” I don’t want to be a link in that chain, much less the end recipient, so no I won’t be participating.

May 27, 2020

We decided to go out again today despite the disaster of last week’s journey. This time we chose somewhere closer to home, the walks at Sydney Olympic Park. First stop was the Brickpit Walk which goes around the edge of the massive old brickpit, with a suspended walkway over the pit which is home to threatened species of frogs. That was a big failure as the walk was closed ‘for urgent maintenance’. So we tried another walk and unimpeded on this one we went around the edge of Homebush Bay, seeing the rusting hulks of many boats, then along to a tower on which someone had written at the top ‘nothing to see’ which was pretty accurate as the view was basically the same as on the ground. It smacked of a grant looking for a purpose or perhaps the need to use an amount of money before June 30. But a nearby bird hide was well worth its dollar value, with a man secreted there using a camera with a massive telephoto lens focussed on the shore birds in a sheltered backwater. Next time I will take binoculars as I love birdwatching. John is going to try to download a map of the area because directions to the start of walks weren’t signposted, you just stumbled on them and after that the instructions along the way were fine. We had our picnic on seats near the carpark as we had walked quite a way by then and were ready for a sit. I am looking forward to seeing more of the area and especially the frogs once the ‘urgent maintenance’ is complete. I’m hoping that isn’t code for ‘the suspended walkway is dangerous’ in which case it might be a while. There were signs warning against going on it if you have a fear of heights.

May 28, 2020

I have been tossing up whether I should write to John’s neighbour Scott in Silverwater Remand Prison but I’ve been told by another neighbour that he is illiterate, so that put me off the idea in case it caused embarrassment at his end. But as we passed right alongside the prison yesterday John told me he had booked a video call with Scott for today. He had contacted Corrective Services for Scott’s location at my suggestion and they had suggested it as a means of contact. John was nervous about the technology and also about what to say, so I reminded him that the call would be listened to and probably taped, so he shouldn’t mention anything about the crime at all. Poor John sat at his computer for over an hour waiting and eventually rang them only to be told that Scott had turned up late for the call so it was refused, he booked another for 9.30 am tomorrow. It is funny, and typical, that we were each contemplating separately what to do about Scott and I think John’s call will turn out to be the best outcome. Baked an orange and almond cake using a foil butter wrapper to line the base of the tin as I often do, but when I tried to turn it out the butter wrapper had stuck unusually and I ended up with half the cake coming out and the other half was firmly stuck to the tin. It tastes fine but is a mess to cut and looks disastrous, so now I won’t enjoy eating it anyway six eggs wasted too. John will end up with it I think.

May 29, 2020

Last evening I got both an email and a text from the company that GIO has deputised to fix my storm damage. For some reason it threw me into a funk, actually I know the reason, it was because in order for the job to be done I need to have two men in the house for a day or two. I know I can stay away from them, but it unnerved me nonetheless. So today I contacted the company with my concerns and was assured the men would wear masks and social distance at all times, so I am less bothered than I was. GIO still hasn’t paid me for my outgoings after the storm, but I am assuming they have accepted the claim or else the tradesmen wouldn’t be scheduled. I have something that I want to show the sewing group without actually attending it, so today I dressed up (well nice cardigan with my jeans, makeup and perfume) and rang Jane to say I would drop it in. She had just arrived in the mountains visiting friends so I was all dressed up with nowhere to go. Eventually I decided I should go while in the mood and did so, hanging the bag on her door, making for a lovely little outing, which is pathetic really. Sue rang me for an opinion on whether to read Lincoln in the Bardo which had been deposited in her street library, so I read her my Goodreads review seeing I was already seated at the computer. I had spoken to Robert for half an hour yesterday and he seemed not substantially different but Sue says he’s gone down this week.

May 30, 2020

Natalie delivered my bakery items and as usual undercharged me. She always rounds it down but today it was by $4.80 and she deliberately hides the docket in the the bottom of the box so I can’t see the bill till she’s gone. She and her husband are such lovely people and deserve to do well. Davina, Louis and Millie came for a garden afternoon tea, bringing beautiful citrus cupcakes which Millie had helped make this morning. Louis is going for a fourth interview for a job, how can it take four interviews I ask myself? Last week he had the third interview for another one but didn’t get it, so here’s hoping this one comes up trumps.

I don’t know what to say about the American demonstrations and riots except that I would be demonstrating too in their place. The only police murder that I can recall where the perpetrator went to gaol was a coloured man last year who had killed a white woman, so I don’t expect much from this trial. It doesn’t seem we have moved far from when as a child I was horrified by the Ku Klux Klan and their murders, now it’s murder in uniform instead of in robes, but the intent is the same. In my teens we sang: My brothers are all others forever hand in hand, Where chimes the bell of freedom there is my native land, My brother’s fears are my fears, yellow white or brown, My brother’s tears are my tears the whole wide world around. Now we only watch and wait for the next.

May 31, 2020

Had a friend over for morning tea and had both Millie’s cupcakes and my orange and almond cake to offer. We canvassed the US nightmare, the China/ Hong Kong nightmare, books, the government and more, so it was a pleasurable and interesting rendezvous. Martha messaged to ask the four of us who had qualms about going to the book group meeting (the recalcitrants in Keating’s terminology?) if we want to join in via Zoom. When the first proposal came in about meeting face to face after we had previously agreed to a Zoom meeting, I said to John that I hoped that the group wouldn’t potentially cleave into the happy goers and the hesitant non-goers. This puts us back on a more inclusive pathway which is all to the good. Who knows what future meetings will look like? Now that people are mixing more and going on public transport it is anyone’s guess where we end up. John has already lost a distant relative in a retirement village to the virus, but interestingly she was an isolated case and no other cases appeared there. Similarly the gentleman in Canberra who caught it while shopping for masks and hand sanitiser despite being in lockdown for everything else. The vector was never found and no-one else was affected. Just bloody bad luck in his case as he didn’t survive. They will be writing about this pandemic in 100 years and it pains me that I won’t get to read it all! But it is becoming clear that it is not just a respiratory virus, it has vascular and autoimmune involvement in a way that its predecessors SARS and MERS didn’t have. I hope I’m around long enough to read the science at least.

June 1, 2020

Nearly Christmas I’m thinking, aagh. Walked down to post a letter, I seem to have a letter to post each Monday for some reason. A recent card posted to Castle Hill took 3 weeks, which is a very very long time, I could have walked there and back at a pinch. Replanted my lettuce and spinach seeds alongside the pathetic showing from the last planting. Not sure what went wrong, but these seeds were fresh whereas the rocket seeds which came up beautifully were years out of date. Then decided to split my spices into Indian/Middle Eastern/North African and what do we call it? traditional European cooking. Found two lovely tins which took all of them and now theoretically it takes half the time to find what I want.

John, some years ago, did a design for a 5 bedroom house for his cousin, who didn’t pay him a cent for the plans despite being on a contract to do so and then eventually dropped dead (no, I don’t believe in karma but…..gosh). I pushed him to claim on the estate which he did but more than two years went by while nothing happened. John let it ride as he tends to do with anything financial, while my ardent desire not to let weasels, knaves and miscreants go unpunished caused me to nag about it. Finally I said he needed to threaten them with the local Member of Parliament and goodness me it worked like a charm. The ‘really complex affairs’ of his cousin suddenly became simple and an email informed him that there was money in his dwindling bank account, with the mere mention of the Member’s name enough to sort the knotty problems out. I shall remember that in future but the best bit was when John said ‘thank you for nagging me’. Unfortunately I didn’t tape the moment.

June 2, 2020

Had a phone appointment with Service NSW today (I couldn’t forget because I had FOUR text reminders) to make sure I was claiming all possible pensioner discounts. The vast majority of things I already knew about, like discounts on licence, rego, electricity, gas, Opal card, country train travel etc, but they got me with a couple that I didn’t know. I can get a 40% discount at Good Guys if my fridge is over 10 years old and packs it in, plus a 50% discount on a new TV in similar circumstances. Free parking for 3 hours at the outrageously expensive public hospital carparks was another new one on me. I am constantly critical of this privatisation-mad premier, but the Service NSW idea is a beauty and I wish those who train its friendly, efficient staff could have a crack at Centrelink. The old RTA staff were surly and slow and the wait times were horrendous but the people at the one-stop-shop at Service NSW act as if you’ve made their day by just turning up. I didn’t ask for this appointment, I rang about something else altogether, but I was asked if I’d like to book a phone session just to ‘make sure you’re not missing out on anything’. That’s service. Thanks Julie.

June 3, 2020

An early call alerted me to the fact that the building company wants to come tomorrow to repair the storm damage from February, mainly painting two ceilings but also replacing broken pavers. I had insisted on masks etc and they weren’t fazed at all. We had planned a bushwalk so we continued with that idea, heading off to Bobbin Head to do the Mangrove Track. It begins at the river and winds all the way up to Wahroonga eventually but that was way too far for today. However I would like to do it in reverse, so it’s mainly downhill, at some time in the future. We came upon a large Aboriginal rock carving of a man as well as axe sharpening grooves in the rocks, which they used to sharpen their blades made from volcanic rock with a wooden handle attached. It was a good place to sit quietly and say sorry we stole your country, your way of life and, in many cases, life itself. A highlight was seeing a new bird I’d never recorded before, a Rock Warbler, which only lives on Hawkesbury sandstone and makes its nest in caves using rootlets stuck together with spider web, so that was quite a find for me. In the afternoon we moved all the smalls in the dining room, put the table and chairs out on the back verandah and took all the plates and pictures off the walls. Prepared.

The cafe at Bobbin Head seemed pretty full but I had packed a picnic. I am just not prepared to take the risk for something so fleeting. To go somewhere important (and it would need to be really important) is one thing, but to be sitting there wondering if you are picking up a potentially fatal illness just to eat out, nah. Our picnic of sambos, apples, cake and tea was guaranteed virus free and delicious.

June 4, 2020

The repair men arrived at 7.30 as planned and covered the ceiling water stains with some sort of sealer to stop them leaking through the paint. Then they repainted the ceilings and we finally moved everything back into the rooms later in the day. However it’s now some hours after and I can still clearly see through the paint to where the sealer was applied. I’m hoping that it takes some time to dry, but somehow I doubt it, I will be hopping mad if it all has to be done again. My feeling was that they weren’t painters by trade, unlike the last time I needed insurance repairs and the man mixed the colour perfectly by eye, saying he’d been painting for decades and didn’t need the name of the colour.

I’ve been reading some new research just out of Oxford, trying to quantify the risks of COVID in relation to age, sex, ethnicity, socio-economic status and with many individual pre-existing illnesses. The comparisons which they recounted are worth thinking about: a healthy man aged 80 has a 1200% higher chance of dying than a healthy woman of 50, with his chance of dying approximately 25% with no pre-existing illnesses, which is 100 times his chance of dying from the common flu. The highest risk of death, at any age, is for someone who has had an organ transplant or has had blood cancer within the last 5 years, the latter of course applies to John. The report comments: “At such a high level of risk, it would be prudent for this man and any of his close contacts to scrupulously exercise precautions avoiding exposure to SARS-CoV-2 until an effective treatment, proven vaccine, or natural herd immunity arrives”. As they stress, there is rarely a mild dose for someone over 70 or with one of these and other high-risk conditions.

June 5, 2020

Thinking about America (aren’t we all?) and it occurs to me that the similarities to Germany in the 1930s are worrying. Blacks and Latinos are seen by some as the equivalent of Jews at that time. It is easy enough to build a wall to keep out the Latinos but what to do about the blacks and browns who are there under sufferance to many people, who see them as folks who shouldn’t have escaped from slavery in the South in the first place? Perhaps keeping them poor or jailed and killing those that step out of line, and even a few who don’t? Because there was once a feeling that these people didn’t deserve health care or a good education or assistance in retirement, these things have over time been effectively denied to everyone giving Americans a much less secure life than someone in the European Union for example. And then along comes Trump, the man who in 1983 refused an engineer, who was part of a work team, permission to come aboard his yacht because he was black. The company leader Jesse Pariseau cancelled the contract of work and was sued for breach of that contract by Trump, who thankfully lost. But of all people he is one who could never have been expected to lift people up, the poor are to him commodities in the cogs of business, slaves even, needed to work for wages that no-one could comfortably survive on. When a society divides its citizens into Jews and non-Jews or white and black it is bound to be less inclined to provide for its citizens in general if the current legal framework doesn’t allow outright discrimination. Hence all of its citizens suffer ultimately. We are so shaped by our histories, the US as a conqueror of Native Americans and then a slave nation. We in Australia were first a conqueror and then a convict colony and these histories show every day in our respective political and social lives.

Participated in a Zoom meeting with my book group, though most were physically in attendance. Somehow or other we’ve gone from last Friday every month to first Friday and next month the second one for reasons I seem to have missed, but I guess it will all sort itself out in the end. It has been suggested that we meet at midday instead of in the evening in future, but I pointed out that one of our number is still working so I am not sure where that idea will go. There was an assumption that we will all be in face to face meetings by next month, but neither Rosanna nor I were prepared to commit to that at this stage. I have no idea how I will feel tomorrow, never mind in a month. But considering the limitations the meeting worked well I think.

June 6, 2020

I really missed being part of the Black Lives Matter demo today, but I just couldn’t justify joining a crowd of what turned out to be 10,000 people in Sydney. I’m afraid I am going to have to leave it to the young ones at the moment, however I’ve kept up the Facebook posts and letters. Proud of the turnout and the peaceful march in difficult circumstances, but I am hoping we don’t see a surge in COVID19 in a couple of weeks.

My bro is ringing more often of late and last night’s call was an example of where we differ, he is defying restrictions and doing his own shopping. K: They only let 11 people on the bus into town now, I can’t even go on the bus if I don’t wear a mask and I’m not going to wear one, blah. There will be plenty of people dead if they are confined any longer in tiny flats, blah blah (this referring to his sister-in-law who doesn’t leave her tiny flat at all, not even for a walk, because of the publicity about coronavirus). I think it’s all a big con and the suckers are falling for it, I refuse to take it seriously like you are, blah blah blah. After about 10 minutes of this I replied, very cool, not cross: I think you should go to town whenever you want and insist on getting on the bus without a mask. K, taken aback: Really? Me: Yes and you should lick all the handrails while you are in town as well and send me some pics of your valuables so I can choose a few things. That shut him up temporarily but of course he didn’t agree. But we still love each other don’t we? he said as we ended the conversation some time later. Yes I love you, I said, even when you are infuriating.

June 7, 2020

After some weeding in the sun I came in to order my (and John’s) fruit, veggies and seafood from Harris Farm. It works quite well as he is doing the same for Woolworths today and then we’ll swap goods. Trying to work out how to celebrate his birthday next Friday. No restaurants or cafes, no opportunity to go out to

buy a gift. Perhaps a drive to the Southern Highlands or the mountains or the coast? Still thinking it through and waiting for a brainwave. Yesterday he rang in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to go with him to look at a house in St. Ives for which is is doing some architectural drawings. It may or may not turn into a DA, of course if it does it will be a much bigger job, but currently it’s just a concept. The people were away for the weekend but we had permission to go into the garden to look around at the rooflines etc. The job came about when previous happy clients for whom he’d done an extension mentioned his name to a builder who was looking for some architectural work on a job. He was recommended and hey presto a job out of the air. It is such a lovely area and a lovely big house as well, I was bedazzled by the size of the camellias growing all around, many of them 10 metres tall at least. It must be deep volcanic soil as no matter how old the house you would never see that around here. Afterwards we drove to the nearby Wildflower Garden, I had packed a thermos as is our habit these days, and we sat in the car watching wallabies feeding for an hour before they closed the gates at 5pm.

June 8, 2020

Well as expected the brownish patches on the ceilings that were painted last week have not dried out with time as I was told they would, but are clearly visible to me. John assures me that no-one looks up which is hardly the point. I contacted the ‘painter’ who has promised to come back and fix it by overpainting those areas without need for me to strip the rooms again, a fine solution, if it works.

As a result of the decision to change book group meetings from night time to noon, one of our number has pulled out and two are unhappy with the change. This was predictable, and in fact was predicted, but it goes to show how important it is that big changes are put to the group as a whole and not passed by a vote with only half of the membership present. We shall see what happens but at the moment it’s just a confusion for everyone and an upset for some. I took about 20 books back to the library yesterday to put into the outside return box, but the box was sealed and inside the whole place was empty apart from some painters’ ladders. Clearly they took advantage of the closure to have a redo and thank god I’m not one of the librarians who had to empty every book, desk, computer and shelving unit from the building. Books now happily sleeping in the sun in my car boot, no wonder they haven’t been on my back to return them. I am currently reading Andrew McGahan’s last novel The Rich Man’s House. It is so different, so unpredictable, that I am not at all sure what I will rate it in the end, but 5 Stars for ingenuity and imagination.

June 9, 2020

Oh my, the book group is imploding for reasons that aren’t clear to anyone and who knows what the final upshot will be? I am still riveted by The Rich Man’s House. It is so beautifully descriptive that I go to bed with clear images of the inside of the house and how the rooms relate to each other and on one night I dreamed that I was in it, scary though that was I found it intriguing. I wonder about a mind that can even begin to formulate that story, with its creeping dread that combines elements of science fiction, adventure, the supernatural (something I usually groan about) and rolls it all into a chilling and scary story that makes

you glad to live in an unremarkable weatherboard house in an unremarkable suburb. I hope he managed to pull together an ending that fits the rest of the book, I should get there tonight.

I’m sending my bro the Australian Story episode on the 1918-19 pandemic in Australia. He seems to think that we are all over-reacting and that back in those days everyone was cool about it. Hardly, as that program shows. He is refusing to wear a mask, doing his own shopping, whingeing about the bus being restricted to 11 people, so I am sure he’ll enjoy? seeing how Australia coped last time. Every 3 weeks I fill in a COVID-19 survey sent from Sydney University. This last one asked whether the pandemic was caused by 5G, a Chinese lab, Bill Gates and a few other possibilities. If you answered to none of these, there was a box to fill in with your theory, I bet they got some doozies.

June 10, 2020

I bit the bullet and launched into people-land as I couldn’t see another way to get my pink slip for rego without taking the car to the mechanic’s. However they were fast and efficient, just a brake light needed, and I came back confident that I had taken no unnecessary risks. Got them to check the tyres which saved me another trip to a garage. A friend was planning to come over for afternoon tea but too much landscaping at the weekend left her in no fit state to go out. We have planned a morning tea for Monday instead. Tonight I have a Zoom meeting at 7 pm for which they have scheduled 3 sessions cumulatively, perhaps a little ambitious I suspect as being rooted to a chair is hardly the same as being able to move about in a room. Anyway we’ll see how it goes, one of our number now lives permanently in Europe so it will be different to have her join the group after a year or two’s absence. John’s drawings for the St Ives house weren’t quite what they were after so he’s redoing them today and will come up here tomorrow. He’s taken to feeding milk to a cat which often hangs about his door, it’s guaranteed that it will be permanently there from now on.

June 11, 2020

The Zoom meeting last night was technically fine, hosted from London by someone who lives now in the hills above Florence, but was caught in the lockdown there and is now stuck. With an expired visa, the only solution is to apply for residency, an expensive and time-consuming option which leaves her with no passport while it’s being considered. So many people affected in so many different ways. I decided that a couple of hours on the computer for Zoom isn’t something I will be doing again if I can avoid it, I prefer to replace it with one-on-one get-togethers with those who are available. Admittedly I wasn’t really feeling very social last night for other reasons, but I think it will be my attitude going forward. On other social media matters, what to do about an old client who asked to friend me on Facebook when I was closing the shop? Not a person I would socialise with at all given the option, I cringe when I see her posts. A few days ago it was an exalting post about cops (they are neither all good nor all bad, but unfortunately the bad ones have great power over us) and today she put up Pauline Hanson’s miserable speech to the Senate on Black Lives Matter. I have resisted unfriending her, something I’ve never done to anyone, but I don’t need to be riled up every few days either and debating the issues is a complete waste of time. Ah, isolation has its merits, the oven and the book never rile me; well maybe a book sometimes does but I can even the score with a scorching review, but that’s more tricky with folk. A review site for people? Now that’s something worth a thought.

June 12, 2020

John’s 79th birthday! How did that come along so quickly, I can’t believe he’ll be 80 next year. I decided to do a special picnic and we went to the Australian Botanical Gardens at Mt. Annan. It was a new place for us and we loved it, especially the garden of ancient plants like the cycads and ferns and the Wollemi pines, plus the signage which gave a description of the evolutionary course of life on earth from floating elements in the soup of earliest time through to current species. Fascinating but humbling when you think 79 years is a big deal and it’s telling you that actually 500 million years is more like a big deal to the earth. Makes you realise how little we mean in the whole scheme of things yet we are conditioned to believe that we are important. If I burn a cake I think it’s a big deal but whether we burn a cake, a house, a cathedral or half the country it’s of little relevance in the bigger scheme of things. We really enjoyed our picnic (irrelevant after what I’ve just said) and learned yet again how great a whole trout is as a meal as the leftovers make great sambos the next day.

June 13, 2020

I’ve been thinking about the differences between people and the fact that they seem to be divided into investigators and sweeteners. Both John and I are investigators I think, well I know we are. But so many people we come across just want things to be lovely and run from any deeper discussion about an issue (the ‘never talk religion or politics’ crew are a subset here) preferring to paper over things as quickly as possible, make nice, but not acknowledge differences. I see it in the sweeteners’ eyes when they disagree with me but nothing comes out of the mouth, though I’m sure it does when they retell the conversation later. Geoffrey Ludowici, who like his brother died way too young, neither living to take over their father’s highly successful company, used to tell me that ‘you only need to discover if a person is basically honest or basically dishonest and everything else becomes simple’. But I think knowing if they are investigators or sweeteners is perhaps the next step, as investigators will expose their true feelings whereas sweeteners will always try to please. Big lies are not their thing, but big truths aren’t either. Pity I didn’t put this to Geoffrey all those years ago, he would have given me an honest opinion on whether I’m right or talking shite.

June 14, 2020

Well what makes your heart sink more quickly than the computer dying? It’s not the money as much as the fear that it’s unfixable or that the potential fixer will baffle you with terms you can’t understand and then charge a bomb. I got the blue screen of death but Louis suggested I take it down to him to have a look. He’s a software engineer not a hardware man but he said he’d have a go. So this morning I made a batch of chocolate brownies and then went to Erko. This was made possible because they all came down with colds earlier this week and had COVID19 tests which proved negative. Poor Louis was downloading something or other onto his computer to be uploaded onto mine, but when I left more than three hours later it was still downloading so he said he would bring the computer back to me on Tuesday, either fixed or still cactus. He has had the good fortune to get a new job after his recent retrenchment but explained to them that he has to mind Millie for two days a week until her day care can take her back to her pre-virus routine. The new boss accepted this arrangement, proving what a catch Louis is. Amazingly Millie let me shampoo her hair in the bath, usually hair washing is the source of much upset. An unusual day compared to the last few months.

June 15, 2020

A busy day compared to usual in that I first prepped a slow cooker meal so I can give it to Louis to take home tomorrow and it will also serve as my dinner tonight. Then Arvind came over in his morning tea break working from home and sat on the front verandah shooting the breeze for what was a very long morning tea. As usual he rejected the offer of either a drink or food and he doesn’t eat sweets at all so tea and cake isn’t an option anyway. We continued to chat on the front verandah after another friend arrived for a planned morning tea. She brought a photocopy of Carol’s article just published in the Australian Women’s Weekly which was thoughtful of her. That encounter then spread to a couple of hours and she showed me how to use voice recognition to send messages which I’ve just tried successfully on an email but haven’t yet mastered on a text message. I’m wondering how long it will be before the library gets on my back about all these books, but I’m lying low now until I finish a couple more. Currently reading the magnificent Unsheltered by Barbara Kingsolver. Set in the same grand but tumbling down house in both 2016 and 1871, it has me in its thrall. It exposes the difficulty of middle class comparative poverty in a society where you are always just one illness away from bankruptcy. It ties in with the report of a man on the US who spent 72 days in hospital with covid19, only to be sent home with a $1.17 million bill itemised over 181 pages.

June 16, 2020

I am typing this on………….my computer! Louis brought it back today working perfectly and I am so happy that my daughter paired up with a genius. His genes are setting Millie on the path too, her comprehension of the digital world is just amazing. I was able to bring out the huge 2-storey Barbie House that John discovered recently on a walk nearby and snaffled for use as a grandma’s house treat. She loved it and we had a good game of girl and grandma, which included cooking in the well equipped kitchen and using each of the rooms for its purpose. She enjoyed her peanut butter sandwich lunch and then asked for crackers with peanut butter which were licked clean and then reloaded. Before their arrival, again at dead on 7.30, the painters came back to redo the ceilings that were subpar originally. With another coat they’ve turned out fine. It’s been my day.

Reading Unsheltered by Barbara Kingsolver, which has to be a 4.5 in terms of reading enjoyment for me. Set both in the period leading up to the election of the current president, ‘The Bullhorn’ as she aptly names him, and also in the 1870s it thrilled me to the point that I was scribbling down quotes on scrap paper as I read. The title wisely gives us the feel of the fragility of living week to week, despite one reasonable salary, in a house where the rain comes in, plaster ceilings collapse and cracks in the walls are stuffed with socks. The parallel Victorian story, of a teacher trying to open children’s eyes to science in the face of dogmatic religious beliefs that deny it altogether, could well have been set in modern day USA rather than in 1871.

June 17, 2020

I decided it was unfair to keep getting the bakery to deliver if I could work out an alternative, so last night I placed an order and then drove today to Dural and they delivered it to me in the carpark, everyone happy. But I have to say those people wouldn’t have complained if I’d kept up delivery till 2030. On the way back I went to the nursery and bought some Charlie Carp fertiliser using the same technique. John seems more affected by the lockdown than I am, so he is quite disappointed if for example a Zoom meeting falls through, but we are all different in these times. I get a kick out of getting around the lockdown as I did this morning but it doesn’t bother me when I can’t, the BLM marches being a big exception. On that note, my bete noire on Facebook sank to new lows yesterday asking why ‘a thug and felon gets 7 funerals and a gold-plated casket’ but I’ve decided I need to keep her on for the same reason that I read Murdoch papers in a cafe (well I used to….). You always need to know what the enemy is up to.

Having a conversation with Woolworths after they substituted the barramundi with saddletail snapper in John’s and my shared online order. Normally I would never eat fish from a supermarket, having known someone who worked at Woolworths in the fish section, but it was on a half price special and I weakened. I was okay with trying a new fish, until I tasted it that is. Oh my god, I have no words for how disgusting it was and the texture meant it could easily be used to retread my car tyres. Mine went to the birds, but although John hated it too he ate a little. So I asked Mr Google where it is caught, thinking it must be in the Mekong, but no, it is a tropical reef fish from Nth Queensland and the Northern Territory. But more interestingly I turned up countless Facebook posts going back to 2013 of people warning others never to buy it. The keywords were ‘disgusting, rubbery, stinks’ which are all understatements, but it didn’t smell when it was raw so clearly it wasn’t off. Anyway I sent a nice friendly missive to Woolworths telling them that they’ve upset a usually happy customer but that I would be happy to return the unused portions, which I froze, to their Norwest headquarters. They could come out to the carpark to collect it, he he.

June 18, 2020

I decided that today was cooking day so it began with making a traditional egg custard using frozen egg yolks that were left over from pavlovas or whatever and it worked a treat. I put the end result through a fine sieve though just in case, but there were no problem bits in the bottom so that’s one more use for accumulated yolks. Then on to a 4 bean stew with tomato, chili, paprika etc which will come in handy as a topping on corn chips for an easy nachos meal, freezer for that one. Next to a cake, mmm would I do a fruitcake, an orange and almond? But seeing I am supposed to be working my way through my untried recipes I opted for a Stephanie Alexander orange cake with icing. The batter seemed awfully stiff as I mixed it during a phone call from John (hint, I can’t do two things at once) so I added a little more orange juice and then some water and popped it into the oven. As I began to do the mountain of washing up and cleaning of the bench I found to my horror the two eggs that were meant to go into the cake! Whipping the partially risen cake out of the oven I hastily threw the hot batter into the Kitchen Whiz with the eggs and returned it to the oven before you could say IDIOT. It is now beautifully risen and doesn’t seem to have suffered for the experience. Now for the icing, surely I can’t mess that up?

June 19, 2020

So I’ve been thinking about why race relations in America don’t seem to improve, in fact they seem to be worsening. Rather than improving because they had a black president, perhaps they’ve worsened for that very reason. Now if you’ve grown up in a racist community perhaps getting a black president was just the last straw and firmed your sense of an invasion of ‘the other’? Also thinking about Trump’s cold inhuman attitude to the loss to COVID-19 of 116,702 lives as of today. One explanation is that the man is in fact a sociopathic malignant narcissist, but what if his mindset makes it impossible to feel any kind of empathy at all? I feel as if I’ve known Trump for decades, but in another body, as a friend’s father was long ago diagnosed as a malignant narcissist and despite being well treated and looked after into his dotage by his son he is bitter in the extreme and makes a life of misery for his son and his family. Just sitting at the dinner table with him is frightening, as he looks around the table for the weakest person to verbally attack tonight. I was lucky, being a guest, that it was never me but I had to stop going because it was too awful to watch and I suspect he liked the audience. If in fact Trump’s fear of being the loser in any encounter is so strong, then why feel pity for the ‘losers’ who succumb to this illness, largely people who are old or black or Latino? It is statistically a killer of minorities, just those people that largely vote Democrat in fact. This disease could be seen in that sort of mind as separating the weak from the strong, winnowing those frail and feeble and minorities. Just as Ronald Reagan refused to stump up money for AIDS research and was reported to see it as a gift towards ridding the US of homosexuals, perhaps Trump with his refusal to wear a mask and organising mass political gatherings is simply helping to sift the superhumans from the subhumans. We all know the end result of that thinking.

June 20, 2020

Martha gave me a couple of recipe books from 1980 and tonight I am doing dinner from one. It’s funny how you can date a recipe book almost exactly by just looking at the ingredient list and the pictures of a few dishes. I now need a bottle of Barossa Pearl or Sparkling Rhinegold or Porphyry Pearl to go with it. I noticed a press article about an upcoming inquest (that I can’t attend) into the death of my sometime upholsterer in the shop. He was a troubled young soul who attempted suicide at one point, almost succeeding, but damaged his oesophagus so badly that from then on he had to be fed through a tube into his stomach. The medicos told him that this would shorten his life considerably, of course human nature being what it is he then wanted very much to live. He descended into alcoholism and domestic violence until, during an attack on his wife, an intervention by her mother ended in his death. A sad waste of his young life and a tragedy for his wife, his 13 year old daughter who witnessed it all and of course his wife’s mother. With any such tragedy, including his suicide attempt, it is natural to ask yourself if you could have done anything that might have made a difference. But I know others who tried, including people who gave him work and the upholsterer who apprenticed him, and somehow it never seemed to make a difference. There was something deep in his psyche that just kept pulling him down.

June 21, 2020

Woolworths responded positively to my comments about the fish, not looking for a refund but a reason why they sell this stuff to unsuspecting customers. We had a to and fro about it, my last email complimenting them on their response to COVID-19 and saying that I enjoyed the weekly email from CEO Brad which was just the right combination of encouragement and information. I tried to give the remaining now frozen fish to Justin next door for his dog but as he took it he said ‘I might just throw it on the barbie and try it’…mmm I will see how that works out. I finally signed up to Medium, an American outfit printing the best of US journalism delivered to my phone each morning, via blogs plus The Atlantic, Business Insider, Huff Post, Vanity Fair, and all the newspapers of note. Lots of scientific links on COVID-19 which I can then follow up by reading the original research, plus heaps of political long-form articles and analysis. You can choose subjects you like, so I am sticking to science and politics for the moment but there are dozens to choose from. There are no ads and they don’t sell your details on to anyone, plus the author gets a small commission from every article you read. I am a bit addicted to Umair Haque’s blog, he seems to read my mind on political matters and then writes an article based on that in his unmatched style. I should get a comm for the seed ideas in his articles seeing he downloads some from my brain.

June 22, 2020

Our bushwalking day saw us drive to the National Park at West Head and the weather was perfect. We did the Red Hand Cave Walk and the Koolewong Track and the moss and lichens on the first walk were just spectacular. The bush was so silent. We had our picnic at the lookout and later were driving within the park when clouds of steam erupted from under the bonnet and the temperature gauge was seen to be at maximum. Rang the NRMA but had to guess our exact location, waiting time 60 minutes. An hour and a half later the patrol man told us that the radiator, which we had been warned not to check, was completely empty and he doesn’t carry enough water to fill it and therefore see where a possible leak is coming from, therefore the car must be towed. Problem: By now it was after 4 pm and the park gates close at 6 pm. How do we get out of here if the truck doesn’t make it I asked, ‘walk the 5 or 6 kilometres to the gate and ring a cab’ he replied, telling me that ‘maybe it’s not a good idea to bring your fella out into the bush if he can’t walk far’. Nothing to do but wait and cross my fingers, with John wanting to play I Spy or else perform The Man From Snowy River in its entirety, but I wasn’t in the mood for anything except making sure that the towie didn’t go right past us in the dark. He almost did, so my concentration and mad waving was the right decision. At a quarter to 6 I asked John what to do if he didn’t make it and he said we either ring the police or else sleep in the car (on a 2 degree night with no blankets). Amazingly the tow truck arrived at 10 to 6 and he had warned the gate that we were stranded so they left it open for us to get out. Patrick, born Pasquale, broke COVID-19 rules to take us with him rather than leaving us in the bush, even though we offered to get a cab from the gates, so then began 50 kilometres of conversation about all manner of subjects. He had done a real estate investment course with Donald Trump in Sydney in 2011, had bought a terrace near Hyde Park back when it was ‘full of junkies and pros’ and now it’s worth a packet. We talked concrete, real estate, caravans, odd accidents, the English language, Ralph Nader splitting the Left in a Presidential election, night shift and more until we arrived at my mechanic’s and then he brought us home about 8 pm. He lifted me bodily from the truck with ease (even though I could have climbed down backwards) further breaking his isolation and ours. What a wonderful interaction, which almost made up for the scary few hours watching night settle in the park.

June 23, 2020

Norma’s John died this morning at 4 am, within that renowned couple of hours in hospitals everywhere. I go back to the perennial questions: where is he now? how do the mind and the brain relate to one another? is it even remotely possible that the mind goes somewhere else? Poor Norma after all those years.

Thinking back over yesterday I remembered the klaxon-like horn at fire alarm pitch that went off in the tow truck every time we approached a speed camera, very discombobulating the first time. Today we went up to get some things out of the car and Alex tells me po-faced that it’s the radiator and hoses and is going to cost $5000. Knowing him as I do I replied asking if credit card is okay for that, then I get the big smile and ‘You know I will do it for you at the best possible price’. Yes I do, bless him and I will be happy with whatever he says. John had a doc’s appointment with Bob and I sat in the car reading for the hour and a half he was away, they chat a lot and it’s always an hour or more. It was very cold and not helped by the book which was set in France in winter and every page was ice and snow. We ended the day with a trip to the bakery for my order, now that I have worked out a system and they deliver to the car park I don’t need to feel bad about their petrol and time for which they wouldn’t charge me.

June 24, 2020

I’ve been sorting out some linen to give to Michelle W. who passes it on to the many mostly migrant women she works with, it’s become my fall-back since the charity shops closed. She says they positively leap on the boxes as she puts them down, this time some old towels, tablecloths, throws etc, but who cares where it goes as long as the recipient has a use for it and these women clearly do. My obsession with finding a use for things can be a millstone around my neck sometimes but in this case everyone’s happy. Of course I add to the problem by picking stuff up on the roadside and then I need to find those things a happy home, which used to often be the auctions but even that’s stymied at the moment. Had an interesting conversation in a call from John’s neighbour who sometimes shops for him for things like the pharmacy. She told me that she unpacked his pharmacy order (why?) and found dishwashing liquid which she told me would have been much cheaper at Woolworths (she had been there to check). I tried to explain that he always favours small shops over conglomerates and she couldn’t understand it at all. ‘I don’t care if all the

small shops go broke’ she said ‘because then we would get everything cheaper from the big ones’. I tried to explain his attraction to service over price but the concept was lost on her. I am somewhere between, sticking to small shops as long as the price difference isn’t tooo great, whereas John just doesn’t look at the price at all. We are all so different in our responses to even simple things.

June 25, 2020

Decided to make the Parsnip, Apple and Lime Cake that I’ve been hankering for and it was an absolute bottler. I remember having a similar combination as a steamed pudding at Sean’s Panaroma last year and I wouldn’t mind betting that it’s the same recipe but steamed in moulds. I am going to try some of it as a dessert with custard and see how it goes. My car is finally home, fortuitously they rang this afternoon while Heather was here so she dropped me up there to pick it up, $629 but could have been worse. I forgot to take the chocolates I intended to give the boys there so I’ll drop them in another day. Feeling too clever I tried to do some work on the computer late in the day but it had gone kaput. Louis had fixed it two weeks ago but now it is out of action again so I suppose I will need to get ‘the man’, groan. While I’m bitching, the latest Coronavirus case is at a school just near John’s place. But looking on the bright side I have ocean trout for dinner, so things are not all bad in the world.

June 26, 2020

The best of people and the worst, let’s get the worst out of the way first. In the US there are actually rallies against wearing masks, in the middle of a bleeding pandemic. It does my head in. Then on the news in Melbourne there were people interviewed on the streets of the suburbs with renewed outbreaks who said they would refuse testing ‘because it’s a democracy and we don’t have to’. On that basis the ambos don’t have to pick you up you idiot and the medical staff don’t have to risk their lives to care for you if you get sick, it’s their democratic right to refuse isn’t it? But it won’t be that silly witch who gets a severe dose, it will be her neighbour who did everything the right way and caught it nonetheless from a Covidiot. Steam coming from ears.

Turning to lovely people, my friend’s brother has advanced Parkinson’s and suffers from hallucinations. He has been convinced for some time that they are caring for a refugee and expects his wife to provide meals for him. Currently in a short residential respite he has asked for mattresses to be put on the floor of his room so all the little people he looks after can sleep there comfortably. It’s a sad story but speaks so well of his intentions. They say dementia intensifies existing personality and if that’s true it speaks so well of this man. Steam out of ears receding somewhat.

June 27, 2020

Lovely day cooking for the Erskineville mob who came after lunch and stayed for dinner. My granddaughter was still entranced by the Barbie house which occupied her afternoon. ‘Where do you think this doll ought to go grandma?’ ‘In the kitchen.’ ‘No grandma she goes in the bathroom ‘. I was never right but I think that was the point of the game. a friend came over later and was entertained on the very cold back verandah but luckily she’d worn her mountaineering jacket. Her mum has MS so she’s fully across lockdown and happy to take precautions. The parsnip pudding went down really well with custard although John, who was aware of the main ingredient, wasn’t keen. Psychology of food is a real issue, as I’m only too aware when I think of eating anything that scrunches up its nose, like bunny rabbit or kangaroo. A butcher once gave me a taste of something and I stupidly took it, only later being told it was kangaroo and it nearly ended up on his floor. In France I almost ate horse, misunderstanding the menu. Also in Europe I ordered steak and thought to check what it was, ‘beel meat’ he said, only later finding out it was reindeer and my immediate thought was ‘oh god I’ve eaten Rudolph’. Knowing how silly that is doesn’t change the way you feel. As a Muslim friend told me in relation to pork, it’s as if you came to my house and I served you rat. Point taken.

June 28, 2020

So 30% of those in Covid19 quarantine apparently refuse to be tested…..what the ****? We suckers pay for them to watch Netflix for a fortnight while they whine about the food and the room and whatever else and it’s too much trouble for them to open their mouths for a test? Easy fixed, there’s a big hospital at Long Bay, stick them all in there till Christmas on prison rations. Sorted.

While I’m on my soapbox here’s another thing. Those on Newstart have struggled for years to survive on $40 a day and were considered bludgers to boot, but now that there are thousands more unemployed we just change the name of the benefit and this is considered a boon for real people who are suffering, the rate increasing massively. The poor can’t believe their luck, caught up with the middle class and now able to pay their bills. But don’t get used to three meals a day people, the bastards will put it back down by and by, as soon as their traditional voters are back in work and then the poor be damned.

June 29, 2020

A couple of weeks ago my computer died and Louis made a valiant effort to fix it, but sadly it has croaked again after working fine for a week or so. I contacted a technician, Omar, with trepidation as they have a habit I’ve found of either being a bit odd, talking over my head or expecting decisions faster than I can provide them. But I’ve had a long talk to Omar who was very helpful and not at all a pressure person. He’s saying that if it needs a new hard drive as he suspects he can do that but all the other parts are old so there would be no guarantee on them. On the other hand if I wanted a new computer he would check suppliers for the best deals/ specials on a touchscreen model, deliver it and transfer the data over. But the best part was that he told me not to rush into a decision and to ring him back when I’d thought about it, which was generous. So I’ve decided to take a gamble and get it fixed if he can, I am at heart a fixer rather than a replacer. I will be happy if I’ve found a computer tech that I can trust who is understanding of my preferences, that’s worth a lot on its own. The last time I called one he was very odd and just didn’t want to go home, sitting on the floor nursing my computer for hours, it got quite creepy in the end. Omar comes later this arv so we shall see.

It occurred to me that I haven’t eaten a meal cooked by someone else since the beginning of March, nor a drink either when I come to think about it. I’m happy with my own cooking but gee a treat from KOI or some sushi will go down a treat once it comes to pass. I’m thinking the citrus jar from KOI and some tempura veggies sounds like a meal, note dessert is mentioned first.

June 30, 2020

Omar was neither weird nor did he talk over my head. But my computer is sunk despite his best efforts. Now comes the tricky job of buying another one when I can’t go to the shops. I must pick things up, I read quality through my hands. Omar has recommended one that he can get for a reasonable price but alas it’s not a touchscreen, which I love. Louis has recommended one for twice the price that is a touchscreen. Although I don’t believe in astrology I know I’m a classic Libran, agonising over every decision to a ridiculous degree, in fact to the point that I can easily make myself sick over it. With people dying in droves all over the world the decision is very much a tiny First World one, but today it is like a lead yoke on my shoulders nonetheless.

July 1, 2020

We decided to take a drive to Wiseman’s Ferry today and I appreciated the opportunity to get into a computer-free zone and loved picnicking by the Hawkesbury River under the trees. Seeing I can’t do my online fruit and veg order easily I took the opportunity to pull over at a small roadside stall on the way to restock. The lady told me that they grow everything on the property but when I saw the bananas I had my doubts. But whatever of that I am now flush with good quality produce without needing to go to the shops. Tried out the new Thermos, bought after the old flask was accidentally knocked over and broken at Mt Annan. The tea was as hot or hotter than the freshly made one we had at breakfast and was still very hot when we had a second cup at 4pm so very pleased with the new purchase. I think Omar is fed up with my computer questions as he didn’t answer the one I sent last night. I know I’m a pain in the arse with details but in business you have to deal with all sorts. I guess it gives me more thinking time if he delays replying but I really do want it done and dusted.

July 2, 2020

Louis came out to show me Dav’s Microsoft computer which coincidentally is also the one that Carly bought. One of the features they like is that it is light and thin so they can use it easily on their laps, something I never do. So I’m still waiting for Omar’s reply and then I’ll go from there. Louis stayed for lunch and it was good to spend some time with him. The library has offered a delivery service so I am getting the book group choice delivered next Tuesday. I told them that I had 20 returns here and they said they could take a bag of 10, but 20 was too many?? Three months ago they would have fined me big time for having all these overdue books but now I’m having trouble returning them, funny times we are living in. I am constantly amazed by the lengths people will go to in order to avoid covid19 restrictions. People changing the suburb on their driver’s licence to avoid lockdown, trying to sneak around the restrictions by

coming into NSW by overnight train, it never ends. I am generally supportive of people who ignore laws that are morally suspect, such as those forbidding outside surveillance of animal cruelty on farms for example, but those who break reasonable laws just for their own comfort and convenience need a legal kick to the seat of their pants in my view and I hope Daniel Andrews has the ticker to give it to them.

July 3, 2020

Speaking to the bro last night he was complaining that now he can’t get on the bus without a mask, but then he began complaining that they should have brought this in three months ago and they wouldn’t be in the tragic situation that they’re in. I’m detecting a distinct shift here from ‘it’s all an overreaction’ to ‘what were they thinking to let it get this bad’. Perhaps I can take a little credit for this change, but then again perhaps not. What to do with the 10,000 Victorians who have refused testing? No, throwing them in the Yarra is much too brutal, it’s winter after all. Publishing their names and addresses perhaps so people can avoid them? Withdrawing their AFL viewing rights? Creative thinkingmy son, you’ll come up with something.

My computer obsession is hopefully drawing to a close because this morning I decided to apply my restaurant rule. Have just a soup at a top restaurant rather than three courses at a mediocre one, so I bought Louis’s recommendation of a Microsoft Surface Laptop which was 20% off at JB Hi-Fi but still more than double the price of the one Omar could get for me. But I went with Louis’s suggestion 7 and a half years ago when I bought the Toshiba and it didn’t see a serviceman until it died, so hopefully I’ll still be using this one when I’m 80. Oh dear that’s a scary thought.

July 4, 2020

Election night for Eden-Monaro, we are eating early so as not to miss a single syllable of Antony Green’s analysis. Barramundi with warm potato salad and broccolini, but I’m afraid I didn’t plan ahead well enough to have a sweet ready. At 11pm it was obvious that no result would be known tonight but Labor was leading by a bilby’s whisker so I’d rather be on our team than theirs. The Nationals president hadn’t cared enough to learn how to pronounce the Liberal candidate’s name, calling her something like Korvoyages, so that was an indication of their level of interest. At 12.15 my possum family had a punchup on my bedroom roof. It was very noisy and I’m sure it was the male giving the female what for due to some perceived slight. I’ve renamed him Dyson, not after the vacuum.

July 5, 2020

It looks as if we’ve won Eden-Monaro. Woo-hoo, about time something good happened in 2020. Serves the Libs right for all sorts of reasons, the fact that they air-brushed the wrinkles out of their candidate’s photos not the least of them. We headed off to Pitt Town (Piddown in local tradie parlance) to deliver some more goods to Michelle for her work mates. I love relocating things to where they are most needed and this was a three way transaction which pleased the donor, me and no doubt the recipients, four way if

you count Michelle. From there we went to Cattai National Park which meant our picnic was had overlooking the Hawkesbury again. Arndell’s house within the park was the home of the surgeon on the First Fleet, then it passed down through 7 generations of his family. It is a fine example of Georgian architecture but unfortunately is currently closed for restoration. John is finding these excursions illuminating as they are mostly to places he’s never been, I think he’s somewhat surprised to find anything worth looking at in western Sydney, Mosman boy that he is at heart. The new Thermos is proving a real boon.

July 6, 2020

I am getting just a teensy bit nervous because the Liberals haven’t yet conceded defeat in Eden-Monaro and there’s no news on Antony’s blog about the count. I thought they’d all tempted fate a little by declaring it won so quickly but In Antony We Trust. Gladys is the Queen of Backflips it seems, first on the Powerhouse Museum (a backflip which I applaud, but that’s $40 million she’s wasted on the ill-fated project, yet if I pinch a biro from the government I could be charged… and now on border closures. They were the work of Satan a week ago, but when it is NSW that’s threatened by creeping COVID from the south it’s a whole different box of frogs. No doubt she will spin it her way but I am afraid she will never win me over, she has privatisation where her heart should live. And while I am on that, I am livid that she has sold the Sirius building for gazillions after turfing out all of the public housing tenants to the western suburbs. There is nothing that would get under their skins more than having the poor in a building with amazing harbour views. The rabble can’t be allowed to think they are the equal of Mr and Mrs Moneybags, the mere thought would give Glad the vapours and she’d need an extra G and T to settle down.

This morning Omar came first thing and did the ceremonial opening of the new computer, tearing the cello covering from its box. It works and I am fully back in the world so I did a couple of online book reviews just to get used to it. He charged me about half of his original quote so it was clearly easier than first predicted. It is a huge relief to me to have a close, trustworthy computer person who distils what I need to know into words I can understand and is available by email and phone as well as in person as necessary. So far so good on the new girl but he’s there if I run into problems.

July 7, 2020

Looking at those poor souls locked up in the Housing Commission buildings in Melbourne is heart-wrenching. I know it had to be done, and fast, but surely getting every community service worker masked up and door knocking was preferable to having them see it on the news or looking out to see the place crawling with police, my first thought as a resident would have been the Grenfell Towers fire in London. But full marks to the folk who raced there with car loads of food and other necessities for them, I’m hoping that outreach will continue once the virus is behind us. I continue to be fascinated with the science of this thing; the latest report on the cluster of six genes which raises people’s risk of severe Covid-19 outcomes is that it occurs in an online database of Neanderthal genomes. The researcher found that the gene version

is the same as that found in Neanderthals who lived in Croatia 50,000 years ago. People who carry two copies of the variant are three times more likely to suffer from severe illness than people who do not. It’s possible that an immune response that worked against ancient viruses has ended up causing an overreaction against the new coronavirus. People who develop severe cases of Covid-19 typically do so not because of the virus per se, but because their immune systems launch uncontrolled attacks that end up scarring their lungs and causing inflammation all over the body. I want to read the ultimate textbook on this disease but, although a few people have rushed to print, it will be years before a definitive volume emerges.

My day began with an email to Omar describing a couple of problems I’ve had working out the new computer. He phoned back and sorted one out remotely and he will call in tomorrow to see if he can solve the other. Bless. Then I decided that there was a dearth of sweet stuff here so I did an orange and almond cake which has just come out of the oven and looks good enough to eat. Caught up on some overdue emails including to the bro who has had the trifecta of computer, hot water system and phone issues all at once. I would be spinning. Decided not to go to book group this month after John expressed the view that he would be anxious about my going, at least that settled the issue and made it one less thing for me to agonise over.

July 8, 2020

Talking today to John’s niece Teresa, one of the very few people I know who has gone into almost complete lockdown, and she confirmed that nothing’s changed in their household. Like us they go out occasionally to a bush idyll for a picnic but otherwise it is just staying home. She mentioned asking her GP this week if she should start coming in to the office but the reply was ‘no way with an autoimmune condition’. She also said that she was told, as I have been, that most deaths occur from immune cytokine storms, not pneumonia or the more predictable flu type complications. I have had a theory that the young people who die could be pre-symptomatic autoimmune patients, considering that apart from a few things like juvenile type 1 diabetes, most of these conditions don’t show up till the ages of 50 or over, but the genetic predisposition to them is there from birth. Just a theory, but a story in The Age this week about a young plumber who had his 23rd birthday while unconscious on a ventilator in Melbourne discussed the fact that while he was in ICU they discovered he had an autoimmune disease from which he’d had no previous symptoms. Time will tell. None of the groups of which she is a member are meeting face to face, all sticking to Zoom. So my decision not to go to book group this week was considered by her to be a no-brainer. We have been invited to a first wedding anniversary party in October and considering there seemed like hundreds at the (outdoor) wedding I am still reluctant to reply at this stage. Who knows what the situation will be by then.

Last night I watched the Foreign Correspondent programme on children stolen from Timor Leste by Indonesians during the invasion of that blighted country. I found myself sniffling and then sobbing as those poor souls went back to visit their families, now speaking a different language, worshipping a different religion, with many of their relatives having died. The reconciliations reminded me of meeting Kenneth in

the arrivals lounge at Manchester Airport, just hanging on to each other for dear life, but with none of the language and cultural divides that these people face. At the end I contacted my adoptive Timorese cousin Cal to express my love and appreciation of what he and Domingos went through in that war, resulting in their evacuation to Australia during the initial bombing raids and subsequent adoption by my cousin Ruth and her husband Greco. They both converted to Islam so there remains that division between their familial religious and cultural background and their current beliefs, another similarity to the stories told in this moving doco.

July 9, 2020

Had a friend over for morning tea and the handle suddenly broke off my teapot as I was pouring it, spilling the lot onto the table and floor, but it pains me to think that I could have been pouring it over her lap when it happened. However the glass insert which didn’t break will make an unusual vase. It’s made me realise that I need to clean my silver tea service so I can bring it back into the fold. We went for a walk later and John suddenly told me how much he loves me so some combination of sun or exercise or morning tea was obviously good for him. I finished reading the book group choice but it feels strange not to be going to the meeting tomorrow, I think it’s the only meeting I’ve missed except when we were overseas a couple of times. Food delivery day today with Harris Farm in the morning and Woolies in the afternoon. Normally the Woolies order goes to John’s and then we swap but they had sent me an offer of $20 off and free delivery which was too good to refuse. I just couldn’t have let that money slide past for exactly the same amount of groceries. So now my fridge is groaning but much will go back to John’s house when he leaves on Sunday. A Dutch friend of mine was always bemused at my desire to land a special and used to ask ‘and on what are you going to spend the money you saved?’ but he missed the point. I think it’s a class thing and he was firmly into the middle class. We once went to a restaurant in Crows Nest and became chatty with the Bangladeshi waiter who invited us to stay back and have free drinks at the bar with him and the owner after closing. Things went well until JanBert asked the Bangla guy what he was doing in Australia. Studying fashion design he replied, after which my Dutch friend spurted the alcohol out of his mouth in a guffaw saying ‘Just what Bangladesh needs, a fashion designer!’ We left soon after, thank goodness. The Dutch are known for saying what they mean.

July 10, 2020

Decided to get our picnic day in before the rain starts, but first stop was an old shop contact in Windsor to pick up the last instalment of the bucks he borrowed over a year ago, he’s always as good as his word but it takes time. He had also managed to sell an old briefcase of mine in a garage sale for $25 so that was an unexpected bonus. He was a bit downhearted because a neighbour had reported to the council his habit of feeding birds every afternoon and he’d had a cease and desist letter from them as well as from the landlord. Buying stale bread from a bakery to feed them he was getting huge flocks of parrots and galahs and corellas coming every afternoon, they classified him as a ‘bird nuisance’ which is funny in itself. From there we set out to find the lovely rockery and garden we spied earlier when we were in Cattai, it was on the other side of the river and on the way we looked in at the old Ebenezer Church and wandered around

its cemetery. Many of the pioneers, including First Fleeters, are buried there and the first service was held under a tree there in about 1804. Lachlan Macquarie visited in the early days of the colony arriving by boat up the Hawkesbury. But still no rock garden. We tried various roads to the river finally ending up on private property and the owner came out to see us, explaining that the rock garden we’d seen is on another private property and unreachable. John commented that had we been in the US we might have been shot but he was a cheery fellow. A further drive took us to the old Tizzana Winery, the proprietors of which were longtime clients of the shop, but it was closed, not that we would have gone in anyhow. Driving through Sackville we came upon the car ferry and took it for a lark, coming home via Maroota and Dural, making it a round trip. Thinking of doing some transplanting tomorrow and putting in some seedlings I’ve grown before the days of rain arrive. My pink speckled Hypoestes were transplanted to the front garden last year but they are not happy so I want to move them back out of the sun. The Pink Star packet said 500 seeds but because I’d had bad luck with the spinach and germinated zero, I planted them all and it looks like 1000 came up, so I need to find quite a few homes.

July 11, 2020

Got my gardening done early and then after lunch Heather came over for a cuppa but she decided not to come in after John thought it was a bit too cool out on the verandah. She said she will come by another day, being uncomfortable with the risk (to us) of being inside in the current environment. She had brought a big coat to sit outside as we have been doing recently but we will catch up on a sunny day, hopefully this week. We find such a huge range of responses amongst our friends from the super cautious who allow no one inside and carefully disinfect everything that comes in via home delivery to the gung ho ‘it won’t happen to me’ folks. I think we fall into the pretty cautious camp but not at the extreme end, though I don’t criticise whatever responses people have, I think it’s largely a personality thing in combination with how much (or how little) they’ve been reading about the virus and how to avoid it. Apparently at the book group meeting on Friday a suggestion was made about having meetings outdoors somewhere but it was kiboshed by someone on the grounds that carrying picnic baskets from the car was a nuisance. A pity as that would have gone a long way to making me feel comfortable about going back to the meetings. The way things are going in Victoria though, we may well be in lockdown again by August so the venue could be a moot point. I’m happy to play it as it comes.

July 12, 2020

John surprised me by saying he would like to do another walk and picnic today and that was well-timed considering we had a baked trout for dinner last night with enough left over for sambos. We decided to dispel the West Head jinx and do a walk from the exact point where we spent many hours waiting for help when the car broke down last time. It was uphill to the highest point in the park and we had our picnic at the trig point on top, looking out at Lovett Bay in the distance. A whip bird decided to do his whip thing right next to us, the first time I’ve heard it so close by and boy it’s loud. Later we drove to Akuna Bay and Illawong Bay and decided to spend some time there in the future too, though there aren’t many walks on that side. Some very handy looking yachts were moored there, another thing alongside fancy cars that I have no desire to own, regardless of how much money I come into. But we’ve realised that going on a Sunday, indeed any time at the weekend, is not for us because we couldn’t get a park anywhere near the lookout and there are just too many people about. Luckily our particular walk didn’t attract them though. I accidentally put my fancypants water bottle down on a rock and left it there for a while and when I went back someone had pinched it, yuk I can’t imagine doing that at the moment, but I hope they enjoy my favourite bottle as much as I did.

July 13, 2020

Facebook popping up random memories is always interesting and sometimes a surprise. Today some pics from 3 years ago came up, John with walking stick in his recliner chair, and it was such a contrast to the man who walked up to the trig point yesterday. I don’t think either of us thought that we’d see him as he is today. Perhaps that’s why the thought of getting the virus knocks him about a bit, coming so far and then getting knocked down by a tiny guy he can’t see and feels somewhat powerless to fight off. A report in the Lancet today about a woman who gave the virus, via elevator buttons, to 71 people she had never met is probably a story that fuels paranoia in some and gets a mere shoulder shrug from others.

I suddenly remembered fruit mince the other day. It isn’t even Christmas but I recalled a lovely mince tart I once baked that had grapes in it and decided to replicate it decades later only this time I added cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg to the pastry. Even turned up the original recipe in Cordon Bleu, that delicious series of 18 books that I ordered monthly from England in my early 20s and use still. It is just out of the oven so I can’t comment on its taste but it looks damned good. The fruit mince has been macerating in the fridge for 48 hours since I made it on Saturday, using a Bangor Primary School Centenary Port from 1994. Clearly port is not my tipple so it’s lasted well, since I bought it about 20 years ago in a deceased estate sale from someone who’d never opened it. At least that’s one thing less to feature in my deceased estate sale as there’s only another nip left in it. It is a very weird idea that we spend our lives collecting stuff that then goes to charity or the bin in many cases, losing its significance entirely. I can remember how I came into possession of almost everything I own and the story that goes with it, but those stories end with me of course. As I said when Alex Hendriksen, a very knowledgeable antique dealer, died years ago ‘it’s a pity we can’t download his knowledge onto a computer somehow, replete with stories’. Like when he bought an antique hearse and had great fun lying in the back in full view while being slowly driven through the streets of Windsor. People stopped on the footpaths as a mark of respect, well the first couple of times anyway. He had a penchant for alcohol and often walked home from the shop on a Friday night holding onto a Coles trolley because he couldn’t stand. He asked me to spread the rumour that he had Meniere’s Disease to explain his lack of balance but I could never do it, always feeling he should own his alcoholism, as he did his other peculiarities. We won’t see another character like Alex any time soon.

July 14, 2020

Julia Gillard appeared one-on-one last night on Q and A. I decided that my unbroken sleep was more important than listening to her, despite my general support and interest in much she would have to say. I was, and still am, totally opposed to her overthrow of Kevin Rudd. Despite his faults and foibles he was elected and popular, his overthrow resulted in a broad and long term distrust of politics and politicians and we ended up with Tony Abbott, a fact that ultimately I sheet home to Gillard (and the gullibility of the populace to the lies of the Murdoch press). Rudd’s unpopularity with public servants was well known, due to his unreasonable requests and lack of planning resulting in some sleeping under their desks in order to produce work that was asked for at 5pm and expected first thing the next morning. He was a micro-manager, he had a temper, but are these sufficient to overthrow a sitting PM? I would answer strongly in the negative.

A communication from my virologist friend today about the fact that there are reports of people getting COVID19 a second time and also that the second infection proves worse than the first. This is common to dengue fever as well where reinfection leads to severe illness. “From what I know about all the other Coronaviruses, reinfection is quite common due to a couple of factors, the variety of its surface proteins (small variations in strain as it spreads) and how our immune system clears the infection, as a lasting immune response is not always triggered. Both are very bad news for hopes of a vaccine.” At best it would indicate that it would need to be an annual vaccination, allowing for the changes of the previous year, somewhat similar to the flu vax. I think we have all battened down for a long wait for a vaccine but few of us have considered the long-term changes in our lives that may be necessary if a vaccine proves impossible: no overseas travel, constant preventative measures, limited personal contact, getting used to the uncertainty of outbreaks occurring and so much more. I think it is probably better to adapt to these changes as if there won’t be a quick fix and then if there is a workable virus produced it will be a nice surprise.

July 15, 2020

I’ve read recently that Andrew Dolt keeps calling Dr Karl Kruszelnicki a ‘scientific fraud’. Here is the educational comparison: Dr Karl completed a Bachelor of Science majoring in Physics and Maths followed by a Masters of Science in Astrophysics, followed by a Masters in Biomedical Engineering. He then completed a Bachelor of Medicine and a Bachelor of Surgery and practised as a doctor until he saw a child die of whooping cough and decided to go into medical journalism as a pro vaccination campaigner. Andrew Dolt on the other hand began a BA but dropped out. Well that’s that sorted.

COVID19’s tentacles reach far from the Crossroads Hotel (previously famous as a bikie pub and the preferred watering hole of Ivan Milat). My neighbour came home from work yesterday because a colleague of his had a pizza there last week. Now he’s been told to work from home until told otherwise. Too close for comfort, should I disinfect the fence? It’s easy to be wise after the event but I have been screaming at our Glad to close the Victorian border for a while. If she’d done so we may not have had the Crossroads cluster at all. How hard is it to insist that truck drivers head straight to their destinations without stopping at any other businesses on the way? There are plenty of truck stops, and an Esky solves the food issue. Sometimes I think that Glad is so business oriented that she just can’t bear to do what she knows is the right thing, in just the same way as I can’t bear to throw things out. But I do know it’s irrational and sometimes the throw out has to be done. Glad needs a good behaviour therapist at her elbow reinforcing the idea of commitment to society and cheering her on ‘Good girl Gladys, you can do it, have a Mintie’.

July 16, 2020

A win to report today. Ever since I got the NBN my Caller ID and answering machine haven’t worked, so I finally got around to sorting that out. Optus is only taking ‘urgent requests’ by phone and an email query didn’t work, so I reverted to that old trick (which I should have done first) of putting the problem on their Facebook page. Voila! Within an hour Kartik had called and said he would refer it to the technicians and today Huy rang from Melbourne and with a bit of toing and froing he fixed both problems remotely. So I’ve just praised them both on the Facebook page for good measure. Now Kenneth will get off my back about having no answering machine for the rare times that I miss his calls. He seems very sentimental lately, often saying how much he misses me and reminiscing about our early separate lives and how much he wishes we had been together. He told me yesterday that he had just read through every email I had ever sent him and that must have taken hours. I can’t let myself spend too much time thinking about how different my life would have been with him in it, not to even mention our dad, who so valued education that he put Kenneth into a good school and fully supported his move to Cambridge. But there’s no good crying over spilt family, it gets you nowhere and doesn’t change a jot. However I am finding I am close to tears now every time the bro rings, he isn’t far behind.

John is having a Zoom meeting today with his seminary buddies, chaired by the indomitable Dally, which has a firm agenda. First each is to talk about what they have been up to for the last year (I guess for those few who’ve been out of their loop), then another round to talk about coronavirus and the impacts on each of them of the lockdown, then a third round which I’ve already forgotten. Only after all that do they get into general discussion. How good it would have been to have suitably chaired book group meetings, but it’s not to be unfortunately. It does strike me as odd that the men’s group allied to our book group is only meeting remotely, yet the women only want to meet in person. Another win today was that I phoned a restaurant at Church Point and explained that we would love to come for lunch one day but are not happy to dine in. They immediately had the solution: order and pay by phone from the car and they will pack our food into takeaway containers which they will bring to the door so we can eat them at the outdoor tables in the adjacent park. This was so quickly suggested that it led me to believe that we were far from the first to ask. Some people get it, some don’t.

July 17, 2020

John’s car needed a check-up so we dropped it in and then headed off to Curl Curl and Freshwater to watch the waves in this week of above average highs. Did the cliff-top walk from Curl Curl and at one stage I sat to watch for a while till a lady asked, pointing to the edge: ‘Is he yours?’ and I looked up to find John on the rocks calling ‘Take my photo’. I quickly did and he was soon back on the path, good that he still surprises me sometimes. Later he walked the full length of the beach while I sat in the glass bubble of the car with a point blank view over the ocean. Drove to Freshwater and ordered some lunch at our fave,

Pilu Barretto on the beach, eating in the shelter shed with the trusty Thermos, watching the wild weather. First food I’ve eaten since March that I didn’t cook myself, first a delicious cannellini bean and potato soup with home made bread, followed by one of their famously amazing salted caramel tarts, so that was exciting. John’s car needs a new clutch and the lock for the rear door is buggered, both of which we knew, so those things will be done next week. John watched the football while I read at night, the usual procedure. I am engrossed in a book chosen for me by the librarian: Joyce Carol Oates epic ‘Night. Sleep. Death. The Stars’. She does an amazing job with family dynamics, I feel as if I’ve known these characters all their lives, but their issues are set against a background of racism, police brutality, corruption, business, wealth, complete with a detailed two and a half page description of a feral cat. I will be sorry when I leave them all.

July 18, 2020

Michael and Bronwyn are looking for a new table/desk so I cleaned up a cedar one that I have in the garage and John was going to take it to show them but once again he couldn’t get the rear door of the car open, thankfully Alex will see to that next week. Cedar really is the queen of woods, the grain is beyond beautiful. Then he glued on the head of one of my garden statues which fell over and decapitated itself somehow, looking more like a Roman original in the process. He loves all of those annoying little chores that I would never get around to, like working out why the hose fitting is leaking or correcting the way I’ve loaded the tape dispenser. However I sew on his buttons and get stains out of his jumpers so I suppose it all works out in the end. Not to mention dealing with anything financial, something that John finds incredibly taxing: negotiating with a company over a faulty purchase or service, getting some action out of a government department, complaining about almost anything. I write the email and he adds his name and sends it, but he is always cock-a-hoop when it results in the problem being fixed. Perhaps they did too good a job of pushing humility in the seminary as he has no sense of entitlement, of course this in part makes him the lovely amenable soul that he is. When I asked what he would like for lunch today he answered ‘Whatever you most want rid of’.

July 19, 2020

Doesn’t it really give you the shits when you see something that you should have written yourself? I love this post which was written by Peter Graham and sent to me via Facebook. It hits the nail on the head I think:

Before we get too hung up on blaming the state govt, or the federal govt, or China for our COVID situation let’s review some facts: 1. We had to bring in mandatory quarantine in hotels, because we couldn’t trust people to stay home after returning from overseas. 2. We then had to bring in security, because we couldn’t trust people to stay in those hotels. 3. We then had to bring in ADF, because we couldn’t trust the security guards not to have sex with those in quarantine in the hotels. 4. We had to get police to door knock and check up on people, because we couldn’t trust those who were meant to be self-isolating to actually stay at home. 5. We also have to have police and ADF reinforce the metropolitan Melbourne zone and state borders, because we can’t trust people to follow the restrictions. 6. We are now being asked to use masks, because we cannot trust people to social distance when they are in public. 7. Through it all, our supermarkets have had to introduce shopping restrictions because we couldn’t trust people to not to take more than what they needed. So we can get as mad as we want at politicians or health officials for imposing restrictions, or the country where the virus originated, but essentially it’s our own fault that we find ourselves here.

Overnight 60 people were fined for being at a wild party in Schofields and I ask myself (apart from why anyone would rent an airbandb in Schofields at all?) do these people not listen to the news? I was a news junkie even at the age of 20 so I find it hard to understand. But I guess it’s like me and sport, when it comes on the news it’s time to make a cuppa or go to the loo, anything but watching that tedious stuff, perhaps they are the same about things that bore them: like life, death and disease.

It seems the blog might come in handy for John as he is forgetting the dates and incidents in his long and complex medical history of the past 4 years or so. He keeps asking ‘did I get the septicaemia once or twice? before the knee replacement or after?’ so I have suggested going to the blog which documents chapter and verse of his travails. Getting him organised for appointments gets problematic so I ask him to record everything in his diary, however he forgets to look there and has been known to turn up a week early, or even a week late, for an appointment. Not sure what the answer is there.

July 20, 2020

So the day can only look up when first thing in the morning you grab your toothbrush to find a big cockroach on the handle, right? Dispensing him to his maker, I decided this bad omen was a oncer and was glad to get it done with early and to move on to a good day. Later I went to the storeroom to pack away some bits and bobs cluttering the house. There is only one key so it is longtime policy to leave it in the lock at all times when the room is open, except hours later the key is missing and I have a sinking feeling that it is inside. Paying a locksmith $200 to open the door isn’t an idea that I relish and it may be that the lock will need to be drilled out and another one put in, but realistically no one would want anything stored therein so perhaps I just drill it out and leave it. I am now waiting for the third disaster to befall me today, but looking on the bright side I did have a new toothbrush in the drawer and now have the two roach-loved ones in the ‘handy items I may need’ box. (Could I throw them out? No I could not).

Reading my current novel till late, I went to bed last night on a high point of the plot. The children of the main character are incensed, appalled, disgusted by their mother forming a relationship with a man soon after the death of their father. (At what point would they not have felt any of these things?) The eldest son is sent by the girls to ‘fix the situation’ and decides to offer the interloper money to withdraw. After a bidding war the amount is settled at $35,000, a cheque is written and the man in question simply folds it in two and announces that it will never be cashed, but if ever the children approach him again he will show it to his partner and explain to her what types of people her children really are. Now why should I have felt so good about this outcome I ask myself? I was never offered money to desist and if I had been I wouldn’t

have had the acuity to react as he did, but it buoyed me no end to see this fictional character do it. Rather than being seen as a money-grabber it was the reverse, I was told directly that John only espoused me because I was rich and he wanted a comfortable retirement. Poor darling was duped about the ‘rich’ bit but he has stuck around all these years in any event.

July 21, 2020

I watched Dan the Man at his 11 am briefing, not something I usually do but I happened to look at the clock at 10.59, though I had to turn off soon after when his address was cut short because the PM was announcing further financial matters to do with coronavirus. How can I listen to a man who set Newstart at starvation level (because it was seen as a dole bludger’s benefit) but almost doubled it when the virus came along (because these were now struggling workers dispossessed by cruel circumstance)? No doubt it will head south again in due course. Folks I know are thrilled that they can now get a haircut when they need one or buy groceries without fearing having to return some at the checkout when the money runs out. But of course they are the scruffy poor not the upscale smartly dressed beneficiaries of recent times.

I sadly finished Night. Sleep. Death. The Stars. last night and after 787 pages I feel as if I’ve been banished from that now well-known family. How will the children react after their mother and Hugo married while away on a holiday together? What does Virgil’s future look like? How will Sophia do at medical school? I intend to ring the librarian who chose this book for me ‘based on your previous reading’ and tell her she’s a genius. It did give me a sense of the difficulties of being in a large family though, people worrying when they see two of their siblings deep in conversation, even more terrifying if there are three. The competition was fierce in this family of five children and none of them came out of it well adjusted. Just like the combination of susceptible host and virulent pathogen in disease formation, it is likely that a susceptible child will succumb to a much less virulent home life where a stronger one would have thrived on the challenges. Considering myself and Kenneth, both effectively only children, but the results were very different: he super confident, happy in solitary pursuits, self-regulating, whereas I was totally lacking in confidence, lonely and unable to cope with any emotional situation. Certainly being together would have helped enormously but perhaps I was just a ‘susceptible host’ from the start?

July 22, 2020

John asked at breakfast today what I was most missing (probably expecting I would say going to Bennelong on my birthday as planned) but I said a haircut. So he suggested I ring Martin and Maria and see what we could do. Maria was extremely sympathetic and has arranged for me to go at 2 pm tomorrow, when I will be the only person in the salon with Martin, with everything disinfected just before arrival. Luckily I bought two boxes of German cherry liqueur chocolates the other day, one was for our mechanic when we pick up John’s car and now the other can go to them. I feel better already, but if lockdown is coming back in I might get my head shaved and be done with it.

Watching the teev last night I struck two excellent programmes, one on Falun Gong which was as expected, only worse, and the other a doco on Putin. The Putin one went a long way to explaining that stoic personality and cold demeanor with details of his early life. Brought up in a war-damaged shared flat with only 7 square metres of space to themselves, he and his mother lived a miserable existence with a leaking roof and water dripping down the walls when it rained. Add to this a shared kitchen and no bathing facilities at all, Leningrad in winter would have been hell. But the mental damage was done early and nothing will make a jot of difference now (my summing up, not the programme’s). Then we come to the show on Falun Gong which confirmed my gut feeling when seeing these people that it is a cult. Though they play nice and seem to be just a meditation organisation, the focussed attention they display is scary and their hatred of the Chinese government all-encompassing. Their anti-medicine stance is not unlike the Christian Scientists, in both cases keeping people within the cult being more important than their lives. From time to time I’ve seen ads for the Shun Yen dance group and have been tempted to get us tickets, however my feeling that it might be somehow linked to Falun Gong prevented me from picking up the phone for tickets. Occasionally I get in my letterbox a copy of the Epoch Times, John gets it too, but despite its rabid anti-Chinese rhetoric I had no idea it was Falun Gong too, though I’m not surprised now when I think about it. They are ploughing millions into getting Trump re-elected, just on the basis of his conservative thinking and current Sinophobia. Strange bedfellows indeed, but consistent with the concept that the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

July 23, 2020

I am a new woman! Short hair means I can now abandon the plan B, to shave my head in order to get rid of the perpetual beanie that I’ve been wearing to avoid seeing the old lady in the mirrors as I pass. Let’s hope that my transgression of the rules won’t bring a retribution. We cracked the Thermos and had lunch in a shelter shed at Freshwater, watching the young on boards in the surf. Later we picked up John’s car and as usual Alex had worked his magic. After he quoted $190 for a new lock for his rear door, he told us that he ‘had sat and taken it apart, fiddled with it for some time and found it had a broken spring’ which he was able to source and then replace. ‘So there’s no charge for the lock’. We argue, but he says he can’t alter it because he’s typed up the invoice. You can’t win an argument with Alex when it comes to money. On the way to Manly we called in to see Michael and Bronwyn and were interested to discover that they haven’t seen their children and grandchildren since March, with the family deciding to stay away to protect them. They concurred with our view that the problems we are facing are largely because of people not wanting to comply with even the somewhat inadequate restrictions. Lack of trust in government seems to be a significant cause of that and with trust now at an all time low, this pandemic is ill-timed. Folks will comply by choice with adequate trust, such as in Taiwan and Singapore for example, or by force if the penalties are severe enough, such as in China for example. We sit between those bookends with a poor level of trust and inadequate penalties, so people just thumb their noses.

July 24, 2020

Rang the library to congratulate whoever chose my home-delivered books last month, the librarian I spoke to will check it out and pass on my thanks. I’ve also requested another by Joyce Carol Oates after reading Night. Sleep. Death. The Stars. but they only had the one I wanted as an ebook, so I settled on ‘any others of hers that have real pages to turn’. Although I was vaguely aware of this author, I had thought her very prolific writing perhaps meant that she was one who turns out a predictable novel in time for Christmas each year. However now the kind librarian pointed me to this, her latest, I am keen to attack the back catalogue. In the novel Whitey McClaren is the linchpin of a privileged white family but he dies as a result of attempting to intervene when police are bashing a “dark-skinned young man”. That in itself makes the novel worth reading at this time. But there is so much else here to love, because once that linchpin is removed there is a necessary reconfiguration in this large family of wife and five adult children. It lurches from drama to something like a Moliere comedy at times, with an extraordinary two and a half page description of a feral cat being just one of the highlights. Perhaps the only character who seemed a bit over-drawn was Lorene, but I’ll forgive that as just a matter of opinion. Can’t wait to start another by this author, there are plenty to choose from, over 100 published pieces including 58 novels as well as a number of plays and novellas, many volumes of short stories, poetry, and nonfiction.

Perhaps John is coming under my influence because he picked up a near new bicycle off the street today and brought it home to give to his neighbour Ann to sell. She immediately put it on eBay and was contacted by a kindly man who said the wheels were back to front, offered to come around and fix them for her and promptly did so. Perhaps that’s the reason it was being thrown out? When John had the van I often suggested that he kerb crawl as a means of getting pocket money but he wasn’t keen, but when he can do it to benefit someone else he is happy so perhaps it was my suggestion that he make the money that was a mistake. As long as it saves good stuff from land fill who cares?

July 25, 2020

I see that a woman in her 40s with COVID19 attended 5 churches and funeral homes in the western suburbs over 5 days. Now she’s either extremely unlucky to have so many deaths around her or else she is like a person I met once who looked up local funeral services in the paper and went along for the free drinks and food. They commented that ‘it feels like you really know them sometimes’. I can sort of understand wanting to be part of a little community where everyone will be friendly and sympathetic. ‘Don’t you worry about being asked where you fit in?’ I queried, but was assured that it rarely happens and if it does a generic answer usually suffices. I always find out something new about the deceased when I go to a funeral, no matter how well I knew them so I guess it isn’t too much of a stretch to say ‘Gosh, I didn’t know Mary was an astro-physicist, I haven’t seen her since we were young’. One strange funeral John and I went to was for a woman friend who had been going to a Baptist church for many years. Unbeknown to us her husband apparently disapproved and arranged the funeral in a Catholic church (he was a Spaniard after all). Her Baptist minister and her Maori family objected verbally but they could hardly whip the coffin away from under the eagle eye of the priest. I will always remember the Minister in tears afterwards saying ‘but I baptised her….’. We gave the wake a miss.

It is 4.21 pm and I am wondering if in the middle of a pandemic it is acceptable to have a bath at such an hour. It sort of signifies that I don’t intend to do any work for the rest of the day and also means frying fish for dinner in my dressing gown, but it is getting chilly and will save my putting on the heater for another couple of hours so that’s an upside. God life is so hard for a Libran, endless options to be canvassed.

July 26, 2020

Well the pan-fried whole leatherjacket tasted wonderful despite being cooked wearing pyjamas, dressing gown and Ugg boots. I must get more of this neglected fish from Harris Farm on the next order. So sweet and white and delicate, not in the same universe as the dreaded saddletail snapper. Just made a broccoli and coconut milk soup for lunch, spiced up with a bit of garlic, chili, ginger, lemongrass and fish sauce. Mmm-mmm.

I am seeing already in my mind’s eye the government’s coming response to the pandemic’s fiscal problems, rubbing their hands together at the opportunities the virus has presented. Cuts to the ABC (It’s because of COVID19). Cuts to public schools (We had no choice). Cuts to universities (Sorry but we are broke). Cuts to the public service (You know we hate having to do this). Josh says he will emulate Thatcher and Reagan. In other words, screw the workers. Some of my British family members live in South Yorkshire mining towns (well, ex-mining towns) and they told me seriously when I mentioned Thatcher’s name that ‘we don’t use her name at the table’. She gutted the whole area by closing the mines and bought coal from Russia instead, the boarded up shops even now tell the story of livelihoods ruined. She tried to abolish the welfare state and replace it with an attitude of materialistic individualism. Ronald Reagan was president for nearly five years before he said the word AIDS in public and it was nearly seven years before he gave a speech on a health crisis that would go on to kill more than 650,000 Americans. Trump is following the Reagan mould. So these are your heroes Josh? May they both roast in hell.

July 27, 2020

Got my mojo back to do some put-off tasks so I started early with making a Rhubarb Jam Shortbread Slice which I did in a tart tin. It appears okay though I haven’t tried it yet. Then I took advantage of the rain to plant out some of my Pink Star Flower seedlings while the ground is friendly, plenty more to go in though. Later I got a call from the computer boffin replying to my email query about all the missing photos from my old computer which didn’t come across to the new one. I pressed this, that and the other under instruction and after more than half an hour of downloading the photos finally appeared, woo-hoo. Except now I can’t for the life of me find where they are, despite trying for nearly two hours. I am giving up and the computer boffin is on another job. I wish I were in some job of work in which you just dial a number if you run into problems and some dude (it’s always a dude) arrives to fix it. Bah humbug, enough computing grief for one day and I will focus on the more easily solved problems.

When I was a kid I thought that anyone living north of the Parramatta River was rich, not filthy rich, but rich. When our next door neighbour sold up and moved to Ermington, right on the north bank of the river,

we were somewhat aghast. Where had they suddenly got all that money from? I asked my mother. She had no insight and it remained a mystery, though their large block was later subdivided into two, so clearly that was part of the answer. Now we have COVID19 cutting a swathe across the southern suburbs and as it inexorably inches its way north I find myself illogically thinking that we are fine here as long as it doesn’t cross the river. The Maronite cathedral cluster is awfully close to the river but I envisage a police line along the banks vigilantly beating it back. With tear gas, batons, water cannon? I am not sure, but it is a reassuring image in any event. Hold the line guys, (cops are tops, all that rubbish) but just don’t let it cross the Barry Wilde Bridge.

July 28, 2020

Took advantage of the light drizzling rain to do a bit of weeding and to plant the agapanthus seeds that I harvested from the front garden last summer. Also direct sowed some Californian Poppy seeds, but kept back over half the packet in case of a failure, if so I will plant the rest in trays and put them out as seedlings. I am finding that I get two possible results with seeds, hundreds of germinations or nix, so we shall see. My father refused to grow poppies or have them as cut flowers in the house because they reminded him of the fields of France in WWII, but I love their happy faces and look forward to producing enough for some cut flowers.

Oh no, I thought, not The Apollo! It is one of my very favourite restaurants in Sydney and during the night I was thinking about what I’d love to order there, the Taramasalata, the Saganaki Prawns, the Chargrilled Octopus, bliss. So I formulated a mid-night plan: to drive over to Potts Point and dumpster dive for all the delicious things they’d had to throw out due to their coronavirus closure yesterday when a staff member tested positive. Not such a good idea when I reconsidered it in the morning light but boy it seemed like a plan at 2 am. It is a spot for the super cool, which we are certainly not. But both staff and guests alike seemed happy to share the joint with a funny old couple with the wrong haircuts and clothes. Last time we couldn’t get a table and sat at the bar to eat, but managed to have conversations with the barman and the odd customer. I hope to go there again……one day.

July 29, 2020

Well my shortbread slice was a dry as a pommy’s bathmat so I had to make a fruit cake yesterday in order to have something else to share when Bronwyn and Michael called in this morning. Bronwyn declared the slice lovely but I found it almost impossible to swallow, though perhaps it was that Sjogren’s makes it difficult to eat dry stuff and I usually end up with a coughing fit. I’d give the recipe 4/10 if that. John has gone home with some of each though.

I got a message from Ram in Kerala yesterday saying that they are not allowed out if over 60 due to COVID and that deaths are at 1000 per day. So I rang him today but the language barrier makes it difficult. The first minute of the call was taken up with a recorded message which he told me was Kerala Government advice about the virus which goes at the beginning of every phone call. I think he was saying

that they get food from markets delivered to the post office, but I am not entirely sure. I had thought his English had improved a lot over the last couple of years in messages but he told me to write some of my questions so his friend can help him. I guess that’s what the apparent improvement was all about. My Malayalam doesn’t even stretch to one word. But when I asked if he was working the answer was clearly no, because of COVID. Now that I’ve (almost accidentally) sold a cedar desk I had in the garage, I will take it as an auspice and send some money off to him. I send cash in an envelope marked ‘card only’ and so far it has always got to him, touch wood, although if it is a larger amount I send it in two or three cards. I hate to think that we will never see each other again although I am sure it is the case.

July 30, 2020

Well any bright idea I had of sending a card to India came crashing down after deciding to check the postage cost online and coming up with the message that You Can’t Send a Letter Here. How lucky that my memory is so poor that I had to check the cost, otherwise goodness knows what they do with the letters. I’m assuming it’s either an infection control issue or due to the suspension of flights and rail freight, but it’s a huge decision. Now I wish I hadn’t told him to watch out for a delivery and will have to eat humble pie later today.

We were talking yesterday about our biggest fear, of being put into a nursing home for some reason. Both Michael and John have had a series of illnesses which could have ended up with that result. Bronwyn reminded us that most nursing homes have just one registered nurse on staff with the rest basically domestics. Apparently they visited a close relative where there was only one nurse and she had a sign around her neck that said ‘don’t ask me anything I am doing medications’ and no one else was allowed to answer questions. The whole concept of a nursing home as a profit making business is anathema to me. I’d be glad to see all private nursing homes and hospitals gone. Every baked bean they put on a resident’s plate is a cent less they earn so it doesn’t take Einstein to work out why the food allowances are around $6 a day. I can’t put many single meals on the table for $6, never mind an entire day. The proprietors are the equivalent of slum landlords and I am sure that in an enlightened future people will wonder how we could ever think that essential services could be profit making ventures. We went a while back to The Swifts in Sydney, a mansion once owned by the Catholic Church and now the home of the Moran family, owners of private hospitals and nursing homes. As I looked around at the luxury there, replete with a pipe organ in the main room, I couldn’t help wondering how many underfed patients it takes to accumulate that sort of wealth.

July 31, 2020

So, my optimism about the virus stopping at the river was misplaced. Now it’s travelled as far as my local shopping centre and though I haven’t been there since March it is still much too close for comfort. I am really not sure where it will all end, but certainly there are a lot more oldies in nursing homes who won’t see their next birthdays.

ith a lovely bunch of Bromeliad, hellebore begonia, kale, little ruby and jade succulent flowers. Then I had a call from Omar who remotely found all the missing files on my computer and stuck them on the desktop so they won’t go missing again. I offered to pay him but he insisted that it was part of his initial setup of the new computer. I had to email Ram and tell him that I can’t post his money for the foreseeable future and his reply was typical of him: ‘Don’t worry, we can still contact. Your thoughts and mind is with me, so I am happy’. I am trying to take that as a pointer in my thinking. There could be so many complaints about people I can’t see, outings I can’t go on, meetings I can’t attend, celebrations that won’t now be taking place, travel that won’t occur, theatre I won’t see, but ‘Don’t worry, we can still contact. Your thoughts and mind is with me, so I am happy’.

August 1, 2020

I was once told that August 1 is the date to prune roses so I did my only one, which was a 70th birthday gift from Heather. There was a pair actually but I managed to kill the other. However I am watering my seeds every day in the hope that the garden will be full of flowers in spring. I have treated myself to a special gift, getting the windows professionally washed for the first time ever as my pathetic efforts have not improved them. Kenneth tells me that he has his done once a month for 6 pounds, an astonishingly low figure compared to what I am paying, but perhaps it’s extra when you only get it done once every 45 years. However I would snap up the 6 pounds a month if I could.

Well, well, well. Kenneth in our phone call last night had moved from a position of ‘how ridiculous, I can’t even get on the bus without a mask’ to ‘why didn’t Boris bring in masks in March and stop this thing in its tracks?’. He then commented that ‘I don’t think we understood how bad this thing would be’ but I didn’t let him get away with that one, replying that I had been trying to convince him of that for 6 months, a fact he reluctantly agreed with. The night before last, news had come through at 9 pm that masks were compulsory everywhere, no meetings of more than two people and no visits inside the home by anyone who doesn’t live there. This is only for Manchester and Calderdale areas where he lives and it applied immediately. He asked if I thought we would be alive in a year and my reply was ‘only if we avoid getting the bloody thing’, hopefully he will take more care than he has been doing, almost daring it sometimes. On my walk this morning I passed the local IGA and noticed that all of the staff are wearing masks now, this is new. Perhaps the reporting of a case in Miller’s Fashions in Baulkham Hills has put the wind up them. My longing for sushi from the shop nearby Miller’s has waned as a result I must say.

August 2, 2020

Harris Farm delivery day and I requested it between 10 and 2 so it didn’t interrupt Insiders, so of course he came at 9.30 but I threw it all in the fridge to sort out later because I need to divide things like the fish for example between the two households. Got Orange Roughy, a deep sea fish, for dinner tonight plus prawns, leatherjackets and sardines which I froze, so I am spoiled for choice. John came up and he gave moral support as I planted out more seedlings in the front garden, then Davina, Louis and Millie arrived for a

short notice visit, bearing sweet treats which we ate in the garden. Millie is always taken with John and when she saw him called to her parents ‘look who I’ve found!’. I have now finished reading Scarlet Feather by Maeve Binchy, a book someone donated to the street library months ago. I thought by the name that it may be a historical novel, of which I am not a particular fan, but it turned out to be contemporary, set in Dublin and about two young people who are setting up a catering business, though it’s about so much more than that and I enjoyed it immensely. I have raved about it enough to have two takers for it now that I am finished. So the last two books I have read would be in the top few for this year so I am very lucky. When the librarian rang on Friday to ask what I want for the next delivery I requested the book group choice, plus anything by Maeve Binchy or Joyce Carol Oates (the authors of my last two novels) and The Plague by Albert Camus published in 1947, the year of my birth, which tells the story of a plague sweeping the French Algerian city of Oran. La Peste is the French title and they are not wrong there. I love his spare writing and am sure this one will be as good as The Outsider was. Unfortunately the most recent American translation has it named The Stranger which doesn’t capture the theme nearly as well and did make me wonder a little about the rest of the translation, which I am not in a position to judge of course.

August 3, 2020

John has gone home to put the finishing touches to his five street libraries, after which he had promised we would be going on a little holiday. But I am not sure it is the time, with the COVID outbreaks from Victoria meaning that staying home is being encouraged and could soon be mandated. I was interested to read about the Mosman doctor aged 50 who was a super fit cycling enthusiast, caught the virus and was bedridden for 29 days. Now he finds himself unable to cycle even a kilometre on flat ground and has been diagnosed with heart damage and later epilepsy, so now he can’t ride, drive or take any exercise and that may very well be permanent. It is so random in its effects this disease.

I love looking in my freezer and having lots of choices, so I am doing grilled spiced sardines with a Moroccan orange salad, something that suits my single status tonight as John isn’t a salad person and certainly not in winter. He queries if something is a salad if it doesn’t have lettuce in it. As a child ‘salad’ at my house was a fixed dish: lettuce, tomato, canned beetroot, Kraft cheese and onion pickled in malt vinegar, maybe a radish. Voila! Salad. It was a meal, not something on the side. So I think John has his territory shaken when I describe something as a ‘warm salad’ or when it doesn’t have any of the 1950s ingredients he was once used to. Even potato salad stretches the friendship. But Thai salads, German potato ones with anchovies and egg, poke bowls of all sorts are my go to dishes. John was mighty happy with last night’s effort though, Baked Orange Roughy with Garlic Butter and served with veg, right up his alley he declared.

August 4, 2020

I have been musing about how it is possible, and it often seems to happen to me in fact, that a person can connect with another in a fleeting moment or even from a photo. We are all familiar with the ABC’s We Are Australian videos. Whenever I see one I search for the young man in red, whose face I connected with on day one. Now after months of looking out for this fellow every time it is shown, and feeling warmed by seeing his face, I discovered today that he is an Aboriginal singer named Isaiah Firebrace. Nothing will ever come of that realisation but knowing he is in the world is somehow soothing and harmonious. I can’t explain everything, I can only record it. Similarly seeing the photograph of Steve Jobs on the cover of his biography made me want to encircle him somehow, I felt protective of him via the photo, which seems ridiculous. I am not a techy person as my son-in-law would attest, but I decided I needed to read this heavy tome, not to work out how to become a billionaire or to understand how Apple was formed, but to see what in this man’s face was the essence that I was picking up on. I didn’t get more than a few pages before I found similarities in both our lives (despite many differences). Learning to read before starting school led to both of us being bumped up the grades, initially dealing with boredom with the work but ending with social isolation from the more mature students, resulting in becoming an awkward loner who didn’t fit in with peers, the clever kid with no friends. He talks too about the moment he realised that he was smarter than either of his parents and the shame of that realisation. One thing I totally identified with was his youthful abandonment of religion, which almost exactly echoed mine. Life magazine published a shocking cover in 1968 of starving children in Biafra so he took it to Sunday school and asked the pastor ‘If I raise my finger will god know about it?’ The pastor answered ‘Yes, god knows everything.’ He then pulled out the magazine and asked ‘Does god know about this?’ When the pastor answered ‘Yes god knows about that’, Jobs announced that he didn’t want anything to do with worshipping such a god and never went back to a church. Some years earlier I had had a similar experience, giving away religion forever after realising that the appalling treatment of black Americans was justified by religions, I wanted no part of them. I later realised, more importantly, that they were simply attempting to sell the solution to a need that I didn’t have. It’s easy to walk past a brewery if you have no desire for beer. Can all of this be transmitted through a black and white photo of a very famous person? I don’t know. I can’t explain everything, I can only record it.

August 5, 2020

I’m still thinking about faces and what they tell us or in some cases don’t tell us. I am sure my facial recognition skills are well below par, I’d never make a politician, and that used to get me into a lot of trouble in the shop. Someone would come to the counter beaming ‘I’m here to pick up my lay-by’, but I had no recollection of seeing them before, ever. What to do? Was I looking for a pair of earrings or a sideboard? ‘Do you have your docket with you?’ ‘No, sorry I left it at home’. So I would search the lay-by book hoping for a bolt of recognition, but sadly that didn’t always help and I had to ask their name or what it was they had bought. Feelings were hurt: ‘You served me just the day before yesterday’ or worse ‘I’ve been buying here for years’, but try as I might those people were total strangers to me. Others though, despite years of absence, were recognised instantly and often greeted by name. The brain is a funny old machine. Another more recent case was when John was in ICU at Royal North Shore Hospital last year with no gilt-edged guarantee that he would survive, blood pressure down to unimaginably low figures in the 30s, heart almost stopped, and a priest entered the room. John had given strict instructions about end of life scenarios and a priest didn’t come into it at all. Assuming he was the hospital chaplain coming to give the last rites, I opened my mouth to tell him in no uncertain words to be gone when he uttered ‘Hello Maureen, how are you?’ and only then did I recognise John’s old friend whom I’d met before and entertained in my home. Close call, but I scraped through by a whisker.

My journey into the Steve Jobs biography has led me into his fanaticism and extremely difficult personality traits. I did get a laugh though about his agonising over the colour of beige for the Mackintosh plastic case. There were thousands of shades of beige in the Pantone collection, yet he couldn’t find the right one. It reminded me of John driving me all over Sydney looking at tiles for the kitchen (which could unfortunately be described by some as beige). I had the colour in my head, as Jobs did, but I could only describe it as the colour of buttermilk or clotted cream, not off-white, nor beige, nor cream. Finally in a tile warehouse in Blacktown the man pulled out a tile from a box and I shrieked, it was the one. I don’t think John has ever looked so relieved. I knew it existed but it was a question of whether we would ever find it. So Steve, I do understand and I’m so glad that you found your colour too. Parts of this book make me think that we are both mad but that he was much, much madder than I am, this being somewhat of a relief.

August 6, 2020

The window cleaners have just left and I can now relax. I was nervous about them coming inside but they were two lovely young people who were careful and took their time so it was worry for nothing. They had masks, gloves and overshoes and did a good job. It cost way more than by bro pays but that’s Pommyland and this is here, so there you go. I can see out.

I’ve been thinking about our premiers (who hasn’t?) and without a doubt Dan’s the standout. I want to hug him till his ribs bend, but that will have to be put off till it’s safe to go to Melbourne. I really miss our trips to Melbourne and have been looking back at photos from recent visits there. The last was an odd one in some respects but we still managed to have fun. We travelled from Melbourne by train to country rellies of John’s to attend the 90th birthday party of his cousin, a Marist brother of very gentle demeanour, who was clearly too nice to fill us in on the family dynamics. Despite many phone calls over days to the hostess about how to get to the property, we got no call back, even as we were on the train getting there from Melbs. Finally I suggested calling the birthday boy who had his friend and driver swing by the station to take us out to the property. We immediately felt somewhat less than welcome and it was very confusing until one of the younger generation sidled up and explained: he told the story of being admonished for mentioning John’s name in the house ‘Don’t ever say that name here again, he left the priesthood and he doesn’t exist for us’. Wowsers! Now it all made sense and at least we were in the know. With difficulty we managed to get a lift back to the station and are not expecting a reprise of the visit. But back to the premiers. I am getting seriously annoyed with Gladys’s inability to foresee her next moves. She is constantly ruling things out and then doing exactly that two days later. More importantly she refused Annastacia’s offer to temporarily move the border just a couple of kilometres to avoid dividing Tweed Heads and Coolangatta. The same could have been done between Albury and Wodonga, but our Glad is resistant even when it would have saved the wages of so many police on border control and eased passage for the beleaguered residents. Politician to her bootheels is our Glad, when what we need at the moment is so much more than that. But at least Dan is in the place where he’s most needed, more power to his arm.

Dan’s the Man! and Mark’s a Bright Spark and Anna’s a Pal, but with Glad we only know what she’ll do tomorrow by looking back to what she said she’d never do yesterday.

August 7, 2020

John sent an email to my bro and as an aside he mentioned that it seemed I had convinced Kenneth to take the pandemic more seriously, or words to that effect. Ooh dear I said, that was a bad move, he won’t like the imputation that I taught him something or made him change his behaviour. Sure enough, when he rang last night he happily told me the story of going to the corner shop and being advised that he should be wearing a mask to be admitted, as current rules apply in Calderdale. He ignored that, got his purchases and was served without an argument. Two fellows were outside queuing to come in and gave him the death stare for not wearing a mask. ‘Would you jump off a cliff if they told you to?’ was Kenneth’s retort. John, do not bait the bear, I intend to tell him. I happen to have exactly 100 Facebook friends so these calculations are easy: I have 2 who are radical COVIDiots sending me the full panoply of conspiracy theory websites and 2 who post pretty silly stuff in the same vein. So that’s 4% of my friends, a frightening proportion in my view. I lost it with one this week and just replied CRAP to a video he sent, he can be offended or not as it pleases. Extrapolating that 4% to Melbourne’s population is 198,720. If they have that many who are working against the government’s efforts, then they have no chance of succeeding.

I am of the view that NSW is in deep do-do. We’ve had more than 150 cases in the last 2 weeks and, unlike they initially were in Victoria, these are not centred in certain buildings and postcodes but are scattered like hundreds and thousands on a badly iced cake from Wagga to Port Macquarie and all over the place inbetween. No ring-fencing as a possibility here. That’s 50% more cases than Victoria had on June 18. So don’t make any plans for a holiday or a party or a wedding (and certainly don’t die) because I see another lockdown peeking over the horizon.

August 8, 2020

I probably should wait for later in the day to write this as I am feeling disgruntled right now. Disgruntled that I didn’t retire earlier and get in the travel that we’d always planned, disgruntled that now I am free to do it (and John is well again, which stopped us for 3 plus years) the pandemic means we are confined to barracks. The last year or so when we were in a position to do some modest trips has been taken up with his street libraries projects and now he has just finished a big order for five, we can’t even go to the local shops. Occasionally I had come up with a suggestion about going away just for a day or two, but there is always a TAG meeting or a hospital appointment or a crucial juncture in the library project. He simply doesn’t get cabin fever, being perfectly happy either here or at his place, while I am sometimes ready to explode, like today.

I finished the Steve Jobs biography last night and I hate to admit it but I cried when he died at the end. I clearly knew what was going to happen, but it seemed such a rotten waste. He was an artist even more than a technology wizard and had the personality to match. My pen worked overtime marking great swathes of text, sometimes because I totally understood him and other times because he baffled me. But for all of that I can now understand the world-wide outpouring of grief at his death. When a particular speech or ad was mentioned I could look it up on YouTube as I went along, helping me to understand why he fought for just silhouettes in the animation of an ad or some other artistic decision. When I am feeling up to it I will watch the memorial service, hankies at the ready, but not today.

August 9, 2020

What a difference a day makes…. 24 little hours….I just made that line up. When John came yesterday I thought I was all smiles but he reads me like a book, so I had to fess up that I was disgruntled. We sat down and talked it out and he too is disgruntled in the knowledge that he won’t ever get to see his American rellies again, though he admitted that he doesn’t feel as sad as I do that we won’t ever see Vienna or Venice as we’d planned. (He reminded me that when I asked him what Indian city he would like to see if we returned there, his answer was Prague). He made the point that even if the pandemic ended tomorrow he doesn’t feel up to that amount of travel, just as Kenneth told me he can’t stomach another trip out here. So we both agreed that we made a big mistake in not doing our planned European and American trips earlier but also agreed that it’s now crying over spilled air tickets and we just have to learn to live happily, while also regretting past decisions. We decided because of the rain that we would stay in today and sit down to a main Sunday meal at lunchtime, a baked dinner with all the trimmings. We are now both gruntled, definition: pleased, satisfied, and contented. He is watching the football and I will soon be sitting in front of the fire reading. What’s to bitch about?

Yesterday I attacked the shop filing cabinet now ensconsed in the storeroom, tossing out 95% of its contents, only holding back a few letters written years ago by my prison penpals and a few important bits of antiques info like how to date Singer sewing machines by serial number. I also kept the prison manual we were given at training: What To Do If You Are Held Hostage, just in case the situation arises in the future. Probably foolishly, I always felt I could talk my way out of that one, with the proviso that the inmates weren’t on drugs which is certainly not a given inside prisons. I think being a prison visitor and penpal was probably the best work I ever did and I often wonder where they all are now, hopefully on the outside. I felt so freed of weight when I was able to toss that quantity of unwanted paperwork and I look forward to the day 5 years after the shop closed when I can toss everything to do with it which resides in a second cabinet: day sheets, group certificates, tax details. Whoosh, I shall have a bonfire and maybe toast marshmallows on top.

August 10, 2020

With my current commitment to simplification, I decided to attack my bureau, the drawers of which could barely be opened. I haven’t finished yet but I already have a huge pile of paper recycling, plus all of the stationery, wrapping paper, cards, endless lovely writing pads and notebooks are stored sensibly in the main three drawers. All the hand written letters are now in three folders, including a lovely one from author Elizabeth Harrower which I received in answer to one of mine a few years ago. I need to start seriously writing letters if ever I am to use up all the notepaper and envelopes therein, but my only regular letters are to Anne in the UK and I shan’t live long enough to use them all up on her. Perhaps it will encourage me to send messages to English rellies in between the usual Christmas cards and letters.

I made an exception to the rule of never watching commercial TV last night to see the 60 Minutes report on the deliberate separation of many sets of twins and a set of triplets, to be farmed out by a mad psychiatrist and a New York adoption agency. They planned to answer once and for all the question of nature versus nurture but no papers were ever published. The children were interviewed throughout their childhoods but neither the relinquishing mother nor the adoptive parents were in on the scam. Some found each other after incredible coincidences or cases of mistaken identity, but of course many were reunited because the doctor refused access to the records and has since died. The case of the triplets was particularly tragic with all three of them spending in time in psychiatric hospitals in their teens and one suiciding after they had been reunited. How the doctor wasn’t prosecuted I don’t know but I guess the crime is so rare that it’s probably not even on the statute books.

August 11, 2020

I’ve decided that coronavirus is Protestant. It seems that by far the most affected places are Catholic schools and churches and the most affected school in Victoria was an Islamic one. A shaky theory you may say, but I will stick to it until I see the Prodos even up the score a bit.

Our Woolies order went a little awry this week. John assures me that I asked him to order two of many things like leaf tea, teabags, cherry tomatoes, jars of peaches etc, but I am innocent on this occasion your honour. We also got about 1 and a half kilos of a fish that was supposed to be half a kilo, so this afternoon I’ve made fish curry and a fish pie, the latter for dinner tonight but it would serve 8. Sometimes life is easier if you just go to the shops. We had a lovely surprise when Sue rang to say she was visiting her mum and two brothers while her daughters looked after Robert. So she swung by afterwards and we had a good chinwag, a hoot as it always is with her. I do miss them so much but it is hard for him to communicate on the phone now so even that is no longer possible. So glad that she got some time to herself finally.

August 12, 2020

Had a lovely visit from Jack and Carol sitting on the back verandah. Huey didn’t oblige with sending sun as ordered, but he didn’t send rain or strong wind either so we were content. Naturally we discussed the pandemic and the fact that most people seem somehow ignorant of what a pandemic even means and it all appears to have come as a terrible shock to them, despite the effects of the 1918 one being so widespread and devastating. I think the widespread sense of entitlement is also a huge problem: what do you mean the border is closing? are you serious that I need to go into quarantine? a mask? you must be kidding.

My friend’s 40 year old daughter refused to wear a mask just this week going to a specialist’s appointment because she didn’t ‘want people to think I’m sick’. She refused to believe that it is now normal practice. Tangara School apparently ignored government health guidelines and allowed students to go on a spiritual retreat and now those same students are the centre of the outbreak. I hope their prayers save them, or more particularly their older relatives. Classic example of religion versus science and I am afraid to say that science will always win.

It’s funny how my behaviour has changed in subtle ways. When cooking old recipes from my hand-written book I find myself writing in ‘cook 10 minutes less’ or ‘add 1 teaspoon baking powder.’ These are recipes I’ve done for years yet I am aware that if I get the virus someone else will likely be doing them and they need to know the little tweaks I have made. Likewise my spring cleaning (more spring tossing) which is to get rid of unnecessary paperwork to save someone else doing it. Probably a good thing anyway.

August 13, 2020

My Facebook page was apparently hacked, though what that actually looks like I have no idea. It was locked until I changed my password and then I was asked half an hour later to change it again. Now everything seems cool, but I wonder at the motivation of these people? Clearly it has benefit, so I changed my Hotmail password as well lest they change tack to that one. If you are reading this Mr Hacker, good morning to you. My paperwork war has continued this morning, when I sorted lots of hand written letters going back years, not throwing out but sorting into folders, most from my Lancashire penfriend Anne but others also from England, Vanuatu and India. Just a cursory glance reminds me of what a wonderful correspondent Anne is and although I sent a birthday card a week ago I realise it is a while since I sent a proper letter. Hers are always full of book recommendations, observations of those she meets or sees in the course of daily life, astute political opinions and historical bits of fascination. Her loungeroom is lined with bookcases floor to ceiling with an armchair and a side table. I think there may have been a second chair for a visitor as I don’t remember standing, but nought else. As we walked around in Yorkshire on our last visit she was giving John a running lecture on the fenestration tax, a property tax based on the number of windows in a house. In England and Wales it was introduced in 1696 and enables historians to date buildings by the number of windows and bricked-up window spaces, left in the hope that the tax would ultimately be repealed and therefore the glazing could be completed. John said it was all news to him and he found it like a lecture from an architecture professor one-on-one. She lives in a 17th century stone cottage, the disadvantage of which is the fact that she can’t install heating and gets through winter with a small radiator. When it’s especially cold she lies in the pillow lined bath to read because the tiny room is the only one that heats up acceptably. Anne used to work at one of Halifax’s museums and would have been a wonderful knowledgeable guide. My offer of a holiday in Australia was turned down though, because she didn’t think she could survive the flight without smoking. I shall write a long letter in the next couple of days.

August 14, 2020

A few days ago I read that if we like 90% of a person we should just forget about the 10%. I think it’s good advice. We have all had days when our 10% came to the fore. We were tired or upset or sick or just plain feeling disagreeable. We certainly don’t want our friends to be saying ‘I really liked her, but last night she was so churlish/rude/mean-spirited or unkind that I think I will cut her loose’. So why should we think about doing the same thing to other people? Perhaps we should be celebrating having a 90% compatibility and just roll our eyes at the 10%.

Thinking again about Melbourne and missing it, but gosh it has to be said that those northern and western suburbs are pretty, well what can I say, …unlovely? Coming into Melbs by train from Sydney is enough to make you wonder if it’s really such a good idea. The real clincher for me has been seeing reporting of COVID down there with the camera scoping over dead flat, boring suburbs as far as the eye can see. Not only that, but nary a tree, just oversized McMansions, cheek by jowl, with nothing living to be seen. If you fart in the morning your neighbour two doors down hears it over his Weet-Bix. But go a bit further out and rolling hills abound, Mt Macedon, the Dandenongs frame the city’s outskirts, but gosh it’s a depressing trip to get there. I once went south and booked a motel from here, at Sunshine, (must be lovely, beautiful name?). Oh dear I had to stay the night but got out fast the next morning. Sure we have lots of depressing suburbs here too, Rooty Hill and Mount Druitt among them, but see the difference? A clue is Hill and Mount (a friend of mine has I Climbed Mount Druitt on a T shirt), they may be pathetic rises in elevation terms but at least they rise, whereas any marble rolled in the Melbourne basin would come to a stop very quickly. I guess it is just sad to me that some architects and planners couldn’t manage to adorn a very ordinary landscape by filling it with beautiful buildings, built around parklands with tall trees and curving, not straight, roads. Such a waste and we commit our young people to growing up in a world devoid of beauty.

August 15, 2020

Decided to bake another orange cake so I can give half to Heather who gifted me the bag of Valencia oranges I am using up at the moment. I’ve run out of ground almonds (remember when that happened and we used to just go up to the shops? ha ha how innocent and spontaneous that seems now) so I couldn’t do the old fave. Got a recipe for an orange upside downer from the internet and it was easy and successful, but as usual my heart overtook my head and I couldn’t leave it long enough to cool in the tin, so of course it split when turned out. Luckily one side was much worse than the other so I still had half an intact cake to give. Martha came over to return a book and have a chat so the broken half came in handy. I lent her the Steve Jobs biography and foolishly felt sad about it going out of the door even temporarily. John had said we could go away for a few days when he finished the Link street libraries but by then our Glad was saying that ‘it’s not the time to go on a beach holiday’, obviously she has my new computer if not my whole house bugged, as that was exactly what we had planned. It was a tossup between the flat we stayed in at Sawtell, the cabins at Kiama, Noah’s Hotel at Newcastle or else the luxury of an apartment at Bannisters at Mollymook. Well Bannisters is now a COVID hotspot as of today and they are calling for all clients at the hotel and restaurant to go and get tested (boy I would have been cross about that after paying Bannisters rates!). No doubt Kiama and Sawtell will be announced as hotspots in coming days, Newcastle having been already marked off the list as a flashpoint. John asked me this morning what I was planning to do today and I said quite without thinking ‘either bake an orange cake or slit my wrists’. Luckily he didn’t take me seriously but I think we are all on that sort of spectrum sometimes.

August 16, 2020

John came last night and I cooked a dinner that I gave a 4/10 and he admitted to it being a 3 for him, but you can’t win them all, roll on the 9s and 10s though. This morning we intended to have the ritual watching of Insiders in our jamies, but he didn’t wake till it was half way through (is this signalling the approach of his 80th I ask myself?) so we saw it in the afternoon on iView instead. We made up for it by having a rare hot breakfast of Cheese and Shallot Omelette with the fresh eggs Carol had given me followed by toast and Heather’s orange marmalade and delicious it all was too. We used to have a cooked breaky once a week but somehow we’ve let that tradition go, I think it needs to be resurrected occasionally. I packed up a box full of linen and a few other bits for Michelle to take in to her workmates, they jump on these boxes fervently apparently. I always think of her work pals as being Filipinos, though she’s told me they are a league of nations, but as I was packing the linen I found myself sorting out bits that would suit the Filipino taste. Also packed a box full of antique and vintage lace with some delightful lace attachments to go onto clothes such as collars and epaulettes. There were some good lengths of fabric as well so all of this went to the sewing group. Amongst it I found a delightful Victorian cotton service apron, embroidered white on white on the bib front and going down to my ankles, of course I am keeping that and hopefully will wear it one day if entertaining ever becomes possible again. Once upon a time antique lace would have brought a very good price in the shop or at auction but it’s not that way now so I don’t want them to be slaughtered at auction to a stranger, better to give them away. We delivered the box over to Martha’s in the afternoon and sat outside with a cuppa chatting to them both. Spoke to Kenneth again regarding details for Carly’s epic security clearance which is currently being updated and this time they want the ins and outs of a duck’s bum. He is not immune from the questions despite being in Pommyland. Giving his details has made me realise that he’s turning 87 this year, no wonder he is getting a bit nostalgic and misty-eyed.

August 17, 2020

Oh boy! I need a sitdown. I’ve spent the morning filling an entire Sulo bin with records from the shop, day sheets, banking records, lists of every item sold, correspondence with police, Fair Trading, clients, auctioneers etc etc, keeping only things from the last 5 years as I am legally obliged to do, with those in a jumbled mess that I doubt I could sort out anyway. Also came across lots of other bit and bobs, like a letter from Elizabeth Harrower and one from Michael Kirby, those can go into the bin after my demise. I decided I had to stop because any more would mean I couldn’t wheel the bin out to the kerb, I’m sure I’ll get a ‘bin over weight’ notice anyway. At least they don’t slap one of those sticky signs onto me when they see me out in the garden, that would be a tad embarrassing. All the tossing out made me think of John’s friend Dally whose unit balcony overlooking Southlands in Melbourne is taken up with box after box after cabinet of records, covering every transaction he’s ever made or letter he’s ever written by the looks of it. It did make me wonder if his girls would be cursing him, carrying loads and loads down to the bins. I am trying to make sure that mine have no more stuff to get rid of than necessary, a pre-mortem disbursement so to speak.

The bloody Californian Poppy seeds haven’t come up in the garden so far. I only planted half the packet in case, but now I can’t find the remainder to sow in seed boxes. Somehow, although I have heaps of other seeds, this one pack is missing. Sow directly my arse, why do I believe the packet instructions? Grrr. Martha gave me some dahlia bulbs to plant but I need to be sure that the poppies have gone to god before I plant them as I would use the same spot.

August 18, 2020

I had a funny little exchange when I rang back a missed call on my mobile. It was a young sounding Irishman who assured me he hadn’t rung me, even accidentally. Mmm odd, so then I listened to the left message and it was someone speaking in Chinese language, sounded like the same person who regularly calls my land line and I just get a Chinese recorded voice who goes on and on. So I texted the fellow back to let him know that someone somewhere is hacking into his phone and he said a couple of mates had reported a similar thing happening. I assured him that I wasn’t intending to report him to ASIO as a potential spy, considering the political climate at the moment. We wished each other ‘keep safe’, something that would have sounded odd a few months ago and the mystery remains unsolved.

I ordered some clothes for Millie today from Rock Your Baby, a company owned by two daughters of my friend Sheila. A few things were out of stock in her size, my gosh she’s going into size 5, but I was still able to buy half a dozen nice bits. I wanted a dress with unicorns on it but unfortunately it stopped at a 4. When asked to make three wishes yesterday Millie replied ‘to ride on a unicorn, to walk on a rainbow and to fly on a cloud’. Davina told me she just doesn’t like wearing dresses and even for a party turns them down for some leggings and a top, so perhaps it was just as well they were out of stock. I cheated though and got what they called a T shirt dress, which I can pass off to Millie as just being a long T shirt. I know there are heaps of places I could buy stuff online but I love their designs and it’s good to help the little guy. Following that mini shopping spree I made a Belgian Lemon Cake with some of Carol’s lemons, planted some Agapanthus seeds I’d harvested from my plants months ago and also some purple basil. Not falling for the ‘sow in place’ idea any more so I put them both into seed trays. Yesterday I offered John’s neighbour a crystal dressing table set I had unearthed and her reply was that she hated it but could sell it for me on eBay. Mmm it got me thinking this might be the answer to getting rid of stuff, I discussed it further with her and we settled on a 50/50 split, I supply and she sells. Might work or could be a disaster, time will tell. Anyway I have dug out 5 things as a trial, which John will take back to her on Thursday. Nothing to lose but my smoker’s cough, as the old ads for cough lollies used to say.

August 19, 2020

Went on our weekly outing, this time to Warragamba Dam, a place neither of us had been for decades. Since our last visit there has been a visitor’s centre built but sadly it was closed because of Covid.

However we were able to walk across the dam and have a gander at the newish spillway built at the side to allow flood water to bypass the dam wall. It is a massive chute, approximately 200 metres wide, but the best part of the design for me was that it has a ‘flip’ at the end meaning that floodwater would be shot into the air so as not to damage the banks of the river as it would if it flowed unimpeded. I just love industrial design, massive stuff like this floats my boat, makes me feel so proud of the engineers both then and now. We got chatting to a worker there and he filled us in on some of the internal details such as the 3 lifts inside the wall and a small tunnel right at the base that he has to shimmy through every so often to check something or other. Claustrophobia on steroids I would imagine, being inside 3 million tons of concrete. A memorial names the 15 men who died working on its construction, from 1938 to 1958. We had our picnic at the excellent facility there before driving out to a nearby lookout to view the dam from the other side. On the way home I suggested that we go to Badgerys Creek and see how the new airport is coming along. It was an obvious site I think, bearing in mind that it is a flat area amid undulating country all around, rare in Sydney but everywhere in poor old Melbourne. I guess they chose it using a topographical survey as there wouldn’t have been too many areas of Sydney with that consistently flat ground. There were huge roadworks going on and then we came to the massive area of the runways, driving right around the perimeter and through the area set aside for the aerotropolis. So all in all a fascinating day as well as an enjoyable one. On the way home through Blacktown we stopped for petrol and I noticed a bedraggled middle-aged man standing there, but I was reluctant to speak to him in case he was just messy. But after paying and coming back to the car John told me he had been going through the bins, but by then he’d left and we lost him. I have felt bad ever since that I didn’t just overcome my reticence to offend him and asked if he were hungry, there was a food outlet right next door. I wish I could just learn to go with my instincts as they rarely lead me astray.

August 20, 2020

We were in PJs late today trying to establish a way to play CDs now that my player has gone to god. Worked out they will play through the TV so that’s a saviour. I could get most on YouTube but some, like my Dave Alexander compilation, were created by his friends in our folk club after his death so wouldn’t be otherwise available. Having achieved that I rescued the old shop CD player cum radio cum tape deck from the garage. The CD is RS but the tape works okay, now giving me the opportunity to play many compilation tapes that are unobtainable. Particularly I wanted this in order to play the tapes of my dad that Kenneth had copied for me. He is talking, not singing of course, but it’s the only chance I have ever had to hear him. So I am feeling quite clever, the only fail was trying to get the VCR to play, I am sure it is working, I just need a techie person to plug it in properly.

Arvind and Mala came in to get me to witness some legal documents and I washed my hands thoroughly afterwards as he had brought his own pen. Pathetic isn’t it? I am weary of all this precaution. Sent John home with a box of 6 things for Ann to try on eBay, please work as it will be the answer to my prayers. I have so much stuff because often people insisted that I take all of their goods, even if I only wanted two or three of them, so I ended up with boxes of stuff that is second hand and not really old enough to be any use to me. This is mostly what I am sorting. Also my spotters, often people who didn’t know shit from clay, used to travel to the shop with junky stuff and it was my policy to always send them home with something, even if it was $10 or $20, sort of petrol money (or sometimes train fare) so they felt as if the trip hadn’t been wasted. I miss those dear souls so much.

August 21, 2020

Up early for a change and took a drive to Erko to show Millie the new clothes I had bought for her which arrived a bit less than two days after I ordered them. She liked them all luckily and when she saw one piece with Bambi on the front she read the label and said ‘oh it’s Disney’, so she’s certainly reading well for age four. Sat in the garden and played hide and seek, blocks and listened to Dav making up stories for her. They are off this arv to Bundeena in the Royal National Park for the weekend and she chose the Bambi dress to wear going down in the car. On the way home I called in to John’s and he was waiting for Link Housing to pick up the five finished street libraries which almost fill his lounge room. Ann had been dying to give me the 10 pairs of earrings she had bought for me as a gift (for no particular reason) so I collected them from her while I was there. They are all big to huge, so she correctly homes in on my taste. I haven’t been wearing earrings for months now, but I will certainly get back to doing so as soon as going out is an option. I am jealous that the folks in the Blue Mountains look like getting snow tomorrow, I was hoping his nibs might feel like another drive but he hasn’t mentioned it, though I would go up for a few days given half a chance. PS: John is off the hook without even knowing about it because I just looked up various accommodation sites to tempt him with and there was nothing above youth hostel or really crummy hotel available for tomorrow night. All of Sydney must have had the same idea. Coincidentally I just got an email from a friend up there saying it is going to snow tomorrow and asking if we wanted to come up. I was inordinately excited until I read on and found that she’s been sick and her COVID test came back negative this morning….ah, no. Early testing is notoriously unreliable so even snow won’t get me to risk that one. Pity.

August 22, 2020

Trying (and failing) not to think about the fact that snow is thick on the ground in Katoomba and Blackheath. At 9.30 am John told me he’d seen it on the news and offered to take us for a drive up there today, but he was at home and by the time he got organised it would have meant leaving about noon, hardly the time to be tripping off to the mountains. Ridiculously I feel like crying.

Thinking about the 1976 vaccine debacle in the US and wondering why no-one has brought that up in the current discussions? In 1976, multiple recruits at Fort Dix army base in New Jersey were hospitalised with respiratory ailments arising from a swine flu virus and one died. Scientists predicted a possible pandemic and the US government made the decision to protect the public and quickly advanced the manufacture of a vaccine that, in hindsight, resulted in more injuries than it had been intended to prevent. President Gerald Ford announced an initiative to vaccinate “every man, woman, and child in the United States,” but manufacturers were nervous about the haste so Congress passed emergency legislation giving pharmaceutical manufacturers immunity from legal liability. The potential for liability was significant given the many millions of people who would be immunised, the uncertainty of the risks in a large

population and the pressure to produce a vaccine as quickly as possible. Clinical testing, which had involved only a limited number of volunteers, would not reveal rare adverse events that occur only when millions of people use a therapy. Shortly after the vaccine program began, three elderly people died after receiving the vaccine and more than 450 people who received it developed Guillain-Barré syndrome, a rare and serious neurological disorder. The immunisation program was halted because, among other reasons, the swine flu pandemic never emerged. The immunisation program cost $100 million for manufacture but the US paid out more than $83 million to settle the claims for death and injury. A scary result which is never talked about these days but it surprises me greatly that it is been forgotten.

August 23, 2020

Oh my, yesterday was a shocker. First an email from the person who gifted me earrings the day before, asking if I could pay for them as she is a bit short. Since yesterday? Then later another communication: I had sent a box of 6 items home with John for her to sell online, as a money-making hobby for her and a lifeline for me to get rid of some of the goods I have in storage. But, as I should have anticipated, it proved more than a little problematic. I had provided detailed descriptions and prices in an email so they could be lifted straight into the ads. I can’t expect someone else to have the knowledge required to give ages and discuss brands. However I got a text to say that the first piece had sold, an item I’d listed for $50 which sold for $20. Thinking it was a mistake I replied that I had asked for more, but soon got the answer that she had altered the description, the age (1930s-40s) and the price, ‘because it looked modern to me’. Ah, problems coming I think. I decided to look up all the other items online but none fitting my descriptions showed up. However I did find my 4 pieces of Wade china by accident, looking under the word ‘Irish’. Why didn’t you include the word Wade I asked, ‘because it didn’t say that on the bottom’ she answered. No, it had their trademark instead. I can either demand the ads be cancelled and the goods returned or write off the $200 plus to experience, my current state of mind favours the latter. Why do I always think that people will do the reasonable thing? The noise you can hear is the connection between my head and the wall.

Today I am experiencing that empty feeling that comes with receiving emails about how much people enjoyed playing around in the snow yesterday and how it was so worth the drive up. My bucket list has a major item in bold: be in heavy falling snow for 24 hours. It followed: go to the midnight fireworks on NYE in Sydney, close enough to feel the bangs. That one was achieved a couple of years ago and so it can be happily put to bed. I enjoy seeing others having that experience now that I have had it, but the snow still evades me. Perhaps I’ve left my run too late I wonder.

August 24, 2020

Oh I am so glad to leave that problematic weekend behind me. A new week full of positivity and potential, woohoo! Thankfully I have had no more emails about earrings nor goods for sale and hopefully I get a rest from it after the constant barrage on Saturday and Sunday. Poor John had a bad weekend as well, with an out of the blue abusive text from the usual source. When are they going to put a sock in it and leave the man alone? What has it been going on, 12 years? More? Anyway he says he will take my advice and ignore it, though there’ll be another along soon I’m sure and every one cuts him as badly as the last. Positive news from the garden in that a few tiny spinach and lettuce are raising their heads above the soil, promise of a spring harvest, though still waiting on the basil.

I am currently reading The Plague by Albert Camus, published in 1947 about a plague in Algeria, and it raises just the same issues that are in play today: ‘We find it hard to believe in a pestilence when it descends upon us’, ‘Plagues and wars always find people unprepared’, ‘They continued with business, with making arrangements for travel and holding opinions’. COVID-19 is pretty nasty but I’d opt for it over the plague any day given the choice, with a death rate of 50-90% for the latter, up there with Ebola. Looking at it like that we are pretty lucky really, an opinion I may have had trouble with over the weekend, but it’s all about frame of mind. I’ve finished the book group novel, Bel Canto by Ann Patchett, and it wasn’t what I was expecting. It was almost operatic in style, certainly with an opera’s tragic ending, but its main theme to me was not the power of music to uplift, but the power of proximity to others to allow people of totally different groupings to form bonds with each other. Whether the differences be rich/poor, educated/peasant, left/right politically, the forced closeness of living means that the people are seen in their essence, leading to some unexpected friendships and romantic pairings.

August 25, 2020

This morning at breakfast I noticed that the Japanned black legs of a Victorian occasional table seemed to be peppered with rust-coloured spots. To my horror I discovered that it was actually borers eating through the Japanning and showing the rusty coloured wood beneath. I immediately took the table outside and washed it with kerosene, the tried and true cure, but it is very difficult to get the kero into the tiny holes, a syringe being the best method. I dusted those legs only a few weeks ago and I know it was okay then, so where did the blighters come from and more importantly what else have they attacked that I don’t know about? We got away late due to this distraction so opted for a close trip, just up to Bowen Mountain park and then Kurrajong village, having our picnic on the north banks of the Hawkesbury, where we were amazed at the height of the flood debris in the trees, at least 20 feet above ground. I went into the tiny chemist in Kurrajong to ask if he’d sell me a syringe with needle and he did so without asking to inspect my arms, so I must look kosher. When we got home John loved injecting kero into all the dozens of holes in the table which is currently quarantined in the garage. At least the top is safe as it is papier mache and I don’t think they’d like the taste of the glue involved in the making. I got lucky in my decision to let things ride in the contretemps over selling some of my things online. I got a text saying that there’d been no interest so far which let me reply to the effect that returning the goods to me seems the best thing to do. Better than a fight that’s for sure but I still need to decide the best move in the earrings department. At least I can smile about it now and realise that I was never going to come out of it well, so just learn the lesson.

August 26, 2020

A worrying couple of days in terms of John’s memory. He got lost on a walk from his home along the Lane Cove River on Monday and only realised it when he noticed that ‘the water was flowing the wrong way’ so he was on the opposite bank to where he should have been with no memory of how he got there. Then last night we were having dinner and he suddenly went very strange, saying ‘I just lost a chunk of my memory’. When I asked what he meant he explained that instantaneously the whole day had disappeared in his mind and he had no recollection of what we’d done (a picnic), even after I went through it in detail. I then mentioned in a conversation the town of Bowral and he asked where it was. Near Mittagong was my answer, but he’d never heard of that either. I explained it is in the Southern Highlands, to which he replied ‘Is that up north? how would we get there from here?’ Later in the evening the memory came back and he just snapped back to normal. I am reluctant to advise a raft of medical tests as I suspect that there won’t be a treatment anyway. I’ve advised that he take an old licence with him whenever he goes on a walk in future and I will have a quiet word to Bob, who has said previously that his memory issues are probably the result of a lot of anaesthetics and drugs, which of course is why he is still here at all. I’ll ask if he is still of that view considering recent events. This old age business is a shocker, until you consider the alternative.

This morning we did a good clean of the barbecue, with John scrubbing the plates in the laundry tubs while I washed and then oiled the metal inside and out. It’s now good enough to eat from. We decided to take it easy today in the light of last night’s episode, but he has just gone for his walk armed with his licence and phone in case of a repeat. I think an afternoon of reading for him would be a good idea as he is loving the book Scarlett Feather which I pressed on him, knowing he’d be tickled pink by it. I am still loving The Plague and the similarities to Victoria are endless. ‘The increases in deaths were convincing– but not enough for the townspeople to abandon entirely that it was merely an incident, annoying of course, but nonetheless temporary. So they went on walking around the streets and sitting on the cafe terraces’. Human nature changes not. I am a bad person in that the mention of the Melbourne millionaires who evaded the lockdown and fled to the Gold Coast being taken off their yacht to quarantine in Brisbane brought a smile to my face and put a spring in my step. Yes schadenfreude is sweet sometimes.

August 27, 2020

A funny appendix to the story about trying to sell some things in partnership with a third party. I arranged for her to give the things back but when asked I said that it was up to her whether she left them up for sale or not. She did so and got some interest in one item of Wade out of a collection of four pieces advertised together. Would I sell just one? Sure why not, so a price was reached and then the issue of postage came up after our previous decision not to bother with sales that couldn’t be picked up. The lady pleaded that she was an old Irish person in country NSW and she really wanted the Wade piece so we agreed to post it at cost. Now we are only talking about a $15 item so there is nothing in it financially, but I was so pleased to get the thrill that I used to have in the shop when a person found something that meant a lot to them. It amazes me that I have gone from the depths of frustration to an intense pleasure over one of these bits and bobs from the storeroom. It has filled me with enthusiasm for the idea that lots of other things have a home if only I can find it.

I had a good laugh about the high ranking government official in the Philippines who forgot to turn off the camera after a Zoom meeting, only to begin having sex with his secretary in front of his stunned (and I suspect amused) colleagues. Neither he nor his secretary have been back to work since and the government is seeking to replace them both. It made me think of all the myriad instructions provided for a Zoom meeting of our book group tomorrow and the one thing that was missed was ‘turn off the camera if you intend to do anything you don’t want broadcast’.

August 28, 2020

Made a Lemon Slice which actually didn’t have any lemon in it at all, but had lemon icing on top, so on that basis anything with lemon icing could be so named. Anyway this was a base crust with a walnut, coconut and brown sugar topping, probably too intensely sweet with icing over a brown sugar mix, but very nice nonetheless. Not one for diabetic friends. I always feel safe with a cake or slice sitting there, waiting for a visitor to knock at the door. My aunty married a second time (to the minister who did her husband’s funeral, no less) and he was sent to Bega. There she kept one of those old-fashioned three tier aluminium cake tins marked Cake, Scones and Biscuits and her role was to keep them full for drop ins who needed to talk to her husband. It occurs to me now that doing funerals, either as a minister or celebrant, is a good hunting ground for a partner as I know another person who married a woman after being the civil celebrant at her husband’s funeral. I often joke to John that if he spoke at my funeral he could cast an elevated eye over the congregation for just this purpose.

Our book group meeting was successful and it reminded me of early meetings where the proposer spoke followed by each member in turn, uninterrupted. The mute facility actually makes that easier to do, so people get to express their view of the book without distraction. I’ve finished The Plague and it was a worthwhile read. The priest thunders from the pulpit that the plague is the wrath of god coming down on sinfulness but the good doctor, a staunch humanist and atheist, just puts one foot in front of the other, the model of scientific but humane and supportive medicine. The last paragraph is worth thinking about: ‘And, indeed, as he listened to the cries of joy rising from the town, Rieux remembered that such joy is always imperilled. He knew what those jubilant crowds did not know but could have learned from books: that the plague bacillus never dies or disappears for good; that it can lie dormant for years and years in furniture and linen chests; that it bides its time in bedrooms, cellars, trunks, and bookshelves; and that perhaps the day would come when, for the bane and the enlightening of men, it would rouse up its rats again and send them forth to die in a happy city’. Then we lost Camus to a simple old car accident. Interestingly, Camus himself is reported to have said that the most absurd way to die would be in a car accident.

August 29, 2020

Got a bit of gardening done today on a beautiful morning, putting Charlie Carp onto my peas and sweet peas as well as on the lettuces and pot plants. Michelle had asked what date I planted the peas and I was able to answer after looking at the blog, so at least it comes in good for something. Then I was surprised by a call from Mary in New Zealand, what a great friend she is. Chatted with Martyn about Robert’s condition

today, not good, but Sue is surrounded by her four daughters and has always risen enthusiastically to the sad task she has been given. Later I caught up with Carol so it was a pleasant morning in that respect. Now I have been trying to use the old tape deck from the shop in order to listen to ancient folk club and other tapes but it is touch and go, the volume is set at full but can either be quite loud or non existent at will, so there seems to be an electrical fault there somewhere.

I have been the recipient of many online survey requests lately for reasons I can’t explain, this morning a Voxpop from the ABC on coronavirus which went into lots of weird and wonderful conspiracy theories and whether or not I believed them. The usual suspects: 5G, the Chinese lab, Bill Gates wanting to microchip everyone etc. Plus lots of questions about moods such as anxiety, fear, stress etc (perhaps surprisingly I listed the answer to most questions positively at about an 8 out of a possible 10) and what my sources of information are, press, TV, internet etc. I get a regular one from Sydney University with similar questions, usually once every 3 weeks. I am not sure how I got on their lists but I don’t mind doing them, but not to be ‘in the draw for a $20 gift card’ which the Uni one amusingly offers. It acts as a counter to the conspiracy theory links I keep being sent by two of my cousins, I try to be reasonable in my responses but sometimes it’s trying…… Unfortunately there does seem to be a concerted effort to suppress information coming out of the CDC and the FDA, something I’ve never seen before. First, the FDA gave the green light to plasma therapy before it was proven effective for Covid-19. Then, the CDC changed its recommendations and said asymptomatic people with possible Covid-19 exposure do not need to get tested, presumably to keep the numbers down leading up to the US election. The advice goes against what science says about the spread, and already multiple states say they will not follow those recommendations. Please just get rid of this buffoon before he corrupts every organisation we could trust in the US.

August 30, 2020

John surprised me by saying he didn’t want to watch Insiders this morning (he refers to this ritual every Sunday as going to Mass) because he doesn’t want to hear anything about the pandemic or politics today and preferred to put some fallen tree branches into the bin, so we worked on that instead and I’ll watch it later. Unfortunately the gum is constantly dropping branches so there’s a never ending supply of wood, pity we don’t have a fire. Heather came over for morning tea and that lasted till lunchtime. Then I decided to take some photos of things I want rid of, some glass, crystal and a Pentax camera. Tried listing just one thing on Facebook Marketplace and it is sooo much quicker and easier to do than eBay that I can see why people have gone over to it. Of course you don’t get the advantage of auction running away with the price but that happens so rarely anyway that I don’t think I would bother with it unless it was something of high value where there could be really serious interest. So I put one thing on as a trial, a piece of Imperial Glass that happened to have the impressed trademark for 1920 so the age is indisputable. We shall see.

Carly had some luck yesterday. She got her cat Lola from the Canberra Street Cat Alliance, a bunch of people who trap wild cats, get them desexed and rehome them. She supports them financially and went into their big 50/50 raffle, the idea being that you get half of whatever the raffle brings in. It raised $1262, half was a tidy sum, but she decided to donate her winnings back to the organisation so I didn’t get chance

to suggest any lovely treats she could indulge in with some of the money. That will pay quite a few vet bills so it puts them in a good position to continue the work and rehome lots more Lolas.

August 31, 2020

Well there are lots of firsts to report: yesterday was the first time since last autumn that I left the doors open all day, also the first day without any form of heating, the first blowfly of the season (a black monster) and today was the first day that I haven’t worn socks. So spring has officially sprung. Kirk came this morning and did the mowing and I’ve booked him to come back next Monday to help me with cutting up the bigger tree branches for the bin, thinning out and replanting some clivias and also to use his little auger tool to dig holes deep enough for the dahlia bulbs. After he went we drove to North Head to mooch around, luckily we went when we did because later it came up very cool and blowy and we needed to decamp to Curl Curl to shelter from the southerly. Last time we were at North Head John said it would be lovely to stay at Q Station for a couple of nights and he said exactly the same this time, so perhaps it may come to pass. John’s memory came to the fore again today when he rang Steve and sang two verses of Happy Birthday, except it is next Monday, which he had already double-checked in his diary last night. The same diary where he has two Nelune appointments for his infusion, this Wednesday and the following one, but he only goes once a month. I noticed a September echocardiogram appointment at the heart specialist which was a worry too as she’d told his to come back early in the new year. However a couple of phone calls sorted that out and cancelled the phantom appointments, but he does need a diary secretary badly. I guess that’s a job for moi.

September 1, 2020

Yesterday when we went to North Head we had no idea that the 1988 murder of Scott Johnson there would be the subject of last night’s Australian Story programme. We did discuss it as we looked down over the cliffs and I said that it would be an awful long way down, knowing that only pain and death awaited you at the bottom. There are a few connections between us and the case, the main one being that Scott White, John’s upstairs neighbour and erstwhile friend, was arrested for the murder recently. John watched his arrest from his bedroom window and later from his balcony, though he had no idea why he was being taken away. John’s bedroom window featured in the coverage aired last night as they bundled Scott down the stairs. My surprise connection, which I only discovered when viewing the show, was that ex Coroner Jacquie Milledge was helping the victim’s brother navigate the NSW legal system and in convincing the police that a crime had actually been committed at all, something they steadfastly refused to believe for over 30 years. Jacquie was, and perhaps still is, a serious antiques collector and although she was never a customer we both frequented John Williams Auctions over many years and often communicated there. I remember times while she was waiting for a particular lot to come up (I was watching every lot by contrast) she would immerse herself in autopsy reports and legal paperwork and I would remind her when her lot was approaching. We always sat near the front and John Williams, apart from some other positive personality traits, was a terrible snob and sycophant who loved having ‘famous’ people on show at his sales. He would mention Jacquie by name often just in case anyone missed the fact that she was there and

was well known to him. I of course was fascinated by her autopsy reports and fantasised that one day she would say ‘I’m just going to the loo for an hour, could you please mind these reports for me’. Needless to say she guarded them closely. I found her to be smart, empathetic, tenacious and just the sort of person you would want in a coroner’s job. In an aside, the most memorable example of John Williams’ sycophantic behaviour came when a certain very elderly gentleman would arrive part way through the sale (parking his white Rolls-Royce illegally as often as not) at which point John would stop the bidding and declare loudly ‘Oh Sir Les, welcome! Please come down the front, we’ve saved a seat for you. Thankyou Sir Les, thankyou thankyou’. Of course the seat business was total BS as there were often single seats available at the front, just by chance. I often chatted to Sir Les as well and he struck me as a humble old chap who was probably mortified by the attention. He had an ill and house bound wife and took the opportunity to buy her antique treats from the sale. He once said that he had sealed off a large part of their harbourside house because there were just two of them and it saved on heating and cleaning! I could never do the networking thing, probably stupidly, so in the cases of people I met there I didn’t even give them a business card as it seemed like trying to steal business from JWA. I guess Sir Les has gone to his reward by now, as has John Williams, but the memories still exist thankfully. Last night my John asked me what his relationship with the murder accused should now be, but he is still only accused, and in any case the man of 50 isn’t the same person as the boy of 17, so I told him that and whatever he chooses to do is okay by me.

September 2, 2020

Spring must agree with me because by not long after 7 I had sent off a missive to that rotten Tony Rabbit, so angered was I at his latest opinions, to wit ‘letting the elderly die naturally’ during the pandemic. Nothing like some righteous anger to start the day off at a clip. I put the letter into the Guardian Facebook page comments as well and so far I’ve had over 20 responses including some lovely replies. Angered too by the failure of my basil seeds to germinate so I sowed the second half of the packet and if they fail I shall buy seedlings and be done with it, so there. Then on to a job that’s years and years overdue. I recently decided to bring up the old tape deck that I used in the shop so I could listen to tapes that can’t be accessed online, for example those made at folk club concerts or of people who never rose to fame. But I have oodles of old tapes and with gritted teeth I began hurling them into the bin. No one needs classical music on tape these days, nor Bob Dylan either (but I just couldn’t bring myself to toss his in case the internet crashes permanently). There were meditation tapes and the chants of Paramahansa Yogananda (didn’t we all go through the Eastern religion thing?). These ended up in the street library as they can do no harm. Next I found I had numerous unmarked tapes and lots of empty cases, none of which matched up, so they went to the bin too. Gosh it’s only a little after noon and I’ve done years worth of tossing already.

Thinking back to the days of John Williams Auctions after yesterday’s post and some of the crazy stuff that went on there over the years. I had often noticed that if I bid against a gay person or couple John could never seem to see my hand waving in the air while others could bid with a raised eyebrow. On one occasion I had called out loudly to register a bid he’d missed and later I heard him apologising to the couple that ‘I’m sorry, I had to give it to her, she was so persistent’. So I stored it away that for whatever reason he was especially keen to keep gay customers happy. He was married, as I found out when his wife rang me once to castigate me for my failure to pay the bill before taking the goods. I let her finish h

house manager as I paid him in cash last Sunday’. No apology, just a promise to look into it. But one day when I was dropping off things to sell, I couldn’t see anyone in the office so I wandered into the saleroom to see said office manager and John playing tip, chasing each other around the antique furniture and collapsing into hugs and giggles when one caught the other. I went back to the office and rang the bell. It was some years later that I read in the press that there had been a huge hoo-ha when John left his wife and harbourside apartment to live with ‘little John’ as he was known by one and all. That they were madly in love was something I had seen in that game of tip years before and managed to keep mum about. He was quite the rock star of auctioneers at this stage and often mentioned in the press. Once I was invited to John’s house, St. Kevin’s in Queen St. Woollahra, but I can’t now remember if he was personally buying something from me or I from him. It was a gorgeous place but much in need of renovation and decoration. I longed to have a go at it but was shy of suggesting it, particularly as he was married at that stage. He later sold St. Kevin’s to his friend, non other than Prime Minister Paul Keating. John had been Keating’s personal dealer for a long time, especially noted for searching for his precious clocks. I wonder if Paul used his great aesthetic prowess to decorate it? I hope so.

September 3, 2020

My dear friend Robert died at 6.10 am this morning. Vale good man, your life was worthwhile and the long queue of people you helped, both in your career as a doctor and as a friend, goes way over the hill and out of sight.

First the librarian came with six new books, including two about Trump, they know my tastes! Then a friend visited and brought figs, blackberries and a dragon fruit. I’d only seen the ones that are white inside but this one is a deep majenta. Apparently they are a form of cactus without spikes and are so beautiful inside and out. Then Heather came to the door with goodies, having made the recipe for the slice that I served to her last week, but she’d altered the walnuts to pistachios and left out the coconut so I am keen to try her version. I was able to send her home with some mandarin cake. All in all I’ve had a profitable day for lovely food, I am very spoilt. In the afternoon I went to see Bob about John’s recent memory issues and he is of the opinion that considering lymphoma, chemotherapy, heart problems, heart surgery, many anaesthetics, knee surgery, infections, a mountain of drugs and his family issues it is hardly surprising. I just needed to make sure that there wasn’t any silver bullet that I had overlooked but everything he said was as predicted. He also thinks that the loss of memory for a few hours last week could be a vascular event which blocked blood flow to a small part of the brain temporarily. I wasn’t going to tell John why I was going to Bob today but he asked why I wasn’t just getting scripts over the phone, so I explained that I wanted to make sure we were doing everything possible for him and when I got home I told him fully what Bob had said. He was cool with it and glad that there wasn’t any suggestion of yet more drugs, tests or interventions.

September 4, 2020

There are two pharmacies in Baulkham Hills, one of which I don’t use any more after I discovered at the beginning of the pandemic that the ‘anti-viral hand sanitiser’ they were selling hand over fist contained very little alcohol with a main ingredient that seemed in my searches to be okay for bacteria but not for viruses. When I asked my friend the virologist he told me ‘you would need to bath in that for a week to kill a virus’. When I spoke to the pharmacist about it she said ‘but it says on the label it’s for viruses’ totally ignoring my point, so I decided she wasn’t up to the task and stopped going there. The other has been owned for decades by the son of a once prominent local politician who has all the facial expression and charm of Melania Trump so I don’t like shopping there either. However now that my chemist’s needs are home delivered it doesn’t really matter if he’s nice to deal with or not. This morning I rang to place an order and instead got a very cheery and chatty man whom I knew would never have been hired by that owner. In the course of identifying myself I gave my age and on the spur of the moment asked how old he was: ‘I can be however old you want me to be’ was the reply. Mmm this fellow is fun I decided, so I suggested 25 would be good and he announced that was fine with him. It was the next line that made me really laugh: ‘I’m not sure what sort of line you thought you were ringing but this is the pharmacy’. I later had to send off a photo of the scripts I wanted and received back a photo of him, beaming in the dispensary with the message: ‘I have taken over this pharmacy. You are safe with me and I will always be here to give you service with a smile’! Now some would find this an odd exchange in the circumstances but I think he is over the moon to have bought his own business and is probably operating on adrenaline. Anyway it gave me a much-needed smile this morning and I won’t hesitate to shop there in person now.

September 5, 2020

Yesterday was stressful in the extreme after we decided to book somewhere to stay on the Central Coast to be nearby for Robert’s funeral and also to have the first break away for a year. As we want to do all our own catering it was a unit or house that we needed so I went to Airbnb and found a lovely unit in The Entrance. What a kerfuffle it turned out to be with the request to the property owner being misconstrued so the dates were wrong in the confirmation. Then he had trouble with the system and it took some time as he had to cancel the first booking and then rebook the correct dates. The next hurdle was that they wanted a photo of my licence which was problematic, but finally we got the booking. In the middle of all of this I got a phone call from a woman who said that she had just had a call from someone pretending to be the Taxation Department and when she called the number back to see if it was genuine she got me!! So someone is using my phone number for scams. That was the last straw yesterday. I’ve got Optus working on that now but it is very disconcerting. However a sleep last night seemed to make these mountains into molehills. One of the books the library sent was a biography of Melania Trump, mmm, not quite my thing but I am ploughing through it quickly. According to the author, a journalist who has travelled widely with her, she always knows exactly what she is in for and accepts it as the price of a life of luxury. The flowers for the wedding table decorations, each eight feet high, numbered 10,000 and were transported from New York to Florida in specially adapted refrigerated trucks. What more need I say? Except perhaps that both her sister and her parents live in Trump properties and spend a lot of time at Mar-a-Lago so it seems she’s bought a lifestyle for the whole family that would have been unimaginable in Communist Slovenia.

This post above somehow disappeared from the system and I could only recover it in this form, sigh, technology.

September 6, 2020

Interested to read Julia Baird’s piece about the lovely Jerry Falwell, erstwhile president of the Christian college Liberty University and now the recipient of US$10.5 million smackers courtesy of his severance pay due to numerous sexual and financial allegations. It is just more evidence towards my theory that the last place for women and children to be safe is with the ‘super religious’. I could give many personal examples, but I won’t, however I agree completely with Julia’s quoted assertion that ‘those who believe most strongly in taboos are likely to be most thrilled by breaking them’. Just think of Catholic priests for example! I wish I had put it in those words myself when I warned off people after they told me they had confidence in being safe with someone because they are a Christian/evangelical/youth leader or whatever. For me that is a red flag.

I am in the process of packing all the food necessary to go away tomorrow so we won’t need to shop up there, apart from any small thing I’ve forgotten. I’m packing everything from swimming togs to jumpers as the weather is forecast as changeable. The unit has no wifi though so I may not be able to blog, we shall see. I don’t think I will bother taking the computer at all.

September 7, 2020

The unit was everything we had hoped for, a lovely fresh beachy decor with views to die for. It has everything we need bar Wi-Fi for me but I’ve decided to just write some notes and put it in when I get home. We are right opposite the entrance to the lake so walking on the beach is just a matter of crossing a road. I can’t imagine a more peaceful setting in easy proximity to Sydney. I had to smile when we pulled in to The Entrance and John said “so this is where the working class have their holidays, it’s nice that they can go somewhere”. His view of the place changed once we turned off the main drag and came to the area where our unit is. When I looked around later I saw that the main street does look pretty sad with about

20% of the shops empty, but I suspect this downturn was pre-Covid. Tonight confirmed that view, I can remember when the street was really busy at night but even the ice cream parlour was shut. The two fish shops who used to do great dinner trade were both closing at 3:30 pm. It’s certainly down at heel in a commercial sense. Our first Indian meal since February was a bit of a disappointment, pretty bland with no complexity in the flavours so I will be doing all the cooking from here on in, no problems in such a well equipped kitchen.

September 8, 2020

Walked on the beach just after dawn and it truly is a delightful place to be. Took a short drive to Bateau Bay but it wasn’t pleasant walking on the beach due to the wind, so we headed home and into our books, looking out periodically at our superb view. John had just bought The Altar Boys and I browsed it but was soon committed to reading it. We had been introduced to, and had lunch with, Geoffrey and Audrey who feature prominently in the book. This was when we went to Newcastle for the Cunneen inquiry into abuse by priests and brothers in the Newcastle Maitland area, so seeing Geoffrey on the cover and reading his story right from page one made a big impression. I will say more when I’ve finished the book. No wonder the commercial part of The Entrance is so down at heel. We are in a block of six units and we are the only people here. The luxury block of three units next door is totally empty, though the spa bath on the balcony of one unit is bubbling away day and night, much to my annoyance at the waste of power. Their windows are dark tinted and I would hate that, seeing the world artificially coloured defeats the purpose surely. On the other side there appears to be one unit occupied in a block of eight. This is an area for retirees as well as holiday makers, I guess the retirees don’t have the money to spend and the holiday makers are not coming, or perhaps only at weekends. It’s lucky that we brought all our own food including baked goods because there isn’t a decent bakery here any more. They are full of iced donuts the size of teaplates and cakes with icing the colour of bile, ugh. However for our needs this place has been perfect with every piece of cooking equipment one could ask for, except that I hate the induction cooktop and even more so after trying to read the instruction book which might as well have been in Latin. Loving my own gas cooktop even more than usual.

September 9, 2020

We had a walk on the beach this morning and it started to rain just at the end of it, then we headed back for an early lunch and to tart ourselves up for Robert’s funeral. The place at Kincumber was absolutely spectacular, a deep wooded valley with a glass chapel overlooking it. It was certainly the best funeral venue I’ve seen and the man next to me was musing about how he could have his own funeral there. Sue’s brothers Steven and Martyn were in good form as ever, making their eulogies funny as well as heartfelt. We didn’t go to the wake for a few reasons, one being that there were plenty of other people whom Sue won’t get to see very often, if at all. We on the other hand will catch up with her easily. Another reason was that because of the rain it would have to be held indoors and there was obviously a lack of social distancing at the funeral and very few wore masks so we decided bearing all that in mind that we would come straight home, tonight I am feeling downhearted and not in the mood for social chitchat so I think

that confirmed the decision was the right one. Nothing worse than small talking when you are beyond sad. The thing that will always stick in my mind about Robert is the fact that he was unafraid. Whether it was climbing mountains, visiting remote places, striving for excellence in many ways, he was confident and wouldn’t let life give him no for an answer. As someone who is quite the opposite of that I found it inspiring. The other memory is that he didn’t hold back his opinion, I tire of knowing people disagree on something but watching them politely swallow their opinions for fear of offending. Robert was quite happy to make himself unpopular if he needed to, what is the point of having an opinion if you are too afraid to share it? Of course there is a time to hold one’s tongue for specific reasons, but generally I think we should have the courage of our convictions, as he had.

September 10, 2020

We did a drive over to North Entrance to show John where I spent each Christmas holiday in a tent when I was young. Then off to Toukley and Budgewoi where we found a lovely riverside park which had a bridge over to an island in the river, which we explored after a simple lunch of Jatz crackers, cheese and fruit. No sweet treats here either as looking through the bakery window brought no joy, just more psychedelic disasters a la the 1960s. Later we drove to Norah Head and wandered around the lighthouse, marvelling at the list of ships that had foundered nearby, including a couple of merchant ships sunk by the Japanese in WWII, something that was far from uncommon but suppressed during the war and then not well publicised after it. When were were at Mallacoota in Victoria a few years ago we were stunned in the little military museum to see how many ships the Japanese and even the Germans had sunk so far south. In the afternoon Stephen and Deborah came down from Newcastle and we shared food and stories into the evening. Deborah now has great trouble hearing after potent antibiotics destroyed the sensory cells, she is currently waiting for the NDIS to organise hearing aids. It was great to spend time with them, a pleasure denied recently due first to her illness and later by COVID. The barramundi I cooked on that stupid cooktop was more boiled than fried as the maximum heat is totally inadequate so if we go there again I will only use the oven. When we camped as a child everything was cooked in an electric frypan and it’s a shame they fell out of fashion as I found them a very useful appliance, making the best baked dinners ever and even cooking cakes in a separate cake tin inside.

September 11, 2020

What a load of stuff we took away, clothes for every season, funeral outfits, pillows, books, plenty of food, and it all needed loading back into the car this morning, less much of the food obviously, going down three flights of stairs each time. We arrived at Sue’s (until recently Robert and Sue’s, perhaps always Robert and Sue’s in the future?) by 10 am and stayed there chatting a while with her and Anna, the only daughter now left in residence. Sue is coming to Sydney next Thursday for an appointment and I have invited her to come and stay that night, or before and after, but I won’t mention it again and she can decide how she feels at the time. It might seem weird for her to be out in the world and have options after so long looking after Robert. On the way home John and I discussed strategies to deal with his memory loss, such as only going out for walks with his licence and phone, this was after he said that he didn’t think he should be driving

anywhere unfamiliar in future unless I am with him. His driving and reflexes are good, probably better than mine, but who knows where he would end up alone as he has no idea which way to turn when we reach an intersection that we had used just the day before. His concepts of direction are failing badly, not really having a general sense that he needs to go south for example. I hope it slows down a bit because at this rate I can’t see him being able to drive too long at all. One day at a time though, perhaps it goes in fits and starts rather than a linear progression and he’s had a recent dip so it might plateau, hopefully.

September 12, 2020

We decided that because we’ve pretty much used up all our fruit and vegetables, we would drive out to a farm at Dural which we frequent, where we can replenish without going to the shops. Denise serves there on her own and always wears a mask so we feel it is a safe option. She doesn’t have every option but enough choices that we can restock our fridges more than adequately. After that I tied up my massively grown sugar snap peas which have sadly keeled over in my absence. This was done with the aid of a wooden venetian blind slat poked through the middle and then the plant was tied to it at numerous points with cord, what would I do without venetian blind cord? It solves so many problems at this house. Next I sat my dahlia bulbs on a bed of potting mix and watered them, covered with a sheet of glass, getting ready for planting next week. Passionfruit biscuits were the remaining task as I bought a big bag of those delicious fruit from Denise. Passionfruit icing must be close to heaven I think, so I will ice them tomorrow as well. Question: Who loses weight on holiday? Answer: A person who goes to a bakery desert. After all of this I sat on the back verandah and read the Herald, while taste testing the biscuits with a cup of tea.

September 13, 2020

I watched the recorded book launch of The Altar Boys at the recommendation of Stephen, who had been there in person supporting his friend. Geoffrey’s speech was deeply affecting, especially heartfelt when he angrily mentioned Andrew Murray (John’s nephew who is a priest) in a very negative light. Both the priest and Geoffrey’s deceased brother share the first name Andrew. The priest Andrew wasn’t accused of any child abuse related matters but he does stand accused by Geoffrey of recently contacting his elderly and still grieving mother twice with two different and unrealistic explanations for the child Andrew’s death in 1974. Geoffrey believes he is still trying to absolve the church of any responsibility for his brother’s suicide and asked publicly that Andrew ‘never mention my brother’s name again’. He also read a very long list of priests, brothers and lay teachers, including school principals, who have been convicted of child abuse in Newcastle, the number was almost unbelievable. Multiply that by the many victims of each and then extend that out to their families and friends, it must affect a huge number of Newcastle’s residents. Chilling.

September 14, 2020

John watched The Altar Boys book launch this morning and I could tell by his voice that he was as deeply affected by it as I was, probably more so given the unexpected mention of a family connection. He decided to spread the video widely amongst his ex-priest mates. I have been baking again, this time cheese and walnut biscuits, and gardening, potting up some flower cuttings that came into root while we were away. Some of my dahlia bulbs are shooting too which is a good sign for the rest. The front garden is looking fine, so many white flowers out including gerberas, may bush and of course the massive Rhaphiolepis which stretches right across the front yard. I would trade a white flowered plant for any number of red ones, somehow white flowers are so soothing. I sent a photo off to Ram in India so he gets an idea where I live and got a reply back straight away. I am hoping he may send a pic so I can visualise his place. I have good memories of the guest house in Kannur where he worked but his home was some hours south on the train in Kozhikode. When I rang a few weeks ago the call was prefaced by a COVID safety message in Malayalam which apparently begins every local and overseas call. I think some of the Asian countries are way ahead of us in ideas for day to day handling of this thing. On which subject, I think Scott Morrison’s repeated bullying of the Queensland premier will go down as on a par with Tony Abbott’s appalling behaviour towards Julia Gillard. I hope female voters there will remember it in the ballot box.

September 15, 2020

Last night was the perfect example of why Robert’s confidence in life was a good influence on me. I decided to try to sell a few bits and bobs that can be posted in a normal envelope without needing to go to the PO. So I listed on Facebook Marketplace four military medallions. I got plenty of response but sold them to a chap whom I later discovered was in Malaysia. After a gap of some time occurred following putting in my bank details I decided he wasn’t a buyer at all but a scammer and was toying with warning the bank. (This because after visiting Malaysia briefly the bank rang Davina and told her that scamming is so rife there that there were cancelling all of her cards and reissuing new ones, despite no problem occurring). Now someone like Robert (or Michelle) would have assumed the best while I assumed the worst and got myself into a right tizz late at night. However he eventually sent his address and paid for the goods. Phew. It turned out he is the defence attache at the Malaysian High Commission in Canberra so I am posting them to him there. I was so relieved that I cheekily asked if a tour of the embassy was part of the deal and he replied that it was. He must have looked up my profile because he referred to me as Madam rather than Miss, later saying ‘next time you come to Malaysia Madam I will show you around like a Queen’ and I’d take him up on it too if I thought I would ever go there again. The disappointed string of men who missed out on the medallions indicates that I probably underpriced them quite a lot but as that old crook Rene Rivkin used to say ‘always leave something in a deal for the next person’ and somehow that always stuck with me. Message to self: take a deep breath, everything is usually okay.

Kirk came this morning and used his battery operated augur to dig the holes for the dahlia bulbs, also replanting some Clivias from the back yard to the front, a job that’s beyond me now because it involved consistently bending low under the tree to plant them, something that always ends up with my feeling too dizzy to continue. He gave me a price less than what I was expecting and when I insisted on giving him a higher figure he seemed bemused, but as I told him it means I can ask him to do something extra another time without feeling bad about it, so it was really a selfish move. Had two different friends pop in today so that meant the passionfruit biscuits were a helpful addition to the comestibles.

September 16, 2020

Unfortunately it seems to be a fact of life that it is the authoritarians amongst us that sign up for the police force and the military. Although they often say it is to help the public, to be of service, etc it doesn’t take much for that disciplinarian streak to emerge, something that we rarely if ever see in firies or ambos who deal with many stressful situations without resorting to violence. The current situation in some ways is a policeman’s dream, not only catching bad guys but keeping the rest of the populace in trim. I am sure I would be tempted to give some of these ‘sovereign citizens’ a whack, but I am not in the police force where turning the other cheek to verbal abuse should be part and parcel of the training. Seeing a police car running into a mentally ill man who’d waited over 24 hours for help at a hospital emergency department, then seeing colleagues pile onto him while one stomps on his head, is just the latest manifestation. Another NSW policeman who chased a woman into her garage and pulled a gun to her chest, threatening to shoot her for a minor traffic offence later handcuffed and arrested her and pepper-sprayed her dog. She has just been awarded $115,000 plus legal costs but that doesn’t get the bloke out of the force, something governments are very reluctant to do after they have invested money in their training and are also under pressure from the powerful police union. I remember meeting the mother of my daughters’ school friend who told me she was just back from Goulburn to watch her other daughter graduate as a detective. ‘I pity anyone she arrests’ she told me ‘she’s been pushing her sister and us around her whole life, so she’s perfect for the job’. Ouch. I didn’t feel as much confidence as the mother did in her being right for the job, just that she was more of the same.

My career on Facebook Marketplace has ground to a halt after the three things I listed yesterday: a wartime Japanese document, 40 various coins and some wartime Japanese and Korean banknotes were all rejected as listing because they didn’t pass a review of ‘inappropriate listings’. I appealed but apparently it broke some rule, though I am unable to find the grounds for the rejection as a reading of the rules shows no reference at all to any of the items. Each had WWII in the title so I can only assume it is something to do with that. No discussion will be entered into. Sighs. However the medallions went into the post box this arv so at least I had a win there.

September 17, 2020

I hadn’t started the book group novel as yet but having read it years ago I thought I could cheat a bit, look up my review and then perhaps speed read it. But that came to nought when I discovered I’d read it before I started reviewing. However now I have started it I remember how funny and insightful it was so I’m not regretting having to read it carefully. I think that although it was pre-Trump it delves into the mindset of people who may well have become his supporters. Just finished reading Coetzee’s Summertime, courtesy of Sue, a strange mix of novel and fictionalised autobiography in which a narrator interviews people who were important in his life in South Africa. Supposedly written after Coetzee’s death it is a very odd concept, but somehow it works.

John’s neighbour Tammy who was carted off to hospital by ambulance a few months ago with chest pain thinking she might have COVID, has died of the widespread cancer that was discovered on her admission. The lease on her flat has been transferred to her eldest daughter who can’t be more than about 18, there is no husband or male partner on the scene. She will look after her high school aged sister and a small brother with autism? intellectual disability? What a life some people get. I can’t even imagine how I would have coped with that at 18, but not well is the broad answer. The report that ‘the kids didn’t seem that upset’ says a lot about their expectation of, and resignation to, what life will hand out, rather than their feelings for their mother I suspect. I hope that social services are provided in spades, but in these times of overworked child welfare staff it may be a vain hope.

September 18, 2020

Yet another funeral today, that of Patricia, wife of John’s friend Kevin. We are tuning in via Zoom, which was invented just in time for the pandemic, it’s a wonder no-one has found a conspiracy in that. We missed Tammy’s funeral when we were away though I doubt that would have been Zoomed. Talking about conspiracy theories I think that the current push-back against the lockdown in Victoria is fuelled by a grab bag of ‘antis’, anti-vaxxers, libertarians (hiss), white supremacists, far Righters and the rest. While I have always maintained a right to breaking the law over a principle (and taking the consequences) I find it difficult to understand these protesters who seem to me to be fighting against the public good. Hasn’t anyone else noticed how quiet the far Right is at the moment? And the anti-Muslim crowd? I think they are working full time on the anti-Andrews campaign.

A nice relaxing day after all the busy-ness yesterday. Heather came over for morning tea but apart from that it was just a case of hanging about and pottering. Both the WWII banknotes and the Japanese document sold, each bring in the mid to high $20s. Now I am going to try my sets of WWI postcard sets. It was always my view when I was on ebay previously that it’s better to aim at men. If they want something they will just buy it, whereas the women are more tentative to spend. Often I was asked in the shop to write a receipt for much less than the amount paid, so I split the purchase over two receipts, one the woman threw away and one for much less money that she left lying around for the husband to see. The Trumpster seems to be worse than they are wanting to say: hospital, experimental treatments, remdesivir. From what I have previously read about that anti-viral drug in The Lancet, very early treatment substantially decreases viral titres compared with control, but this effect was completely lost when the drug was administered even 8 hours after infection. Clearly Trump was infected long before that, seeing he already has symptoms, but I guess they are throwing everything at him and seeing what sticks. My friend Tim’s GP has retired early because of having had lung cancer and feeling that he was ‘100% likely to die’ if he caught the virus from a patient, a sad end to a career of a man who

I think that we are in a dire state in the world at the moment. In my humble opinion it is partly due to the failed ideology of the supreme power of the rights of the individual over society. When Margaret Thatcher said there was no such thing as society we were all shocked and scoffed at her, but these days that idea has borne fruit. The rise of Trump, the crisis of climate change, the calamity of private aged care, the issue of

refugees, even the scourge of clerical child abuse can be linked to the idea that ‘I have a right to…….’ (lie my way to power, pollute the planet, mine coal, buy a Lamborghini with the money given to house old people, lock people up indefinitely, use that kid…. you fill in the blanks). Religions haven’t helped us avoid these pitfalls and they are, like many other institutions, afraid to make themselves unpopular by calling out the failures of the prevailing norms. The worst case of Covid in Victorian nursing homes was in the St Basil’s Home for the Aged owned by the Greek Orthodox Church. They paid more than $14 million to the church in rent in the past 5 years (apparently a vastly inflated figure and a nice little earner for the church) yet the home was run on a shoestring budget. We have all become so used to capitalism that we don’t even recognise it any more, it’s become unremarkable to us. The classic divide between the churches and science is also a big part of our current problems. Trump’s evangelical followers are only too happy to believe that climate change is a myth and Covid is a Chinese plot because scientists have been mistrusted forever as anti-biblical. Just look at that evil Darwin! I am pessimistic about our future, but there is some hope in isolated pockets. However the job of getting us out of all this is monumental and climate change won’t sit back and wait till we get our act together. As I said to a cockroach walking across my front verandah yesterday: ‘I will let you keep going because your lot will be here long after we are, just keep out of the house in the meantime’.

September 19, 2020

John slept in till after 9 this morning and I had done some watering and read the Saturday Paper cover to cover before he woke, so we were still in our jimjams at 10 having eaten tea and toast in the sun on the front verandah on a day we were led to believe would be raining heavily. Browsing the Diggers Club catalogue over breakfast I discovered a tool that I could use, a gas powered weed wand, which zaps weeds with flame instead of bending too much or using some dreaded poison. I do hate gas cylinders though and wonder if I really want to be lugging one around? But I was heartened to see that they have the South African Cape Chestnut tree available, this after I spent two years trying to find one, ringing around all the nurseries and being told they were unavailable due to the difficulties of propagating them. So I put two blueberry ash in the possie I wanted for the chestnut, grrr. Now debating whether to find another spot or just write it off. It’s a slow grower, less than 30 cm a year, so perhaps I’ve missed the boat on that one, do I have 30 years to see it to maturity? Does that matter? Still thinking.We decided to go to Castle Hill because I wanted to see in person a huge McMansion I had happened on in an ad on the net. It appeared to be painted bright fluoro pink in a sea of beige houses but the agent has clearly hyped up the colour in the photos because it is in fact a strong deep berry pink and not the garish psychedelic shade he advertised, so I think he did the sellers a disservice. The inside is apparently full bottle Versace, but I guess if you love OTT decorating but don’t have self-confidence in your talents you might go that way, trusting Versace’s taste instead of your own. Full marks for being different, though I can’t even imagine what that decor cost. Then it was time to try the Salted Honey and Tahini Biscuit recipe from the colour supplement in last week’s papers. Different would be my single word description but not in a bad way, worth doing. Tonight I am doing dinner from the paper as well, as if I don’t have a zillion recipes in my own books to try.

September 20, 2020 

Loving all the 20s in today’s date for some unknown reason. John asked what we would normally do on a wet day (hint hint) and I answered go to the movies, but as that isn’t an option we watched Rams on SBS On Demand, an Icelandic movie which is mistakenly listed as a comedy but is anything but. I really enjoyed it and it has prompted me to use this medium occasionally to feed John’s longing for the movies. In some ways it reminded me of people’s reactions to the pandemic, only in this case the disease was amongst sheep, but there’s the same range of those who follow the rules, those who are totally broken by it all and those who will go to ridiculous lengths to evade the laws, with devastating consequences in this case. I raked up under the camellia and filled the bin with dead branches, errant jasmine and more, but kept the rest, dead leaves and flowers, for mulch in the front garden but I will wait a week or two to make sure no live jasmine is cottered up in it all. So much for all the promised rain though, it barely left a puddle in the bucket I had outside. Pursuant to that, where is the ABC weather man Graham Creed these days? He’s a funny stick, always on about the weather ‘on the waters’, but still I would miss his oddness. Nothing was said about illness, holidays, death…..he just disappeared, I suspect part of the constant cost cutting measures though I may be wrong. If Graham had promised rain he would have delivered I tell myself. As long as they don’t get rid of Nate, the morning weather guy, who is like the Eveready bunny, always bursting with energy and smiles and just the ticket for that time of day. He has his quirks as well such as when any high ranking military person comes on the show and he almost faints with excitement, being ex-Navy himself. Ann has asked us to go to the Archibald Prize with her, no sorry. David asked if we wanted to go to the pub in Balmain where his crowd meets every Wednesday, no sorry. It gets so tiresome. 

September 21, 2020 

For some reason I was thinking about the years I spent attending The Philosophy School in Sydney, now known as The School of Practical Philosophy. Lessons began at Castle Hill and later as I moved up the ladder they were held at their headquarters, ‘Mahratta’ in Fox Valley Rd at Wahroonga. It was slanted almost exclusively to eastern philosophy but I still found it worthwhile, Plato, Shakespeare and Mozart and a few others got an honourable mention for reasons that escaped me. However as I went through the course for almost 3 years, I started to have my doubts. By then the class had shrunk to about half a dozen people and I would be interested to know if anyone lasted the whole 5 years. One incident sparked my skepticism at first, on the evening of a heatwave day when the wife of the deputy of the school was red-faced and stressed. She told me that Tuesdays were the days that she cleaned her mother-in-law’s house and she’d been scrubbing her floors on her hands and knees in the heat. But why not go another day I asked? Oh no she said, my husband would never allow that, it has to be Tuesday. My antennae went up then as I had noted that all of the lecturers were men and all of their wives were ‘servers’, doing the cup of tea afterwards and selling books etc. Near the end of my time with them I had a private evening lesson at the head tutor’s home and his 18 year old daughter, who was in her last week of high school, asked if she could please go out for a coffee with a couple of her school friends but it was refused point blank. Less than a year later I saw she was married to one of the tutors. I think I got out of there just in time, added to the incidences mentioned there was an unusually high linkage to the services, especially the army. Popular music was considered if not evil then strongly discouraged, there were so many clues when I look back that it was a cult of some sort and I am amazed that I stayed as long as I did. Late in the last year I was ‘received’ into the School by a visiting guru who came from India for that purpose, so I guess I am on a list somewhere as a convert to something or other. My natural inclination to not be a joiner let me down this time but I got out unscathed. 

September 22, 2020 

My attempt to sell some WWII coins, banknotes and a Japanese document of unknown purpose all failed due to some obscure rules forbidding them on Facebook Marketplace so today I did what I had said I wouldn’t do and listed them on eBay. Not that I have anything against them but I spent so much time on eBay when I was in the shop I decided I was past all that. My only intention in selling them is to get them out of my house and into a place where they will be appreciated, even if it’s into a child’s first collection, they aren’t worth much. So we shall see, I do like the fact that the auction format always gives you the chance of two or more competing buyers pushing the price up, but not on these particular items I’m sure, though my inability to read Japanese makes the document hard to value. Perhaps it’s the peace agreement in which case I am rich? Someone texted me yesterday pleased that she had sold ‘an old watch’ for $50 on Facebook and I queried whether she had researched it before listing, but no she hadn’t, replying that there are always old watches for sale in op shops for $5 so she’d done well. Yes there are, that’s why antique jewellery dealers trawl those shops, knowing that the people pricing them have no idea. Some shops appoint volunteer valuers, I did it for St. Vincent de Paul at Windsor for years, but I doubt any of them are in a position to pay a professional. She sent me pics of it belatedly and with a new band and a battery it was probably worth about $200, but that’s in a shop. However it isn’t a good idea to sell old things without doing your research as a rare one of that brand would have been worth about $4000. I once accepted an offer on eBay for a fairly ugly pottery ashtray with a crack in it and posted it the same day. I then got abusive emails from potential bidders who were watching it, one reading ‘you stupid woman, that was a rare Harvey School piece worth at least $500 damaged and you sold it for a song’. I pointed out to the buyer by email that I was now aware of what I had sold him for $25 (from memory) and he asked me to send him my ring size. In the mail I received a beautiful black diamond ring, which I still wear. It turned out he was a diamond dealer, with a guilty conscience. 

September 23, 2020 

After a minor fiddle fixing a burst hose, which reminded me of an aortic aneurysm but with less disastrous results, we headed off to the Kuringai Wildflower Garden for a planned picnic with Jane and Boris. Afterwards we went for a couple of walks there but the wildflowers were less than splendrous, in fact a couple us asked if we knew where the wildflowers were and I replied that you have to look pretty carefully to see them. Jane reported that she is getting a watering system put in which is connected to the internet and doesn’t turn on if rain is forecast. Sounds luxurious. I have been considering a flame weeder from The Diggers Club and was all set to buy it but then reminded myself that I am not that keen on gas bottles at the best of times, so lugging one around the garden may not be such a bright idea. Pity because it looked like fun. It looks as if I am the only taker for Zoom at the book group meeting later in the week so I think I will dip out, it’s hardly worth doing for one. I did casually mention to Bob that book group is now meeting in person and he immediately expressed a strong view that I shouldn’t participate, ‘not with your medical history’ he said definitively. So that’s that then. 

September 24, 2020 

Had a lovely visit from Bob and Judy from Millthorpe who have come to Sydney visiting family and called in for morning tea, my all those half cakes in the freezer come in handy. It turns out that a man a few doors up from John who has a street library is an old friend of Bob’s from school days. John had befriended him a few months back to discuss respective libraries and didn’t know the connection. That’s the third household in Mowbray Road who all have Bathurst connections as John often visits Bronwyn and Michael up the road as well, they were friends in Bathurst. B and J have a home in Melbourne as well so they packed up and bolted within hours when the lockdown happened, getting out just before the deadline. So many lives affected in so many different ways. 

Well my foray into eBay has proved successful with the coins selling immediately for $20 to a coin dealer in South Australia and now I have bids from others on both the bank notes and the mysterious Japanese document. I have a motza of stuff I could sell but I am sticking to things that can be posted in an envelope at the local post box, but with 3 out of 3 lots selling I may need to rethink that. How lovely to think that you have contributed to someone’s collection, even bearing in mind that the coin dealer says he only deals in rare coins. I am tempted to email after he gets them to ask which one/s were rare, just out of curiosity. The other good thing is that there are three of us for book group Zoom tomorrow so I get to hear what others think about the book rather than just putting in my thoughts by email. 

September 25, 2020 

More problems today with John’s memory and consciousness. He is at Lane Cove and he rang me about 11.30 am, saying he couldn’t remember what day it was and what he had done and was supposed to do today. I explained that his Link street libraries were being picked up and then he was going to work on his current library project. He replied that the five libraries had gone from the flat ‘so the man must have been this morning’ though he couldn’t remember that happening. He was very discombobulated and not sure what was happening. I offered to go down and pick him up as I didn’t think he should drive but after about half an hour on the phone he decided it was best if he just continued to do his woodwork as he thought he would feel more grounded (my word) if he could get back to what he was supposed to be doing. It fits all of the criteria of transient global amnesia but I did worry the first time that he was having a TIA or mini-stroke, which would be more problematic. Bob thought that either was a possibility when we spoke about the similar experience he had a month ago but also that it could be due to all the chemo and anaesthetics he’s had. I think I need to go and speak with him again next week now that it’s happened again. Perhaps it’s an allergy to the number 25, the date of both episodes. 

Book group went well with a discussion of Flight Behaviour by Barbara Kingsolver, a book I read when it came out, but enjoyed rereading. Her depiction of somehow being in a marriage that is all wrong resonated with me and its simple four page explainer on climate change is one of the best I’ve read for people who are not into science. Her recent book Unsheltered was similarly good, on the theme of the crumbling of American society. Friends who visited yesterday spoke of an American citizen friend who received his voting papers, along with an unexplained cheque from the US government. No, not a bribe from the Donald, surely…. 

September 26, 2020 

News out today is disturbing, that The Donald is considering Amy Coney Barrett for the Supreme Court. She is a member of the conservative religious group People of Praise that inspired the book The Handmaid’s Tale. They are a small but extreme offshoot of the Catholic Church and believe that a wife must obey her husband in everything, even the way she votes. Both her husband’s parents and hers are members of the group and they couple met doing law at Notre Dame University. When she was questioned by the Justice Committee in 2017 about her associations, as all judicial appointments are in the US, she didn’t disclose her life long membership of the group, something that may cause her problems if she’s suggested, but the committee will need to frame their questions carefully in religious America, so as not to be seen as applying religious bias. Tough one. 

I’ve spent the morning (after the usual water and weed) trying to organise my books, particularly the unread ones that sit there month after month waiting for their turn. Often these are non-fiction but not always. Giving preference to library books because they are time limited, or book group selections, or ‘books of the moment’ such as The Altar Boys, or something loaned by a friend, these poor old neglected books keep getting pushed out of contention. Often when I finally get to them I enjoy them and wonder what’s taken me so long. Our latest book group suggestion is The Offing by Benjamin Myers, one and the same author as the book The Gallows Pole sent to me by the bro. It shits me to tears that a good writer could have been born in 1976, but there you are. Policemen and doctors and politicians are getting younger all the time, I can’t work it out. 

September 27, 2020 

We decided to do the Platypus Walk in the nearby Bidjigal Reserve and so did quite a few others it turned out. It is a loop walk with lovely rock platforms and a creek, quite up and down and worth doing. There hasn’t been a platypus there since the 1970s but it was a good walk anyway with tall timbers and plenty of birds. I discovered when we got back that the wind had carried off two pots of cuttings and blown away both the pots and the potting mix leaving the plants bare-rooted on the ground. I’ve repotted them and hope they survive as I have been having good luck striking plants lately. John decided to order a meal for us at lunch next Friday when Carly will be here. After much discussion we decided to get a banquet from Lillah, a Middle Eastern favourite at Lane Cove, but we’ve discovered that since Covid they only open for lunch on weekends, mmm that plan is now out the window. 

Well my comments yesterday about Amy Barrett are sadly relevant now. She is paradoxically pro-life regarding abortion but has participated in trials leading to the death sentence. Tony Abbott (spit) had similarly illogical views. In a dissenting opinion in 2019 Judge Barrett said she would have limited the sweep of a federal law forbidding people with felony convictions from owning guns, apparently supporting the rights of every citizen to own guns. “History does not support the proposition that felons lose their Second Amendment rights solely because of their status as felons”. Oh my, poor America. 

September 28, 2020 

Two different wins today! Firstly I had an email from Lillah yesterday saying they couldn’t do a feast on Friday because they were closed for lunch, however they suggested night time or Saturday lunch. I replied that I would think about it and shortly afterwards I got another email saying that they would in fact do the order because the chefs will be in from 11 am prepping for the evening and we could pick up from 12.30 onwards. Wahoo, that was exactly the time we had in mind as Carly is due to arrive from the train at about 1pm. So it’s all done and dusted, I can already taste the falafel and toum. This morning I was hunting in the storeroom for anything else I could list on eBay that is able to be posted in a local post box ie in an envelope. I discovered over 100 WWI era sets of postcards, mostly military, but some just greetings. They are in sets of 3 or 4, the military ones telling a story on each card, usually involving a girlfriend, a family, a doting mother or Jesus. Most are exceedingly maudlin by today’s standards but are highly collectable relics from that war, sent from Europe back to the families at home. I checked for other similar listing and there were dozens, but every one was in the UK so getting them here saves quite a bit of postage for the buyer. They have only been on a few minutes but have already got 7 interested lookers, perhaps it’s a good time for eBay with more men than average browsing the net. My Japanese document of unknown content has 64 lookers right now so we shall see. 

It seems to me that the Federal Government is using Covid-19 as an excuse to do all the things it was hoping to do anyway prior to the pandemic. Tax cuts for the rich, new gas plants, loosening of banking and credit restrictions, allowing businesses to trade while insolvent, the list goes on. Covid-19 is the lipstick on this pig, but some of us can smell the pork crackling regardless. 

September 29, 2020 

This morning I had a good chat with a street library browser who took a book plus some plant cuttings while she was here. As she left a man pulled up outside and asked from his car ‘are you Maureen? I’ve come to look at the books’ so I assumed he got my name from the street library website, but then I looked it up in curiosity and my name doesn’t appear anywhere, so I wish I had asked him now. I love these little interactions that the library provides. 

At risk of repetition, I need to once again complain that something is failing badly in the training and supervision of our police forces. After watching the video of police waking up the footballer Curtis Scott and order to handcuff, pepper spray and then taser him (for falling asleep in a park!!!) I think the arresting officers should be charged with assault with a deadly weapon. They claimed they did so to prevent the possibility of his waking up and walking onto the road, which is too ridiculous to even contemplate as an excuse. The magistrate made the point that it may have been less dangerous for him to have been hit by a car than what actually happened to him, all charges against him were dropped. Under police guidelines a taser should only be discharged ‘to protect human life, prevent actual bodily harm, or during a violent confrontation’, but officers frequently use them as a compliance tool. Police Commissioner Fullofhimself has said “I’m sympathetic to the police who had to do something with him”. Why? Since when has it beena serious offence to be fast asleep in a park, in fact why is it any offence at all? Then we come to the Victorian inquiry into the escape of COVID-19 from quarantine hotels. My suspicion a couple of weeks ago, conveyed to a friend in Melbourne who has good political contacts, was that the police were the ones who refused the job of hotel security, forcing the government to end up passing the job on to private security guards. I got a reply yesterday “I am hearing from several quarters that it is the police who refused to participate and Dan does not want to get offside with them. They can be powerful enemies and he needs them at the moment to enforce his program.” Which makes me wonder if Jenny Mikakos was thrown under the bus just because no-one wants to get into a fight with the powerful police union when so much of the response depends on them. I hope the inquiry gets to the truth but it seems everyone’s gone to ground. 

September 30, 2020 

Whenever I have prawns for dinner, which is not infrequently, I put out the heads and shells on the bird feeder and often they attract a raven. But immediately he is bombarded with native minors who don’t want the prawn heads but don’t want him to have them either. They divebomb and swoop until either he finishes or gives up, but he never retaliates. Clearly it isn’t in his nature to bite one of them, he just keeps ducking, interesting to compare the pesky minors and forbearing raven with their human counterparts. 

Talked at length by phone last night to Anne, my penfriend in West Yorkshire who doesn’t have or want a computer. We compared COVID lockdowns, apparently Melbourne has been all over the news there. Wales, Lancashire and West Yorkshire are all under the tightest regime in the UK at the moment: no visits between households, masks compulsory, spacing on transport and in shops. She commented, as has my brother, that Britons ‘wouldn’t put up with police arresting people for violations of the rules’, and as far as she can see they are not policed at all. Which brought us to discussion of our police forces, hers akin to a friendly public service of Bobbies, no guns, no tasers, and ours in my opinion following the American model of being heavily armed and aggressive. I saw a clip yesterday of US police heavily tackling a man to the roadway and then screaming at him to get up, it seemed like sport as he was standing still and offering no resistance at all in the first place. British Police can apply for arms for something like a terrorist raid but they need to justify it with a proven expectation of violence. Thinking later about my bro’s attitude to it all and I suddenly understood. He is a natural risk-taker and a natural nonconformist. How else would he have signed up for being dropped into Russia in case of war or headed off to the African jungle for six years on government business? I realise now that my entreaties to be careful were always a waste of time, that would spoil all the fun. It lets me off the hook really as if he gets the virus and dies it will be something he chose and he wouldn’t be the least bit repentant about, seeing he is always right. 

October 1, 2020 

I don’t usually write this before dawn but there’s a first time for everything. John went to St. Vincent’s yesterday for his monthly IgG infusion and a routine visit with Nada, the haematologist. Well ‘routine’ he thought. Nada was very concerned about his recent memory blackouts and wants an MRI done as soon as practicable. Then depending on the result, it’s off to either a neurologist or else a neuropsychologist. So despite Bob’s initial ‘let’s not get back on the medical merry-go-round’ approach, we are on it anyway. But to be fair the second memory blackout last Friday raised my level of concern a lot and would raise Bob’s as well if he knew about it. I decided not to consult with him in case Nada had an opinion yesterday and she sure did. Trying not to jump ahead of what we know at this point (while quietly panicking). 

But to more mundane matters, it’s a pity (but totally understandable) that Biden couldn’t find it in himself to be the adult in the room during the debate yesterday. It is impossibly difficult to deal sanely with someone like Trump. I would probably have socked him one so I can’t criticise. His invocation to the Proud Boys to “stand back and stand by” was clearly a call to arms to the far right to be ready for action if he loses the election, but after an outcry he now says he’s never heard of them and doesn’t know who they are. How exactly can a person name a group that they’ve never heard of?? I’ve just finished a Kathy Reichs’ whodunnit, because I am interested in all things forensic science it’s a bit of light relief to read a murder mystery with some science thrown in. An interesting aside is that it focuses on a religion/cult that is ‘uber-Catholic…some sort of splinter faction that is charismatic or Pentacostal’. Sounded awfully like what I’ve been reading about the Supreme Court nominee’s mob. 

October 2, 2020 

A bit of a tumultuous day which panned out okay in the end. Carly texted from the train that she was the only person in the carriage without a mask, a four hour journey with no opening windows. She was glad to get off but then disaster struck, she left her luggage in the boot of a taxi. Immediately ringing every taxi company she could find turned up no knowledge of her suitcase and she paid cash, removing the ability to trace a card payment. She’s since tried two police stations and Central Railway Lost Property as well  but the missing suitcase is currently…..missing. Eventually she arrived at Baulko sans luggage but with her wallet and keys luckily stashed in her handbag. A hurried call to her doctor in Canberra was made to organise a prescription to be faxed to the chemist here so an irreplaceable drug could be sourced. John arrived at the same time bearing the lunch from Lillah, the most unusual dish being the Cauliflower Falafel, a whole slow-cooked and then fried baby cauliflower with a crispy falafel crust, served with hummus. It looked for all the world like a (round) piece of roast beef. Everything was delicious and a bottle of French bubbly helped it all slip down. There was enough left for our dinner and Carly and I will get another meal out of the remainder. I was spoilt with gifts, though the present and card from Danish went missing in the luggage. Seventy-three, three years past the biblical figure, who would have thought. Davina texted with the news that The Trumpster out-trumped himself and came down with Covid. I refrain from gloating or making comment, schadenfreude being such a negative emotion.  

October 3, 2020 

Methinks that they are downplaying The Trumpster’s condition just a tad. Hospital (from an abundance of caution we’re told), then experimental treatments and remdesivir. In something I read a little while back in The Lancet, early remdesivir treatment substantially decreases viral titres compared with control. But the effect was completely lost when the drug was given more than 8 hours after infection so it was only considered useful as prophylaxis or for someone who has just been knowingly exposed. Clearly Trump has well passed this time as he is apparently symptomatic, but perhaps they are throwing everything at him in the hope that something will stick. I wouldn’t like to be the doctor in that situation, everyone will remember the name of the doctor who lost a president, just as anyone in the medical community can still quote the name of the thyroid surgeon who lost Neville Wran’s voice. Still eating Lillah leftovers tonight and it feels strange not to be cooking. The library delivered 8 books on Thursday and so tonight I am reading A Very Stable Genius in honour of the patient. 

October 4, 2020 

Carly and I took ourselves off to the nearby Bidjigal Reserve to do the Platypus Track that John and I did last week, but we did it in reverse to last time. Both times I found the rise up out of the valley taxing, but at least Carly didn’t ask if I thought I should go to a cardiologist as John had. He made it easily with help no doubt from his stents, but that’s a procedure I could do without, as I plan to do without any medical interventions if I possible can. The valley was full of bird calls and full of people too but interestingly all but us and one man were going in the direction of the arrow, while we went in the direction  less travelled. Which reminds me to read some Robert Frost, something I haven’t done for ages, I always get so much out of his poems. I kept feeling last night that I had read A Very Stable Genius before, but it is just that the authors recount the same and other very similar episodes in the White House to the other books I have read. A constant litany of sackings, new appointments, more sackings, rehirings, all with monotonous regularity. The White House doctor saying about Trump back in February that “if he had a healthier diet over the last 20 years, he might live to be 200 years old” and that he was “the healthiest President ever” made me consider the details that are being released now in an even more sceptical light. QAnon on the other hand is saying that he doesn’t have the virus at all, it is all part of his devilishly clever plan to expose Hillary Clinton’s paedophile cult, we shall see about that one. In any event, coronavirus could not have visited a more deserving host. 

October 5, 2020 

Davina, Louis and Millie arrived mid morning with a giant lime meringue tart from The Grounds, plus flowers, a cheese platter and some dried cornflower petals for baking. Cooking and food has featured high on the birthday present list with Carly giving me a huge box full of Spicy Sauce Co. spices and meal bases and some wonderful passionfruit fudge and Heather giving me a cake tin (for storage) and a unique slice-baking tin which expands according to the size needed. John broke the mould, giving me a big heavy box which contained an amplifier to enable me to listen to music and DVDs through my quality speakers. These had been out of use all year since my old CD player/amplifier died and went to electronic recycle heaven. Being totally inept about such things it needed to be explained to me before I mistakenly tried to push bread into it to make toast, but now it is up and happening and Leonard Cohen has never sounded so good. I am told that this is old technology, everyone gets their music through a computer these days, but the sound just doesn’t compete. Can’t wait to try some cello. For lunch I made Bobotie with rice and a salad using my own lettuces with edible flowers that Heather dropped over a few days ago, followed of course by the lime tart. The afternoon news that Trump had insisted on going out for a drive just confirms, if ever that were needed, that the man has no internal life at all, his view of himself is just a mirror reflected back by those who love him, and without that he is nothing in his own eyes. If it were not so serious it would be sad. 

October 6, 2020 

We sorted a few things like John’s car rego, getting the pink slip done okay but he couldn’t remember if he had paid the related insurance, nor whether he had received an account for it. Checking with the NRMA revealed it was unpaid and that was rectified. We are still waiting nearly a week on for an MRI appointment so he rang St. V’s and was told that the request from Nada was marked Urgent yet so far the doctors who triage and rank the appointments haven’t considered John’s. She was very surprised by this and promised to talk to them and ring back, however by the day’s end she hadn’t, so I tried and got a similar response from another lady who again promised to speak to the doctors and ring back, a call I am waiting on as I write. He is a bit confused by it all and keeps asking whether it has been sorted yet and if we have an appointment so I hope she rings soon. The place seems so quiet after having had Carly here since last Friday and everyone here yesterday. She didn’t get her suitcase back and considering physics tells us that matter can’t be destroyed I can’t help wondering where exactly it is. Is someone in the surf at Bondi in her swimsuit? Wearing her undies in the city? Using my birthday present from Danish, whatever that was?  Oh dear, just got a call from Myra at St. V’s to say that John has been deemed urgent for the MRI but she can’t tell us when he will ‘get to the top of the urgent pile’. Which is fair enough, as long as they keep us in the loop. 

October 7, 2020 

John got a call from St. Vs to say that his appointment is on October 26, hardly an urgent timeframe but of course we can’t judge without knowledge of the urgency of others in the queue. He has given the date to Nada’s nurse and if she isn’t happy with the date she will no doubt intervene, otherwise the 26th it is. Today has been a day of invitations. First Carol for a cuppa next week, then Arvind for dinner on Saturday night, then Stephen and Deborah for a picnic at Somersby on Saturday week. Keepem comin is all I can say. I’ve had to put off an answer to Arvind until we see when John’s meetup with his grandchildren is happening but hopefully that will be sorted by this afternoon. He has finished the latest street library project today and that clears the decks of his carpentry obligations. I have been busy letter writing today, one to the Diggers Club magazine about an interesting article last month, a few to various newspapers about the budget and the nonsensical (in my view) decision to focus on tax cuts for those with a job and more likely to save than spend their winnings, as against giving it to those on the lowest rung of the ladder who would no doubt spend every sou. I have a bad run of letter publications lately, the local newspapers were my best bet but they are all suspended. My morning reading today focussed on Trump (surprise, surprise, but why do I torture myself?) and the comment by a woman who reported being in the room when Trump asked the doctors whether COVID is really worse than the flu? YES !! they replied, much more contagious and much more deadly, so he then put out a message denying both of those facts. 

October 8, 2020 

As I have recorded previously for some reason I get a number of regular surveys about COVID to fill in. The one from Sydney University Health Sciences is about precautions, mood, activities, eating, drinking, exercise etc and another from the Sydney Morning Herald which landed yesterday questioned things to do with the recent government budget as well as changes in activities over the last month, such as whether you are dining in restaurants, going to supermarkets etc. Most of these are tick box answers but the last question was one to fill in. It was the general question ‘what are you feeling optimistic about?’ Um, I struggled to find something, mentally scrolling through things like the future for my children and granddaughter, seeing my brother, small personal hopes like having a holiday or being able to go to the theatre again or to dine out, getting back int0 my routine of life, government policies, seeing Trump defeated, climate change…..all of them are things I wish would turn out okay, but I realised that none of them am I ‘hopeful or optimistic’ about. After trying to come up with something positive I ended up with three words ‘Not a lot’. 

We have sorted out our weekend plans, dinner with Arvind and Mala Saturday night, then Sunday to Cranebrook to meet up with John’s grandchildren at Dan’s mother’s place, ‘neutral ground’ as she describes it. I sent Arvind a text last night reminding him that Castle Towers is a hotspot again but this morning when I was working in the garden he popped over to tell me that he had dropped his phone last night and had been to Apple this morning to try to get it fixed. ‘Not at Castle Towers I hope’, said I. ‘Yes of course why not?’ said he. Of course, he didn’t get the text. ‘Oh so that’s why it was so deserted’ he commented. Now it is settled that John’s test is definitely not till the 26th, he is hankering to get the latest street library installed before then, so I will have a look see if there is somewhere we can rent down there for a couple of days. Sun and fun would go down nicely at the moment. 

October 9, 2020 

Spent yesterday afternoon with Sue who came down for a visit. She declined the offer to stay overnight but said she wants to do that soon. Today I managed to get three barrow loads of mulch spread on the front garden, something I’ve been wanting to do for a while and the end point of all the weeding. Then John decided that he really wanted to get the Bundeena street library installed asap, so he rang Bill and next week suited them. As we’d previously discussed, we will make it a little holiday so I got on to the computer and found a studio apartment under a private home that has a gate opening directly onto the beach. It is at the end of a dead end street meeting up with the National Park, exactly where the walks begin in that area, so it’s the best of both worlds, beach and bush and only 5 minutes walk from Fran and Bill’s. It will be good to be in such a natural location rather than near the town and ferry end of the place. It looks very small but location, location, location. 

I was appalled, but not surprised, to read about the white supremacist plot to capture and kill the Michigan Governor. It takes a level of bravery for the FBI officer to get mixed up with men like that, all the while taping them, when one slipup could mean death. I don’t know how she will continue her career, forever looking over her shoulder for the next bunch of crazies that perhaps the FBI weren’t lucky enough to be made aware of. There seems to be no shortage of them and I can’t see that altering, no matter who wins the election. 

October 10, 2020 

Going to dinner tonight with Arvind and Mala next door and looking forward to genuine Indian home cooking. They eat no sugar, repeat NO sugar at all, and hate Bengali cooking because they apparently put sweet stuff in their curries. I have told them in the past that the one thing wrong with them as neighbours is that I can’t pass still warm biscuits over the fence. So what to take? Arvind already refused wine as he likes his merlot and I had offered from the cellar (okay the pull-out wine storage under the meatsafe) a choice of cab sav, shiraz, chardonnay or French Champagne, but no he wants to stick to his merlot. A fruit basket seemed the best as I am not sure if they like cheese, so I have just finished digging out a basket from the storeroom and filling it with a fruit selection. The storeroom always offers up such things as a basket, it has its uses. Tomorrow’s picnic meeting at Lyn’s to see John’s grandchildren is off, Lyn rang to tell John that the kids have friends visiting their area tomorrow and want to stay home for them instead. That actually gives me time tomorrow to bake something to take to Bundeena so it’s not all bad, but John is naturally disappointed. Covid cases are hovering around our beat, Castle Towers earlier in the week and now a nurse at St. Vincent’s Hospital. Three months ago when cases were popping up everywhere I instructed John not to take off his mask during the three or so hours it takes for his monthly infusion. A nurse told him ‘take that mask off, you’re in a hospital, you won’t get Covid here, we are all too careful’. I was cross that he obeyed her instruction and would be interested to now hear her view on the infected nurse situation. No-one is immune and a hospital seems to me to be logically one of the most dangerous situations of all. I am glad that it is two weeks before John needs to go back there and I shall superglue the mask to his face. 

October 11, 2020 

Wowsers, how it makes one feel human to put on a dress for the first time since March and wear fancy earrings and perfume, even if it is only to go next door. Mala cooked up a storm of butter chicken, lamb rogan josh, a vege dish, rice and salad. If that family had moved in 20 years ago my daughters would have been agog over the fence at their two tall, dark and handsome sons, one at university doing engineering/robotics and the other planning to do medicine next year. I refuse to contemplate his having to jump the fence to resuscitate the old lady next door….but perhaps it would have its positives. No one mentioned Trump last night, even though he is a common topic of our conversation over the fence, however Morrison got a couple of good serves from our hosts, interestingly they held the Hawke years in highest esteem as the period ‘when we were all most equal and it wasn’t all about money’. 

Although John was disappointed at not seeing the grandchildren today he said just now that it is good that I am able to take some ready-cooked meals to Bundeena tomorrow and that I can have a relaxing day of preparations such as getting the watering done, as always he sees the silver lining. So we have spent the afternoon in the kitchen making a meat loaf and roast vege, a favourite of John’s, an orange and almond cake and an apple crumble. He was on peeling duty and I on measuring and mixing, so it was done in a trice. Next job is deciding which books to take, a lovely task. Currently almost finished Call Me By Your Name which is beautifully written but perhaps I am getting too old for a teenage falling-in-love story, although I can recognise the feelings well, it is a big ask to read an entire book of them. I intend to feel the sand under my feet for as many hours as is possible, day and night if possible so perhaps reading will be somewhat curtailed. Davina has just told me that there are fires in the Royal National Park (we have been out of touch with news since Friday I realise) and along with road closures there due to roadworks there are now closures due to bushfires, including the road to Bundeena, so a call to the RFS in the morning is on the cards. I may not blog while I am away, the website is always a bit touchy on my phone without wi-fi and even with it, so I may email the posts to myself daily and put them up when I get home. 

I was somewhat horrified when I looked up the Covid diagnoses and deaths in my brother’s area of Calderdale, one of the most affected districts in the country. More worrying still was the public instruction by the NHS: test stocks are limited so do not come for a test unless you have lost your sense of smell and have a temperature and consistent cough. Also the fact that all statistics in the UK apply only to people in hospital, not in the community, so if you die at home or in a care home your death doesn’t get added to the stats at all, even if it is confirmed as definitely caused by Covid. How out of whack are their numbers then if you can’t even get a test? Scary. 

October 12, 2020 

Well an interesting start to our holiday when Davina let us know that there were fires in Royal National Park, so I rang the firies who said the road may be open to residents only and to check with the police, then I rang the police and they told me to check with the firies so we just headed off. Then just after we left at 9:30 am our host Jadranka rang to  say that it’s such a lovely day we should ignore the normal time to get into the unit and just come straight away. I told her we were on our way and would be there within two hours. She was waiting for us and couldn’t have been more obliging, leaving us a bowl of fruit, a loaf of bread, 2 litres of milk, a litre of orange juice, a dozen eggs, chocolate bars and more. The apartment is a studio, very tiny but with everything we need as I brought cooked food considering we don’t have an oven but the microwave and the barbecue will do everything we want. A manta ray was swimming up and down in front of our digs, apparently he’s a regular there. A walk on the beach set the day off, a kilometre each way to the end. Being on Port Hacking the water just laps the shore, perfect for swimming and not as cold as expected. Lunch on our deck, which opens right out onto the sand via a little gate, was smoked mackerel and salad, somehow a packet of smoked fish always seems to fill the bill for lunch and tosses in pasta or makes a sambo, a great standby. For some reason our walled deck makes me feel as if we are in the south of France or Italy, anyway somewhere on the Mediterranean. John made the point that by lunchtime we had had our money‘s worth already. 

So what about Gladys? What a bombshell. I don’t have any hard feelings towards her for having chosen a bad man, but it was obvious that she wasn’t going to fess up until she got notice that she was going to be called to give evidence to ICAC. So really we would never have been any the wiser without phone taps and it puts her whole persona into doubt for me. She was self justifying in the evidence that I saw and referred to him as ‘that person’ rather than using his name, giving me the feeling that she was just trying to make it all go away, whether she made his situation worse or not. It didn’t say a lot about loyalty. Privacy is one thing but being sneaky is another. She will go, as she should. 

October 13, 2020 

Today is the big day for John to install Fran and Bill’s street library. We had a bit of a delay early on because we couldn’t find the car keys, but after an extended hunt around the unit and on the beach they turned up. John dropped me into town while he went to work with Bill installing the library. It took about 2 minutes to walk around the town, then I went down to the ferry wharf and the main beach which was surprisingly quiet. It really is such a lovely quiet spot here but I guess it is anything but on a weekend in summer. I walked back to our digs and went down to the beach for a walk and a swim. John was happy with the installation of the library and it does look really good on the black fence so I am hoping it will be painted black to match but I held my tongue on that one. In the evening we went to Fran and Bill’s house again and enjoyed looking out over Port Hacking over which they have a fantastic view, including of the ferry arriving from Cronulla on the hour, something one can set a watch on apparently. We were visited by a couple of young grey butcherbirds, both of whom apparently come there every day. We had an enjoyable evening and it was good to catch up. 

October 14, 2020 

We decided today to take a trip to Maianbar to see what it has to offer. There was one small shop cum cafe but it was shut so the locals have no access to even milk and bread on a daily basis. Davina had said there was a lovely beach we could walk to that was covered in shells but a local was no help knowing where that was so we continued along a track  down to Bonnie Vale, walking along through the mangroves. It was an interesting walk to Bonnie Vale beach, part of the Royal National Park. The beach was home to a number of fibro shacks that were built there during the Depression and used to be let out by national parks as holiday rentals in the past, but currently they not used because of the asbestos they contain. There is some talk of keeping them as a historical link to the past, apparently those who live in them cannot pass them down to another generation but can live in them for the remainder of their lives. We never did find the beach full of shells, not sure if we were in the wrong place or whether the shells had simply been swept away in a high tide since Davina was there. After a steep walk back up the hill to the car we headed home for lunch overlooking our beautiful beach. Later Fran and Bill came for afternoon tea after which we all took a walk right along Gibbons Beach and up onto the headland to look at some fairly difficult to see Aboriginal carvings. One of them was of a manta ray which are held in high regard by Aboriginal people there, so clearly the one we saw was part of a long line. Our landlady had to come down and assist us with starting the BBQ which was a bit embarrassing, but it’s always easy to do things when you know how. She is very obliging and will come at a moment’s notice if needed. Listened to the news about Darryl Maguire’s testimony at ICAC and it is perfectly clear that the man is basically dishonest, something that would be fairly hard not to see if you are spending any amount of time with him. As Geoffrey Ludowici told me 45 years ago ‘first find out if a person is basically honest or basically dishonest because really that’s all you need to know’. 

October 15, 2020 

The wind has changed from the south to the north so our beach is a bit choppy now. We decided to head south a little and went to Wattamolla. Took the top track to the headland and stayed there a while overlooking the rugged cliffs, ultimately joined by an Indian? family who turned out to be from Westmead. After chatting a while they offered to share their lunch with us, which was something I would have loved to do, but I felt bad about scabbing their food as they clearly would have catered for six, not eight. Also I thought John would have felt a little uncomfortable just lobbing up with total strangers. On the way back there was excitement in Bundeena with two fire engines attending a local cafe with the road blocked, necessitating a diversion to get home. John had a swim and then we walked the full length of the beach yet again, and I followed that with a glass of cab sav while watching a yacht race from the balcony, as you do. Living in a waterfront property is a different lifestyle altogether and one I shall make sure I get in the next life. What a pity that we have to leave tomorrow, a month here would be just about right. 

October 16, 2020 

Jadranka helped us carry our goods and chattels as she did when we arrived, she keeps an eagle eye out for when she may be needed. The drive home was interesting in that there was a big delay near Bankstown Airport, I suspect due to an accident as an ambulance later passed us at speed, but we had the GPS on so it took us on a diversion through the airport roads to get around it, while everyone else sat in literally kilometres of traffic, it surprised me that no-one else did the same. I said to John when we got home ‘I wonder if I could start watering a little bit early today as we’ve been away all week and it’s all so dry?’ He replied gravely that ‘what you’ve said is ICAC-able and I don’t want to know anything about it’. I wonder where he got that from? I have a bet on with him that Gladys will resign, my prize is a large bottle of Nudie Juice and his a large bottle of Kombucha. It is pretty clear that she ignored whatever she didn’t want to hear from him, never in a million years thinking that her private phone calls would one day be listened to by a room full of lawyers and staff. Cringe-making. 

October 17, 2020 

On the way home yesterday we detoured slightly to look at what remains of the house I grew up in. I thought by now (what is it? 4 years?) the fire-ravaged house would have been demolished and rebuilt. The fact that it hasn’t made me remember that when I visited the fire station to ask about when the fire had occurred they intimated that it might have been arson. If it was an insurance job that the company queried and wouldn’t pay out it would make sense that it’s in legal limbo and nothing has happened. Someone, the council I am assuming, has put up a substantial fence around it, another indication that it is going to be like that for a while. I will get onto the council and see what I can find out, if anything. 

Today we met Deborah and Stephen at Somersby Falls near Gosford for a long-awaited picnic. Driving through a particularly awful industrial area I was a bit worried about the state of the picnic area, but once into the National Park it was pristine bush where we were visited by lots of brush turkeys, some water dragons and a big goanna. We feasted on a shared table of food and drink spent the day jawing about all sorts, from Gladys onwards. We were all of the view that she chose not to know about the corruption of her partner and that it pretty much seals her fate. It is great to spend time with people who are so close that you don’t need to be cautious of what you say, about any topic. After lunch Deborah and I went down to the falls, but the steepness and lack of handrails made it too difficult for John. We will reprise the day before Christmas but at another venue next time, although I am really glad that we discovered this place and I would be happy to go again in the future. 

October 18, 2020 

Martha and Phil visited this morning and came with hands full, bringing the next book group novel, a couple of Maeve Binchy novels, my scarf which Colleen had hemmed at the sewing group, plus a wire cupcake stand that will be just the ticket when I get to entertain again. Perhaps I will make some cupcakes deliberately, just to christen it. It was like my birthday had arrived again. We pulled down the sugar snap pea plants and harvested the last of them for dinner, then were sitting out on the deck when Michelle arrived with some books for the library so we’ve had a mega social week for a change. Good news today that Labor triumphed in both New Zealand and in the ACT election, so woohoo, something positive for a change. If they had voted against Jacinda I think what’s left of my faith in humanity would have been totally destroyed. 

October 19, 2020 

I am getting pretty p’d off at the gratuitous advice about our COVID-19 precautions. We do what we think is appropriate to our circumstances and we have friends and family who do much more or much less than we do, yet we don’t keep on at them to change their course of action. I have a friend who chooses not to enter my house, but happily sits outside, having brought her own mug for a cup of tea. Do I encourage her to come in? to drink out of my cups? to be less careful? No, I mind my own business and let her do what she’s thought through, decided on and feels comfortable with. I admit to speaking out of turn to my brother in England about taking more precautions (he is notoriously ignorant and slack about all things medical) but I am no longer harassing him, it’s his life after all and he is a born risk-taker, so I respect his decision and good luck with it. So please people, just do whatever you think fit and let us do the same. 

Before we went away I noted an unusual plant coming up where I planted the dahlia bulbs, a purplish stem with green leaves. Not sure if it were a dahlia or a weed I let it be, but sadly by the time we got back it had disappeared, courtesy of the snails I assume. Now another has emerged, just the same and in a place I would expect a dahlia to arrive, so I assume that the first one was in fact the same. Now I am scouring the ground for new arrivals and sprinkling snail bait around so as not to lose another. If all come up I will have a lovely display this summer, but let’s not speak too soon. 

October 20, 2020 

Ooh all the 20s today. This morning I made an apricot and coconut slice as unusually there wasn’t a crumb of cake or biscuit left in the house. After doing the base with white sugar I discovered that I only had brown for the topping so I rang Mala next door looking to borrow the proverbial cup of sugar. When they told me that they don’t eat sugar they were being quite literal as she didn’t have any, but offered to go and get some for me. Of course I refused and managed perfectly well using brown. I arranged yesterday for a pharmacy delivery to come today and left my front door open all day to make sure I heard the person’s arrival, but still missed them. The goods were left on a chair outside, but I was supposed to give them the scripts, so I’ve had to call and ask them to come back. Luckily they are very obliging. While I was working this out I went outside only to find the librarian from Baulko on my grass verge (well I say grass, but weed and dirt verge is closer to the truth). I apologised that I didn’t know it was library delivery day and said that I hadn’t yet finished all the books, but he replied that it wasn’t pickup day. It was only then that I remembered asking him to come in for a cuppa next time he delivered and so I quickly put the invitation and he was delighted to come and chat on the back verandah for an hour. We covered books, Trump, cooking and more. As he left he said ‘is it alright if I bring my wife next time?’ so I think I have made a friend there. I love that he came on the offchance and I was lucky to go outside and see him at the right moment because he strikes me as shy and I doubt that he would have knocked at the door. I have been extraordinarily social this past week, seeing people every day, which has been great. I read the Domain every week looking at the decor and design of the mega expensive homes listed there. I play the game of ‘which one would I be happy to swap for where I am’ and although there are many properties in the multi-millions it always surprises me how few I would actually swap with. No south-western or far western suburbs, no inland places far from the ocean, no units unless in the city or around the harbour, no 2 storey, I am getting pickier as get older I think, which is good considering that I don’t really want to move and it’s unlikely that the owner of a mega expensive property would want to swap with me in any event, but it’s fun window shopping. 

October 21, 2020 

In my dreams I was fretting about what to serve friends who are coming for morning tea on Saturday. As if it matters, but in dreamland it mattered very much: should I serve all sweet? should I make cheese biscuits? will I add fruit to the platter? Honestly I waste so much good sleeping time agonising over trivia. I am reading a book at the moment where the main character discovers in her 40s when going on a trip to Brazil that the malaria preventative drug Lariam gives her debilitating and terrifying nightmares and, looking back on her youth, realises that whenever she went to see her father and his family in India she had the same problem. But as a child and young woman no-one ever explained that the nightmares were caused by a drug, she had thought it was something to do with India itself and hated going there. There have been many suicides associated with Lariam and it made me ponder how a drug, prescribed or not, can change our whole view of the world and how fragile our psyches really are. 

To my great delight one of the three sets of WWI postcards that I put on eBay has sold, for $10 for the set of three cards. I have numerous sets so I am really pleased that there are collectors out there for them. I discovered some mint stamps in my storeroom today so I am trying to decide whether to try to sell them or to just use them on mail and only get their face value. I was never interested in stamps and didn’t sell them in the shop so apparently these have come in with other things and therefore I probably only paid face value for them. While selling some coins, banknotes and a Japanese document a few weeks ago I managed to make good contact with a coin dealer in South Australia and a Japanese WWII ephemera collector in Victoria, so now I have outs for two types of goods at least. The document I sold turned out to be a Japanese war bond. It was “the 50 yen Greater East Asia War Treasury Bond ‘ships and tanks’ type, issued 1941-43 and sold at post offices” according to my buyer who helpfully informed me when he received it. I love getting an education from buyers, I miss that. 

October 22, 2020 

In a phone call from Kenneth last night he bemoaned the Covid situation in Britain, using words like bedlam and chaos for the state of things over there. Rules and guidances change so fast that no-one knows exactly what they currently are and most take no notice anyway. He mentioned going to a restaurant in Halifax for lunch yesterday (for fish and chips, natch) so I asked if they recorded the patrons’ names and phone numbers. ‘They are supposed to I think, but no-one bothered’. Then he got onto Brexit. He takes a medication called Metformin which was always easily obtained with a script at the pharmacy but lately he has to go to the doctors’ office and fill in forms, then wait usually a couple of weeks for supply. ‘So what is Metformin for? ‘I can’t say I remember’. ‘Would you like me to look it up?’ It turns out it is for Type 2 Diabetes. ‘Oh, I didn’t know you had diabetes?’ ‘I don’t think I do have it, but I have taken the tablets since 2014. I rather think that everyone who sees a GP gets a similar diagnosis and as with most things these days it is better to take no notice and carry on regardless.’ His reaction to all things medical is denial. Woe is me, but at least I am not his doctor. Back to Covid and one interesting thing was that he hadn’t heard that New Zealand had eliminated the virus. ‘How on earth did they do that?’ he asked. An almost total lockdown of course, but he hadn’t considered the possibility that it could be so effective. Poor Britain, the government has stuffed it up right royally every way you look at it. 

October 23, 2020 

Had a funny (as usual) phone call with Sue about all manner of stuff. Hopefully she will come down for a couple of days soon. I am thinking that one of her brothers is somewhat like mine in that he swims against the tide, he seems to be against whatever opinion is currently mainstream. I fondly remember my bro arguing with Robert and Sue when he was over here and trying to convince them that smoking and lung cancer were in no way connected. We took off for Manly this morning and then went on to Balmoral for lunch, the weather was nigh on perfect, sunny and warm but with a cool breeze that put me off swimming. It appears that there is no longer any good time for driving in Sydney. Once you could get a good run if you let the morning peak go and then returned before the afternoon one, but no more. The traffic is either bad or horrendous, unless you plan your travel in the middle of the night. I can see why people give up and head for the country, though being more than an hour or two’s drive from the ocean would cut many places out of consideration for me. 

October 24, 2020 

Had Bronwyn and Michael over for morning tea today and Michelle dropped in by chance so she MT’d as well. Bronwyn has just completed her novel set in and around Mosman and Balmoral and I am so hoping it gets into print. Many of the characters are based on people she sees on her daily 7.30am swim at Balmoral, including ‘Hello Girls’ as they call the gentleman who stands on top of the pipe entering the ocean there and elaborately rubs his nether regions dry with his towel, it takes some time…. Love to see him buy the book. I have been waiting for a run of rainy days to plant out some seedling in the front garden, just Alysum which should naturalise there. Also moved the plant which apparently died a year ago because, according to the nursery, it doesn’t like full sun. Miraculously it reappeared recently so I decided it was giving me a second chance to plant it in the shade where it belongs. Done. 

I’ve been thinking today about John’s neighbour Tammy who thought she had Covid about six months ago and called an ambulance when she had a coughing fit. Poor Tammy, only in her 40s I would guess, was quickly discovered to be riddled with cancer and is now long dead and buried. From her fear of Covid as a worst case scenario, she found something altogether more serious. I hope her primary school age youngest child remembers something at least of his mum as he grows up. 

October 25, 2020 

My list of jobs to do has been dented today, always a positive feeling. Planted the Alysum seedlings here and there in the front garden and planted the cornflower seeds into a large pot on the front verandah. Then did photographs and listed on eBay some more WWI postcards, seeing one set of three has sold for the princely sum of $10 less commissions. Also found some mint unfranked stamps from 1982 and 3 in the storeroom and put a few sets of them on as a trial. Because I know very little (nothing) about stamps I rarely sold them in the shop, but some must have gone as the folder has quite a few gaps of stock ranging from $5 to $75 so I clearly did some stamp business it seems. I think John’s memory issues are catching, must tell the doc. 

Peter FitzSimons has never really been on my radar as I tend to turn off the news when sport comes on and I never read about it. But gosh he’s a pretty shrewd political commentator. His take on Gladys-gate in the paper today is spot-on. She can’t simultaneously not care about/want to marry/ be in love with/ have a relationship not worth mentioning with old Daryl. She needs to pick one, because clearly she is looking like a liar, and a bad one at that. She dumped him like a hot rock, not because he was a crook, but because she discovered they had been phone-tapped. In any event her claim to be hard-working pales in view of what she was actually working hard at: knocking down perfectly good stadiums, knocking down the historic Windsor Bridge, chucking social housing tenants out of their city homes in order to sell their properties for multi-millions of dollars, doling out grant money almost exclusively to Liberal electorates. Jeez Gladys the more time you sit on the lounge watching television, the better off some of us citizens would be. 

October 26, 2020 

Today is John’s MRI and not before time. He had been looking forward all week to watching the football grand final last night. But he rang me up in the afternoon wanting to know firstly if it was Sunday and then how come the football was on that day, what channel was it on and what time. All of these things he had told me himself the day before. He also couldn’t remember whether today was the day he was having the MRI, and more concerningly, wanted to know which hospital it was at. I decided it was best if I went with him but he was quite insistent that he can manage because he goes to that same hospital once a month for his infusion. So I’m just insisting that I go with him to get the results. I think the issue is that he’s seeing a possible curtailing of his independence and is resisting that till the last day possible, in the same way that he sees his driving days as possibly numbered and so he really likes to drive wherever we go. Later in the evening he was quite bemused that he had forgotten about the football details and which hospital he was going to and this morning was on top of it all. None too soon to be getting this jolly thing done I’m thinking. 

October 27, 2020 

I forgot to mention the weird coincidence of John’s three amnesia attacks, they occurred on the 25th of August, 25th September and 25th October. Ooh spooky, I’m sure the New Agers would have an explanation, possibly to do with past lives and almost certainly bunkum. Anyway we got good news today in that Nada’s fear that the lymphoma had spread to his brain has proved to be unfounded. But because of other, less catastrophic, changes in his brain she is sending him to a neurologist at St. Vincents soon for an opinion. Phew and double phew, the lymphoma threat has hung over our heads for a month now, but finally we can breathe again. To celebrate I made cauliflower, pea and spinach soup for lunch, which sounds grand but was actually a case of throwing some leftover cauliflower au gratin, some frozen peas and some spinach in a pot, adding milk and seasoning and grizzing it with the stick blender. If you have veges in the fridge or freezer you have soup, I love it. 

I also got lucky today when Bob rang and answered my query about going back to book group. ‘How many are going? How big is the room? Is it a private residence? Will they be social distancing?’ I guessed at 8 people, 20 feet by 40 feet, yes and yes. The result was a qualified endorsement so it will be very weird, but exciting, to be back at book group this Friday. 

October 28, 2020 

I am currently reading American Dirt, a novel so far about a woman whose family were massacred by narcotraficantes in Acapulco and her desperate efforts to leave Mexico for the US, hindered by checkpoints and walls wherever she turns. It is a compelling introduction to the desperation of the people trying to get to safety and a huge contrast to the almost meditative mood of my last novel The Offing. That one was set in post-war Yorkshire with scenes set in places I am very familiar with like Whitby, Castle Howard and Harrogate. It even references the extraordinary winter of 1947, the year I was born, when snow came half way up the houses in Harrogate and Leeds. It is good to move through different worlds, but especially so when we can’t even think about exploring them ourselves. 

John now has an appointment with a neurologist at St. Vincent’s late in November so as usual Nada clicked her fingers and it all fell into place. She never mucks around. He had his infusion today and was somewhat shocked when an ambulance arrived to take away the man on the next chair who looked perfectly fine, but by then he had a crew of doctors and nurses around him, one identifying himself as the anaesthetist, so it seems there was something serious going on. I on the other hand had a cruisy day with a bit of weeding and a bit of cooking and a bit of catching up with work on the computer, including sending a love letter to Dan Andrews with a request that he overthrow Gladys and become our premier but somehow I think that’s a longshot. I did get a text from Australia Post this afternoon though, telling me that my parcel is on its way. Perhaps Dan is sending a love letter back, because I am not expecting anything. Chocs, Champagne, who knows? I await its delivery with pleasure. 

October 29, 2020 

We decided to go to Service NSW to renew our drivers’ licences, thinking that we needed both eye tests and photos, but were surprised to find that they didn’t bother about photos at all. Mine will be 10 years old by the time this licence is due for renewal, ‘if I’m spared’, as my grandmother always used to say. Or ‘if I’m not called home’ was another one. It puzzles me why religious people aren’t stepping in front of buses all over the place to get ‘home’, which always sounds so much nicer than a lot of places down here. I guess that is why suicide is a no-no in most religions. The places are rationed and you need to buy your ticket and wait your turn, like at the cinema. Remember the cinema? 

Asparagus is sooo thin and green and gorgeous at the moment, I think I will make an asparagus slice or tart or something for book group tomorrow. Maybe with cream cheese? Or parmesan? Or both? Thinking maybe both. I am on a bit of a cheese thing at the moment, I can’t get enough. I’ve planted a small Rose of Sharon and three purple leafed shrubs this morning, all grown from cuttings, so I feel very accomplished. I downloaded a plant identifier app onto my phone but it is pretty useless, not being able to identify the purple shrub at all (calling it Tradescantia or Wandering Jew when it was nothing like) and mis-identifying the Rose of Sharon 3 times out of 4 photos. The excellent identifier I trialled for a month came in too expensive when the trial ended so I didn’t join, but it certainly worked really well. 

October 30, 2020 

I had made the parmesan pastry last night and the mix of cream cheese and yogurt for the filling so it was just a matter of rolling out, pouring on the filling, adding a couple of bunches of chopped asparagus and baking, voila! Ready for book group. Sue came in the morning and said she would like to stay over, then we went in to North Sydney with Michelle. The meeting was pretty much unanimously favourable about the book but Alison thought the language of the young man was somewhat beyond the abilities you would expect from someone with his education. Sadly the Zoom link with Carol failed so I will need to discuss her opinions separately. Unfortunately I got more gratuitous advice about my decision to wear a mask at the meeting, but it was limited to one person, everyone else was very supportive. When gardening on Thursday a passing neighbour whom I haven’t seen in months told me that because she cares for her 80 odd year old mother she hasn’t been out AT ALL since March. All of her groceries are delivered from the local IGA down the street and the butcher next door. Did I give her a lecture about using Harris Farm? or the fact that she is overly careful? No I minded my own beeswax, enough said. Sue and I curled up on the lounge and sank a good 2014 bottle of red in the afternoon and over dinner. It was wonderful to have her here for a whole night. 

Britain’s ridiculous Eat Out to Help Out scheme managed to spur on the coronavirus pandemic it seems. Up to 17 per cent of cases over the summer have been linked to the deal as diners crowded into restaurants for a 50 per cent discount on their bill in August. A study by Warwick University looked at footfall in the restaurants which took part in the scheme across more than 6,000 areas in England. It then analysed the number of clusters where three or more got infected. In areas where large numbers of meals were claimed through the deal, more people tested positive. The study, which suggests the scheme led to crowds of people being too close to each other, concluded that it accounted for an extra 8 to 17 per cent of infections during August and into early September. Cases apparently rose within a week of Eat Out to Help Out starting and began to decline a fortnight after it ended. It never fails to amaze me that governments are so blind to unintended consequences of their actions. This one was predictable a mile off. 

October 31, 2020 

Sue rose early as usual but I slept in till after 8 because I had a bad night, though she seemed happy reading a book from my shelf till I emerged. Then we had blinis with cream cheese and smoked salmon and a pot of tea for a late breakfast, discussing the book and book group as well as lots of other things. She is going to come down again on the night of the end of year meeting, which we are no longer to call the Christmas meeting. Perhaps book group will be the starting point of her coming down once a month, which would be terrific. John and I were to go to Erskineville this arv for Halloween celebrations for Millie, seeing she can’t go trick or treating this year but as I was heading to the car Dav rang to say that Millie had come down with diarrhoea so she thought a postponement was in order. This unexpected free time was filled by finishing American Dirt, a book which involved me virtually in the refugee experience in a very powerful way. I don’t think I have read a more forceful book or article about the Mexican and Central American situation than this one, which left me on the edge of my seat for days. Apparently the author has been criticised because she is not ‘brown’, but I doubt anyone else could have done a better job. 

November 1, 2020 

John has been super excited waiting for the Zoom meeting with his American relatives this morning. We met with Justine, Lisa and Mandy as well as other members of their families. John asked what they planned to do if Trump won and comments were made that Australia was an option. Apparently Covid isn’t too much of a problem where they are, which is good because both Lisa and her husband are emergency doctors. We talked for about 45 minutes and planned to do it again soon. After lunch we headed in to Erskineville and spent the afternoon, noting the intensity of the rain there, it was teeming. Compared to the soft and steady precipitation that we usually get out here it was good to see, I love a deluge. I was able to get my cornflower seeds planted during the week with rain on the horizon and I see more and more dahlias are poking their heads up in the garden. A couple of the Alysums have gone to snails but mostly my plantings are holding up. This changeable weather with spasmodic rain and sun is just perfect, from both a gardening and a preference point of view. The Agapanthus are all in bud so I looked out my tall vase in readiness. Spring has well and truly sprung. 

November 2, 2020 

The library did their monthly delivery today, and bless them they managed to find yet another Trump book, this time the one by Mary Trump, Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man. It is brand new and I am its first reader so I’m pretty happy with that, all crisp and unadulterated by human hands. They rang back later to say they had found an Elena Ferrante that I haven’t read so that’s coming too, plus their other selections. John has been getting water into both pairs of shoes he has here, the soles have worn through on both, so we masked up and went to Baulko shops where he got a pair of black leather Hush Puppies and a pair of brown Colorado boots. We were lucky that they had a ‘second pair half price’ sale on so he saved a goodly amount. Later I made a Pineapple cake which had fresh pineapple and spiced brown sugar in the bottom of the tin. I thought it was a bit unusual because of the fennel seeds etc but John only gave it a seven, so I tossed the recipe which I’d cut out of the Good Weekend. I seem to do at least one recipe from the Herald each week, mostly well worth doing. 

November 3, 2020 

We made a decision to go out for lunch for the first time since February but the venue, Wild Pear, has a big outdoor deck where we sat and felt perfectly safe. The food as usual was fantastic, Lamb Cutlets with Roast Pumpkin, Roast Tomatoes and Gnocchi for sir and for me a delicious Fillet of Tasmanian Salmon with Orange, Beetroot, Watercress and a Beetroot Sauce. We followed with a decadent Pavlova with Turkish Delight, Strawberries, Watermelon, Pistachios, Persian Fairy Floss and Icecream. John scored both of his at ‘eleven out of ten’, I am not sure Masterchef would accept that as a score but I certainly did. We were so out of the loop that we didn’t know it was Melbourne Cup Day, the first time ever that’s happened, we wondered why the ladies who lunch were wearing hats! Afterwards we collected the six capsules of compounded Vitamin D that Glenn Reeves always prescribes and that I get made up at Dural. It doesn’t keep so I only get six capsules per visit and then they go into the fridge to be taken at one per month. John is now sleeping off the meal in his recliner chair while I am waiting for the washing machine to do a load. Lately he is spending much more time at my place and so things like washing and cooking are appreciably greater, but it suits me fine to have him here and I can see that increasing into the future. 

November 4, 2020 

Woe is me, woe is us and woe is the US of A. Whether or not Biden can win by a fingernail, the country is screwed. It needed a handsome majority for Biden to stamp his authority on the White House and clearly, as of 3.45 pm today anyway, that isn’t going to happen. It is the Civil War all over again, although I was horrified to see that it seems Michigan will go to Trump. Every country gets the government it deserves, but if you are black, poor, sick or unemployed, that’s not much consolation when you wake up to another four years of this bastard. If the popular vote persists as it is at the moment it goes to prove that, despite the old saying, you really can fool most of the people most of the time. Still trying to fool people are the scamsters who ring almost every day, the latest purporting to be from Telstra about my internet connection, except I am with Optus. Sigh. 

Planted forget-me-nots and nasturtium seeds then washed up three boxes full of shop leftovers which I offered to friends, failing that they will go to the Sallies. Fran took a silverplate serviette ring for her granddaughter Frankie and Tania is taking the dressing table set for her daughter. That’s a small advance at least, but still so much to go that I get disheartened. My stamps didn’t sell on ebay so I might just use them for posting letters, even though they are for amounts like 27 cents and 34 cents they are still legal tender. 

November 5, 2020 

Another ‘sale’ of my bits and bobs, this time a jug and some mulga wood bookends to Jane. Every little helps. Today’s US election news is better, though still not good as far as a clearcut outcome is concerned. In a post on Medium a couple of weeks ago it was reported that Trump was telling his staff that 1. He was going to declare victory on the night of the election, regardless of the results at that time, and 2. That he would challenge every state count if the result was close. Voila! 

John had a minor accident today while we we out. He was coming out of a parking spot and a taxi behind him pulled up to let him go but then decided to go around him. The result was a dent in the front door of the taxi and John’s headlight mechanism coming out in one piece, which did look pretty funny I must admit as he carried the whole headlight and blinker section and put it in the boot. We drove home with no headlight but when John rang NRMA to lodge a claim they said it is illegal to drive it even in the daytime so they are sending a tow truck to take the car to the repairer even though it is just in Castle Hill. Fun and games and $695 excess, ouch. Despite the fact that the taxi had stopped to let him out, the law says he had right of way so John is at fault. So be it, at least no one was hurt. 

November 6, 2020 

Bright and early a tow truck arrived to take John’s car, but before that I took some pics of the damage, clearly vastly more than the $100-200 he suggested to the insurance company. Headlight mechanism totally detached, dented mudguard, broken grille, mangled bumper and misaligned bonnet. Repairs may very well end up more than the car is insured for so we will have to see how it all pans out. I made some Italian almond biscuits, pasticcini di mandorle, before heading over to Carol’s for a cuppa and a chat about the book group, which she missed due to a Zoom problem. Cooked a whole sea mullet in the fish poaching pan for dinner, covering it with shallots, ginger and coriander after cooking, with just a splash of soy sauce. Sadly it was a bit underdone at the thickest part (luckily there weren’t any guests) but we had enough to feed us tonight and the other half will bake perfectly tomorrow night. Served it with rosti potatoes and asparagus. 

Started Trent Dalton’s latest book All Our Shimmering Skies and although I loved Boy Swallows Universe this one is just too far into the magical end of magical realism for me. BSU was leaning into this genre by the end, but the rest of the book so delighted me that I could contain my strong preference for realism. He is a clever boy but this one must remain forever unread, I just hope it doesn’t come up as a book group choice because then I would have to finish it on principle. 

November 7, 2020 

The smash repairer in Castle Hill hadn’t contacted us about the car so we rang him, only to be told that the car has been written off and didn’t even make it off the tow truck. So where is it we asked? At Milperra at the premises of Pickles Auctions was the reply. I was pretty cheesed off as they hadn’t had the decency to inform us. So we drove up to our trusty mechanic Alex who immediately got on the phone to the proprietor of the smash repairer who told him we had a right to have it brought back for a second opinion. Unfortunately NRMA claims department isn’t available at the weekend (one of the reasons I am happy to be with GIO who are available 7 days) so we are stuck till Monday. What a pity because John got new shock absorbers a year ago, a new radiator a few months ago and a new clutch weeks ago and has been saying that the car is mechanically in top condition now. 

I am seeing a lot of publicity for the new Australian movie Rams, but nowhere do they say that it is a takeoff of the wonderful Icelandic movie of the same name. It irks me that they wouldn’t just fess up and say it’s a remake. Similarly it irks to see Aldi copy the logos and design of many products which are popular in other supermarkets, instead of designing their own advertising material and packaging. It is the one thing that annoys me about the company, I think I shall write a letter. Copycats are dirty rats as we used to say at school. 

November 8, 2020 

When I got up this morning there was an email from Eileen in San Francisco saying: Joe won!!! So I turned on the teev and yes we had. The whole world won, by overturning Trump we can now breathe again, but the reality of the situation will soon sink in. A raging pandemic, race relations at a low ebb, widespread poverty, no health care, probably a hostile senate, but at least we know someone is trying, rather than golfing. We sat through an extended Insiders, then later watched the victory speeches live and I teared up at both. Good luck to them, they are going to need it. 

I hucked out another box of oddments and photographed them, Heather claimed a couple of pieces from that lot, small gains but better than nothing. Made raspberry muffins for when my librarian friend comes on Tuesday but had a bit of a disaster when I decided to put the excess mixture into a small cake tin and bake it separately, it overflowed in the oven making a right royal mess and then wouldn’t come out of the tin leaving me with 1 fractured cake plus 12 muffins. However John opted for the messy cake for afternoon tea and pronounced it delicious. My Tuesday visitor is one of the local librarians who came in for a cuppa a couple of weeks ago and then left a note in my letter box last week asking if a return visit was on the cards to discuss the election result rather than books. Of course I said yes and I look forward to the drop in on Tuesday. 

November 9, 2020 

An early call to NRMA to find out why no-one has contacted us about the car being  written off. They promised someone would ring back soon and they did, to tell us that the cost of repairs is more than double the insured value due to damage to the chassis, it isn’t just a matter of panel beating and painting. Also availability of parts means it could be quite a long business. Sigh. Our second opinion confirmed that it isn’t a viable proposition BUT things improved when Alex told us of a car that he services which is for sale at about the price we will get from insurance. He sent us photos and we will inspect it tomorrow. It is a Toyota Corolla and seems like a good solution. 

I drove John to RNSH this morning for his blood tests and then dropped him off at his place afterwards as he has a TAG meeting tomorrow which he can get to via a bus at his door. Home by lunchtime, but no lunch possible due to a sudden attack of parotid gland inflammation, an intermittent but pesky part of Sjogrens Syndrome which comes on suddenly and makes eating impossible due to intense pain and swelling if I try to put anything but water into my mouth. It begins in an instant and lasts somewhere between half an hour and many days, the record so far is 5 days. Needless to say hunger is visiting now in the late afternoon. 

November 10, 2020 

My face ache disappeared by 7.30 last night so I was pleased to have a very small evening meal about 8pm, the day without food aiding my bid to get back to normal after John was here for a week. Because he likes bigger meals and more between meal snacks than I usually allow myself I fall into the pattern of eating more than I need, so today the universe made a small correction. Perhaps it could make the correction pain free next time if at all possible. 

Busy morning. Ann kindly offered to drive John to his TAG meeting and to pick him up afterwards so that worked out well. Alex rang to say that the car we are to view isn’t available until tomorrow but hopefully some action may have happened on the insurance claim by then. I reminded John at 9am that he had to ring NRMA, then again at 2pm and when he rang me at 4.30 I asked if he’d remembered to do it, but no. I photographed a decanter, stein, candlestick and statue to try to sell online and wrote descriptions for that. Ann has offered to put them online for me and despite our differences of opinion when we did this last time I think our roles are now better defined so I’m willing to give it another chance. The advantage for her is a commission and for me it is the fact that I can sell fragile things without the need to pack and post them as she negotiates only to have them picked up from her in person, something I am less inclined to do. Tony came for a cuppa in his lunch hour and seemed to like the raspberry muffins which I topped with icing and dried cornflower petals. He brought me as a gift 3 books by his favourite author, Dervla McTiernan, whom I haven’t read before and I gave him 6 books to return to the library, hardly a fair swap but he seemed happy. We talked books, Trump, racial discrimination, religion, cooking and more and I think we may be on the way to becoming pals. He said he wants to bring some of his fruit cake ‘next time’. 

November 11, 2020 

I picked up his nibs and we went up to inspect his new car, a Toyota Corolla which seems in excellent condition, you could eat dinner off the motor. We agreed to go ahead with the sale and Alex offered to do a complimentary grease and oil change so we will pick it up tomorrow. This morning I had done an online search of the car’s rego, followed by a search on the Personal Property Securities Register to make sure that it wasn’t stolen or had money owing on it. Phew. Then off we went off to Service NSW to cancel the rego on the poor old Suzuki, sort out the CTP Insurance and order a new toll dooverlackie as the old one went to the wreckers with the car. This afternoon there was much time spent getting insurance quotes, not helped by the fact that twice the phone cut out when I was talking to NRMA Insurance, leaving me to start all over again. I decided instead to send a message to them via Facebook saying that if they want to give us a quote my phone number is blah. I am past caring today, I’ve done nothing but talk cars the whole day, and nothing bores me like talking cars. In the wonderful words of Lawson: “For I have gone past carin’, Past worryin’ or carin’, Past feelin’ aught or carin’, But from my heart no tear nor sound, For I have gone past carin’.” Lawson always seems to have some lines for whatever you are feeling. 

On another topic altogether, we have been debating whether it was safe to go to The Boathouse at Blackwattle Bay where we have had a table booked for New Year’s Eve. We booked it last NYE as we were leaving the restaurant, one of our favourites. But that debate ceased when we saw that it has gone under, the victim of Covid and a rapacious landlord. Well now the landlord gets ‘sweet Fannie Adams’ and we get no oysters, fish pie or New Zealand wild trout, as we’ve had in the past. It looks like a quiet night at home for us, nothing at all for the restaurant and nix for the landlord as well. What a shame all round. 

November 12, 2020 

Last night I decided to tackle the car insurance issue again, this time online. I found the NRMA website very easy to navigate and got a very competitive quote of $624, a huge amount less than GIO. But every time I got to the Buy Now button and pressed it I was taken back to the Get a Quote page and had to fill it all in again. This happened three times over 55 minutes until I swore at it and gave up. First thing this morning I rang them, told a tale of woe of five attempts to buy the insurance and got a lady working from home in Cronulla who said that yesterday they ‘had issues’, ‘as did I’ was muttered under my breath. But after reapplying his No Claim Bonus (despite having a claim last week? how does that work?) she also gave us $100 off that again and charged $403 in total, just 40% of the cost of the exact same policy at GIO. Business is a weird thing, I must get a quote from NRMA next time mine comes up. The whole exercise got me thinking about a First Saturday meeting a few years ago when the very techie speaker was horrified to hear that I go to the Opera House in person to book seats rather than doing it online. Each time I have done so I first looked up my favoured seats online and then went to the box office and invariably some lovely person volunteered that they could find me better seats that weren’t on the online plan. It was always worth it. Doing it by phone today saved John $221 on what he would have paid if the transaction had gone through successfully last night, so I will stick to dealing with real people thanks very much Mr. Techie Guy. We picked up the car and gave Alex a good bottle of red, only to discover that he’s a teetotaller, but his wife drinks so I will take him a cake later. 

John was walking out the door this afternoon to go to his infectious diseases specialist who monitors his lifelong antibiotic therapy after the knee infection when she phoned and said she and her family had just been put into 2 weeks quarantine after she had a possible Covid19 exposure. I’m guessing it must be for a hotel quarantine patient or one who is still in hospital from a while back as the officials are saying we have no new cases. I think her husband is a doctor too so that’s both a huge problem and a welcome rest I would think. So he had a phone consultation and was spared a trip to the hospital. Win/win. 

November 13, 2020 

Oh the joy of being able to eat your dinner at 4.38 pm, just because you only had two SAOs at 11.30 am. John would think I’d gone stark raving mad if I did that when he was here, so I observe regular mealtimes with him and go rogue when I am by myself. I have had a quiet day but a pleasant one, having morning tea (the said SAOs) in Heather’s  garden, then buying some fruit and veg on the way home. Stone fruits are just starting so I got some nectarines plus a punnet of raspberries of which I will partake for dessert tonight. The day began with an attempt to water the front garden but the hose had been disconnected from the tap and I couldn’t get it back on. A later inspection with glasses on showed that they had wrenched it off without pulling back the clasp, breaking it in the process, so I am back to bucket watering for now. No-one needs a mouthful of water in that much of a hurry so I am crooked on the perpetrator of this heinous crime. Not as bad as the day someone turned the meter off and I was ready to ring the supplier or a plumber or whoever, till I thought to check the main, only to find it turned off. Actually when I think about it this will cost me a little money and time whereas the main tap cost me nought. I was expecting a friend in the late afternoon but she is on sick report so I will catch up with her another time, by which time it was dinner, at 4.38. 

My bro tells me that the lockdown in Calderdale is now extreme with a 10,000 pounds fine for breaking it, which in itself seems extreme. Apparently someone local who had friends over for a party was just hit with the maximum fine and I hope the party was an excellent one as it has cost more than a flash wedding. I read of a dentist in WA who left quarantine numerous times to see patients, 41 of them in fact, and was given two months in the slammer as a reward. I imagine that deregistration may be on the cards when she gets out. A goose having a party I can understand but a dentist?? 

November 14, 2020 

I was just filing a document and came across a photo of my grandmother’s sister Ethel and her brother Albert standing outside the railway station in England, probably Harrogate Station. She is dressed in a white sheet by the looks of it and is holding a sign that says ‘self denial’ in support of Mahatma Ghandi. Judging by his clothes I would say it looks Edwardian but that would be very early for them to be supporting Ghandi, though I doubt it would be past 1920. I wish that sort of sentiment and bravery had seeped down to my parent’s generation, I certainly got a ton of derision for demonstrating against the Vietnam War. I remember my father telling me that after getting off the bus on his way home from work at Guildford a policeman in uniform, also getting off the bus, addressed him by name. My father asked ‘how do you know my name?’ and the policeman replied ‘we are watching your daughter Maureen’. My parents were furious that I had brought the family into disrepute. Arguing my case brought no respect for a principle, just a shower of rebukes, I never did win that argument. It saddens me sometimes to think that John was there in those marches and signings, I should have scooped him up then. 

The Guardian reports that Fr Dave Smith, an Anglican priest in Dulwich Hill of 30 years standing, has been forced to resign from his church or face the sack because his wife left him. He is a two-time Australian of the Year nominee but that won’t prevent his sacking, loss of income and possible homelessness with his primary school aged child. ‘The conservative evangelical diocese’s controversial doctrine of “male headship” holds that men are the undisputed heads of their households, wives must “submit” to their husbands, and only men can lead in church’, says the article. I have seen this happen at close quarters when the father of a friend was sacked from his post in Castle Hill back in the 70s, causing grief for him and his children when they were unceremoniously tossed out of their home and his father was left without work. Gee Christians can be so un-Christian can’t they? It is always the ‘conservatives’ who fit this description, whether it be in churches, government or society in general. A pox on the lot of them, she says biblically. 

November 15, 2020 

We went to Erskineville to mind Millie so Davina and Louis could have a rare night out, the first this year in fact. They chose to go to a relatively new restaurant called Arthur in Surry Hills which has a degustation menu, with matched wines if desired. Millie was fine about them going out but at bedtime insisted that she sleeps under, not on, the bed. So I just passed her a pillow and let her do just that. Then she called to say ‘you’ve put me to bed with no socks on and I might get cold’ so socks were applied to two feet sticking out from under the bed. After washing up from dinner I sat down to read my book, The Ruin by Dervla McTiernan, when I noticed Millie lying quietly under the dining room table. How long she had been there I don’t know. Finally after a couple more tries to get her into the bed I said ‘I think I might lie in your bed for a while seeing you’re not using it and quick as a flash she was in it with me. I stayed there till the fam arrived home about 9.25 pm and considered the ploy as a total success. While we were there my neighbours next door rang. They were trying to deliver some Diwali treats but I wasn’t answering the door, though they could see the car was there. When we got home we found a wrapped plate of fritters with some sweet treats alongside. They would normally celebrate with fireworks, sparklers and lights but Hindu tradition forbids it this year because of the recent death of their aunty. We’ve agreed to celebrate with lots of food and sparklers next Diwali. 

November 16, 2020 

John is on the hunt for a frig and I can’t dissuade him from an immediate purchase. I jokingly blamed the ‘car high’ he is on. So we masked up and went to The Good Guys to look at the two models he was considering. One outshone the other so now he wants me to do a check in Choice tomorrow to make sure it’s not a lemon, then he will order it. The online reviews are uniformly good but they are from new purchasers, so they don’t tell us anything about how the item wears, or doesn’t. A walk to nearby Bunnings followed to buy a new hose fitting to replace the one broken by a passer-by, I bought two in case the rotter does it again. Lunch was Indian fritters gifted by the neighbours, with a salad. I am keen to get back into my book tonight, The Ruin by Dervla McTiernan, a gift from Tony and it’s really got me in, such a step up from the very ordinary Ruth Rendell that I just finished. It was her last book and it shows, one-dimensional characters and a silly plot. Makes me wonder if she really wrote it at all. 

November 17, 2020 

A trifecta of car, frig and now vacuum cleaner! John tried to vac the flat and a loud bang and a puff of blue smoke ended the reign of his current machine. Now can we have some peace on the motor front? Thankyou. He rang me with the idea of buying a Miele, but I convinced him that my old shop vac, admittedly a very basic one but currently ensconced in the garage, would do the trick for no bucks at all. I did the Choice check and it gave us a tick of approval on his preferred frig, so I expect he will order that pretty soon. 

I see that our SAS and commandoes in Afghanistan had a ‘kill board’ on which they entered scores in some sort of grotesque competition for the most Afghans they murdered. I don’t understand why it has taken 4 years to complete a report on this or why we now have to have yet another body to investigate. Why can’t it be handed to the Federal Police in just the same way it would be if they were picking people off in Canberra? Morrison frowns and warns us of the shock when the details come out and military types and their journalistic friends are excusing the men already on the grounds that ‘they had too many rotations’. I think that’s for a jury to way up, but thanks anyway. I hope I am wrong but it seems like dragging it out as much as possible is the aim until one day someone says ‘But it was all such a long time ago…..and witnesses have died….and it’s too hard to get convictions now.’ It is much easier to teach people to kill than it is to teach them when to stop. 

November 17, 2020 

Today we had plans to go to a friend’s place for lunch but John rang to say that his new car door was locked and couldn’t be opened with either the clicker or the key. I headed off down the M2 to pick him up but he rang to say his neighbour Chris had managed to get the car open. So I turned around and started for home, only to get another call to say that now the car wouldn’t start. Turned back and got onto the M2 again, picked him up and amazingly we got to the friend’s place right on time. We had a lovely lunch and chat and later I drove John home. I assumed an electrical fault was responsible but the NRMA man (bless all NRMA men) said it was that he had left some internal lights on, lights he somehow wasn’t aware of. The door lock had a totally separate issue which was rectified on the spot. To all this was added the fact that John left his mobile on the floor of my car this morning so I could only get him on the landline. It seems a boring set of circumstances but somehow I am exhausted by it all. 

Tony texted to say that the library has bought a DVD on the Trump family going back to the 1800s in Germany up to the present so he has put it aside for me, that’s six hours of my life accounted for. He also put a reserve on Fear by Bob Woodward, another Trump book and is asking the library’s buyer if he wants to get Plaintiff in Chief, a book about Trump’s 3400 litigations. It’s like having my own personal librarian. The crazy one last week considered launching a strike against Iran’s main nuclear facility Natanz before senior advisers talked him out of it, according to the New York Times. Talk about going out with a bang. 

November 18, 2020 

I have long been saying that it is a contest about who will survive longest, me or my beautiful 70 foot high and wide gum tree. Well it looks as if I might be in the lead, the back yard is ankle deep in gum leaves and short branches, plus there were two more large branches there today, probably each 10 feet long. The two of them cut up filled an empty Sulo bin. The horticulturist pronounced the tree to be in ‘terminal decline’ months ago and it is much worse now. I guess I am in terminal decline too, but it’s progressing at a slower rate. It will be a sad day when I go out and find no leaves left at all, the sound of a chainsaw will become its dirge. 

John ordered the groceries this week and they were delivered here this morning, including 12 blocks of his favourite Pico chocolate, along with a note to say that the other flavours he ordered were out of stock. I don’t know how he can eat a BIG bowl of icecream every night, followed by half a block of chocolate on top of his dinner and not be fat. Good genes for weight control. I wish I had them, though I would choose different poisons. 

We are supposed to take a piece to read at book group on the theme of Thanksgiving and I have been going through shelves of poetry books with no luck at all. It’s just not the sort of thing I would buy or read. Plenty on death or war or nature or injustice but thanksgiving, not so much. But I need to rustle something up that doesn’t sound too mawkish and maudlin. Christmas themes were so much easier I think, or we could do Hannukah maybe? 

November 19, 2020 

My search through the poetry shelves for something representing Thanksgiving in any form has led to my reading some Walt Whitman, my fave Robert Frost, Emily Dickenson (why did I buy this exactly?), Tennyson, Ai, Thoreau, Brooke, Auden, Betjeman and others. I even looked up a wonderful poem in an email from my friend, poet and percussionist Gabrielle Journey Jones, but decided that it was too ‘dark’ for the topic and for this group. But that rereading in itself made the whole search worthwhile. Apparently my tastes run into the ‘dark’ rather than the radiant and shining but I am what I am. Come to think of it all the poets I was searching through are on the dark side too, so I’m in good company. 

If I want to research a medical question I usually start with the website of the Mayo Clinic so it was a shock to read today that there are over 900 staff there who currently have Covid19. If their capable and professional staff can’t avoid it I wonder what hope the rest of their community have. In my Medium feed today came a paper from a researcher who says that those with autoimmune conditions risk the vaccine triggering a ‘potent type I Interferon response’, in other words a cytokine storm, exactly the thing that the vaccination is seeking to avoid if you contract Covid. The CDC also has a webpage entitled Who Should Not Get Vaccinated With These Vaccines, which includes people with autoimmune diseases. Mmm, some serious reading to do before making a decision on that one. 

The ADF report on the murder of civilians in Afghanistan by Australian forces is shocking but hardly a surprise. The racism in the army in particular is well known and added to the pressures of warfare it is a toxic mix. A friend whose son joined the army a few years back commented that within a very few months he had changed from being a reasonable young man to one transfused with racist and particularly anti-Islamic prejudice. A longtime acquaintance whom I talked with in my shop over many years had an important role in the RAAF. He resigned from a job he loved after seeing the appalling treatment of Afghan locals by army personnel while working there. He told of them wearing offensive T shirts with anti-Muslim messages and was critical of the lack of discipline there. This was probably 10 years ago so if a shopkeeper near the base knew things were going wrong back then, so did others who had the power to intervene. If it were not for whistleblowers and the ABC nothing would ever have been done for fear of damaging the ‘holy’ reputation of our military. It is a universal tactic in wartime to dehumanise the enemy in order to overturn soldiers’ basic reluctance to kill, this sort of behaviour is a natural result of that strategy. A more realistic view of the military may prove to be the only positive outcome of this tragedy. 

November 20, 2020 

A call last night from Kenneth brought to reality the fear of his daughter Tanya contracting Covid19 at the aged care home in which she works. So far she isn’t too bad, just suffering from a cough, but it’s early days. Of course she and her husband are in quarantine. Six patients and staff there are so far infected, but Kenneth has long told me of the inadequate protective equipment supplied, for many weeks at the beginning they didn’t even have masks so we are both surprised that it’s taken this long for the pandemic to hit there. More concerning though has been her habit of visiting him twice weekly over all these months, by chance it has been over a week since she was there, so it appears he has dodged a bullet. Even more concerning in some ways was his comment about medical care under the NHS. He has had some problems with his ears and hearing aids may be on the cards, but when I asked if he had been to the doctor he told me with a grim laugh that it is nigh on impossible to get an appointment due to all of their efforts being geared towards people with Covid. Even my doughty brother is starting to sound rattled. 

Making a pav today for the book group ‘end of year’ celebration. I hope the fact that I’m using only red fruit doesn’t give it too much of a Christmas air. I could eat pav every night but I haven’t made one since the pandemic started, because I know I would eat whatever was left from the occasion and I’m trying to be good as often as possible. For some reason I find getting pomegranate arils out of the skin is a luscious job, almost meditative, separating every last bit of pith from them needs concentration and is beautiful at the same time. I seem to remember doing it as a kid, though I have no idea how they were served, just to eat as fruit perhaps. 

November 21, 2020 

Last night’s end of year book group meeting was the best of the year I think, with a depth of warmth and camaraderie that hasn’t always been present of late. I needn’t have worried about my lack of a suitable reading, my flippant one went over well and all of the others were appropriate and well worth hearing. Sue arrived in a hail storm in the afternoon and I was sitting on the front verandah while hailstones pinged off the roof and occasionally into my glass, a new experience. I wasn’t even aware that Sue was outside in her car waiting for the rain to end. After the meeting we chewed the fat with John and enjoyed a leaisurely breakfast together this morning. I suggested we ring our friend who missed last night’s meeting and invite her to morning tea, which she was happy to accept. Sue has suggested that we go to Killcare for a little holiday which was timely considering that I had tried to get us into one of the usual haunts from Jimmys Beach down to Kiama, but all of them are booked pretty solid till February, by the usual Gold Coast-ians and Bali-ans presumably. 

Thinking about the SAS report and one of the issues is that in wars such as WWII and Vietnam the troops were from all walks of life, conscripts or enlisted, but from farms and cities, all levels of education, various ages, life experiences and mindsets. But in the SAS I suspect it would be almost all career soldiers from the get-go, with no broad experience of the culture of the civilian populace in the same way that priests are trained in a bubble apart from the wider culture. So training to be a commando, a professional killer in fact, could be happening in a closed society where moral judgments have not been formed by previous life experience. Only a theory but worth thinking more about. 

November 22, 2020 

We decided to visit Terry and Jude at Arncliffe, via La Perouse. Had a look through the Museum there and then did a tour of Bare Island Fort. Apparently dodgy builders were around way back then, because the guide explained that back in the 1800s when it was built it soon began to leak. Concrete was a new and expensive commodity but it was specified by the government for the walls and roof of the building. But after the leaks a Royal Commission was established which found that the scoundrel builder had formed the place out of sandstone rubble rendered over to look like concrete, which of course absorbed water easily. The effects were still causing problems into the 1980s when the fort cracked and some parts collapsed as a result of the Newcastle earthquake, resulting in the need to reinforce parts of the fort for safety reasons. I wonder if the dodgy builder went out of business or just went on to be a very rich man? Talking of rich men, I saw a man in his 30s next to a low and luxurious looking two-door sporty car. Never having seen the like of it I wandered over to read the label, it was a Bentley so I googled the price: from $400,900. Is it possible to get that sort of money legally? I guess it is, but I was curious to know how. On my own I might have asked him, I didn’t want to embarrass John, plus it is easier to get information from people when you are on your own. Jude and Terry were in good form, along with their family who come regularly to swim in the pool. Their grandson, who is all of 13, is concerned about the war in Azerbaijan and he seems to know a lot about it apparently, I say apparently as I wouldn’t have a clue. He is a history nut, 13 going on 50, I look forward to hearing of his future progress, but I am sure it will be rosy. 

November 23, 2020 

Out to Dural to the bakery for bread, I got to try John’s new jalopy which is extremely comfortable to drive. Then I stocked up the cake tins by baking rock cakes and cheese shortbreads, which I topped with either cayenne or fennel seeds. Now I am ready for drop-ins. Tomorrow is John’s neurology appointment so I have been thinking about that and wondering if Bob’s suggestion that we just accept his memory loss without investigation had a motive behind it. Anyway Nada wasn’t having a bar of that and insisted on the MRI and the neurologist. But I remember my friend from a few years back who said that he wished he’d never had his memory loss investigated. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers and was depressed from then on, I do think making it official speeded up his decline but John is such a positive person so he wouldn’t necessarily react the same way. He asked me today what we would do if she announced she was putting him straight into a home, a highly theoretical question, but I answered we would bolt for the exit and tear off down Victoria Avenue at great speed. 

It was interesting in observation of Terry and Jude’s family yesterday that their grandchildren are strikingly mature for their ages. Two are the same ages as John’s grandchildren but their ease with adults and the topics they discuss are years ahead. The 7 year old boy mentioned that one of his friends at school had been wearing a dress for 2 years and identifies as a girl and the 12 year old girl commented on her friend’s father leaving the family because he discovered he was gay. Her mother asked if the friend was embarrassed by this but she replied: ‘why on earth would she be embarrassed?’ They were quite happy and comfortable to sit around joining into group discussion with an old couple whom they don’t know and their comments were always mature and relevant. 

November 24, 2020 

John’s neurologist appointment didn’t go quite the way I expected. Firstly his doctor was one of the best I have ever been involved with, we were in there for over an hour and all of our questions and more were answered in detail. Prior to that she had been ensconced with a medical student looking at the latest MRI. I had girded myself for a diagnosis of vascular dementia because of both his symptoms and the fact that his vascular system is damaged by repeated bouts of chemo. Her very first question was: ‘have you ever had any radiation to the brain?’ Then she surprised us by saying that she believes that the primary cause of his problems is the radiation to his face (and therefore to his brain) which he had for the first bout of lymphoma in his parotid gland back in the 1980s. The micro-haemorrhages on the MRI are typical of radiation damage and were also showing on the last MRI done in 2016, when he got the most recent and more serious B cell lymphoma. I was surprised to learn that radiation brain damage takes a long time to manifest itself in visible damage and symptoms, so that sort of delay is entirely typical. She explained that there is a continuum with this damage from MCI (mild cognitive impairment) to Alzheimer’s Disease and John is on that path and has been for many years but it has only now become obvious. Traumatic brain injury, such as he had in his bike accident in 1970, also raises the long-term risk of Alzheimer’s so he has had a double whammy. She did a cognition test which involved drawing a clock face with hands at a particular time, copying a drawing and other tasks like remembering a string of words, in the last task he did pretty poorly. Asking what word he first thought of beginning with the letter ‘f’ brought a typical male response but asking him to then quote as many words as possible beginning with that letter seemed pretty easy for him. So what to do? Basically nothing. She thinks that his three amnesia events are probably a rare manifestation of the same thing, likely akin to a seizure with a disruption of brainwaves, so she’s putting him on an epilepsy drug to avoid them happening again. But apart from that it is a wait and see situation. She doesn’t think driving is an issue at this stage because his implicit or unconscious memory is still intact, that type of memory is affected at a later stage in the disease. There are drugs to help if and when it gets more serious but she doesn’t recommend those now. She doesn’t need to see him again until ‘things have deteriorated’. Looking at me at the end of the appointment she said ‘you will know when he needs to come back’. 

November 25, 2020 

Tony called in for a cuppa on his way to work at the library today in what has become an occasional break from my customary routine. We originally started off only discussing books though that has widened as we get to know each other better, but today it was nice to talk to someone who doesn’t know anything about John’s medical issues so I could ignore it for a while. I am feeling quite hollow after the revelations yesterday, thinking about the future is so confusing and terrifying and open-ended that sometimes it’s better not done at all. It is ‘one day at a time’ territory. Sometimes I am feeling as if a 10 ton weight is on my shoulders but perhaps the best approach for now is to ignore it and think of jokes instead: ‘My doctor diagnosed me today with cancer and Alzheimer’s. It was a lot to process and the road ahead won’t be easy, but hey at least I don’t have cancer!’ Yeah funny, but when you are living it, not quite as funny as it would have been six months ago. 

November 26, 2020 

Clearing out my in-tray is a boring but necessary task. I found stuff that I thought was lost and was able to file some poems and book review notes so probably worth doing. Tried again to tie Kirk down to a day for mowing my lawn. I used to be able to get him at a day or two’s notice but he says he is as busy as he’s ever been so he is coming next Monday after a two week wait. The grass will be higher than the mower but that’s his problem. Luckily I don’t need help anymore with the front garden, I manage it perfectly well on my own, whereas initially I did need physical assistance with building the rockery, spreading the pebbles etc, now it’s basically just weeding. I am not looking forward to summer watering though, that’s a real trial. Gosh I am being boring, my head is too full of questions and concerns so I can’t really focus on much else. 

So now it’s 9.21 pm and I am dabbling on the computer. Usual stuff, write a letter to the Herald, check the US papers, check ours, get depressed. How can Kathy Jackson get a suspended sentence for ripping off $103,000 from union funds? How can Amy Coney Barrett vote in the US Supreme Court in favour of churches in New York against the restrictions on numbers at religious venues during the Covid lockdown? How can the federal government be paying for Mathias Cormann to fly around Europe on a VIP jet with an entourage of 8 full-time staff? He is not a government employee. Enough to be depressed about in politics and health at the moment without even starting on things at home. Perhaps that’s a blessing. 

November 27, 2020 

Interesting to see a Brett Whitely painting go for $6.136 million. But even more interesting was the story that barrister Clive Evatt, the previous owner, had called on Whitely who was bemoaning the fact that a gallery wanted him to paint out evidence of drug use on the coffee table in the painting before they would pay for the piece. Evatt offered to buy the painting for himself, to which Whiteley agreed, but said ‘it will cost you a bootful of money’, after which Evatt took him to his car and literally paid him with cash from his boot. Um, do all barristers drive around with a ‘bootful of money’? And if so, why? Taxation officials please note. 

I was watering out front and noticed some landscapers working across the road so I asked for a quote to re-turf my grass verge which is a bit of a barren eye-sore. They came up with $1895 which shocked me, but I will ask Kirk about doing it next year, I am sure for much less. Then off to Service NSW to renew my free pensioner’s National Parks Pass. I wanted to get one a few years back and John talked me out of it, but I went ahead eventually and we’ve used it a bit this year. Because they need to sight the pension card it makes it a bit difficult to do online, though a paid pass is easy to do that way. I am always pleasantly surprised at how helpful the staff are there. Services NSW is the only good thing I can think of that this lousy Liberal state government has ever done. They are also very Covid aware, with security guards allowing people to enter only as others come out, so I feel safe in going there. 

November 28, 2020 

Last evening and night were shockers, aloneness when you’ve had bad news is not a good idea. I slept only from 4 am till quarter to 6 and got up feeling scummy. Every possible bad thing that could happen following John’s diagnosis was contemplated in detail during the night, but no solutions were in the offing. I realised in the light of day that maybe the best thing is to simply ignore the issue altogether and worry about any problems as and when they crop up. Trying to muster enthusiasm for Christmas cards, or gifts, or Christmas anything come to that, but so far it’s not working. I guess this feeling of gloom will lift all of a sudden, when it wants to and not before. 

John came up after lunch for a few days and is busy raising the railings on the pull-out corner shelves in the kitchen where I keep all my plastic boxes, this to stop them falling off the back and needing Houdini to recover them (or at least someone with arms much longer than mine). I am wasting time on the computer to avoid going out in 40 degree heat to hang out the washing, but soon it must be done. It wouldn’t occur to me to put off the job if it were cold out, my genes being Viking via Yorkshire. I’m thinking that John has answered my question about what we should do about his having the bone pointed, just go on doing what we normally do. It doesn’t occur to him to do anything else, perennial optimist that he is. I on the other hand was dealt the pessimist cards, but I can learn. 

November 29, 2020 

John finished the job of raising the kitchen’s pull-out shelves and I repacked the plastic containers, discovering a very large lid with no container, a smaller lid likewise and two storage containers with no lids. How can lids be lost inside a kitchen I ask myself? No answer has yet appeared. It is 41 degrees in the shade outside, 105.8 in real terms, which sounds so much hotter. I keep hearing sirens and considering the strong wind outside it could very likely be fires. This is February weather, but let’s build a few new coal and gas plants and see if we can rev it up a bit more shall we? Good work Scotty. 

I have been ironing various pillowcases and cushion covers, which I washed yesterday, to give to the Sallies. I have given the workers at Pepe’s Ducks enough for a while I think. Also a lovely shirt of John’s which he won’t wear because it has no top pocket, mmm, I tried to tell him how nice it was but ‘no pocket, no keep’ I was told. Next I will attack my clothes and see if there are any that I will never wear again. Unfortunately there rarely are, because I have clothes for going out and clothes for around the house and although they get moved downward from out to house, the house ones stay until they self-destruct, after which there is a ragbag in the garage for dirty work. I ironed a house shirt today with two holes and one stain but decided it wasn’t bad enough to dispose of. I pity my executors. 

November 30, 2020 

John put up our Christmas tree and found we have enough decorations to cover 10 trees of the same size so I have packed up a boxfull for the Sallies, along with a Christmas design coffee pot and the base for holding a real tree, something I am unlikely to use again in this lifetime. Added to the linen I washed, plus about 10 pairs of vintage gloves (some unused with David Jones price tags still attached) and a bedspread I no longer use, it makes a trip to the Sallies worth the petrol. John’s car is with Alex to get the locks cleaned and lubricated, they will work with the clicker but not with keys for some reason so we will go to North Parramatta Sallies on the way to collect his car. I opt for Parra because with all of those units around there I am sure there are some needy people in the mix, whereas I am sure Castle Hill Vinnies caters mainly to bargain hunters. So many considerations to weigh up in being a Libran, it’s tiring. 

This morning I discovered that my green bin lid was up and as I closed it I noticed a bag of dog poo on top of all my weeds and cut up branches. Just as I was thinking up choice words of abuse to use if I catch the sod doing it again I noticed that one of a group of three lovely plants that I had grown over months from cuttings and then replanted into the front garden has been dug up and removed. Presumably they will return for the other two, knowing how appealing my little triangle looked. So the question is: am I looking for a plant thief with a dog or two separate suburban miscreants? I shall keep my eyes peeled and will peel theirs to match if I catch them. 

Time to start a new Life Notes, due to the size of LN6, number 7 is now up and running. 

break

April 19, 2018

Funny old day of contrasts. Had a call from Deborah which cut out and from then on my phone wasn’t connected to the provider so I couldn’t take or make calls and got that terrible sinking feeling I always get when technology goes wrong and I can’t fix it. Then we went to the excellently acted movie The Party which showed up the foibles of the bourgeois at play. A walk to Bill’s for lunch, usually a good choice, but as we have started sharing meals it does present a problem of choice at times. I went with John’s choice of Tagliatelle with Shin Beef, ugh, the meat tasted meaty in the extreme and to take the taste away I shared his ginger cake which I didn’t like either. Next was a trip to Nada just nearby and she exclaimed that John looks better every time she sees him. He asked how long he will need to be on the monthly immunoglobulin transfusion and she said ‘as long as your knee is infected’. But that’s forever he said, yes that’s right was the reply. As it takes heaps of units of blood to make one unit of IgG, it must be costing Medicare a packet, but not John thankfully. Next we went to meet John’s boyhood friend who is visiting Sydney from Wagga with his wife. They are staying in a river view convent at Woolwich as his sister is a nun, I frequent religious institutions of late. I asked John if he ever had friends who weren’t Catholics when he was young but he said no, never, it was a ghetto. Last call at 8.30pm was the Optus shop in Castle Towers where they fixed my phone, huzzah!! Hot milk, but no dinner after that ugly lunch, blog, shower, bed.

April 20, 2018

So I looked up the price of John’s IgG infusion and it takes over 1000 units of blood to make one unit of IgG. I tried to guess the price. $1000 per unit, $2000 per unit? Nope, it says current price is $10,305 per unit and John has 1.5 units a month. I don’t think I had better tell him that. Bob has tweaked the meds prescribed by the specialists this week and he is feeling much better for it. His ability to walk had improved markedly after 24 hours.

We headed out to Penrith today for a funeral and as we arrived John saw someone who has caused him grief in the past and said ‘I feel like turning

around and going home’. My comment was that it was totally his call and to my surprise he did a U-turn and headed east. Quickest decision he’s ever made. So I worked on a bit more garage clearing this afternoon, finding some boxes of books for the street library and filling the Sulo bin with cardboard boxes that were ‘going to come in handy one day’. I have now put six various items on eBay three times over and got not one sale, so I doubt I am going to be needing packing boxes in the near future.

April 21, 2018

My own little financial planning story is very small cheese but typical of the pattern we are seeing at the Royal Commission. When I went to the CBA to bank last year, the teller gushed that the financial planner had had a cancellation and I could see him right now. Curious, I took the ‘opportunity’ and he was certainly a lovely young man who seemed so keen to maximise my little stash. He explained in detail how I should put almost all of my money into an annuity and receive a pension from those funds. Now I am a financial dunce, but it didn’t make sense to tie up money in this way at a low interest rate. So I shot off an email to my friend Jack who is a professor of accounting and finance. No, he couldn’t see any sense in that idea either, so when the lovely young man rang me back for a decision I began my reply with the words “Well I have asked my friend, who is a professor of finance, and…” I didn’t really get much further as my new-found second best friend wanted to get off the phone! No attempt to convince me of my error, no comment on Jack’s advice, just ‘thankyou for your time’ and off. He knew absolutely that he was selling me a pup. Financial advisors and real estate developers should occupy a specially hot corner in hell in my humble opinion. Owe you a drink Jack.

April 22, 2018

The big day arrived at last and John M. with the able assistance of John D. and myself got the street library up and happening! By end of day we had four books taken and one added, which was an excellent start. Titles ranged from Harry Potter to Eastern Mysticism to Fifty Shades of Grey to Bladder Control, something for everyone. Went to visit Dav and family in the afternoon and then on to see The Book of Mormon at the Lyric Theatre. What a fun and energetic show, though some of the lyrics may be cause for complaint to the Prime Minister’s Review of Religious Freedoms. I enjoyed

watching a Muslim couple who were sitting in front of us, she put her hand over her mouth in wide-eyed shock near the beginning but was laughing along soon after, while her husband laughed right through.

Sadly I got an email to say that my friend David’s son had died in New Zealand, succumbing to the infection of a few weeks which had formed on his replaced heart valve. It was put in some years ago to save his life when he got an infection on the natural valve, the same disease that claimed our mutual friend Mike in Windsor almost exactly 5 years ago. They must be gutted.

April 23, 2018

I don’t believe in esp or clairvoyance but sometimes………. During the night I worked out what flowers I would like to order for Mary and David in New Zealand after the death of David’s son. I could see green and white so I thought green chrysanthemums with white lilies or roses and some white freesias for scent. This morning I rang their local florist in Milford and asked ‘what are the freshest flowers you have today?’ not wanting colour to trump freshness. The answer floored me ‘well we have some lovely green chrysanthemums, some lilies and some white freesias’. That would be perfect was my stunned reply.

Today I intended to give in to my court addiction and pop into town to see if by chance the Medich jury was back. I was there the day they went out, April 15, and thought they were due soon. But what with my astonishment about the flowers and a couple of incoming phone calls, one from Sue and we always mag on, I decided to continue my clean up under the deck as the bins go out tonight, I can always go tomorrow I thought. Well the jury came back at 10 am and correctly found him guilty. I sat through much of his first trial and some of his retrial when the jury couldn’t agree the first time, but missed the denouement. Wouldn’t that rot your socks?

April 24, 2018

A few weeks ago I was asked by the Post Adoption Resource Centre if I would give a talk on adoption at Brookvale in May and I said no, but that I would consider doing one at a later time. Subsequently I was asked if I had thought more about it and at that time I agreed. I need to remember that the audience may include adoptees, but could also be relinquishing parents

or adoptive parents, a minefield of competing interests. Now they have rung to see if I would be happy being the spokesperson for the event in the media, probably The Manly Daily newspaper and a radio station, so I have agreed to that as well. Better get my thoughts together as I have no idea if or when the media may ring.

Tim came by today and installed uplights under the trees in my backyard. It started with his idea of lighting the gum, but he arrived with extra lights for the golden oak, my windmill in the herb garden and the camellia!

Thinking more on the Medich verdict and McGurk’s widow on the steps of the court, thanking the police and the lawyers for the outcome. All fair enough, but I can’t forget that she and her children lived, and continue to live, on the proceeds of McGurk’s life of crime: she and her late husband were the directors of 28 failed or deregistered companies, he was accused or charged with firebombings, fraud, conspiracy, corruption of public officials, assault, he was a standover man, a fixer and debt collector, his associates included names such as Graham Richardson and John Ibrahim…..please don’t tell me she didn’t know her husband was a life-long crook. Medich should get life and an Order of Australia perhaps, but at least they are both off the streets.

April 25, 2018

Went to the Wildlife Photography Exhibition at the Maritime Museum and it was a bottler as usual. I learn so much from reading the descriptions, sometimes of animals I didn’t know existed. Plenty of poignant images such as the armed guard who is companion to the last white rhino, in danger as all rhinos are from poachers for Chinese medicine. But many more heartening images than disturbing ones. Had lunch at Born at Barangaroo, a tapas place named after a suburb of Barcelona famous for tapas. Manchego croquettes, followed by Trout with Baby Zucchini and Roast Pumpkin with Ricotta and Pomegranate, oh my, five stars for everything. Can’t wait to go again, Spanish people at the next table were highly complementary. We saw maybe 120 sailors in uniform during the day, one Air Force person and not a single one from the Army, surprising for Anzac Day I thought. Two-up games were well attended and everyone seemed happy, no problems despite plenty of drinks being served.

April 26, 2018

Someone beat me to it on the roster for doing the dessert at Hawkesbury’s Helping Hands this coming weekend. I need to do cold food as I live too far away to do the hot parts of the meal sadly, but most of our clients don’t like salad so I usually end up doing dessert. We are instructed to cater for 70 but as I pointed out last Saturday, some of the men leave before dessert so the number should be reduced. Today I see it has been put down to 50 so a small win there. The last few weeks I have come home with a lot of leftovers and it is silly to be paying out to feed neighbours and friends, better to have more money to spend on the homeless. My freezer is always chockers so I can’t keep it myself. Trying to finish the book for our group tomorrow night and what with shopping, library and working on my PARC talk, the day flew by.

April 27, 2018

Robert and Sue arrived in time for us to head off to Elizabeth Bay for book group. It was a good meeting in the modern and stylish ambience of Fran’s apartment. The men went off to dinner and I was shocked to hear that John’s main course cost $55 and it was Scotch fillet steak, not even fillet. As he said it was just for one, but I can’t imagine what a 3 courser for the two of us would cost. Obviously there are plenty of punters over there who don’t even look at the bill. Sue and Robes came home to stay overnight on their way to Canberra so we chatted over a nightcap till 12.30am, whisky for them and Drambuie for me, Bambu for John, poor thing.

April 28, 2018

For a bit of fun I printed up breakfast menus and served them at the table with a pad and pencil at the ready. Sue opted for just cereal and toast while Robert had the ‘big breakfast’. Their planned time to leave came and went and at 11am they finally headed off to Canberra. Then I watched Patrick’s funeral streamed live from New Zealand. He was buried in his Samoan lava-lava with woven mats over the coffin, reflecting his father’s part Samoan heritage, a history that Patrick relished. Such a sad day to lose one’s son in the prime of life and recently married. Did HHH dinner service as usual and had heaps of food thanks to the Hawkesbury Races donating salads late in the day, as well as all our hot things. Met a lovely Maori lady I hadn’t seen

before who is in a tent on the river with her two sons and a daughter, she pitched in to help pack up, typical Maori.

April 29, 2018

Last night Boss Lady confided that the HHH account is $200 in the red. We recently won the Telstra community award of $1000, but that soon goes what with our storage unit rental and maintaining and running the van. Though we do well of late with leftover food donations from businesses and the race club, money is harder to attract. Late last year John had offered to apply for grants for us but it wasn’t taken up due to pressures of planning Christmas service and other things, so last night BL brought it up again as an option. After looking over the work we do online today, John has decided to become a volunteer, something I would never have suggested as HHH is my baby, but I am delighted nonetheless. He is applying for his Working With Children Certificate, which is essential, and will be doing bureaucratic work as well as working hands on.

Today I decided to try an old English recipe for Saffron and Currant Cake, which I have had for many years but never made. It is odd, with no eggs, using yeast as the raising agent and with little sugar. I didn’t expect to like it much, and I was right about that, but wanted to have done it finally after decades of looking at the recipe and deciding noooo…I don’t think so. John and guests will enjoy it, but somehow the smell reminds me of the yeast medium we used to use at the uni to breed Drosophila flies for genetic research, ugh, the memory.

April 30, 2018

Went into town on the bus and out to the Fox Studios precinct (do they ever make movies there? I don’t think so, old Murdoch just wanted control of the site to make money out of it). Anyway I went to the Real Bodies Exhibition and while I enjoyed it, I don’t think I learned a heap, however it reinforced some concepts. I was reminded how small some of our incredible organs are, how we fit a three course meal into a stomach that size is amazing in itself. There were Chinese demonstrators outside and I gave them a hearing on the way out, they turned out to be Falun Gong as I expected. They can always draw a crowd to demonstrate against China, I will give them that, but so far they haven’t proved their case that the bodies

were executed prisoners, not having any evidence to speak of. It was certainly not the crass ‘art exhibition’ Ellen Fanning critically purported it to be on The Drum. Ellen is nowhere in the race with the beautiful Julia as a reporter, not even in the heats I’m afraid. Loves me Julia.

When I got home there was a lovely surprise on my doorstep. Sue and Robert had called in on their way back from Canberra and had bought me the huge hardcover book of the Cartier Exhibition! I drooled over it at Easter but didn’t buy, so I am as pleased as Punch, but they are very naughty as I told Sue just now.

May 1, 2018

May, oh lordy! Had a home day, cooking cauliflower and Roquefort soup for lunches, but the cheese I had in the freezer turned out to be Brie, the ash looking like mould through the container, so it turned out cauliflower and Brie soup, which is lovely anyway. Also reading about the trendy vegan pretend meats, chicken, cheeses and the like which sound just ghastly, what’s wrong with lentil burgers, why do they have to make the ingredients read like an industrial manual? Read through the Falun Gong literature from the demonstrators yesterday, wondering why the Chinese would be so against a mere meditation group? More under the surface there I think, but it would need a politically savvy Chinese to tease it out for me. John is so much better since Bob tweaked his meds 10 days ago, some of his problems were clearly drug induced but he can’t manage without them, so it’s a fine balance.

May 2, 2018

Today was supposed to be a Hearing Hub appointment at Macquarie Uni followed by a visit to a convent in Woolwich where one of the nuns is planning to donate books for my library as the convent has been sold to the school next door and all the sisters are required to move out over the next few months, leaving their library without a home. But life intervened as Millie had a cough this morning and both her parents had important meetings at work today, so we had a Millie and Grandma day. I left home by bus at 7.15 arriving at Erko at 9.30, luckily the return trip ‘only’ took just under two hours, though travelling by car in peak hour would have taken a

bit less time, I am happy for the bus and train drivers to shoulder all the stress.

May 3, 2018

Some mornings, very rarely, I stay in my PJs and dressing gown while I potter doing phone calls or paperwork. I have wondered if one day I will be caught and today was that day, with a knock at the door early and it was the editor of The Hills Shire Times, wanting to do an interview about the street library. Apparently someone had phoned the paper about it and she decided to come early in case I had to leave for work. I excused myself to pull on jeans and a jumper, not even any knickers, and sat down to a one hour interview plus about 20 photographs. Favourite authors? Do you reread books? What jobs have you had in your life? Are you in the library? How many books do you buy a year? Favourite genres? Later when she rang to say she is coming back Saturday with a photographer, I asked if they could stretch to professional makeup and hairdo, but nah. It turns out I used to work with her dad a hundred years ago, I remember him as a compositor when I was a proof-reader. Funny how life goes.

May 4, 2018

Headed off to Woolwich to meet with Sister Anthony who has a large library of books to get rid of and has offered some to me. I was pretty surprised by the number and also types of books, from Anthony Robbins?? to Dickens and everything in between. All the religious ones had been spoken for by an institution, which saved my declining them, phew. But I got 6 or 7 large boxes full, a very small number I will keep to read, maybe 10 or so, the rest will go into the library which I am needing to top up every day! There were about 30 Readers Digest large print books which I didn’t want, so I rang Aminya, the nursing home down the road from me and they were thrilled at the offer of them, so one box is sorted. Then we went off to the Woolwich Pier Hotel and had lunch on the verandah overlooking the junction of the Lane Cove and Parramatta Rivers. Had the wonderful daily special of Cone Bay Barramundi with Crab and Snapper Fritters and Mushy Peas and a glass of bubbly to celebrate the book haul. Dinner was just cauli soup for John and nowt for me.

May 5, 2018

I have retired as an antique dealer but begun a new career as a librarian! After our big book haul yesterday, I started the day lugging the boxes into the garage. Then at 9 am a freelance AAP photographer arrived to do the shoot for the article in the local paper. He hauled in a host of cameras, flashes, tripods and that umbrella thingy and proceeded over the next hour to take HUNDREDS of photos. Close-ups of my bookcases, me at the bookcases, further away shots, profiles, full face, other side, smiling, not smiling, lordy what a business. Then we went out to the library box and repeated the performance, god knows what the neighbours thought. He had come from Narara on the Central Coast for this. Anyway I raced in to shower and change for a book launch in the afternoon and as I was leaving saw a woman on the front verandah ‘Could I talk to you about the library?’ she said. I thought she wanted to donate books but no, she was a magazine reporter wanting an interview!!! I told her I was too busy and just leaving, we would have to do it another time, but she begged to do my photo on the way out and to talk later, extraordinary. Went to the launch of Chis Geraghty’s book ‘Jesus, the Forgotten Feminist’ and very much enjoyed both Chris’s talk and Susan Ryan’s opening. Tonight I turn on the computer and there is an email of questions from the reporter…….. Autographs will be free to friends.

May 6, 2018

Attacked the garage again, but it is a dispiriting job. Boxes of stuff the auctioneer didn’t want, odds and sods of stationery, more books, haha. I can only do it for an hour at a time, but I did get some stuff into the Sulo bin. Boss Lady let me know I didn’t need to do dessert for tonight as she had some carrot cakes they got cheaply. Only about 30 clients for dinner, about half of them kids. One fellow who got $2 from me last week asked for $1 this time, not sure what he will get for the dollar but he went home happy, he’d had a win.

May 7, 2018

Now I am seeing some spaces in my garage I am attacking it with more gusto. I forewent the common Monday trip to observe the workings of justice in order to simplify my life by finding homes for things I don’t need. Managed to relocate some stuff to the Sulo bin, but also started a bag of bits for the craft group I have a number of times been asked to join,

thinking that a supplier of materials is a member of sorts. Then I attacked my wardrobe, managing to reorganise my handbags and to prise out three to go to an op shop. The work continues.

I am finding the Hawaiian volcanic eruption both terrifying and mesmerising and I am so glad it isn’t on continuous streaming, because I doubt I could tear myself away from the television. The raw power, the strange beauty of the thing, the knowledge that somewhere beneath our feet, at whatever depth, this roiling mass exists is somehow liberating, like looking into a night sky and seeing forever. I was told on a hike with a geologist, which was part of my gemmology courses about three years ago, that diamonds and peridots are the only gems which come from the centre of the earth, liberated by volcanic eruption and then left at the surface to be discovered. I think of that whenever I wear my diamond rings or the peridot which I bought as a result of that information.

May 8, 2018

A surprise awaited me when I checked my email this morning, finding a missive from a man from South Africa telling me that according to his recently done DNA test, we are 2nd to 4th cousins. I had been thinking recently that it must be two years since I checked the site and had even forgotten the password, but I immediately put in a lost password request and it was sent quick sticks. Yes, there he was in my contacts list since March this year when he was tested. Have you found our common ancestor he asked? Well no, I hadn’t even known about you I replied. He had sent me a list of ancestors names and we perhaps have a common one in the 1700s, both of us having a Marriot in our lines, mine on my birth mother’s side. It appears we are in fact related and he is not just a scamming Nigerian with a million dollars waiting for me in a back account, my usual contact with Africa.

Tonight I gave a talk at a Benevolent Society public meeting on adoption at Brookvale. I really felt for a 52 year old woman who was told just six weeks ago that she was adopted, she looked very fragile and said she felt totally alone in the world. Another man who appeared in his mid 70s said he was abandoned in a basket in the grounds of the Society so his links went way back. So many stories, no two alike, but with similar effects.

May 9, 2018

Went up for a flu vaccination and while there got a text from Heather saying the street library story is on the front page of the Hills Shire Times. I didn’t get a paper delivered today of all days and it appears none of the Cross St area did either, so the people closest to the library won’t see the article at all. Anyway is was a good story, though it contained the fake news that I read 200 books a year. I wasn’t asked that question and have no idea where that answer came from. At least it was flattering fake news. On the front page also was an article about local councillor Raymond Harty who has pleaded guilty to fraud of over $200,000 from a company he worked for. Pretty disappointing as I know him very casually, have worked on elections with him handing out how-to-votes and was actually with him on the night Rudd became Prime Minister, I handing out cards for the Greens, he for Labor. I liked him a lot and wonder what on earth he was thinking, his whole public career is destroyed and he will likely have to return his various awards, with gaol a real possibility, a terrible legacy to live with.

May 10, 2018

I planned a big cooking day today but only got as far as doing the Sweet Potato, Garlic and Chickpea soup when I took a break to look at the website Promethease which a techy friend had told me about last night. She said that if you had had a DNA test done with any company you could download the raw data and then upload it to Promethease, which will run the results though their program for medical genetics. Whoa, right up my alley, but imagine how I felt when I saw that today it was offering the service for free! Cooking was over and from 1pm to 5.30 pm I sat at the computer doing downloads, uploads and sideways loads and the results were unfuckingbelievable.

It started off telling me I was female, then graduated to eye colour, skin colour, ethnicity and the like, but it got better. I now know, amongst thousands of options, that I have the genes for longevity (my mother lived to 97), am a bitter taster (also known as a super taster) which I had confirmed by testing last year, I am a worrier, have enhanced vulnerability to stress, a tendency to put on weight, 2.7 times the normal risk of autoimmune diseases, particularly lupus, scleroderma and Sjogren’s Syndrome!!, do not have lactose intolerance, not at risk or autism or

asthma, but at risk of depression, have an increased susceptibility to the tuberculosis bacterium, am more able than most to detect floral fragrances, have the genes for being a night rather than a morning person, would have a very high response to amphetamines (I always avoided drugs as I felt I would respond strongly to them), whereas antidepressants would be 7 times less effective than normal. I am only reporting a fraction of the findings which if printed out in full run to 50,000 pages. You can type in a drug and it tells you if it is more or less likely to work or look up any disease and see if you are inclined towards it, haven’t even tried using those functions. I am absolutely amazed by the results and will never see the argument about nature versus nurture in the same way again.

May 11, 2018

Autumn has arrived, or have we missed autumn altogether and gone straight to winter? I had put today aside to be available to John if he needed assistance with the grant applications for HHH and I did get a few calls. None of the grants allow you to spend the money on ongoing expenses, only capital items, but we could invest in new fridges, freezers, urns etc which are needed.

Good old George Popowski of the Carlingford branch of the Liberal Party has suggested bringing in lashing as a punishment and abolishing judges, using instead a panel of 20 citizens. He suggests 20, 000 lashes for murder, “delivered at 10 lashes per hour – every hour from 9am to 5pm, with one hour for lunch” because it would seem anybody who has spent the morning lashing deserves a long lunch break. He lives walking distance from me, a scary thought. You don’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I hope he popsoffsky from around here asap.

May 12, 2018

Cooking, cooking, including a scrumptious Ottolenghi dish to take to Davina’s tomorrow, Baked Baby Eggplants with Eggplant and Tahini Sauce (more like a dip) and a big Pear Brown Betty which went to HHH tonight. Among conversations at tonight’s service were a mum who had the kids go through all the local bins today to find items to cash in for recycling so she could put petrol in their car and a woman who loves her open fire because it enables the family to keep warm, and cook, whenever their power is

turned off. Overheard two clients discussing mental hospitals and one warned ‘don’t go into Callan Park, I’ve been there and some of the patients are like Hannibal Lecter’. I so love my peaceable life with heat, lights, food, petrol and no Hannibal Lecters.

May 13, 2018

Zipped down to lunch at Dav’s, traffic not too bad. Took the leftover dessert from last night for Louis as well as sausages, hommus, vine leaves and eggplant. Dav did rissoles and a lovely goat cheese salad and Lebanese bread. She gave me an enlarged black and white photo of Millie, taken by Carly, that she had framed and John will hang it next to my desk. Carly got me an adopt-a-critter, a bettong, which is an endangered species, at Mulligan’s Flat Nature Reserve where they are bred to be released into the wild near Canberra. John just announced that a fox would get it, but I enjoyed the adoption for a while till he told me that, he followed with the option of a cat getting it. Adopt em in the morning, dead by mid-afternoon. Life’s crool.

May 14, 2018

Hurrah for me! I took an extension ladder, an old enamel stove door, a Portuguese fishing float, some wood planes and a clock to Bargain Hunt to sell, great to see Mark and Veronica again. Before that we both went to Bunnings as I had told John I hate wasting washing machine water and wanted to rig up a long hose from the tubs into the backyard. Fine, but once we got inside Bunnings John and the staff member cut me out of the conversation totally and decided on very rigid ag pipe which needed two connectors to work. ‘But, but…..’ I said. ‘No, this is what you want’ they both replied. I know I am non-technical, but I had found some hose marked ’10 metre grey water hose, attaches to a washing machine’ but would they listen? No way, I was invisible. ‘But, I’ve found this for $9.95…..’ ‘No, no, this way is better’ they chimed. Finally I got cross and said I was having my choice which was a fraction of the price of their complicated set up. We got home, fitted it on in seconds ‘That’s perfect’ said John.

An interregnum was caused by a temporary shutdown of the server.

May 15, 2018

Off to Woolwich once again to pick up more books from the convent, after baking a tray of chocolate and raspberry cookies to take for their afternoon tea. I decided to take all but the religious and travel books, the latter being too large for my box and the former going to another religious institution, though I refused to take an Anthony Robbins motivational book on principle, ugh. So another 10 or so boxes to store in the garage. After that we made our way to the Woolwich Pier Hotel and sat on the balcony to enjoy lunch, in my case Swordfish with Corn and Leek Puree and Caponata, oh my it was good. Parked down by the water and read from our haul, a History of the Irish in Australia for John and for me Crimes that Shocked Australia, written in the 90s. I was surprised that a man who shot his wife, 7 children, his wife’s sister and her 2-year-old was only gaoled from 1971 to 1979, I guess he got a lesser term cos he was just cross. Echoes of the WA tragedy of last week, though without the suicide of the perpetrator. It makes me angry that we find excuses when it is a family member (he was depressed, his son was sick) but would never use these things to mitigate the responsibility of a stranger who did the same crime, he would just be an evil murderer. You can’t have it both ways.

May 16, 2018

Perhaps it was a comedown after a great day yesterday, but I have been below par today so I decided to investigate the cause/s. It was a good morning where I unloaded all the books to the garage and organised a man to come and repair the garage roller door which hasn’t been working for months, then rolled out and tested my new grey water hose by doing a load of washing and watching as the water fanned out over the lawn (read grass). Then my next door neighbour of 15 years told me they have bought 5 acres and will be selling very soon, causing me to consider who might be moving in next door and how much I have to do to get my place into shape, ie speeding up the revamp of the garden, at the current pace I won’t live to see it done, and hucking out the storeroom and garage which is proceding slowly. Then I tried to do the blog and the server was down, tried to send a document to my new distant cousin in South Africa who contacted me via Family Tree DNA and that failed because I am inept in the files department. The garage man rang and can’t come today as he is unwell and I have waited in. Really when I put it down it is pretty maudlin stuff, make tomorrow matter Maureen.

May 17, 2018

A new start today, I rang John and suggested we go to the Archibald. We got a latish start so had lunch at La Renaissance at The Rocks on the way. This was lovely but uneventful until a huge rat the size of my forearm came hurtling along the wall of the courtyard, up the steps and off as if the rat-catcher were on its tail. I burst out laughing, but it had been so fast only one other person even saw it. The exhibition was one of the best of recent years which made our decision on the people’s choice vote very difficult. We mark them as we go and don’t share programs till after we’ve voted. I had about 10 short-listed out of 57 and he had 5 or so. Some of the paintings were absolutely superb, but I settled on the Robert Hannaford self portrait, it is always very hard for me to pass a Hannaford. In the Wynne prize I couldn’t pass Joshua Yeldham’s painting of the Hawkesbury in blue on white linen. The Sulman isn’t my thing at all, I don’t think I would hang one of them in my abode.

May 18, 2018

Today was my appointment at the Hearing Hub at Macquarie University. I am always uplifted by the architecture and décor of the building, the diametrical opposite of the ghastly Royal Prince Alfred Medical Centre which is sooo depressing that you feel ill as soon as you walk along its narrow ugly corridors. Inside the Hub’s hearing investigation rooms the grey and olive-green décor gives way to brilliant orchidy pinky-purple chairs, the only slash of colour and reserved for the patients, the audiologists have basic black, so you feel special straight away. Then there are the loos, as clean, tasteful and well-lit as going into a friend’s flash new bathroom. Anyway, my hearing has dipped again which was no surprise but after extensive testing the hearing aids were adjusted and now the parrots in my gum tree this afternoon were deafening (a good thing) and I am very sensitive to metallic noises such as a key in a lock, a screen door closing, but also I discovered my computer’s fan actually makes a noise, who knew? A plastic bag’s scrunch is much louder than my memory of it and the toilet flushes like Niagara Falls. My good day improved further when the garage door man came and after months of inaction the door roared into life at his first touch??? I haven’t dreamt this problem up, others have tried to make it work, but an intermittent fault was decided and he left without charging me

anything at all. Two Andrews today and two great improvements to my fortunes, so thanks are due to both.

May 19, 2015

Started making the Strawberry and Watermelon Cake for Monday by doing the dacquoise, which looks a bit funny but is probably ok, then baked 52 small Chocolate and Raspberry Cakes for service tonight and prepared most of our dinner so we can eat within half an hour of getting home. We took up three big logs for a client from my tree that was cut down months ago. Stopped to buy the icecream to serve with the cakes, putting it into an esky which Coles kindly filled with ice as I am sick of serving melted icecream every week, not that they seem to mind, but I certainly do. Had about 30 takers tonight, serving pea and ham soup, curry and rice and my dessert which went over well, with Boss Lady declaring it the best sweet ever. John drove the van up to collect the Second Bite donations from Coles as well and we had a ton of veges, fruit, cakes and bread from there to give out. Great service considering we had just four volunteers serving and only two cooking.

May 20, 2018

Funny how you can unintentionally decide to report the good bits and leave out the bad, but I think I needed a sleep to process three things that happened last night. First was when I handed a cup of hot soup to an old Aboriginal man who, while looking at me with total contempt, deliberately dropped it on the ground saying ‘oh I accidentally dropped it’, daring me to suggest otherwise. I smiled and kept serving others, though I was taken aback and he wandered off barefoot without eating. His face said ‘you took my country and gave me a cup of soup in return’. The truth hurts. Secondly, a woman who lives in a tent on the river had so obviously lost weight that I mentioned it and found the docs are puzzled and may put her into hospital for a week ‘for a rest’. Last but far from least, as we walked to the car after service a man in his 40s came over and told us he ‘just wants to sling a rope over a tree’ because his life is so miserable. I used to sometimes pay him to help me move furniture around in the shop and he is a lovely guy. I offered to take him to emergency at the hospital but he refused, saying that suicide is a crime and they may call the police. Though I assured him this was not the case he still refused, so all I had to offer was Lifeline and its ilk. Should I

have brought him here for a few days, despite the HHH rules which discourage such action? I don’t know, even now, but I should have at least given him my phone number to keep in touch for a while I think.

May 21, 2018

What a joy to have Mary and David here for the day. The Ocean Trout with Curry Butter from Neil Perry went down a treat, that recipe is definitely a keeper. Only two weeks since they buried David’s son yet they are coping amazingly with their loss, perhaps with the help of their faith, I don’t know. Talk of a return visit for us to NZ was aired and Mary even suggested a trip to Samoa at some point, David having some Samoan ancestry and owning land there. I can’t see John managing Samoa but NZ is a possibility.

An email exchange about the book prior to our club meetings is a rarity, but it appears the camp is divided on this one, A Manual for Cleaning Women by Lucia Berlin, which was very surprising to me. I wrote in the opening lines of my Goodreads review that ‘Not since reading the Neapolitan Trilogy of Elena Ferrante, which I read early in 2107, have I been so in love with a book. If I could write just one story as good as any in this collection I would be a happy camper.’ It didn’t occur to me that this would be anything other than the common opinion, so it will be an interesting meeting.

May 22, 2018

Collated a host of garage bits to go to the Sallies (I was corrected recently ‘they are the Salvos’, but in my day we were Sallies, the Army or even the Sally-Anns). I remember the Officer to whom I went to organise my grandmother’s funeral asking if she still had her bonnet. No, I replied jauntily, it would have gone to the pawnbroker’s decades ago, but I digress. Florsheim shoes I bought second-hand for John that didn’t quite fit, my outgrown jeans, some caneware and dolls and 4 original oil paintings by a prolific but sadly uninteresting artist were tendered for approval. I have lots more of these, begged by her daughter to buy them en masse after the artist’s death, sadly not an economic success. So much dogged work for so little meaningful result, but I can’t burn them for she was a nice old stick and her art was her life. I discovered wheeling a supermarket trolley of all this gear up a steep hill to the shop was a nightmare, the trolley kept

swinging around and taking me with it, but I got there gasping and puffing in the end.

Fielded some emails today on ‘the great book cleavage’, at least everyone is looking forward to the meeting. More book-related correspondence in replying to the nun who sent a thankyou card after I gutted her convent library at her solicitation and a reply to someone who sent a warm and friendly letter regarding the street library after she saw the article in the paper. We may meet at some point I suspect as we seem initially compatible.

May 23, 2018

How did I ever find time to work (for nothing) I was better off volunteering and getting a pension years ago. Did lunch service at HHH with major help from the inmates from the John Moroney Centre as is usual on Wednesdays. A volunteer I rarely cross paths with lamented that he prefers to do that day as the 2-I-C is on deck and he finds her much easier to work with, ahem. For the first time I was offered ingredients for my dessert making, a 10kg box of frozen apple pieces, some foil catering packs of blueberry sauce and salted caramel sauce. Well I never, dessert sorted for a couple of Saturdays now at no cost. Met a newly homeless young married couple sleeping in their car, sent to us by the Salvation Army. When given brochures on other services available he said ‘just the one thanks, I can’t read’. The wife chimed in that she is teaching him and he can read a few words now. But it was a relaxed service and we had some fun. Poor John on the other hand was struggling with grant applications and the Bendigo Bank one is a beauty, using management-speak like ‘Applications will be assessed on the extent to which they: • Build resilience and capability • Build capacity within the organisation • Create a sustainable positive impact for the target clients • Take an innovative approach to service delivery and client engagement • Generate value.’ It means fuckall, but somebody patted themselves on the back when they wrote it. Might not be as happy when they read his feisty return email though.

May 24, 2018

John’s orthopaedic surgeon asked a week ago if he would be willing to be examined by graduating orthos on Saturday for a payment of $100 plus

lunch. He was up for that, in fact would have happily done it for nothing. Today we had an appointment in a continuing investigation of a large lump that came up overnight on his infected knee while we were in Melbourne months ago. His haematologist said it wasn’t her department, the infectious diseases doc said see the ortho, the GP said maybe a ganglion, the ortho said to have a CT on top of the already fruitless ultrasound and xray. So today we were to get the result…..ta da. Nope, the CT people don’t know either. So the purpose of Saturday’s consultation is mainly to get the opinion of the 26 top orthos from around the country who are flying in to examine the students! John doesn’t ask questions, so I asked what the options were, Andrew is a straight shooter, unlike Nada. Best case, hugely coincidental but harmless ganglion. Possible it is another manifestation of the infection in the knee, which is a worry when he already on 4 antibiotics a day for life. Worst case, a very rare manifestation of lymphoma in the infected knee. He is totally stumped, but interested in the opinions of the other 26 experts. Next step may be a biopsy done in an operating theatre but the infectious diseases doc said not to let anyone touch it with either a needle or knife in case infection spreads. Lordy me.

May 25, 2018

Where to start? Torn between going to HHH tomorrow or going with John to the hospital. Then Heather offered to do my shift if I could do the dessert for her to pick up in the morning. Between watching the computer for Carly at Senate Estimates on the parliamentary website, cooking apple and blueberry crumble for HHH, baking some choc/raspberry cakes for book group and fielding messages to and fro from Linda, I only just managed to be ready when Michelle came to pick me up. I had avoided discussing the Mijito story as I knew I would end up blubbing, but Sonia did that one first up. Then I was reminded of other affecting stories as people spoke and I completely lost it when my turn came. I haven’t had a book affect me as much as this one for a long time, the Neapolitan trilogy did to a large extent, but this one was up there with the best book ever. Later talking to Robert, who absolutely loved the book, I discovered he had become very emotional reading it as well.

May 26, 2018

Sue and Robert stayed overnight and Heather arrived early to pick up the food as planned. I wondered if HHH would come as a big shock to her, it was so generous to offer. We were at RNSH by 11am and were ushered to a buffet of fruit, scones, pastries etc but there was no tea available so I decided to wait a few minutes. Then the tea arrived and I turned to find the scones and pastries had been binned as stale, jeepers people don’t even notice food waste these days, so that was morning tea gone. I decided on balance not to raid a hospital garbage bin. We waited for some hours and then a doctor thanked us for coming but we still sat there as Andrew had told us not to leave till he had been out to see us. Then we were told that ‘the students aren’t doing too well, so we don’t want to give them a complex case because they would be struggling to pass’ ??? So what do we do now, we asked. Well the doctors won’t be coming out for 3 or 4 hours so you might as well go home, they replied. Tails between our legs we left. But it seemed to us that firstly they appeared to be lowering the bar to get them through and secondly they actually told us so, which we find astonishing considering this is their very final exam to become specialists. What a complete fuckup was our summing up of the day.

May 27, 2018

Felt goodly loading another batch of bits and bobs into the car for Bargain Hunt Auctions, to be delivered Tuesday hopefully. I looked up the Supreme Court lists and happily discovered that three different trials or proceedings I have been following are on in the city Law Courts simultaneously tomorrow. I will be in my element running from the Crime Commission v. Tilley, (on remand for a murder in Windsor), Crime Commission v. Sharobeem, (an unrepentant fraudster who ripped off the government through a charity and whose ICAC hearings I sat through many a day) and the Colleen McCullough will fiasco. Too spoiled for choice, I will need to go to at least some of each. Spent the afternoon making Davidson’s Plum jam, a native fruit unrelated to the plums we are used to and both sour and bitter, as bitter as gall I discovered when I tasted a slice. But the jam looks and tastes great, though I’m thinking that the Aborigines who ate them without sugar must have been courageous or starving or both perhaps.

May 28, 2018

Spent till lunch at the Colleen McCullough case, where her husband Ric Robinson is accused of coercing her to sign a will in his favour just days before she died. She had turfed him out, following allegations of abuse on his part, but being short of cash had employed him as night carer to avoid going to hospital. I went with no preconceived ideas on the case but came away thinking that her friend and executor was honest and forthright and Ric was……..well, neither. I feel so sorry that such a previously independent woman with a good mind had to spend her last days fending off the likes of Ric. Bumped into Charles Waterstreet for the umpteenth time, I must follow him into court one day and see him in action. Then met Carol for lunch at our favourite spot in The Rocks replete with crimson rosellas flying past our faces. We jawed over a few topics, while polishing off sandwiches and delicious sweets as a bonus.

May 29, 2018

Took a small load of antique odds and sods to the auctions and was mortified at the result I achieved for the last lot. A cast iron and enamel fuel stove door which was bought for $60 a few years ago brought $10, which after commission and minimum fee charge equals zip, but I decided I just want to get rid of the stuff and doing it one piece at a time is too much effort. Caught up on my book reviews and got three more out of the way, including an interesting comparison between two books that have as narrators a galah and a foetus, the latter being by far the better novel. Went to Windsor for a volunteer’s meeting tonight and ate a disgusting meal at the RSL venue beforehand. Just six of us but we made some progress in planning fundraising and volunteer coordination. The 2-I-C ran the meeting, had lots of ideas and Boss Lady complained bitterly about lack of help and threatened to back out altogether due to ‘compassion fatigue’.

May 30, 2018

Took Heather to KOI for morning tea as a thankyou for taking my shift at HHH on Saturday night. Had the delicious watermelon, chia seed, strawberry and rose jar, aah bliss. I have been collecting their lovely clear carry bags to store my scarf collection in their various colourways and as Heather bought takeaways I was able to score more. Only one to go now and my little project is complete. John’s doc’s registrar rang to ask if he would be willing to be the subject at the Bone Breakfast at RNSH at 7am !!

next Tuesday morning. No bacon and eggs in the deal apparently, not even a muesli bar, but we will be there with bells on, despite my hatred of early morning events. I opened my shop at 10am for a reason. I am instinctively a night person, getting up before 6.30 is aberrant, I know ‘the early bird gets the worm’ but I am not keen on worms either, so this late bird prefers a leisurely tea and toast.

May 31, 2018

How lucky was I today, arriving at the Supreme Court King St just as the judge in the Medich trial sat down to hear counsel arguing sentencing options, with the Crown going for life and and our friend Winston Terracini asking for ‘no more than Gattelari got’ which was 25 years, though much reduced for testifying against Medich. Either way it seems to be a death sentence for a 70 year old multi-millionaire, what a sad way to end your life, in gaol with your wife living it up in Europe on your coin. Then I raced across the road to the Law Courts 8E, where the judge was just sitting down to hear the last witness in the Colleen McCullough estate matter. It turns out that her husband, the less than lovely Ric, has as his solicitor a man to whom Colleen lent half a million dollars!! in the 90s, and it was not repaid. Also noted that the only three witnesses in ‘the Ric camp’ greeted him fulsomely outside the courtroom at the end of the case, not of course in the view of the judge at that time. One was the doctor whom Ric called and who said Colleen was conscious, subdued but able to sign a will, though her nurse and friend testified she was completely unresponsive when he came. Quintals and a descendant of Fletcher Christian shaking hands and patting each other on the back was a somewhat surreal sight.

June 1, 2018

No, it can’t be June, March maybe but not June. John hadn’t heard back about the Bone Breakfast (I try to suppress an image of them all chowing down on the amputations of the day before) so he rang the doc’s office and was told Tuesday has been postponed as Andrew is not available, so now it is June 19, would be nice to be informed of changes without chasing people up, but whatever. Still chewing over yesterday and the judge thinking aloud about what level of intimidation or pressure is necessary to void a will. Is it a threat of violence, or psychological duress or is it enough just to threaten to withdraw a paid service that is essential, such as looking

after Colleen during the nights when she ran out of money to pay a night nurse? Clearly he is leaning towards Ric as conspirator to get her money, but is trying to find a legal precedent to allow him to call it duress and make the Ric will null and void. It would be a tragedy if he gets away with it legally, but the Wisdom of Solomon must appear in the judgement to make sure it is watertight. Her last letters bemoaning the fact that she was a multi-millionaire when she married Ric and is now $300,000 in debt due to him were sad to listen to.

June 2, 2018

Made a big trifle for service tonight. Boss lady is taking a week off but the sky didn’t fall, it all went smoothly with about 25 patrons, the cold keeping some away I suspect. John is struggling to get the bookkeeper’s details for his grant applications, still after many weeks, and I am starting to wonder if there is a back story to this reluctance to part with the details. Started the last Georgia Blain book, The Museum of Words, and found she was taken with the Neapolitan trilogy of Elena Ferrante. Perhaps I should make a reading list from the book and see what she chose to read about in the last year of life. Books continue to disappear from the street library almost every day, so I am very pleased I have plenty of backup stock. Winter has arrived and I am still in beanie and jacket an hour after getting home.

June 3, 2018

John helped me by holding a big aluminium tray under the lilly-pilly tree hanging over the fence while I perched on a stepladder and plucked the berries. All this so I can attempt to make jam from the fruit instead of watching it fall into the driveway. After he left I discovered I had no white sugar, so I walked to the corner shop for that and ended up lugging home sugar, 2 litres of milk, half a pumpkin, potatoes and more, so heavy was my bag that I needed to sit on two fences on my way home. The jam was sort of a success, it tastes lovely, sort of rose-like, looks spectacular, but the berries didn’t break down and are still fairly hard despite long cooking. First try though. Then I cut up heaps of veggies to roast for dinner (all this for one person, but I love leftovers). Baked the many buttered rolls we had leftover from meal service last night and grizzed them into breadcrumbs for the freezer, four big containers worth. Delivered leftover trifle from last

night to my eager nextdoor neighbour and packed up some for John’s neighbour as well. Love my kitchen days.

A note fell out of my library book today “Feb 16 Saturday GLASS family get together. Bring own meat, a drink + lollies.” It set my mind off, how did it go? what meat did each bring? lollies? why lollies? I looked up my diary and it was the day we returned by train from Melbourne. It seems strange that as we were eating a late lunch in an old world café in Melbourne, the Glass family were winding down their get together and somehow we are now linked by this little note.

June 4, 2018

Talking to Heather this morning she mentioned she wanted to do a walk over the Harbour Bridge on a nice day. Well today’s a nice day I said and an hour later we were on the bus to town, unfortunately with an erratic driver so I was feeling sick by the time we got there. Enjoyed the walk in the sun, looked around Kirribilli and ate the biscuits, cheese and melon that Heather had packed. Trained to Parramatta listening to a very cheerful (or drunk) guard who told us we were pulling into Strathfield at platform nought, naming herself as Roxy (“not my real name, but it sounds sexy” and had the whole carriage laughing numerous times, though probably glad for her sake that there were no pollies on the train.

The great bookkeeper hunt continues: John was told her name is JKB, but two phone numbers he was given were disconnected. I contacted her on Facebook tonight and she said no not her, she suggested I try JA, but nup, not her either. Both were resigned volunteers. Contacted all three of the admin team, they don’t know who it is. Then the previous grants person, nope, she has resigned and never knew her name anyway, then someone else doing admin work, she said to ask Boss Lady, haha. But hurrah, BL has emailed John tonight, to say the b/keeper’s son is in hospital so he can’t contact her, but she will have her ring him when he is better. When I spoke to JKB this evening she said nothing about her son and was never the b/k anyway. All clear now? There ain’t one, that’s my summation and we are just playing ducksy weaver trying to find her.

June 5, 2018

Lovely cold and overcast day to be at home. Swapped all my winter and summer clothes between wardrobes and tidied up some paperwork. Then I rang GIO about the green slip as I had seen my bill said I had 3 licence demerit points, so she checked with Roads and Maritime, confirmed that was wrong and I got about $60 off my bill. Sneaky buggers don’t tell you that there is a financial cost to have points on your licence. John’s green slip went up hundreds of dollars when he had a speeding fine a couple of years ago, a lot more than the fine. Planned the dessert for meal service on Saturday night and also worked out a main for when the fam comes on Sunday, still deciding on a sweet for that. I seem to do a lot of pavs to get around Dav’s gluten free issue, so I want to do something different. Trying not to think about bookkeepers or the lack of same.

June 6, 2018

Went up to the mechanic for a pink slip for the car and he quibbled about the broken glass on the headlight, despite the fact it was broken three years ago and he has passed it before, ‘they are tightening up’ he said, $60 plus labour for a new one. Then went to Service NSW to claim my refund on last year’s green slip, $60 was the figure, so three $60 amounts have occurred in two days, two in my favour and one against, snap.

Last night I watched Miriam Margolyes’ new ABC show with much joy. Last time I saw her live was 6 years ago with Mike, who insisted we go because he claimed we were so alike. My hair was longer and curlier then and I could see a physical resemblance, but he also insisted we had very similar views and last night that was confirmed. Whenever she bristled it was seconds after I’d had had the same reaction, I laughed out loud when she said she never likes flags or their wavers, that’s one of my long held opinions and it just went on and on. Love her to bits. Not loving the run-around John is getting though, he asks a question and gets a reply answering another question altogether, gets promises to supply info and never hears back and gets different answers from different people on important matters. I am obviously a much more suspicious person than he, we knew that already, but his patience must be stretched beyond breaking soon.

June 7, 2018

Took a drive to Wentworth Falls to have lunch with Sheila. Vegged out at her place and had a wonderful lunch of 8 hour cooked soup, followed by crepes filled with poached pears and strawberries, then rock cakes and tea. As usual we talked all day, excoriating politicians and catching up on news of mutual friends and family. I love being in Sheila’s house with its warm ambience and amazing decor and collectables. It was a timely escape from discussions of grants, bookkeepers and the stress that has brought.

June 8, 2018

John has put today aside to start assembling the grant application, though it will probably take tomorrow as well to finish uploading all the information. Yesterday a lone woman rang Boss Lady, she had just become homeless and had trawled the usual government departments for help out Mount Druitt way and finally ended up at Windsor Station at night, just with the clothes she stood up in. BL gave her a tent, sleeping bag, food, warm clothes, water and set her up next to a couple who will watch over her. This is why we put up with all the bullshit and obfuscation, it is the clients we are serving, not the organisation, though it wouldn’t surprise me if we were to be sacked for not toeing the line and asking too many tricky questions. Shopped for Saturday night service and Sunday lunch here for the fam. After two bad nights I relented and went to another doctor to get a script that I had run out of, after discovering Bob is overseas till the end of the month. The doc was pleasant enough, it was a bulk billing practice attached to a chemist, but didn’t seem to have heard of Sjogren’s, although I got the script without any issue.

June 9, 2018

The internet went rogue and I couldn’t get it on either the pooter or the phone, so I dashed down to the library to send a quick email to the crew that I wasn’t online to discuss service tonight. Just after, Michelle C. called in and said ‘why didn’t you just turn off the wifi and connect your phone to 4G?’ Yeah, good question Michelle. She had brought over a blanket and two hand knitted scarves to take out for patrons. But anyway I got the food done (better the internet down than the oven) and we had a good service with about 35 takers and I got two marriage proposals due to the apple crumble, although one guy proposes every week, no matter what I take, so I guess he can’t be counted. John didn’t come tonight as he was finally!

finishing the grant application which he submitted at 9.25pm after six weeks work. He’s asked for nearly $12,000 so we have our toes crossed.

June 10, 2018

Enjoyed cooking for the family for lunch. Tried Sheila’s recipe of oven baked pears and strawberries cooked with honey and rolled into pancakes, mine were buckwheat though. Millie ate hers in her fist and loved it. Nice relaxing afternoon, but we are not great drinkers in this family as only half a bottle of red was consumed, John being a teetotaller and Louis never drinking at all if he drives. My pooter and phone problems were solved by turning the modem off and back on, duh, but I was too busy yesterday to think. Anthony Bourdain dead, who else writes books that make me snort laughing?

June 11, 2018

Woke up feeling off today and reluctantly decided to call a dies non. So apart from restocking the library due to heavier use over the weekend, I haven’t done much at all. But last night I had cooked some strawberries to make a sauce, made my cuppa, got out the malt tin to make an icecream sundae and, quelle horreur, there was no icecream left. So I was forced today to walk down to the corner IGA and to my great pleasure discover that Connoisseur was on special for $7 resulting in the purchase of not one, but two, cartons. Such small pleasures are what retired life melds into on a quiet day. A friend from interstate rang about a fuel stove he is thinking of buying and we discussed its restoration, so I was of some minor use to the world. I note on Daily Mail that the man who killed his young son in Carlingford this week had twice tried to be admitted to a mental hospital in the days beforehand, but was rejected due to a scarcity of beds. Is there any priority we get right in this country? I have experienced taking an extremely distressed person to hospital where they were turned away and it is a scary undertaking, where else do you go? who else do you see? It was terrifying. I feel for him when he fully realises what he has done.

June 12, 2018

I saw a profound quote from the mother of the murdered child in Carlingford, a nurse who had taken her mentally ill husband to a number of hospitals including the mental health unit at Hornsby Hospital the day

before, but he was turned away each time. She said “there were no beds for my husband at any hospital I took him to, but there was plenty of room for my son in their morgue”. Thinking about that chills my soul.

Shopped for cooking to take to Robert and Sue’s on Thursday. We spoke this morning and she said they were taking us out for dinner Thursday night and had food planned till we come home on Sunday, but I figure it is better to have too much even if they freeze it for later. Went out to The Boathouse for dinner for John’s 77th birthday, had Tarragon Butter King Prawns, then we shared the Snapper Pie and I finished with a Banana Souffle, all excellent as usual. The last time we were there was when we took Robert and Sue for Robert’s 70th last year, we talked a lot tonight about that celebration and about how much we love and value them both.

June 13, 2018

Ugh, I so hate those long nights when you just can’t sleep at all, 5am this morning saw me dropping off finally. I’ve read that people can have anything from very weak to very strong circadian rhythms, I fall into the latter category. For me a sleepless night is punishing, I could never work shifts, similarly jet lag is particularly bad, though I know people who have never experienced it. So at 5.30 pm I decided to have a lovely hot bath and get into my jamies, but soaking in bubbles at 5.45 I suddenly remembered I had an appointment at Killara at 7. Oh boy, I have never moved so fast, dressed and in the car in 15 minutes and walked into the meeting dead on 7, just as if I had been looking forward to it all day. One small problem was that I’d decided to just have a hot milk for lunch and catch up with food at dinner. By the time I got home it was 10.30, too late to eat, so I’d had an involuntary fast day.

June 14, 2018

Well, well, well. In a list of volunteer ‘positions vacant’ sent out yesterday were: grants coordinator (for which John applied, though he is already acting in that role), volunteer coordinator (for which I applied, as I believe the volunteers are often poorly prepared and inadequately trained) and bookkeeper, amongst other positions. Only a week ago we were assured by Boss Lady that there was a bookkeeper, albeit temporarily uncontactable. So it appears as I had suspected that the position has been vacant for some

time, a thought that crossed my mind last year when I didn’t get a receipt or acknowledgement of a cash donation. It seems the 2IC is putting a new broom through the administration, not before time. The correspondence from the street library continues. I have had a card and a lengthy letter from the nun who donated books, numerous notes left in the box, a card posted following the newspaper article, a letter similarly sent and now a letter from a year 10 student wanting me to be her supervisor and assessor for her Duke of Edinburgh Award! The latter has decided to start a library at her home to fulfil the community service part of the award. I have invited her to come round for tea to discuss it and made a lime tart yesterday in preparation for the visit, wonders never cease.

June 15, 2018

It has been exceedingly difficult writing the blog this week without talking about what was really going on behind the scenes, it truly seemed just like ‘blathering’, but it was not appropriate to speak then. On Tuesday morning Sue and I were talking food and preparations for our 4 day trip to Killcare, by afternoon we were discussing the unthinkable, Robert had been diagnosed with a probable glioma and needed to go for an immediate consultation with the brain surgeon who then scheduled surgery for Thursday morning, after more tests on Wednesday. John and I went out for his birthday celebration with heavy hearts, remembering our last visit to the same venue for Robert’s 70th last year. My inability to sleep that entire night reflected how gutted I was by the news. Our current reading for the book group is Georgia Blain’s The Museum of Words, a memoir of her journey with glioma, a disease which also afflicted her mentor simultaneously and coincidentally featured in her last piece of fiction. Some would say this was ‘stranger than fiction’ but to have it affect one of our nearest and dearest as we were all studying the memoir is really a step too far.

June 16, 2018

Had a phone call from Robert, the man of the moment, this morning and he was very very talkative, energetic, positive and upbeat, almost euphoric. This of course is classic steroid happiness, but I worry about his hitting the concrete when it wears off as it must do eventually. He was pleased to be going home this afternoon, back to St. Vincent’s to get the histology results

next Wednesday. We did meal service tonight for 35 or so, hot soup went down well, followed by chicken, potato bake, veges and ending with my chocolate raspberry cakes and icecream, though we also had a heap of unexpected cakes, fruit etc left over from a wake. My possum will love his dinner for the next few nights as some was not eaten. Caught up with a few of my favourite patrons (yes I know I am not supposed to have favourites, but that’s life). Rereading The Museum of Words tonight in the light of Robert’s diagnosis and there is a special keenness in the detail. May his trip back to reality be a gentle one.

June 17, 2018

Travelled by train to Erskineville from Epping this morning, a journey I think I’ve only done once before. Appalled by the continuous sight of new unit blocks, not one that I saw having any external architectural merit at all. I would say all appear to be builder designed, any architect putting this stuff up needs to be deregistered. At least in Erko there are some interesting blocks, perhaps the council restrictions are tighter, I don’t know, but the journey was very depressing. However Millie was a busy beaver, showing an interest in watering the garden with a can almost as big as she is. Dav and Louis had a rare few hours to themselves with a lunch out in Glebe plus some shopping. I scored a $5 pack of sushi at the QVB so no cooking for moi this evening.

June 18, 2018

Every morning at dawn the crimson rosellas arrive to feed on the flowers in my lemon-scented gumtree in the back yard, now stretching at least 70 feet wide as it arches over both side fences of a 60 foot block. It is completely silent when I wake up most mornings (apart from the tinnitus of course, I have forgotten what real silence was like) then I put in my hearing aids and it is a cacophany. Of course from the days I get up early I know they are this noisy from dawn, but it always seems like magic that the world comes to life at whatever time I add my hearing aids. They leave at dusk and almost immediately the bats arrive, just as noisy as their daytime compatriots. I love them and their apparent conversations with each other which increase if I go outside “there she is, come out on the deck to gawp at us”. I only wish they would alight sometimes so I could get a better look at their creepily gorgeous faces. This afternoon I got a call from my gardener who was working at a townhouse in Castle Hill. He had found an injured possum hiding behind some bricks with a large area of skin missing from its back. What to do? I suggested wrapping him in a towel and going to the vet but he wasn’t sure, so I gave him the wildlife rescue number and they agreed a vet was the quickest and best response. He came to see me later to tell me what he’d done, describing the old teeshirt and towel, the box, the journey and what the vet said. “I didn’t cry till I got outside” he told me, can’t help loving the man.

June 19, 2018

Up at a number with a 5 at the front, not my favourite thing, to get to RNSH for the 7am Bone Breakfast, a meeting of orthopaedic surgeons and registrars, before they start work for the day. They examined the lump on his knee which is increasing in size and we were sent out while they talked for half an hour. The consensus is that the lump is neither a ganglion nor lymphoma of the knee, two previous options. They believe it is inflammation due to the infection in the replacement and want to do a surgical biopsy, but the infectious diseases doc has said ‘don’t let them touch it, not even put a needle in it, in case the infection flares’. The ortho has always said he needs a new knee replacement, with a hiatus of six weeks in the middle with NO knee at all, probably in hospital, while they hit him with antibiotics to try to kill the infection before completing the replacement. If he refuses the alternative is scary too, leaving it as it is would be a real problem if the lymphoma recurs and he needs chemo as suppression of the immune system would almost certainly result in septicaemia. What should I do? he asks me. I’m fucked if I know, was my first response. Now we have three more appointments with associated doctors in the next three weeks to discuss the pros and cons of action versus inaction.

June 20, 2018

Feeling low after yesterday’s news, so I attacked the garage and extricated a railway luggage rack, a pair of candlesticks, a cutlery box, two house signs and a few pieces is sterling silver flatware. Not enough for a batch really but they do cut me a bit of slack for old time’s sake. Contacted Martha with a bag of donations for her sewing circle but she was at a meeting of same so it didn’t come off. John is working on an EOI for another charity grant, after

a bit of a debacle yesterday when he mistakenly thought an important meeting was at 2pm when it was from 10 till 2, they rang him near the end wondering if he was ok, this despite listing it correctly in his diary, oops. Reading Ruth Rendell now while Robert and Sue are with the surgeon getting his results, but I keep going over the same lines. Guess we will know in the next day or two.

June 21, 2018

The news I had been dreading came through last evening when Sue contacted me to say the doc had diagnosed Robert with glioblastoma multiforme and a 9-14 month prognosis. I was somewhat calmer than I had been last week when the tumour was first discovered, I think I had seen this verdict coming from day one and started grieving then. They need to be left alone for a while to process it all and to make the many decisions which will be required. I ache for Sue to be losing her companion and lover since high school, I can’t even imagine how she is feeling now.

Today was the day of Ron Medich’s sentencing for murder and I tuned out of all the grief for nearly two hours while Judge Bellew read his detailed decision, the last page telling us the sentence of 39 years gaol. There was no reaction in the court, from him nor from the gallery. Medich’s nickname was Cottee’s, after a sauce they made advertised as ‘rich and thick’ and I think the fact that he thought he wouldn’t be found out as the paymaster of the assassins was naive in the extreme. He had blandished his hatred of the victim all over town, yet thought he was too smart and too rich to be touched, wrongly on both counts. Trials and judgments always act as a meditation to me, along with lectures on medicine and other sciences, I am totally focussed and the rest of the world doesn’t exist for a time. But once it was over Robert was still mortally ill and I still didn’t know how to support him or to ease Sue’s pain.

June 22, 2018

Oops, left the aircon on last night and woke to a lovely warm house this morning, a change from the usual 13 degrees when I get up, sorry planet. I do try to limit heating when I’m here by myself, having an early shower to warm up when it starts to get cold, but last night I was reading late. Went over to Martha’s to drop in the bits I sorted out for her sewing group and

Michelle turned up as well, so it was The Three Amigas for morning tea. Sue rang this arv and was warm to the idea of going to Abhi’s restaurant for a banquet for their 28th anniversary in July, the four of us had gone to their 25th and had a great time so I have booked for that, subject to Robert’s treatment schedule which won’t be known till Tuesday. She also said Robert was puzzled by our cancelling the book discussion and she thought we should go ahead with it, so I sent an email round with her comments. So far it seems people don’t want to do it, but I am not passionately committed one way or the other, so I will go with the flow. We will presumably do it later anyway, so better to do it when the book is still fresh is my thinking now.

June 23, 2018

Why is technology frustration so damned rattling? Last night there was a slew of answers to the book group questions, none of which I could read. The emails were tantalisingly there, with title, sender, recipients, but no content, just a message ‘no content because message incorrectly formatted’. I think technology rage is my version of road rage, which I’ve never understood at all, but now will perhaps understand a little better as I will be able to say ‘ah yes, he is feeling as I do when the net’s down’. I wouldn’t describe my feelings as rage though, more a deep feeling of hopelessness, which I find very discomforting. Anyway I am now at the library and using their computers which are faster anyway. Carol put up cogent reasons for not doing The Book next week and we will revert to plan B, Sue is not coming in any event, but naturally she doesn’t want to study a book primarily on the same disease as Robert is suffering, at least at this stage. Another article has come out in the press on the street library, this time in the Hills to Hawkesbury Living and a number of copies were left on my front verandah yesterday, so I hope more book-lovers will be approaching number 30.

Pottered in the house till time for cooking and dinner service. We had about 35 patrons and I was amazed to discover that Gordan and his partner Bill who live in a tent on the river were made homeless after investing money in a cafe in Windsor six years ago. They went bust and lost their house in Leichhardt as a result. I must ask him which cafe he was in as I remember one which had cabinets with antiques for sale, which may account for the investment which cost their home. Although I went bust in

the end, I am very wary of borrowing so the only person who suffered was me. I would never have borrowed against my house but so many people do that it seems the norm. Both John and Gordan were casualties of that.

June 24, 2018

Went to town to meet Dav, Louis and Millie at the Powerhouse Museum where she loved the Wiggles exhibition but got testy after that, not interested for some reason in the excellent Reigning Men clothing exhibits, from 1715 on. It went to prove how poorly men have been served by fashion in the last 100 years, some of the outfits shown were delectable though I will admit some were truly dreadful. Louis had just ordered Millie’s lunch in the cafe when we got an Emergency message and were told to leave the building, though neither we nor the many hundreds gathered outside knew what went wrong, but the firies were there investigating. Fun day in any event.

June 25, 2018

Reading an article in The Saturday Paper called Taking the Long Way Home about the way women need to fear for their physical safety at all times and how this alters the lives we lead, it really struck a chord with me. It occurs to me that I could write a book, a very thick book, on the number of times I have been put into awkward, uncomfortable or downright dangerous positions by men. It got me thinking about accepting a lift home, a very short distance, from a fellow employee after a work function in Parramatta and how the driver just kept driving to the bush surrounding Parramatta Lake. I was forced to run through dense bush in the dark to get away from him, subsequently flagging a taxi when I finally reached the road. Going to the police would have been a waste of time in the 60s so I went to the union who ‘had a word’ but counselled me not to take it further as his wife was pregnant. Years later I bumped into him in a supermarket and he attempted to apologise, but I just walked away silent, though I realise now the supermarket was the perfect place to give him a mouthful. Or later the university academic who became fixated with me and actually pulled his car into the path of the bus I was travelling home in, forcing it to stop, and told the driver he needed to see me urgently. I stayed on the bus, but he followed it to my destination, parked his car on the bus stop and pleaded with me to ‘just have a coffee’. I fled into a nearby camera shop and he only

gave up when the owner locked the door! I had to work near him the next day, though I did warn my boss who kept a lookout for him and promised to ‘have a word’ if he continued. The times I was propositioned in the shop would make a very thick book indeed, but by then I was more adept at handling the situation, I’d had plenty of practice.

June 26, 2018

Made our regular trip to Manly today, in summer we swim there, in winter we wander, but all year I go there to my hairdresser. Noticed how many vacant shops there are, even in the Mall, and plenty in the side streets. Manly, the tourists’ must-do, is almost wall to wall food outlets, but the post office is hidden in a nasty lane beneath a multi-storey carpark, the cinema has closed, and the interesting stores have departed to be replaced by…………food shops. Trying to buy a pair of flat black walking shoes with a bit of style and came close in one of the rare businesses not lost to Manly, but not quite what I wanted. Considering I looked unsuccessfully all last winter for the same pair and didn’t find them, perhaps I am meant to persevere with the red ones I live in, bought in a second-hand shop in Fairfield 11 years ago.

June 27, 2018

Our weekend dinner service supervisor has now to work Saturdays, and Boss Lady is busy this week, so a post went up asking if anyone could load the van, pick up the food donations from Coles, supervise service and return the van. I put my hand up, though John would do the van driving, but then it occurred to me, where is all the food coming from? So I asked the question and the answer was ‘cooking the food is part of the service’, hot soup, main meal, three veg, dessert, icecream and custard for 60. Ah well, no, considering we have book group on Friday night and anyway all the food would be cold by the time we got there. So now 2IC will do the savoury cooking and I will do dessert etc as usual. Always read the fine print, but in this case there was no fine print.

Sue rang and Robert has yet another MRI tomorrow, he wasn’t totally pleased with the result of his oncology appointments yesterday as an important test had not been done at St. Vincents and now can’t be done at RPA till next Tuesday, so his treatment can’t happen at least till that result

arrives in 10 days and time is of the essence to start it. Bummer, how frustrating.

June 28, 2018

Three lots of shopping today, partly because the battery on my kitchen scales died and I went to IGA for another 3V small circular one, got it home and the volts were the same so it must be right? Wrong? There are 3 different identical looking 3V batteries, each with different ampage, trying to think back to physics lectures all those decades ago. Sue rang and we had a long chat about Robert’s situation. She said immunotherapy isn’t currently available for his condition, so I mentioned Jackie’s experience in going to Latvia for this treatment so he wants all the details and I’ve sent those off. I know I was very dubious when she went there, I wouldn’t have done it, but she has had an excellent response to the treatment and three or more extra years so far after the docs at the San said there was no more they could offer. Worth a look but I was loath to mention it as I know everyone and his dog will have a remedy, Sue’s audiologist recommended he change his diet, I would have clocked her.

June 29, 2018

Sheila came down for a visit and to come to book group and seemed to pal up with Brigitte, perhaps I can arrange to get them together another time. She told me later about John’s odd behaviour in the two years leading up his diagnosis with glioblastoma, something she’s never discussed before. One example was going to a restaurant in a group and when they all left John didn’t appear, when they went back to look for him he was sitting at an adjoining table joining in with their discussion. The disease itself is fascinating, operating as it does at the boundary of brain and mind. The boys really liked Andaz, Bill telling me enthusiastically that it was the best Indian restaurant he had ever been to, a big call. We girls enjoyed the evening I think, a small and casual group with no particular focus, just a discussion on what we had been reading recently.

June 30, 2018

Ha, June 30 and no stocktake to start tomorrow, no group certificates to do, what bliss. We three sat in our dressing gowns in front of the fire this morning, then later Heather arrived for morning tea, before we polished off

some leftovers for lunch. I baked chocolate mint cakes for service tonight, but at 2pm we raced next door to the auction of their house. John and I took a bet on the price and I won, betting $1.7 million against an actual price of $1.85 M. It was a long bidding battle between two couples, one of whom had introduced themselves a few weeks ago, but sadly they missed out. Raced off to service straight after and we fed about 40 people tonight.

July 1, 2018

A storm in a takeaway box at service last night. We have been told for a while not to give away any leftover food until the van is packed, the theory being that the clients need to help. But last week another volunteer youth group was there, loading up the van. A man had waited half an hour in the dark and cold for one small takeaway container with a sausage and some veggies in it, so I gave it to him. There is a hooha and under pain of banishment only supervisors can now give out takeaways, lordy me, get some priorities people. Last night under the new policy I had to fill a whole bin liner with leftover rice which was given to someone for their dogs???

I worked in the garage for an hour, putting aside a boring Royal Doulton cream teaset, a toy train, a cutlery set and some Wade animals to go to auction, these all non-sellers from the auction I had when the shop closed. Sue rang, then later I talked to Robert who said he loves the stupid texts I send, which make him laugh. When I casually asked ‘how are you?’ the reply was that he is ‘still asymptomatic’, a terrible waiting game underlies that reply.

July 2, 2018

An appointment with Tricia in the city led to a request for me to write an article on adoption for the Benevolent Society’s newsletter, on whatever I want, 250 to 1000 words. No hurry as it only comes out each quarter. Any writing is good practice so I said yes. I am planning to do a bit of writing again, but just haven’t sat down to it. Last night I phoned Kenneth and told him that I had read his poem Stoned to the book group. To my surprise he told me that it was the first time any of his work has been read to a group, usually it doesn’t go any further than the filing cabinet. He seemed more pleased than I would have expected and promised to send me further examples of his work to add to the collection. Had lunch with Carol as has

become the pattern when I’m in town, we both enjoy the catchup, the food and the fearless rosellas who share small bits of it with us.

Boss Lady made a pleasant comment in my direction on Facebook, indicating that I haven’t been sacked as yet, but my ears will be burning during the volunteers’ meeting tomorrow night, which we can’t attend, perhaps just as well. They unexpectedly had over 80 people turn up last night, a scary thought when the catering is for much fewer than that, however they managed with some spare food that was in the van.

July 3, 2018

Minded Millie today while Dav worked from home doing conference calls etc. Millie could hear her in the bedroom and got upset periodically, wanting mummy, but a few sultanas worked wonders each time. She waters the garden each afternoon with her little watering can, which she calls her teapot understandably, and we must have made 30 trips to the tap to refill. She takes after her dad in a need to group and classify, a programmer in waiting? Currently it is shapes, which she asks you to draw on her chalkboard, circle, square, triangle, semi-circle! rhomboid!!! Another day it is numbers or letters. Amazing watching her brain at work.

John picked me up and we had dinner in the Gateway at Circular Quay before seeing Lucia di Lammermoor at the Opera House. Michael Fabiano as Edgardo was the highlight for me, though Jessica Pratt was formidable as Lucia. It is an opera I have never seen before and it isn’t one of those with a memorable well-known aria, however it was one I am glad to have seen. We saw good friends of John’s from Canberra in a row ahead and waited to catch up with them after the show, but despite lingering in the foyer for some time they had gone, so we had an icecream instead. Next in August is Rossini’s The Turk in Italy, another new one for me, but a much lighter opera than Lucia.

July 4, 2018

Thank goodness no early rise today, so we made the best of it and had our tea, toast and jam for breakfast in front of the fire. Got a chance to catch up on some online stuff, including trying to book us on the Tribal Warrior Aboriginal harbour cruise for NAIDOC week. I had exchanged emails with Cate in their office previously, so was disappointed to find the cruise listed

as sold out on their website. I shot an email to her asking if she could put us on a waiting list and got one straight back saying we were in, hopefully on the deck, not in a tinny trailing behind. Should be fun.

Then tonight we took John’s next door neighbour and her daughter out for a birthday dinner at the Royal Hotel in Ryde and then to KOI for dessert. Enjoyed both but found the conversation taxing….. Israel is always right, leftists are always anti-Semitic, Australians are two-faced backstabbers….. I just wanted a nice peaceful evening, but ‘you can’t always get what you want’ as the song says.

July 5, 2018

In one of those quirky moments of serendipity I met a couple who commented that their friend plays flute in the Sydney Opera Orchestra and was telling them that in Lucia di Lammermoor she has to come forward to the front edge of the pit to watch the lead during the ‘mad scene’ so she can synchronise exactly with the singer. This was the very part that I loved the most, the cadenza where she mimics the flute’s trill, or the flute mimics her, I can’t remember, but finally they ‘sing’ together perfectly. What are the chances of seeing the performance one night and hearing indirectly from the flute player the next? Poor John was reluctant to rise this morning and it turns out he was turning over last evening in his mind, no doubt wondering why he invested his hard-earned into a lovely meal book-ended in the car with complaints, even to the point of dragging me into a row they had recently, wanting my opinion of who had been right. A box of chocs would have been cheaper and less stressful.

Now a male volunteer is in trouble for making ‘inappropriate comments’ that were reported back to BL, and he got a very public admonition to ‘please ring me to discuss’. An apology followed but I suspect, knowing him somewhat, that his misdemeanour was not in the Harvey Weinstein category. I hope no resignation follows as he is a real asset. Went out to see Brian who at 92 is suffering increasing heart failure, so our usual sushi lunch was had on his front verandah, the short walk to the shops seeming too difficult. He is 100% mentally fit though and can fill me in on all current issues via ABC radio and television. Sue rang and she and Robes are coming down next week to stay overnight and we will go for a banquet at Abhi’s for the restaurant’s 28th anniversary.

July 6, 2018

Warning, nit-picking ahead: Today I put in a written complaint to my local library, the equivalent of church for me. Castle Hill Library has thrown the Dewey system out of the window and opted for partial cataloging by genre. So a single author’s books may now be separated and shelved in the main section, in the crime section or in the romance section for example. Now my local in Baulkham Hills has taken to adding the silly little stickers to their books too. This has led to some ridiculous decisions, such as putting a Lionel Shriver book in the comedy genre just because it is amusing in parts. What next? All books with red covers shelved together? or all books mentioning an animal? or books under 300 pages? It’s such reductionist nonsense I can’t believe librarians have come up with it. It writes books off as one-dimensional and reduces the joy of the unexpected find. I asked them if Anna Karenina is a romance? a tragedy? or a historical novel? All three I would argue. Managed to borrow three books they hadn’t put their infernal stickers onto yet.

Waiting for news of Robert’s biopsy today, but don’t want to ring, as I am sure many in the family will be doing so. A few weeks ago we would have been appalled with a prognosis of three years, now we are hoping against hope for that very thing over the alternative. Everything is relative.

July 7, 2017

Big real estate person that I am (not) it is amazing that I have been to a house auction and today a viewing within a week. An almost new house around the corner that I have admired had an open house today so I wandered around. I could move in just as it is, it was superb, decor, furniture, pictures on the walls, everything. I assumed it had been styled, but no, just the owner’s taste I’m told. The husband is a ‘high end plumber’ and the bathrooms are gorgeous, with underfloor heating, free-standing bath etc. So much better than the one next door which went for $1.85M last week, so it will be interesting to see what it brings though weatherboard which I love puts folks off.

I was a bit worried how service would go tonight after the storm in the takeaway container last week. But Boss Lady was warm! and friendly! and I was congratulated on a couple of things I had done, including altering a typo on 1000 leaflets wrongly printed. Many takeaways were prepared and distributed after service and then we drove home to Sth Windsor two young boys who come on bike and scooter respectively. They were asked what food they had at home and the answer was ‘none’ so we filled a number of bags with veges, canned food etc, hence the need for their lift home. It was quite a way for two little kids to be going home alone anyway, must have been at least 4km, so I was glad to have the excuse to drive them. John wasn’t feeling well when we got there and dropped off to sleep in the car, waking when dessert was being served but we had enough hands to manage without him luckily.

July 8, 2108

I usually wait a bit before rereading a book but seeing I was given a copy of A Manual for Cleaning Women by Carol, just after reading a library copy, I am making an exception and so enjoying being able to make marks all over my favourite bits. Also enjoying simultaneously an Anne Tyler book, Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant. She is a new author to me though well known in America, I first discovered her recently when Michelle lent me Morgan’s Passing, so now I plan to feast on a few more of her prodigious back catalogue. Went over to visit with Martha and Phil for the morning, supping tea on their sunny back verandah. I’ve been thinking today about the new person at service last night, a 30 year old woman who has been sleeping on the Sydney to Newcastle trains. She couldn’t get into a refuge and I overheard Boss Lady ringing her daughter to ask if she minded if the woman came to them for a couple of nights. I heard the immediate reply ‘she can have my room, she will need a good sleep’, typical of BL and typical of her daughter.

July 9, 2018

Spoke to Sue this morning and Robert’s news is bad, he only found out today, not last Friday as had been promised. She said he doesn’t want to talk about it, but when I spoke to him he did go into it and said that he is going in a clinical trial as well as having the radiation treatment, as the chemo doesn’t work on an unmethylated tumour. Of course this means he won’t know if he is on the drug or the placebo, but apparently he can’t get access to the drug any other way so them’s the breaks. As a result I didn’t

feel like doing much today and moseyed about at home doing exciting things like mending moth holes in woollens. What else can you do really?

July 10, 2018

In town early to go on the Tribal Warrior Aboriginal Cruise which I bought John for his birthday. While we had a lovely day in the winter sun on Goat Island, it wasn’t at all what we were expecting. There were dances by some Aboriginal kids, a weaving demonstration and a pretty scrappy lunch of a sausage (which I don’t usually eat, so I opted for a vege one, which was pretty bad), some salad and a bun. The people were all willing and very nice, but no-one told us anything about Aboriginal history around the Harbour or Goat Island or about anything else, which was what we were looking forward to. Anyway it wasn’t too expensive so no tragedy. By the time we got home on the bus we were wrecked, stamina isn’t a strong point with either of us any more. My car was at the mechanic’s for a couple of things, one being the dial for the heating/cooling. Toyota don’t make them any more so it has to be one from the wrecker’s which is fine, except it comes as a whole unit and with four hours labour to install will cost about $500. For a plastic dial, repeat, a dial.

July 11, 2018

John pointed out that for the price of yesterday’s excursion, $70, we could have got a ferry ticket to Goat Island, then gone back to Gateway for a lovely meal and still be just as clueless as to Aboriginal history around Sydney Harbour. Went to Erko today where Millie is holed up with a really rotten cold, one that’s lasted over a week and still has her crying a lot of the time. She really wasn’t interested in grandma, only wanted mummy or daddy, but grandma she had. I hope she doesn’t have my weakness for respiratory tract infections, I’m either well or have a rotten cold, there is no middle ground, no such thing as a mild one. Caught the train to John’s tonight as we have doc’s appointments tomorrow. It is his football night with friend Rafe, so I am happily ensconsed in the bedroom. Looking forward to reading more of my current novel, Sing, Unburied, Sing, an account of the life of a teenage black boy in America’s South. I assumed I was reading a period piece till I was shocked by a reference to Cyclone Katrina and realised it was contemporary, a depressing thought.

July, 12, 2018

Boy oh boy. A 10.30 appointment for John with the infectious diseases doctor at St. Vincent’s turned into a five hour epic. First we saw his doc Amrita, then after much deliberation she decided to call in the professor, an unprofessor-like lady with a very casual manner and a wise way of looking at the problem of his knee. She agreed with Amrita that the orthopaedic surgeon’s rush to operate is unwise and recommended a second opinion from their ortho and also an MRI, which may or may not be possible depending on the metals used in the prosthesis, something only Dr Ellis knows. We then waited an hour while Amrita talked to radiology and the ortho doctor’s registrar, during which time we organised pathology and bookings, but all up it was a five hour marathon. One problem is liaison between RNSH and St. Vincent’s has been poor, so letters have gone missing and today blood tests already done had to be repeated, though promises were made that all would be available in plenty of time. If John decided on no more treatment, the country would lurch back into the black and the government would be wondering what they’d done right. I found a purse with money in it and handed it to security, but they didn’t even take my name, which seemed odd. Meeting Robert and Sue for dinner tonight and they will stay overnight, I had forecast a possible cancellation due to his treatment but so far, so good.

July 13, 2018

Well Robert surprised me and managed to get to the dinner at Abhi’s at Concord. We had a banquet and enjoyed it immensely, Sue telling me he had really been looking forward to it. I guess the radiation effects will increase over time but so far he is thumbing his nose at it. We sat in front of the fire having tea/whisky till nearly 1am, then we were at table again at 8am having our porridge and toast. Sue dropped Robert and me to RNSH, where he was giving a talk on The Doctor as Patient, in which, among other things, he recounted his own experience of recent months without telling them who the doctor was. I was tempted to ask a question at the end along the lines of ‘how well do you know the doctor in question?’ but decided not to out him. Another person there who knew the facts asked pretty much that question and when he answered that it was his own experience there were some gasps in the room. He headed off to his treatment at RPA and

then he flies to Melbourne for the weekend, while Sue returns to Killcare. Hope to see them again next week.

July 14, 2018

Had a slothful dressing gowned start even though I had cooking to do for meal service tonight. Then decided to look up seats for Aida and was pleasantly surprised to get good ones in August, so cooking was a bit delayed. Just about to get the ingredients out for an apple and banana sponge pudding when I got a call from Cake Decorating Central asking if I could use two decorated cakes, demonstrator models from classes this morning, so that saved time and money. John’s talk at the housing conference last week indirectly led to a huge donation of ‘feminine hygiene products’ from Glebe Women’s Centre, cartons full in fact plus two overnight bags full, so he picked them up and we delivered them to storage today. Service was small but enthusiastic with the kids loving the cake with an icing fox sculpture on top, the second one we kept for tomorrow night. I have apparently been promoted as I was specially asked to work Wednesday lunch because The Project, a channel 10 TV show, is coming to film and Boss Lady wants ‘experienced capable volunteers’ on deck. Ahem.

July 15, 2018

I found a post on my Facebook page this morning from John’s next door neighbour, berating us for being ‘anti-Semitic, educated but brainless about Israel’ etc etc. This because we wouldn’t engage in the argument she wanted over Israel when we took her out for dinner for her birthday recently. Then her pal bought into it, saying we were ‘uneducated and brainwashed’. I hit back with both barrels saying in small part ‘You are basing your opinion of our views on one ‘conversation’ where you were doing all the talking from the back seat of my car coming home from a social event and we weren’t engaging with you as it was neither the time nor the place (we both have trouble hearing when we can’t see the person)’ and telling her never to post on my page again. I can’t believe she can be bothered doing this on holiday in Bali! She is annoying in the extreme but luckily I don’t have to live next door. Baked a Passionfruit Roulade from Serge Dansereau’s cookbook and realised I was the only one here to eat it, but luckily Heather came for a cuppa and eased that little problem.

July 16, 2018

Coincidentally, we have theatre tickets with John’s neighbour tomorrow night, ha. John rang me last night and said he had offered to drive her and her mother in MY car so I very quickly disabused him of that idea. We will still go, but will meet them there. Today I booked a restaurant nearby to have dinner before the show. Later his neighbour rang me and apologised unreservedly for the Facebook post, and particularly for the comments of her friend, saying she is very fearful of losing our friendship. I accepted the apology but warned her not to put anything on my page in future. It shows I think that people of a certain mindset keep pushing and pushing until they meet fierce resistance, then backtrack at a rate of knots when called out. Makes me wish, yet again, that I had exploded with John’s daughter instead of letting her keep threatening and abusing us. Lesson learned, it never works to give in to a bully.

July 17, 2018

Recently I got a flyer from NBN telling me the service would be connected soon, groan. I immediately rang them and insisted that I be at home when the connection happened after the debacle they oversaw at the shop. I was assured this was possible and later received a follow up call telling me the serviceman would ring me two days prior. Today I came home from shopping to find the installation almost complete. I bailed him up and asked why he hadn’t called, but he told me there is no protocol for doing that, he never has the phone number of the client. So why was I assured otherwise I asked? They just lie, was his open response. I had to laugh then as that’s been my experience of them in the past. We then got on well, he was Persian and we talked accents, languages and more, finishing up with cake, a handshake and a new friend. Bought ingredients for an apple and banana sponge pudding for service tomorrow, thinking I may add a light crumble topping to the sponge for a change (in truth it had occurred to me that Waleed Aly might take a spoonful). Surely I wouldn’t be trying to impress him? But it would be disappointing if he murmured ‘perhaps lacking a little crunch?’.

July 18, 2018

Last night went off exceedingly well. Great meal at The Commons, a new fave, and the play The Man in the Attic was also very good. A platter of olives and fresh house made foccaccia was a memorable start to the evening. Then of course there was the warm welcome from John’s neighbour, replete with hug and yet another apology, perhaps my anger actually achieved something. I very rarely get seriously angry, but when I do it is pretty scary for the recipient because they have likely never seen it before. Up early to make dessert, changing it to a stewed apple and cinnamon pudding with a crunchy cinnamon crumble topping. No Waleed at service, but a director, cameraman and sound recordist who used heaps of film and did in-depth interviews with a few of the patrons, later going out to their campsites along the river and filming them there also. It was lovely in the sun and there were lots of kids there, being school holidays. Takeaways were liberally dispensed and not a word did I say about hypocrisy, double standards or favouritism, on my best behaviour I was indeed.

July 19, 2018

One thing sticking in my mind about yesterday was being asked to watch over about two dozen bottles of soft drink which ‘aren’t to be taken yet’. I was nearby dispensing soup which I decided wasn’t hot enough so I turned on the barbeque beneath the pot. Between simultaneously being interviewed by the film crew, stirring the soup and watching to make sure no-one touched the heated barbeque, I missed the fact that, in my peripheral vision, some of the kids took drinks. It was with some annoyance that I was told I had failed to watch the drinks (why were they left there exposed anyway?) and when I apologised it was accepted only dismissively. I sometimes think that I am a good match for the work but a poor match for the team, whose application to the task is concrete but whose sense of humour is often lacking. You feel like saying ‘I will pay for the damned drinks’ but the implication was that I had turned a blind eye. Ho hum, this is why I am a loner, I work so much better without pressure. Anyway, today improved, the car heater dial system was fixed for about half of his $500 quote, though he wasn’t able to get a particular cable which I must pay for when he sources one, the perennial problem with old cars.

July 20, 2018

Decided to try the District Court at Parramatta for a change and, with some guidance from a helpful guard, discovered an interesting trial of two Muslim juveniles charged with planning a terrorist attack. I needed to forfeit my phone and go through a second lot of security to get in. The jury was out twiddling its collective thumbs while the Crown and the two barristers argued the toss about whether they should be made aware that the boys objected to standing for the national anthem at school assembly so wagged school or came late to avoid doing so. One boy left school in protest when a demand was made that he conform. I thought back to my own teenage refusal to stand at the movies when God Save the Queen was played, weathering the hissed opprobrium that was brought down on my head by other patrons, though only the older ones were offended. I can see the relevance from the Crown’s point of view as it goes to show their possible sympathies from the age of 12, but also understand that it may prejudice the jury and is somewhat in the past. The judge still had not decided when I left, I’m glad I don’t have that decision on my shoulders, but I think the Crown is right, put it all on the table and let the jury decide. I was the only one in the gallery apart from a Muslim couple whom I suspected were one boy’s parents. As the accused left court in custody one boy waved lovingly to the couple, what a diabolical situation it all is. Had an amazing lunch at Circa Espresso, a literal hole in the wall cafe in a disused car space replete with roller door, though the food was top restaurant quality, five stars in my food review.

July 21, 2018

So Colleen McCullough’s husband, the unlovely Ric, has succeeded in convincing the judge that she went against what she’d told all her friends, her nurse, her solicitor and Oklahoma University — and left her estate to him with an almost illegible scrawled mark on a will she was too sick to write or to understand. Bollocks. He was as transparent as a grimy window, the judge should get out more and experience what people like Ric are like in real life. Astounding.

I feel virtuous having today written a review of Lincoln in the Bardo, collated my financial details and sent them off to the accountant (not taxable at all is my guess), cooked for dinner service, gave an opinion on the value of a bronze for a friend at Annangrove and served at dinner. Yes I think I deserved the piece of peanut brittle after dinner.

July 22, 2018

Interesting discussion with John last night when he said about meal service ‘we are outsiders there’. In one way this was disappointing, but in another it confirmed my long-held belief that although the patrons have become like old friends after 18 months, the supervisors are distant, critical, stand-offish at best and downright unfriendly at worst. The boss, though mercurial, can be funny and relates to us when she is of a mind, but the other two are so perfunctory, task-oriented and unapproachable that even getting hello out of them is a business, and always initiated by us. We came home last night happy and satisfied with the work we’d done, but soon I felt down-hearted knowing I need to go through it all next Saturday night, with no chance of it being different after this long. I’ve never been in a situation before where I consistently can’t do right for doing wrong.

Old friend Christine was passing this arv and pulled up when she saw us in the front yard, had a cuppa and stayed chatting for a good while, me in my yard clothes and no makeup, she likewise and none of it mattered. Having a cuppa with the above-mentioned crew is something that has never happened, nor has a personal word ever come across from their side. Ho hum, not used to being unable to make friends, wish I could just stop caring.

July 23, 2018

Bussed in to the Downing Centre to see Charles Waterstreet cross-examining his client Evie Amati who, unlike Lizzie Borden, just gave her victims a couple of whacks with an axe. I was somewhat dubious of her claim to temporary insanity, but after hearing her evidence I am inclined to the view that it is entirely possible, indeed very likely. She had attended her GP, her endocrinologist and RPA reporting suicidal and homicidal ideation and was referred to psychiatrists charging $100-200 excess per visit, an impossible figure as she had exhausted her funds having a sex change operation in Thailand. She claimed to have attempted suicide at Stanmore Station and investigations showed CCTV footage of just that event. Gender dysmorhia is ill understood and its correction problematic, but an axe is rarely a female weapon of choice, but then again look at Lizzie all those years ago. Following some time in that trial I moved on to another, that of Leonard Warwick for the bombing of the Family Court and other buildings

in the 1980s, resulting in two deaths. Again I saw cross-examination by the defence. The judge at the first trial was snappy and impatient, the second judge was patient to a fault, personality does influence the management of a trial.

John made a written request to spend time with his granddaughters during the school holidays, but as expected it didn’t happen, in fact no reply was received.

July 24, 2018

My next door neighbours moved out today after 17 years. They had very small children when they moved in and now the last of the four has finished school. The move involved three large moving trucks with six men loading from 8am to 2pm, though it is a very big house. I await with interest meeting the new neighbours. Although the mother and children were delightful, the dad was cold and pretty tough, responding to my request to have an overhanging branch of their huge tree pruned with the statement ‘we can’t afford that!’ just prior to installing a heated inground pool and buying a VW people mover and a BMW. When just part of the branch fell on my roof it resulted in an insurance claim and an increase in my excess. He is an executive in a minor bank so I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Didn’t watch Masterchef this year, apart from a couple of early episodes, too much time away from books. I took a punt on three of the original 24 though, Sashi, Khanh and Jess, all of whom impressed me greatly. Got a big surprise when I saw on the net that in finals week they are down to four, including my three faves. I wish they had Masterchef at the TAB, I’d be in the running for a nice trifecta.

July 25, 2018

At the library today one of the librarians said ‘I went to your street library last week and picked up a good book’, quite funny I thought when she works at a library with five branches. Perhaps she is like me and really wants to mark her favourite bits. I have avoided buying books for years now, but three very recent ones tempted me, Madeleine Albright’s book Fascism, Ronan Farrow’s on US diplomacy (or lack of it) and Luke Harding’s Collusion. I decided that if the library had one of the three, perhaps I could justify buying the other two, so I was pleasantly surprised to find that they

had all of them. At $1.60 per reservation, it sure beats buying. Obviously there is a Trumpophobe in the acquisitions department.

Decided to stay home this Saturday night and watch the results coming in from the five by-elections, accompanied by a glass or two of bubbly. I will still cook dessert for 50 or so as usual for evening meal service, but John will take it and serve. I am being worn down by the constant petty rules that you only find out about when you break one and the fact that they change depending on who is supervising. The main rule seems to be ‘the boss does as she sees fit and the volunteers do as they are told’. John finds it frustrating but not as emotionally draining as I do.

July 26, 2018

Went out to Windsor for the day with Brigitte for our long-planned excursion. Drove around the sights including the Francis Greenway courthouse, the observatory, St Matthews Church and cemetery and riverbank parks. Bumped into a few friends out there, as always, and then enjoyed lunch at Wonder Sushi. Headed out to Wilberforce to see the other side of life at the cabin park there where some of the local poor live in extremely basic, very small, uninsulated cabins made of fibro. It is a really ugly park with a huge pile of old mattresses and ripped armchairs near the office, some of the cabins would barely be wide enough to lie down on the shorter side, I doubt they are legal. Grim.

Joanne from the Hills Shire Times rang to say they are doing an article on ‘little acts of kindness’ and wants to feature the street library again, with an update on the response I’ve had. She also had looked me up on the News photo library and found some of me with Kevin Rudd at the apology to the stolen generations. Don’t use those pics I told her laughing.

July 27, 2018

Went to a talk at Royal North Shore Hospital on Mindfulness and Brain Cancer, given by a doctor who is also a meditation teacher. She is doing a PhD on whether training in meditation would help patients physically and will conscript 10 patients for the trial. Questions were allowed after the talk and I asked how she would control for the effect of the 1.5 hours face to face discussion per week being a major factor in the effect. It could be teaching them French, studying classical music or studying a book,

anything that takes the patient off the medical ferris wheel for that long each week could perhaps account for the improvement. To my surprise she agreed that could be so and they wouldn’t know, so I don’t think that research model stands up at all, not that I said so.

Then I planned to go to the Pathology Museum at the hospital, accessed by ringing a phone number on its closed door. Who are you? asked the man on the other end. When I explained I was an interested member of the public, and after further questioning, that I had a Diploma in Biological Sciences, I was told it is restricted to doctors and medical students. Oh really? I said, that’s not what your website says. He absolutely refuted my claim about the website, finally saying that the public hasn’t been admitted since the 90s. What really got me was when he said ‘it’s not just for retirees to wander about in’. After I got off the phone I checked the welcoming website which says: The museum facility is a powerful resource for medical students, health professionals and for community education. Later I rang back and suggested they remove that phrase from the website, but my friendly pal was at lunch. This is Professor Tony Hill of Pathology, how can I help? said a kindly voice. It turns out they absolutely encourage interest in pathology in the community so he asked if I could come back on Tuesday about 10am to be left to my own devices in the museum. You betcha, I replied.

July 28, 2018

Slept in and let the blood moon pass me by. Last night’s book group was a smaller than usual though pleasant affair looking at the book Lincoln in the Bardo. Mine were the only positive comments on the book, I likened it to a piece of modern art in the MCA rather than one of the classical works in the National Gallery. It takes us back because it is so different to what we are used to, but I believe he gave us much to enjoy.

John went to meal service alone tonight, though I cooked a large apple pie which went over well apparently. My absence was in part a need to be away for a while and partly a protest against the petty rules that are being enforced. Watched the by-election results which appear to be going 5-0 to opposition parties, but the margins should be huge against this appalling government, yet they are modest.

July 29, 2108

So, today is spring gardening shopping day I decide, drive out to the wholesale nursery I frequent at Vineyard, only to discover it is closed on Sundays. Oh dear, morning deeply cut into, fossil fuels burned for nought, so I retrieve the situation by going to KMart to replace the car back support cushion Deborah and Steve bought me years ago, which is gradually self-destructing. KMart has moved but I persevere and find the car department, one aisle with a handful of goods, nothing remotely resembling said cushion. It appears they are going over to primarily clothes, more clothes, yet more clothes and small electricals. Bought up on fruit and veges though, before I remembered I was going to John’s for a few days tomorrow. Ok world, I should have stayed in bed. Bought tiger prawns for my favourite dinner though, cooking them in the oven with olive oil, garlic, chili, shallots and tomato paste, mm-mmm. Day not wasted.

July 30, 2018

Feeling below par and decided some flowers would help so again drove out to the nursery and bought a Camellia for the back yard and some pansies to go in a garden at the front. The friendly girl who served me is a part time teacher and told me of a student whose first name is Manslaught, yep Manslaught. The poor little bugger asked her if his name meant ‘killer’ and she assured him it didn’t and was a lovely name, though he remained unconvinced. Perhaps the parents don’t know the meaning I proffered, but she assured me they are English. Mr Google lists it as an obsolete Middle English word, meaning murder, nice.

John’s memory continues to be uneven. Yesterday I sent him home with some food, including a base for a casserole or mince dish, basically cooked onion, carrot and tomato. We discussed how he might use it, then when we spoke at 1.30pm he asked again what it was, but this morning said ‘that meal you sent home with me wasn’t very nice’. I need to go to every doc’s appointment as we’ve had some confusion there as well.

July 31, 2018

Exciting to get into the Pathology Museum today after all the fuss last week. They gave me a pathology registrar to answer questions but I said that seemed an awful waste of her time, so they left me to my own devices.

It is a smaller museum than others I’ve been to, but fascinating nonetheless. After a few hours there was a knock at the door and it was the Professor, who’d come to see how I was getting on (or to make sure I wasn’t stealing formalin-jarrred specimens) and he stopped for 20 minutes or so discussing pathology training, the difficulty of harvesting any samples at all now due to new rules brought in by the government in 2002, the lack of autopsies done at RNSH (200 average a year down to just 5 last year) and much more. He said that heart surgeons used to be able to handle actual small hearts when planning surgery on newborns and very small children so they had a physical memory of the dimensions and could see the defect they were to repair, but that’s all been stopped now ‘due to the idea that a heart is more than a pump and somehow houses a soul’. Religion 1, Science 0. While it is vitally important that parents receive informed consent for a child’s autopsy, the benefits to other children are immense, but he says that now collecting samples is virtually a thing of the past. I discussed the memory of my friend Colin in the 60s taking leg bones out of children who died of leukaemia for research on the effects of French nuclear testing and telling me the results showed that there was a link from the radiation across northern NSW and southern Queensland, though they kept that secret. They tracked the source of the milk fed to each child. About 20 years ago I remember a State pollie getting up in parliament and denying that the autopsies or the research had ever been done, after the press got onto it, it was too sensitive a topic from a few angles so those parents never got to thank the French for the death of their child.

August 1, 2018

Feeling flattened once again after posting on the volunteers’ page about a phone call that John received from an inside contact in the public service letting him know that ‘a heap of money is being directed to house all the homeless in the Hawkesbury in Housing Commission properties’. He has had amazing results since his speech at an Affordable Housing Conference recently, many donations of food and goods, a visit by a top cop he met there to liaise with local police and now this, we were cock-a-hoop. Not looking for any kudos, just sharing a good news story, but the post was treated with skepticism, it seems all achievements must be due to the management. He is going to a FaCS conference on homelessness soon, we will keep mum about anything coming out of that I think. Robert rang asking if we could go to Killcare on Friday for the weekend, but I explained

we had accepted for First Saturday plus being rostered at service earlier in the evening. He called himself pushy but hoped we could cancel those, which we duly did. We were removed from the roster without comment, but am I paranoid to think much was said behind the scenes?

Went in to St. V’s for John’s appointment with Nada, suddenly very pregnant. She said that John’s tiredness (he was asleep in the waiting room when called), lethargy and general unwellness is due to his knee infection, now in its second year and showing up in his blood results. She is in favour of a biopsy at least but queried whether his heart would stand surgery. Came out feeling pretty defeated. Even more so when we got back to his place sans my wallet. I had bought us icecreams at Messina and paid there, who knows where the wallet went after that? At least the three bad things happened on the one day.

August 2, 2018

Cancelled 3 banking cards, my licence, Opal card and borrowing cards from 3 libraries. Enough, the rest can wait for another day. Getting things together for Killcare, including two good bottles of red. If I am buying a pricey bottle it is always a heavy red that you can stand a spoon up in and they prefer lighter pinot noir types, but I’m sure they will enjoy them all the same. We will watch The Project up there tomorrow night, I am sort of hoping my comments remained on the cutting room floor, that way I can’t be accused of outshining the boss in any way, not that I could match her energy and enthusiasm if my life depended on it. Found out today that one of our much-loved long-term clients went to hospital after weeks of ill-health – inoperable tumours in the lung, liver and stomach – no wonder he’d been asking me to skim the soup and only give him the liquid part. He has a prosthetic leg and also has an infected stump so will be confined to a wheelchair from now on, too weak to use crutches. So I lost my wallet, big deal. So I get frustrated with petty attitudes? Big deal there too, trying to look at the bigger picture. We are doing great work despite all that.

August 3, 2018

We carried enough tools, power tools, hand tools, every damned type of tool, to build a house, though John was installing the street library he had made for Sue and Robert. They filled my station wagon to the roof. He

spent the day measuring and planning the spot, then at night we watched The Project on Channel 10, filmed at meal service and featuring two special pals of ours. Considering the team was filming from 10am to 5.30pm and interviewed a number of clients, it was a pretty disappointing length, however any publicity is good publicity. Went to Ela Mesa Greek restaurant in Woy Woy for dinner and I enjoyed Moreton Bay Bugs and King Prawns, before going ‘home’ to sit by the fire and chew the fat. Robert is over half way through his radiotherapy and four weeks after he finishes that they are off to the Galapagos Islands, the last item on his bucket list.

August 4, 2018

Robert’s builder friend arrived early to help John get the sleepers into position and cement them in. Then J was able to spend the rest of the day assembling the library parts and installing them, with an excellent result. Two different couples popped in over the course of the day, each served tea and some of John’s homemade sultana cake. We ate in and enjoyed sitting around the fire again, in my case reading Ronan Farrow’s War on Peace, a depressingly familiar tale of American waste of billions on warfare while decimating their spending on diplomacy and humanitarian aid. Multi billions have been spent funding brutal, unmanageable opposition groups in Afghanistan, Somalia, Egypt, Iraq, Syria, Colombia etc etc. In Syria they were funding three different opposition groups to defeat Assad and the three were fighting each other, all on American coin. What a farce.

August 5, 2018

Robert asked yesterday if I wanted to go on a bushwalk today, but when I got up he had gone. He was soon back and said he’d just been ‘testing the rope’ needed to get down the cliff on the walk he’d chosen, rope ladder I’m thinking. Soon we set out and eventually came to a cliff with a rope hanging over it. ‘Here we are’ he smiled, and proceeded to give me a lesson in abseiling down a shortish but steep cliff with fridge sized boulders at the bottom. He went down easily, as you would if you’ve climbed Kilimanjaro and walked Kokoda, but I am not fond of heights, nor crashing onto large boulders. However with his ‘encouragement’ I bit the bullet and made it down, though at one stage, just as I was about to say ‘I can’t do this’, I lost control and was swinging uncontrolled on the damned rope, with Robert desperately yelling ‘don’t let go!’. Fairly obvious I would have thought when

a broken back, at least, was my lot if I did. But I managed to give the impression that rope swinging down a cliff is my favourite way to spend Sunday and we continued on our way to the bottom where Sue picked us up. Later we went to the beach cafe and ate fish wraps on the grass, what a wonderful relaxing weekend with much loved friends.

August 6, 2018

Late last night, John got an email from the philanthropic grant body he had applied to for 100,000 smackers on behalf of the charity we support. He was told effectively that his application had reached the long list and on August 30 there is a social function to announce the short list of 8 before the ‘winner’ is selected at the end of the year. He passed that info up the chain and just got a reply saying basically ‘thanks, I will attend that’. Sharing the joy with him on the night might have been nice, considering two could go, but no.

John had an meeting with the Tenant Network and I had one with Tricia half an hour earlier, so he dropped me off at Barrack Street and continued on to Central. Then I went wallet shopping. In Myers I was asked ‘what brand do you want?’ a funny question to me, it is the qualities of an item I look for, not the brand. After much agonising, including consideration of buying one in an op shop, I narrowed it down to 3. (Robert’s dilemma has convinced me I can treat myself with new stuff sometimes). The winner was……….a burnt orange soft leather number from a brand I’d never heard of, it easily beat the Oroton competitor which was double the price and the Guess one which I discovered was PVC when I dug inside for a label. My last hand made one lasted 25 years, so 25 from this one would be nice.

August 7, 2018

Early appointment with Dr Rooney, the orthopaedic surgeon to whom we went for a second opinion on John’s knee. He is verbose, voluble, funny and self-deprecating ‘patients get worried I am going to charge them by the word’ and I think I’m in love. But seriously he was so refreshing ‘why would you want a second knee replacement after going through one and having all these complications?’, ‘20% of people who have knee replacements wish they hadn’t’, ‘I like people to crawl into my office in agony, then I know they’ll be pleased after they’ve had it’. He agreed with having a biopsy but

we got the impression it was partly to prove to Dr Ellis (whom he admires and would use himself) that another op isn’t warranted. But he prefers John to go off antibiotics for 4 days first, a risky scenario which we need to clear with the infectious diseases people first. Apparently only 5% of people with artificial knee infections are controlled adequately with antibiotics, so he is in that rare successful group. Still on the merry-go-round but feeling positive with this guy on it with us.

August 8, 2018

Well the cards are dribbling in by post, got a credit card yesterday, an EFTPOS one today plus driver’s licence, heaps more to go. Did a run to Windsor and visited one of our meal service clients in hospital. He lost a leg at 21, due to contracting Golden Staph from swimming in the Hawkesbury River, then at 48 he got cancer in the larynx and from then on has been unable to speak. Now he’s just been told he has liver, lung and stomach cancer, but in the middle of all that he spent 10 years sleeping on the river bank waiting for a Housing Commission flat, he’s gone from one disaster to another but can still raise a smile. He wrote on his pad that the hospital food wasn’t near as good as what we serve on the riverbank. From there I went to donate a bag of groceries at our storage, which was being manned just by the prison inmates and a guard who help us on Wednesdays. While stacking the goods into the shelves I got talking to an inmate and picked his accent as somewhere in South America. It turned out to be Colombia, so we had a discussion about that country and I mentioned Ronan Farrow’s comments about how much America had thrown at defeating the leftist FARC rebels. FARC was much used in our subsequent conversation and when I walked into the other room all the inmates and the guard looked somewhat confused, so I needed to explain that we were discussing Colombian FARC rather than Australian fark! Funny that it was much more light-hearted there without any supervisors present.

August 9, 2018

Carly arrived last night dead on her ETA of 6pm. Did a version of Saganaki Prawns for dinner but with a bit of chili added, yummo. We chewed the fat for 6 hours in front of the fire and fell into bed at 12.30am. Today we decided we needed some nature and tossed up between the Kuringai Wildflower Garden and Koala Park. The latter won so we spent the

afternoon feeding milk to lambs, patting koalas and kangaroos, talking to cockies and having lumps of boiled rice snatched off our hands by emus. Perfect weather for such pursuits. John spoke to infectious diseases after repeated calls and has gone off antibiotics till his procedure on Monday, I am worried about his doing so and hope they made the right decision, we’ve always been told septicaemia lies down that path.

August 10, 2018

Baked the dessert for dinner service tomorrow night, John will take it and pick up the icecream and custard on the way, they are de rigeur. We take the Esky now and get Coles to pack some ice into it as I got sick of serving melted icecream, eew. John has discovered another grant possibility, one for the training and support of volunteers, which he will mention tomorrow night, not expecting any enthusiasm on that one though. Picked up my latest from the library, Collusion, about the Trump-Russia allegations. I hadn’t realised that so much had been documented by UK ex-spy Steele and subsequently published. It’s scary stuff. It seems that spies have a second career these days spying for business and private clients, once they just went to breed cattle in Tasmania. Had a lunch invitation from the lady who has been writing to me since she saw the article about the street library in the local press. We have similar taste in books apparently and also I used to work at Sydney Uni with her husband’s cousin who was a genetics professor, small world.

August 11, 2018

Down to Erko first thing to help mind Millie for the weekend while Dav and Louis have a mini holiday at Milton Park at Bowral, erstwhile home of the famous Anthony Hordern of department store fame. Aunty Carly, known to Millie as just Carty, was the co-wrangler. She is very mummy/daddy-focussed right now and grandmas of both persuasions are on the long finger, but luckily Carty filled the bill, being a twin of mum can’t have hurt there. All the important stuff like eating, sleeping and bath time went off perfectly fine so a sigh of relief was heard in the inner west.

August 12, 2018

After a play at a nearby park we three went to Bitton at Alexandria for brunch. Their breakfast crepes with berry compote were probably the best

I’ve eaten, classical French technique in that kitchen. Carly’s omelette was huge and looked delicious but I was glad I hadn’t ordered it due to the size, she took half home in a takeaway box, cardboard of course. Millie voted her child size serving of the crepes as super good. Dav and Louis reported great things of Milton Park, excellent accommodation and food in a wonderful house and garden, one to keep in mind.

August 13, 2018

Good to be home and the pansies I recently planted looked parched in two days, so lucky I came back when I did. I have never watered my grass verge in 41 years, it dies down in the dry and greens up again when we’ve had rain. But it has died, totally and completely died, which tells me something about climate change in that space of time. It drives me nuts hearing about ‘the drought’ when government won’t face up to the fact that great swathes of Australia just won’t support agriculture into the future. So do we keep throwing money at farms that can’t survive long term? Apparently that’s exactly what we do. I read a decade ago that forecasts predict Perth having a long-term increase in rain and the eastern states having the opposite, which is exactly what is happening. Perth gets rain and it travels east over Tasmania and continues on to New Zealand. Hobart has been awash this winter. It is terrifying and nobody in power is listening.

Finished reading Karl Ove Knausgaard’s book A Death in the Family, the first in his autobiographical series of six books (so far). It is minutely detailed a la Proust, with long descriptions of a fly landing on his brother’s arm or of his cleaning a house ‘I got the Jif and put it on a rag, then rubbed it up and down the bannister and watched the dirt come off’, sentences like this go on for pages, but every now and again you come across something that stops you in your tracks, like his discussions on death, his need for solitude, his somewhat controversial feelings about family for example. I am not at all sorry that I read it, but not sure I can justify the time to read the other five, unlike Elena Ferrante’s four part autobiographical series which I had to read, whatever else was happening in life. I did find Knausgaard’s lack of chapters particularly annoying though.

August 14, 2018

Had a visit from Brigitte who wanted an opinion on a Dickens wall plaque which was Ivorex, a combination of plaster of Paris and plasticisers with a waxed finish to imitate ivory, popular in England in the first half of the 1900s, particularly the 20s to 40s. I baked a sponge and filled it with strawberries and cream and after we each had a small piece Brigitte said ‘I hope you’ve got someone else to eat the rest of this cake’ and I thought ‘shit, she’s got a point, I haven’t’ so I’m hoping John the gardener comes today. Also served chocolate and mint brownies left over from dinner service, I don’t eat those but at least they keep.

I am unhappy that John agreed to go off the antibiotics before the biopsy, I was always resistant to the idea, but he accepted the assurances that it would be ok. Now he is in constant pain, clearly the infection has flared up and any idiot knows it is easier to keep an infection down than to suppress one that has flared up. My argument was that if going off the antibiotics was optional (as it was) then it was too risky and so it has proved. He can’t even drive now, plus our appointment with the orthopaedic surgeon is tomorrow and he will use John’s disability as proof of the need for surgery. Should have been more forceful, my strong instincts are rarely wrong.

August 15, 2108

Was pondering what to do today, to go to town to a trial or to ICAC, to the pathology museum, visit someone in hospital, attack hucking the storeroom, but the wind made me slow to decide. Then Heather texted asking if there was any cake at my house. Yes, come over, I replied. We sat and talked and drank tea for 2 and a half hours and that solved the issue. Later John the gardener came and ate cake as well, I should have known it would have takers. I asked him to plant one camellia a week ago and now the whole back corner is dug up ‘you can’t plant a tree without clearing the ground of roots’ and he has filled a green bin with same and two buckets with bits of pottery, metal pipe, rocks and other archaeological finds. The camellia is still in its pot……

Last night I watched Filthy Rich and Homeless on channel 10 after a tip that one of the ‘filthy rich’ had shacked up for a few nights in a van with one of our clients on the river. That episode screens tonight, but I was intrigued by how quickly these poised people cracked once their money and phones were removed and they were set down in the streets to fend for themselves alone. I would have been the same, but being filmed meant they had the support and protection of a camera person at least. Not knowing where your next meal is coming from is a sobering feeling I would imagine.

August 16, 2018

Well I won’t say ‘I told you so’, I promise. John’s knee became so bad last night that I headed off to his place at midnight and drove him to St. Vincent’s. I parked at the door, went ahead into emergency and he hobbled behind on a stick. By the time he got to the desk the doors had opened and it was ‘go to bed 10’. His knee and leg were double normal size so they did an xray, took blood, gave him morphine and set him on a drip. Later they took two big syringes of pus out of the knee and we are back to June 2017. I got home at 4am and at 7am his next door neighbour contacted me to say that a plumber had arrived to repair the leak in his bathroom wall that was sending water into the flat below. Luckily John had left Ann a key so that went ahead. I called in to his flat and the bathroom was a nightmare of tools and mess with tiles off the wall and pipes being welded, a job which took all day in the end. At the hospital I bumped into the registrar Hussein whom we saw at an appointment only last week and castigated him about taking John off the antibiotics. He said it was a gamble but John is the one who lost. Now we must focus on getting him back as he was, but I fear that will be an uphill task and that the second knee replacement is much more likely than it was last week.

August 17, 2018

Stayed at Davina’s last night as I was so exhausted. Millie charged into my room this morning looking for ‘Carty’ and was very disappointed to find that it was only grandma. I helped get her ready for day care before leaving to go to the hospital. John is minutely better, but was able to get up on a walking frame to have a shower. If he doesn’t improve they may do a surgical washout, it doesn’t look promising so far. Some talk also of sending him off to be looked after by the original orthopaedic surgeon, all in flux. There was a woman continually screaming and swearing at the staff in another room and when I passed there were four burly security guards with surgical gloves, plus a doctor and a nurse outside the room. It looked like something out of a prison movie. Drug withdrawal, mental illness, who knows? Stephen texted that he was on the train at Brooklyn coming to see

John but I kept the surprise and John was absolutely stoked when he walked in.

August 18, 2018

Late yesterday the infectious diseases registrar came to see John and apologised that she’d agreed to his going off the antibiotics, then came John Rooney who said that he thinks now that having a second knee replacement is the way to go. Both said they were very surprised by the speed and severity of the infection, so it looks like we are headed into three months of hospital and rehab.

Cooked sticky date pudding for 50 and served tonight. Met up with Mark who starred this week on channel 10’s Filthy Rich and Homeless programme and asked for his autograph on my arm. He said the person he was paired with, Cameron Daddo, has called him occasionally ever since the filming and when Mark’s van wasn’t working he paid for the repairs. Mark excitedly told me he would be ‘going over to Cameron’s place soon’. Where does he live? I asked. ‘Oh he doesn’t like me to say’ said Mark with a grin. He’s enjoying being the centre of attention and so he should, the programme did a lot for the cause of the homeless. He offered a kiss on my cheek and told me not to wash it off. I so wish the volunteers made me laugh like the clients do, even occasionally. Is it religion that makes them so humourless? Some are religious but others I wouldn’t have a clue. Perhaps the ones that like a laugh don’t stick around? I don’t know.

August 19, 2018

Went to John’s and cleared out his fridge to his neighbour as we don’t know when he will return home. Then as I was driving up Macquarie St on my way to the hospital, I jagged a lucky parking spot and dived into it knowing it was the last day of the Harvest art exhibition there. I didn’t dream I would still get to go but the universe was looking after me. It was superb, with still life portraits of fruit, eggs and vegetables that made me want to eat them off the canvas. I’m glad my favourites were all sold as I would have been sorely tempted, Charlotte Thodey is the goods! John was much better today but his knee looks the same, huge. I stayed all day and Robert rang for a talk, he is coming to visit him on Tuesday. When I got home I rang my neighbour and asked if he wanted half a cake and a motza

of sticky date pudding and he was over here as quickly as if there were a fire. Glad to see it being eaten.

August 20, 2018

Linda messaged me to say to be careful driving into town all the time as you can have an accident when your mind is full of of other things. First personal message I’d ever had from her. Ha. I have never had an accident that was my fault in nearly 50 years of driving. Until today that is. I was going round the block as usual looking for a park and Eureka! there was one right outside the hospital, too good to be true. It was rear to kerb, so I held up the traffic while backing in and avoiding a man on the road edge who was making a phone call. Lined up with the car next to me and reversed, except it was diagonally angled rear to kerb, not right angle. I didn’t hear or feel a bump but when I got out my bumper had hit the car next door near its rear. Oh lordy me, there goes my claim to fame, ‘never caused an accident in my life!’ John was comforting but I felt terrible nonetheless, however the insurance will sort it out and increase my premium no doubt. Went to Dav’s for the night, just in time to say goodnight to Millie, not that she’s got much time for grandmas of either persuasion at the moment.

August 21, 2018

Millie is quite addicted to shapes, usually we are talking about rectangles or circles but now it is rhombus or trapezoid or tetrahedron, positively addicted. This carries over into jigsaw puzzles which are the new craze, as she puts in a piece that fits she says ‘shape’. Amazing how the brain focuses on one thing until it’s sorted. Went in to St. V’s from Erskineville which gave me an insight into the convenience of city living. Not long after I got there Robert and Sue arrived, to much mirth all round. He celebrated his last radiation treatment today. Then, as if to join the celebration, the doc came to say that John’s CRP had gone down from 260 to 107, so they thought he could manage on oral antibiotics and could therefore go home. Hurrah!! The fact that a normal CRP is anything less than five didn’t dampen the celebrations. By the time the discharge papers were done it was 4.30pm but no complaint, except that at the foyer cafe I had the worst quiche imaginable for lunch, full of gristly bacon and tomato, passed off as a Quiche Lorraine. Ugh, no wonder it came with a sachet of tomato sauce.

We were planning to go to Baulko but he was told to see the doc again at 10am tomorrow, so we repaired to Lane Cove, despite the fact that I’d emptied his fridge expecting a longer hospital stay. I had planned to watch Foreign Correspondent tonight, with Sean Dorney reporting on Papua New Guinea, and to my great surprise John wasn’t going to bother. ‘But he’s your relative’, I said. ‘Oh is he?’ John replied, ‘I’d better watch it then’. Later he said ‘yes, I do have relatives called Dorney’. More problems going on than just his knee I’m thinking. Amazing programme anyway.

August 22, 2018

With some trepidation we went to see Dr Ellis, who was sympathetic to John’s reluctance to face major surgery, but opined that he is in danger of the knee blowing up again every time he gets sick, or worse, if he needs chemo again. So reluctantly he has agreed to ‘The Big Op’. We were warned about how taxing it would be a year ago, but now it’s worse since the recent acute infection. He will go into RNSH in 2-3 weeks and have the old knee removed, 2 weeks in hospital, then he will come home to my house for 12 WEEKS with no knee, just an orthopaedic cement block holding his leg out straight. He won’t be able to walk except with crutches, or bend his leg or get in and out of a car most probably, so it will be home detention a la Philip Wilson, except he hasn’t done anything to deserve it. He will be looked after by Hospital in the Home, on an antibiotic drip managed by daily visits from nurses. We had been told this would be for 6 weeks, but now it is 12 because his knee is so much worse. Then he goes back to get a new knee put in, 1 week in hospital, then to rehab, a total of 5 months. What fun! He should be all done by next February. We went to Lillah for lunch to discuss the logistics and lick our wounds, then home for a somewhat sombre night.

August 23, 2018

John insisted on going to an important all day meeting at Family and Community Services regarding community housing. He wasn’t really well enough but with the help of doses of Endone, he made it. I dropped him at the bus stop and he cabbed from the city stop to the meeting and back. I said I would pick him up from the bus in the afternoon but calls to his mobile went unanswered, so I parked at the agreed spot to wait. Eventually he rang home and luckily my friend Michelle was here, she called me to say

he had forgotten I was picking him up and anyway had overshot the bus stop, so I needed to go and get him from a few streets away. Too many confusions at the moment.

August 24, 2018

Bought groceries for family and friends lunch on Sunday, but went into a bit of a funk, not helped by watching Tony Abbott and friends tear down a Prime Minister. I forecast a week ago that Dutton would challenge, but Morrison would scoot up the middle and take the top job. I wish I’d put money on it now. I bet Morrison still offers the treacherous Dutton a ministry. Thought about cancelling book group but John urged me to go, even though he didn’t feel up to it himself. Michelle drove which helped an though I can’t say I had a fun night out, I was glad I went. Lots of support from friends helps.

August 25, 2018

Woke up still in a funk and realised I can’t go ahead with the lunch tomorrow, despite having bought all the food. Contacted Dav to defer till next weekend and she will contact Beth and Andre. The thought of the next five months is pressing down on me and I need some more time before I can socialise, my mind is elsewhere at the moment. John contacted his daughter’s partner when he was in hospital to let them know his situation, but not a call, text, email or even a $1 card has resulted, as expected. My contempt for all of them is intense right now, wasted energy I know, but that’s the way it is. I can never get out of my mind the text message he received when he was ill previously “I hope you die soon.” and often wonder if she didn’t ‘point the bone’ as the Aboriginal people believe, as he has never been well since that day.

August 26, 2018

Decided we needed to skip town for a mental health day, so we took off early for Berrima, Bowral and Mittagong. After a Devonshire tea at Stone’s in Berrima we did over the occasional Berrima Markets which we were lucky enough to catch, picking up River Gum Honey and (glee) Mandarin Jam. John bought me Macadamia Toffee and Mixed Nut Toffee, so sweets are pretty well covered. On to Dirty Jane’s at Bowral, a huge antiques and old wares business where we mooched around and bought zip. Drove around

the grounds of Milton Park, the old home of Anthony Hordern and now a lux hotel. John opined that a few days there ‘making a hole in the inheritance’ would be a good reward for what he must go through over the next few months. Walked around The Gib and marvelled at all the buildings which have been built out of its volcanic stone, including the QVB, National Library, ANZAC Memorial in Hyde Park and major public works such as the Hawkesbury River Bridge at Brooklyn.

August 27, 2018

Stephen and Deborah jumped in to help John last year by buying and having delivered a Lay-Z-Boy electric reclining chair in lush leather when he came out of hospital. When he recovered somewhat it was moved to his house where it has pride of place. I intended to book a carrier and organise its return to Baulko in coming weeks to be here for his long recovery period post surgery. But today was delivered a second electric recliner, this time a Scandinavian leather number, again from Deborah and Stephen, “so he can have one at each house”. I don’t know of anyone who targets gifts in the way these folks do, from a chair to a giant jigsaw, always just at the right time. The man delivering the chair tried to convince John that he doesn’t need medical treatment, just prayer, and left us some books and tracts for our reading pleasure. Drove John home today and then we went up to Lane Cove to buy him a week’s groceries as he can’t manage his manual car. Note to self: try not to be impatient when he is walking at a snail’s pace, he told me not to keep rushing today.

August 28, 2018

Drove up to Killcare for a visit today, feasting on a wonderful lunch of stuffed mushrooms, cheesy artichokes, salad, prosciutto and olive bread. John had made the sign for their street library and wanted to install it before he goes to hospital. Now it has been photographed and will be up on the library directory website within days. Robert is well and positive and though Sue tried to convince us to stay overnight, but I think they need some time on their own as she had previously mentioned the stress of the constant family visits and the work that entails.

One exciting development today was a call to John from his housing manager offering him the downstairs flat which was totally burnt out in a

massive fire a few months ago. Work is just starting on its renovation from the current black hole, so it could be finished by the time he is ready to go back home. One advantage is that it has a garage, so his workshop would no longer need to be on the verandah. Disadvantages include lack of a view and lack of privacy as all windows are level with the path into the building. Thinking.

August 29, 2018

I have long been trying to find my old friends Joan and Colin. Joan was my landlady for more than 15 years in my shop, then her restaurant business failed, she went bankrupt and in the process sold the building I tenanted to her brother-in-law who was my landlord from then till the bitter end. Colin is a much older friend, going back to about 1966 and was my introduction into the social group of gay boys whom I hung out with from then on. I have tried Facebook and attempting to contact them through mutual friends but neither has worked. So today I rang the Electoral Commission and discovered that I could do searches in their Parramatta office. Heather had mentioned having lunch together one day so we combined the two things. I found Joan in about 20 seconds, knowing both her middle names helped there, she is in Dungog, so now I can send off a letter. She is a very funny woman, chain-smoking, loud, a raucous laugh, generous, bold and outrageous. When her ex-husband cheated on her with a waitress in their restaurant she did what many of us might want to do: she went home and cut up all his clothes with scissors, then threw him out in what he stood up in. He lived for a while in his van, then was taken in by a nephew. Colin on the other hand is a gentle soul, much loved and I am so sorry to have lost touch about 40 years ago. I did find one only person with his name, also in the Hunter Valley oddly, at Rutherford. We shall see if it is the same one. John can no longer drive his manual car, so did a bit of shopping with him in the afternoon, saw Amrita at St Vincent’s for what is hopefully the last visit to the infectious diseases team.

August 30, 2018

Started a batch of cumquat jam and caught up with boring chores. Picked John up in the afternoon and we headed into town to see The Turk in Italy by Rossini, trying to forget that we missed Aida when John was in hospital, this opera is the last for the year in our subscription, luckily as it’s turned

out as we won’t be going anywhere after next week. It was very funny, reimagined around Sorrento in the 1950s-60s with all the candy colours that implies. I had to chip a man for checking his emails half way through! Once more and I’d have confiscated the phone happily. As we slowly walked back to the car John decided he wanted icecream, but all our usual haunts were closed, so I asked some passing cops how to slake an icecream addiction nearby and they suggested Pancakes on the Rocks, so at midnight we were ordering macadamia pancakes and icecream, the place was quite full even when we left near 1am. The pancakes were stodgy and macadamias few, but it was an unusual treat and what he felt like doing, so I was happy. Got to bed after 1.30am.

August 31, 2018

Had an appointment with Bob Elliott at 11.45……at least that was what John told me, but when we arrived it turned out that it was at 11, so we had to wait for a gap in proceedings to see him. A check of John’s diary showed it clearly listed as 11am, so I need to be checking these things more carefully. Bob is singing at the Opera House this weekend but sadly I won’t manage to fit that in amongst all else. John was to go home after the appointment, but changed his mind and came back here instead. He really isn’t well, having three sleeps in his new chair in the course of the day, one took over an hour out of the football which he planned to watch. Dug out his guardianship documents and he also went over his will again and decided he was happy with it.

September 1, 2018

Today after breakfast John took to his chair at 9am and slept there on and off for the rest of the day till we went out in the evening. I cooked for meal service and went out there to find I was the only volunteer apart from members of the management team. You would expect a degree of rapport with the only remaining Saturday volunteer, right? Wrong. They didn’t say hello, just talked amongst themselves, one giving me a wave as I worked but not speaking at all, except of course if I put something in the wrong place or used the wrong buns with the soup. Normally I am consciously bright and breezy, always the first to greet them, but obviously if I don’t take that initiative, no one else will. As I was leaving I made a point of asking how the raffles went on the boat cruise we were unable to attend. I

had donated a book worth $60 and another volunteer donated a $50 Myers card. ‘Oh, I didn’t want to be bothered with doing raffles on the boat, so I put each donation in a separate bag and sold them as mystery prizes for $10 each. They loved them.’ Well yes if you are buying a $50 card for $10, I guess you would. This not only robs the donor but robs the charity too, but I didn’t have the energy to point that out.

We went to First Saturday, a talk by Jane on her desert travels. It was a reminder of my disastrous desert experience in Dubai, travelling up and down sandhills in a four wheel drive, vomiting all the way and not being able to get out. At night there was a dinner under the stars, but no food for moi, just lying on the sand wondering if I would survive the trip as I was so dehydrated. It ruined the rest of my stay there as I was then unable to get out of bed for the next couple of days. The sight of those 4WDs brought it all back, ugh. It is a strange experience going out at the moment, sort of an observer of friends out and having fun, but not a part of it at all, just hearing my voice talking and wondering if I am appearing normal to those around me, quite a surreal experience in fact.

September 2, 2018

Took John home last night as he wished, so my family and friends BBQ ended up with just the three of us plus Millie, Beth coming only for afternoon tea. Did the Ultimate Winter Couscous from Ottolenghi with roasted pumpkin, swede, parsnip, carrot and chick peas which I thought was a dull day winner. The big apple, pear and blueberry crumble went pretty much uneaten so I gave it as takeaways to Beth and Davina and brought some to John’s tonight. Millie likes me again for reasons that are unclear, but my baby-sitting next Friday will be much easier now I know she won’t be hiding from me. She was calling me Tickle Monster and when they left she put more words together than I’ve ever heard her say: ‘Bye bye Grandma, it was nice meeting you’. Had a weep listening to a Stan Rogers CD while I was cooking, so by the time the visitors arrived I was apparently cool, calm and collected, but I don’t think I will ever get through one of his albums without shedding at least one tear. John is in planning mode, today he typed up all of his many medications to show the hospital, a comprehensive two pages for their reading pleasure.

September 3, 2018

Went into town for an appointment with Tricia, the psychologist/counsellor from the Benevolent Society, whom I can see whenever I need to. I told her what was happening with John and described the weird sensation of being ‘absent from the body’. Ah, she said, I’ve just done a course on dissociation and that’s absolutely classic. The event seems ‘unreal’ or the person feels detached from what’s going on around them, as if watching the whole thing on television. She said this is probably how I coped as a child (true) to distance myself from trauma so now when things are going badly wrong I have just gone back to what worked in the distant past. So I am not mad, just coping, which is a big relief. I felt a lot better for going to see her for an extended session and she offered to do as many more sessions as I need via phone at home if things get difficult. She recommended getting as much sorted as possible now, so I rang Carol to check on the Power of Attorney she did a few years ago, but then he found it carefully filed under…..Power of Attorney Documents…..so that was a relief, it’s all done. Will ring My Aged Care later to see what can be accessed there and visit the hire service we used last time to organise any aids we need.

John is so keen to start the move into his new downstairs flat, which is still a burnt out ruin, that he is going to ask if he can have the garage before he goes to hospital so his workshop can be moved in. Despite the fact that this may not happen, he wanted me to take him to Macquarie Centre to buy brooms, a dustpan, a bin etc to help fit it out. I hate most shopping centres but this one particularly and we managed to park on Level O and ride up a one way escalator to Level 1. Do you think we could get back there at the end of shopping? There was no down escalator and the lifts don’t go below Level 1. We were assured by people we asked that ‘you just go in the lift’ but in the end we had to go with a trolley out onto the road and walk along a dangerous one way traffic entry (going the wrong way) till we found where we had come in, and eventually the car. At one point we were in the staff carpark and an employee said ‘this place is so badly designed, many people lose the way to their cars on Level O and even though I work here I can’t help tell you where to go’. Third time I’ve been to that hole of a place, third and last.

September 4, 2018

Up early to get to RNSH for pre-admission clinic at 8am and then planned to go to Manly for a haircut and lunch. Ha, other ideas prevailed and we left just before 5pm.

We had appointments with 2 nurses of different types, an orthopaedic registrar, 2 anaesthetists and the cardiologist. First anaesthetist said John’s cough could be heart related and wouldn’t sign off to do the op without the opinion of his cardiologist that it was safe. Luckily Gemma is in the next building and she agreed to see him asap today. She decided there was nothing more she could do for his heart that she hasn’t already done, so she wrote a report to take back, however by then the first doc was in theatre. We saw her compatriot who opined that the sort of unexplained cough he has could be indicative of congestive heart failure, but seeing the knee infection could kill him eventually (something we had never been told explicitly) it was better to accept the risk of the operation in the hope of a cure, for that problem at least. Then it was off to pathology for a raft of blood tests and to radiology for a chest x-ray. So we’ve been told over the day that the knee infection is/isn’t life-threatening, that he will be in hospital for 14 versus 21 days initially, that the cough sounds like/doesn’t sound like heart failure, that after surgery he will come home/go to rehab. Right now it doesn’t seem to matter, we are home at John’s, too tired to put the jug on just yet, but a cup of tea and some food will make it all seem like a dream.

September 5, 2018

Worried about the possibility of the anaesthetist being right (which means everyone else was wrong) about the cause of John’s cough. If he is in heart failure it wouldn’t make sense to go ahead with surgery, not just due to the risk of the op, but because it would mean taking up a big part of the rest of his life with surgery, hospital, rehab, pain and immobility. If it is CHF it is well advanced to be causing a cough that bad. Jane rang after going to lunch with John and was ‘shocked’ by his condition: pale, breathless,wasted, coughing and said she would be disinclined to go into major surgery that way. I have emailed the cardiologist with a list of questions, left a message for infectious diseases, and spoken to Dr Rooney who gave him the second opinion on the knee. He said ‘anaesthetists are pessimists who hate going to the coroner’s court’, he’s a very funny man. But then he asked about the cough and said ‘it certainly sounds like a CHF cough as you describe it’, agreeing that if that were the diagnosis it would be a negative as regards to operating, adding that ‘the knee infection could become antibiotic resistant at any time though’. So it is Hobson’s Choice. Too stressed to cook any dinner, lucky John is at Lane Cove.

September 6, 2018

Where to start? Had an hour plus conversation with Steve. He is coming down on Friday to meet John at Kinghorn where he will be having his last IgG transfusion before surgery. I will drop him there but then I’m booked for Millie wrangling till Saturday morning, so Stephen will escort John home and stay for dinner and overnight. They are so supportive, don’t know how I’d manage without them. John couldn’t get onto the cardiologist for her opinion so he rang the surgeon and he is going to ring her and discuss what should be done. If the diagnosis is congestive heart failure we can accept that, we just want it expressed overtly and explained. I had hoped to go out to Windsor to visit Brian who isn’t well either, but there’s just too much going on so when I rang and his daughter answered I decided to dip out of that one.

Reading ‘Fascism: A Warning’ by Madeleine Albright and she gives a potted history of WWs I and II which is worth reading in itself. One moving extract from a Czech Jewish woman’s memoir is cited, only at the end does she explain that it was written by her 53 year old maternal grandmother before being shipped off to Germany and executed. I hadn’t realised that ‘drain the swamp’ was Mussolini’s catch cry ‘drenare la palude’, followed by his sacking of 35,000 public servants. I thought that at least was all Trump’s own work, but no. The book was written to warn of the dangers of Trump, the Fascist in our midst in her opinion, though plenty of others are coming to that same conclusion, it’s a pretty compelling read.

September 7, 2018

A morning spent at John’s while he made copies of endless documents for me, his super, will, power of attorney, funeral details, enduring guardianship and more. I guess it doesn’t hurt to update all this stuff once in a while, I should do the same. He spoke to the surgeon again and we waited yet another day for him to be able to get in touch with the cardiologist, is she in Antarctica one wonders? But one good point was that he said to John that he completely trusts the particular anaesthetist who isn’t happy with his heart, so if the surgery needs to be deferred in order for her to be happy, then so be it. Amen to that. I drove John to Kinghorn for his transfusion and went on to Erko to mind Millie overnight. Stephen came via train and bus from Newcastle (on his birthday!) and escorted his nibs home, then stayed for dinner and overnight, something John was really looking forward to.

September 8, 2018

A Millie morning watching cartoons, then to John’s where the boys were only just out of their beds at 9.30. We travelled to Baulko with Steve in tow and I finished off my two orange and chocolate cakes with choc frosting for meal service tonight. Lunched with Steve and he kindly opened one of his foodie gifts from us, biscuits so dry and tasteless that you would be forgiven for thinking they were large pellets for livestock. When the label says no this and no that it is sometimes code for no taste. Took off to a small service of only 20 people, just one cake was eaten along with the obligatory custard and icecream so I left the second one there for Sunday night. A sad note, one of our clients with mental health problems gave birth to her child, fed it and was then taken off for a medical test, while she was gone the welfare took the baby with no discussion. We sort of knew this would happen, but she was not pre-warned and had been sure she would be allowed to keep the baby because she had rental accommodation and a stable relationship with her partner. The hospital turfed her out almost immediately but within days she had to be readmitted to a larger unit via ambulance. Duty of care people? Humanity maybe?

September 9, 2018

Today was our last free day before surgery as tomorrow the My Aged Care people are coming to do an assessment and also John may be fasting, or not. Still haven’t heard from Ellis so we have no idea what is going on. Frustration on John’s part caused cancellation of our plans to go to the movies in case he misses a call, instead we watched Insiders in our jamies. Always good to see Libs coming unstuck, it warms the soul. I did watch Morrison’s Albury speech in full online the other day and it was full of warm fuzziness, I kept expecting him to invite us to ‘come on down, come on down’ a la Billy Graham, but I guess that is the gospel style he is used to, walking up and down the stage with a mike. Prediction: We will be getting lots of legislation on religious freedom, and I don’t mean for Muslims. Be careful what you wish for Scomo, these things can have unintended consequences. Then I packed a suitcase for a night? a week? at John’s as he’s asked me to be here till he either goes to surgery or else it is deferred

or cancelled. Brought clothes for every occasion as well as a supply of books as he is talking about taking me out to dinner tonight, so I have clothes suitable for either Bennelong or the local pub, just in case.

September 10, 2018

Last night we debated where to go for dinner….throw caution to the wind, frock up, cross the bridge to Kings Cross and go to Apollo or stay in our jeans and go to the Royal Hotel then to Koi for dessert? While we were debating John said ‘I just realised I am too exhausted to go anywhere’ so we did a fridge raid instead. Still hoping for some clarity we phoned the surgeon’s rooms, he rang back saying he’d only just managed to get onto the cardiologist and she was okay for the surgery to go ahead. John accepted that decision but when he put Andrew on the phone to me I decided not to repeat the mistake I made about taking him off the antibiotics and that I should stick to my gut feeling. Told Andrew that I couldn’t see how she came to a firm decision without an echocardiogram and he quickly offered to write a referral if only I could get an appointment for one. I rang Gemma’s office and did a bit of pleading and bingo, we got in at 2pm. Unusually the sonographer wouldn’t discuss the result at all and the cardiologist on duty wouldn’t give us the results either, saying it must come from Gemma. We left disgruntled as by then it was 3.30 and near 5pm someone rang and said ‘John’s operation isn’t going ahead tomorrow’. I think it is I replied, but she said ‘no this is Gemma’s secretary and she has cancelled the operation after seeing the echo result’.

In the following couple of hours we had calls from the surgeon’s office, the admissions office twice and the registrar, all expecting to see him at 6am tomorrow ready for surgery first thing. Explained to each that it was off, to stunned silence. The registrar said ‘this might have happened for the best, Dr Ellis was worried about going ahead with John when he talked to me this morning, saying the surgery is major for a person with such a weak heart’ !!! This was before the echo!!! So now we see Gemma at 8 in the morning when all will be revealed, but to cancel without consulting the surgeon is a huge call and not one to be done lightly, so I fear for the results.

September 11, 2018

We were waiting in Gemma’s office well before she arrived at 8am. We both picked up a cool atmosphere from the three office staff and the sonographer who are usually so chatty, none of them even made eye contact as we waited. We have been labelled as troublemakers because we pushed for the echo and were found to be right. Gemma began by saying that the echo had shown severe aortic valve stenosis, possibly caused by infection on the valve, as usually it is a slow onset problem often caused by rheumatic fever, but his has come on just this year. John asked about congestive heart failure and she admitted he now has this as well, hence the cough which has been reported to 8 doctors so far this year. What if surgery had gone ahead, he asked? A high possibility of death if you’d had a general anaesthetic, she replied. (No apology, plus she barely looked at me, sitting face on to John and not glancing in my direction). He asked where we go from here and the reply was to do a more specialised in-hospital ultrasound to see if the valve is infected. Then a procedure to balloon the valve to temporarily stretch it so he can have an anaesthetic to take out the knee. After the whole knee procedure is complete and infection gone, she would install a new aortic valve by TAVR, then more surgery to put in a new knee. May I ask a question? I said. She half turned towards me and nodded, teeth clenched against the possibility I was going to be critical. What if he doesn’t do any of this? Then I would think he has 6-12 months to live she replied. As we went out the door she offered “thanks for keeping me on my toes”. All of the secretaries were strangely busy, eyes down, no cheery ‘goodbye John’ that he usually gets. What a Grade A ballsup.

September 12, 2018

Today I had two emails from friends reporting medical misadventures, unrelated to our experience because neither of them knew about it. Kathie’s sister was taken to hospital in agony and because she was old, screaming and crying, was put in a locked ward for dementia sufferers. When family intervened it was discovered she had a dislocated spine! My dear friend Jackie who lives at the beach near Newcastle has been battling cancer for many years. Nerves in her feet have been damaged by chemo so she finds walking difficult and any more chemo will put her in a wheelchair. Her devoted husband searched the internet for trials and discovered one eminently suitable for her situation so they approached her oncologist for a referral. Oh you don’t need to go to Sydney he said, they’ve been trialling

that here at John Hunter Hospital for a year. Never had he mentioned it in the last year when Jackie has been asking for any treatment other than chemo. You can only shake your head.

September 13, 2018

Luckily the current book I am reading is quite engrossing. Called The French Girl, it is a novel about 6 Oxford friends who take a holiday together in France during which time the girl from the property next door disappears. A decade later a French policeman arrives in London to question each of them because her body has been found in a well in the garden of the house where they stayed. Is there a murderer amongst them? I say luckily, because I was able to sit up to finish the book last night rather than stressing endlessly about the immediate future.Went to the library and picked up 3 more books to tide me over and put in a ‘request to purchase’ for Everything Trump Touches Dies by Rick Wilson, a Republican strategist turned Trump-hater. Carly sends me photos of the pages late at night for a laugh.

John got a call from the hospital to say his urgent transoesophageal echocardiogram is happening tomorrow, just one day in RNSH. I am so much better coping with things happening than I am waiting for things to happen, so I am glad it’s been quick. I suddenly remembered that after we saw the cardiologist last week and no echo was done I sent off a very sweet email (I was still in awe of Gemma’s ability at that stage) querying whether it would be a good idea to do one before he had such a long anaesthetic. I got no reply and another 5 days passed before I brought the subject up with the surgeon, leading to having one done. So there really was no excuse for her stuffup. It eats me up that we could have lost him for nought. When this is all over I will need to tell her so for my sanity’s sake.

September 14, 2018

Never let a sucker have an even break, so they say. John’s trans echo (sounds like a gender bender calling out from the Katoomba cliffs) was going ahead as planned until I received a phone call from the doc to say that despite two lots of sedation they couldn’t get the probe down his throat and would need to reschedule it under a general anaesthetic. ‘But he can’t have a general’ I replied, ‘mmm, I will need to talk to the professor’

she said. I was told he could go home in 90 minutes so I spent the time writing a thankyou letter to the careful anaesthetist who picked up his heart problems so accurately and delivered the letter to her department. When I went up to get John he was fast off in the bed so I let him sleep for a couple more hours, the nurse said he’d had a heap of sedation. Just before we left Fran arrived as she had texted me earlier asking where we were and was on the train not too far away, so we both walked him to the car to come home. He isn’t keen to come to my house and I’m not keen to leave him alone so I’ve told HHH that I can neither cook nor serve tomorrow night. I had suggested going away for a few days after this and he liked the idea, as it might be the last chance we get for some time, but now he isn’t keen because he’s in waiting mode for the repeat procedure, though we would have been waiting for the next in any event.

September 15, 2018

John queried whether I still wanted to go away for a few days, but I could see, and he ultimately admitted, that it was because he knew I wanted a break away. I told him I would rather go when he is really keen as well, so we planned a day out within his capabilities, not an easy feat any more. Walks are out, as are hilly places, galleries or exhibitions, but he is always up for a movie so we went to Cremorne to see Three Identical Strangers, a doco about triplets separated at birth and reunited at the age of 20. I found it deeply moving and a wonderfully made film, with twists that I don’t want to mention in case anyone else gets to see it, which I sincerely hope they will. From there we went to Balmoral which was absolutely packed, but luckily we got a close park eventually and had fish, chips and salad opposite the beach. As I had packed for a few days only and not expected a day at the seaside I was overdressed in jeans, long-sleeved top, shoes and socks, amongst all the young things in bikinis I quite stood out and was uncomfortable in the 30+ degree heat. John seems to get weaker by the day, he’s lost another 2kgs, a total of 18 kgs since he had the chemo. Last night he exhausted himself bending to get ice cream out of the freezer drawer below the fridge, I am reluctant to leave him alone.

September 16, 2018

We had a restful day begun with watching Insiders, a favourite Sunday morning indulgence. I caught up on some chores while John rested. He

wanted to see another movie but as usual it was 95% crap or Bollywood at Castle Hill, the only one John wanted to see was Christopher Robin and I wasn’t in the mood for schmaltz, my book a better option. Though I worry about his being alone, I figured that the cinema would be crowded enough for someone to call an ambulance if needed. Robert rang me when John was out, stressing strongly the need to have this heart infection treated quickly (we’re trying!!), he said that John’s condition is just as serious as Robert’s brain tumour was and it was operated on in two days. He said John’s condition may be successfully treated though, whereas Robert’s fate is sealed. I didn’t feel any more relaxed after that conversation, in fact my chest muscles were so tight I could barely eat dinner. It turns out that it takes a few weeks for a heart infection to show symptoms, lining up pretty much exactly with when he was taken off the antibiotics for 4 days.

September 17, 2018

Things are moving fast now! Gemma rang at 8am to tell John that she had had a conference with colleagues and a decision was taken to go straight to the first knee operation next week to reduce the bacterial load on his heart and doing the transoesophageal echo under the same general anaesthetic as the knee, with two teams in the operating theatre. That’s ok, except that she seems to be missing one step altogether, the ballooning of the valve which last week was ‘a critical step in getting you through a general anaesthetic’. Gemma is on the defensive now over missing his heart deterioration so suddenly, after years of explaining things fully, she bristles if asked many questions. She even commented that ‘Dr Green (the anaesthetist who discovered the heart issues) had no right to scare you by saying you couldn’t have an anaesthetic’. I am shocked that such a professional confident woman is finding it so difficult to accept that she made a mistake. It shows me that all the education and experience in the world doesn’t remove a person’s underlying frailties. I didn’t state the obvious, that if not for Dr Green John might not be here having this discussion.

Later he got a call from Gemma’s rooms telling John he will be going into hospital on Sunday for surgery on Tuesday. On Friday we go to see the doctor who will be replacing his heart valve, an operation called either a TAVR or a TAVI. The secretary, once so sweet, replied to John’s query about the meaning of the acronym with ‘look it up on the internet’. Never thought

we would become persona non grata in a cardiologist’s office, but life throws up a curve ball sometimes. We are hoping that the doc on Friday will have an answer to the question about what happened to the balloon step, he may not have heard the story of what difficult people we are.

September 18, 2018

Just got a beautiful message from Dr Sarah Green, that naughty anaesthetist, thanking me for the letter I wrote to her last Friday and wanting to be kept in the loop re John’s progress. I replied asking who we needed to bribe to get her on Tuesday and assuring her that the notes would all be used and unmarked. I am so buoyed by her reply, it assuages all negatives of the last two weeks. John was picked up by his pal Phil who lives nearby in Baulkham Hills and taken to the monthly ex-priest lunch meeting at Ryde RSL. John’s comment was the usual: great company, terrible food. Why they don’t change venue I’m not sure. The few hours away from me will have done him good as I’m in his face pretty much 24/7 at the moment. I went to the nursery, then ate sushi and called in at a new bakery in Dural that Heather’s been raving about. Met the chef, shook hands with the server, pals all round, just from buying two pies for our dinner tomorrow night. He insisted on giving me four different bread rolls to try for lunch tomorrow, new business with great enthusiasm and customer relations so I will be back. Still can’t beat talking to Sarah though

September 19, 2018

Communicated with Sue and Robert just before they got on the plane on the way to Galapagos, you have to hand it to Robert for courage. Better my bed tonight than theirs, even in business class. We finally got together with Kathie and Ian for afternoon tea here today. Kathie had written to me all those months ago after seeing the article in the local paper about the street library. She decided we had similar tastes in books so we exchanged letters, then emails, then phone calls, but life got in the way of our actually meeting so I invited them both over to arvo tea. John and Ian hit it off so I’m sure we will see them again. He was a Wing Commander in the Air Force, then later a technical man on the Collins submarine project. But the amazing thing is how many people we know in common, including two antique dealers originally in Windsor whom I’ve known for 30 years and

who turn out to be their son-in-law’s parents. I also know their son-in-law casually from when he was an auctioneer. Then there is the professor at Sydney University with whom I worked decades ago who is Ian’s first cousin. Karl Kruszelnicki is married to Kathie’s niece, though I can’t claim to know Dr Karl, just to being impressed by him. They were here for four hours so I think they enjoyed the afternoon.

September 20, 2018

Set up my new soaking hose on what used to be the grass verge and is now a strip of dirt, then found it was an efficient way to water the front garden. Travelling back and forth to John’s means I need to get clever about jobs that need doing at home. Rang Brian this evening after having been up to Windsor on Tuesday and finding he was not at home. It turns out he is suffering from sudden and profound depression, he was at home when I was knocking at his door but he just didn’t get up to see who it was. This is so out of character for this most social of people but he said he is tired of life, wants to know where to get a needle to end it all and here am I at Lane Cove, not even able to visit as I need to take John to a doctor’s appointment at the hospital at 8am tomorrow. Perhaps when John goes to hospital I need to bring Brian to my place for a day or two, but until then I am pretty tied up really. His family pop in on him and his daughter is a registered nurse, but he would be reluctant to tell them how bad he is feeling I suspect, seeing depression as a shameful admission.

September 21, 2018

Robert always tells me I can’t apply logic to medicine as much is counter-intuitive, but I find it works in most situations and came into play again today when I asked the interventional cardiologist we were sent to see why the ballooning of the valve seems to have dropped off the agenda, despite our being told by Gemma that this was a prerequisite to his knee surgery. He calls himself ‘the valve man’ and as I had anticipated it was because he feels that if the valve is in fact infected, interfering with it in any way could break off parts of the bacterial culture which could cause embolism, stroke or heart attack if it is loose in the bloodstream. While we were there he rang the surgeon and asked if it would be ok to send a cardiac anaesthesia team to the theatre as well as Dr Ellis’s own anaesthetist. Of course Andrew said yes. We liked Dr Bhindi because he fires straight from the hip, saying the op is ‘complex, difficult and dangerous’ and that many in the cardiology department have been consulted including straight cardiologists, cardiac surgeons, cardiac anaesthetists as well as himself. He said ‘we are doing everything possible to get you though it’ including putting him at the top of the 6-12 month waiting list for a new valve.

John took me to Bennelong for lunch and what an amazing lunch it was, just as good as Quay in my opinion. Everything was perfect, food, Champagne, service and view. Thankyou shweetie, you are the best partner I could ever have dreamed of.

September 22, 2018

We went to visit Anne, the nun who donated so many books for my street library. Had morning tea with her and then set off to the movies to see The Insult, a Lebanese movie which we enjoyed a lot. Trying to keep busy and not think about the fact that this is the last day of freedom for us for many months. Tomorrow I will take John out for breakfast and then to visit Davina and Co before delivering him to hospital. I realised reading yesterday’s entry that the one person who is guaranteed never to read the blog is John, so my compliment to him will go unread. I rang Brian both yesterday, last night and today, to a recorded message. Finally I rang his son as I was worried, only to find that he had been admitted to hospital yesterday, profoundly depressed and with low blood pressure. My attempts to contact him in hospital have failed as he is always asleep, so not sure what they are going to do with him. Will try to get there on Monday. Needless to say I haven’t been to HHH for two weeks, I’ll bet they haven’t told the clients why we have suddenly disappeared. But I can’t be everywhere and John is by far the priority at the moment.

September 23, 2018

Started the day with a call to Brian in hospital, ICU in fact, and was somewhat concerned by a couple of things he said. First he commented that the staff have put him in a private room because he has a disease he might transmit to them and secondly, he said I would get on well with the other patients as they were inmates from the gaol, whom I am used to dealing with at HHH. Mmm, thinking there are a few wires crossed, but I can’t get out there at the moment to assess his mental state in person.

We went to Dav’s to visit mid morning and Millie greeted John in a way she never has before, leaping into his arms and demanding a cuddle, later playing ride-a-cock-horse on his good knee. We got a call to say his admission was at 3pm and we were there on the dot. He is in a transition ward awaiting a subsequent transfer to either a cardiac or orthopaedic ward tomorrow. This morning he was pointing out various things in the flat that he wants me to take and to give to others ‘if’. But at breakfast it nearly broke my heart when he asked ‘has my life made a difference at all?’ I know that if he had had even one of his four children around him over the last many years, he would never have needed to ask the question.

September 24, 2018

Went to the hospital in the morning and saw a parade of docs, three ortho registrars in total, then Gemma’s cardiology registrar, followed late in the day by the anaesthetist. He came for half an hour and said that normally they would avoid anaesthesia on someone whose heart is as bad as John’s, but he will die without a new valve and fixing the knee infection first is the only chance to replace it. He is number one on the priority list for a new valve and Brian is number 10 on Westmead’s list for the same operation. My adoptive mother died following surgery to replace the exact same valve damaged by childhood rheumatic fever and my friend Mike died in Windsor Hospital a few years ago from a sudden infection in this valve after dental work. I don’t think such problems are particularly common but damned aortic valves have followed me for over 30 years.

I just want him home, sitting on his chair reading, with the blanket over his knees, drinking a hot milk. People say ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’, but I have known every day for 11 years what I had, never took it for granted and am terrified of losing it. But I must hand him over to science tomorrow, he made the choice to fight for more life and in the next few days we will know if it was the right one. Before I left tonight I read John some email messages from Carol, Mary, Eileen and others and he was heartened by them. Then as I was leaving Martha and Phil were arriving, having visited Sonia in the same hospital. She has had a heart attack just a day after arriving home from Greece, but thankfully she is recovering. How lucky to have got home, the medical system in Greece is in a state of collapse.

September 25, 2018

I won Lotto today and over the next few months I need to win Lotto two more times to get through all of this. I arrived at the hospital at 5am expecting to have to sweet talk a security guard or two to get in as I’d been told the main doors didn’t open till 6, but I walked straight in. I had formulated a plan B during the night, enter via emergency and then use the fire stairs, but luckily my wily ways were unnecessary. Waited with him till 7 when he was taken to theatre and was able to stay there right up till he was wheeled in at 8. Unlike many hospitals there isn’t a theatre waiting room, so seeing any medicos after the op isn’t possible. By noon I was getting more confident of the result as we’d been warned that the fi

I completed a long entry but suddenly everything pear-shaped and when it restored a couple of hours later, this is all I got………….the rest went to the gods.

By noon I was getting more confident of the result as we’d been warned that the first 15 minutes of the anaesthetic were the most dangerous. He emerged finally into recovery at 1.30pm but visitors are not permitted there, so I ensconsed myself in the ICU waiting room, happily devoid of television, so the most peaceful part of the hospital. My companions were a man who was with his best friend at Narrabeen Lakes cycling this morning when his friend collapsed off the bike unconscious and he gave CPR while waiting for an ambulance. The friend had reported passing out while driving a gokart a few weeks previously, but regaining consciousness soon after. The other ‘waiter’ was a young woman who approached me after hearing a phone call to me from recovery. John had conned the nurse into ringing ‘his wife’ to relay the message ‘I’m alive and I love you’. She said she too was waiting for her husband to emerge from surgery for a brain tumour, a glioblastoma as it happens, needing a second surgery since diagnosis six months previously. I told her, somewhat disingenuously, about how well Robert currently is and about his trip to Galapagos. We are old but she was 35 or so, waiting alone, and her future is a bleak one. It made me consider all the many stories that pass through that lounge each day, each week, each year. Eventually a nurse asked how long I had been at the hospital, since 5am I said, and he instructed me to go down for a pot of tea and something to eat. Finally I felt free to do that and by the time I returned John was set up in ICU, behind a sea of tubes, but alive.

September 26, 2018

Slept in a bit after being woken from my early night by texts from John’s neighbour at 11.35 pm and not being able to go back to sleep. Then I fielded a few calls and answered some emails before going to the hospital. He looked so much better today, sitting up reading the Saturday Paper if you please. Later, with much help from the physio and 3 nurses, they managed to move him into a chair, though it was a 15 minute process as he can only use one leg and is still attached to about a dozen tubes and monitors. Late in the day the surgeon Andrew arrived with 2 registrars and began the visit by telling them that this case ‘is proof of the absolute importance of listening to the patient’. He retold the story of the cardiologist’s reluctance to do an echo but added another dimension: he said when he contacted her to say we wanted one done ‘she gave me the brush-off, telling me it wasn’t necessary’. ‘Luckily’, he said to me, ‘you had already rung up and booked the test so I told her that if it were not done, John was going to pull the plug on the surgery’. She reluctantly agreed to go along, repeating that it was unnecessary. Ah, professors! he bemoaned. This puts a whole new slant on the affair: not only did she refuse to do the test, she also tried to brush off the surgeon when he insisted and then complained to us about the anaesthetist exceeding her remit by advising us that surgery was dangerous. When all of this is sorted, I think we need to go cardiologist shopping. To my great surprise, John pulled out a travel brochure from the paper and asked ‘do you think Venice and Prague are still a possibility?’

(April 19, 2018 to September 26, 201

April 19, 2018

Funny old day of contrasts. Had a call from Deborah which cut out and from then on my phone wasn’t connected to the provider so I couldn’t take or make calls and got that terrible sinking feeling I always get when technology goes wrong and I can’t fix it. Then we went to the excellently acted movie The Party which showed up the foibles of the bourgeois at play. A walk to Bill’s for lunch, usually a good choice, but as we have started sharing meals it does present a problem of choice at times. I went with John’s choice of Tagliatelle with Shin Beef, ugh, the meat tasted meaty in the extreme and to take the taste away I shared his ginger cake which I didn’t like either. Next was a trip to Nada just nearby and she exclaimed that John looks better every time she sees him. He asked how long he will need to be on the monthly immunoglobulin transfusion and she said ‘as long as your knee is infected’. But that’s forever he said, yes that’s right was the reply. As it takes heaps of units of blood to make one unit of IgG, it must be costing Medicare a packet, but not John thankfully. Next we went to meet John’s boyhood friend who is visiting Sydney from Wagga with his wife. They are staying in a river view convent at Woolwich as his sister is a nun, I frequent religious institutions of late. I asked John if he ever had friends who weren’t Catholics when he was young but he said no, never, it was a ghetto. Last call at 8.30pm was the Optus shop in Castle Towers where they fixed my phone, huzzah!! Hot milk, but no dinner after that ugly lunch, blog, shower, bed.

April 20, 2018

So I looked up the price of John’s IgG infusion and it takes over 1000 units of blood to make one unit of IgG. I tried to guess the price. $1000 per unit, $2000 per unit? Nope, it says current price is $10,305 per unit and John has 1.5 units a month. I don’t think I had better tell him that. Bob has tweaked the meds prescribed by the specialists this week and he is feeling much better for it. His ability to walk had improved markedly after 24 hours.

We headed out to Penrith today for a funeral and as we arrived John saw someone who has caused him grief in the past and said ‘I feel like turning

around and going home’. My comment was that it was totally his call and to my surprise he did a U-turn and headed east. Quickest decision he’s ever made. So I worked on a bit more garage clearing this afternoon, finding some boxes of books for the street library and filling the Sulo bin with cardboard boxes that were ‘going to come in handy one day’. I have now put six various items on eBay three times over and got not one sale, so I doubt I am going to be needing packing boxes in the near future.

April 21, 2018

My own little financial planning story is very small cheese but typical of the pattern we are seeing at the Royal Commission. When I went to the CBA to bank last year, the teller gushed that the financial planner had had a cancellation and I could see him right now. Curious, I took the ‘opportunity’ and he was certainly a lovely young man who seemed so keen to maximise my little stash. He explained in detail how I should put almost all of my money into an annuity and receive a pension from those funds. Now I am a financial dunce, but it didn’t make sense to tie up money in this way at a low interest rate. So I shot off an email to my friend Jack who is a professor of accounting and finance. No, he couldn’t see any sense in that idea either, so when the lovely young man rang me back for a decision I began my reply with the words “Well I have asked my friend, who is a professor of finance, and…” I didn’t really get much further as my new-found second best friend wanted to get off the phone! No attempt to convince me of my error, no comment on Jack’s advice, just ‘thankyou for your time’ and off. He knew absolutely that he was selling me a pup. Financial advisors and real estate developers should occupy a specially hot corner in hell in my humble opinion. Owe you a drink Jack.

April 22, 2018

The big day arrived at last and John M. with the able assistance of John D. and myself got the street library up and happening! By end of day we had four books taken and one added, which was an excellent start. Titles ranged from Harry Potter to Eastern Mysticism to Fifty Shades of Grey to Bladder Control, something for everyone. Went to visit Dav and family in the afternoon and then on to see The Book of Mormon at the Lyric Theatre. What a fun and energetic show, though some of the lyrics may be cause for complaint to the Prime Minister’s Review of Religious Freedoms. I enjoyed

watching a Muslim couple who were sitting in front of us, she put her hand over her mouth in wide-eyed shock near the beginning but was laughing along soon after, while her husband laughed right through.

Sadly I got an email to say that my friend David’s son had died in New Zealand, succumbing to the infection of a few weeks which had formed on his replaced heart valve. It was put in some years ago to save his life when he got an infection on the natural valve, the same disease that claimed our mutual friend Mike in Windsor almost exactly 5 years ago. They must be gutted.

April 23, 2018

I don’t believe in esp or clairvoyance but sometimes………. During the night I worked out what flowers I would like to order for Mary and David in New Zealand after the death of David’s son. I could see green and white so I thought green chrysanthemums with white lilies or roses and some white freesias for scent. This morning I rang their local florist in Milford and asked ‘what are the freshest flowers you have today?’ not wanting colour to trump freshness. The answer floored me ‘well we have some lovely green chrysanthemums, some lilies and some white freesias’. That would be perfect was my stunned reply.

Today I intended to give in to my court addiction and pop into town to see if by chance the Medich jury was back. I was there the day they went out, April 15, and thought they were due soon. But what with my astonishment about the flowers and a couple of incoming phone calls, one from Sue and we always mag on, I decided to continue my clean up under the deck as the bins go out tonight, I can always go tomorrow I thought. Well the jury came back at 10 am and correctly found him guilty. I sat through much of his first trial and some of his retrial when the jury couldn’t agree the first time, but missed the denouement. Wouldn’t that rot your socks?

April 24, 2018

A few weeks ago I was asked by the Post Adoption Resource Centre if I would give a talk on adoption at Brookvale in May and I said no, but that I would consider doing one at a later time. Subsequently I was asked if I had thought more about it and at that time I agreed. I need to remember that the audience may include adoptees, but could also be relinquishing parents

or adoptive parents, a minefield of competing interests. Now they have rung to see if I would be happy being the spokesperson for the event in the media, probably The Manly Daily newspaper and a radio station, so I have agreed to that as well. Better get my thoughts together as I have no idea if or when the media may ring.

Tim came by today and installed uplights under the trees in my backyard. It started with his idea of lighting the gum, but he arrived with extra lights for the golden oak, my windmill in the herb garden and the camellia!

Thinking more on the Medich verdict and McGurk’s widow on the steps of the court, thanking the police and the lawyers for the outcome. All fair enough, but I can’t forget that she and her children lived, and continue to live, on the proceeds of McGurk’s life of crime: she and her late husband were the directors of 28 failed or deregistered companies, he was accused or charged with firebombings, fraud, conspiracy, corruption of public officials, assault, he was a standover man, a fixer and debt collector, his associates included names such as Graham Richardson and John Ibrahim…..please don’t tell me she didn’t know her husband was a life-long crook. Medich should get life and an Order of Australia perhaps, but at least they are both off the streets.

April 25, 2018

Went to the Wildlife Photography Exhibition at the Maritime Museum and it was a bottler as usual. I learn so much from reading the descriptions, sometimes of animals I didn’t know existed. Plenty of poignant images such as the armed guard who is companion to the last white rhino, in danger as all rhinos are from poachers for Chinese medicine. But many more heartening images than disturbing ones. Had lunch at Born at Barangaroo, a tapas place named after a suburb of Barcelona famous for tapas. Manchego croquettes, followed by Trout with Baby Zucchini and Roast Pumpkin with Ricotta and Pomegranate, oh my, five stars for everything. Can’t wait to go again, Spanish people at the next table were highly complementary. We saw maybe 120 sailors in uniform during the day, one Air Force person and not a single one from the Army, surprising for Anzac Day I thought. Two-up games were well attended and everyone seemed happy, no problems despite plenty of drinks being served.

April 26, 2018

Someone beat me to it on the roster for doing the dessert at Hawkesbury’s Helping Hands this coming weekend. I need to do cold food as I live too far away to do the hot parts of the meal sadly, but most of our clients don’t like salad so I usually end up doing dessert. We are instructed to cater for 70 but as I pointed out last Saturday, some of the men leave before dessert so the number should be reduced. Today I see it has been put down to 50 so a small win there. The last few weeks I have come home with a lot of leftovers and it is silly to be paying out to feed neighbours and friends, better to have more money to spend on the homeless. My freezer is always chockers so I can’t keep it myself. Trying to finish the book for our group tomorrow night and what with shopping, library and working on my PARC talk, the day flew by.

April 27, 2018

Robert and Sue arrived in time for us to head off to Elizabeth Bay for book group. It was a good meeting in the modern and stylish ambience of Fran’s apartment. The men went off to dinner and I was shocked to hear that John’s main course cost $55 and it was Scotch fillet steak, not even fillet. As he said it was just for one, but I can’t imagine what a 3 courser for the two of us would cost. Obviously there are plenty of punters over there who don’t even look at the bill. Sue and Robes came home to stay overnight on their way to Canberra so we chatted over a nightcap till 12.30am, whisky for them and Drambuie for me, Bambu for John, poor thing.

April 28, 2018

For a bit of fun I printed up breakfast menus and served them at the table with a pad and pencil at the ready. Sue opted for just cereal and toast while Robert had the ‘big breakfast’. Their planned time to leave came and went and at 11am they finally headed off to Canberra. Then I watched Patrick’s funeral streamed live from New Zealand. He was buried in his Samoan lava-lava with woven mats over the coffin, reflecting his father’s part Samoan heritage, a history that Patrick relished. Such a sad day to lose one’s son in the prime of life and recently married. Did HHH dinner service as usual and had heaps of food thanks to the Hawkesbury Races donating salads late in the day, as well as all our hot things. Met a lovely Maori lady I hadn’t seen

before who is in a tent on the river with her two sons and a daughter, she pitched in to help pack up, typical Maori.

April 29, 2018

Last night Boss Lady confided that the HHH account is $200 in the red. We recently won the Telstra community award of $1000, but that soon goes what with our storage unit rental and maintaining and running the van. Though we do well of late with leftover food donations from businesses and the race club, money is harder to attract. Late last year John had offered to apply for grants for us but it wasn’t taken up due to pressures of planning Christmas service and other things, so last night BL brought it up again as an option. After looking over the work we do online today, John has decided to become a volunteer, something I would never have suggested as HHH is my baby, but I am delighted nonetheless. He is applying for his Working With Children Certificate, which is essential, and will be doing bureaucratic work as well as working hands on.

Today I decided to try an old English recipe for Saffron and Currant Cake, which I have had for many years but never made. It is odd, with no eggs, using yeast as the raising agent and with little sugar. I didn’t expect to like it much, and I was right about that, but wanted to have done it finally after decades of looking at the recipe and deciding noooo…I don’t think so. John and guests will enjoy it, but somehow the smell reminds me of the yeast medium we used to use at the uni to breed Drosophila flies for genetic research, ugh, the memory.

April 30, 2018

Went into town on the bus and out to the Fox Studios precinct (do they ever make movies there? I don’t think so, old Murdoch just wanted control of the site to make money out of it). Anyway I went to the Real Bodies Exhibition and while I enjoyed it, I don’t think I learned a heap, however it reinforced some concepts. I was reminded how small some of our incredible organs are, how we fit a three course meal into a stomach that size is amazing in itself. There were Chinese demonstrators outside and I gave them a hearing on the way out, they turned out to be Falun Gong as I expected. They can always draw a crowd to demonstrate against China, I will give them that, but so far they haven’t proved their case that the bodies

were executed prisoners, not having any evidence to speak of. It was certainly not the crass ‘art exhibition’ Ellen Fanning critically purported it to be on The Drum. Ellen is nowhere in the race with the beautiful Julia as a reporter, not even in the heats I’m afraid. Loves me Julia.

When I got home there was a lovely surprise on my doorstep. Sue and Robert had called in on their way back from Canberra and had bought me the huge hardcover book of the Cartier Exhibition! I drooled over it at Easter but didn’t buy, so I am as pleased as Punch, but they are very naughty as I told Sue just now.

May 1, 2018

May, oh lordy! Had a home day, cooking cauliflower and Roquefort soup for lunches, but the cheese I had in the freezer turned out to be Brie, the ash looking like mould through the container, so it turned out cauliflower and Brie soup, which is lovely anyway. Also reading about the trendy vegan pretend meats, chicken, cheeses and the like which sound just ghastly, what’s wrong with lentil burgers, why do they have to make the ingredients read like an industrial manual? Read through the Falun Gong literature from the demonstrators yesterday, wondering why the Chinese would be so against a mere meditation group? More under the surface there I think, but it would need a politically savvy Chinese to tease it out for me. John is so much better since Bob tweaked his meds 10 days ago, some of his problems were clearly drug induced but he can’t manage without them, so it’s a fine balance.

May 2, 2018

Today was supposed to be a Hearing Hub appointment at Macquarie Uni followed by a visit to a convent in Woolwich where one of the nuns is planning to donate books for my library as the convent has been sold to the school next door and all the sisters are required to move out over the next few months, leaving their library without a home. But life intervened as Millie had a cough this morning and both her parents had important meetings at work today, so we had a Millie and Grandma day. I left home by bus at 7.15 arriving at Erko at 9.30, luckily the return trip ‘only’ took just under two hours, though travelling by car in peak hour would have taken a

bit less time, I am happy for the bus and train drivers to shoulder all the stress.

May 3, 2018

Some mornings, very rarely, I stay in my PJs and dressing gown while I potter doing phone calls or paperwork. I have wondered if one day I will be caught and today was that day, with a knock at the door early and it was the editor of The Hills Shire Times, wanting to do an interview about the street library. Apparently someone had phoned the paper about it and she decided to come early in case I had to leave for work. I excused myself to pull on jeans and a jumper, not even any knickers, and sat down to a one hour interview plus about 20 photographs. Favourite authors? Do you reread books? What jobs have you had in your life? Are you in the library? How many books do you buy a year? Favourite genres? Later when she rang to say she is coming back Saturday with a photographer, I asked if they could stretch to professional makeup and hairdo, but nah. It turns out I used to work with her dad a hundred years ago, I remember him as a compositor when I was a proof-reader. Funny how life goes.

May 4, 2018

Headed off to Woolwich to meet with Sister Anthony who has a large library of books to get rid of and has offered some to me. I was pretty surprised by the number and also types of books, from Anthony Robbins?? to Dickens and everything in between. All the religious ones had been spoken for by an institution, which saved my declining them, phew. But I got 6 or 7 large boxes full, a very small number I will keep to read, maybe 10 or so, the rest will go into the library which I am needing to top up every day! There were about 30 Readers Digest large print books which I didn’t want, so I rang Aminya, the nursing home down the road from me and they were thrilled at the offer of them, so one box is sorted. Then we went off to the Woolwich Pier Hotel and had lunch on the verandah overlooking the junction of the Lane Cove and Parramatta Rivers. Had the wonderful daily special of Cone Bay Barramundi with Crab and Snapper Fritters and Mushy Peas and a glass of bubbly to celebrate the book haul. Dinner was just cauli soup for John and nowt for me.

May 5, 2018

I have retired as an antique dealer but begun a new career as a librarian! After our big book haul yesterday, I started the day lugging the boxes into the garage. Then at 9 am a freelance AAP photographer arrived to do the shoot for the article in the local paper. He hauled in a host of cameras, flashes, tripods and that umbrella thingy and proceeded over the next hour to take HUNDREDS of photos. Close-ups of my bookcases, me at the bookcases, further away shots, profiles, full face, other side, smiling, not smiling, lordy what a business. Then we went out to the library box and repeated the performance, god knows what the neighbours thought. He had come from Narara on the Central Coast for this. Anyway I raced in to shower and change for a book launch in the afternoon and as I was leaving saw a woman on the front verandah ‘Could I talk to you about the library?’ she said. I thought she wanted to donate books but no, she was a magazine reporter wanting an interview!!! I told her I was too busy and just leaving, we would have to do it another time, but she begged to do my photo on the way out and to talk later, extraordinary. Went to the launch of Chis Geraghty’s book ‘Jesus, the Forgotten Feminist’ and very much enjoyed both Chris’s talk and Susan Ryan’s opening. Tonight I turn on the computer and there is an email of questions from the reporter…….. Autographs will be free to friends.

May 6, 2018

Attacked the garage again, but it is a dispiriting job. Boxes of stuff the auctioneer didn’t want, odds and sods of stationery, more books, haha. I can only do it for an hour at a time, but I did get some stuff into the Sulo bin. Boss Lady let me know I didn’t need to do dessert for tonight as she had some carrot cakes they got cheaply. Only about 30 clients for dinner, about half of them kids. One fellow who got $2 from me last week asked for $1 this time, not sure what he will get for the dollar but he went home happy, he’d had a win.

May 7, 2018

Now I am seeing some spaces in my garage I am attacking it with more gusto. I forewent the common Monday trip to observe the workings of justice in order to simplify my life by finding homes for things I don’t need. Managed to relocate some stuff to the Sulo bin, but also started a bag of bits for the craft group I have a number of times been asked to join,

thinking that a supplier of materials is a member of sorts. Then I attacked my wardrobe, managing to reorganise my handbags and to prise out three to go to an op shop. The work continues.

I am finding the Hawaiian volcanic eruption both terrifying and mesmerising and I am so glad it isn’t on continuous streaming, because I doubt I could tear myself away from the television. The raw power, the strange beauty of the thing, the knowledge that somewhere beneath our feet, at whatever depth, this roiling mass exists is somehow liberating, like looking into a night sky and seeing forever. I was told on a hike with a geologist, which was part of my gemmology courses about three years ago, that diamonds and peridots are the only gems which come from the centre of the earth, liberated by volcanic eruption and then left at the surface to be discovered. I think of that whenever I wear my diamond rings or the peridot which I bought as a result of that information.

May 8, 2018

A surprise awaited me when I checked my email this morning, finding a missive from a man from South Africa telling me that according to his recently done DNA test, we are 2nd to 4th cousins. I had been thinking recently that it must be two years since I checked the site and had even forgotten the password, but I immediately put in a lost password request and it was sent quick sticks. Yes, there he was in my contacts list since March this year when he was tested. Have you found our common ancestor he asked? Well no, I hadn’t even known about you I replied. He had sent me a list of ancestors names and we perhaps have a common one in the 1700s, both of us having a Marriot in our lines, mine on my birth mother’s side. It appears we are in fact related and he is not just a scamming Nigerian with a million dollars waiting for me in a back account, my usual contact with Africa.

Tonight I gave a talk at a Benevolent Society public meeting on adoption at Brookvale. I really felt for a 52 year old woman who was told just six weeks ago that she was adopted, she looked very fragile and said she felt totally alone in the world. Another man who appeared in his mid 70s said he was abandoned in a basket in the grounds of the Society so his links went way back. So many stories, no two alike, but with similar effects.

May 9, 2018

Went up for a flu vaccination and while there got a text from Heather saying the street library story is on the front page of the Hills Shire Times. I didn’t get a paper delivered today of all days and it appears none of the Cross St area did either, so the people closest to the library won’t see the article at all. Anyway is was a good story, though it contained the fake news that I read 200 books a year. I wasn’t asked that question and have no idea where that answer came from. At least it was flattering fake news. On the front page also was an article about local councillor Raymond Harty who has pleaded guilty to fraud of over $200,000 from a company he worked for. Pretty disappointing as I know him very casually, have worked on elections with him handing out how-to-votes and was actually with him on the night Rudd became Prime Minister, I handing out cards for the Greens, he for Labor. I liked him a lot and wonder what on earth he was thinking, his whole public career is destroyed and he will likely have to return his various awards, with gaol a real possibility, a terrible legacy to live with.

May 10, 2018

I planned a big cooking day today but only got as far as doing the Sweet Potato, Garlic and Chickpea soup when I took a break to look at the website Promethease which a techy friend had told me about last night. She said that if you had had a DNA test done with any company you could download the raw data and then upload it to Promethease, which will run the results though their program for medical genetics. Whoa, right up my alley, but imagine how I felt when I saw that today it was offering the service for free! Cooking was over and from 1pm to 5.30 pm I sat at the computer doing downloads, uploads and sideways loads and the results were unfuckingbelievable.

It started off telling me I was female, then graduated to eye colour, skin colour, ethnicity and the like, but it got better. I now know, amongst thousands of options, that I have the genes for longevity (my mother lived to 97), am a bitter taster (also known as a super taster) which I had confirmed by testing last year, I am a worrier, have enhanced vulnerability to stress, a tendency to put on weight, 2.7 times the normal risk of autoimmune diseases, particularly lupus, scleroderma and Sjogren’s Syndrome!!, do not have lactose intolerance, not at risk or autism or

asthma, but at risk of depression, have an increased susceptibility to the tuberculosis bacterium, am more able than most to detect floral fragrances, have the genes for being a night rather than a morning person, would have a very high response to amphetamines (I always avoided drugs as I felt I would respond strongly to them), whereas antidepressants would be 7 times less effective than normal. I am only reporting a fraction of the findings which if printed out in full run to 50,000 pages. You can type in a drug and it tells you if it is more or less likely to work or look up any disease and see if you are inclined towards it, haven’t even tried using those functions. I am absolutely amazed by the results and will never see the argument about nature versus nurture in the same way again.

May 11, 2018

Autumn has arrived, or have we missed autumn altogether and gone straight to winter? I had put today aside to be available to John if he needed assistance with the grant applications for HHH and I did get a few calls. None of the grants allow you to spend the money on ongoing expenses, only capital items, but we could invest in new fridges, freezers, urns etc which are needed.

Good old George Popowski of the Carlingford branch of the Liberal Party has suggested bringing in lashing as a punishment and abolishing judges, using instead a panel of 20 citizens. He suggests 20, 000 lashes for murder, “delivered at 10 lashes per hour – every hour from 9am to 5pm, with one hour for lunch” because it would seem anybody who has spent the morning lashing deserves a long lunch break. He lives walking distance from me, a scary thought. You don’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I hope he popsoffsky from around here asap.

May 12, 2018

Cooking, cooking, including a scrumptious Ottolenghi dish to take to Davina’s tomorrow, Baked Baby Eggplants with Eggplant and Tahini Sauce (more like a dip) and a big Pear Brown Betty which went to HHH tonight. Among conversations at tonight’s service were a mum who had the kids go through all the local bins today to find items to cash in for recycling so she could put petrol in their car and a woman who loves her open fire because it enables the family to keep warm, and cook, whenever their power is

turned off. Overheard two clients discussing mental hospitals and one warned ‘don’t go into Callan Park, I’ve been there and some of the patients are like Hannibal Lecter’. I so love my peaceable life with heat, lights, food, petrol and no Hannibal Lecters.

May 13, 2018

Zipped down to lunch at Dav’s, traffic not too bad. Took the leftover dessert from last night for Louis as well as sausages, hommus, vine leaves and eggplant. Dav did rissoles and a lovely goat cheese salad and Lebanese bread. She gave me an enlarged black and white photo of Millie, taken by Carly, that she had framed and John will hang it next to my desk. Carly got me an adopt-a-critter, a bettong, which is an endangered species, at Mulligan’s Flat Nature Reserve where they are bred to be released into the wild near Canberra. John just announced that a fox would get it, but I enjoyed the adoption for a while till he told me that, he followed with the option of a cat getting it. Adopt em in the morning, dead by mid-afternoon. Life’s crool.

May 14, 2018

Hurrah for me! I took an extension ladder, an old enamel stove door, a Portuguese fishing float, some wood planes and a clock to Bargain Hunt to sell, great to see Mark and Veronica again. Before that we both went to Bunnings as I had told John I hate wasting washing machine water and wanted to rig up a long hose from the tubs into the backyard. Fine, but once we got inside Bunnings John and the staff member cut me out of the conversation totally and decided on very rigid ag pipe which needed two connectors to work. ‘But, but…..’ I said. ‘No, this is what you want’ they both replied. I know I am non-technical, but I had found some hose marked ’10 metre grey water hose, attaches to a washing machine’ but would they listen? No way, I was invisible. ‘But, I’ve found this for $9.95…..’ ‘No, no, this way is better’ they chimed. Finally I got cross and said I was having my choice which was a fraction of the price of their complicated set up. We got home, fitted it on in seconds ‘That’s perfect’ said John.

An interregnum was caused by a temporary shutdown of the server.

May 15, 2018

Off to Woolwich once again to pick up more books from the convent, after baking a tray of chocolate and raspberry cookies to take for their afternoon tea. I decided to take all but the religious and travel books, the latter being too large for my box and the former going to another religious institution, though I refused to take an Anthony Robbins motivational book on principle, ugh. So another 10 or so boxes to store in the garage. After that we made our way to the Woolwich Pier Hotel and sat on the balcony to enjoy lunch, in my case Swordfish with Corn and Leek Puree and Caponata, oh my it was good. Parked down by the water and read from our haul, a History of the Irish in Australia for John and for me Crimes that Shocked Australia, written in the 90s. I was surprised that a man who shot his wife, 7 children, his wife’s sister and her 2-year-old was only gaoled from 1971 to 1979, I guess he got a lesser term cos he was just cross. Echoes of the WA tragedy of last week, though without the suicide of the perpetrator. It makes me angry that we find excuses when it is a family member (he was depressed, his son was sick) but would never use these things to mitigate the responsibility of a stranger who did the same crime, he would just be an evil murderer. You can’t have it both ways.

May 16, 2018

Perhaps it was a comedown after a great day yesterday, but I have been below par today so I decided to investigate the cause/s. It was a good morning where I unloaded all the books to the garage and organised a man to come and repair the garage roller door which hasn’t been working for months, then rolled out and tested my new grey water hose by doing a load of washing and watching as the water fanned out over the lawn (read grass). Then my next door neighbour of 15 years told me they have bought 5 acres and will be selling very soon, causing me to consider who might be moving in next door and how much I have to do to get my place into shape, ie speeding up the revamp of the garden, at the current pace I won’t live to see it done, and hucking out the storeroom and garage which is proceding slowly. Then I tried to do the blog and the server was down, tried to send a document to my new distant cousin in South Africa who contacted me via Family Tree DNA and that failed because I am inept in the files department. The garage man rang and can’t come today as he is unwell and I have waited in. Really when I put it down it is pretty maudlin stuff, make tomorrow matter Maureen.

May 17, 2018

A new start today, I rang John and suggested we go to the Archibald. We got a latish start so had lunch at La Renaissance at The Rocks on the way. This was lovely but uneventful until a huge rat the size of my forearm came hurtling along the wall of the courtyard, up the steps and off as if the rat-catcher were on its tail. I burst out laughing, but it had been so fast only one other person even saw it. The exhibition was one of the best of recent years which made our decision on the people’s choice vote very difficult. We mark them as we go and don’t share programs till after we’ve voted. I had about 10 short-listed out of 57 and he had 5 or so. Some of the paintings were absolutely superb, but I settled on the Robert Hannaford self portrait, it is always very hard for me to pass a Hannaford. In the Wynne prize I couldn’t pass Joshua Yeldham’s painting of the Hawkesbury in blue on white linen. The Sulman isn’t my thing at all, I don’t think I would hang one of them in my abode.

May 18, 2018

Today was my appointment at the Hearing Hub at Macquarie University. I am always uplifted by the architecture and décor of the building, the diametrical opposite of the ghastly Royal Prince Alfred Medical Centre which is sooo depressing that you feel ill as soon as you walk along its narrow ugly corridors. Inside the Hub’s hearing investigation rooms the grey and olive-green décor gives way to brilliant orchidy pinky-purple chairs, the only slash of colour and reserved for the patients, the audiologists have basic black, so you feel special straight away. Then there are the loos, as clean, tasteful and well-lit as going into a friend’s flash new bathroom. Anyway, my hearing has dipped again which was no surprise but after extensive testing the hearing aids were adjusted and now the parrots in my gum tree this afternoon were deafening (a good thing) and I am very sensitive to metallic noises such as a key in a lock, a screen door closing, but also I discovered my computer’s fan actually makes a noise, who knew? A plastic bag’s scrunch is much louder than my memory of it and the toilet flushes like Niagara Falls. My good day improved further when the garage door man came and after months of inaction the door roared into life at his first touch??? I haven’t dreamt this problem up, others have tried to make it work, but an intermittent fault was decided and he left without charging me

anything at all. Two Andrews today and two great improvements to my fortunes, so thanks are due to both.

May 19, 2015

Started making the Strawberry and Watermelon Cake for Monday by doing the dacquoise, which looks a bit funny but is probably ok, then baked 52 small Chocolate and Raspberry Cakes for service tonight and prepared most of our dinner so we can eat within half an hour of getting home. We took up three big logs for a client from my tree that was cut down months ago. Stopped to buy the icecream to serve with the cakes, putting it into an esky which Coles kindly filled with ice as I am sick of serving melted icecream every week, not that they seem to mind, but I certainly do. Had about 30 takers tonight, serving pea and ham soup, curry and rice and my dessert which went over well, with Boss Lady declaring it the best sweet ever. John drove the van up to collect the Second Bite donations from Coles as well and we had a ton of veges, fruit, cakes and bread from there to give out. Great service considering we had just four volunteers serving and only two cooking.

May 20, 2018

Funny how you can unintentionally decide to report the good bits and leave out the bad, but I think I needed a sleep to process three things that happened last night. First was when I handed a cup of hot soup to an old Aboriginal man who, while looking at me with total contempt, deliberately dropped it on the ground saying ‘oh I accidentally dropped it’, daring me to suggest otherwise. I smiled and kept serving others, though I was taken aback and he wandered off barefoot without eating. His face said ‘you took my country and gave me a cup of soup in return’. The truth hurts. Secondly, a woman who lives in a tent on the river had so obviously lost weight that I mentioned it and found the docs are puzzled and may put her into hospital for a week ‘for a rest’. Last but far from least, as we walked to the car after service a man in his 40s came over and told us he ‘just wants to sling a rope over a tree’ because his life is so miserable. I used to sometimes pay him to help me move furniture around in the shop and he is a lovely guy. I offered to take him to emergency at the hospital but he refused, saying that suicide is a crime and they may call the police. Though I assured him this was not the case he still refused, so all I had to offer was Lifeline and its ilk. Should I

have brought him here for a few days, despite the HHH rules which discourage such action? I don’t know, even now, but I should have at least given him my phone number to keep in touch for a while I think.

May 21, 2018

What a joy to have Mary and David here for the day. The Ocean Trout with Curry Butter from Neil Perry went down a treat, that recipe is definitely a keeper. Only two weeks since they buried David’s son yet they are coping amazingly with their loss, perhaps with the help of their faith, I don’t know. Talk of a return visit for us to NZ was aired and Mary even suggested a trip to Samoa at some point, David having some Samoan ancestry and owning land there. I can’t see John managing Samoa but NZ is a possibility.

An email exchange about the book prior to our club meetings is a rarity, but it appears the camp is divided on this one, A Manual for Cleaning Women by Lucia Berlin, which was very surprising to me. I wrote in the opening lines of my Goodreads review that ‘Not since reading the Neapolitan Trilogy of Elena Ferrante, which I read early in 2107, have I been so in love with a book. If I could write just one story as good as any in this collection I would be a happy camper.’ It didn’t occur to me that this would be anything other than the common opinion, so it will be an interesting meeting.

May 22, 2018

Collated a host of garage bits to go to the Sallies (I was corrected recently ‘they are the Salvos’, but in my day we were Sallies, the Army or even the Sally-Anns). I remember the Officer to whom I went to organise my grandmother’s funeral asking if she still had her bonnet. No, I replied jauntily, it would have gone to the pawnbroker’s decades ago, but I digress. Florsheim shoes I bought second-hand for John that didn’t quite fit, my outgrown jeans, some caneware and dolls and 4 original oil paintings by a prolific but sadly uninteresting artist were tendered for approval. I have lots more of these, begged by her daughter to buy them en masse after the artist’s death, sadly not an economic success. So much dogged work for so little meaningful result, but I can’t burn them for she was a nice old stick and her art was her life. I discovered wheeling a supermarket trolley of all this gear up a steep hill to the shop was a nightmare, the trolley kept

swinging around and taking me with it, but I got there gasping and puffing in the end.

Fielded some emails today on ‘the great book cleavage’, at least everyone is looking forward to the meeting. More book-related correspondence in replying to the nun who sent a thankyou card after I gutted her convent library at her solicitation and a reply to someone who sent a warm and friendly letter regarding the street library after she saw the article in the paper. We may meet at some point I suspect as we seem initially compatible.

May 23, 2018

How did I ever find time to work (for nothing) I was better off volunteering and getting a pension years ago. Did lunch service at HHH with major help from the inmates from the John Moroney Centre as is usual on Wednesdays. A volunteer I rarely cross paths with lamented that he prefers to do that day as the 2-I-C is on deck and he finds her much easier to work with, ahem. For the first time I was offered ingredients for my dessert making, a 10kg box of frozen apple pieces, some foil catering packs of blueberry sauce and salted caramel sauce. Well I never, dessert sorted for a couple of Saturdays now at no cost. Met a newly homeless young married couple sleeping in their car, sent to us by the Salvation Army. When given brochures on other services available he said ‘just the one thanks, I can’t read’. The wife chimed in that she is teaching him and he can read a few words now. But it was a relaxed service and we had some fun. Poor John on the other hand was struggling with grant applications and the Bendigo Bank one is a beauty, using management-speak like ‘Applications will be assessed on the extent to which they: • Build resilience and capability • Build capacity within the organisation • Create a sustainable positive impact for the target clients • Take an innovative approach to service delivery and client engagement • Generate value.’ It means fuckall, but somebody patted themselves on the back when they wrote it. Might not be as happy when they read his feisty return email though.

May 24, 2018

John’s orthopaedic surgeon asked a week ago if he would be willing to be examined by graduating orthos on Saturday for a payment of $100 plus

lunch. He was up for that, in fact would have happily done it for nothing. Today we had an appointment in a continuing investigation of a large lump that came up overnight on his infected knee while we were in Melbourne months ago. His haematologist said it wasn’t her department, the infectious diseases doc said see the ortho, the GP said maybe a ganglion, the ortho said to have a CT on top of the already fruitless ultrasound and xray. So today we were to get the result…..ta da. Nope, the CT people don’t know either. So the purpose of Saturday’s consultation is mainly to get the opinion of the 26 top orthos from around the country who are flying in to examine the students! John doesn’t ask questions, so I asked what the options were, Andrew is a straight shooter, unlike Nada. Best case, hugely coincidental but harmless ganglion. Possible it is another manifestation of the infection in the knee, which is a worry when he already on 4 antibiotics a day for life. Worst case, a very rare manifestation of lymphoma in the infected knee. He is totally stumped, but interested in the opinions of the other 26 experts. Next step may be a biopsy done in an operating theatre but the infectious diseases doc said not to let anyone touch it with either a needle or knife in case infection spreads. Lordy me.

May 25, 2018

Where to start? Torn between going to HHH tomorrow or going with John to the hospital. Then Heather offered to do my shift if I could do the dessert for her to pick up in the morning. Between watching the computer for Carly at Senate Estimates on the parliamentary website, cooking apple and blueberry crumble for HHH, baking some choc/raspberry cakes for book group and fielding messages to and fro from Linda, I only just managed to be ready when Michelle came to pick me up. I had avoided discussing the Mijito story as I knew I would end up blubbing, but Sonia did that one first up. Then I was reminded of other affecting stories as people spoke and I completely lost it when my turn came. I haven’t had a book affect me as much as this one for a long time, the Neapolitan trilogy did to a large extent, but this one was up there with the best book ever. Later talking to Robert, who absolutely loved the book, I discovered he had become very emotional reading it as well.

May 26, 2018

Sue and Robert stayed overnight and Heather arrived early to pick up the food as planned. I wondered if HHH would come as a big shock to her, it was so generous to offer. We were at RNSH by 11am and were ushered to a buffet of fruit, scones, pastries etc but there was no tea available so I decided to wait a few minutes. Then the tea arrived and I turned to find the scones and pastries had been binned as stale, jeepers people don’t even notice food waste these days, so that was morning tea gone. I decided on balance not to raid a hospital garbage bin. We waited for some hours and then a doctor thanked us for coming but we still sat there as Andrew had told us not to leave till he had been out to see us. Then we were told that ‘the students aren’t doing too well, so we don’t want to give them a complex case because they would be struggling to pass’ ??? So what do we do now, we asked. Well the doctors won’t be coming out for 3 or 4 hours so you might as well go home, they replied. Tails between our legs we left. But it seemed to us that firstly they appeared to be lowering the bar to get them through and secondly they actually told us so, which we find astonishing considering this is their very final exam to become specialists. What a complete fuckup was our summing up of the day.

May 27, 2018

Felt goodly loading another batch of bits and bobs into the car for Bargain Hunt Auctions, to be delivered Tuesday hopefully. I looked up the Supreme Court lists and happily discovered that three different trials or proceedings I have been following are on in the city Law Courts simultaneously tomorrow. I will be in my element running from the Crime Commission v. Tilley, (on remand for a murder in Windsor), Crime Commission v. Sharobeem, (an unrepentant fraudster who ripped off the government through a charity and whose ICAC hearings I sat through many a day) and the Colleen McCullough will fiasco. Too spoiled for choice, I will need to go to at least some of each. Spent the afternoon making Davidson’s Plum jam, a native fruit unrelated to the plums we are used to and both sour and bitter, as bitter as gall I discovered when I tasted a slice. But the jam looks and tastes great, though I’m thinking that the Aborigines who ate them without sugar must have been courageous or starving or both perhaps.

May 28, 2018

Spent till lunch at the Colleen McCullough case, where her husband Ric Robinson is accused of coercing her to sign a will in his favour just days before she died. She had turfed him out, following allegations of abuse on his part, but being short of cash had employed him as night carer to avoid going to hospital. I went with no preconceived ideas on the case but came away thinking that her friend and executor was honest and forthright and Ric was……..well, neither. I feel so sorry that such a previously independent woman with a good mind had to spend her last days fending off the likes of Ric. Bumped into Charles Waterstreet for the umpteenth time, I must follow him into court one day and see him in action. Then met Carol for lunch at our favourite spot in The Rocks replete with crimson rosellas flying past our faces. We jawed over a few topics, while polishing off sandwiches and delicious sweets as a bonus.

May 29, 2018

Took a small load of antique odds and sods to the auctions and was mortified at the result I achieved for the last lot. A cast iron and enamel fuel stove door which was bought for $60 a few years ago brought $10, which after commission and minimum fee charge equals zip, but I decided I just want to get rid of the stuff and doing it one piece at a time is too much effort. Caught up on my book reviews and got three more out of the way, including an interesting comparison between two books that have as narrators a galah and a foetus, the latter being by far the better novel. Went to Windsor for a volunteer’s meeting tonight and ate a disgusting meal at the RSL venue beforehand. Just six of us but we made some progress in planning fundraising and volunteer coordination. The 2-I-C ran the meeting, had lots of ideas and Boss Lady complained bitterly about lack of help and threatened to back out altogether due to ‘compassion fatigue’.

May 30, 2018

Took Heather to KOI for morning tea as a thankyou for taking my shift at HHH on Saturday night. Had the delicious watermelon, chia seed, strawberry and rose jar, aah bliss. I have been collecting their lovely clear carry bags to store my scarf collection in their various colourways and as Heather bought takeaways I was able to score more. Only one to go now and my little project is complete. John’s doc’s registrar rang to ask if he would be willing to be the subject at the Bone Breakfast at RNSH at 7am !!

next Tuesday morning. No bacon and eggs in the deal apparently, not even a muesli bar, but we will be there with bells on, despite my hatred of early morning events. I opened my shop at 10am for a reason. I am instinctively a night person, getting up before 6.30 is aberrant, I know ‘the early bird gets the worm’ but I am not keen on worms either, so this late bird prefers a leisurely tea and toast.

May 31, 2018

How lucky was I today, arriving at the Supreme Court King St just as the judge in the Medich trial sat down to hear counsel arguing sentencing options, with the Crown going for life and and our friend Winston Terracini asking for ‘no more than Gattellari got’ which was 25 years, though much reduced for testifying against Medich. Either way it seems to be a death sentence for a 70 year old multi-millionaire, what a sad way to end your life, in gaol with your wife living it up in Europe on your coin. Then I raced across the road to the Law Courts 8E, where the judge was just sitting down to hear the last witness in the Colleen McCullough estate matter. It turns out that her husband, the less than lovely Ric, has as his solicitor a man to whom Colleen lent half a million dollars!! in the 90s, and it was not repaid. Also noted that the only three witnesses in ‘the Ric camp’ greeted him fulsomely outside the courtroom at the end of the case, not of course in the view of the judge at that time. One was the doctor whom Ric called and who said Colleen was conscious, subdued but able to sign a will, though her nurse and friend testified she was completely unresponsive when he came. Quintals and a descendant of Fletcher Christian shaking hands and patting each other on the back was a somewhat surreal sight.

June 1, 2018

No, it can’t be June, March maybe but not June. John hadn’t heard back about the Bone Breakfast (I try to suppress an image of them all chowing down on the amputations of the day before) so he rang the doc’s office and was told Tuesday has been postponed as Andrew is not available, so now it is June 19, would be nice to be informed of changes without chasing people up, but whatever. Still chewing over yesterday and the judge thinking aloud about what level of intimidation or pressure is necessary to void a will. Is it a threat of violence, or psychological duress or is it enough just to threaten to withdraw a paid service that is essential, such as looking after Colleen during the nights when she ran out of money to pay a night nurse? Clearly he is leaning towards Ric as conspirator to get her money, but is trying to find a legal precedent to allow him to call it duress and make the Ric will null and void. It would be a tragedy if he gets away with it legally, but the Wisdom of Solomon must appear in the judgement to make sure it is watertight. Her last letters bemoaning the fact that she was a multi-millionaire when she married Ric and is now $300,000 in debt due to him were sad to listen to.

June 2, 2018

Made a big trifle for service tonight. Boss lady is taking a week off but the sky didn’t fall, it all went smoothly with about 25 patrons, the cold keeping some away I suspect. John is struggling to get the bookkeeper’s details for his grant applications, still after many weeks, and I am starting to wonder if there is a back story to this reluctance to part with the details. Started the last Georgia Blain book, The Museum of Words, and found she was taken with the Neapolitan trilogy of Elena Ferrante. Perhaps I should make a reading list from the book and see what she chose to read about in the last year of life. Books continue to disappear from the street library almost every day, so I am very pleased I have plenty of backup stock. Winter has arrived and I am still in beanie and jacket an hour after getting home.

June 3, 2018

John helped me by holding a big aluminium tray under the lilly-pilly tree hanging over the fence while I perched on a stepladder and plucked the berries. All this so I can attempt to make jam from the fruit instead of watching it fall into the driveway. After he left I discovered I had no white sugar, so I walked to the corner shop for that and ended up lugging home sugar, 2 litres of milk, half a pumpkin, potatoes and more, so heavy was my bag that I needed to sit on two fences on my way home. The jam was sort of a success, it tastes lovely, sort of rose-like, looks spectacular, but the berries didn’t break down and are still fairly hard despite long cooking. First try though. Then I cut up heaps of veggies to roast for dinner (all this for one person, but I love leftovers). Baked the many buttered rolls we had leftover from meal service last night and grizzed them into breadcrumbs for the freezer, four big containers worth. Delivered leftover trifle from last night to my eager nextdoor neighbour and packed up some for John’s neighbour as well. Love my kitchen days.

A note fell out of my library book today “Feb 16 Saturday GLASS family get together. Bring own meat, a drink + lollies.” It set my mind off, how did it go? what meat did each bring? lollies? why lollies? I looked up my diary and it was the day we returned by train from Melbourne. It seems strange that as we were eating a late lunch in an old world café in Melbourne, the Glass family were winding down their get together and somehow we are now linked by this little note.

June 4, 2018

Talking to Heather this morning she mentioned she wanted to do a walk over the Harbour Bridge on a nice day. Well today’s a nice day I said and an hour later we were on the bus to town, unfortunately with an erratic driver so I was feeling sick by the time we got there. Enjoyed the walk in the sun, looked around Kirribilli and ate the biscuits, cheese and melon that Heather had packed. Trained to Parramatta listening to a very cheerful (or drunk) guard who told us we were pulling into Strathfield at platform nought, naming herself as Roxy (“not my real name, but it sounds sexy” and had the whole carriage laughing numerous times, though probably glad for her sake that there were no pollies on the train.

The great bookkeeper hunt continues: John was told her name is JKB, but two phone numbers he was given were disconnected. I contacted her on Facebook tonight and she said no not her, she suggested I try JA, but nup, not her either. Both were resigned volunteers. Contacted all three of the admin team, they don’t know who it is. Then the previous grants person, nope, she has resigned and never knew her name anyway, then someone else doing admin work, she said to ask Boss Lady, haha. But hurrah, BL has emailed John tonight, to say the b/keeper’s son is in hospital so he can’t contact her, but she will have her ring him when he is better. When I spoke to JKB this evening she said nothing about her son and was never the b/k anyway. All clear now? There ain’t one, that’s my summation and we are just playing ducksy weaver trying to find her.

June 5, 2018

Lovely cold and overcast day to be at home. Swapped all my winter and summer clothes between wardrobes and tidied up some paperwork. Then I rang GIO about the green slip as I had seen my bill said I had 3 licence demerit points, so she checked with Roads and Maritime, confirmed that was wrong and I got about $60 off my bill. Sneaky buggers don’t tell you that there is a financial cost to have points on your licence. John’s green slip went up hundreds of dollars when he had a speeding fine a couple of years ago, a lot more than the fine. Planned the dessert for meal service on Saturday night and also worked out a main for when the fam comes on Sunday, still deciding on a sweet for that. I seem to do a lot of pavs to get around Dav’s gluten free issue, so I want to do something different. Trying not to think about bookkeepers or the lack of same.

June 6, 2018

Went up to the mechanic for a pink slip for the car and he quibbled about the broken glass on the headlight, despite the fact it was broken three years ago and he has passed it before, ‘they are tightening up’ he said, $60 plus labour for a new one. Then went to Service NSW to claim my refund on last year’s green slip, $60 was the figure, so three $60 amounts have occurred in two days, two in my favour and one against, snap.

Last night I watched Miriam Margolyes’ new ABC show with much joy. Last time I saw her live was 6 years ago with Mike, who insisted we go because he claimed we were so alike. My hair was longer and curlier then and I could see a physical resemblance, but he also insisted we had very similar views and last night that was confirmed. Whenever she bristled it was seconds after I’d had had the same reaction, I laughed out loud when she said she never likes flags or their wavers, that’s one of my long held opinions and it just went on and on. Love her to bits. Not loving the run-around John is getting though, he asks a question and gets a reply answering another question altogether, gets promises to supply info and never hears back and gets different answers from different people on important matters. I am obviously a much more suspicious person than he, we knew that already, but his patience must be stretched beyond breaking soon.

June 7, 2018

Took a drive to Wentworth Falls to have lunch with Sheila. Vegged out at her place and had a wonderful lunch of 8 hour cooked soup, followed by crepes filled with poached pears and strawberries, then rock cakes and tea. As usual we talked all day, excoriating politicians and catching up on news of mutual friends and family. I love being in Sheila’s house with its warm ambience and amazing decor and collectables. It was a timely escape from discussions of grants, bookkeepers and the stress that has brought.

June 8, 2018

John has put today aside to start assembling the grant application, though it will probably take tomorrow as well to finish uploading all the information. Yesterday a lone woman rang Boss Lady, she had just become homeless and had trawled the usual government departments for help out Mount Druitt way and finally ended up at Windsor Station at night, just with the clothes she stood up in. BL gave her a tent, sleeping bag, food, warm clothes, water and set her up next to a couple who will watch over her. This is why we put up with all the bullshit and obfuscation, it is the clients we are serving, not the organisation, though it wouldn’t surprise me if we were to be sacked for not toeing the line and asking too many tricky questions. Shopped for Saturday night service and Sunday lunch here for the fam. After two bad nights I relented and went to another doctor to get a script that I had run out of, after discovering Bob is overseas till the end of the month. The doc was pleasant enough, it was a bulk billing practice attached to a chemist, but didn’t seem to have heard of Sjogren’s, although I got the script without any issue.

June 9, 2018

The internet went rogue and I couldn’t get it on either the pooter or the phone, so I dashed down to the library to send a quick email to the crew that I wasn’t online to discuss service tonight. Just after, Michelle C. called in and said ‘why didn’t you just turn off the wifi and connect your phone to 4G?’ Yeah, good question Michelle. She had brought over a blanket and two hand knitted scarves to take out for patrons. But anyway I got the food done (better the internet down than the oven) and we had a good service with about 35 takers and I got two marriage proposals due to the apple crumble, although one guy proposes every week, no matter what I take, so I guess he can’t be counted. John didn’t come tonight as he was finally!

finishing the grant application which he submitted at 9.25pm after six weeks work. He’s asked for nearly $12,000 so we have our toes crossed.

June 10, 2018

Enjoyed cooking for the family for lunch. Tried Sheila’s recipe of oven baked pears and strawberries cooked with honey and rolled into pancakes, mine were buckwheat though. Millie ate hers in her fist and loved it. Nice relaxing afternoon, but we are not great drinkers in this family as only half a bottle of red was consumed, John being a teetotaller and Louis never drinking at all if he drives. My pooter and phone problems were solved by turning the modem off and back on, duh, but I was too busy yesterday to think. Anthony Bourdain dead, who else writes books that make me snort laughing?

June 11, 2018

Woke up feeling off today and reluctantly decided to call a dies non. So apart from restocking the library due to heavier use over the weekend, I haven’t done much at all. But last night I had cooked some strawberries to make a sauce, made my cuppa, got out the malt tin to make an icecream sundae and, quelle horreur, there was no icecream left. So I was forced today to walk down to the corner IGA and to my great pleasure discover that Connoisseur was on special for $7 resulting in the purchase of not one, but two, cartons. Such small pleasures are what retired life melds into on a quiet day. A friend from interstate rang about a fuel stove he is thinking of buying and we discussed its restoration, so I was of some minor use to the world. I note on Daily Mail that the man who killed his young son in Carlingford this week had twice tried to be admitted to a mental hospital in the days beforehand, but was rejected due to a scarcity of beds. Is there any priority we get right in this country? I have experienced taking an extremely distressed person to hospital where they were turned away and it is a scary undertaking, where else do you go? who else do you see? It was terrifying. I feel for him when he fully realises what he has done.

June 12, 2018

I saw a profound quote from the mother of the murdered child in Carlingford, a nurse who had taken her mentally ill husband to a number of hospitals including the mental health unit at Hornsby Hospital the day before, but he was turned away each time. She said “there were no beds for my husband at any hospital I took him to, but there was plenty of room for my son in their morgue”. Thinking about that chills my soul.

Shopped for cooking to take to Robert and Sue’s on Thursday. We spoke this morning and she said they were taking us out for dinner Thursday night and had food planned till we come home on Sunday, but I figure it is better to have too much even if they freeze it for later. Went out to The Boathouse for dinner for John’s 77th birthday, had Tarragon Butter King Prawns, then we shared the Snapper Pie and I finished with a Banana Souffle, all excellent as usual. The last time we were there was when we took Robert and Sue for Robert’s 70th last year, we talked a lot tonight about that celebration and about how much we love and value them both.

June 13, 2018

Ugh, I so hate those long nights when you just can’t sleep at all, 5am this morning saw me dropping off finally. I’ve read that people can have anything from very weak to very strong circadian rhythms, I fall into the latter category. For me a sleepless night is punishing, I could never work shifts, similarly jet lag is particularly bad, though I know people who have never experienced it. So at 5.30 pm I decided to have a lovely hot bath and get into my jamies, but soaking in bubbles at 5.45 I suddenly remembered I had an appointment at Killara at 7. Oh boy, I have never moved so fast, dressed and in the car in 15 minutes and walked into the meeting dead on 7, just as if I had been looking forward to it all day. One small problem was that I’d decided to just have a hot milk for lunch and catch up with food at dinner. By the time I got home it was 10.30, too late to eat, so I’d had an involuntary fast day.

June 14, 2018

Well, well, well. In a list of volunteer ‘positions vacant’ sent out yesterday were: grants coordinator (for which John applied, though he is already acting in that role), volunteer coordinator (for which I applied, as I believe the volunteers are often poorly prepared and inadequately trained) and bookkeeper, amongst other positions. Only a week ago we were assured by Boss Lady that there was a bookkeeper, albeit temporarily uncontactable. So it appears as I had suspected that the position has been vacant for some time, a thought that crossed my mind last year when I didn’t get a receipt or acknowledgement of a cash donation. It seems the 2IC is putting a new broom through the administration, not before time. The correspondence from the street library continues. I have had a card and a lengthy letter from the nun who donated books, numerous notes left in the box, a card posted following the newspaper article, a letter similarly sent and now a letter from a year 10 student wanting me to be her supervisor and assessor for her Duke of Edinburgh Award! The latter has decided to start a library at her home to fulfil the community service part of the award. I have invited her to come round for tea to discuss it and made a lime tart yesterday in preparation for the visit, wonders never cease.

June 15, 2018

It has been exceedingly difficult writing the blog this week without talking about what was really going on behind the scenes, it truly seemed just like ‘blathering’, but it was not appropriate to speak then. On Tuesday morning Sue and I were talking food and preparations for our 4 day trip to Killcare, by afternoon we were discussing the unthinkable, Robert had been diagnosed with a probable glioma and needed to go for an immediate consultation with the brain surgeon who then scheduled surgery for Thursday morning, after more tests on Wednesday. John and I went out for his birthday celebration with heavy hearts, remembering our last visit to the same venue for Robert’s 70th last year. My inability to sleep that entire night reflected how gutted I was by the news. Our current reading for the book group is Georgia Blain’s The Museum of Words, a memoir of her journey with glioma, a disease which also afflicted her mentor simultaneously and coincidentally featured in her last piece of fiction. Some would say this was ‘stranger than fiction’ but to have it affect one of our nearest and dearest as we were all studying the memoir is really a step too far.

June 16, 2018

Had a phone call from Robert, the man of the moment, this morning and he was very very talkative, energetic, positive and upbeat, almost euphoric. This of course is classic steroid happiness, but I worry about his hitting the concrete when it wears off as it must do eventually. He was pleased to be going home this afternoon, back to St. Vincent’s to get the histology results next Wednesday. We did meal service tonight for 35 or so, hot soup went down well, followed by chicken, potato bake, veges and ending with my chocolate raspberry cakes and icecream, though we also had a heap of unexpected cakes, fruit etc left over from a wake. My possum will love his dinner for the next few nights as some was not eaten. Caught up with a few of my favourite patrons (yes I know I am not supposed to have favourites, but that’s life). Rereading The Museum of Words tonight in the light of Robert’s diagnosis and there is a special keenness in the detail. May his trip back to reality be a gentle one.

June 17, 2018

Travelled by train to Erskineville from Epping this morning, a journey I think I’ve only done once before. Appalled by the continuous sight of new unit blocks, not one that I saw having any external architectural merit at all. I would say all appear to be builder designed, any architect putting this stuff up needs to be deregistered. At least in Erko there are some interesting blocks, perhaps the council restrictions are tighter, I don’t know, but the journey was very depressing. However Millie was a busy beaver, showing an interest in watering the garden with a can almost as big as she is. Dav and Louis had a rare few hours to themselves with a lunch out in Glebe plus some shopping. I scored a $5 pack of sushi at the QVB so no cooking for moi this evening.

June 18, 2018

Every morning at dawn the crimson rosellas arrive to feed on the flowers in my lemon-scented gumtree in the back yard, now stretching at least 70 feet wide as it arches over both side fences of a 60 foot block. It is completely silent when I wake up most mornings (apart from the tinnitus of course, I have forgotten what real silence was like) then I put in my hearing aids and it is a cacophany. Of course from the days I get up early I know they are this noisy from dawn, but it always seems like magic that the world comes to life at whatever time I add my hearing aids. They leave at dusk and almost immediately the bats arrive, just as noisy as their daytime compatriots. I love them and their apparent conversations with each other which increase if I go outside “there she is, come out on the deck to gawp at us”. I only wish they would alight sometimes so I could get a better look at their creepily gorgeous faces. This afternoon I got a call from my gardener who was working at a townhouse in Castle Hill. He had found an injured possum hiding behind some bricks with a large area of skin missing from its back. What to do? I suggested wrapping him in a towel and going to the vet but he wasn’t sure, so I gave him the wildlife rescue number and they agreed a vet was the quickest and best response. He came to see me later to tell me what he’d done, describing the old teeshirt and towel, the box, the journey and what the vet said. “I didn’t cry till I got outside” he told me, can’t help loving the man.

June 19, 2018

Up at a number with a 5 at the front, not my favourite thing, to get to RNSH for the 7am Bone Breakfast, a meeting of orthopaedic surgeons and registrars, before they start work for the day. They examined the lump on his knee which is increasing in size and we were sent out while they talked for half an hour. The consensus is that the lump is neither a ganglion nor lymphoma of the knee, two previous options. They believe it is inflammation due to the infection in the replacement and want to do a surgical biopsy, but the infectious diseases doc has said ‘don’t let them touch it, not even put a needle in it, in case the infection flares’. The ortho has always said he needs a new knee replacement, with a hiatus of six weeks in the middle with NO knee at all, probably in hospital, while they hit him with antibiotics to try to kill the infection before completing the replacement. If he refuses the alternative is scary too, leaving it as it is would be a real problem if the lymphoma recurs and he needs chemo as suppression of the immune system would almost certainly result in septicaemia. What should I do? he asks me. I’m fucked if I know, was my first response. Now we have three more appointments with associated doctors in the next three weeks to discuss the pros and cons of action versus inaction.

June 20, 2018

Feeling low after yesterday’s news, so I attacked the garage and extricated a railway luggage rack, a pair of candlesticks, a cutlery box, two house signs and a few pieces is sterling silver flatware. Not enough for a batch really but they do cut me a bit of slack for old time’s sake. Contacted Martha with a bag of donations for her sewing circle but she was at a meeting of same so it didn’t come off. John is working on an EOI for another charity grant, after a bit of a debacle yesterday when he mistakenly thought an important meeting was at 2pm when it was from 10 till 2, they rang him near the end wondering if he was ok, this despite listing it correctly in his diary, oops. Reading Ruth Rendell now while Robert and Sue are with the surgeon getting his results, but I keep going over the same lines. Guess we will know in the next day or two.

June 21, 2018

The news I had been dreading came through last evening when Sue contacted me to say the doc had diagnosed Robert with glioblastoma multiforme and a 9-14 month prognosis. I was somewhat calmer than I had been last week when the tumour was first discovered, I think I had seen this verdict coming from day one and started grieving then. They need to be left alone for a while to process it all and to make the many decisions which will be required. I ache for Sue to be losing her companion and lover since high school, I can’t even imagine how she is feeling now.

Today was the day of Ron Medich’s sentencing for murder and I tuned out of all the grief for nearly two hours while Judge Bellew read his detailed decision, the last page telling us the sentence of 39 years gaol. There was no reaction in the court, from him nor from the gallery. Medich’s nickname was Cottee’s, after a sauce they made advertised as ‘rich and thick’ and I think the fact that he thought he wouldn’t be found out as the paymaster of the assassins was naive in the extreme. He had blandished his hatred of the victim all over town, yet thought he was too smart and too rich to be touched, wrongly on both counts. Trials and judgments always act as a meditation to me, along with lectures on medicine and other sciences, I am totally focussed and the rest of the world doesn’t exist for a time. But once it was over Robert was still mortally ill and I still didn’t know how to support him or to ease Sue’s pain.

June 22, 2018

Oops, left the aircon on last night and woke to a lovely warm house this morning, a change from the usual 13 degrees when I get up, sorry planet. I do try to limit heating when I’m here by myself, having an early shower to warm up when it starts to get cold, but last night I was reading late. Went over to Martha’s to drop in the bits I sorted out for her sewing group and Michelle turned up as well, so it was The Three Amigas for morning tea. Sue rang this arv and was warm to the idea of going to Abhi’s restaurant for a banquet for their 28th anniversary in July, the four of us had gone to their 25th and had a great time so I have booked for that, subject to Robert’s treatment schedule which won’t be known till Tuesday. She also said Robert was puzzled by our cancelling the book discussion and she thought we should go ahead with it, so I sent an email round with her comments. So far it seems people don’t want to do it, but I am not passionately committed one way or the other, so I will go with the flow. We will presumably do it later anyway, so better to do it when the book is still fresh is my thinking now.

June 23, 2018

Why is technology frustration so damned rattling? Last night there was a slew of answers to the book group questions, none of which I could read. The emails were tantalisingly there, with title, sender, recipients, but no content, just a message ‘no content because message incorrectly formatted’. I think technology rage is my version of road rage, which I’ve never understood at all, but now will perhaps understand a little better as I will be able to say ‘ah yes, he is feeling as I do when the net’s down’. I wouldn’t describe my feelings as rage though, more a deep feeling of hopelessness, which I find very discomforting. Anyway I am now at the library and using their computers which are faster anyway. Carol put up cogent reasons for not doing The Book next week and we will revert to plan B, Sue is not coming in any event, but naturally she doesn’t want to study a book primarily on the same disease as Robert is suffering, at least at this stage. Another article has come out in the press on the street library, this time in the Hills to Hawkesbury Living and a number of copies were left on my front verandah yesterday, so I hope more book-lovers will be approaching number 30.

Pottered in the house till time for cooking and dinner service. We had about 35 patrons and I was amazed to discover that Gordan and his partner Bill who live in a tent on the river were made homeless after investing money in a cafe in Windsor six years ago. They went bust and lost their house in Leichhardt as a result. I must ask him which cafe he was in as I remember one which had cabinets with antiques for sale, which may account for the investment which cost their home. Although I went bust in the end, I am very wary of borrowing so the only person who suffered was me. I would never have borrowed against my house but so many people do that it seems the norm. Both John and Gordan were casualties of that.

June 24, 2018

Went to town to meet Dav, Louis and Millie at the Powerhouse Museum where she loved the Wiggles exhibition but got testy after that, not interested for some reason in the excellent Reigning Men clothing exhibits, from 1715 on. It went to prove how poorly men have been served by fashion in the last 100 years, some of the outfits shown were delectable though I will admit some were truly dreadful. Louis had just ordered Millie’s lunch in the cafe when we got an Emergency message and were told to leave the building, though neither we nor the many hundreds gathered outside knew what went wrong, but the firies were there investigating. Fun day in any event.

June 25, 2018

Reading an article in The Saturday Paper called Taking the Long Way Home about the way women need to fear for their physical safety at all times and how this alters the lives we lead, it really struck a chord with me. It occurs to me that I could write a book, a very thick book, on the number of times I have been put into awkward, uncomfortable or downright dangerous positions by men. It got me thinking about accepting a lift home, a very short distance, from a fellow employee after a work function in Parramatta and how the driver just kept driving to the bush surrounding Parramatta Lake. I was forced to run through dense bush in the dark to get away from him, subsequently flagging a taxi when I finally reached the road. Going to the police would have been a waste of time in the 60s so I went to the union who ‘had a word’ but counselled me not to take it further as his wife was pregnant. Years later I bumped into him in a supermarket and he attempted to apologise, but I just walked away silent, though I realise now the supermarket was the perfect place to give him a mouthful. Or later the university academic who became fixated with me and actually pulled his car into the path of the bus I was travelling home in, forcing it to stop, and told the driver he needed to see me urgently. I stayed on the bus, but he followed it to my destination, parked his car on the bus stop and pleaded with me to ‘just have a coffee’. I fled into a nearby camera shop and he only gave up when the owner locked the door! I had to work near him the next day, though I did warn my boss who kept a lookout for him and promised to ‘have a word’ if he continued. The times I was propositioned in the shop would make a very thick book indeed, but by then I was more adept at handling the situation, I’d had plenty of practice.

June 26, 2018

Made our regular trip to Manly today, in summer we swim there, in winter we wander, but all year I go there to my hairdresser. Noticed how many vacant shops there are, even in the Mall, and plenty in the side streets. Manly, the tourists’ must-do, is almost wall to wall food outlets, but the post office is hidden in a nasty lane beneath a multi-storey carpark, the cinema has closed, and the interesting stores have departed to be replaced by…………food shops. Trying to buy a pair of flat black walking shoes with a bit of style and came close in one of the rare businesses not lost to Manly, but not quite what I wanted. Considering I looked unsuccessfully all last winter for the same pair and didn’t find them, perhaps I am meant to persevere with the red ones I live in, bought in a second-hand shop in Fairfield 11 years ago.

June 27, 2018

Our weekend dinner service supervisor has now to work Saturdays, and Boss Lady is busy this week, so a post went up asking if anyone could load the van, pick up the food donations from Coles, supervise service and return the van. I put my hand up, though John would do the van driving, but then it occurred to me, where is all the food coming from? So I asked the question and the answer was ‘cooking the food is part of the service’, hot soup, main meal, three veg, dessert, icecream and custard for 60. Ah well, no, considering we have book group on Friday night and anyway all the food would be cold by the time we got there. So now 2IC will do the savoury cooking and I will do dessert etc as usual. Always read the fine print, but in this case there was no fine print.

Sue rang and Robert has yet another MRI tomorrow, he wasn’t totally pleased with the result of his oncology appointments yesterday as an important test had not been done at St. Vincents and now can’t be done at RPA till next Tuesday, so his treatment can’t happen at least till that result arrives in 10 days and time is of the essence to start it. Bummer, how frustrating.

June 28, 2018

Three lots of shopping today, partly because the battery on my kitchen scales died and I went to IGA for another 3V small circular one, got it home and the volts were the same so it must be right? Wrong? There are 3 different identical looking 3V batteries, each with different ampage, trying to think back to physics lectures all those decades ago. Sue rang and we had a long chat about Robert’s situation. She said immunotherapy isn’t currently available for his condition, so I mentioned Jackie’s experience in going to Latvia for this treatment so he wants all the details and I’ve sent those off. I know I was very dubious when she went there, I wouldn’t have done it, but she has had an excellent response to the treatment and three or more extra years so far after the docs at the San said there was no more they could offer. Worth a look but I was loath to mention it as I know everyone and his dog will have a remedy, Sue’s audiologist recommended he change his diet, I would have clocked her.

June 29, 2018

Sheila came down for a visit and to come to book group and seemed to pal up with Brigitte, perhaps I can arrange to get them together another time. She told me later about John’s odd behaviour in the two years leading up his diagnosis with glioblastoma, something she’s never discussed before. One example was going to a restaurant in a group and when they all left John didn’t appear, when they went back to look for him he was sitting at an adjoining table joining in with their discussion. The disease itself is fascinating, operating as it does at the boundary of brain and mind. The boys really liked Andaz, Bill telling me enthusiastically that it was the best Indian restaurant he had ever been to, a big call. We girls enjoyed the evening I think, a small and casual group with no particular focus, just a discussion on what we had been reading recently.

June 30, 2018

Ha, June 30 and no stocktake to start tomorrow, no group certificates to do, what bliss. We three sat in our dressing gowns in front of the fire this morning, then later Heather arrived for morning tea, before we polished off some leftovers for lunch. I baked chocolate mint cakes for service tonight, but at 2pm we raced next door to the auction of their house. John and I took a bet on the price and I won, betting $1.7 million against an actual price of $1.85 M. It was a long bidding battle between two couples, one of whom had introduced themselves a few weeks ago, but sadly they missed out. Raced off to service straight after and we fed about 40 people tonight.

July 1, 2018

A storm in a takeaway box at service last night. We have been told for a while not to give away any leftover food until the van is packed, the theory being that the clients need to help. But last week another volunteer youth group was there, loading up the van. A man had waited half an hour in the dark and cold for one small takeaway container with a sausage and some veggies in it, so I gave it to him. There is a hooha and under pain of banishment only supervisors can now give out takeaways, lordy me, get some priorities people. Last night under the new policy I had to fill a whole bin liner with leftover rice which was given to someone for their dogs???

I worked in the garage for an hour, putting aside a boring Royal Doulton cream teaset, a toy train, a cutlery set and some Wade animals to go to auction, these all non-sellers from the auction I had when the shop closed. Sue rang, then later I talked to Robert who said he loves the stupid texts I send, which make him laugh. When I casually asked ‘how are you?’ the reply was that he is ‘still asymptomatic’, a terrible waiting game underlies that reply.

July 2, 2018

An appointment with Tricia in the city led to a request for me to write an article on adoption for the Benevolent Society’s newsletter, on whatever I want, 250 to 1000 words. No hurry as it only comes out each quarter. Any writing is good practice so I said yes. I am planning to do a bit of writing again, but just haven’t sat down to it. Last night I phoned Kenneth and told him that I had read his poem Stoned to the book group. To my surprise he told me that it was the first time any of his work has been read to a group, usually it doesn’t go any further than the filing cabinet. He seemed more pleased than I would have expected and promised to send me further examples of his work to add to the collection. Had lunch with Carol as has become the pattern when I’m in town, we both enjoy the catchup, the food and the fearless rosellas who share small bits of it with us.

Boss Lady made a pleasant comment in my direction on Facebook, indicating that I haven’t been sacked as yet, but my ears will be burning during the volunteers’ meeting tomorrow night, which we can’t attend, perhaps just as well. They unexpectedly had over 80 people turn up last night, a scary thought when the catering is for much fewer than that, however they managed with some spare food that was in the van.

July 3, 2018

Minded Millie today while Dav worked from home doing conference calls etc. Millie could hear her in the bedroom and got upset periodically, wanting mummy, but a few sultanas worked wonders each time. She waters the garden each afternoon with her little watering can, which she calls her teapot understandably, and we must have made 30 trips to the tap to refill. She takes after her dad in a need to group and classify, a programmer in waiting? Currently it is shapes, which she asks you to draw on her chalkboard, circle, square, triangle, semi-circle! rhomboid!!! Another day it is numbers or letters. Amazing watching her brain at work.

John picked me up and we had dinner in the Gateway at Circular Quay before seeing Lucia di Lammermoor at the Opera House. Michael Fabiano as Edgardo was the highlight for me, though Jessica Pratt was formidable as Lucia. It is an opera I have never seen before and it isn’t one of those with a memorable well-known aria, however it was one I am glad to have seen. We saw good friends of John’s from Canberra in a row ahead and waited to catch up with them after the show, but despite lingering in the foyer for some time they had gone, so we had an icecream instead. Next in August is Rossini’s The Turk in Italy, another new one for me, but a much lighter opera than Lucia.

July 4, 2018

Thank goodness no early rise today, so we made the best of it and had our tea, toast and jam for breakfast in front of the fire. Got a chance to catch up on some online stuff, including trying to book us on the Tribal Warrior Aboriginal harbour cruise for NAIDOC week. I had exchanged emails with Cate in their office previously, so was disappointed to find the cruise listed as sold out on their website. I shot an email to her asking if she could put us on a waiting list and got one straight back saying we were in, hopefully on the deck, not in a tinny trailing behind. Should be fun.

Then tonight we took John’s next door neighbour and her daughter out for a birthday dinner at the Royal Hotel in Ryde and then to KOI for dessert. Enjoyed both but found the conversation taxing….. Israel is always right, leftists are always anti-Semitic, Australians are two-faced backstabbers….. I just wanted a nice peaceful evening, but ‘you can’t always get what you want’ as the song says.

July 5, 2018

In one of those quirky moments of serendipity I met a couple who commented that their friend plays flute in the Sydney Opera Orchestra and was telling them that in Lucia di Lammermoor she has to come forward to the front edge of the pit to watch the lead during the ‘mad scene’ so she can synchronise exactly with the singer. This was the very part that I loved the most, the cadenza where she mimics the flute’s trill, or the flute mimics her, I can’t remember, but finally they ‘sing’ together perfectly. What are the chances of seeing the performance one night and hearing indirectly from the flute player the next? Poor John was reluctant to rise this morning and it turns out he was turning over last evening in his mind, no doubt wondering why he invested his hard-earned into a lovely meal book-ended in the car with complaints, even to the point of dragging me into a row they had recently, wanting my opinion of who had been right. A box of chocs would have been cheaper and less stressful.

Now a male volunteer is in trouble for making ‘inappropriate comments’ that were reported back to BL, and he got a very public admonition to ‘please ring me to discuss’. An apology followed but I suspect, knowing him somewhat, that his misdemeanour was not in the Harvey Weinstein category. I hope no resignation follows as he is a real asset. Went out to see Brian who at 92 is suffering increasing heart failure, so our usual sushi lunch was had on his front verandah, the short walk to the shops seeming too difficult. He is 100% mentally fit though and can fill me in on all current issues via ABC radio and television. Sue rang and she and Robes are coming down next week to stay overnight and we will go for a banquet at Abhi’s for the restaurant’s 28th anniversary.

July 6, 2018

Warning, nit-picking ahead: Today I put in a written complaint to my local library, the equivalent of church for me. Castle Hill Library has thrown the Dewey system out of the window and opted for partial cataloging by genre. So a single author’s books may now be separated and shelved in the main section, in the crime section or in the romance section for example. Now my local in Baulkham Hills has taken to adding the silly little stickers to their books too. This has led to some ridiculous decisions, such as putting a Lionel Shriver book in the comedy genre just because it is amusing in parts. What next? All books with red covers shelved together? or all books mentioning an animal? or books under 300 pages? It’s such reductionist nonsense I can’t believe librarians have come up with it. It writes books off as one-dimensional and reduces the joy of the unexpected find. I asked them if Anna Karenina is a romance? a tragedy? or a historical novel? All three I would argue. Managed to borrow three books they hadn’t put their infernal stickers onto yet.

Waiting for news of Robert’s biopsy today, but don’t want to ring, as I am sure many in the family will be doing so. A few weeks ago we would have been appalled with a prognosis of three years, now we are hoping against hope for that very thing over the alternative. Everything is relative.

July 7, 2017

Big real estate person that I am (not) it is amazing that I have been to a house auction and today a viewing within a week. An almost new house around the corner that I have admired had an open house today so I wandered around. I could move in just as it is, it was superb, decor, furniture, pictures on the walls, everything. I assumed it had been styled, but no, just the owner’s taste I’m told. The husband is a ‘high end plumber’ and the bathrooms are gorgeous, with underfloor heating, free-standing bath etc. So much better than the one next door which went for $1.85M last week, so it will be interesting to see what it brings though weatherboard which I love puts folks off.

I was a bit worried how service would go tonight after the storm in the takeaway container last week. But Boss Lady was warm! and friendly! and I was congratulated on a couple of things I had done, including altering a typo on 1000 leaflets wrongly printed. Many takeaways were prepared and distributed after service and then we drove home to Sth Windsor two young boys who come on bike and scooter respectively. They were asked what food they had at home and the answer was ‘none’ so we filled a number of bags with veges, canned food etc, hence the need for their lift home. It was quite a way for two little kids to be going home alone anyway, must have been at least 4km, so I was glad to have the excuse to drive them. John wasn’t feeling well when we got there and dropped off to sleep in the car, waking when dessert was being served but we had enough hands to manage without him luckily.

July 8, 2108

I usually wait a bit before rereading a book but seeing I was given a copy of A Manual for Cleaning Women by Carol, just after reading a library copy, I am making an exception and so enjoying being able to make marks all over my favourite bits. Also enjoying simultaneously an Anne Tyler book, Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant. She is a new author to me though well known in America, I first discovered her recently when Michelle lent me Morgan’s Passing, so now I plan to feast on a few more of her prodigious back catalogue. Went over to visit with Martha and Phil for the morning, supping tea on their sunny back verandah. I’ve been thinking today about the new person at service last night, a 30 year old woman who has been sleeping on the Sydney to Newcastle trains. She couldn’t get into a refuge and I overheard Boss Lady ringing her daughter to ask if she minded if the woman came to them for a couple of nights. I heard the immediate reply ‘she can have my room, she will need a good sleep’, typical of BL and typical of her daughter.

July 9, 2018

Spoke to Sue this morning and Robert’s news is bad, he only found out today, not last Friday as had been promised. She said he doesn’t want to talk about it, but when I spoke to him he did go into it and said that he is going in a clinical trial as well as having the radiation treatment, as the chemo doesn’t work on an unmethylated tumour. Of course this means he won’t know if he is on the drug or the placebo, but apparently he can’t get access to the drug any other way so them’s the breaks. As a result I didn’t feel like doing much today and moseyed about at home doing exciting things like mending moth holes in woollens. What else can you do really?

July 10, 2018

In town early to go on the Tribal Warrior Aboriginal Cruise which I bought John for his birthday. While we had a lovely day in the winter sun on Goat Island, it wasn’t at all what we were expecting. There were dances by some Aboriginal kids, a weaving demonstration and a pretty scrappy lunch of a sausage (which I don’t usually eat, so I opted for a vege one, which was pretty bad), some salad and a bun. The people were all willing and very nice, but no-one told us anything about Aboriginal history around the Harbour or Goat Island or about anything else, which was what we were looking forward to. Anyway it wasn’t too expensive so no tragedy. By the time we got home on the bus we were wrecked, stamina isn’t a strong point with either of us any more. My car was at the mechanic’s for a couple of things, one being the dial for the heating/cooling. Toyota don’t make them any more so it has to be one from the wrecker’s which is fine, except it comes as a whole unit and with four hours labour to install will cost about $500. For a plastic dial, repeat, a dial.

July 11, 2018

John pointed out that for the price of yesterday’s excursion, $70, we could have got a ferry ticket to Goat Island, then gone back to Gateway for a lovely meal and still be just as clueless as to Aboriginal history around Sydney Harbour. Went to Erko today where Millie is holed up with a really rotten cold, one that’s lasted over a week and still has her crying a lot of the time. She really wasn’t interested in grandma, only wanted mummy or daddy, but grandma she had. I hope she doesn’t have my weakness for respiratory tract infections, I’m either well or have a rotten cold, there is no middle ground, no such thing as a mild one. Caught the train to John’s tonight as we have doc’s appointments tomorrow. It is his football night with friend Rafe, so I am happily ensconsed in the bedroom. Looking forward to reading more of my current novel, Sing, Unburied, Sing, an account of the life of a teenage black boy in America’s South. I assumed I was reading a period piece till I was shocked by a reference to Cyclone Katrina and realised it was contemporary, a depressing thought.

July, 12, 2018

Boy oh boy. A 10.30 appointment for John with the infectious diseases doctor at St. Vincent’s turned into a five hour epic. First we saw his doc Amrita, then after much deliberation she decided to call in the professor, an unprofessor-like lady with a very casual manner and a wise way of looking at the problem of his knee. She agreed with Amrita that the orthopaedic surgeon’s rush to operate is unwise and recommended a second opinion from their ortho and also an MRI, which may or may not be possible depending on the metals used in the prosthesis, something only Dr Ellis knows. We then waited an hour while Amrita talked to radiology and the ortho doctor’s registrar, during which time we organised pathology and bookings, but all up it was a five hour marathon. One problem is liaison between RNSH and St. Vincent’s has been poor, so letters have gone missing and today blood tests already done had to be repeated, though promises were made that all would be available in plenty of time. If John decided on no more treatment, the country would lurch back into the black and the government would be wondering what they’d done right. I found a purse with money in it and handed it to security, but they didn’t even take my name, which seemed odd. Meeting Robert and Sue for dinner tonight and they will stay overnight, I had forecast a possible cancellation due to his treatment but so far, so good.

July 13, 2018

Well Robert surprised me and managed to get to the dinner at Abhi’s at Concord. We had a banquet and enjoyed it immensely, Sue telling me he had really been looking forward to it. I guess the radiation effects will increase over time but so far he is thumbing his nose at it. We sat in front of the fire having tea/whisky till nearly 1am, then we were at table again at 8am having our porridge and toast. Sue dropped Robert and me to RNSH, where he was giving a talk on The Doctor as Patient, in which, among other things, he recounted his own experience of recent months without telling them who the doctor was. I was tempted to ask a question at the end along the lines of ‘how well do you know the doctor in question?’ but decided not to out him. Another person there who knew the facts asked pretty much that question and when he answered that it was his own experience there were some gasps in the room. He headed off to his treatment at RPA and then he flies to Melbourne for the weekend, while Sue returns to Killcare. Hope to see them again next week.

July 14, 2018

Had a slothful dressing gowned start even though I had cooking to do for meal service tonight. Then decided to look up seats for Aida and was pleasantly surprised to get good ones in August, so cooking was a bit delayed. Just about to get the ingredients out for an apple and banana sponge pudding when I got a call from Cake Decorating Central asking if I could use two decorated cakes, demonstrator models from classes this morning, so that saved time and money. John’s talk at the housing conference last week indirectly led to a huge donation of ‘feminine hygiene products’ from Glebe Women’s Centre, cartons full in fact plus two overnight bags full, so he picked them up and we delivered them to storage today. Service was small but enthusiastic with the kids loving the cake with an icing fox sculpture on top, the second one we kept for tomorrow night. I have apparently been promoted as I was specially asked to work Wednesday lunch because The Project, a channel 10 TV show, is coming to film and Boss Lady wants ‘experienced capable volunteers’ on deck. Ahem.

July 15, 2018

I found a post on my Facebook page this morning from John’s next door neighbour, berating us for being ‘anti-Semitic, educated but brainless about Israel’ etc etc. This because we wouldn’t engage in the argument she wanted over Israel when we took her out for dinner for her birthday recently. Then her pal bought into it, saying we were ‘uneducated and brainwashed’. I hit back with both barrels saying in small part ‘You are basing your opinion of our views on one ‘conversation’ where you were doing all the talking from the back seat of my car coming home from a social event and we weren’t engaging with you as it was neither the time nor the place (we both have trouble hearing when we can’t see the person)’ and telling her never to post on my page again. I can’t believe she can be bothered doing this on holiday in Bali! She is annoying in the extreme but luckily I don’t have to live next door. Baked a Passionfruit Roulade from Serge Dansereau’s cookbook and realised I was the only one here to eat it, but luckily Heather came for a cuppa and eased that little problem.

July 16, 2018

Coincidentally, we have theatre tickets with John’s neighbour tomorrow night, ha. John rang me last night and said he had offered to drive her and her mother in MY car so I very quickly disabused him of that idea. We will still go, but will meet them there. Today I booked a restaurant nearby to have dinner before the show. Later his neighbour rang me and apologised unreservedly for the Facebook post, and particularly for the comments of her friend, saying she is very fearful of losing our friendship. I accepted the apology but warned her not to put anything on my page in future. It shows I think that people of a certain mindset keep pushing and pushing until they meet fierce resistance, then backtrack at a rate of knots when called out. Makes me wish, yet again, that I had exploded with John’s daughter instead of letting her keep threatening and abusing us. Lesson learned, it never works to give in to a bully.

July 17, 2018

Recently I got a flyer from NBN telling me the service would be connected soon, groan. I immediately rang them and insisted that I be at home when the connection happened after the debacle they oversaw at the shop. I was assured this was possible and later received a follow up call telling me the serviceman would ring me two days prior. Today I came home from shopping to find the installation almost complete. I bailed him up and asked why he hadn’t called, but he told me there is no protocol for doing that, he never has the phone number of the client. So why was I assured otherwise I asked? They just lie, was his open response. I had to laugh then as that’s been my experience of them in the past. We then got on well, he was Persian and we talked accents, languages and more, finishing up with cake, a handshake and a new friend. Bought ingredients for an apple and banana sponge pudding for service tomorrow, thinking I may add a light crumble topping to the sponge for a change (in truth it had occurred to me that Waleed Aly might take a spoonful). Surely I wouldn’t be trying to impress him? But it would be disappointing if he murmured ‘perhaps lacking a little crunch?’.

July 18, 2018

Last night went off exceedingly well. Great meal at The Commons, a new fave, and the play The Man in the Attic was also very good. A platter of olives and fresh house made foccaccia was a memorable start to the evening. Then of course there was the warm welcome from John’s neighbour, replete with hug and yet another apology, perhaps my anger actually achieved something. I very rarely get seriously angry, but when I do it is pretty scary for the recipient because they have likely never seen it before. Up early to make dessert, changing it to a stewed apple and cinnamon pudding with a crunchy cinnamon crumble topping. No Waleed at service, but a director, cameraman and sound recordist who used heaps of film and did in-depth interviews with a few of the patrons, later going out to their campsites along the river and filming them there also. It was lovely in the sun and there were lots of kids there, being school holidays. Takeaways were liberally dispensed and not a word did I say about hypocrisy, double standards or favouritism, on my best behaviour I was indeed.

July 19, 2018

One thing sticking in my mind about yesterday was being asked to watch over about two dozen bottles of soft drink which ‘aren’t to be taken yet’. I was nearby dispensing soup which I decided wasn’t hot enough so I turned on the barbeque beneath the pot. Between simultaneously being interviewed by the film crew, stirring the soup and watching to make sure no-one touched the heated barbeque, I missed the fact that, in my peripheral vision, some of the kids took drinks. It was with some annoyance that I was told I had failed to watch the drinks (why were they left there exposed anyway?) and when I apologised it was accepted only dismissively. I sometimes think that I am a good match for the work but a poor match for the team, whose application to the task is concrete but whose sense of humour is often lacking. You feel like saying ‘I will pay for the damned drinks’ but the implication was that I had turned a blind eye. Ho hum, this is why I am a loner, I work so much better without pressure. Anyway, today improved, the car heater dial system was fixed for about half of his $500 quote, though he wasn’t able to get a particular cable which I must pay for when he sources one, the perennial problem with old cars.

July 20, 2018

Decided to try the District Court at Parramatta for a change and, with some guidance from a helpful guard, discovered an interesting trial of two Muslim juveniles charged with planning a terrorist attack. I needed to forfeit my phone and go through a second lot of security to get in. The jury was out twiddling its collective thumbs while the Crown and the two barristers argued the toss about whether they should be made aware that the boys objected to standing for the national anthem at school assembly so wagged school or came late to avoid doing so. One boy left school in protest when a demand was made that he conform. I thought back to my own teenage refusal to stand at the movies when God Save the Queen was played, weathering the hissed opprobrium that was brought down on my head by other patrons, though only the older ones were offended. I can see the relevance from the Crown’s point of view as it goes to show their possible sympathies from the age of 12, but also understand that it may prejudice the jury and is somewhat in the past. The judge still had not decided when I left, I’m glad I don’t have that decision on my shoulders, but I think the Crown is right, put it all on the table and let the jury decide. I was the only one in the gallery apart from a Muslim couple whom I suspected were one boy’s parents. As the accused left court in custody one boy waved lovingly to the couple, what a diabolical situation it all is. Had an amazing lunch at Circa Espresso, a literal hole in the wall cafe in a disused car space replete with roller door, though the food was top restaurant quality, five stars in my food review.

July 21, 2018

So Colleen McCullough’s husband, the unlovely Ric, has succeeded in convincing the judge that she went against what she’d told all her friends, her nurse, her solicitor and Oklahoma University — and left her estate to him with an almost illegible scrawled mark on a will she was too sick to write or to understand. Bollocks. He was as transparent as a grimy window, the judge should get out more and experience what people like Ric are like in real life. Astounding.

I feel virtuous having today written a review of Lincoln in the Bardo, collated my financial details and sent them off to the accountant (not taxable at all is my guess), cooked for dinner service, gave an opinion on the value of a bronze for a friend at Annangrove and served at dinner. Yes I think I deserved the piece of peanut brittle after dinner.

July 22, 2018

Interesting discussion with John last night when he said about meal service ‘we are outsiders there’. In one way this was disappointing, but in another it confirmed my long-held belief that although the patrons have become like old friends after 18 months, the supervisors are distant, critical, stand-offish at best and downright unfriendly at worst. The boss, though mercurial, can be funny and relates to us when she is of a mind, but the other two are so perfunctory, task-oriented and unapproachable that even getting hello out of them is a business, and always initiated by us. We came home last night happy and satisfied with the work we’d done, but soon I felt down-hearted knowing I need to go through it all next Saturday night, with no chance of it being different after this long. I’ve never been in a situation before where I consistently can’t do right for doing wrong.

Old friend Christine was passing this arv and pulled up when she saw us in the front yard, had a cuppa and stayed chatting for a good while, me in my yard clothes and no makeup, she likewise and none of it mattered. Having a cuppa with the above-mentioned crew is something that has never happened, nor has a personal word ever come across from their side. Ho hum, not used to being unable to make friends, wish I could just stop caring.

July 23, 2018

Bussed in to the Downing Centre to see Charles Waterstreet cross-examining his client Evie Amati who, unlike Lizzie Borden, just gave her victims a couple of whacks with an axe. I was somewhat dubious of her claim to temporary insanity, but after hearing her evidence I am inclined to the view that it is entirely possible, indeed very likely. She had attended her GP, her endocrinologist and RPA reporting suicidal and homicidal ideation and was referred to psychiatrists charging $100-200 excess per visit, an impossible figure as she had exhausted her funds having a sex change operation in Thailand. She claimed to have attempted suicide at Stanmore Station and investigations showed CCTV footage of just that event. Gender dysmorhia is ill understood and its correction problematic, but an axe is rarely a female weapon of choice, but then again look at Lizzie all those years ago. Following some time in that trial I moved on to another, that of Leonard Warwick for the bombing of the Family Court and other buildings in the 1980s, resulting in two deaths. Again I saw cross-examination by the defence. The judge at the first trial was snappy and impatient, the second judge was patient to a fault, personality does influence the management of a trial.

John made a written request to spend time with his granddaughters during the school holidays, but as expected it didn’t happen, in fact no reply was received.

July 24, 2018

My next door neighbours moved out today after 17 years. They had very small children when they moved in and now the last of the four has finished school. The move involved three large moving trucks with six men loading from 8am to 2pm, though it is a very big house. I await with interest meeting the new neighbours. Although the mother and children were delightful, the dad was cold and pretty tough, responding to my request to have an overhanging branch of their huge tree pruned with the statement ‘we can’t afford that!’ just prior to installing a heated inground pool and buying a VW people mover and a BMW. When just part of the branch fell on my roof it resulted in an insurance claim and an increase in my excess. He is an executive in a minor bank so I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Didn’t watch Masterchef this year, apart from a couple of early episodes, too much time away from books. I took a punt on three of the original 24 though, Sashi, Khanh and Jess, all of whom impressed me greatly. Got a big surprise when I saw on the net that in finals week they are down to four, including my three faves. I wish they had Masterchef at the TAB, I’d be in the running for a nice trifecta.

July 25, 2018

At the library today one of the librarians said ‘I went to your street library last week and picked up a good book’, quite funny I thought when she works at a library with five branches. Perhaps she is like me and really wants to mark her favourite bits. I have avoided buying books for years now, but three very recent ones tempted me, Madeleine Albright’s book Fascism, Ronan Farrow’s on US diplomacy (or lack of it) and Luke Harding’s Collusion. I decided that if the library had one of the three, perhaps I could justify buying the other two, so I was pleasantly surprised to find that they had all of them. At $1.60 per reservation, it sure beats buying. Obviously there is a Trumpophobe in the acquisitions department.

Decided to stay home this Saturday night and watch the results coming in from the five by-elections, accompanied by a glass or two of bubbly. I will still cook dessert for 50 or so as usual for evening meal service, but John will take it and serve. I am being worn down by the constant petty rules that you only find out about when you break one and the fact that they change depending on who is supervising. The main rule seems to be ‘the boss does as she sees fit and the volunteers do as they are told’. John finds it frustrating but not as emotionally draining as I do.

July 26, 2018

Went out to Windsor for the day with Brigitte for our long-planned excursion. Drove around the sights including the Francis Greenway courthouse, the observatory, St Matthews Church and cemetery and riverbank parks. Bumped into a few friends out there, as always, and then enjoyed lunch at Wonder Sushi. Headed out to Wilberforce to see the other side of life at the cabin park there where some of the local poor live in extremely basic, very small, uninsulated cabins made of fibro. It is a really ugly park with a huge pile of old mattresses and ripped armchairs near the office, some of the cabins would barely be wide enough to lie down on the shorter side, I doubt they are legal. Grim.

Joanne from the Hills Shire Times rang to say they are doing an article on ‘little acts of kindness’ and wants to feature the street library again, with an update on the response I’ve had. She also had looked me up on the News photo library and found some of me with Kevin Rudd at the apology to the stolen generations. Don’t use those pics I told her laughing.

July 27, 2018

Went to a talk at Royal North Shore Hospital on Mindfulness and Brain Cancer, given by a doctor who is also a meditation teacher. She is doing a PhD on whether training in meditation would help patients physically and will conscript 10 patients for the trial. Questions were allowed after the talk and I asked how she would control for the effect of the 1.5 hours face to face discussion per week being a major factor in the effect. It could be teaching them French, studying classical music or studying a book, anything that takes the patient off the medical ferris wheel for that long each week could perhaps account for the improvement. To my surprise she agreed that could be so and they wouldn’t know, so I don’t think that research model stands up at all, not that I said so.

Then I planned to go to the Pathology Museum at the hospital, accessed by ringing a phone number on its closed door. Who are you? asked the man on the other end. When I explained I was an interested member of the public, and after further questioning, that I had a Diploma in Biological Sciences, I was told it is restricted to doctors and medical students. Oh really? I said, that’s not what your website says. He absolutely refuted my claim about the website, finally saying that the public hasn’t been admitted since the 90s. What really got me was when he said ‘it’s not just for retirees to wander about in’. After I got off the phone I checked the welcoming website which says: The museum facility is a powerful resource for medical students, health professionals and for community education. Later I rang back and suggested they remove that phrase from the website, but my friendly pal was at lunch. This is Professor Tony Hill of Pathology, how can I help? said a kindly voice. It turns out they absolutely encourage interest in pathology in the community so he asked if I could come back on Tuesday about 10am to be left to my own devices in the museum. You betcha, I replied.

July 28, 2018

Slept in and let the blood moon pass me by. Last night’s book group was a smaller than usual though pleasant affair looking at the book Lincoln in the Bardo. Mine were the only positive comments on the book, I likened it to a piece of modern art in the MCA rather than one of the classical works in the National Gallery. It takes us back because it is so different to what we are used to, but I believe he gave us much to enjoy.

John went to meal service alone tonight, though I cooked a large apple pie which went over well apparently. My absence was in part a need to be away for a while and partly a protest against the petty rules that are being enforced. Watched the by-election results which appear to be going 5-0 to opposition parties, but the margins should be huge against this appalling government, yet they are modest.

July 29, 2108

So, today is spring gardening shopping day I decide, drive out to the wholesale nursery I frequent at Vineyard, only to discover it is closed on Sundays. Oh dear, morning deeply cut into, fossil fuels burned for nought, so I retrieve the situation by going to KMart to replace the car back support cushion Deborah and Steve bought me years ago, which is gradually self-destructing. KMart has moved but I persevere and find the car department, one aisle with a handful of goods, nothing remotely resembling said cushion. It appears they are going over to primarily clothes, more clothes, yet more clothes and small electricals. Bought up on fruit and veges though, before I remembered I was going to John’s for a few days tomorrow. Ok world, I should have stayed in bed. Bought tiger prawns for my favourite dinner though, cooking them in the oven with olive oil, garlic, chili, shallots and tomato paste, mm-mmm. Day not wasted.

July 30, 2018

Feeling below par and decided some flowers would help so again drove out to the nursery and bought a Camellia for the back yard and some pansies to go in a garden at the front. The friendly girl who served me is a part time teacher and told me of a student whose first name is Manslaught, yep Manslaught. The poor little bugger asked her if his name meant ‘killer’ and she assured him it didn’t and was a lovely name, though he remained unconvinced. Perhaps the parents don’t know the meaning I proffered, but she assured me they are English. Mr Google lists it as an obsolete Middle English word, meaning murder, nice.

John’s memory continues to be uneven. Yesterday I sent him home with some food, including a base for a casserole or mince dish, basically cooked onion, carrot and tomato. We discussed how he might use it, then when we spoke at 1.30pm he asked again what it was, but this morning said ‘that meal you sent home with me wasn’t very nice’. I need to go to every doc’s appointment as we’ve had some confusion there as well.

July 31, 2018

Exciting to get into the Pathology Museum today after all the fuss last week. They gave me a pathology registrar to answer questions but I said that seemed an awful waste of her time, so they left me to my own devices.

It is a smaller museum than others I’ve been to, but fascinating nonetheless. After a few hours there was a knock at the door and it was the Professor, who’d come to see how I was getting on (or to make sure I wasn’t stealing formalin-jarrred specimens) and he stopped for 20 minutes or so discussing pathology training, the difficulty of harvesting any samples at all now due to new rules brought in by the government in 2002, the lack of autopsies done at RNSH (200 average a year down to just 5 last year) and much more. He said that heart surgeons used to be able to handle actual small hearts when planning surgery on newborns and very small children so they had a physical memory of the dimensions and could see the defect they were to repair, but that’s all been stopped now ‘due to the idea that a heart is more than a pump and somehow houses a soul’. Religion 1, Science 0. While it is vitally important that parents receive informed consent for a child’s autopsy, the benefits to other children are immense, but he says that now collecting samples is virtually a thing of the past. I discussed the memory of my friend Colin in the 60s taking leg bones out of children who died of leukaemia for research on the effects of French nuclear testing and telling me the results showed that there was a link from the radiation across northern NSW and southern Queensland, though they kept that secret. They tracked the source of the milk fed to each child. About 20 years ago I remember a State pollie getting up in parliament and denying that the autopsies or the research had ever been done, after the press got onto it, it was too sensitive a topic from a few angles so those parents never got to thank the French for the death of their child.

August 1, 2018

Feeling flattened once again after posting on the volunteers’ page about a phone call that John received from an inside contact in the public service letting him know that ‘a heap of money is being directed to house all the homeless in the Hawkesbury in Housing Commission properties’. He has had amazing results since his speech at an Affordable Housing Conference recently, many donations of food and goods, a visit by a top cop he met there to liaise with local police and now this, we were cock-a-hoop. Not looking for any kudos, just sharing a good news story, but the post was treated with skepticism, it seems all achievements must be due to the management. He is going to a FaCS conference on homelessness soon, we will keep mum about anything coming out of that I think. Robert rang asking if we could go to Killcare on Friday for the weekend, but I explained we had accepted for First Saturday plus being rostered at service earlier in the evening. He called himself pushy but hoped we could cancel those, which we duly did. We were removed from the roster without comment, but am I paranoid to think much was said behind the scenes?

Went in to St. V’s for John’s appointment with Nada, suddenly very pregnant. She said that John’s tiredness (he was asleep in the waiting room when called), lethargy and general unwellness is due to his knee infection, now in its second year and showing up in his blood results. She is in favour of a biopsy at least but queried whether his heart would stand surgery. Came out feeling pretty defeated. Even more so when we got back to his place sans my wallet. I had bought us icecreams at Messina and paid there, who knows where the wallet went after that? At least the three bad things happened on the one day.

August 2, 2018

Cancelled 3 banking cards, my licence, Opal card and borrowing cards from 3 libraries. Enough, the rest can wait for another day. Getting things together for Killcare, including two good bottles of red. If I am buying a pricey bottle it is always a heavy red that you can stand a spoon up in and they prefer lighter pinot noir types, but I’m sure they will enjoy them all the same. We will watch The Project up there tomorrow night, I am sort of hoping my comments remained on the cutting room floor, that way I can’t be accused of outshining the boss in any way, not that I could match her energy and enthusiasm if my life depended on it. Found out today that one of our much-loved long-term clients went to hospital after weeks of ill-health – inoperable tumours in the lung, liver and stomach – no wonder he’d been asking me to skim the soup and only give him the liquid part. He has a prosthetic leg and also has an infected stump so will be confined to a wheelchair from now on, too weak to use crutches. So I lost my wallet, big deal. So I get frustrated with petty attitudes? Big deal there too, trying to look at the bigger picture. We are doing great work despite all that.

August 3, 2018

We carried enough tools, power tools, hand tools, every damned type of tool, to build a house, though John was installing the street library he had made for Sue and Robert. They filled my station wagon to the roof. He spent the day measuring and planning the spot, then at night we watched The Project on Channel 10, filmed at meal service and featuring two special pals of ours. Considering the team was filming from 10am to 5.30pm and interviewed a number of clients, it was a pretty disappointing length, however any publicity is good publicity. Went to Ela Mesa Greek restaurant in Woy Woy for dinner and I enjoyed Moreton Bay Bugs and King Prawns, before going ‘home’ to sit by the fire and chew the fat. Robert is over half way through his radiotherapy and four weeks after he finishes that they are off to the Galapagos Islands, the last item on his bucket list.

August 4, 2018

Robert’s builder friend arrived early to help John get the sleepers into position and cement them in. Then J was able to spend the rest of the day assembling the library parts and installing them, with an excellent result. Two different couples popped in over the course of the day, each served tea and some of John’s homemade sultana cake. We ate in and enjoyed sitting around the fire again, in my case reading Ronan Farrow’s War on Peace, a depressingly familiar tale of American waste of billions on warfare while decimating their spending on diplomacy and humanitarian aid. Multi billions have been spent funding brutal, unmanageable opposition groups in Afghanistan, Somalia, Egypt, Iraq, Syria, Colombia etc etc. In Syria they were funding three different opposition groups to defeat Assad and the three were fighting each other, all on American coin. What a farce.

August 5, 2018

Robert asked yesterday if I wanted to go on a bushwalk today, but when I got up he had gone. He was soon back and said he’d just been ‘testing the rope’ needed to get down the cliff on the walk he’d chosen, rope ladder I’m thinking. Soon we set out and eventually came to a cliff with a rope hanging over it. ‘Here we are’ he smiled, and proceeded to give me a lesson in abseiling down a shortish but steep cliff with fridge sized boulders at the bottom. He went down easily, as you would if you’ve climbed Kilimanjaro and walked Kokoda, but I am not fond of heights, nor crashing onto large boulders. However with his ‘encouragement’ I bit the bullet and made it down, though at one stage, just as I was about to say ‘I can’t do this’, I lost control and was swinging uncontrolled on the damned rope, with Robert desperately yelling ‘don’t let go!’. Fairly obvious I would have thought when a broken back, at least, was my lot if I did. But I managed to give the impression that rope swinging down a cliff is my favourite way to spend Sunday and we continued on our way to the bottom where Sue picked us up. Later we went to the beach cafe and ate fish wraps on the grass, what a wonderful relaxing weekend with much loved friends.

August 6, 2018

Late last night, John got an email from the philanthropic grant body he had applied to for 100,000 smackers on behalf of the charity we support. He was told effectively that his application had reached the long list and on August 30 there is a social function to announce the short list of 8 before the ‘winner’ is selected at the end of the year. He passed that info up the chain and just got a reply saying basically ‘thanks, I will attend that’. Sharing the joy with him on the night might have been nice, considering two could go, but no.

John had an meeting with the Tenant Network and I had one with Tricia half an hour earlier, so he dropped me off at Barrack Street and continued on to Central. Then I went wallet shopping. In Myers I was asked ‘what brand do you want?’ a funny question to me, it is the qualities of an item I look for, not the brand. After much agonising, including consideration of buying one in an op shop, I narrowed it down to 3. (Robert’s dilemma has convinced me I can treat myself with new stuff sometimes). The winner was……….a burnt orange soft leather number from a brand I’d never heard of, it easily beat the Oroton competitor which was double the price and the Guess one which I discovered was PVC when I dug inside for a label. My last hand made one lasted 25 years, so 25 from this one would be nice.

August 7, 2018

Early appointment with Dr Rooney, the orthopaedic surgeon to whom we went for a second opinion on John’s knee. He is verbose, voluble, funny and self-deprecating ‘patients get worried I am going to charge them by the word’ and I think I’m in love. But seriously he was so refreshing ‘why would you want a second knee replacement after going through one and having all these complications?’, ‘20% of people who have knee replacements wish they hadn’t’, ‘I like people to crawl into my office in agony, then I know they’ll be pleased after they’ve had it’. He agreed with having a biopsy but we got the impression it was partly to prove to Dr Ellis (whom he admires and would use himself) that another op isn’t warranted. But he prefers John to go off antibiotics for 4 days first, a risky scenario which we need to clear with the infectious diseases people first. Apparently only 5% of people with artificial knee infections are controlled adequately with antibiotics, so he is in that rare successful group. Still on the merry-go-round but feeling positive with this guy on it with us.

August 8, 2018

Well the cards are dribbling in by post, got a credit card yesterday, an EFTPOS one today plus driver’s licence, heaps more to go. Did a run to Windsor and visited one of our meal service clients in hospital. He lost a leg at 21, due to contracting Golden Staph from swimming in the Hawkesbury River, then at 48 he got cancer in the larynx and from then on has been unable to speak. Now he’s just been told he has liver, lung and stomach cancer, but in the middle of all that he spent 10 years sleeping on the river bank waiting for a Housing Commission flat, he’s gone from one disaster to another but can still raise a smile. He wrote on his pad that the hospital food wasn’t near as good as what we serve on the riverbank. From there I went to donate a bag of groceries at our storage, which was being manned just by the prison inmates and a guard who help us on Wednesdays. While stacking the goods into the shelves I got talking to an inmate and picked his accent as somewhere in South America. It turned out to be Colombia, so we had a discussion about that country and I mentioned Ronan Farrow’s comments about how much America had thrown at defeating the leftist FARC rebels. FARC was much used in our subsequent conversation and when I walked into the other room all the inmates and the guard looked somewhat confused, so I needed to explain that we were discussing Colombian FARC rather than Australian fark! Funny that it was much more light-hearted there without any supervisors present.

August 9, 2018

Carly arrived last night dead on her ETA of 6pm. Did a version of Saganaki Prawns for dinner but with a bit of chili added, yummo. We chewed the fat for 6 hours in front of the fire and fell into bed at 12.30am. Today we decided we needed some nature and tossed up between the Kuringai Wildflower Garden and Koala Park. The latter won so we spent the afternoon feeding milk to lambs, patting koalas and kangaroos, talking to cockies and having lumps of boiled rice snatched off our hands by emus. Perfect weather for such pursuits. John spoke to infectious diseases after repeated calls and has gone off antibiotics till his procedure on Monday, I am worried about his doing so and hope they made the right decision, we’ve always been told septicaemia lies down that path.

August 10, 2018

Baked the dessert for dinner service tomorrow night, John will take it and pick up the icecream and custard on the way, they are de rigeur. We take the Esky now and get Coles to pack some ice into it as I got sick of serving melted icecream, eew. John has discovered another grant possibility, one for the training and support of volunteers, which he will mention tomorrow night, not expecting any enthusiasm on that one though. Picked up my latest from the library, Collusion, about the Trump-Russia allegations. I hadn’t realised that so much had been documented by UK ex-spy Steele and subsequently published. It’s scary stuff. It seems that spies have a second career these days spying for business and private clients, once they just went to breed cattle in Tasmania. Had a lunch invitation from the lady who has been writing to me since she saw the article about the street library in the local press. We have similar taste in books apparently and also I used to work at Sydney Uni with her husband’s cousin who was a genetics professor, small world.

August 11, 2018

Down to Erko first thing to help mind Millie for the weekend while Dav and Louis have a mini holiday at Milton Park at Bowral, erstwhile home of the famous Anthony Hordern of department store fame. Aunty Carly, known to Millie as just Carty, was the co-wrangler. She is very mummy/daddy-focussed right now and grandmas of both persuasions are on the long finger, but luckily Carty filled the bill, being a twin of mum can’t have hurt there. All the important stuff like eating, sleeping and bath time went off perfectly fine so a sigh of relief was heard in the inner west.

August 12, 2018

After a play at a nearby park we three went to Bitton at Alexandria for brunch. Their breakfast crepes with berry compote were probably the best I’ve eaten, classical French technique in that kitchen. Carly’s omelette was huge and looked delicious but I was glad I hadn’t ordered it due to the size, she took half home in a takeaway box, cardboard of course. Millie voted her child size serving of the crepes as super good. Dav and Louis reported great things of Milton Park, excellent accommodation and food in a wonderful house and garden, one to keep in mind.

August 13, 2018

Good to be home and the pansies I recently planted looked parched in two days, so lucky I came back when I did. I have never watered my grass verge in 41 years, it dies down in the dry and greens up again when we’ve had rain. But it has died, totally and completely died, which tells me something about climate change in that space of time. It drives me nuts hearing about ‘the drought’ when government won’t face up to the fact that great swathes of Australia just won’t support agriculture into the future. So do we keep throwing money at farms that can’t survive long term? Apparently that’s exactly what we do. I read a decade ago that forecasts predict Perth having a long-term increase in rain and the eastern states having the opposite, which is exactly what is happening. Perth gets rain and it travels east over Tasmania and continues on to New Zealand. Hobart has been awash this winter. It is terrifying and nobody in power is listening.

Finished reading Karl Ove Knausgaard’s book A Death in the Family, the first in his autobiographical series of six books (so far). It is minutely detailed a la Proust, with long descriptions of a fly landing on his brother’s arm or of his cleaning a house ‘I got the Jif and put it on a rag, then rubbed it up and down the bannister and watched the dirt come off’, sentences like this go on for pages, but every now and again you come across something that stops you in your tracks, like his discussions on death, his need for solitude, his somewhat controversial feelings about family for example. I am not at all sorry that I read it, but not sure I can justify the time to read the other five, unlike Elena Ferrante’s four part autobiographical series which I had to read, whatever else was happening in life. I did find Knausgaard’s lack of chapters particularly annoying though.

August 14, 2018

Had a visit from Brigitte who wanted an opinion on a Dickens wall plaque which was Ivorex, a combination of plaster of Paris and plasticisers with a waxed finish to imitate ivory, popular in England in the first half of the 1900s, particularly the 20s to 40s. I baked a sponge and filled it with strawberries and cream and after we each had a small piece Brigitte said ‘I hope you’ve got someone else to eat the rest of this cake’ and I thought ‘shit, she’s got a point, I haven’t’ so I’m hoping John the gardener comes today. Also served chocolate and mint brownies left over from dinner service, I don’t eat those but at least they keep.

I am unhappy that John agreed to go off the antibiotics before the biopsy, I was always resistant to the idea, but he accepted the assurances that it would be ok. Now he is in constant pain, clearly the infection has flared up and any idiot knows it is easier to keep an infection down than to suppress one that has flared up. My argument was that if going off the antibiotics was optional (as it was) then it was too risky and so it has proved. He can’t even drive now, plus our appointment with the orthopaedic surgeon is tomorrow and he will use John’s disability as proof of the need for surgery. Should have been more forceful, my strong instincts are rarely wrong.

August 15, 2108

Was pondering what to do today, to go to town to a trial or to ICAC, to the pathology museum, visit someone in hospital, attack hucking the storeroom, but the wind made me slow to decide. Then Heather texted asking if there was any cake at my house. Yes, come over, I replied. We sat and talked and drank tea for 2 and a half hours and that solved the issue. Later John the gardener came and ate cake as well, I should have known it would have takers. I asked him to plant one camellia a week ago and now the whole back corner is dug up ‘you can’t plant a tree without clearing the ground of roots’ and he has filled a green bin with same and two buckets with bits of pottery, metal pipe, rocks and other archaeological finds. The camellia is still in its pot……

Last night I watched Filthy Rich and Homeless on channel 10 after a tip that one of the ‘filthy rich’ had shacked up for a few nights in a van with one of our clients on the river. That episode screens tonight, but I was intrigued by how quickly these poised people cracked once their money and phones were removed and they were set down in the streets to fend for themselves alone. I would have been the same, but being filmed meant they had the support and protection of a camera person at least. Not knowing where your next meal is coming from is a sobering feeling I would imagine.

August 16, 2018

Well I won’t say ‘I told you so’, I promise. John’s knee became so bad last night that I headed off to his place at midnight and drove him to St. Vincent’s. I parked at the door, went ahead into emergency and he hobbled behind on a stick. By the time he got to the desk the doors had opened and it was ‘go to bed 10’. His knee and leg were double normal size so they did an xray, took blood, gave him morphine and set him on a drip. Later they took two big syringes of pus out of the knee and we are back to June 2017. I got home at 4am and at 7am his next door neighbour contacted me to say that a plumber had arrived to repair the leak in his bathroom wall that was sending water into the flat below. Luckily John had left Ann a key so that went ahead. I called in to his flat and the bathroom was a nightmare of tools and mess with tiles off the wall and pipes being welded, a job which took all day in the end. At the hospital I bumped into the registrar Hussein whom we saw at an appointment only last week and castigated him about taking John off the antibiotics. He said it was a gamble but John is the one who lost. Now we must focus on getting him back as he was, but I fear that will be an uphill task and that the second knee replacement is much more likely than it was last week.

August 17, 2018

Stayed at Davina’s last night as I was so exhausted. Millie charged into my room this morning looking for ‘Carty’ and was very disappointed to find that it was only grandma. I helped get her ready for day care before leaving to go to the hospital. John is minutely better, but was able to get up on a walking frame to have a shower. If he doesn’t improve they may do a surgical washout, it doesn’t look promising so far. Some talk also of sending him off to be looked after by the original orthopaedic surgeon, all in flux. There was a woman continually screaming and swearing at the staff in another room and when I passed there were four burly security guards with surgical gloves, plus a doctor and a nurse outside the room. It looked like something out of a prison movie. Drug withdrawal, mental illness, who knows? Stephen texted that he was on the train at Brooklyn coming to see

John but I kept the surprise and John was absolutely stoked when he walked in.

August 18, 2018

Late yesterday the infectious diseases registrar came to see John and apologised that she’d agreed to his going off the antibiotics, then came John Rooney who said that he thinks now that having a second knee replacement is the way to go. Both said they were very surprised by the speed and severity of the infection, so it looks like we are headed into three months of hospital and rehab.

Cooked sticky date pudding for 50 and served tonight. Met up with Mark who starred this week on channel 10’s Filthy Rich and Homeless programme and asked for his autograph on my arm. He said the person he was paired with, Cameron Daddo, has called him occasionally ever since the filming and when Mark’s van wasn’t working he paid for the repairs. Mark excitedly told me he would be ‘going over to Cameron’s place soon’. Where does he live? I asked. ‘Oh he doesn’t like me to say’ said Mark with a grin. He’s enjoying being the centre of attention and so he should, the programme did a lot for the cause of the homeless. He offered a kiss on my cheek and told me not to wash it off. I so wish the volunteers made me laugh like the clients do, even occasionally. Is it religion that makes them so humourless? Some are religious but others I wouldn’t have a clue. Perhaps the ones that like a laugh don’t stick around? I don’t know.

August 19, 2018

Went to John’s and cleared out his fridge to his neighbour as we don’t know when he will return home. Then as I was driving up Macquarie St on my way to the hospital, I jagged a lucky parking spot and dived into it knowing it was the last day of the Harvest art exhibition there. I didn’t dream I would still get to go but the universe was looking after me. It was superb, with still life portraits of fruit, eggs and vegetables that made me want to eat them off the canvas. I’m glad my favourites were all sold as I would have been sorely tempted, Charlotte Thodey is the goods! John was much better today but his knee looks the same, huge. I stayed all day and Robert rang for a talk, he is coming to visit him on Tuesday. When I got home I rang my neighbour and asked if he wanted half a cake and a motza of sticky date pudding and he was over here as quickly as if there were a fire. Glad to see it being eaten.

August 20, 2018

Linda messaged me to say to be careful driving into town all the time as you can have an accident when your mind is full of of other things. First personal message I’d ever had from her. Ha. I have never had an accident that was my fault in nearly 50 years of driving. Until today that is. I was going round the block as usual looking for a park and Eureka! there was one right outside the hospital, too good to be true. It was rear to kerb, so I held up the traffic while backing in and avoiding a man on the road edge who was making a phone call. Lined up with the car next to me and reversed, except it was diagonally angled rear to kerb, not right angle. I didn’t hear or feel a bump but when I got out my bumper had hit the car next door near its rear. Oh lordy me, there goes my claim to fame, ‘never caused an accident in my life!’ John was comforting but I felt terrible nonetheless, however the insurance will sort it out and increase my premium no doubt. Went to Dav’s for the night, just in time to say goodnight to Millie, not that she’s got much time for grandmas of either persuasion at the moment.

August 21, 2018

Millie is quite addicted to shapes, usually we are talking about rectangles or circles but now it is rhombus or trapezoid or tetrahedron, positively addicted. This carries over into jigsaw puzzles which are the new craze, as she puts in a piece that fits she says ‘shape’. Amazing how the brain focuses on one thing until it’s sorted. Went in to St. V’s from Erskineville which gave me an insight into the convenience of city living. Not long after I got there Robert and Sue arrived, to much mirth all round. He celebrated his last radiation treatment today. Then, as if to join the celebration, the doc came to say that John’s CRP had gone down from 260 to 107, so they thought he could manage on oral antibiotics and could therefore go home. Hurrah!! The fact that a normal CRP is anything less than five didn’t dampen the celebrations. By the time the discharge papers were done it was 4.30pm but no complaint, except that at the foyer cafe I had the worst quiche imaginable for lunch, full of gristly bacon and tomato, passed off as a Quiche Lorraine. Ugh, no wonder it came with a sachet of tomato sauce.

We were planning to go to Baulko but he was told to see the doc again at 10am tomorrow, so we repaired to Lane Cove, despite the fact that I’d emptied his fridge expecting a longer hospital stay. I had planned to watch Foreign Correspondent tonight, with Sean Dorney reporting on Papua New Guinea, and to my great surprise John wasn’t going to bother. ‘But he’s your relative’, I said. ‘Oh is he?’ John replied, ‘I’d better watch it then’. Later he said ‘yes, I do have relatives called Dorney’. More problems going on than just his knee I’m thinking. Amazing programme anyway.

August 22, 2018

With some trepidation we went to see Dr Ellis, who was sympathetic to John’s reluctance to face major surgery, but opined that he is in danger of the knee blowing up again every time he gets sick, or worse, if he needs chemo again. So reluctantly he has agreed to ‘The Big Op’. We were warned about how taxing it would be a year ago, but now it’s worse since the recent acute infection. He will go into RNSH in 2-3 weeks and have the old knee removed, 2 weeks in hospital, then he will come home to my house for 12 WEEKS with no knee, just an orthopaedic cement block holding his leg out straight. He won’t be able to walk except with crutches, or bend his leg or get in and out of a car most probably, so it will be home detention a la Philip Wilson, except he hasn’t done anything to deserve it. He will be looked after by Hospital in the Home, on an antibiotic drip managed by daily visits from nurses. We had been told this would be for 6 weeks, but now it is 12 because his knee is so much worse. Then he goes back to get a new knee put in, 1 week in hospital, then to rehab, a total of 5 months. What fun! He should be all done by next February. We went to Lillah for lunch to discuss the logistics and lick our wounds, then home for a somewhat sombre night.

August 23, 2018

John insisted on going to an important all day meeting at Family and Community Services regarding community housing. He wasn’t really well enough but with the help of doses of Endone, he made it. I dropped him at the bus stop and he cabbed from the city stop to the meeting and back. I said I would pick him up from the bus in the afternoon but calls to his mobile went unanswered, so I parked at the agreed spot to wait. Eventually he rang home and luckily my friend Michelle was here, she called me to say he had forgotten I was picking him up and anyway had overshot the bus stop, so I needed to go and get him from a few streets away. Too many confusions at the moment.

August 24, 2018

Bought groceries for family and friends lunch on Sunday, but went into a bit of a funk, not helped by watching Tony Abbott and friends tear down a Prime Minister. I forecast a week ago that Dutton would challenge, but Morrison would scoot up the middle and take the top job. I wish I’d put money on it now. I bet Morrison still offers the treacherous Dutton a ministry. Thought about cancelling book group but John urged me to go, even though he didn’t feel up to it himself. Michelle drove which helped an though I can’t say I had a fun night out, I was glad I went. Lots of support from friends helps.

August 25, 2018

Woke up still in a funk and realised I can’t go ahead with the lunch tomorrow, despite having bought all the food. Contacted Dav to defer till next weekend and she will contact Beth and Andre. The thought of the next five months is pressing down on me and I need some more time before I can socialise, my mind is elsewhere at the moment. John contacted his daughter’s partner when he was in hospital to let them know his situation, but not a call, text, email or even a $1 card has resulted, as expected. My contempt for all of them is intense right now, wasted energy I know, but that’s the way it is. I can never get out of my mind the text message he received when he was ill previously “I hope you die soon.” and often wonder if she didn’t ‘point the bone’ as the Aboriginal people believe, as he has never been well since that day.

August 26, 2018

Decided we needed to skip town for a mental health day, so we took off early for Berrima, Bowral and Mittagong. After a Devonshire tea at Stone’s in Berrima we did over the occasional Berrima Markets which we were lucky enough to catch, picking up River Gum Honey and (glee) Mandarin Jam. John bought me Macadamia Toffee and Mixed Nut Toffee, so sweets are pretty well covered. On to Dirty Jane’s at Bowral, a huge antiques and old wares business where we mooched around and bought zip. Drove around the grounds of Milton Park, the old home of Anthony Hordern and now a lux hotel. John opined that a few days there ‘making a hole in the inheritance’ would be a good reward for what he must go through over the next few months. Walked around The Gib and marvelled at all the buildings which have been built out of its volcanic stone, including the QVB, National Library, ANZAC Memorial in Hyde Park and major public works such as the Hawkesbury River Bridge at Brooklyn.

August 27, 2018

Stephen and Deborah jumped in to help John last year by buying and having delivered a Lay-Z-Boy electric reclining chair in lush leather when he came out of hospital. When he recovered somewhat it was moved to his house where it has pride of place. I intended to book a carrier and organise its return to Baulko in coming weeks to be here for his long recovery period post surgery. But today was delivered a second electric recliner, this time a Scandinavian leather number, again from Deborah and Stephen, “so he can have one at each house”. I don’t know of anyone who targets gifts in the way these folks do, from a chair to a giant jigsaw, always just at the right time. The man delivering the chair tried to convince John that he doesn’t need medical treatment, just prayer, and left us some books and tracts for our reading pleasure. Drove John home today and then we went up to Lane Cove to buy him a week’s groceries as he can’t manage his manual car. Note to self: try not to be impatient when he is walking at a snail’s pace, he told me not to keep rushing today.

August 28, 2018

Drove up to Killcare for a visit today, feasting on a wonderful lunch of stuffed mushrooms, cheesy artichokes, salad, prosciutto and olive bread. John had made the sign for their street library and wanted to install it before he goes to hospital. Now it has been photographed and will be up on the library directory website within days. Robert is well and positive and though Sue tried to convince us to stay overnight, but I think they need some time on their own as she had previously mentioned the stress of the constant family visits and the work that entails.

One exciting development today was a call to John from his housing manager offering him the downstairs flat which was totally burnt out in a massive fire a few months ago. Work is just starting on its renovation from the current black hole, so it could be finished by the time he is ready to go back home. One advantage is that it has a garage, so his workshop would no longer need to be on the verandah. Disadvantages include lack of a view and lack of privacy as all windows are level with the path into the building. Thinking.

August 29, 2018

I have long been trying to find my old friends Joan and Colin. Joan was my landlady for more than 15 years in my shop, then her restaurant business failed, she went bankrupt and in the process sold the building I tenanted to her brother-in-law who was my landlord from then till the bitter end. Colin is a much older friend, going back to about 1966 and was my introduction into the social group of gay boys whom I hung out with from then on. I have tried Facebook and attempting to contact them through mutual friends but neither has worked. So today I rang the Electoral Commission and discovered that I could do searches in their Parramatta office. Heather had mentioned having lunch together one day so we combined the two things. I found Joan in about 20 seconds, knowing both her middle names helped there, she is in Dungog, so now I can send off a letter. She is a very funny woman, chain-smoking, loud, a raucous laugh, generous, bold and outrageous. When her ex-husband cheated on her with a waitress in their restaurant she did what many of us might want to do: she went home and cut up all his clothes with scissors, then threw him out in what he stood up in. He lived for a while in his van, then was taken in by a nephew. Colin on the other hand is a gentle soul, much loved and I am so sorry to have lost touch about 40 years ago. I did find one only person with his name, also in the Hunter Valley oddly, at Rutherford. We shall see if it is the same one. John can no longer drive his manual car, so did a bit of shopping with him in the afternoon, saw Amrita at St Vincent’s for what is hopefully the last visit to the infectious diseases team.

August 30, 2018

Started a batch of cumquat jam and caught up with boring chores. Picked John up in the afternoon and we headed into town to see The Turk in Italy by Rossini, trying to forget that we missed Aida when John was in hospital, this opera is the last for the year in our subscription, luckily as it’s turned out as we won’t be going anywhere after next week. It was very funny, reimagined around Sorrento in the 1950s-60s with all the candy colours that implies. I had to chip a man for checking his emails half way through! Once more and I’d have confiscated the phone happily. As we slowly walked back to the car John decided he wanted icecream, but all our usual haunts were closed, so I asked some passing cops how to slake an icecream addiction nearby and they suggested Pancakes on the Rocks, so at midnight we were ordering macadamia pancakes and icecream, the place was quite full even when we left near 1am. The pancakes were stodgy and macadamias few, but it was an unusual treat and what he felt like doing, so I was happy. Got to bed after 1.30am.

August 31, 2018

Had an appointment with Bob Elliott at 11.45……at least that was what John told me, but when we arrived it turned out that it was at 11, so we had to wait for a gap in proceedings to see him. A check of John’s diary showed it clearly listed as 11am, so I need to be checking these things more carefully. Bob is singing at the Opera House this weekend but sadly I won’t manage to fit that in amongst all else. John was to go home after the appointment, but changed his mind and came back here instead. He really isn’t well, having three sleeps in his new chair in the course of the day, one took over an hour out of the football which he planned to watch. Dug out his guardianship documents and he also went over his will again and decided he was happy with it.

September 1, 2018

Today after breakfast John took to his chair at 9am and slept there on and off for the rest of the day till we went out in the evening. I cooked for meal service and went out there to find I was the only volunteer apart from members of the management team. You would expect a degree of rapport with the only remaining Saturday volunteer, right? Wrong. They didn’t say hello, just talked amongst themselves, one giving me a wave as I worked but not speaking at all, except of course if I put something in the wrong place or used the wrong buns with the soup. Normally I am consciously bright and breezy, always the first to greet them, but obviously if I don’t take that initiative, no one else will. As I was leaving I made a point of asking how the raffles went on the boat cruise we were unable to attend. I had donated a book worth $60 and another volunteer donated a $50 Myers card. ‘Oh, I didn’t want to be bothered with doing raffles on the boat, so I put each donation in a separate bag and sold them as mystery prizes for $10 each. They loved them.’ Well yes if you are buying a $50 card for $10, I guess you would. This not only robs the donor but robs the charity too, but I didn’t have the energy to point that out.

We went to First Saturday, a talk by Jane on her desert travels. It was a reminder of my disastrous desert experience in Dubai, travelling up and down sandhills in a four wheel drive, vomiting all the way and not being able to get out. At night there was a dinner under the stars, but no food for moi, just lying on the sand wondering if I would survive the trip as I was so dehydrated. It ruined the rest of my stay there as I was then unable to get out of bed for the next couple of days. The sight of those 4WDs brought it all back, ugh. It is a strange experience going out at the moment, sort of an observer of friends out and having fun, but not a part of it at all, just hearing my voice talking and wondering if I am appearing normal to those around me, quite a surreal experience in fact.

September 2, 2018

Took John home last night as he wished, so my family and friends BBQ ended up with just the three of us plus Millie, Beth coming only for afternoon tea. Did the Ultimate Winter Couscous from Ottolenghi with roasted pumpkin, swede, parsnip, carrot and chick peas which I thought was a dull day winner. The big apple, pear and blueberry crumble went pretty much uneaten so I gave it as takeaways to Beth and Davina and brought some to John’s tonight. Millie likes me again for reasons that are unclear, but my baby-sitting next Friday will be much easier now I know she won’t be hiding from me. She was calling me Tickle Monster and when they left she put more words together than I’ve ever heard her say: ‘Bye bye Grandma, it was nice meeting you’. Had a weep listening to a Stan Rogers CD while I was cooking, so by the time the visitors arrived I was apparently cool, calm and collected, but I don’t think I will ever get through one of his albums without shedding at least one tear. John is in planning mode, today he typed up all of his many medications to show the hospital, a comprehensive two pages for their reading pleasure.

September 3, 2018

Went into town for an appointment with Tricia, the psychologist/counsellor from the Benevolent Society, whom I can see whenever I need to. I told her what was happening with John and described the weird sensation of being ‘absent from the body’. Ah, she said, I’ve just done a course on dissociation and that’s absolutely classic. The event seems ‘unreal’ or the person feels detached from what’s going on around them, as if watching the whole thing on television. She said this is probably how I coped as a child (true) to distance myself from trauma so now when things are going badly wrong I have just gone back to what worked in the distant past. So I am not mad, just coping, which is a big relief. I felt a lot better for going to see her for an extended session and she offered to do as many more sessions as I need via phone at home if things get difficult. She recommended getting as much sorted as possible now, so I rang Carol to check on the Power of Attorney she did a few years ago, but then he found it carefully filed under…..Power of Attorney Documents…..so that was a relief, it’s all done. Will ring My Aged Care later to see what can be accessed there and visit the hire service we used last time to organise any aids we need.

John is so keen to start the move into his new downstairs flat, which is still a burnt out ruin, that he is going to ask if he can have the garage before he goes to hospital so his workshop can be moved in. Despite the fact that this may not happen, he wanted me to take him to Macquarie Centre to buy brooms, a dustpan, a bin etc to help fit it out. I hate most shopping centres but this one particularly and we managed to park on Level O and ride up a one way escalator to Level 1. Do you think we could get back there at the end of shopping? There was no down escalator and the lifts don’t go below Level 1. We were assured by people we asked that ‘you just go in the lift’ but in the end we had to go with a trolley out onto the road and walk along a dangerous one way traffic entry (going the wrong way) till we found where we had come in, and eventually the car. At one point we were in the staff carpark and an employee said ‘this place is so badly designed, many people lose the way to their cars on Level O and even though I work here I can’t help tell you where to go’. Third time I’ve been to that hole of a place, third and last.

September 4, 2018

Up early to get to RNSH for pre-admission clinic at 8am and then planned to go to Manly for a haircut and lunch. Ha, other ideas prevailed and we left just before 5pm.

We had appointments with 2 nurses of different types, an orthopaedic registrar, 2 anaesthetists and the cardiologist. First anaesthetist said John’s cough could be heart related and wouldn’t sign off to do the op without the opinion of his cardiologist that it was safe. Luckily Gemma is in the next building and she agreed to see him asap today. She decided there was nothing more she could do for his heart that she hasn’t already done, so she wrote a report to take back, however by then the first doc was in theatre. We saw her compatriot who opined that the sort of unexplained cough he has could be indicative of congestive heart failure, but seeing the knee infection could kill him eventually (something we had never been told explicitly) it was better to accept the risk of the operation in the hope of a cure, for that problem at least. Then it was off to pathology for a raft of blood tests and to radiology for a chest x-ray. So we’ve been told over the day that the knee infection is/isn’t life-threatening, that he will be in hospital for 14 versus 21 days initially, that the cough sounds like/doesn’t sound like heart failure, that after surgery he will come home/go to rehab. Right now it doesn’t seem to matter, we are home at John’s, too tired to put the jug on just yet, but a cup of tea and some food will make it all seem like a dream.

September 5, 2018

Worried about the possibility of the anaesthetist being right (which means everyone else was wrong) about the cause of John’s cough. If he is in heart failure it wouldn’t make sense to go ahead with surgery, not just due to the risk of the op, but because it would mean taking up a big part of the rest of his life with surgery, hospital, rehab, pain and immobility. If it is CHF it is well advanced to be causing a cough that bad. Jane rang after going to lunch with John and was ‘shocked’ by his condition: pale, breathless,wasted, coughing and said she would be disinclined to go into major surgery that way. I have emailed the cardiologist with a list of questions, left a message for infectious diseases, and spoken to Dr Rooney who gave him the second opinion on the knee. He said ‘anaesthetists are pessimists who hate going to the coroner’s court’, he’s a very funny man. But then he asked about the cough and said ‘it certainly sounds like a CHF cough as you describe it’, agreeing that if that were the diagnosis it would be a negative as regards to operating, adding that ‘the knee infection could become antibiotic resistant at any time though’. So it is Hobson’s Choice. Too stressed to cook any dinner, lucky John is at Lane Cove.

September 6, 2018

Where to start? Had an hour plus conversation with Steve. He is coming down on Friday to meet John at Kinghorn where he will be having his last IgG transfusion before surgery. I will drop him there but then I’m booked for Millie wrangling till Saturday morning, so Stephen will escort John home and stay for dinner and overnight. They are so supportive, don’t know how I’d manage without them. John couldn’t get onto the cardiologist for her opinion so he rang the surgeon and he is going to ring her and discuss what should be done. If the diagnosis is congestive heart failure we can accept that, we just want it expressed overtly and explained. I had hoped to go out to Windsor to visit Brian who isn’t well either, but there’s just too much going on so when I rang and his daughter answered I decided to dip out of that one.

Reading ‘Fascism: A Warning’ by Madeleine Albright and she gives a potted history of WWs I and II which is worth reading in itself. One moving extract from a Czech Jewish woman’s memoir is cited, only at the end does she explain that it was written by her 53 year old maternal grandmother before being shipped off to Germany and executed. I hadn’t realised that ‘drain the swamp’ was Mussolini’s catch cry ‘drenare la palude’, followed by his sacking of 35,000 public servants. I thought that at least was all Trump’s own work, but no. The book was written to warn of the dangers of Trump, the Fascist in our midst in her opinion, though plenty of others are coming to that same conclusion, it’s a pretty compelling read.

September 7, 2018

A morning spent at John’s while he made copies of endless documents for me, his super, will, power of attorney, funeral details, enduring guardianship and more. I guess it doesn’t hurt to update all this stuff once in a while, I should do the same. He spoke to the surgeon again and we waited yet another day for him to be able to get in touch with the cardiologist, is she in Antarctica one wonders? But one good point was that he said to John that he completely trusts the particular anaesthetist who isn’t happy with his heart, so if the surgery needs to be deferred in order for her to be happy, then so be it. Amen to that. I drove John to Kinghorn for his transfusion and went on to Erko to mind Millie overnight. Stephen came via train and bus from Newcastle (on his birthday!) and escorted his nibs home, then stayed for dinner and overnight, something John was really looking forward to.

September 8, 2018

A Millie morning watching cartoons, then to John’s where the boys were only just out of their beds at 9.30. We travelled to Baulko with Steve in tow and I finished off my two orange and chocolate cakes with choc frosting for meal service tonight. Lunched with Steve and he kindly opened one of his foodie gifts from us, biscuits so dry and tasteless that you would be forgiven for thinking they were large pellets for livestock. When the label says no this and no that it is sometimes code for no taste. Took off to a small service of only 20 people, just one cake was eaten along with the obligatory custard and icecream so I left the second one there for Sunday night. A sad note, one of our clients with mental health problems gave birth to her child, fed it and was then taken off for a medical test, while she was gone the welfare took the baby with no discussion. We sort of knew this would happen, but she was not pre-warned and had been sure she would be allowed to keep the baby because she had rental accommodation and a stable relationship with her partner. The hospital turfed her out almost immediately but within days she had to be readmitted to a larger unit via ambulance. Duty of care people? Humanity maybe?

September 9, 2018

Today was our last free day before surgery as tomorrow the My Aged Care people are coming to do an assessment and also John may be fasting, or not. Still haven’t heard from Ellis so we have no idea what is going on. Frustration on John’s part caused cancellation of our plans to go to the movies in case he misses a call, instead we watched Insiders in our jamies. Always good to see Libs coming unstuck, it warms the soul. I did watch Morrison’s Albury speech in full online the other day and it was full of warm fuzziness, I kept expecting him to invite us to ‘come on down, come on down’ a la Billy Graham, but I guess that is the gospel style he is used to, walking up and down the stage with a mike. Prediction: We will be getting lots of legislation on religious freedom, and I don’t mean for Muslims. Be careful what you wish for Scomo, these things can have unintended consequences. Then I packed a suitcase for a night? a week? at John’s as he’s asked me to be here till he either goes to surgery or else it is deferred or cancelled. Brought clothes for every occasion as well as a supply of books as he is talking about taking me out to dinner tonight, so I have clothes suitable for either Bennelong or the local pub, just in case.

September 10, 2018

Last night we debated where to go for dinner….throw caution to the wind, frock up, cross the bridge to Kings Cross and go to Apollo or stay in our jeans and go to the Royal Hotel then to Koi for dessert? While we were debating John said ‘I just realised I am too exhausted to go anywhere’ so we did a fridge raid instead. Still hoping for some clarity we phoned the surgeon’s rooms, he rang back saying he’d only just managed to get onto the cardiologist and she was okay for the surgery to go ahead. John accepted that decision but when he put Andrew on the phone to me I decided not to repeat the mistake I made about taking him off the antibiotics and that I should stick to my gut feeling. Told Andrew that I couldn’t see how she came to a firm decision without an echocardiogram and he quickly offered to write a referral if only I could get an appointment for one. I rang Gemma’s office and did a bit of pleading and bingo, we got in at 2pm. Unusually the sonographer wouldn’t discuss the result at all and the cardiologist on duty wouldn’t give us the results either, saying it must come from Gemma. We left disgruntled as by then it was 3.30 and near 5pm someone rang and said ‘John’s operation isn’t going ahead tomorrow’. I think it is I replied, but she said ‘no this is Gemma’s secretary and she has cancelled the operation after seeing the echo result’.

In the following couple of hours we had calls from the surgeon’s office, the admissions office twice and the registrar, all expecting to see him at 6am tomorrow ready for surgery first thing. Explained to each that it was off, to stunned silence. The registrar said ‘this might have happened for the best, Dr Ellis was worried about going ahead with John when he talked to me this morning, saying the surgery is major for a person with such a weak heart’ !!! This was before the echo!!! So now we see Gemma at 8 in the morning when all will be revealed, but to cancel without consulting the surgeon is a huge call and not one to be done lightly, so I fear for the results.

September 11, 2018

We were waiting in Gemma’s office well before she arrived at 8am. We both picked up a cool atmosphere from the three office staff and the sonographer who are usually so chatty, none of them even made eye contact as we waited. We have been labelled as troublemakers because we pushed for the echo and were found to be right. Gemma began by saying that the echo had shown severe aortic valve stenosis, possibly caused by infection on the valve, as usually it is a slow onset problem often caused by rheumatic fever, but his has come on just this year. John asked about congestive heart failure and she admitted he now has this as well, hence the cough which has been reported to 8 doctors so far this year. What if surgery had gone ahead, he asked? A high possibility of death if you’d had a general anaesthetic, she replied. (No apology, plus she barely looked at me, sitting face on to John and not glancing in my direction). He asked where we go from here and the reply was to do a more specialised in-hospital ultrasound to see if the valve is infected. Then a procedure to balloon the valve to temporarily stretch it so he can have an anaesthetic to take out the knee. After the whole knee procedure is complete and infection gone, she would install a new aortic valve by TAVR, then more surgery to put in a new knee. May I ask a question? I said. She half turned towards me and nodded, teeth clenched against the possibility I was going to be critical. What if he doesn’t do any of this? Then I would think he has 6-12 months to live she replied. As we went out the door she offered “thanks for keeping me on my toes”. All of the secretaries were strangely busy, eyes down, no cheery ‘goodbye John’ that he usually gets. What a Grade A ballsup.

September 12, 2018

Today I had two emails from friends reporting medical misadventures, unrelated to our experience because neither of them knew about it. Kathie’s sister was taken to hospital in agony and because she was old, screaming and crying, was put in a locked ward for dementia sufferers. When family intervened it was discovered she had a dislocated spine! My dear friend Jackie who lives at the beach near Newcastle has been battling cancer for many years. Nerves in her feet have been damaged by chemo so she finds walking difficult and any more chemo will put her in a wheelchair. Her devoted husband searched the internet for trials and discovered one eminently suitable for her situation so they approached her oncologist for a referral. Oh you don’t need to go to Sydney he said, they’ve been trialling that here at John Hunter Hospital for a year. Never had he mentioned it in the last year when Jackie has been asking for any treatment other than chemo. You can only shake your head.

September 13, 2018

Luckily the current book I am reading is quite engrossing. Called The French Girl, it is a novel about 6 Oxford friends who take a holiday together in France during which time the girl from the property next door disappears. A decade later a French policeman arrives in London to question each of them because her body has been found in a well in the garden of the house where they stayed. Is there a murderer amongst them? I say luckily, because I was able to sit up to finish the book last night rather than stressing endlessly about the immediate future.Went to the library and picked up 3 more books to tide me over and put in a ‘request to purchase’ for Everything Trump Touches Dies by Rick Wilson, a Republican strategist turned Trump-hater. Carly sends me photos of the pages late at night for a laugh.

John got a call from the hospital to say his urgent transoesophageal echocardiogram is happening tomorrow, just one day in RNSH. I am so much better coping with things happening than I am waiting for things to happen, so I am glad it’s been quick. I suddenly remembered that after we saw the cardiologist last week and no echo was done I sent off a very sweet email (I was still in awe of Gemma’s ability at that stage) querying whether it would be a good idea to do one before he had such a long anaesthetic. I got no reply and another 5 days passed before I brought the subject up with the surgeon, leading to having one done. So there really was no excuse for her stuffup. It eats me up that we could have lost him for nought. When this is all over I will need to tell her so for my sanity’s sake.

September 14, 2018

Never let a sucker have an even break, so they say. John’s trans echo (sounds like a gender bender calling out from the Katoomba cliffs) was going ahead as planned until I received a phone call from the doc to say that despite two lots of sedation they couldn’t get the probe down his throat and would need to reschedule it under a general anaesthetic. ‘But he can’t have a general’ I replied, ‘mmm, I will need to talk to the professor’

she said. I was told he could go home in 90 minutes so I spent the time writing a thankyou letter to the careful anaesthetist who picked up his heart problems so accurately and delivered the letter to her department. When I went up to get John he was fast off in the bed so I let him sleep for a couple more hours, the nurse said he’d had a heap of sedation. Just before we left Fran arrived as she had texted me earlier asking where we were and was on the train not too far away, so we both walked him to the car to come home. He isn’t keen to come to my house and I’m not keen to leave him alone so I’ve told HHH that I can neither cook nor serve tomorrow night. I had suggested going away for a few days after this and he liked the idea, as it might be the last chance we get for some time, but now he isn’t keen because he’s in waiting mode for the repeat procedure, though we would have been waiting for the next in any event.

September 15, 2018

John queried whether I still wanted to go away for a few days, but I could see, and he ultimately admitted, that it was because he knew I wanted a break away. I told him I would rather go when he is really keen as well, so we planned a day out within his capabilities, not an easy feat any more. Walks are out, as are hilly places, galleries or exhibitions, but he is always up for a movie so we went to Cremorne to see Three Identical Strangers, a doco about triplets separated at birth and reunited at the age of 20. I found it deeply moving and a wonderfully made film, with twists that I don’t want to mention in case anyone else gets to see it, which I sincerely hope they will. From there we went to Balmoral which was absolutely packed, but luckily we got a close park eventually and had fish, chips and salad opposite the beach. As I had packed for a few days only and not expected a day at the seaside I was overdressed in jeans, long-sleeved top, shoes and socks, amongst all the young things in bikinis I quite stood out and was uncomfortable in the 30+ degree heat. John seems to get weaker by the day, he’s lost another 2kgs, a total of 18 kgs since he had the chemo. Last night he exhausted himself bending to get ice cream out of the freezer drawer below the fridge, I am reluctant to leave him alone.

September 16, 2018

We had a restful day begun with watching Insiders, a favourite Sunday morning indulgence. I caught up on some chores while John rested. He wanted to see another movie but as usual it was 95% crap or Bollywood at Castle Hill, the only one John wanted to see was Christopher Robin and I wasn’t in the mood for schmaltz, my book a better option. Though I worry about his being alone, I figured that the cinema would be crowded enough for someone to call an ambulance if needed. Robert rang me when John was out, stressing strongly the need to have this heart infection treated quickly (we’re trying!!), he said that John’s condition is just as serious as Robert’s brain tumour was and it was operated on in two days. He said John’s condition may be successfully treated though, whereas Robert’s fate is sealed. I didn’t feel any more relaxed after that conversation, in fact my chest muscles were so tight I could barely eat dinner. It turns out that it takes a few weeks for a heart infection to show symptoms, lining up pretty much exactly with when he was taken off the antibiotics for 4 days.

September 17, 2018

Things are moving fast now! Gemma rang at 8am to tell John that she had had a conference with colleagues and a decision was taken to go straight to the first knee operation next week to reduce the bacterial load on his heart and doing the transoesophageal echo under the same general anaesthetic as the knee, with two teams in the operating theatre. That’s ok, except that she seems to be missing one step altogether, the ballooning of the valve which last week was ‘a critical step in getting you through a general anaesthetic’. Gemma is on the defensive now over missing his heart deterioration so suddenly, after years of explaining things fully, she bristles if asked many questions. She even commented that ‘Dr Green (the anaesthetist who discovered the heart issues) had no right to scare you by saying you couldn’t have an anaesthetic’. I am shocked that such a professional confident woman is finding it so difficult to accept that she made a mistake. It shows me that all the education and experience in the world doesn’t remove a person’s underlying frailties. I didn’t state the obvious, that if not for Dr Green John might not be here having this discussion.

Later he got a call from Gemma’s rooms telling John he will be going into hospital on Sunday for surgery on Tuesday. On Friday we go to see the doctor who will be replacing his heart valve, an operation called either a TAVR or a TAVI. The secretary, once so sweet, replied to John’s query about the meaning of the acronym with ‘look it up on the internet’. Never thought we would become persona non grata in a cardiologist’s office, but life throws up a curve ball sometimes. We are hoping that the doc on Friday will have an answer to the question about what happened to the balloon step, he may not have heard the story of what difficult people we are.

September 18, 2018

Just got a beautiful message from Dr Sarah Green, that naughty anaesthetist, thanking me for the letter I wrote to her last Friday and wanting to be kept in the loop re John’s progress. I replied asking who we needed to bribe to get her on Tuesday and assuring her that the notes would all be used and unmarked. I am so buoyed by her reply, it assuages all negatives of the last two weeks. John was picked up by his pal Phil who lives nearby in Baulkham Hills and taken to the monthly ex-priest lunch meeting at Ryde RSL. John’s comment was the usual: great company, terrible food. Why they don’t change venue I’m not sure. The few hours away from me will have done him good as I’m in his face pretty much 24/7 at the moment. I went to the nursery, then ate sushi and called in at a new bakery in Dural that Heather’s been raving about. Met the chef, shook hands with the server, pals all round, just from buying two pies for our dinner tomorrow night. He insisted on giving me four different bread rolls to try for lunch tomorrow, new business with great enthusiasm and customer relations so I will be back. Still can’t beat talking to Sarah though

September 19, 2018

Communicated with Sue and Robert just before they got on the plane on the way to Galapagos, you have to hand it to Robert for courage. Better my bed tonight than theirs, even in business class. We finally got together with Kathie and Ian for afternoon tea here today. Kathie had written to me all those months ago after seeing the article in the local paper about the street library. She decided we had similar tastes in books so we exchanged letters, then emails, then phone calls, but life got in the way of our actually meeting so I invited them both over to arvo tea. John and Ian hit it off so I’m sure we will see them again. He was a Wing Commander in the Air Force, then later a technical man on the Collins submarine project. But the amazing thing is how many people we know in common, including two antique dealers originally in Windsor whom I’ve known for 30 years and who turn out to be their son-in-law’s parents. I also know their son-in-law casually from when he was an auctioneer. Then there is the professor at Sydney University with whom I worked decades ago who is Ian’s first cousin. Karl Kruszelnicki is married to Kathie’s niece, though I can’t claim to know Dr Karl, just to being impressed by him. They were here for four hours so I think they enjoyed the afternoon.

September 20, 2018

Set up my new soaking hose on what used to be the grass verge and is now a strip of dirt, then found it was an efficient way to water the front garden. Travelling back and forth to John’s means I need to get clever about jobs that need doing at home. Rang Brian this evening after having been up to Windsor on Tuesday and finding he was not at home. It turns out he is suffering from sudden and profound depression, he was at home when I was knocking at his door but he just didn’t get up to see who it was. This is so out of character for this most social of people but he said he is tired of life, wants to know where to get a needle to end it all and here am I at Lane Cove, not even able to visit as I need to take John to a doctor’s appointment at the hospital at 8am tomorrow. Perhaps when John goes to hospital I need to bring Brian to my place for a day or two, but until then I am pretty tied up really. His family pop in on him and his daughter is a registered nurse, but he would be reluctant to tell them how bad he is feeling I suspect, seeing depression as a shameful admission.

September 21, 2018

Robert always tells me I can’t apply logic to medicine as much is counter-intuitive, but I find it works in most situations and came into play again today when I asked the interventional cardiologist we were sent to see why the ballooning of the valve seems to have dropped off the agenda, despite our being told by Gemma that this was a prerequisite to his knee surgery. He calls himself ‘the valve man’ and as I had anticipated it was because he feels that if the valve is in fact infected, interfering with it in any way could break off parts of the bacterial culture which could cause embolism, stroke or heart attack if it is loose in the bloodstream. While we were there he rang the surgeon and asked if it would be ok to send a cardiac anaesthesia team to the theatre as well as Dr Ellis’s own anaesthetist. Of course Andrew said yes. We liked Dr Bhindi because he fires straight from the hip, saying the op is ‘complex, difficult and dangerous’ and that many in the cardiology department have been consulted including straight cardiologists, cardiac surgeons, cardiac anaesthetists as well as himself. He said ‘we are doing everything possible to get you though it’ including putting him at the top of the 6-12 month waiting list for a new valve.

John took me to Bennelong for lunch and what an amazing lunch it was, just as good as Quay in my opinion. Everything was perfect, food, Champagne, service and view. Thankyou shweetie, you are the best partner I could ever have dreamed of.

September 22, 2018

We went to visit Anne, the nun who donated so many books for my street library. Had morning tea with her and then set off to the movies to see The Insult, a Lebanese movie which we enjoyed a lot. Trying to keep busy and not think about the fact that this is the last day of freedom for us for many months. Tomorrow I will take John out for breakfast and then to visit Davina and Co before delivering him to hospital. I realised reading yesterday’s entry that the one person who is guaranteed never to read the blog is John, so my compliment to him will go unread. I rang Brian both yesterday, last night and today, to a recorded message. Finally I rang his son as I was worried, only to find that he had been admitted to hospital yesterday, profoundly depressed and with low blood pressure. My attempts to contact him in hospital have failed as he is always asleep, so not sure what they are going to do with him. Will try to get there on Monday. Needless to say I haven’t been to HHH for two weeks, I’ll bet they haven’t told the clients why we have suddenly disappeared. But I can’t be everywhere and John is by far the priority at the moment.

September 23, 2018

Started the day with a call to Brian in hospital, ICU in fact, and was somewhat concerned by a couple of things he said. First he commented that the staff have put him in a private room because he has a disease he might transmit to them and secondly, he said I would get on well with the other patients as they were inmates from the gaol, whom I am used to dealing with at HHH. Mmm, thinking there are a few wires crossed, but I can’t get out there at the moment to assess his mental state in person.

We went to Dav’s to visit mid morning and Millie greeted John in a way she never has before, leaping into his arms and demanding a cuddle, later playing ride-a-cock-horse on his good knee. We got a call to say his admission was at 3pm and we were there on the dot. He is in a transition ward awaiting a subsequent transfer to either a cardiac or orthopaedic ward tomorrow. This morning he was pointing out various things in the flat that he wants me to take and to give to others ‘if’. But at breakfast it nearly broke my heart when he asked ‘has my life made a difference at all?’ I know that if he had had even one of his four children around him over the last many years, he would never have needed to ask the question.

September 24, 2018

Went to the hospital in the morning and saw a parade of docs, three ortho registrars in total, then Gemma’s cardiology registrar, followed late in the day by the anaesthetist. He came for half an hour and said that normally they would avoid anaesthesia on someone whose heart is as bad as John’s, but he will die without a new valve and fixing the knee infection first is the only chance to replace it. He is number one on the priority list for a new valve and Brian is number 10 on Westmead’s list for the same operation. My adoptive mother died following surgery to replace the exact same valve damaged by childhood rheumatic fever and my friend Mike died in Windsor Hospital a few years ago from a sudden infection in this valve after dental work. I don’t think such problems are particularly common but damned aortic valves have followed me for over 30 years.

I just want him home, sitting on his chair reading, with the blanket over his knees, drinking a hot milk. People say ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’, but I have known every day for 11 years what I had, never took it for granted and am terrified of losing it. But I must hand him over to science tomorrow, he made the choice to fight for more life and in the next few days we will know if it was the right one. Before I left tonight I read John some email messages from Carol, Mary, Eileen and others and he was heartened by them. Then as I was leaving Martha and Phil were arriving, having visited Sonia in the same hospital. She has had a heart attack just a day after arriving home from Greece, but thankfully she is recovering. How lucky to have got home, the medical system in Greece is in a state of collapse.

September 25, 2018

I won Lotto today and over the next few months I need to win Lotto two more times to get through all of this. I arrived at the hospital at 5am expecting to have to sweet talk a security guard or two to get in as I’d been told the main doors didn’t open till 6, but I walked straight in. I had formulated a plan B during the night, enter via emergency and then use the fire stairs, but luckily my wily ways were unnecessary. Waited with him till 7 when he was taken to theatre and was able to stay there right up till he was wheeled in at 8. Unlike many hospitals there isn’t a theatre waiting room, so seeing any medicos after the op isn’t possible. By noon I was getting more confident of the result as we’d been warned that the fi

I completed a long entry but suddenly everything pear-shaped and when it restored a couple of hours later, this is all I got………….the rest went to the gods.

By noon I was getting more confident of the result as we’d been warned that the first 15 minutes of the anaesthetic were the most dangerous. He emerged finally into recovery at 1.30pm but visitors are not permitted there, so I ensconsed myself in the ICU waiting room, happily devoid of television, so the most peaceful part of the hospital. My companions were a man who was with his best friend at Narrabeen Lakes cycling this morning when his friend collapsed off the bike unconscious and he gave CPR while waiting for an ambulance. The friend had reported passing out while driving a gokart a few weeks previously, but regaining consciousness soon after. The other ‘waiter’ was a young woman who approached me after hearing a phone call to me from recovery. John had conned the nurse into ringing ‘his wife’ to relay the message ‘I’m alive and I love you’. She said she too was waiting for her husband to emerge from surgery for a brain tumour, a glioblastoma as it happens, needing a second surgery since diagnosis six months previously. I told her, somewhat disingenuously, about how well Robert currently is and about his trip to Galapagos. We are old but she was 35 or so, waiting alone, and her future is a bleak one. It made me consider all the many stories that pass through that lounge each day, each week, each year. Eventually a nurse asked how long I had been at the hospital, since 5am I said, and he instructed me to go down for a pot of tea and something to eat. Finally I felt free to do that and by the time I returned John was set up in ICU, behind a sea of tubes, but alive.

September 26, 2018

Slept in a bit after being woken from my early night by texts from John’s neighbour at 11.35 pm and not being able to go back to sleep. Then I fielded a few calls and answered some emails before going to the hospital. He looked so much better today, sitting up reading the Saturday Paper if you please. Later, with much help from the physio and 3 nurses, they managed to move him into a chair, though it was a 15 minute process as he can only use one leg and is still attached to about a dozen tubes and monitors. Late in the day the surgeon Andrew arrived with 2 registrars and began the visit by telling them that this case ‘is proof of the absolute importance of listening to the patient’. He retold the story of the cardiologist’s reluctance to do an echo but added another dimension: he said when he contacted her to say we wanted one done ‘she gave me the brush-off, telling me it wasn’t necessary’. ‘Luckily’, he said to me, ‘you had already rung up and booked the test so I told her that if it were not done, John was going to pull the plug on the surgery’. She reluctantly agreed to go along, repeating that it was unnecessary. Ah, professors! he bemoaned. This puts a whole new slant on the affair: not only did she refuse to do the test, she also tried to brush off the surgeon when he insisted and then complained to us about the anaesthetist exceeding her remit by advising us that surgery was dangerous. When all of this is sorted, I think we need to go cardiologist shopping. To my great surprise, John pulled out a travel brochure from the paper and asked ‘do you think Venice and Prague are still a possibility?’